Not Skinny But Not Fat - THE BREAKUP W/ SAM FEHER

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Summer + Winter House’s Sam Feher joins me on the show to break her silence on her breakup with Kory Keefer. Sam has not confirmed the breakup until now. Hear her open up to what happened, when it happened, why it happened , and where they stand now. Also how she feels about not being called to join Winter House as a cast member and which cast mates disappointed her!?Produced by Dear MediaThis episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. This is Gracie Norton from the Wellness Survey podcast, the ultimate sanctuary for a welcoming approach to wellness. It seems like every day there's a new food we're not supposed to eat, a new cleanse to take part in, or a new workout that claims to give us a flat stomach within a week. Rather than hopping on trends, we're going back to the roots of wellness and making a home of our body, mind, and soul. If you're seeking physical growth, emotional abundance, or simply a more fulfilling life, tune in to the Wellness Survey podcast on November 6th. Get ready to embrace your body through all its forms and get back to the roots of wellness. reality TV, celebrities, everything happening, and pop culture.

I also talk to some of our favorite celebs and reality TV stars. We talk about what's going on. Tune in every Tuesday and just feel like you're talking to shit with your best friends in your living room. You guys, Sam's here. Hi. I'm so excited. I'm excited too. Let's tell people what happened in new walk.

You walked in, you walked in, your hair is flawless, I got insecure. I just don't have to if I could brush it. It, like, it was. No, no, no, no. She came in, she goes, rats nest, even though every strand is literally perfect. Every time I walk out the door of my apartment, there could be no wind. I could be in a vacuum and there's like a knot at the back of my neck that I need to get rid of. But it looks perfect.

Thank you. But your hair looks perfect. So, but I got insecure, I put it up, and then you came back, you're like, you're so fake. You're like, you're amazing. I love it for us. Anyway, so she made me. It did. And it looks great.

I think it breaks up the top nicely. And also, I think that it's an interesting fact that you get your hair done in Jersey by a hundred-year-old. I sure do. Because people are going to ask. I mean, don't people ask you on Instagram? Yes. And I actually gatekeeper. I'm not much of a gatekeeper.

I know. You're not trying to have them go to your 100-year-old. And like, they're kind of my family. They've been with my family since my grandmother's wedding day in 1952. like my original hairdresser at this salon did my grandmother's hair in her kitchen on her wedding day in 52. So these people are like my grandparents essentially. They know everything about me, everything about my family. It's just like too close to home. It's like I don't really want. So you don't tag them. Well, they're not really like a social media salon. Like they're not

on Instagram. You pay. Yes. I pay. But can I ask how much it costs in Jersey by 80-something year olds? Between myself and my mom. Yeah. It's only like 500. or so. Like both of you together. Both of us. For highlights, I get a cut, a glaze. That's cheap for anywhere. It's cheap for anywhere, really.

Do you always go with your mom? Almost always. That's so cute. Because she goes more frequently than I do. So when I'm like, hey, I'm going to come back home to like get my hair done. She's like, cool. I'll come too. I know because it's such a process too.

It's a six to seven hour experience sometimes. Oh my God. I mean, yeah, they're older. So it's slower. No, I'm not kidding. Because I'm such an impatient person. Like getting my hair done, getting a manicure, all those things. I know it sounds funny, but it's like a chore to me. No,

manicure, I'm on the same page as you. I can't sit in that two hours. Sitting it and then it's like my feet are dying and they're like pedicure. I'm like, no, I just can't take another hour now. I don't get pedicures for that exact reason. I cannot sit in the chair. Right. I literally can't do it. And also I feel like if you can't paint your own toenails, there's a deeper issue you need to explore. Yeah, no, totally. Get a massage. Yeah. But I actually love that they take their time on my hair because it's such a focal point for me. Like I don't have. You were saying that.

You're like, like I don't have a lip. I don't have like a crazy cheekbone. I'm like, give me the hair and the eyelashes. That's what I have. You do eyelashes. You do like what extensions?

No, no. I just wear mascara, but I just take really. Wait, those are your eyelet? No, they're not, Sam.

I'm like zoom in. Get over here. Those are really your. No, they're not. I'll tell you my whole routine. I will link it on the internet. I won't get keep that because that's not.

my family. That is not extensions and not anything. Those are yours. And I, it's, okay, here's how it started. But you did wake up one day in like winter house and have extensions or something. There was something. That was so crusty and disgusting. Yeah. No. Those are yours. That's different. I need some, but that screen grab of the way I looked that morning, Corey's like in bed next to me, like telling me all this mean stuff girl said about me. And I'm just, I'm like, I cannot open my eyes. Yes. Okay. I'll explain everything. Essentially, we talk about really deep and important things on this podcast, okay? Like, eyelashes.

I think this is deep and important. This is everyone, I've never had so many questions about anything. Okay, so let's let's get into it. As my eyelashes. So I'll talk about it. I was a ballerina growing up. As a ballerina, you have to wear falsies all the time. One, that gets you accustomed to having like big, dark, dramatic lashes.

And then you hate your face when you take them off. You're like, I don't look like a Barbie doll anymore. Goodbye. number two is that when you're young and you like don't know and don't care at the end of a show you will rip them off like no cleanse or no nothing you're just like take this shit off and throw them and you rip out your real eyelashes so then you don't have real eyelashes like you're like they're like messed up right like you're missing some and they look weird they're all different lengths whatever as an adult I was just like I need to repair this thing that I've done

this has happened to me with so many beauty things so I got a serious I started out using Rodanin Fields, but I found one... It's not like an MLM. Like, probably. I don't know. My girl was like, ooh. I was going to be like, no. I think she did. Okay. My name was Erica. She was a doll. Okay. So you use this serum that worked. So I used that for a while. Then a friend of mine was like, why do you spend $150 on that?

You can get like a $20, like, random off brand one on Amazon. That's so good. Got it, started using it. It changed my life. It's literally a $20 serum. No size. effects, doesn't bother my eyes, never an irritation, like nothing weird. My eyelashes are so thick and so long. And I'm obsessed with it. I push it onto everyone I know. So I'll post a link to that because people will ask. And then the second thing I do that I swear by is tubing mascara. What's that? It goes on like regular mascara. It comes in a wand. My favorite is the Thrive Cosmetics liquid lash extensions. You... Thrive is good. Yeah, yeah. So what's tubing? Okay. So you put it on and I'm wearing it right now. It looks like regular.

mascara feels like regular mascara. When you go to take it off, instead of like using makeup remover or scrubbing or anything, if you get it wet, you can like go like this on your eyelashes and it like rolls off and it comes off in like little, it like pills, like a sweater. So that's what was all over, because I was crying the night before. It was all the pilling, but I didn't take off my makeup because I was wasted and upset. So the pilling was like on my eyelashes still from the water of my tears. I feel like it like becomes a long thing for you because you have such long eyelashes. Other people just be like one pill. They're like, two pill. Three pill. But this syrup, this serum will get you there. Wow. It's life changing.

Wow. And I don't even know the name of the brand. Okay. Anyway, you guys, that was our beauty section. Yeah. We should have a magazine. I know. Okay. Let's go to the fucking very beginning of everything. First of all, even before you came on Summer House, you were, like creating content, you would like an influencer. But before that, you were also in the space. Yes. I've always been in media. Okay. I started creating content early. Like I would say 2015, I posted a discount code. That was before people knew what that meant. It was before the term influencer really was ubiquitous. And the only real influencers were like Danielle Bernstein. and Ami's song and like that was it.

I got made fun of a lot. And I was like, I just see an opportunity here. I just see a way to make money to share things with people, which I'm already doing. So like, why not make a little commission or something? And that was kind of my first like, fuck you to the man. I was like, fine, laugh at me. Like, I'm going to laugh all the way to the bank with my $10 of commission. It was like 2015.

Wait, 2015. You're 26 now. Yeah. I was like 17, 18. Pre-college? Pre-college. But college is really when I started to consider myself like an influencer. That was back in the golden days of Instagram. When every time I posted, I would gain like 300 followers just from posting. No hashtags, no nothing. It was just I was giving Pinterest vibes. Outfit inspo, hair inspo, face inspo, fitness inspo. Everything was hashtag inspo. Yeah. you would just grow and grow and grow. And back then also was like a big time of like total frat move would repost like hot college girls on Instagram and like you'd gain a bunch of followers. It was like the weirdest like OG era.

So you got like reposted a little bit. Yeah. And that's really when brands started sending me clothes and jewelry and makeup and they were like sell this, do that. And that's when I started really earning money. And then after school I wanted to work in journalism. My dream job was to work as like an. entry-level assistant at Cosmo. I was like, I'm... And you got it? Yeah. I'm an eldest daughter

type A control freak reservations making trip planning. Okay. Girl. And when I was 20, I would say, in college, I looked at my credits and I looked at the requirements. And I was like, I'm going to graduate early. And my parents were like, why? Why would you leave college, this magical safety net place, like, where you can do whatever you want. Why? And I was like, because what if that job becomes available? And they were like, right, what if the moon falls down and what if pigs fly and what if Zach Fron calls you on the phone and is like, let's get married? And I was like, wait, totally. But there's one job. There's one opening for that job if it were ever to open. And if it opened and I was here like taking a one credit class and paying rent on this like

broken down house in bum fuck North Carolina when that job opened I would kill myself and they were like okay a little intense but do you like whatever makes you happy and I don't know how the stars aligned but they did and the job became available two weeks before I graduated early and how early did you graduate like a semester one semester and the job went up wait were you checking Cosmo's website every day like what was your process pretty much like pretty much every time. It was like internship applying season, like job applying season. And you applied at those times? No, Cosmo has, Hearst Magazine has a really interesting internship policy. They only accept interns from a couple of schools. It's based on like the school's legal stuff. So it's really

weird. So I never had the opportunity to intern there because they didn't accept interns from my school. But I, I just had spent my whole life. I studied for it in college. I, all my internships were media and journalism focused. I found my way into an informational interview during, I guess during college also in the Cosmo offices because I like met someone on a ski trip in Lake Tahoe who was friends with someone who worked at Cosmo. It was like the biggest force in the world, but I got my feet through that door and that's all I cared about. So I just like knew my whole life. That's where I wanted to be and that's what I wanted to do. So when the opportunity arose, I literally had been preparing for my whole life. Like, I was just ready. I sent in the

best cover letter. I used to coach young women, like do career coaching a little bit because I was so overly prepared. Right. I was 21. Right. But people got jobs with my advice. And I helped them build their resumes and write their cover letters because I knew the formula. I had spent my whole life kind of creating that formula and tweaking it. Like you were a good student and stuff too. Yeah. So I just, I wrote. The job opens up. You write this crazy cover letter. I, yep, and I just ace the edit test. I had spent, I was so familiar with Cosmo's brand that I actually, they asked me to like write a listicle. And I designed it using graphic design references from the magazine. I like found the fonts. I like, I really, really, I like made them a little mini magazine basically for my edit test. And they called me on the phone. I remember it clear as day. I was wearing mismatched socks and like the ugliest PJs, whatever. And my ex-boyfriend was like laying in my bed and my phone starts ringing and it's a number from New York.

And I looked at him and I was like, I think I just got the job. And I stood up and like started pacing and I answered the phone and they were like, hi, you probably know why we're calling. And I was like, I don't. Could you say it? And they were like, sure, you have the job. And I just like, it was so hard not to cry. And it was a job, not an internship.

Yeah. Like straight out of college. Yes. And the start date was for like one week after I graduated. early. I'm serious. I think manifestation is for real. I mean, no, it is. But you're not, this isn't a woo-woo thing. Like manifesting means also you were putting everything into it. Yes. You were obsessed with this goal. You had this goal. You were working towards it. You were doing everything. And then, you know, you need just a little bit of the stars. A little bit of,

like, a very desk, a little bit of star desk. So how'd you get an apartment quick and like? My parents luckily live in New Jersey. That's where I'm from. Oh, right. So I commuted from my first six months until all my friends graduated. And then I just had a couple of friends who wanted to move to New York after college. We did it. And I people, it's so funny. A lot of people in the internet think I grew up with like bagillionaire media mogul parents. Like that's how she got her job. That's how she got her apartment. That's how she got all these things. And my parents do really well for themselves and are super ambitious. And it's a source, they are such a source of pride for me. But when they offered to help me with my first apartment, I said, no.

And I shared a bedroom in my first New York City apartment. And I fucking, I did all of the work and I made all my own money. And I look back on that time and I used to be like so embarrassed that I shared a bedroom because I was like, okay, like that's so weird. Like I could never bring a guy here. But I now look back and I'm so proud because I can really always say like this career is mine and I made it and it was me. And I will never take for granted the privilege that it requires to like. go to college and have, you know, the opportunity to commute from my house, my parents' house in New Jersey into my city internship.

Why do you think you give that off? Like, the people just want to assume that you come from a lot of money and that your parents paid your way and... I think people feel like there are things they can't achieve and they don't want to believe that you did. Right. And it's not because they can't achieve those things. They think they can't.

So they project. They're like, okay, she could never have achieved that. Like, she's pretty and blonde, so she's probably stupid. But this is always the thing, and you've probably experienced it too. If you're pretty and, I mean, I say blonde too, but like I feel like it, I feel like it layers. But like people have to assume that there's something else that's bad about you to make it all better. They have to assume you're stupid or they have to assume you're mean or they have to assume you're a slut. Like those are, that's like the double-edged sword of people thinking you're cute is that you have to be something else.

that's worse, that discounts the cute. So let's talk about how you got into reality TV, because you were and are part of reality TV. You joined Summer House season seven. And I love this, you guys. When they bring new people, they always say they're coming with somebody. Right.

You came in as Amanda's friend. Yes. Were you at that time Amanda's friend? Yes. More of an acquaintance. Like we were not like texting every day calling. Yeah, yeah. But yes, we knew each other a little bit.

And I felt like she was a really safe person. How did you know each other? They're from... Just like being in the media world. Like a little bit... You know, like, girlies who work in creative kind of like run in similar circles. Oh, right. Because she's also like a graphic designer.

Yeah. She was at Lossie 10 for a while. And then right before the kind of final lock it in, you're on the show was made we grabbed lunch to talk about it. And I had some questions and she was kind of like, I think you're just a good fit. Like, let's see how it goes. And I'm a yes girl.

Like, I'm never going to say no to like this weird, crazy thing that, like, may or may not ever come my way again. Did it ever, though, were you ever attracted, though, to fame in that way? Like, being on TV, being in entertainment, like your face being out there? Yes. More in the way of, like, hosting and not so much TV TV, but more like, e-news type of stuff. But you didn't think reality TV. I didn't.

A couple months before Summer House reached out to me, the Bachelor reached out to me. Oh. That's when it kind of started the wheels turning of like maybe this could be cool and fun. Wait, The Bachelor reached out. Did you go through it with the process? I did. I was like two days before my flight when we decided it was a no-go because... Who's we?

Myself and casting. There was some kind of big question mark about who the Bachelor was going to be. What were the options? They don't tell you until the very end. And then that was when they told me that it was going to be. this Clayton guy that he had not been aired yet from his previous season, so we didn't know anything about him. It was kind of just a complete shot in the dark.

But they gave me like a little, like, I knew like a little bio of him basically. And I was kind of like, no. I don't know. And then they were supposed to go on Clayton's season. And then they were like, honestly, we don't think you guys would be a great thing either. Like casting of Bachelor said that to you? They interview you for so many hours. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this.

I don't think I have a problem. No, I've had Bachelor people. They tell me, like, the whole thing. Yeah, and I'm friends with a lot of them. We did a, we did some work together at Cosmo, me and the Bachelor cast, Pilot Pete's season. Oh, you, what, you were working there then? I worked at Cosmo, and we shot an episode of The Bachelor during Pilot Pete season in Costa Rica, myself and my editor-in-chief.

Stop. One of the challenges was, like, modeling under a waterfall for the issue of Cosmo. And I did, like, a, I wrote the 10-page spread interview of, That's crazy. Yeah. Would you date Pilot Pete? I think he's too nice for me. Yeah?

I don't know. I don't know. I was on We Metadacme with him. You did what? I did the We Metadacme live show. Oh, you did a show with him? At the Gramercy Theater with him. I mean, he is nice, but I feel like he's one of those guys where like something else is going

on too. It's not like all you see. He's really funny. I don't know if people talk about that. I don't know if people talked about that. Remembered all that much. Yeah, he paid. Who did he end up?

with. Well, nobody, because they all, wait, he, I remember Hannah. He picked Hannah. That's how I meant Hannah. And then he switched to Maddie. He switched to Maddie. She's like super Christian. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Bible girl. Then. Oh, yeah. Virginity. Right. She's beautiful. And then he ended up with the lawyer. Yes. And then she. They had a breakup. That was a terrible breakup. I remember it. And then there was also Hannah in the windmill fight. Anyway, something's going on there. And now I don't know. Yeah. Well, so I went on the show with him at We Minute Acme. We had a great time. I love Lindsay and I was there with Corey and Pete was the third guest. And we had a really good time. He's hilarious. He takes a joke like nobody else. Like we were all like roasting each other. We had a great time. I don't know. I mean, listen, I'm not saying no to anything or any like anything right now because I'm just kind of, you know. Listen, we love that everything is digital nowadays. As much as I can be a GMA and like still want to use a Nokia phone at times,

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Okay, let's get into it right now. So you get to Summer House season seven. You were a newbie. That's, I mean, you had another newbie. Gabby was with you. So you weren't. And she's a good friend still. Yes, yeah.

seems like such a good friend. She's a great friend. I love her. Girl's girl. It seemed like Lindsay was really accepting of you both. Yeah. The other girls at that point... I had a great relationship with all of them from the beginning.

They don't obviously show everything on the show because we only have so many minutes. Yeah. And I find that what they tend to show supports like the larger storyline. Right. So it's not like they're hiding things. They're not like, oh, like let's make it look like Sam and Page never spoke a word to each other. Yeah. It's more just like as the show goes on, you see like myself, Gabby, Danielle, well, at the time, myself and Gabby really rally around Lindsay.

So they were like showing more of our friendship as opposed to like cutting out like my friendship with other girls. Yeah. Just we're going to emphasize this friendship. But you were cool with everybody. Yeah. And I love all of the girls on Summer House. I really had a really good time filming with them. I still talk to all of them.

I have dinner with Gabby next week. I have a girl's night with Gabby, Lindsay and Danielle next week. That's cute. You'd keep up. What happened? There was a moment with Maya. There was. That I felt for you because I could be that way sometimes too.

Where she takes you in the closet to remind people and she kind of tells you like, you talk too much, too loud. You're too much. Yeah. Basically. And you, it didn't create beef because I think there was more going on. Yeah. But you were upset. And I remember it being like a point, like an insecure point for you or something.

It was a trigger. Yeah. I had a relationship in pretty much for the duration of my college experience for almost four years with a guy who really just stamped down my whole personality was just like almost embarrassed of me but wouldn't let me go super toxic like always coming back and apologizing really unhealthy situation. And I think I thought I had really like healed from that and I was good and it was over. But that is the biggest trigger for me is when someone's like, can you quiet down or can you stop or like you're so dramatic or like your weight, you're just too much.

Like you just be chilled tonight, something like that. It just is one of those things that just transports me immediately. So I had an emotional reaction to that, but it wasn't a reaction to Maya. It was a reaction to like my trauma, if you will, like my PTSD. But why did she say that to you? Because I talk too much. Oh, it's too much Yeah, it's always too much But like I'm so, I try to be self-aware of it Do you ever, I have moments where like, let's say

I have a dinner or something And I'm like, today I'm just gonna be quiet Listen, I'm gonna listen I'm just gonna like be on the side I don't have energy today to like steal the show Right And then like it's almost like in a movie where you do a flash forward And I'm like, butam-bush!

And just screaming You're doing a can can on the table And I'm like, oh, I really was planning on sitting this one out. Yeah. But it's funny. I went to college at Ithaca college and everyone was like smoking we and then Zuberjel and like every guy that I was interested in.

I know. I chose it by, do you remember college board where you could see like the school? Yes. I wanted to go to like a pot smoking liberal arts like school. Why? I saw myself as not Friday. Got it. Got it.

So that was the opposite for me. Right. So get there. Everyone thinks they're John Mayer like. totally and those guys weren't into me at all because like I was not the John May you know what I mean right they were like wanting to sing the songs you're not like a cigarette well no well you're a cigarette you're a cigarette girl you're not a pot girl I wasn't like play me like a fish song you know I was like what is that stupid guitar it's so dumb like why are you playing it and I didn't

understand why they weren't into me okay do you get the ick when men like sing to you or like play an instrument for you I remember those guys like like the girls were like, play that to me at my funeral, like when I die. Yeah, like. And I was like, no wonder they're not into me because I'm like vomiting. You're like because this is so embarrassing for both of us right now. Don't have a good voice. It's not happening for you. Put the guitar down. Yeah. Also when you came into Summer House, Lindsay and Carl were happening. Totally. Yeah. Very much. Yeah. Did you. What was your first impression of them as a couple?

They seemed great to me. They seemed so in love and so honeymoon. And I think looking back, on that, it's because it was a fast-moving relationship. So they were so in the honeymoon phase. Right. Like you're looking at it and they're like calling each other, babe, and they're like snuggling and they're holding hands and they're so in love. And I think the love was totally real. But I also think it, you know, you just get like caught up and you want it to work. Yeah. I think everyone feels that way when they're in a honeymoon phase or a really happy relationship. Like you want for it to work. So you will either not see signs or the communication about the issues is maybe not as much there

because you're so focused on the good stuff and you want to be good stuff. So when I was there that summer, they were so great. I was so happy for them. Yeah, you were like a stand. Like you were like a supporter. I love love.

Yeah. I'm like so I love for people to be in love. And I love to be in love. And that summer, Corey was full time too? Part time. He was part time. He came in halfway. He came in halfway.

And you guys clicked right away. Yeah, the chemistry was in. The chemistry was insane. I almost exclusively enter relationships with people with whom I have mind-blowing chemistry. Yeah. Like an instantaneous physiological reaction. Yeah. Like butterflies, sweaty palms, like heart racing. I'm starting to learn as an adult that that might not be the thing to look for. Yeah. So. But that was that. Yes. And so do you think you fell in love? Yes. Yeah. Not necessarily right then. Yeah. But yes. So that's. started. I remember you guys left being like, we'll see, like, we'll definitely hang out. Like, it was like, we were long, he was, he lived in South Carolina at the time. Yeah. And now lives in North Carolina. And I was like, I mean, look at me. I'm not, you're not going there. I'll go visit. So how did it work? Was it coming and going a lot?

Yeah. And it really never was an issue. Like, I have been in a long distance relationship before. And I really think it's about the compatibility of the people. people more than it is about the distance itself. Yeah. Like I saw Corey, I would say in the beginning before we were like official once a month for the whole weekend. And then after, I would say like two weekends a month we were spending together. And you would visit me. I would visit him.

All this time so you couldn't know for sure if you're exclusive. Like you didn't know for sure this whole time and you were fine with it? I don't know that I would say I was fine with it. Yeah. I think I was trying to be fine with it. Did you want to assume that because he likes you and you felt like he wasn't doing anything? That is what I did. I don't know looking back that I'd be like I felt like I could do that.

I guess I trusted that he was going to match my energy because he was matching my energy. When we would spend time together, it was very, it felt great and perfect. And like, why would you go home and see someone else? Like that would be insane. I'm not seeing anybody else. You weren't doing that.

Yeah. And probably my, one of my biggest mistakes I would say in the relationship was that the whole beginning part before we were official, like literally from the first time we slept together. I didn't ever, like go on another date, kiss anyone else, like hook up with anyone else. I was, I would just felt like we are several weeks, if not months at this point in. I think it would be weird if we were seeing other people. Like you thought it was an unspoken thing. Yeah. And I'm learning you can't

have unspoken things. But it's also because like do you have that thing where girls are afraid to be the like uncool girl and ask the question? Well, it goes back to the two months. much thing is like I have always been the question asker the conversation started the communicator an over communicator because I'm so afraid of being either misunderstood or unheard or here who just did opposite so yeah well with a lot of guys in in my past I've basically since that PTSD like three and a half year relationship where I was like too much for this guy and it was always like a battle I adopted the complete opposite approach I am the chill girl I am embodying the chill girl I will not start the conversation. Like, I'm going to let him take the lead. And I think by doing that,

I tricked myself into thinking he was matching my energy. And it's not, it's not like he cheated. Like, he just was, we were not in a relationship. So let's talk about Winterhouse. Winterhouse comes up. The offers get in. How shocked are you that you're not getting this call? I was pretty surprised. Yeah. I was surprised too. Like, why not? Yeah. I mean, I think I was one of the first people they reached out to to consider. Yeah. And then I kind of just never heard back ever again. And what do you think?

Do you have any guesses? Like why? Yes. I was in a relationship. Essentially, I was with Corey. And that show is largely about single people. Right. There was a little bit, I don't know how much I'm able to speak to casting,

but there was a little bit of confusion about whether Corey would go because of the same reason. Like we were together. So they were kind of like, this is a singles house, like whatever. And then something. shifted, like, on the production end at the last minute, and he ended up going full-time. And I wasn't invited to go part-time until they were already there, like, it was already happening. I think they were watching it progress and thinking, like, we need to bring Sam here.

Did you think of, like, sticking into the man and not going? Yes. I had a lot. My ego probably would take over at that point, you know? Yes, but I had, like, an intuition, some kind of feeling in my. my stomach that if they were bringing me there, it wasn't for something good. And I couldn't just let it come and go without ever knowing. Like you needed to know. I needed to know. Okay. So when Corey and you are both being talked to about the opportunity, he ends up going,

you're understanding probably. You're like, yeah, you should go. Yeah, totally. Like you weren't like. I would never ever have asked him to say no or to not go or sit it out. Was he debating? No. He was, I'm going. Did you have any talk of like how you're going to act there, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. We had a FaceTime right before he went. It was either the night before or two nights before where the ground rule was, I basically said like, don't embarrass me. And I was like, are you planning to hook up with people? I was like, just like, let's get all the information out now. Like, what are, what, let's set expectations. Yeah. And he was like, of course I'm not planning to hook up with. Oh, good. And I was like, okay, great. And I was like, I, my only request then outside of that is like, don't embarrass me. Don't make me regret being the chill girl. Don't make me. Don't make me regret being the chill girl. Don't make. Don't make. me feel stupid. I am really happy. I think you're really happy. And he was like, of course I'm really happy. He was like, great. Then like, go have some fun. And like, I'll see you in two weeks. And then you start seeing Dumois posts that he's getting along with like Malia. And did it say anything else? It didn't say they were hooking up. It actually, yeah, it said that they were very

flirty vibes. And someone posted a picture. I still can't find the post about it. But someone posted a picture of her like sitting on his lap or something like at the base of the mountain and the submission was like they're being very flirty like guess he's not with sam anymore and i was like if other people are saying it's so clear from first of all so far away like we're talking like a three x zoom like through a window yeah if someone feels so clear that he's not with me anymore that's a problem did you confront him about that post not by text while he was there oh because a i didn't want to do it by text. And B, I mean, I know how the internet can be kind of. So it was kind of like, I'm not clear on what the situation is. And C, I just wasn't hearing from him a lot while he was

there. And it's like a 24-hour filming schedule. So I was kind of like, I'm not going to get the conversation I want. And I also, like, didn't know if I wanted that conversation to be had on camera. 24-hour filming schedule means if I call him and say, like, let's talk about this. You know it's going to be filmed. It's aired. Huh. So when you agreed to come, that was set up. Like, he was happy you were coming. Totally. Did you plan on having that conversation? Well, you didn't.

No. I didn't plan on having, like, any serious conversations. I had a little bit of a, I wonder if it will come to a head here. Because being in any of those houses on any of those shows is like being in a pressure cooker. Everything that is a maybe, you get your answer in those houses. Uh-huh. Whether, you know, for better or worse. Thanks.

I'm learning. Like how, I would, I would maybe like plan not to say anything, not to text about it, you know, but I don't know that I could do it. But so like you're saying, it came to a head. You didn't have to say anything. Right. Malia tackled him. They were doing that thing right in front of your face. Right.

The first day. Right. The first 20 minutes. Oh, my God. It was like the first activity we did as a group. Has he ever disrespected you like that in public before? No. How do you explain it then?

Like, why would he do that in front of? of your face 20 minutes in, not think like this might piss her off. This is not me making an excuse. This is me sharing what he said to me. So it's not like my own original thought. Corey has a really hard time knowing when someone is flirting versus like being his friend. He's like me, very touchy. I hug everyone.

I'll hold your hand. I'll kiss your cheek. My love language is touch. I obviously am not doing anything super inappropriate. But like I'm a huggy, lovey person. And so is he. And so he told me. me that he genuinely was like, this is extremely platonic. And I think the difference is like he's seeing

it from his lens of like, well, I don't want to hook up with her. So it's fine. Nothing's going to happen. Right. Even if she tried to make a move on him, he'd be like, well, I didn't do anything. And I never thought to do anything or intended to. So it's fine. And. Well, as if you were to, like, we saw in interviews that she was wanted to hook up with him at the beginning. But I think Amanda to have said that in the reunion, too, like being there, you didn't see that. Right. So I try to transport people when I talk about this back to Colorado. The show had not aired yet, y'all. So, like, I didn't know about anything that had happened until the moment I walked in. So my first piece of information is she's wrestling him in the snow, falling back on the, like, Dumois posts

about, like, they're very flirty. She's sitting on his lap all this. And then, him being like all the girls in the house are trying to hook up with me, I told them we were dating, but which you see this aired, this clip where I'm like laying on him in his bed. And he said, I told all the girls I'm dating you and they are coming for me anyway. So that's the information I had. And you'll notice I didn't have the opportunity to film confessionals, like green screens. So like she eight months later is like creating a narrative or the story where like, oh, it's platonic, all this. But like, when I'm there, and it's eight months ago, I didn't know she had been saying she wanted to take up with him, saying, like, who would you make out with? And it's like,

Corey, this, that. So, like, my information when I'm there is Corey says it's platonic on his end. She is wrestling him in the snow, the doom-wa post. And I'm like, it's just a yucky feeling in your stomach. And you know. And you talk to her. You guys had that conversation. Yeah. Where she's like, I wouldn't be in a situation for eight months. How'd that feel? She said that to you. It was, like, crushing. Like, my windpipe was gone. Yeah.

Like, you can see me reset my jaw. So I'm saying, even though it's reality TV and, like, you never know it's edited, I feel like you're right. Like, that moment, your reaction was your reaction. Yeah, you can physically watch, you can watch my body and my, you can, if you look at my eyes in that scene, you can see them change. Yeah. Like something.

Is that what that felt like mean to you or that? Or maybe it was also you realizing like, why am I in the situation? All of those things, right? And it was partly like feeling stupid. It was partly another woman who I intended to be friends with walking in the house. It was another woman purposely trying to make me feel stupid. It was feeling disrespected by everyone and feeling lied to by everyone. Like I say to her in that moment, like I didn't come here feeling away and now I do.

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you guys even say like this took a toll. So what took a toll? What was it about Winterhouse that took a toll? What took a toll was watching it back and finding out I had been lied to by so many people. And like there are lies that are genuine straight up lies. Like Malia is saying I never wanted to hook up with Corey. And her saying, right. And then there are lies by omission where like as I'm watching this show now, I had said to Corey,

like, is there anything I should expect or be prepared for? And he was like, no, no, no. It's what I told you. I didn't hook up with anyone. It's fine. And then you know how the rest goes. Like you become my girlfriend. I was like, great.

Like he didn't tell me Jordan's knocking on his. door at 2 a.m. He didn't tell me Malia saying she wants to fuck him. He didn't tell me like any, he didn't prepare me for anything that I was going to watch. So what was hurting me at the reunion, like we all left that house on good terms. At the reunion, I had just come off watching the show and being like, no one was going to tell me any of this. Like when my, me being in the house with all of them, I felt like a little disrespectful by the tackling and stuff. But from there, it quickly moved on to like, okay, like boyfriend, girlfriend, let's just stop the, all of it. But I hadn't, I didn't know how disrespected I was at the time. So going to the reunion,

I was fresh off of seeing for the first time, all of that. Like, how is Jordan crying about Malia spinning in his mouth when he has a girl? Like how is no one saying, like how is no one saying, hold up all of this is ridiculous and can't be like because when jordan's upset about corey no one is saying like how are you upset about something that can't even happen not my friends not cori no one when you're saying my friends you mean like daniel amanda no yeah no one like and i i nobody owes me anything like you i'm learning now that nobody owes each other anything but like i had been hoping that someone you would get a heads up primarily corey but like anyone else would have either stood up for me in that moment, like when another girl is crying

because a third girl is flirting with my name, when I'm over here on the other side of the country, like, what, twiddling my thumbs? Like, I don't exist. So that, I was infuriated watching her cry over my man. It's infuriating. But it's also, like, I'm sure Corey probably said this to you. He's like, I didn't hook up, though. He was like, well, I was awake and I didn't answer that door.

And I was like, totally. is at him. Well, I, yeah, and I think it should be largely. I mean. Because he gave the impression that he gave. Completely. He gave, in my opinion, a completely false impression of how serious we were. And even in the reunion, I sit next to him and he's got his hand on my knee.

And he said, well, we weren't official. I was going to push the boundary as far as I can. And I was like, why would you say that? Why would you think it? Why would you say it next to me? What are we doing? Why do you want to push the boundary? You are, I thought we were, was I like so mistaken? Like I'm so confused. And I would say, I love you before you broke up. Were you at that point? I've never said this before, but I had said it to him and he never said it to me. He didn't say back when I said it. And then he never said it for

the rest of the relationship. And that was like really a big problem for me. I was like, I think I need to get out of here. Yeah. It's becoming clear. Yeah. But I would say at the reunion, the thing that was, like, weighing on me the heaviest was, and I don't even think they aired this, but I said it. Confessionals, green screens, they happen eight months-ish, like six to eight. Like, they start kind of like right away, but they go for months and months and months. So they're all filmed in New York.

And when he would go to confessionals, he would leave my apartment to go there. I would drop him off. And I would pick him up. And we would like do whatever. He would be visiting me while he was filming his confessions. And he went into his confessionals. And he was like, no guy wants to be in a relationship. Every guy is going to let it ride until like she forces it. But like I don't want a loser. So I guess like I'll be in a relationship with her. Got a shitter get off the pot. And I was like, you left my bed, said that about me. And then came back to my bed. Like I would never say that about someone I really cared about. Guess we're shitting. Guess we're fucking shitting. That's how you're going to talk about me.

Oh my God. I'm getting goosebumps. I remember that line. So guess we're shitting. Congrats. And like, even in that moment. And you're right. You guys, take the moment to think about it.

Like, it's wild because we're watching it. But you're living a reality and then getting to see that months later. And knowing where I was and he was in that moment. Wow. We had been official for like months and months. like I've spent time with his family He's spent time with my family He's staying at my apartment

It was so... He's a fuck boy It was really hurtful Well, it's funny because I always like fought that Because he doesn't hook up With a lot of people

But he... He pleases the fuck out of... He also like, excuse me Let's take a moment And this is me saying Not Sam, calm down You're not Ryan Gosling Slash Red Pit

Let's take a moment Like him's staying at the room like everyone wants to fuck you you you everybody said they wanted to fuck him i wouldn't say that yeah like oh everyone wants my man they said they want my man own it that's what's fighting for at the reunion is the confidence more than anything it is like yeah because yeah he looks good he has a good body whatever but it's like let simmer let's everyone take a moment you know i'm not even i'm not even out here to talk shit i think he's great i really like i didn't break up with him because I don't love him. I broke up with him because he doesn't love me. And that's that.

But first of all, like, good. Like, it's the first time I've picked myself ever in the relationship. Yeah. When I was, I was so many times given an option of like, save yourself or protect him, take care of him. I am the person who takes care of him. No matter who him is, not my friends, my everyone, I will always take care of them first. And I stopped to think about who was taking care of me and it was nobody. And I was like, oh, I'm mistaken. How concerned was he for the relationship after it aired? Like, could you tell that he was shaking in his boots?

No. He was not shaking. He wasn't worried. It's not that I couldn't tell. He wasn't worried. No. And even when I ended it, he was shocked. When did you end it?

Before the reunion aired. Before it aired. So before Christmas. And when was you ruined and shot? A couple weeks before that. Oh, a couple weeks. Like, maybe two weeks before that. You were on edge.

Like, you were. You can see it in my body leg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't look at anyone. I won't touch. He's like touching me and I can't bring myself to like do that. So it's almost like. I was figuring it out.

The wheels were turning while I was sitting there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, that was kind of the beginning of the end. And it was, it was just like what else have I, what have I been overlooking to make this work. And here, I'm going to be so honest right now about part of why I wanted to make it work. Of course, part of it was that I loved him. But when you date a guy like that, part of the reason you want it to work is to prove to yourself and to everyone else that you're not like all the other girls. You are not like those girls that he hooked up with and then cast aside and

treated like shit. You are the one he wants. That whole change for her. You, yes. You want to be so good that he can't possibly deny it that no one can deny it that you are the one that changes him I'm like well it was them not him and I'm just going to accept it as it is and I think if I had done that Corey and I probably wouldn't have lasted

as long as we did and I'm grateful for every memory how long was it? Was it a year? Depends which one of us you asked there would be times and I would be like we've been together for this long and this happened and this he'd be like well we weren't official so like so it's like shorter and I was like No. We're not not counting eight months of our relationship because we weren't official. It's eight months of being in a relationship, whether you're my boyfriend or not. So it was August, Summer House August to about a year and a half, total, including the like not official.

What's going to happen if you're both asked, if you get asked for like a season with him? Summer House, I would definitely do again. That's for me, not for him. Like, even if he's there full time. Like I was there first. are my friends. This is like a, this is something that I love doing with people I love. And like, I, I think I've grieved to the relationship already. You do? It's been a few months. Yeah. It's been like a month since we actually broke up.

And before that, I was already grieving it because I was seeing what was happening, figuring it out. So his reaction to the breakup, though, was just like. He was, I think, Lord, that I was actually leaving. I wanted to do it in person. Everyone wants to do it in person, but we're long distance and the trigger was he texted me like five or six days before Christmas and was like, hey, I just realized Christmas and New Year's are coming up. What are we doing? And I was like, if you wanted to spend that time with me, I think you hopefully would have texted me before then or like we would have figured it out sooner. But it was a really hard moment for me because I've always wanted to spend like spend that time, a holiday, like a Christmas at my family's with a boyfriend. I've never done that before. And last year I got him a Christmas present. but we were like not official yet. So I wasn't, we hadn't talked about it, I didn't know. So I got him a Christmas present. I was like, okay, like if he brings it up, then I'll give him this. And then if he

doesn't, I just won't. I won't be weird about it. And he like ignored it. Like we didn't even, like I got like a Merry Christmas text. He also ignored Valentine's Day a month. But like he came to visit me. But like he watched me like buy myself a necklace like while we were out shopping like no flowers, no card, no like nothing. I should have known these things. Do you know what I mean? Like it's not, this is not a slam piece on Corey. This is like me looking back and realizing all of the signs. Like you weren't getting what you wanted. Yeah, but I didn't, I was ignoring it. Right, you were ignoring it. So I think like when we had had those conversations before where it was like we would talk these things through but we I wasn't it wasn't even an option for me to leave. I wasn't even thinking like that. I was like we're just going to talk about it. Take accountability move forward. And I of course was also going to take accountability for like repeatedly doing this when I was drunk. It was always I would have one glass of wine and it would be like downhill from there. Like I knew it was going to come out. I was going to start crying. So it was ideally all those conversations were take accountability. work through it, move forward with changes. And the changes just didn't happen. And so the last

time opened. And he left me on red for upwards of 48 hours. It was the longest we'd ever gone without speaking. No text, no calls, no nothing. Didn't answer the question like nothing. And then on Sunday like evening, I see him like a video of him like at a nightclub with all his employees for their like holiday party whatever and he's like taking selfie videos and stuff and I and I'm with my friends and I'm like they were he when I when your long distance boyfriend doesn't communicate with you for 48 hours and there's like nothing like wrong there's something wrong like that's so weird like why do you want to go 48 hours without talking to me at all that's so crazy so that was my trigger and I was like I'm I text I ended up texting him again I just double

texted it I was like it's 48 hours and I haven't heard from me what's going on and he was like hey baby what's up and I was like you don't think it's weird that we haven't talked in 48 hours. What? And when I called him, it was that night, I was like, that's my trigger. I got to do this. And I called him. And I said that to him. And he was like, were you testing me? Were you timing me to see like how long it would take me to why didn't you text me? The phone works both ways. And that's the kind of gaslighting I don't need in my life, right? It's like, I'm sorry, like, I'm crazy for noticing how long it's been that you've reached out. And I wasn't testing you. My friends were saying, don't you dare text him

again. You just invited him to spend New Year's Eve with you and your family and he left you on red for two days. The whole weekend, I was like, maybe I should just text. They were like, no. Why do you feel like he deserves that text? Yeah. And I was like, you're so right. So like when we get on the phone and he says that and he's like, were you testing me? Are you timing me? Like, whatever, like the phone works, you should have just called me if you wanted to talk to me. That was the first time when I was like, oh, I'm making the right decision. You like, no. So in that moment, you ended it? Yeah. And the way it happened was we were talking and talking.

And he was like, what are you saying? Are you saying we should break up? And I was like, yeah, silence. And like, I think he was under the impression. It was going to be one of those conversations that we have where we like try to work through it. And I didn't want to do it over the phone. I wanted so badly to be there. And to like, and he said that too.

He was like, I wish we were together. But he was like, I also understand why like this needs to happen now. And to his credit, he was really, he was largely really mature about it. He didn't try to change my mind. He apologized. I would say the one thing that, like, the only thing during the breakup that I, like, still kind of, I'm, like, working through is he kept saying I wish it was different. Yeah.

All I can think about is, you don't wish badly enough to treat me right. Like, you can wish all you want. But, like, right. Like, there, like, like, if you would do anything to change how it was, then you can do the bare minimum. Like, anything, he's like, I would do anything. except that, basically, right? And again, I really think he's great. I really, I loved him for a long time. And I, there are so many things about him that I think are worth loving. And I think he gets a

bad rap online. I think everyone just thinks he's like a one dimensional fuck boy. What I have to remind myself of is that like, if the next girl comes, like before I have like grieved this relationship, then he's not a different man. He's not treating her better or differently. she's just accepting what I would not accept. And we all have that point in our lives when we are accepting what we shouldn't be accepting. But I'm now coming out of that part of my life. And has you tried to contact? We've stayed in contact.

We're on good terms. I said to him on that phone call, I was like, I would love to stay on good terms. Like, I think we make a great team in a lot of ways. Like, we're really compatible. We have, we are very, like, we would talk about like business. we talk about like marketing we talk about stuff for the gym like i love his brain i think you know i think i love him i'm not in love with him yeah that makes sense right now and so i was like i would love to be friends like i'm never going to root against you i'm never i don't want to be your enemy

and he was like i could never be your enemy like i respect you too much like i like we don't what i'm telling right now is my truth for the first and probably the last time it's not i'm not you didn't confirm it until now, the breakup. Right. It hasn't really been confirmed. You wrote something, though, that was really touching. So before we go, he wrote on, on, after the reunion, to everyone who has sent me kindness, who is that how I'm doing, send me an encouraging message, called me to check in or held my hand. Thank you. I am soft and I refuse to be hardened. I'm proud of the love I give so freely. And I will never be embarrassed by that gift. I mean, I was embarrassed a little bit. But like, it's like a little embarrassing.

It's so cute. But I, like, looking back on it, I, I don't have a single regret. I, everything, Winterhouse, everything in the relationship. I really, my song for this breakup, because everyone has a song for every breakup. Tell us. It's the Taylor Swift cover of Better Man. And the line that, like, really hits different. And I, like, start, I'm, like, yelling the song.

And then my voice breaks that I'm sobbing the song is I gave to it my best. And we both know you can't say that. And I, but that's how I really feel about it. like for myself, like I really put every single thing out there. I gave it everything. And I can never regret that because I'll never look back and be like, what if I did this or what this was different? Right. It will always be. I really gave it my all. And I also wish I could have been different. But we're not the right people at the right time for each other. And that's okay. And I think he's going to do great. And I think one day he will find love. And I think I will too. So I'm not worried

about us. And I'm really happy. Oh, my God. Could you believe? Could you imagine? I have to call Hannah. I want to tell you, thank you for sharing this here. No, thank you for letting me. This felt like a really safe space to do it. That's why I haven't talked about it before. It never felt like a, it was piranhas. Yeah. This feels different. I'm glad. I'm so glad. Thank you. And you're a gem, honestly, and you do deserve more. And I'm glad that you stood up for yourself and what you deserve. And you're still cool. Thanks. You know, you can still be cool. Yeah. You can still be cool. Yeah. You can still be a cool girl, even though you know that you deserve to be, you know, treated right. So everyone listening, I'm sure so many girls can relate and are going to take so much away from this.

So thank you again. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcast and write a little review. If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocheroo. Thank you guys so much for listening and I'll see you next Tuesday.