Not Skinny But Not Fat - We Know What You Did Last Summer w/ Hannah Berner

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

Hannah Berner makes an NSBNF encore and sits down to talk to me about the sizzling hot new season of Summer House and her sizzling hot new cast mate and potential lover on the show, Luke. I try to get Hannah to talk some shit about everyone on the show, and we also discuss our mutual love, VPR, and how she’s currently hustling as a stand up comic.  This episode was brought to you by: Ritual Essentials have the nutrients most of us don't get enough of in our food. Make Ritual a part of your life – a subscription based service that adds up to only $1.00 per day. Right now Ritual is offering listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/notskinny to start your Ritual today. Collagen For Her is the first collagen powder created specifically for women. It dissolves instantly, doesn't clump up, and has no taste at all, so it's so easy to add to coffee, tea, or smoothies. If you want to try it out, head to CollagenForHer.com and you can use the code "NOTSKINNY" to get 10% off your order!  Betterhelp is an online counseling platform for you. Listeners will receive 10% off their first month by heading to betterhelp.com/notskinny today. Get help on your own time and pace. The Not Skinny But Not Fat Podcast is produced by The Podglomerate.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I'm not fazed by hot men and through my life, I've dated guys that, like, it looks like I'm on a make a wish with them that I, like, want to date with them. Like, because I don't consider myself, like, particularly hot or not hot. I just am me. But, like, the Luke thing, I'm like, this is a joke. Like, he's so hot. This is not skinny but not fat. And I'm your host, Amanda, bringing you the latest in all celebrity gossip, reality TV recaps,

and anything happening in Hollywood right now that I just can't keep my mouth shut about. This is not skinny, but not fat. I have my lady love, my Bravo friend and crush, and like, I'm so excited you're here and that you're here again. Hannah Burner. Thank you for having it. Summerhouse, stand-up comedian, podcasteress,

Satan aficionado. Is that what you say it? Say it in the fiction. Actually, I need to make that my Tinder bio. Actually, you're not like, say, like, okay, because your podcast is like you call them devils. The little devils. And it's like burning in hell, which I get the play on your last name. But like, you're not at all the devil.

I will have people be like, oh, we can't promote the show because that has to do with, like, hell. And I was like, everyone's going to hell. We're all going to hell. No one's better than anyone else. One, like, I was doing, like, daytime television. They're like, we can't post that. the podcast, and I was like, that's fucked up. And then I did curse on my

But you're the sweetest person. Oh, my God, thank you. So how did you connect to, like, hell? I think I have a dark sense of humor. Oh. And it's about, like, talking to people about their demons. We all have demons. It's not about being, like, Stasi devil.

Like, you don't want to be, like, straight up cunty. Yeah. Love her, but that's what she's the devil. Yeah. It's about, like, everyone dealing with their own personal hell. Right. I forgot. So if you guys don't listen to Bernie and How you should.

What's funny is we both are recommended under each other in iTunes. Oh, really? Yeah, like it says like, if you like burning hell, you love not skinny, not fat, not skinny, but not fat. I almost got really mad. I was like, you guys, I was like, I'm taking out my headphones. Actually, as I did it, I remember it I messed it up, and I'm like, I want to do it again, see if she gets mad. And then I was like, fine. Not skinny bun, not fun.

I hear when people like shorten it, they're like, not skinny. I was like, only I can call myself that. Can I say N S. I miss you. I'm glad you're here and I'm glad that Summer House is fucking back. I'm glad we didn't die from a husking elevator earlier. No, you guys, I was so excited, Hannah's here. Like, my friends, I don't even do this for them. I, like, went out to the hall and, like, waited for her by the slowest elevator in the nation.

It was possibly. Very sad. Met a man, met his dog. Got married. And then. And then finally I'm like, ding, four! And then a giant husky comes out. And I'm like, where's Hannah?

I'm like trying to film it. It all got fucked up. But it's like, really never waited for anyone in the hall. But literally that husky had behavioral issues. That husky almost bit off my hand. And I made it. And that's why I'm so happy to be here today. And because you have glittery eye shadow on.

Honestly, I'm feeling attacked. I'm feeling judged. And I want to feel like this is a safe space. But you know what's so funny? It's like I don't think I could pull off glittery eyeshadow. You have the most beautiful eyes. Shut up. I sound like a drunk girl in a bathroom.

Yeah, the most beautiful face I've ever said. But can I just tell you that I really feel like, if you'd ask me before, like, can Hannah Burner pull off glittery eye shadow? I'd be like, no. But then look at you. I love how you say that. I was just talking to someone who was like, you're the relatable one on Summer House. And I'm like, are you saying I'm the ugly one?

No, really? That's offensive. I was like, that's fucked up. No, that's annoying. And they were like, yeah. Oh, Hannah's the related. I like Hannah. And I'm like, oh, you know what?

you guys, sub-like you me and be like, she's so fucking hot. Wait, I know what I was interested in? Do you get haters? What's so funny is last season, I really didn't because I wasn't really relevant besides like laughing with Paige. And this season I came in hot. And I've gotten the first like, is Hannah annoying or like, can Hannah shut up? Where do you see it?

It's just Twitter. And in that. Twitter is the mean place, right? Instagram I get no hate except for the occasional guy who tells me I'm not funny, who clearly is short. and then, so I don't care about that. But Twitter, I don't care because... Do they at you?

Yeah. They'll at you and say it. Or they hashtag Summerhouse. What I do is when I watch, I like to live tweets. When I watch, I go hashtag Summerhouse. You see what everyone's saying about everything. You're like, oh, shit, they're shitting on this guy. But Carl's so funny.

Carl, this is fun to play with her. Carl will retweet all the mean ones. Someone was like, what's wrong with Carl? And he, like, will retweet and be like, I'm not sure. But I don't like to give it any energy like that Because some of these people are crazy You think like what kind of people go on Twitter And say something negative

I heard Twitter I'm like scared to even look there Like people are so crazy and mean But then it's like none of my friends would do that I would never do that to like these aren't my people Right So when they take the time out to be like I'm Hannes is that the worst though You're annoying like that's not that bad

The bad I get you're annoying Last year was just like can she stop talking about tennis Which is like okay It's not my fault they replayed the same Maybe stop talking, but now she won't stop playing. So it's like, I don't know. Like, what's worse?

So, but recently I was in a drama that like, it does hit a nerve because on people reality check with Darren Karp. The OGs were asked what they hate and they love about all the cast members. Yeah. And they go Hannah Burner and I love being made fun of. Like, I was excited for this. And then Carl goes, Hannah talks too much. and Amanda's like, yeah, she needs a microphone all the time

and Kyle's like put down the microphone and like I love them but sometimes but there, that statement I just felt like was like no one tells Kyle to shut the fuck up and like women are just taught to be quiet and to not take up space and it's like my career is out of my personality and talking so it made me realize like

when people tell me I'm annoying or talk too much they're just projecting their own issues on me I was always told that I'm loud my whole life Yeah and that's just because You're an assertive opinionated woman God forbid we're in 2020 But that like hit a nerve with you for some reason It hit a fucking nerve

Like you're like call me like fucking ugly Call me ugly Call me stupid When people call me like annoying or loud I'm like if I was a man would I be annoying But let's go for a second then to that One of the first episodes of Summerhouse There have been three when you, I think it was your first family dinner.

Why do you call it family dinner? It's, I don't know. Is it like supposed to be cute? I think it's because like we are a family. Like we don't always like each other, but we love each other. So, I'm like, yeah, okay. Okay, media training. So you and Paige are like cutie, whatever, and you're talking, oh yeah, I was surprised you didn't DM me about this because I didn't really have your side on this.

this. That's, oh, I can't wait to go at it with you. Really? Because, okay, not about Kyle. Okay, so let's just tell the people in case, you know, they need a refresher. So Kyle was trying to talk about the wedding. They're obviously like having issues. They didn't even set a date yet, and they're kind of talking about it to the whole table. And you and Paige are kind of like giggling about other stuff, about that a little bit. And Kyle got really mad. Yeah. Like crazy mad. Yeah. What I liked was that Amanda was on your side. I really like that. Because from things I've seen from her before, I would think she'd be. and like, go after him, but she was with you.

Yeah. But I was also like, if I was Amanda, I'd be pissed to you. I'd be like, hey, we're talking about my wedding, like a little bridezilla, which like she doesn't have in her maybe, but I'd be like a little bit like respect to the like huge thing that we're talking about. Well, I think because that's not what was really happening. Does that make sense? No.

Like it wasn't so black and white that like Kyle was just trying to talk about the wedding and we were being rude. It wasn't that black and white. Oh, it was like. No, I think if you think about the situation, let's. on a whole. It's the first night there. We've all been drinking since 3 p.m. It's like 9 p.m. We're sitting down to the first dinner. We're excited. Lindsay did bring up the topic. And Amanda was like, was like pretty honest, whatever. And then Kyle basically like kind of got on a soapbox to explain like the status of this wedding. But it was like a lot of like excuses and like kind of like lies. And like he just wasn't being real about it. And then it was when he said like most fiancés wouldn't be. as involved. He was just kind of bragging about him as a fiancé. I just couldn't do it. And I was just, I was giggling. And he started to be like nasty towards us, which made me want

to laugh more because I was drunk. And like, he just thinks like when he's giving a monologue, like he needs the floor for 20 minutes. And it wasn't like a five minute, like, back where he'd been talking for a while. It wasn't like every time I tried talk, we were like, ha, like it wasn't that. And then and when he slammed the table, it was like scary. Like me and Paige were not even, like, we were kind of in shock. Like it got aggressive. It got, it's just weird to have a 37 year old man yell at you. And then Carl was standing up yelling to being like, apologize.

And we're like, for literally what? And there's this underlying tension, I think, because like, this was the first time, like, we're not coming in as the newbies. We came in with, like, some respect. And there's an underlying thing, I think, where, like, we're the new, we're still like the newbies and they're the OGs. Oh, you think? And, like, there's, like, an attention thing happening.

And then what they'd. don't show. You remember when Amanda points at Kyle and goes, don't keep it personal. Like, don't say anything personal attacking anyone. Just speak from your feelings. That's why Amanda took our side, I think, because she knows that Kyle's been like snapping inappropriately. That's just like what he's been doing. He's stressed, whatever. And that she knows that she's been on the receiving end of it. And seeing that. And then he was like, he was telling Paige, like making fun of shirt. He was telling me my comedy's not funny, like yelling ridiculous stuff to us. How did they show that? Because they want everyone to like not look that bad, I guess. Why do you think he was the only

one who was apologizing and stuff? It's because like it got really bad and me a page, I literally was just like, what are you actually mad at? Because you can't just be mad that we're giggling. And that's what I said and you heard me say. And the giggly squad, it did make us look bitchier than I had felt it was. Not that I care about him. Do you get what I'm saying? No, yeah. I only was thinking But Amanda, she doesn't like that he was being, because let's be honest, like if you're talking and someone telling me a side conversation, you'd be like, guys, can we not? For him to like lose his shit, it's true. And also, how would you feel if your, if your boyfriend or your husband just started yelling at your friends for being giggly or making some like side comments? It's just out of

control. And I think Amanda's not, she wasn't like even picking our side. She was just like, Kyle, you can't act like that. And it's like, I've never fought with a significant other. with my best with a friend's significant other yeah it's so weird to me it just was like he crossed lines it was inappropriate and granted did me and page being kind of rude yes but like i was being annoyed that he was bragging about like he was the greatest fiance ever and it's like you cheated on her stop overcompensating just be honest and be like we're having trouble finding a wedding venue honestly um you don't have to tell everything but just be like we're having trouble it's hard wedding stressful that's all you're to say instead of being like you know

I'm so helpful and you know it's been tough because of lover boy and it's like okay stop trying to plug lover boy and like I'm obviously frustrated by it and you sound still because I think that it's like one of those things it's like Amanda forgave him but probably deep down like you didn't forgive him really well 100% there's like a difference in when you're dating someone and they're like I'm sorry baby and she's like okay and I'm like I'm Italian I keep a hold to grudges I never forget anything that's done to me and it wasn't it like how many times it like he admitted to I don't even remember, was it one time or two times, but like there were rumors also after that weren't confirmed. But I supported them.

Like, even when they had the big blowup, I was standing by Kyle. Because I was playing that card where I was like, I want to see exactly how he acts in this moment. And if he says anything, like, I wanted to, like, believe him that he cared. And, like, Paige was, like, make sure Amanda was okay. And I was, like, on Kyle duty where I was like, are you, what's going on? Because I want them to be happy. But I also think, like, there's something ironic in that Kyle's the one that's, like, put the microphone down. But then you're getting mad that during your monologue, you know, of like complete silence the whole thing.

time like do you think when I talk everyone's quiet and respectful of me yeah no yeah it's like just because you're a man and you speak loudly and you can scare people by yelling at them like I'm I was so not okay with it and he apologized but it's kind of thing where I'm like you know you did something wrong thank you I never forget what he said about my comedy I was like and like I I just know because when you say really mean things it doesn't matter if you're drunk if when you hit below the belt like you can't take words back you can take I was giggling. I was being an asshole. You can take I was being a bitch. You can't take like really mean things that you said back. You said them. Like they're out there. It's like that was your original

thought that you came up with that came out of your mouth. Right. But like I like Kyle like a brother. Like I really do care about him. And that's why I think it hurts when he says that shit to me. Yeah. I'm like, dude, like we could be really cool. And like I'm very close to Amanda. Like why are you coming at me? Why does it feel to me and, like, tell me if I'm wrong that, like, you and Amanda are less close now? I feel like we went through a lot this summer. Because I remember last, I don't know if it was last year that we spoke, but last time that we were together, I remember Amanda was like your number one girl in life. And it sort of doesn't feel like that is happening right now. This summer, me and Amanda.

relationship does get affected by, I think, my passion for, like, Kyle not being disrespectful towards, like, not just her, but, like, everyone. He even saw me in the car. I was just, like, over it before I got there. I was like, if Kyle, like, I have no tolerance for his bullshit this summer. He has, like, he gets really aggressive when drinking, too. I think I also get triggered by men who yell at me. I mean, I think everyone does, but growing up, like, I don't remember when the last time a male

yelled it. I yelled a lot. Like I'm saying having I grew up in a household where my dad and my brother never yelled. And like it was known like you don't fuck with my mom and like she's the queen. And like they would fight. But there's no raising voices. So I get. But with tennis like coaches would yell at me. And it was like really scary. Here she goes talking about tennis. You guys. It took me so long to hold that in. I'm so happy I let it out. tennis. Anyway, tennis. So, love being something in tennis. So, and I just do tennis quotes the rest of the time. But yeah, growing men yelling at me, I get so fucking. No, really. I'm trying to remember. Like, if, I'm trying to think my husband's friends yet. Like, anyone, like. But this is the thing. I imagine. I can't picture it. This is why Amanda and I have, have had some, like, obstacles because it's like, your fiancee is yelling at me. And I didn't. And I'm not in the wrong. Like, it affects the relationship because she still has to love Kyle, but she also, like, has to understand my side. But at some point, you have to pick a side. Yeah. But you're cool. You and Kyle since then.

Like, me and Kyle, and honestly, it's, we're a family. It really goes up and down by the day. Yeah. Goes up and down by the day. Okay. Let's talk about finger banging. Because I want to throw up, like, is that the lingo? Like, am I an old married woman?

It's not, it's not the lingo. Of course, to, like, describe the act you would have to say, like, he fingered me, whatever. But the amount of times it was said. It's not the lingo. I think at first we thought it was so funny and we thought we were on the floor. Yeah. I said, then it, like, evolved to, like, finger blasted. Oh, my God, I can't.

I also, I hate that word so much. It also threw me back to last summer. What was last summer? Oh, it was with Jordan And it also got to conversations like that But you didn't finger her? Oh, yeah. And to be fair, I think fingering's very important

and you all need a finger more out there. Find that clitoris, figure it out. I don't care how you do it. But it's also, I'm not saying like the editing, but like every time we said it, they put it in. Like they were loving that. It was like a Shina Robb thing. Yeah, but it did get to the point where like,

they could have started saying like, yeah, we hooked up. I guess it was because it was such a specific. And then you had to pick. That's the thing you picture it. You literally picture. No, but they didn't kiss apparently. And that was the craziest thing. That's why I also pictured it.

If you say hook up, it's like, okay, you were kissing, you were messing around. It was literally apparently just a finger. And then Carl would be like, I might have. And I'm like, did you get confused, like what your finger was in? Like, I feel like it's pretty clear when you're in it. So that, but that, don't worry, that fades. The whole season's not about finger bang. No, but so when you came, I told you, like, I feel like my.

opinion is different than yours because I could tell that you're kind of like mad about it. But like, I feel like Carl and Lindsay could like work. I think. Which like I don't think they're together now because I think he has a girlfriend or something. Why do you think they can work? I don't know. My thing. He has issues.

She has issues. They're actually best friends. It's not just like Sheena saying best friends. No, yeah. They actually are best friends. But this is the thing. Like romance is putting it to another part of like vulnerability that like, I'm I feel like they feel safe with each other.

Like, they protect each other. They, like, defend each other. But then when it comes to each other, Lindsay's biggest fear is someone not committing to her and leaving her, like, her family issues. And Carl's biggest fear from his family issues is committing. So you combine those two together and you have a combustible. And also, they're not, like, necessarily calm when it comes to confrontation. So, like, they're not going to calmly, like, talk themselves into a place.

Like you were laughing a lot about the date. The date was one of the best scenes I've ever seen in reality TV. Because I was rooting for them in the beginning. I was like, that was so romantic of Carl. And I'm like, are we going to see like a side of them that we didn't know of like. You know, when you see on camera in chemistry and you're just like, that was fucking hot. That's what I'm trying to say. Like maybe the chemistry you saw IRL, like, but it's different than like a person watching it.

Did you see chemistry? I saw a lot of chemistry. And seeing chemistry. on top of wow we're actually best friends not like Sheena says about everyone but actual best friends and I'm like wow that could be such an amazing thing

if they could go over their shit but it was such a funny scene because they're literally They do have some kind of chemistry but I don't know what it is like they get a he would hang out at her house like four times a week just like chilling and being there and they like each other

but they can't deal with confrontations confrontation well. It just implodes. It literally imploded you guys after a second. But then it was even funnier that they were like, yeah, we should definitely keep doing this. No, that you took a lap and came back and they're like all fine, which is like... Also, like, I love how they were like, we need alcohol to like relax.

And it's like, no, that alcohol is going to turn you guys into... What were those shots? No fireball shots. They're dangerous. Like, also, I would be doing ridiculous shit too if I had seven fireball shots. I'd be like, what's your name? I don't like it. Yeah, like they were.

we're taking back back. No, but you guys, they were doing like a, not sure if they're, like, asking each other questions. Yeah, but of course. Sex position. He's like on the bottom and she was like, I'm an on top girl. The best. And then the next question, she's like, do you want to have a family with me? Like, it got like really intense. And Carl's like, uh, I mean, uh, well, uh, I'm not sure. Uh, quota. I am really trying to like see how you feel. Because like, you're not going to talk shit, I feel like. On what? I'm like, the people. They're your family. family like tell me some tell me i feel like i've already talked so much shit okay so i was like yeah i hate

kyle wait so let's talk about jewels who you brought yeah why can i like that's what you thought you know so many people all your stories are like hysterical people with huge personalities and you bring this like page you want to be there's something about her that you're going to find out that she has a crazy connection in this house can we talk about her? obsession with Paige and if that's like weird or if it's overplayed? I think a lot of it is coincidental but also it's like I think she really wanted to fit in

like mentally and physically and it's like a subconscious thing and she like really put I think she watched the show and she like loved Paige and like when she came in she like are they friends now yeah they're friends it's weird kind of like being obsessed

with someone and then trying to like ease into friendship I think that's why it's you're going to see, like, she has a rough time for a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Because you came in, like you said, you were new, Jordan was new, Paige was new. And this time, like, Luke and Jules are new, but they're not really bonding. No.

Like, he's not interested in her at all, and he could be technically. Yeah, it's funny. He wants you, the hottest fucking guy. It's so funny. Oh, my gosh. This Luke guy is so hot. Like. Do you realize this whole summer, I, like, was like how, I need to tell America what's

happening to me. No, like she would post this guy before I knew he was going to be on the show. And I was like, Hannah, who the fuck is at? And she's like, oh, my God. Like, I'm like, no, I need to know. And then it's so funny. Like, he's 100% if I could, like, draw the perfect man for me physically. I'm so impressed by your, like, like, I'm reading you.

Like, I'm watching the episodes and he's being flirting with you. And he's being, like, respectfully all over you, but not, like, in a gross way. Yeah. And I'm trying to see if you're, like, like, your face and you're just like. Do you know why? because during it I literally was like, this is the universe testing mate. I have a connection with this guy, Armand.

Connections are hard to have. Armand, the day. What is he? He's just like half black. But like his name sounds like French. But anyway, so I have my exotic Armand who, who, you know, Armand is like one of those guys who you're like best friends with and then you're like, are we more? And we were like.

He looks kind of guidoy for a second. It's, he has, he like, he has a weird hairdo. Like a Drake hairdo. Yeah, a little drakey. But like, then he has like, he's very like, streetwear, like, fashiony. It was the kind of thing where, like, I'd become close to him, and I, like, would talk to him on the phone all the time, and then I was, like, I was like, do what should we have sex?

And then we, like, started hooking up, and then we were just, like, hang out all the time, and that was, like, where we were when the show started. And I was like, okay, I'm about to go on a show. Wait, how'd you meet him? Through podcasting. He, like, he is in the podcast business, and I was, like, we ran by each other. Carl actually introduced us. How old is he?

he's 30. Okay. Everything was like... Well, you're not with Armand anymore. I can't tell that information right now. I'll ask you after. But, okay, so you guys, Luke is another new character. But then Luke pops then, and I'm like...

First of all, he eases in so well. It's like... Oh, yeah, the group... Like, I'm here. The group loved him. And it doesn't feel like... No, really. Everyone loved him, and he really...

Because he's really, like, nice, cool guy who, like, asks you questions, listens to you, wants to have a good time. But my thing. was like... And it's like a model. Yeah. I mean, no, he's literally a model. The thing is, I've dated... Does it gross you out that he's a model?

No, but like, if you looked at him on paper, you'd be like, this guy is the worst. And then you meet him, and he's charming. He's, like, embarrassed that he does modeling. He just wants to talk about hockey and, like, listening to country music and, like, the simple things in life. And he's just, like, he's very different from guys I've known. But in my head, I was, like, you, it's hard to find a guy you really connect with. This is a model from all. whole different life than you like he's so fun to flirt with but i don't i can't take him seriously in my

head i literally was like this is a joke he's so hot i love i also live for flirting like flirting is my sport but did you were you like what's happening like why won't like or did you are you so confident that you were like i'm i do have i have reversed bi dysmorphia where i do think everyone wants to fuck me but i also okay this is a weird thing with me my thing is i think i grew up around athlete so I grew up with like very fit guys around me so it didn't like phase me very much like every guy I worked out with tennis was like hot tennis player body so I just didn't phase me also my brother's like really handsome and my dad's really handsome I think I'm just surrounded by hot men and I'm not phased by them and I think they can tell that I'm not phased by them it's like when a cat

is like oh you don't want to pet me now I want you to pet me so like I'm not phased by hot men and through my life, I've dated guys that, like, it looks like I'm on a make a wish with them that I, like, want to date with them. Like, because I don't consider myself, like, particularly hot or not hot. I just am me. But, like, the Luke thing, I'm like, this is a joke. Like, he's so hot. Because, you know, okay, first of all, you're hot.

But I'm just saying it was weird how he didn't look left, didn't look right. And he came in honed in on you. So, like, I don't know if, but it's like he, did he know of you before? Do you think he watched the show? He did watch last season before he, like, agreed. And I think he said he told his sister that, like, he thinks he'd get along with me. But he wasn't like, oh, I need a fucker. But he was like, I think I'd hit it off with Hannah.

And even when he called you, like, when he kept doing the thing where he was like, Hannah at like 3am, it didn't, it wasn't in a like. Gross way. No, we're like, we found love. Literally, you can tell by the first three episodes. Because Summerhouse up till now, well, up till now, I'm totally lying. I literally watched only the. seasons you're in you're welcome yeah thank you like a real fucking friend right but last season was good and it's entertaining and everything but it wasn't like the only real drama was uh page and car

was page and but that's not the drug it was like Amanda and Kyle was like yeah but it was like this season is so good because you have the Kyle the Kyle Amanda always you have the Carl Lindsay you have me and Luke you have page and whatever crying then other people get brought in later on, and then things shift. I'm so excited. It is so, there's so much going. That's where, like, these episodes, there's never a second to rest. I don't know how they fit it all in 44 minutes.

Can I do a twist to discuss my body for a second? Yeah. Which is important. Yeah. So it was funny you mentioned, like, Hannah, you look good, whatever. I got the weirdest message today on Instagram Some guy just wrote My Valentine broke up with me because of you

And you put like a bunch of screenshots And I was like, let's get the popcorn Let's sit down. We have a couple hours. Let's investigate. So it's a screenshot of him talking to this other woman And it starts with him being like, don't fat shame And she's like, I'm not fat shaming Like I don't have a perfect body either

But like she's 20 And like it's just not cool to compare or like apparently he must have told his Valentine he thinks I'm hot or something and he was like and he was like okay like I just thought she's attractive like she's on TV it's not a big deal and she was like it's just like doesn't make me feel good

have fun with her and then posted two screenshots of me where like there's some unflattering angles of like my back when I'm like kind of like hunched over and just like listening to page oh I know we're talking about but it's not unflattering it's not unflattering but I'm not like putting it in sports illustrated and she like snapshoted it and like I remember I never you never and he wrote something

like l-o-l I like her like her body whatever which is just weird the whole thing was creepy and weird for so many reasons but also like I don't ever see my body from that angle which is from like low and up to like your ass and a bikini after drinking all day and your spray tan's gone and you have such a good like wax or laser I mean barely I girl what I have to do to get red. It takes years. No, that bathing suit is high. Yeah. And like, looking from Harry Girl to Harry Girl, it took a lot.

I'm not a hairy girl. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to judge. Aren't Israeli's hairy? But I'm not like a real Israeli. Yeah, you're a fake-ass bitch. I actually just tried to wax myself yesterday. Don't do it at home. Don't.

Why would you? You're such a massacist. I really am. You're like, you need a podcast. Ah! No, it's literally like. that but it made me realize at first I was like I don't love how I looked in that and then I was like you know what I'm a solid six and like like I mean six is in like size wise and I'm like we need more people on TV who are like six to 12 enough but like I know I'm no like confident like Lizzo but like it seems like it's either Lizzo or like page and like we need something in but we need more like Jamila Jamil you know fighting the fight and Lily Lillium, Reinhardt fighting the fight.

Yeah. And, like, we need actual... But, like, I just want to see more models that... I get it, like, runway, you want tall girls, whatever. But, like, more just, like, campaigns with sizes that are, like, eight or ten. Yeah. Because that's what most people are. No, it's really annoying.

And, like, the fact that a girl was like, oh, have fun with her. I'm like, bitch, what... How much better? Like, what are you talking about? Because I'm not a stick? Wait, she was body shaming you, basically. Yeah. She was, like, have fun with that.

and like a bad angle of my body. Oh, and a bad angle of your body. Yeah. And I was like, dude, I like, the fact that you think, I like kind of was like, I'm glad she's watching because we'll get higher ratings or something and just like stop responding. But the point is, is that my body is what most bodies look like. And if that's disgusting to a guy, then we have an issue. Your body is what people aspire their bodies to look like.

Well, thank you. But the point is that. And it is important. and I love your confidence. Not that, again, you name Lizzo, okay. You could be a size 6 to 12 and Luke will want to fuck you because your ass needs to be nice. There's just so many girls with it.

You can get a model like Luke because you're just confident in your body. That's what I'm saying. You're so confident in general. You know, you're sitting in the choozy. Your eye makeup is all like rubbed off. Oh my makeup is gun. She walks around the house and it's like banana

No, I can't with you. I thought I was making, I was so clever with my banana pajamas. No, but you guys, listen. Because last year I had the watermelon ones. So this year I was like, I'm going to make a fashion statement. No one remembers. And I was like, I'm going to find a fruit, another fruit for this season.

So that's what I do that no one cares about. It hasn't been ran up yet. I'm pretty surprised about it. It's actually fucked up. But that's what I'm saying. So this hot-ass guy, Luke, you know, and you don't have to wear lingerie and have your tits out or your ass out. She's walking around in like a banana onesie.

Oh my God. Someone DMed me something about you, which is why I asked you if you get hate because it was like, because it was like, it was like, oh, because some people, do you get, that's what I wanted to ask you. Do you get that people don't like you making fun of short people? Oh, I don't give a fuck. No, but do you get that? Short guys will. Okay. Yeah.

So I posted that thing that I showed you where like you said something about Armand. It's off brand. It's a fucking joke. No, right. No, so, but what was funny was I didn't even defend you Because it was like, it wasn't even worth my like answer What she said?

If it was something about it, I would be like, step off She was just like, you know, something about it being rude And then she was like with her What is that lip stuff called? Smuckers? Smackers? Yeah, she thought you had smackers on like the color, like a blue color, but it was just because you woke up

probably had like it's actually freezing in there in the morning yeah oh my god because the air conditioning's on so that's what i'm saying like you don't even get real hate you get some like well this is the thing people saying you have lip smackers on of a weird one girl said i had botox and i was like what you didn't get anything you said lindsay made you get something last year oh no she made me laser my knees the hair the hair no she made you teeth whitening what did she make you get yeah i got teeth whitening yeah i got teeth whitening and like i don't drink coffee or were that much red wine

so like it's blasted. Her teeth are really white. Yeah, you don't want to go too white. What does she do? I do what she does. My teeth were really white back then, I think. I think teeth whitening is just like an enhancing. I don't,

I haven't messed with anything else because I'm trying to just love myself for who I am. Yeah, Lindsay loves all the stuff that she has. I feel like her and Lauren Workis like got into it together. Like I could see if you're like with friends where it's accepted

you like think it's cool and then like when you're if you get out of the group you're like what's going on? I think Lindsay's like beautiful and I don't think she needs it but whatever makes her feel comfortable There's there's I told you this when you got here

There's a side of her that's coming out this season That's like because she's trying to be cute by Carl Which may be a little bit in sincere But it looks cute and I'm also seeing the sides of her That are like she is a really like successful Independent woman She wants to settle down She knows what she wants.

And Lindsay and I actually And if it could work with Carl Like that's what I'm saying It would be so cool Because they are best friends And it would make a good story If it's in the very beginning There's issues

I feel like it's hard Like if you're not in at least a puppy dog phase In the beginning And that's why like when we'd be sitting at dinner And they would like freak out We were like oh god This is not the energy that like should be surrounding them Like even like me and Luke

When we start like We're just like you know it's light It's fun and flirty. It's not light with them. But I know they're in a completely different situation. But it was just like at dinner, the tension would be high. And we'd be like, this isn't fun. It can only get worse from this.

Right. So it was. When she yelled at you as funny and then you imitate it. Hannah, we're trying to figure out it. It feels like you got yelled at like at two dinners where you just look like the child of the table. Because actually you, to be honest, you kind of do look like a child next to them because like Lindsay looks older. Carl and Kyle like Well Kyle yelled at me again

Did you see that exchange Where Kyle was like Okay stop having a conversation at the table again Do you remember? No This was in episode three And Amanda was like watch out Kyle might snap

It was the same kind of thing Where Kyle wanted to like Dominate the conversation And God forbid I was like not fully talking to him But like you really do look like the young Like sibling Thank you I'm 28 like I'm not a spring chicken But there's something about like

the way you dress, the way you carry yourself isn't like, you don't take yourself too seriously, you're not all made up, you don't have all the makeup, you don't have all the like procedures like we're talking about. And even Amanda and Paige, like they dress more like adult and stuff. I have smackers. Like literally, you're talking to me.

Like I'm like dressed like a boy. I'm dressed like a 14 year of 4-2. No, but you're doing so well this season. Oh, with fashion? Yeah. Wait, please give me these compliments because I'm never People are literally, that's also the, I tried this season. No, that's what, what did I just say, babe? That I tried.

No, I'm saying you're doing so well. Like, I told you even before that what you wore to the dinner on episode, on last night's episode. Thank you. That, like, white. Oh, girl. With, like, the flowers. I, like, also don't wear a bra the whole time.

You aren't wearing a bra. That's how you get a model, girls. No, legit. I was like, that fucking bitch. Well, also, I have B-sized boobs. And then you were like, let's go out. I was like, who is this? Because you're like, you're living it up this summer.

Dude, I had so... The summer you were like more like... I was scared. Yeah. I was scared out of my mind for many reasons. And now this summer I lit, like, I got cursed out first episode and I was like, fuck this. I'm just trying to have a good time.

Yeah. And also I felt like I could have more opinions on stuff because like we hung out all winter. We were very close. Everyone? Yeah. Really? I mean, we didn't see Jordan that much. But like, me and Danielle and Lindsay would hang out.

Me, Paige and Amanda would hang out. Danielle's like, they put her as friend of Lindsay now. Yeah. That's kind of mean. I think that they needed to have room to try the new chemistry with new people. But Danielle was hysterical, episode three. She was actually really cute. And I remember I talked to you, I remember we talked about this last time and I was like, she's kind of thirsty because remember she tried to get with Jordan, which like looking back feels very weird.

Yeah. And then you were like, no, like she's actually the least thirsty person like on earth. She actually is really good at partying and likes to have fun and does like. Like, she'll make out and, like, have a good time. But no, her reaction to Carl and Lindsay was like... At one point, she straight up looked at the hidden camera. I saw that. That was my favorite moment.

I texted her. I was like, bitch, you just had an office moment where, like, they were, like, awkwardly kissing. And she looked at the camera like, are you fucking kidding? She wasn't having it. She wasn't even trying to play the supportive friend. And I think Lindsay started to get upset and you see that. But doesn't that make sense, Hannah? Like, put your feelings towards it aside.

A hundred percent. But it's almost like I agree with Lindsay. but she like yells so much that you're like oh no now you look like you're the being mean to Danielle yeah when I understand but Danielle also I think knows she's dated Carl she knows Carl's weaknesses she knows Lindsay's weaknesses and she knows they're going to enhance each other's weaknesses yeah it's like you think she has a feeling

it's not going to work well that's what she said or she looks in her face and she's like you know this isn't going to end well she said that to her episode too because you guys know and I feel like maybe viewers can have more hope. Yeah, because we know each other better than the viewers know us. And we've seen them in so many different scenarios. But also, I'm never one to be like, that's not going to work out. Like, even Colin Amanda, I'm like, I hope it does.

Do you think they'll get married? I think they will. I think they will. But what do you think about, like... They have a date. Oh, they do? They have a date fall 2020. Do they have a place?

I think so, yeah. I forget where it is. So, like, it's happening. They're having lots of issues, though. I know. The one thing about it is I wish that Amanda got more of a word in it. Like, I feel like it's always, like, Kyle complaining. About her.

About her. And I'm like, okay. Like, she has, she didn't complain about you. Yeah, like, you're not perfect. He's like, she's a slob. Like, she, this. I also triggers me because I'm messy. I have a creative brain and I'm messy.

So I'm like, it triggers me for a guy to tell me that, like, I'm, lazy or something because it's like it's my life if I want to relax after a long day. But have you lived with a boy for like a long time? I lived with a guy with my parents and it was a long story

but um oh they're doing an advertisement for somewhere I was right now on TV. Anyway so and he started annoying me because he would leave all his cereal bowls in the in like yeah little things started knowing me but it was because there were bigger issues going on and the cereal bowls were triggering me and at one point I'm like if you don't

fucking put the cereal bowls in the fucking sink. I will fucking chuck you off this building. And we broke up for other reasons. But it's interesting that they got engaged and then lived together, which is a mistake. And I've said this before and I've gotten like dams about it. That's like, no. Get a ring

before you move in. But like, no. Live together. See that like I moved in with my husband like the day I met him. I was like, hello. Here's my stuff. Here's my toothbrush. And like I'm not saying it has to be that quick. But you're still not committed. And you know what he's like.

know what he's like. Do you make people's relationships get friendships get ruined because you start living with them? That's it. Literally everyone hates every roommate they've ever had because it's so hard to live with someone. It could legit be like what makes a break relationship. And Kyle really is OCD. So he's the opposite of her. But I want to be with a guy who's OCD but then doesn't take it out on me. Like I wanted to be like I love cleaning your stuff. Like a Monica. Yes. Like my mom is OCD and she like when she's stressed she like just needs to clean and I just like leave my shit around. She cleans it up and we're happy for.

family. So it's like, it's tough. So we need to talk a little bit about Vanderpum. Oh my God, yes. Because we both love it. I mean, I'm not really sure what I've done to you, but I'll take a Pinogrigio. I love Vanderpom. What do you think about the season, though? It's going through a shift. It's, it don't, oh, that's what I feel about it. Do you like the new people? I like Dana. It's just hard because you know they're like trying so hard to make you like them. You think she's trying so hard to make us like that? No, I think the show is. Like, the show is like, she's new.

Please accept her. We want to have her for a while. But at the same time, usually new people, they kind of trickle them in. And here it's like, Dana, in your face, main story line, comedy show. Oh, and I, oh, a little transition there. I love you, but I don't listen to all of your podcast. But one of my followers told me that Sheena was on your podcast. Yeah.

And Sheena said something very interesting. Yes. I called her out and I said, you look like a bitch this season. And I was like, why are you being so mean to Dana? Yeah. And she basically was like, I was jealous because I've been doing the show forever and like I've did a whole like thing in Vegas. I like have my own podcast and like I have my own stuff that I'm trying to do. So then for this girl to come on in first episode, they show her comedy career. She has a point. And she's like, I'm sick of just being like, oh, Sheena's boy crazy. She has a point though. And I said, Sheena, you do have a point. however you have to see big picture of like they're doing this because they want us to immediately care about this girl and feel invested know about her mom and it's like and I know it sucks but I'm like you're also at such a different place in your career like you have to think big picture yeah but she's been upset about that for a while because when I did a podcast with her she told and this was before Dana but she had told me about her vagus stuff and I was like oh so cool and I probably said like why and they show that or something and she was like I do so many things

and they don't show them. And I think the reason, like, if it's not, it's not as simple as jealousy. I think, like, she doesn't get a bad edit, but she gets a mad, annoying edit. You know what I mean? Like, she gets, like, the Rob, Rob, Rob, my best friend, best friend, best, and best, fine, best, time, best, fine. Like, it's also because it takes other people, like, helping you in the cast to, like, for example, if Paige wasn't on Summerhouse, I don't know if you'd see that side to me.

Yeah. That, like, she enables me to be myself, where Sheena is, like, constantly still fighting. Like, she doesn't have that girl that, like, lets her just be yourself. And when she's, like, around Stasi and them, she's just, like, trying to be liked and, like, don't, you know, to this day. You know when you feel annoying around people that you know don't like you and you just turn into it. Like, I can totally. And I think that's why her edit is rough and why, like, they're not pursuing her, like, careers and stuff.

Do you remember when her and Katie were super cool and how cute that was when Stasi was away and Katie used to call her my little bean. Yeah. And they had a cute relationship. In her and Ariana, too, kind of had something. I think they're still friends. I just don't think it, like, is interesting to show. Yeah.

But what you missed on last night's episode and I'll fill you in is like, bitchy Stasi. Her and Katie, like, sat down with Dana at Peter's birthday party and we're like. Talking shit about Sheena. I saw that part. And Stasi and the confessional said, like, you know, I don't really know this, you know, this girl, Dana or care, but like it felt so mean. But we're bonding over talking about Shana. It just felt so mean because like, Sheena

legit, you can say whatever you want. And I've told her this and I told her the truth when I met her. She didn't do anything to anyone. You know what I mean? Sheena, I do think that people get jealous because she's so pretty. No, Hannah. I think she's gorgeous. You think people get jealous of Sheena because she's so pretty? I'm shook by this. I think she's like.

I think that she's like the hot girl. She's like the new hot girl that, like, came in. Really? Yeah, I think that she's, like, cute and fun and, like, I don't know. I think people get jealous that she's pretty. That's an interesting take. Because she's, like, if you see her in person, like, she's so little. I saw her, yeah.

And, like, with me. Well, she got her teeth done. I don't like it now. Oh. She got her teeth done, like, recently. Oh, I haven't seen it. I mean, I didn't notice it. But my thing is, like, with me, she's, she's been, like, she was cold in the beginning because she didn't, like, know who I was.

And then as she, like, realized that I'm on a show, and she, like, opened up a little more. And then, like, she's in the city. She'll always text me. And she, like, we both love cats. And we, like, message about each other's cats. Like, she's just been, like, a cool person. No, she is. She's a cool person.

And I think it's weird. The amount of, like, because it's like, hey, do one season where she's annoying. But give her a little bit of, like, a little bit of, like, a redact. Seeming quality for like two seconds and she doesn't get it. Or maybe she just kind of runs with it because she knows that she gets good air time with it. And like, or there's some people who like. Or maybe that's just like who she is. I think she does have a side to her.

But like what people don't see is that she has a little bit of a sense of humor. They don't show her sense of humor. Yeah, they did. Like I like that she made fun of herself in one of the episodes where they're. The croftop dress. Right. With the bridal dress. And she was like, oh, I can wear my tacky wedding dress.

like that she made fun of that and she'll like talk about her relationships but yeah I feel kind of bad for her and Dana I am shocked that it's like okay let us like her but also like is she the main event of this season like do we are we in that invested like for example you and Luke like if it was first season that you came on it would be less interesting but because we've seen you already and we've seen I know you and like you right and and and there's this new guy then it's like but also if Dana had had something like going on with one of the OG guys. Then that's interesting to us. But like to see her and Max just like talking on the couch, we're like, guys, have fun. But like, why are we watching this? Also, the two new guys, I don't think they're attractive. They're obviously racist. Well, Lisa obviously thinks.

But one of the guys, I think he's, no. I don't either. And then Max is so not my type. I like the like strong, like, blue-eyed, like, whatever. Max just seems like wormy and like a dick. I don't get it. Like, we see them going to sleep at night. Like, we don't know you.

Oh, yeah, in her thong. I was like, okay. But we don't know you enough to care. It's like, it's like the first episodes of The Bachelor when they make the Suspensile music when they're sending home the girls that you don't know their name. Like, we don't care yet. Also, you know it's inevitably not going to work out because it's been so smooth up until this point. Yeah.

He was like, no exclusivity talk goes that easy. He's like, do you want to be exclusive? And she's like, yeah. And he's like, yeah. I was like, some shady shit's going on. Because that's not how it goes. Also, what is this deal with being exclusive before you date? Am I getting old?

Because I feel like you're seeing each other. And then exclusivity means you're my fucking boyfriend. Why? Because you and Armand took like the whole summer? Well, we weren't, we never had the exclusivity talk. I'm like all this fuck when it comes that. So I don't even know. You tell me there's a talk.

There has to be a talk. There isn't it more natural. That's the thing. There shouldn't be a talk. Like when you're dating, you're just dating. Like, it just happens. Like you just want to see each other all the time. Then eventually you kind of want him to just be like, you're my girlfriend.

Yeah, right. That's how it should go. My thing with Armand is that he never asked me in the beginning to be. But were you seeing other people at the beginning? No. It was more like, but it was the point where like it was leading towards it. It was like, I told you, like we're hanging out. We're having fun.

I don't know yet if I wanted to do my boyfriend, but we're testing. It's like you moved in with him. How did he feel that you went on the show then? He knew that I was going to do it. And I sat him down right before it. said do you want to like keep doing this and that's fine but you have to be on the show like did he did he ask you like are there going to be maybe he wasn't worried because like he i think he wasn't worried because our connection was really good i'd still be worried i mean i don't think we thought

that luke was gonna a man like luke was gonna walk in yeah because that's what i'm saying it's like carl like you guys aren't gonna have a thing kyle you guys aren't i mean obviously so it's Like, who, he didn't know that he had anything to worry about. And I didn't know. They didn't tell me that Kyle was bringing Luke. Like, they literally surprised me. When he walked in, I was like, what? We, like, knew there was, like, possibly a new girl. Like, I knew that I was bringing jewels in.

But we didn't know about Luke. Kyle didn't tell me. What do you mean Kyle didn't tell you? Like, we literally, that. They don't, like, match you guys or something? No, it was a surprise. That's so weird. I'd never met him in my life.

Didn't even know he was going to be there. I thought it was like... You said the Minnesota joke like 17 times. Minnesota. You're from Minnesota? I was like, Hannah, you said it. You said it already. I couldn't stop.

Because when you talk to him, you just can't stop thinking, like, are we in the woods in Minnesota? And his accent is so thick. He's from such a tiny town in Minnesota is like 3,000 people or something. And it's like on the edge of Canada. Like you could like touch Canada. Yeah. Like our lives, like how we grew up so different. Because you grew up in New York.

Yeah. It's fascinating. Fascinating. I know. We went to the same high school, remember? Girl, go blue demons. Is that what they're called? Yeah, I think so.

The blue demons. Devils. So it looks to me like you're in love with Luke. Sometimes he's pretty annoying. How old is he? 36. What? I know.

He looks like he's 26. Yeah, he's a model. His jeans. Does he want to, like, get married and settle down? Yeah. He does? Yeah. How wasn't Lindsay like into him?

I think she thought he was attractive for sure Because there isn't like So far like aside from him flirt That's what I'm saying It's very weird how He's so honed in on you You're like

Playing with it But like where's that Where's Jules being like Hey like I'm also here Well yeah I think you see those mornings Like Jules is kind of like flirting with him But he's so like They wake up early

Yeah And he doesn't give a shit No but he's that kind of He's competitive And like I It's really weird Because I also wasn't giving him, like I was flirting, but I wasn't like, I'm single. Right.

I mean, I kind of was. But he was like, yeah, he fucking zoned in. And that's when I was like, I need to take advantage of this moment that the universe has granted me. I'm so happy for you that you got love and attention the way you deserve. Oh my God. Last season in the beginning, I got no love or attention. Then I was like, okay, British Dave. we're shipping you in from England

Can I just tell you guys So Hannah's like I don't know how you like Became a stand-up comedian over me But she basically like Like I don't know Scammed her way into it or something Because like I came to see your live show Because I'm an amazing person

I forgot you went to my Gotham show They were filming at that show Do you know that was the second time I ever did stand-up comedy So I didn't know what like I still don't really get like when podcasters do live shows, like I talked to you about it, but you still don't either.

But you did like stand up, like you did stand up and then I had three guests and then Q&A. Right. I liked that the standup part was, was the best. Everyone keeps telling me why the standup was the, so.

That's what I'm saying, because live shows like the part of them, like your live show being stand up was amazing. The live shows having guests is always a little like, that's the part I less get. But what I wanted to say was British Dave was there. Yeah.

And you embarrassed the shit out of him. Well, obviously, that's what I like to do. She's so vulgar guys. I'm so mean. No, you're so. And your dad was there. Yeah, my dad's over it. He's already.

You talked about someone going down on you and farting in their face. And it was and then he was pretty safe. Because I like, I told him I had the show and he like didn't confirm if he was coming or not. I saw him and I saw him outside. Did you think he was cute? He's huge though. He's six. Okay.

We get it. But it's not the only thing. I saw him outside. I brought my sister with me. And I was like, oh my God, that's British Dave. And they don't watch the show. Yeah. And they were like, what?

And I was like, oh, my God. I love that everyone calls him British Dave too. Because it's all because my roommate's name was Dave. So I had to be like, oh, I had sex with Dave last night. British Dave. Oh, okay, okay. That's funny. And I saw him outside.

I was like, oh, my God, it's coming to the show. And then when you were doing the bit about the real bit about the going down on you and frying the face, and you were like, actually, it was British Dave. And then I was like, British Dream is here. And I'm like telling my sister. Were you sitting near him? No, but I saw him in the... What happened is I literally was like, as I said it, I knew that everyone knew who he was.

But I... And I was talking about dating is really just a fart holding test. And like, because you have to make sure you know what you order. Because if you are the wrong thing, next thing you're farting on someone. They're going down on you. And then I paused and I was like, he's not here. I'm going to tell him. And I go, British Dave isn't here.

But I want to you guys know, I fart on British Dave and he didn't get a bono for a month. People started dying last. And someone goes, he's right here. And he, like, started waving. But, like, he's so used to me. Like, I'm so abusive in the, in the best way possible. But I really got to, you got to, you just, I have no boundaries. Like, like, what do you mean they have?

Like, you've talked, like, this at dinner? Yeah. We have a very open, like, we're not, like, this crazy, like, sexual cult that, like, it makes it seem. It's more like we're very close friends. It doesn't seem like you're sexual. No, I think there was like a Bravo recap that was like, Hannah's so sexual and her grandma's so sexual. They're just sex kittens and she wants them to fuck.

Anyway, we're just very open about like my mom's like my best friend. I'll tell her everything. But like graphic stuff? Well, the whole joke was that when I... That's the thing. I'm the oldest. But not graphic stuff. You're the oldest one though, right?

No middle. See, I'm the oldest so I like didn't have an older sibling to be like this is what a blowjob is. That's what like being horny is. Like, I remember being 11 and being like, mom, what's a blow job? And she looked at me and she was like, this is what a blow job is. Did she told you? Yeah.

And I was like, she didn't want me to be a loser. And I was like, they pee from that. That's disgusting. And she literally was like, I'm like, how do you do it? And she's like, it's just like a lollipop. No, I can't believe that. And I to this day talk about it because it was actually like, I'm so happy she did that. Because then I like wasn't a dumb ass and I knew it was going on.

And it felt safe and it felt like it's a thing. I mean, for the next two months, like just kept. staring at every adult thinking they had had penises in their mouth, which was super weird to me. And now here we are. So your mom is cool about it. My dad is cool about it too. My dad will joke.

I'll be at the dinner table and my dad will be like, you know, I can hear you. You know you're speaking out loud. But he doesn't get like protective, like no man will touch my daughter. My brother and my dad are the least protective motherfuckers. My dad literally when I start talking about a new dude goes, just try not to ruin his life. That's what he says to me. so like but I want them to be they know that like I can handle myself to an extent but I think they've gone through my tennis career yes I got to say tennis career they've had like bad

breakups and like they just in the sexual way your brother isn't like my brother just rolls his eyes yeah because I think they like at this point the shock factor is gone right but they just want me to be happy yeah like their biggest issue is like is Hannah happy I think like they just want me to like have fun and I'm not like at the table being like But I'll be like British Dave's dick was huge And my dad will just like laugh

Which it's just a weird environment Did you say that at the show? I thought his penis Yeah I think I did His dick Well like I broke up with him because of it I remember you don't Like this microphone was the girth of his penis

And we have a big microphone You guys can't see it but it's large Like it's not Did you really break up with him because of that? It didn't help Like it definitely was a factor You were like you were in pain Yeah. Like I had to like have a breathing rhythm like I was about to give birth.

Wait. So I just want to like since we, okay, we can't say what's going on now, but I just want to know if Luke is 36 and like wants to settle down, whatever. And let's say you were into him. Yeah. Could you be into that? I don't know. Not with him in general. Oh, in general. Yeah. Yeah. If I meet the right guy, I'm ready to settle down. Yeah? But like I feel like for that to happen. Like I. You're ready to take your cat and you're a slag. Lobbery self. Oh, I'm always ready for love. Aw, baby. But, like, I'm so, I don't just, like, to date to date.

And I feel like when I meet the right person, I'll know. And I just haven't, like, known yet. What's so funny is, like, what I just thought about you when I pictured you taking your gab and, like, going somewhere. It's, like, the way I was saying, like, Lindsay turns into this, like, mm. Yeah. Like, you don't do that. Yeah. Right?

If I'm dating you, I can be, like, I could put on my little baby voice sometimes. And, like, I'll be really goofy and silly. But, like, if we're in the flirting stage, I'm a bitch. Yeah. I'm just a bitch. And or saying, like... You're not doing the, like... I'm tiny and...

I know, because I'm not tiny. And I'm not... And I'm not dainty. And that's not the game I play. But the thing is, some guys, they are, like, so turned off by that. But when they're not... But when they like it... Turns out just models like it.

Whoops. Sorry. I guess I'm just stuck with these dumb-ass meal models. Sorry. I cannot wait for the rest of the season, Hannah. I can't wait either. I haven't seen it yet. I know. Like, Summerhouse is so good that we ended up talking about it, like, the entire time.

And it, yeah. And if you guys have opinions, DM me, I love to hear about what you think about Summerhouse. But let's just, before we go, talk about, like, what you're doing. Oh, cool. Like I said, you scamp. Oh, cool. Me? What am I doing?

I don't know. Enough about me. What do you think about me? So she, so I come to our live show and then she does stand. up and I was like, wait, what is happening? Like, is she just winging stand-up right now? And then you start, it's that what happened? Like, you did live shows for your podcast.

So what happened is my first live show, I was like, I'm going to do 10 minutes of stand-up. So I did 10 minutes and I didn't die. So then I, for Summer House, I hope they show it. They don't. I'd be jealous of Dana. But I did 20 minutes of stand-up. You'll be like, Sheena, we have to do a re-tabe. Yeah.

Where I'm telling you, I get you. Yeah. Then I had a mini tour where I went to like Philly Long Island in Boston. where I did 30 minutes of standup and I still had these guests and I was like look I it's so hard to like start going to the West Coast and like have two or three guests and I was like if I could get

45 minutes of stand up I get two openers and a Q&A at the end I have a one woman show yeah so I finally have 45 minutes I've been doing stand up like three to five times a week in the city at night like grinding is that for practicing what is that for it's like I write and then you go out

and you practice it and you see if it it works. And then you have to practice the memorization of it, the like, practice the crowd work, practice the transitions. It's really like crazy. Is that what you wanted to do? No. It happened naturally, but I think it was one of those things that like I didn't know I was meant to do it. And then when I did it, I was like, oh, I have the bug. Like, I'm hooked on it. But it's also like, I've been writing tweets for years. So I like went through literally all my tweets and was like, which ones do I love? Which ones are a story that I could, which ones can I use it.

Like, it's been the journey. And do I think, like, I still want to get a lot better? But now I have, like, a show that I'm bringing on the road. I'm going to L.A., San Francisco, Texas, Connecticut, and New Jersey in the next couple of months, working on Chicago and Wisconsin. Yeah. Hannah. Yeah. It's fun.

Stand-up comedian. Wait, when they announce here, are they, like, Bravo Summer House is Hannah Burner? It's funny because people would be like, okay, this person's Netflix. This person's Comedy Central. Then it's like, Bravo. And it's funny because some people in the crowd won't know that I'm doing these little shows. And afterward they'd be like, I'd know he'd be here. I love Bravo.

And some people probably don't know. Yeah. And some people are like, you do reality TV. But then sometimes they'll bring me up as like podcast host Burning and Hell. I'm kind of like, call me whatever you want. And you're hanging out with like all these comedians. They're the best people. I mean, they're all crazy.

They're crazy. You know when you're like with your people. Like they don't tell me I'm too loud or too annoying. And I just feel like I can be myself with them. You're hanging out with, like, grown men, comedian guys, right? Yeah, you have to have Andrew Collin on the pod. He's so funny. You guys, she has so many friends and so many people that I can't keep up, like, in your stories.

Here's, like, Lev F her. Like, what's the book is that? I can't deal with all these men. He's a Russian Jew. Yeah. Yeah. Scary. Stand up?

They're all stand-up. He's hilarious. But I also think, like, when I first started doing it, they pulled me aside and they were like, look, if you want to do this, like, we'll help you. But you need to fucking grind. You need to be out there bombing, tiny show to say yes to every show. And they were like, so you get respected. Because if you try to just like cheat and just like, only do the big shows, they're like, you need to work on your shit. But you, I can tell you're fucking hustling. Oh my God. I love working because I don't want to be stuck with my own thoughts. So I'm like,

Instead of me sitting there just reflecting on my life, I'd rather be like chasing something or like working on something. But it's scary. Like last night before I went up, I'm like, this is going to be terrible and next 10 minutes are going to suck. Did you have like a show that was like bad? Yesterday. It was like I worked on a bunch of new material. And the audience, there was four people who weren't like laughers. Like they were just like kind of smiling and griggling a little.

And I was like, God damn it. Like they enjoyed it. But like my friend was Lev came to meet me and like just watched me bomb. And I was like, God damn it. And he was like, I'm proud of. you, this is what you have to do. And I'm like, thanks. This was so fun. I'm glad I got out of bed with butter to go vomit in a basement at 9 p.m. in Lower East Side. That's the hardest part. I'm a grandma. I will, off sets at like, it's at night. I'll set up. Yeah, I know. But, like,

I have to say yes to everything right now. So literally, like, sometimes I'll nap. Is that the dream, though? That's the dream now to be like the next Amy Schumer. I mean, for me, I would love, yeah, I'd love to have a Netflix special. I'd love to have like a talk show in the future. Sure. I like that we're manifesting this. I don't think about the future that often. I'm really like trying to survive each day. The people that come to your shows, are they your followers? Or are they like people that are just into stand-up? Well, I go to shows during the week. Like, I don't even promote. People just go to the stand to watch a show and I'll just be on it. But then my shows are ones that like I push and it's a lot of like my followers. But it's weird because there's like summer house crowd. There's the burning and hell crowd. It does overlap. Yeah.

Then there's people who know me from, like, other people's podcasts. Some people that just know me from Instagram. They don't even know I do stand up. So it's a weird intersection of people that, like, all have the same sense of humor, but from different places. But I also feel like I love doing your podcasts because I feel like your listeners are like, like, I love them too. Really? I feel like they have similar sense of humor to like my listeners. Yeah, they're really cool.

I feel like there's a big overlap in our listeners. Yeah. They're really good people. Like they're my friends. Except the girl who's. said that I look like I have smackers on my lips. What about the girl that said that today that I have wrinkles? I was like, bitch, I look like a baby. Blocked. I'm Jacks right now. If you don't kiss my ass, you're blocked. Like, I'm Peter Weber from The Bachelor. If you don't tell me you love

me, like, you're not following me. Like, I used to be much chiller. Like, oh, like, mean comment. But I'm like, you're not going to get to say that to me. Oh, yeah. If someone goes on a man goes on my profile and is like, are you supposed to be funny? I'm just like, unless you're, no, yeah, blocked. Block. Block. If someone calls me ugly, I'm like, he's right. It doesn't say married in my profile and I'm like getting really offended. That like, where are my? No one's sliding.

No, like, do I not come up? It's not your demo. And also you're not. People you may know. You're not posting thirst traps. You're not. I know, I don't. But people just know you're a ho.

Yeah. Oh. Got it. Like, hello, one fucking DM. Also, one. The DM. It's not quality guys that are sliding. No, not one.

No, I've never... Also, there's something not hot about a dude sliding your DM. Unless it's like Craig Conover. Oh, shit. Why do I feel like something's going to happen with Craig Conover? Actually, something does happen with Craig and... Wait, why did you make a face? You don't think he's cute?

No. I know, I just see him drunk most of the time. You, like, isn't that attractive to me. I like Austin. And did you meet Shep? Yeah, I know. Shep... Shep, I've, like, went to Santa.

Monica for a vacation with my parents and we get off the flight and we go to a random taco shop and Shep is sitting there at the bar with like a random 22 year old with fake lips and I was like I have to say hi because it's just too weird. Wait, you went to say hi? Well, I've known him like, I interviewed him at Bedges. I've seen him like he came to Summer House. I've seen him like around a couple times and I just had to be like hey and he like totally remembered me but he's another one who's like always partying. So I like, I can't, I haven't like bonded where Austin and I have like done a podcast together and we've like hung out and he's more like do you watch yeah I love so I love Southern charm do you like Madison she scares me she scares you she's gorgeous no she scares me as

in like yeah she's scary like she has that look and like that soft voice where she's like I'll kill your family don't make me because I will she does okay but she says like kind of smile and she's like I will break your boner and you will never have children again. Oh my God, legit. But he sort of needs that, I feel like. Yeah. I don't know them well enough.

So yeah, at the beginning of Southern Charm, I was like, who'd had? And then I went to see it and it was on him on Instagram. And then it said like follow back. And I was like, oh my God. And I was like, why does this man follow me? Because imagine I didn't know anything about him. I just knew he was like on a show called Southern Charm, which in your head can be even more dramatic.

dramatically southern than it is. Yeah. And I was like, what is he doing here? But then when he starts knitting and, like, he has all these, like, feminine activities. Oh, sorry. I'm going to get you over that. Then I'm like, okay, then maybe he is in my, you know, audience. Yeah, I think he's definitely straight, but he's just, like, has a beautiful.

I just don't want the guy I'm with to be more beautiful than me. And I know Luke is, like, a thousand times more beautiful than me. But he also, like, could, like, take a punch in the face. And that's hot to me. Right. Yeah. And tell everyone where you're going after this. I'm going to watch Summer House with Luke.

What's so funny is someone was like, are people like shipping you and Luke? I'm like, people forget I'm even there. If you go on Twitter, it's just like people finding photos of him just being like, Luke is so hot, Luke is so hot. He said his DMs are full of people just being like, if you and Hannah don't work out. Girls, go in a day. Yeah, he said he's gotten tons of like tip picks. How many followers does he have now?

He has 10,000 now. I just need to talk about this really quick. You don't, he's at 11.3. You don't watch The Bachelor, right? I don't. How do you explain, okay, for example, Luke was on three episodes of Summer House. He's a hot model man.

For example, he's got so much airtime here. Luke, like, fuck you, seriously. I don't even know. And he's got like 7,000 followers in the last three episodes. The Bachelor. Is it the Bachelor? Well, obviously, my listeners know this because I fucking say it every time and I'm like, she has 800,000.

I want to know. This is why the Bachelor. It's also on such a smaller scale? Like, A, probably, yes. I think it is on a smaller scale. And The Bachelor is, like, a whole other monster. But also, it's, like, prime for people wanting to follow relationships. Like, even, like, how Paige blew up, it's because A, she's hilarious, but B, people

want to see what's going with Carl. What's going with Carl? It's like, Amanda and Kyle. People follow Amanda to be like, is she still with Kyle? So when, like, you follow these girls to look for clues and, like, are they dating? That's why it made me hate. Not for their skin care routine. No.

And it makes me hate The Bachelor because I'm like, all these girls are going on just to, like, get an Instagram following. Don't get me sorry. I actually can't watch it anymore because I see these, like, girls who are like, who knows? And you know, they're just. There to get followers, 100%. But the thing is followers is not guarantee a career or happiness or anything, but it's, like, it's crazy. No, for them, they just want Instagram ads. Like, that's the thing.

This is what I always say about, like, me. Like, I'm not looking to get my next big. Instagram ad you know they are yeah but I want to just say numbers don't matter you guys really it's the quality of the people 100 but it's just crazy to me it's like in our world of loving bravo it's like bravo has bravo hollic it's so much more it's so whatever than bachelor nation is this whole other animal of like and it's also like you're on three episodes you have five minutes of airtime you get 500 000 followers it's insane with no personality well that's like you're fucking hustling and writing funny shit and me too you know but it's like where are they going to go with it's like is she going to start a podcast no is she going to she she can model whatever so like it's just yeah it is a different monster and i do think they don't know what to do with the platform they don't that's the thing with raleigh tv you will get a platform you get followers but then it's your job to make something of it yeah and also the in this industry your relevancy is so short if you just leave it up to the show yeah yeah like i

I mean, Bachelor, like, do you remember the girls from five years ago? If they go in Bachelor in Paradise, it helps. But, like, they're done. On one hand, yes. On the other hand, if we remember them now and look them up, they probably have lots of followers. They do. If we're just talking about follower numbers. Like, they're not going to be like, oh, let's go to watch them at this event or this party.

I do think there are some people, like Ashley I has done an incredible job. Wells has done an incredible job because they have, like, personalities. You have to give people something You have to be interesting Or like you can't Like even Luke Like we gave a lot of love to Luke But like no one's gonna follow you

Just because you're hot Yeah You know I mean Sometimes No but it's so funny People are just like Going berserk over him

And I knew they would Yeah Well you're on Twitter with like hashtag summerhouse I don't do that People are going berserk Are you gel No I'm liking all the comments I'm a kind of girl

Like I want everyone think The guy I'm like Hooking up with the hottest guy in the room, but that's also why I have issues and should go to therapy. Are you in therapy? I stopped, but I need to go back, probably. Well, maybe you're getting it all out on stage.

I'm just, yeah, it's just my therapy is talking at strangers and making them laugh. Laugh, bitches! Well, babe, I wish you to, like, blow up Madison Square Garden. Oh, not in a terrorist way. I thought you were going to say Madison from Summerhouse. Yeah, that was, okay, can you calm it down? I want you to blow up to, in a safe, non-bombie,

type way. Thanks, babe, for being here and coming. Thank you for having me. And I can't wait to see the rest of the season. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode. If you listen to the podcast, make sure you follow on Instagram and obviously vice versa. Please, please, please rate

and review the podcast on Apple Podcast. Just click on five stars. And if you have time to write a review, please write a review as well. That's the way, aside from listening, that you support the podcast and show your love. Thank you to the podglomerate for doing everything for the show, making the show what it is

being my other half to this project. And I will see you guys next to say. A.