Not Skinny But Not Fat - YOU’RE A MOM???? & Kim on SNL!! w/ Jared Freid

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

I talk ab getting to see Kim and the whole fam LIVE FROM NEW YORK plus comedian & podcast host Jared Freid joins me to recap this season of Bachelor in Paradise and give me my favorite compliment ever.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hey friends, my name's Olivia Perez, and I'm an entrepreneur, journalist, and the host of the Friend of a Friend podcast. Every Monday, I meet with some of today's youngest and brightest entrepreneurs to make space to tell their stories and shine a light on who I believe to be the next generation of luminaries. I'll interview up-and-comers and game changers from brand builders to personalities, activists, artists, and thought leaders from around the world. Each episode lets you be a fly on the wall during one of the greatest pep talks, like a conversation between you and a friend or a friend of a friend.

See you there. This is Amanda Hirsch from the Not Skinny but Not Fat podcast. You might know me from Not Skinny Bonifut on Instagram where I spend my time talking about reality TV, celebrities, everything happening, and pop culture. I also talk to some of our favorite celebs and reality TV stars. We talk about what's going on. Tune in every Tuesday and just feel like you're talking about your best friends in your living room. Hi, guys. How are you Tuesday? And thank you for tuning in. Okay, I don't know why. You know when

you have a podcast and you all of a sudden think you're either like a sex phone operator or a like radio host. You just want to be like, and you're listening to. But you're not. You're just a dumb bitch with a microphone. So before this episode, which I'm having on, Jared Freed, who cracks me up every time and I have him on so I can pee my pants and have to change them because I just love having funny people on. It's like, come on, make me laugh. Thank you. Before we get to that, obviously your girl, Amanda, went to see her sis, Kim Kardashian, hosting Saturday Night Live. And I got to tell you guys about it because OM fucking GE. So, oh my God, I don't even know where to start. It's like, I was just hashtag blessed and hashtag honored to be there. Like, even though I knew it was going to go to like 1, 2 a.m. I will, you know, and Noah freaking wakes up at like 5, 6 a.m. I was like, you know, team no sleep. Like if Kim can do it, days of rehearsals, she was literally like rehearsing like crazy. I don't know how the Saturday night live cast does it every single week. It's so nuts. Like they it's like the whole day. Their whole weekend is gone. These are the things I think about, by the way. Anyway, I'm super excited that she was going to be there. And then your girl got to go. So I was just, ooh-hoo.

Obviously, it caused a lot of drama in the fans because I could only have a one plus one. And everyone was, like, freaking fighting for it. And I ended up taking Ariel after, like, literally my family is all now. Like, everyone hates each other. Everyone fought about it. Literally, even Liam wanted to come. No, literally, you guys, it was crazy. But Ariel was literally shaking, crying, and the most excited, almost like me, almost more than me.

I was, you know, just, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know who I'd get to meet. I didn't know, you know, part of me was just like, I, like, I want to meet everyone. But I'm also like, wait, I just want to, like, watch the show and enjoy it and not be nervous about, you know. If Chris Jenner is going to be sitting next to me, like, I'm not going to have a heart attack. So anyway, it's fucking nuts. like I was just, I actually got a tour of NBC Studios when I had my Bravo day. If you guys remember following me back then, we got a tour of everything.

But just being there and seeing the stage, even for me, like I was a theater nerd, believe it or not. And like just seeing the stage, seeing how many people, you know, are working on it, seeing the sets that are, you know, made up. Because you always don't understand. You're like, wait, how are all the skits filmed? You know, it's live. of how does this stage like change um and everything and i just saw it all and how it works and all the lights and all the people working there and lauren fucking michael's walking around in a

fucking suit he's a micromanager if ever i saw one tbh the only celeb that i saw online with me when we were waiting to get into the lounge uh before going up was carly claus which is so wild how you well i don't know if this is just me but i have always been good at this like i tell you guys like you know my passion for you know reporting on celebrities and entertainment that goes so fucking back like when i was in high school i used to recognize celebrities on the street by like their finger like i could be like that's so and so and so i literally just saw a tall blonde from behind and i was like oh my god carly claus is here so she was there she's fucking gorgeous by the way she's literally like six 17 like so fucking tall she was with kushner her husband and

Anyway, she was in the same line as me. And I was like, okay, like, I didn't know what that meant. Where am I sitting? How am I sit? Like, I didn't even know, like, where I knew Chris and Chloe were here. I knew Tracy and Steffap were here. And I was just like, I don't know where I'm sitting. I don't know what's happening.

Carly Claus was kind of because she's so tall. And you could see her. I was kind of like marking it by that. Like, okay, if she's in my line, then we're going in the same place. Then where is she sitting? So, okay. Anyway, we get inside the stage, the SNL stage set and everything. And the audience, like the whole.

audience is basically like on the balcony. So everyone's kind of in the same spot. But then Ariel tells me, she's like, look down like on the floor, there are some seats. You know, like when you go to a basketball game and there are floor seats. So it kind of looked like that. There were like, I don't know, 16 stools. And I was like, okay, the fam is going to be there. Point period. Like, that's what's going to happen. They're going to be down there. We're up here. Whatever. But then Ariel, the genius sees Carly Claus kind of like, let's say a section over from Unless if we were on the, kind of like the left, then we see Carly Clause in, like, the middle. And we see the between her and the next person over, there are five seats that are not being seated in.

And the whole, all the other seats are full. So we're like, oh, my God, that makes sense. Her people will be front and center, like center, having the best view of her. Lo and behold, a few moments later, made a conversation with our reality, look up. I see Food God and Scott Dissick walk in. And it's a small, it's a small space. Like there aren't a lot of people. So like all of a sudden, like Scott does like in my face, like seeing his kind of sad

eyes like his North Face puffer, his camo pants and food god, which by the way, food god looks less, way less exaggerated in person. Anyway, so see that. I'm like, oh my God. Now mind you, NBC is was freaking psycho with like the masks and everything. They like literally yelled like on the microphone. if we see your mask like below your nose or you know not properly like we'll kick you out like that's literally what they said and for those asking like no we weren't a lot of photos obviously

our videos inside so that was another like strict rule so yeah very strict but literally we're all in masks like not breathing and in walks food gardens got desic maskless like I didn't see a mask like on their arm even I'm like wait what like wild yeah so NBC was was very, very stickler on that. Like we had to show not only the proof of vaccination, but like the Vax card, which I haven't had to do yet. I've had to show it on like an app. Anyway, oh my God, I'm giving guys all the day great details because I got so many questions. And so anyway, so soft food got in, Scott doesick walk in to where we thought next to Carly Clause in that middle, like the middle section and the middle like seats to be right straight in front of Kim. Then in walks as

Steph Shep and Tracy and then Kanye, con fuckingate, which was hard to like pinpoint that it's him because like you don't see his face. He was like covered. He had like a hat and like some sort of like a full face covering. But then you're like, no, that's obviously Kanye. Then Corey, such a vibe. But that's it.

So Chris and Chloe weren't in the audience. So then we were like, okay, Chris and Chloe are either on the floor backstage. But to me I kept thinking like, why would they be in the green room? like they came all the way here to watch her live but then they ended up being in the show so that made sense to why they weren't in the audience anyway it was so excited but everything takes so long I mean they told us to get there at 945 and then you go to the lounge and then the show starts at 11 3rd

and you're with a mask the whole time like not breathing so that's like the difference between me and my sister are yells like I was complaining like as much as this was a huge opportunity I was so like oh my god happy to be there but I was like oh my god are we felt standing and oh my god they're so annoying here at NBC. And like, oh my God, why aren't they letting us in already? And like, oh, my God, what is it starting? You know, Ariel's like dancing to the like faded background music. And she's like, just lapping them here. So she's so cute. She definitely deserved to go. Hasbo also wanted to go. But, you know, I feel like he, he would appreciate it a little bit less,

like, a lot less. And then my older sister, I was like, okay, you have three kids and you're like legit. You can't go. And she's also less into this kind of stuff too. Okay, you guys, you know me. You know I don't cook. You know how as a cook. And when I do cook, it's from meal kids that I'm obsessed with. And Green Chef is one of my absolute faves because it has meal plans for every healthy lifestyle. We know that I'm a healthy, macha, organic, dairy-free, gluten-free, co-wheat. No, but honestly, they have options for keto, paleo, plant-power diets, or even if you just want to have delicious balanced dishes, which is actually the option I went with is the balanced one because I'm a

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plastic surgery to look like her, every single thing. She killed it. It was really, really good. I actually heard that Dave Chappelle helped write it. And as most of you heard or saw, like on page six and stuff, they were saying that Kanye was very involved in the process. But so many people are asking me, are they back together? And I'm like, she literally spoke about her divorce. That was actually one of the jokes that maybe fell a little flat was that she said, you know that she doesn't need a guy for money so obviously she divorced Kanye because of his personality and not because of anything else that felt a little flat people kept asking me if i know his reactions no i also saw a lot of um you know coverage in the media saying that she was like

blowing kisses at him and making eyes at him i didn't see that i know that she did wave at her you know people that were sitting in the middle but i don't know if anybody could have saw specifically i didn't see any kisses blowing or direct, you know, eye contact with, yee, excuse me, ye. Anyway, and listen, for me, it was just like the perfect night to be at SNL because not only was it, Kim Kardashian, but every skit kind of had to do with, you know, the world that we love. So everything was so fucking funny to me. Like she had her skit about skims and they had, I mean, the people's court, the fucking people's court where she played Judge Courtney and they had Cravis there and m gk mf there which was beat davidson and um chloe Feynman like legit tongueing and

chris jenner and chloe made a cameo there and they had um the bachelorette skid where she played the bachelorette which he looked amazing and by the way everyone was shocked like wait kim as a basic bitch looks really good and there we had cameras from amy schumer tyler cameron john sina jesse williams chris rock blake griffin which is wild because he dated Kendall but all of them were just like so fucking hot jesse williams especially of course i got like a little cringy when it was like tyler fucking see um i don't know why i have something against him i just maybe i'm like a little like why he's so he's the luckiest person on earth so like i don't know maybe it's that for me also then he posted about he was like stoke to join kim and her s and like it's kim

krodashian for you babe it's not kim also i was you know kind of upset i couldn't you guys couldn't see the fact that like his suit doesn't fit him and that really pisses me off like i feel like if he wore just a suit that fits him and not like why does he always wear the like above the ankle cut and those loafers sockless and his blazer looked like it's busting at the rim i don't know i just wish it was a little bit more fitted and then i see him like chatting up amy schumer and like when kim did the closing like chatting up chloe and i'm just like i just feel like him and matt james like literally played the bachelor world the best because like yeah bachelor nation people can have success and have instagram success and influencer success but the connections that they've made and uh the things

they get to do are definitely way different and way more a list than other people i mean being honest now is just a total fucking vibe you know what i mean you know other things that i've noticed was all the sudden while some some skid is going on i see on the side stage p david then just standing there with such loungeware and socks and slides and drinking a beer. And I mean, anyone who was, you know, not on the other side of the audience could see him. And I was like, he knows we can see him. Like, why is he standing there and not like backstage? Like, he likes this maybe.

And then I'm such a freak that, like, he touched his tummy. And I was like, oh, my God, he has stomach issues. Like, that's why he's touching his tummy. Anyway, and then I got it. I was like, okay, he's hot. Okay, I get it. Oh my God. I get it. I flip and I flop like a fucking steak, you guys. And I got it. I got the BGE. I got the energy. They were doing like a thing about Facebook. So he played like Tom. And then he got to do like live from Saturday night. By the way, I heard that he wasn't at rehearsal all week. And that that's wild. And he also got to kiss Kim. And he also got to kiss Kim. He's like everyone wants to make out with Pete. And Pete couldn't show up for the. They had like Aladdin and Jasmine scene on the carpet, which was hilarious. And he got to kiss Kim. He also got to tongue. Chloe's like everyone wants to make out with Pete. And Pete couldn't show up for the. rehearsals like where was he what was happening would die to fucking no you know what i mean obviously the the people's court was my favorite part literally Travis and Courtney and kim

came did such a good job you guys like do i think SNL makes it i feel like they tailor it so much for the guest host that's on but she did so good she was such a good sport and it all just worked like it all worked they also did like a freaky Friday kind of like switch places with 80 Bryant who like 80 Brian she's a fucking star that was really funny also all of her clothes were like Kim clothes like they were somehow tailored to Kim like I wonder how that happens it's also wild to see her in person she's so tiny she's so freezing and it was just oh my god it was just such an honor like also loved her final outfit it was still pink she's in pink now she was in black before now she's in pink

but she looked so good. Also, Corey was such a vibe that when she made like a gold digger joke, she made a gold digger joke about Corey, Chris Jenner's boyfriend. And like, he literally stood up and was like, hey, like, which I love it. I just love people that can make fun of themselves. I just die for it. I love it. Keenan fucking kills me as O.J. Like, first of all, Kenan's humor, the fact that he just like smiles has the same smile on his face. And he came on as OJ in the corner. He's like, why nobody invite me anywhere anymore like died died a lot of you told me you heard me cackling in the audience that's so funny because i definitely cackled and maybe was even shushed by the person next me which like nbd fine like okay i'll deal with it babe um amy schumers camey was funny especially because her and

the kardashans kind of have like tension between them because have had because she's made fun of them so much she did that thing on the red carpet you guys remember that she like literally threw herself on the ground they were all like weirded out but she was cute and she had a moment with Kim and that was one of the moments that Kim couldn't help herself but laugh you know what I mean because uh and I love those moments those moments like it's kind of like weekend update I feel like all of weekend update is that is like oh my God he's so hot Colin Jost and they're both just like so funny and I feel like when Seth Myers did it and everyone who did it it's like your job is basically to like tell the news and like I feel like

Lauren Michaels just tells them like and just like laugh all the time like think you're so funny and it's so funny. But I love to see when you're not supposed to laugh and they laugh. So like Kim not being able to hold it when Amy was like, I accept this token with both of my holes. Oh my God. I forgot to say that Chase Crawford was there as one of the one of the guys on like The Bachelorette. So cute. He also made fun of himself, which is cute. Then he posted on Instagram a photo with Kim. They looked super cute. And he wrote pink isn't just a color. It's a lifestyle. is what I think I heard Kim say once, even though she didn't say that. So not really sure.

Halsey performed. We heard two songs from her. One of them was like, I'm not a woman. I'm a god. She's such an intense performer. I love her. Oh my God. Then there's a reel going around you guys.

A Tyler, you can see the junk in his drunk at the closing remarks when he's standing there. Well, maybe we can all see it be because your freaking suit is too tight is what I'm fucking telling you. Also, one of my favorite moments, because I, like, as I'm telling you guys, like, I love watching everything, you know, the stage, the people working there, everything like that. And every time Kim finished a scene, like, she was ushered off the stage, like, rushed. Like, she would put her hands on one of the producers, like, backs. And they would, like, run. And she would run after them, like, and she would hold onto their shoulders as support. And every time we were like, oh, my God, they have to do such quick outfit changes. Chris Jenner during the People's Court skit was so funny. She also kind of found it hard to get through it. And she also couldn't stop from laughing, especially when she said like when Kim

as Courtney was like, why are you suing Kendall? Kendall was played by Halsey. She was like, because Kendall doesn't cause enough drama. And it was so funny. I feel like I cackled at that. And then another funny thing. And then she was, and then Kendall was like, okay, but like, I'm a Jenner, not a Kardashian.

And Chris was like, well, that's something. thing we have to work on honey that was hilarious which by the way speaking of their sisters um you know chloe was there Courtney was not there she was celebrating landen barker's 18th birthday with uh trav and she didn't watch it that night she didn't post about it Kylie and Kendall both posted the same like screen capture and wrote yes with a few exclamation uh marks which is I feel like I don't know And then you have Chloe writing like my sister, you know, every single day, every single word. Oh, Chris wrote the cutest thing. And Chloe wrote, like commented every single word.

You said it's cleanly spot. And I'm beaming with pride. What a show. What a phenomenal show. We were blessed and fortunate enough to make a cameo on. Definitely something I'll never forget for the rest of my life. Kimberly, I'm incredibly proud of you. Mom, I love you.

You're queen. Like, no, like Chloe's the cutest person ever. And then a day later, we have court watching. No, first of all, that day, Simon tagged court in, like, her part, the people's court were Kim Blazer. And Courtney shared that, like, shared herself. And also, a lot of people wondering, like, Scott was there. What did he think about that part where Kim was playing Courtney and, like, making out with Travis being like, baby, baby, oh my God, like play all the little things on my ass. Like, I wonder if Scott was laughing.

Or was Scott cringing? Anyway, it was, listen, it really felt to me, like, I know I joke about Commanda, but, like, I am Commanda. And, like, I just felt proud of her because I really do feel like she's such a good person, Kim. She's such a nice person. She's such a sweet person. And she fucking deserves it.

You know what I mean? And she killed it. Like, she honestly killed it. And it was such a good show. I'm sure it got amazing ratings. And no one can fucking say it's not enjoyable. Like, I came home. watch all the clips again, made husband watch it. Arielle, like, showed my mom and showed her

boyfriend. Like, it was just so good. And I'm honestly hashtag, bless to have been there and be part of it. And the family is just, I don't know, I just love them. Always have. Always will. And, um, and I hope you guys enjoyed it too. And now for my interview with Jared, read, enjoy. Okay, you guys, you know, I've been obsessed with pros. Um, Hair care for quite a while. Customized hair care. I've learned, you know, that I should not be buying, you know, shampoo and conditioner at the drugstore. Like, I should be getting customized hair care and pros. I love it. I'm obsessed with it. Told you guys about it a bunch. And now they're coming out with custom hair supplements that are personally tailored to address your specific cause of shedding. After I had Noah postpartum hair shedding is real. It was so freaky. How much hair was. coming out by the freaking clump. And it's just crazy, what hormones do to your body and just how much hair was coming out. And now it's growing back in like baby hair. So I'm so excited to tell you guys if pros is coming out with customized supplements guaranteed to help you grow thicker,

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hair consultation and 15% off custom hair supplements. Pros.com slash not skinny to get 15% off. Okay, you guys, Jared Freed. You know, Jared and I, we use and abuse each other and it's just a mutual, you know we take advantage and that's what we do like i love having him on people love when he's on and i'll just do it over and fucking over again i don't care how about we're fast friends that enjoy talking in a taped setting we could there's no using going on here i i it's a pleasure oh my god you're so cute i love you i'll never forget the day pre corona pre delta you just up and came into my apartment it's like hey it was like a Sunday you like had a coffee it was like very Seinfeld I don't know you were like kind of grumpy I was like making me laugh you said you're a comedian you weren't funny until we started until we pressed record you were like not having a day and then I peed my fucking pants well then I think any New York visitor in an apartment like it is weird to have anyone in your apartment in New York that's not like someone who eats your you know what I mean like it's like it's not that doesn't live there.

Yeah. So weird. I can't believe we did that. It is very Seinfeldian. Right. It's so Seinfeldie. And ever since, it was just so fun. And I love, you're like the only guy that watches The Bachelor. I feel like we're kind of like the only non-batcher people that like recap the Bachelor. You know what I mean? Sure. No, I, I do know what you mean. There's a few out there. Like I, Juliet Lippman, she has a great podcast for that does a recap and, you know, my co-hosts for Bachelors. Okay. Could you just go with my flow and say that we're the... Oh, sorry, you're right. Yes, and.

It's like I never took an improv class. You're right. You're a mom? You're a mom, by the way? I can't even believe it. This is what comedians do that I love. You're too young to be a mom. This is what comedians do that I love.

It's like they take the one thing, like one thing you said and they'll remember it and like pound it to the dad. And they know that it'll make you laugh every time. So if you guys didn't are ready, I was on Jared's podcast. The last time I was on the luxury lounge where we got to complain about luxuries and hear other people's. And I managed to shove in, I don't know, where, how much I need, you know, the compliment, the people are shocked to my mom. And that's all I want my life.

And Jared gets it. Well, I love anything that is a compliment like the second degree. like just the the your insecurities like I'm the same way where like you hear something that wasn't said it's the unsaid compliment that you enjoy because you're a mom is a is a reaction that is sneezing that means they didn't just give you a compliment it wasn't like they were like hey it wasn't you know the hello women do where it's like hi you look great oh my god where'd you get that they have to do like 20 minutes of like where'd you get the your pants from but this is a this is a more natural when someone looks at you and goes wait you're a mom wait what would yours be then such a cup wait you're jewish i'm Jewish that's awful that that was good you might be canceled but that was good and it was I'm Jewish I'm the one saying it I do you know it's nice when You?

So anyways, you guys, if you want to compliment me, tell me that you're really shocked to my mom. Even when no was like in your face, be like, no. Like, you're a babysitter. Yeah, you're the babysitter. You're the babysitter is a hilarious. Like, you've really gone to another degree. If you're trying to be a cool mom, you're obviously not cool. And if you're writing in your profile that you're a public person, you're not a public person.

Do you know what I mean? Very true. Public figure. Like, if you're a public figure on Instagram, you're not a public figure. You know what I mean? what I mean? You don't have to say it. If you,

yeah, if you, if you have to ask, you can't afford it. Yeah. So I know I'm cool. So by henceworth, therefore,

you know, nonwithstanding, I am a cool mom. Have you met not cool moms? Oh my God. Like, almost all the moms are not cool.

What do you mean? Give me an exit. Like, what do they do? Because like, I'm so far away from being a mom right now. I hope to one day. But I,

what do they? They dress like mom. they, you know, lose their personality and they can only talk about mom things and baby things. And I am still the same dumb bitch I was. And this is literally the advice I give is like, people are so scared to have a baby because they think they can't be who they are. And I'm like, no, you can still be a dumb ass bitch and just be a mom, you know?

That's a lot. I would assume that's a lot of men's fears is you get married. And because I do have a lot. like I enter all my friends are married all my friends from college kids they're on number two and three so I you know I'm there I'm like I'm like bare grills I'm like there to like ask questions like I'm a reporter like I just want to like know what it's like and I like I'm sitting there like what so like I'm like very I have a lot of questions for my friends and I'm like and all of them are just like you know they're like marriage is nothing kids and then they like they get

quiet you know like a little bit like do you know how much material you're going to get for your stand-up when you have a kid yeah i'm i'm gonna i listen i was i was recently um i'm recently single but yeah everyone slide on in jared yeah no that's not what i'm asking that's not what i'm asking for at all but when i was in a relationship it was just all this like just the dynamic of living with someone was just so different than I was used to. And I'm such an animal that I'm the problem at every turn. So like I'm going to be the like I know it's me. That's the issue.

Yeah. All of these. So the jokes are on me. But I think that, you know, my husband just said to me the other day because we used to watch this guy who's stand up and we didn't think it was funny because he always used to, always used to make jokes about being a dad, how he'd, you know, love to come home after like bath time. It's like a whole different thing than coming home before bath time.

and parents know what that means and how we started smoking just to get like away from the kid like all these things that we didn't get and now my husband's like I totally get it now I'm like okay relax so that's us like the comedians on stage being like

ugh I hate my family he's like isn't this us and you're like what I know they love that shit like all that guys like love making jokes about like my wife's the worst and like my kids are and it's like shut up Like, you fucking love that. I've never been, I hope to not be that.

That's like my goal is to not be right. You want to like be like, no, I'm obsessed with this crew. I'm going to make, I love them so much. I'm going to make fun of them to the end of time where I am the loser. I like Ray Romano, if you watch his Netflix special, like I, like his Netflix special to me, like I watched it and I was like, oh, this is kind of what I, I want this type of future. where you're telling stories in this way like if it's on Netflix you can watch it

and it's very to me it's very wholesome because at the end he's like getting pizza with his family it's like man that looks so nice like to do a special and like celebrate it with your family like that's a nice thing and then I'm like and then I get to the point I get to the end of it I'm like do I have to be a billionaire

to have that life like am I obsessing over a light like Ray Romano his is made hundreds of millions of dollars off of everybody loves Raymond. It's like, is the only way to have that to have a sitcom? No. You know, go, you know, above.

The answer is no. The answer is no. Well, hopefully. Hopefully this talking about the Bachelor thing really takes off. Okay. So you guys, I love talking to Jared about all things, but the Bachelor, we both love it.

Like I said, we're the only podcast in the universe that... The only ones. The only ones where... The only ones with moms who don't look like moms who talk about the bachelors and Jews don't look like Jews that talk about the bachelor.

I see the hate comments now. I see the negative reviews now. Why would they be negative? I just see. I just see the negative review. She thinks she's the only person alive. Whatever. Yeah, you are.

We're all the star of her own movie. Everyone's a narcissist. Get over it. That's why we're listening. That's what makes you start a podcast. So if anyone, that's the premise of a podcast. Yeah. I love the sound.

of my own boys. So that's, I, listen, I, I, I, I appreciate any review because hopefully that gets me into the good graces of father algorithm. Oh, okay. Anyway, we appreciate it all, everyone. Um, okay, the bachelor, okay, first of all, can we just say and make it known to everyone listening? The Bachelor in Paradise is the best of the whole franchise, like it's just the most fun. But the thing is, you got to watch Bachelor. And to know, know who the people are, and you got to watch a Bachelorette to know what the people are, but then this is where the fun happens. It's like the Marvel universe.

Like, you have to watch the bad Marvel movies to get to the Avengers. Like, you can't just walk in on the Avengers and be like, who's that? And someone's like, it's Tony Stark. It's Iron Man. Get the fuck out of here. Like, like, that's the main character. It's so true. It's true.

Because I was just thinking, like, A, I'm sure you feel the same way, especially with, you know, a million seasons and everything happened. you're like, oh, am I going to watch? And you're like, I'm going to watch because like, this is what I kind of do. And also, like, I have to because I want to keep up. And, you know, Bachelor Nation just keeps on expanding. People keep on, you know, meeting each other, dating each other. And to know everybody is to know a lot of people.

And it's like a year-round thing because there are always things are happening. Either couples are breaking up, getting back together, dating each other. And then there's Bachelor, Bachelorette, then there's Bachel in Paradise. And it's just like a giant thing. I totally agree. The more you know the universe, the more fun it becomes. And the more, you know, like, the more you can make fun of it. Like, I think the thing is, like, I love making jokes about The Bachelor because

the Bachelor and Bachelorette take itself super seriously. So it's easy to make fun of. Bachelor in Paradise. This is actually the first time I've ever watched the full-on Bachelor in Paradise. I've, like, done the full season. And I would say it is the most realistic to the day. dating and relationship world that we actually live in. The idea that you meet someone, connect with someone, then all of a sudden someone new comes

down the stairs and you connect with them too and you're like, how do I make a decision between the two? That's more directly related to Tinder and Hinge and Bumble. You're dating someone you met and then all of a sudden you swipe and you go, who's this new person that appeared? Now I have to make a decision between the two. And it's happening in this little ecosystem of the beach that looks like a, a, a, a, a, a, a hotel I would never stay at in my entire life.

It looks like the worst hostel that at 22, like you'd be in college, you'd be like, it's on a beach and there's a beach bar. And you'd be like, oh, my God, it's so amazing. And then at 36, I look at this and I'm like, nothing looks like hell on earth more than that beach hotel. Thank you. Like bunk beds, no air conditioning.

They can't even go in the ocean, by the way. I've heard. So your only salis. The crabs infests the beach. The crabs. The only place you're safe is the pool.

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And when you're ready to go, use the offer code not skinny to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. It's absolutely wild to me that Kenny, like Kenny is 40 years old. and he is willingly staying at this place Grocer Joe 36 I'm 36 there's something

innately wrong with these people to go like the idea that you're 36 on this on this and opting in actually I'll take you you can go once grocer Joe to go back

there's something wrong with him first of all I think it's really important to note that grocery store Joe no longer owns a groceries store he's just like a podcaster, influencer. He doesn't have a grocery store anymore. I'm not, well, I'm not, people that know me, no, I am not a fan of Grocer Joe.

No one has gotten luckier in the history of this franchise than Grocer Joe. Also important to note, he was a night one. Yeah. It's insane. It's insane. Wait, did he get, he got off on night one. Did he get dancing with the stars and then BIP or was it BIP and then dancing with the stars. Wait, he was on dancing

with the stars? You didn't know this? So you hate him based on what? I hate him based on the idea that he was there one night and he rode the wave of these women imagining him as a hallmark movie character and now he

gets to be this nice guy. He has no personality. He's never said a funny thing. He's just been, ah, shucks in the grocery store and the produce and that's it. And it's like And this guy is cashed in. So when he got judgy of other characters coming on for the wrong reasons,

it's like, dude, your lotto ticket hit, dude. Like, you got a following. I love when you do this because your first, so would you say Tyler Cameron won the first lottery ticket, he's the second lottery ticket winner? Well, this is the thing. Tyler Cameron did have a lottery ticket, but he at least did the whole season.

And I like Tyler Cameron. Like I do. he admits to being lucky Tyler Cameron I mean his whole book is like he wrote a book and he came on to pimp it out a little bit and he was like dude like the whole reason I wrote this

is like I got kind of lucky like I explained him how I saw him and he was like yeah you're right he's like I got turned down I look like a million bucks and I did the like the lowest common like he was like it was the lowest bar to step over to look like a good guy and I did that

yeah and if you remember Tyler Cameron was told like no to the fantasy suite got turned down he was ready to commit and then he becomes this single guy who everyone's like look at what a gentleman he is oh my god it's like what was he supposed to say like no i'm fucking you tonight like what was he gonna do like be a monster on TV and he he agrees to that so i i'm i'm happy with him agreeing to that i've never had grocer jo kind of agree you're right grosser joy i mean the way you're putting it makes me feel like a loser like all of america like we're fucking basic bitches and like we our bars are very low and that is why i i see all of america rooting for joe and i get it but

that's why i was rooting for kenny i was rooting for kenny interesting i was turned on by kennie i was turned on like i'm i might like have a problem i've said kennie's name way too many time today. He's very sexy. He's like... Are you... Can I ask you a question? Are you a Gemini?

No, I'm just going to. What if that was what I was going to ask? Wait a minute. Are you a cusping Gemini? Because I have a feeling of this. Yeah. Yeah. Are you, were you a club woman as a young woman in New York?

Did you go to a lot of clubs? No, but I was club. I was clubbing in Israel and Husb was a party promoter. So if that's what you're trying to do. So this all tracks. Okay. You know what? Well, Kenny's your type.

Kenny is a type. No. You don't think he's bottle service, Israeli. You know, you don't think this guy. No. Kenny does look like someone you'd meet in Tel Aviv. Well, oh my God, he does. He has like Italian vibes too.

No, but this is what I was going to say. Actually, the boy. band manager might be a turn off for me. I haven't decided yet. Like, his job isn't a turn on. You know? I just... I mean, if it's a turn on, there's issues going

off. I mean, Kenny is a walking turnoff. No. I mean... What? He was so sexy on the show. Like, he was... He... Okay, Jared. He managed to fuck Demi not

Levato. A day later, date Tia, a day later go back to Mari and we were like we were swooning we were still swooning. I forgot about Tia that's hilarious. He managed to did not be a bad guy at least given that he managed to not look like a bad guy.

No I've said this I agree with you. Kenny is a professional coxman. Kenny is a guy who has been fucking for 20 years casually. Like Kenny is a is a man with no kid kids, 40, never been married,

never told someone except his dog that he loved them. He said that. Yeah. He goes, I've only told my dog that I've loved them. So Kenny has survived and has abs. So Kenny has gone 40 years of partying and dating and going out

with different people and having sex and continuing to have abs for 20 years. Like that is like a feat in itself. He's a professional at this. So when I saw him move from Demi to from Mari to Demi and back to Mari again

you could see it like oh this guy knows he never says too much he never makes any promises he never put himself out there Marry's also I've never been more attracted to someone like on this show really more than Marry

is who I mean did you see her in the dress when she was walking down in the engagement she's fucking hot I mean she's also she was like Miss Puerto Rico I think. So like, I mean, I'm not saying anything new, but she was like, she's just sexy. Like you could like, but, but you wait, you don't believe him that he's in love with her. I believe that Kenny, Kenny is going to have to come back to his own reality and see how love feels in that reality.

Kenny met a woman on vacation. It is easy to get carried away on vacation. I, I, I, and with cameras and also on beach where two other people are getting engaged. No one even, I mean, it ended. I can't believe that it ended with nobody being like, yeah, we're just going to try after the show. Like, that should be the natural ending. Why, okay, I've talked about this today. Why would they?

Why not do the engagement? You're not committing to fucking anything. You know what I mean? It looks great. And you could be engaged for seven years. Like so many of them, they don't end up getting married. So why would they do that? Amanda, that was the big

reveal to me how different they saw engagement to how I see engagement. You know, like, I was like, listen, I just lived with my significant other. Like engagement was on my mind. The idea of like, yeah, we'll just be engaged for six years after this.

That wasn't my thought at all. Right. You were like, wait, I could have done that? Like, that's just not how it works to me. Right. You know, but you're not 23. that's what I'm saying to me it seemed like they all just went

fuck it we'll get engaged and I'm like that is not how I see engagement at all I don't think a lot of people see it that way like I couldn't believe how frivolous they went into an engagement but babe you're a professional bachelor watcher you don't get that like they do that I get no I get that they do that

but that was my disappointment with this is my first time watching Bachelor in Paradise like I thought there was a better way to end this show that was more entertaining like I think that the way They ended it. They have an opportunity, but The Bachelor never does this. The Bachelor's a cash cow.

So they never mess with the show. They just got to keep making their money. So, like, they're never going to, like, this show is a copy of Love Island, right? Basically, they basically were like, we have all the characters that you know and love. We'll place them in a Love Island scenario. And now because you know the characters, it makes it more fun. We'll have a better show. They need to make this show a hybrid of Love Island and Love is Blind.

I think if they did that, if they added it, if they had said, I think that they should have a bell on the beach. And when a couple decides they want to give it a shot at home, they ring the bell. Okay? And then they get to take a camera crew with them for until the show ends. and then when the show ends we get to do a

after the rose whatever they do the live in studio and we get to watch what happened after they left the beach like I think that would add especially last night because last night shouldn't have been three hours that could that could have been an hour

yeah no last night shouldn't have been three hours and I just want to tell you this okay Kenny and Mari are discussing their wedding by the by they did an interview with us weekly They said they want to get married in Puerto Rico. So I could see and fathom that they would actually plan a wedding. I absolutely agree with you.

I actually do. No, but I do think Kenny is going to try. But it was so funny to watch Kenny the 40-year-old who's never committed to anyone and still has abs. Looking at Mari being like, you sure? Like, there's a lot you're going to miss out on. Boy, this hotel's bigger than my apartment. Like, and. Wait, weren't you looking at that hotel being like,

why didn't you let them stay here the entire time? I mean, I can't believe that that is within driving distance. Yeah, I know. It's wild. It's just fucking wild the fact they do that. So, but for Serena and grocery storage out, Serena is so fucking cute, but she's 23 years old.

There is no way she has, you know, and they even tell you this when you ask a lot of these bachelor couples, oh my God, to you're engaged, what are your plans? So Kenny and Mari, for example, said, we're planning Puerto Rico. Other couples will tell you, let us

go in a real date first. Let's get a coffee. You know, that's their answer. And you're like, but you got engaged. Like, we need more than that. Also, don't be abnormal, then go, whoa. We're normal. Like, no, no, no. You got engaged on a TV show in front of America. Don't be like, let us

have a coffee. Like, oh, who am I to assume that you would do the craziest thing ever like you did get engaged exactly so i understand you and i'm somewhere in the middle of like do i know it's for the show and they don't feel any pressure yet but at the same time like i admire let's say arian loren like they fucking ended the show she got pregnant they got married they moved to arizona they're living the suburban double influencer life that's fine he just like reproposed the new ring after they're ready i've heard this today like I'm sorry. What? Like you're married. Have three kids. That's cute. What?

I mean, well, this is kind of the point that this is why I don't think Serena and Joe make it. Because Ari and Lauren, you said double influencer life. They have to create these camera opportunities to be in the news. So he has to repurpose. He's got to buy a new ring so that they can get more followers to keep up their, you know, their, you know, their followers. and to keep up their engagement level. You know, this, to me, that's an engagement level. A lot of people think like you. Yeah. Because literally her caption was like just for us and everyone was like and the YouTube

video and and like it is, if she wanted a ring upgrade from Neil Lane, I totally get it. If he wanted to make her feel special, totally get it. But this was, you know, there was a professional photographer. There was a collab in the diamond. He ended up tagging the diamond There was the question in the caption Which I've warned to all of my listeners and followers Don't ever answer a question in the caption

We're trying to get you So especially if it's like Here's what I'll say though They have teamed up though They have a joint agreement Of this is the life and the game We're going to play I look at Grocer Joe

And Serena And I'm like Grosser Joe couldn't even put on a nice outfit to get engaged. Like, I think he's done. Serena would... Grocer Joe legitimately looked like he was going to, like, re-up the produce shelves

at the store, like the way he dressed to get engaged. And then... But Serena would hypothetically kind of... If she got married, engaged in then married... Serena, that's effectively retiring from Bachelor Nation. Like, I don't see Serena doing that at 23. you're opting out of the Nashville trip you're opting out of the

San Diego trip like I don't like I I like I don't know you're opting out of the festivals and taking the pictures like maybe you'll be a part of that in some way but like that's a full time job and itself you want to move to Chicago because pretty sure

her and Kendall this is what was so interesting to me with the Kendall thing is like A when you talk about it they broke up you know I think that was our speculation but they confirm it on the show like because she didn't want to move away from her, you know, twin. He didn't want to move from Chicago. And I kind of, I understood her, but he was kind of like, she wouldn't even try.

But I'm like, dude, then why aren't you willing to make any sort of a compromise? Like, you just want to do your Bachelor Nation podcast from your living room in Chicago. You know, you're not willing to make any sort of. But then I was like, dude, you know Serena's from Toronto. Like, if you wanted somebody from Chicago, like. Well, I don't buy that they ended their relationship. I don't buy that that's the reason people say it's distance so that they don't have to deal with the reality that they're not the match with this person Here's what I knew that they here's how when he said

Remember when they talked about their breakup and Kendall talked about like like I'm not going to move for a man? Yeah, that's why they broke up that is a Personality mismatch. It's okay to be like I'm not going to move for a man, but like then then to say stay in the relationship that you know he want like that's called not compromising that's called that you have a little bit of an ego play and you're still standing by some sort of

you know I guess like quote unquote feminist idealized version of what feminism is that you know and I'm not here to mansplain what feminism is I'm just saying I just I'm just saying it felt like two people

who disagreed on a very specific way of interacting in a relationship not and then to say and then when she goes and confronts them and she's like they kept saying like we didn't end because we weren't in love well you ended because you weren't in love that's what it was

you ended because you were a mismatch because it wasn't fully a committed like a related it was a committed relationship but I'm saying it wasn't fully the relationship that made you feel warm and cozy and want to move to the next level with and when he kept saying there's love

here and it's like that's all shit you say to get the fuck away from me. Yeah, yeah, like to like move on. Like, get out of here. I need things. I need something to say that isn't as mean as what I just said. But why.

So, okay, why do you think she came on the beach? She looked really sad. She didn't want to have a relationship with anybody else. She didn't even try. Then they bring her down a second before he proposes to Serena. But you had closure. You had a whole conversation about it. And then producers probably brought her down.

But you know, it was so cute. Like, Serena comes up, and this is probably why Joe loves Serena so much, and honestly I would too and probably any man. He goes, by the way, they just brought my ex and she goes, oh, are you okay? Hold on. She went, come on.

And then she got back into lie mode and she was like, are you okay? Her first reaction was her honest reaction. She goes, stop. You're making me see things differently. You're ruining it for me. No, I love Serena for that. I did think she went to her first reaction. And then she was like, oh, wait a minute, be 23 again.

Be agreeable. Are you okay? Yeah. And then, I mean, listen, I think she's the sweetest thing. And I totally see your point of view, even though he did become America's sweeter. And you're right. Like, what did he say? What was funny?

Like, what was like, how did he win us all over? And we did nothing. I'm put, and again, it all comes back to me. I'm putting out content three times a day I'm running on stage I'm trying out jokes I'm writing

this guy goes on goes on with a fucking story that is unbelievable guy works in a grocery store for seven minutes and I gotta I have to love him oh my gosh

that's what he does he just makes noises in Chicago and his awkwardness and Kendall's awkwardness together like she didn't get mega successful

because she's awkward and cute. And she's awkward and cute, too. They're both awkward. And together, do you remember, they couldn't even come in for a kiss. They were so awkward. It was like, eh,

she was like the other time. I never saw her on Bachelor of Paradise with him. So I'm coming in late to their relationship. But I do remember her from Colton's season. She was the taxidermis. She's so weird. Yeah. She's, you know,

getting dead animals and all that stuff. Which like she doesn't really, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that might have been her storyline at the time. But I will say, like, it just shows you like Joe was like one woman was like I ain't moving for no man and the other woman was like are you okay and it's like yeah Joe is looking for you know another mom you know like it's like you know Chicago Italian guy who runs a grocery store wants an Italian mom to marry you know I mean you make a very good point and I'm really excited to see what happens with them okay so you were talking about couples that you thought more people would just leave. Okay, so Becca, we're talking about Becca.

Becca tries to, you know, she takes Thomas. She's like, Thomas, listen. I don't think we're, you know, getting engaged. So maybe we should just go home. And I felt at least like the subtext was like, don't worry, I'll call you. Like, we're gonna. She wasn't breaking up with him.

Well, I mean, the way he reacted certainly seemed like he thought that was the case. But then what was that, Jared? What was that? He was, that was not even alligator tears. That was zero tears. His eyes were dry as the Sahara Desert. It was telenovela acting where the girl was like, no, but like, I just don't think. And he was like, let me be.

I don't trust a word out of Thomas's mouth. I, I, him on The Bachelorette, him on Katie's season, it was weird. Him on this, he never really, there's nothing behind the eyes. there. I totally trust Aaron and James assessment of anyone's character. I am, and listen, I could end up being wrong, but Aaron and James, the way they were on this show, the way they left the show, which was so much fun, so funny, so great. I just trust those guys as dudes that really are here for a good time and just, you know, we're not really here to like take this too seriously. And if it happens, it happens. Like, I do trust that.

And I do trust that Aaron looks at that guy and has properly assessed Thomas because the amount that he was putting on and the crying, you go, then what do you need from this person? What are you trying to get from this person? And it's one of two things. I want to get to the fancy suite to have sex with you, which is kind of dirty to go the cry route. Or I want more time with you on camera so I can get some sort of following. And you are the biggest. like she, you know, Becca does come on this having to wonder, why are these guys interested in me

that much? You know what I mean? Like, she has something to offer. But it doesn't seem like she's worried, which is like cute and humble, but it's like, and guys, we have to remember. But maybe she needs to be less cute about that because she's already struck out twice with, you know, Ari and Garrett. Like, she needs a little more cynicism, maybe. So that's what I wanted to say is, they haven't seen Katie's season yet. Season, they haven't seen Katie's season yet. It hasn't aired.

So I feel like that might have been a little bit different. She just sees this tall guy, you know, there are those memes. Like, do I like you or are you six, five? So that could be part of the thing. But like, yeah, she should be a little bit more hesitant. And, you know, single is for Natasha where I was like, Natasha for Batara, like, Natasha is cute and everything. And she definitely didn't luck out.

But at the same time, I'm like, what's your picker? doing because Brendan and you had zero chemistry. His peck to you was like my grandma. And then she gets to the final day. And she's like, Ed and I really need to talk. And I'm like, Ed, you're going to give Ed. Like that put, because you're judging like the guys that like, you know, want the followers. But I'm like, you know, I love Natasha and I'm just being devil's advocate because I even

said I would want her to be bachelorette. But like, what's wrong with Natasha? that she wanted to have a conversation with Ed about where they're going from here. Natasha's situation was interesting to me because she got screwed royally. Like I totally believe that. And it's easy to be lied to.

Anyone could be lied to. The peck was hilarious. You're so right. And it's like, but like I can understand you're in this, you're this in this petri dish. You want to find love. You want to find fun. When I saw her going for Ed,

it kind of felt like she even said it after they went on the date she's like Ed's fun and let's she said finally and it felt like she was like finally I can be one of the people with a guy having fun making out at every turn it didn't feel like Ed was important

to that situation. Yeah. Like it felt like Ed was a conduit to fun flirty on the beach, good body like Ed's a nice guy. I like Ed we interact on on Instagram. He's come to my shows. He's he is a nice guy

and I can understand how he would fit that role for her where it's like fun guy, good body will make out but it's not gonna be

much more than that it'll get me it'll get me through this experience in a fun flirty way so I didn't take it as like I need to be with Ed I think it I took it as more

I need to have someone you know rubbing gently touching my back why couldn't she go home you know what I mean a lot. I feel like some people left and

she could have been like guys I tried I got fucked then I tried again and you know what I should maybe leave and I think that becomes a pride issue and I think that we saw that with a lot of love and I hate to be like the women a lot of the women harped on this

that they were being that this is humiliating if it didn't if their feelings didn't get matched and this happens in dating a lot and like this is kind of going deeper where it's like if their reveal of feelings didn't get matched with the exact reveal of feelings that they had put out there

then they were embarrassed they're not there's nothing to be embarrassed about no one cares about you you know like no one's watching your relationship and being like oh so that's how it goes in that household she must have not been a good wife like that's not how people are thinking but that's how it kind

of felt like even when there was no rose. No what you mean that like we thought she was crying because he broke her but she was actually crying just because it was really embarrassing that he said, you're not my person. I guess so. You know, like, because to me,

the Abigail Noah situation, she immediately tries to make him evil. To me, like, he wasn't evil. There was nothing to make evil. You two, it's heartbreaking. It sucks to have someone say that. Don't get me wrong. Like, Abigail, I understand why you're crying.

You know, love is lost. You felt a certain way about someone. But then the idea that, like, Noah looks at her, says I care about you, I'm falling for you. She says nothing. Then she says later on, it happens so fast I couldn't process it. So then she waits an additional amount of time to say that I love you too. And Noah reacts to her reaction, which is no reaction, and says I'm turned off and decides

that maybe we're not a romantic match and I'm going to leave. everyone has a right to have their feelings change and if we remember early on in the show Noah and Abigail go on a date and she says to him I'm in the talking phase with guys sometimes for a year and it's like so maybe you don't really open up to people that you don't really like maybe this is a little bit you but then I had all these people I've been making this point

being like and so then after they get done she's like he why would she keeps saying I'm blindsided Why would you say that to me if you knew? Listen, he has the right to go through feelings as much as you do. Like he has the right to be turned off by the reaction to those feelings. Listen, I'm a no, I like Noah. I like them both. But I think what bothered me was this.

And then Mari gets involved and like tells the story even though she wasn't fucking there. So it's like, why does he have to be evil? Why can't it be just a sad breakup? Like I didn't understand And this happens in breakups a lot Like everyone needs They need heads on sticks We need to show the group chat

That I'm still a Like to me And this is my opinion When you make someone evil It's like to prove to everyone else That I'm still a valuable worthy partner which no one's saying you're not Yeah it's just not for me

But it's so hurtful when someone says Like you're not my person And like I would want, I would feel like that I should be everyone's person. I, listen, I totally understand that. And I, I understand why I couldn't even feel with the process of the bachelor of like, I think I may be falling in love with you. Or you know when they say to each other, like, I think I could get there with you. Oh, yeah, I don't.

You could maybe see yourself liking me. Fucking love me right away. Okay, but we didn't talk about Marissa and Riley hot as fucking fuck. Marissa is gorgeous. That poor thing was melting. halting away on that beach. Another, another fucking thing, you know, reason I keep on turning down Bachelor in Paradise, you know, for going is like, I am not going to sweat and you're not going to fucking hand

me a towel. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, C, no me. That's my motto. Oh, my God. That is amazing. And I'm stealing it. No AC, no me 100%.

But, like, okay, you're ready. You agreed. okay you took a you took up you're like for the proposal i'll be without a c there are cameras editing crews like a cut board like for a reason give the girl a moment to dry off during like maybe what will be you know her one and only proposal in her life these are the pictures like these are the pictures these are the pictures she is sweating i mean listen i don't even know how people fall in love in that in that, you know, environment where you're sweating and you're stinking and you're disgusting. Like, all the men are...

No access. Wet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No access to like your regular routine, you know, like your regular, like bodily routine, like the things you do to get ready and feel good about yourself. Yeah, that would be hard. They were sexy the whole season. I like the whipped cream thing that kept coming up.

Marissa definitely showed her confidence issue. throughout Riley didn't seem to like care about those confidence issues he actually fucks with her right before the oh my god no he fucks with her twice he fucks with her and even with the proposal he fucked with her like dude you're not on punked the proposal one I could understand he's like I got a lot to think

about and then she's like I need an engagement and it's like you didn't even see Riley's name like she was just like I need an engagement like I don't know I don't know if this works between like I it's very just like they were so sexual and so I don't know like I and it's all based on like there's confidence things going on I don't know like I it's hard I don't know it's hard I don't know it's hard for me to like see her be so like she needed so many assurances throughout this whole thing first she's like he's got to say it to me so instead of saying that to her he

she went off with Damar that one time. It was like, I've been waiting to meet you. And it's like, that's how you're handling your confidence issues. And then, like, he says one thing and she almost breaks the idea that, like, maybe we just be coming in a relationship at the end of this. Like, he seemed to her, like, the whole package in this, like, mind-blowing way. Like, he has a good job. I think he's, like, a lawyer or something.

He's, like, hot as fuck. Like, he's, like, everything I feel like she could have dreamed of. But as of right now, we should mention. that everyone's together and we shall see what did you think about Dean and Kalin coming on the beach as the couple

to send couples off to like being engaged or not. First of all do you ship? Do you ship? I don't know I have so many problems with Dean and Kalin being on this episode first of all

can they rehearse could they at least rehearse I mean, they could barely They look like they're high on ayahuasca They just got out of the desert They looked like a couple that died At the At the

They looked like a couple that died at the resort And their ghosts came back To warn them about the relationships Of future That could have come for you And it's like, who are that First of all, they're not even engaged They're not engaged.

They're telling everyone and we're the ones to let you know you've got to have serious conversations. You two lived in a van. You haven't lived in reality ever. So you have, you,

the only serious conversation they have is who empties the piss bucket that they pee into in the van. So like, why don't they deal with mortgage rates before they come on here and talk down to these people? They bought a house in Las Vegas.

In Vegas. That's what for $10? $10? So I, I, them and their $100,000 mortgage, real big decisions to make. I'm just saying.

No, it was annoying. First of all, you're right. We need to make that point more clear. You're going to bring a couple down for the engagement part. And you couldn't get an engaged fucking couple. But update, IRL update,

I think they literally couldn't get an engaged couple because I saw on Instagram that Adam from Adam and Raven, which you probably don't know you haven't watched all the seasons. No, Adam and Raven came on a live, you a podcast in Dallas. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he said they were invited and she had just found out who was pregnant. And he thinks maybe Ashley and Jared who got married in paradise, how got married after meeting in paradise or having their romance

or whatever, couldn't make it either. So it seems to me like the non-reher, I feel like this all I mean was a last minute, last resort couple because why would bachelor nation want a couple that isn't the epitome of a success story because they won't get married. It really did ruin the moment. I mean, bring on Ari and Lauren holding their three children with her being like, yeah, life is, things do change.

So you're really going to want to talk about what you do for birth control and, you know, living in Scottsdale and your husband doing showings seven times a day. Like, bring her on. Yeah. There were so random Kaylin and Dean, which, like, I flip-flopped with them

because I like them at first and their unconventional story and the fact that she was like this Botox beauty queen that is now hiking and pushing them out of hot air balloons. But my issue is this. A, are you changing too much for your man

and do you like to hike and do you want to have a canteen in your back pocket? And two, do you want to empty a van piss bucket twice a day? And two, do you want to get married

but he doesn't like is that? Are you just saying yes? So like everything he wants. And three, does Dean have an addiction to like risking his life every single day he's jumping out of planes

he's getting into more he does now yeah he jumps out of planes gets into motorcycle accidents she physically pushes him out of hot air balloons like he obviously has a need for like and I mean we saw in his season with Rachel Lindsay obviously has like daddy issues and things and intimacy stuff not saying they don't love each other

but there just seems like a lot of stuff there he had just said in like in August that he doesn't even like saying I love you he has like issue with that he has issue with it so this is the couple you bring on to do the final fucking dates i mean did you did you hear his speech when he first started talking about how they got together because didn't they get together like didn't he hook up with someone else and they had like a lot of drama when they got together i don't know the full story but the way he explained it it was like how every woman writes the our story portion of the wedding

website where this dude is a bumbling idiot and he was saved by this woman. He's like, you know, I made a lot of mistakes. And this knucklehead finally came to his good senses and figured out that he's here with the queen. You know, like, you know, it's like the way he told that story, I was like, can we have an honest moment for two fucking seconds? Yeah.

Like, it just never felt honest. And in the way they, I mean, they're reading script. So I would agree with you. It doesn't seem like two people who haven't like figured out looking at these other people being like and today you two are going to have to discuss some hard issues and the other thing and this is going like outside of what the relationship is like is like i feel like dean wants to be this like bad boy i don't need bachelor nation yet like you do and you're willing to pretty much do anything to get that paycheck even though your behavior and the way he like you know

carries himself is kind of like this too cool for school you know drone film like aesthetic, whatever they do. But like, no, you were seventh choice and you came down to Mexico. Totally. He's, he wants to be Dylan and Hannah-Gee so bad. Because Dylan talks shit about this show at every turn. Yeah, I love it.

And, but, you know, he can't be because they're financially tied to coming onto this season. Like, they were like, you know, they came on and they got paid some dough and they're happy to do it. Yeah. They can maybe put in a on to the van now. I mean, listen, at the end of the day,

this is why I continue watching because shit happens, people get together, they date, they hook up, you never know what's going to happen. We have Michelle's season coming up. By the way,

you guys, Jared does a live scream and literally, because he screams every episode, so I'm sure you're going to do it for Michelle's season too. I know, but I'm tired. It's like, we need a break. Wait, is it always like this?

Is it always a full year? Do we get a break? No. There usually is an off season. So that's why I've never done Bachelor in Paradise before because usually it goes Bachelor at the beginning of the year. Then it goes into Bachelorette. Then the summer's Bachelor in Paradise.

And then we get the fall to kind of like chill out and get excited for the Bachelor. Well, they decided to have two Bacheloretts for some reason. Yeah, because of the quarantine and because they were like. And also ABC, again, this is a cash cow. Like, why not? Why not? Why not? They're like, we have a number, they have unlimited amounts of hot idiots who are willing to go on TV for our pleasure.

So why not? So I'm also doing my bachelor contestant preview. I do a preview every season where I basically make fun of the people based on like their bio and interview and their picture. So I've done it every season for like the past like six or seven. it's a labor of love it takes me like 12 hours to write and I'm like how am I gonna do this like I'm tired

like I have to say like I'm going to Boston this weekend to do shows I'm coming back I'm going to like I go on writing retreats to write this thing I'm going to Miami just to write this out like it's no it's wild then you guys first of all

Jared is fucking hilarious catch his shows check him on on Instagram he has all the links there take you to wherever he's performing live he's literally all over he's like a buggin stage whole That's, I'm such a whore.

I'm going to Dallas next week, too. Oh my God. You have Dallas people. I mean, it hasn't ended. New Brunswick, New Jersey, Dallas. Where am I, Perrysburg, Ohio. Like, I don't even know these places. I don't know.

Wild. Yeah. Jared's hilarious. Catch him. Follow him on Instagram. And if you want to follow him just for the Bachelorette. Follow him just for the Bachelorette coming up. He does live screams.

He recaps and his contestant breakdowns are so good. Thank you. Anyway, you guys. Thanks for listening. Jared, thank you for recapping with me. Can't wait to just keep on fucking watching this franchise until, you know. Until death, like, you know, the people holding onto their grudges. We'll watch it forever until the show kills me. No, such a pleasure.

Thank you for having me. Thank you, Jared. Everyone, Jared Freed. Go follow. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Not Skinny but Not Fat. Follow me on Instagram at Not Skinny but Not Fat. Subscribe to the podcast. so you don't miss any episodes. Rate the podcast that you love so much on Apple Podcasts and write a little review.

If you tell me you did, I'll give you a big virtual smoocheroo. Thank you guys so much for listening. And I'll see you next Tuesday.