Off Air... with Jane and Fi - A bit of 'O Come, All Ye Faithful' before a few drinks

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

It's another email special and Jane's quite hungover so Fi's carrying this one. They chat dinosaur skulls, Sting's neck and adults drinking squash. There's no big guest today as we have been taking the Covid Inquiry live. Tune into Times Radio to get the latest. And make sure to get all of your emails in for Monday's email special: [e-mail] Follow us on Instagram! @janeandfi Assistant Producer: Eve Salusbury Times Radio Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

VoiceOver describes what's happening on your iPhone screen. VoiceOver on. Settings. So you can navigate it just by listening. Books. Contacts. Calendar. Double tap to open. Breakfast with Anna from 10 to 11. And get on with your day. Accessibility. There's more to iPhone. God, I can't even get into a chair.

I'm celebrating the end of a very, very busy programme by having a little ute cake. And I think that's in tribute to Callum. So Callum MacDonald has been with us over the last couple of days because he's been covering the COVID-19 inquiry in the UK. Welcome all listeners. And he's so superb, isn't he? He's very, very good. But he did promise us on Thursday

that he was going to be bringing in some of his homemade shortbread. But then he was very busy and also quite tired because he has been full-on concentrating. Yeah, still no excuse there. So that didn't happen, but I think he sowed a little seed of a Scottish tea time treat in my brain. So I very much enjoyed the oat cake. I've basically been talking just in order for you to settle yourself

because Jane's had a difficult day, everybody. It's Monday and she is hungover. What can we say? Dirty stop out or what? A long lunch? Yes, it was a very long lunch. It was a friend's, I have to say, excellent 60th birthday party. I mean, she set a very high bar, this woman.

I'm not quite sure what the rest of us who've got 60th's coming up next year... Well, I think you could do the same thing. No, I'm not. No. You could host a large table in a very, very posh West London eatery by the river that's a kind of cafe. Alright, shut up. I think you

should. I think that would be a very, very good use of your wages, actually, Jane. Do you? Yeah, I do. Right. I did have a lovely time. Sorry, I'm just looking. There was one particular email I wanted to read out.

We had a really lovely time and it was great. But it was, you know, I mean, I am a very old person myself. And it was only when I got in that I realised the full impact of the beautiful drink and the gorgeous food. And I'll be honest with you, I woke up this morning, I thought, well, it doesn't matter because it's Sunday. And then I thought, that's Monday. Shit, a break? It's not.

It's Monday. How has that happened? It's very unfair. But I'm a pro and I didn't just cop a sickie. I thought about it, I'll be absolutely honest. Well, you know, Alan Brazil on Talk Sport, he comes in from a day at the races, sleeps in his coat in reception and then does the show.

Wow. Do you think they'd be as tolerant of me? No, I don't think so. Oh, OK. I mean, Chris Evans was always the famous one, wasn't he? Yeah, absolutely. For doing whole shows about the fact that he couldn't do a show because they'd been out all night.

It's the columnist equivalent of the column about how you don't know what to put in your column. Yes, it is. Nobody wants to hear any more about my hangover. No, they don't. So, we have got so many emails today because we don't have a guest because we've been covering the Covid inquiry, so email specials

continue. We've got lots of things to talk about. Thank you very much indeed for everyone who contributed to the book club and we will now be taking your suggestions for book club book number four and anything goes just tell us a little bit about why you're suggesting the book maybe what it means to you you don't have to tell us lots and lots of stuff and if you could mark it with the title of book club that would be very helpful yeah that'd be great and it doesn't have to tell us lots and lots of stuff and if you could mark it with the title of Book Club that would be very helpful as well. Yeah, that would be great.

And it doesn't have to be a book that you have read. I don't know, it doesn't have to be a new book. It just has to be a widely available paperback book. Yeah, and I think actually we're doing quite nicely in not following the recently published trends as well. And it's worked rather well, hasn't it? Yeah, so we're reading stuff that we just genuinely, you know, slightly passed us by

or we hadn't come across the first time round or whatever it is. So all of those suggestions would be great. We're not even going to think about reading it until January. No. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Because we're all too busy making pastry and things like that. Yeah. So over the weekend, excuse me, you managed to watch half of the new Julia Roberts vehicle. Oh, I did. This is before I went out, by the way. To watch all of it.

What's it called? Leave the World Behind. It's on the flicks. So was it released in the movie theatres as well? No, I don't think it was. Although she was omnipresent on all good chat shows, wasn't she, in the last couple of weeks? Yeah.

Probably all over the world, plugging this Netflix thing. I think it came out in the States a couple of weeks ago and was unleashed upon us on Friday night, I'm going to say. And she did that very clever thing, Julia Roberts, which she has done before, where she has worn pictures or a picture of her co-star, which in this case, I mean, it could be Ethan Hawke, couldn't it? But it could also be Mara Charlotte Alley,

who is the other lead man in the film. Very dashing, she is. And she did Graham Norton with a picture of him in a jumper. And previously she has worn postcards of George Clooney on a dress when she starred in a movie with him. And I just quite like her style. It would be a little bit weirder, wouldn't it, if the bloke in a film

wore an outfit with a woman's form on a t-shirt. He couldn't do it, Fee, because all the rules have changed. It's not fair on the phallus. That's beside the point. I thought it was one of the oddest movies I've ever seen, Jane. It taps into this apocalyptic theme. You've got the benefit of me because you one of the oddest movies I've ever seen Jane and it taps into this apocalyptic

theme. You've got the benefit of me because you've seen the whole thing and I've got another 45 minutes to go I think tonight shall I bother? Well I don't know, I thought it was a little bit of a dot to dot movie where they managed to or tried to cover racism

the enormous conspiracy behind shorting the markets, Lyme disease and ticks crops up as a subplot too. I've either missed that or I haven't got there yet. You haven't got there yet. That's quite a worrying one. Our dependence on antibiotics is covered. Also our dependence on the mobile phone, self-driving cars, they don't get a good press in that at all. Environmental disaster, basically what the deer and the flamingos have been trying to tell us all along. And the power of friends, but not friends,

friends with a capital F. The show. The show, Ross and Rachel and what will happen to them. It's too much. Okay, I'm not going to bother finishing it then. It's like a silo of modernisms. Okay, all joined up together. My head isn't clear enough for me to attempt to finish that tonight.

Well, I'd quite like you to finish it, because then we could talk about it some more. But it was one of those films with such a plodding script, of such thudding density, I ended up just becoming obsessed with The House, which had lovely shelving. Oh, it was absolutely wonderful. A lovely palette.

A dark blue palette. It was a dark blue palette, but it was always, as these places always are I went round, in fact I went round to a neighbour's the other night and I was just very angry because she just had the kind of, it was, she got the same house as me but it's just so much nicer.

It was clutter free she had beautiful furniture even her cat was just white and well behaved and didn't launch itself at anybody. Did she have aesthetic lighting? Yes, she had everything. She had bloody everything.

That does it for me every time. Lighting, she had the Christmas-appropriate snackery. She had lovely drinks. Oh, it was a lovely evening, but I'm still angry about it. Well, if you weren't such a drunk, you'd be able to sketch your own house in order. What do you want me to say? Oh, you're horrible.

Let's bring in a listener. I adore the podcast. Yes, keep all this sort of stuff coming because we need it over the next couple of weeks. Let's face it, we all need to be nice to each other as Christmas approaches. It's such a difficult time. I listened to your radio programme on the school run,

says Rebecca. When I collected my 17-year-old son the other day, he opened the car door and said, Oh, God, not bloody Jane Garvey and Fee Glover again. I let out a big cheer and said to him, I can't tell you how happy I am that you know their names and my work here is done. All the best from Rebecca and Otis.

That's her son and Otis. Welcome. You have much to learn from us and I hope you enjoy hearing it. We've got a very good start in life. Mary is amongst quite a few people who've written to us about Chinooks because they're Chinooks in Canada. I feel bad about that. And Mary goes on to say,

and loos come in different heights, but I'm not sure about sizes. Thank goodness, as I just had an abductor repair operation that left me on crutches for three months. That just sounds terrible, Mary. It does, yeah. Thus giving me the opportunity to listen to you both banter on every day. So thank you for that. Well, small miracles.

But yes, I'm sorry if we mispronounce the Chinook. And there does seem to be a variation on what it means as well. Either a people or a warm wind coming down a mountain. It could be both, couldn't it? Sorry, there's some foul language coming up here and this is because this is from somebody in Australia. And let's be honest, we know what they're like. Dear Jane and Fee,

my all-time favourite variation on the do-you-know-who-I-am anecdote comes from my younger sister. She was working as a very junior clerk in a city insurance firm when she took a phone call from a very rude and obstreperous client. She mustered her most proper voice to say, rather indignantly, Madam, do you know who you're talking to?

And the woman said, no. So my sister replied, good, get fucked and hung up the phone. That's very rude language, Jane. But that's down under. It's very coarse. No, it's extremely coarse. And I'd like to apologise on behalf of an entire continent. But thank you very much for contributing that anecdote.

This one comes from Chris from Cromwell in central Otago. Otago? Otago. Potato, potato. Where about in the world is that? I don't knows. Dear you two. I had to write again. Apologies to tell you my Sting story. I was at high school in New Zealand.

God, you've been everywhere. So this is New Zealand. Okay. Welcome, New Zealand. Much less crude than Australia. When the police were all the rage, it was Sting who made me realise I had hormones. During a trip to London in 1986 with my then-boyfriend,

I was delighted to find Sting sitting right in front of us at a concert. I leant forward to place my bag down on the floor and took the opportunity to sniff Sting's neck. He smelt divine, like lemons. Sigh. Other musings? Any regrets about changing

the signature tune? No, none at all. And will the executive, Henry Tribe, ever make an appearance on the show? Thank you for all your wonderful work during the past year, particularly I look forward to your programme and podcast. Happy Christmas. Very happy Christmas to you as well, Chris. It's good to know that Sting's neck, neck, Nick.

Sting's Nick. Sting's Nick. Smelt so nice. What was the story we had from somebody who licked a celebrity's face? Somebody licked Chris Martin's face, didn't they? During a marathon, I think. Somebody licked our face. Do you not remember that? Oh, I didn't like that story. Let's not go back there.

And we might ask Henry Tribe to just appear on the show, just to say a very quick hello. The thing is, he's ever so busy. He's very busy. Because he's an executive. Very important. Very important. And if you've ever met an executive, you'll know how busy they are.

Some of you may be lucky enough to live with an executive. Tell us what that's like. This one is also from Chris, but not in New Zealand, Chris. Obligatory love the podcast. Well, don't turn it into something that's just obligatory. Either do it with feeling or don't do it at all, Chris. It's got to come from the right place. Yep.

We'll have absolutely no faking it on this podcast. I don't like to be picky, but leaving Times Towers at 5.41 and arriving in Dalston Towers at 16.14 seems like 10 hours, 33 minutes to me. Also, can we just ask what Dalston was like in 1614? Can you imagine? Can you imagine what used to go on there? The old Queen Elizabeth had been dead for seven or eight years.

The people of Dalston, what on earth would they have been up to then? I don't know. They would have been very cold. And also, they would have been miles from London. That's true. Londinium then was a good, I think, probably six miles or at least from Dalston Towers. On foot.

So yes, I got that wrong. Look, I think you've had a very good day, not least the fact that you've been mopping up around me very successfully. So I think we should just let the occasional error, just let it go. Thank you, Jane. That's very kind of you. I have felt that I've had to be slightly more on alert today, just in case you crashed.

I seem to be perking up. It's not really at the right time. But anyway, I've come to my senses. We were both marvellinging earlier weren't we at that dinosaur skull oh it's remarkable yeah remarkable sea creature yeah uh whose skull has been found in is it the cliffs around lime region it's always dorset isn't it the jurassic coast yeah yeah but it is can you explain the size of it, there was a man standing next to a table which contained the head of this creature.

And I would say that the head was... Well, he was standing up and the skull was obviously on a table. It looked like it was more than twice his height. Yeah, so probably 10, 11 foot long, just the skull. And both you and I were saying, weren't we, that actually that tends to be a story kind of on page seven of the papers these days, accompanied by only a couple of hundred words. And there is always a nice, kindly gentleman or lady standing there,

you know, saying, gosh, we were amazed. This is quite a find. But it's a phenomenon, that type of stuff. I think front page, put it at the top of a bulletin. Because it should make us focus on our own total insignificance. Yes, because creatures like that

once roamed our planet. Yeah, here. Yes. And I'm absolutely with you, sister. I find things like that just remarkable. I'm really genuinely surprised that that hasn't been more talked about. You're right. We put it towards the back of a newspaper

and on the front page we've got Princess Kate wearing something, possibly, and then 16 pages on how to improve your midlife girth or whatever it might be. She was Christingle Kate, wasn't she? Christingle Kate, yes. Of course, I went to a Carol concert with royalty. Did you? Yes, on Thursday.

Are you the royalty or was the proper royalty? Well, it's very kind of you to say. I did sit on the same row as a princess. Which princess? Beatrice. Really? Yeah. She seemed very pleasant, actually.

And she did a reading. Actually, it was for a charity called the Rainbow Trust, which people can look up. But it's a very good cause. And it was so lovely. I was saying to one of our colleagues, Megan, earlier on, she'd been to a carol fandango over the weekend. And you don't have to be religious just to enjoy singing carols. It's brilliant. And a bit of O Come All Ye Faithful before a few drinks.

Nothing like it. I entirely agree. And there's something about, was it in an old church? Yes, it was in one of those, what they call a high Anglican church. So a Bells and Smells Church of England. Okay. Because I do like a chilly church. Oh, well, this had been...

Oh, I see what you mean. No, this was quite, I think possibly because we were in the presence of royalty, they'd put the heating on. Oh, I like it when they don't. And it does something to the air, doesn't it? So when the desk takes off, it really feels like it's cutting through everything. It's beautiful.

There was a great school choir from a school in Elstree. It might just be the Elstree School Choir, so forgive me if I haven't got that right. They were fantastic. And there were a couple of singers on the front row. You know, children before they become cool and self-conscious. There was one girl in particular who gave it everything. And it was so...

The delight on her face was just... You can't... It's impossible for anyone to be cynical about it. It was really beautiful to witness, actually. And a lovely Descant lad. Oh, the Descants were incredible. There's a modulation, isn't there, in both Hark the Herald Angels Sing,

in the Descant there, and also in O Come All Ye Faithful, which properly, I think, kind of turns your soul a little bit. It's just a really... It's not a chord sequence that you hear very often, but it gets me every time, Jen. It gets me every time.

I think everyone should go to a carol service. VoiceOver describes what's happening on your iPhone screen. VoiceOver on. Settings. So you can navigate it just by listening. Books. Contacts. Calendar.

Double tap to open. Breakfast with Anna from 10 to 11, and get on with your day. Accessibility. There's more to iPhone. Right. Isabel says, I so enjoy listening to your podcast. All the best to both of you. I'm delighted to be able to provide some first-hand experiences of different sizes of loo. Oh, good. I spent a long time in hospital in 2019 to 2020 on various wards and there encountered a number of

different commodes and loos and bedpans, but I shan't go into that. Thank you. The more modern commodes are more compact, but the opening in the hole is actually bigger, which means that anyone with a small bottom falls into it and sits in their own wee. I'd lost so much weight whilst bedridden that I could only use the older models. On my rehab ward, there was a giant toilet with a massive seat that was so big,

I struggled to get on and off it. I'm five foot ten. So that wasn't the problem, but it was very wide, and I'd only just learned to walk again. On another note, I once went to see a pain specialist who shared a consulting room with the gastric stapling consultant and my mum and I almost shared the chair, which we thought was a small settee. Isabel, thank you for all of those details. So that's good to know that there are bigger ones and smaller ones and wider ones and whatever. But I think in a domestic setting,

No, that there are bigger ones and smaller ones and wider ones and whatever. But I think in a domestic setting, this is yet to catch on. I think you're right, because we just tend to go for the standard, don't we? We do, don't we? But anyway, I hope you're better, Isabel. I do too. That sounds like you've been through the mill a bit there. Yeah. Has anyone else seen Salt Burn, Wonders Joe? No, that's the slightly fruity, I've thought, aimed at a younger audience than me movie that's out at the moment.

My Pilates instructor went along with his mother-in-law, who's in her early 90s. That's bold. Yes, and I think it's fair to say that she's unlikely to forget at least one of the scenes. So I haven't seen the film myself, but I have heard people talk about it. Jo says, when it finished, everybody sat through the endless credits in silence,

just total shock. The only movement was people scrambling around on the floor trying to find their dropped jaws. No spoilers. But I did wonder why Barry Keegan, I think it's Keegan, I hope that's right, at 31, was chosen to play a 19-year-old student. However, all was revealed in the last three minutes of the film.

Oh. Oh, gosh, OK. Well, I haven't seen it, but I think I will go along. And Jo would like other opinions on that. I would do a shout-out about the Terry Hayes novel, Year of the Locust. Is anyone else reading that or listening to it? And have you got to the bit where it jumps the shark?

And if so, can you just share my pain? Yeah. We're quite happy happily turn this into a podcast where we talk about lots of things uh i mean we can talk about all the usual things we've always talked about lots of things and then we could talk about the wrestlers entertainment see if we can get to number one here's kathy from derby i will have to send my beautiful long-length camel coat to the charity shop. Oh, dear. Yep. Brilliant description, laughed out loud. Just wonderful and why I love your podcast

and the amazing fraternity that listen and contribute. Well, you're absolutely spot on there, Cathy from Derby. That's what makes it all kind of work, I think. And apologies to any husband listening who's bought either a long length or a boxy camel coat, a loved one for Christmas, because really you've got to take it back because you're going to make your loved person look like an Amazon parcel. The brilliant description that came from our original contributor. And I think we've all decided

that we don't like that. We just don't want it, do we? Have you seen the email from a listener who says, yeah, okay, so, you know, you didn't buy the right present, but basically, sounds like a nice bloke. And my husband doesn't really buy great presents, but he's still a really nice bloke. Is it worth mentioning that? Do you think I've covered that? Yes, I think you have. The only thing that's missing is the person

to attribute it to. Yes, and I'm really sorry. I'm just looking through it. We've got so, I mean, I'm not complaining about this. We're very grateful to you for your emails because they are absolutely brilliant and they're getting better and better, if anything, I would say. Wouldn't you agree?

Yes. Jane and Fee says, Caroline, who is listening in Derbyshire, hearing Jane talk about the drinks that baby clinics provided brought back memories of Del Rosa. You're right, it was Del Rosa. Del Rosa Rose Hip Syrup, which was the name that jane couldn't recollect uh last week i'm in my

mid-50s and i had del rosa from when i was a baby until childhood when it was no longer available i dislike orange flavor so i was then forced to find an alternative as close to rose hip syrup as possible and i've always chosen apple and blackcurrant squash, which I continue to drink now. That's good. Do you drink squash in adult life? I don't. And if I did, I would not choose apple and blackcurrant.

No. Why? I think it's just one of those funny things. I just don't. I wouldn't drink, as an adult, I wouldn't drink squash. I find it, if I can be honest, Jane, I find it a bit weird. Do you? Okay. Grown-ups who drink squash.

I also find it quite strange when grown-ups take selfies of themselves and send them. I don't, that's not for adults, is it? Do you ever do that? No. Oh, for God's sake. No, of course not. It's a bit strange, isn't it? I went to, I had my eyebrows shaped yesterday, and thank you.

Yes, lovely, aren't they? Can I just say, there's the most fantastic anecdote from Adrian Edmondson about Mick Jagger's eyebrows. It's coming up in, when are we going to put it out? Tomorrow. So, Ed Edmondson will be our big guest tomorrow, but it's coming up in, when are we going to put it out? Tomorrow. So, Ade Edmondson will be our big guest tomorrow, but it's just fantastic. If you don't listen for anything else

just listen for that, it's beautiful. Is it a long way in? Just give me a nudge when it's coming up. I will. So, you know when you have your eyebrows done and the lady, she's so good at it it's a real skill that I think, threading but she always says the same thing to

me, which is that you just need to come more often. You need to come at least once a month. And she's probably right. But then it kind of is her job to say that, isn't it? She's not going to say, you're done. I don't need to see you for another couple of years. Obviously, it's in her interest to get you there. But I mean, you're a cynical woman. No, I am cynical, but I also really enjoy it. But I just want to know, when did eyebrow threading and shaping enter our lives here in this country? I can't put a finger on when it became an imperative. For those of us who haven't got particularly good sight, plucking your eyebrows yourself becomes almost impossible,

doesn't it, after a while? Well, I remember first going for an eyelash tint and a brow shape. Yes. Probably about 2005, 2006. But it wasn't, you didn't have things like eyebrow bars and stuff like that. So I think it's probably a Kardashian thing, isn't it? I don't know. Because they had beautiful eyebrows.

And I remember, I haven't watched very much of the Kardashians, but I remember the first time I ever watched it just thinking, I mean, the eyebrows just seemed daft. They just seemed to be paying homage to Robert Maxwell, which wasn't a look that anybody favoured at the time. But then it really caught on. And then you just couldn't move, could you, for people who had huge slugs on top of their eyes.

Do you like my slugs on top of my eyes. Do you like my slugs? Saran Jones is back with her beautifully crafted eyebrows in season two of Vigil. Yes, well, I might give that a whirl tonight if I'm still holding up. OK. It's not underwater this time, is it? No, it's set in a fictitious kind of Iraq

and it's quite challenging. I watched one last night too. Anyway, look, this is a lovely email from Claire, who has given us some advice on pronouncing Shanook. And she then says, complete change of subject. Fee, do go and see the Book of Mormon. I saw it in May with my friend Catherine, and I haven't laughed so much in a long time,

despite the circumstances. She was over for her mum's funeral. The company helped too. Catherine has been my friend since we met in antenatal classes 22 years ago, and she really is one of the world's greatest humans. I love her dearly and miss her terribly between our all-too-infrequent visits. Anyway, the young cast of the show is so spectacularly talented,

and the show is so irreverent that you can't help but have a great time. It will restore your faith in theatre, well musical theatre at least and the funny thing is Claire, I have seen that. Once again proving the theory that non-theatre goer Fiona is rarely anywhere else

other than the theatre. I've just forgotten all these amazing things. I don't like theatre, it's shite. Oh, I've seen her. It was quite good. Yeah, I really like that. So thank you, Claire. That made me laugh. Okay, let's bring in, I think it's Lacey. Hello, Lacey. Lacey's in Wisconsin. It's amazing, isn't it? It is. Yeah. You've been there? No. Nor have I. My husband and I once made a trip to a shop, a local shop close to us called Farm and Fleet.

Sounds good, doesn't it? It's a local farm goods and outdoor retailer here in Wisconsin. And when you talked about headlamps and preppers the other day, it reminded me it was February and incredibly cold in our old drafty house. So we went to peruse a pair of new long johns, thermal underpants. It must have been a successful outing, because when I was woken up in the dark by the newborn for a night-time feed, I looked over at my husband lying next to me in bed,

and he was clad head to toe in new green camouflage thermal underwear and wearing reading glasses that shut out light beams from the frame to light up the reading material. He'd never worn reading glasses that shut out light beams from the frame to light up the reading material he'd never worn reading glasses before this nor are we remotely the hunting or camouflage type the sight of him bewildered bewildered this is what happens the sight of him bewildered and startled me so badly i screeched and given the early exhaustion and delirium of having a new baby I thought for a moment that somehow somehow this man had made his way into the wrong house

this is where it gets really frightening he still owns and wears the long johns but the reading glasses have since broken thank goodness I love your show it makes the cold Wisconsin winter afternoons breeze by who was was that from? Lacey. Lacey. Well, I think Lacey has just created, although she didn't mean to, a fantastic new word because we've all been bewiddled at some stage, haven't we? Especially just after having kids.

Shall we end with Sean? Would that be OK? Yes. Sean describes himself as being from that there Devon. Why do people say that? I don't know. You'll have to ask Sean. Because people say that London, don't they?

I don't. Do you? No, but I don't like it. I don't like that. That's in a category with holly bobs for me. People talk elsewhere in the country, they'll talk about going to that London. Okay.

Have a biscuit, love. You'll feel better. Well, I'm trying. There weren't any left. This one is about cats. We'll get there, Sean. Just you and me. It's about cats whilst on a driving job at the G7 Summit in St Ives.

Oh, Sean, I hope you've never driven to the Hay Festival. I'm having driver vibes. Do you remember that? That's going to be in our next book, isn't it? Drivers We've Had. Including the wonderful woman who'd lost a finger jousting. Well, she was terrific. She was great, yeah.

But the SAS fella, not so much. Yeah, and I think it's one of those things, if you've been in the SAS, did you always tell people you were in the SAS? Always. It's one of the most secret things you do and you tell everybody that you were in the SAS. Anyway, look, Sean, that's not going to be you.

No, it isn't. A triggering moment there. Whilst on a driving job at the G7 Summit... Can I just say, you must have to have some security checks to get a job like that, mustn't you? Whilst I was on a driving job at the G7 Summit in St Ives, at the end of the event, I picked up a gentleman from the Foreign Office who'd been embedded with one of the G7 nations as a liaison officer.

No names, but they like cheese. I asked him how the week had been and he replied, foreign premiers, presidents and prime ministers, they're like cats. They come into your house, they're either sick or crap on your carpet, they look at you and walk. Love to you both.

It's good to know. What's that headline you've got there in the Daily Mail? Forget Satsumas uh forget us forget a satsuma now it costs an average of 60 pounds to fill a stocking do you put a little walnut at the bottom and then a satsuma on top of that no we don't stockings are a middle-class thing my kids have got sacks oh don't ridiculous. Sacks are for people who shop for their kids at Harrods. Well, that's where I've been.

My little nippers. All the top toys. OK. Well, look, merry happy Christmas. Please. Merry happy jolly Christmas. We're going to go home. Not together.

We're not that kind of a couple. Jane's going to have a long bath and she's going to eat some protein and she'll be back on form tomorrow. I'm going to have a word with myself. And it's our Christmas outing on Thursday, but what we've also got to time right this week is when we have the Christmas lunch in the canteen.

Yes, I think it started today, didn't it? It did start today. It was a very long queue, wasn't it? Huge queue. People are so common going on the first day. I mean, we wouldn't have dreamt of it. So we're going to go, I think, can't go Thursday, because we're having it again in the evening,

so we'll have to go tomorrow or Wednesday. OK. Well, loads to look forward to. Sorry you can't be with us. You're probably relieved you're not. We'll save a sprout for you. Have a lovely evening. Back with you tomorrow.

Adrian Edmondson is our big guest, and there'll be more of your lovely emails. Yes. Jane and Fee at Times.Radio particularly interested in your eyebrow journeys. You did it. Elite listener status for you for getting through another half hour or so of our whimsical ramblings. Otherwise known as the hugely successful podcast Off Air with Jane Garvey and Fee Glover. We missed the modesty class. Our Times Radio producer is Rosie Cutler, the podcast executive producer. It's a man. It's Henry Tribe.

Yeah, he's an executive. Now, if you want even more, and let's face it, who wouldn't, then stick Times Radio on at three o'clock Monday until Thursday every week. And you can hear our take on the big news stories of the day, as well as a genuinely interesting mix of brilliant and entertaining guests on all sorts of subjects. Thank you for bearing with us. And we hope you can join us again on Off sorts of subjects. Thank you for bearing with us and we hope you can join us again

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