Off Air... with Jane and Fi - And now: conception (with Vogue Williams)

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

Jane and Fi are talking being gross while out for a run, the perfect age to watch the Carry On films, and the fact that every now and then women can be slightly less than perfect.They're joined by social media personality Vogue Williams to talk about her podcast The Apple and The Tree.You can book your tickets to see Jane and Fi live at the new Crossed Wires festival here: https://www.sheffieldtheatres.co.uk/book/instance/663601Our next book club pick has been announced - A Dutiful Boy by Mohsin Zaidi.If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] us on Instagram! @janeandfiAssistant Producer: Kate LeeTimes Radio Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

That's a fantastic conception story, but also because they just got so excited about somebody landing on the moon. Well, hang on. It was, um, it was hot stuff. Do you want to make your debut? Hello. Now that isn't professional broad broadcaster speaking as many of you would have noticed that's us that is our incredibly long-suffering colleague kate and she's filling in uh which i think is really good of her not that i'm going to allow her to say much else whilst while fee runs to get the emails well it was good while it lasted uh fees back now

well i'm sorry about that i didn't realise that we were just going to go... We're at work, and really oddly, people are asking us to work today, aren't they? It's quite busy. It's really quite extraordinary. We will have, during the course of this edition of Off Air, an extract from James Martin's book. Brilliant. Just a short one, and I think maybe we'll have a bit more next week.

Lovely. But he's a much-discussed personality, so we thought we'd treat you and ourselves. And now onto the subject of conception with Fee Glover. So this is a delightful email from Susie, and we'll just leave it at that, that says, Hello, Jane and Fee. One of my mum's favourite stories to tell, still at the age of 78,

is the day Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon. She and my dad were on holiday at a boarding house on the Isle of Man. They were so overcome by emotion and excitement that they dashed away from the TV room and conceived me within the hour. I was 55 this week. Whilst pregnant, names such as Luna and Apollo were mulled over, but in the end they decided to name me after the actor who played Miss Diane in Crossroads.

Do you know what I mean? You'd be golden. That is. You can make something of a joke of that being a giant leap for mankind there, Susie. Thank you for such a great podcast. It's kind of you to say so, et cetera, et cetera. But that really is a leap, isn't it? So Luna or Apollo or maybe Neil,

but you ended up as a Susan after Miss Diane in Crossroads. Well, Miss Diane, of course, she had a very difficult, it was always a challenge for Miss Diane, but she was ever so helpful to Benny. And so she was one of those ladies with a heart of gold. Now, you're going to have to remind me, was Miss Diane Blondhead? Blondhead, silvery blonde, wearing a bib. No.

Oh, no, not the bib. That was Barbara. Barbara was the Barbara. Married to David, who was the manager of the Crossroads Motel, though not the owner, I don't think. That was Meg. I think, Susie, that's a fantastic conception story, but also because they just got so excited

about somebody landing on the moon. Well, hang on. It was hot stuff, clearly. But it really was. And I don't know if anyone else knows that they were conceived in a boarding house on the Isle of Man, but do contact us if you think you may have been.

And I've been to the Isle of Man. Have you been to the Isle of Man? No. Have you been, Dom? No, I won't say that. But I went to our girl guide camp was once held on the Isle of Man. And by God, I mean, the weather was challenging that week, as it always seemed to be challenging whenever we went on guide camp.

But that was the only location upon which, do you say that if it's an aisle? An aisle that I smoked. I had half a cigarette on the Isle of Man. Good Lord. I know. A never-to-be-repeated experience. I thought it was absolutely disgusting.

Well, I think everybody thinks that the first cigarette they have is absolutely disgusting. That's what's so weird about it that you then kind of make yourself carry on. I think I retched the first cigarette. Yeah, I did retch, because I hate being sick and feeling sick. I just didn't want to ever go back there. But we would love your conception stories,

because I'm not sure it's going to be easy to beat Susie. It's quite a big start. If you think you can. I absolutely love, as we said, that giant leap from the possibility of being called Luna to the more earthly Susan. Susan, which is, of course, my middle name. Susie, lovely. Thank you very much for that.

We've not got a huge amount of time in this podcast have we because we have got such a busy day so uh do you want to head straight have you got expelling male sporty fluids no but i do want to hear that have you got do you want to read it out because i've got a couple of lovely ones here that i've picked okay uh so this one comes from alice who says listening to you discussing sporty spitting on mond's podcast as I run along the Lee River this morning. Coming towards me, a male runner blowing his nose with no tissue. This means covering one nostril at a time and pushing and blowing the contents of the other nostril

as far as it will go on the ground. The ground I was about to run on. I pointedly ran around the offending bogey, touched my nose, waggled my finger and shouted gross at him. Marion Keys would have been proud, but I'm in my 50s and therefore invisible to him. Half a kilometre later, I encountered a man happily sitting on a bench, gazing at the river with a bottle of beer and some strawberries, far less offensive. But it was 9.30am. I decided not to wag my finger at him. I think these are wise choices, Alice, that you've made. And we would be completely behind you.

We would have been the waggy finger too because that is revolting. Yeah. Revolting. Yes. I just don't get that. Hold one nostril, expel from the other. It's utterly impossible.

No. And just because you're going for a run with all your Lycra and all that kind of stuff, it doesn't mean that you cannot carry a handkerchief or tissue. Thank you. And now on to the section of the podcast we like to call Women Aren't Always Perfect Either.

It's from Anonymous. Please keep this anonymous, says our correspondent. Don't worry, we just have. I got married in 1996 when mums didn't traditionally give speeches at ceremonies. I had a pretty traditional affair with my parents inviting lots of people because they are, quotes, family and lots of people, in fact, my husband and I didn't even know. But that wasn't the issue. Picture this, all the usual suspects are sitting at the top table and it came to speech time. Out of the blue, my mum said she was going to give a speech. She stood up confidently and said, well, what can I say about anonymous?

After a short pause, she said, nothing. And then she went on to regale lots of fond stories of my husband. So outrageous. On my most special day, it made me feel like shit and it took all my strength not to burst into tears. i'm so sorry about that i hear what you say about involving parents in weddings but sometimes parents are not welcome being a dutiful daughter certainly backfired on me yeah oh wow thoughts and prayers there um yeah that was that was very unkind yeah i think in the moment uh well i know that in the moment so many parents... I mean, you know, it's a trope, isn't it, that the best man gets the tone wrong and whatever.

But I have been to a fair few weddings where the parents, you know, the father of the bride has got it wrong too. Yeah. Well, and as our correspondent illustrates there, women can sometimes stand up and talk complete crap and actually be very hurtful. So I don't think you can generalise. Let's not do that.

I mean, normally I do, obviously. Let's try not to just because it's Thursday. Right, Julia has been back in touch. Julia makes the mugs and her company is called Dialectable. We definitely, definitely will give that a mention. In fact, we just have. This one is called Carry On Films. Now, we've had quite a few this week, actually, haven't we, about ages

and the difference in our ages. And you're always very, very, very keen to point out how much younger I am than you. But Alison thinks that maybe you're wrong to do that, Jane. I felt compelled to get in touch over Jane's comment today that Fee was too young to remember the Carry On films.

What was she doing? Living under a rock? I was 54 on Monday. Well, she was just down south. So a very similar age. And Carry On films were a big part of my 70s childhood. The lewd jokes and toilet humour seem awful now, but I loved them all. Carry On camping being a particular favourite.

My dear old late dad loved them too and did a cracking Sid James impression. Maybe Jane can buy her a box set for her birthday, a definite gap in Fee's cultural heritage. Well, I mean, I do know the Carry On films, but it's a funny thing, isn't it? Because I think sometimes you do think that I'm a child by comparison.

Sometimes I think you might have had more rarefied tastes growing up. No, it's not that because sometimes we've talked about the moon landings and you'll always say of course,

if he wasn't even born then and I was. But you didn't remember it. No. No. But then I'm not sure I actually do either. I've got,

I think I do. Anyway, it's all very, very confusing. Oh, talking of the future and futuristic things, I did see Minority Report last night. Oh, how was that?, futuristic things, I did see Minority Report

last night. Oh, how was that? Hammersmith, East West Kensington lyric. I tell you what, get down there if you can, not just because it's an hour and a half

of genuine entertainment with no interval, but what they're able to do on stage these days with the technical, the technical side of it. It's mind-blowing. Like what?

Well, just the, I'm not very good at explaining it, but obviously it's set in 2050. Like what? Well, just the... I'm not very good at explaining it, but obviously it's set in 2050. There's a lot of computer imagery on screen. There's like a voice-activated bot person who then becomes human, a character called David. It's just... I just do not know how it was possible.

And I was sat there just thinking, well, how have they done that? The theatre is just way ahead of how it used to be 30 or 40 years ago, as it's bound to be, of course. But anyway, if you have seen the film, or you know the Philip K. Dick short story, I do urge you to go and have a look. It's like watching a film on stage.

Really well done. Incredibly clever. I always think one of the oddest things about imagining the future is that you have to imagine the fashions of 2050. Now, bearing in mind, with a fair wind, we could both still be going in 2050. Might even still be doing off-air. I've got the impression that Kate may have checked out, but anyway. But when

you actually think back, so that's 26 years ahead, and 26 years ago was 1998. So did the clothes of 1998, did they really differ from the clothes people are wearing now? No. No, not really. So what they've imagined for 2050 is that a lot of people are going to be

the police force are just swaggering around in cloaks with big belts, which I suppose is possible. The character of the Home Secretary was wearing a Nehru jacket. Oh, well, I mean, those come and go, don't they? They absolutely do. So they may be making a comeback. They might be on the back-in journey. Yeah, and then the other characters were just wearing sort of short trousers with kind of combat boots, which suggested that we were living through troubled times in 2050. Yeah, but sensible footwear.

Sensible footwear, yeah. Because didn't you always find it a bit strange in any of the kind of Star Trek-y type things or whatever that everybody had unrecognisable outfits? This is what intrigues me. Yeah, they were always in kind of nylon all-in-ones or those classic tunics. I mean, the tubby were not well served

by the costume designers of Star Trek, were they? No, not at all. It would be different now. Vogue Williams is a modern phenomenon. Model, presenter, participant in shows like The Jump. That's actually where she met her husband. She's got two university degrees, neither of which determined her path into the media, though,

where she is now a podcast queen, making My Therapist Ghosted Me with her best friend and Spencer and Vogue with the aforementioned husband. Spencer Matthews, you just need to know this because we do talk about him in the interview, is very much a star of reality shows, as well as being brother-in-law to the Prince of Wales' sister-in-law. Jane can explain.

Because James Matthews, who is Spencer Matthews' older brother, I believe, is married to Pippa Middleton, sister of the Princess of Wales. Thank you very much. I am an aristocratic correspondent. So Vote Williams has a new podcast out, which is looking at relationships in families. It's called The Apple and the Tree. It's a very clever concept.

And I asked her to explain a bit more about it. It is an adult child having a conversation with their parent. And it's a really deep conversation that you would never really consider having. I would struggle to have it with my own mother. But we recorded a lot of them at home. So you really feel like you're just listening in on this really deep and meaningful conversation. And they all are. And it was just kind of fascinating that people opened up so, so much. And they kind of dealt with things that they were really struggling within their family. And when you hear about it, and you hear some of the struggles people are going through, you actually end up it's like, their family and when you hear about it and you hear some of the struggles people are going through

you actually end up, it's like when you think you've taken on somebody else's problems and you think actually I'll take mine back like people go through so many hard times but some of these families the stories are just so uplifting and what they've gone through and how they've come out the other side is really amazing

So what kind of things are you covering? What could listeners expect? So the first episode is really amazing. So what kind of things are you covering? What could listeners expect? So the first episode is with Sam and Lach and it's a dad and a son and Sam came out to Lach and he's part of an Asian community so he was really, really worried

that that would be frowned upon, that his dad wouldn't be able to accept it. And it's all about his coming out story and lots about his past and it's just really interesting to hear it and his dad is so amazing like just exactly what you would want like I want I would want to come out to someone like that because he was just so amazing about it and there's some stories that that are quite hard to listen to but actually when you when you hear the whole conversation

it's quite uplifting and you think that the family are so amazing you've got Sue and Alex and Alex was diagnosed with motor neurons disease when he was 30 and he's 33 now and he's in a wheelchair and just he wanted to talk about how his disease had affected their family and he also wanted to talk about

how when he came out because him and his brother came out as gay to their parents so they got a double whammy that day. But his mum was incredible as well, because, I mean, as a mother myself, having to go to watch your child, you just want to take it off them. And it was just really sad. And he's so young. And even coming in and chatting to me after they'd recorded the pod,

he was just like really positive. And it was so nice to see him be able to have such a great life when he's, what's happening to him. And he just was so happy and so lovely and their relationship was so nice. And as soon as I sat down with them, you could just imagine just having a really long conversation with them. How do you make sure that people aren't going to overstep a mark? Because some of the stuff that people are talking about is very,

it's very deep. You can understand, as in every family, there are places sometimes, which are actually too difficult to go to without a professional around. And what's amazing about the conversations is they are very well balanced between both participants. So what's amazing about the conversations is they are very well balanced between both participants so what's happened before the microphone goes on to make sure it's okay to be honest with you it's it's like recording any podcast you kind of have to let a conversation roll and see how it goes and see where they where they get to with it obviously there's editing that can be done within podcasts. But I think that it's really important to just let it be a free-flowing conversation

because that's what they all really wanted. And you know yourself, like if I was sitting with my mum, I'd know where not to really go deep. But like you can still get your point across and you can still discuss the topic that you want to talk about. But upon talking about some of those topics,

it brought other things in for them. So they're all really different and really amazing. And I think families are just incredible, and parents in particular, the way they are with their kids. I only knew how much my mom did for me when I had my first child. Oh, God. So tell me a little bit more about your mom, because she sounds amazing, actually. She found herself as a single parent didn't she yeah uh while she still had a job on the transatlantic airlines as an air stewardess i

mean how how did that even work we always had an au pair growing up um who we still know and my mum used to work transatlantic flights and then she would come home and she'd have to work in a restaurant but weirdly enough i don't remember her not being there. So we would be in school all during the week. So we wouldn't really see her then anyway. But I do remember my mum being around quite a lot. Back then, we didn't have very much money. I don't think my dad was very helpful to my mum. So she kind of had to do it on her own. She had three kids. She needed to support them. And she did that. She did an amazing job doing that and just worked really, really hard. I don't know how she got through it, but she was just incredible

and that's why I do look up to her for that because I've got three kids and I know how difficult that is. But to add in being on your own and having to make sure everything is running smoothly, that you've enough money to look after them, must have been really, really difficult. So have you had that lovely moment with your own mum where you've actually said to her, I really get it now. And, you know, possibly, I'm sorry for being such a troublesome teenager,

which we're going to get on to in my next question. I have an amazing relationship with my mum. I'm really close to all my family. And my mum, I speak to her nearly every day, probably a couple of times a day. And I love getting to spend time with her. So she knows how much I appreciate her and how much all of that means to me. Yeah. Let's talk about the teenage years, because you and your sister were known as the monsters to your stepfather. So, you know, who come into your life and really being very supportive. But I mean, just can you can you flesh that out for us in a little bit of detail? What was so monstrous about your behaviour?

Well, can I just say, I don't think I could ever love anyone as much as he loves my mother because he came in, this is before they had my brother Alexander together, and he came in having no kids and took on the three of us. And we were nightmares. I remember once he tried to come in and he was trying to like bond my sister and I. And he came in and he was like, I'm going to read you The Hobbit. And so he came into the room and the two of us were just jumping from bed to bed because we had two single beds and screaming.

And he just couldn't understand what was going on. So we never read The Hobbit. But he did always try. And when we were teenagers, we were nightmares. Particularly my sister, I didn't get caught for everything. She got caught for everything. I got away with it. Right. What do you think that teaches you for adult life, Vogue? Keep trying to get away with it.

You're doing very well. But it did get to a breaking point, didn't it? Yeah. And your mum actually said, right, you need to go somewhere else for a while. When you were, what, 17? When I was 17, yeah, I got kicked out. It wasn't as dramatic as that because obviously she didn't just kick me out to nowhere. She told me to go and live with my dad because I was kind of abusing the system. So I was, she would say that you can't go to this festival. I'd be like, OK, I'm going to Dad's this weekend and off I'd go to the festival. And she'd know I'd done it. and I'd be like okay I'm going to Dad's this weekend and off I'd go to the festival

and she'd know I'd done it but I'd be like no I didn't no I didn't she couldn't have exact proof and then I think after a while

she was like right you enjoy doing that so much off you go to live with him and yeah that was eye opening like my dad is one of my best friends but he

I wouldn't say he was able to look after me the way my mother did so I went back eventually and you're saying all of this uh you know with a beautiful smile on your face but actually when you're 17 and there is a big shift and and a parent finally goes no that can be actually quite tough was it was it quite tough I think when it when it first happened it was a little bit upsetting but then I kind of just I, I suppose I had like loads of freedom.

My dad was great, but like he would let me go and do stuff that I wouldn't be allowed to go and do. I remember climbing out my window and going up to the nightclub up the road on a Thursday night. I'd invite my friend over to stay. So we'd like sneak out the window. I assume everybody did this, but maybe it was just me. So after a while, the novelty kind of wore off about being able to do whatever I wanted to do. I wouldn't say I was doing amazingly in school. And I kind of missed my mum, like doing my washing and stuff like that. And like,

I missed my siblings and stuff. So it was it was definitely nice to go home. Yeah. So how does that rebellious teenager turn into a woman with not one but two degrees from university? And I would say quite a decent and healthy amount of ambition and kind of work ethic, actually. You're quite a busy person, aren't you? I definitely am busy. I'd say I honestly would put all that down to my stepdad, Neil. He was amazing. I said that, he's still alive. I'd say I honestly would put all that down to my stepdad, Neil. He was amazing.

I said that, he's still alive. I was just talking to him, he's still here with us. But Neil was, he used to be a school teacher and he's from Dundee. So I don't know if everyone in Dundee is really strict, but I kind of associate Scottish people because of all my Scottish family. Like they're all very strict. And if a Scottish person tells you to do something do it so he was very strict the whole time and he kind of wanted me to get a degree I had tried to do architecture but I didn't get the the course um because I was pretending to study instead of studying so he got me into a different course in

Aberdeen and I went up and I did it and I loved it. And then I did another degree in Dublin and then the building industry collapsed, which meant I didn't have to work in it. So I could go try do what I wanted to do. And that's kind of how I got to the career that I'm doing now. Right. I had no idea there was an upside to the collapse of the building industry. Well, there definitely was. I'm possibly the only person in the whole world. He did well out of it. I was halfway to Qatar and then I was like, actually, no.

Yeah. I mean, you definitely, you're one of those people whose life just seems amazing. You know, you are clever, you're talented, you're beautiful. You have three children. Wow, I'm taking you home. No, but your life seems to have really really worked out and then you know we also know about you that you do struggle with anxiety and you've talked about

that quite a bit in the past yeah so I always think it's just really helpful for somebody like yourself to explain what that means how you deal with it why it's so wrong to assume that everybody else's life is absolutely grand and fine I think that's as well with the podcast. It's amazing to listen to everyone else's perspective on life and what they're going through and things that we all go through ourselves. But with me, I think you look at someone's life and you think it's perfect, but no one's life is absolutely perfect. Everybody has their ups and downs. Everybody has their struggles. I definitely struggle with anxiety a fair bit. I think that we live in such a fast-paced world.

Everything is quite stressful. I've got three kids at home. I have a full-time job, so that can sometimes feel like it gets on top of me. So I do, I try to, there's different ways that you can deal with your own anxiety and you have to kind of find your own path if you're anxious. And I worked a lot trying to figure it out um and I think for me that's why I love exercise so much I think it helps I know if I don't drink that's going to completely reduce my

anxiety but I also go on and off medication sometimes just to to kind of help with it and I do find that really helpful and uh and therapy is always good it's not for everyone but if you ever want to just throw your problems at someone else you should get a therapist yeah yeah and how do you balance that thing of being in the public eye and doing stuff where people expect you to talk about your private life i mean you have a podcast with your husband yeah i'm sure that we don't get to hear absolutely everything but you're putting your personal life, you're making it available in a sense, aren't you? Yeah.

So how do you draw that line? Where's that kind of balance? I think it's just a natural thing to do to draw a line like that. We give a lot in the podcast and I've got a podcast with my best friend Joanne as well where we probably give even more. But with podcasting,

I think you're either going into it and you're going to go into it like with both feet or there's no point in dipping your toe and you have to do what you're setting out to do it has to be a really free conversation it's the same with the apple and the tree it all has to you have to be willing to be open and um and it's just natural to think that things that you wouldn't share like it's even for me like if I share the kids on my Instagram or something like that I could never put them up throwing a tantrum or or like doing something that they could possibly feel embarrassed about in years to come because you do have to consider other people and even on the pod

when I'm talking about family members and stuff I actually I have to consider them a lot more because I'll have my sister ring me she goes did you say this about me on the podcast and I'm like no yeah do you think that we just don't really rate privacy anymore yes actually there is a bit in all of us that really yearns for it it can be your safest place can't it when it's really just you nobody else is watching you criticizing you you're not having to perform or give anything so it's quite I find that quite an odd circle to square at the moment. I find, for me, I'm a really, really open person anyway. And what I need to keep private, I do keep private. And certainly there's times when you just think,

God, I wish that had I been just left alone and it didn't get out there and things like that. But mainly, honestly, I'm just quite an open person and it doesn't really bother me too much. Like, even my husband and I did a show together years and years ago. And even with that, you kind of just, you still hold back things that you want to hold back. But God, I'd never do that again.

Now, your husband's just made a big announcement, hasn't he, today, that he's going to run, what is it, 30 marathons? That he's lost his mind, yes. Very much so. You can say that you're married to him. He's going to run 30 marathons in 30 days on sand. Yeah. Okay. 45 degree heat.

Okay. Why? He's doing it for charity, first of all. He's doing it for Global's Make Some Noise charity, which is, it looks after so many different charities all over England and the UK. And he wanted to do it for that reason. And it's also going to be a world record. And I don't, he just really enjoys it. He said to me the other day, he was like,

I can have you running a marathon by the end of the year. And I was like, well, I just don't want to do it. I never, I don't, I don't think I'd feel that sense of achievement if I did it because I just, I don't want to. I don't think I'd be able to do it. I don't think I'd enjoy the training so much, but he loves it and he loves pushing himself and he's really resilient.

He's done races like that, but he's never done anything like that before. So we don't actually know if he's going to complete it. He's trying his very best, obviously obviously but it's a really tough race it's it's 30 marathons 30 days in 45 degree heat it's extraordinary i mean i just don't really know how the human body repairs itself every night to go and you know do something again i have no idea and the fact that it's on sand why did he have to choose sand for himself? But he's been training really, really hard and he's really looking forward to it.

And I hope he makes tons and tons of money for it. But better him than me. Yeah. Do you quite like it when he goes away for a while? No. I would say, you know what, I love it for a little bit. But our kids are so small that I'm say, you know, I love it for a little bit, but our kids are so small that I'm like, oh, you're just going away for what's going to end up being about 40 days.

And so I have to do 40 days of bath time and bedtime and getting up at half six every morning. There'll be no lions for 40 days, but no, I'll miss them. But the first week will be nice. Vogue Williams, and you can listen to her latest podcast wherever you get your podcasts from. That's such a modern phrase, isn't it? Imagine if you'd said that to your grandmother 60 years ago.

You just wouldn't know. Actually, especially if you use the term platform. My mum's still very confused by where this platform is. Yeah, I don't blame her. my mum's still very confused by where this platform is yeah i don't blame her um is there a podcast shop where you can buy but no there isn't could i have a podcast please no i'd like a big slab of your freshest podcast mr shopkeeper um okay now um we have over the last couple of weeks, been enjoying Mail, as it happens, Showbiz, pretty much. Very much.

Autobiographies. We've had titillating titbits from... David Niven. David Niven. And who else? Simon Bates. Simon Bates. Radio One legend, Simon Bates. But today, we can bring you just a little nugget

from James Martin's wonderful work, Driven, Cooking in the Fast Lane Well, I mean I think buckle up everybody because this bit is particularly fast It's just it's a real insight into what some people think is worth including in their

life story. Now we join James as he's purchased a Maserati. I mean it could have happened to any of us, couldn't it? Roar! Sadly, he's having some trouble with the paperwork. Four weeks on, he writes, still no V5 document. Five weeks later, still no sign of it. I called the DVLA in Swansea and I was told it was being processed

and they were very busy. How long did you have to wait? I haven't finished the paragraph yet. The week after that, nothing. Eventually, the V5 turned off. Oh, my God. Right, there we are. That's it.

But it's just incredible. Oh, gosh, what a climax. You never forget your V5 arriving, do you? You certainly don't. And by the way, when it comes, you must put it somewhere safe. Where do you put yours? I've got, it's in a special folder. Is it? Marked safe things.

Yes. Mr Burglar. Things to keep. Things worth, oh God, you're right. I need to go home and sort it all out. Anyway, if you have any of these books at home and you're prepared to share some of the more intriguing segments, do please contact this podcast.

And also we will happily, happily take egocentric ramblings from women. Oh, well, we will. Yeah,

very much so. There are some shocking books written by women. Yes. Not ours, though. Oh, no,

not ours. Still available. Did I say that out loud? Right, have a reasonable couple of days and we will get together again next week. And we've had a cracking week of your emails, so an email special coming very soon.

Oh, and the book club. We will be recording the book club special next week, so get a wiggle on. If you haven't already finished A Dutiful Boy, excuse me? It's out on Friday. It's out on Friday. Next Friday.

Next Friday. Okay. All right, excitable young person. Don't just gather those thoughts. A bunch of bloody vapours over there, I think. So The Book Club, just get on and read it. It's A Dutiful Boy by Mohsin Zaidi, and we will discuss it next week.

Bye. Well done for getting to the end of another episode of Off Air with Jane Garvey and Fee Glover. Our Times Radio producer is Rosie Cutler and the podcast executive producer is Henry Tribe. And don't forget there is even more of us every afternoon on Times Radio.

It's Monday to Thursday three till five. You can pop us on when you're pottering around the house or heading out in the car on the school run or running a bank.

Thank you for joining us and we hope you can join us again on Off Air very soon. Don't be so silly. Running a bank? I know ladies

don't do that. A lady listener? I know, sorry.