Off Air... with Jane and Fi - Carrying Old MacDonald over the finish line

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

It's 29 degrees outside, but the fire in the studio is still roaring, which can only mean one thing... It's Visualisation Monday: https://www.youtube.com/@OffAirWithJaneAndFYour centrist nans discuss hydration, making Jerusalem the national anthem, cooperative local farmers, Steven Spielberg's new film, and why the Bio Tapestry is underwhelming.You can buy tickets for Fringe by the Sea: https://www.fringebythesea.com/off-air-with-jane-fi-and-special-guest-jan-ravens/Our next book club pick will be a collection of short stories! 'Interpreter of Maladies' is by Jhumpa Lahiri. You can check out our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/@OffAirWithJaneAndFOur new playlist 'Coiled Spring' is up and running: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4tmoCpbp42ae7R1UY8ofzaOur most asked about book is called 'The Later Years' by Peter Thornton.If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] us on Instagram! @janeandfiPodcast Producer: Eve SalusburyExecutive Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We've very strategically just been slagging off a public person, not a private person. So welcome, welcome to Visualisation Monday. Yes, it is. And we hope... We're absolutely and we hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. And actually, is everyone all right in the heat? This is a UK-based comment. But if like me and Fee, we're both, we're Celts, aren't we really?

This is tough. It's tough for everyone. It is tough for everybody. Our natural habitat is in a cave, if we're on. Isn't it? Very, very pale skin, very pale blue eyes. We really shouldn't be out in anything approaching the midday sun. No. And in London this week, we are facing another heat wave where we've got four days, potentially above 37 degrees. Now, I know people watching and listening in Australia will laugh at that, but for us, this is a, it's a tough all week. And we were just

saying earlier, for the older generation, not all of whom are down with hydrating. I mean, you and I, we're the we're in that kind of, we're the filling in the hydration sandwich. Our parents didn't hydrate. And our teenagers or young adults are not hydrating. Well, no, I can't stop my children hydrating. They go everywhere with a bottle of water. We don't, we hydrate a bit, but not as much as them, but a lot more than our parents. Okay.

That's my experience. Well, I find that although there is the opportunity and the merchandise available to the younger generation to constantly hydrate, and you're right. I mean, the first thing that they'll see when they walk into any corner shop is just a double fridge of water. Yeah, flavored waters. That wasn't available in our youth. I mean, we've seen you coming. Yes, very much so. Very much so.

But I do find that you do still have to slightly prod them when it's hot and they're in foreign climes and some fun juice has been taken. Yeah, okay. They're not so good at that form of hydration. But listen to your centrist nans. we say hydrate this week. Yeah, but I'm a little bit worried about you because you are towards the end of the week going to embark upon a journey

that will take you to one of the cities in Europe that was the hottest last week. So Bordeaux, which I always think might have a delicious, fresh breeze and its great big, lovely old buildings might keep it at a very even 24, 25 in the summer. It rocked 42 last week, Jane. Yeah, well, I've got.

the factor 50 already packed along with the tea bags. But neither of those will help you in the heat, in the hot, hot, hot, hot cup of tea. My kidneys are being deviled. Yeah, okay. Oh, all right. Well, I am going to look forward to it with grim determination. And some would say dim determination as well. Both of those two things.

Anyway, we're at another turning point in British politics, everybody, just to say, that we are sitting here? Well, are we sort of between prime ministers again, aren't we? We are. It's that week between Christmas and New Year in terms of who's in charge at Downing Street again. So since we joined Times Radio and since we started doing off-air

as opposed to fortunately, we have had, well we will have had by September for prime ministers in four years. What do you think? What do I think? Yes, what do you think? I think.

I think, do you know what, I'm channeling my inner Jess Phillips here. I think I've heard her say something along these lines. They can't just have the coronation of another white bloke in glasses to be the leader of a party that's supposed to be all about equality and sister and brotherhood and changing the world for the better and helping everybody and doing all the right things. And I'm not necessarily a fully paid up labour supporter, far from it. But I have voted Labour in the past.

I absolutely own that. I've also voted Liberal Democrat fee. I want to say that too. I don't think I've ever voted anything else. People will be shocked by that information, wouldn't they? They really want to. I'm not saying anything. I'm just going to let this keep on coming.

I'm not saying a word. I'm not happy with a situation in which a bloke comes to Houston, like some kind of northern Messiah and assumes control. I'm sorry, I'm not happy with that. I would like some kind of a contest, and I really would like a woman to at least attempt it, have a go. Yeah. And it does say something, doesn't it,

that the previous flavour of prime ministers and the Conservative Party and the leader that they have now were not white men in glasses. I mean, quite rightly, the Tories are going to say exactly that. I don't blame them. I don't. No, neither do I. And I think, actually, all hail to you

because what we're seeing in the Labour Party, do you know what, Jane, it displeases so many people within the Labour Party, that's what makes my innards wobble. Because if the cry at the moment is we need umph and we need a better Britain and we need stability, already there are rumblings around the outside of the playground about how much Andy Burnham could be disliked within the Labour Party. So off we go. Off we go again. On the terrible train of backstabbing bile and bitchiness again.

And I don't want to get on board that. So I just think the first. first time that he does something, which isn't in the manifesto and doesn't please everybody within the party, exactly your point, he entered, you know, through the auspice of Houston to the red carpet of Downing Street without having been tried and tested. You know, all of those people will rightly say, I didn't ask for this. And we keep hearing he's done wonders for Manchester's buses. And I'm not dissing that at all because I know public transport is hugely important. And we are much blessed in London and less blessed elsewhere in the country. So

So I absolutely get that. But no, I'm not happy. I don't like the idea of some anointed son of Manchester, stroke Liverpool, stroke somewhere in between, just coming down and being given this role. It just seems completely right. It goes against my democratic tendencies. I'm fearful of the future. Yes.

I'm fearful of the future. But it is good, obviously, to have a northerner. I will say that. But let's have another sort of northerner. Okay. I mean, I could say it's good to have someone who wears glasses. As thick as mine. Or does he?

Is he very short-sighted? He might turn out to just be... Yeah, just for sure. Just vanity ones. And his hair, look, I dye my hair. I'm wondering whether Andy might be not unfamiliar with the bit of a tint. Oh, gosh, I hadn't even thought of that.

No, I think he's got... He's in his 50s. I think he's got salt and pepper bits in it. Does he? Yes, I think so. Okay, all right. Yeah. Kirstama, let's just make a nod to him

as he... He's yesterday's news. Departs from Downing Street. So he made a very emotional goodbye speech. It was a bit kind of wooden planky in the beginning as he listed his achievements, but that's wooden planky. So he stayed true to his, yeah.

But, you know, he's absolutely right to list them. And a lot of things are hugely important and they'll get completely and utterly kind of forgotten and washed over. But at the end of his speech, he was very emotional about how he wanted to embrace the fact that he could get back to his most important job, which was being a husband and a dad. And he's not the first departing prime minister to say that, is he?

I think Gordon Brown said exactly the same thing when he went. But Kirstama's voice broke. And, you know, clearly, clearly he is a solid family man. I really would just like to say how sad I feel for the kids who've been... I felt sorry for Liz Tross's kids. Move to Downing Street. Yeah, it's awful. I think that definitely one of them is of an age

where important exams were taking place this summer. And it must be absolutely crushing to then see your father rather humiliated, which is what Kirstama has been. And kids that can be cruel, they can be a bit too truthful sometimes. And, I mean, it's all well and good to, you know, to want to retreat,

to the bosom of your family, you know, we all want to do that in times of trouble. But I wonder about the sanity of anybody who wants to take on that job. When they've got kids who are so young, they need to move into the same space as you. I do wonder about that, Jane. Well, it's the catch-22, isn't it?

You've got to be mad to do the job. And the job in the end makes you even matter. Yeah. But that's not to suggest he's, I'm not suggesting. No, and I'm not doubting his sincerity as a husband and dad. No, I admire the... I think the responsibility is colossal and actually overwhelming

and I'm amazed that anyone can do it for two years. Oh, come on, you'd love to do it. And I'd also love to do it. Vote for me. No one would vote for it. We got there in the end. Yes, off you. Got it out of me.

That was very sneaky. No, it is such a busy summer. It's such a busy, isn't it? But Jane has had a bit of a rant. She's had enough, isn't she? Yeah, she really has. And she very much enjoys listening to us when she is walking on my dog walks with Rhonda,

the Welsh Terrier, and when Jane is pottering around her garden. For the most part, I know exactly where you're coming from and enjoy the wide range of topics, serious and not so serious. However, I hate football and the hype around it. Can't stand it. I'm totally fed up with every news and broadcaster, feeling that they have to talk about the World Cup.

Capitals. Would it be possible to enjoy your lovely podcast again with no mention of the drafted football just for that time? men seem to be incapable of talking about anything else at the moment. So please can you restore me to a peaceful hour? I don't want to shout out loud when I'm listening to the pod. For goodness sake, give us a break.

Rant over. Well... It's difficult that, isn't it? It is difficult. Because I can't pretend I don't like it. I have to say, I do feel for people who don't like it because they've extended this tournament. There are far, far too many games.

I mean, I enjoy the occasional group game. But you look at your Sunday night viewing and realised you're going to be served up Belgium against Iran. With the best will in the world, I'm sorry, I couldn't get involved. That just doesn't interest me. No. I think even Saudi Arabia, my team. Your team, yes.

You're not getting behind the Saudis? In the sweeps? No, they were beaten 5-0. Oh, were they? Okay, I'm sorry to hear it. You see, I didn't even know that. Yeah. Yeah.

But also you could go through the night at the moment. Insomniacs must be delighted. And apparently there are lots of relatively new fathers making making a big show on social media of doing some late-night feeds with overnight feeds with the youngsters because they've got

that amazing group game between Saudi Arabia and somebody else blaring away in the background there'll be a lot of very traumatised newborns having to listen to football but Jane I think you will just have to forgive us I'm afraid so because we probably are going to mention it

from time to time Well bad news is it dribbles on until the 19th of July. Yeah. So, and it does. It impacts on almost every aspect of our national life. I was half surprised that Kirstarmer didn't reference it today. Well, you know, so which way will it go if Andy Burnham's already in position and England

are doing well? I might credit him with the whole thing. I can't remember. Who was Prime Minister in 66? Oh, I don't know. Gosh, I don't know either. That's terrible. We were in nappies, so it's difficult.

I wasn't even here. It might even have been Harold Wilson. Harold Wilson, there you go. Wonderful. Also, Oofi, I found a link. He was the last northern prime minister. And he was also Labour. But of course, I'm not counting Gordon Brown.

That's not fair. No, very northern. Yeah. And I mean, Rishi Sunnah's constituencies, Richmond and Yorkshire. Yes, but he was from Southampton. That's very true. And then Winchester College.

Yeah. So, yeah. Can we just briefly mention high rocks? Yes, we can. And, oh, we made a cock up. No, no, but I, one of my kids was talking about Hirox at the weekend. I said, I'm the only person who'd never heard of Hirox. And they looked at me and went, yeah, probably.

No, I hadn't heard of it either. And I thought it was like the, you know, Olympic Games for the third age. Yes. I thought it was for very old people. Well, we've been corrected on many things, but that's not the really funny thing. So both you and I, when you were going through the discipline. And there was Farmer Carrey. So some people have thought that maybe we were affecting ignorance just to be funny,

but both you and I did genuinely think it was carrying farmers. I thought, God, they must have some really cooperative local farmers who just offer themselves in their quite busy lives. They just go, oh, no, so don't it, I'll be lifted. Now when you think about it. It is absurd, and we were obviously both having a really peculiar morning. But anyway, thanks to Jill from Manchester, which she claims is superior to Liverpool. I'm chortling at my desk listening to Wednesday's conversation

I'm re the farmer carrying at Hirocks I did think you couldn't possibly believe that people carried actual real life farmers it's not it's a knockout it's just an exercise where you walk carrying a heavy weight in each hand known as a farmer I didn't know that I now have visions of old women carrying out

working out carrying old McDonald's right good song that old McDonald's had a farm That's when they used to sing at the old nursery singing. Oh, very much so. And the wheels on the bus. Oh, and the wheels on the bus. Yeah. Yeah.

Let's not go back there because those are earworms we don't need until you become. So what would you be known as if you become and when you become a granny in your house? Madam. Madam. Yeah. Finally, I'll get my wish to be called Mom. Yeah, that would be brilliant. And will the little ones have to stand up when you come into the room?

Maybe a salute? I think it's, I have already. you had that conversation just with myself about whether I'd be willing to do that shift at the sing-along groups. I don't know, Fee. I just feel like I think I've done that. But anyway, maybe I'll discover an abundance of patients I didn't know I had. Which shift do you think that you would be capable of doing again in your older age?

Very much babysitting when they're both all sound asleep. I'd be great at that because I'm reliable. I don't drink much. And you like to watch the telly? And I like to watch the telly and read a good book. So I'll be absolutely fine then. Okay. Yeah.

absolutely fine. Okay. The wheels on the bus, yeah. I mean, they went round and round, and then what else happened? I think, do they fall off? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Anyway. I think those are all a little bit like the national anthem. You don't really need to know the second verse. You just give the first verse with welly, and then, you know, you just... Hope for the best. But this is going to infuriate, Jane.

I don't like our national anthem. It's not good enough. We need to have Jerusalem. We just need something. that's not about the world family. I always think that our national anthem stands up to the others quite well. I don't. So the Croatian national anthem, which I'm sure you sung in your household more than once. That was terrible. I do agree with you there. It was just awful. And it just went on and on and on and on and on and on. I'm not very musical, but there was no discernible tune

at all to that. And it didn't have a crescendo, it didn't have a big cadence at the end. It both petered in and petered out. Yeah. That was terrible. Can I just say that I'd very much enjoyed doing the library setting in my grandparenting you know and you just get to sit on the bean bag and somebody else is reading you a story yeah and the little ones are vaguely crawling around and stuff I really like that I really like that very much indeed well but I'm with you on the sing-along thing the sing-along with movement thing as well I don't want to be I don't really want to be doing that to be honest with my motor skills I was as bad as some of the kids yeah I'll quite like to do the swimming as well that's always quite good fun you're also

Welcome to that. Yeah. Well, you can take any future grandchildren of mine swimming as well. Yeah, I could do that. I'd be available. Full of bonus. Louise is your friend from the Kuhnard building. Oh, yes.

Yeah. By the way, still in use is that wonderful pencil case bin she sent me. The purple bin. The purple. It's in my kitchen. It identifies you as being able to say that you're a scouser. Louise, that gift is very much coveted by many who see it. Tenuous.

Louise says, Louise from the Kuhnard building. here regarding the issue of having a call sign so that off-airers can identify each other in the wild. Now, we did make progress with this on Thursday. So Eve and I had quite a long discussion about what it should be. And we very much decided that Eve needs to be somewhere within that code that's sent out to the world. But Louise has gone her own way, as often happens, I think, with people from your area. May I propose fees catch phrase very much so. and before you disagree fee, you say this a lot.

Not disagreeing. I didn't realize I did, but I'm not disagreeing. Said in Jane's Evergreen Vera voice to roll both of you into a kind of appalling portmanteau. So could you do that? Kitty! No, that's terrible. I've lost it.

You need to say the phrase very much so, but in a Vera voice. Oh. I can't do it for you. No, okay. Do you want some private time to practice? I think I might need some. It's on me time to get over that.

What was the Vera voice? Oh my God, I've lost. I haven't seen Vera. Obviously, she's not doing Vera anymore. I think I might have lost the voice. It's gone. You can't just say Kenny? Kenny?

Because, no, it's a thing long, hasn't it? She's lost to touch. So Louise says, I appreciate we may have to collectively work on the latter part of this proposal. As we know that Jane can only say Kenny is Vera, but I'm sure we can push through and find a workable solution. She signs off as your friend in Liverpool in brackets the real Liverpool. Yes, yes. All right, Louise. She comes from itself.

By the way, I finished Big Dunk. Anybody else has read? Nobody. No, I know. No, I know. It's read big dunk. But it's always in the top ten best sellers. Someone else must have read it.

Someone else. Oh, I tell you what, I know we don't do film criticism. Although we do occasionally go to the cinema. I saw Disclosure Day at the weekend. Have you seen it? No, no. I don't know what to think. I don't know whether, it's not for me to say that Stephen Spielberg has sort of done this before,

but I kind of think he has. and also just it's too long yet again the final half hour of that film everyone in the cinema has only got one thing on their mind

when will this finish so I can go to the loo and that cannot be why that can't be in the head of a director when they take such care with their work it matters so much to them please understand

that we just cannot sit through two and three quarter hours of film we can't do it So do you know what, Jane, when I see that now on the, because they always put the run times. Do you know what? We just don't go and see anything over two hours. And the last movie that we saw, and this was just on our sofa,

which was the drama, was one hour 54. Absolutely perfect, absolutely perfect. Maybe even 10 minutes too long. But definitely we all felt like, oh yes, this is coming to its conclusion. Bingo. There's a lots of false endings as well, aren't there sometimes? Yes, oh my God, so much. You think, oh, that's great, that'll do it.

Yeah, and then, oh, blow me, something else happens. And also mentally, I think, in your head, and the worst one was that ping pong movie with... Oh, God, don't even tell me. Timotee. Yeah. So, because that was so long, that was like... It's awful, that was terrible.

Two hours, 45 minutes. Yeah. So the kind of mid bit, you know, the half an hour in the middle, you just knew it was filler. It was kind of like, oh, my God, how can there be such an enormous plot twist happening that you'd then be able to stay, sustain an hour and a half after that.

After that, I know. I mean, in this film, Colin Firth is sub in it, and he's British and he stays British. He's a little bit sinister, so maybe that's why he's allowed to be British. Emily Blunt is in it, she's British, and Josh O'Connor, who I think is a great actor,

it's also in it, he's British. They're both American in the film, which, and I don't really understand why Spielberg cast British people and then says, play it in an American accent. Don't really get that, Because Emily Blunt was in the, you know, the fashion film. The Devil Wears Prada.

But was she British in that? I think she was. I don't know. I haven't seen it. I think she pretended to be American. I think she was British. Anyway, also, Josh O'Connor's character, and this is very true of a lot of American films,

he's got a lot of running around to do. So he has a backpack, which he only wears over one shoulder. I mean, I always think when you're running, you need it on both shoulders. Very much so. But he never hears my call. And also he wears that classic, I've got a lot of running around to do attire,

which is a hoodie and then a jacket over the top of it. Do you know that look where the hood of the hoodie is over the top of the jacket? I do. It's familiar to my household. Well, it's familiar in almost all running around young men in action film type of tyre. What's wrong with that? It's just a normally present feature of those sorts of films. I like it, but it's just that I don't understand. I always wonder about layering whether they'd sometimes simply be too hot.

He does a lot of running around. Plus, the people on his trail never look in his direction. It's funny because sometimes there are 50 of them and they're all looking everywhere else except where he is. Why do you think that is to keep the film going? You might have hit upon something. Yeah, okay. I think we'll give it to you.

All right. Okay, thank you. Anyway, if you have seen Disclosure Day, please email and tell me what I'm supposed to think because I just don't know. Fair enough. If anybody else is watching Harlan Coben's New I Will Find You, thriller on Netflix. Thoughts? I've seen one episode.

If you have been watching it, just put a little three-word email together. Let me know your thoughts on that one. Similarly, things that are just on the bingo card in every single Harlan Coban type thriller. James Nesbitt's not in this though.

So I'm really confused. There is a very, very Nesbittie American lead. And they say these just ridiculous one-liners all the time. I can't rest. I find him.

He is my son. I know he's my son. And that kind of delivery all the time, which is just really irritating. Yeah, it's greating. But also, has there ever been a scene in a movie where somebody in an apartment is being protected by the police outside the apartment

and the police managed to protect the person inside the apartment? As soon as it comes up that somebody, Somebody in an apartment has got security detail outside. You know the person in the apartment's absolutely gone. I'm hoping hell. It just never works. Not a snowballs chance in a frying pan that that attention will work. You'd do better not to be protected.

Plus, just have a ring doorbell. Just in the first episode, I've ever seen one. I'm not sure I'll bother with anymore. He's committed a terrible crime, that's what we're told, although we also believe him and he believes himself to be innocent. He goes to a prison effectively run by his godfather. I mean, that just wouldn't happen. You can't be sent to a maximum security prison

where you've got an inn with the governor. Can you? No, there are so many points in it where you are being asked to remove yourself from the planet of belief in order for the plot to keep going. There's a plot surrounding records kept in a fertility clinic. They're honest to God. Well, really.

But are you going to finish it? I will stagger things. through. I mean, it's a very, so I don't know about you, but I've, I've cancelled absolutely everything in my week apart from coming to work because it's just too hot. I know. And actually, we had a really lovely reunion of old school friends, you know, who we haven't really been in touch for 40 years. I was looking forward to it so much. But some of them would have to be coming up on trains. And as one said, they just won't work. You know, there's not even worth taking, taking a chance. I do wonder whether our infrastructure will get through this week

and I'm not sure it will. So I'm not going to get, there's every chance I won't get to Bordeaux. But I'm still going to send in a voice note. If I do, I'll be sure to take part. I think maybe just go, because it breaks, doesn't it, on Thursday into Friday, it's 10 degrees cooler.

Not in Bordeaux. Oh, is it not? Does it keep going all the way through? Well, I am a little bit worried. Thank you. Thank you for concern. Yes. My dad did ring yesterday and also made the same. salient point.

Yeah. It's annoying when they do that. I can't bear it when people perfectly, I mean, let's be honest, elderly men, because he's not always right, makes some perfectly sensible points, which I don't really want to hear. But I thanked him for his concern. Yeah. Okay.

Well, obviously, we very much hope that Raymondo's all right as well. Yeah, well, yes. I mean, it's getting through the hydration thing. It's just, I don't think he's ever drunk. glass of water for any purpose whatsoever. But you have to say, Jane, it's not done in that much time. There's also that argument, which, by the way, he puts. Yes, I bet he doesn't need me to be doing that for him.

Oh, my God. No, no, absolutely not. Keeping newspapers, we were asking last week why people do it. So, Danny's in Cheedle Hume. Your conversation about old newspapers did make me recall that I've kept the paper from when Michael Jackson died. I mean, so people did do this. It was quite a routine thing to do.

we had tickets for his concert that year so for whatever reason I kept hold of the newspaper it just seems quite relevant today as all the kids in my son's school are obsessed with his story and his music Danny thank you I know this gives a lot of people cause for a certain amount of disquiet

doesn't it but the most recent film about Michael Jackson has just done brilliantly well absolutely stormed the box office loads of people went to see it, loved it and I look he was an amazing musician but I can't listen to his music. I just can't. It's weird.

I mean, that's where we find ourselves. I mean, when his music turns up on my shuffle thing, I just inwardly wince and usually just move on to the next track. I know, it's just weird, Michael Jackson. Go on. Well, the reason why people feel that they can tell the story without referencing what happened at Neverland

is because everything that happened, there and to the young boys who Michael Jackson abused were only dealt with in civil lawsuits in America. Right. Not in the criminal justice system. So that's why, isn't it? I think I'm right in saying that the film ends before any of this came to light. Yeah. So it's a biopic, biopic that ends at a time when this wasn't out, out there.

Right. So it ends at a time in Michael Jackson's life. where he had yet to invite, well, young boys to... I don't know about that, but certainly the allegation shouldn't come out. Yeah. So, I mean, I completely agree with you. I find it really mind-boggling the disparity within the music industry as to how different people are treated and different music is played for different reasons

and then it's not. And the whole Michael Jackson thing, I mean, his music is still across, as far as I can make out, every single major network. don't know of one that doesn't... Oh, really? I'd play his tunes. And there are, you know, there are victims who had massive payouts from the Michael Jackson estate, which shouldn't, I mean, it can't, can it, in a court of law, make you culpable and

assume guilt about somebody? But, I mean, it's a bit like the payment to Virginia D'Fray. Why would you pay somebody $12 million pounds if nothing had happened? Exactly. Yeah, that's horrendous. Can we also actually, and this is another one to infuriate Jane, shout out to Alison Rudd, who wrote an article in The Times this weekend about the two men charged with rape who are playing in the World Cup. And it needed to be said, and I'm glad she said it.

It's the captain of Morocco, Hakemi, his name is, and Thomas Party, who plays for Ghana. And I read that article too, and I thought it was fantastic. It was important that she wrote it, wasn't it? Very much so. Yeah. So she was pointing out that there is, more kind of anger about the fact that Emma Hayes, isn't it, is giving her very, very good verdict at half time on the tactics board.

The tactics board. But ITV have placed her in a kind of background setup that looks like she's in a kitchen, which is a little bit... It's just a bit, you know. She's not always there, is she? I think she's sometimes allowed on the sofa. Yeah, yeah, but I thought she was fantastic. She's great.

And actually, I didn't really think about the... the background. I thought it was just a bit weird that she was only allowed a blackboard and actually in a WhatsApp group we were all saying it's gone a bit analogue all of a sudden. Terrifically low tech.

It's really low tech. But I didn't, I actually didn't clock the, that's a patronising setup for her. But Alison Rudd's point was superb that people are getting very, very excised about that. And I mean, it doesn't detract

from the woman's brilliance and people aren't getting very excised about, two men facing. Substantial allegations that will put them in court. They are saying, you know, they didn't do it. They're pleading not guilty. Yeah.

So which is presumably why they're, you know, innocent and to have proven guilty and all the rest of it. So we acknowledge that. But nevertheless, I'm really glad she wrote that article. Stephanie in Wales moved into a house. We're still talking, or we've gone back to talking about newspapers. She just doesn't understand

why the previous owners kept this particular copy of the tabloid say it in your special voice for tabloid tabloid it's Sunday mirror and for whatever reason the owners of this house had kept this newspaper

front page it's got Jackie Anassis on it and actually it's got a really heartbreaking image of the poor young woman who married Bill Wyman and the headline is I sold sex for charity I'm not going to read the rest but why would anyone keep

that newspaper front page. Yeah. Just to be completely clear, those are two separate stories. Absolutely. The picture of, it was Mandy. God, this is going to have to speak to lawyers about this edition. Smith, who married Bill Wyman when she was incredibly young. Yeah.

The picture of her has the tagline, How to Survive as a Stone's wife. And she is photographed, lying down on a bed, wearing a swimming costume in a slightly kind of come-hither pose. And that's obviously how to survive as a stone's wife. I think her story is tragic, Jo. It's terrible. Because when Bill Wyman first got to know her,

she was incredibly young. So there's that story. You're absolutely right. You've got Jackie O' first lady of style and your opportunity to win a 115,000 pound modelling contract, presumably if you look a bit like her. And then the big story is I sold sex for charity. I mean, it's just boof, boof, boof.

And it's 1989. Eighty-nine. Well, have we really come a long way? I think we have. No, I think we have. I mean, not to the extent that a woman could think about becoming a leader of the Labour Party, but yeah. Really on my high horse here. Some dreadful news from Sarah.

I just had to send you this, knowing your love, not of the picky bits expression. I love M&S and all its works. But this is atrocious. They've now got proper full-blown signs this way for piggy bits. Britain is heading for the dogs. I mean, sorry, that's not a judgment on politics necessarily, but I don't like piggy bits and it has to stop. I think that if we did a secret cam in your house,

I'm not saying I haven't got them for you. Yes, exactly. I reckon that at least one meal every week would qualify for, the picky bits description. And I bet you're a sucker for the three for eight pounds. Come on. Let's move on. Come on.

Who hasn't looked at a small tub of mozzarella balls? Oh God. Some spicy cauliflower. Yeah. And the one that really makes me laugh is the chopped up cheese with some mini chopped up salami and thought, yeah, eight pounds. Oh? But you can get three of them.

Yes. Are they having a, are they playing a joke on us, do you think? I think definitely so when I have purchased this Yes I'm obviously And then when I've got them home I've thought you're silly

You're a silly move You're Darth Bint Yes Well I tell you what I'd be far happier If instead of picky bits It just said Darf Bince this way Because I'm guilty too

Come on Eminest you can do it Yeah they should change their sign Shouldn't they Because then they could just Have a whole section It smells nice You could put all kinds of things in there.

Brilliant. Right. Final one from me, I just wanted to mention because we have, we've had loads of fantastic suggestions for how we could shout out to each other.

So people could know that they have a friend nearby, who's a fellow off-air listener. We'll round up all of the ones with Eve when he's in the studio with us because although she's in the gallery, she's not in the gallery. Because when we asked for her help before, a man answered Jane.

Like we say, young people. people these days you just don't know what's around the corner you're really oh eve that's that's unfair i've felt ill at eve for the last half an hour because i didn't think you were there right yeah that's quite right we'll talk to you tomorrow this one comes in from sarah who says i was delighted to hear you discussing potential options for us to find fellow off-air friends here are my three call and response options in no particular order so someone says boob, someone says ars, someone says twit, someone says twos, someone simply says fee, and then someone answers Jane. Oh, I think that works. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alternatively, I'm thinking of making a

portable poster to hold up, but what should I write on it? Please could the tribe make a decision before early August when I'm booked to attend an open-air production of 12th night in Sutton Hu? And that will be busy with the off-air listeners. Yes, yes. So yes, get a shifty on. There should be some tote bags there, shouldn't? Very much. I hope so. Very much so. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. An outdoor production at Sutton Who. Sutton Who.

Now remind me, Sutton Who is the Anglo-Saxon burial site. So it is the burial site in Suffolk where an incredible long ship was found. And it's a place that is redolent of earlier civilizations, Jane. Good use of redolent. Thank you. But what's 12th night got to do with it? Well, I think it's just they've got a very lovely, you know, Fetia's style place there.

I would imagine they put on many things. Are you signing up for the bio tapestry? No, because I've seen it. I've seen it in bio. Oh, I wasn't expecting that. Congratulations, I haven't seen it. We took the kids. We had a holiday in Normandy,

which was lovely, actually. And we visited bio on the way back, and the kids could not have been less impressed. It's difficult, isn't it? They were about eight and six years old. Yeah. It is very difficult. to get them excited about what looks like the kind of long roll of carpet that people in Hackney leave outside their houses every other Tuesday.

It's analogue as well. The council to pick up. Yes. So there's one pre-apic arrowman, isn't there? Oh dear. Is that the little kids? Is he going to be coming over at making the journey? Do we know? No about. Because it's coming to when it, well, I think it's already here. Is it already? I don't think it is that there been more of a coffle. I think it's being transported, but it's yet to open. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay. I think so. But no, I mean, it was just, we were intrigued because it's just incredibly old. It was beautifully displayed, actually. I was impressed with the display. But no, the kids, it didn't really do it for them at all, Jane.

I mean, you do your best with your youngsters, trying to show them the important facets of history. And certainly all my kids were interested in was going to the Science Museum to see the exhibition of toilets. Yeah. No, they love things like that. I don't always. Someone trying to get in.

I don't know. What should we shout? We're busy. Private conversation in here. I just wanted to say hello to Jane, another Jane, who's in Beverly. We don't need to read out your email. She says, she says, fee, we're too modest to read out the email. Don't tempt us.

Trust us. We're really not. But she just says that we've provided a little bit of companionship through some pretty rough waters. And that she says, I get woken up by the bells of the minster. There is a beautiful minister in Beverly. And it's really lovely. and just knowing that you're there

that's us has helped her through so the bells apparently ring out at five from Beverley Minster that is early but Jane thank you and no I haven't read it out in its entirety but trust me we're not that modest we're so grateful to you for your loyalty

and thank you very much for listening and we're here for you whatever time of night you wake up that's the beauty of it is yeah and if we're just a sleep aid that's fine by us It's always been absolutely fine by us. And I mean, let's just hope anyone, everyone gets a bit of kit this week. Well, it's going to be difficult times. Oh, it really is.

It is. So we wish you well. We are back without being visualised tomorrow. We'll be in the studio with Eve. Yeah. And we are Jane and Fi at times. We're spreading the emails that come in over the week throughout the week now, aren't we? The weekend.

Thank you. Yes. Well done. She is the heat. Our guest tomorrow is Samira Ahmed, old. colleague from You Know Where and there's lots to talk about but she's focusing and it's quite niche

and I'm, prepare your face please it's quite niche it's about the Beatles film A Hard Day's Night but there's lots to talk to Samira she's still one of the hosts of I can't, what's the name of the show the arty show on you know where front row, front that's it

she still works there so she's I mean she'll be able to tell me what to think about Disclosure Day I mean that's a relief in itself yeah if anyone else has seen it. Help me out. Jane and Fee at times dot radio. Okay. I always thought it would be quite good fun after leaving the BBC. We could have set up our own alternative culture. Back row. Yes. That suggests we'd be snogging, which we wouldn't. Right. We'll see you tomorrow. Congratulations. You've staggered somehow to the end of another

off-air with Jane and Fee. Thank you. If you'd like to hear us do this live, and we do do it live, every day, Monday to Thursday, 2 till 4 on Times Radio. The Jeopardy. is off the scale. And if you listen to this, you'll understand exactly why that's the case. So you can get the radio online, on DAB, or on the free Times Radio app. Offair is produced by Eve Salisbury, and the executive producer is Rosie Cutler.