Off Air... with Jane and Fi - Eyes peeled for Westfield Lunar

Episode Date: April 13, 2026

Jane and Fi are reunited after their week off and are full of the joys of spring! They discuss what goes on on the other side of the moon, Freida McFadden’s identity, disappointing Mary Berry, and good comfort reads. Some of their recommendations from today’s episode include Maeve Binchy’s books, A Far-Flung Life by M.L. Stedman, A Family Matter by Claire Lynch, London Falling by Patrick Radden Keefe, and a podcast series called Foundling.Today’s episode was not visualised. We’ll be back on YouTube next week. You can check out our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/@OffAirWithJaneAndFi Our new playlist 'Coiled Spring' is up and running: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4tmoCpbp42ae7R1UY8ofza Our most asked about book is called 'The Later Years' by Peter Thornton. If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] us on Instagram! @janeandfiPodcast Producers: Eve SalusburyExecutive Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We don't want to cause a fence. No, we don't want to cause a fence. Not on a Monday morning. Let's leave it to Wednesday. And then let's absolutely go for it. Welcome back, everybody. This is off air with Jane and Fee. We've been away for a week.

So we're highly caffeinated now. Jane has got a book of chocolates in front of her where all systems go. We've got lots of things. We've got lots and lots of notices and thank yous and all of that kind of stuff we've got to do. So first of all, how are you? All right. How are you?

Very well, thank you. How is your week off? It was okay. Swings and roundabouts. Quite glad to be back. There was a day when I, basically, last week, I just didn't have anything to do except listen to the radio. And it was that day that everything was potentially so apocalyptic,

approximate that I just couldn't relax at all. I actually thought I'd be better off in the workplace. Was it a day when the war had been finished and everything had been sorted out and J.D. Vance was on the way and then by the close of play, everything had fallen apart and nothing had been solved and we were back to beyond square one. Probably one of those days.

It's actually hard to keep track at the moment. Yes, it is. One thing you can rely on is that if J.D. Vance goes anywhere, people will tend to do with the opposite of what he'd like them to do. So he didn't actually succeed in changing any minds in Hungary, did he when he was there, not by the sound of things? And then he's failed also to bring peace to the Middle East. And he wasn't popular when he went to Greenland either.

No, it's funny that, isn't it? So I can't wait for his book when he retires from office. Diplomacy, the J.D. Way. J.D. Your way to International Harmony. That's something, I mean, although Donald Trump is clearly a lunatic, there's something just incredibly annoying about JD fans. I'd love to put my finger on it. I don't know what I'd do if I did put my finger on it.

Can we just celebrate the glory, the absolute glory that is the Artemis II and the crew? I'm in love with all those people. I just think they're astonishing. I'm so, so glad they made it back okay, Jane. because actually you do forget how dangerous space is. Oh my God. When they were sending back all of their pictures

and they were laughing, do you know what I really liked about them? It annoyed me at first that they spoke in a completely normal, slightly kind of parochial way about things in space. And then the more I heard of that, the more I thought, no, that's fantastic. Because you don't want it to all be profound and different and otherworldly, even though it is.

there was something very humbling about the fact that they were just bobbing around. I did think that her hair was very wild and curly, and maybe she needed a couple of bubbles. Yes, let's go straight for the real nub of the matter, which is do women in space let themselves go. Fly away hair and space, that will be the article in the mail by the end of the week. They're probably already written it. No, there's something about the way they communicated.

All four of them happened to be, as well. as extraordinarily gifted in any number of other ways, really, really good communicators. I mean, I get what you're saying, but in a way, I think the extraordinary circumstances they were in reduce them to a much more human level because there aren't any words

that can do justice to their experience and to what they saw. And it would have been annoying if they had tried to make everything incredibly kind of literary and poetic and dynamic. you did just want to have conveyed to you how mind-bogglingly incredible it was and it would reduce you to words of one, two, three

of your lucky syllables, wouldn't it? If you could pick a writer to send into space too, tell us what they made of what they saw and what they felt, who would you choose? God, what a great question. I'm going to have to give that a little bit of a think, I think. Who would you pick? Pamers.

Pamers. and then Ken? Oh, I'm sorry. I know Ken Follett is remarkable, but I don't think he'd be brief. No, he'd probably, no, okay. I think Pam would be pithy. Yes.

And who else? Actually, I can't answer my own question seriously, really. But I do think it would be, when this becomes a little more regular, as it might, it might, to get to your point about, you know, verbosity and, brilliant users of language, wouldn't it be wonderful to send a poet or a writer up there to try to tell us how they see things? Well, I mean, it's been a criticism in the past, hasn't it, of people who have gone not into space but right high up into the echelons of very expensive gravity, that when they come back down, they have been a bit mundane.

I mean, Katie Perry is the absolute ultimate example. And William Shatner was a bit disappointing, wasn't he, when he came back down? So I thought with the space crew of Artemis that I felt a little bit like that at the beginning that they needed to be giving us something that the ordinary human or the talented actor in Shatner's case didn't seem capable of providing but because they were up there to give a commentary

weren't they on their life up there so it didn't bother me at all I couldn't get enough of that No well let's hear it for people you'd like to send into space and why Yes, and I will give that a bit of thought because it's a very, very good question and I don't want to just blurt out a name

because with writers and with books it always tends to be the couple of people I've recently read. Well, that's the thing. Now, if I were to give this serious thought, you would have to pick someone who could attempt to speak for all humanity and that's just not possible, isn't it? You can't just send a white bloke who's had a number of big, chunky bestsellers and hope for the best,

because what are they going to notice that a woman of colour who's been her entire, life in, I don't know, Gambia, what they would see and feel something completely different, presumably. Yeah, and you don't want to just send Freedom at Fadden because she's got ten books in the top ten bestseller list, even though she has. She's revealed her true identity, hasn't she?

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I think I was amazed that she managed to retain her pseudonym for so long, actually, because there must be so many people in her normal life who did know what she was up to and it's such a tempting secret if you're one of those people whose currency is gossip

what a fantastic piece of gossip that would have been and she was working in a hospital setting she still is from time to time her real name's Sarah Cohen isn't it and it's exactly the kind of thing that you know in the locker room when you're changing into your scrubs

you'll never know what I know etc etc so well done her for keeping it stung for so long you'd think one or two of the neighbours might noticed the extension, the swimming pool. Yeah, maybe she's been incredibly modest in her spending. A helicopter landing pad. If you wrote a bestseller and you got an advance of, you know, sudden wealth in the advance, like a million pounds, what would be the first properly extravagant thing that you bought be? Okay, I would buy a holiday home probably somewhere not far from

where I actually live, but I'd make sure it had a full-time, like, caretaker. Lovely. A proper housekeeper. Yeah, a proper housekeeper, yeah. Yeah, housekeeper, in fact. Or I might even just get a housekeeper and never mind the second home. What would you do? I'd probably do something quite similar. I've always, always wanted my own swimming pool. So I buy a bit of land, build a huge pool and a tiny shed. So nobody comes to stay. I could just go swimming whenever I want to. And lots of other people. can come swimming with me, but you can't have endless stay overnight. I don't ever want to have a proper second home, actually.

I don't, I felt frustrated enough by one boiler breaking, Jane. Yes, I think there's all kinds of very sound political reasons against people having only second homes. I just wouldn't be able to remember what was where. I don't think they're necessary, for God's sake. You've got one home, you should be grateful for it. But I do, your commitment to swimming is such that having a swimming pool would make sense to you. I just be changed.

I don't think it's easy to have a swimming pool. Do you not? No, I think it can be very difficult to maintain. No, I don't think it is these days at all. Isn't it? Oh, you sounded very clipped there. Like, oh, I don't think so at all. No, okay, right.

I don't think so. I did some gardening yesterday. At least I hope it was gardening. Oh, well, you can explain why we've got a plant in our vision in a sec. Oh, yes. But I actually just spent, and do you know what? It was strangely life-enhancing. I just went out there with my local council-provided sacks.

and filled two of them with all kinds of, what I hope very sincerely, were weeds and other bits of overhang. The few bits that the foxes haven't already mangled. And I just felt like a real woman of the soil by the time I'd finished, I can tell you that much. Well, there's definitely something in it, isn't it? There's a nation of gardens.

I think there is. Okay, so the plant is very, very strong smelling. And what is it for? Well, I always want to call it a lemon-centred, geranium but its proper latter name is a pelagonium and it's had quite a journey already in its short line. It certainly has. So it was a gift from the Horatio's Garden in Salisbury which my lovely sister and I went to visit on Easter Monday as guests of Dr. Olivia Chapel who runs the charity which is set up in the name of her son. So the garden is in memory of Horatio and it was

because he had done basically some work experience volunteering at the spinal treatment centre in Salisbury and school holidays when he was really young and he thought, God, what the patients really need here is better outdoor space. So after he died at just 17,

Olivia picked up that baton and what she's created is just incredible. It is a garden that is dedicated to the patients in the spinal injuries unit and continues, exactly the same kind of thoughts that Horatio had had when he was just 16 years old about what would really help them. But do you know what, Jane, I was so blown away by how beautiful it is because the Salisbury District Hospital, absolutely no disrespect at all. They're dealing with

what they've been given. It is a sprawling sight. Is it brutalist? Yes. Well, it's mostly low-level, you know, almost like something left over from the Second World War type buildings. And it is struggling with all of the same site restrictions that hospitals around the country have. So they just, of course the NHS doesn't have the money to make everything look absolutely beautiful. But then you walk into Horatio's Garden and it's this extraordinary, beautifully planted, well thought out, really spiritually uplifting place that is dedicated to bettering the lives of the spinal injury unit patients while they're there. And of course, some of them are there for months.

months and months at a time. So it's such a wonderful thing. And if you want to just go and have a look at it online, I'd highly recommend it. And this plant is a gift from Alex the head gardener. And I also want to say a massive hello to Marie, who's one of the volunteers there. She's lived in Bournemouth quite a long time,

but she's from originally, Jane. Oh, I can't believe it. Yes. Is she? Wherever. Wherever I go. Haunted by Scouses. Yeah, so it's lovely to meet you, Marie.

And thank you very much indeed. for the geranium to Alex and we're going to try and keep it going. But I brought it into work today and I brought it in on the tube and I'd watered it this morning and all that kind of stuff and even I met downstairs

because we were meant to be doing something else and then we came up here and I put it on the handrail in the lift in the pot that I'd brought it in. Oh no. And it fell off and smashed. And I'm not very good at gardening, Jane. And that just kind of summed it up.

So basically, it's going to look better than it does at the moment. and I think the simplest thing is just to put Eve in charge of it, isn't it? Not based on... Do you want to come in? You should not put me in charge of anything right now. Well, who can be in charge of the plant? We're going to have to do a team effort on this kids.

I can take some responsibility for the plant because we do have some others that are on the set of our YouTube podcast. Yes. And they will also need watering. So we can have a small plot going on. Yes, I think so. And I'm absolutely determined. make this one thrive

because usually I can do injury to plants just by buying them that is just to say today's episode didn't happen is not visualised no because that broke too that also broke

yeah and welcome to Monday everybody and we need to say thank you yes to Felicity Specter who's a she well she does all sorts she works for Channel 4 News she writes about food particularly Ukrainian food

she's been to Ukraine again she was a guest on the podcast not that long ago at all and she has got us some beautiful chocolates and the great thing about they are called meaty chocolates which I know probably isn't the best name for chocolates when you think about it but it's me tee me double e yeah anyway there's the packaging it's absolutely gorgeous

it opens like a book and inside there are 12 fingers of chocolate in the most gorgeous designed wrappings absolutely beautiful Easter eggs, kind of ceramic type. Would you describe them as ceramic? Rugs. They're just beautiful. Garlands.

They're so delicate and lovely. I'm just going to dig in and just have a little bit of chocolate. Why not? Let me do it. Have you had a lot of chocolate in your house over Easter? Do you know what? We haven't even really made much of an impression on the amount of chocolate we had.

Thank you, Felicity. It's really thoughtful of you. And to be honest, I was very disappointed by some of the chocolate products I did have. Well, did you go a bit too posh? No. Oh, okay. Not really. Because sometimes I think the more expensive ones,

there's just too much of them to enjoy it. A very expensive chocolate is probably quite nice when you just have a tiny block, but not a whole Easter egg. No, I mean, I had a really, a cavapoo that really let me down. Oh, gosh, I've seen those. You know what I'm saying? Yes, I have seen those. Don't get them. No, that's weird.

Just don't get them. Anyway, thank you to Felicity, and thank you for the beautiful geranium. which we will take care of. No, we will. Yeah, no, we absolutely will. If you've had a scam email from me, it's a scam. You've got to explain the scam.

Have we already talked about this? I think we probably should mention it just in case. Yeah, we explained it just before Easter, but since then there's actually been a few more instances. Oh, right. Gosh, it sounds like Crime Watch, doesn't it? Very serious. Yes, it is quite serious.

So if you have had an email, if you've ever written a book and you suddenly, out of the blue, get an email from someone pretending to be me, They are only pretending, and don't send money, okay? Do not send money. The scam email assumes that you're still back at Women's Out at the BBC. No, some of them are now even from Times Radio. And it says...

Purporting to be from Times Radio, they're not. We're very interested in having you on the programme, but for logistical reasons, you'd have to pay a small thing. It was $160 or something. Yeah, but the first email doesn't mention anything about money. It's just an invitation. to be interviewed by you. And then when you replied, they then say, just to secure this, send something like...

But it's like 160 dollars. It's weird. It's clearly a scam. It's clearly a scam. I mean, obviously, I charge much more than that. Yes. I'm talking loads more. It'd be 10, 15 grand in sterling, if you don't mind. So pay no attention, but do tell your friends and neighbours. Run up and down the street now, knock on people's doors.

Tell them if you get an email from someone saying they're Jane Garvey. They're not. I think this is just a very, very canny double bluff. Well, listen, just because I've brought a private plane over the Easter week, don't read too much into that thing. No. Thank you for all of your emails in our very, very full email box over the last week. We have kept quite a few of them back and we'll sprinkle them throughout the week.

But we did finish before we went on holiday with a book club special, didn't we? Which was reviewing a town like Alice by Neville Schut. and we had more emails about that book than we've ever had in book club. So thank you very much indeed. Sue just wants to say the edition was perfect. I listened with some trepidation because, like for some other listeners, this book has had a place in my heart since I was a teenager. I reread it just recently for the book club,

and I was really upset by the casual and integral racism and sexism. But I still love the story, and I like Noel and the slightly plodding style. It was great to hear all of the views. expressed in a very balanced discussion. Another comment intrigued me the mention of Maeve Binchie, a wonderful storyteller. I turned to her when life gets stressful

and I was touched to find that when my 85-year-old dad was looking after my mum before she died from dementia, he was reading Maeve for comfort. Are there any other authors your listeners would recommend for comfort reading in troubled times? Sue, it's a great question to ask

and we could do with compiling a list because I think at the moment you do need a certain type of book if you want to calm yourself down or lose yourself in a different world. And it has to be quite a careful book, doesn't it? Because we're all just a bit jittery. You know, the world is not right at the moment. It's just not right, Jane. Well, I would suggest if people, and I'm very jealous of them, if you're out there and you've not read a Maeve Binchie, I can still remember the first Mayf Binchie I read, which I think might have been her first published book. It might have been her

first published novel. It was called Light a Penny Candle. And it was essentially about friendship between an Irish girl and an English girl over the whole of their lives. I think that's what that book was about. Isn't it stupid that I remember the book with such affection, but I can't quite recall the plot anyway. That's not a bad place to start. I am reading a truly amazing book at the moment, which I might have mentioned before,

called A Far-Fung Life by M.L. Stedman, the woman who wrote The Light Between the Oceans. What I'll say about this book is, to your point, something happens relatively early on the book, which does shock you. But then it's about how the characters go on from that point to recover themselves and live their lives. And it's absolutely heartbreaking that book, but it is so brilliant. It's about the Australian outback, about a sheep station. And I can't, honestly, I don't really want to finish it because I will miss it, if that makes any sense.

but it's not without some shocking content just as a warning. Do you know what I read two books over the course of last week both of them I absolutely ingested because they were so fantastic. I'm not sure that they'd really fit the specificity of recommendation for calming books but I would recommend them anyway.

Claire Lynch, a family matter which is a really extraordinary, quite short novel about it's a fiction life. account, but based on the reality of what happened to lesbian mothers, if they ended up in court being divorced. And it's astonishing in its detail. Quite a lot of the conversations are actual conversations and our actual testimony that was heard in court in the 1980s. It's not that long ago. And it is mind-boggling the prejudice that existed. And so many mothers had their children taken away from them because the courts could successfully argue that they were a perverted

influence on their children's lives. So, you know, it's very, very shocking and heartbreaking, but it's a beautifully told story. And I would just say it's worth getting right to the end. I'll just pop that in there. Okay. The second book is London Falling by Patrick Radden-Keefe, which is an incredible, detailed, journalistic investigation in to the death of a 19-year-old boy, Zach, who leaves a balcony and dies in the River Thames in the early hours of a morning. And it's about the journey that took him to that balcony.

But as an investigation of the dark side of wealth in London, I've never read anything like it. It is absolutely bloody brilliant. But again, I wouldn't go there if you're looking for a kind of sal, for our times. But I'll go there if you want a really, really remarkable book. But we should put together a list that Sue's suggested.

A kind of playlist of comfort reading. Yes. Comfort reading, but good. So it's not saccharine. No. Because nobody needs that. We're not that. We know. That's not what we're asking for.

Oh, no. Oh, no, we're not. No, we're not. And a couple of other suggestions for the book club, next book club. We will definitely take all of those. We haven't really decided on a kind of theme for the next book club. But Katie suggests Ms. Smiller's feet. for Snow by Peter Hogue.

It's the second time that book's been mentioned. It's because of the Greenland Connection. It's phenomenal. It came out in 1992, and I read it then. I've never forgotten it, but it just hasn't been referred to in 30 years. So it's fantastic that it's making a little bit of a comeback. It's a good, good book, Jane, very good book.

And another recommendation, that one came in from Katie. One recommendation from Lydia is Interesting Women by Andrea Lee. the sometimes spicy stories focus on women not from Italy, but living in Italy. And I thought it might be of interest to listeners, as many of us are living in foreign lands. And short stories tend to be quite a neglected genre. I like the sound of that very much. I just, you know, I'm sorry, I don't like short stories. Well, if anybody else would like to join me in a reading of short stories, I don't know what.

I know. I know. I should. I know, but you're having your opinions changed a little bit. Not at all. By the book. ever had my opinion changed on it. No, you are. You are. So maybe you will come to love the short story.

There is a slim possibility. About as slim as me joining the crew of Artemis 3, I think, to be honest. I have to say that, can we just be honest about the other side of the moon? It was a bit of a letter. What were you hoping for? Crazy golf. A couple of shopping centres.

A new town. A bypass I mean In the nicest possible way It just looked Exactly A big B&M I didn't

Sorry A little snort there Really unpleasant I mean we have no right At all To cast dispersions Because I don't see the British Getting to the moon

No but wouldn't it have been hilarious If they'd gone around the dark side of the moon And that's where everyone was hiding It was a Oh Found out! many years have we been waiting? We thought you had us back in the late 60s.

Oh, God. Right, Mary says, happy Easter, and I don't normally rave about films, but I went to see Project Hail Mary, and I came out feeling I was walking on air. This is the space connection. This is how even I felt, isn't it? Walking on air we were, unlike when we left the boat race, when I couldn't walk in a straight line, to be honest, Fee. And that was because of these malign influence.

You nearly got washed away by the Thames. Did you get her pissed? Had to make a quick case. She got herself a bit pissed. I was on the sparkling wine run for Jane. And then I did ply her with... Excuse me, I did not notice you having an abstemious... What I will say about the boat race, having been very rude about it before.

Well, you see, here we go. Opinions. Opinions can change. We should just say that Times Radio did coverage of the boat race this year. It was in the capable hands of nautical, but... Nice Jane Mulcairons, who helmed the coverage from the balcony of a sailing club, was it? I've lost all the details, but anyway. Who won? Cambridge.

No, I don't think they did. I think Oxford won the women's race. Oxford won the women's. Yeah. And I got told off by my mum because my mum said, who won? And I said, Cambridge. And she said, is that both of them? Good, fair venous point, mum.

The women's was won by Oxford. I did listen to it on Times Radio, I promise. It was actually a really... I didn't. No, shut up. It was a really, I'd have to say, I'd be tempted to go again. It was just a jolly day out. See, I've absolutely, I've completely had it with you and your opinions.

Okay. You just turn on a bloody sixpence. Just add a small glass of sparkling wine to anything. And Jane's straight on in there. I think it was maybe, it was a democratic event. And it was the fact that you didn't have to pay to go, I suppose. Obviously, the sparkling wine wasn't, well, it was on the company card, strictly speaking. wasn't it? It's on days like that fee

when I don't miss the BBC. I'm just going to push back a tiny bit on a democratic event because your big beef with it before was that the same two sides get to the final. It's not democratic at all. I meant in the terms of the crowds who joined us on the banks of the Thames. Right. Do you think many of them had a B&M loyalty card? No, actually some of them were wearing their old blazes and things like that. But not everybody. Not everybody, no. No.

No. I set off. I think I, did I walk to the bus stop with you and Jane Markerians? I don't know. We went across Putney Bridge together. Yes, and I think I then thought, I can walk home from here. And about halfway home. I told you.

Well, I remember going, do you remember when we were doing Thomas Fudge's entrance at the Chelsea? Who can forget? Flower show. And you left Thomas Fudge's entrance, trying to make it back to East West Kensington. And the rest of us, because we live completely the other side of town, had hopped into a cab and left you to it. And I think you ended up on Knightsbridge, which is just completely the wrong direction.

I ended up at the embassy of Papua New Guinea or something like that. I couldn't understand how I'd got there. It might have been the High Commission. Anyway, whatever it was, I shouldn't have been there. I did get home in the end. Well, look, I'm very glad that you had a lovely day. It's amazing that Times Radio has brought the coverage to it, and there will be full-on coverage from here on in, I suspect.

Can I just say that I was trying to manhandle the lamb in the absence of my child? had said that they were going to be available to do the lamb, but then they got a job, and absolutely fair enough. But I followed Tom Kerridge's instructions to the letter, because he had been in on the programme the day before, and I love Tom Kerrigan, I absolutely love his cooking. And it was very dry. See, I like dry land.

So I don't know what I did wrong. Well, it's interesting you mentioned, Tom, because I also roasted a cauliflower following his advice. Shit. Yeah, no, it was really weird. And because I actually, I'd written it all down when he'd said it. And it involved putting a lot of juice and stuff like that

in the bottom of the lamb pan and leaving it for three hours. And it just looked like I'd left meat in the oven for three hours. So I'm sorry about that, Tom. I need to pay a little bit more attention. Well, the great Mary Berry once said to me, Jane, you must know your oven. That's very true.

Do you know what she wants to describe some biscuits that I made in her presence as being very suitable for the family biscuit tin? It's such a pass-ag comment. It's wonderful, wonderful, Mary. Let's go back to our contributor, Mary, who is still talking about Project Hell Mary. She came out, as you might recall, if you were listening 18 hours ago, she came out at the cinema feeling like she was walking on air.

She says it might have been the feel-good factor, maybe a sugar rush from all the snacks, large bag of popcorn, sharing bag of giant buttons that I didn't share, an almond croissant and a Coke. Blimey, Mary, go for it, girl. Or perhaps nearly three hours with Ryan Gosling, probably a combination of all three. I agree it had several climaxes, but I was glad. at each one that it didn't actually end. My husband and son of 16 also enjoyed it as much as me.

I cannot recommend it highly enough. I was slightly distracted by his glasses hanging under his chin, which I probably wouldn't have noticed had you not mentioned it, and his continuous good hair day. But we wouldn't have enjoyed it half as much if he hadn't been able to shave, and somehow managed to give himself a great haircut after waking up from his coma. Yes, that's true, actually, if you do wake up from a coma in space. it does help if you know how to cut your hair because obviously men in space comers grow full beards

while they're fast asleep I thought isn't it thank goodness women do for that Seeking life advice in San Francisco Dear Fian Jane Hello first of all thank you both I've been listening to your podcast for at least 10 years Now quite a lot of people are pointing this 10 year thing out

It's not 10 years is it Well it's 10 It's nearly 10 years since we started doing Fortunately started fortunately in January 2017. I remember that because there were other things happening at the time. You helped get me through my master's programme in the UK and have continued to keep me company throughout the years, etc., etc. I'd love your advice. I'm 32 years old and feeling behind in life and out of step with my peers. Most of my college friends got married in the last three to four years and are starting to have children.

Our conversations have largely revolved around these topics. Meanwhile, I've been going on date. So many dates for several years, but haven't found the right person. Life can be lonely in general, but especially when it feels like everybody in my network is busy with their growing families. And I know I would love to have children. I'm honestly feeling quite down about it. I know logically that I'm not behind because there's no one path or right structure of life that truly means you're on track. And I am highly aware that I have a lot to be grateful for. I have loving and supportive parents, close friends who whilst married try their best to empathise, and a small group of single friends who can relate.

But some days it feels like I'm just going through the motions of what the general advice out in the world says to do. Get on with the day, find some purpose, eat well, exercise, etc. But the feeling still lingers. I know that isn't an easy solution to this, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Many thanks, a faithful listener in California. Well, where should we start with that?

Well, first of all, she's absolutely right that there is no right time supposedly to do anything, is there? So park that, and you've already parked it because you acknowledge it in your email. Just because some of your friends appear to be quotes ahead of you in some ways, I mean, let's just be really cynical, it could just mean that they, you know, they get divorced a bit sooner than the other people. They've got married, so they'll probably spit on. No, I think it's the children thing, isn't it? Oh, happy days. Well, you know, that's, be real. Statistically, you're on target. Yes, unfortunately.

You know, some of my happiest friends are those who certainly weren't settled down, in quotes, at 32. Absolutely not. That the true love of your life might come your way at 72, 65, who knows? It's the children thing. I mean, there's no point not acknowledging that in women, that is the issue, isn't it? Yes, massively so. And it certainly would have been, I mean, well, I was 32, and I was I,

Yes, I was in a relationship at 32, but didn't have my children until later than that. But there's no doubt that's what I was obsessed with. That was much keener on having children than getting married, if I'm honest. Okay. Did he know? Can I say that? Yeah. Oh, I think he knows. He knows now. But what would you say?

I would say that you can't ignore what becomes an increasingly painful elephant in the room. and I think it is incredibly difficult when you're having conversations with your friends who are empathising with you but they're not in that situation I think that is very difficult indeed because of course they're being kind

and of course they love you and I imagine that they will be saying the same kind of thing that you've just said you know there's no rush and it could happen and all that kind of stuff but actually if they've got to a place that you want to be in I totally get that.

That's very difficult and I think you're wise actually to just try and maximise your time with other people who don't yet have children until you work out what it is that you want to do because otherwise there is a quite painful reminder of what's not going on in your life, you know, nearly all the time, which is just not particularly helpful. I do think these days the frontier of parenting is so magically different to how it was in previous generations. it might be worth just exploring lots and lots of other options

to keep your mind busy. You know, you can have a child on your own, you can have a child through sperm, donor, you can look at adoption, you can foster, you can do lots of things on your own now that previous generations didn't have as different options. So maybe that's just an idea. I'm not saying do any of those things,

but would it be helpful to just be looking into all of those things just to rest that voice in your head that's saying I might not make this thing happen that I really, really want to happen in my life because you can. I mean, you could if you wanted to. Also, I just think, I mean, people know this anyway. Having children isn't the answer to any of your problems. You will still be you after you've had a child. It's just that you're still you, but with a whole host of other responsibilities.

But also I think, Jane, that's so, I think that's very, very easy for us to say we have children. Absolutely. It is. And that's why I completely acknowledge that the real issue here is not perhaps, I'm guessing, and you can tell us, not the lack of a relationship, but perhaps that beginning to be coming quite overwhelming thought that maybe you won't be able to have a child or you won't have one. But you're only 32. So forget it. Honestly, at 32, time is still on your side. I appreciate you. had more time a decade ago. But I just having children is wonderful and consuming and but you're still, you are still yourself. And also, don't you think that if you've got heaps and heaps of time on

your side and let's say you get married when you're 28 or 29 and you love each other very much and you want to start a family, you've got five or six years in which to travel the world, do whatever it is you want, build your careers, and that may, you know, form part of your long-term plan. I think there's a different horizon for men as well as women in their mid to late 30s where they're realistic about the fact that if they want to start a family, they don't have the same luxury of six years travelling and building their careers. So although you might not have met somebody yet at the age of 32, you might meet someone at 36 and actually, you know, you just both decide that you do want to crack on and have a family and therefore you're just going to get on

with it because you know it feels right so it's not that you're always going to be behind your friends you might end up having your first child when they're having their second and also do you actually know how your friends are i mean everybody gives an account of their life experience even to their closest friends that is just that it's just an account it's just what they feel like saying on that day to that person you will never know our correspondent what is truly going on in somebody's life and in their head and in their relationship if they're in one. So just don't assume that everybody is quite as Instagram happy as they may appear to be. You're also in a part of the world and we won't

give away any further details where I think that I think you've got a very rather blissfully diverse mix of communities going on in the city that you're in. So, I hope you can find lots of places where you know you feel at home and feel open talking about this as well. Well, you'd hope so, wouldn't you? Yeah, I mean, I think it's very different if you're stuck in a very small rural community

and you don't have an awful lot of choice ahead of you. I think we're safe to say that our correspondent is in a country that is, should we say, has challenging leadership just at the moment. Yeah, welcome to Hungary. No, no, we're not saying that. No, Hungary's turned a corner. Hungry's turned. Well done, Hungary. Yep.

This one... I'll be so pleased. It's called, obviously not a lady geyser. And I think we're okay, because we're just reading this one out, Eve. You mentioned local elections, and it reminded me about something that came in the post this week. I'm in Wales. And with the elections coming up, get the usual generic leaflets through the door. However, this week there was a letter addressed to my husband.

I opened it, obviously. He doesn't do admin. He's an engineer. He's nuts and bolts, and I'm... pen and paper. Imagine my surprise to see that not only was it a political leaflet but from Reform UK, not addressed to the household, but just my old geyser of a husband. Nothing for the lady of the house. My poor old husband couldn't be further from a reform voter, but he works amongst an awful lot of men that are. So it was obviously targeted. I happened to be lighting the fire at the time and I was so incensed I put it on the fire. I attach a picture for your enjoyment. Lovely to see,

I'm just reading this. Just read it. Lovely to see that big mouth face go up in flames. Very satisfying. I understand if you can't read this out, but I thought you might enjoy the site. Well, we won't comment on that at all. We don't do politics, but thank you very much indeed for that. Thank you, Sharon, very much indeed. But also, that is naughty, isn't it?

Just addressing it to the man of the household. Can other people tell us if this has happened to them in Wales? I'm very interested in this. Well, across the country, who are your leaflets being addressed to? because all of our stuff that's come through the door because we've got elections, local elections in London as well. It's always been the household. And in fact, the only one that was specifically addressed

to both myself and my son was from our local MP Meghilia, but it was a very, very specific thing that's happening in Hackney. It wasn't slightly tied to the local elections, but not entirely. But everything else is just the household. Yeah, I find that.

We don't know that reform are targeting men. We don't. But our correspondent suggests, Sharon, suggests that they might be. That somehow her husband has got onto a list of people worth targeting, that she's not on. Right. Okay, but he's not a reform adjacent individual. What's the matter of you? Reminded to me of something I have to give you.

Okay, thank you. Oh, should I go into now? Yeah, why don't you? We've got an email here about face blindness. So this is important, actually. from, I don't know whether we, do you think we could, she's a very well-known individual, really?

She is a very well-known individual. Let's just call you M, if you don't mind. As, oh, she does say, as one of the not-quite celebrities you've interviewed to have face blindness. Okay, it's Mary Ann Seacart. Hello, Marianne. I thought I'd write to say how sad I felt

when you claimed that we pretend to have it as an excuse to blank people in the corridor. Okay, I think it was me that said that. I shouldn't have done it. I'm mortified, she says, to think of how many people I've unintentionally blanked because I've genuinely not recognised them. It's horrible to imagine that they think I've snubbed them on purpose

as good manners do mean a great deal to me. I wish I could remember faces. It would make my life so much easier. By suggesting to your listeners that face blindness is a sham, you've made it harder still. Believe me, face blindness is a thing. About 3% of us suffer from it, and that will include a lot of your listeners,

or should I say viewers now? Well, not today due to an administrative balls up. I too find it difficult to follow the plots of films. Please share a bit of compassion. Right, well, I'm really sorry, and let's hope we do do that in the future. Because certainly following the plots of films must be almost impossible.

Well, I've never thought about the flashback problem, but that is so massively entrenched in so many different films and TV shows. Oh, I'm watching Bad Monkey at the moment. It's on the Apple Plus. It features Vince Vaughn. it's based on a Carl Hyerson book. And it's really good, Jane.

Is it? It is very good. Is it about a monkey? There is a monkey in there, but it's not. The Newmore might feature the monkey, but the monkey's just bobbin along at the moment. But if you're looking for something funny and actually just very well put together,

I would recommend that. It's not an entirely serious piece of work. A piece of work. Not really. Piece of work. Right. Yes. A fee, no, your fee

Eve has come back in with a box Thank you Okay It's a Kenfollowed chicks It's a Kenfollowed chicks Oh look we've got one each Yay Do you know what

My eldest daughter, she loves puzzles So she'll absolutely love this She doesn't know how lucky she is Do you like a puzzle Eve No Well that's all right I'm sure we can find a home Who are these from?

Ken Follett's PR. PR people. Oh, thank you. Ken Follett's PR people. Didn't someone email in a few months ago and they'd seen one in a charity shop somewhere. Maybe you were off. Right. And I think we discussed that we needed to get it sent for Jane. And then Ken's people kindly got in touch

and sent us some jigsawls of our very own. Well, because I really know this is going to go to a very grateful home. I couldn't be more excited. Thank you very, very much. What I did do over my week off, I don't wonder if anybody else has had this experience, I took some books to the charity shop because that's me for me. I'm a giver. I'm one of life's givers.

Right. And obviously, I mean, in all the seriousness, we do get a lot of books sent to us. We do, yes. And I sometimes get overwhelmed. But, I mean, is it just me or are people in those bookshops just not that pleased to see you when you come in with a load of donations? You think they'd be really pleased? They're quite grumpy. Oh.

God, I don't find that at all. Oh, well, okay, it's just me then. There's an amazing Oxfam bookshop on Upper Street in Islington. Fashionable Islington. And they're always, do you know what, they're always super happy to get the kind of almost new, just published ones. Really super happy. I'd be grateful. Well, maybe it's you, darling.

I don't know. I take them in my, you know, but sometimes I use a bag for life to take them in there. And do you leave the bag for life? I'm always quite specific about I decant and take the bag for life. Oh, I don't have time to decag. I'm usually parked on a double yellow. It's my life. It's my life.

It's my life. Good song, that. Talk, talk, talk. Right, okay. I think we've kind of befodled our way to the end, haven't we? We've got a puzzle, we've got a plant, we've got some chocolates. What could go wrong? We've got tons of recommendations for poor Eve to shove into the top bit. Can we just mention something else as well, which we might go on to talk about later in the week? There's an incredible podcast at the moment called Factor. which is out available wherever you get your podcasts from.

And it's about a baby who's left on a verge in Suffolk. And it's just an, it's an extraordinary story, actually. And I would recommend popping that between your ears and giving it a wiggle as well. There we are. And that should give you enough homework for the rest of the week. Oh, definitely. Our guests this week will include Tom Bradby, who's in talking about his latest spy thriller,

but we'll probably talk royals as well. Joanna Scanlon. Wonderful. Yes. And another guest, Eve has arranged. A guest yet to be fully explained and name-badged for us. But that will come our way. It's Jane and Fi at Times Dot Radio.

We are taking recommendations for the next Book Club book. And I think we've already decided, haven't we, that we're going to not gang up at all, but we're just going to use the powers of groupthink to suggest a compilation of short stories. Okay, then. But it's a bit of a gift because they're short, Jane. Yeah, come on, let's do it.

I like the sound of the spicy Italian. Jane and Fee at Times Drop Radio, thank you for bearing with us. Congratulations, you've staggered somehow to the end of another off-air with Jane and Fee. Thank you. If you'd like to hear us do this live, and we do it live,

every day, Monday to Thursday, two till four, on Times Radio. The jeopardy is off the scale. And if you listen to this, you'll understand exactly why that's the case. So you can get the radio online, on DAB, or on the free Times Radio app. Offair is produced by Eve Salisbury, and the executive producer is Rosie Cutler.