Off Air... with Jane and Fi - Getting quite arsey in a Skoda Monte Carlo

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

Please have your driving gloves at the ready - there’s plenty of car chat in today’s episode. Jane and Fi also chat replenishing the store cupboard, Windy Miller, cricket, and the dying art of sweet and sour. Please get your thoughts in for book club! We will be recording it this week. You can listen to our 'I've got the house to myself' playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2MkG0A4kkX74TJuVKUPAuJIf you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] us on Instagram! @janeandfiPodcast Producer: Eve SalusburyExecutive Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It really is broken Britain. That is when customers in waitros don't make sure that the handles are properly in their right place. You know, we've gone to the dogs. It is over for Britain. It is content. It is content. In fact, that was great content.

No, well, you were just reminiscing about your nights at the... a limelike club. No, no, because I wonder whether there might be some listeners out there who also enjoyed a night there. But we were more importantly, we were talking about how when you and I first came to London, you could drive around London really easily and you actually moved instead of being stuck in traffic. And also there were loads of places where you could just park.

And to the young people now, the idea that you could just park without having to download just park and all of that, it just seems crazy, doesn't it? It was completely different driving. conditions. I did have. I'm certainly very top gear now. I don't really want to. I did have issues with the parking app on Friday, I think it was. Went to a friend's house and normally walked there, didn't.

I can't remember why I didn't. And then I just couldn't. She had to pay my parking because she could use the app and they said my password was wrong and it wasn't. It's just so unrelacting, isn't it? Life, it's so unrelacting. But tech rage. What makes me relax, though, is a bath. And some people agree. Susan

says, dear all, baths are essential for my mental health. Just to shame they can't be deeper and also Julia I agree with Jane about baths in a bath you can listen to music or a story you can listen to the rain outside yeah you ever thought about that you can daydream you can doze you shouldn't doze should you not for long no no just a little bit of health and safety input there don't doze and one crucial thing that you absolutely cannot do in a shower and I speak from bitter experience having just returned from a holiday rental

which only had the shower option you cannot bath a baby they don't understand showers at all water goes in their eyes and the shower attendant me in this case gets a soaking all houses need a bathtub says Julia that is a very

good point Julia and I hadn't thought about that in the houses that now don't have bars at all what do you do with a baby we used to love bath time I had baths with my kids until they're about kind of I think three or four

enormous fun times Yeah well I didn't get in usually What did I? I can't remember It was always a big argument about the tap end And it's normally the elder child That gets to sit at the back isn't it Yeah Well you see you say that but I don't

I don't remember my sister and I Having that kind of a ding dong Maybe we just took it in turns I don't know What's the month difference Between you and your sister Or year different Two years. Two years, okay.

Months? What are you suggested? Irish twins. There are months between us. I mean, years, but we're definitely under two years. Maybe that makes a difference. I don't know in terms of taps. I don't want to start tap wars. Tell us about your favourite tap. Yeah. We're almost back in Wix there for a second.

Oh my goodness. Oh, my goodness. So the thing that I learned as well in Wix is that you don't have to have a tiled splashback in a shower, you can have what looks like a kind of wooden... Wood effect? Yes, like very tiny planks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a revelation to me. But they've obviously developed, but it's waterproof.

It's waterproof, it's not going to cave in on a first encounter with the water. Or kind of grow lichen of it. No, it's not... A load of moss coming out of here. No. But it's, yes, it did look rather nice, though. It looked incredibly nice.

them any more for you published. It was interesting. I really do think the world does divide slightly into shower and bath people, but Julia's point there about young, very young people. It's very good, Julia. It's a good point well made. Shall we just get all of the ablutions out of the way with the sleeper to Inverness, the title of the email which comes in from Best Wishes Fiona from Hove. It's not Brighton, it's Hove. I laughed, Fee, when I heard you talk about going for a wee in the sink. I've done it many times too. I travelled up to see my parents in Bucky and Cullen. Do you remember the old man sitting in his garden with his cup of tea around Aveymore? He had a life-size cut out of a person and as the train went past he would pull a cord

and the arm would wavered us on the train. We'd get up especially to see him. I don't think he's there anymore. He was about 90 years old. By the way they've now got a toilet in the sleeping compartment. So I hadn't seen him but but what so you get up in the in the, in the the night so this is the sleeper train yeah so i don't know what i suppose on a summer's evening it's very very light yeah all the way through but no i i've never seen the man around aviemore but i bet some people have so unless you've been having a little bit of a funny mushroom omelette on the train so if anybody else can remember uh this guy what a fantastic thing to do with your afternoons just just sit in your garden waving that's lovely

It is actually lovely. It's one of those very simple, rather lovely bits of human interaction. No harm done there. Everyone's a winner. Yeah. Let's say more about that sort of thing. So the kids used to play sweet and sour from the back of the car. Oh, yeah.

Did you always do that? People wave and people don't wave. But even that seems to have fallen by the wayside, Jane. Can't do anything anymore, can you? No, you can't. Broke in Britain. It's Budget Week here in the UK. Oh, my goodness, is it Budget Week?

Two sleeps to go. go? Yes, yes indeed. And who was I was listening to the redoubtable Andrew Neal on Times Radio. I was listening to him to this morning. No, he's forthright in his opinions and we love him for it. But he was talking about nicknames and I was interested in this because Stig and or Kate asked him about Rachel Reeves a tactic, and you might call it a tactic, that sounds judgmental, I don't mean to be, but she has made various references to sexism to me. misogyny to mansplaining and her nickname is Rachel from accounts and it does on the face of it it does sound sexist doesn't it it really does and it's often used by rather silly men who have

absolutely no intellectual capacity at all but regard themselves as terrifically clever they're in the comments section under the articles yeah if they refer to her that way and Andrew said well they've always been nicknames for chancellors it's what we do in Britain so we've had apparently george Osborne was called Boy George, which I'd forgotten. I don't think it really caught on. I certainly don't remember that. And Philip Hammond was spreadsheet Phil. Can I just pause here for a second? There's so little that George Osborne hasn't come with Boy George, isn't that?

Is he... No, there's so much we could say, but we won't. I don't think they've got a lot in common. I don't know about politics. So it's just not a nickname that really works. Well, it's a nickname I simply never heard. No, okay. So, anyway, I interrupted your phone. No, no.

Philip Hammond? Spreadsheet, Phil. Yeah. But that wasn't sexist, was it? It was sort of, it was faintly derogatory. Andrew Neal's point was, and I mean, he's got a point, is that that's what Britain does. It does, it gives everybody in authority a nickname,

just cuts them down to size slightly. But, of course, we've never had a female chancellor before, have we? And you actually sense it in some ways, it's a tougher call than being the first female Prime Minister, weirdly. I don't know. Do you think that's wrong? I think maybe it is, because of exactly the same reason that some people have felt it's fair to deride her ability to grasp figures properly because that's what Rachel from Accounts is all about.

That's what it means, yeah, yeah. You know, you're just the woman who fills in the balance sheet. You wouldn't have any hugely bright Keynesian ideas. about the economy. So maybe it is a tougher call. I don't know. I mean, I just hope we've got a female head of the CBI, haven't we? We've had one for years.

There are women at the top of companies. GSK has been run by a woman for years. Oh, I just hope we move on. I know that those are only two examples, and it definitely... I did hear a bloke this morning talking about the mansplaining thing and doing that kind of derision of it and I just thought oh my goodness it's just going to be so easy now

for any man who doesn't like being told what to do by a woman and this is what's going to happen on Wednesday we're going to be told what to do by a woman that's her job it's going to be so easy for a certain type of man to just rebut everything that she says and then go huh but I'm mansplaining and that's going to become quite teaching

Yes, isn't it? It really is, which has reminded me, actually, of Sally Wainwright. Because Sally Wainwright is the creator of Riot Women. Because so many of you have emailed about Riot Women. And we talk about television a lot, because we both love watching TV. And I'm now episode four of Riot Women. And this is from Red Maddie, who says, I've just watched the fourth episode.

And without spoilers, I felt sick, angry, activist and so very upset all at the same time. The awful nature of someone who's supposed to be someone we trust. with women, children and older people seen in such a cold light of day but probably also realistic so brutal. It's awoken something in me says Red Maddie. We see this behaviour time and time again everywhere and this week

with the POTUS as the most embarrassing heinous example of a human man yet again. It's caps lock on for that. Potus certainly had the caps lock on. Red Maddie, welcome to the hive. Thank you for the email. We don't want to do any more potential sports

of the show, but I saw that episode at the weekend and I am a billion trillion percent with you. Horrendous and I'm only, I'm praying that by the end of episode six there's some kind of conclusion to what I think that is a narrative arc involving

that character. Would I be right? So thank you for that and just to say as well, I have now read Patty Smith's book all the way to the end. Well, I mean you know, sometimes when you're a child and you'd pass through the bits where they just talk about the scenery and the trees and that

well I can't pretend to have read every single syllable of just kids by Faddy Smith but I have I've given it a jolly good going over excellent we're going to record the book club episode on Wednesday with Laura Hackett from the Times and the Sunday Times she's the Deputy Literary Editor and I'm so looking forward to hearing what she says about it and thank you for all your emails and it's really divided opinion it has had a mixed reaction

so we will chat more then and thank you you for bearing with us as well because it's been quite a long run this one isn't it we'll speed up a bit in the new year judith is in the lakes i just held my breath for eight hours this is on the recommendation of all her fault which i have thoroughly enjoyed your yet to watch sarah snook is in it it's all about parenting uh other half was away says judith and i couldn't do the empty house playlist as i don't have spotify oh i'm sorry about that judith um i hope one day you will but bloody hell it's shakespearean in its plot and intrigue cracking characters and hold your breath stuff

right until the end. It is a hard recommendation from me to my friends now. So move on to that. No, no. I mean, that's should you need to afterwards. Powerful words. It is on now or Sky Atlantic, so you do need a subscription. But to be honest, you need a subscription to everything.

Let's not forget that the licence fee is a kind of subscription. That's, yes, in some form. Yes. I'm just preparing everybody. for Charter Renewal. We need to manage our expectations. And as we speak, it's yet another difficult day for the BBC. It's going to be some big session at the Houses of Parliament later, isn't it?

Right. This is from Anonymous, but the email is entitled, NHS Women in Neurology. It's from this listener who says, I'm doing my glorious Saturday binge of this week's pods. Can you imagine listening to all the pods over one weekend? No, I can't. On Monday, Jane was wondering about men carrying out vasectomies versus female teams in cesareans. Well, last week, my husband had a prostate biopsy undertaken by a woman.

With his legs in stirrups and her finger up his rear end, he asked her how she found herself in that job. Well, I mean, you're going to make small talk, aren't you? And why not? Apparently, she started out in a burns unit but found it too traumatic. I hasten to add, she was really lovely, and any discomfort my husband experienced was not related to her gender. incidentally she did have the have the so-called top man visiting at the start of the procedure telling her precisely where she needed to target the patriarchy is alive and kicking warm wishes anonymous shall we try and think generously of that top man who came in because perhaps he was genuinely offering important directional advice on what what should be

what should be targeted. I can't think of a more pleasant way of putting it. Yeah, so I'm slightly hesitant to be overly critical of that chap, but maybe, I don't know, what do you think? I think it's only Monday. I think probably by Thursday, you might. I might be angry on Thursday. But well done to your husband.

And there's been a news story in the last 24 hours, hasn't it, about our former Prime Minister David Cameron saying that he has been successfully treated for prostate cancer. and I don't know if I had a quick look on the comments section and overwhelmingly as you would hope most people have just said oh good for you glad to know that you've recovered yes I'd definitely you know I'd like to know more about a prostate screening program but there are always a couple of people who think oh I know what I'll do

I'll just write worst prime minister of my lifetime exclamation mark and then leave the room and you just think what actually motivates these people, honestly? Why? Anyway, just a thought. Yeah, I'm with you. It would do all of us a favour if you just sometimes remembered to shut up. Yeah, just don't. Just let it lie. Yeah, God's sake. This one comes in from Sarah, and I really feel for you, Sarah.

It's called Crying in Sainsbury's. I don't think the fact that Sainsbury's is relevant, so let's just say that all other supermarkets could be included in this. Good day to you all and congratulations to Eve for passing her driving test. You've had many congratulations. It's got to be the most celebrated driving test success. Hasn't it just? In world history. So she is now 48.

This might not make any sense as I'm sitting in my car in Sainsbury's car park in Epsom and feel very upset at the moment. It's a nice store and most people are fairly normal while they're shopping or working here. Unfortunately today I rolled my eyes at a situation and enraged, man with his school-aged son in his trolley. The child was getting into the trolley by attempting to dive into it from the front and not getting very far. They were also taking up all of the room by the scanners. Actually, I do think school-aged children are just too big to be put in supermarket trolleys. Anyway, further into the shop, he started shouting at me. Don't you ever roll your

eyes at me again, you ugly, and I won't say the word, as he rushed past me. I said, say that again, you ugly what and he said you heard how rude was that says sarah actually i think i went into shock and called the manager and started crying he was very nice and said unfortunately there wasn't anything that he could do about customers upsetting other customers he had to have an order from head office i will send them an email later sarah goes on to say thanks for letting me rant i was surprised how upset i felt i was worried all the way around the store that i might encounter the swear it again and also I do think it's weird calling a woman that word it makes no sense so we send you our very best thoughts and good wishes and I think it's just so horrible

in any area of public life well and in private as well when someone breaks through that meniscus of politeness and just starts rather randomly being aggressive towards you I think you are entirely right to roll your eyes at a big kid trying to dive into a supermarket trolley. I mean, it's just, it's just boringly going to end in disaster, tragedy and annoyance. And also, just don't then respond in such a terribly aggravating way. I totally understand it. It's Sarah, isn't it? It is. Sarah, I'm really sorry that happened. And there is something about, as you say, the sort of everydayness of a trip to the supermarket. Nobody looks

forward to it. Although, curiously, I don't mind a trip to the supermarket. Yeah, you look forward to it a lot. Yes, I do. Nobody looks forward to it, apart from me. No, I like the idea of replenishing the store coverage. Yeah, no, and it should be a nice thing to go do. Exactly. Yeah. And, but, it's just, it's like the road rage incidents that we all probably encounter, I don't know, maybe once or twice a year.

It really, they are upsetting. They're really upsetting. And you just think, I remember that I was walking down the street probably a couple of years ago and a bloke approaching me just quite deliberately shoulder barge me because he could and I don't remember anything about him I don't know whether the roof's young old, whatever

but I just remember thinking God that's horrible why have you done that and it was simply because the opportunity was there and he took it and so I think that's on the same although there's a child involved as well which is really horrible

and it makes you think that poor child being brought up by this objectionable individual. But I'm sorry, Sarah, and don't let it put you off going. You go and fill your trolley. No. But also I think it's quite a valid point about staff not being able to intervene. So they'd only be able to intervene if that customer was incredibly rude to a member of staff.

Otherwise, you've got to get head office to sign you a permission slip to go up and say to somebody on our premises. Please don't talk to other customers like that. Which you would have thought maybe somebody was able to do. But to return to an all too familiar theme, I feel. so sorry for those security guards and supermarkets at the moment because everybody is expecting them to oversee situations that we would never have imagined would be happening every day you know kind of 10, 20 years ago

and the amount of stuff being nicked and then the kind of violence that can follow when somebody is stopped at the door is so horrible. There is an air of jeopardy, isn't there, around what used to be very calm situations. So Sarah, we're completely in utterly with you and I'm sorry that you had such a bad time as Jane says, don't let it spoil your supermarket visitage.

And honestly, I know it's a cliche, but most people are okay. In fact, most people are good, and they will help, and they are decent. It's just that every now and again, one of those scroats emerges from their underground lives. I always like a random chat in a supermarket queue, or, you know, when you're both facing the delicatess encounter. It's rather lovely, isn't it? Yes, oh, I was talking to a gent in waitrose only at the weekend. we were he was complaining and I don't blame him about those people who put their baskets on the floor

but they don't put the handles down properly so it's very difficult then for the next person to put their basket on top and he just said it really annoys him when that happened it really is broken Britain that is when customers in waitrose don't make sure that the handles are properly in their right place

you know we've gone to the dogs is over for Britain car in coming from Alice. I moved to San Francisco about two years ago from London. There are Waymo driverless taxis all over the city here. I love using them. They feel so safe and like travelling in your own little bubble. That said yesterday, I opened the door of my Waymo and found a pair of dirty knickers in the football. I can only imagine that someone was having a much more exciting commute than me. Alice, are you telling us that you commute to work in a driverless taxi?

That's exactly what she's telling us, Jane. And she just, as though it's like, well, so what? Welcome to the future. I know. I am amazed that that is such an everyday event. I didn't know San Francisco had them, actually. Well, we've got several emails from people from our listeners, our community in San Francisco, saying that, yeah, they're out and about.

Lots of people use them. They'll be in London in a couple of years time, Jane, and I bet you'll love them. In some ways, I think I might. In the sense that, you know, driving comes with a range of respect. responsibilities as Eve is eventually going to discover when she doesn't take to the road. And I suppose in a sense, for those of us who perhaps feel that in 20 years' time we might not want the responsibility, we will be utterly liberated. And for those of us who don't want another cab driver saying, we're under Shirea law, no, we're not.

We're not, actually. No, we're not. We're literally, we're driving past the old Bailey. We're not. Windy Miller from Andrew I'm so sorry Andrew says Thanks for referencing Windy Miller I think it was actually on the radio show last week I can't really remember

But anyway Windy Miller Was the man who had the windmill In Camberwick Green And was it Trumpton I think it was Camberwick Green Andrew says much overlooked character And here's his special phrase With a song that went with it

like a bird he'll watch the wind and listen for the sound which says he has the wind he needs to make the sails go round so there's no sort of flatulent joke there it's just an honest to goodness observation about the workings of a windmill thank you very much Andrew and I'm glad you share my interest in and affection for Windy Miller now we've also had quite a lot of correspondence

about dreaming in a different language so I think this all went back to a conversation we had about whether or not you thought in a different language if, you know, that was the sign of being truly bilingual. And we got onto the subject of whether or not you dream in a foreign language.

This one comes up from Emmanuel who says, I thought I'd chip in on your conversation about bilingualism. I distinctly remember the first time I dreamt in English. I'm French. I was a teenager staying on an Irish farm to learn English, albeit with a cork accent. Actually, I thought they didn't speak

English at first. That's how far removed it felt from school-level English. And that's another really, really good point. So in this tiny, tiny set of islands that we call the United Kingdom, English is spoken in such different dialects in such different ways. You had a problem understanding your own people sometimes on the phone at the moment. Yeah. If it's a very, very thick Scouse accent. And sometimes with a very, very thick Scottish accent, I won't be able to follow it to. So imagine if you come over to learn. Has it ever really been explained why, in such a small space, relatively speaking, accents change so much, so much? Well, I guess because we would have been a series of very, very, very rural communities, wouldn't we?

And actually quite remote for quite a long time, we've been able to build up different dialects. But I honestly don't know whether... Yes, yeah, we are connected by a series of motorways. And sometimes railways, if they're functioning. But I don't know whether it's the same in France That you would You would hear a completely different accent In Marseille as opposed to Leal

Is that the case? Well, we'll have to ask our French, wouldn't we? If you're out there in the French hive, let us know Could you spot somebody from Yes, what were the cities you mentioned, Leal and Marseilles? Yeah, how far away would they be geographically speaking

hundreds of miles away? Yes, they'd be hundreds of miles away Because it's a big country, France, isn't it? Yeah. I love it when you go geography teacher. You're right, it's a big country. I mean, it's... Life's international.

And France, it's more grand. It's a very... Very... Gonde. Should we pick it up with Emmanuel? Yes. Back to Emmanuel, yes. Anyway, I've now been living in Scotland for 25 years,

and I think entirely in English, so much so that French conversations with family say are slightly gauche, because I translate from English now. I don't really have French in my daily life, so my brain has completely switched. Of course, I can still speak, and if on holiday in France, after a couple of days, I loosen up a bit more. However, here is the interesting bit. When it comes to the alphabet or times tables, I have a primary school-aged child.

I have to do it in French. I simply can't tell you what eight times nine is, unless I say in my head, wheat foie nuff. It brings me back instantly to my childhood kitchen and my mum throwing the questions at me whilst cooking. Weird. No? She actually said no. Same with the alphabet song. I'm sure there's science in it somehow, but to us it's just funny. Sometimes I worry what will happen. If I get dementia, what will I speak then? What if I forget one and nobody understands me? Better not to dwell on that one too much. Keep up the good work. Well, Emmanuel, there is a condition, isn't there, whereby people do suddenly switch into foreign languages if they've had particularly a stroke. there's something that affects that whole side of your brain. Has that ever been properly explained? I don't think it has been.

But again, I'm sure that because we've got some very, very fine neurologists, haven't we, who've helped us out on brain things before on the podcast. So maybe they could get in touch. But I think that language thing, I've just always assumed that your brain actually is in better shape if you're bilingual or trilingual, because it must be having to work harder than ours. all the time or must have had to have worked harder at some time and I don't know whether that has any impact on you know degenerative

I mean illnesses too this is really interesting that isn't it I would always assume that if you're bi or trilingual you're obviously just incredibly bright yeah but then I used to going around a French supermarket I'd hear toddlers in supermarket trolleys as previously referenced speaking in French and I think wow they must be really clever and then you realise that they're just French that's why they're speaking French but it does take a while for that kind of thing to lodge you in what passes for my brain

so there you go we were talking about lodgers last week Sarah says following my divorce and having taken a career break to care for our children my income wasn't where I wanted it to be so I'd thought about having a lodger for a while

didn't really know where to start until I saw a request on my old school's Facebook page for someone to put up their early 20s daughter who'd just got a job in London well she was great she had a cupboard in the kitchen a shelf in the fridge another in the freezer

and shared about with my two daughters. All of the people who stayed here have been early 20s uni students or leavers who've left home but aren't quite ready to go alone. And they like the fact that the house is clean, we have cats and nobody steals their food. I rarely see them. They watch TV on their laptops and keep good hours. None of them have been party animals and it's worked really well. I now advertise on spare room. Well, that's quite a good way of dipping your toe into the lodging waters, isn't it? getting a uni or post-uny student who just wants a bit of order in their domestic situation because although we all like to think of ourselves as Marty Mavericks,

sometimes a little bit of order and a clean bathroom is quite nice. And there are some very good schemes, aren't there, where especially if you're an older person, you do actually want a tiny bit of help around the house, you'll be paired up with a student who will take the board and lodging and just do a little bit in return. and there are lots of people who have really enjoyed that relationship because that would be of comfort, wouldn't it? Both sides, I think. I would definitely also as a parent be delighted

if certainly if my kids ended up in far-flung places if they took a room in an older person's house just as they found their feet in a town or a city. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. You would feel there might be standards. And they'd just be safer. Yeah, someone who would just notice if they hadn't come home. home one night or whatever. I think maybe we're not

using our spare rooms as much as we should be. Although, always tell the taxman. Oh, God. Right. Tax man, of course. Oh, dear. Sometimes. Sometimes. You just, do you feel this,

the kind of the ghost of you and yours enters the studio? And you find yourself saying, absolute bunkum like that just because. We're on air, and we should. It's an audio comfort blanket. And you're very wide. feet, thank you. Should we go down under? And hear from Adam, who says, are you into cricket,

either of you? The ashes start here tomorrow. We're not into it either. Well, we don't talk about cricket anymore because apparently the Aussies did very well. And it's not the first time they've shown England up. To be honest with you, as regular tuners-in will know, I love football in all its forms. Women's, men's, I can take any amount of it. I don't understand the appeal of cricket. Do you? No. Right, so that's the end of that. My dad absolutely love cricket. Absolutely love cricket. And he would love to have seen just, you know, a tiny

glint in either of my sister or mine eyes to show that we were interested to. But, no. I don't understand why it just has to take so long. Get on with it. Well, to be fair, the Australians made light work of England and it only took two days and it could have taken five. Oh, no, but that's the thing.

thing, isn't it? And we have said before that maybe in retirement we might take up test cricket just so we could spend days, days away from everybody else. Sometimes they pan across the stands and you think that is what's happened. Is that another example of Broken Britain? It is. People have just decided to focus on something that takes a very, very, very long time to watch. Yes. Okay. If someone can explain the appeal of cricket, oh no, please don't send it to a different podcast. I don't want to know. it to a different podcast. Send it to Andrew Neal. I'm sure he's either getting a podcast or something. Something will be in the works. Anyway, since our youngest moved out a year ago,

says Adam, we've been rattling around our five-bed place enjoying the piece. With a whole floor of the house sitting unused, save for the occasional return visitor and putting up friends from the UK, we did wonder about taking in a lodger. So I'm in a Rooms for Rent in Perth, Facebook group. And about five weeks ago, a post popped up from a 22-year-old Scott suddenly needing to move out of his digs. Thinking of how we'd hope someone might help our own 21-year-old if he was stuck overseas, I messaged him. We met the next morning, heard the story,

his landlord's Cambodian wife was returning and wanted him out, and after exchanging knowing looks at one another, my wife and I offered him a room. We weren't keen on a long-term commitment, and as my wife reminded him, he didn't move halfway around the world to live with people his parents' age, but we agreed to see how it went. No contract, no deposit, just trust.

And you know what? It's been great, says Adam. He's easy and respectful company, splits his time between us and his girlfriends, uses the pool, brings his mates around, and it's all been very relaxed. He's heading back to Scotland in December, and we happily waive the rent in exchange for him looking after the dog, dog, dog, while we're away in January. We are kicking ourselves for not doing this sooner, although we know not everybody gets this lucky. well that's not a lovely cockle warmer of a story

yes it is and do you know what I love the way that just dropped into that they've got a pool they've got a dog it's a good life over there isn't it yeah it doesn't it doesn't sound bad but of course it does get unspeakably hot well it does hear sometimes where are they which part Perth Perth Perth Perth Perth what's just showing my bilingual Australian yes yeah very good thank you for that I mean that's a lovely lodging story We do need some really terrible ones.

If you've got a... If you've had to watch those, will come here. Yes, please do. Jane and Fee at Time Store Radio. All right, I would like to end with this. It's from Deborah. It's called, have you ever had sex with a ghost? Oh, yeah.

Let's just... I think we peek with this, so let's hear it. Hi, Fee and Jane. Listening to your recent discussion of mishearing things reminded me of my favourite and only joke. At the end of a conference on the Supernatural, the keynote speaker, ends his address by posing a question to the audience. How many of you believe that you've seen a ghost

at some point in your life time? time. A good number of people raised their hands and he nods knowingly. Now, I wonder how many of you think you have at some point had a conversation with a ghost? Slightly fewer hands raised this time around the hall and the speaker nods again. Now, final question. How many of you think that you've had sex with a ghost? A lone hand is raised in the hall. The speaker looks fascinated. You actually believe you've had sex with a ghost, he asks in awe. Looking somewhat sheepish, the man in the audience replies, no, sorry. I thought you said goat. It makes Deborah laugh every time and made me laugh at 6.30 this morning.

All the very best. Keep up the excellent work. You've given me hours and hours of enjoyment over the years. Well, that's because the hive is brilliant and people like you send in jokes like that, Deborah. So thank you very much. Yeah. Thank you, Deborah. Actually, should we just have a quick mention to our regular correspondent Glynn, who is always well worth hearing. from. This is yet another reflection on Eve passing her driving test, but I do like his second paragraph. You mentioned the stress of filling up with petrol for the first time, which I remember being very worried about, but turned out to be simpler than I thought. But another thing, which I think

should definitely be covered in driving lessons, is the driver's wave. Do you get this? It's a very narrow line, says Glynn, between a nonchalant rays of the fingers and manic jazz hands. Happy motoring, says Glynn. Now, this is not so much the wave, though. It's when you have to acknowledge another driver for stopping to let you pass. And then sometimes if somebody doesn't acknowledge that you've done the same for them,

I will get quite arsey. I will get quite arsey. And I will just kind of flash my lights like, why didn't you acknowledge my good nature? Do you ever do that? Yes, and it gets worse. So I release my rage on the planet from my driver's seat. By doing...

Usually using really... really foul language and also sometimes I find it quite funny I have to sit quite close to the steering wheel being a short bird guilty as charged yep and you know I wear thick glasses to drive and I know what I look like I'm aware of what I look like and sometimes you can see people piecing together from lip reading what I've just said to them and they are quite rightly surprised right okay don't forget of course, all this in a Scoda Monte Carlo. Okie-doke. Many thanks. We'll be back tomorrow.

We will. Enjoy your evening. Bye-bye. somehow to the end of another Offair with Jane and Fee. Thank you. If you'd like to hear us do this live, and we do do it live, every day, Monday to Thursday, 2 till 4 on Times Radio. The jeopardy is off the scale, and if you listen to this, you'll understand exactly why that's the case. So you can get the radio online, on DAB, or on the free Times Radio app. Offair is produced by Eve Salisbury, and the executive producer is Rosie Cutler. Thank you.