Off Air... with Jane and Fi - Go off on one of your crazies (with Sarah Alexander)

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

It's the last episode of the first week back! Hooray! Jane accuses Fi of being unusually enthusiastic about leaving her but before that they chat about Mark from Champagne, lamb casseroles and firing the man gun. Plus, actress Sarah Alexander joins to discuss her role in Steven Moffat's play 'The Unfriend'. If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] Follow us on Instagram! @janeandfiAssistant Producer: Eve SalusburyTimes Radio Producer: Kate Lee Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

voiceover describes what's happening on your iphone screen voiceover on settings so you can navigate it just by listening books contacts calendar double tap to open breakfast with anna from 10 to 11 and get on with your day accessibility there's more to iphone hi it's fido start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over.

Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side. Champagne and champagne truffles. This is what we tease the audience with on the live radio show this afternoon, Jane,

as the opening salvo for Off Air, the podcast. Award winning. Well, yes, it is. Is it? No. No. It's award coming seconding. Oh, yes, we've come second in an award.

But actually, doesn't that mean that some people did vote for us? It does. Yes. So thank you. Thank you. If you did, yeah. No, we do appreciate it. I think at least one member of the people did vote for us? Yes, so thank you if you did. We do appreciate it. I think at least one member of the Shadow Cabinet voted for us. I don't say that lightly.

So thank you. Very good evening, Emily. She's got a beautiful voice. I've always said she ought to be in radio, and perhaps she will be later in her professional life. So that's Emily Thornberry, just in case you think we're being terribly lovey. I actually don't know the woman at all. Do you know her? I've met her, yes. No, I wouldn't.

She's not on my dinner party circuit. Is she not? Who is on your dinner party circuit? Actually, I wish some bugger was. I'm not on one. I shouldn't complain. But do you go to dinner parties? No, I had to fill in that culture fix thing for the Sunday Times.

Where does it appear in the... In the culture section. In the culture section. I think that would be right, yeah. So I did that culture fix thing, and one of their questions is about that kind of ultimate dinner party and who you'd ask, you know, those kind of living or dead people that you'd like to sit around with.

And I did have to say, could I just not have a dinner party, please? I can't really hear if there is more than one conversation going on at the moment I usually find that the conversation I'm not involved in is more interesting than the one I am well there is that yeah there is that and no they and I've no I just don't really I don't enjoy that I find the same things do come up as well in conversation and sometimes by the time I get to the weekend I care very little for anyone else's opinion apart from Nancy's or mine. It's true. Well I did you couldn't call it a dinner party I did cook on year's eve for my long-suffering family and the girls were out so those who remained were treated to my lamb casserole.

And as I served it up, I remember thinking, I don't even like lamb casserole. Why have I made this? It didn't really work. Do you think that, you know, maybe way back when, you'd watched an episode of Delia who had said an absolutely perfect New Year's Eve dinner party? I got it off one of those cards in Waitrose those can be quite handy sometimes

and also previously people always say I went into the fridge and I just got all the ingredients that were left and I made a lovely soup but I got all the ingredients that were left and we made a really horrible soup that no one liked at the moment genuinely if I did all the ingredients left,

then that would just be an awful lot of gherkins, some leftover lime pickle, some goat's cheese, which I'm really worried about the goat, really worried about the goat. And actually, some quite nice, those tins of wine. That's all that's left in the fridge. Oh, yeah, I've got a tin of wine. Yeah.

Don't the young people eat a lot of pickled stuff? Oh, they love their pickles. Yeah. The kimchi. We've got gherkins. We've got jalapenos. I mean, you couldn't have given them away five years ago. I'll tell you what, they'll be absolutely addicted to porn,

but with very healthy gut bacteria. What a lovely thought. We are going to be talking in some detail about pornography but we hope in a sort of grown-up and relatively instructive way in a week or so, aren't we? We are. We're going to focus on porn. That's what the feature's being called. Yes, wisely I think to call it focus on porn. But seriously, if anyone listening has got anything to hurl into that particular debate, or if you actually think your life has been blighted,

perhaps by porn, or improved, I don't know, let us know, janeandfee at times.radio. And I just think it's true that so much has changed in a generation in terms of pornography. It's absolutely true of me, personally, that I just didn't see it until I think a day I remember it being a hot afternoon and we found a porn mag down at the playing fields yeah but that you know other than other than that it wasn't a part of my childhood or adolescence

so I've done a little interview um as part of this series with the children's commissioner Rachel D'Souza today so she's got all of the statistics about when children are first encountering porn. And a very high number of children in primary school have now seen porn. I think 27% of all kids by the time they get to secondary school have seen porn. And it's not very nice porn.

So, you know, it's hardcore pornography that's obviously um causing an awful lot of trouble out there and there's so there is so much that we'll talk about when we do this week but one of the things that that i can't work out in my head is we know if you walk around your office or you're sitting on the tube or the train or whatever, because of the statistics, that probably eight out of ten people that you know are watching porn on quite a regular basis.

And an awful lot of them will be men, and predominantly within porn, the narrative is the degradation of women, or if it's not the degradation of women, it is not women's pleasure that is coming first so how can that not have an impact yes yeah that's exactly that's exactly what I can't work out um because I know that you can argue that a fantasy world is completely different to your normal world but I just feel quite strongly Jane as a woman that there's a bit of a tear in the universe if all of these lovely men can be respectful of us when we're in the room and with their

colleagues and their friends and their partners and all of that but then to be excited a completely different version of womanhood is what they are enjoying and I just can't get my head around that and Rachel D'Souza's point is that that may be an acceptable position to have you can hold both those two things if you had normal experiences of a relationship when you were growing up you learn what women are about and then you learn what sex is about but if you are introduced to that as your first kind of excitement when you're 11 then separating that out is incredibly difficult and I won't spoil the interview at all but but she's got a fantastic answer to the question can you re-sensitize a de-sensitized teenager so that is the week after next. And obviously we will talk about

some of these important issues in the amount of detail we can do on live radio. But it might be easier for some of the stuff to be on the podcast. And obviously anyone who wants to be anonymous will stay that way. So Jane and Fee at Times.Radio. But we need to focus on the bigger, bigger story,

which is do they put real champagne into champagne truffles too? Which is where we started this conversation about four or five weeks ago. Literally hanging on for that. You're so right, sister. Right, Jane asked this question on today's podcast. The answer is basically

no. Although a few confectioners do add tiny amounts of sparkling champagne, though I doubt this makes any difference to the flavour. What all champagne truffles contain, however, is Marc de Champagne, which is a by-product of champagne. Marc, a.k.a. Pommes, I don't really understand, this is all in French, Jane,

is what's left over from the winemaking process, the skin, stalk, pulp and seeds. This mulch is used to make a pretty basic wine that's later distilled to make brandy, also called pommace or marc. Apologies for my pronunciation. Clear and unaged, marc is a rather unexciting drink, but it provides a warming hit of alcohol when paired with butter, cream and good quality chocolate in a truffle. Using marc de champagne rather than, say, marc d'Alsace, de Beaujolais, de Jura or de Chaudenay-de-Bep,

is a good way of making a chocolate sound rather more luxurious than it actually is. If you're wondering what Marc tastes like, its Italian name is Grappa. All the very best, Thomas, who's a man. Thomas, thank you so much, because I have wondered, seriously wondered, and he's taught me such a lot in that email because for years I thought Marc de Champagne was a man called Marc who lived in Champagne and was possibly some sort of medieval French knight or someone who had been from a long line of chocolatiers. But actually he's made of pulp.

Yes, which isn't quite as good. No. Anyway, that's why anyone who says, why do you bother doing a podcast? That is why. But also, I've never let my kids anywhere near, you know, champagne truffles and stuff. I've always said to them, no, you can't have that.

You don't want to give them a taste of the high life. It would be terribly, terribly alcoholic. Mummy better have all of those. But now we're going to have to share. So thank you, Thomas. That's fantastic. Now, Isenda Maxton-Graham, the author of a book called Jobs for the Girls,

was our guest yesterday. And after the interview that we played out on the podcast, I did mention that her book referenced Sue Barton and her nursing stories. And there have been, well, there have been a... It's a deluge, Jane. It's a flurry of emails about... It's four. Five.

Including one from Lynn, who says, you mentioned Sue Barton books. I read all those books in my youth, and they are probably the reason I became a nurse. I was a nurse for 42 years until I retired. Now, in those books, Sue always had a lovely interest, who was a doctor, a love interest, yeah, despite my not associating

with doctors outside work because I thought they were rather up themselves however I did end up marrying a doctor though it wasn't quite as romantic as in the books I've never met anyone else who's read Sue Barton's books so you mentioning them gave me a flood of warm memories I love the podcast though I must admit

I often fall asleep during it alright don't worry, Lynn does emphasise that she goes back and listens again. So I hope she hasn't nodded off. It's more than most people do. Don't worry about it at all. Don't nod off during your own mention, Lynn. But thank you very much for that email. And I'm glad.

I mean, I suspect that Sue Barton probably inspired quite a few people to enter nursing. I haven't thought about those books for years, says Jenny. I used to love them as a teenager. But apart from a general feeling about them, I remember very little, except that Sue could eat chips or French fries, as she called them at the weekend, because she was good. Presumably she'd eaten healthily all week. That's a strange thing to remember. And in spite of the fact that I was obviously impressed by this at the time, I have never followed that regime myself. But perhaps I should have done, she says. I have never followed that regime myself, but perhaps I should have done, she says.

And a final one on this subject from Bridget. I read all the Sue Barton books aged 11. And after reading Sue Barton District Nurse, where she was stuffing newspaper between the blankets of her patient to keep them warm in a New York basement, I was so inspired that I announced to my parents that I, too, would become a nurse like Sue Barton. I am still nursing, 37 years later, and I've never actually used that newspaper trick. But she's never forgotten it either, has she? And the thing about the Sue Barton books is that they were set in New England. And when I read them, I was a bit puzzled because I'd never heard of New England.

And I thought it was England. So I was often a bit baffled by some of the references she made. And of course, back then, you couldn't just go and look up New... You couldn't Google New England. You could have gone to a library. Yes, but that would have necessitated a bus journey on the L3. My site didn't always let me know which bus had come and sometimes I put my hand out and got on the wrong bus.

Yes. Because I was too ashamed to ask the driver which bus he was. Thank God you never tried to get to New England. Did you ever read anything as a kid that then determined your career now? Was there a character in a book that inspired you to become a... Gobbshide. Yes. Radio presenter.

Well, no, I'd already decided on that, but Eddie Shoestring. Oh, really? Huge inspiration. He was a TV character. Yes. A TV detective, lived on a barge, very attractive, played by Trevor Eve, who I think was, I could be wrong, I think he has a slight reputation as

not always the easiest thespian. But listen, I'll balance that out by saying immensely talented and why shouldn't he be a trifle difficult? But if anyone's got any evidence to the contrary, or indeed... No, don't ask people to write him with terrible stories. But you must remember Shoestring.

I don't really remember Shoestring. No, this is the difference between us. So you're saying that it was... So your imagination was piqued by... Well, he was a radio presenter and a private detective. Oh, I see. He had combined both two wonderful things. I never saw that.

He had a crumpled suit and an easy charm. Was he a good radio presenter? Was he kind of Alan Partridge type of presenter? No, he was a crime-solving, excellent local DJ. OK. Because it's very, very hard to pull off, isn't it, the radio presenting thing visually? Because obviously that's not our medium.

So Alan Partridge is about the only really successful depiction of a radio DJ. Frasier, actually. But they all know that was a terrible depiction, though, because his links were always absolute rubbish and he'd always be talking to a studio manager, wouldn't he? I don't think I've ever seen Frasier. Have you not?

No. OK. So she was behind the glass. The producer? No, his studio manager. God, I've temporarily forgotten her name. Is it Diane? No wonder we came second in that flipping award thing.

No, but they'd have this long extended conversation, which of course you can't have, because you're only talking to the listener. So I'm not the only person who found that a little bit frustrating. What's the film? There's a film with Clint Eastwood, isn't there, about... He's a radio presenter. Is it Play Misty for me?

Yes, there's that. And then there's the... But Play Misty for me is a bit dark. Well, it is a bit dark. And then there's the novel by Armistead Maupin, The Night Listener. The Night Listener. Yeah, it's very true. So you're completely disproving my myth, aren't you?

Sleeps in Seattle is a love story based around a radio show. Mind you, all this is nothing compared to my question to our guest this afternoon, the actress Sarah Alexander. And I put to her, as you'll hear in the interview, that she was high time. She wrote something herself. She's largely performed in content written by men.

And she then lists, in a very nice way, about six things she's been in that were written by women. So I felt a bit of a tool. Anyway, there you go. Daphne. That's it, Daphne. Can we talk about the Friesland, the premium bond win? Oh, gosh, yes, let's.

Hi there. Heard your comments. Read Jane's anticipation. Well, it wasn't just me. It was both of us. We like a little anticipation. Readopening bond app every month. I too get a small frisson each time I check, and I do win a little every now and again. This is our anonymous correspondent, and you'll find out why she must remain anonymous in a moment or two. I have a fairly substantial

number of bonds, though my husband only has a few and rarely wins, so I was actually thinking about cashing them in last autumn. Well, there I was, lying in bed one October morning, contemplating our rather struggling current financial situation, when he hesitantly wandered into the room and asked me to look at an email he'd had from NS&I. He is partially sighted and he thought he'd read it wrong. He said, I'm not entirely sure, but I think they're telling me I've won £50,000. Please check, as surely that can't be true, he said. But it was. To say we were overjoyed is putting it mildly. It was honestly like being thrown a financial lifeline. It became even more surreal as NS&I had a system glitch that month, so it took over another month to get the official letter, as they also notify big winners by post.

We ended up calling their helpline three times for confirmation as we were on pins, but eventually it arrived. What a feeling that was. I think that's lovely because there's a couple of people who, you know, things weren't going terrifically well and then just sometimes good stuff can happen. So I'm chuffed for you both. Yeah.

And £50,000 is the perfect sum, isn't it? It's not so much it's going to change you. It's certainly going to help. To change you. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for all of your suggestions for Book Club. So we are going to decide next week.

Eve, are we deciding next week? Yeah, she says. Eve is nodding. Yeah, we do what Eve says when it comes to book club. This is a recommendation coming from Megan in Christchurch in New Zealand, who's still recovering from having gotten so close to successfully recommending the last book.

I feel readers, and you of course may want to know, that Trent Dalton's All Our Shimmering Skies was to me, extraordinary. The heroine Molly Hook is a World War II era grave digger in Darwin. I loved her with all my heart and her story had me utterly gripped. But Megan is recommending another book which sounds divine. I was recommended the author Helene Tersten by a dear friend from Sweden. I read her serious procedurals, but then gave this one a punt and was delighted.

It's called An Elderly Lady is Up to No Good. It's just 184 pages long. The elderly lady in question, Jane perked up there, does not allow herself to be pushed around. To the reader's great satisfaction, she's very clever at both murder and at covering her tracks, using her advanced age to her advantage. Wonderful.

Well, I tell you what, even if we don't choose that, Megan, I'm going to read that because I love everything that you've described there. Everything. Yeah, that sounds like it might just suit us. 184 is just a delicious, if you're not too busy, over a weekend indulgence, isn it you can do that i think i think i could do that yeah um pam is a regular correspondent uh and she says happy new year and everything else and she's just got back from the summer holiday busy supermarket she lives in

another part of the world because it ain't summer here i'll tell you that much uh she was browsing the strawberries when she heard a man greeting some friends by telling the woman pushing the trolley that she was on the wrong side of the aisle. Hugh laughed. A couple of minutes later, I was standing in front of the craft beer, marvelling at the selection, when the same man asked if he could get past me. As I moved aside, he said, with a smile, abysmal driving. I smiled back and then spent the rest of my shop wishing I'd actually said, didn't you just make that joke? And thinking that maybe that would have sounded too snipey. He was tall, older, confident, quite good looking, you know the sort, but in need of a takedown, I reckon. But what would you have done? Yes, Pam needs our guidance. What a smug get that bloke sounds.

Why do men want to have a pop at, it was a man in this case, I don't think on the whole women would do that to a customer, male or female, would they? No, I just stay in my own zone. I don't step out of it in public. I don't comment on other people's use of a trolley. It just would never occur to me to do it. I mean, I'm full of apologies when my trolley barges into someone else.

Maybe I'm just one of those silly ladies who shouldn't be in charge of a trolley in a supermarket. There's a person who would annoy Pam's assailant. Yeah, I think something like that might annoy me enough to step out of my lane, though. And, you know, maybe just just crash into him just inquire do you have a very small penis yes and then move on well yes i mean that would be one way of doing it try that pam and let us know how you get on jayden fee at times dot radio voiceover describes what's happening on your iphone screen voiceover on settings so you can navigate it just by listening books contacts calendar double tap to open breakfast with anna

from 10 to 11 and get on with your day accessibility there's more to iPhone. Okay. Right. Shall we get to your interview with Sarah Alexander? Where, as Jane has already alluded to, she tried to fire the man gun at the end, but it got jammed. Yeah. Well, I just wanted to put to Sarah Alexander, who's a very, she's a very, very successful actress. I mean, she's been in loads of comedy stuff over the years. Anyway, you'll hear it. Basically, don't try to be too clever, is a lesson I should have learned by now,

but I haven't. I'm 183 and I'm still making a complete tit of myself. The actress Sarah Alexander is a very busy woman, she says, in a very, very professional way. She's currently working very, very hard on stage in the West End of London in the hit show The Unfriend, alongside Lee Mack and Frances Barber. Now, this show by Stephen Moffat is about a couple who meet an American woman on holiday. And, you know, she's quite entertaining and she's a little bit OTT

and they make a sort of vague, vague kind of conversational attempt to hook her up into a version of friendship that normally occurs when you've met somebody on holiday. But the American doesn't really understand the rules of British manners and actually takes them at their word and turns up on their doorstep and comes to stay. There's just one problem. She may be an absolute psychopath. I asked Sarah to tell us about the new play, The Unfriend.

This is his first play, and I think he's very, very excited about that. And also, I think it's his first sort of proper comedy since the sitcom Coupling that he did 20 years ago that I was in. And since then, as you mentioned, he's done, you know, Sharon and Doctor Who and he's done Sherlock and Dracula and all those brilliant dramas. But so fun for him and us that he's written a comedy and on stage. So, yeah. And it feels quite TV-ish. Well, yeah, I was going to say, this is not a criticism, it's an observation. It felt to me, and I saw it in that week between Christmas and New Year, so it was perfect.

It's the sitcom on stage, isn't it? And that's not a criticism, but that would be my observation. I think it is. And I think that's absolutely right. And in a way, it's great because I think everybody sort of relates. It's very familiar, that set up. The family, the kids, the teenage kids, everybody's working and doing their best, etc, etc. All the stresses and strains of family life. And yet with this added bonus. Well, she's certainly a bonus. I should say she's absolutely brilliant. The actress Frances Barber, who's always really worth watching. And in this... Oh, she's so fabulous.

In The Unfriend, she plays an American lady that you and your husband, played by Lee Mack, have encountered on a cruise. Now, just set this up for us. What is Elsa like? Well, it's that situation when you go on holiday. And so Peter and Debbie, our characters, have left the kids behind and gone on a cruise and befriended this incredibly charming, charismatic American woman, had a lovely time with her. And, you know, we all know that the holiday relationship should just start

and end there. It should never come back to real life. And she pursues them and she emails them a lot and she wants to come over to England. And this is I should say that this is based on a true story that Stephen's friends, Peter and Debbie, did go on a cruise, befriended this American woman. And she invited herself to come and stay. And she invited herself to come and stay. And just before she arrived, Debbie Googled this woman and found out that she is, in fact, a serial killer. Hang on. It's a true story.

That actually happened. That actually happened. She is a serial killer. Not convicted. Not enough evidence. And in our play, of course, she comes. She comes to the house. And it's about us as this sort of, you know, awkward, repressed British.

You know, you know what we're like. We don't want to offend people. We want to be polite. It's all about good manners. And it's how we find a way to say, please don't come and stay with us. We know that you're a murderer. Well, you don't come and stay with us. We know that you're a murderer. Well, you don't know, you just suspect. I think, how does the couple, how do the couple find out? I think it's your character actually that just,

I mean, it's not exactly rocket science, just does a quick Google on the lady. She does a quick Google and she finds, you know, there's all these articles about her. And then she, you know, she tells her husband about it. And it's how they deal with that. How do they prevent her from coming? And then she arrives and how they deal with it once she's in their house. But it's those conversations that in real life that couple had. Do you think we could, could she come? And could we put her in the annex at the bottom of the garden?

Because, you know, that would be enough distance. It wouldn't be too dangerous because she's at the bottom of the garden. There'd be enough distance between us and the kids and her. So rather than just say, we don't want you to come, we know that you're a serial killer. Yeah, we strongly suspect that you've murdered people, so you're not welcome here. Do you think an American couple would willingly house a suspected British serial killer for a week or two? Absolutely not.

I mean, I don't think anybody else in the world, if you weren't British, I think everybody else would have the courage just to say, no, we don't want you. We are not invited. We know exactly who you are. So I think it's just a purely weirdly British thing that we're just incapable of just being brave enough in a way, isn't it? It's just being courageous and just uncomplicated.

We always have to make things more complicated. We get ourselves tied up in these difficult situations when we needn't. There are some traditional sitcom tropes here, including the neighbour. There's often a neighbour, isn't there, in a sitcom? In fact, the entire sitcom is just based around neighbours and living alongside neighbours. And your neighbour is a passive-aggressive gentleman with some issues about, is it a wall or a fence? I can't remember which it is.

It's a wall because, you know, walls are expensive, aren't they? They are, yeah. So it's about a wall and, you know, whose wall is it? And yes, he's brilliantly put, I think everybody knows that character, that passive aggression is just so familiar, I think. And I think he might be one of my favourite characters, actually. I think he's so fantastic. And he also sort of makes me laugh because he's sort of a bit of a fan of the American guest, Elsa.

He sort of has a bit of a crush as well. Yeah, yeah. It's this weird thing that's going on between them. There's a lot to enjoy here. There's also, is it scatocological humour? I mean, let's be honest, there's just quite a long scene about poo in this play, Sarah. Are you OK with that?

I mean, I do find poo quite funny. I've definitely laughed at poo a lot in my life and still do. So, yeah, and I think, you know, it's sort of needed a little bit, a little bit of toilet humour in a farce, I think, is an essential ingredient, if I can use that word. Well, you've said it. No, that's absolutely fine. And your husband is played by Lee Mack. And he, do you think, because he's a huge name in comedy,

in British telly staple, isn't he? Is it his first time on stage? I think it might be his second time on stage, if I'm not mistaken. But he hasn't played such a huge role as this before. And, you know, we know him as a stand-up. I guess we know him from his sitcom, but he's sort of playing a version of himself. But this is the first time where he's, you know,

he's playing somebody else's character, somebody else's script. So that's different for him. But I think he's really enjoying, as it were, just being an actor, just being a performer. And I think he's hugely likable, Lee. I think, you know, well, I like him anyway. And the audiences seem to really like him. And I think he's doing a fantastic job. I think he's very funny, particularly in his bits, you know, his bits.

Yes. Well, I mean, he's involved in the toilet poo scene, isn't he? He is. Yeah, he treats us to a range of facial expressions, which we do have to be seen to be believed. But that's not to undermine your contribution. I mean, what I'm really interested in is how you as a performer keep it just so crisp, because you're doing how many performances a week? Oh, I don't know. What are we doing? Nine? Eight? Eight or nine. It's a lot anyway. Yeah, I what are we doing nine eight eight or nine it's a lot anyway

yeah i think i think we've done nine this i think we're doing nine this week um it is a lot yes uh you need a lot of energy and um you need to have a lot of concentration and it's fast and there's a lot of it there's lots you know but i think what I'm enjoying is what I relate to is that is is is spinning those plates so many you know as a as a woman and as a mother yeah spinning the plates trying to keep everybody happy until you're pushed and pushed and pushed and when you finally get there then it's just you know you're blowing a gasket and it all and that's definitely me as well I think I can take it to a certain point and then it's just, you know, you're blowing a gasket. And that's definitely me as well. I think I can take it to a certain point and then it all disintegrates. And I think a lot of women,

well, certainly the people that I've spoken to about it relate to that. Okay. Yes. Well, yes, I can imagine. Are you a hospitable person? I mean, if I were to rock up on your doorstep, having claimed to have met you in a, I don't know, previous holiday or in a previous life, are you the sort of maverick person who'd say, yeah, come on in, stay as long as you like? I would hate it. I would hate it. I don't like people turning up on my doorstep unannounced. I don't think that's on. I need warning. I need to know if it's okay. I'm definitely getting better at saying no in my in my as I get older. I, you know, I realise that, you know, just putting up with stuff and being polite, which we've all done. It just it just doesn't serve you, does it? So I'm it's a conscious thing, actually, that I'm doing.

Even before this play arrived on my lap in my lap, it's I'm definitely learning to sort of be more direct with people and say, no, it doesn't suit me for you to pop round on Sunday afternoon. No, I haven't got anything on, but I just... Stay away. When the play ends, it's not until March, I should say, there's plenty of opportunity to go and see it. What's next for you? I don't know yet. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. I'm writing something at the moment. That would be exciting if something happened with that. I was going to ask you about that, actually. It's interesting you mention that because you've appeared in a lot of stuff, well, written by men. Is that fair?

Well, no, not Smack the Pony was written by... Of course, okay. No, correct me. Yeah, entirely female. Yeah, fell at the first fence there. And Greenwing. And Greenwing. Okay, keep it going.

Yes. So, and I did a series on the BBC called Me and Mrs. Jones that was written by Fay and Oriane. Yeah, but apart from that, Sarah, have you largely... Apart from that, there were a few men involved in some of my work, yes. Okay. So what are you writing? Oh, I'm writing a comedy series and it's about a woman in her 50s. I'm just going to sort of leave it there at the moment.

But when I have more to say about it, I'd love to come and talk to you, Jane. Well, listen, I'm a woman who's about to leave her 50s, which is truly terrifying. I'll get fee to do that interview because I'll be angry that I'm no longer

in my 50s. Sarah, honestly, I think you're brilliant in it and I'm glad you're enjoying it. And presumably, can you tell as soon as the play

starts every single time you perform it, how the audience is going to be can you you can absolutely within the first three seconds okay i think and you can tell if it's a audience or if it's a comedy fans performance um and uh yeah it's interesting, isn't it? And yeah, it's that. Yeah, there's some it depends. It's sort of both ends of the spectrum, I think. It's, you know, people who really love farce and all the toilet humor and all that sort of thing or sort of rather more League

of Gentlemen, Doctor Who fans who just love that whole comedy. Dark. Yeah. But yeah, there are different audiences and it's all good I think. Well certainly for us it's all good. If you're looking for a play to entertain maybe some visiting friends coming to London if you're in the London area or you want to come to London yourself and just have a

you know, it's not Macbeth but you will have a laugh and it's not that long either so you'll be able to have a, you know i'm not gonna it's not it's not macbeth uh but you will have a laugh and it's not that long either so you'll be able to have a you know you'll be out on the town before you know it or you can just go home which is what i did uh it's called the unfriend and if you want a ticket you can go to theunfriend.com they are they're very very slick performers everyone in this is in knows exactly what they're doing because timing in a comedy is incredibly important isn't it? I wouldn't be much use. I think you'd

be fine. No I don't. But I think you'd just maybe be tempted to, I don't think you'd be able to stick to the same script I would struggle with that. Every night I think you'd be, you know you might want to go off on one of your crazies Yeah I think I really would struggle Now look this is a nice one

from Sandra who says, I enjoyed your highlight shows last week. Those were the, what did we used to call it back at the BBC? That was when we provided people with a unique opportunity to enjoy again. It's called repeat.

And Sandra says, I listened to your interview with David Tennant with my 17-year-old daughter who was in hysterics when he started discussing your age, Jane. You did. You got your dimples out for David Tennant. He's currently, he's giving us his version of one of the great

Shakespearean... Isn't he mesmerising in his Hamlet? Or was it Ian Macbeth? I can't remember. I think it's Hamlet. Yeah, he is very talented, isn't he? The £1 daffodils are back. Oh, no, Sandra had more. Oh, did she go on? Yeah, not just a compliment for you.

There's more depth to the email. I thought it would peat, to be honest, that email. I totally agree with your review of Christmas telly. Besides ghosts and possibly Call the Midwife, there was very little to watch. In fact, on Saturday, there was a selection of films to watch, but the most recent was from 1985. We finished Hidden Assets,

which really got going after the first couple of episodes. Yes, Sandra, I enjoyed it very much too. And interesting to see your last book has been turned into a drama coming to Netflix, and it has, hasn't it? Boy Swallows Universe is coming to Netflix this year. You're obviously ahead of the curve, says Sandra. I didn't get round to reading it, but it will be interesting

to see how different the adaptation is. And it certainly will be. I think it's really going to work. It's entirely dependent on the casting of the two young boys, but if they get that casting right, I think it will be absolutely brilliant. We have just discovered Harlan Coburn's latest thing on Netflix. In the past I've tried to watch some of those and just

found them just bewilderingly formulaic. Is he American? Yeah. And they always set his stuff in the UK, don't they? Yeah, so it's interesting. All of them are, but they can just... Some of the other ones that I've tried to watch are just so complicated and kind of, I don't know,

slightly over-formatted, actually. But this current one, which is called Fool Me Once, I couldn't understand it when my son was asking me to watch it, so we've ended up having to call it Fool Me Once. Because I thought, is it called Fool Me Once? Feel Me Once? What is it called? I don't want to sit down with a teenager and watch something called Feel Me Once.

Fool Me. Fool. Fool Me Once. But that's absolutely cracking. Highly recommend it. I can't wait to get home tonight to do a little bit of binging on that. So I'd recommend that to you, Sandra. Unusually enthusiastic about leaving me tonight. It's very hurtful. But thanks to Anne, who has pointed out

that the £1 daffs are back in Waitrose and they're still only a pound, yes. I mean, the thing is, we did do an interview about this, didn't we, last year? Yeah, we did. And we did discover in the course of the interview that some people just simply don't benefit from these.

Not great for some of the farmers. Incredibly cheap daffodils. Having said that, I love them. I find them just about irresistible. Shout out to Andrew, who says, I enjoyed listening to your Christmas lunch them. I find them just about irresistible. Shout out to Andrew who says, I enjoyed listening to your Christmas lunch stories. I live on my own and despite offers from family, I had a perfect Christmas day.

On Christmas Eve, I popped out to my local M&S an hour before they shut and I bought myself a yellow sticker buffet. At regular intervals, I just popped a tray in the oven and enjoyed everything from bao buns to lobster. Well, good on you. What a good idea. I thoroughly recommend it, he says. Yeah, well done, Andrew. Happy New Year to you.

And that is always an option, isn't it? Pop down to your local supermarket round about 5.30 on a Christmas Eve. Everything is still there in spite of what they say and you can properly tuck in. Yep. They can't give the turkeys away by Christmas Eve. They can't. No, it's like buying a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. It's about a fiver. You've still got yours up. Yes, taking it down tomorrow.

Do you know what? This year's tree, for whatever reason, I really like it. It's been quite a good non-shedder and it's just a lovely shape and it's, you know, my little decorations, the guardsman, Darcy and the suffragette are all getting on really well on the tree.

And they're just, you know what, they're little twinkly lights. Well, sorry to say, it's brought me a great deal of pleasure. You and the tree? A spring wedding, I feel. Let's all buy a hat, maybe a star. Sometimes people marry themselves. I probably won't be the first person to marry a tree

well it'll get you on the sofa won't you on this morning do you remember you once said that the only thing that would ever get me

on the sofa on this morning was the fact that I'd ovulated at the age of 49 I've got my own back now marry a tree see what Alison

and Ben have to say about that I still don't buy into that ovulation thing. Anyway, have a bang average couple of days. We will, and we'll see you on Monday. Well done for getting to the end of another episode Thank you. afternoon on Times Radio. It's Monday to Thursday, three till five. You can pop us on when you're pottering around the house or heading out in the car on the school run or running a bank. Thank you for joining us. And we hope you can join us again on Off Airhone screen voiceover on settings so you can navigate it just by listening books contacts calendar double tap to open breakfast with anna

from 10 to 11 and get on with your day. Accessibility. There's more to iPhone.