Off Air... with Jane and Fi - Ladies of the night...

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

Pinch, punch, first day of the month! Jane and Fi muse over significant events associated with the 1st of September. They also discuss Julia Roberts’ voice, infused marmalades, storing feta, and the eternal question: Lego brick or cat sick? You can listen to the playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3qIjhtS9sprg864IXC96he?si=uOzz4UYZRc2nFOP8FV_1jg&pi=BGoacntaS_uki If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] us on Instagram! @janeandfiPodcast Producer: Eve SalusburyExecutive Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

St George himself was Turkish, of course. I think he was... Yes, and didn't he pass through Malta and take a bit of a stop over there too? He never came to England. But anyway, well, he wouldn't have let him in if he had. Come on a boat. He's a single man.

Yeah, we can all make mistakes. I know, but when you make a mistake with plumbing, It's a very big mistake, isn't it? Welcome to the podcast. Can we say pinch punch first of the month? I got a message this morning. You don't like the waffle, do you? You don't play waffle.

No, what's that? Oh, it's the tile letter game. Oh, no, to my shame, I don't like any of those games. Do you know, I find it a fantastic little jump start. It's like putting a jump lead in your brain in the morning. Just get it over the line. Excuse me, Eve. Is it a big weekend?

Anyway, they always accompany it with something And today, welcome to another week here on Planet Earth It's Monday the 1st of September, which is, of course, Ginger Cat Appreciation Day. Oh, brilliant. It's also the anniversary of the death on this day in history because we were talking about popes last week of the only English-born Pope. He died on this day.

I read in the Times this morning. Well, that's more logical. Just back to the Ginger Cat Day for a sec. Because who decides it's Ginger Cat Appreciation Day? I mean, you can, you know, when you used to log on in the morning, did you ever get the PR Week Roundup, where it would be International Tea Bar Shoe Day? And that was always sponsored by Clarks. So you could understand why they're created some kind of a PR opportunity.

But do you think that it doesn't appear to be any particular pet food or pet shop brand is behind Ginger Cat Appreciation Day? But I was just thrilled for calls because, to be honest, he doesn't really get a look in in the world of the cats. He's been overtaken by the two recent editions because they're just a little bit more bouncy. Well, how is he marking the day?

Well, he was sick this morning. He was, there we are, you see? Got off to a good start. I gave him a little bit of last night's chicken, which I think was just a bit too garlicky for him. So there was that terrible sound. Oh, no, yeah, oh, God. Morning.

Anyway, greetings everybody. As long as you haven't sat in it or stepped in it, then it's all right, isn't it? Would you rather have a Lego brick or cat sick? With the bare foot? It's a good question. Jane and Fee at times.orgia. Now look, what can we say about the sheer number of emails?

Thank you all so much. And I've said it before. I'm sure Fee said it before. We can't do justice to the emails, can we? But we'll try between now and the end of this podcast to bring you a flavour. Very much so. Can I give a little top tip, though?

maybe if you really do want your email to be read out, send it midweek because we log on on a Monday and I think today, I mean it's hundreds, isn't it? And realistically. Which is better than none. Oh no, it's absolutely lovely. And I get that, you know, people have more time at weekends. Three. Yeah.

They're on. Well, just that bloke chasing up our missed opportunity with his unique take on SEO. Or a ginger cat drawing attention. It's all right, Darren. We don't want to get back to you. To a special day. Yeah. Actually, if you bobbed along midweek,

because sometimes we drop into double digits. Jane's weeping, so am I. Yes, so lots of stuff has got you going over the last couple of days and we don't have a guest today but we've got some really interesting guests coming up during the course of the week and is it Nick Clegg week this week?

It is Clegg. Never mind, Ginger Cats. It's Clegg on Wednesday. Clegg on Wednesday. Is it Clegg on Wednesday? All Thursday. All Thursday. well that's

I'll tell you what that's put him in his place I tell you what Nick you used to be something not so much but now you will just be filling in behind somebody more important

and oh I know what I wanted to mention Julia Roberts and Leonard and Hungry Paul she is narrating the audio book I mean this is astonishing so who was it do we remember the name

of the emailer who suggested that book in the first place no and I'm really sorry because that's rude no well we're both sorry So if it was you, we're sorry. But how fantastic.

I now, I'm telling a lot of people about that book. People are saying, I don't know what to read. I don't want anything too depressing. I'm just saying, well, why don't you have a go at this? Amazingly, so many people have not heard of it at all. I mean, that will change when it goes on the telly. But they've got Julia Roberts and narrating it. Now, actually, I'm a bit baffled

because I don't really know what the role of the narrator in that book would be. But anyway. Well, it's never first person, is it, in the book? neither of the main characters has a first-person voice but I'm with you on that when I saw Julia Roberts I thought gosh who's made the leap to that

I mean she has a lovely voice she's a great voice and I'm sure she's capable of delivering lots of nuance and all of that but I think apart from anything else I wondered why it was a woman some of the uniqueness of the book is because

it solely focuses on the workings of the male mind and I think I wanted a gentle Dublin to read it. Well, if maybe Ronan Hesion, the author might have a thought, although I think you'll be pretty chuffed that it's Julia.

Oh my God, yes. It's incredible. Somebody's got their hand up at the back of the class. Oh, I thought it was the audio book. Oh, I'm talking about the TV show. I do apologise. But that's equally strange.

That's even stranger. You mentioned that she had a lovely voice. Sometimes nature. Nature gives abundant gifts to certain individuals. I mean, Julia Roberts is incredibly beautiful. and she does have a lovely voice would her career have suffered

if she'd still been incredibly beautiful I'm spending like that exactly I don't know what do you think I don't know because Julie Birchell always said that that was what held her back

did she yeah I'm not so sure Julie some of the incredibly funny but vindictive writing yes that's going to say although look I've also got to say you're open to it later in life she has really

over the years I have loved some of her writing I mean, I take what you say, but I have enjoyed a lot of what she's done. She has made me laugh, too. But, yeah, I think actually her point was more about accents, wasn't it? Because she's got a West Country burr. And I think she's right to say there's a prejudice about that. Yes.

Let's not do accents. We've had somebody who's really objected to our Australian accents. We'll put the accents. They're on that sunbed with the jingle. Now you've mentioned Australia, it's almost impossible. Almost impossible. I got back into Fisk last night. There is a season three of Fisk.

Did you ever do it? No. So it's the lovely, gentle, very well-written, very funny comedy about a middle-aged lawyer who becomes a partner in, I think it's a Melbourne firm. And it's just delightful. It's, you know, small episodes, I think, 27 minutes long.

And she always wears the same brown suit and it just follows her path through Willes. and probate. No murdering. No murdering at all and it's wonderful, really wonderful. So it just popped up there. New episodes, you know, and you leap on that now.

I mean, that is the crack cocaine of the middle age. Now, have you seen any of... New episodes? Yes, I know, yes. Poneal. Have you seen any of this? You did recommend this. You see, this is the thing.

I watched one episode and I thought, take it or leave it. And everyone in my life is telling me, you just need to plow on. And if you do, you'll absolutely love it. Okay, well I'll definitely give that a go Yes, I'm going to try I am going to try

I finished hostage What did you think That's my big achievement of the weekend Practically was My big achievement of the weekend You're right I mean it was utter tosh But I wasn't bored for a second

Except when I fiddled with my phone So I would say I would say a solid 7 and a half out of 10 Wow Yeah I would In the sense that I finished it And I was drawn in

And I mean it's absolute hokom, but there you go. There's so much that's not even hokom that I like to give credit where at least you're entertained. Fair enough. And I was. Lovely interiors. I mean, you can always guarantee that

in a kind of Sunday evening drama these days. They've cottoned onto that, haven't they? And the French president also wore a white coat. Yes. Very, very well. I liked her wardrobe. I was less keen on Suran Jones's wardrobe. She wore, well, I suppose they were trying to draw the distinction

between the effortless chic of the French and the more work-a-day approach of the British. There was a moment where Surin Jones and you're just going to have to sing very loudly or put your fingers in your ears for, I'd say 45 seconds if you haven't watched it and you don't want any spoilers where after Downing Street has been entirely blown up and she has been evacuated from a very serious crime scene.

She goes to her safe house and the first thing that she does is she flops down in a chair and she angrily throws her high-heeled stilettos across the room. as if you would have made it out of that scene of carnage still wearing your high heels I think it's the first thing that goes when anyone's evacuated isn't it true that high-heeled shoes in the workplace

began to die a death after 9-11 yes because they just weren't utterly impractical but let's also never forget that when Donald Trump was shot at the first thing that he did when he was being led off the stage by all the secret service people was to ask for his shoes he didn't want to appear back in public without his shoes because they were special shoes um i say what you think they were just his favourites good we've all got

a special shoe a favorite um i'm i'm sure um you like me saw some of the rumors about president trump over the weekend and i was saying to our colleagues earlier i was working up in the early hours of saturday morning by a returning clubber who had been on the uh social media on her has to be said, quite complicated journey home and wanted to tell me all about it. So he's still very much with us as we speak, but these rumours haven't entirely gone away. So we don't wish an early demise on anybody, do we?

No, we don't. No, we don't. Well, no, we seriously don't. Because apart from anything else, politically, I'm not sure if you think that he's the source of all of the problems, I'm not sure that him not being there would be a source of all of the solutions. We were in J.D. Vance country this weekend.

The Cotswolds. We're in the Cotswolds celebrating family birthdays and my mum's family have connections to the Cotswolds from my grandfather came down from Scotland and moved his family down to Oxford when he took up a position at the John Radcliffe Hospital. So they have a kind of 80-year, probably more than that, actually, connection with the Cotswolds.

And ironically, they then, when they retired, my grandparents, they moved out to a lovely little bungalow in Chalbury. And Chalbrey is now. Oh, my God. Well, isn't that the location of the pub? It's the pub that turned down J.D. Vance. So the staff at the Bull, isn't it? In Chalbry, they got wind of the fact that J.D. Vance had booked a table,

and they said, no, we're going to walk out if that happened. So the management had to call his people and say he can't come in. and I would love, love, love to have a recording of that conversation. Yeah. How do you think that went? I would also just like to hear what really went on. I mean, Kamala Harris had been to the same establishment a couple of weeks before, hadn't she? And I gathered that there were no issues with serving her.

She got a window table and was allowed to stay more than one and a half hours. I don't know whether they have that limit, but that's the limit on dining in London at the moment. Get it down, yeah. It's weird. Get it down you. Get out. And get out of it. Get out of my pocket.

Oh, dear, right, Cockneys. What did you expect? I know, look, I love Cockneys. We've got so much to deal with. We need to get a wiggle on. We certainly do. Get a wiggle on. We travel to the US at Christmas to be with family every year, says Lucy,

and we have to circumnavigate a huge tower of discarded Christmas crackers that can't be taken to America. Lucy, thank you. Who knew? Why can't you take them? Crackers, because they've got a little bit of explosive in them, haven't they, to make them go crack? Or do you mean crackers for cheese?

Oh, goodly, Lord. No, I think it must be Christmas crackers. Yeah, I don't think you can take it because they've got a tiny bit of gunpowder in it. Just had no idea. Honestly, that's a desperate circumstances. I mean, Christmas just isn't Christmas without a cracker. No, it's not. I'm not sure that I like the direction of travel for the cracker if I could just pop that in there.

Got too much going on. Well, no, there's a cracker from everywhere, isn't there? Because we discovered, wasn't it, that B&Q had a cracker, which had screws. Screw fix. No, screw. It's just what every... I was going to say, Dad, but of course it could equally apply to Mum.

I mean, you can get everything, just in cracker form. It's a crack with baked beans inside. Okay. Susie from Sydney just wanted to let us know that we might be interested to know that two of my grandchildren, Finch and Wren, both six, the children of my identical twin daughters. So that's twins who've had twins, isn't it?

a twin who's had twins if both the grandchildren anyway or they might just both have had a child at exactly the same time they'd before children if they both had it okay sorry about this

Susie we started out well it's more complicated it's also not the point of your email so I'm really sorry about that we were delighted to learn that if they travelled in packs they would be a charm and a chime this is collective nouns

so a charm of finches and a chime of wrens aren't those delightful Jane That's really delightful. Gorgeous. And Susie says, I purchased a book called 101 collective nouns recently. Others of my favourites include a gulp of swallows.

Yes. And can you say that for her? That's what she's after. Esca gattoir. Of snails. I lie. I just wanted to hear you pronounce it on air. But I can't work out whether or not a gulp of swallows is a joke.

Yeah, it sounds like it might be. Yeah. But I liked it. And I'm quite happy to just. just put that out there into the world next time I see a lot of swallows. I'll say that's a gulp. Rachel describes herself as a regular listener. Rachel, thank you.

Your remark about the number of steps that nurses can clock up reminded me that I once asked a passenger assistance man who was pushing me in my wheelchair to a plane at Birmingham Airport how far he reckoned he walked in a day. He said, about 12 miles. I mean, that is unbelievable. She says, I can believe it, though. Birmingham has one of the longest distances from check-in to plane.

that I've ever experienced. He'd only have to help 12 passengers a day to chalk up that distance. Rachel, thank you. She says another item in the podcast triggered the memory I think my suitcase opened at Exeter Airport by a male customs officer when I was about 16. I watched an embarrassment as dozens of tampacks

that I'd packed loose in the case to save space spilled out onto the bench to his credit. He kept a straight face and made no comment. But you can imagine how in the 60s when periods were never mentioned to men, just how traumatised I was. Rachel, thank you. I mean, you're right. This whole sort of openness about periods,

and I was watching the telly last night, and there was a very graphic advert for a sanitary product, a towel, which had blood and also, I mean, absolutely great, but we have really come a long way in that department, haven't we? Because you just didn't mention them, and you certainly didn't tell men about periods. Really didn't. And by sheer coincidence, just of the topic, when I was driving back,

I was listening to another station that both you and I used to work at. And on the, it would have been 8 o'clock news on a Sunday morning, they had a piece about menstruation products. And I thought, well, that is very radioforming, as most people are just going period products. Well, just say tampons in sanitary towels or pads. Yeah, something like that. But one of the news readers with a beautiful, deep voice. was telling me all about menstruation products.

Yes, before Patti O'Connell came on with his lightning, humour and effervescent self. But I thought exactly the same thing. That just wouldn't have happened even in our time when we were there. Anything to do with periods or menstruation or is probably Radio 4 would want to refer to it, Menzies. It would have been given to you on Women's Hour. It wouldn't have been on a bulletin. We did periods.

God knows. But you're right. No one else did. Everyone would have gone, well, that's, nobody wants to hear about that. Let's give it to Jane Garvey. It's the other one. I can't remember her name. Yes.

Thank goodness. Things have improved in that department. Honestly, Rachel, thank you for that email, because we must never forget those times when if you bought a packet of Dr. Whites in the supermarket, the lady on the checkout would shove them in a paper bag, lest anyone should see them. I mean, heaven for fend. This one comes in.

make the handbrake term with us, storing fetter. Now, a couple of you have suggested this. So I'm just going to go with Jenny, and I'm sorry if that upsets anybody else, but Jenny says, I'm currently catching up on last week's episodes. I heard you talking about fetter going bad. If you've got leftover fetter, make a brine.

Is everyone concentrating? Come on. Come on. It's the first day of time. People should be up and at it. Which was the program that always used to say we'll give you a moment to go and get a pen and paper? Well, they all used to.

They all did. Make a brine of approximately 1 teaspoon of salt to one cup of water pop the fetter in a Tupperware or jam jar cover with the brine The key thing is that the fetter must be completely submerged in the brine

To preserve it Stored in the fridge This will give you an extra couple of weeks To use the fetter Weeks, genuinely Yep, kind regards Jenny So that's fantastic That's where my fetter is going tonight

Now we've got some good meal ideas Haven't we So we'll get to some of those in a moment Thank you all for taking the time But lots of you, it turns out, are interested in this whole subject of what you, what texts you should teach people at secondary school. And also we've had loads of great recommendations for books for 11-year-olds. So thank you for those as well. Mallory Blackman, a lot of people recommending Nauts and Crosses, which I mean, my elder daughter absolutely love those books.

They really sort of turned her onto reading. So I would agree with that. And also a lot of people mentioning Anne Frank as well as the Diary of Anne Frank is a good idea. Yes, but the one that has come in with the most recommended. is wonder, isn't it? About four people have suggested wonder. I hadn't read, but spookly enough, it's been turned into a film, isn't it,

with Julia Roberts, and I think Owen Wilson, isn't that the one? Oh, really? Eve's going to be looking that up too. I will get to that while you do this. I want to mention the people who've mentioned it. And what was the other book that a lot of people mentioned for 11 years? Oh, I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith. Now, I know a lot of people love that.

I found it a little bit sort of whimsical, but I know it's got a charm that some people absolutely adore. Anyway, let us know what you think. This is from Anonymous. I am an English teacher at an inner city secondary school in the north of England, so I was interested to hear your thoughts on English texts currently studied as part of the national curriculum. I completely agree it is appalling we have a curriculum

heavily weighted towards the old pale male authors. Shout out Dickens, Stevenson, Priestley, Orwell, Golding and of course William Shakespeare. And for that, we can largely thank Michael Gove for his sweeping reforms of the curriculum back in 2014, in which he removed any non-British authors. So I didn't know this. It was at this point that Harper Lees to Kill a Mockingbird went from the syllabus in British schools. Now, is that true? Anyway, I try every year to celebrate the female characters in the texts I teach, says Anonymous.

Sheila Burling, in an inspector calls, is the only. only character in that play who has an ounce of remorse, integrity and self-awareness by the end. Do you know what? I don't think I've ever seen an inspector calls, and it's about someone being accused of a theft that they haven't done? Is that right? Yes, but then that's the pebble that goes into the middle of the pond, and actually it turns out that nearly every member of the family had in some way taken against this young woman and had had interactions that had left her worse off and it's about the hierarchy in society

just being able to really damage your life. But you're absolutely right, and I don't disagree with it being a great text, but I think the point that I was trying to make is if you chuck that in alongside three other texts that aren't set in the modern world, personally I think you're making it quite hard for kids because just something where they identify

with the surroundings that the young people find themselves in, I felt would be helpful. But I'm not denying that it's a great piece of work at all. Well, Anonymous goes on, I enjoyed harping on about how Sheila's engagement ring is a symbol of patriarchal ownership and the strength and heroism in her character is demonstrated when she chucks it back at Gerald at the end of the play. So much so that when I recently got engaged and appeared one Monday morning wearing a diamond ring, my class of year tens were horrified to see that I'd failed to practice what I or priestly had preached. Oops, says Anonymous.

I did see the first episode of Educating Yorkshire last night, a show set in a school, which it's a documentary, and they are so, some of those young people, it was year eights they were focusing on last night. They are very winning, and they are just incredibly entertaining. But the teachers, my goodness, I mean, they're up against it, they really are.

What about this from, I think we can read your name, it's Joanne. I'm a teacher of both, GCSE and A-Level literature in a state comprehensive. An inspector calls and Macbeth are both still on the GCSE curriculum. Schools can choose from six of Shakespeare's plays. Macbeth, though, is by far the most popular because it is short, and it's widely thought to engage boys because of all the violence and death.

Oh, right. Yay! Yes, I mean, that's a little dispiriting, isn't it? An inspector for calls is by far the most popular choice out of a list of 12s for a 20th century text despite it being highly problematic, not least because many students sympathised with the rapist because of the way the character's presented. Oh Lord! The list also includes Lord of the Flies still, I'm afraid.

Oh, God. Okay, right. Yes, thank you. It's really interesting this, isn't it? Thank you for raising this important issue, says Joanne. in recent years, the strong focus on STEM has seen maths and biology classes balloon, while English literature and language courses in some schools struggle to keep going. If we could only teach more interesting and diverse texts at GCSE,

I feel sure we could redress some of this. It's really, yes, I mean, the current Education Secretary is Bridgett Phillips. Yes, I wonder why they haven't gone back and done something about the texts, because it does seem a real shame. I mean, reading is the lifelong hobby that will never desert you. And if you don't pick it up at school, then I'm not sure when you are going to pick it up. I suppose it is possible to do it in a later life. But there are so many great books.

They don't have to be turgid and depressing. No, not at all. I think it's one of the nicer sides of TikTok and social media, isn't it? That book talk has really helped an awful lot of people find the books that they want to read. and actually Amazon has definitely done something for people who wanted to publish their own stuff I mean the bestseller lists are quite often full of people who started out just finding their audience

absolutely outside the norms of the publishing industry so you know it's not like reading is dead but I'm with you just on we'd like to know a little bit more actually about the choice of texts and next time we get somebody on the program who's from the government and has an education brief

we should just ask them So it is wonder by R.J. Palatio that everybody is talking about I'm going to just do a compilation of all of the people who suggested it because I don't want to just pick on one person because I think that annoys lots of other people Can I read you out a very funny Facebook post

Hello Jane and Fee This is from Rosie from Sheffield who's currently camping in France It's a Billy Bragg post on Facebook There have been a lot of stories in the media this week about the number of St George flags suddenly appearing on lamp posts in some areas and I think people are right to be concerned

that the England Women's Rugby World Cup team is not getting the same level of visible support from local councils as the lionesses did during the recent European Championship. I can understand why rugby union fans are frustrated at this seeming lack of support for the Red Roses, especially as England is hosting the competition. Like everyone, I'd love the unifying spirit

of the Lioness's victory in the Europe. final to last a bit longer and as the England women are favourites to win the title we can look forward to a few more weeks of watching England at their best. Nothing like a great sporting event to bring us all together in these fractious times. So thank you to all of those who've taken the time to buy a flag

and climb a lamppost to show their support for our women and the game of rugby Union in general. It's the kind of civic patriotism that makes me proud to be English. Come on you roses. Halle! Halle! Halle! Halle! Thank you. Yes, well done. Have you seen the roundabouts that have been painted with the flag of St George,

who I think was, St George himself was Turkish, of course. I think he was... Yes, and didn't he pass through Malta and take a bit of a stop over there too? He never came to England, but anyway, well, he wouldn't have let him in if he had. Come on a boat. Is this single man? Of fighting age? Well, yes, he must have been.

So actually, ironically, he wouldn't have had a hope. Oh, if he had got in, he would not have been given a very warm welcome. But some people are playing Nauts and Crosses on the on St George's flags on the roundabouts, which are quite funny. I mean, there's obviously a very serious issue at the heart of this. And just briefly, a listener has written to say, I've lived in Epping for five years. And Epping is the centre of some protests at the moment

outside a migrant hotel. And I'm not in any way suggesting that this is a problem free area. I think it's quite clear that there have been, well, there's one court case underway at the moment, which is about a man resident at the hotel who has been accused of sexual assault and he denies that, but that case is still ongoing. Anyway, Anonymous says, I've lived in Epping for five years. I'm disgusted by the behaviour of people who are shipped in from the far right protesting against immigrants in our local and very small hotel. All these men protesting seem to be bald and of a certain age. Well, they're not, I mean, they're not all bald.

I've seen images of them. Some of them have hair. Our listener goes on to say migrants have lived there for at least the last three years with no problems. The young men would often say, hello, walking down the high street in pairs. What happened recently with the alleged assault is terrible. But some of these migrants have volunteered at the local arts centre and are wonderful professional people. Why doesn't the media report that? I despair. I mean, there are always other sides, aren't there, to these stories? And look, I don't live next to one of these hotels, so I don't know what it's like. I think there's a very good edition of the story.

Well, I don't think I know, because I listen to it at the weekend, which is looking at how other countries across Europe have been dealing with their migrant problems. And it's an interview with Oliver Moody, who's the Berlin correspondent. That's where the episode starts and hosted by Manvim Rana. and he details the actual facts about what has happened to the refugees who were embraced under Angela Merkel when Germany basically said we are open to refugees. And actually the statistics are very positive about the number of particularly young men who are gainfully employed in Germany five years on, seven years on,

and also the number who have mastered the language, which is another key source of friction. often between these communities. And I think, you know, you can, and we should wonder about the intent of anyone who wants to come and live in this country. Of course we should. But also we should listen to both sides of our head on that. Some people may well want to come

because they envisage an easier life. I mean, good luck to them with that because there's a lot of clamping down going on. But of course some people want to work. And, you know, a lot of the people, sitting around in those hotels will be bored whatever quite you know quite rightly they may be thinking what have I done with my life and why am I here now they may want to be very productive members of our society and sometimes I have wondered when I've looked at all of the people who have

acres of time midweek Jane to protest I think well what do you do you work how I don't have time to do that do you um well there's many reasons well you and I haven't draped ourselves in a flag of St. George and gone down to Epping. But one of the reasons is, yes, we're working. We just don't have the time. Anyway, this is a challenging area. Oh, it's so challenging.

And the debate will continue. Well, it will, Jane. But don't you think that people have got a bit afraid of saying some things now? Oh, God. Well, seriously, it is difficult. I mean, I'm really hesitant even now. But not just on this, just in a wider kind of community conversation. I think we're, I've noticed that people won't express a very honest viewpoint for fear of condemnation, inflammation and kind of being on the wrong side of the peaking culture, whatever that is this year.

So it is difficult. We welcome all of your thoughts. I think some of our listeners also genuinely just think I listened to you for a little bit of entertainment and light relief and the salve of some good recipe ideas and some chortling alongside all the other stuff that you talk about. about, so please don't feel that you, you know, that you need to get heavily, heftily, politically involved, but we really appreciate first-person experiences in particular. Now, catching up on pods, so sorry if somebody has beaten me to this, says Claire, but volunteering at an Essex food bank, I found several, I mean, this is interesting, I found several petite sets of chutneys and expensive, fancy, alcohol-enhanced marmalades.

asking who donated these to the food bank it turned out to be Stansted Airport This is the confiscated stuff Isn't it? Confiscated confituers If unopened and within date Are donated to food banks That's brilliant Okay that's yes

I mean I'm not sure if people go Well yeah why not I mean I like chutney What's your problem with chutney In alcohol flavoured marmalades Do you know what I don't like any infused marmalades Right. I'm dead against them. It's a very small pool, isn't it, that pleases?

No. I'm just, I'm an interesting shift in my seasonality regarding breakfast because it's almost time to go back to bagel, but I'm not quite there yet. Wait for the temperature to just plummet a little bit more. There was a sniff in the air this weekend. It was lovely. Yes, but people didn't seem to know what to do about outer wear on the tube this morning, I noticed. No, it was muggy and sticky again in London. but, you know, also the promise of rain. One woman had a dog,

and was also carrying her dog's water bowl, which was quite full. I thought that's quite bold. I'm quite optimistic. You're going to keep hold of the... Of the water that's in it? Yes, gosh. Yeah.

Well, I don't know, Nancy's a fuss pot. She won't drink water that anyone else has drunk. So do you carry a water bowl with you and you go on the chair? I've got one of those concertina ones that you can flatten down. Oh, I see. then pull up, yep, which I think it's such a good idea. I did think maybe I should just buy one of those and bring that to work.

What, just lap water at the... Eat my lunch gubbins out of that. Yes, you could do. Good, too, couldn't I should attract a small crowd. Just a very quick one in from Kate, who says, I laughed out loud when you talked about the clergy woman with several titles. Here we go, though. My husband is a Reverend Canon Doctor Doctor,

because he's got two PhDs. and he often struggles over which box to tick I just say stop being so pompous and tick mister it keeps him humble Gates says I trained as a nurse at the Middlesex Hospital on Mortimer Street so confusing it's not really in Middlesex

is it sadly now demolished but do have a look around the only remaining bit the Fitzrovia Chapel which is beautiful I met my three best friends on our first day of training in August 1984 we're fans of the show thank you for making me laugh after a busy day with patients

well thank you for the Top tip, I love those hidden chapels. Yes. So I will go and search of that actually the next time I'm getting my glasses repaired off Warren Street. Yeah, Mortimer Street is round there isn't it? I'm just trying to picture it. So Mortimer Street is one of the big ones that runs

kind of parallel to the Eastern Road, but about three down from it. Yeah, right. There's some really interesting little snickets. I mean, that's, I know it's not a very novel tip, but never use a main road in London. Just take one of the roads just parallel to it, and you'll never know what you might find. Yes, but you can't in a car anymore, can you?

Oh, I do. Oh, don't get me started. What has the London Mayor done? I don't pay any attention. Healthy ends, speed bumps, Yulees! Yolese! Now we've talked Cockneys. So let's bring in Claire, who says,

I was listening to your discussion on the Pearly Kings and Queens and Cockneys and wanted to let you know of the fantastic Cockney culture that I grew up in. They really were sort of the earth people and your sides hurt laughing with the antics they got up to. my mum and nan were shopping down the market and someone was selling an old piano

so my nan started playing it and the whole market ended up in a sing-song now that is Cockney another story that makes me laugh was when the local publican was cleaning his pub and he put the furniture outside on the street and one of his locals put price tickets on everything and started selling it off

it was all in good humour and after a bit of swearing and after a bit of swearing he saw the funny side these sorts of stories happened all the time. The pearly tradition started with the Costa mongers in the 19th century who wanted to stand out from the crowd. The Costa king or queen were the leaders of the London street traders and organised and looked after the others and represented them to the authorities when needed. The title is passed down through families and is still taken very seriously. It is a commitment

to raise money for London charities and they still do fantastic work across the London boroughs. Brilliant. Thank you for that, Claire. That's really interesting. Didn't know that. appreciate it now final thought from me Thursday murder club did you watch it have you watched it are you going to watch it um you've never read the books have you i don't think i finish the book i can't explain why i didn't and or did i but i can't remember it i don't know darling i wasn't with you when you wait it don't i thought you lived in my head i do rent free actually no don't understand that expression no you're paying a lot yeah i was concerned i really have it's not rent just explain that expression living rent free because i hear it a lot yes well i mean it just means that you've got a

permanent kind of fixation with a thought but it's having a field day in your head it's not giving you any decent money in return that's what i take it as being so somebody's moved in and they're living for free in my head. I see. Well, we'll move on. I'm going to see my parents this weekend. It's my dad's birthday tomorrow. So I'm popping up next weekend and I thought if the weather was in Clement on Saturday afternoon

we might watch that film. I think that would be a very good idea. But my mum doesn't sound very keen. Well, I mean because she lives in sheltered housing. Yes, I think... Will it be upsetting? No, they will have a lot of thoughts. Well, I think she might feel. watched it. I have watched it. Okay. Yeah. And? Oh, dear, that's a very heavy side.

I had high hopes for it. It's got an amazing cast. Yes, got some great people. It had an amazing producer. It's backed by Stephen Spielberg. Yeah. Who doesn't make an awful lot of duds. No.

And I really enjoyed the dialogue in Richard Osmond's books. It was funny and acerbic. And just that main idea that, in fact, you underestimate pensioners at your peril because if they're all in sheltered housing together you think they're one amorphous blob but of course they were people back in the day who had jobs and specialism skills and stuff like that

so I really loved that take on it and I found the film just disappointing I watched it and then went and read lots of reviews about it and I honestly couldn't believe that people had given it four stars you couldn't no to me it was just like this terrible kind of wafty ITV2 afternoon drama with just some gaping plot holes in it I mean it's different from the book have they changed no not different from the book

but they had to obviously cut an awful lot out that cut a few kind of main storylines out but it no it's just bizarre and the overacting I mean from David Tennant jeez jeez love whatever it is that you took before doing that just put the lid back on the bottle and put it back in the fridge and leave it. Dear Jaffy is how Angela starts her email. I really enjoyed Thursday Murder Club, but there were a couple of plot twists which transported me back to movie watching with my first husband and his shouts of weak at dodgy storylines. I found myself muttering,

weak, accompanied by eye-rolling and head-shaking, went out of the many graves in the cemetery. The first one that Bogdan dug up just happened to be the one which provided vital clues for the murder club. I watched it yesterday morning and for the rest of the day at left me feeling very envious of those lucky Cooper's Chase residents, and the envy has spilled over into today. And I think that's what your parents will both say. I will probably have flashbacks to it forever. On the plus side, similar to death and paradise for midsummer murders,

the environment, scenery, and gentle and unthreatening ambiance have provided me with a sense of calm. Me and my second and fingers crossed till death to us part husband, retired two years ago, this movie has provided us with unrealistic retirement goals. do places like Cooper's Chase exists. I mean, it's filmed in a kind of down-tunabby's stately home. Which is sheltered housing?

Yes, it is. If so, they must be reserved for seriously wealthy pensioners, ex-M-I-6 agents who get a premium sports car as a leaving gift or parents of hedge fund managers. So I'm conflicted. Yes, it is a bit of fun, a feel-good movie, but it's left me hankering for wall-to-wall-flower arrangements, a corridor of expensive chintz curtains leading to a conservatory,

bathed in natural light, overlooking beautiful gardens with a herd of deer running across the expansive view. Aquarobic classes at the in-house pool, a jigsaw room, therapy llamas, archery and painting lessons. I don't think it's an exaggeration to state that Cooper's Chase and its residents are a million miles away from the reality of retirement homes and pensioners in the UK today. When the visuals have faded, I will battle with my envy. I will establish realistic retirement goals, I will also focus on the positives in our lives of which there are many. Who needs llamas, swimming pools and chintz when you have good health, great family, friends and devoted pets? I also still have my mum and I'm very grateful for that. Well, Angela, it's a lovely

note to end on, but absolutely, I mean, it's so made for TV, the whole kind of shtick about the, you know, the ambiance of the sheltered housing. It's so unrealistic. And the, apartments. They look like they cost about 2 million beauty. Okay, I think we need someone to write, what was that brilliant show with Joe Brand and Vicky? Getting on. Yes. Do you remember that fantastic? It was about an NHS

charyiatric ward. Yes, about the nursing. It was so, so dry and, but incredibly funny. Someone needs to write one of those set in proper sheltered housing, don't we? This does sound like it's going to be

a bit of a moment. if I do watch it with mum and dad at the weekend. I think they'll be amazed. Yeah, but I look forward to hearing their thoughts. Okay, right. I do hope they're listening because now they know what they've got lined up on Saturday afternoon.

They won't be listening. Dave the Minion has had the temerity to email us. He says, there I was, listening to Thursday's podcast while ironing my wife's awkward summer dress. Doesn't he sound a gem? What's awkward about it? Well, there are some garments I have that I just

I really do dread ironing because I just don't know where to start and I can see where Dave's coming from. Maybe it's got a lot of pleats. Exactly. That kind of thing. He says, while ironing my wife's awkward summer dress,

contemplating with my go-to recipe, it's just too blokey to email in when I was largely beaten to it by an NHS nurse because he did have a really good recipe last week. Dave the Minions version says, well he says, it contains every food type for a healthy and hearty meal

in minutes. Are you ready? Get a pen and paper, everybody. I've got mine. Whole meal toast, liberally coated with marmite, extra strong cheddar melted on top, topped off, topped off with big beans, bacon, brackets grilled, and a fried egg, fry light one calorie spray. Oh, of course, never anything but that. I recently discovered store cupboard staple, long use before dates, M&S Marmite cheese bake with bake in the oven, crusty baguette. What? Yes, I've had that. M&S Marmite cheese bake with bake in the oven, crusty baguette.

So it's a baguette? Well, no, the baguette's the add-on. So it's the M&S Marmite cheese bake. Yeah, but what's in that? Well, cheese and marmite. Yeah, presumably. Well, it's like a very posh Welsh rare bit. And he says, by the way, Flash Harry is the Spiv character

played masterfully by George Cole in the original Black and White St Trinian's films. He always helpfully put all the horse racing bets on for the girls. It did give a slightly odd idea of boarding school life in the United Kingdom those films, but nevertheless, you're absolutely right, that was Flash Harry. So sorry, I can't picture what day's cooked. He's cooked a kind of cheese sandwich in a pan.

No, that... No, he's got... Well, yes, I suppose it is it, but then he's also just recommending, we're just trying to be helpful. Yeah, no, no, I'm just, I'm generally, because I wanted to write it down, but I haven't managed to have nothing down yet. For easy learners, let's go again. Homemeal toast, put marmite on top.

You see, I never think of doing that. Strong cheddar on top of that, then your beans, then some grilled bacon, and then a fried egg. And Dave is recommending you use that low-calorie spray, but I'm not sure that's an essential. Okay, and you're doing that in a pan. and it's all kind of lovely and melting through. Well, I would imagine so, although he doesn't specify.

I think because he's obviously a little bit careful with the calories. I don't think he is doing it in a pan. I think he's just toasting the bread. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's an awkward recipe. That's the irony, Dave. It might explain why Dave is still a minion.

Oh, no, Dave, it sounds great. I like the sound of it. And you've got all of your food groups, and you're absolutely right. There was somebody who sent in a recipe combination, which included hot tuna, but from a can. And in 56 years, I've never heated up tuna that's come out of a can and it just, I've read it about 6.30 this morning. I thought, oh my God, that's turned my world.

Yeah, I saw that too. We'll do some more recipes tomorrow because we've got some good ones. This is just, can you help? So very briefly, it's another Claire. Her dad is 87 and he has a few great edible love, she says. She also, by the way, starts the email, Dear Ladies of My Night. That's rather good, isn't it? Oh, la-la.

I wonder if we should rename, get rid of our fare and call it. ladies of the night. Yeah. She says, Eve's thinking about it. No, Eve's shaking her head. Oh, okay. Claire wants to help her dad because he's of an age where he just has these really specific things that he hankers after.

She's touring the online bakers of cheese scones and regularly sends him a supply. He likes them very cheesy with an extra amount of mustard. I can't cook them for him because we live hundreds of miles apart and the post is so unreliable. Claire lives in the Channel Islands and he lives in remote West Wales

which in the UK is probably about as far away from each other not geographically but just in logistics terms that's quite tough isn't it I'm just trying to work out how far yeah that's a long way I think Royal Mail's going to struggle with that Claire says I did find some russet apples outside a house local to me

it just said help yourself and leave a donation to charity so I did that and wrapped a box full of russet apples and did post them off to him and they arrived he was delighted. However, I can't find Blenham orange apples. They are old English apples from Oxfordshire. If anybody knows where I could get them, I would be so grateful. Time is precious, says Claire. Right, understood Claire. I wonder whether you might have come across them while you were in the Cotswolds. Would that be? So Blenham? I guess they are from that neck of the woods, I'm sure they would be, but no, I'm afraid, I'm not a, as you well know, I'm not a regular apple eater.

I can't. Haven't we promoted apples on this podcast? Were you lying? Oh, we have, haven't we? So I've really struggled with the sound of people eating apples. Sorry about that, everybody. But do you know what? I'll ask my mum, because as a very, very keen gardener and horticulturalist and now a re-immersed member of the Oxfordshire,

border, Wiltshire, Gloucestershire community, I'm sure that she'll be able to find that out but also I mean I'm with you on the very very cheesy scones with quite a lot of mustard if we get a good tip on where we can be getting hold of those I would be bulk buying them yeah cheese scones were part of the primary school dinner diet of my childhood

so you don't like them I'm afraid I don't I love them right okay I really love them especially if they've got a lot of chives and then occasion if they're homemade you'll get a chunk of cheese instead of just a kind of flake and that's always a brucey bonus in my day. I think I probably need to revisit one of those upmarket bakeries

will have a really good cheese scone but I'm afraid I'm afraid the primary school of the 1970s couldn't deliver a decent cheese scone Okay well I'm very sorry to hear that Well I know these are difficult They were difficult and challenging times

And I've come through them There was always Manchester tart To look forward to That seemed to come around very regularly And if you were there you'll remember it They say that about her don't they? okay jane and fee at times dot radio

is our email address and we will talk to you again tomorrow and a very good afternoon forward slash evening forward slash night goodbye from the ladies Congratulations. You've staggered somehow to the end of another Offair with Jane and Fee. Thank you. If you'd like to hear us do this live, and we do do it live, every day, Monday to Thursday, 2 till 4 on Times Radio. The Jeopardy is off the scale. And if you listen to this, you'll understand exactly why that's the case. So you can get the radio online, on DAB, or on the free Times Radio app. Offair is produced by Eve Salisbury and the executive producer is Rosie Cutler.