Off Air... with Jane and Fi - Litter training, it's the natural world in all its glory - with Omid Djalili

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

Omid Djalili the actor and comedian joins Jane and Fi to talk about his new high-concept podcast 'Please Tell Me A Story'. Plus, Fi tries to work out what name her phone would auto-correct to 'catheter' and Jane teaches us how to get a shy kitten to poo... If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] Assistant Producer: Kate Lee Times Radio Producer: Rosie Cutler Podcast Executive Producer: Ben Mitchell Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, hello, hello. Oh, okay, well, I can't hear anything now. It doesn't matter. We'll just have to battle through. Oh, I can hear her. That's all right. Well, that's all that matters. That's all that matters. Oh, OK, so are we recording?

Before I forget. Yes. So I was in Richmond yesterday enjoying the friendship services. The hostility of? No, the friendship services of the delightful, your friend of mine, Anita. How is she? She's very well.

And we were sitting there having a cup of coffee and a lovely group of women came over to say hello because they recognise Nancy, out and about with Nancy. So they're big fans of the podcast. Who is a dog. Who is a dog. He's my enormous greyhound. And I promised that we would give Penny a mention.

Hello, Penny. Penny is part of the group that wasn't with her group yesterday. Yeah. And the woman who introduced herself, and this is what I just need to apologise for. So I wrote it down immediately in my phone notes to say, we've got to say hello to Penny. Yeah.

But my spell check corrected the name to Catheter. So it could be Catherine, it could be Cathy, it could be Catherine, it could be Karen, but it's in my notes as Catheter. Well. Or it could be Catheter. Why on earth would it do that? I don't know.

I think it's an unusual name, Catheter. It's lovely. And hopefully one of my grandchildren will be called Catheter Jane On earth would it do that? I don't know. I think it's an unusual name, catheter. It's lovely. And hopefully one of my grandchildren will be called Catheter Jane after me. But I really apologise. And I think that you're Catherine or Karen. But you'll always be catheter to us. And hello, Penny.

Do send us more emails if you'd like to. And I'm sorry that you miss meeting Nance. Because Nancy is, she's actually really sweet. She is. I was thinking about her only today because I went past a coffee shop where we'd been together with some people from the world of publishing and I think Nancy was there as well do you remember? Yes I do. Yes I don't think the world of publishing really welcomed Nancy hugely that day. Really welcome us as it turned out? That's very true. I'll save tales of Brian and Barbara for another podcast, if that's right. But there is something quite funny. So Brian and Barbara are new kittens. Oh, yes. Arrived this weekend in the house.

Oh, they've come. They've come. I thought you just signed them up. I didn't realise you'd recruited them. And do you remember that funny thing when you have kittens where every other animal just looks daft? Because they're huge yes so nancy who's what what is she 30 kilograms 33 kilograms of dog uh a massive greyhound just her next door to a kitten an eight week old kitten oh it's funny oh are the dare i ask about the kittens toileting they appear to be fully litter trained. They are incredible. Now, isn't that the natural world in all its glory? Yeah, in fact, the first thing they did when they arrived, they're living in a massive cage.

Please don't worry, I haven't left them out with Greyhound. No. They're living in a cage. I was going to ask. Although Nancy doesn't seem to have anything malicious in her. No, she doesn't have a prey drive, which is why she ended up being a failed racer. Because she just, you know, she'd start every race,

but she wouldn't finish them. Halfway round, I think she'd just go, oh, I don't like this. I'd be arsed with this. Actually, she's a person after my own heart, to be honest. I get that. She's like one of those, you know, sometimes on the London Marathon days,

if you ever go and watch the London Marathon, any marathon, you'll go to a coffee shop and it'll always be full of people who've just given up halfway through. I've noticed that. I admire them for giving up. Caramel latte beckons. Don't be hard on yourselves. I couldn't do a quarter of a mile.

Sorry, you were talking about the kittens and I was interested. Oh, so the first thing they did was go for a lovely pee and a poo in their litter tray, but you're right it's amazing. You see it's interesting so when I got the recalcitrant Dora she was very slow to poo and we had to go online to find out what you had to do to urge your kitten to feel safe enough to go and the answer is that you just gently poke their bottom area with a little bit of a cloth, damp cloth, and it

worked. Okay. I'm just saying because it was obvious that Dora needed to go and we had the litter tray and everything and she had also been, she'd weed but was clearly in a little bit of distress. Oh, that is just something that I'll remember for the whole of my life.

That's a useful tip for somebody, that is. Honestly, I thought I was just... I wasn't even saying that for laughs. That was just something that... No, and I'm very glad you passed it on. And if anybody else... Just if you have any trouble with... No, you're absolutely right. Brian and Barbara.

Brian and Barbara, yeah. If they turn into shy pooers, then I'll get my damp cloth out. Oh, you may laugh, I think. Jane and Fee at Times.Radio. If you want to chip in with your own tips on how to handle a constipated... That's taken from the human world. Who discovered that? I don't know.

A damp cloth to a kitten's bottom. I was round with my elderly neighbour yesterday afternoon. Her cat was also constipated. Anyway, I should have mentioned it to her, but she knows all about cats, this lady, so she won't need my advice. Well, obviously she doesn't. So, it's been another sort of Harry-tastic couple

of days. We're trying to sense, I mean, just tell us, basically. You know how you can contact us. You can email this podcast. Are you fed up to the back teeth with the whole shebang? I think we're beginning to be, and I'm struggling now to see the good in either side of this fiery debate. I really am. And my copy of Harold's book arrives tomorrow,

so I hope to be better informed by the time Wednesday rolls around, because I will read it. So if nothing happens and there's no olive branch extended to Harold, what does he do? I don't know. I don't know. But look, he's in the sunshine. He's got a lovely family. I don't want him to be unhappy, but I think the rest of us, we've all got our own concerns at the moment,

and some people really are. I mean, you keep saying this, but it's so true. Some people are so up against it yeah um and we've got this family sort of tearing into each other and some one side saying they're not saying anything but they sort of are and then harry's telling us everything and he's getting his own story out there in his own words which does give him a sort of power because it means all those stories about him can't be told by anybody else now yeah for money because he's told them for money yeah so he's one on that front yeah he has yeah but i'm with you and also i do think and and you know we are so guilty of this it's created a space for bitching yeah where everybody thinks oh yeah i'll just say

anything i like about people i don't know because that's what everybody else is doing. It's not very nice, Jane. It isn't. Right, we've got a lovely email here from Kiki, who says, Dear Jane and Fee, recently I've been listening to a lot of the old episodes of your podcast. As I listened to more,

I started to grow very fond of hearing you two just chat away to each other at the beginning before the guest arrived. Well, we have superb guests, so do stay for the whole podcast uh kiki goes on to say as i was listening to one of the episodes i suddenly realized i'm probably not part of the main target audiences i'm a 15 year old girl then i began wondering what you both would think about the fact you had a 15 year old avid listener and whether you'd find it amusing or concerning and then i decided I must email in and ask your opinions well how do you feel about having a 15 year old listen to this I'm delighted absolutely delighted welcome Kiki and I hope you just get something out of it um

I mean I'm sure you'll grow out of us soon and find something I was going to say more age appropriate but then that's ridiculous because if Kiki's enjoying it good luck to her that's absolutely fantastic you know it's funny I I sometimes think I'm still I think 15 is kind of where I've stopped if you sort of I mean I'm not sure I'm any more mature or sensible or capable than I was when I was 15. Anne Tyler said that wonderful thing when we were talking about whether she felt uh that her earlier writing was was still kind of her voice yeah and she said that she'd never been more certain than when she was eight years old and and actually she found that her certainty departs the older she gets and she's a wise wise bird now so she must be an incredible eight-year-old yeah she must have been but she

probably was to be fair but i know what you. I think the world seemed simpler when we were both 15. Well, no, I think I was already beginning to find the world quite complicated and I still do. So I just think, Kiki, you're probably enjoying it because I'm not sure we do as humans change all that much. We've just got different responsibilities now, haven't we? Yes, yeah. Compared to being 15. But we're still, if it's any comfort to anybody of 15 who'd ever be inclined do as humans change all that much we've just got different responsibilities now yes yeah compared to being 15 but we're still if it's any comfort to anybody of 15 who'd ever be inclined to listen we're all still riddled with self-doubt and uncertainty and um i don't know um bumbling our

way through life yes that doesn't change no you just i thought it would yeah you hopefully get get slightly more used to it i think that's's the only thing. You know where all the grooves are. Yeah. Or maybe you don't. I'm still feeling that I might come a cropper at any day. Dear Jane and Fee says, Mary, I'm sure I'm not the only one writing to tell you that there are a few cat's eyes on North American roads. Mary, a few is not enough. That's the point.

I mean, there may well be three somewhere outside washington but that's you know it's a very big country uh mary says as the snow plows take them out uh however here in canada there are some on a few roads so i suggest you keep your north american travel to north of the 49th parallel a sensible suggestion well that's a great suggestion but i'm put off by the fact that you say there are only a few roads that have them there. We've got them everywhere here, Mary. Yes, except I don't know about you, on British motorways, sometimes there are no lights and then sometimes there are. What's that all about?

I don't know, but in one of the many, many speed awareness courses that I sat through, they did explain that there's a different speed limit on a lit part of the road to on a dark part of the road, isn't there? Is there? Yes. You've done the speed awareness course too. You should know. I know.

Well, we're both a disgrace. Although I thought it was quite funny when I asked Lizzie Arnold, the ex-skeleton Olympic gold medal winner who was on the radio show today, how she replicated the excitement of her skeleton days. She said very quickly, we've got a Tesla. I know. And and i thought is she sponsored by them or what i mean it was incredibly quick but i mean we certainly do not condone high speed driving i mean our driving records suggest we struggle a little bit yes it's not that we don't it's not it's not remotely funny no so we've done the course we both paid attention

we didn't do the same course you know we're not inseparable uh but we have done the course because we well actually last time around i just said i want the points right that's can i just say that's nothing to be proud of no but it's true anyway p and i have a major disagreement just now actually about happy valley be proud of? No, but it's true. Anyway, Pia and I have had a major disagreement just now, actually, about Happy Valley, because you say you can't watch it because it's, what did you say? So ominous. Ominous, yes. I don't know.

I like the ominous nature of it. He does that really brooding, I mean, it's beyond dark, isn't it? Kind of malevolence. And I just thought I couldn't watch it last night. I had completely forgotten, and I apologise for this. I should have read out this email earlier. It's from Sonia, and it's about Prince Harry and about the death of a parent.

And this is very poignant. Sonia says she was 15 and an only child when my mother died of cancer. It was in 1946. The telephone rang early in the morning, and my dad called me down to give me the news. He said we would have to manage and I went to get the bus to my convent school as usual. When I got there he hadn't thought to tell them so I had to tell them myself.

It was particularly hard because I'd spent the war with my mum as my father had been overseas in the army. Not easy for him dealing with a teenage schoolgirl. No allowances were made for me when I was ill for one paper of my school certificate four months later. On looking back, I realised I only got to know my dad after I had worked abroad and married, and he came to stay with us. He had remarried quite quickly to somebody only ten years older than me, says Sonia. We all have problems in life,

and Harry has had to face his in the public gaze. But times and attitudes have changed. So it might be a good idea for him to get on and enjoy his life and family and not walk around with a permanent chip on his shoulder. Sonia, thank you for that. And that's yes, I'm on the face of it. You've given some sound advice to Harry. I mean, who knows what's going on in his head. But your own experience, I suspect, is probably not uncommon back in 1946 to be treated in the way you were. But I'm just so sorry that that did happen to you

because that does sound... Miserable doesn't do it justice. It just sounds so cold. So, so cold. Yes, awful, Sonia. Anyway, thank you for telling us about it and our very best wishes to you. Now, we had a really lovely guest on the programme

today. Lots of our guests are lovely but Ahmed Jalili made us laugh and he made us think about things too. He's obviously an actor, a comedian, he's now a podcaster, who isn't? But also, and we do talk about the podcast, it's called Please Tell Me a Story later on in the interview. But he's someone who's been very

vocal about his support for the protesters in Iran. He has British Iranian heritage. And he spoke at a rally in Trafalgar Square yesterday. And Jane's first question to him this afternoon was to tell us a little bit more about who was there at the protest. It was called a unity rally where they walked all the way from Marble Arch to Trafalgar Square, thousands of people and there would have been more if there wasn't, it was pelting it down with rain and it was a unity rally because it was the marking the 115th day of the protests that started. It's also the third commemoration of the downing of flight PS752, where 176 people were killed, shot down by the regime. And my next post on Twitter is going to be the regime

and a regime television program talking about how, just when it happened, they were saying, well, this is Boeing. Boeing have had three crashes like this. And unless the Americans can prove these were missiles, then we can tell you Boeing is not fit for purpose. It's like these are death coffins and they have to stop it kind of thing. So it was that and it was wonderful because there were different factions coming together and they all seem to be very united to support the women and girls of Iran

who are doing, I think, the most extraordinary thing on the planet right now they're trying to change the axis of the world they believe that they're bringing down the patriarchy everywhere so I believe the women who shout for them here are shouting for themselves they're shouting against the patriarchy and that's why the men are standing with them because they understand the patriarchy hurts us all and it's interesting it's the men who are being executed it's the men are standing with them because they understand the patriarchy hurts us all and it's interesting it's the men who are being executed it's the men who are suffering in prison two executions very recently weren't they unfortunately there could be two more very imminently as well so they seem to be targeting the youngest the fittest the athletes the people who are charismatic the

people who are future leaders of a future uprising to try and kill a momentum. They're literally trying to wipe out the future of Iran. They're grabbing the most beautiful girls, raping them in prison. It's an awful situation. They're saying, if we do this to your brightest and our best, if we're doing this to the brightest and the best, then anyone, all of you rank and file Iranians, don't you dare protest because this is what will happen to you. So you can get a crowd of protesters on a pretty grotty afternoon in London to come out and about and shout and be supportive. What are Western governments doing to challenge this diabolical regime? Well, a lot of governments are sending what's called political sponsorship. So people

who are, who have been sentenced to death have been getting political sponsorship from people from Belgium, from Austria, from Germany, who, when you have political sponsorship, it means that at least there must be some due process, because a lot of these sham trials, they're not given a lawyer. So, for example, it started with a rapper called Tumaj Salehi, who is basically our Tupac Shakur. A lot of people will say, no, he's not, but actually he kind of is. And he's had political sponsorship in Germany, which has stopped him being executed. And they're now demanding a lawyer and demanding that the, at least this is reviewed on an international scale. So there's some kind of due process.

There are also governments are calling the IRGC, which is the military wing of the regime, they're calling them out and labelling them as a terrorist organisation. They are expelling diplomats, they're closing down embassies, and they're freezing the assets, as we did with the Russians. And now that Iranians feel that the Russians are being supported by the Iranians, why don't we see the same with the Islamic Republic of Iran? So that's the kind of political action that's happening to isolate Iran and to humiliate Iran, the government of Iran on an international scale. Do you and have you ever had any comeback personally? Has the regime made its displeasure with you known in any way I think that in in very

subtle ways I on uh I had an Instagram post that I put out and a lot of people saying take it down and then when I checked them they were all private accounts and then there was an account it was it was a mix of it was some dancers which was mixed with a very strong rap song, which was about this time it's different. And I'd seen this video and it was bad quality. So we fixed it up and put it back out again. And apparently one of the girls from the band, from the dance group saying this is, we don't agree with this. Can you take it down? And I got DM saying, take it down.

We don't agree with this. Can you take it down? And I got DMs saying, take it down. So that's no way to speak to someone who supposedly is a fellow artist. Whenever I've had a problem with a fellow artist, they say, hi, this is me. And they'd explain something. You don't just say, take it down. So I thought this was suspicious. And then many people started saying, take it down. And then it was removed by Instagram and on Twitter my twitter was locked until i took this down and then we looked into it and it was those accounts that were speaking to me were hacked so this was the regime saying this video is too powerful it has to go and we're seeing this all over instagram all over twitter if there is the cyber army of the islam Islamic regime is pretty huge.

And they just make sure these things come down. So there's been nothing direct, but indirect things like that, yes. You didn't have to do this, did you? No. So why have you? You know, you're British, you live here. You're a highly successful British actor, comedian, known for all sorts of things.

You didn't need to do this. No, I don't. And none of us have to do it. And if you look at anyone else who's doing it, Iranians living here, I even see people who are, there's an amazing comedian called Chelsea Hart, who is an American living in Britain.

She's doing everything she can. She's amazing. I don't want to misgender her. Apparently she's a they, them. And people say, don't misgender that person.. Apparently, she's a they-them. Okay. And people say, don't misgender that person. I say, it's all right. He doesn't mind, which will get me into trouble.

But she's a friend. Well, they are a friend. And they have given their whole social media to this because they believe it's a humanitarian crisis. It's not just an Iranian problem. I've lived with this for about 43 years I've come from a persecuted minority the Baha'is have been targeted have been persecuted and so I've lived with this all my life and what's happened with is whenever Baha'is were persecuted Iranians would say well they're Baha'is they're not us and now they've crossed that line they're

now killing they're maiming and raping and executing normal Iranians. They've crossed a line they can never come back from. And now they're saying, the whole of Iran is saying, we are Baluchis, we are Baha'is, we are Kurds, we are all one. And it was something that I found myself, I was just compelled to do. I wake up, even this morning, I thought there'd be execution. So I was checking Twitter at four in the morning and I was tweeting. If you look at my tweets, they're like from five in the morning, six in the morning.

So it's a compulsion, but it's also driven by what we say is a humanitarian thing. So when we say our victory is close, it's a victory for humanity. That's what we're looking for. Now, Omid's podcast is new. It's called Please Tell Me A Story. And I guess you could call it a high concept podcast.

This podcast, you'll have noticed, is not high concept. In fact, it doesn't have a concept. It's just two old birds talking to each other. Anyway, somebody tells a well-loved anecdote in Please Tell Me A Story. They tell it to one person who then has to pass it on to somebody else. And then somebody else takes up the baton. And they also have to tell it to one person who then has to pass it on to somebody else and then somebody else takes up the baton and they also have to tell it to somebody else and it goes on and on. You get the picture.

And the anecdote morphs. That's the extraordinary thing. It changes. Names change. Decades shift. And in the episode that we both listened to of Ahmed's new podcast, Please Tell Me a Story, it all became rather scatocological. We began by asking him who had the idea in the first place. I believe this is the podcast that everybody's been waiting for. Because of all art forms, the most simple art form is storytelling. I know as a stand-up comedian, everything's stripped away.

It's me and a mic, and it's the most pure art form there is. And storytelling is something not everyone can do it yeah now what and if you look at fake news and if you look at alternative facts these things happen by people not listening so it was one thing to be a good storyteller you also have to be a good listener that's why they say in relationships it's good to mirror things when people say i'm upset with you because why and they say and you have to mirror it back what am i upset with you're upset because i didn't put the dishes away okay and i'm also upset so you mirroring back is very good this is a podcast where someone tells a story and then they tell a story to some person then tells a story to someone else then tells a story to

someone else tells someone else and then they come back and tell the original person the story. And the way, within a few minutes, as you saw in my trailer, the first episode is my story and I talk about my uncle, Ezat, and by the third person he goes, his name is Dave. I thought that was the most interesting bit about it. Yeah, and that's Kai Samra. Kai Samra's a comedian. I picked him because I thought he was sane. I thought he was brilliant. Everything seems to break down with Kai Sombra.

So whenever it got to him, somehow, maybe he's not a good listener. And we have two kinds of comedians as well. You've got the comedians who listen and look at funny people and try and become funny, or someone like Kai, who is genuinely funny and who's a little bit insane as well. So you see how stories, it's about the evolution of storytelling yeah and it's about how we have to listen to a story to be able to then tell it properly back and and you know with storytelling um legacies and with with word of mouth being passed on it's

very important to speak properly and listen properly so both jane and i have listened to that episode featuring your uncle. Shall we just very, very briefly, like in under a minute, try and retell the story? Well, it's Uncle Ezrat. Ezat. Ezat, who was short.

I remember that because, frankly, I'm short. And not that prepossessing physically, but like the ladies, was at a family wedding. You were with him in the overflow car because you couldn't get into the main car to a family wedding you were with him in the overflow car because you couldn't get into the main car to the family wedding he had he went it was the early 90s the sensory flush had just come into toilets yes very sensitive the sensory flush is the bit that i remember out of

all of it because it's that thing where you just kind of waft your hand in front of it and it starts to flush which takes a lot of people by surprise. And the early models were like, you'd be five foot away, just kind of yawning and they go, they would go really fast. So your uncle wants to wash his dentures at the wedding. So he washes his dentures. He dries them under the dryer. Which doesn't work properly.

Which doesn't work properly. So he wanders towards the toilet. I can't remember exactly why, but because it's got that vicious, Okay, let's stop you now. The dentures go down the toilet and that's the story, can't remember exactly why but because it's got that that vicious okay let's stop the dentures go down the toilet and that's the story yeah it's kind of the story but um as you can tell i'm already outraged by your so what's what have we got wrong well that's why you have to listen to the podcast well we have it's called please tell me a story by the way but that but that's the beauty of it so so telling a story um you realize actually

i have to tell stories to my kids if they like a story they say tell me again tell me again and just by telling the same story and in the same way that's when they get it but actually embellishment comes up false things comes up so it's very important to keep the story pure but it got worse the story it got scatacological didn't it yes and it got filthy as well somewhere along the line I don't know how that happened but anyway but I just think it's a great podcast

and it's a really interesting and every week whose idea was it well it was a bunch of us came together I've always wanted to do a podcast I did do one podcast that was sports but there were so many sports podcasts but I thought this one would be

from an artistic point of view it was different. It's comedy, and it's also making a point. I think the evolution of storytelling is very important. Well, it's the, I mean, as you say, we used to sit around fires, didn't we? Yes. Chatting to each other. Yes. Now people just gawp at their phones.

Yes. Multi-screening. What's happened to us? And storytelling is that, do you know, I love stories so much if i if i go and see a film and i'm not engaged by the story in the first 10 minutes i leave do you what was the last movie you walked out of or could you not really say in case it might be from a film company the last film i saw the last film i saw was the whitney houston biopic and and it's a there's a great trick because there's a name. The film has a name.

And when you buy your tickets, you say, is there a name to the Whitney Houston film? They say, I want to dance with somebody. Because I'm sure you do. But is there a name for the Whitney Houston film? It's a little moment of joy you can have. But that was a story I knew already. But something like Breaking Bad.

If you see Breaking Bad, it's on Netflix. I i love it the story hooked me after about half an hour but it starts off in an arty way it starts off with a pair of trousers in the air even season two they they intimate an awful thing that's happened all the way through season two until you see what's happened in season three so actually sometimes storytelling can be complex but if i'm not hooked because because i want we all want stories well what's the story because stories is a thing that makes us develop as human beings it's what we've got isn't it we can tell our story and in a way we're not going to talk about prince harry but i mean in his defense he is at least telling his own story i think that's something he said and all those people who knock it and say oh we don't want

to hear it well it was in the possession of other people, I think, some of his story, and he feels it's been in their possession too long. Do you know what's really interesting about the whole... I'll just say this, because I assume, because I just see little headlines and tabloids and I see them and it's like, oh, Harry's a disgrace. But if you go on Twitter, I would say 90% seem to be pro-Harry.

They seem to be pro-Harry. They're saying, thank God, all that thing he said about Jeremy Clarkson, well done for standing up for yourself. I, personally, I could be wrong, but just by checking Twitter for half an hour after the programme, I saw nothing but, well, apart from

a few things, mostly very positive towards Harry. But isn't that just because of the kind of people who you follow? So you've got a little bit of your own, you know, I would have thought probably quite liberal echo chamber there well i just went on the hashtag so the hashtag is not the people i'm following it's just people who joined the hashtag so lots of people i wasn't following okay it's random as i saw some absolutely horrendous nastiness on twitter last night about harry

really really vicious stuff yeah can we talk about your acting career because you're that's a great segue it was good that was we are both of us incredibly slick but we don't like to draw attention to it um i've now lost my thread completely um my acting career yes darling you're acting your ethnicity allows you or perhaps actually gets in the way of um you playing some roles because you're often cut so for example i remember you as the guy in the shed in the way of you playing some roles because you're often cut. So, for example, I remember you as the guy in the shed in the port in Mamma Mia, Here We Go Again. Yes. But you're not Greek.

I'm not, and that's terrible. To all Greek people listening, I apologise. There's a Greek thespian somewhere still really angry about that. Yes, very angry. But at the end of the day, what they wanted was, all that film wanted from me was something that they could put in the post-credits. And if you look at that film, if you haven't seen the

post-credits, go in the post-credits. And it's something I did just to make the crew laugh. Can you remind me, did you bare your bottom? No, I just, they didn't fully play out my, my character's in love with Colin Firth.

Oh, that's right. He's been in love with Colin Firth for 30 years and you see the conclusion in the post-credits. Okay. In fact, Richard Curtis said to me, have you seen the film? I said, no, he goes, wait for the post-credits. And when we saw the premiere at Hammersmith Apollo,

3,600 people, 2,000 were still in their seats for the credits and they all waited for the credits. Thank God for that. Don't walk out of that one. Don't walk out. If you're on Netflix now, go to the end and watch me. Do you think that you have now got to the point, though,

where you can't be, as you've described it, second Azerbaijani oil pipe attendant in a movie because you're Omar Jalili? You know, it's confusing i think and distracting uh to it would be to see you in a kind of minor role now you're bigger than that aren't you no i think that you know you can the the comics do some comics are really good actors robin williams was actually i would say a better actor than he was a stand-up he's a good stand-up comedian but he was a better actor.

And I think that there's a discipline to what we do. And it actually does make a difference that we respect words and we respect thoughts and we really try and do our best. So I think whenever I've seen big people do roles, I sometimes believe them. And I think that, you know, i want you to believe me i'm anyway most people can't even get my name right so why would they say that's i'm hoping that they would just be distracted by my name and there'll be

more kind of clued in with what i'm trying to do on screen is there a role that you've got lined up that you could tell us about that something may be a bit different yes there is um but i'm not allowed to speak about it did you just it's a greek it's a greek character you and colin firth are playing lovers in the uh just do a quick mime for us yes colin firth is interesting colin firth out of nowhere sent me an email and by the way this was before i saw my mum and me or two just sent me an email saying i'm sorry to tell you something i had a dream about you last night. I dreamt that you were a lap dancer. And I wrote back to him, that's funny, I had the same dream

and your check bounced. And he wrote back and goes, that's because the dance was wholly unsatisfactory. And then when we were on the set, we didn't say anything about the email. And then when I left, he continued, he goes, my lawyers are in contact with you. And he continued the email exchange, but without saying anything to me. So he's a very strange person.

Right. So when you're on set, do you form genuine friendships? Yes, you do. But then they just go away? They evaporate as soon as the film is over? No, I think there's some people you keep in contact with people because you always need people. And I've been in contact with Colin for about 18 years now

because still on the same email thread same email thread yes but because we all need each other things like letters live there are lots of things that we all do together

so you feel if you have a bond you will see each other again because it's a community community of people always stick together Omid Jalili actor, comedian, podcaster, a member now of the podcast community. As are we and as are you, dear listener.

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