Off Air... with Jane and Fi - My urine is vertical (as decided by Fi)

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Jane is still making sure to read out your compliments so do keep them coming. We fear what might happen if she runs out... In this email special, Jane and Fi also cover shopping centres they admire, speedy boarding and catheters filled with apple juice. There's no big guest today or tomorrow as we have been taking Boris Johnson speaking at the Covid Inquiry live. Tune into Times Radio to get the latest. If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] Follow us on Instagram! @janeandfi Assistant Producer: Eve Salusbury Times Radio Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

VoiceOver describes what's happening on your iPhone screen. VoiceOver on. Settings. So you can navigate it just by listening. Books. Contacts. Calendar. Double tap to open. Breakfast with Anna from 10 to 11. And get on with your day. Accessibility. There's more to go. Hot to trot.

We had a text on the, what's it called, the console to the studio for the radio show to say that it was like everybody, the Times radio presenters were having like the last day at school of the Christmas term when you brought games in because we had to just sit there all day and listen to Boris Johnson at the COVID inquiry. It's not quite true because obviously we are listening.

You could argue that we're having a relatively easy time, but you do have to pay attention. And I'm not in any way deriding the importance of the inquiry because I think to a lot of people it's hugely significant well it is massive Jane and and I know that lots of other countries completed their inquiries really quickly and there have been criticisms in this country of the sheer length of time this inquiry is going to take to report but there is something mesmerizing about being able to watch the key players come back in and be forensically grilled and I'm I'm now thinking it is much better to have waited for a bit of time to have passed yeah and I don't know I think it just gives the inquiry, it feels like it's more punchy because we have been able to let it settle in our minds.

I mean, apart from anything else, we have had such a helter-skelter and a merry-go-round of prime ministers. Yeah, but it's been quite frantic on that front here. It seems like we're seeing people from a very distant past, but that's not true, but they are two prime ministers ago, but barely a year has passed. So if you know what I mean, it's like beveled glass going on at the moment

looking into this COVID inquiry. But so important. And we do have to keep dragging it back, don't we, to what is it that we are going to learn for next time? Because there just will be a next time. I think it's also just, we're a democracy, so we're having an inquiry. If you've got the grave misfortune to live in a totalitarian hellhole,

you won't be watching the leader of your country who hasn't stood for election for the last 30 years being questioned by a KC. It won't be happening, will it? So in a way, there is something actually significant and worth celebrating in the sense that we have got the Prime Minister at the time sitting there. He's taken an oath.

He has to answer some questions. And I think that's, maybe we should just occasionally just think, oh, we're quite lucky to be living in a place where that can happen. Definitely, definitely. And because there's real welly gone into this inquiry, I don't know how extensive other countries' inquiries were, but presumably not as extensive if they were

completed in half the time. So we've got that to be grateful for too. But we'll be doing the same thing tomorrow as well, and it does mean that we don't have a big guest in the programme, so these are email specials. Yes, also today we have been, I mean people think we've been doing nothing, just writing our Christmas cards. We've actually also done the Book Club podcast today, which

people will finally be able to hear on Friday. We very well have, James. So if you were jolly well good enough to read Boy Swallows Universe by Trent Dalton, Friday is your time. And in fact, of course, you can keep that podcast forever and go back to listen to it. It's quite a learned edition of the Book Club podcast, isn't it? We give it some proper thought, don't we? Yes.

Well, we both read the book and you liked it more than me, but I can still admire it without liking it. It is possible sometimes to hugely admire the skill set of a writer and also think, I don't think I'll be going there again but I'm glad I went. Yeah, I think you can do that to people as well. And indeed, shopping centres. Right, so thank you for all your emails.

Which shopping centre do you admire but not really like? Well, the one, the Bristol one. Have you ever been to that one? Oh, I know the one. Oh gosh, what is the name of it? Over from the station No the one sort of on the motorway before you get there

Oh okay no I don't know that one I once did a budget day OB there but just did some shopping during the actual budget speech and was then rather mocked on air when my colleague found out I hadn't actually been listening to the budget because I'd been shopping but adding to the economy in my own way. Right. Okay. What the hell is the name of that shopping centre? Well, somebody will be in touch. Yeah, I expect they will. If you know what I'm talking about, God help me if you do. I need to out myself as someone who has behaved

disgracefully in public. This is from Aoife, Jane and Fee. I attended Cliff Richard recently, feeling both very young as a 40-year-old and stunned by Cliff's mobility. I was in a queue to collect tickets and who should be in front of me but Jane. As the queue was rather slow, I have my suspicions that some people with stickers thought they needed to collect physical tickets. Yes, that's possibly true. Jane inquired with a staff member if she was in the right queue as she was, to quote her, actually on the guest list. The staff member explained that it was all one queue

and actually on the guest list. I held my breath, wondering if I would then hear, do you know who I am? But actually, Jane was gracious and continued to wait with the rest of us who, as it happened, we to wait with the rest of us. Whereas it happened, we were all on the guest list. That's so disappointing when that happens. But actually, I was saved because I went with Sheila Fogarty and she came out to rescue me from the queue.

So if he's being quite generous, because Sheila had gone in and got our tickets. So I didn't need to actually queue for as long as some other people. Sorry if you kept waiting. So there is a certain look. It's like the people who book Speedy Boarding and think they're ever so special. It's the slightly kind of smug look on their faces when they get up to go and queue that then fades when they realise the whole plane is on Speedy Boarding. So do you think that there will ever come a time

when only so many people are allowed to buy speedy boarding? Because it's not speedy boarding if there are only two people on the plane who aren't speedily boarding. Slowly boarding. Maybe being a slow boarder will become the more exclusive thing to do. Well, I think it already is. Yeah, OK. Well, maybe they should charge extra for that.

I've always wondered on a plane, Jane, why they don't just board window seats first, then aisle seats, and then... No, then middle seats, then aisle seats. I think that would be quicker. But you've got family groups. Well, family groups, that'd be all right. They will really... Most family groups, when they go on holiday,

they'll be absolutely delighted to have 25 seconds apart from each other just going to do their own thing what about members of the toddling community they can't go on unassisted no but they always go on first anyway so then the rest of them it makes no sense at all to do seats 65 to 45 because then you just get whatever it is 80 people milling around oh you go in first do you want the window, you go in first. Do you want the window? No, you go in first. Oh, shall I put that up? Just do it. Window, middle, aisle, boom.

Which is your favourite seat? Oh, always window. Is it? Yes, and it's always right at the front of the plane if I can. Not always possible, Jane. No, it isn't, I'm afraid. Where did the smokers used to sit at the back, didn't they? They did.

That was the weirdest system ever. When you think about it, what was that about? Well, it's so unfortunate. Obviously, we used to travel quite a lot when we were kids because my dad lived two continents away. And my poor mum, who has always been anti-smoking, invariably we would end up in the last non-smoking seat before the smoking section

began. So you actually just had all of the smoking section blowing it out over you. So there was no curtain, there was no attempt? Nothing. It was awful. And it was revolting, actually. I can't imagine. That must have been hideous. On a long, long flight. Yeah. And people... 18 hours.

And they could smoke for the whole flight? Yes, as soon as the little symbols went off. Incredible, isn't it? The back of the plane lit up. Wow. I know, it's so odd, isn't it? It is so strange. Because it's one of those incredible changes

that has happened in our lifetime that nobody talks about much anymore. But just the notion of being able to have a fag, have a gasper on a long-haul flight, and maybe have 15. Yep. Ugh. Terrible, isn't it?

Yeah, awful. You see, things are getting better. They are getting better. My favourite seat, actually, I lied, is on the captain's knee. Dear God. Obviously, I've said that. I really don't know what to say to that

You popped into the cabin, did you? No, I never have No, I never have You've left us all guessing there I'm just trying to make you laugh We've had so many lovely emails about the husband and the coat Yes, what's the solution? I bet you outline the problem

Yes, you outline the problem Well, a lovely listener has had a coat gifted by her long-time partner, but recently wedded hubby. Only been married for four years, together for 27. Absolutely spot on. Yeah, my memory is absolutely wonderful today. Slightly better than the former prime minister's, in fact, you'd have to say. And she's recently lost a bit of weight which she was very pleased about

he has bought her for her birthday a camel coat size large she said it didn't suit her and it made her look like an amazon parcel she said which we both we both thought was both wonderful and probably she was being exceptionally self-deprecating so her issue was what do i do about the coat which she didn't like anyway. And because she had said to her husband when she opened it, oh, that's lovely, darling, thank you very much. So she was contemplating whether or not she needed a row back or she was just going to have to wear the coat.

This one comes in from Kate, who says, a very tragicomic story, that box coat one. Some husbands just aren't very visual. Mine never notices all mine when I've had my hair cut or coloured or not, or whether I've got a new garment on or something I've been wearing for 20 years. Never sees or cares whether I've lost or gained weight and wouldn't dream of trying to buy me any garment I hadn't tried on. But the lovely thing is he still finds me attractive.

He simply doesn't care about any of these externals. So the best solution for birthday presents from such people is to have a little chat about what you'd like for your birthday. And if he's dead keen on getting you an item of clothing, suggest that you go to the shop together. Other advice, though. Take it back because it's the wrong size, says Deborah. Choose a coat of a shape and colour you actually

like. Tell husband, correct size not available in the style he chose, but perhaps that's just as well because although it was a lovely coat, I was worried about looking like a parcel, ha ha ha. Sorry in a rush, but had to send this. I really feel for Deborah. She clearly is in a massive rush. There's no punctuation there at all.

Deborah, I hope whatever you were heading to was worth it. But thank you very much indeed for taking part in that very important debate about what we do, about a coat that we don't like. I love the podcast, says Evelyn. When I was a university student, I was in a play set in a hospital. Do you notice I'm reading out the compliments again? Yeah, well done. Keep going.

It's the deepest, darkest winter. We need every tiny little ray of supportive sunlight that we can get. I'm going to start adding compliments. You two are fabulous. Actually, she didn't write that. When I was a university student, says Evelyn, I was in a play set in a hospital. The director ensured that the patient had a catheter filled with apple juice.

And we were so proud of ourselves for being realistic. When our parents came to see the show, my friend's mam, who was a nurse, pointed out that the catheter hanging in mid-air off the bed was not realistic. No, well, it wouldn't be, would it? Because you can't have a catheter hanging in mid-air. It has to be down.

Yeah. It's down by the, yeah. It is, because it's stuff draining into it, not draining into you. It doesn't go up. Mind you, sometimes I've got such superpowers, my urine is vertical. No, it's not possible. There's the title of the podcast today.

My urine is vertical. No, that doesn't make sense. Is that what I meant? Yes, it is. Okay. I do remember it was the morning after the birth of my second daughter and I was in, obviously in hospital, I hadn't been able to come out. And the nurse came round to the bed and said to me, I was holding a baby and she said, Oh, you do look, you two look so lovely. That's a wonderful image. Right, I'm just gonna grab grab your catheter out. Oof. And I thought Oof. And a very good morning

to you. Just, you know, she did as well. But anyway. Yeah, right. My experience with two members of One Direction is that somewhat Oh my God. Evocative Am I ready for this?

An email from Jill. I'm not sure if this qualifies as I didn't actually meet them, but this is my One Direction story. Whilst working as a teacher in a college of further education in Lincolnshire in 2010, nice details, a colleague burst into the staff room on the Monday after One Direction had taken part in the X Factor TV competition on the Saturday before, saying,

you've gone viral on the internet with one direction. Obviously, I had no idea what she was shrieking hysterically about, but it became apparent that, as the band members came off stage, a former student who was working behind the scenes on the programme, for reasons known only to himself, thrust a sheet of A4 into the hands of Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik. He then asked if he could take their photo. Looking somewhat shell-shocked at this request, they posed for the photo. The sheet had a large heart on it with the words, We love...

Don't read my name out. My street credit amongst the students was sky high for the rest of the day. I enclosed the said photo. Isn't that lovely? Well... They could have put anything on there, couldn't they? Well, they could. That's the start of a very, very bad Netflix drama

where somebody sends a code and thrusts it into the hands of a TV reality star and it sends out a message to people the other side of the world. Have you ever thought of developing a show for Netflix? No, I haven't. No, I haven't. Have you? I could do one set around my incredibly action-packed life. Could you?

Really, I could. You know, all the incredible dramas in my life, changing the brand of tea bags I prefer, living through the current dystopian nightmare that is Sainsbury's local bakery not functioning so there are none of those bagels I really love. I'm having to experiment with different breakfasts. Honestly,

it's horrendous. So we were talking about some kind of press and publicity stuff that we need to do in a high octane meeting yesterday and you might do one of those my Saturday. It's actually really difficult because you cannot do one of those Q&A type articles,

articles about your life without sounding like a prize pranny. A knob. Yes, it's impossible because you don't want to give too much away. Also, you don't want to be dishonest. But, you know, you just sound, you're just going to sound like a Herbert, aren't you? I know. And actually, I know everybody in the team was laughing and saying Jane can just write about going to Lidl.

But actually, you will. Well, ironically, I don't go on a Saturday, you see. Oh, you're kidding me. I know, you see. Why don't you go on a Saturday? Marty Maverick. Well, because I've usually got enough bread in and I do my big shop.

Well, that's where the column starts. I've got enough bread in on Saturday morning. Oh, dearie me. VoiceOver describes what's happening on your iPhone screen. VoiceOver on. Settings. So you can navigate it just by listening. Books.

Contacts. Calendar. Double tap to open. Breakfast with Anna from 10 to 11. And get on with your day. Accessibility, there's more to iPhone. Simon is, well he says he's not a prepper, but he's in Ontario. Have you seen this?

I think probably everybody in Ontario is more prepped than us. Slightly defensively, he says, I'm not a prepper, but I do have 14 cans of diced tomatoes in the kitchen. I think that's quite a lot. I mean, is he fearing a shortage of diced tomatoes? What actually is going on there? I'm just never sure about the choice of diced tomatoes. So it's always a good idea to have a couple of cans in your pantry if you want to

make in your bolognese. Some recipes are very certain that you have to have the peeled plum and others go for chopped. I don't like the peeled plum because it doesn't matter how much you mash them, you've always got that hard stalky endy bit. There's a bit that hangs around

like that bit of lettuce in your teeth that only you spit out last thing at night. I don't like a chopped tomato. How long has that been there? You like a chopped tomato? Yeah. Are they more expensive? No, I don't think so.

More work gone into them, isn't it? But if I was going to stock up on my tins, I would go for something a bit more high protein than a chopped tomato. I'd have a lot of beans, preferably black beans. And I might have some of those really lovely you know, you used to be able to get kind of ready-made Christmas dinners in a can. Can you still get that? I'd have all of those. I'm not sure whether you can

get, certainly you can get a full dinner. You can get breakfast. You mean like the stag breakfast in a tin? Yeah. I think that's still going. Anyway, sorry, we interrupted. He's not a prepper, although, back to Simon's story, he does have 14 cans of diced tomatoes in the kitchen. You will have to explain why that is, Simon. He says he kind of lives off grid.

He's on solar power with 40 car batteries in the basement to store the electricity. We get propane delivered to a huge tank outside the house just once a year. Wow. I live in an area with lots of trees and sometimes they fall down and break the power lines. So I feel smug when my lights stay on

and everyone else is in the dark. But in winter, if we had a budget, we could have some spooky music here, as I said, during the Halloween period. But in winter, it's a different story. I'll do wind effects. Yes. First, the snow covers the solar panels. Can you do that sound effect? No. So I have to climb a hill with a 30 foot extendable broom to brush them off. I don't know what that was. Something erotic about that extendable broom, I think. And anyway,

there's often not enough sun in winter, so every few days the propane generator comes on to charge the batteries. The thing about the generator is that when it's minus 20 Celsius outside, and it can get to that several times each winter, it won't start. So I'm constantly in a panic that we won't have power or heat and that the batteries will all die, and so will I. Gosh. It was getting up the hill.

It wasn't an extendable broom. Sorry, OK. Sometimes I wish for a nice pylon, says Simon. Oh, Simon, you've really... Thank you very much for that. That's a real insight into your life over there in Ontario. Yeah, so you are a prepper, but I'm saying that in the nicest possible way. Minus 20 Celsius.

I couldn't live with that. No. When we went to America last Christmas, we were caught in that storm that swept across the Midwest and then headed up east. And I experienced minus 12, which is the coldest that I've ever been. And it was just so frightening, Jane. Within a couple of minutes, you felt your insides actually properly change.

It was such an odd sensation. It was so scary. So minus 20. The impact went right through you. Yes, so cold is that sensation in this country that we feel, you know, on our skin first, don't we? And I mean, I noticed today when I was walking to the tube station, you had to put my hands in my pockets because I was cold. Nobody's feeling sorry for me.

I'm not asking you to. Sorry. OK, but minus 12 was inside us all. We all just started to feel scared after we'd been outside for 15 minutes because there was something slowing down inside us. We could all feel it. And actually, your extremities, you know,

they seize up so quickly. They numb so quickly. You're not feeling that. But it was terrifying. Yeah. Really. You wouldn't go on a holiday like that again they numb so quickly you're not feeling that but it was terrifying so I'm really you wouldn't go on a holiday like that again at that time of year no I just wouldn't go out and you know there were so many people

who were really struggling without electricity and stuff like that they would have been better prepared than we were that was the lesson now look this is a serious one but I do want to read it out because I think it's actually quite important Dear Jane and Fee there's been quite a lot of talk on the podcast lately about how hard it is being a mother. And I don't know that I'll ever be able to describe it

as hard myself. After infertility and miscarriage, even the bad stuff is joyful. There's never a day when I don't feel overwhelmed with gratitude. My road to motherhood was long and painful and failed attempts to have another child have brought many tears. So for me, the talk about the difficulties of parenting without a balancing caveat about what an immense privilege it is are pretty salty. But my heartbreaks for listeners who are in the midst of a journey that they fear may never result in bringing home a much long for child to hear about how hard it is with no acknowledgement of how fortunate it is to is deeply painful for anyone struggling with infertility and indeed baby loss.

So I don't want at all to stifle discussions about the sometimes very difficult experiences mothers can have, but I would like to put in a plea for sensitivity to those women who'd love nothing more than the chance to grapple with broken sleep and breast pumps. Christmas was always the very hardest time of year for me. Love the podcast. Best wishes from Iona, who I don't think

minds being non-anonymous at all. And I really take that on board, Iona. I suppose all Jane and I would say is that we have quite often across the journey of this podcast, which is now approaching, I think, about seven years. Seventy. No, but when we were doing it, you know, in the other place before,

tried to talk about exactly that, that we both feel enormously grateful and privileged to have had our kids. So I'm sorry if you're not hearing that enough in our conversations about nipples disappearing down breast pumps and all of that kind of stuff. I personally would hate you to think that I'm oblivious to the pain of women who can't have children. And you know, that kind of all having kids is so tough and all of that. I hear you because it is by far tougher to not have been able to have a much longed for child. And we have written about this in our little book, haven't we? Because you wrote a chapter about childcare.

We were both very honest about the points that we have felt it to be difficult. But we also wrote about the acknowledgement of the privilege it is to be able to have a bloody good moan. So I'm sorry if you found that at all upsetting. And I also, I'm with you actually. Some of the, I've had way more, for a start, I've had way more boring and annoying jobs than I've ever had times at home struggling with being bored with the kids.

And I'd just like to say that out loud. I feel I might be in the firing line. No, not at all. But you know what I mean? Of course I do. And even when it's really tough with the kids, the joy of it, because you know that there's a bubble of joy coming,

or at least you always hope that there's a bubble of joy coming. And of course, that's the bit that makes it possible to get up the next day and do it all again. So I'm glad you sent that email, Iona. Thank you. Absolutely noted, Iona, and thank you for bothering. Can we just bring in Rachel?

She loves the show and the podcast. Beautiful. Keep it coming. In my attempt to share, I love this, in my attempt to share... I love this. In my attempt to share... Do you think we could ever live on the West Coast of America? Do you think?

If we really embraced all of the... Positivity. Oh, my God. Oh, my... No, no. It's not going to work. Back to Rachel. In my attempt to share the mental load with my husband...

Well, that's very daring of you, Rachel. I don't know whether he's ever going to be able to bear it. But anyway, in my attempt to share the mental load with my husband, when there was the threat of a blackout last winter, I sent him out to get a torch with the weekly shop. He came home with a massive torch as long as my arm. He said he thought being massive would mean it was a good one. That's just such a manly conclusion.

That's a manly conclusion to leap to, certainly. More importantly, though, it wasn't a torch with batteries, which would have been useful in a blackout. Oh, no, it had a USB and it needed charging with electricity. He couldn't understand why I was so exasperated, says Rachel. I know, but you've got a bloody big torch there. So can I just suggest that you charge it as soon as you become aware of an imminent blackout?

There's my little tip. You're going to have such a row with Richard when the apocalypse comes. That's all I can say. OK, well, best of luck with that mighty, mighty torch. I'd quite like a picture of it because I want to know just how big it is. My head torch arrived this morning. Oh, phew, have you tried it on? Well, I of luck with that mighty, mighty torch. I'd quite like a picture of it because I want to know just how big it is. My head torch arrived this morning.

Oh, phew. Have you tried it on? Well, I'd have, and it's actually quite tight. I mean, I've actually, you'll be amazed to hear, got quite a big head. No comment. But the battery is exactly, it comes with a battery. That's handy. Yeah, so I'm equipped for whatever is coming my way. In all seriousness, Jane, I think a head torch is a very good idea. If you could design and market a kind of nightcap that older people could wear,

where the torch bit just went on automatically when you put the cap on for those nighttime wheeze, they can be very dangerous. Well, they can, actually. In all seriousness, they can. I wonder, I mean, do you think the rest of my household might find it difficult to take me seriously when I'm wearing my head torch? No.

I think their love and respect would continue unabated, Jane. I think they'd admire my foresight in having one because it wouldn't be very nice if we ran out of power or it just went off. It wouldn't. I'm just imagining that it might be quite hard to actually have a conversation with you when you've got a very bright head torch on.

I'm already feeling slightly pinned against a wall somewhere. Could we just end with crimpers for a cat? Yes. Emma says, I just heard you talk about crimpers. As a child of the 60s, I was a peak teenager when crimpers were a thing in the 80s i got a set for christmas in about 1984 or thereabouts and used them so much on my dead straight hair that my mum took to calling me crystal tips pretty much full time also it's

true what you said my hair was crispy after using it so i am only a year behind you emma and that is exactly what i did to my hair. I crimped it so much, bits of it just fell out in the crimper. And I look back at pictures of me and I just look terrible. What possessed anyone to think that that was an appealing look? It's so weird. You just look like you've had a terrible electric shock. I also used to crimp my cat, who looked like he had had an shock too, by the time he was fully done. It took a week to grow

out. Loved it. Loved the show. Thank you, Emma. Well, I mean, it's not advisable to crimp your cat. No, can I just say I really don't do that. Don't. Don't do that. But if you had a picture, then I'd like to see it. Taylor Swift has been

named Person of the Year by Time magazine and she's on the cover of the new edition of Time, which by the way is a magazine I don't think I've ever picked it up. People talk about it as though it's a thing that everybody cares about. Have you ever read it? No. Anyway, here I am banging on about something, giving it credibility.

Me. I mean, you know, I'm an important person. Head torch Jane. I've got a head torch. People take notice of me. Anyway, in this photo that is on the very striking... Do you know what? I would pay you or donate to charity £100 if you go to the Christmas party wearing a head torch. I'll bring it with.

The cover of Time magazine, she's standing there, is Taylor, Person of the year And she's got her cat around her shoulders And the cat is obliging the photographer With stares straight at the camera Smouldering away, beautiful cat And it's just I just don't believe that position is possible

Do you think it's photoshopped? Or do you think a cat would go along with that? Oh I'm not sure Well, do you want to try that with Dora tonight? It's the idea of picking her up and wrapping around me, wrapping around my shoulders like a stool.

And also she scratches you. The porcelain beauty will be dulled for the Christmas season. We can't have that. We really can't. So thank you to everybody who's participated and keep the wonderful compliments coming because this

is that happy time of year when I do intend to read all of them out if you think we're shite this isn't the time to communicate with

off air no that's the time to be listening to Alistair and Rory you wait until the new year then it's your turn

to chip in if you must janeandfeeattimes.radio have a very good evening. I fell over this morning, actually. I haven't had time to make... Yes, I fell over on some black ice. Do you know, it puts me in a good light, this anecdote.

I was hand-delivering a birthday card to a dear friend and I slipped over on some black ice, 10 past eight, and I had one of those awful experiences where I was on the floor trying to summon as much dignity as possible, wearing an unforgiving bobble hat tracksuit bottoms and what I thought were my sturdy appropriate shoes and there was this smolderingly good-looking jogger who just sort of peered down at me and said in the voice I think he reserves for little old ladies are you all right down there want some help getting up oh Oh, it's awful.

I said, do you know who I am? Check the Radio Times. Well, yes, I think we are in the Radio Times. Good evening. You did it. Elite listener status for you for getting through another half hour or so of our whimsical ramblings. Otherwise known as the hugely successful podcast Off Air with Jane Garvey and Fee Glover.

We missed the modesty class. Our Times Radio producer is Rosie Cutler, the podcast executive producer. It's a man, it's Henry Tribe. Yeah, he's an executive. Now, if you want even more, and let's face it, who wouldn't, then stick Times Radio on at three o'clock, Monday until Thursday, every week,

and you can hear our take on the big news stories of the day, as well as a genuinely interesting mix of brilliant and entertaining guests on all sorts of subjects. Thank you for bearing with us and we hope you can join us again on Off Air very soon. VoiceOver describes what's happening I'm