Off Air... with Jane and Fi - No one has the right to bore you!

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Fi is on half term this week but fear not... school is still in session for Jane, who is joined by Robbie Millen, literary editor of The Times and The Sunday Times. Robbie graces us with his withering verdict on the new Wuthering Heights adaptation, baths in bedrooms and eavesdropping Alexas. Our next book club pick is 'A Town Like Alice' by Nevil Shute. Our most asked about book is called 'The Later Years' by Peter Thornton. You can listen to our 'I'm in the cupboard on Christmas' playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1awQioX5y4fxhTAK8ZPhwQ If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] Follow us on Instagram! @janeandfi Podcast Producers: Hannah Quinn and Eve Salusbury Executive Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hannah's told me we're on. Thank you very much for being there. I'm here. Fee's on half term for her final time, so I hope she's having a good time. And Eve, as listeners will know, is currently... Hannah's with me, I should say, in the studio.

Eve is still in Berlin, isn't she? Still on her business trip. Business trip to Berlin. So we await more details tomorrow. You may have picked up on last Thursday's podcast that Eve, I got the distinct impression. She wasn't that enthusiastic about going, was she? Not really.

I think her flatmates really wanted to go, and she kind of was going anyway. But I don't know. Maybe I got that wrong. What do you think? I think it's like anything, isn't it? You're just saying, oh, God, this is going to be a big one. But I think deep down she wanted it.

She wanted to get. Okay, well, we'll reconvene tomorrow, and we'll find out exactly what went on on that business trip to Berlin. Yeah, I didn't have a big weekend myself. I feel a bit digestively challenged today. And Hannah's had too much to drink over the weekend. So we're both being just very quiet and just sensible.

Eve on the other hand, God knows. Let's put this quandary to the party. Actually, before we start, I wanted to mention Tracy, who sent us a very thoughtful Valentine's card. I much appreciate that. Thank you very much, Tracy. And she enclosed some wonderful, very, very high-quality shortbread and some lovely, I mean, just be honest,

they're chocolate, high-heeled shoes from a very reputable brand. and much enjoyed. So thank you very much. Very kind thought. Never say no to shortbread or chocolate. Right, here's the email I was fumbling for. It's from Claire. And it's actually to Eve.

Eve, you're going to be in Berlin at the same time as my 16-year-old son's school trip to Berlin to support their GCSE history. I very much hope you don't meet them clubbing and it doesn't sound as though you're going to be in the museums they visit, but you might coincide at the top of the Berlin TV Tower for a panoramic view.

Well, who knows? That may have happened, Claire. Question for Jane, would you rather visit Berlin on a clubbing trip with Eve or as a teacher taking 78 children on a school trip involving ferry and overnight coach travel? It's very well organised. The museums visited include Otto Weitz Workshop for the Blind, which sounds really interesting. And then they get a 10-pin bowling evening to help them get over what? will likely be a distressing trip to a concentration camp just outside Berlin. Still, I salute any teacher who can shepherd children around Berlin on a day.

They've arrived in the morning by overnight coach, dumped bags at the hostel, then straight out to the museums. Claire, I really do admire teachers. I think they do a tough job really well. And having thought about your quandary, I would still rather go on that school trip than go on a clubbing weekend with Eve. and it's nothing against Eve, just everything against clubs. But I salute any teacher who can tackle a mission like that. And if you're a child on a mission like that, I mean, perhaps you don't realize it now,

but you might when you're older, you'll suddenly think back, wow, those teachers, they did do a good job. So in the absence of fee, we have got Robbie Millen today. Now, regular listeners will know that Robbie is quite a frequent, a peerer now on this podcast. he's going to talk about Barbara Pym, which I'm very happy with, but he's also talking about a novel called Love Junkie by Robert Plunkett, so he's coming up in a minute or two.

Now this is a query from a listener who just wants to get this out here, out there, and I'm going to keep her anonymous, and you'll understand why. What am I to do, us anonymous? Six years ago, I moved from our bedroom to the so-called spare room. This was after 30 years of marriage, but the husband snoring and at times unacceptable drinking and attitude and increasing weight gain was too much and he was showing no interest in changing. So I made a bold decision that put me first and I said loudly and to anyone who'd listen that whilst he was snoring and drinking I wasn't moving back. Now here's where it gets interesting because Anonymous has actually quite enjoyed it. was joyous, she says. I no longer had to put up with the dark and the silence that he needs for sleep.

So for six years, I've had total freedom to listen to the archers, to you, and to finish my time's puzzles. I've discovered the world of podcasts and audible, and sometimes I just let the BBC's World Service bumble all night. And the cat sleeps on my bed as well. I get up to make cups of tea, I reheat the water bottle, and I generally just keep my own time safe in the knowledge that he'd never lose weight and would never stop snoring. And then... Can you imagine what's happened?

I'll tell you. Only were Govi. A celebration, you might think. He's had to work hard at this. It's heartbreaking to watch him struggle with the side effects and his weight is slowly coming down. Snoring, much reduced. Drinking minimal.

But now there are heavy hints that we could, indeed should end the sleep divorce. But what shall I do without you all at bedtime? What shall I do without the cat and the tea and reheating the hot water bottle? When will I finish my puzzles? It's a quandary indeed.

Him or you and the cat? Maybe, maybe, says Anonymous, there is no quandary. Well, I can't answer that because I'm the world's most single individual and I just, I can't tell you what bliss it is in my sizable domestic bed and I could just do

whatever I want but the funny thing is anonymous I just lie there and sleep I don't do any of this going up to make cups of tea or reheating hot water bottles let me throw it over to the younger generation Hannah

this is one I mean you'll never have to deal with an issue like this because you probably don't know any snoras or overweight well I'm actually a snora James so I think I'm you're a snora yeah not a big snor just a baby snor

Nora, I've been told. A little... Oh, that's fine. That just indicates you're still alive. I wouldn't worry about that. I think you're fine. But can you see this correspondence issue here? Oh, 100%. Yeah, she's developed a really lovely little way of being overnight.

It's a nocturnal heaven. She's established. You're absolutely right. She's established her own rituals. And, you know, not unreasonably. Hubby would quite like her back. What about a little one night here, one night there? mix it up.

Variety is the spice of life, Jane. Oh, I don't think it is. I think routine and steady is very much the spice of life and a little bit of, you know, chili flakes every now and again if you can find them. Okay, over to you because we're not experts. I mean, I'm certainly not. Let us know what you think about that.

I do feel for Anonymous, I also understand that her partner probably feels he's doing his best to re-establish his role in what I assume is the marital bed. maybe they're not married but whatever they've obviously been together a while and I feel for him too a little bit I don't know what the side effects of Wagovi are

are but I imagine there are side effects because they are with everything and yeah what do you do so if you have any advice for our anonymous correspondent do let us know it's Jane and Fee at times dot radio this is from David aim low and you won't ever be disappointed

keep up the good work thank you Listen, that's how I get through life, just totally aiming low, keeping expectations, just almost at the point of being really low. And it's surprising how much joy you can ring out of what is available to you. So, David, 100% with you there. Thank you very much. This is interesting and a bit depressing. It's from Francis, who's in Seven Oaks in Kent.

Long-time listener, first-time emailer. Oh, here's Robbie now. It's all right. you don't need to bother with the funny. Just come and sit down. Here he is, everybody. He's doing the kind of creepy, slightly showbiz,

don't want to cause a fuss entry. But did you notice me entering? Well, I did, I could see you. Sorry. I just thought this is almost live radio. It's not. Oh. No, there's not quite as much jeopardy.

Oh, okay. Now, we're going to be really sensible today. Oh, yes. Yeah, no, indeed. I haven't quite got to you yet. Okay. I'm going to just go quiet. Just go really quiet.

Like an Alexa in the corner. I'm listening but not doing anything. Yeah, I've got an Alexa and I do wonder what... What's she getting up to now, for example? Yeah, it could be anything. She could have off the street in with a cavorting. Where do you keep your Alexa? Well, I don't have one because I don't like eavesdroppers.

It's like living in Starzieland if you have an Alexa. I think you're probably right. Yeah. Okay, God, I'll chuck her in the skip tonight. Sorry, it's taken a dark turn already. Yeah, I know. That's why I love having you here. Just remind everybody of your type. Oh, and the Lichita Times and Sunday Times.

Hasn't he done well? Right, this is from Francis. I run a business with my husband, and my husband got an email with the following title. I'm prepared to be shocked, actually. The title of the email was, Saw Your Name in the Epstein Files. He opened the email,

and of course it went on to say, don't worry, I'm only kidding. Just figured I'd try to get your attention, and if you're reading this, I guess it's worked. He then goes on to try and sell his services to us. It is a genuine company. I'm tempted to respond, but I need to calm down first. You shouldn't do that, should you? That's horrible.

No, my heartbeat is already racing. No, I know. It's just really, really tasteless. Francis, I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm not surprised you're livid. And, of course, no wonder you open the email, because I would open it too. Well, yeah. You know, it's like going to my top restaurant you want to be seen, don't you? Oh, God. That's really seedy.

Francis, you have our sympathy and support. She's got a lighter note in the second paragraph, so I'm going to bring this to you as well. A couple of years ago, my daughter and her friend went on a road trip around Scotland. They were in their early 20s, and they happened to stop by Loch Ness in the lay-by to admire the view. Is that something you've done?

Do you not know? No. That's unhelpful. No, sorry, I should have a really good anecdote, but no. Have you been to Loch Ness? No, no. Do you know, I've only been to Scotland once and didn't escape Glasgow. Oh my God. Which was a...

I think it's a full blow. Scottish experience, Socky Hall Street. Yes, you've probably... Well, you've seen an aspect of Scotland. Yes, I have. And the hotel I was in, had some kind of boxing convention in it. What the hell were you doing now? I don't know. I was quite frightened.

Were you at a literary event? No, I was seeing a friend in hospital. Oh. Yeah, sorry, that's... Sorry, I'm here to lighten the... No, no, carol. Yeah, no, but I was too frightened because there were so many people with a...

Squishy noses. and had quite, as you know, a sort of southern softy. Yes, and you've got a lively interest in Barbara Pim and what you're suggesting is that some of them probably wouldn't have a lively interest in a man. Right. Anyway, this gets better. They stopped by Loch Ness in a lay-by to admire the view, and I've been in it, is wonderful. It was deserted other than a large people carrier, and out of that tumbled a group of Morris dancers,

God, who promptly asked my daughter if they'd like to see them dance. Had she been, is this a dream and she was eating a lot of cheese? No, no, this is a fever dream. The only really sensible answer to a group of Morris dancers asking if you'd like to see them dances, no thanks. But apparently they didn't know what to do, so out of politeness, just said yes. So off they went and Julie performed a couple of dances and then drove off.

Jane and Fee at times.combedro. Robbie, you're here to talk books and to celebrate some past glories and indeed also some contemporary works. Oh, yes. Right. Where do you want to start this week? Can I actually mention, I like looking at all the emails because they are so, I mean, your listeners, they overfeed their animals,

which is marvellous because I love a fat-looking cat. Her words, Daphne was a rescue. She's doing all right now, isn't she? On the ground, legs in the air, looking rather, that's my weekend. It's great. Love Daphne. Yes, no doubt. I was so, I was very pleased by Daphne. I think we're going to do another Instagram portrait session of the corpulent animals.

Much love by listeners to off air, because there are some crackers out there and thank you for them. Oh, yes, yes, lovely. Right, okay, we're going to move seamlessly onto the bit we can broadcast on the radio. So let's talk books. Yes. And what are you starting with today? Can we start with Love Junkie by Robert Plunkett? Yes, I worried you were going to start with Love Junkie by Robert Plunkett. Okay, this is not a new book. When did it come out?

So it first came out in 1992, but it's now, it's like, it's got a benediction over it. You know, he's been blessed because now it's been reissued as a penguin modern classic, which means it's good. And Robert Plunk is a very eccentric fellow. He's 80 now. Is he still with us? He's still with us, yes. Because I had the joy of talking to him last week.

I've interviewed him. We haven't written it up yet. So this is like a sneak preview. Oh, my God. I'm here for it. But anyway, it's a very eccentric, funny novel. It's about a middle-aged woman who lives in New York. She's kind of quite rich, upper-class housewife,

and she falls in love with a porn star, a male porn star. Right. How does she meet him? Well, she meets him through. She's a very, she's bored with her life. And she falls in with a gay set, who then introduce her to this man who performed. and a lovely sort of relationship begins.

A friendship? Sort of, yes, but he does use her a bit because he has a business on... I don't know whether I should say this. Perhaps I shouldn't say it. If I'm thinking, should I say this? I shouldn't say it. Just think, is this podcast friendly or live or radio averse?

Oh, I'll say it. So he runs a little mail-order business sending out his underwear to fans. She helps with that. That's all right, isn't it? I think so. We're all grown-off. Exactly. But the interesting thing was that when it first came out a few years afterwards, Madonna, the pop star, optioned it. She thought she could see a film in it. So I asked him, did Robert Plunkett meet her? He did. She invited me over for tea. It was a great time. He spent the afternoon lounging around her bed talking about men, the kind of men we liked. And he said, we have exactly the same taste in men. She's interested in mood.

nudie dramatic losers. That's the kind of men she likes. Right, Guy Ritchie. Yeah, exactly. He's not really a loser, is he? Well, I mean, he was a few years ago. She's moved on, hasn't she? Yeah, I suppose she has.

She's gone for younger nudie, dramatic losers. So was this a much-praised novel at the time when it first came out? Well, not really... It was quite eccentric. His first novel, and the only other novel that's been published, my search for Warren Harding, was sort of regarded as a great sort of... comic classic. It's a kind of a caper about this biographer who becomes obsessed with stealing

some letters that were written to the mistress of Warren Harding. Warren Harding was one the kind of more corrupt president. He's just he's way back though, isn't it? Way back in the 1920s and this elderly woman has this stash, his ex-lover had this stash of quite saucy letters. And it was just a really funny comic cave. This one was a bit odder. So people like Larry David, Amy Sedaris, they all adored my search Warren Harding. Okay, this novel, I have seen the cover. Can you describe it, please? Well, there's different, the British cover is very restrained,

but the American one, I think, is a pair of sort of, let's call them budgie smugglers. Well, incredibly tight-fitting male pants viewed from the back. Yes. Why is that not the British cover? Well, you know, the Brits are more sophisticated. Are we? Okay. I do tend to forget that, particularly when in conversation with you,

easily done. So, okay, so this is a reissue, and it's now, is it, I mean, is it smutty? It's, you'd have to be broad-minded, I think, to fully enjoy all of its manifold pleasures. But no, it's quite, it's not too, you could give it to maiden arts. I mean, maiden aunt's actually quite saucy, aren't they? Well, they can be, yeah. I mean, I'd hesitate to ask this, but is there a happy ending for anybody, everybody? Oh, we wasn't actually intended to it.

Or is it a tragic book? I wouldn't say it's tragic, but yeah, it does reach a climax, yes. Thank you, Robbie. Right, that's Love Junkie by Robert Plunkett, and you'll be able to read Robbie Millen's interview when? Oh, a couple of weekends away. Oh, don't give yourself too much of a deadline. I know.

Very lazy. Yeah, right, okay. And where does the book come out again? Oh, beginning of March, about the 5th of March. Okay. Make a note if you want something funny, mildly challenging, with a rude, probably rude-ish cover. And anyway, you know what you're getting if you get a book called Love Junkie by Robert Blunkett? Right.

I think, you know, I need a pallet cleanse. Let's move to Barbara Pymn. Oh, gosh, yes, yes. Now, I must admit, I've done interviews about Barbara Pim in a previous broadcasting life. I'm not sure I've ever read a book by that. Oh, you really must. Okay, can I just have a little look at this? Exactly.

Well, her best one is probably excellent women, which is all... All of her novels that... You know, like PG Woodhouse novels, they tend to be about sort of maiden arts, not that I'm obsessed. This one, there's always lots of spinsters and curates. Yes.

And this one, the one I happened to be reading at the weekend, I had this big pile of books, I was trying to find something to read, and I'd pick one up and 20 pages later, I thought, I'm not enjoying this, chuck it aside. And you do that, do you? You can be quite ruthless If you're not getting the fun out of it

Exactly No one has the right to bore you Only your colleagues And that's because you pay to turn up Can I just read the very first sentence of this Oh yes The new curate seemed quite a nice young man But what a pity it was

That his combination showed tucked carelessly into his socks When he sat down Is that great Well it gives you Does that give you an idea of what lies ahead Absolutely Because everything

So this was her debut novel. It's called Some Tame Gazelle, came out in 1950. And again, it's about a group of Spinsers in a small village. And the most, you know, there's no excitement in it. You know, the biggest kind of issues in it are whether you can serve cauliflower cheese to someone or not, would they regard it as an insult. So it's very small mistakes, but it's so beautifully written. And she's, Barbara Pim is so funny, especially about women and what they wear and how they interact with each other. I mean, there's a lot of genteel violence in this.

People are slightly rude to each other over the kind of sandwich. Yeah, lots. If you want to be Passaac. And she's one of those people that's always being rediscovered because she's so great. I was going to say, I feel as that we've been on a cusp of a Barbara Pim revival forever. And she ever been

televised? Do you know what? I don't think she has. Okay. I mean, she'd be hard to do it because not much happens. Oh, I see. Right, okay. There's no car chases in her barbara. No, but you'd think one of the pluckier streamers might have a bash with some cracking acting talent. Well, it would be better than the Wuthering Heights film. Well, there we go. Let's just mention it. Have you seen Wuthering Heights?

Oh yeah, I saw it yesterday, Sunday night. And? Terrible. No, I went with an open mind thinking it was going to be flawed but interesting. And it's essentially just a bunch of Instagram moments sewn together. Oh, I think that's withering. Oh, yes. Your assessment is absolutely withering. Oh, have you seen it yet?

I haven't. My offspring, one's been, one's booked, but the one who's booked, it took her four or five different cinemas to find a screening next Friday. So, I mean, the young, I'm afraid to say it, Robbie, are not interested in the views of us older folk. I know. I feel irrelevant. I'm going to curl up in a ball right now.

I hate myself. There is a young person sitting opposite, and just looking at us thinking. Hannah's one of the nicer ones. I know, but there was a kind of look of contempt in the eyes. I just saw it pass across her face. Yeah, I agree, I saw it too. So Barbara Pim is a precise...

Is it genteel her world? Or is there more to it, actually? Do you know what? Well, it is. I mean, Jane Austen would probably recognise this world she's created. It's all kind of... It's mainly older women kind of... who don't work because one didn't.

No. But they're so kind of eking... You know, they're obsessed with saving money because they don't have very much. It's kind of, I look at it, and I think, I don't know, I look at the cover there, and I think about tinned fish. Oh, yes, no, I mean, tin sardines comes into regularly, yes. Yes, okay.

Because that's, could you give tin sardines to a cure it? No. No, you have to sort of give them a little bit of mutton. But on the cover of some tame gazelle, Barbara Pim's reissued novel, I'm assuming it has just been reissued. Oh, no, no, this was a, I was so bored with everything else I was read. I made my way down the pile

to sort of an old favourite. Yeah, okay, well, she is definitely worth revisiting. Anne Tyler recommends her on the cover. Yeah, exactly. Antiler is a sense. Yeah, she's a good woman too. Okay, so that's, is that her best novel, Summ Tame Gazelle? I would say excellent women,

but some Tame Gazelle first one. Very good. Brilliant, thank you very much for that. Let's move on to a couple of books. One, very recent, just out now, in fact, and the other came out a while ago and has been much praise, but both about hotels. That's right.

So, funny enough, it was the women's prize for nonfiction came out last week, or rather the long list, 16 books on it, a bit too many. But it caught my eye that two of them were telling the story of a country in crisis through a hotel. So last year, Lisa Doucette's book, The Finest Hotel in Kabul came out, which I really loved, which, you know, took the Intercontinental Hotel from the late 60s when it opened until present day.

And using the staff there, the people used to visit a lot, told the history of Afghanistan through kind of these dramatic few decades. And it reads like a novel, I thought, beautifully done. I was amazed how good it was, how much I enjoyed it.

I mean, Lisa's a brilliant foreign correspondent, but I didn't know she was a good writer. No, exactly. I assume that. I mean, she's like the angel of death, isn't she? Whenever something terrible happens, there she is. As my old ground used to. say about Kate AD.

Wherever she goes, there's trouble. Yes, we probably ought to stop Lisa set from going to these places. Although I suspect she might be following the trouble, but who knows, yes. But it was a terrific book. And then at the weekend, just gone, we reviewed Hotel Exile by Jane Rogoiska,

and its subtitle, Paris in the Shadow War. We really loved it, and it's about the Hotel Lutetia in Paris, which is not a place I know at all. but through this hotel she tells the kind of history of wartime Paris so you've got kind of first of all political refugees Marxists from Germany there escaping the Nazis then you get the German army appearing

Yes and they occupy it don't you exactly But I read that review it looked like a stunning book actually Something I'd enjoy reading or listening to actually And I thought it was quite canny of the hotel owners or staff That they had squirrelled away, hidden away the really good stuff from the Germans. Yeah, no, absolutely. No, it's not often, this is terrible mission to make,

that a lot of the time I'm really delighted when we give a sort of meh or negative review to a book because it means I don't have to read it. Good, it's not worth my time. So when someone really likes a book like Hotel Exx, I'm like, now I've got to read it. And I've sort of, this is the book. It puts pressure on you.

This is the book I want to read next because I think it's such a clever idea of telling a kind of big story but using human beings, you know, all from different perspectives, you know, German army officers, you know, getting two rooms, one for him, one for his dachshunds, that kind of thing. I love that small detail. I think that's amazing.

We do recommend Leicester's the finest hotel in Kabul and also this new one, Hotel Exile by Jane Rogoiska, that's Paris at war through that one hotel, which I've never heard of either. No. I mean, I make it sound as though I'm a free. frequent visitor to Paris. I mean, I go about once every five years, but it's lovely to go there, isn't you? You're like a boulevardier, aren't you?

Well, I am. I mean, you obviously have experience of Socky Hall Street, and you presumably have no requirement to visit Paris. No, I'm always going to hotels in glass game. Yeah, right. Thank you very much, Robbie. Your assessment of Wuthering Heights, I mean, to be fair, my elder daughter, who is the more bookish of my two? She thought the book, the film was Pants. But nevertheless, she's gone. And I think that's the point. I gather the film over the weekend, including in the States, has made all the money it costs to make it back already.

So does it matter to you as a purist that the book itself, the novel itself, has lost in all this? Not really, because I was thinking. So you remember Andrew Davis's BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, where he made up this scene with Colin Firth coming out in the shirt. And I thought that was brilliant because it sort of really helped a new audience kind of go back and read Pride and Prejudice. And it was kind of irreverent and playful. But nonetheless, you kind of felt that he was doing it all in service for Jane Austen for Pride and Pride.

You know, for this. It's what Jane would have written if she'd been able to. Let's just be honest. I think so. I think it was a perfectly good example, just refreshing an old story and being playful with it. Whereas I just think this version of Wuthering Heights, it just sort of felt like it didn't know what to do with the story.

And let's face it, this is a story about doomed passion and tragedy and lots of violence in the novel. In a way, it's not really even a love story. I've got to help myself, I've not read it. Do you know what you should do because it's completely batty This is a wonderful thing about classics When you actually read them you think

This is absolutely nuts How does she get away with this? And exactly like Jane Eyre The moment when the mad woman in the attic It was completely bonkers Do you think Geoffrey Archer Will be reassessed in the years ahead? No

So I kind of felt The Emerald Fennel was kind of almost overwhelmed by the size of the project and then just turned it into a bit of a sort of gag fest. Okay, but the young people who've gone to the film and they have flocked and I gather they are still flocking and you can't get a ticket for love

and no money. Then they are probably going to pick up the book. We know that sales of the book have gone through the roof. Yeah, absolutely. What will they notice when they pick up the book? In fact, will any of them actually finish it? Oh, I think they will. Really? But they'll be expecting Kathy masturbating behind a rock,

weren't they? Yes, but that's what the imagination is for. Okay, right. We can look between the lines. But I just thought it was a missed opportunity. It just felt it was... I was hoping that... I knew it was going to be flawed,

but I thought it's going to be very visually arresting. Is it not even that? Well, I just thought it ended up, when you got image and images just sort of flashing at you, after a while, it is literally like scrolling on a phone that kind of, I was bored by the end. So there's lots of little sumptuous scenes,

but it's just kind of overload. None of it's in the service of the story. There were no feelings in it. Do you know what? There was no sort of chemistry. There was no yearning in it. You couldn't see any of this mad passion. No, I want feelings.

As I get older, I'm getting more sentimental. I just want either love or hate. Yeah. something to make me feel alive. Okay, right. Well, thank you, Rob. How old are you? It's only 51. 53. How about a difficult age? It's not. It's not as difficult as 61.

It's really challenging. You've got nothing to look forward. I mean, sorry, you've got so much to look forward to it. As long as the decline is gentle. I just want to put this one to you. Karen's in Epsom. Oh, right. Any thoughts on this?

I'd just like to add my two Penethworth on the topic of bathtubs in bedrooms. Oh, right. Where do you, where, there's nothing to do with books. Where do you stand on this? Do you know what? I don't have a bathtub anywhere. So I'm sort of feel...

I should say he is known here as Pongo. But he's likable enough, but my God, you can smell him a while. Yeah, no, exactly. Okay, so you're a shower-only person. Yes, no, I mean, I'd love to have a bathtub to ponder life's meaning and things like that. Well, Karen says my husband's an electrician.

able to assist... Let's have his number, please. Exactly. Well, yes. My husband is an electrician, ably assisted by me in the office. We've had numerous run-ins with creative interior designers

when we point out that there are very strict rules in this country that govern so-called wet spaces and electricity supplies. Now, this is true, isn't it? There are different zones in relation to plumbing, which dictate just how close

you can locate electrical items. This means you cannot just plonk a bath wherever you wish. It can be done but it needs planning and this of course impacts the budget. Do I have to respond? Well I just wonder well

not only you don't have a bath anywhere No, I don't feel I got a dog in this fight. Would you be at ease let's say you go to an hotel in Glasgow? Would you be happy with the bathtub in the bedroom? Sometimes you get that these days. Oh no I do quite like that. Just ease of access to either one

You know what I do if it was me? Now, based on what I know from Karen's email, I'd go down to reception and I'd say, can I just check the local planning regs? Am I all right about this bath in the bedroom? I'm glad I'm not going on holiday with you this summer. I've never at any point suggested going on holiday with you. Oh.

Right. I think we're going to end this edition of Off Air right there. That was Robbie Millen. And the books... Sorry. The books he mentioned were as follows. I'm going to get this right. Oh, yes.

It sounds informed and erodite. Some Tame Gazelle by Barbara Pym. Love Junkie by Robert Plunkett. That's the one with the saucy cover in the States. And a lot of smart in the book generally. And Madonna showed an interest in making the film of it. She hasn't yet, has she? No, I thought about it.

Exactly. She's moved on. Yeah, she's moved on to Margate. And the other two books about hotels, Leicester Sets, the finest hotel in Kabul, and Jane Rogoiska's book, Hotel Exile about her Paris Rizian Hotel at war.

Right, that concludes this episode of Offair. Eve will be back with stories of her clubbing weekend in Berlin tomorrow. Gosh. Congratulations, you've staggered somehow to the end of another Off Air with Jane and Fee. Thank you. If you'd like to hear us do this live, and we do it live, every day, Monday to Thursday, 2 till 4 on Times radio. The jeopardy is off the scale. And if you listen to this, you'll understand exactly why that's the...

case. So you can get the radio online on DAB or on the free Times Radio app. Offair is produced by Eve Salisbury and the executive producer is Rosie Cutler.