Off Air... with Jane and Fi - On the cusp of a grain of truth...

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

Fi returns from her holiday of doom and reunites with Jane, or should we say Mystic Garv. They discuss previously predicted big cat sightings which are cropping up across the country. But why are they never seen in December? You can listen to the playlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3qIjhtS9sprg864IXC96he?si=uOzz4UYZRc2nFOP8FV_1jg&pi=BGoacntaS_uki If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] Follow us on Instagram! @janeandfi Assistant Producer: Hannah Quinn Podcast Producer: Eve Salusbury Executive Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I think they're some of the most frightening things that you ever see. Can you eat jellyfish? No. It can be any clearer. ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's the show that we recommend. I'm Mark. And I'm Ryan.

And you might know us from our award-winning CBC podcast. Let's Make a Sci-Fi. But we want to tell you about our brand-new show, The Town Show. On The Town Show, we are building a fictional town. Every week we invite a guest comedian on to riff with us about new citizens, new buildings, historical landmarks for our made-up town. The best way to describe it is, you know that Simpsons poster with every character on it? We're trying to create that, but in podcast form.

So listen to The Town Show out every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts. their podcast everywhere. AKS.com. She's back, everybody. Can I just say for you, first of all? Love you to see you. But I just want to read out one email, which illustrates the standard slipped in your absence, okay?

Yeah. This is from Jane. Just a quick note to say how much I enjoy your podcast, But, okay, ready? Good start. In the last couple of weeks, I've noticed a deterioration in the language used, which is unpleasant and unnecessary. At the 18th of August was when it reached a new low.

In the first 10 minutes, I heard shit, masturbate, orifice, erotic, crap and tampon. You should have warned me. I just took a very big slug of coffee and that nearly came out of my nose. Hang on a sec. Hang on a sec. Let me just imagine the topic that allowed. all of those things to be said. Were you talking about

an average day in East West Kensington? No. Let me just briefly. Were you talking about Five Live? Nor what really goes on behind the scenes at Women's Hour. No, none of those things.

Jane says, I was relieved. You didn't elaborate on the constipated dog story. Okay. Does that give you a further clue? Because it might, if you've read the book in question. Okay. So I did just very briefly, hello, by the way, it's nice and nice to see you too. I did very briefly just flick through the descriptions done on the podcast to try and assemble in my mind where you were before coming into work today. And you appear to have been drawn into the sticky web of Jane Mulcahren's pornographic mind.

In fairness, we actually had a relatively serious couple of days. I'm slightly, Jane, I don't think you kind of listened to all that attentively because we did talk. very seriously about Bonnie Blue and various other things that are already in the conversational mix before Jane Jamar and well Karen's joined us again but she then bought me a book and the book she bought me was a book she'd enjoyed Miranda July's all fours

have you read it? No but I've read praises of it because it was up for a prize wasn't it? And it's filthy smut. Yes well it's just a bit odd I mean Jane has schooled me and explained that it's surreal and that Miranda is a renowned filmmaker I didn't know that and so aspects of the book are not meant to be taken entirely seriously. So the constipated dog does feature towards the end of the book, and I'm afraid that's where she lost me.

Have you enjoyed the book? No, not really, but I've finished it. It did provide what I'll call a lively talking point. I can honestly say I just did, I thought it was wildly overrated, and there was a real whiff of the Empress's new garments here. Come on, come off it, that's what I think. Is it the kind of book that people are probably reading, because it is salacious

and it's behind the cover of a, you know, a book that you can be seen reading on the tube and, you know, maybe fellow friends might also be purchasing it and you could have a... Oh, it's definitely one to talk about... Esoteric conversation about it. Yeah.

But actually, maybe you are reading it to get a bit turned on. Well, I think they're probably right there. But as I said to Jane, I was reading some of it as we ground into Nun Eaton on an Avanti West train. I justify anyone to be turned on. I mean nothing.

I don't want to knock non-eaten, but you know what I mean. I know exactly what you mean. Okay. Anyway, did you have a lovely time? Well, I can't just... There's a story here, everybody. That's right, I asked. So the dominoes of holiday doom descended on us,

and my teenagers were meant to be heading off on a Nordic journey. And we were meant to be, that's me and the late in life love interest. We were meant to be heading off to Porto for a couple of quiet days. Oh, I knew it was Portugal, yeah. civilised middle-aged behaviour and none of those things happened because one of my kids got norovirus and you can't...

That's a trigger word for me as you know. It doesn't matter how old your children are. You know, my kids aren't really kids anymore. I can't leave them when they're not well. I can't do that. Oh, I'm sure you'll be better in a couple of days. See you. Well, that's the thing with norovirus.

You always are, but it's savage while you've got it. Absolutely horrible. It's horrible. So anyway, we'd postponed our Portugal trip and then the flights got cancelled anyway and there was this just very, very funny telephone conversation. I mean, it wasn't funny. It was laced with ire

where the operative informed me that the earliest available flight that they could get us onto was Wednesday at midnight and we were coming home on a 10-15 flight on Friday quite a mini break. Very, very, very mini, mini, mini, mini, mini, sliver of a break.

So we decided not to go. So we've had a lovely, lovely couple of days in the Suffolk countryside. What could be nice. And it has been beautiful. So we hit that real sweet spot of sunny weather in the south of England. So we've been swimming in a beautiful calm sea. There's something very spooky though about swimming on the Suffolk Coast

because you are always out of the corner of your vision in your periphery, size well be. And, you know, there's a lot going on with our dirty waters at the moment. And I think that that stretch of the Suffolk Coast actually does. does quite well in terms of blue flag beaches and not having shit pumped out. I know it does happen from time to time, but it's not as bad as some other beaches on the south coast of England,

but there is just something spooky about swimming within the vicinity of a nuclear power plant where you think might... I'm not saying that there's any kind of, you know, radioactive waste or whatever being dumped. I'm not making that kind of allegation, but it's just a bit odd, Jane.

It's odd. Jellyfish? Yes, huge ones. Yeah, I bet. The size of? The size of, I'm going to say the size of a dartboard were floating around. Not bin lids then? Not bin lids, no.

Okay. No, a big dartboard. So they're not that big. Well, that's quite big. If you swim into one and it's up against your chest area, it feels quite big. And the jellyfish looked to you to be entirely normal? I'm not really... The thing is, they're not good looking.

No, I'm not really a jellyfish expert. What should I be looking out for? I don't know, because I don't know. because I think they're some of the most frightening things that you ever see. Can you eat jellyfish? No. I couldn't be any clearer. I really couldn't be any clearer on that.

Are you sure? Because there are lots of things that the hipsters are putting on plates. That is a really good question. Shall we pass that one over to Hannah? Has anybody ever eaten a jellyfish? Is there a certain type of jellyfish that might be turned into a jellyfish creme in an establishment in Dalston? Or just serve the jelly.

The jelly? from the fish. There we are, is the answer. Can you see that? But a bit closer, Hannah. Can you just, yeah. There we are. Yes, certain species of jellyfish

are consumed as food, particularly in East and South East Asia, where they are considered a delicacy. Jellyfish is often dehydrated with salt, are, and incorporated into dishes like salads and sushi. Whoa, okay. Okay, a bit much for me.

I don't think I could go there, and I don't think there's a tradition in Britain of us eating jellyfish. And they've got great fish and chips. there, so why would you bother? You don't need your jellyfish and chips. Yeah, but it is, just go up to the kiosk and say, excuse me, I'd like jellyfish and chips.

Just challenge them. Why not? Because, you know, there are enough blow-ins from London on that coast without being the complete, Jane, my apologies, toss pot from London. Can you believe? Jane, we are going to keep up. I think it's a good point, by the way, Jane,

and I'm not dismissing your criticism. I mean, strictly speaking, though, masturbate is not a swear word. It just isn't You've gone so back into women's hour form That's it, everybody brisk We've been told Now, I did mention the other day

And I sort of was being, as always, rather fatuous And suggesting that it was high time That the Worcestershire Big Cat Made its annual summer appearance Because people, there's not much news around There's heavy drinking at lunchtime In some parts of the country People are on their holly bobs

And they start seeing, or imagining They've seen large creatures and lo and behold Mystic Garvin action For once I'm right I mean the geographical location has changed But only very slightly Because the big cat has moved from Worcestershire

Into the next county of Gloucestershire And not only that fee There's a royal link Because a large panther Reports the Daily Mirror breathlessly Has reportedly been spotted Near High Grove House in Tepbury This is owned by the King

A dog walker there claims her three dogs spooked the beast and scared it away. So it's out and about again. Big cat expert, Rick Minter, is investigating the sightings. I think Rick Minter is the perfect name for a big cat expert. He was born to be. When they saw a young baby Rick, they looked at him and thought, yep, you're a Rick and you'll hunt big cats.

Now, is this backed up by a grainy photograph? Because I don't like a big cat story unless there is a grimy photograph. Let me have a quick look down further down No, there's a very, very clear cat of a picture, rather, of a large panther, but that's not the one. That's definitely not the one. That's not the one that was spotted. So I don't want to, I'm sorry, but I don't think there's enough veracity in a report that some dogs spooked a large black animal. There is more. Rick also mentioned a similar sighting north of Stroud where a black panther was seen stalking deer. And Rick noted that the witness mentioned an orange hue to the animal's other.

wise dark fur, suggesting it was actually a leopard in its... What? A leopard in its black form, really? That would be incredibly rare. Somebody must have noticed that's missing. Back in May, a driver claimed to have seen a black panther lurking in the scrub by the M5. It's quite a good service is on the M5, so it may have been looking for that, who knows. But anyway, yeah, just sometimes I turn out to be, if not entirely accurate, sort of on the cusp of a grain of truth.

Yeah, well, the big cat story, it is nice to see it every year. And if anybody out there has also spotted a big cat, where would a black panther or leopard in a black phase have come from? And are there really these people who are just keeping them for fun, buying them on the black market? I mean, if they are, surely somebody, you know, surely Doug the plumber goes round to the house at the bottom of the gravel drive once in a blue moon and comes back and says

do you know what I've got something a bit iffy in a cage there how can they be so so secret well that's the point and why are they never seen in December? No that's true when they'd be very hungry they'd be more likely to be out and about well look the plot thickens we set

something in motion there it's jane and fee at times dot radio I don't I never know what to do on the return into the podcast because the emails that I've chosen I I don't know whether or not you've already... I'll tell you what, I'll just sit back and have my coffee. No, sorry.

That's not the right approach to returning to work. All, you know, brisk and full of life and brimming with vigour as we approach a new term. I'll let you do it. Well, I'm going to do a parish notice that won't be of any interest to you. Gerard has sent us, I think, rather an erudite email and I thank you for it.

Just to add, he says, that Carly Churchill's brilliant play, Fenn, drew on the work of Mary Chamberlain, the author you mentioned in your literary slot yesterday with Laura Hackett. Now, thank you very much for that. Laura Hackett is the Deputy Literary Editor of the Times and the Sunday Times, and she joins us on a Monday. And when we throw open the intellectual French windows,

and we have a conversation about books. And Laura was recommending, and I've ordered it, and I think it sounds fascinating fee, a book by Mary Chamberlain about the experience of women in the fens. It's called Fenn Women, and it's an old book. been reissued with a beautiful new cover, published originally by Virago back in the day. And it turns out that Mary Chamberlain, the author, is still alive and she's going to come on the programme in a couple of weeks. Because she's done a whole load of interview. She did a

whole load of interviews and she must have been very, very young when she did them with some women living in the Fens talking about their life as Victorians and the struggles they've had and everything else. So clearly Fenn Women is a very important book and we'll be revisiting it in a couple of weeks. The Fens are the most extraordinary landscape. some people love them I'm spooked by the fens so to my shame we're talking Norfolk I've been to Croma I've been to Norwich are they sort of inland far from the coast yeah so oh my god don't put me on the spot with exactly where the fens start and stop but it's it's level low-lying land with water running through it

yeah yes and and I find it quite spooky I do I like a hill or a mountain well they are spooky I think yeah so that would be fascinating. I took one of Laura Hackett's recommendations on holiday with me, Stephen King on writing, which is just brilliant, Jane. Is it? Really brilliant. Because I tried one of his books. I'd never read any of them. So I tried one of his books after we talked to Laura and I just had to abandon it. It's the one about going back in time and the assassination of JFK. I just couldn't get into it at all. Okay. Well, I'm not a huge fan of his genre or his writing. I think I might have read one of his, you know, first spooky, spooky rat books or whatever.

But I don't really like going there, as you know. I'm a bit too mild-mannered for that kind of shock and horror. You won't be joining Rick on his cat-huntz. Well, actually, I probably would. Oh, you would. Yeah, because that's real, isn't it? It's not like a fogs coming down and pulling you in or whatever. But the book that Stephen King wrote, which has been updated,

it starts with a chapter on the joy of writing. and just what being a writer means, irrespective of whether or not you achieve success and fame and fortune, just the sheer artistry of it. And it's a really lovely read, Jane. I highly recommend it. And then a lot of it is a kind of handbook

of if you want to try writing the lessons that he's learned from it. But it's a very generous book, Jane, because I don't think... I think it's quite rare, isn't it, for somebody who has reached the absolute top of their profession to kind of reveal all of the secrets of that success

offer practical guidance. I mean, I don't think as far as I know that Geoffrey Archer has... Do you know, I knew you were going to mention him. He lives rent-free in your head. I don't like that expression. I've just used it. I am evicting, Geoffrey. From here on in, I'm assuring him with a...

What is it, a Section 21 order. Yes, that's right. No fault. eviction. So I would recommend that even if you just like reading, I think it's a really interesting. You're right actually about the generosity of spirit and sharing some tips.

Can we just mention oh yes I know Tracy who is facing what she describes as a scary birthday which is her 60th just don't worry about it Tracy. She says I've made a good start with my list of brave things I'm determined to do

spurred on by a discussion on the pod. I went to see Bruce Springsteen in Liverpool by myself. It was this third time I've seen him. Being by myself among thousands of people and not feeling weird was just amazing and so empowering. She also entered the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition. She didn't get in. Oh. Well, keep going. Yeah. And she spoke at a conference for the first time and says never again. But listen, I bet you were fine. Please don't overthink it. And Feast Wright, the exhibition, I mean, just Why not? Just give it another world. Yesterday's guest on the podcast for you was Disha Dyer

who had been an intern at the White House and she applied in her early 30s for a position she honestly didn't feel she had a hope in hell of getting and guess what she did get it and I just think her experience, I've been rethinking what she told me ever since really. You just don't know.

If you don't try... Don't put up your own barriers because other people will put in enough of them up for you. Oh, they'll be more than willing to do that. So, yeah, I think she, I hope people took from that interview that actually it probably won't be possible, but one guarantee is it'll be impossible if you don't give it a bash. That is for sure. Anyway, that's neither here nor there, but very best wishes to you, Tracy, and please don't be too obsessive about the whole 60 thing. I mean, just, not at all. Just comes and goes.

And did you know that 40,000 people apply for the summer exhibition? So, I mean, it's just a, it's just a vast, vast number of items of art that the curators had to look through. Yes, so she's been in the summer. And it's been really magical, Jane. Lots of family and friends have been to see her picture and it's brought joy all round. And it's just really wonderful.

I went with my two teens and we met my sister there. And there was something, she'll hate me for saying this because she's a very private person. But there was something so magical about being, in the heart of this huge thing that's been going for ages and draws people in from all across the country, people from all over the world

are going to see her picture and just us, our tiny little family standing in front and just marvelling at it. It was the most amazing connection, actually. And we saw some really, really beautiful pieces of art. I did buy a photograph. Hers was sold out, actually, otherwise, obviously, it would have brought my sister to work.

Got in there. It used to be very quickly. I sold out very quickly. So I don't know. Do you know, I've never been. Can you, you can just, you can just buy anything that there. Yes. So you can buy all of the, all of the art that is available, and some of it goes like that, you know, it kind of goes on the first day. But it stays on display?

It stays on display during the exhibition. Because otherwise there'd be nothing, it'd be really sad to go and see it. Yes, if it was just entered. Oh, no, how painful. How painful. But interestingly, some of the kind of quite big hitters. Yeah. Because there are pieces of art in there from 25.

to five hundred thousand pounds i mean it's astonishing kind of who prices them i do presumably the artists themselves good question but i think i think you can put a price on your own work of art enter one of my daubings but yeah not not not not a lot of the great big ones uh have got the red dots haven't they okay because presumably you need to live in a stately home to install them i would imagine so and also i mean some of them are just hideous as well so you've just got to don't want to swear but some of them just they were just not very good it's just not Not for my taste, no. What do you mean?

Sort of brash? Well, sometimes I struggle to see the value of some abstract art. I can't imagine that I'm going to want to keep going back to it. So if it doesn't tick on my fancy first time round, you know, because there's a yellow triangle on a teal background, I think, well, you know, would I find myself on a bog standard Thursday in November standing in front of that in my house lost in reverie and wonder

well that's why I love landscapes yeah because if it's a nice one you're going to go exactly have that experience with it I like a thing and I like a bit of photography too and I bought a really beautiful picture it's a photograph taken in America of some graffiti saying not our president but the legend not our president

is above lots and lots of previous graffiti from different groups who wanted to be visible in a positive way about what rights they're supporting and then there's this huge brand at the top is i like it jane good well um yes we were talking earlier briefly i mean as you i know i appreciate people listen to this at all stages and the date today is the 19th of august the year is 2025 and gosh that sounds very it sounds like the beginning of star trek it sounds very just yes very space age um i'm at the uh i'm driving the ship through space it only occurred to me the other day where people

say I wouldn't want to go into space, you sometimes you do feel compelled to say we are in space. You're in space, okay? Just accept it. We're all for reasons we don't really understand at all, clinging to a bit of rock. Apparently we're the only people who are doing this for all infinity. Very unlikely. It's unlikely

isn't it? But anyway, you're at the control tower of the Starship Enterprise. You're going to say something about where we are in time. Oh yes. And about the fact that Europe's leaders all scurried off to the White House to pay homage to a peacemaker Donald Trump. And we just both feel the same about this.

We just want to find out how they'll think about all this and how we'll all think about this in, say, 30 years' time, maybe 20 years time, maybe even five years' time. Will this have stood the test of time? We won't know, unfortunately. One tiny point from the press conference of the seven European leaders. I mean, good on Ursula von der Lein

for immediately, putting the case of the children kidnapped from Ukraine at the top of the agenda. And it's been placed high on the agenda as well, hasn't it? Because a letter was written by Melania Trump, which is a great thing too. But it can't just be for women to support this cause. And there's a bit of me that thinks absolutely go, Ursula, and good on you, Melania, because you don't say very much. So, you know, you've said something now.

But it shouldn't not be there just because the, aren't mothers around the table that's that's not what this is about it's not about the pain of mothers it's about the pain of a whole family it's just bizarre to me that it seems to be that women and they do turn an ursula von der Leyen trotted out the line as a mother and a grandmother eye and you just look around the table and all the men there they have been children they wouldn't be sitting there if they hadn't been children and they have children yes so what why are you right why is it that Women seem to immediately decide that only they or, in fact, they were the only ones who focused on it. So, yeah, it's just extraordinary.

At least it's there, you know, at least it's there. So I get that, but I just thought, oh, come on, lads. Come on, lads. I'll tell you what we should mention is the email from this man, Marcus, who was at the show, the show we did in North Berwick. Oh, yes. And he sent us a very thoughtful one. Do you want to have a quick look at that? I did look through on the inbox because Eve or Hannah,

had kindly saved all of the North Berwick ones. And I'm so happy everyone had a good time. We had a lovely time, didn't we? We had a great time. We really did, and we're very much hoping to go again. So thank you to everybody. Just while you're having a quick look at that, let's bring in Gina, who...

Now, she says here, it's a grey day, so the TV is on. Well, I'm sorry to hear about Gina. Because, as you know, I... It's a what? A grey day. Oh, a grey day. So she's put the television on, we don't really approve of putting the television on.

That's very common. Is it fiction or non-fiction? Well, it gets worse. she's just seen the BBC Spotlight Show. Now that's regional news for Cornwaggers. They did a piece about postcards and a chat from BBC Radio Cornwall wanted people to send cards to him. What do you say to that?

She says, imitation is the greatest form of flattery. Thank you, Gina. Thank you for drawing our attention to this. Before Fee and I asked, no one had ever asked for postcards to be sent to them. No. never do you know what on the the holiday week of doom that was one day where it was actually really really hot in london as well and my poor daughter was unwell being unwell upstairs

and i was having a little bit of a grump because obviously we weren't we weren't going to get to portugal anymore and all that kind of stuff and it just did seem a little bit like the world was turning in a way that was not entirely pleasing and i thought right well damn it i will watch television during the day okay no well well special circumstances so i'll I'll give you a certificate for that. I watch the Panorama Lucy Lettby documentary.

Oh, I've seen that, yes. I mean, I would highly recommend it. It's very well balanced. It's very thoughtful. It's done by Judith Moritz and Jonathan Coffey, who have followed the case right from the very beginning. Judith Moritz has been in court all the way through, and there's so much noise going on around whether or not this is one of the worst miscarriages of justice of modern times.

I would recommend watching that because I think it is hard for all of us, outside of the medical profession and the neonatal medical profession to really have a valid opinion about the evidence that was presented but they do make a very... It's a very well-balanced piece, that's all I'd say, Jane. It really is, and I watched that,

and I'd also watch the ITV documentary as well, which I also thought was really good, which featured Josh Halliday, who... That documentary ended with him just saying, you know, we must never forget the suffering of the families. So I thought that was really important. They really made that very clear that you... This isn't, I mean, it might be about one of the biggest miscarriages of justice ever,

but we should never, ever forget that people have lost family members and awful. But, can I just say as well, with panorama, some of the information that they used about what might have occurred at the Liverpool Hospital where Lucy Lettby work has since been slightly discredited. So although that programme initially got brilliant reviews, now even that addition of panorama, people are questioning some of the information in it. I think this is a subsequent edition, isn't it? They've made three panoramas. The most recent one was, this is the one I'm referring to it. This is where those of us who take an interest but admit freely that we don't know enough about it, my big question about all this is where do you find a jury who be capable of systematically assessing

and reassessing and understanding everything that is said to them by hugely informed erudite experience medical professionals who might not agree with each other and in fact don't agree with each other I agree. But I'm very glad you made the point about the families because one of the things that I thought was done really brilliantly in the panorama documentary was to actually keep going back to statements

made by the families of these babies because they've chosen to retain their anonymity which I completely, I mean any right-minded person and we're completely understand. But what that means is that an awful lot of people might not know who they are. And so they might find themselves in a situation at work, out and about, or whatever it is, where people start spouting their opinions about a case that actually has not impacted everybody's life.

And it has tragically impacted theirs. So I would keep going back to that too. And I think as well, Jane, you know, there's an insatiable curiosity about cases like this. And we have to ask ourselves why that is. and I think be honest with yourself about why you want to know information about babies who've died in difficult circumstances. So point number one. And point number two, is it the best place,

you know, the public forum of curiosity for this to be really explored? And definitely, having watched the programme and read articles about it, there is a need isn't there for those who are now legally representing Lucy Lettby to garner public support behind their case in order for this to

make any advances through the system and that's I'm uncomfortable with that I'm part of that and I'm uncomfortable with that. I know exactly what you mean but the whole thing is deeply uncomfortable and it's not over it's just not over and we have no idea how this is going to end but one thing

is for sure there'll be more to come. I'm pretty certain of that. Right, now look, back with Marcus. So, a long-time listener, first-time emailer. Good. We've retired the jingle. Just checking.

I was the chap that won the tallest person in the room mug this afternoon. We're back in North Berwick, everybody. We're back in a very breezy marquee. It was breezy, wasn't it? This was the icing on the wonderfully perfect cake that you served up in North Berwick this afternoon. Bravo and many thanks. I just wanted to clear a couple of things up, though,

as I fear I caused you some concern. I am six foot five tall, so comfortable that I was the right person for the award. I will always treasure my mug and ensure it never goes in the dishwasher correctly or otherwise for fear of fading. Well done, you. What a domestic God you are, Marcus. When I raised my hand as a contender for the tallest in the room award, you asked me to stand up and I said, I can't. I'm in a wheelchair.

You then apologise, which made me think that my gallows humour may have gone too far. I interpreted your apology as some form of embarrassment on your part, and I wanted to allay any concerns. 11 years ago, I was a very fit and healthy 6-5, 46-year-old man who felt on top of the world. One morning, I went on a conference call, and I've never walked again. To cut a long story short, I had a stroke in my spinal cord, which paralys me as I sat there. I never felt a thing and didn't know it had happened until I tried to get up.

One minute, I'm a giant. The next, I'm three foot nine. and asking people to pass me things off the top shelf in Sainsbury's, some role reversal. Now here's the thing, I'm fine, absolutely fine. Of course my life is different, but I accepted it a long time ago, and in many ways I'm very lucky to still be here. My life is full of joy, and today was no exception.

I was at your show laughing together with some of my favourite people. They've been taking the piss out of me all afternoon for having the audacity to raise my hand in the first place, and while they may have a point, I got the mug so they can get stuffed. we like you we like the cut of your chip Marcus and here's the thing the thing that we the disabled community

all crave is merely to be seen as no different and the same as everybody else we spend our lives being apologised to by one intentioned people who merely point out that they see us as different it's not upsetting sometimes even heartwarming but really it's just not necessary have a fab holiday

fee keep up the good work one and all you lull me to sleep most nights so to be honest Marcus we have a deal of gold You might have gone minutes ago. I mean, if I was listening to this, I would have gone during big cats. Oh, rubbish. That was fascinating. And Marcus Hens was saying,

now if I could only reach the biscuits, I could christen my mug. Well, what a fantastic email to receive, Marcus, and thank you for taking the time to write it. And actually, Jane, because you were the one who responded. Can I just say, Marcus, I'm going to apologise for apologising. I thought you'd handled it really well. Well, no, because I've just apologised him now. yeah okay for the apology right never again but completely take your point markers and it was fantastic

that you were there and we are very very glad you got the mug you don't say which mug you got because the mugs had all of our pets on the back and you know i mean i don't want to i don't want to start something in our household i've got a feeling not everybody wanted brian oh no i don't say that marcus do you have brian treasure brian always somebody has to um just very briefly we This podcast has covered some ground today, I tell you. Les has been in touch. Now, you might remember that Mez, God's sake. Les said, you are wise or foolish enough to praise

and then read out my email on the 8th of July about Leicestershire County Council being run by the Reform Party. Now, this is not a politics podcast. Although Fee and I are happy to say, we're not supporters of the Reform Party. Is that? Sorry, I spoke for her there. Maybe I shouldn't.

I've been away for a while. Yeah. I've been to Suffolk. We drove through Clacton. Anything could have happened. Exactly. The warm mist of Nigel Farage may have descended upon me. It didn't.

No, carry on. But it still might. You might be interested, therefore, to read that there's been a development in Leicestershire. And I'm not going to say any more about this, but suffice to say that the 22-year-old reform counsellor, who legitimately won his seat in an election, lest we forget, he's been removed from a position of Cabinet Member for Adult Social Care because quite clearly this 22-year-old was so out of his depth because that's a really difficult job, really difficult job for anybody

and surprisingly, or not, he couldn't do it. So this is causing something of an omni shambles now in Leicestershire and actually probably causing real problems for people who depend on the social care system in Leicestershire. So I know there's a lot more to that story, not least the fact that lots of council officials have had to spend or tried to spend hours teaching him how he could do the role. But it just didn't work. And they're now going to start trying to teach somebody else. Anyway, let's move on because this is in some ways slightly tricky territory.

And we're back to a bit of source. So Jane can turn off at this point because she won't want to hear about this because it's details from another Jane about a saucy book that she's enjoyed. It's called, now, what is it called? Spirling by Cal Speat. I tell you what, that's quite a good name

for the author of a saucy novel in the same way as, was it Rick Munter was a great name for a big cat expert. I don't know. Sorry, I thought it was Manta. Is that rude? I don't know. Um, spiraling is hugely witty. It canters along at a great pace and I found myself educated in things I hadn't realised I needed education in. I wouldn't usually have chosen a novel of this genre. It's queer rom-com. However, the author's a school friend of my daughters and I've known Cal for 20 years so I wanted to support him. Right? Um, okay, well look, that's nice. You've got to support your children's friends as they start off in life. And well done to Cal for producing spiraling.

which we're not endorsing necessarily, we haven't read it. But Jane has, and she was satisfied. Okay. So we're looking for a biography, aren't we? Or an autobiography for our next book club choice. Can we do autobiography or does it have to just be biography? Well, it can be autobiography. Why not? Okay.

Because some of them are good, aren't they? Who did I really enjoy? So someone like Rupert Everett. Oh, yes. Well, his books are wonderful. I know, but he wrote a properly, I mean, funny. and also he spilled his beans were well and truly spilt

now that offered value to me as a reader that's what I want from an autobiography Banana skins and that's the title Red carpets? Yes, of red carpets I'm going to look that up because that's the one that you want to head for I think there are about three different volumes of I haven't got my phone with me I'm still in holiday mode kids

so yes he's an exquisite writer of his own life and it would be lovely to find somebody a little bit less celebrated, I think. Yeah, no, I was just picking that as a, just an example. But then maybe after that, we're going to have to give in and do a filthy novel. Well, it doesn't, because Jane won't like that

and obviously part of me won't like it. I won't like it at all. I'll be literally, I'm in the stables already, on a block getting ready to get on my high horse. You will need to, well, let's have been in, In fairness, neither of us. I'll need many, many leg-ups. We need quite a few blocks to do some.

Oh, I did read Claire Balding's new novel. She's coming on the... Why have you just thought about Claire? Because there's quite a lot of horse action. Oh, I see. Okay. In Pastures New, which is her first, her debut novel. It's a novel? Yeah, out in September.

Oh, I thought it was about her pets. Yep, and she's coming on program, isn't she? So what's it like? You can talk about. Well, it's described as a heartwarming debut, and they're not wrong. It is a heartwarming debut. So I'm just full of admiration for somebody who can genuinely sit down and write a novel from start to finish without a ghost writer involved, without AI involved, when it's not the thing that you've chosen to do.

I don't know where you begin with, you know, the plot and someone who has to kind of disappear out to keep the interest to go somewhere else. I mean, it's just, it's very impressive. But there is a lot of horse action. So you don't particularly like nature. You don't like big pastures. She hasn't written about like scenery, has she? There's a lot of scenery. It's in the countryside, is there a farm.

And there's quite a lot about dogs. There's quite a lot about horses. So are the people in it? There are people in it. Quite often they take a back seat to the animals. The animals are very important, as is the scenery. Should I do the interview? I think might be better.

I haven't got a copy of the book yet. I'm obviously hopeful. Yeah. Can I just do one final one, and this is Leslie from Fife, Fife, Fife, Fife, Fife. Come on, you've got the Scottish blood, you can do better than this. That's Leslie from Fife. It's not a difficult word, is it? I'm the lady of ladybank renown.

I like an exclamation mark, sorry to the other Jane. Do you know, it's impossible now? Every email today has been from someone called Jane, apart from Les. I've also made a lovely new friend, Marie, who came all the way up to answer. Strother from Oxford to see the lifeboat named in memory of her sister and her husband. Do you remember that? Which I'm so thrilled

she saw going out to see on a training exercise. We met for the first time on Thursday at the Pitten Weem Art Festival, then again on Friday at the station in North Berwick. Marie negotiated the public transport around northeast Fife beautifully, which is not straightforward. We had a lovely time and got on so well,

finding we had loads in common. We really enjoyed the show, fun as ever, and Judy was super, so interesting. I've never seen so many middle-aged women as there were on the train from Waverley all going to your show. It was a hoot, reassuringly we could all follow each other in crocodile fashion

along the main street. I wish someone had taken a picture of that to the big top like an ageing school trip. My lovely husband Neil was dragged along to help me with a complicated train ticket situation. I get in a flat with trains and buses and he really enjoyed the show too. Attached is a photo of Marie and me.

Well, how lovely. Yeah, glad you enjoyed it. Glad you enjoyed it. Glad you made some friends. Good on Neil. I wonder what he thought. And the Pitten Weem Art Festival is quite a thing on that coast too. And it featured this year the art of Pauline Cumming. Do you know her work? I've mentioned it in passing before.

I'm going to show you lots of her work and we can talk about it on tomorrow's podcast. You would love it. It is ceramics with a feminist edge which mimics the ceramics of the Dutch Delph plates. So it's pictures of women. Oh, I see. You know, in that beautiful blue paint.

Yeah. But then the legends around things like this really is a shit show. Right. And I have one myself, which was a present from a very, very kind person. and it has this really is a shit show in German on the top half and then on the bottom half we meet tonight where pockets bring snacks is brilliant

that's very really really brilliant and she was showing at the Pit and Weem Art Festival so it was just the place to be it really was I just want to end with it this is a serious one from Hannah who just says a couple of years ago my mum only in her mid-50s was diagnosed with a rare form of dementia

that is eroding her ability to sleep speak. Now, the dementia has caused holes to form in her brain that are taking away her words. But the most fundamental change that we just weren't prepared for was the change in her personality. She's gone from being very happy and full of vitality to somebody whose default setting is anxious, frustrated and largely unrecognizable. Look, I'm very grateful to still have my mother, says Hannah, but I just miss who she was. And at times I feel overwhelmed with the grief of grieving for someone who's still alive. I know you have listeners from all walks of life and I know I won't be the only person in a situation like this. So how do others cope with

mourning the person you love whilst they're still with you? You're aware of how lucky you are to still have them but you miss them too. I'd love to hear if your listeners have any wise counsel. Well I'm sure some will Hannah and all we want to say really is very lots of love to you, very best wishes to your mum as well of course. And you've just both been so unlucky. She was only in her mid-50s. when this happened. That's just rotten. So I think you don't express any bitterness in that email at all. But I have to say, I wouldn't blame you if you had. And yeah, so please do let us know if you are going through something similar

or you have been through something similar. The hive will buzz into action. It's Jane and Fee at times.org. We would also love your suggestions for our next book club book. You'll be delighted to know there's no guest. So we can all leave it here. In case you're thinking, God, it's another 20 minutes of this. No, there's not.

But we've got some fabulous guests lined up over the next couple of days. Who are they? I tell you what, we've got Sophie Watson, who wrote into the podcast about urban planning, and she's on the show on Thursday. Oh, there we are. That's brilliant. And I think that's great.

Have you forgotten everyone else? No, I haven't got a clue either. Anyway, no, it things, it's seasonal, isn't it? Well, talent. So Claire Boulding simply, she can't, she doesn't function as a guest in August. It's just impossible. She can't possibly be activated. I don't know.

A lot of talent does activate itself in September, doesn't it? Yeah. I think you'll really find a surge. The September surge will be well underway in a couple of weeks. Right, but we can just ride the crest of an August wave until then. Take every care and rejoin us tomorrow, please. Congratulations. You've staggered somehow to the end of another off-air with Jane and Fee.

Thank you. If you'd like to hear us do this live, and we do it live, every day, Monday to Thursday, 2 till 4 on Times Radio. The Jeopardy is off the scale. And if you listen to this, you'll understand exactly why that's the case. So you can get the radio online, on DAB, or on the free Times Radio app. Offair is produced by Eve Salisbury, and the executive producer is Rosie Cutler. Acast powers the world's best podcasts.

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