Off Air... with Jane and Fi - People go on about sex, have they tried room spray?!

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

The leaves are on the turn and the studio fire is roaring – it’s visualised Monday, obvs: https://www.youtube.com/@OffAirWithJaneAndFiJane and Fi are reunited! Well, they actually reunited on Saturday at Chatsworth House and are now exploring ownership... Once that bubble bursts, they cover the difference between massages and professional massages, being close to Ed Vaizey, the butter bean renaissance, and middle-aged porn (supermarkets). You can buy tickets to the Cheltenham Literature Festival here: www.cheltenhamfestivals.org/events/jane-garvey-and-fi-glover-with-anneka-riceYou can check out our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/@OffAirWithJaneAndFiOur most asked-about book is called The Later Years by Peter Thornton.If you want to contact the show, ask a question or get involved in the conversation, please email us: [e-mail] us on Instagram! @janeandfiPodcast Producer: Eve SalusburyExecutive Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

That's a heavy sign. We should be really cheery. We're back, back, back, back. We're back, back, back. And I would ask you how you were, but I saw you on Saturday. Yes, well, shall we just debrief a little bit where we were on Saturday? Because it was just majestic, Jane. I'd never been to Chatsworth House before.

Had you? I had. But as ever, I do get all confused with my stately homes. But there's just a moment, isn't there, when you go up the, shall we say, the drive to Chatsworth? House, which is in the Peak District in Derbyshire, and you see it. And you just go, wow. What, you cannot, you think your eyes are deceiving you. Yeah.

It is like a vision. AI, CGI, they couldn't come up with anything. So in fact, it's a very good point. Because those people back in the day who landscape the ground, so you did have that moment of wonder when you arrived, props to them. Because there is always a sharp intake of breath. You come around the corner, you come out of a small copse or whatever it is, you turn off the main road. And I mean, it's not just there's Chatsworth House.

It's like, boom. Oh, boy, there's Chatsworth House. Now, I know that you're in the process of moving home. Yes. Have you put an offer in for Chatsworth? Chatsworth. Give it a world. How much of Chatsworth House do you think even if we pooled are not inconsiderable?

No, that's true. We've been very fortunate. Wow. Pots together. I think. I think we might be able to buy that potting. We spent a bit of time in. Yes.

The potting shed had been turned into a media centre. We better explain what the event was. It was the Queen's Reading Room Literary Festival. So this is Queen Camilla's Reading Club, which you can join. Anybody can join. And they do lots of very interesting books. Quite often on the same kind of path as our book club. So stuff that really appears to our community,

as opposed to stuff that's just been punted at you by the publishing industry. Although we love the publishing industry. God, we love them a lot. Punt away. So we were at the kind of real version of that, which is this astonishing literary festival held at Chatsworth House. The very, very great and the good were in attendance. Who did we see asleep on the train?

I'll tell you who we didn't see. Our executive producer Rosie claimed a blast from the past was there, pointed across the car park, shouted this person's name. Oh, look it's filling the gap. And all of us, like, no. No. No. Because they're dead.

No, no, they're very dead. They're very dead. But I love Rosie for her insistence because she was absolutely convinced that twas her. Yeah. But it really wasn't. I've relived that moment.

No, I've chuckled a lot of us. She'd just never been more wrong. Jeffrey Archer, one of your old flames. Well, we didn't, we didn't see him. No, I think he was around, wasn't he? He was. We were on the same train as Jars Brandtrieff. That's what I wanted you to say.

Yes. Yeah, Dear Giles. And Kate Moss was there, Elif Shaffak was there, Lee Childs was there. We were doing an interview with Harlan Coben. Yeah, and actually, wasn't he? I mean, we didn't have to work very hard. Sometimes you meet people who are so good at, not only at writing best-selling novels that are eagerly adapted by the likes of Netflix,

but just so good at, frankly, selling their wares. And there's no shame in that. It's a wonderful gift. Yeah, he is super, super fluent. He really is. And he had just got off a plane from New Jersey, where he lives and he had terrible back pain. He's a tall gentleman. He's a 6'4 foot 3 or 4.

And I often think tall people often have bad back pain, don't they? Well, short people struggle with that. I think most people have back pain, don't they? Yeah, so I always think it must be worse. There's just more back, isn't there, when you're 6 foot 4? Actually, that's true. That's he is. Anyway, he was clearly in quite a lot of pain, and he delivered the most superb kind of master class in how to write a book

because his latest book is exactly that. It's memoir and it's a guide to writing. And I loved it actually, Jane. I really loved it. I think it's a great little book about lots of things, actually. He had a lovely bit of self-deprecation about him too, didn't he? Yeah. Which I liked.

And I think if anyone does just want quite sound and quite strict advice on how to write a book, plot twist is something I would recommend. I mean, he comes up with some quite, It might seem like basic advice, but as he says, going to a coffee shop and thinking about writing a book isn't the same as actually sitting at home and writing a book. And in fact, he's got a lovely paragraph in the book, hasn't he, about going and buying a notebook isn't writing, joining a supportive writer's club on Facebook isn't writing. Writing down some ideas isn't writing. Absolutely nothing's writing. Actually sending off your details to an agent isn't writing.

Writing. Writing is writing. Yeah. And I was cringing. Thinking, tick. Done that. Done that. Done that. Done that. How is the book coming along? How do you know me so well? Well, it hasn't. So we really enjoyed meeting him. And if you're thinking, I'd like to hear that. Well, there's good news, isn't there? Well, isn't there just, Jane, because that will be made available to your ears sometime in the festive period. One of those gapy days, you know, the I don't really know what day it is in between. The 27th, 28th, something like that. Yeah. We'll pop it out there and you can go and, hide in the laundry cupboard and listen to it. Have a weep and he is entertaining. Do you know, I really love his life story as well, Jane, because he was the parent.

He's got four children. His wife is a very successful paediatrician. She went back to work every time after having a baby. I'd really want to avoid an unsuccessful paediatrician. You'd want your children to steer well clear as well, wouldn't you? Let's just, let's own it. Do you know what? We were driving around London this weekend, just noting all of those, exactly those.

ridiculous, asinine descriptions. Our favourite this weekend was professional massage. I just need a way, but I've no idea what I'm doing. I just prefer it. If I just walk in, yeah, someone just walks across me. Okay. Anyway, yes, you were making the point that he'd been a house husband and main carer. Yes, and that's when he knew that he wanted to be a writer,

but, you know, that's how they divvied up their duties. And actually I think it's very difficult to be a creative person when you're on childcare duty because it's very hard to find that a lot of time to say to yourself, I'm going to go and be creative now between 945 and 1130 in between kindergarten, drop off and middle school pickup. I think that's a hard ask. I think most creative people's brains don't really work like that. And often you hear that people have been given this incredible kind of generous sweep of time. from their partners that's enabled them to go off and paint.

I think maybe painters are a bit notorious in that respect, needing their own studio, their own space, their own timeline, all that kind of stuff. And I just immensely admire a man who said, I'm going to do both. I'm just going to make myself work during the only hours I've got available to me. And I'm going to do all of the other stuff. And it's well worth listening to the interview just because he's so funny

about the way that he got treated. Oh, my goodness. Well, he really owns the fact that people were so nice to him and would never knock him for his inadequacies, his logistic, logistical inadequacies. He might forget a pack lunch. They just thought it was charming. Yeah. They wouldn't think the same if it were a female carer who forgets the pack lunch, doesn't keep up to speed with when the school trip is, all of that stuff. I thought he was incredibly honest about that, actually.

Yeah, so all around nice guy. He did see, I mean, he certainly seemed that way. And you and I, we're good judges. I just, our track record just really sings that. We also just want to say, what a gift shop. If you're familiar with Chatsworth, you'll know this. But if you want chutney or indeed room spray, which I took back with me. And now my house smells like a stately owned.

Does it? So they're classy products. Yes. I thought they were so reasonable. I got two very, very amusing cards, a very large bar of handmade chocolate. Some of the Duke's own vintage marmal. And I like to imagine that he stirred that Seville marmalade all by himself. Oh, I bet he did.

And some picker chili. Can you see what they've done that? I think I do see. And I'm quite angry that you bought that. I know. I know. I did crack that open yesterday. Any good?

Yeah, it's every bit as good as it looks. But all of that for 20 quid. I mean, that's kind of five gifting opportunities, albeit I've opened them the Pick a lily, but I don't think they'll notice? People could do all there? You'll try shop up there. I can imagine. It smelled a Christmas.

didn't it? Because they had their Christmas decorations out too soon. Let's not quite go there. Also, let's just say the Peak District is one of those parts of England that is perhaps not much celebrated outside the UK. And it really deserves to be. Emmadale's there, isn't it? No. No, it isn't.

Emmerdale is very firmly rooted in Yorkshire. Is it? But thank you for that. And it bigs up, backs up my long-held view. that the Cotswolds, although in their own way, lovely, are incredibly overrated. You know what? You've really got it in for the Cotswolds. Well, I just don't, I think there are more beautiful parts of England. No, mind the rest of the country.

But I don't think the Cotswolds has ever said that it is the most beautiful parts of England. People go on about it all the time. No, but isn't it just the certain type of person who's moved there because it's close to London, it's close to Heathrow, it's close to Ed Vasey? And so, you know, they're people who've got loud voices, haven't they? Well, I wish they just shut up. Yeah. But maybe the Peak District and the Dales have the last laugh

because they don't, they're not infiltrated by all of that mob. I don't think Jay-Z and Beyonce and Ellen and the Chipping Norton set are buying up all of their houses and installing cinemas and spas and then expecting locals to pay four times as much as what they bought it for. I just also want to say we had the best cab driver since the woman in Hayes. on why who'd lost the top of a finger in a jousting accident, which was some years ago now. We won't, well, we can name her.

She was Bev, wasn't she? She was Bev, and she had become immensely friendly with her chat GPT, which she had called Alex. Yeah. And she had asked her chat GPT if she could have a name, and chat GPT said, yes, I'm Alex, which is a very clever answer, because it's androgynous, isn't it?

We found out quite a lot about Bev in a journey. that I think was about 18 minutes long. And she was a spirit, a force of nature. Yeah, she had a lovely turn of phrase as well. Excellent turn phrase. Sitting up in bed like a Victorian corpse. She said at one point. She was also a brilliant driver.

Let's just say that. And someone who'd actually had her own business and had decided to go into cabbing. And actually, I tell you what, she's an absolute natural. Yeah. And she should have a show of her own. Because she was very, very funny.

I don't think I've met anybody. who has so openly admitted to having a friendship with chat GPT. No, she was my first. Yeah. Because most people who have, I think, are still maybe hiding that away. Well, we did have an email. Because it's not a norm. From a young woman who I think was in that position.

Not that long ago, somebody emailed the podcast and said, I'm a bit worried that I am getting quite fond of my chat GPT friend. Bev was unapologetic and she was all in. And said, you know, chat GPT, Alex is more interesting than my husband. I'm letting Alex man explain things to me. My husband isn't getting a look in. Well, her husband had an annoying something, didn't he? I can't remember what it was.

Oh, there was something. But we don't want to say too much more in case people are identifying this lady. But yes, the chat GPT thing did surprise me. But honestly, most importantly, she couldn't have been a better driver. And we made our train. And at one point, there was a little bit of doubt about that because roads have been closed because the queen had arrived in a chopper

and that meant that it was a little tricky for us to make the train back to the smoke. But we did it. Of course the train was delayed, but we had some drinks. Well, we did. Yeah. All in all, a cracking day out. And if you follow us on the Instagram, you would have seen some images from the train.

We basically, we saturated our delay and it felt better for it. Yes. Full-on onion action. That conversation won't please, Sarah, who was listening to us and sending this to us, whilst in an emergency situation, on the train to waterloo at 5.45pm, and I'm being practically gassed by somebody's full-on onion meal.

Can't see it, just smell it, I can feel it, and I can breathe it. Maybe I'm not used to rail travel in busy times nowadays. Someone else is conducting a meeting and ploughing his way through a massive pasta salad. I'm all about freedom except for noisy or smelly food on public transport at crowded times. If one of the political parties suggested a ban, I might be tempted to back them. Oh, well, onwards and upwards. Very best wishes.

Well, best wishes back to you, Sarah. Sometimes just being able to tell somebody about what's happening to you on the train can be enormously helpful. We're very much here for all of those moments. But I'm with you. The amount of stuff that people eat, I mean, just on that train journey that we were on. Well, we had. We said yes to some free boxes of food. So we took everything that was offered to us, even though we weren't in the normal daytime scope of a meal time, were we? No. I should say that the East Midlands Railway, Stuart was excellent. He was a lovely lad and he was extremely helpful. I did think the drinks we were getting were free. They turned out, in fairness, you paid for me. Yes, they were free for you. They were entirely free. They remained free, but we also had one of those. I'm going to say exquisite lunch box.

I had a plough person's box. And you're right, it wasn't a meal time, but I said yes to it because we were delayed. It wasn't really food. Well, its eat by or used by date was well into next year. Of course. How can that be? Well, because the cheese in it, I mean, it was barely identifiable as cheese.

It was extremely odd. And then we had some nice little crackers. I mean, the crackers will keep going for ages. went they? I'm in a cracker. I think you can get a year out of a cracker in a cupboard. Perhaps you can. I still want to get a year out of a crack. And then there were these little bags of, you know, the really original old-fashioned pickled onions, you know, the mini, mini-minions. And you just never see them now because they've been so usurped, especially in our part of town. I apologize. By the kimchi and the exquisite

pickling and the homemade pickling and the artisan, whatever's. You just never see. a little, just a little fiery, fiery. They've gone, I'm afraid. Pickled onion. But that would, you know, that would upset Sarah if everyone was wafting their pickles around. Well, it would. But who'd have thought, certainly from my youth,

I would have been amazed if you told me at eight or nine that the butter bean would have such an incredible revival in the 21st century. I mean, butter beans were the, I mean, they were the naval fluff of, most primary school lunches. And now... God, I don't think we ever got served.

Didn't you? Oh, they were very much. A legume. Well, they were up north, let me tell you. Really? But I cannot believe that they're now in jars. They've moved out of tins. They're in jars and people love them.

I love them. Yeah. But I'm amazed. I mean, kale was reinvented. What do you think will never, ever have a comeback? Oh, that's a good question. Food stuff. Yep.

Well, do you think the corn, beef and... The kind of spam, meat and tins. People like spam. People like spam now. That's had a bit of a revival. I don't know. That's a good question. The Rissol.

The Rissol. I don't think that's had a revival. If you have revived it, do let us know Jane and Fee at Times. Dot Radio. And also if you're still buying the tiny little pickled onions that haven't been messed with at all.

They've just literally, they're an onion that's been pickled. That's it. As we were Royal adjacent to the weekend I, well, I'm steering the conversation around to something that we can't really ignore which is the Charles versus Charles. Oh, well done. Yeah, thank you for that.

Because you watched Charles Spencer's interview with Laura Coonsberg, didn't you? And I listened to it. I can't remember why I was walking home from somewhere, so I listened to it yesterday afternoon. Do you think I got a different, my views might be different because I couldn't see them, I could just hear them? Well, what are your views? I still don't know who to believe. I'm both rather sad that all this has come out and it's all being regurgitated again.

And then another part of me will read the book. I know I will. I'm getting a copy tomorrow. Eve has promised me. And I'm not going to pretend I'm not going to read it. I absolutely will go home and I will read it. So what does that say about me? Well, that I'm a pratt and that I'm inconsistent.

But listeners know that anyway. Did you have a very certain viewpoint before you listened to that interview? No, I don't think I did. I know that lots of people seem all too keen to tell us that Charles Spencer is a bad lot. A lot of people do say that, don't they? It's out there as a so-called popular view. Now, I obviously don't know him from Adam, nor do you. We have met him, haven't we? Because we've interviewed him. We have, yeah. And I've heard other people say that as an interviewee, he's extremely charming and has impeccable manners. When you kind of expect that, wouldn't you? I also think he's a very good writer. I read his book about his miserable experience at boarding school and I thought it was really, really cleverly written and very moving. So that's another reason I suppose that I was quite keen to read this book. But do I believe, well, is it possible?

What did you think about his answer to the question about whether the king really said what he's accusing him of saying in the immediate aftermath of Diana's death? So which bit, that's the, he sounded giddy as a lottery winner. Yeah. So I think two things can be true at the same time with this. And actually, before I watched the interview with Laura Coonsberg, I think I was rather on the side of the king and just very much felt there wouldn't be anything that I could now see.

And I've read quite a lot of stuff about it, like you haven't read the book in its entirety yet. And actually I may not. I didn't think that there would be much that would change my viewpoint. But when I watched Charles Spencer, I did think that his grief and his consternation and his emotions were all very believable. So I was quite surprised that I had my opinion nudged on quite so much. But I think grief and traumatic grief takes people in all. kinds of directions. And I have definitely witnessed, especially amongst people who have lost

somebody incredibly suddenly, who've lost very, very young people, an almost euphoric reaction in those moments and days and hours afterwards, where it is obviously such an extreme position to suddenly find yourself in. Your brain doesn't know which of the emotions fit. So something weird comes out. And I think we've all known people who've displayed grief in ways that we have found unpalatable. So sometimes you'll go to funerals and the people who've been affected most by the person whose life you're there to celebrate will appear to be the most in control and cheerful. It's a mask. You know, the way that you have to talk to people when you're grieving, I think you're so unprepared for. It might sound like all kinds of weird things. So I don't. I don't.

don't necessarily think that reaction can be interpreted in the same way as normal life and normal emotions and normal reactions to a normal event would be interpreted. So I'd part that. And also, the phrase the world will forget her soon enough, I think can be interpreted in two very different ways. I think it could equally be said by somebody who is acknowledging how fickle the public can be and who hadn't grasped how much the public loved Diana

and I think the king could equally have said that in a very matter of fact and we know him to be a slightly short-tempered short-tempered but also slightly kind of over thoughtful character sometimes

you know not kind of with it and on the beat so I can imagine it might be something said in an attempt to show how difficult the situation will be when people no longer remember her. I mean, he was wrong about that, completely wrong. He was wrong about lots of things when they were married, wasn't he?

And nor was she a saint. No, but particularly to do with how much she was absolutely adored. So again, I just think there could be another subtext going on, which allows you to then believe both sides. The things did actually happen, but the interpretation of them might be very different. The thing that like you and like so many people, I don't know whether we're all better off knowing what we now think we know.

Are we? No, I see. That's the problem. I don't think we are. We might think we are because we've got an insatiable desire to peer into that family. And I absolutely admit that in me, absolutely without question. But whether it's helped my, aided my understanding of any of the individuals, I would question.

We can't judge anybody's coping mechanisms in the face of adversity. And some people behave in one way and other people might say, well, I wouldn't do that. Well, that's up to you. You don't need to do that. I don't think it's unreasonable. Unreasonable to ask, where is the money from the book going to go? Because he's a wealthy man, Spencer, a very wealthy man. And this book is going to sell by the truckload in America, presumably, and in other parts of the world.

he's going to make a lot of money from this and wouldn't it be good if that was going to a place other than the Spencer coffers? Well, maybe something that his sister Diana really believed in and cared for in her lifetime. Yeah. Now that would be a statement. Yeah, or to the security costs of his nephew.

Yeah, and of course we don't know where he's going to put the money. Perhaps he'll never tell us. Yeah. And it might be given to charity and he might never tell us. We don't know. There was a very good question from Laura Coonsberg, who I thought did an absolutely excellent job during that interview, just about the echoes of history for Harry and Megan.

And I thought his answer to that was actually, you know, one that we should listen to. Whatever you think the provocation being given by those two is for us to have feelings about them. Personally, I just really, really wish, that they'd enjoy their happy life in the sunshine, in California with their beautiful house and their, you know, touchwood, healthy, lovely children.

I think that's a lot for a life. Many people would be very, very happy. Very, very happy with that. I kind of think, don't lose sight of that. Don't lose sight of that. But, you know, the, I think we should take on board just how it must feel to be on the receiving end of quite so much vitriol all the time.

And he did say, you know, Diana wasn't very good at handling criticism. I'm not sure that her sons are very good at handling criticism. I don't know them. So maybe it's unfair of me to say that. But he said it's a cancerous thing to have that amount of vitriol from people you don't know in your life. And social media has made that. Yeah. And he's right about that.

He is right about it. I mean, to be fair, I'm not sure I know anyone who's brilliant. at handling criticism. No. I mean, apart from this. No, it's, oh dear. It's just a, I suppose ultimately it's rather sad all this, isn't it? It's just a bit sad.

Oh, it's so sad, Jane. It's so sad because, you know, terrible things happen all the time. They're happening all the time in the world at the moment. And I think when something like this gets talked about over and over again from a different perspective with a different level of pain displayed, different details. being revealed, it does take away our ability to get into perspective other things that are going on. I mean, you know, you and I have just spent the last 10 minutes on this podcast talking about one family. It is actually crazy, isn't it? It's crazy.

And on our afternoon show, Times Radio 2-244, this afternoon we'll devote more time to it. And lots of people are talking about it and invoting time to it. There's just an unholy war of shit going on elsewhere. In a way, you're right. This also presents an opportunity to enter a kind of cozy company. comfort zone and to think, blimey, they're a dysfunctional lot. Thank goodness my own family is not quite as mad as they are. You're right. And there are so many more important issues. Should we talk about them? Yes, please do. Please do let us know what you think, by the way. And if you're going to read

Charles Spencer's book, do let us know. Have I contradicted myself? It's so unusual. Jane and Fee at times.com. Sue, just listening to your talk of fecal water slides and Colin from accounts. And I thought I'd share a recent message to my daughters. I think you'd enjoy colon from accounts, I told them. My eldest, who isn't a frequent telewatcher, just replied, yes, I might give that a go. On a side note, has anyone been to Exeter Weatherspoons?

The Imperial has an outstanding building, including a ballroom built in 1810, and a huge ornate window that was part of a palm house designed by Brunel, pick attached. What a backdrop to your egg and chips? Sending all best wishes, Sue. Sue, thank you. And what a splendid environment that is,

the Exeter Weatherspoons. If anybody is down that way and fancy's popping in, forget, of course, the coffee, you get lots of top-ups. You just have to pay for the one. Yes, I do have family who work for the organisation of Weatherspoons, but that's neither here or that. I know some people are against the whole environment of Weatherspoons, but other people acknowledge it offers very good value.

Sue, thank you. And one thing that company does do is it buys up all sorts of buildings and makes them live again. and that is not to be dismissed. Yeah. And they're often huge, aren't they? Yowd! Because the spoons can pack it out in a way that other smaller pubs can't.

No. Yeah. But lots of other pubs are out there, we need to say. Yeah, I tell you what. I think we might save this for tomorrow. We've got some fantastic just lists of supermarkets from different parts of the world. And keep them coming, by the way. Very much so.

So this is proper, proper middle-aged porn, isn't it? It really is. about other people's other people's aisles. I was thinking about that yesterday morning when I was liberally spraying my Chatsworth room spray

around my property just thinking, God, I mean people go on about sex, but have they ever actually done this? This is fabulous! Yes. Move on.

I'm sure you can find a YouTube channel. Is there a niche for that? There probably is. Yeah, I would have thought so. We've got an anonymous contributor, Jane. Have we? Whose name you just read out by accident?

Don't worry. We won't include that bit. Oh, I'm sorry. No, but this is a good one. It has to be heard. I'm afraid I'm a couple of weeks behind with the podcast, but I felt I must contribute to the discussion about the division of domestic duties and laundry in particular.

When my ex-husband and I separated, I'm many decades of marriage, it was necessary for complex logistical reasons to continue living in the same house, but obviously in separate bedrooms. When I commenced divorce proceedings, I stopped doing his laundry. While he managed to wash and even iron his own clothes when I moved out, eight months later, he'd never washed his sheets or towels.

That's just an eight month towel. I might still be able to smell that gentleman's sheets if I dry hard. And I'll tell you what, he needs your room spray rather desperately. Well, I mean, eight months. Eight months. How, I mean, that must be so, that must stand up by itself. It must absolutely stink. How is it getting properly dry every day?

And what kind of germs are on it? There's no adjective. I mean, fetid is a good one, but it's not strong enough for that. Because even some delightful students, I would say actually not my sony, he seems to be doing very well with his laundry and good for him. Didn't want to send a man out into the world

who didn't understand the washing machine, Jane. On behalf of women everywhere, thank you. Thank you very much. but even for the students who can't quite manage it a term is only two and a half months now, isn't it? So that would basically be your whole year at university without changing your sheets. Oh, actually, it is that time of year

when people are going off or will already be there at Freshers. What's your top tip for the parent? Gosh, I think just try and imagine how it's going to make your kids feel if they know that you're very worried about them. That would be my tip for keeping. in calm, you know, in the kind of face of a massive, massive change. And I think it seems to be, and you've got, you know, you're much, much further down the line and have experience of this,

it almost seems to be the luck of the draw, whether you've got a kid who absolutely copes or a kid who doesn't. And homesickness is such a weird thing, Jane. I traveled my entire life. I traveled a lot during my childhood because dad lived in a, you know, three years. three time zones away from us. So my sister and I did loads and loads of travelling when we were absolutely tiny. We found ourselves in lots of different places, often on our own. I never ever felt homesick. And I went to try and live in Manhattan when I was 32.

And I got overwhelmed. So at that point, you got homesickness. And it just struck me, and it strikes me now looking back on it, there's almost no rhyme or reason to it. So if you have a child who's homesick, take it seriously, take it seriously. Homelessness is so weird. It affects absolutely everything that you do. It's not something that you just feel when you're going to bed at night.

It affects everything you do. And you've really got to kind of tackle it. My only top tip through experience of feeling that homesick, far away from home, was to find a routine that had things in it that I liked. So I went to the same coffee shop every morning in Midtown Manhattan. So actually, after about two weeks, the people behind the coffee counter did say hello to me. And I went and sat at the same table and I went swimming in the same swimming pool. So I just knew that I had to go and do things that had the comfort of routine in them.

So that's interesting. Even then swimming was a part of your... Yes, yeah, totally. Totally. And it's actually, I find swimming, well, I mean, I absolutely love it physically. But also there's something about changing rooms where you end up chatting to people. I mean, I'm sure lots of other people have hobbies that are enabling to do them to do that. But there's always a comment to be made and a, you know, a conversation to strike up in a changing room. So I feel quite comfortable in that.

So that's the advice that I would pass on to a homesick. I think that's really good. I think the idea of developing a new routine, creating your new comfortable. And something that you like. Yes, you don't have to do anything. You don't have to join that society that you know you're not going to like. Exactly. If you're already feeling ill at ease, it will be very difficult to go and do something new.

Do something old. Just do something old. But what's your experience? Because you've been there and done it. Well, I think it depends on the individual. And so my two children are very different. I have one self-contained girl who would go off into the world and indeed did. and didn't tell me how she was finding it quite tough.

And I've got another one who never misses an opportunity to tell me exactly how she's feeling. So the second one had a tougher time when she went to uni. But that might partly be, it was post-COVID in her case and she'd really enjoyed lockdown at home because we were very fortunate in that period of our lives. And it genuinely was rather comfortable and cozy and we had a laugh.

I mean, I appreciate that that so isn't the experience of millions of people the world over. So I apologize if that. That's deeply offensive. But then she went to uni and she found it really full on. And that you've got to be in the mix. You've got to be making friends. You've got to.

Well, she just really struggled with it. Until she didn't struggle. And then she had the best two years of her life, the latter two years. So made friends that are still in her life and I think always will be. I hope they are. Yeah. So it's, oh gosh, it's just very difficult. You've got to allow them.

Perhaps you've even got to let them. find it a bit uncomfortable and a bit challenging because it is. It was hard for us to go to university, wasn't it? Yes. Although I think I'd been living on my own for a year before I went to university. So actually, when I went to university, I felt I was going back into something. I found it rather lovely and easy, you know, because there was a cafeteria downstairs. And, you know, there was a laundry room downstairs and all that kind of stuff.

So mine was the wrong way around So it's almost irrelevant But I do think I think for many many many students It will pass and it does pass But I wouldn't not take it seriously Because I do take it seriously Yeah and I think although it's probably very tempting

To say it's a universal experience You know it'll get better You'll be fine by next Wednesday A there's always a possibility that they're not and be, you know, so they're feeling something. They're feeling something. And it's real. Yeah.

So I would definitely not dismiss it. No, never dismiss it. You do just need one body, don't you? You need one person who can be someone who maybe won't be in your university life for the whole three or four years, but just someone to see you through the first couple of weeks even. I'm not talking about a necessarily romantic attachment, although that might help. but just somebody. Oh gosh, Jane.

And just somebody to walk into a room with. Exactly, just that person. You know, even if you just walk in with them and then you don't talk to them for the rest of the evening. It could be someone on your corridor, someone from your hometown, someone from the course that you meet at an introductory event of some sort. That's, you know, just reach out to someone

and acknowledge your own suffering. Do not grind it out on your tod thinking this is how it's meant to be. It really isn't. Yeah. And do seek. help if because there is so much more help out there. Oh my goodness. And I mean the the pastoral care on campuses. Yeah. You know that the people who are dealing that out my God they've seen it before. So you know they they would have much better advice than this. I do think it's a shame you can't

take your pets to university, Jane. Don't laugh for me for saying that. But you know, pets just enable conversations to happen. They keep people happy and safe and comforted. It does depend on the pet, doesn't it? I couldn't have. taken Dora. She'd have attacked other students, you know. I'm not sure it really would have helped. What kind of a pet would you take? Well, I would love to have sent both of my kids off to university with one of our cats, maybe Brian. But they make people, you know, decent, lovely animals make people feel happier. And they always start conversations and they're a source of enormous comfort. And I think more university halls should have pets.

Oh, actually, my daughter's University Hall did have a cat. Really? Yeah. And there you go. And I bet the cat was probably petted within an inch of its life. Absolutely it was. Yeah. I think it might have passed away. Did I tell you that the snake in the street has turned up? Well, you did mention it.

It's definitely worth hearing about again. Where is it gone? Well, the snake disappeared and it... So it was reported missing? Well, I don't think it was reported missing on the street. WhatsApp group, but a snake was seen in a house three doors down a couple of months ago, at which point the street WhatsApp group fired up with people rather worried about a snake infestation. It does take a lot to fire up your street WhatsApp group.

Oh my goodness, it's on constant alert. There are people just poised at any moment to join in the conversation. The long and the shorter is Houdini, the snake, has been living entirely. independently for I think at least nine months and it's made its way across several houses nobody really knows how and turned up in somebody else's flat it's it's now been tupperware and taken back and it's doing very well it had grown a lot in that time well so it's probably can manage on its own yes it's eaten a lot of mice a lot of other bits and pieces have you ever seen a snake eating a mouse no have you have you I have yes

Can you do an impression? I have a friend whose son went through a snake phase and got a pet snake. I think its name was Sid. Could be wrong. I don't get the pet thing. And one day I went round with my youngest daughter, actually, we've been invited around to see Sid having his feed.

And if you have a pet snake, you have to buy frozen dead mice. It's horrible fee, to be honest. Frozen dead mice from a pet shop, I think. They do sell them routinely. It could be wrong there. And so we we stood there engrossed as Sid opened wide And the frozen mouse entered his capacious And then just cavity went down him

And very slowly made the journey down with all the muscles doing all the work And then at what point does it does the mouse start to change shape Because it's being digested Surprisingly it takes a while I mean other listeners with more recent experience of snakes eating mice will be able to tell us more. I don't think that there's any other way to feed a pet snake than by getting those frozen dead mice.

Okay. So Houdini's... I don't think there are any veggie Houdini's out there. No, Houdini's done well because obviously nobody was presenting him. That's what I mean. Yes. It suggests to me that Houdini doesn't need to be a pet. No, I know.

But people seem to get quite a lot out of keeping reptile. I don't get it myself. We had to stop, we had leopard geckos for a while and actually after they passed away, I didn't feel like replacing them because we had to feed them live. I had to go to the pet shop and buy live insects and bits and bobs for them.

And I'd actually, it's so hypocritical because I'm not a vegetarian, but I just couldn't do it actually. And also I just got to the point, I just thought, it's just not interesting enough. I couldn't feel the character. and as you know I like to anthropomorphise

to with an inch of their lives all of the pets so beautifully displayed around here look at this yep so they didn't really work for me can we just do some funny names and then we probably ought to stop

yeah because I'm just looking at the time let's not pretend we don't have oh it's nearly 12 o'clock oh my god okay so look the spirit of Terry Wogan lives on yeah he used to do all of these kind of things didn't he and off we go Joanne, there is a road in Upton-on-7 called Minge Lane.

I've been to Upton. In fact, Upton is a very special place for you because it is the location of my first ever live broadcast on the BBC. Is there a plaque? There should be a plaque. I was sent to a Healthy Heart Road Show and it had parked up this porter-cabin thing, camper van.

Well, you know, those let's reach the general public with a positive health message roadshow type affairs. Yes. Healthy Heart Roadshow was in Upton and it would have been in the February of, I can remember the day of February of 1989, anyway, there I was. So Upton is a very special place indeed.

Did you see Minge Lane? No, I didn't see Minge Lane and I'm not sure it does actually exist. Okay, well, Joanne, we might need some specific evidence. This one comes in from Caroline, who's just over the border in Suffolk, thought that this map extract from boxed Essex would make you cross your legs and scream. Now, this is burnt Dick Hill.

I think we can only end with... This is my favourite action. It's not even rude. It's just fantastically funny. Megan says my sister lives on Cavalier Approach. It's wonderful. In Leeds. Now, let's have more of those.

Less of the smart. More of that sort of thing, please. Yes. Few, we've covered some ground. We certainly have. Room sprays. Aristocrats at work. War. Home sickness and students. Home sickness. I mean, we've done it all, Jane. You don't get this

anywhere else. No. Because nobody else would do it because they've got more sense than us. We have got to choose another book for book club. So if you could keep your suggestions coming in, that would be fantastic. We haven't really alighted on a different genre. We might not do that this time round. We will just go for a book that somebody recommends that sounds absolutely awesome. And we also need to get thinking about a new playlist. I wonder, Jane, if we didn't need a kind of, you know, something along the lines of a higher tog rating for autumn playlist. You know, kind of songs that you can slightly... On the borderline, on the customer putting the heating on, is that way?

Yes, that type of thing. Although it's hot again in London this week. Yeah, it's just ignore that and I hope it goes away. I saw a woman at the weekend wearing a woolly scarf. I think some people are just refusing to acknowledge. Oh, I'm doing that. I'm literally going at September, so I need to put a jumper on. It's 24 degrees.

Absolutely mad. Just Jane. Well, you put your heating on last Friday, right? Only for half an hour because I had some nervy middle-aged women in situ. Okay, but they're usually the hot ones. Yeah, my friends, they're all on medication and one sort of another. Okay, I'm so sorry to hear that. Sorry, I don't mean that.

We will think of a suitable tog rating title, but I think, should we do that? Yeah, let's do that. Snuggle down for September. Snuggle down, that's it. Snuggle down for September. That is the name of the playlist. Right. So ideas welcome.

And very much so you need to get those in quick because, you know, Rosie made it very, very clear that she's far too busy to put more than 12 tracks up on Spotify. And she is because she's spotting those dead celebrities in car parks across the country. Yeah. You know, you know. She's been well and truly out there. Right. Okay.

We'll see you tomorrow. It's Jane and Fee at times dot radio. Goodbye. Bye. Congratulations. You've staggered somehow to the end of another off air with Jane and Fee. Thank you. If you'd like to hear us do this live and we do it,

live every day, Monday to Thursday, two till four on Times Radio. The jeopardy is off the scale. And if you listen to this, you'll understand exactly why that's the case. So you can get the radio online, on DAB, or on the free Times Radio app. Offair is produced by Eve Salisbury, and the executive producer is Rosie Cutler.