Off Air... with Jane and Fi - Pithy with a twinkle - with Mel Giedroyc

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

The pair take a glimpse down memory lane and reminisce over maypole dancing, and look to the future as they decide what they'd spend their lottery winnings on. Jane and Fi are joined by comedian, actress and television presenter Mel Giedroyc to discuss her new podcast series for Tortoise - Mel's Electric Adventure. If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] Assistant Producer: Kate Lee Times Radio Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

okay hmm are we ready to go with the podcast yeah this is wednesday's podcast in case you're a little bit befuddled and you're not certain where you're up to it's wednesday march the 20th i'm feeling i'm feeling it the 29th okay the messages come through from the other side. You sound like you're kind of dating some kind of a time capsule. Maybe we've been dispatched into space and you're recording it as the log. No, I'm just getting messages. Since Mystic Meg passed away, I like to think I've occupied that space. Please don't, because you've been wrong about every single

thing you've predicted. Here's my prediction for Eurovision. Oh, actually, no, give us a prediction for Eurovision. Well, I think the UK might win. I don't. Right, there we are. Well, let's see who's right. Mystic Meg or Naughty Fiona when

it all rolls round on... It's May the 13th isn't it I'm so lost on May because it's got some huge events in it Jane It is the week after the coronation so it's the 13th because the coronation is the 6th So that's etched in your brain isn't it I'm just going to have a one woman street party

for an entire week There are three bank holiday Mondays aren't there in May It's funny it's like a hangover from childhood but I cannot abide a bank holiday Mondays, aren't there, in May? Yes. It's funny. It's like a hangover from childhood, but I cannot abide a bank holiday. I'm with you. Can you remember when we were growing up and everything was just shut?

Nobody understands. The youth of today do not know how lucky they are that they can just waltz out of the house on a Sunday and go to the shops. People don't appreciate it, do they? No, they don't. And if you lived in rural land... Yes, what did you do? Well, I mean, you just had a whole

day, which you had to fill. I mean, you'd actually done your homework by the Sunday night and, I mean, sometimes you'll laugh at this, but on the Maybank holiday there was, because I think back in the day there was only one, we did have May Day celebrations

and I have danced around a maypole. Have you? Yes. A maypole is an ancient fertility symbol, isn't it? Well, I don't think that's what I realised when I was six. No, I'm not suggesting for one minute that you were heralding the start of some sort of rotting season. No. But that was very much what the maypole was about.

So I suppose there was a village fate for that. But otherwise, even Scats was closed, Jane. Even what? Scats. What was Scats? Scats was a grain manufacturer and dispenser. Really? We used to go and get grain for the animals.

I'm sounding like I grew up on a farm, but we just had quite a lot of pets. Right. And sometimes we used to go to Scats as our weekend treat to get grain. I mean, it's a glimpse down, down memory lane. Well, I'm just trying to compete with,

we had a Scouser incident today, didn't we? Well, only because Paul O'Grady has very sadly died. Yes. And so that does mean that it gives us a chance to revisit the ancient question, why are Scousers funnier than everybody else? And it's a hard one to answer. But there have been some legends who've come from that part of the world, comic and otherwise, it has to be said.

I wonder whether there might be a little memorial to him at Lyme Street Station, because at the moment we've got Bessie Braddock, the legendary Liverpool councillor, I'm going to say. I think Bessie was a formidable Labour politician back in the heyday of Liverpool City Council. Anyway, there's a very interesting statue of her as you get off the train at Lyme Street, and also one of Mr K Dodd with his tickling stick.

Yeah. So do you remember? Were you eyeing up the empty plinth? There isn't an empty plinth. But it will always be funny that Ken Dodd's tax case was heard in Liverpool. And he was unexpectedly ho-ho. Vanocchi! case was heard in Liverpool and he was unexpectedly ho ho. That's all I'm saying. Questions were asked afterwards that perhaps they might have done better to move it to a different location. But there we go. I'm not casting aspersions on the jury or suggesting for one minute that

Mr Dodd was in fact not not guilty. I'm just putting it out there. I don't say anything where HMRC is concerned. I literally say nothing, Jane. Silence. You're very wise. Can we just do a happy story about cats? It's from Heather, who describes herself as a dedicated Scottish listener. It's interesting. We get emails from all over the world. But Heather, I don't think we get that many from Scotland. So could you spread the word, please?

Can you contact anybody in Scotland? You're Scottish, aren't you? We do have listeners in Scotland, they're just not emailing the show. Oh, well, come on. Do better. And particularly from the East Coast. I don't want to start a war with Scotland soon enough with those, but I always think because my mum's family are from the East Coast of Scotland,

it never gets as much attention as the West Coast and it's beautiful, Jane. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So just wants a bit more TLC. Yes. Anyway, Heather was interested in the conversation we had a couple of weeks ago now with Stella O'Malley about how to communicate with teenagers. And she says, my 15 year old is one of the generation of kids who've taken the brunt of the pandemic isolation, having spent the majority of her early years of high school alone in her bedroom rather than building friendships. We have had many episodes of tears and panic attacks and anger flare-ups and slamming doors. Heather, you're not

alone. I mean, there are so many of us who've been through these episodes and I do feel for you because it's not easy. I realised listening to Stella's story about her mum and the chocolate bar, this is the chocolate bar. This is the chocolate bar that Stella's mum simply threw at her and then shut the door. This is when she was a teenager and just being obnoxious. Heather says, I apply a very similar approach. In our household, the chocolate bar is replaced by our cat, Thea or Taya. I've learnt the best way for my youngest to calm down and reconnect with us all after an outburst

is simply to open the bedroom door and throw in the cat shortly afterwards she will reappear downstairs holding the cat and interacting by telling us a story involving the cat um yeah the cats you can just deploy a cat and they will diffuse these situations they are brilliant at doing things like that i completely agree yeah i went into my student daughter's bedroom this morning and she was asleep on one pillow in her bed and asleep on the other was Dora with her head on the pillow. I mean, who does she think she is? By the way, it was 10.30 and there'd been no movement from either of them.

It's just pathetic. How long do these Easter holidays go on for? Any idea? Seven or eight weeks if you're a student. Quite a long time. Yeah, exactly. How long do these Easter holidays go on for? Any idea? Seven or eight weeks if you're a student. Quite a long time. Yeah, exactly. And I would say as well, deploying kittens in a house of teenagers is a very welcome thing to do.

Because I don't think you can be anything other than your real self with animals. And actually, that's what Paul O'Grady did so brilliantly in his third age third age I suppose it was by the time he started doing all his dog programs he was actually really properly himself wasn't he because quite a lot of Paul O'Grady was Paul O'Grady being professional Paul O'Grady so you know the humor Lily Savage all of that he deployed to enormous effect and success but in the dog programs he was a lovely man who genuinely loved animals and that's why it was such a pleasure to watch yeah but he had a lot of animals at home yes yeah and you can't you just can't be anything other than you when you're alone with your pets what would be the point you can't show off to a cat or a dog no they just

don't care especially cats uh this one comes from Sasha, who says, this is on the subject, that's still going strong, actually, about things that we'd like to see on television. And this has got Sasha thinking, it's not a plot for a TV show. It's one for a film. It has practically written itself. In 2021, just before Christmas, the ladies from a gym just around the corner from me here in Perth, Australia, were out for their Christmas party when one of their husbands rang. Their syndicate had won the lottery, $80 million to be shared between all 55 of them,

ranging in ages from 18 to 84. They all walked away with $1.5 million. Most of the women were over 50 and had a lot of stories to tell of how their lives had been pretty cruel to them. Errant husbands, cancer diagnoses, partners passing away, domestic violence. Some had walked a really difficult path and come out the other side and were now rewarded with this windfall. Imagine, $80 million didn't just go to one person,

instead to 55 ordinary women. Everyone in the town knew someone who had won and the happiness radiating was just amazing. I love this story so much I can see it being turned into a full Monty type film. I've even got the cast in mind, just need to win the lottery to get it made. Love the show, you keep me company whilst I do the laundry, cooking and shopping, thank you. Well no, thank you for listening, Sasha. That's such a nice story, isn't it? And also, I think that is the perfect amount of money to win.

Isn't that interesting? I think that's great. So it was over a million. It was 1.5 million. Yeah, which back in the day, I mean, you know, in the 70s and 80s, that would change your life probably not in a good way. But sadly now. Now, unfortunately, it might buy you a house on the outer reaches of london

yes is that about the only i mean it's a stupid example for me to pick but it would wouldn't it just about uh or a small flat further in i mean this is ludicrous this is isn't it crazy yeah um but you're right it wouldn't forever change your life but it would make it significantly easier and you could have fun with your mates and also I just love that fact that you wouldn't be alone in winning the money. So you would have so many other people to share the experience with because so many people who win those huge sums of money, it changes their life in such a miserable way because it puts such a huge gap between them and their family, the people they work with if they choose to stay working, their kids. It does tend to end

in some pretty horrible stuff. I wonder whether they should cap prize money. Oh, I think they should. And also, you would just make so many more people happy. You know when something comes up on EuroMillions and it's like 174 million? And you just think, well, why not make 174 people

happy this weekend as opposed to one person who can't possibly spend that in their lifetime it's horrible isn't it not even you with your chili nuts what's the first thing you're buying with a lottery win you haven't been listening because i've gone off chili nuts i'm into barbecue nuts i'm so sorry and i just want to say to marx and spencer that barbecue nuts they have this this amazing dust that encases the nut. And it doesn't really taste of barbecue. It just tastes of paradise. It really, really does.

But they're not available in every branch of M&S. What would you buy with your lottery win money? I just want to make other people happy. No, be serious. what would you buy the thing is when i mean i'm a very fortunate individual also to be fair to me and i'm trying to be not wildly materialistic so i've always thought you know when i thought i reached peak contentment in terms of my you know like i say i am very lucky in my earning capacity when i realized if i wanted a book, I never had to wait for the paperback again.

Yeah, that's a good test. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So if I see something, I think, oh, I'd really like to read that. Oh, it's only in hardback. I will now get it. And that, to me, I'm not really interested in any other. I don't really need any more money. Interesting.

But if you want to, give me a rise. If anyone is listening then obviously that's totally different okay next time we have a conversation about money okay now paul morgan bentley was a guest was it on monday now or tuesday we are still getting emails from people who've heard monday thank you kate lee yeah they've caught up with that episode of off air and they just want to chip in with their own experience of having a baby in hospital. Lindsay says, I've got three children, all simple, straightforward births with no trauma. After having my first daughter, I was taken on to a ward about an hour later and my husband was sent home.

I've never felt more lonely in my whole life. I can totally relate to that. It was absolutely terrifying, she says. I was keen to breastfeed, but there was one midwife covering two wards, so I was told to keep trying. I also fell asleep at one point and was woken by the midwife shaking me, holding my daughter, who was crying, and asking me if I was ignoring her crying because I couldn't possibly not have heard her because the whole ward was now awake. Ford was now awake. I felt a complete failure. Thankfully, my next two births were wholly positive experiences and my husband was able to stay as long as we wanted. But I can still remember the feeling of sheer panic and being wheeled backwards along a corridor, watching my husband standing waving as he wasn't allowed any further. Oh, Lindsay, I feel for you. Anyway, she says on a more positive note, I love the new theme tune. There we go. Thank you for that.

That's very good. Thank God somebody does. Actually, not very many people have complained. No, nobody's complained about the new one. Now, Catherine, you sent us a really fantastically long email and we will return to it, I'm sure, in future episodes of Off Air. But I just wanted to note the fact that Silas Marner has already been dramatised by the BBC. Thank you for informing me of this. 1985 with Ben Kingsley. And Catherine says, we watched it as part of our O-Level English Lit revision in 1987,

the last year of O-Levels. What year of the last year of O-Levels? 1987. Right, yes. That's a thing, isn't it? I still call them O-Levels? 1987. Right, yes. That's a thing, isn't it? I still call them O-Levels. My kids just correct me all the time. But you shouldn't put them on your CV, should you?

Because it dates you. OK, I'll note that. Because you'll be applying for a job soon. That's a horrible thing to say. I don't mean it. Or can I just mention Andrew, just going back to the subject of babies in hospital. Andrew, thank you for your very thoughtful and lovely email

about what you and your wife went through. And Andrew's basically just saying that there wasn't anywhere for him to be. He had to stand around, sit around, balancing on a tiny stool. And then in the end, he had to go home. The hospital said he had to go home. His wife was left to it. And when she asked for help from the night staff, she was told to pull herself together and

so the next morning my wife was in tears when I came back and it dawned on me that I'd fallen into a trap of neglecting my family from day zero no Andrew you didn't neglect your family don't you you can we'll give you a pass on that you had to go home um I absolutely get it um and we don't want to suggest that every um midwife or nurse in a maternity hospital is capable of being unpleasant, although it also should be acknowledged that sometimes they can be a little terse. I think that's OK to say, isn't it? I think it's really fair to say. And all birth experiences are based on personal anecdotes, really. are based on personal anecdotes, really. Yeah, totally, yeah.

And I think in a room full of parents, if you say, what experience did you have? I'd say probably eight out of ten people will say at some stage something a bit untoward, unforeseen or unpleasant came in their direction. I don't know anybody who's had a completely, utterly joyful, plain sailing experience. And I understand as a midwife, you know, you've got so much pressure and stress on you.

You're not the most respected person in that kind of obstetrics and gynecology procedure. It's a very complicated world. Yes. Yeah. There are lots of levels going on there, aren't there? So I fully understand it's a really difficult job to do and also you don't have to be uh gloriously giving and benign because you are doing a job and you need to be professional about that but can you hear the enormous but yes i had a couple of experiences that were chilling actually change you oh gosh yeah and I think when it's your first baby you've got nothing to compare it to you're quite vulnerable and I just remember being barked at

quite a lot not quite understanding I felt something I felt a couple of things were my fault and actually now I'm older and wiser I think no they just weren't actually yeah it's it's difficult I really I don't want to be in any way offensive about the position. No, neither do I. Because there are some thoroughly decent people who work there. But I've also, I totally get what you mean. Right, our guest today, Mel Gedroitsch, it was funny because the interview started,

we were already having a conversation with her about weeing in the street. How did we get to that? I don't know, but't never happened when i was on news night oh i haven't been on news night oh haven't you no not yet okay well that's great fun uh you've got something on your jumper i'm a bit distracted by it you've dribbled something down the front of it are you going somewhere tonight because you might have to wash it off. Can you see? You've got blobs. Could I be lactating? Do you think just by having a conversation about birth...

It's happening. Oh, my nipples. Sorry, what were we talking about? Introduce the guest. Within four minutes of being in the studio, Mel had revealed that she thought that it was legitimate and in the highway code that if you need a wee,

you're allowed to wee on the back left tyre of your car. Yeah. Mel Gedroych, she's quite a woman. She's a real pleasure to meet, actually. She's one of those people, if you see her on television or you hear her stuff,

you think, oh, I bet she's nice. She's that rare thing. She is nice. And she's positive. And she's one of those people who makes the atmosphere in the room a little bit better and she seems to be lovely to everybody. Yes, I totally agree. She's got good energy. So she is the first female commentator

for the British coverage of Eurovision, which is coming your way, of course, on May 13th. But much more than that, much more importantly, she's also the host of a new podcast on Tortoise, which is all about electric vehicles. It's called Mel's Electric Adventure. She drives a different electric car every week. But as I've already mentioned, when we join the conversation,

we're talking about weeing. Big question coming up, ladies and gentlemen. There's no laughing matter, we should say. Stand by your radios because somebody will know the definitive answer to this we didn't i need answers yeah i'm sure the police might be able to tell us because i think it's a police law okay okay well that's an area we will go to i promise you between now and four o'clock did you just snort that was mel by the way not either Glover or Garvey.

Because we're a little bit more professional. Now, you're a massive petrol head, it says here, Mel. I mean... Well, you're not petrol, you're an electric head, because you have launched a podcast on Tortoise about the appeal of the electric vehicles. It's called Mel's Electric Adventure. And we are going to shoehorn in a little question

about this before we get on to everything else. But first of all, we're going to enjoy an extract from the podcast, which it says here in the script is steered by the knowledge of journalist and electric car enthusiast Giles Rittel, whose patience Mel often tests. In the spirit of Caesar's last breath, can I nerd out for one minute on regenerative braking? Please. Think about all the hills that petrol-powered cars have ever climbed, right? Right. All the energy used to get those big hunks of metal up the hills is lost forever.

You never get it back. up the hills is lost forever you never get it back but with evs with regenerative braking you get a lot of it back as you should if you think about it a ton and a half two tons of steel and motors rolling downhill you should be able to harness a lot of that energy instead of just wasting it all in hot brake pads and and the squeaking sound of do you see what i'm saying you're still awake alvin yes no no no is this gcse physics i don't think i'm i look i'm i'm i'm no i'm being mean come on i'm interested i am i genuinely am i love you you had me at hot brake pads before it was white noise i'm not gonna lie but hot brake pads okay i'm in yeah are you really in mel because

i listened to an episode and i wasn't entirely sure whether you were in um are you quite seriously have you driven evs never driven any have you driven one thing i drove one of the really really early ones you know the one that basically looked like a little pram the two-seater one it's one of the most terrifying things ever i took it for a test drive around london and just thought you must be blimmin joking no i'm not doing this but i haven't driven one of the new fangle ones all right to be honest when i was asked to do this i did slightly think i'm heavily invested now though are you i mean not literally i'm not being sponsored by i don't know somebody to drive one around town but they are really really good and fun okay in what sense are they

good and fun they're good in that you feel a bit smug and you feel smug anyway to be honest they're only going to make you feel smugger j Jane. Oh, don't do that to the world. Okay. Okay. And you do feel, you know, like you're doing, you're doing your bit for the planet. And I like that. I do. And what was the other thing you asked? Oh, never mind. There's another bit where you're driving a Tesla or you were in the episode I listened to. Yeah. And I didn't like it. No, I couldn't really believe that it's actually programmed. You can program it to make a fart noise when you indicate. I know. Now, OK, let's analyse that in the cold light of day in the studio. It sounds awful, doesn't it?

If you read that on the spec of the car, you'd be, well, I'm not going to buy that. When you're in the car and operating the indicator, it's hilarious. Jane, your face says it all. Well, it wouldn't be consistently hilarious. It is. It is, Jane. I laughed till I was blue. It was really funny and it kept me going. It still wouldn't make me buy the car, though.

Yeah, because it was incredibly expensive. I mean, they are all a bit on the pricey side. Some we tested in further episodes which are down at the cheaper end of the scale and actually i love those the most the big ones like i drove a massive audi i felt like a bit of a twit i could see people you know the the face that people pull when they think you're an idiot the tongue goes into the lower yeah the belm it's a very british reaction isn't it i saw a few of those and that did that was not pleasing but that was the episode that i listened to and i was quite

taken and i completely believed you actually mel when you said that when you'd finished doing your drive uh you got out of the car and felt you'd had a really different experience to the one that you usually have driving a petrol car which is a bit frazzled and fed up yeah although i do like my bangers i i've always made a point of buying bangers they're very very cheap i've never spent more than 1600 pounds i don't think on a car i know it's still a lot of money but when you think that how much cars cost but now i'm a bit of a convert so much so that all being well there will be more episodes and we will be driving more evs can't wait yeah i can probably wait a bit no jane i can see the excitement in your face and in your voice let's move on to the continents question i'll throw over

to my colleague for this one so before we came on air we were just having a little chat and we got to talking about continents very quickly and that can often happen uh in the studio uh so no let's not giggle about it because it's such a serious point and we were just comparing the difficulties that uh that we often have when we're on a long car journey you get to the end of it and you think i'm actually going to make it into my house before i need to have a wee or into the service station or whatever and you revealed that you think what? I think there's a law that says as a car owner, you're allowed to wee against the back left wheel.

So can I just say that's a terribly sexist law, if that's true, because that's really aimed at men aiming at a wheel, isn't it? I disagree because you're hidden because you're curbside yes well unless there's somebody in the house of course or walking past or slightly walking past but let's let's not let's not delve into the detail right away somebody will know and they can tell us you've got slight coverage haven't you if you're on the back left wheel unless of course somebody in the house opens their window slash curtains in which case you which case you're totally on display. Yes, Fi, I'm now agreeing with you.

It is a bit sexist. Well, we also need somebody out there with better knowledge of the highway code who can tell us whether or not this is actually a thing. Does that mean, and I'm not asking you and I'm not asking Jane, I'm asking our listeners. Does that mean that you are allowed to pull onto a hard shoulder and have a wee on your back left wheel uh maybe that's right oh maybe you have to be pregnant is it one of those is it one of those things like you're allowed to pee in a in a policeman's helmet if you're pregnant if you're pregnant and you get free prescriptions and dental care that's true yes what i might even have another one you know hearing about that mel okay so look we put that out there let's not let's not spend too much time

interested in hearing from who i am you may have a view eight seven triple two or you can might be better for email let's be honest might be better for the podcast at jane and fee at times dot radio can we just go immediately to eurovision because i'm pulsated with excitement about this event and your role has been somewhat mired in mystery, but you are very definitely involved. And you are commentating when Graham Norton is on stage at the arena. Is that correct? Yeah.

Just talk about the dynamic. So he's going to be on stage with Hannah Waddingham, Alicia Dixon and Yulia Sanina, who's amazing. She's the lead singer in this big Ukrainian band, Hard Kiss. Graham will be with them. They'll be doing the live on stage presentation. When Graham's on stage, I will be manning, womaning the commentary box. And that means you have the important role of being Irish and a Serbic, because that's what the British commentator does. And historically male.

I'm the first woman in that ruddy commentary box. I can't believe it. They just challenged us on that because they wanted to mark Katie Boyle's importance in Eurovision. She was on stage. But she wasn't a commentator, as Jane said. Yeah, she was on stage. So do you get nervous for things like that?

Wasn't a commentator, as Jane said. Yeah, she was on stage. So do you get nervous for things like that? There's something really nice about not having to get completely frocked up for an event. Do you know that thing? Not having to put the slap on, not putting the frock on. Listen, even in the commentary box, I'm going to make a bit of an effort. I'm not going to be in the tracky bums and sliders. I will make an effort.

I will be wearing some sort of an outfit but that is relaxing in itself it's dark i've done commentary on the semi-finals before i did it three years running oh so you're an expert listen i wouldn't say the word expert but it is really really good fun and the the vibe have you ever been i haven't ever been i always watch it it's it's it's extraordinary when you're actually there and you've been there for haven't ever been. I always watch it. It's extraordinary. When you're actually there and you've been there for the build-up, you're there, you're backstage, you're kind of weavelling around, trying to get the gossip.

You go slightly undercover for a couple of days. That's what I did. Try and chat to all the delegations. The gossip is unbelievable. The vibes are beyond. It is so much fun. And how much has your tone changed between the first time that you did it three years ago

and the last time you did it? Because I think our attitude to Eurovision has been changed completely by Sam Ryder. I agree with you. And I think because we're hosting, you can't go in all snarky snarky, and I won't. I'm going to be buzzing. I want to give information i want to be

pithy with a twinkle pithy with a twinkle i should have aimed for that earlier on in my career um but i just went pithy and um it all went pear-shaped can we talk about your have you ditched sue perkins have you managed to um it's just because you're like Fee and I only successful stop it you two are ruddy legends I'm not having any of that thank you move on you are still mates

aren't you which is really nice totes mates and we do sit and talk for about five minutes about right are we going to do some work together

and then we move on to more interesting things like gossip and laughing at old anecdotes from late lunch which are about 30 years old. I do wish you'd stayed doing Late Lunch for longer.

So do I. So do I now with hindsight. We thought we've done two years. Let's do something else. Not a lot came on for quite a while. No, but that was properly, it was a groundbreaking and brilliantly, in the nicest possible way,

shambolic show where you sort of slightly took the out of television, didn't you, which was good. And it felt, it felt it was so funny i mean i think our first contract was for two weeks right because we were so unknown i mean yeah we'd done it in re festival a few times and fee you'd been incredibly kind and had us on your uh then show i've always bigged you up you were so kind but it was people like you that kept us going going for those years prior to actually earning any money so thank you for that um so it felt very much as if we'd been given the keys to we were sort of kids and we'd been given

the keys to the studio and we were all in it kind of going oh i can't believe we got in it was it was that kind of vibe and i think i believe we got in it was it was that kind of vibe and i think i think tv was just different in those days i mean you would never give an unknown pairing double act not two women to not two women five live hours a week on channel four or any channel i don't think no it was just different times genuinely it was so it was it was it was brilliant. And did your partnership with Sue protect you to a degree from the slings and arrows of showbiz? All the time.

It protected us against the not-so-nice guests. And there were few and far between, but you would occasionally in that two years have somebody that came on and you were like... slightly. But we always had each other's back and we could always laugh at the stuff that went wrong and we could always laugh at sort of um some slightly overblown goings-on behind the scenes would you still be able to walk

into a commissioner's office and say this is what i I like, this is what I'm interested in, this is what I'd like to make a TV series about, and actually last the meeting. And I ask this because this is what we've been talking about on our podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because Tony Robinson just said, and what a lovely guy, this isn't a story against Tony Robinson, but he was saying, we asked him what he was doing next,

and he said, well, I really like big machines. So I went to see a commissioning editor, and I and i said you know i really enjoy looking at machinery can i do a whole series about really big machines and the commissioner says yeah so tony's big machines is coming your way on whichever channel it is in six months time and jade and i just thought you know i wouldn't put myself in the same league as tony robinson at all but but I'm not sure that I think there might be a bit of a gender thing going on there. I'm not sure how many women can walk into commissioning editors offices and say, this is what I like.

Yeah. I've never had the chutzpah to do that. What would it be if you did, though? It would involve it would probably involve musical theatre. It might involve lithuania in some way and it might involve no i'm just busking i don't actually know this is the thing like tony

robinson you've got to have some ruddy ideas in the back pocket but i never have ideas in the back pocket the lithuanian thing would be because your cultural heritage lies i just threw that in i just threw that in i felt for the moment that i was in a commissioner's office and you were asking me for an idea i'm sorry and i didn't have an idea now i'm trying to remember a company i saw you in steven yes now that was um just that was a rather how would you describe company because it's not a it's a strange one isn't it it's a bit of a curio of a musical that was on about four or five years ago pre-pandemic pre-pandemic exactly um it's a it's not a it's a strange one isn't it it's a bit of a curio of a musical about about four or five years ago pre-pandemic pre-pandemic exactly um it's a it's a brilliant musical it's great fun to do and be in um i think people he's so clever isn't he sometimes he's

almost too clever for his for his own good sometimes do you know what i mean it's very it's it's it's clever i think um but it was great fun to be in is that the anecdote that's the anecdote listen did you not know before you booked me i have no showbiz anecdotes i have no showbiz anecdotes i'm always hoping no i've got none but are you saving them for an incredibly dynamic and slightly... The book will come, won't it? A mean book. A mean book. When I know I'm on the way out, there'll be an absolute...

I'll just let rip and all the stuff will just come like a sewage outfall. Well, that's a title. That's certainly one to look forward to. Thinking about those male-dominated panel shows, which I don't watch them, to be honest, but God knows what it must be like to have appeared on them. Sometimes horrendous. Did you do a lot of them?

I did a few back in the 90s. So sort of at the time of Light Lunch, Sue and I started to be asked to sort of appear on those kind of things. Look, I'm not going to diss the whole thing. You know, sometimes you'd have a great time but occasionally um it would be kind of bleak i do remember coming home one time and just saying to my husband i'm never ever ever ever performing ever again that's it i'm not doing ever again what do you remember what had happened to make you think these dark thoughts i remember us having an inordinately great laugh during the rehearsal and then as soon as the

cameras were on it was like open season and i was just trying to just just trying to get in there and not having the confidence and i'm annoyed at myself because now, now I'm 54 years old, I literally wouldn't give, you know... Two Wotsits. Two ruddy Wotsits. And I would just go in with a big voice and just go, no, no, no, listen to me. But then, when you're in your late 20s, you're still a bit... I think it's changed now, though.

I think there are more women on panel shows. There are more women hosting panel shows. And I think the whole atmosphere and culture is a lot better than it was i would say most definitely i think it's the format as well though isn't it it's just that kind of uh spin me around faster and faster hey look at me and and there's always going to be someone who's spinning at a slightly lower speed yeah if you've got four people doing that because sometimes i watch would i lie you? And I think they've got a very good balance, actually, of boys and girls. Yeah, I agree. On that programme now. But you can't all be going at the same kind of pace, can you?

There's always one you think, oh, that's a bit of a weak booking. Yes. And it's not. Of course it's not. Yeah. It's just that's the nature of conversation. You can't all be shouting at once. I think I do think, though, the older you get and the more sort of comfortable you feel't all should be shouting at once i think i do think though the older you get and the more sort of comfortable you feel in your own skin or maybe it's about just caring less in general i think it might be caring less i think it might be caring less so eurovision is the week after the coronation certainly is may the 30th yeah we've been we don't know which one we're more excited about well we do you're more excited about, do we? Well, we do. You're more excited about The Coronation and I'm more excited about Eurovision.

I can't wait. Do you have a commentary role there as well? I wish. Could double up. I wish I did. I'm obsessed with royal events on TV. I take it very, very, very, very, very seriously. Okay, so the bunching will be out.

I watched The Queen's Funeral for 11 days solid. I was literally in it, totally in it. So, yeah, a more joyful occasion, obviously, at the beginning of May. I can't wait. Oh, the pageantry. I think it'd be quite funny, and somebody will do this on TikTok, won't they, to lift some of your Eurovision commentary and just place it over the procession into the abbey. I'd like to see that, actually.

Well, don't give tiktokers ideas i know you've got two daughters and i think i've read somewhere that you feel you're constantly on the verge of being cancelled i mean every day is a school day in our house let me tell you it's um i'm constantly being told how little i know about everything but with aggression with aggression well um we've just got a lot to learn, Mel. Yeah. And like I say, I'll go home for more further education this evening. And I'm sure you will too. Absolutely. So that was Mel and her podcast is called Mel's Electric...

I want to say Electric Avenue, but that's the Eddie Grant hit. It's Mel's Electric Adventure. Excellent. And it says down here, there's so much more to this much-loved polymath. I wrote that. We can tell we've moved to the times, can't we? Much-loved polymath. It was a line in the end I felt unable to deliver in real life,

but we've saved it for the podcast. It is true, actually. She's very clever, but she wears that quite lightly, doesn't she? Yes, and some clever clogs don't, do they? No. They come in burdened by their intellect. It's a right pain in the arse. So do give it a listen if you're interested in the world of electric vehicles.

Do email us about anything you'd like to talk about, janeandfeeattimes.radio. And do you know what Jane was saying earlier, that it's really delightful, actually, we were talking about birth to get so many emails from dads as well because it's just nothing's ever going to change

if both mothers and fathers aren't included in the conversation at the same time that's the whole point I was thinking you know where our chat started I have never seen a birth but a lot of men have so they know a lot more about it than i do what because you had cesareans well no but just because i've never seen a birth you know i was there but i didn't see anything oh i see what you mean yes and i haven't seen the birth of any

other children so i've never actually witnessed it so it must be a very you know an extraordinary experience so profound i think i think darling that's where we'll leave it don't say anything else i just want no because the listeners will be misty-eyed. Stop it. All right. Let's let you write. I've realised that sometimes I don't realise the profundity of something I've said. Good evening.

Oh, dear. Okay. Well done for getting to the end of another episode of Off Air with Jane Garvey and Fee Glover. Our Times Radio producer is Rosie Cutler and the podcast executive producer is Henry Tribe. And don't forget, there is even more of us every afternoon on Times Radio. It's Monday to Thursday, three till five. You can pop us on when you're pottering around the house or heading out in the car on the school run or

running a bank. Thank you for joining us and we hope you can join us again on Off Air very soon. Don't be so silly. Running a bank? I know ladies I know, ladies. A lady listener. I'm sorry.