Off Air... with Jane and Fi - Tales of a claustrophic submariner

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

This week, Jane G welcomes Jane M back to the pod in Fi's absence and together they define 'daddy'. Jane G also offers up a few golden nuggets of wisdom: keep money for your roof and always hand wash your bras - you're welcome. Our next book club pick has been announced! 'The Trouble with Goats and Sheep' by Joanna Cannon. If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] Follow us on Instagram! @janeandfi Assistant Producer: Hannah Quinn Podcast Producer: Eve Salusbury Executive Producer: Rosie Cutler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Especially if someone puts on disappearing messages, I feel duty bound to take a picture of them. Right. This is just a general warning about Jane Mulcair. She is on manoeuvres. Each week, a fresh interview with pioneers in tech from the brightest startups to the tech giants. That's the Times Tech podcast, where Danny in the Valley, that's Silicon Valley, meets me, Katie, in the city, the city of London. Exploring how tech is changing life and business in this new world of artificial intelligence. The Times Tech podcast with Katie Prescott and Danny Fortson. Follow us now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

Feeling disconnected in this noisy, over-scheduled world? Well, you're not alone. That's exactly why we're here. I'm Dr. Jodie Carrington, and on my my podcast Unlonely, we're tackling the loneliness epidemic, the most pressing issue of our generation. In each episode, I sit down with the most incredible experts who share vital insights and critical strategies to help reconnect us all. You see, in the history of the world, we've never been this disconnected. So let's get Unlonely together. Subscribe to Unlonely wherever you get your podcasts, and we can't wait to meet you over there. Welcome to Off Air. My co-host is La Minx Mal'Kerrin. She's here today, Tuesday and Wednesday.

For now, I mean, we'll see. We'll see how I get them today. So no wonder you're nervous. And then Thursday, reunited with Fiona at... She's gone so long you can't even remember who she is. Oh, very much in my mind. And we're going to the Cheltenham Literature Festival. And are you doing the talking from Cheltenham on Thursday? We are, we're doing all the talking from Cheltenham as far as I know. And we're also live on stage with, I'm so excited about this, Brenda Blethan and Anne Cleves in a celebration of all things Vera Stanhope. So can't wait for that. Just finished the

latest Vera book over the weekend and loads to talk about. So that's going to be great. You can't come I'm afraid. Tickets are sold out but you will be able to hear some of the highlights. You could maybe do a sort of tailgating thing like they did with Taylor Swift where you can just like drive nearby and listen to you from outside and then put the radio on and just have a sort of picnic and drink out the back of your car. Just to say that you were in the vicinity. Exactly. Yeah. Very much like the Taylor Swift concerts. Very much. I actually thought that was one of the most touching things about that summer of Taylor. Just because it was just a very gentle and decent

gathering of people who wanted to be there but they couldn't be there they couldn't be in there but they could be just together outside. Yeah with like-minded people. Yeah, that's actually really nice. Anyway I hope that's warmed you up. Not nervous anymore are you? Not nervous anymore, all gone. Brilliant. So your thoughts on the American election because I do think of you as my expert, because you've lived there for how long did you live there for? Really 11 years. Okay, that's a long time. So what are you hearing? So I mean, I was there through two of the most contentious elections, so 2016 and 2020. And 2016 was interesting because I think everyone had assumed that Hillary was going to win,

even though the polls... Even she had assumed. Even she had, yeah. I was at what was supposed to be her election night victory party. Not the glass ceiling one. Yeah, it was horrendous. We had to run away about an hour in when the results were coming in and it just looked very apparent that it wasn't going the way we thought it was going to go.

And also we weren't serving any alcohol there. So we had to go somewhere where we could heavily drink and sob with our friends downtown. But then I was also there for 2020, which was it was just a very different vibe. And this sort of feels to me from afar, a sort of combination of the two, in that I think no one's blinkered in the way that they were in 2016. The scales have fallen from people's eyes. It's not an echo chamber anymore like it was in 2016, from the Democrats' point of view. But it's really not a sure thing at all. And I think week by week, it changes. You know, JD Vance did a very good job at the vice presidential

debate last week. It was very plausible. Incredibly plausible. And that sort of makes it more difficult for people to dismiss the Republicans as sort of weirdos as Tim Walz has been doing. So I think, unfortunately, I think it's far too close to call at the moment. I have to just say from a selfish point of view, like, I, every time I think about what it would feel like to be there, I get a tight chest because it's very, very anxious over there at the moment.

Especially people who live in states where rights have been rolled back, you know, to an enormous extent over the past four, but also six, eight years, what the future looks like for them in a Trump 2.0 presidency is terrifying. Yeah, I always just think as well, he's just old. Joe Biden was old, this guy's old, and he rambles and he talks rubbish. He's inconsistent. He's a raging hypocrite. We've got Fred Trump, by the way, on the podcast a little bit later this week. Fred Trump is a nephew, he's the son of the eldest child of this Donald Trump incarnation of the Trump family. So Trump's elder brother, get there in the end. Fred was an alcoholic and he died quite young and this other Fred is his son and doesn't think

very highly of his uncle, nor by the way does his sister Mary, who also wrote about it. Anyway, Fred Trump later this week on the podcast. I think that'll be interesting. But I was listening first thing this morning to Kamala Harris's appearance on a podcast I know you featured called Call Her Daddy. I love the way you say it with such comfort, Jane. I don't like that name. And I've just tried to explain it on air on Times Radio to Hugo Rifkind, who didn't like it either. No, I've never seen either of you look quite as uncomfortable as you tried to explain what

is essentially a sex term. Well, exactly. To Hugo Rifkind live on Times Radio at about 11.30 in the morning. Plus I think I used the word heft and I now bitterly regret it. Anyway, can you just tell us. Unfortunately it was live so we can't do anything about it now Jane. That's that show piece. So Call Her Daddy is wildly successful which is why Kamala Harris has appeared on it.

Yeah, so Alex Cooper, who's the presenter of Call Her Daddy, has been doing it for a while. She's been doing it, I think, since about 2018, but she just got this enormous deal with Sirius XM for about 80 million dollars. It's hugely popular amongst young women. And so obviously that's a great platform for Kamala Harris to make sure people go and vote. But I would say it's also not necessarily a natural place for any female politician to go because it's quite racy and it's quite explicit. And certainly there are some dynamics encouraged within that podcast that I think most politicians would be a little bit anxious about being associated with. Okay, well I heard the entire interview and it wasn't racy in fairness. There was absolutely nothing of that nature there.

And the hostess, Alex, not Alice, I was thinking Alice Cooper, which got my mind really racing, but you've got to be my age. Less eye makeup than a makeup. Yeah, slightly less I think. She made it very clear at the start that she wasn't going to be asking about fracking or indeed any kind of economic policy and there was absolutely no reference at all to the world outside the United States. I thought that was quite interesting. But what I did come away with, I thought from Kamala Harris a really clear illustration of how terrifying the ban on abortion is. If you're there, if you're, and as she pointed out, most women who have abortions are already mothers, so they're put into a position in some parts

of the US where they have to get on a plane, leave their child or children with somebody else, hope they'll be cared for, go away, probably fly back the same day, because how do you manage otherwise? And that's always supposing they've got the money to do any of those things. And it really, I did think God, this is, I mean, it's not as if it never happened in our lifetime with women in Northern Ireland having to come to Liverpool, for example, and other countries, other cities to get abortion. So, but God, it really made me think. So I hope that has galvanized some young women to register because this whole registering to vote thing is it the same as filling in a form in the UK you know when you get the

thing that comes to your house and you yeah you might not get something that comes to your house okay you might have to go and register and is that why so many people haven't yeah I mean I don't really get that I think would be keen to vote. I never understand people who don't want to vote. I don't know that it's necessarily about being keen or not being keen. I think possibly some states aren't as proactive in getting people to vote. Okay. Possibly. And also if you don't have necessarily a long-term permanent address, it's obviously much more difficult to register to vote. There's also, you know, it depends on the state, what ID is required, things like that. Yeah, so there's been lots of issues over the last

decade really with voter registration, which obviously the Democrats are trying to sort out, really with voter registration which obviously the Democrats are trying to sort out because they it was interesting my brother who now lives in America we sort of swapped over he's in Atlanta now and he just got his US citizenship and he said oh it's really interesting I just literally came out after passing my citizenship sort of ceremony thing and he said it was really interesting there's a table there registering registering to vote straight away. No, no in Georgia The fact that he seems surprised was endearing right like yeah, you haven't been in America as long as me he has registered He has registered. Yeah, right. Good. Well done. Do we know how Tim's going to vote?

I think I think it's pretty sure but yeah, think I know he's going to vote. Right, good. Now we were talking, I know you've been ploughing through the emails as well, thanks to everybody who's contacted us over the last couple of days, loads of emails again. I always say this, I really mean it, I wish I could read them all out. Suffice to say I have read them and there was a very touching and important one from a listener whose wife has listened to Offair for a long time and now diagnosed with breast cancer and I hear you and I send lots of love and I know Fee would as well and certainly Jane does too. So please keep listening and thank you for telling us about what's been happening in your family's life and I just hope things go alright for you all. Nightmares we were talking about. This

is from Amy. I heard on the On Your Mind podcast with Richard Wiseman that a cooler temperature in the bedroom can stop nightmares. They are often caused by a too hot bedroom. I think it's actually called What Are Dreams, the episode of that particular podcast. I really hope it helps. I like listening to your podcast as I drive from school. I'm a primary school teacher. I sometimes listen when doing housework. Amy, thank you very much. And may your housework and your commute to the primary school continue to go well. But that's interesting.

It doesn't surprise me that a hot bedroom might cause nightmares. No, I love a cold bedroom, a cold bedroom and a very warm duvet. I was going to say something very warm on top of me then, but a warm duvet. We've got both things here. A really mature conversation since this book. I couldn't keep it up for more than seven minutes. No, well excellent as you've been saying you've done well. Actually we should say that young Eve is not with us today. I hope you're getting better Eve. Nothing to do with her birthday yesterday. Well coincidentally

her birthday was yesterday. Weird isn't it? Hope it was good. Just very quickly on the hot bedroom topic. This is related. Duvet, duvet temperatures, duvet weight and temperatures. Louise has written in recommending the camel hair duvet. She says unless you've got a house blessed with cupboard space, you can't store duvets for every season. This is the issue. It's true.

Duvets are massive. She said camel hair duvets are not cheap. They're actually very expensive she says, but they are extremely lightweight so it makes duvet cover changing less arduous. And she says that basically they work really well because as she says, deserts are really hot during the day but can get very cold at night. A camel doesn't carry around extra layers or a battery pack, a battery powered neck fan or indeed a duvet.

The camel hair adapts perfectly to whatever the outer temperature is, she says. They were recommended to me two years ago as I live in a small two up two down terrace and don't really have the room to be storing multiple duvets so I can't swap and change them every season. For anyone in a similar situation or someone who just can't be bothered filling up their cupboards with other duvets. She said this is a tip that she hopes helps. And you can get them?

Do you know what, I haven't had a look for a camel head duvet. Kind of a journalist I am. But I am a busy one. Yeah, okay. But I will go online this afternoon. I'm out and look at Dunelms if they've got any camel head. Other shops are available. Ikea. I don't think they do them. John Lewis. But

there is a logic to that. Totally. Yeah. So I'm going to I'm going to research that this afternoon. Thank you. I know you're busy. No, I do. Katie says I've got nothing exciting to contribute. Never say that Katie. But I wanted to get in touch because I was listening to you talking about boilers this morning while standing naked in my freezing cold bathroom There's nothing worse having a sink wash as my boiler died I'm sorry to hear that is there anything more thoroughly depressing than me? I love this than the pits and bits wash on a chilly day It really feels quite undignified and it's not the best start to the morning, although I did muse on the fact that it wasn't all that long ago that this was completely normal and I

am privileged to have a daily hot shower. I like to think of it as a French wash which makes it feel a little bit more continental and glamorous. I have heard it called other things which aren't politically correct and which we won't be mentioning here. A French wash though. French wash is nice. That's lovely that. Yeah, it's warm. Thankfully the new boiler is being installed tomorrow morning and this is the sort of thing

that normally happens in the depths of a freezing winter so I can't complain too much although obviously I am, says Katie. Well that's fine. It's all about perspective and Katie has got it right there. It's annoying but it's going to be over soon. But boilers are so expensive. There is nothing worse than when your boiler packs up. I mean, I always say this. It's such a boring thing to have spent money on as well. But so essential.

It's like having your roof mended. Oh, because no one's going to notice. But I've had to mend my roof over the years. I've said this to my kids They're not listening three things in life always have a bit of money To mend a roof totally to get a new boiler and always hand wash your bras And they don't listen and they never will but you know, I've said it so I can't say I didn't say their own moves be it Well, exactly. Hmm. I we've had a few emails in about submarines Which I have to say I was fascinated by your

discussion about submarines last week. And there was something in the newspaper the day after we discussed it about the raging bullying and misogyny on submarines. So Linda has written in to say, dear Jane and Fee, in the 70s my brother-in-law who was in the Navy worked on one of these subs and whenever they docked at the seaside port where my husband lived he would visit him. My husband said it was so obvious where they came from as everyone else had a healthy glow or a suntan and they were all pale and alemic looking so they really stood out. Thank you for that Linda. And then Cher

has written in to say, my friend Carla's son-in-law works on a US nuclear sub. I had her ask him your question about medical emergencies. He said if you're on a mission the medic will try and care for you The sub will not surface though under any circumstances if you die you die If you're not on a mission and the medic can't care for you the sub will surface and a helicopter will pick you up But sure says he said either way the odds aren't good Right. Well, that's so concentrated. I have to say a former paramour of mine was in the Royal Navy and spent six months on a sub. And?

And yeah, it's not a lot of fun. Basically it's 12 hours on, 12 hours off, you're the red and the blue team and that's it for six months, it doesn't surface. Also, he was mildly claustrophobic. How on earth had he ended up on a submarine? Well he was in the Royal Navy, so, I mean, you just get, you do it as part of your rotation. It's not like Hannah being an apprentice at News UK, where she spends six months on this show.

My former beloved spent six months on a submarine. And not quite as much fun. Were you going out with him at the time? No, so, oh God, it's complicated. Oh, I like this system. I had gone out with him when we were very young. In the Navy. And then I went out with him when we were very young in the Navy and then I went out with him when we were older again and in between he was in the Navy. So he didn't run away to sea to escape you? No, no, no, no, but I mean it wasn't that long after but he did say, whether or not I believe this,

he did say that he'd taken all my letters to him on the submarine with him and used to read them in his bunk. I don't know whether that's true or not. Jane, that's lovely. And can I just say, let's hear it for the letter. I can't remember. Oh, I can remember the last time I had one, got one, an actual letter from, it was actually from somebody thanking me for an event that, yeah, which she'd attended. And it's so unexpected I couldn't believe she was a young woman in her early 20s who'd actually sat down and wrote to an old git to say thank you for doing, and I was incredibly touched by it. But it used to be par for the course, didn't it? That you would write to someone.

Yeah, I only get read letters in letter form here at the Times. Oh, do you get? Occasionally. From dissatisfaction? Occasionally, yeah. And they're actual written letters. Actual written letters. Yeah. But I hear, like, the letter. So I do still have all of his letters to me. Oh. Yeah, because we were really young and we used to write to each other. Yeah. And they were really heartfelt and quite beautiful. Yeah, so I like to believe that you took my letters on board the submarine and that they helped in those 12-hour shifts. Love letters will be shriveling up and passing away like our correspondence boiler because the price of stamps has gone up to date to an quite remarkable... What is it, £125?

No, £160! £165! For a first-class stamp, forget it! Yeah, I don't like anyone that much. As for Christmas cards, it's a no from me, but I wish you all the best. Yeah, Merry Christmas on a text. I have got a lot of WhatsApps, you know, romantic WhatsApps. Have you?

But I don't know what you do with them. I mean, I might have screenshotted one or two of them. Especially if someone puts on disappearing messages, I feel duty bound to take a picture of them. Right, this is just a general warning about a Jane Marcarion. She is on manoeuvres. Yeah, especially if you're a Submariner. I might write a letter of complaint to you. Just pop it downstairs in my pigeonhole.

No, no, I'm going to write, I'm going to even spend £1.65. You can put it in the franking machine through work. Okay, alright, okay, that's a handy tip. I mean, it'll take two weeks to get to me, but it's absolutely fine. Yes, this might be worth the effort. This is headlined, a fear of sausages, and it comes from Tim. It comes from Tim. Whilst listening to your program today, and that was the name of your paramour, wasn't

it? No, it's the name of your brother. It's the name of my brother, good lord. Easy. Sorry got that confused. Okay, sorry. Alex Cooper. Yeah. Sorry. Tim is in York.

Whilst listening to your programme today, you commented on the dubious nature of budget sausages. We lived in Australia for eight years and became aware that most middle-aged Aussies recall being packed off to school with a cold white bread sandwich containing a vivid pink slab of recovered meat. Oh! Is there a worse expression than recovered meat? That is worse than replacement bus service, isn't it?

Rail replacement bus service. It was called, and this is the bit that really intrigues me, this recovered meat was called Devon. It doesn't mean... Why would you... It's quite insulting to Devon. Yeah. Devon looks like a more processed version of luncheon meat made into a large sausage and it was known to be a staple food at the most cost-conscious end of the deli counter.

I'm told that in the summer the sandwich was frozen when it was put into the school lunchbox on the assumption that it would probably have defrosted in a sweaty classroom by lunchtime. How many of your Aussie listeners have got first-hand experience of this culinary treat? I think we're putting it out there, Tim and York. We'll see how many people can remember it. I was sad to hear about your bad experiences with sausages actually. Budget sausages. Budget sausages. I love a sausage. Yeah, well I've never been that interested and I'm really not involved.

Just because you think you have bad experiences early on. I think... sausage. Yeah well I've never been that interested and I'm really not involved. Is that just because you think you had bad experiences early on? I think if you have a bad 1970s school sausage experience and there were things put into the Irish stew at my primary school that should never be. That were not Irish. That were certainly not Irish and I think we all remember the gagging. Anyway let's just not do it. Yeah let's move on. Yeah. And I think we all remember the gagging. Anyway, let's just not do it. Yeah, let's move on. So I would like to just read some of this email, which is, it's quite long, so I don't know if you can read all of it, but it's a lovely, lovely email about expats and where is a place. It's so interesting, isn't it? This is a lovely email from Cheryl, who's been listening for a long time and she said she wanted to go back a week or so to your discussions about where is a place?

And she wanted to throw it out to listeners worldwide. She says, do expats children tend to settle in another country more than others whose parents are still in the country they were born in? She says, my father had left his parents in the Ukraine during the Second World War never to see them again. He settled in the UK and in due course she settled in France and had children. Her third daughter studied and settled in the UK, then married a Brit. The first went to live in the UK for nearly six years and then to Australia for six, before she came back to France. And her eldest is studied in London and the younger one wants to go next year.

They both want to live elsewhere other than where they were brought up. She says, my Australian friend's mother is Greek. She left her mother in Greece to settle in Australia. My daughter left her mother in Australia to come to France to marry a Frenchman. Yeah, she says it's very interesting. Another friend's children were born and raised in France and now they work in the UK and Holland. Is this normal or just children's ex-parts from their place of birth?

And she says as an aside, I'd love one of your tote bags to put my bottles of French wine in when I go to the local cafes I think this is a really interesting question yeah about if you grow up in a place that your parents aren't from so you don't have that sort of you know generational location whether you're more likely to go to live in other places I think it has to be true I think it has to be true as well. Similarly, if you come from a family a bit like my own that is pretty static and slightly fearful of dramatic change and had basically stayed in the northwest of England since forever, or as far as we're aware, until my generation left, I think it is really interesting. I would not, I've said before I wouldn't want to live abroad, I couldn't. No. And I am really interested in those people

who seem so much braver and so much more flexible. What is it? Is it in your DNA? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, yeah, I've lived abroad, my brothers lived abroad for the last 25 years. I don't know what that is. I do like my parents by the way. Yeah, yeah. Do they like you? Debatable. You'll have to ask them directly. Well, if only they were available but they haven't actually got in touch. My parents would love to talk to you, Jane. Oh, would they?

Yeah. Quite often when I tell her something you said to me, she's like, she's very sensible, Jane Garvey. Sensible? Very sensible. Right. I'm not sure that is that a compliment? We were talking about Philip Schofield last week and about his, let's be honest, his overwhelming apparent lack of self-awareness of any kind. But we've also been talking about the media and the way some people conduct themselves. And we have always said it isn't always men. it's not only men who behave really badly.

And we do have an email here from an anonymous contributor who just wanted us to be made aware of a woman who was just horrific at an ITV television network. I did check and the woman is no longer alive, so I could name her, but I won't just because you know she may very well have she has got children so I'm not inclined no there's no need to but our correspondent does just make the point that her reputation was just everyone knew she was a bully she was horrible she was mean she was bitter she loved to be in a position of power to be little minions. I felt sick getting up knowing that I had the day ahead of me at her beck and call. I longed for the lunch break but then immediately dreaded going back afterwards into the office.

One lunchtime a member of Human Resources spotted me on the Tottenham Court Road and she knew the score. She asked me how it was going with her. I told her straight. She said, This has got to stop once and for all She goes through so many temps some don't last the morning. What can I do about it for you? I told her it was okay I'd give it more time to more time It turns out that seeing it through into the second day was no mean feat So I was doing pretty well when it came to my last day I found myself physically unable to propel myself into the workplace

So I decided to hell with it no more and I rang in sick. They knew exactly what was going on Yeah, it is really hard and you wonder what's going on in management that That's what you're dealing with every single week well, we've all still happens it does still happen Yeah, but thank you for that and I'm sorry that you had such a miserable time I think it was some time ago, but even so so. It still happens and it absolutely shouldn't. Yeah. Knickers. Oh yes. We've had some good tips on knickers. Yeah, really good knickers tips. So this is from Bridget whose address I love. Brackets Berlin Brandenburg and Turku Finland. Bridget, you sound like you have a very glamorous life and multi-location life. Bridget has recommended Kalida, C-A-L-I-D-A knickers.

She says, I've worn them for several years, they're great quality, expensive, but I buy them in the sales. They're a Swiss company and the size European 42, which she thinks might be a 14 in the UK and is a small at Kalida. I got bored with ending up with non-matching pairs, she says, so now I just buy Black or Navy or simply grab the next pair from the pile and she also gets her bra tops from them. And someone else in Kate has also recommended Boody. Yes quite a few people get Boody. Yeah who are an Australian company. But you can get them here now. You can get them here bras and pants are super comfortable they've got period pants they've got the

shorts that Fee likes in her double-nicker situation that she likes to... She likes to double up. ...double up to feel secure. She says they've got a fabulous shocking pink to promote breast cancer awareness. So I've not heard of Boodle but I'm going to look him up. Boody, sorry, Boody. Boody. Boodle's my friend's dog.

I'm not going to look that up. No, okay. Right. Presumably doesn't wear pants. Not usually. Special occasions. Oh, okay. Presumably doesn't wear pants. Not usually. Special occasions. Oh, lovely. Okay. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Feeling disconnected in this noisy, over-scheduled world? Well, you're not alone. That's exactly why we're here. I'm Dr. Jodie Carrington and on my podcast

Unlonely, we're tackling the loneliness epidemic, the most pressing issue of our generation. In each episode, I sit down with the most incredible experts who share vital insights and critical strategies to help reconnect us all. You see, in the history of the world, we've never been this disconnected. So let's get Unlonely together. Subscribe to Unlonely wherever you get your podcasts and we can't wait to meet you over there. and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. I did want to mention this email, because it's from somebody who needs to be heard and it's experienced that many other people will share.

I won't mention her name. She says she's been listening to Off Air on the eve of her son's 18th birthday. I was making early morning quiches for his party tomorrow. My son has no awareness that he's turning into an adult tomorrow. He has an extremely rare progressive genetic disease and is one of only 300 such people in the world. He has severe learning disabilities and autism which means for him that he has no speech and needs us for all his care. I'm finding this birthday in particular rather poignant. I always get a bit reflective as another birthday approaches,

but the days of if only and what ifs have decreased thankfully as he has got older. But somehow this one is different. His peers are passing driving tests and getting their UCAS forms in and my husband and I are beginning to visit residential care homes for him. When we realised the extent of his needs we were in our 30s, we're now in our 50s and aware that we cannot continue changing nappies into our 60s and beyond. We know that he needs to live in a community with opportunities that we won't be able to give him as we age. We also want to stay in control of the process and make the decisions around him ourselves

and not have anything done in an emergency if anything happens to us or his amazing older sister. These decisions have been so tough. I mean, I bet they have. It's so strange how our lives have turned out. I never imagined this trajectory when we started out as a newly married couple. But our son has taught us so much and I remind myself daily there are not many 18 year old sons who would rest their head on their mum's lap every morning as they

wake up. I think that it's so beautiful and it's so wonderfully expressed but also I hear the pain and the anguish there and the... I absolutely get it that this birthday, for whatever reason, is a more challenging one. So lots of love to you and I hope that the occasion went okay. Yeah, and happy birthday to all of you for what know, an increasingly challenging 18 years because of the sort of coming of age moment, which is sounds like a bit of a schism. And yeah, it's, I mean, I love that she's up early making quiches though and listening to you. It sounds like it was going to be a good party. Yeah, thank you. Honestly, it's really important that we hear this. And she does say your program

is lovely company. And it lessens the isolation that I and many other parents of children with disabilities feel. Well, I know, I mean, Jane Mulcairn is very much a part of the Offair family, but Fee and I always say we want this just to be a safe space and a companionable bit of chanter going on in the background of your existence and if it does make you feel just that little bit less isolated then you know we're proud to be a small part of that aren't we? Absolutely. Yeah we really are so thank you for that. JaneAnneFee at times.radio is the email address and here is our guest today it is the comedian and actor he was on the quiz show what did you the giant when he was the giant baby I used to find that very uncomfortable I couldn't watch

it what was that called? Oh the Vic Reeves one. Matt Lucas was the big baby. I used to find that very uncomfortable. I couldn't watch it. What was that called? Oh, the Vic Reeves one. Matt Lucas was the big baby. Matt Lucas was the big baby. Was it called Vic and Bob? No. No, it was called something else. Ulrika was on it. Good Lord. It just shows you how flimsy the showbiz existence actually is. Anyway, he's now written a children's book. It's Matt Lucas. Now the thing about this podcast is we do pride ourselves on telling you the truth, on being authentic, on facing up to life's difficulties, big and small.

And the plain fact is that today I was indeed due to be interviewing Matt Lucas, comedy star, children's writer, a man who's appeared in Little Britain and Come Fly With Me and is about to appear in Gladiator 2. And Matt did turn up, but then it became pretty clear quite early on in our meeting that he wasn't really in the right mood to talk about anything other than his children's book. And that's okay, but it's not quite right for our podcast because we like to just expand the conversation a bit and move gently into other waters if you sort of mean. Anyway it didn't happen and we're sorry about that and tomorrow's

guest is Lindsay Hillsome. I think she's absolutely brilliant, one of my favourite journalists. She is Channel 4 news's intrepid foreign correspondent, goes everywhere and sees so much stuff. So I think it'll be interesting to hear from Lindsay tomorrow. That was Matt Lucas. Favourite children's book, Jane, as a kiddie, what did you absolutely devour? I was a big famous Five fan from when I was very young. All the kind of Swatty, Swatty Unit blights and books, Mallory Towers, you know, all of those things. I really like Roald Dahl as well. Danny the Champion of the World was a favourite of my brother and I. The Twits, because it was rude.

Yes, Roald Dahl is so problematic. So problematic, but for children who love a good story. The Twits is funny. The Twits is a great book. And it's nasty. And there's an element of nastiness that children absolutely revel in. Love it. Yeah. Okay, yes, we'd like to hear from you on this. Let us know. In nastiest children's books.

Which you really enjoyed. Jane and Fee. Thank you. If you'd like to hear us do this live, and we do do it live, every day, Monday to Thursday, 2-4pm on Times Radio. The Jeopardy is off the scale and if you listen to this you'll understand exactly why that's the case. So you can get the radio online, on DAB or on the free Times Radio app. Off Air is produced by Eve Salisbury and the executive producer is Rosie Cutler. ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

Would you answer a call for a reality TV show if you weren't allowed to ask what the show was about? If you want to be on the show, stop asking that question and get on with the auditions. And I said, well, obviously I can't do that. Might be selling you my kidney. I don't know what it is. But in return, they promised you the adventure of a lifetime. I didn't want something horrible to happen to me. I didn't want to die.

That's basically all I was thinking. I didn't want to die. Split Screen Thrillseekers is a new six-part series from Love and Radio, Vespucci, and CBC. Listen now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com