Off Air... with Jane and Fi - We're living in a flush and forget society

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

Jane and Fi have had a long day; Fi has done a reading at a carol service, and Jane arrived at the end because she got the wrong time. Today we return to the wee conundrum, as well as reading some poems from you, the listener! Today's guest is the very lovely Bake Off winner Matty Edgell If you want to contact the show to ask a question and get involved in the conversation then please email us: [e-mail] We're up for an award! You can vote for us here, if you'd like: https://podbiblemag.com/pod-bible-listener-polls-2023-vote-now/ Follow us on Instagram! @janeandfi Assistant Producer: Megan McElroy Times Radio Producer: Eve Salusbury Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Thank you for your reading again. Hello and welcome to Off Air. It's Tuesday the 19th of December as we speak. I was just checking the back of the order of service for the News UK carol service because I just really wanted to mention the very Reverend Dr Mark Oakley, who's the Dean of Southwark,

who's only been in the job two weeks and he opened the carol service. It was very strong, Jane. Was it? Very strong. He went in strong. Yep, but he opened the carol service by basically saying it's a corporate carol service,

there's tap and pay at the back, please something on the way out and i just thought okay we're in safe hands here yeah and it was a lovely lovely carol service and i did just want to repeat a tiny bit of his sermon because he said we all know what deja vu is that you don't hang on sorry we all know what deja vu is that sense that you've just you know that something has you've gone over something you've already seen it you've already done it you've got deja vu i haven't had that for a while have you not no you know what's going to happen now don't you you're not uh yeah etc it's very eerie isn't it it? Oh, it's so spooky. Yes, and it does make you ask uncomfortable questions like, have I been round before?

Yes. Is this my first time? And sometimes when it keeps going for a bit, you think, ooh, I'm going to be stuck in this forever. And then you think, I'm going to be stuck in this forever. Yeah. But anyway, he wanted to make the point that nobody's ever really heard of prescavoo, which is the sensation that you're just on the verge of a really important kind of Damascene moment or just really important thoughts or whatever.

where they just thought we are on the verge of just being a completely different world, where we might realise our own small place in it, we might be kinder to each other, we might be nicer to the planet. That feeling that out of something really, really dark might come these moments of revelation. And I just thought it was a lovely thing to say. I'd never heard the term before. No. But I think if you know the term for something, it might help you understand it a bit more. And I think we all have those moments where we think,

oh, I'm on the precipice of change. And then it just kind of fades away. And he was saying, don't let it fade away, because we had all those moments. We haven't really done anything with it. And I thought, you're right, mate. So 2024, new year, new you. Mate, we ate. So 2024, New Year, new you. Well, yes, but I do... What can I look forward to? No, gosh, not very much. Do you do New Year's resolutions?

Halfheartedly, but I don't stick to them. Do you not? No. No. I always try. I always enter the New Year with positivity and a desire to be a changed person and a better one. positivity and a desire to be a changed person and a better one. But don't you sometimes think it is weird that we had what could have been the most monumental wake-up call ever in the form of a global pandemic and actually within two years

we have slid back into an even darker world than we were in before? What would it take? Oh dear. Well of course there have been quite a few reminders just in our domestic news here in the UK over the last couple of weeks of people who, during the pandemic, chose that time, when so many people were going above and beyond in any number of ways, other people chose that time

to just try to make a fast buck. Yeah, and a lot of fast bucks. And it's yuck. And I haven't got the words to describe my contempt for those people. Yes, so they weren't having press coverage. No, they weren't. Anyway, the unfortunate side to the...

I gather it was a beautiful Carol concert. Yes, sadly Jane missed it. I did miss it. Not in any kind of malevolent way, but because I was told it started at one o'clock. I thought it was a bit odd. And I'd spent half the night agonising over when I was going to get my sandwich

and whether it would be possible to eat my sandwich in the back of the cathedral if I was suddenly very hungry. So I left home early, I had a stop off to get a sandwich and then I arrived at the cathedral just as the audience for the carol service was coming out. I know, so I did see you

and I thought, gosh, how strange that you didn't come to find me, sit next to me in a supportive way at the front. I had every intention of doing exactly that. Oh dear, well. An hour late. But you'd done a lovely reading the year before. I had, I'd read from the Holy Bible. I just, I read from a slightly more comic book film film the polar express yeah what do you say i can't be trusted with the bible i think they just took one look at me and my credentials and thought there's somebody who could read from the bible his feet lover let her read from a movie from a movie. Well, I don't mind that. I don't mind.

We should move to Cornwall. Right. What do you want to bring in here? I would like to bring in a fantastic term, the mubble fubbles. This comes from a correspondent also called Jane, who says, as I'm not a big fan of Christmas, I thought I'd share with you an oldie worldie word dating back to the 16th century. It comes courtesy of Susie Dent, lexicographer to the stars. It is the term Mubblefubbles, which apparently is the term

given to a fit of despondency. She goes on to explain that most of us are familiar with the sense of impending doom that besets us on a Sunday evening or for some as Christmas inexorably approaches. This low mood was known as a bout of the mubble fubbles. The bounciness of the term was thought to take the sting out of even the gloomiest of prospects. So Jane says she now has a name for the feelings that she has at this time of year and she's looking forward to using it next time someone asks me

if I'm looking forward to Christmas. And I can reply, actually, I've got a case of mubble fubble. So no, not really. Jane, you're not alone. And if anybody would like to put their terrible mubble fubbles to our clinical psychologist who's coming on the programme tomorrow, then bung an email in this evening. Yeah, we'll keep your name out of it if that's what you require. It's Julia Samuel who's our guest

and she really does know her stuff. And there'll be many people who honestly will have an unexpectedly good Christmas. Actually, things will just go, if not completely right, just go well. And you actually find yourself thinking, well, I've had a really lovely couple of days with my nearest and dearest.

But there'll be other people who are dreading it. Yes, if that's you, we don't want to hear from you. No, we don't want to hear from people. There's no need. The last thing this podcast needs in January is from smug buggers who've had a cracking Christmas. OK, you can keep your thoughts to yourselves. Jane and Fee at Times.Radio.

Selling to Ferncott and Sappy Place. But if you do have just a comment about Christmas, Christmas is past, or your hopes for this year, or you are in, I don't know, you're in a quandary about what this year is going to be like for you. You can ping us an email, janeandfee at times.radio. Claire says, I'm a bit behind. I just heard the podcast where Jane talked about tackling youths on the bus. It reminded me of something that happened to me a couple of years ago.

I pulled up at the local newsagents, got out of my car, and a couple youths approached me and said could I get them a packet of fags they would give me the money. If you could see my face whilst I'm typing this I was shocked, bewildered, I was aghast. It still astounds me to this day. They thought asking me was a good idea and Claire has used six exclamation marks. I said to them and and I quote, are you mad? No, I won't buy you cigarettes. What are you thinking? I didn't get the best response from them. Utter madness, two exclamation marks. I'm a 52-year-old Volvo driver, for crying out loud. What were they thinking? Read the room. And that's Claire, who might be our most respectable listener. She describes herself as a driver of a Volvo from a quiet village in Surrey. Well, I think that just shows you what a terrible life the teenagers in slightly more rural communities have.

That they have to stop a Volvo in order to try and get some fags. I mean, are there any noisy villages in Surrey? No, I don't think so. We haven't got over our night in Guildford. Very respectful. Our night in Guildford was a little bit disappointing, Jane, wasn't it? I don't think that you've ever delighted our audience with the anecdotes about how during the pandemic you used to shout at people on tubes who weren't wearing their masks, and quite often you'd tell them that you were a

doctor do you remember these times what were you a doctor of well i'm an honorary i have an honorary doctorate as you know so it's not actually a lie if you had been challenged what would your discipline have been i'd have carried out mouth to mouth lord okay that would have taught them wouldn't it anna says fee keeps making throwaway comments that caused me to write in i'm sorry about that Oh, Lord. Okay. That would have taught them, wouldn't it? Anna says, Fee keeps making throwaway comments that cause me to write in. I'm sorry about that, Anna. Today, said comment,

are you much lighter after toileting? Well, I can answer that. Yes, you are, but not as much as you'd expect. It's disappointing, so don't waste your time, like I have, weighing yourself before and after. Anna says, I did this experiment just out of curiosity as i'm not someone who regularly weighs myself a litre of wheat a fairly massive wheat gosh a

litre that's a very big one that's more than you'd get in a measuring jug isn't it or is it yes because you're going to get 500 mil in a measuring jug so that would be a litre my water bottle is a litre so could you fill that up it's a very personal question but i'll answer it no anyway anna says a liter of wee should be one kilogram weight loss but it doesn't seem to register on my bathroom scales festive wishes to you both this is so weird somebody must be able to explain this so i mean i don't want to i'll use some euphemisms here if you are having more firm ablutions and those were to be weighed then would you have lost that amount of weight if you stood on the scales after your morning ablutions yeah it's it's very i mean there are so many aspects of our daily life i'm gonna throw to throw, because we're moving on to a pumping station.

That's our next topic. Let's face it, we do, we get up in the morning and we go. And there's so much that goes on and we understand so little of it, don't we? Yeah, well, we're living in a flush and forget society. Do you flush after a wee? Always? No. In our household,

we do that thing where we don't always flush after a wee. We think we're saving the planet. No, we're probably not. Well, it's a gesture, certainly. Can I just talk briefly about these wonderful images

we've been sent by Claire? Oh, please. Yeah, they're beautiful. Yeah, they are photographs. And this might sound ridiculous, but it refers back to Miriam Margulies yesterday. Photographs of the apps. And it is stunning.

The Crossness pumping station, which Miriam was talking about. I love the interview, says Claire, with Miriam. And I was amazed to hear her mention Crossness pumping station. It is a beautiful example of Victorian engineering looked after by some truly wonderful volunteers. I was lucky enough to

be on a photography course in August where one of the chosen locations was the pumping station. We spent a couple of hours photographing Sorry, photographing Photographing, I'm going to go for it. Why is that word something? Photographing. Yes, photographing for it. Why is that word something? Photographing.

Yes, photographing the building, which is still being restored. I ended up explaining to 11 Americans who were with me on the course about Joseph Bazalgette and the great stink of 1858. Bazalgette's influence on London is huge, but he is largely forgotten. You will walk past some of his work every day as you head to Times Towers. Crossness is a wonderful example of engineering but it's also an example of somebody having a laugh. The plants that adorn the pillars, and I can't do justice to this building, it's quite extraordinary, the plants that adorn the pillars are aids to both constipation and diarrhoea. Bazalgette deliberately made it ornate out of frustration

that most of his work couldn't be seen because, after all, underground tunnels are essentially just a bit boring. Isn't it wonderful, the thought that's gone into that and just the kind of wry humour as well of the plants? It looks like a religious building, doesn't it? If somebody told you that was a temple or a cathedral, you would not be remotely surprised. So can you go and wander around it?

It looks as though you can. Is it still pumping? I think it's pumping days maybe behind it. But isn't he the grandfather of the TV executive? Peter Bazalier, who brought us Changing Rooms. You see, What a family. Yep. This one comes from Carmel,

who says, I took an Uber across Bristol on Sunday and chatted with my husband throughout the journey, and when we were almost at our destination, the driver said, I'm sorry to interrupt, but have you ever heard of Jane Garvey? I replied that I was very much aware of said radio host, and she's one of my favourite women.

The driver, a middle-aged man originally from Sudan who came to the UK as an asylum seeker in the 1990s, told me that I sounded just like Jane. Sorry, Drain. Drain will do. Silly me. And went on to tell me how pleased he was to have recently discovered your Times radio show. He had been an avid Woman's Hour listener

and had assumed that Jane had retired. Well, I mean, I could, certainly. Well, I couldn't. I don't want to. Please don't retire me. We both agreed that the air of the woman has lost... It's not the same. Let's not use that bit. No.

Well, I have a very soft Bristolian accent, so I assume that I must speak with similar intonation to Jane as our voices are very different. I told him he could download the Off-Air podcast and I directed him to the Fortune... no, it's no need to mention that either. And he was delighted with both suggestions. Well I'll tell you what, if you are the Uber driver who's a big fan of Jane and like Woman's Hour very much and is now on board with Times Radio, then will you get in touch? Because your story sounds really interesting and one that we don't hear often enough.

So if that's you, it's Jane and Fi at Times Talk Radio. And Carmel ends by saying, next time Jane needs a break from Wee Fi, just give me a call and I can seamlessly stand in for her. Well, I don't know when that will be, but you're very welcome, Carmel. That would be quite fun. And best wishes for your festivities too.

Yes, it would be lovely to hear from the cab driver in Bristol. And actually, it's just a good story, isn't it? Somebody came over back in the 1990s. And I love Bristol. One of my daughters went to university there, had a fabulous time. Perhaps you drove her around. He might have done. What a lovely thought that you took her home from a night out.

The plot thickens, doesn't it? The plot does. We're all connected somehow. Oh, we are, though. On the subject of thrush, Chris says, Hello, both. While I was working as a midwife, we had a doctor that we used to call the ornithologist

because every woman he saw, he said, She has the thrush. I don't know why last night's podcast wasn't titled Genital Sparrows. There'll never be another time when I'll be able to say that phrase, Jane. I wanted it to live on forever. Right, so another Jane. God, how many people call Jane listen to this podcast? There are a lot.

Very common name. Hello, Jane and Fee. How funny today that Jane should talk about her daughter using conditioner for a jumper that had shrunk. It's only this evening I was doing the same thing. I was given this tip months ago and it really is the best I've ever been given. It's quick and it works. If your knitwear has shrunk or just sounds or feels scrunchy, mix some hair conditioner with lukewarm water in the sink.

Put your jumper inserts covered, swish it around, leave for half an hour, remove the plug, push it against the sides of the sink for the excess water to be pushed out before putting it back in your machine on the spin setting for a 1,000 spin. It'll come out all voile and soft. It does work because it's worked at home. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's annoying because it took up a lot of time, but it does appear to have worked.

And I actually often, I mean, I'm a very efficient housewife and mother, but I do occasionally shrink things. I shrink things all the time, Jane. So that's a fantastic tip. You can take over TikTok with those tips. I think that's where it originated. So I don't think my contribution would be all that original. I'm very grateful to people who appear, have appeared in Panto

and are prepared to talk about it. Kim says, re-Pantos, in 1976, my first job as a professional dancer was in Cinderella, which starred Fee, Tony Blackburn. Ooh. Somebody out of Please Sir. Do you remember that? Yes.

And international singing star, Lester Ferguson. Don't remember him. Someone, says Kim, I later saw in London's Burning. Star-studded or what, she says. Us dancers used to get a break when Buttons, Tony Blackburn, did a solo 15-minute comedy routine while we all relaxed half-dressed in our dressing room, and this was followed by the so-called spectacular ballroom scene.

One day he cut his routine drastically which meant we heard our cue before we'd had time to put our crinoline dresses on. Panic ensued as we tried to get dressed and waltz on stage looking both professional and glamorous. Unfortunately my crinoline skirt was done up with a safety pin and as I made my entrance it slipped to the floor revealing the crinoline skirt was done up with a safety pin and as i made my entrance it slipped to the floor revealing the crinoline hoop framework and my knickers and pop sock pop sock clad legs not my finest moment i did fix the skirt fast fastening for the next performance says kim um i'm sorry to hear about that it sounds as though you dealt with it wonderfully well and honestly joe public kim they don't notice a thing.

Well, they don't notice. They don't notice. If you just do it with confidence, they think it's part of the show. They always do. But Tony Blackburn, I wonder what his stand-up routine was like. Well, he's one of the few people that I've seen in this century still carrying a briefcase. You know, those just very, very

firm, quite large briefcases that men, never women, that men used to carry on the 905 from Surbiton. That's because they've got important documents. Yeah, and he was still carrying a briefcase in kind of 2015. I saw him hiving across the old piazza at Broadcasting House. And you do think, what has a DJ on Radio 2 got in their very large briefcase? 12 inches.

Well, no, because that would, no, you wouldn't fit a 12. You'd have a proper record case, wouldn't you? Because they were always absolute tools, weren't they? The DJs who came in with their own records in their own record case. That's true. So, what's in Tony Blackburn's briefcase? There's a question throughout to the universe.

Yes. Well, he's still going, isn't he? Quick hello to Ali, who had a tooth out and was dreading it, but was able to put earbuds in and so was able to listen to off-air while the event occurred. I'm glad that's over for you, Ali, and you can look forward to the holidays, safe in the knowledge that your gnashers are doing all right. Right, I think we've been in the building too long today Jane. Yes just I'll make this the last

one. Briefly and we have thank you so much for the emails we do read them all we can't read them all out but thank you very much for bothering. Jacqueline has been in touch patient advisor to the National Bladder and Bowel Project and the author of the seminal work Totally Bladdered she loved the conversation with Miriam Margulies

and hooray for saying continents and not incontinence, she says. Hurrah for Miriam, but send her my way if she isn't, I quote, pissing her pants. There are some things that can help, not least of which is the Squeeze app. Now there's another story I could tell, she says somewhat threateningly,

about my colleague's husband after Squeeze-y. Well, I think we do... I don't know. What happened? No, we need to hear that. We do need to hear that. You can't leave that one hanging. What has happened to your colleague's husband after somebody, perhaps him, used the squeeze app?

Well, I don't know. I don't know. We must assume nothing. Let's... OK. VoiceOver describes what's happening on your iPhone screen. VoiceOver on. Settings. So you can navigate it just by listening.

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Shall we do Matty from Bake Off now? Yes, let's bring him in. So he was our guest on the show today. He is, if you didn't see Bake Off 2023, he was the winner. When you started watching, you wouldn't have thought that he was going to win. He's a really, really nice young guy in his early 20s. He's a PE teacher from Cambridgeshire.

His girlfriend entered him for the competition. He wasn't very show-offy about his baking. As he says in the interview, none of his mates even knew that he baked and then he went and won the whole competition. But he seems to have taken it in his stride and he's just a very likeable person as well. He's got one of those beautiful sleeves of tattoos going up his arm. And I never thought that I'd like tattoos, but I think when they're like that, I do like them, Jane. Do you? I don't know. Do you find them a bit common?

Is it only for people who are in the Navy? Yes, I think if you're someone who's been on the high seas and you've got an anchor on your upper arm, that's fine. Okay. Well, anyway, his tattoo looks nice. He's got a winning smile and a self-deprecating one at that. I started by asking him something about his profession because he is still teaching in school.

And I asked him if he was on his Christmas holidays yet. No, I'm done. I finished on Friday. But yeah, I is still teaching in school and I asked him if he was on his Christmas holidays yet no I'm done I finished on Friday but yeah I'm still teaching okay so what was the reaction from the kids in your school when they found out that you'd won they've been really good you know I was quite nervous as to how they would be when I was first kind of outed as being on the show but throughout the whole the whole process they've been really, really good, particularly with the outcome as well. So, yeah, it was weird, but it was really good. Now, tell me that you weren't keeping it quiet because there might be something kind of, oh, I don't know,

not particularly manly about winning Bake Off. Was that the reason? No, I think more so it just none of my friends bake so it would have been a strange thing for me to kind of just there was never like a reason or a moment where I could kind of slip it into conversation so it wasn't necessary it wasn't like any kind of like shame or anything like that it just was like a bit of a I don't know it was an accidental secret okay so that's really funny so uh so how did you get to even be good enough at baking for your girlfriend at the time I know that you've

got engaged since then but for her to think you could get on this competition if you'd never been able to kind of give it you know the airing of doing it in public I don't know really um I kind of cake was all I really knew if I'm honest prior to kind of applying for the show because up to that point I I don't know really up to that point that point, I kind of stuck to what I knew. And then I realised I needed to kind of broaden my horizons. But we had an engagement party and people were asking where we got the cake from. And it was one that I'd made. And at that point, I kind of realised maybe I'm not too bad.

Yeah, well, you're not too bad because you've won. But you did go on, for want of a better word, a quite extraordinary journey in the tents, didn't you? Because right at the very beginning, I don't think anybody would have put their money on you winning. I don't think you would have put your money on getting through the first couple of weeks. No, no way.

Yeah, yeah, I think it's fair to say I'm probably one of the most unlikely winners that the show's had but um I think throughout all of it there's there's some like golden nuggets of advice that both Paul and Prue give you um even if it's in and amongst some like real harsh criticism they're're always they might slate it and then they'll go on to tell you how it can be improved. And and that's the part that I tried to kind of zone in on and take away and not take the criticism to personally. And that probably showed towards the latter stages of the competition. Can I ask you about some of the other aspects of your life? So you are a PE teacher. How long have you been teaching for? I think this is my fifth year now. OK, how's it going? It's good. I enjoy it. It's it keeps you busy, that's for sure.

What age group are you teaching? They're secondary. So year seven through to I don't teach the sixth form. So year seven through to 11. And how does the authority work when you're actually pretty close in age to some of those older students? They've never. Well, they they question it in the way that like you would get you would assume kids might at times. But on the whole, they're they're they're pretty good. I'd like to I'd like to think of myself as quite fair. they're they're they're pretty good I'd like to I'd like to think of myself as quite fair so usually if someone's if someone's being told off by me it's they probably realize that they they deserve it in that moment so yeah and is it both boys and girls that you're teaching yeah both both boys and girls yeah yeah and a lot of girls in secondary school really drop out of sport and PE don't they for a whole host of reasons I think a terrible kind of anxiety about body image can come into play

I think actually some of the sportswear is just difficult for girls I don't personally understand why girls have to wear very very short skirts in order to play sport I wonder whether you've got any and I bet you have views about how we could keep girls in sport for longer yeah I am as part of my training year a few well six years ago now we had to kind of one of the assignments was to pitch as to why your subject should be part of the national curriculum so I went digging for some data and the the drop-off rate for both males and females of sport is is drastic and and really quite bad at the age of kind of like 16 17 and I guess that there's there's a magnet like loads of reasons as to why that is the case but yeah you're you're right in what you're saying that probably people become quite aware in their mid-teens as to kind of body image and things like that for probably for good and bad in some ways.

But I think making it accessible, enjoyable and possibly having kind of like a real life slant on it, it becomes quite important towards the latter stages of secondary school most people aren't going to keep healthy and active through playing certain sports but if we can introduce different methods for them to to kind of stay healthy and active and equip them with that that knowledge and those tools then hopefully they they can continue after school so by real life slant do you mean maybe not concentrating on things like netball or hockey or whatever and actually just doing dance or something that you know fits in more with the rest of their cultural life yeah precisely that I think most adults that keep themselves healthy and active do so with the rest of their cultural life? Yeah, precisely that. I think most adults that keep themselves healthy and active do so with the use of gym. Some people just maybe necessarily it's

just walking. Recognising that kind of to be healthy and active isn't just playing certain sports, because if you're not interested in in in those sports mid-teens the chances are you're not going to pick it up as you get older if anything your interests for those sports die out rather than kind of reinvigorate so if we can if we can equip them with the knowledge that is needed to to find different avenues and more common avenues as you get older then that's super important I think now where does cake fit into physical exercise yeah I um I think it's all about balance isn't it um I I yeah yeah I think it's it's it's it's important that that you you kind of have like a holistic approach to things and as long as

you're not doing any one thing too much then enjoy it. You could do something really incredible though couldn't you with those two completely kind of different planks physical education being amazing at baking and actually having a platform to talk to an awful lot of younger people so what is the next move for Matty from Bake Off? I don't know I'm quite open-minded as to as to what could come I'm very realistic as as to the the fact that a lot of things have got to go in my way as well to to kind of kick on from here but but I'm also I've seen the success that past Bake Off winners have have had um and I would I would forever kick myself if I didn't try and explore that slightly as well so hopefully something exciting but at the moment I honestly

don't know what's around the corner. Have lots of people been in touch though I think there's been a few people in touch yeah but I've now which is that's so big time when I say I've now got an agent who looks after me so I trust them with with what they say I should do next and and what they tell me is is upcoming yeah yeah well it's it's good to have an. You don't want to be left to your own devices in the shark infested world of show business, Matty. What about Prue and Paul Hollywood? Have they given you some advice? From memory that I think enjoy it. Was was kind of like the standout takeaway that I've that I've taken from them um they've not kind of like sat me down or contacted me to give me some kind of advice based on their experience but I do remember them saying enjoy it and I think if I can do that then then that's

that's important there is something quite uh funny isn't there, about Paul Hollywood, where he I mean, he's an intimidating person, actually, in real life, presumably. And I don't know, do you do you do you aspire to be like him? Was he a hero before you went on the show? Is he still a hero after you've been on the show? Is he still a hero after you've been on the show? I think he, it's a good cop, bad cop, isn't it? Between him and Prue. And he's certainly the bad cop and he does it well. But he genuinely wants you to improve as you go on.

And he will give you, like I said, little bits of advice. And he won't even necessarily be giving it to you. He might be giving it to another baker and you're obviously an earshot. So if he's saying that this is how you can make something better, then listen to it is kind of what I told myself. So he definitely wants you to do the best you possibly can in the tent. And he wants all 12 people year on year to to improve as bakers and as as harsh as he can be at times that that I think is his is his primary aim as well yeah just as long as you're not as good as him that's the look there's much chance of that to you yeah

so your Christmas then I mean this is a time when if you wanted to bake you could just be locked in your kitchen for 24 hours every day uh have you made your own Christmas cake do you make your own mince pies are you slaving over a hot oven all the time no you know I don't really like Christmas cake or mince pies I'm not I'm not a fan of them so I haven't made anything yet but I will be I'm gonna make I'm gonna make the bake-off cake actually but I'm gonna change it slightly so it looks a little bit more festive I'm gonna put some flake around the outside of it so it looks a little bit barky um and I'm gonna make a tiramisu I always make a tiramisu at Christmas so so that's what's that's what's on the agenda for later in the week and

any more of your fabulous sausage rolls because you did do very very well with the sausage rolls I made them at the weekend actually yeah they was uh they was quite nice again yeah And any more of your fabulous sausage rolls? Because you did do very, very well with the sausage rolls, didn't you? I made them at the weekend, actually, yeah. They was quite nice again, yeah. That took me by surprise, the handshake that came with that, but that was nice. Matt Edgell is this year's winner of Bake Off 2023, and it would be lovely to see a bit more of him, actually.

I think he's probably got really interesting things that he could do with the ability to cook but also be relatable to the young people. He communicates in a very nice way, doesn't he? He's a good bloke. Yeah, he sounded very nice indeed. Well done, Matty. Can we just, I know you got to do this reading today and I'm a little bit jealous

so can I just, we'll just end with a seasonal poem that's come all the way fee from australia so how can we deny mary her moment in the spotlight off you go thank you mary hark the cockatoos are screeching spiders everywhere are weaving head high webs are number one but a spider in your face ain't no fun she's's wonderful, isn't she? This is gorgeous. No peace at all with these cicadas, cicadas. Their love calls send us bananas. I'm doing my best with this. When the mozzies buzz at Christmas, the sounds we hear are just like tinnitus. So as I end my little song and hope

Santa finds you've done no wrong, we're sure that bountiful cheer ensues merry christmas to all of yous and take it easy on the booze well mary that's i mean i don't know if australia has a poet laureate but you're certainly in the running well i would just uh i'd clip that and play it to future generations around the Christmas tree. Jane Garvey reads. It's a whole new spin-off podcast. Mary, thank you seriously for bothering. Yeah.

So very happy Christmas to all of you. And if it's not a happy Christmas... I don't know why we're on again tomorrow and the day after. This was a link. Oh, sorry. A very happy Christmas to all of you. And if it's not a happy Christmas, then get in touch with us by tomorrow because we can put your Christmas dilemmas to our very wise clinical psychologist, Julia Samuel.

Are you all right there? Yes, I've got to. Because if I get a wiggle on, I can get the choir to train. Come on then, let's go. Come on, do this as though it's completely natural. Okay. Did you know, Jane, that we're up for an award? Well, are we?

Yeah, apparently so. Brilliant. Podbible have come out with their top podcast categories for 2023 and Off Air is in the top eight for best interview. Brilliant. So if you'd like to vote for us, the link is in the podcast description. Throw to the Xmas Therapist on Wednesday. That's not it not that's not it

that's not it no so I think you just go to do you just type in pod bible and it will come up yeah just click on the link

thank you Megan again that'd be great although I have to say that if if the event is on a Monday night we won't go

so maybe there's always well if the event's on a Monday Tuesday or, we won't go. Well, if the event's on a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, we won't go. Anyway, thanks for that. All the best.

See you tomorrow. Thank you for listening. And I don't know what. Well, just thank you very much indeed for listening. Yes, absolutely. Just to echo my colleague's sentiment. She's still overcome with her Polar Express, I think. You did it.

Elite listener status for you for getting through another half hour or so of our whimsical ramblings. Otherwise known as the hugely successful podcast Off Air with Jane Garvey and Fee Glover. We missed the modesty class. Our Times Radio producer is Rosie Cutler, the podcast executive producer. It's a man. It's Henry Tribe.

Yeah, he's an executive. Now, if you want even more, and let's face it, who wouldn't, then stick Times Radio on at three o'clock Monday until Thursday every week, and you can hear our take on the big news stories of the day as well as a genuinely interesting mix of brilliant and entertaining

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