Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Aisling Bea (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

We’re back with a b-b-b-b-bonus episode, the first live show from our (recording-breaking) run at the Royal Albert Hall. We did 6 live ‘Tasting Menu’ episodes at the iconic London venue, where we got fan favourite guests back on the podcast to be served the menu of other fan favourite guests. And our first diner to return to the Dream Restaurant is stand-up superstar, actor and friend of the podcast (way back from episode 10), Aisling Bea!Follow Aisling on Instagram @weemissbeaOff Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Recorded by Matt Mountford-Lister for Storm Productions Group live at the Royal Albert Hall.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. It's a bonus air. Bonus! Wow, we, so loud. Yes, this is a bonus live episode of the Off Menu podcast. James, do you remember this? It was all the way back on the 13th of March, 2026. In the Royal Albert Hall, no less. No less than the Royal Albert Hall.

We will only perform in the Royal Albert Hall now. Yes, we did six shows at the Royal Albert Hall. Mad. Which should have been illegal, but they let us do it. Yes. And they were all 10. tasting menus where we get an old guest back, a fan favourite, and we give them the menu of another fan favourite.

Yes. Very exciting for us to trawl through our multiple episodes and go, we'd like to speak to this person again. Yeah, we listened to every single episode we've ever done again in order to choose the best guests for the Royal Albert Hall. But no offence, if you're listening to this, and you weren't one of the ones selected, your time will come next time we do the Royal Albert Hall. Of course.

We actually liked all the episodes that we listened back to and we listened to it back all of them. Yeah, all of them. Every single one of them was great. Yeah. Apart from one. We decided to go alphabetical. So... Alphabetical.

Alphabetical. We went in alphabetical order. And the first guest on these tasting menu shows is Ashling Bee. The wonderful Ashling Bee came back to be given the menu of a previous guest all would be revealed in the show. Some stuff we talk about

to Ashling won't make total sense, because there was a first half, and we went on and talked in the first half. Just for context, Ed and I had just watched the Louis Faroo Manosphere documentary, and in the first half did a lot of references to the Manosphere. Yes.

Saying people have been cooked, talking about HS Tiki-Toki and stuff. So, like, you know, that might come up again in the second half a little bit. Yeah. So if you're like, I don't understand that joke, it's probably because you've not heard the first half. And a lot of

a lot of comedians would make sure that didn't happen. but not us. Not us, not us. We were in the moment in the Royal All over all, we were caught up in the present really. We weren't thinking about the future when people would have to listen to it. And I guess, you know, sometimes people would say like, oh, why bother going to see a live podcast? They'll just release it as audio anyway. Well, that's why. This is proof. This is proof that actually, you know, as much as you're going to enjoy listening to it now, there will be moments where you might feel a bit lost. It's going to be nonsense to you. And that won't happen in the future if you come.

but this is a fun episode. Enjoy. This is the off-menu tasting menu of Ashley B! Live at the Royal Albert Hall. Ed Gamble, kick us off, like only you can. Okay, we're kicking off straight away, James, good. God, there was energy there.

In the interval, James was a bit ashamed of what he did in the first half. He's released an apology on the notes up, so everything's sorted now. I was spiraling. I was spiraling, and thank you. And now you're going to go and get your mental health address. You're going to go. go into therapy. Yes.

Yes. Good boy. Welcome to the off-menu podcast. Taking the J2O of conversation. Pouring it onto the cocoa pops of humour. And then eating a load of fucking disgusting stinky eggs as well, you horrible man.

That is a gamble. My name is James Ake. As her together. We own a drink restaurant and every single week. We invite in the guests. We ask them their favourite ever start. A main course dessert. Side dish. Und drink. Not in that order. And this is The Tasted Menu! Where we invite back an old guest, a fan favourite. A fan favourite. This episode's fan favourite. From a previous episode, we will be giving the menu of another previous guest, fan favourite.

And this guest, James, did the podcast ages ago. The first series. The first ever series. The first ever series. We won truly one of our favourites, one of our favourite people in the world. I think we should just get on with it, James. Yeah, let's bring out Ashting and give her another guest menu. So here we go.

This is not the off-menu menu menu of Ashling Bee. Well, Ashley was starting a new podcast. Will you come on it? All right, lads, I'll lend my celebrity jazz to your little podcast wants it about spurt menus. Oh, okay. That'll never work, but I'll do it anyways, boys. Oh, oh, ho, ho. What's for starters?

Me, eating my work. James. Hmm. You were very nice coming on our podcast when no one listened to it in his early days. You gave us a chance,

Ashley, and we appreciated it. I did, boys. I saw something in you. I thought, look, these guys, I've got no personality, they're both the same height. That's not going to work. Don't lead with no personality, though.

You know what I mean, Ed, you're stretching it at this stage, but diabetes is, diabetes, you can't live a life just talking about your diabetes, Ed. Doing pretty well. out of it, got to say. That's true.

Some diabetics, they only get to sit in the audience. That's true. They have to sit down because they're so tired from having diabetes. I understand that wasn't the best opening, of course. Welcome everyone with diabetes. Type one and two. Here's what I,

one of the many things I remember from your episode, Ashling, is that James was 45 minutes late. Yeah, that was the only episode I've been late for. Still to this day, I slept in. Yes. I woke up and a lot of messages from Benito going, where the hell are you? Ashley was here.

She's been here for ages. I had to turn up really, really late and say, I was so, so sorry. And it's never happened again. So, thanks, me. Because you cared more about the people who came after me? Or why, why wasn't it? Was that why? You just didn't really.

It's fine. This has turned into like a group therapy chat between three friends that you guys have to watch. Thanks for having me on, guys. You're most welcome. We are delighted to have you on for the opening night at the Albert Hall. James, we do need to kick it off properly though because at the moment you are a mere man and we need you to be a genie.

Oh yes, you're doing something sexist now James for a change. It's a character, okay. Ashton, how would one traditionally get a genie out of a lamp, would you say? Like I'd get many things out of things with a spout head. Give us a good rub. Would you care to give the spout a rub? Oh, God.

Hang on, you set that up. You can't... I know, yeah. Oh, you're not going to turn this into a meme or something now, are you? I suppose I'd like... You don't have to rub that. Oh, man. God, I can't see.

It's not my clothes. Blood in the face. Am I pregnant now? Oh, no. That was a real shame. I really, like, I really don't see... It's in my eye. You didn't have to rub the spout, mate.

Honestly, I did... In Aladdin, he doesn't... wank off the spout, does it? You can rub the main body of the lamp. See, now, hindsight's, you know, a fine thing when you're on the other side. Yeah, I suppose I didn't have to wank off the spout, yes, now I understand. You just rub the tummy of the lamp, because I know that works for me. All you need to do is rub my tongue.

A little look into how Ed Gamble gets an erection there, is like, just rub his tummy. rub my tummy big old bono the new catchphrase no I really enjoyed that James I really enjoy that James sorry James is 41 whose menu are you hoping for actually we're going to give you an old guest's menu

oh is there any in particular that you're well do you know in terms of the first series so we were on the first series of this or maybe he came on the second one in my episode, I talked about my birthday, which is on Monday. Oh my God, if they bring out a cake. Yeah. To be fair, you said this to us...

You said this to us backstage just before we came on for the second half. You're like, was there going to be a cake? We're like, I didn't fucking know it was your birthday on Monday. It's a food podcast. So, like... Oh, I'll leave it as a surprise. I'll leave it as a surprise to him. Yeah, let's leave it as a surprise forever.

So, yeah, so I was talking about how my birthday's day before St. Patrick's Day, and I won... There was my people. And we're like little rats coming in now. Yes. We're the immigrants, people are like, we can't, because that invisible border, we can't get them back, and we're like, ha-ha.

So, yes, I was talking about St. Patrick's Day, and I got really hammered, and I had to do the St. Patrick's Day gig in Leicester Square. And I was like, hello there, happy so, Patrick's Day. And then I went to Burger and Lobster with Darrow O'Brien and I think Ardlo Hanlon. And in the podcast, I do remember saying what was so lovely about going to this place was I was covered in butter, but I didn't fancy anyone at the table.

So it was fine. I could just be at one, finally eating food after vomiting up from St. Patrick's Day so long. And Darrah got really offended that I didn't fancy him. he's like so yeah listen to the old podcast and I didn't know

he didn't fancy me and I was like what didn't give it away the bib of me covering and butter going Clive your myth if you don't eat them

at the end Dara so yeah so maybe Dara's yeah yeah because I would love to go for dinner

with him some time and I mean I can't even It's such an insight into Dara's break do you think he just walks around

assuming that everyone fancies it Ah yeah Tall men have a bit of that, though, don't they? Yeah. If you could see things up here. Well, we haven't given you a tall man's menu. Oh.

No, a weedy little boy. It's a little, little man. Oh, no. Okay. Tonight, Ashton B. Yeah. You will be given the off-menu menu of... Josh Whitaker. Oh!

Oh my God! It's Joshua. The photo was the last minute decision. And we literally, what we said to Benito was, just find quite a bad photo of Josh. That would be perfect. Could we just have another look at that? I absolutely love that photo.

There he is. Look at that absolute asshole. He looks like someone's a family pony. Yeah. Just like a sugar lump. What do you think about that? Josh Whitakam's menu. Do you think you'll like it or not like it

before you've even heard it? I think he's maybe surprising spicy old Jotty. Maybe. Surprising me spicy? Yeah, I just think he'd surprise us by enjoying heat. What's he?

I don't know. Have you had a meal with Josh before? Have you ever... Oh, God, I've definitely had loads of... I like to go around. I'm not technically a doctor, but then who is? Do you know what I mean?

But I have often diagnosed Josh as having the upside down stomach disease. You know, what's that called? Collic. What is it? Colic. Colic. Not colic, more serious. Something upside down, like your tummy's upside down. Upside down stomach disease.

Boy, eternity. Boy, eternity. Inside out, around and round. It's a type of tummy issue where your digestive has to go down to go up. So do they have to eat through their butt and shit through their mouth? Yeah, it's Josh Whitaker. I've had dinner with him, I just told you.

No, I think he's got an upside-down tummy, which is a real thing. It's not exactly collic, because I've seen him at events when I went to watch him vomit on a plug, and we were like, oh, is this going to burn down? But it didn't, in fairness, the place didn't burn down. But he often has a bit of a dicky-tum from... Yeah. He used to yak all the time. Oh, he yacked everywhere.

Benito, if you've Googled up. so down, tell me disease, you can put it on the monitors so we can solve this, that would be great. It is a thing. At the minute, we just had got heckled by the word colic. It wasn't the most cheery thing when it happened on a Friday night of the alcohol. Collic! Collic!

You're thinking of colic. No? Okay, I'm just trying to help. Have you got it? Have you suddenly remembered it? Could it be hyaciasis hernia? Is it hyacus hernia? Yes, in part the C's.

and I like run to you like Patrick Swayze and jump into your arms. Parasophageal hernia! That's Josh's drag name. Yes, so I have diagnosed him with that. He's never gone to a doctor. I haven't really Googled him much. I just think that's what he has. It doesn't sound like his menu's going to be spicy then, does it?

To be fair. I wouldn't risk spice if I had upside-down tummy disease. But see, he doesn't think he does? No, he doesn't. That's so he might be risking and again. He thinks everyone else's tummies are upside down. Yeah. He is an Australian inside, but very much an English outside.

Yes. So, racist both times. Lovely work there, James. Thank you. Thank you. Now, your dream meal for your water course, you chose still water. So I guess you're hoping for that from Josh's menu as well. Yes, I would.

Well, again, speaking as a doctor, I wouldn't want someone with an upside down stomach having bubbles. You know, so I would want him to have still water to just get that. H2O into him, you know, hydration is really important when you have something wrong with your stomach. I'm trying to embrace this sort of doctor character. This will be a good opportunity as well because we'll run through your menu alongside to remind you of what you picked. Good. And you can, if you want to make changes as we go through this to your dream menu, you can absolutely do that. Ooh, I get to do a live edit. Also, can I just say, which is very nice. And again, I don't know if it's like teeing up to the birthday cake.

But the lads did leave me bread and Kerry Gold Butter, which was my... Yes. Do you know that I mentioned Kerry Gold on this podcast at the start? This podcast has turned into this and I have yet to be sent, I know it's hard to post, but a free thing of butter. That's disgrace. In all the years. That's a disgrace. They should send you the cow. Yeah. It has become a running thing on the podcast, Kerry Gold. And you started it. Thank you very much. Every Irish guest has picked Kerry Gold butter. Yeah. And if they haven't, I think they've had their passport taken away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They do. They get sent back to. the moon

we're off of. The moon. The moon. The moon. Yes, the... Josh Whitickum's tummy would go crazy on the moon. Oh, man.

Oh, God, oh no. This is a small step for people with paracophical hya. Yes, and you also left me my dessert backstage as well, or a version of it, my pecan tarts. This is really nice that you think me and James

had anything to do with this. The lads left me bread and curry gold butter And me and James look at each other going No, I didn't fucking do that Did you do that? Oh my God, it was Benito It was Benito It was Benito

Guys, do you think Benito's in love with me? Oh my God, yes Here's the question If you went for dinner with Benito Would you put any of that butter around your face And would you wear a bib? Oh my God, I definitely put the butter on my face hoping that maybe he'd reach across and put a piece of bread on my face to get it off.

Oh my God, I don't know why I can continue this show. I'm too horny. Well, we've got you just how we want you. Let's start the menu, Ashney. Okay. This is Josh Whittickham's Watercourse. You like still water, and he's going to be sparkling water and a cup of tea. See, now, back of my day when I did this podcast, you weren't allowed a cup of tea, because that is delicious to me. I would, of course, have a cup of tea if I started. Delicious. What type of tea, though, you can't just say a cup of tea? I think he did just say a cup of tea, you know. I guess you could have whatever a cup of tea you would like. Didn't even specify how much milk does he put the bag in first, does it put the milk in first? Because obviously nobody with a good brain does that.

For a sign of psychopathy, not in the John Ronson book about psychopaths, but if you put the milk in first, then I don't know. So is it milk in first and then the neck? As they say, milk in first, murder second. Yeah. Again, I'm no psychologist, but then who is? But that's a surefire way to work it out. Yes, and then you have to specify, do you want sugar in there? Sugar in your tea after 35, are you a baby?

Pull yourself together. Whoa. Huge type. I mean it. I mean it. I mean it. Misses over there with your baby fruit juice on your, come on. We need to get ourselves together now, okay? Yeah. Did you used to put sugar in your tea and then there was a conscious decision I've grown out of this now? Yes, the government got in touch. They send a letter to your house. You're no longer a wizard, Ari, and you just have to sort of

hold on one. We don't mention that. Yeah. I told you you weren't a wizard anymore. You're no longer a wizard or taking it back. What's your, what's your belief of human rights? Could you take us through Ashling? Just something for the woke people, not you, James. I hate it. I love Harry Potter. You're playing Hagrid in the new movie, right? Yeah, I'm going to be Hagrid. Me and Nick Frost are playing it together.

I'm on his back like Banjo Cazooey. Could you take us through Aschling B's perfect cup of tea, please? Yes, I will, thank you. Ashton T. Yes. Cup of B. Ashton T is a barrier. tea bag. Yes.

So Irish people, do you know that there's now, and again, they'll never send me any free stuff when I mention on this podcast. There's, so it's a gold label, Barry's tea is the Irish tea bags. They're in a red box, but they've just done a black box, and it is so delicious,

especially if you've hard water in your area. It mixes very well with hard water. Boil that kettle. It must be boil, James. Don't ever put cold water on a tea bag. Yeah, he knows. James. And leave it in for about a minute, then outy pops, come over, a full fat milk.

Don't be semi-skimmed. Again, that's too far into adulthood. You can baby yourself a little bit by going full fat, creamy nice milk. In we go. Good old drop. You want it to be the right level of brown. And then we give it a twirl. As in we put a twirl into it.

Because you can't be putting sugar in it because that's for babies, but you can put a full twirl. Right. That's the hack. You can put a full twirl into it. let a dip, but be very careful. You have to do it in, be brave, be brave, out! And then, pop.

Delicious, sexy, cup of tea. I mean, does actually sound nice to the twirl. I think there's enough people in here that someone will try that. Yeah. Because within the twirl, you've got the thing so it can act as a straw as well. So the second time you go in with the twirl,

you bite off the head of it like a prawn. Very much the prawns of the chocolate, world, the twirls. And then you put it in and you suck the tea up and then through the twirls. So again, don't have sugar. Don't be a baby. But you'll get some of that sweet sugar on the way up as it comes in through the twirls. I really don't mind it. But don't be a baby. But don't be a baby. People do that with Tim Tams, right? You know Tim Tams? I do know Tim Tams because my boyfriend does Australia. Yes, of course. I remember my friend went on a gap here to Australia and he came back. He was like, wait till you see this. And he pulled out a bag of Tim Tams, bit the end off both ends

and then sucked his cup of tea and it's the hardest I've ever seen anyone suck at anything. So I watch this, it's so cool. I'm so glad I didn't take a gap year. Isn't, because they don't really do gap ears in Ireland. Isn't a gap year supposed to like, and no-fenced Australians, including the one who got me pregnant?

But isn't a gap year supposed to broaden your horizons and understanding of the world? Yeah, well, he wasn't sucking tea through a bourbon before he went. Yeah, that's true. He discovered something new. Just it's not exactly. a magical carpet ride to go to Australia

and come back with Tim Tams, man. I'm glad he took the year. I've got a magic carpet, though. I could take them there. Yeah. No, I've heard about it. It's official now, I've got one. What are you going to... Pop it up there! Pop them's up right!

Poplar's up right! Ashden B! Pop them's up there! It's not pop on top of it, Ashden B. God, you actually scared the shit out of me there. It felt great. Fellas, you're going to scare. Ladies... James.

Spot the red flags early. Call the police. James, do remember when you do callbacks to that, that when the podcast is put out, they won't include the first half. I trust Benito will be on my side in the edit. Remove anything that doesn't make any sense, hey, Benito? I'm sorry, I bully you off of Mike.

Pop-long-to-bred Josh Whitacom, of course, is the question. and Josh Whitakum said, a pile of 90s popadoms with mainly the yogurt dip, mango chutney, and lime pickle. Now, it was Josh Whitickam, so of course the 90s was going to come up,

but what does 90s popadoms mean to you, Ash then B? I don't know, because I only really had, like, I didn't even have pasta until about the 2000s because they just didn't. The first time I had spaghetti, I think I was 16,

and it was my neighbor's French friend who said, said... Irish laws are weird, don't they? You have to wait. It was just a different time. She's like, you can have spaghetti? And I was like, oh, what?

I don't know. We're not, you know, a bit much for us now. I don't know about that. And she put ketchup and grated cheese over. And she's like, that's Italian food. And I was like, Jesus, that's lovely. That was the first one ever had spaghetti. So I didn't have a Papa Dom.

I'd say I didn't have any... Definitely didn't have... I don't think I'd had Indian food until I moved to London. I didn't have Italian food until I was about 16 I didn't yeah so I 90s Papa Dom is is is is it doesn't have a reference to me yeah I was talking of pastor Leah over here has a question for you Leah do want to ask a question

Leah? Leah went home in the interval oh Leah I've seen enough what a way to find that out oh Leah were you the latest she's still over there do I mean Lauren oh sorry wow that was a real feminine James man Remember her name.

James. She has a name, James. She has a name. I cannot believe this shit, man. I just say the first girl's name that comes to my head. I call all girls lear. Because I like to leer at them. Is it Lauren?

I'm so sorry about that, Lauren, if you want to come to school. You are seen, you are heard, and you have a name. Though I will say, Lauren, in terms of like, where's the girl who was talking about the pasta? You probably should have worked out. It was you. Thank you, I'm saying that. That's fine.

An ally. Ally on the streets. Hates you in the sheets. I don't know. Oh, yes, the past thing. Well, I would like to think my favorite one to eat is the one that looks like an airplane neck pillow. What's that one?

You know, the one it looks like a... Macaroni? No, no, no. It's got stuff inside, and it? Are you thinking of an air? aeroplane neck pillow. Have you? I am, yes. You know, when you put past inside an airplane neck pillow and back to sleep we go. Lauren's question is, and she asks this to everyone, would you like to ask it to Ashling? If you were a pasturee, what past the shape would you be? If you were a pasture, what pasture

shape would be? Yes. I repeat my answer, the aeroplane neck pillow one. What is, but also Lauren, did you not say, are you second generation Italian? Yes, oh, so you speak it out, oh, why don't you ask me an Italian, Lauren? You can't just say tiramisu? Turmasu, Turmoo. Oh, do you not have any Italian? That's totally fine if you don't. Okay, well, for me, a nickel spilos,

a lini. The one with the filling in it, and it's all rolled up. Cattalini. Tortolini. Tortolini, though, isn't it? Than a neck pillow, yes, it is. I was thinking the size of a neck pillow here. We're not coming across great.

Don't say we. Try, drag me into your fucking cesspit of sexism. You got your ratios off with the pastur. I thought that's good enough. Come over here with me. I'm going to get the video of you forcing me to do that to the spout of that thing, and then just leave that without comment and get you cancelled. I am behind the thing, so you could just dub it over with anything.

You can get AI to do my voice and be like, that's it, wank off the spout. Well, no need to get AI to do it now. Just do that. Said it completely clean with no background as well. Chop the up and use it anywhere. Guaranteed Benito's done that already and we can play it at the end of the show.

Straight in there. God damn it, Benito. So you'd be the... You'd be a tortellini. Yes, but then being Irish, maybe the one with potato in it is... Nocky. Oh, I wish... Do you know what?

If I thought about that for longer, knocky-knocky who's there Ashling T Ashling Tee who birthday cake that's my favourite pasta birthday cake H-S knocky-nocky

that was a good knocky-nocky joke yeah I like your knocky-nocky joke where you just said some things you remember from ten minutes ago so that's so you wanted bread when you came on the podcast with Kerry Gold Butter, of course, salad bread. So this is not really

the kind of vibe you would go for for your drink meal. Would you have Papa Doms now? Are you a Popper Doms now? I have a big Indian family now. My brother-in-law is Indian. So we eat loads of Indian food now. Woo! Yes, too.

A big shout out to the Carolins in the audience. There's any carolins? So we use a lot of Carolyn food as well in particular. So yes, I would have a lot of Papa Doms. They do take the piss out of me because sometimes they're like, is that Papa Dom too? spicy for you and I'm like, no, I can just about manage it.

Because I'm still not great with heat. I'm good with spice, but I'm still not great with heat. Josh, would it come? Would you want to eat this meal with Josh? See, I'm now starting to think that man, that man, that man. Go ahead the picture of Josh up again, please. Yes, please. The sad pony.

Hello. Come on. I love this. He's not even here. Every time a picture of him appears, everyone laughs. My little pony, I think, might not be able to trespice, and I'll tell you why. it's because he really focused on the yogurt part of the dip. He really does, yeah.

He wanted mostly, mostly yogurt dip with it, yeah. I put yogurt on everything. Do you? Yeah, I put yogurt on absolutely everything. It's big, I would put yogurt on you, A. Castor, if I had the chance. Clim that up? Yeah. Give me something to find out.

Yes, I love you. So I think he might be a bit of me needing. Okay. So you would eat this meal with Josh? So far, yes, yes. Fantastic. What's your favourite thing to put yoghurt on

before we move on? Oh, do you know what? I don't mind. A bit of poach salmon on a piece of toast, a bit of kimchi on top of that and a bit of yogurt on top of that. Sounds very fancy and very nice.

Yeah, layers top. That's another one you can't be eating with someone you fancy. Just it's yogurt and kimp, it's not a... Plain yogurt. Nobueno as Lauren wouldn't say because she can be beginning Italian.

It's just checking if it's a plain yogurt. Plain yogurt. It's not a crunch corner, is it? Yeah. No, it's a petty flu. I'm a baby sometimes. A Greek, big thick Greek yogurt. Or a labina.

Don't mind a labna. Oh, God. I should have eaten before I did the podcast, I now realise. Let's get into Josh's menu proper then. Your dreams, well, this is Josh Whitleycom's dream starter. You will be eating two slices of toast. Oh. One with marmites and one with marmalade.

What is he, Paddington Bear? Oh, my God. Well, let's check the picture of him. Is he Paddington, ma'er? Let's see the picture, please. Yes, he is. Straight in from Peru, Josh Whitacom. You'd lose a marmalade sandwich in that hair.

Yes. He is the most Paddington of all the comedians, I think. Yes, he is. I can imagine him escorting the queen to the afterlife. No, it's this way. No, no, no, it's definitely this way. No, over here. Afterlife, this way.

Come this way, ma'am. What's that? When did that happen? Sorry, James isn't online. We need to explain quite a lot of these things to... When the queen died... Did you not know? I remember.

I'm so sorry. The only woman I liked. Um... Yeah, that's when the queen died. A picture went around the internet. So someone had done seriously, like a drawing. Uh-huh. of, um, of, um, of the, it's like their backs, but it was Paddington, like, leading, leading the queen off.

I think, I can't remember exactly what the caption was written under it. It was something like, that's enough for you now or something like, it wasn't that. It wasn't that. That's enough for you now. Now, now, all finished. Something like now, now, now all finished. That'll do, pig. That'll do. Benito, find that picture and put it up on the big screen. He's taking it to hell.

I think the person who drew it was probably pro-queen and was insinuating heaven, really. Oh. It would be good if the next picture is Paddington taking his face off and it's the devil. You have lived an awful life. Yeah. A toasted marmalade sandwich on his horns. Ben's just... I'm not in charge of the screen is what Benito's written there.

Thank you, Benito. Bad luck, Benito. I didn't know there had been a muttoner. I didn't know there'd been a mutiny backstage, and he's lost all of his, he's tied to an office chair. I'm at a child of the screen. Get help, it's me, Benita.

Stop laughing. I got her ice cream. Benita, can you find out what the caption was on the Paddington and Queen picture and put it up on the little screen for us, please? I'm just curious now. Are you going to prefer the Marmite or the Marmalade toast? Again, I'm going out with an Australian

who recently presented a piece of toast to my Irish mother, who'd never had Marmite before, and she thought it was Nutella. And she, like, had been hit by the devil or an exorcist. She's going, ha! Against the wall. Just when I'm not.

I've never eaten something so disgraceful in my life. So Marmite is in the house. Not for me. But I don't find Marmite that marmite. Yeah. Like, I'm like, it's fine. There you guys. Sorry to interrupt.

It was, thank you, ma'am, for everything. Oh, what did you say it was? Thank you, ma'am, for everything. But what did you think it was? Oh, come on now, all done. It's the same sort of, same meaning in a way. Is Marmite not a thing in Ireland? No, not really.

Wouldn't you say Irish people in? We don't really... No. No. We'll move here, but we won't accept your ways. We'll make love to your men. We'll pay. the odd bit of tax, but we won't take your spreads.

Is there an equivalently noxious spread in Ireland? Again, the only spice is salt, so... Just butter, really. It probably is butter. It's the equivalent. I don't think we do have an equivalent spread. Marmalade is really big. It's a real big, like, grandad's breakfast.

Apparently, it came from Queen Marie of Somewhere, or Mary, no, Queen Mary of probably England, I probably should have researched this at some point, was sick and vitamin C is obviously in oranges and her chef who was French was basically like Marie-A-Melade, Mary is sick and he made her like an orange concoction and that was where marmalade came from.

I love that. So is this QI or is this off-menu? And that's actually how it came to be. I may I be the first to say to Queen Mary, thank you, Mum, for everything. In the words of Winnie the Pooh. Eat that sandwich. So you don't, sorry, I interrupted before

because I got the caption, you don't find marmite that's marmite. Yeah, you know, there's like, oh, it's a bit marmite for me, like you either hated or you love it. I'm sort of like, oh, I don't, it's not going to, it's, it's a, the metaphor doesn't work with me.

Yeah, mm-hmm. So you can, you can retool that phrase now. You can use, that's a bit marmite when you think. Yeah, like, how was your day? Marmite. Yeah. Fine. Yeah.

It's fine. I'm not bothered either way. Yeah, exactly. They can't market that, I guess. No, it is a harder push. It's fine. You could get something else if you want to, but if it's there, why not? Marmite. Marmite. Some of you will like it just fine.

And also, because I have to mention it for Jack, it's veggie mite is the Australian one. They're Australians in. Of course, they always are Irish and Australians, us cheeky lads. And, yeah, so they are a very passionate way to being veggie mite. I don't totally see the difference. Just don't, really?

I mean, Australians who are in, what is the difference? Oh my God, I heard someone over there go, sorry much, sorry much. I can't even explain. Who said sorry match over there? Doesn't it sound like, it sounds like just so every time. Sorry, sir. What does it mean?

It's like a cargo impasse. Sort of salt and petrol or something. What's in it? Yeast. It's yeast extract. It's the thing that's left over from brewing, I believe. Yeah, okay. Was it on your series that you had to make Marmite of Taskmaster?

Oh, God, it was? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't remember anything I do. Truly. I have to try and remember what I said in this podcast today. Yes, I did in Taskmaster Have to make Marmite

You don't remember what I did Well, because you did a podcast And I did that podcast with you Yes On for Taskmaster, yes Hold on a second I've done a podcast with you as well Oh I know where I know you're from

All night that's been bugging me Who's this handsome guy Yeah I did have to make Taskmaster to Marmite I suppose I can't Well, it's not going to be a great anecdote because I can't remember what I did, or there were a lot of things I did on that show that I don't totally remember,

but oh, do the memes remind me that I took my trousers off. Well, let's say that for this course, the Marmite you've gotten the toast is made by one of the taskmaster contestants for your series. This is a great question, by the way, before you ask it. Thank you, Ed.

And Ashton, I'm here to... Love your guys' relationship. You guys are clearly fucking, I'm so into it. I adore this. Okay. Atling and before you answer I'm happy to remind you of who you're on Taskmaster with Yes, go on with. Yes, Nish, thank you.

Nish, Bob Mortimer, Sally Phillips and Mark Watson. Well done. Yeah, which one of them do you want to make the Marmite for you? I would trust the most, I don't think Nish can cook at all. Correct. We know this. Bob, I wouldn't trust him to put together

something I would eat at all. sort of get lost in the clouds or something like that in some way. Mark, Sally would make something I'd have to eat because I love her so much, but it wouldn't be delicious. But Mark Watson would try to do it exactly right. He would over-research. He would lose his mind in the process of trying to put together a marmite, and it would be probably delicious.

I think that's the correct answer. Yes, but I think he'd just really commit. He'd learn how to cook for the task. I think it is the good answer, yeah. You chose Calamari when you came on the podcast as a starter and you might have even been the first person who choose that very popular starter. Again, a trend setter.

Would that still be your dream starter now? Very interesting. Would it still be my dream starter? Maybe not. Maybe I've grown. Maybe I'm a big girl now and I can change. Yeah, no, I probably would probably pick it. I love it.

It's really crunchy and tasty. You can dip it in things. Little rings. It's kind of like a fancy hula hoop. You know? That thing there. Has anyone seen the new trailer for the Spielberg film

where Emily Blunt starts speaking in alien language? It was exactly like that. You should see the trailer. Emily Blunt is reading the news or something and then she starts going, and you're meant to be like, oh, this is an incredible alien film.

You're like, why is Emily Blum beatboxing on the news? So when you did all the calamari stuff, it was like that. You were like, So here's the thing about acting that's very hard. On the day, you're like, I might win an Oscar. And then when they edited together, and it's such pants, you're so shooketh

that you didn't sort of, like, in your head, you thought you were the best actor, and then they, yeah, they do you dirty in the edit. But I bet she was like, they were like, Emily, we love it. So we need more. It's going to be like, oh, no, she's an alien, but that's probably what happens.

You put your trust in so many people when you do something. I'm never doubting blunt for a second. James or Emily. Yeah, James, blood. Yeah, I didn't know if I'm about Emily, but... As we've already covered, your main course was lobster. Yes.

Now, Josh Whitacom, famously a vegetarian, so it's unlikely that it's going to be lobster. But you can still have this main course with Dara and with Ardle if you want it. This is Josh Whitakam's dream main course. Franco Manca Pizza No. 5. Wasn't that a song in the 90s? I like a plain starter. I like a plain starter. I even like a tea.

Well, blah, but... Franco Manka Pizza Number five. No anchovies added chili. Oh, and yet the sad pony has just kicked his back leg. And a side's side. salad. It's like he's all men everywhere. He is all of us, Josh. By the way, that's what's so beautiful about him.

I think it's Franco Manza Franco Manca Pizza number five, no anchovies. It looked like it could be Franco Manza Franco Manca Pizza no five, no anchovies. It's not, the five is the number I think. The five is it's not Franco Manca Pizza, no five, no. The band Five come in and try and eat. eat his pizza.

He is very obsessed with the 90s, so that probably is a legitimate Josh Whitaker concern is that five might come in and eat his pizza. No, five! Oh no, they slam down to the funk. Oh, over my pizza. But yes, A1, you know.

Is that a famous type of pizza? Frank O'Banko... You don't remember A1? You don't remember A1? What? A1. Do I remember A1, Ashden? Do I remember which? A1, apparently. A1.

Apparently, that's a thing. It's a row. isn't it? Oh no, I was thinking of the boy band. Yes, so was I. You sent aha at me just now. I'm going nuts. They did a cover of aha. What the fuck has happened to this episode? You started talking about paper or roads and I don't know what you're on about. What?

What's A1? A1 were a boy band in the 90s who did a cover of the aha song, Take Me On. Yes. You were talking about a British road? Okay, okay. Okay. My joke, A1, was related to five. no five, but yes, A-1. And it didn't get a great reaction from the room

because I think my reference was too specific and I didn't drive it home enough. But I thought, at least my friend James would back me up on it. Absolute sheer fucking confusion from this guy. This is like if the movie A Beautiful Mind had no budget. Could I just ask, Franco Manco, Franco Manco? It's hard to say, isn't it? I've just realised that myself.

It's hard to say. Franco Manco Pizza number five. Manco. Does anyone here ever work there, or is that number five of pizza, a type of, a special type of pizza? Yeah, it's like all the pizzas are number one, two, three, four, five. Yes, it is. I did assume that much to be fair. So number five is always...

What? Before five? Tell me more, your big facts. I'm having a fucking nightmare. I'm having a nightmare. Oh, wait now. Benito has a message for us, boys. Come on, Skip. Let's go.

Franco Manca pizza number five is Cantabrian anchovies 100% Italian tomato or as you call it tomato Lauren Moncella Calmata black olives capers garlic and oregano

or oregano I'm so Hollywood What I would say is Josh doesn't want the anchovies on that And if you remove the anchovies It's a fucking margarita So you want a margarita pizza But with chilies on it I think more chilies. Yes.

Maybe he wants to order a pizza so then he can ask for things removed because that's kind of a status thing, isn't it? It's very L.A., isn't it? Very L.A., very showbiz. You know, I'd like a pizza. No cheese, no bread, just the essence. Just let me smell the oven. Yeah.

Just let me smell the baker's hands and then I'll leave my tip. Yes, okay, okay. I can see. I think what Josh is looking for from this menu is, a sense of safety and comfort and a hug. That's what feels like it's going on with Joshy. Doesn't it a sense of my... Who hurt you?

I'll hug. I'll hug, Josh. He's our friend, isn't he? Yeah, he's our friend. I want to give him a little cuddle. See who hurt him. Let's go see him now. Bye, guys. Come on, guys.

When you said about the LA thing there, you were also the first person on the pod to ever mention Cafe Gratitude. Oh, yes. Which is the place in L.A. where you have to order stuff by saying, you know, it's all called. What is it? It's like...

All the dishes are called things like fortitude and strength and inner piece, and you have to order by saying, I... I would like strength. Or I am strength, I think it is. Yes. I am gratitude, I am strength. And that means like a Franco-Mantzo pizza number five. Yeah.

With no anchovies. I told you what happened to me at Cafe Gratitude. They came and asked me what I wanted to drink. And I said, I am coffee. Because there's no... But I was having fun with it. I was like, there's no name for the coffee. And then they said, how do you want the coffee?

And I, without thinking, said, I am black. Someone else say something now? Hello, I'm Ashling Bee, the new host of Off-Menue podcast with James A. Castor. We're done. We're done, man. Oh. There's a man here tonight who punched a deaf man in the ear.

Yeah, Chris. No one, Griff, if you're laughing right now, you can talk. Yes, no, let's move on from that if we can, if we can in any way. That's great. We had the, because it's a vegan cafe, when we went to Cafe Gratitude in LA together with Benito, we had the most vegan experience ever. So we walked in, it's already a vegan experience being in Cafe Gratitude,

and guess who was sat in the cafe? Mobe. Wow. The OG Vegan. Moby, I always get mixed up between Moby. There's two songs. Is Moby? They love ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ha.

Is that Moby? I don't think so. Who is that? Massive attack. Very good. Do you know what? More people should have said that. My girls down the front.

Thank you, ladies. Then Moby is... For the listener. But it's that same like, hmm, isn't it? Moby. Moby is. Moby is. Sing to me, Edward.

I am Moby. There's a famous Moby. Yeah. No, that's the lion sleeps tonight. A good try. I am Moby. I'm really Moby. I'm a vegan soul sleep tonight.

A lovely vegan. I won't eat you, Mr. Limey. Thanks for everything, ma'am. What is the Moby song? Does anyone know? If we're talking about... A Wimbaway, a Wimboer. You have to do it. Someone does it, you've got to do it. Yeah, you've got to start going a Wimberway.

It's like, come on, Eileen. What? From Jason Bourne. You know the one. Oh yeah, wait now, let me think of the Jason Bourne soundtrack. Because that always helps me remember a Moby song. I'm honoured that he can't remember something from Jason Bourne Yeah Just someone sing the tune

We're in the Royal Albert Hall The acoustics will make you sound amazing All I remember about Moby is he released his entire album For Available for adverts So he's been on, that music's been on loads of adverts But I couldn't remember one song The album's called play These two girls are the only people who are really here tonight

I'm... Do you know what? No, I'm not going to ask my boyfriend to sing it like he's like a musical encyclopedia. Yeah. Sing the song. We don't know the fucking song. You sing the song.

Why is everything on us tonight? It has like just so much pressure on us to do the work. Benito, if you can wriggle... I haven't you had my birthday cake yet. Benito, if you can wriggle out of your shackles, can you play a Moby song? A little bit of moniker in a manor. Mabo number five is the opposite of what we like in the Manistair.

I'm going to go over. over here and I hope someone over here will be able to sing. What he thinks the Movie's song is, James is, Kettering Town, FC. Yes. I knew I knew the Moby song. Does anyone here know the Moby tune? What?

Get the phone. We'll move on, but you get the phones out. Do you know who I hope listens to this podcast? Moby. He will be gutters. What a day ruin for him. That's the whole of the roll out of all. Oh, no one knows my song.

Yeah, he'll be crying into a... Oh, we... End of Moby's Day, just weeping into a bacon sandwich. I don't know my song, but they're lies like that. I feel terrible because... People sing. But in my troubles we've got, don't nobody know my...

Oh, nobody trouble me... You sang a worse version of it. I just found... That's what you were trying to do. And we all said you were foolish. We all said you were crazy. He knew. He knew. We didn't believe the guy at the start and was like,

they were building a... for it, there's a big wave coming and we're like, mad crazy scientist. Well, that was a long walk for a ham sandwich. The question is, what is the side dish for this pizza? This is the dream side dish. I've just when it come. Saug panir.

Lovely, very nice. But again, isn't too hot, I would feel. Sag panier. I'd say one of the mildest things in the world. I love a bit of panier. It's just like a lovely little chunky little texture when you get in there and you're like, oh, another bit

and it's hard on to just eat it all immediately and then there's a sauce left but I do like a cheeky little bit prettier. It's kind of like eating a pillow. That's the second time you've talked about eating a pillow. Is it? Yes, you had a neck pillow that you were going to eat earlier. No, it was.

And now you're eating a pillow pillow pillow. Amazing that you'd forgotten you'd said that. Yeah, I did. I got so thrown by the Moby tangent, to be honest, and the people singing there and I thought it was a really beautiful moment. I'll never forget what, what did happen there?

Yes, panir, sag panir, delicious choice, I would say. Here's a question, are you getting a slice of the pizza and dipping it into the sag panaceaer and scooping up a big bit? Yes, yes, yes. I'm a big, take the bits and make the little bits using little boats for, using carbohydrates to make little breads and little alternative open sandwiches

from the dinner that you have. Potato waffles, stick it under things, yum, yum, yum, yum, into the, yes. little tiny boats all filled with different products into your mouth each time a new experience a whole new world don't you dare close your eyes as you'd say on your magic harperish right is in my culture you chose a lobster's the main and then mashed potatoes aside so are you scooping the lobster into the mashed potato no because a lobster has its own shell i would use a lobster which is a harder texture james to put the mash onto so they're

and the lobster technically is acting as your bread and the potato is acting as your lobster. How's it all going for you, Ashling, at the moment? Yeah, I feel like, I feel like Moby probably will feel after he... Moonlighting, I'll be so far. Isn't that, that is a song?

That is it. That is it, yeah, yeah. Thank God to that's it. If you'd lost it again. We need to go. Hold on, I don't know what the song was. Try and find it. Sets him off again.

Domino Those adverts, man Don't like those adverts? I absolutely hated him for a while and then one of them got me. I was so annoyed. The one when she's running for the train and she's got to tell them something

and he's like, what is it? She goes, I'm like, I don't know. That must suck for that guy. She got him with that. I don't think I've ever genuinely seen you laugh. For people just listening,

James is the most joyous any of us have ever seen him remembering Domino Who Who It's still going. Tomino Who Who is so funny in that one advert And it works that it's bad for the rest of him are annoying and I hate it

And then it gets me on that one That lady She delivers it to that guy Domino James Acaster Talk to me about some of your inspirations And what comedy drives you To do what you do

The Domino Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo advert. Absolutely, domino who-hoo. Let's come up with another domino-hoo advert. Okay. Let's write it together and maybe dominoes will be listening to this. What are the hallmarks of the domino who-hoo adverts that we definitely need to include?

Domino-hoo-hoo, obviously. I think the main rule of it is that they just need to say domino-hoo-hoo at the end and there needs to be some sort of build-up to them saying that where you wouldn't expect them to say it and it doesn't need to make any sense why they're saying it.

permission to pitch. Yeah. So I'm doing a tune and I'm like, and I'm like, Domino, hoo-hoo. They're like, Moby. That would be good. If the advert is like this,

live, off-menu live. Trying to remember. Ashton going, what's the Moby song? Yeah. And then someone puts the hand up and he stands up and it's Moby himself. And he goes, what was the song movie? And he goes, Domino, who-hoo.

That's good. That is good. Domino-hoo is funny, though. I can see if you were up close to see the actual joy in this man, in the real James A. Castor's eyes from remembering the Domino's advert. Beautiful thing to watch.

So shit. I knew you were in there, really, James. Yeah. Oh, there you are, Peter. It's you, Peter. That would be that. If I was in hook, if I was Robin Williams in Hook,

yeah. There would be like, that would my face. Oh, there you are, Peter. And I'm like, Domino, who-hoo. James has a lost point. Then I fly up in the air.

I found my happy force. Domino, who-hoo. That would be a good caption, caption for the Queen and Paddington picture. Yeah. Domino, who-hoo. Oh, that would be a good. great advert is Pannington and the Queen

and they're walking through all the clouds and they get to the pearly gates. She looks at it but he goes, Domino! And then he pushes her into hell. Way! Paddington! Burn in hell, Mom! May you burn forever in hell, Mom.

Domino! Three adverts pitch, though. That's perfect. Yeah, I know. They're going to be delighted with all the free press. No. It's dream drink time. Yes. Your dream drink was a love me good cocktail. Yes.

Which has never come back on the podcast. You're the only one who's ordered a Love Me Good for moof, cherry liqueur and whiskey. You still love a Love Me Good? It was from, and I went back to the cocktail bar. It's from a cocktail bar in New York. Oh my God, it was so delicious. And I keep on, what a surprise,

forgetting the name of the cocktail bar. Because it was something like airport lounge, but it wasn't airport lounge. And I made a point to try and tell, you guys and track it down afterwards and I have forgotten it again. So it was a real... Does anyone know what the name of the bar was? Domino.

Thank you. Very good. Domino hooos. But since then, I have changed it to is it a whiskey sour, which is the one with the egg whites on top? Yeah. Whiskey sour? It's not egg whites in it, yeah. And I was working with Jameson Whiskey for a while and they made me my own cocktail guys,

my own version of it with James and Whiskey and they made it green for St. Patrick's Day because my birthday's day before. As if you guys didn't know. But Nica, you can go and get a fucking cake right now. We're in so much shit. Get out of those shackles and go and get us a cake. And tie yourself, your little weed.

Anyways. I keep on looking behind me because I don't know what direction's going to come. Anyways, you guys speak. Love it if at the end he just runs full-pelt on stage of a cake trips over and smashes his face into it. And then we have to go home.

Benita going, I'm here, I'm in a cake. So yes. And it was dyed green with something and had like an apple liqueur in it as well. Oh my God, it was absolutely fantastic, delicious. I've got to say, Ashley,

that sounds absolutely foul. I know, now that I describe it. But you would have drank one because I had them at my birthday party and I remember, because I had a load of them being handed out to the start of my birthday party. and everyone had a great time

and then the next day everyone had very bad days afterwards, very, very bad loads. Yeah, we called it the day of the green shits. Yeah, yeah. Happy St Patrick's Day. I've gone all out this year. I made the road rise to meet you on your travels. So yes, that's now my current favour.

The green drink. The green drink with the egg whites on top because you can trick yourself into thinking it's like a protein shake. Well, do you want to have a quick guess at what Josh has picked? another tea yeah

this cup of tea yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah when I said a cocktail look how much detail I went into to just describe a cocktail that's what I mean wouldn't there be no more

because for me everyone doesn't everyone just describe their cup of tea in case like a terrible disappointment is en route you can't just say

that I can expect someone to bring you the drink you want there's such a vast array of the ways you can make your tea. To be fair, when Josh came on the podcast, he was promoting his tour, which is called Not My Cup of Tea. So I think he just kept saying tea. Interesting. Okay. So this is a brandy thing. So tea, yes, tea. I understand. Yes. I once did Room 101 with Heston Blumenthal,

and he said you should put the milk in first with a cup of tea. And that's the right way to make a cup of tea. I mean, look at the sort of food he cooks. Do you know what I mean? Wild and wacky. Of course a man puts his milk into his tea first, but is that how a person should behave during the normal day? But then what? To get... Okay, so this isn't funny at all. This is just the science. I'm not a scientist, but then who is?

Putting the tea bag in and then allowing boiling water infuses and allows the tea to escape. Yeah. If you put a tea bag into cold milk, what you want is milk. I don't understand why anyone would ever put milk into the... But then the tea can't be used. And there's no point you're not really using the bag. But I think it all tastes the fucking same. Personally.

Oh, it's marmite to you. It's all marmite to you. What I used to like to do, I don't really drink tea. I drank a lot of squash when I was a kid. Blew my mind the first day, I filled up the glass of water, and then poured the squash in after the water. Watch it all move around.

You have to understand children. The 90s were a different time. We didn't have the internet. We didn't have pornography addictions. We had to... We had to... Put our squash in last if we wanted a frill. Pull your squash in last.

Rub your tummy. That's what I did. In Ireland, the squash isn't called Robinson's. It's called My Wadi. What? Yes. What's it called? My Wadi, James.

My Wadi? My wadi. Shout out to my waddy drinkers. My waddy. My Wadi? My Wadi. We can... I'm so sorry, but it is a funny country sometimes, isn't it?

It's called my Wadi. My Wadi? My Wadi. And... Is that one word? It's M-I-W-A-D-I-M-A-D-I-W-E-A-W-E. My Wadi. And I used to drink as a teenager Vodka My Wadi,

and that was my drink was Vodka My Wadi. Like, that was a great cocktail in my town. And I remember coming to London for the first time and being at the bar and be like, hey, can I get a vodka-a-waddy? and they were like, oh, sorry, what, babes? And I was like, yeah, just a vodka put in my wadi. I thought, oh, I'm sorry.

And to sit there and have to explain to that excited man what I meant. And he was like, do you mean Robinsens? I was like, I don't know who they are. I just didn't know what, but you call it squash or Robinson's here. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not my wadi.

Sipping my waddy. Sipping on my waddy. Not just dead body. Okay. Now I'm singing a Sam Campbell song and that's not helping anyone You've seen that song All of you do yourself a favour after this

Oh is this I'm putting Sam Campbell's Ricky Jervais song Yes, I have It's incredible Yeah, that is funny man Yeah And then you'll think back to me singing Sipping Marwadi

And you'll go yeah that was good Yeah So he wants to have a cup of tea I mean Are you happy to have two cups of tea In this meal? I have tea all day long At all points

it's left all over the house I go collecting in the evenings I literally have a little basket and I go collecting the teas from around the house kind of like again my memory probably isn't the best kind of like oh look at cheeky old me like little Easter eggs around the house

like at the end of signs but with tea you've seen signs no I haven't actually James I laughed along to yes and you but I'd be honest was frankly lost throughout the whole film when little girl is like she drinks these glasses of water which doesn't finish them.

Yeah. And she just leaves them around the house. And spoiler alert here, if you haven't seen signs. But, you know, it's been a long time. But at the end, the aliens turn up. And Wacking Phoenix, well, Mel Gibson realizes, this is how long ago this film was. Mel Gibson realizes that the way to defeat the aliens

is like they're allergic to water. So he gets Wacking Phoenix to go around and swing a baseball bat and smash all the glasses so all the water goes on the aliens. And then the aliens run away from the plane. planet because I guess one person hits some water on one of them so I'm saying it's like signs but

with tea yeah go home watch signs and then you'll think oh yeah that was good yeah yeah yeah because she so she left loads of glasses of half drunk water everywhere like I drink tea because with me they said it was ADHD but maybe it'll be the aliens

yeah it could be that there's an alien invasion going to happen ADHD no one going to say that I just got to say it really quickly ADHT. Fantastic work out, Gamble. One clap, but that person really is important. ADHD. That is actually a Hollywood casting director that clap there.

And she liked your work. Let's get on to the Dream Desert here. Now you chose hazelnut and pecan tart, which you said was in your dressing room tonight. Very nice of Benito to do that. Yeah, very nice touch. Again, no birthday cake. It's not like there was a candle in it.

They were just a little thing that you guys did for me. I genuinely hope he sorted it out now. This half has been an hour and ten minutes. I'm pretty sure he's had enough time to do it. If he hasn't done it, he's fired. He will definitely be sat back there going, they don't think I do anything in to do this show. They think I've got time to go and get a birthday cake.

They don't value me at all. Poor Benito. That's what he sounds like. Here's what's going to happen, right, at the end. And then all the lights are going to go down. And then the candles will come in, and whoever will sing happy birthday and then you'll blow the candles out

and then lights come on and there'll be no cake I'll be going domino it was just a plate of candles and I'll be all Moby again well yes I will change my dessert and I'll tell you what I'm going to change my dessert too and this is for my mother

my mother makes do we call it a dish it's literally served in a dish so I'd say we can call a dish my mother makes a thing called a lemon bomb and it is notoriously with anyone who's come to ever visit my mother's house, because the lemon bomb can give you a bit of a lemon bum.

It is made of basically cream, sugar and shaved lemon, and it's been my mother's go-to dessert to make for people since the 1980s, which is the same probably lemon bomb. She keeps in the freezer. She defrosts it, gets out a slice for a guest, puts it back in the freezer. One time my cousin Lorraine found an earwig in her slice, and I was going out with someone who had ulcers of colitis

which is a very serious disease luckily he'd been in remission for a while until he had my mother's a lemon bomb and then it set off a period of ill health and she said that was down to weakness but it was absolutely because that lemon bomb had been in that freezer for as long as freezers have been invented I'd say

an earwig an earwig well I'm like I don't mind that that's natural and clearly at one point it had been because you make it in a bowl and then freeze it, and then you turn it up and go, ta-da, and then you take it off, and it's just a helmet of cream.

Oh, no. Take out the sort of slices. And then at some point, while it was sitting on the table, defrosting, in earwigs. Sorry, I haven't heard of a thing you've said since helmet of cream. An earwig got in there. It's very much like a sort of Irish Jurassic Park.

You know in Jurassic Park, where they show the montage of how the little mosquito got stuck in the... The sap, the tree sap. It was like this earwig got stuck in this lemon bomb. And then in future times, scientists are going to be like, do-do-do. There'll be DNA there to recreate Irish people.

Well. That's my new dessert choice. Okay. Well, let's see if Josh Whitakum chose an earwig in a lemon bomb. Josh Whiton's dream dessert is Christmas chocolates and a cup of tea. Another cup of tea for you, Ashley. Yes. Again, I just would, at least this time, he said he wants it in a cup,

which is just a bit of branching out, I suppose. Or other than just tea. Yes. What was the bit before the tea? Christmas chocolates. Christmas chocolates. The sorts of chocolates you might get at Christmas, I believe that lint balls were talked about.

Quite a lot. Matchmakers. What chocolates are the bee house? Well, I worked in retail for many Christmases, and I used to work in the Tommy Hilfinger shop, as my mother called it. And there was a woman who went around passing out Lindor balls, and there weren't many people coming into the shop, so every time I'd be like, haul, hulp, hush, with the Lindor balls.

And now I can't, even the, they are technically delicious, but as the buttery little balls go down my neck, please, Benito, don't do me a dirty and clip that bit matched with some of James' absolute terrors this evening. I just still, I taste retail, bad lighting, and 17 versions of And I don't want to laugh And I'm like,

that's what I taste when I taste Lindor balls. Yep. So I canny do it no more, James. I can't he, and I will need with Lindor balls. So what would you have for your Christmas chocolates then? Well, a Christmas chocolate, does he mean roses,

like tins of roses and stuff like that? We could be, but we didn't speak about roses. We spoke about celebrations. We spoke about matchmakers and we spoke about... Matchmakers? Yeah. Chalk.

Are there, is that a chocolate? That's a chocolate. They're sort of like thin sticks of chocolate. There's mint ones and there's orange ones you can get as well. No, don't like them. Just don't like the thought of a thin mint stick. It's Christmas live a little. Do you know what I mean?

I'm brushing your teeth now. Who's watching you? Do you know what I mean? Well, what are you to do? Santa's been and gone. You've got 364 days to be good to make up for, just be bad for a second. Don't have a mint stick on Christmas.

You can eat them stick by stick, sure, and that's not fun. But what I used to do is, fat little boy, would I, I'd grab a whole bushel. A bushel of sticks. And I just fucking go to town on it, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can do that. Yeah, you can do that.

I still don't like the idea of a minstick. It just feels like teethbrush in disguise. Teethbrush. Teethbrush. That is the plural. I've one toothbrush, Manny, teethbrush. Do you want to, before we go, Do you want to quickly rank the roses?

Rank the roses. It's time to play. Rank the roses. Praline one, obviously number one. What? Obviously. Yeah, obviously. Was that the green triangle?

Did I stutter? Praline, obviously, number one. Green triangle, is that it not in the... I was going to say the Coronation Streets. Oh, sorry, I'm getting my chocolate's mixed up. Yes, I think so. Green Triangles, Coronation Street. Green Triangle or Coronation Street.

Green Triangle or Coronation Streets. Nation Street Sweets. Yeah, praline ones. Orange ones, as I've grown older, I'll accept. And then I do like orange chocolate. I just don't like that fake sugary syrup that's in a chocolate, which I think is fair enough, actually.

And I don't like fake friends, and I don't like fake oranges. What's that for? No, do you know what, I'm boring myself. I'm not going to continue. Okay. Ashley, one more thing we do have to talk about from your episode. Your episode set off a chain of events in the world of Hollywood.

You revealed a specific bit of celeb gossip. Big celeb gossip on art. Sorry, James just tried to drink some water and went all over the floor. What are you looking for, brother? Just looking to see where it went on me. I'm fine. Just got the side of my leg a little bit. We need to sell those t-shirts, so it's like a wet t-shirt competition.

Sell that merch, baby. Did somebody say water? Go on, James. You revealed on the podcast that Paul Rudd doesn't like sources. Yes. How's that impacted your life since you revealed that piece of information? Thank you for asking you. You've got a real person in tonight who doesn't like sauces, by the way.

A real person? Oh, that's the person who like hard gravy? I don't remember that name. I like my gravy like I like my men. So you don't like sauces either. Lucy Clark. What's your name there? Lucy, Lucy.

So would you admit to that? Because here's what happened with me. I worked with Paul Rudd. a great old time. The man does not eat sauces. I'm talking all sauces or condiments. I sat with him. I ate with him. I looked into that man's eyes as he went, ah, every time I had ketchup, ketchup. Then James and him, James goes full Hollywood, does the Ghostbusters movie with him. Don't worry about it. James is so relaxed. He invites him on the podcast. Paul comes on and does he goes on and goes, yeah, I know Ashing said that, but I don't know. I kind of don't mind him

sometimes. And he marmited it. He didn't mind either way. And I was so annoyed and hurt Put him in Bambison for you And then I tricked him into coming over to my house To see my baby The new baby But he barely got any time with baby Paul come over to the house

And come over to the house What do you want to see a baby? Good little cuddle, sure And then I forced him into a confession And you've brought the confession with you haven't you? I did bring the confession with me We can play the confession to the Royal Albert Hall Good And rightly so

Yeah Should we ever watch? Yeah Hi everyone. I feel like I should probably explain more we're making this video over at Ashin's house right now and she's not pleased with me.

No. I'd just be like you threw me under the bus on off-menu podcast. Because I went on there and I told my truth which is that I know that you don't like condiments and that created a whole thing and then they invited you on the show And when you were on there, I feel like you underplayed it.

Like, you're like, what? Is Adam Dio? I suppose I like some of them. If I remember correctly, and I, by the way, there's a good chance I don't remember correctly because, let's face it, I was plastered. Yeah. I think I'd say something about barbecue sauce,

which I could handle, because I do like barbecue. But you were right. And I apologize. Would you eat that, poor? Would you eat that, though? Would you eat this? It's a relish.

Is it? Yes. No. No. No, would you eat this mayonnaise? No. Even the vegan one? The fact that there's two different kinds of mayonnaise makes me hate them twice as much. Would you eat this, look at it?

I don't want to look at it. What about a mustard pole? You don't like condiments! I don't like any of those. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to throw you under the bus. So, Ed Gamble and James A. Cappaker, please just write the wrong. This is the one against my name.

Please, for the sake of the child. The child. I forgot that was in it. I forgot the baby was in it. Amazing. Perfect. Good. Appreciate that a lot.

So what's your final verdict of Josh Whitickam's menu? I think that we should be nicer to Josh. And I think that menu is a cry for help. When you say we should be nicer to Josh, do you think it's a bit late bearing in mind every time we put a picture of him up, you said he looked like a pony. You said, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you said, find the worst photo. I called him a tiny pony. Yeah. I'll take it back, sure, yep. I think he, we should all love him for the beautiful man that he is. He's got a hair like foozily, or as you would call it, Lauren, pasta. Beautiful gentleman, great friend, good man, lover of tea.

And yeah, I think his menus says that he craves safety in many ways, actually, you know. Comfort. Comfort, don't you think? Yeah. Oh, there he is. Josh! You were here the whole time. Imagine if we'd sort it out for Josh to be just lowered from the ceiling. With a birthday cake.

Stop talking about the birthday cake. I know, I ruin my own surprises. I do it to myself. Actually, if we had sorted that out, and then we forgot. And then at the end of our residency, on the fourth night, he just drops down dead. Skeleton. Yeah. Been up there for so long. Still got his full head of hair. Paddington comes along

Domino Oh that'd be great Paddington said Domino Thank you so much Ashley We're coming on and eating Josh's dream meal Let me wipe the Franco Manca Number 5 of my lips This is how deep it

See you're doing what the editor did to Emily Blunt In the alien film You're leaving me hanging I was just committing to the bit. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I just remembered when you were doing that, I just remembered again when you said the buttery balls going down this one.

You incels are all the same. Do you see, when this podcast started, they barely even got a photograph. And now it's all filmed and everything and people can see us. But it used to be, there'd be some nuance and just the spoken word alone, James, but no more.

It's all tits and teeth with you guys. I'm on your side. I'm having to wear the merch and everything. Bloody hell, which is nice actually because I do call my boobs Gamble an Acaster. Together they are Titskumar. You said sell the merch. Just trying to be a good friend.

You said sell the merch, Titskimar. Push the merch. Happy birthday to you. What a surprise. Happy birthday to you. Where's my candles? Happy birthday to you. I'd imagine, Ashling, we couldn't clear candles with the health and safety,

and I'll be honest, whenever I see a call in the caterpillar with candles, it looks like a beast from hell. Eat the face. Eat the face. Eat the face. Eat the face. You people are mean. You people are cruel.

Oh no, why are you eating my face? Oh my God. No one's ever put a microphone up to his face. while he's been eaten. I'm so sorry. Oh, you're leaving the eyes so he can see everything until the last minute.

You were famous once, Colin. Oh, thanks, guys. He can't see it. He's crying. There's a single tear where you can see it. He was just going, thank you for everything, Mom.

I think it was being eaten. And Ashling, thank you for everything, Mom. You've been absolutely fantastic. Ashling, Be it anybody. Can I just say, these two boys are always believed in them. I knew they was going to go far. No one else did everyone to their face and behind their back.

That was a piece of shit. No one likes them in a comedy circuit. You'll never do anything. No one would listen. But look at them now. Once more for Ashley B. There we go, everybody. There we go. That was Ashin B at the Royal Albert Hall. Pretty good. Talking to us, immediately afterwards, her partner came into the dressing room, opened the fridge, and a bottle of wine fell out the fridge and smashed on the floor. It was brilliant.

It was good. The Royal Albert Hall, bottle of white wine, absolutely chaoed. Yeah. And then they had to sweep it up. It was carpet as well. So it was like bits of glass in the carpet,

all that. It was brilliant. He felt really bad. Yeah, let me tell you. I've seen him a couple of times since then, and he's still apologising. He's still absolutely mortified.

Yeah. So we're bringing it up now. Yeah. To make him feel better. Yeah. But he's a great guy. Great guy. So we need him feel bad.

And I'll tell you who else doesn't need to feel bad as Ashley B for. Great. being so fantastic. Yes. Once again, a fantastic guest. And it was our first show at the roll up at Hall of Six.

So there's more of these to come. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. It really is. It's disgraceful. But, you know, because of bonus episodes out of it. Yeah.

And there'll be more just around the corner. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.