Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ayoade Bamgboye

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

‘SNL UK’ cast member and Edinburgh Comedy Awards Best Newcomer winner Ayoade Bamgboye is this week’s dream diner. Let’s just hope there aren’t any fecal clouds in the Dream Restaurant. Ayoade Bamgboye is on tour with her show ‘Swings and Roundabouts’. For dates and tickets go to berksnest.com/ayoade Ayoade stars in ‘Saturday Night Live UK’, Saturdays at 10pm on Sky One. Follow Ayoade on Instagram @ayoadezahrah Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube on Thu 30 Apr.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the podcast that you're currently listening to. Huge news, guys. My brand new stand-up tour, Fresh Hell, is on sale now. Tickets are available at Edgambl.combe.com. Look at the full dates. I'm going all over the UK and a bit of Ireland. Come and see me in my brand new show, Fresh Hell, Edgambled.combele.com.com. Welcome to the off-menu podcast, toasting the pitterbreads of conversation, taking the knife of humour,

punching a little hole of chat into the pitterbread and releasing the steam of bad vibes. That's a gamble. My name is James Acaster together. We own a dream restaurant every single week. We invite a guest, asking a favourite ever start, a main course dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order.

And this week our guest is Iowa Bayamboe. Iowa day is a wonderful comedian, James. Won the best newcomer award at the most recent Edinburgh Festival. That's a big deal, man. Everyone was talking about. I wasn't at the Edinburgh Fringe this year. No, no, no, no. But I heard so much about I-Wish.

Better vibe. Yes, okay. But I heard a lot about I-Wi-A-Show from everyone. We felt free and light, we were all saying. Some people were saying they felt free and light. Some of them. Yeah, we were dragged down by the anchor that was James A. Castor. Everyone was calling you the anchor.

Yeah. That's a good thing. Anchor. Keep everyone. Not if you want to swim. But everyone was saying that I want a show was absolutely brilliant. So, like, I'm very excited. I've only, we've only met once. I've only met our way only once

and it's one of the funniest conversations I've ever had so I'm looking forward to this episode. Yeah, what happened? Yeah, I think I got on her nerves quite quickly so I think it's going to be a really nice, nice to and fro. Great, that's good, that's good to know. I think I got on her nerves as well.

Yeah. Yeah, so this will be fun. Just going to be fun. Double trouble. Benito, have you met her before? Yes, did you get on her nerves? Yeah. I think God you're here then.

I find that hard to believe. Yeah. I what is going on tour With her show Swings and Roundabouts That is the award Winning show So absolutely

Right now Pause the podcast Get tickets for it Because it's going to settle out By the end of this sentence You'll got to go You gotta go These are hot cakes

These are hot cakes You got to You got it James is not pointing At his own butt When he says that He's talking about the tickets Just to be clear

Just if the listener Could always assume I'm not pointing at my own butt That'd be great Yeah Although even the stop clock It points at his own butt it's something but twice a day.

Yeah, one of those Mickey Mouse clocks. Yeah, yeah, can't help it. Tor Mickey, he's got no choice of the matter sometimes. If Iowade says a secret ingredients that we have pre-decided upon, she will be removed from the restaurant. We don't want to do that. No.

We're talking to her. But she might be grateful for it if we start to get on her nerves again. That's true. Yes. And this week, the secret ingredient is Biskof. Biskof. Now, this is going to be a very controversial one. It was suggested to us by a member of the audience at one of our live palladium shows.

Yep. And I don't think it went down very well on the night either. People love Biscoff, but what we do all agree on is it's insidious. It's everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. The market is oversaturated with Biscoff. Yes. Biscoff in everything. Yeah, Biscoff in absolutely everything.

Biscoff ice cream. Biscoff spread. Brownies. Biscoff. Biscoff brownies. Biscop sun cream. I wasn't even aware it was a biscuit for ages. Yeah. Lotus biscuits. The lotus biscuits.

People love them. But, you know, also a lot of people have had enough of them and don't want Biscoff being in absolutely everything. It's the salted caramel problem. It's the truffle problem. It's the pulled pork problem. Yeah. So I think it's fair enough secret ingredient.

Yeah. Because it's in everything. It's a bit of a risky one. Yeah, it is. It could backfire. Could happen. Could happen in the starter. Yes.

Who knows? What? You never know, man. It's in everything these days. Don't forget. This is out on YouTube tomorrow. If you're listening to this on the day it comes out, it will be available to watch in full

on the YouTube tomorrow and you can see all the times that James is definitely going to point at his own butt. Yeah, so pretty constant. Yeah. Oh boy! That's Mickey Mouse. Oh boy! This is the off-menu menu of I-O-Way-Bamboe. Welcome I-Wade to the dream restaurant.

Welcome Iowwane, Ban Boe, to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. This is beautiful. Do that again. Welcome, I want a bad boy, to the dream restaurant, but I'm spending you for some time. Oh, that's lovely. First time, it's been requested a second time? Yeah, first time ever, someone's wanted him to do it again.

I really spat that second time. Yeah, because I wasn't expecting the volume. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was sort of that, there was a spectrum of volumes there that shocked me and excited me. I went in quite normal, and then James really beefed it, didn't we? Yeah, also normal, I guess. Yeah, also normal for him, I suppose. Because that was sort of passive aggressive in a way that I enjoyed as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do passive aggression quite well, I think, yeah. I prefer aggression. Yeah. That says a lot. Let's actually just fight. How you found Ed's, like, before the podcast, how did you find him? Like when you were chatting to him, was it nice?

I found him warm. Oh, that's nice. Yes, you smile with your eyes. Oh, good. Normally with Caucasian men, you know, it's a mixed bag. Yeah. You get people who, you know, you speak to them and it's like, I can't wait to never speak to you.

Again, but not with you. Oh, that's nice. That's lucky, because we've got to speak now for quite a long time, I'd say. I can't wait. Yeah. Imagine if you'd arrive and you've gone, they're not smiling with their eyes. Yes.

And now I've got to speak to them on camera. I would have had to abscond immediately. I've come in and then I would have rushed out. Yes. You'd be the first guest who's absconded. Yes No one's ever absconded We haven't had any absconders so far

No That's a fantastic track record We've had no shows But we've not had absconders No shows As in you were waiting for them And they didn't Yes

But they didn't tell you That they weren't coming No That's not possible No they told us they won't coming But like very late We've been here waiting And then they don't show up

Which feels like a no show to me Would you call that a no show? That's a no show That is I think that's an affront Yes We've had a few affronters But never an abscond

I would never ever do that to somebody. Thank you. Unless I hated them. Do you want to shout out a few people you hate before we start the podcast? Some of them are obviously a posthumous thing. But Henry Kissinger, I'm glad that you're dead. Is this a discameral? Which one?

This one. Yeah. That's the Kissinger Cam. Rory Stewart. I hate everything that you stand for. As well as that freakishly tall man you sit beside. Who else do I have in my thoughts? Joe Budden, I hate you.

Budden, not Biden. Budden not Biden. Biden, I mean, you can't hate somebody whose brain cells are. I mean, his brain is smooth. So there's nothing he can do about that. I'm censoring now. You're censoring now? The media training's kicked in now, has it?

Yes. Let's talk about food. Are you a foodie? So I'm not a foodie. I can't pretend to know the ins and outs. I don't get bogged down in the minutiae. But I love to eat. I think that makes you a foodie.

I think so. Well, I did Google, when I found out that I was coming here, I googled the definition of foodie. And I think there's some kind of like gastronomical knowledge that, you know, you go into the history, you go into like recipes, down to the sort of metric, like forensic knowledge. Yeah.

I don't have that. I mean, I love a sausage bean and cheese melt. Greg's inject that directly into my veins. I love, you know those noodles, the Carbonara ones, the Korean Carbonara noodles. Oh, yeah, which is pink. Oh, no, I don't know. Oh, Bulldack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one with the spicy ones who got the chicken on the front is like breathing fire. Exactly. Exactly, but I love the pink one, which is like a spicy carbonyar. So there was this, there was a period that I ate that every day for about two months. How was that gastricly for you? Ah, I've not recovered. You're looking at me right now.

My stomach is growling in a bad way. But that's the kind of thing I eat. Yeah. So I'm, I'm flexible. Yeah. But I think those are things that a foodie would, maybe bristle at. But you say you would consider yourself an eater rather than a foodie? You get joy from food, but you don't.

Yeah, the problem now is that eater has some connotations. Really? Yeah, and eater is somebody who eats the pussy as well. I don't know. I'm not up to date with all the terms. Yeah. Often on this podcast, this happens when Ed and I, who are, he's 39.

Thank you. I'm 41. At time of recording. Yes. You guys look really great. Thank you so much. Thank you. But we are old men.

don't know what people are talking about anymore. So we get told by our more, by our younger, more in touch, in tune guests that what we've just said is we like to eat pussy. Yes. So if he's an eater, yeah. He, you want an eater is what is basically what you want.

Back in our day, we'd just say legend. Well, how would you say that? Who'd say legend? Yeah, we said that about everything, though. It's not even specific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we knew, we knew back in the day. Everyone's a legend.

That guy's a legend and you're like, that guy, he's a pussy. Oh, wow. This is going to be so much fun. Yeah, I think so. I think so. He is, yes. I'm an eater, I guess.

Yes, okay. Congratulations. Yes, thank you. Swings and roundabouts. Swings and roundabouts. Your new tour, it's very exciting. It's kind of crazy. I went to Edinburgh with this show,

and I just thought to myself, look, you put your best foot forward. And I started writing it, because I thought maybe I want to really give comedy a, like, I want to try. And so I quit my job. I was working at advertising as a strategist. And I said, I'm going to give it a year. And the year has actually gone considerably well.

You've got to say it's gone well. Yeah, it's gone considerably well. And a lot of, like, swings and roundabouts, like, inspired by my, like, pain. And my, I find it very difficult to exist. but it would not be prudent to to exit permanently. So I write to keep myself here. And swings and ride about us basically like all of those things in one place.

And people have been so gracious and kind. How long has it been now since you quit your job? A year and a half. Wow. Yeah. So you're going back to work soon? I was applying for a job. Yeah.

I was a plan for you. Because there's something, you know, with comedy, it's like you can't write, I don't know if you guys have this, but like, nothing comes from nothing. Like, I feel like, even with swings and roundabouts, a lot of it came from just like being in the office. Yeah. And listening to those, like, you know, there's like English idioms in terms of phrase that just like sort of move the day along. And it really, it was so, so useful for me to soak that up in situ. And I think doing comedy like full time, I'm like, what are my? looking at.

Sure. Where is this, where is it going to come from? Yeah. Like I need a lady called Helen. Emailing me talking about, it's just, we're circling back. Like, what are you talking about, lady? But it just, it gives you that, like, the stim. Yeah, I know what you mean.

You need to be in contact with the world outside of comedy to get that inspiration. Yes, exactly. I applied to a job at Waterstones. I was unfortunately, they didn't get I didn't get to interview stage and I told them that I won the prize at Edinburgh but I don't think it cut through

I don't think that's necessarily what they're looking for at Waterstones but somebody who is affable somebody who is you know tried and tested on stage I think it would be useful for sales but it didn't but they're not with books

I don't think they're looking for like it's not like they don't need when I go into Waterstones no one's coming up to me and going, so what sort of thing you're looking for? You look like, like, there's no banter in Waterstones, is there? I would bring, but I'd bring that. Yeah, but I don't think they want that, clearly.

I was telling them, you want it. But they said no we. Yeah. If James walked into Waterstones and you'd got the job, how are you selling a book to James? Are you going straight up to him? That's tough, because I would, I would have to, I think I would say, you know what,

I know you're James Acaster. Oh, right, okay. Great. So I would take him to the Kettering section. I see, Jim. James, I know your background. Yeah. One of my best friends, Katie Mulligan, she's from catering.

That's exciting. Yeah. Katie and Amanda, they're from catering. Yeah. So I will take you to catering section, and I'll show you A to Z. All the Catchering books. Of course. Yeah.

That's great. I'd love to buy a book about Karen. Yeah. Is there a catering section, didn't know? Yeah, 100%. As soon as he arrives, you make it. It would be made already. Just in case.

kiss in the in the in case of in kiss it is. Yeah. Yeah. And you'd be surprised because you're like, I didn't know there was a catering section here. That's good impression. I just tried it off the size. It's good.

I enjoyed that. Yeah. Well, I'd really appreciate that if I went into water. So I think they should be giving it. That's Waterstones lost. They didn't give you that job. I think so too.

Oh, it is. Absolutely. Although I don't have any catering facts. I should ask Katie about that. Yeah. What's a very, very random thing about Kettering? that people should know. Edmund Hillary's boots that you wore a Peverest,

first man of Pevereas, were made in Kerrins. That's pretty good. I thought you were going to say they're still in Kettering or they're in a museum or something. But did he survive the... Yeah. First person of Pevereast. Yeah, but first person down as well.

Yeah. Yeah. So he didn't get stuck up there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I wonder why they've made there. There used to be a lot of shoe manufacturers around... Yeah.

Kinky Boots, obviously, was set in Northampton. I don't know. And yeah. That's very good. Yeah. Do you like shoes? Not as much as I should, given my background. Yeah.

I should love them more. More into the history of where you're from. Yeah, by the time I was born, you know, Fatcher had absolutely gutted. All of Northamche and all the, like, all the industry kind of gone. So like, that's insane. Imagine what shoes would have come out of capturing.

Yeah. Yeah. If things didn't pan out the way they did. did. Yeah. They would have making Louboutons

up there. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Nike can start and Catherine. Exactly.

Exactly. Yeah. We'll start with still a sparkling water. Do you have a preference? I'll have to be

still because of my stomach issues. Is this Pots Bulldack? Pulse Bulldack. Yeah.

Posed Bulldack. Has to be still. Just less, because I think the bubbles fill me up a little bit more. So I just

want to keep enough space. Yeah. So still water is okay. but from the bottle. It has to be. Tap water is,

it's not, it's not appropriate. Why? Why is it not appropriate? So I, I, I watched a parliamentary debate about the waterways,

the British waterways and what they're dumping in there. I don't know any filter that could get this stuff out of my water. What sort of stuff are they putting in there? Sewage.

Yeah. Pooh. Pooh. Ophoo. Oh. Oh. We can't risk it, boys. No.

We can't. I do, I do risk it. All the time. You can't? But I don't know whether that's just, I'm thinking, God, you deserve to drink shit. We need to unpack that. No, but like, everyone else,

if other people are drinking it, who am I to say, oh, I'm Ed Gamble, I don't drink shit. Yeah. Come on. But you guys are, you guys are more, you guys are every, I love this, you're approachable.

Yes. You have this sort of, you could be anybody off the street. Yes. Thank you. We meant as a compliment. We blend it. Yeah. And you're so, you, you, there's a warmth to, I mean, to you, but you have, yours is more, I wouldn't say prickly, but I would say it's this.

Yes. What's that? So for the list, this means, spreading your hands up. Okay, because they can't see. Yes. Oh, I forgot. Some people can see. Some people can see.

Right. With the cameras. Okay, that's true. They actually can't see. That's true. James, James is more... Take all the time you need.

Yes, I believe in a pregnant pause. James is more dry. Yes. Yes, he's dry. Sardonic. Sardonic, that is the word. Wow. Yes.

But you go, but I see why your British treasures, both of you. That's the first time we've been called British treasures before. Absolutely. I mean, a lot of people would disagree. Obviously, no one listened to this podcast. They all say, we're definitely treasures. They listen deliberately. Yeah.

But when we went on, I love whatever else got going on. Saturday kitchen, everyone hated us. Yeah. That happened just before Christmas. What was the sort of way of... It was mainly eggs behavior. It was honest. You'll be amazed to hear it wasn't my behaviour at all.

I'm so sure. This shit drinker. They do a vote thing where the audience vote for which dish they want cooked and we both brought in dishes that we wanted to be cooked for us. And James lost the vote, and he reacted by smashing up the set. There was a model of a polar bear, and he punched it in the face, and he shook the Christmas tree around, and he flipped the wreath off the table. Right.

And screamed at the top of his voice on live television. Right. And we thought it was really funny. And then I opened my Instagram and found out it wasn't funny at all. Yeah. There are 232 complaints made to the BBC. Saying I should never be allowed of BBC anymore. I think BBC, please, forgive you.

BBC forgive James. I think the BBC loved it, actually. I hope so. I hope they're in my corner, the Bee, but actually haven't heard from them off the back of it. No. Oh, mate. I think the, I mean, this could set people off again

because I think the general, the understanding that the public had was that if that many complaints get made, the BBC have to do a formal investigation. That is what was going around in, like, some newspapers. Yeah. Yeah. online newspapers.

Yeah. But like, so now there has to be a formal investigation as there's been as many complaints. And obviously there wasn't one because the BBC aren't wasting their time and resources. Yeah. Formerly investigating what was clearly in the room a joke.

Yeah. And everyone was just happening to laugh. Well, there's nothing to investigate. It's all there, isn't it? The polar bear was not a real polar bear. It doesn't matter that I punched it in the face. You would not punch a real polar bear in the face. We would never do it.

So that, and I think that's enough. You heard it here first. Yeah. You would not hurt a polar bear. Never, ever. Very simple. But Edd wound people up as well, because he criticised Matt Tebitt and said that he hosted the show like a prison warden. Yes, I did say that Matt Tebitt, the host, hosted the show like a prison warden.

Because you've been media trained recently. The listeners don't know this, but you've had media training. Yes. So what would you say about a comment like that being made on live TV? A comment like that is too, it's too aggressive. Yes. Right? And likening somebody's behavior to a prison warden is to say that they're sort of,

kind of fascist, murderous people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can't do that. No. But I did it, and you know what? It made Matt Tebbot laugh. He loved it.

How was the laugh? Was it, did it feel like a, was it a shoulder one, or was it outward? It went on for a while, didn't it? He doesn't do his shoulders. He laughs like, yes, he goes. And he can cap his eye.

No, but what's wrong with him? Is he okay? Not really. He's on live telly. He's dealing with a lot of stuff. And, you know, normally, the guests are quite polite to him. I think they go, oh, that's a delicious pie or whatever. Yes.

So I'm firing, you know, you're a prison warden at him going, we're sort of going, you're rubbish at this show. We're throwing a lot of accusations his way. You can't do this stuff, guys. So he's stressed anyway, he's trying to cook while all this is going on. And then James smashes up the set at the end. Did you get a bill? No, actually.

Well, not that I know of, I think there Benito was billed. Benito. I feel so sorry for you. Benito was there. He was just off camera. And that all happened. And then we finished and walked up to Benito. He was like, good show, guys. He was absolutely expecting something like that to happen.

Oh, fantastic. There was no shock from Benito. Has Benito ever been off menu? No, he refuses to, even when he says something out loud that works for the episode, he'll cut it out because he doesn't want his voice to be on. Never wants to be on it. No.

We'll talk about that afterwards. Poplabs or bread. Poploms or bread. Poplums or bread. Bread! Bread! It has to be bread. It's got to be bread.

I mean, I love a flat bread. Hot, fresh out of the oven. But I also love a focaccia. That is quite delicately done. So the Rosemary Spriggs aren't, you know, too sharp. You know, sometimes it's like I'm trying to kill us or something. Yeah. Losemi Spigs, man.

Yeah. They can be spiking. Yeah. If you bite straight into one sometimes, I don't like that. And it's just like, it sets. It's your teeth on edge. Yeah. But I love a bread.

I mean, bread is just one of my great loves, you know. It's the ultimate sign of, it's like somebody giving you bread. It's somebody giving you love and. That's true, actually. And warmth. And it's like a welcome as well, isn't it? If you go to a restaurant and they bring you out warm bread, you're like, I feel at home now. Hello.

Yeah. Let's do this. Yeah. Would you like to be in a relationship with a baker? 150,000%. 50,000. But I think with bakers, maybe the archetype would be quite type A. Baking is scientific.

You can't sort of... Very true. Oh, I'm just going to throw some flour in here and whatever. Those people are disciplined. They are possibly using class A drugs. Yes. Bakers? All bakers?

Maybe so, yes. Because they've got scales? Yes. Yeah. So I'm connecting the. Dots anyway. When I, I'm quite a spiritual person. Yeah.

And I get visions, basically. So your visions tell you that the bakers are doing drugs? Yes. How useful are your visions normally? Because. Very useful. Yeah. Yes.

Do you think the baker, deciding that bakers do drugs is a useful vision to have, moving forward? I mean, if I was watching this show, Jonathan Creek. Why are you laughing? Because no one said Jonathan Creek out loud for about 15 years. No one's watching it. I just wasn't expecting it to be connected to baking. I thought you were going to say bake-off or something. And then I just wasn't expecting Jonathan Creek.

That's part of the media training, I'm trying to, because I get a lot of non-sequitous, but I'm trying to have more. No, no, no. But Jonathan Creek. Yeah. I love Jonathan Creek. Fantastic. You know that sort of.

what's the word? You have a sense about things and you can connect the dots and I'm kind of like him. Yeah, you're like Jonathan Creek. But just not a magician. I'd love to see a reboot of Jonathan Creek with you, you and the lead.

Who would you want like, as like your assistant? Your sidekick. That's a really, really good question. I think I'd want somebody like, I'd want like a Stephen Merchant. Nice. freakishly tall.

You're a merchant, yeah. Freakishly tall with sort of this totus shell glasses and then it'll be a dog somewhere. Yeah. So Stephen Merchant and the dog, they have a real rapport, but it's my dog. Yeah. Right. That's nice. Yes.

So you jealous of the rapport that the dog has with Stephen Merchant? Yeah, yeah. So it starts to affect our working relationship. Yeah. But my premonitions, they come there just inopportune moments. And I could sense what's going on with the other. crimes and I get pulled in. So my six,

my five, basically GCHQ are calling me every day. Yeah. And me and Stephen are having some issues because of the dog. Okay. But he's able to help me filter all of these visions through. Because like, for example, the baker and the scales might not be that useful. Yeah.

But Stephen is the one who helps me like pass through all of these images. Yes. Because he has a photographic memory. Wow. Wow. So everyone's got sort of powers on the, show. Everyone has powers on the show. What, the dog's powers?

The dog can actually speak. Because the dog can speak. But the dog only speaks at home. Because he doesn't want to reveal himself as the only dog in history, you can speak. Yeah, yeah. Because then the scientists are get involved, the military would get involved. Of course, it's too much. But the dog actually, like in the dog's lineage is like crow.

I don't know if you know that crows can speak. So, crows? Yeah. Crows can basically, yeah. In what way? What do you mean? So somewhere along the line, the dogs, great, great, great, great, great, maybe had a twist with the crow. Somehow, I don't know.

This is in the show. Yeah, maybe in second season. Yeah. Okay. We discover that the dog, the talking dogs, whatever their ancestors, had sex with a crow. Yes. And so that's how, so it's not as if it's magical. Yeah.

So you're saying crows can speak. Is that in the show? or is that in real life? Cruz can actually speak in real life. Yes. Benito, please check that. Didn't even look at him. As in they can speak to humans?

I think so, yes. You think so? I saw a TikTok, but it may have been AI. Look, but I think Cruz can actually speak. I think I've heard that. It may have been AI. Cruz can't speak. That's the thing with me.

I have some. I have a lot of factoids. Some of them are, I don't know if there's just me it's just me seeing into the future and it's not happened yet or it's something I've seen on TikTok so it could be a vision

yes it could be a AI TikTok it could be a fact yes yeah it'll be fun during this chat to try and filter out what's what I know it's absolutely not it's like I scare myself sometimes your dream starter

oh scotch egg I love that oh The curl of the lip, as you said, Scotch egg. Scotch egg. I mean, this country is many things. Do you want to just list off a few? This country's many things.

I nurse a colonial wound. Yeah. A child of empire begrudgingly. The UK, I have a complicated relationship with this state. But the fact that the scotch egg comes out of this place. Yeah. It's, it makes me, it gives me hope. Yes.

For a better, for a better tomorrow. How far does the Scotchegg go to redressing the balance with all of the other stuff, though? I think it goes quite far. Yeah. I mean, I'm still here. Yeah, the Scotcheg's keeping you here. Yeah, I can have returned to my homeland. I could have returned to an injury ages ago.

Scotcheg! You go to a nice little gastro pub. Yeah. And no frills. I don't want, I don't need a Teresa. I don't need any nonsense on their classic runny

egg in the middle some currents call action yeah crispy on the outside golden I mean this is a modern feat of engineering how do they keep the egg running

and cook the meat and I have it's just I could actually check that and like no but I think that's maybe where I'm not foody because I love the mystery I'm just going to keep it as a mystery

like how do these people cook the meat and have the egg still runny. Yeah. Maybe they freeze the egg first. So the egg is cooked and then frozen solid and then they wrap it in the meat and then they fry it.

And then by the time the meat's cut, the egg has become... Defrusted. Defrosted and the yolk is runny. But how would you freeze... You're not going to freeze the egg in the shell. No. This could be episode one of the New Jonathan Creek.

Yeah. Yes. How do they make scotch eggs? How do they make scotch eggs? But we don't Google it. Crucially, we cannot Google it. You can't Google it, no, not on Jonathan Creek. Imagine if you just Googled stuff.

Yeah. Crucially, we must get to the bottom of it in the most long-winded way possibly. Yeah, yeah. Stephen Merchant's helping you out, obviously. Of course. Because he's going around kitchens that makes scotch eggs and he's taking photos with his mind. Yes. When he takes photos with his mind, does he, like, do a thing with his face so you know he's taking the photo.

That's quite nice, a very long blink. Yeah, yeah. Yes, that's good. He does have quite long eyelids. He does. So that's useful. Well, he's got long everything right, because he's a tall guy. It'd be weird if he had short eyelids that didn't cover his eyes.

Yes. I do want it on record that I love Stephen Merchant more than anything. Really? He's never been on this podcast. So he's one of the things from the UK that you like, Scotch-Hexam merchant. Ooh. I love him. What do you love about him?

I love his eyes. I saw, there's come. almost like sunken. You know, he looks pensive, but also quite blazay. Yes. How do you get that balance to look like a days ago, but also he looks ancient, like an ancient, uh, uh, oracle? Yes, not as in he looks old.

Not as he looks like he has, he knows things. Yes. Yeah. Oh, and he's so funny. Yeah, he is a funny guy. Very talented man. Yeah. I just, yeah, he has to be, he's got to be, he's got to be my helper.

In the Jonathan Creek reboot. Yeah. Who do you want to do the voice of the dog? Can I be silly? Yeah. Yeah? Chris Morris. Oh, that'd be good.

He'd never do it. He'd absolutely never do it. I don't know. Sometimes he pops up and stuff, and you... He'd absolutely never do it. I mean, he is... But it would be a good... His voice would suit a dog.

Yeah. Yeah. Like a clever dog that's going around solving crimes. Yeah. It's very, very, very clever dog. Didn't you make a short film where someone's dog was speaking to them? I don't know. It's something he could do.

Yeah. That's a genius. Yeah. So you want the Scotch egg? I want a Scotch egg. I did a gig last night in Chelsea, in a pub in Chelsea. Joel Domit was on and Joel's always hungry

I need some food I need some food And they went Check that Yeah but he just works He works out loads He's got he's got that sort of like Energy as well Where he's constantly wriggling around

So he's always hungry And or he's got worms And the man working at the pub Went I'd get your Scotch Egg And he said do you want a Scotch egg to me I was like I just had dinner So I don't want a Scotcheg They brought down this

Incredible looking Scotcheg Proper running in the middle You refuse a Scotch egg Yeah, but I'd eat, I'd just eat him. Who do you think you are? I know. But then obviously I wanted a scotch egg. He's drinking shit water. Like, turning down scotch eggs.

What the hell do you think you are? This is a problem. But the audience hadn't been let in yet, and they were let in. They didn't even know Joel was on. And he was like a last minute edition. Like a surprise. Yeah. And then the audience started walking in, and there's no dressing room.

He was just sat like at the door eating a full scotch egg with yoke running down his chin. Like, what a treat we're in for tonight. Oh, that's an image. Yeah. But it looked like a good scotch egg. Scotchegg. Like posh gastro pub, Scotchang, yeah. Is that always be? Always be a yeah, the new one in Chelsea. That's a, that's a very good, that's a very good pub.

Yes. I mean, it looks like a restaurant. It's not a pub. I said on stage, this is not a pub, guys. It looks like a restaurant, but I don't, I think they might have to change the seating up a little bit. Okay. To give more pub. Yes. But I know the Scotcheg there will be, will be phenomenal. Yeah, it looked like a good Scotcheg. And the next time I do that gig. Oh, I'm getting a Scotch egg. I'm not having dinner. I'm having Scotcheg. I'm going, I'm literally, James, Tim, I will be having a Scotch egg. That's the people who run always be. Yeah, just for the listener, who don't know who James and Tim are.

Are two favorite men in comedy. They run always be comedy together. Sometimes when you get a Scotch egg, they'll give you like a chutney or like a dip or a little sauce with it. Do you want anything like that on your dream menu? I do like a little dip. I like a mayonnaise that is homemade. So it has a little bit of tanginess to it that can offset the kind of salt.

Yeah. A little bit of mustard in there maybe. A tiny bit of mustard in there. Saracha mayo or like a sarachia mayo? I love a sarachamayo. That's very, very good. A sarachamia and then there's like a... I've been getting truffle mayoes. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's quite nice. Truffles, you know, it's overused in many ways. But in a mayo, just it, it does. up. It's okay. Wasabi mayo before we move on? Ah, wasabi mayo is not allowed. No, it's not allowed.

My chest, yes. It's going to be too, it's too hot. Okay. Yeah, I'm not very good with, I'm the one Nigeria, well, Yoruba girl. So where my, I'm half Yoruba, half Yadama, that's like the, there's lots of different ethnic groups in Nigeria. But Yorabas are famously good with, with like, spice levels.

Like we can eat hot food. I'm the only one who, simply cannot. The only... The only one. And if any, you're about, people comment on this thing and claim that they are amongst those who can't have spies,

delete the comments. I don't know if we can do that. Yeah. I think that will have to... You might have to give you the login and you can do it. You can't get Benito to do... I can do that manually.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if... I don't think Benito can go through filtering the comments like that. Okay. Yeah. I make unfounded claims that I think I need to

I need to actually just maintain. Yeah. Your dream main course. So this is where, you know I was telling you guys before that I was very nervous? Mm. Because coming on this institution and I don't want to let my family down and let basically the world down. And the main has been a real source of anguish for me. Mm-hmm.

because I was born in London, but I grew up in Lagos, and I've been back and forth. And I don't want to disgrace my ancestors with this choice. You're putting a lot of weight on this choice here. Yeah. I don't think you can disgrace your ancestors with it. Maybe. You could do. But do bear in mind you could do.

So my dream main is going to have to be smoky joll of rice with ayamash. It's like a green stew And planting With Kosovo If it's possible This restaurant can give me anything Add Moimoi So Moi is like a bean cake

That's also got a bit of egg In it So double egg Double egg Double egg Yeah And it will all come together So it doesn't include my side

Yes Yeah it's all It's all in one format. There's no... It's all in one format. Yes, yes. It's all in one format. But if...

Because there's a lot of conflict about Jolof Rice. Yes, we've had, you know, we've had various sort of opinions on Jolof Rice on the podcast. And it's the most boring conflict and I'm going to put it to bed. Yeah. Once I speak on this... Many people have come on the podcast and said this. But they're going to try and put it to bed.

They've been like, I'm going to end it now. Okay. I'm not saying you can't do it. Yeah. It's not that. It's not that I'm going to try. But good luck. It's after this, we're not talking about it anymore.

I'm enforcing it. What do we have when we have other guests on and they want to talk about it? Do we say to them you can't? The irony has already spoken about it. Okay. And we've ended it. And we've ended it. You've got to pick something different.

This is it. Yeah. This is it Jolof rice. Is it Ghanian Jolof, whatever? It's not even either of those things. Right. Jolof rice from Senegal. Yeah.

Chebuddin. That's the original Jolof rice. We're not arguing about Nigerians and Ghanians anymore. Both of our Jolov rices are second to the one they are doing in Senegal. That is the end of it. So this particular Jolov that you guys are going to give me is going to be directly inspired by Cheb. So it's going to have that smokiness. It's going to have that.

It's almost like it feels like there's paprika. Just popping out. are you to say hello? You know what I mean? Yeah. Simmer to perfection. Yeah. The rice is fluffy.

It's almost like it's like in a 3D printer or something. It's like it's just, it's been to perfection. But it's just some auntie in the back, puts her back into it. Yeah. That sounds sexual. But I guess in some ways it is. Yeah. Sure.

I mean, it sounds phenomenal. Yeah. Oh, it's true. I love the smokiness. That's what brings me in. Yeah, yeah. Because I guess there's Joloff, you can just have that. It's not smoky.

But I love when it's like, it's like, this is like party Joloff, where you would get it like at a wedding or you're going to someone's 50th or something. And they burn the, like when the rice is simmering, they leave it at the end to burn and they put like foil on the cover. So it is, they're cooking it up. Yeah. And by the time they uncover that thing, they smell. yeah there's nothing like it yeah

I mean you can do when I make it it's not I can't get it smoky because of the way I don't have like an open flame on my right okay you need the open flame to get that taste

yeah yeah that's what does it that's what does it so what in the joloff obviously you've got all those spices and stuff is there like there's their meat in the joloff

what particular meat you would have so my meat my meat would be in my amashi so the meat will always be on this on the side

but you're But you would have simmered it in like a beef stock or like a chicken stock. So that will come through. Yeah. But then some people have like, I love a smoked turkey. Like a turkey wing. And it's a bit soft. So you're fighting with the meats, you know.

But you know that it's your doing, it's a labour of love to consume this meal. Yeah. And so the meat's mainly coming in the green stew. Yeah. But some people don't like. So I love to have Ayamashi with my jawlo fries rather than this stew. with a white rice because some people do that

but I like to have a clash of of seasonings Right so I don't like it because it's too much It's too much I think it is too much

but I err on the side of too much Yeah So you're making this at home Well I So I've actually discovered It's almost like a ready meal and it's called Tasties

They sell it in some of the big Sainsbury's in the country And it is Jolof Rice and Chicken and then they have Ayamashi and they have this is the best thing in the world

Gizdu so it's Gizard and Doodoo together do do do is plantain Yes Not the extinct bird Not the extinct bird Best in peace RIP will be really hilarious

If the bird was extinct Because we were eating it Yeah But the Gizdo is like It then adds like a sweetness Because that's sort of red peppers Green peppers

sweetness of the plantain And that you can also have that as a side. So there's lots of different types of meats. Yeah. And then, oh, shaki. Do you guys know tripe? Yes. Sure. Little pieces of tripe. Uh-huh.

Dotted. Yeah. About in the stew. I love all that. It's emotional. Shout out to tripe. Shout out to tripe. He loves tripe. I love tripe. It's so good.

It's so good. And people get so weird about stuff like that. Yeah, because it's not good to eat as an animal's stomach. Because it's first. of waste. Oh yeah, you're obsessed with not eating waste, aren't you? I am.

Yeah. Yeah, I actually had for about maybe three or four months I was obsessed with fecal clouds. Do you mean farts or? No, as in when you

go into public toilets. Yeah. Basically, if you're in a bar or like in a pub, don't take your drink into the toilet because they're fecal clouds.

Yeah. Because, you know, like if people have done done shits in there and stuff that can evaporate into the air. The whole shit evaporates into the air. Some of it. Some of it.

And leaves like fecal matter. Yeah. As a mist. Yeah. Which can't settle into your drink. But that when you get, if you're going into the toilet, aren't you breathing that in any way?

This is the thing. This is the problem. So damned if I do, damned if I don't. Yeah. They see tough times never last. Only tough people do. do. I've never heard that phrase.

Yeah, I like that phrase. Because life is tough. So what do you do now if you, you don't take your drink into the toilet? I don't take my drink into the toilet, but I have to breathe. Yeah. I've got to breathe. Yeah.

So I'm in there like this. Oh, God, I can't. There's just so much about life that is, it is so difficult. Yeah. Yeah. The weight of existence, I mean. And if you worry about the weight of existence,

and then you find out about fecal clouds. Like what you're supposed to do? Over the edge. I call some maritans. Yeah. Yeah. Over the edge. Because also, think about who's doing a shit in a pub. It's the worst people. It's not the people who care about their health or anything. The way my bar movement is set up. Yeah.

I have to put my hand up. The way my bowel movements are set up. You shit in a pub as well. Right. Well, I've just slagged you both off. I'm sorry. Benito, you're shitting in a pub? Right. What is wrong with you? Do your shits at home? Sorry, shit break. I'm shit break. He's a shit break. I'm shit break from American Pie. Yeah. Do you have a shit break for a milk and pie?

No. Could I use his own toilet at home? Yeah. It's they called him shit break. But you'd shit here. If I needed a shit, I would go for a shit in the pub, but I tend to be like, wake up in the morning, start making the coffee,

the smell of the coffee, off to the toilet, bish-bash, bosh, that's me for the day. That's good. Yeah, it's pretty good, right? That's quite regular. One of the evacuation. It's pretty much the same time every day. It's one of the most, like, liberating things about starting stand-up is that I started shitting in pups.

What did you, do you, do you remember your first stand-up shit in a pub? I remember some early ones. Let's clarify what you mean by that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I wasn't standing up while I was shitting. But, yeah, I didn't do a stand-up shit. I've done a squat shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I do, I have to do a squat shit in a pub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is, it is precarious. Yeah. Yeah, you go, this could end very. bad. It's going to do it. Yeah, yeah.

I remember those early days of thinking like, I'm actually doing this. I never would have done this. I'd always been like, absolutely no way. I'm going for a shit in a public toilet. No way I'm doing that. Early on with it sounds like, I'm going to have to.

I'm nervous before these gigs. Yeah. And I was like, do you know what? I don't even care anymore. This is great. It's fantastic. Sitting here. Reckless abandon?

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely reckless abandon all the way, all the way out. I think that's really, I think that says a lot about you. And I think it's just. it's opened up a whole new frontier of your emotional state. Yes. You should start doing it.

I don't think I should start doing it. It means I have to hold my morning one in. Why would you hold your morning one in, sir? Well, because I don't need one when I'm in the pub, do I? Okay, that's true. So if you want me to start shitting in a pub, I'm going to have to hold my morning one in. Oh, yeah, that's true. It needs new one.

It's the morning one. Will Smith does this. What? What does he do? I heard on the radio, and Will Smith said, when he's having a shit in the morning, he wants to get it done. Yeah. He doesn't want to be going back and needing another shit later on in the day.

So he'll sit on the toilet and he'll be there. He's got like almost like a mini office there. So that he's having the shit. That's not true. He said it in an interview. He said it in an interview. This was a long time ago. Yeah.

I heard him say this. An office. Wait, it's like he's got his thing. He's got his phone. He's got like some books. He's just there with a bunch of whatever he needs for the day. That's there while he's. having a shit so that like if anyone, you know, if anything happens,

he's across it. He's across it. And he's there for a long time. I wonder how long is long. Yeah. He just said he was on the radio. I remember I was in Italy. He was on the radio.

Yeah, I was in the car. Why are you listening to Will Smith on the radio when you're in Italy? Just on the radio. We just put on the radio and he was being interviewed. And he said, I like to get it done. Yeah. He said, I like to get it done. I don't want to be going back later on.

I like to get it done. Later one in the day and having like part two, part three. Yeah, but you're not supposed to be on there for that. No. You're not supposed to be on there for that long. No, you get piles if you do that.

Yeah, you're not supposed to do that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that explains so much about him. Yeah. Dream side dish then. You said that your side is not included. This is where it gets tricky because I do have,

I feel like I need to also be a little bit, like, grown up. So I will do a side of tender stone broccoli. A bit of brocolini Just some rock salt Some olive oil Maybe a bit of garlic And I need it crunchy

Because I want to feel like I've also Had my five a day Yes You're still getting the nutrients out of it It's not been overcoat And I'll just I'll just work at that Intimitantly

So is that just to make you feel like a grown-up And like you're being healthy Just to make me And also typically I would be like At dinner with my sister Or like friends and we love brocolini. The girls love a broccolini.

Tender stem, slender. And it's a little bit, you know, it's a little bit cheeky. Always, always a tender step. So you're having it to feel grown up or are you having it because you love it and the girls love brookoline? Many things can be true at once.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think there's a duality there. Yeah. You know? Multiplicity, if you must. Because it's the girls, the girls love a brocolini. I want to feel grown up.

And it actually tastes quite nice. It does. I mean, no, I think I started eating broccoli to be grown up and be like, you've got to get your vitamins in. Yeah. But over time, I love it now. It's just good. And even at home, it's so easy.

Like, if I'm doing like a salmon and potatoes, I'll just toss some broccoli. Yeah. On the side. Like, I'll steam it a little bit and then put it in a frying pan. Lutsu sesame oil with some salt. onion powder, garlic powder, toss, toss, toss, little butter,

we are good to go. Yeah. You got a steamer? I know, I just, I steam it manually. I'll just put it, you know how you do? It's like almost,

did it call it Ban Mary? Oh yeah. The one that just, you just put it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just did like that. That's how I do it as well. Yeah.

I put it in just like a sieve. I put it in like the strainer to broccoli and then put it above the water and then cover it with her. Yeah, yeah. And it steams it by itself. Yeah. We got,

my mom got a steamer when we were kids and it was a big deal. It's a real big deal, that steamer. Yeah. It is a big, I mean, she, as in a purpose-built steamer. Yeah, it was like a really big day, we got this steam, and this is how we're going to do our vegetables now. Different shelves, you put them on different shelves.

Different little shelves. I don't, I don't understand the shelving system, but I guess you could do more than one at once. I guess that was it. I guess the closest to the steam. Yeah, because the further away from the steam, you would have it like a bit aldente. Yeah.

So you'd put the ones that don't need to. Did they still sell those? They must do. They're pretty bulky, though, I think, from memory. I hate washing it up. Oh no, it makes more sense. We can just do it the way we've been doing it.

Yeah, I think so. Because then we just get multi-use out of our pans, you know. Yeah, exactly. I think with it, like, I don't have enough room in my kitchen for all this stuff. I want all of these gadgets, but I'd be really annoyed with it eventually. Because you have to put it. I don't think it's good to see the gadgets. So you have like a minimalist kitchen set up.

You want to put the gadgets away. I don't have a big enough kit. So it has to look, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But my dream, I can't, you're going to have to cut. No, I'm not saying it. I can't say it.

That was good because you were going to say something. Then you said you're going to have to cut this out. And then you went, no, I can cut this out by not saying it. Yes. Yeah. That's media training. Yeah. It's working.

Yeah. What was it, though? I would like to have two kitchens. Yes. The cooking kitchen and the stage kitchen. Yes. I am trying to, my new thing now is I want to be more like, like everyday girl. like girl next door

Brocolini girl Yeah She cycles You know Spliss the bill with her boyfriend That kind of thing Like really Like normal girl

Yeah But actually I want two kitchens Yeah But that's why the second kitchen's hidden right Because then you don't need to The second kitchen is like And a lot Some people in like

Really rich people in Nigeria Have this Would have the kitchen Because our food is very very fragrant So it's like, it's really hard to make sure the smells don't like go into your whole house. Yeah. So if you're of means, you would cook behind, like in the kitchen, behind the house.

Yes. So it's like, it might even be just a thing of like practicality. Yeah. In the show kitchen, would there be any practicality to it? Could you do anything in the show kitchen or would it be all be like fake food and stuff? You can do things in the show kitchen. So all the things you do in the show kitchen are like you can steam the veg. Like you can do like last minute touch-ups.

Like you can make tea and coffee. Yeah. Like, but it's not going to be, I'm not going to be frying palm oil. Yes. In the show kitchen. The hardcore stuff happens in the back kitchen. It's got to happen in the back. I like it as an idea.

Yeah, but I don't want to give down to it. Like, I'm not trying to be like, you know, aristocratic. Yeah. What about this? Free kitchens. Oh. So that's interesting. Yeah.

And it's almost like, so it's like, yeah, getting closer and closer to the belly of the beast. It's like going down into your mind. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. So what happens in your mind in the three kitchens, how are they split up then, jobs-wise? Yeah, yeah. The first one, so it's like tea and coffee.

Yes. Yeah. Second one, getting a bit. So you'd have like, you'd fry garlic in there. Yeah. We'll make a sandwich in the second one. You can make a sandwich in the first. Really?

Yeah. Because sandwich is cold, right? Yeah. But if you're making a toasty, got to be down. Got to be in the second. Second kitchen. Second kitchen is for tosties. Yes.

Yeah. Third kitchen. Third kitchen, I think that's like your spit roasts. Like, yeah, if you're like spit roasting stuff. Yes. A whole pig. Yeah, there should be like a pit in there, like those fire pits. Open fire.

Definitely open fire in there. Yeah. Got that in there. A furnace. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like hot chocolate.

Hot chocolate, second kitchen. You know. what? It depends on the kind of hot chocolate you're making. Yeah. I saw one in, I can't remember who's come up with this chili, chili, like, hot chocolate with the chili in it. Get that shit in the third kitchen. Yeah, that's in the third kitchen. Because it's like you're in a lab.

Yeah. It's great. I love it. I love it. Put stuff. Yeah. Just throwing stuff together. In your mind, are you the one cooking in all the kitchens? Or are there people cooking for you in the kitchens? Unfortunately, there are people who are very well compensated. Yeah. and who love their jobs.

Of course. But do they get uglier as they go down through the kitchen? Mine is like the teffered in us. Yeah. I think they're going to be the same beauty levels. Okay. Because, I mean, I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sure.

So anybody who comes into the house is automatically beautiful. Right. Because their spirit must be pure. So I don't... Ed thinks people are. ugly. Yeah, especially in the third kitchen.

In the third kitchen, I'm imagining it's really dark in there. It's almost candlelight. It's like a medieval kitchen. And everyone's like, they're doing the spirit. I'll never speak a host. We've got to another pig

how many spritish and shit out there? They're really like I didn't like that at all. No, but then you don't need to speak to them. Right. Because they have to pass a message up to the second kitchen and then they pass out of the A.E.

Okay, so the third kitchen people, the sort of gremlins, they will not be allowed out. No, you never see them. Okay, okay. Just live in the kitchen, I guess. Right. Your dream drink. Margarita! It can be alcoholic, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So Margarita. I said, no. This is a cheap. Dry January, we're recording this. No, I don't even do dry January anymore. I don't pretend.

No. I don't think it's, it makes sense to do that, to stop drinking. in the hardest month of the year. Yeah. I went to a restaurant yesterday, and on the menu, it said, it's dry martini January. You love that, didn't you?

So it was just... That's it. They're doing dry martinis all month. What's the restaurant called? I'll go there today. It's called Sooner. Spell S-U-N-E. S-U-N-E.

Sooner. Yeah. Shout out to them. Dry martini January. Yeah, it's too hard right now to be giving up drinking. Yeah. Also, it is a bit silly that you go from, like,

the month, you drink the most in December. Yes, to nothing. To nothing. You need a soft landing, I think. Yeah, it shocks his system. I think dry January should actually just be like beers and wine. Yes.

So maybe no spirits. Yeah. If you want to be like sort of strict about it. I went to a pub the other day as well. This is sounding like I'm going absolutely hog wild. But like went to a pub and the bar, there was a little gong about that big, a little mini gong on the bar. and it was there for people to hit it

when they couldn't do dry January anymore. Of course. So it was just, if someone decided, I can't just go over and hit the gong. And that would happen literally in, like you would lose your resolve at that pub. Yeah.

I'd do that. I'd hit that New Year's Eve. Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. Happy New Year. Don. Yeah.

I once didn't drink for a year. Yeah. And to be honest, it did change my life. Yeah. Oh. It was a completely... For the better.

Yes, transformative experience, and I have never had that much clarity and peace. But then I went to a wedding and I got absolutely slosh. And it just broke the sobriety. Yeah. So goodbye to clarity and peace. And since that I've not known it these wrists. But you're like a margarita?

Of course, two. Two margaritas. I love a tommies. So sometimes I alternate. So I do like a salt rim, just like shaken, right? Not the one that they put ice in it. Oh, so you don't want the, there's like loads, you don't want loads of ice in the cup.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want it, just give me the marg. Yeah, yeah. Salt rim, and then I'll alternate with the Tommy's. Tommy's a little bit sweeter. What's the Tommy's? So Tommy's Margarita, just like a, they, I think there's less quantro or might be no quantro at all.

And it just, it's not as tangy. So it doesn't really hit the back of your. you'll throw it the same way. And I'll just alternate like that. Nice. Until I start slurring my words. Yes. Spicy margaritas?

Why do you stand on that? I can't do. I think the spicy margarita is actually it's one of the reasons why the UK social contract is failing. I think people need, we need to start having a dialogue about the spicy margarita.

What is that? Why is it spicy? Yeah. What am I drinking? Pepper? who came up with it? I don't know, actually. But I like a spicy mug.

Ed, where did it come from? What, my love of spicy mug or the drink? My love of spicy mug? I don't know, I just like a bit of spice. It puts the zing and my ding-a-ling. I love it. Well, what? Don't you ever say that again.

That zing-my-diggerling? I'm horrified. It's the first time that he's actually... Look, I felt that it was going to be the only time I could say that. He's completely... I apologize. I want I apologize so much. There was a tea advert with Stephen Fry.

They said that phrase. I liked it. It just means like, you know, a bit of pep in your step. You're dingoling, is your penis? Yeah, I know, but I don't mean it gives me a... In my dinger, me a boner. I don't mean it gives me a boner. I just mean it peps me up.

That's what it means. That's what it means. It does mean that. It's different now. It's different now. It does mean that. It doesn't mean that now. I'm going to, every time as somebody orders a spicy margarita in my presence,

I'm going to think about a zing and your dingaling. Yes. Yeah. I'm bringing up. your little, I'll bring it up. Little pathetic ding-ling getting a zing

shooting down it. What's wrong? What's wrong with me getting a zing in my dingling from a spicy mind? Absolutely disgraceful. We've got a guest here. Disgraceful.

I know you too well. I would object if you were saying that in the intros and outros are just me and Benito. Yeah. I know what is right there. Yes. And you're saying

about getting zinging, your dingling. Your penis. I just mean I like it. I just mean I like it. And it gives me a pep in my step. 9-99. Please.

Yeah. They call them the police. Right. I can't, I think, and I don't know if Soho House, that terrible establishment is the reason for the spicy margarita being unleashed onto all of us. Yes. And I have a feeling it's them. I can't remember what they call it, though. They call it something different.

Picante. Picante. That's it. Yeah. Picante. And they have something to do with it. It's a conspiracy. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I'm happy to blame them. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think it's, yeah, I can't have it spicy for some reason. I'm happy to blame them. Yeah. Heartburn.

Sorry, sorry, guys. Oh, yeah. Of course, yes. Do I go? Absolutely not. Oh, wow. You remember. James, are you a member?

No. I got it free for a while because they did gigs for them. Right. I had it free for about four years. Okay. Spent so much time now. Interesting. It turns out you're the loser, Joe.

I'm the little dwee. Yeah. He's not a member of Sewer House. Sorry. We arrive at your drink dessert. That will be a sticky toffee pudding. Lovely. I'm more of a custard girl than an ice cream.

Now, with a sticky toffee pudding, what I'm finding is that certain establishments seem to be skimping on the dates. Okay. And to get the perfect sort of ratio, sort of moist, to kind of firmness, let's bring back the dates. And the sauce on top, that like treacle, the treacle sauce, I want it like a drip, like mainline, inject it directly into my eyeballs. Yeah.

If possible. We can do that at the dream restaurant if you want. Yes. Sometimes I go to a place and I'm like, oh, I order the sticky toffee. I'm excited. It comes. The treacle sauce, it's like, I am in jail.

Like, can you give me some more? I feel like Oliver twists, like I'm begged, like I need the trickle sauce. I need as much of it as possible. And it's the perfect way to calm my nerves, my belly is full,

and I just add a little bit on top and a sticky toffee with so much trickle sauce that a Victorian child will be dead. by the end of the tea. Because it had so much. Because it had so much. Yeah.

With some custard. The custard is swirling into the sauce. Yeah. And it's making this sort of marbled effect on the plate. Typically there's candlelight to then compliment. I mean, this is what it means to be alive. Yeah. What else is there?

Yeah. Do you want any, like, fecal clouds anywhere near that? I will fucking flip this mic. I was in a state of bliss. You know, I was like, I was right there. Yeah, he knew that. And that's why he brought up the faecal clots. Oh, that is cruel.

Yeah, that's cool. That's a cruel thing to do. Yeah. Sorry. A fecal cloud would end that. It's just ended it. Yeah. 100%.

What an awful way to end the dream, then you? A fecal cloud. A fecal cloud, yeah. A fecal cloud, right at the end. A little petty four. Yeah, yeah, petty four. I feel like stomping you out Yeah

Gets often feel like that Yeah I don't feel proud of it Yeah I'm sort of defiled yourself Yeah yeah So I love the I love the

Yeah it sounds amazing The custard swelled in with it Sometimes do you find When I delve into a sticky toffee When I want it to be Like moist with that sauce Throughout the whole thing Yes yeah

And sometimes you get in it's dry It's dry in the middle So that for me is where, and I don't know what, if that's a mistake or if it's on purpose, but it must be throughout, not on top. But I think that's also what you're talking about with the dates, the lack of dates. If there's dates throughout it, that stays moist. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm seeing it where it's more of like this weird cake.

Like sponge. Yeah, yeah. And I just, I'm just like, I'm always looking forward to sticky toffee. But there seems to be like a, and I think maybe if there's an on-busy, or some kind of like quality control. Yeah. Yeah. That's, you know, like in, in, you can't call something champagne if it's not from the region of champagne.

Yes. Oh, yeah. Some kind of standard for the sticky toffee that we know that if we've ordered this thing. Yeah. That it's going to be that. Yes. So, and maybe somebody's looking into it. I don't know, Gordon, help us out.

Yeah. Gordon Ramsey. Yeah, Goda Ramsey is one of my, unfortunately, one of my idols. Really? That's a surprise. You love love and you love life and very spiritual. Gordon Ramsey doesn't embody those things when I think about him. Yeah, but I guess I contain multitudes.

Yes. Absolutely. What do you love about Gordon Ramsey? I love that he is able to immediately detect when something has been microwaved. And he will just say it. Yeah. Is this been microwaved? And if you dare lie.

Yeah. He knows. He knows what you doing. Yeah. He's not really. asking, is he? He's not asking. It's a test.

And it's a very Nigerian thing to do. So there's something about him that's so Nigerian. Yeah. Because he's asking you because he knows they if you lie. Oh, Gordon. And why are you surfing him

frozen food? Yeah. Why do you serve? These people on kitchen nightmares, what are they playing at? It's like, come on. Yeah. He'll know.

He'll know. He'll know. This is being filmed. It's just. We know. know of the audience. Why lie when it's already been filmed? Have you seen him touch a plate?

Because he's, and he's, he moves it round like this. Yeah. And what he's doing is he's inspecting the dish, but he's also checking the temperature of the plate because that's one of the ways he knows that he's been macro-wift. Oh, yeah.

So you think you're, you think you're going to deceive Gordon Ramsey? Why are you trying to deceive Gordon-Ramsey? I would, I personally would know. Never tried to deceive Gordon Ramsey. And when he declares, sometimes you've microwaved it, that's too bad. If you haven't microwaved it, but there's something about it that is not quite right. He'll say, it's dry.

It's just, it's so dry. The way he pronounces restaurant, he says, restaurant. Oh, Gordon. I love Gordon Ramsey. Oh. First of all, I'll read your menu back to you and you see how you feel about it, okay? So you would like, still water, bottled, very important, this bottled. Yes.

Pop-on-ins of bread, you want flat bread or feccapsia with rosemary, starter, scotch egg with homemade mayonnaise. Main course, smoky jolof rice with Iamasse. Aya-Mashie. Ayamashi. Ayamashi. Ayamashay, plantain, coleslaw and moi. Yes. Side dish, tender stand broccoli with rock salt, olive oil and garlic.

Drink. Alternate between margarita and a Tommy's margarita. Does a sticky toffee pudding with so much treatle sauce and custard. How do you feel about that? That's a beautiful menu. For the bread, can I add one thing? Yes. Yeah.

It could also be pandasal. What's that? What's that? What is? I think it's Filipino. There's this restaurant, Rameau and Soho. It's like Filipino ramen. I've been there.

It's great. I really like that place. Oh, the panacelle. It's a fluffy bread that is just like... I don't think I had the bread. I should have had the bread. I should have had the bread. Yeah, get the bread next time.

It is fantastic. It soaks up any sauce that you can get your hands. And they put garlic and butter on it. Oh, yeah. It's high and is soft pandesal. Yeah. Added. That's added to the menu.

You got it. Pretty good menu. It's pretty delicious. Do you think? Yeah, really good. That Maine made me really hungry. Yeah. Yeah.

I really like the scotch egg into the joloff into sticky toffee pudding. It's sort of like a British Nigerian fusion. Yeah. Yes. But it just sounds really warming and filling. Yeah, I love a warm and filling meal. Yeah. And just like you're chatting and like laughing and you just feel like you might actually be all right.

Yeah. You were worried you'd let people down today. Yeah. Do you feel like you have? I hope I haven't. I don't think you have. I think we've let ourselves down. Yeah.

And like I think, you know, maybe there's going to be a lot more complaints to the BBC. Probably. Probably. Whereas I think you were worried about letting down your ancestors. Yes. I think you've absolutely made them proud. Yes. And also, thank you so much. And think how proud you've made Gordon Ramsey as well.

Thank you. Gordon. One day we shall discuss. Oh, that's the end of the sentence? Yes. One day we shall discuss. Thank you for coming to the dream restaurant, I-Y day. Thank you so much. This has been joyful.

Yes. I've loved every second. I love that episode, James. Absolutely fantastic. I think we really got to know how I wanted there. Like absolutely every single aspect of her being came through in that podcast. Yes.

Very spiritual at times. Yes. Obviously hilarious. Yes. Sometimes very serious. Yes. Very stern. And Scotcheg.

I love Scotchegs. Yeah. Absolutely love Scotchegs. And did not say Biscop at any point. So we didn't have to kick around the dream restaurant. Imagine a Biscop scotch egg. Wouldn't not like that? Speak for yourself.

If the egg was, if the egg was like, you know, a cabri's cream egg and it was like covered in like a like a marshmallow and then there was a Biscop layer around the marshmallow and then it's covered in like digestive biscuit crumbs and then they deep fry that. I'll try that. They deep fry it? Yeah, got a deep fry it. You are mad. What?

You would try that? I'd try that. That'd blow your head off. Who you talking about? That's too sweet for you, even. No way. Cabrie's cream egg covered in Bisk off sort of sausage meat style. And then...

With marshmallows? No, no marshmallows. I say I said marshmallow. No, but I'm saying, this is what I want. This is... I'm reducing the sugar. Bisk off around the outside. Yeah.

And then rolled in toasted coconut for the breadcrumb style thing. Fucking out. Why don't you just go to a health spa, mate? Cry. Don't forget to go and see I-O-I-D-A on tour. The show is called Swings and Roundabouts. Award-winning. Award-winning show.

Every of the best newcomer. I mean, you could hit out of any she is on this episode. Yeah, yeah. That's just a taste of what she has to offer. Yeah, yeah. She'll get you. She'll get you. Don't forget to watch this on YouTube as well.

Subscribe to the YouTube. Yeah, I'd say in that episode, there was a lot of, like, you know, acting out a lot of facial expressions that you've really got. cross. How much I why they loves all those. The curl of the lip at Scotchegg needs to be seen. It's worth it for that.

It's worth it just for the curl of the lip. But thanks for listening to this, obviously. Even if you like, I've heard it, what I need to watch it, just go and put it on in the background or something so we get another view. Yes. Because Benita said if the YouTube doesn't take off soon, he's going to take all his clothes off and run into the sea. Yeah, and sell his house.

Like Reginal. He's got to sell his house. He's going to sell his house. Then where's Toast can I live? Imagine poor toast walking around London with a bindle. Oh, a little toast of a bit. or just go around London. I would not like that.

Just because the YouTube wasn't watched enough. Yeah, even though he was really naughty yesterday. Yeah, was naughty yesterday. Wouldn't need me alone? Wouldn't need me alone? Triple on the side. Tripled on him.

Thanks for listening. Bye! Bye!