Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Best of 2023: Part 1

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

What a delicious year it’s been at the Dream Restaurant. Here’s part one of our favourite clips from 2023. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend. In 1973, a group of indigenous artists formed a collective. The press called them the Indian Group of Seven, their goal, to raise the profile of indigenous art. That was all or nothing. We're representing all our people. And create a permanent space and galleries for Indigenous artists in Canada and around

the world. That was really a rock star moment for me. I'm Solay Lunya and this is Among Equals, the history and legacy of the professional Native Indian artist Inc. Listen wherever podcasts are heard. HeyCast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Well James, it's the end of another year in the off-menu dream restaurant.

2023. Bye-bye. See you later, 2023. We loved you. We loved you. With all of our hearts. Ed, do you know this year, we've reached our 200th episode. Are you aware of that?

Yes, I am. We were part of our first ever tour. Yep. And we finally found out if Paul Rudd liked sources. Big year, big year in the dream restaurant. And we would like to welcome you to part one of our very favorite clips from the 42 episodes that we've put out this year.

Yes. Big hello to me. Listening at home for the first time this year. Of course, this is the episode that you listen to. You clean your house and you listen to this. Yeah, I hope you enjoy cleaning your house, man. These are all really funny, these clips. Any tips you want to give yourself for cleaning your house and you listen to this. Yep, I hope you're enjoying cleaning your house, man. These are all really funny, these clips. Any tips you want to give yourself for cleaning your house? Yeah, I mean, remember, you've now got four cats.

So you probably have to do a lot more cleaning than you had to do this time last year when you just had two. Yes, remember that you've got four cats, James. Remember that you've got four cats, you've got to do a lot of cleaning this year, man. Like, you've got to be vigilant, but you've got all these clips to get you through the cleaning. Well, let's kick off the lot of clean in the shim and like you got to be vigilant, but you got all these clips to get you through the clean. Well, let's kick off the best of episode in the way that we kick off the actual episodes with still or sparkling. We've asked over 200 guests

in our lives whether they prefer still or sparkling and we're still and Benito's written this, he says we're still brackets low because it's a part because it's like yes, he's noticed it's a pun for on still water. Yeah. And we're sparkling amazed at the responses. Yeah. So weird thing is put in there. Let's hear from Jordan Gray, Jenny Eclare, Celia A.B. Graham Coxon, Harriet Kemsley, Angela Barnes, Dr. Maggie Adder in Poecock, Judy Love and of course, the hosts with the most Ed and James, letting ourselves down actually. I don't know yet, so it's a good cocky. We always start with still a sparkling water. Do you have a preference?

Yeah, I can't imagine why anyone would go out and order anything but sparkling because I can have still at home, on tap, and that literally on tap. So what I've really enjoyed about this part of the pond is that people often lead up to their answer with, well, obviously, but it's always different. What, I was obviously one of two.

But it's sort of all, half always the same, really, isn't it? Yeah, but always the person is like, clearly this. Yeah, why would anyone else shift the other one? So for you, it's because you couldn't get sparked in that home. Yeah, but I can't imagine a person saying, still because obviously, what's an obvious reason to have still walked

through in a restaurant? First, I guess, people, people who don't like spark then properly think it tastes to rank like they think it's horrible. It's like someone's farted in your water, all this kind of stuff. More to add all the reasons, I mean. Yeah, so many reasons that people like, why would anyone ever out a choice drink that?

But then, conversely, we have like the, it's obviously, it's fancier to have the spark, it's nice you want to night out, you want to do this, you know, so it's always, people just think, I think people don't know how strong everyone else's opinions are about water until they come on this pot. Would you have a spark, but you have Sparkling at home? I could. I suppose it's going out of my way, whereas I'm here at this restaurant at your behest, a bubbly water, like, yeah, it's like a party in my mouth. I'm the only one that's there, but I'm enjoying the bubbles. Yeah, on the walls of your mouth of other people who you're like, on pictures of everyone having just had a super sparkling war.

Yeah. And they didn't realize it was fucking. Some of my favorite people going, that's big coming up. That's often, are you at the party in your mouth, or are you the party in your mouth? Yes. Good question.

So have I administrative and invited everyone to a party in my mouth? Oh, my own mouth. When you drink the sparkling water, it is a party in my mouth. My own mouth. When you drink the sparkling water, it is a party in your mouth. Are you a guest at that party? Are you simply the venue? You're right. No, I'm the venue. I'm not being in office counting the money in my own party.

I took money on the door and then I'm in a dark corner at the party in my own mouth. It's got a side rail, isn't it? Yeah, that's right. You could recognize your own mouth from the inside. If you... If you... If you woke up, are you inside a mouth? And someone said, guess who's mouth this is? It definitely wouldn't be my first.

I wouldn't have thought, I'm in my own. In fact, of all the mouths, if I woke up in a mouth, the last mouth had been because it's my least likely mouth to be? Because I've got minds in. However, if I took this and then a giant finger appeared in front of me, I'd be like, that's my mouth. I'd be insane, actually.

Yeah, that would be my, to be able to do that. Yeah, wrap your head around that. And then behind Ace World is what happened, this is the right, layer three of the mouth inception pie. If you put your finger in, I see a giant finger. And then the minute I touch that giant finger, I feel a tiny me in my own mouth. And there's a little me having a party in my mouth.

Oh yeah, and it'll go on and on and on. Pass the big finger touching you, you'll be able to see your mouth. No, brilliant. Yes, you would. You would be able to see this, I'd have been mad again. Jeez. Oh, I can see why you pick sparkling water now.

Yeah, yeah. This is quite good. Still all sparkling water. Wow, they're both quite dull, but I'll go sparkling, very clean glass, good glass, thin rim, don't like a thick rimmed glass or, or mug or anything really. I like a thin rim. No. And sparkling with ice and lemon, but what I would prefer on the side, and then I'll have

some, I'm always a very thirsty person because I talk a lot, I get quite dry. I have some tack washed on the side as well because otherwise it'll get expensive for you. I do it as a fancy restaurant, you pay. No, no, no. Okay. This will be the first meal you've ever had. This valley for money. Yeah, this is worth money. Oh, God, my northern heartstrings relax. I'd like some ginger beer on the side. A good ginger beer. Edel know what I'm talking about.

Yes, good cloudy, like proper ginger beer. Yeah, old Jamaica's that I like that and I like effentamins as well. Yeah. Yeah. So I like ginger beer a lot. Obviously alcohol free. I've not started drinking yet. You'll know when I do. There will be alcohol involved in this meal. Jenny, I have a question. Why is it just me who would know about the ginger beer and your James?

Don't trust him. I don't, I don't think that he'd have the palate. This sparkling water, you said you want it to be almost no water mainly bubbles. Yeah. Is that not air? Do you know how like honey has like holes, but then there's like little bits of holy or like a mental cheese has like I want. I want.

That size bubbles. Yeah. I want big bubbles. And the reason for that is I really like how it feels on my teeth. I really like how the bubbles are imitative. It feels like they're brand new. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, are they like, yeah, do you think that too, don't you? Yes, I think I can use your teeth in the morning.

Yeah, it feels like a little spa day for the teeth. Absolutely. A hundred percent spa day for the teeth. Spa day for the teeth. For all the bubble, you want it's like so many bubbles that like this sounds like it would feel like an electric toothbrush. No, not this many bubbles. So in between lame sparking water and electric toothbrush on the spectrum that I wanted to be maybe like 20% almost to electric toothbrush but not painful. And I wanted to be very cleansing. You think you can get too bubbly of water though.

So does it get to a point where it doesn't feel cleansing? What if you took a sip of this water, and then you open your mouth and realise that it turned your teeth back into baby teeth? What if that? So what if that? What if that? Let's think about that for a while actually. What if that though?

Well, we come to a section of the podcast called What if that? Let's think about that for a while actually. What if that though? Welcome to a section of the podcast called What if that? What if that were mid gamble? Where's James James night involved? James James night involved. That's all that. Yeah. No guests. Yeah, just me saying.

What if that though? Let me, let me, um, sweet on the pot here. Let me put this in. Um, um, what if, what if this, what if, oh, that's a good twist. That's my version. What if this sparkling water, that's really, really sparkling. Yeah. It will feel the best you've ever, that good feeling that you're talking about.

It will feel the best it's ever felt. Yeah. The best feeling that you've ever got from sparkling water. Yeah. But it will turn your teeth back into baby teeth. Yeah. What if that, I have to say no, I'd like my teeth. Yeah. I'd have to say, if it's half and half, I'll do it.

What if you had a half baby teeth and half your teeth now, top half a bottom half, what you choosing? Oh no, I was imagining it. Oh, left and right. Left and right. I would happily have. Afternate. Just, yeah. It's up and down or he would he pick would he?

Yeah. What if that doesn't get a chance to say, I think that may be the first use of Higgledy Piggledy on the podcast. I've never had that before. I like the sound of it. Can you say it again? Higgledy Piggledy on the podcast. I've never had that before. I like the sound of it. Can you say it again? Higgledy Piggledy. Oh, it's lovely.

Yeah. I think the teacher didn't teach it that word too. No. Busy teaching you all the effing and Jeffing. Me too. You're not on a Piggledy Piggledy. I think I'd go for bottom. Bottom beat.

Bottom row baby. It's got to be bottom row baby. Bottom row because when you smile, you don't... Now, these guys could stay hidden their whole lives, really. Yeah, well, they look like yeah, yeah, it's got to be bottom rope. He'll be picking the baby. Yeah, then I get Then I'd get lip fillers with just for the bottom to make sure Yeah, yeah, yeah, to cover yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah So in in short sparking water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

But I only go into spark sparkling water when I stop smoking. And my theory is that it feels like having a cigarette in your mouth. Wow. Because I don't know why I did something to my tongue and it hit the spot of like, what smoking felt like. I haven't looked into this. Interesting. We've not heard this before.

No, we've not. Having a sparkling water is like having a sig. Yeah, hot siggy. I have a sparkling water when I got to stuff on the way. Sparkling water after banging. Yeah. You know, I might have had to do it, yeah. You have to nap outside of pub to have a sparkling water.

In the morning, you have a coffee and a sparkling water. I have a sparkling water after banging just to cool my dick off. Oh no, you got to be careful though, man. If you dip your dick in the sparkling water, it could tell it back into a baby dick. Oh no, you gotta be careful, though, man. If you take this sparkly water, it could tell it back into a baby dick. Oh no, I'm gonna baby dick. Please don't leave, baby. Don't leave, that's what I didn't know it would happen.

I put my ticket sparkly water and I got a baby dick. Glitch the life, baby. What is that? Can I ask you a question now? I think about that. That's another one of my questions. Do you think it would feel nice to have a whole bath filled with sparkling water?

Like how, because, you know. I mean, if someone offered it to me, I definitely would say, yeah, I'd want to know what that felt like. Yeah. I think it would feel nice. It would feel incredible. Like, was your cozy.

Yeah. For a bit, but then would it feel a bit weird and sort of stagnant and it would flatten out. Yeah, it would flatten out. But then you could, what's that thing that makes bubbles that for you can buy? So does stream. So does stream. Yeah, you have a soda stream like where the taps should be.

Yeah, like you're a hamster. I think the soda streams don't work. So if you made a soda stream bar. It would probably flood your entire bathroom because they don't, they tend to like explode a lot. Yeah, so that's a no for that, is it? Yeah, yes, a no for me. If you had a bath, it's spock and water, I'm imagining it with a slice of lemon in it.

Would you do that? Oh, hello. Hello. I'd have a lot of sliced lemon. Cute combos in it. Cute combos? Yeah. You'd feel great.

Yeah. You'd feel like a drink. You'd feel like a little umbrella. A drink I don't think you'd feel like a little umbrella. I think it would be fun to wear one of those hats that makes your head look like an umbrella as well. Yeah. So I think if you had loads of sizes of lemon in there. Great. One slice on its own would feel dirty. That would feel like just litter in the bath. Yeah. Loads of sizes of lemon. Weirdly would feel clean, luxurious, great. Yeah. One size a slice of lemon, weirdly, would feel clean, looks serious, great. Yeah. Once a slice of lemon, someone's dropped some lemon in my bath, it feels dirty.

Would you have someone drink it? Yes. If anyone wanted to drink it, they could drink it. There's people out there who are going to be messaging Benito, saying, I'm up for that. Oh, yeah. There's a few creeps who would love to drink my bath water. Definitely. Sparkling or otherwise. Yeah. real shame. Still. Yeah. Straight away.

Absolutely. Not a sparkling fan. Sparkling, I've always thought there was volcanoes. I think it is, isn't it? Let's face it. Cairns. Why is it for canas? Well, they need really something to cut through all the night before. You know, they need some fizz to bring them back to life. I've always thought that that was everybody I know, I mean, not everybody I'm being on fair, but when every people are all just sparking warm and they go to a restaurant, I go, I look at them, yeah, and I think they've been caning it. They've been caning it.

So I like to have it, you know, as close to like source as I'll be up there sucking on a hillside, you know, if I could. I mean, it's the dream, it's the dream restaurant. You want to suck on a hillside at the start of this meal. We can do that for you because I'm a genie. I've got powers. So if you want to be sucking on a Scandinavian hillside, maybe. Or maybe even where in Ashborne somewhere. That would be all right.

Is that near Kettering? No, I don't think so. I think that's further north than Kettering. Oh, you from the Midlands? I'm from Darb Spondon, Darby, originally. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I, my sister lived in Darby for a bit, so I'd go there quite a bit.

Is it, I would just spoke about everything about that on the podcast before, the man called Boston, who would sit on the wall. Yes. Hamptie, you mean Hamptie, Hamptie. Sorry, yes. I don't have to dump it. You got mixed up again. You're always doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like to suck on a hillside? Yeah. Yeah. In the dark peaks. In the dark peaks. You see being in the dark peaks. Like in a hillside.'ll be on the dark peaks. You'll be on the dark peaks. Like on the dark peaks. I don't want a straw to suck on the hillside. If you want to just, I'll lips to the hillside.

I just like the lip straight on. Yeah. It's a bit constricting the straw. Yeah. I'd like to get the full pressure, the full water pressure, full in the physogue. I think if anything made me suspect someone was a cana, it would be someone sucking

off a hillside. Yeah, yeah, not sucking off the hillside. Oh, come on. He's not sucking off the water off the hillside. Well, yeah, I guess I guess I'm sucking off a hillside. Come on, man. It's sucking the hillside sucking on the hillside. Letting one's lips yield to the pressure of water. Yeah. As it springs forth. Yes. That's all right. I am. I have a problem though why do you I drink too much

Water and I actually have to be careful Because my mom I like I it became like a and maybe like a compulsion and then my mom saw in this morning that People can die if they have too much water And so if I have a drink Did you want to say something about drowning and we can talk about it? I don't know, but every time I have a drink she's like, how are you? Be careful. There you go.

Or it because I think you can drown in your own body. Yeah. That's what I mean you can't. That's true. That's happened to people. But I wouldn't say it's necessary for your mum to say every time you have a drink, Harriet. Be careful. Yeah. What do you want? So the always completely understands someone when you hear just one thing about their parents. always completely understand someone when you're here just one thing about their parents. Oh, that's fine. Every time you do 40 of them, I was like, and you mum saw that on this morning. She saw it on this morning and then she was like, I think you have that problem. And then it made sense because if you have too much of a camera, you quite like headed

and like a bit confused apparently. And then that is kind of the state that I live in. And so I think it is too much water and I've tried to cut it down. And I've cut out squash because that was part of the problem I think. So I can't have squash. Okay. Immediately in this episode, because we've done so many of these episodes now. Yeah.

And I know James so well now. Yes. I felt James coming at a lower energy than he normally does, because he knows that you're absolutely going to handle the rest of this episode. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to bring so much to it. It's fine. Every 10 seconds, there's something insane coming out your mouth.

Basically, I'm not going to pay attention. Every now and again, I'm going to tune in and just repeat the last thing to say. You've got it. That's gosh. Sorry. How much water were you drinking? Are you drinking that means that you're getting lightheaded and confused? It's less now, but there was so much I had to talk to the Soviets. I was being too much. I had the problem and then they were like, you just have to control when you, P and you have to try and build it up. I think he got a long cup of between P. I thought the doctor said he gave me a schedule.

He gave me a schedule. Yes, yes, I have to try and I have, even if I think I should pee I have to be like no, no, no, it's not time yet I'm gonna have to save it all up as a tree. Yeah, yeah, to lay it rather than keep going because then you're glad I think you need to keep going. Uh-huh. Well, how old were you when this happened? It was like three years. So what was it? Can you remember your schedule? I've been there a while ago. It was genuinely worried. What they said, keep it, so start with once an hour. And then build it up from there and then try and go like every two hours. Yeah.

And then ideally you want to be going less than that throughout a day. So how much, if you don't mind me asking, how much were you paying? So it was more like a nervous thing. It was like if I had to leave the house, then like three times in 10 minutes, which doesn't, it doesn't make sense to all because I've just been, but then I was like, oh, I should go. And so then it was becoming multiple times. And I was like, maybe I've got a problem. Then he was like, you given yourself the problem. And you've got to try and cut back. So I've had to cut back water and peeing. Yeah. But now you're keeping all the pee in.

You're just more of a chance you'll drown in your own body. My God. So, you're drowning your own, you're the pee will fill up your body. Yeah, because if you're going that often, there's no chance you're going to drown in your body, right? That's it, yeah. You're getting rid of it all, but now you're filling up more because you're really, you're rolling the dice.

But you're drinking less water. I'm drinking less water. I'm drinking much considerably less. And you've got to say, yeah. Because how much water you drink in now, though, you've not answered that. Look, I've barely touched this. That's a question for everything. But I did, I did drinks at some drink on the way here. Yeah, yeah.

So you're still not letting us know, is that the how much water you're drinking a day? It's water. It's very reluctant to answer that. Yeah, it's probably like a few liters of water and then like some soft drinks and then like some coffee and some tea. Yeah. Maybe a wine. And it adds up, you know, throughout the day.

Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what easily was? It was much worse. It was like seven points of squash a day. And that's just squash. What was your go-to squash flavor? like seven points of squash a day and that's just squash. What was your go to squash flavor? Um, like the orange and bar, I quite like the orange, not no, actually not the orange one, the peach one. That was when I like, I didn't really like orange to the peach one, but then

I'd have to cut it down because I was like, I'm drinking so much so I'd have like half the amount. It was like very weak, but then I think I was just addicted to squash. I think you just get used to the taste. You're looking at me like I'm crazy, but I feel like- No, no, no, no, I'm just enjoying it. I'm eating it wash over me. You know when you drink too much squash, you use, yep.

Do you want to drink too much squash? What? Do you have squash? Yeah, we've got it in the house now. Yeah, but you can just have it there and you don't. I'm not really into it. You don't get it, right? But my girlfriend loves it.

Yeah, how much does she have? I could pint a day. Wow. She can really keep it under. She wants the doctor, Gavre Shedgel. Yeah. Great. Great. Yeah. She's got it down. We don't have squash squash in the house. I used to be a big squash guy when I was a kid. She's a love squash. But I would be like, that's pretty much how I took my water in now. Straight water. Straight water. Yeah.

Ball, glug. I'll be like, I've not drunk water in a while. Down to the sink. Down to the point. Yeah. But then I go to the toilet, I remember. I remember. Okay. Yeah.

How many times do you go? I'd probably go more than average, I'd say. But, you know, I've probably been for two since I've been in the building. So that's two and a half an hour. Oh, you've got to watch. No, Rhett, I could go. I could, if I wanted to, I could go again now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. James, I couldn't go now, but famously, I, you know, I rarely get for a whole

episode of out. Yeah. Desperately need an appeal and having to ask the stop and then Benito's like, I hate it. So like, you know, with me, I either absolutely not even remotely need a way. Very dry. Yeah. Or I urgently have to piss now on. Wow. Yeah. And that's my two settings. Yeah.

So my two settings are absolutely fine. And then suddenly, oh, shit. Oh, no, Jesus Christ. But if you listen to Harriet's doctor, that's probably good. No, actually, that sounds bad, actually, because yeah, that's not an anxiety, or maybe you're not connected with your body. Maybe your bladder isn't connected to you in any way. It's just floating around in there. Little separate guy. Yeah. Got a little loose bladder. Yeah, probably. Probably got a little LLV. I mean, definitely something's wrong with me. I often think, like, you know, you're 38 now, and this is hitting you with the back. I imagine when you're an old man, I mean, definitely something's wrong with me. I often think like, you know, you're 38 now,

and this is hitting you with the back. Imagine when you're an old man, I'm scared. Just going to have to get a bag, I think. Yeah, I think I'm going to have a bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've either have to be very open and proud of, as a celeb, I'm going to have to be very open about that, you know, with the public and normalise, yeah, having a bag. You know, you'll be an ambassador. Nice, could you actually? Yeah, yeah, bag. You know, I'm bassist. Nice, could you? Yeah, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm going to have gone all the talk shows about it.

So I'll do the press tours. Go on this morning. Go on this morning, talk to them about. Oh, I don't. My mom. Sparkling. I can't believe I listen. I'm a fan of the podcast. I can't believe how many people don't say sparkling water. A lot of people, more than half, I'd say.

The big divisions as well. What do they like fun? What is... What? people don't say sparkling water. A lot of people, more than half, I'd say. The big divisions as well. Don't they like fun? What is, what? Why would it, it's busy, it's joy. It gives you a little dopamine here. That's why I want to do my food and my, anything I consume, I want to get the dopamine here.

A dopamine here, what? And I'm not getting that from a glass of water. I drink a glass of still water if I'm really thirsty and I just need to gulp it down. But obviously sparkling water. Celebratory. Celebratory, I have a glass of sparkling water by my bed. Well, that's crazy, I think part of it is I've got, like, I've problems with my ears

so I wear sort of hearing aids and things. But anything sort of internal in my, I can hear because it, you don't hear it through your ears, you know, you hear it. Some sort of bones in your skull and stuff. So I can hear fizzy water. And that's really exciting. It's like, oh, that's a really loud, lovely, and it feels like it's sort of soothing my ears. So you worry that if you were drinking still water

and you wouldn't be able to know if you were drinking it or not. It could be anything I drink. It could be anything. I can't hear it. Yeah. I like to be able to hear my drink. Is that normal?

Like a multi-sensory experience drinking the Spartan water. We've not had that before. I think fizzy drinks are a bit, it's a bit like, what's that stuff? Popping candy, you know? It's a bit like that, that sort of, when you can hear it in your brain, you're like, oh, this is amazing. Do you have a pot of that next to your bed as well? Always.

I just clean my teeth with it, actually. What is the best food to hear? Oh, that's a good one. Obviously, anything crunches quite good to hear. I mean, Poppy Caddy, I've already said that's... I can remember so clearly the first time I had it, it was on the front of a copy of the Bino, they gave you a free...

Oh, yeah, yeah. Space dust. In the... Space dust as well. Space dust, yeah. Or you used to get Highland Toffee sometimes on the space dust as well. Space dust, yeah, or used to get highland toffee sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a little packet of space dust.

And I remember going to the park with my friend and I opened it and I put it in my mouth. And then I, I think I thought I was having a seizure. Like I started crying. I was like, something's terribly wrong. I just, always been a hyper-conjure. And I just found my friend and I was like, no, no, no, it's supposed to do that.

And I was like, no, it's in my head, it's like, it's not. And then when I realized that I wasn't dying, I said, okay, again, this is going to be another one. What more now? I'm going to get the meaner again. Yeah. Warheads, did you have warheads at that age? The super sour lemon warheads, these sweets that were like, there's a challenge on the packet for how long you could last about spitting it out. Oh, got like jaw breakers all over. Yeah, they're like these really like the most sour thing I've ever had in my life. And yeah, we used to try and like properly do the challenge of how long you can keep it

in your mouth for. And then they released hot ones. Like, yeah, super like, I mean, they were horrible. Yeah. You've seen those, you know, the jelly belly bean thing, like the really good flavours, but you can get the ones, I can't remember what they're called. I bought them from my godson once, where it's like a Russian roulette one

and some of the tastes of like dirty socks or vomit. Yeah, I'm really supposed to. Yeah, they're pretty great. I've never understood that. No, why would you want to buy them? If you were buying yourself sweets, why would you want to make sure that some of them taste the vomit or...

No, but it's quite nice to do that to children. Oh yeah, yeah. That, by the name of children for Christmas, that way. Technically, they love the most. Yeah. They've got to learn. Yeah, that's, I can understand that. Yeah.

I also, they get really excited about it, like, especially because of Harry Potter and stuff and the birdie botts being. So like, my nephews, if I said to them, like, yeah, some of these taste like, you know, piss and shit. They would never be really excited about it. That's what they got, what the taste did like shit. Yeah. Yeah, I thought you were excited.

I don't know if I'd notice. Because I don't know what shit tastes like. Come on, yeah, it smells like. Yeah, but I don't want to taste. I know you, Ed, I know you know what it smells like. I do know what it smells like. Well, I see, if you know what it smells like, know what it tastes like, but then why does, I've know what it smells like, you know what it tastes like,

but then why does, I've never understood this. Why does shampoo smell so nice, but tastes so horrible? Like why does it taste like it smells? Yeah. And why does it smell chemically, but it tastes chemically? How do they do that? So you're saying shit might taste nice.

Right, tastes like shampoo. Yeah, yeah, it might taste delicious. Yeah. Shit might taste like shampoo smells. Yeah. Is that a tongue twister? Shit might taste like shampoo smells. Yeah, I mean, what do you call it? Yeah. Yeah. Talk to me. Shit, it might taste like shampoo smells. Yeah, I already called it. Yeah. Well, this has to be still because sparkling water makes me burp. Right. Yeah. Well, as you were thinking,

because this is, um, this is the restaurant, the genie restaurant. So, but burps could be a lot more fun here. Yeah. In which case, yeah, I would go for, um, sparkling water, because if burps were sort of rainbows and tasted of, oh, yeah, I would go for a sparkling water because if birds were sort of rainbows and tasted of oh Yeah, anything you could think of then that would be worth it. Yeah, what would you like the bird to taste of? Oh I've got a 30-year-old watching she's got a 40-year thing at the moment. I don't know what Right, she's actually very worried She's actually drinking but she's got an obsession with me. I turn 18 going for the vodka What's that vodka she really wants vodka? I want to have vodka. She really wants vodka.

Yeah. And I don't think vodka's that nice on it. No, it's not. But that's such a 13 year old thing to think, I think. I know. When I was younger than that, actually, I had to write a story at school about hunting for treasure. And I was maybe about six or seven.

And I wrote a whole story where I was digging for treasure and I kept finding what I thought was a treasure, but it was empty gin bottles and empty vodka bottles and I handed it in and I told my mum about it. She was like, they're going to think I'm an alcoholic. They just think you're finding all these empty spirit bottles in the house every day. So, Mum, got another one. Do you know what's part of the interest in the vodka? No, not really. I think that's five percentage preference. She's a scientist.

Well, can I say, she's already following your footsteps. Maybe she heard our Dan Act, Freud episode. And maybe once the crystal skull, maybe, crystal head. Yeah, get that right, James, you said it, no. Holy shit, can't leave, can't leave a god it wrong. Crystal head vodka.

Yeah. Oh, it's actually on its own, by the way. Yeah, it is actually. No add vodka. Yeah. Oh, it's actually on its own by the way. Yeah, it is actually no additives. Is that what we got here? Yeah, what you got there. Before you make your daughter jealous. You're a tumbler for the, yeah, yeah, vodka. Leave her to her dairy.

You should just sit vodka in front of her and go, look, when I can have. Yeah. Only when you ate it. And then she would go, again, to me and do it tomorrow. Don't do that. You want to have special bur me and Dylan tomorrow. It's a big day to be back. You want to have special burps in the dream that taste like vodka. Yeah, vodka. Well, actually anything.

I do like amaretto because they're quite sweet. I think a quantity again, quite sweet. Yeah, the boozy burps. The boozy burps. Yeah, yeah. Obviously in Charlie the chocolate factory, they do burps that give them weightlessness, essentially, like zero gravity burps to give them weightlessness, essentially,

like zero gravity burps. Yes, yes. Now that would be funny. Yeah. Because if I drink it, I'll look at which from the stars. Yeah, you could end up in that. So as a woman of science, how long do you think it would take you to burp yourself in out of space as a woman of science?

Yes. Well, as a woman of science, Yes, well, as a woman of science, given this lots of film. If I want to count myself as an astronaut, I need to go 100 kilometers above sea level. There's an imaginary sphere around the earth and that is then you're an astronaut. So I have to do that.

So it has to be at least that. But that would be fun. So 100 kilometers up. And let's say goodness me, how much am I going to move with each burp? 10 centimeters. Wow. Well, it depends on the strength of the burp. So, I can't say. Yes. It's a chocolate factory. Yeah, it's about 10 centimeters of burp, I think. Yeah, yeah, so, yeah, I want to be to the calculation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long will it take you to burp yourself to the point where you're

officially an astronaut? That's right. And how much would you, with Fizzy Pop, would you have to drink together? Yes, and also when I got up there, you'd want to wear a spacesuit because I wish you can't breathe. Yeah, then you can't breathe. So that's what you want. But then you wonder how the burps are helping if they're trapped inside a spacesuit. Yeah, because if you do that, you'll see that.

Oh, yeah, and then if you, but can you breathe off burps, it's getting very complicated at that. Yeah, but yeah. but these are things we should consider. Do you just want to still water? Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, you said that. You said that. You're sick with the stick. That's fair.

If you just want to still, you look disappointed. Well, I want you to have the, the, the one that burps yourself in the spike for filling my dream. Yeah. I mean, if they said, Dr. Maggie, we can send you to this other galaxy, but you have to burp yourself there. And that's the only way we can do it. Would you do it?

And it will take 20 years, but literally 20 years. I'm not blink of an eye 20 years. Okay, but you don't have to be 20 years of burping yourself in over to the other planet. That sounds horrible. Yeah, but this is a great news. You'll be the first one to meet aliens. You can, you can burp yourself back as well. That is helpful.

Yeah, it's not just your own flyby. It's what you can come back. Would you do it? Oh, no. You would sound bad. So your dreams are not worth that. I see, I don't want to work out if it'll be better if I was farting. But just what you see.

Well, he's a bad agent. Yeah, you can burp if it'll be better if I was farting. But just when you see it. Well, he's a bughead, yeah. He's a option. You can burp and it'll take 20 years. Yes. Or you can fart and it'll take 10 years, but it'll stink. Yeah. Well, you know, in the vacuum of space, who's going to, oh, and let's just take.

No one can you smell fart in space? Well, so. That's a woman of science. It's a woman of science. Can you smell fart in space? So if I spit, Well, so I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it. I can't spell fast. In space. So if I just want to add a space is vacuum. Yeah. So if you thought the gas would be there,

and if someone passed through it and could sniff without sort of freezing and sort of suffocating, yes, you could. So you could smell it. Yes. But your senses and your nose might sort of freeze. Right. But we think it'd be just easier to fart in your space suit.

So you would smell it off in your space suit. Seen it up. You would smell it in your suit. Oh, yes. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah, you smell it in the suit. Yes.

That we're considering these. Yeah, these often not pondered things. Yeah, well, get ready for more of that, because I've got loads of questions. Still lost sparkling water, Judy. Oh, sparkling. I am a sparkling girl. I don't know. It doesn't sound right.

Sparkling. Yeah. Sparkling. Well, how do you think it should be? Sparkling. What are your options here? So, do you say it doesn't sound right? Sparkle, Sparkling. Oh, are you saying sparkling or sparkling?

Is that what you're talking about? I'm trying to figure out where it is. Sparkling, Sparkle. Sparkle. I think I just say sparkling. So, let you do cook. Spark, for some reason, when I said it, just then it did. Sparkling water. Yeah, Sparkling. for some reason when I said it just then it did sparkling water yeah sparkling right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right Sparkling Sparkling Sparkling Sparkling Sparkling Sparkling

Sparkling one yeah Sparkling one not back yourself bitch what do you mean Sparkling one man yeah Sparkling yeah Sparkling yeah yeah I think either one's fine. I think either one. I thought you were saying different. I think I was. It just sounded weird when I first said it. And now I'm going to speak to Sparkling water. Sparkling water. How would you say it? Sparkling. Is that what I said? I think I'll go sparkling. And you're going sparkling. Oh, sparkling. I was like sparkling water. Sparkling. Sparkling. Sparkling. Sparkling. Sparkling and you're going sparkle in oh sparkling. I'm like sparkling water Sparkling your own sparkling sparkling. I was like a sci-fi movie for some reason sparkling sparkling sparkling. Yeah, it's like a character in Star Trek

Exactly. Yeah, sparkling Where is the destination I'm going to start tracking that you could think of. Yeah, because it's always flying somewhere. That's true. Yeah. I mean, it always looking through that big glass. So we're all trying to put in our back doors and our gardens down. Yeah.

I mean, they always try to fly somewhere. So sparkling. Where are we heading to? I don't know, Captain. See? It works. Yeah, that's good. That's good.

Yeah. Well, they rarely say, I don't know to be fair. They go where we headed to. They usually have no, don't go. I don't. I, yeah. Well, they rarely say, I don't know, to be fair, they go where we head into, they usually have, they don't go, I don't, shall we move on to the water? Yes, yes, certainly. What are we having? James. Well, last time, Ed and I had, for our water course, I had, I had, I had, I had, I had

a course to impress, I was just a bit above, soft drink, and Ed had a pint of Guinness. Yeah. So going by that person, and we don't have to choose water for this. We can just choose whatever is our current water. Back then, Coulston Press was my water. That was your aggro. Yeah, and nowadays, it's a lime and sea salt kombucha made by a company called UNI.

And I drink it all the time. I absolutely love it. I'm obsessed with it. No, no. And that's my current water. So that's what I want in the jug. Jeff, there was woe in a podcast. We're there. This is Rylann's face.

When he said, Convucha was an absolute. I didn't know what Convucha was until about two months ago. Yeah. When someone went, oh, yeah, I'm going to have a Convucha. And the first thing that comes to mind here was Bukaki. And I don't know why, because it just sounds similar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, well, you do you darling, I have a lovely night, you know. It's like, yeah, I'm gonna have a kombucha. I was like, great, I'll get in bowl. And then I realised it was like some alive drink. Yes. So how would you describe the kombucha? Which I guess is some kind of what a Bukakis. Yeah, it's true.

Yeah. It's very true, actually. Yeah, it's very true actually. Yeah, it really is. Loved to fact your mum's here. Yeah, my mum is literally this, the next week by the way. Don't Google that. Who's book khakis? Yeah, don't look into that, mum. So I think I know what computer is now, but for those who don't know what is, could

you please describe it in the most senseless way? Mentant T. Mushroom T. Mushroom T. What? It's a lie. It's a mushroom. But for those who don't know what is could you please describe it in the most senseless way? Mentant T mushroom tea. Mushroom tea. It's a lie. It's a mushroom. It's a mushroom. It doesn't taste a mushroom.

Yeah. Oh, don't tell me that doesn't taste of it. I don't eat mushrooms and I did drink that. It doesn't taste the mushrooms. You know, of course, it fucking did. But it's a mushroom. Yeah, it's mushrooms like fermented mushroom tea. Oh, oh, oh, my will is just gone in.

I don't trust them. You know, I don't trust mushrooms. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to have it. I got it. Well, you had it in your fucking book, you know, I didn't like it. No, no, you didn't like it.

Well, that's swimming about. No, you couldn't. How I couldn't. You couldn't feel that swimming about. I felt it. It's not like, it's not like drinking sea monkeys. They're not swimming around. That's what I'd have for my parity for things.

Sea monkeys. But with the mermaid dome cove. Yeah, that's the best one. Yeah, of course. Yeah, never able to afford that. That was over a 10 a.m. You're splashing out. So kombucha. This lineman soul lineman sea salt kombucha. It's I've been drinking kombucha for a while now. And I've got a gradually less and less sweet. When I start drinking kombucha, I like the really, really sweep ones. And now I'm just getting less and less and now I like the one that's got sea salt in it and the lime. And there's only one shop I can get it in.

And I'm the only one who buys it. I go in and I get loads of them. I just buy them out of it. I'm actually probably about four quid and bottle these ones here. I mean, I'm like, I'm rather than Robbie Rice if you want. Yeah, yeah. I'm probably about four quid at bottle these ones. I mean, I'm like, right, the Robbie rice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm well getting fleeced. But I should say two of the episodes were doing all right. Yeah. So I'm not going to talk about that. For the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, and that's my current, you know, Causton Preck, I haven't got a song about the Lyman C-Solt Kombucha, which I used toucha. Yeah, so the company school, you and I, so you'll never pay for them again.

So well done. Oh, yeah, yeah. You and I kombucha. You and I, when I die, bury me with kombucha. But that happens in the course in Prestug as well as being buried with it. Yeah. I don't think that's coffee right? Oh, but I vote both of them.

Yeah, but you can't release the same song to I red next did remember them. The cotton I don't know that same song twice, then they did pretty well. I'd rather some new lyrics if possible. Otherwise, I'm not going to get you a computer. Okay, yeah, Claudia didn't withhold things based on things you had to do. Yeah, this is what this is a new story. I'm not going to energy. Yeah, it's not

book, I key my name's James A. Kaki. That's the song I was off to see you push him. You get the results. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was some sparkling conversation back into waffle. Next, let's hear some food tips and tricks that you yourselves can try at home. Who's going to be taking us through these James? Oh, some wonderful recipes from Yo-Tamato Languie, Nick Frost and Kathy Burke. Have you always had a good instinct for what, because I always think I might have some sources or some things left over from other dishes I've had, and then I get a real bright idea

that I'm going to put it with the thing I've just made, and because I don't have any good instincts, there's pretty much always a bad combination. Tell us about a few things. Yeah, I'm going to need an example of this. Well, I just, so, what was the good example of stuff? A lot of the time, it's, I forget a takeaway. And I might like, serve myself up, whatever, from the, from the pot. And I'll leave a lot of the sauce in there, maybe,

from the, if I've got all the chunks of chicken, some sauce there, but then I've left behind the curry sauce. And then the next day, I'm like, oh, I've got this, you know, I'm a figure I'm making. I'm going to chuck that curry sauce in the bowl and I just, let's see how that, let's see what that's like. Real bass. Yeah, I think enough sin, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I think what I don't think that's in the book. I'm fairly sure, having had a very quick look, very excited to cook from it, but it's not, you're not cooking a curry and then going, strain the sauce out and pour it all over your pudding or whatever. Which is maybe important. Which is maybe important. Yes, very important. Now, it's immediately drawn to the blooming leeks. The blooming leeks, yeah.

I love blooming onion. I love blooming onion. Every time I go to the States, I have a blooming onion, but blooming onion. And the blooming onion just technically, Nor was working on it for a while, and it just didn't work. And then I said to her, well, why don't you do the leaks? Then they're looking like octopus, you know? They spread out like that. And then with a battery, fry them,

and they taste absolutely delicious. And the food I'm saying. No, I mean, so I guess the sauces or the takeouts are some things that so we kind of spent quite a lot of time thinking what goes with what? So we go like, there's this, I'm actually looking through the books, so there's these sections at the beginning, like with eggs, you've got French chili sauce, hot sauce, cortado on, you know, coffee butter, duke, and all those things. So there's a whole list of condiments that you can put on your egg.

So essentially once you've cooked the dish and you've got that little jar on the side, you can go to those opening pages and decide what you wanted to use it for. It's such a clever concept, so I've not seen before it. I think it's like, and it's rare to find a cookbook that's like a new, an actual new concept. I think we didn't really have a concept in a sense that we were looking for a long time to tell the story of the Othelengue discussion, which we love being spending time in and all the dynamics of what's going on there and the skills that we're developing. And then the pandemic hit and we realized, actually, that's the solution because all of a sudden, it was about, you know,

for the first test kitchen book was called Shell Flavon, it was about using up ingredients that you happen to have in your cupboards, you know, barley and chickpeas and polenta and all that stuff that just sits there and you never touch it, you go and buy yourself a fillet of card or something. And this book is all about the condiments. How do you can create huge flavors for cooking that, as I said, save you from cooking from scratch every single day which is kind of a nightmare. Yeah, three times a day. But that ingredient thing as well, like it's whenever I'll be like I'm going to cook something and then it might be

pylenta in the dish or a spice that I don't have. I'm going to go and do a big shop and buy all of these things. And now I just know I'm just like right I'm going to use that I'm going to put that up there and have you using that again that again. Yeah, so is it. Bye bye forever. See you at the back of the camera move house. Yeah. We're the only one that's decision to take you with me again. Even though it's expired already like a few months ago. I need I need a recipe that involves a lot of the soy sauce. Yeah. Because like every time I get a takeaway sushi, which I do quite a bit, actually, there's not a box you can take on the delivery room that says, please don't say the number.

Please don't say the number. Well, I think you should bring it up with the delivery room because I do agree there's too much soy sauce sometimes. Yeah. It's like every sushi delivery gets like, and you do get stuck with quite a lot. Well, also, I worry that that's because I order so much sushi there. See him, there's maybe 10 to 12 people there and you're having like a sushi party. Because they also send like eight pairs of chopsticks and you're like, no, that was for me.

Unfortunately, she made a bunch of sushi. Yeah. I run a, I run a sushi restaurant that makes no profit whatsoever. Because I just order it from another sushi restaurant. So I think there's actually a solution to your all your little sushi, all your little soy sauce bottles. And that is that you can almost throw it

into almost anything that needs long, every stew or any, even if you make like a pasta sauce and meaty pasta sauce like a ragu style, you put some soy sauce in that and you get all that umami and you go, you didn't throw it away. And I think it's really, it's a really kind of it's so

basic, you know, we people do sometimes they use stock cubes right to get all this kind of MSG flavor umami soy does the same yeah then you just throw it in there and you'll you'll get the flavor great amazing last one I'll do that for myself. Yeah, yeah, this is great. I got like to do that So that the problem. Yeah, yeah, this is great. I've got a like, could you shoot up? Before we move on, I think because it's your own recipe, the listeners would love to hear your cheese, league, gratine, just a step by step.

Oh, okay. So like, depending on how many people nice, see, I used to do like ring, like slices of leak, but I didn't like the way it looks. So what I've done is I've turned them and I'm cutting them on the slant. Oh, yeah. So you're getting big kind of, you know, filets of leek. So, you know, let's say four big leeks, loads of butter, fried down, not for long. I mean, there's still bright green, salt and pepper, maybe it's one side, then in a little saucepan flour, butter, milk. So we're making a roux, a beshamel, salt and pepper,

and then just tons of great cheese. Yeah. I've done like two or three different cheeses, but I kind of just like really strong some kind of cave age cheddar with those little crispy and little crunchy little crunchy crystals in. And then just pop it on top. I've got like a really

nice terracotta clay Spanish dish that I was used and it's starting to age really nicely. That goes on top and then Parmesan on top of that and then usually it's about 45 minutes in a hot oven. So and it finished I kind of always because mys, I bought a shit oven, I had a shit oven that was in the house when I bought it, and it broke down, so then I just bought a quick oven, and I'm getting to eat grips with it, but it's not great at all. I follow a company, I don't, I think they're American, but they're called Heston, and they do ovens. It's just like, wow, this is amazing, you know. You just look at pictures of the ovens, yeah. The ovens are just so powerful, and they do ovens. It's just like, wow, this is amazing. You know, you just look at pictures of the ovens.

Yeah, the ovens are just so powerful. They're amazing. But there's, I had a kitchen built in a house that I bought. And then it costs so much money. And they, like, it's a company that make kitchens in restaurants came and built a restaurant kitchen in my dream. I had an extractor fan, which you could like release piece of A4 paper like a meter from it. It would just drift up into the fan.

Wow. It was amazing. And I've always yearned for that again. I had to sell the house like literally three weeks after I'd finished it. Oh, my God. And I couldn't move the kitchen out. So it just had to stay there. Annoyingly.

And I see the guy sometimes who bought the house. He's like, the kitchen's still in the good. That's fucking you. I will have very simple pan-fried sea bass. I pan-fry skin down and a little bit of chili oil. Oh nice. So when you like that crispy skin, it's a little bit chili-fied.

And I have that with calves, con, and then all potatoes. And what they are is one day I had a couple of Charlotte potatoes left in the fridge, a red onion and a couple of tomatoes. I thought what I was going to do with this. So I chopped them all up, deceded the tomatoes, mix them up in some lovely garlic oil, put them in the oven, amazing, amazing. So that's now a regular at mine. Caff's Continental Potatoes, which is just basically spud onion, tomato. I like that you're not committing to a particular country of where it's from, it's just continental.

I mean, I called them continental. I really don't know why. I think just to make them sound a bit it's just short. They're just potato onion and tom's. What's the ratios between the potatoes, the engines and the tom's? Are you just like a third each or is there mainly potatoes? Mainly potatoes. And the Charlotte ones are best and you cut them in nice slices. Yeah. You get them going first and then you slice up your tomatoes and your onions and after the potatoes have had a nice 20 minutes, first little twisty spinny, then bone in the tomatoes and onions it's great and you can just forget about them. It's about another hour, it's lovely. So I have those with some pan fried sea bass, but they're not my side. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, put in salt pepper in there? Oh yeah, absolutely. And if I haven't got any garlic all, I'll put in a couple of cloves of garlic.

That makes it continental. Yeah, even more continental. Yeah. And like, I love chunks of like, roasted garlic. Yeah, that's great. I want to treat that as, yeah. Oh, when you roast a whole garlic,

and then you squeeze those little juicy nuts out. That's lovely. Really nice and a slice of cranks, homey, all the bread. Well, we could even if you've got some garlic in there, you could save some bread from the bread course and then mop up and start mopping and spreading and doing all that. Amazing. Yeah. How long have you been doing cat's continental potatoes for? I think probably, it's probably about 10 years. Good. Yeah, because I think it was 10 years ago

that it was, what do I do? Me leftovers. And then it was like, oh my God, I've just come up with this amazing dish. You know, people are going to be making this, huh? Yeah. You need to get a lot of, you want social media? Of course.

Well, you'll be getting some photos. Well, that's all right. That's better than when I first joined social media and I was getting photos of people's shit. That's nice. You need to join my neighbours. What's up, British? Why would people say to you pictures of shit? Oh, you know, just dirty, troubled people. I don't know, it was a real shock. Yeah, I'm gonna first join Twitter. Hold on, there wasn't any big thing you were doing. Yeah, I saw some of that. You saw the internet trend or something,

but it was just troubled people. It's Jenny and Keap show or something. Like, you've not done any of that. And now I just joined and yeah, I just, I don't know. So it's why I don't had to use the block button. Yeah, quick. Yeah, if only they'd learn how to use the block button. If only.

Hahaha. Sorry. How many people would do with this? Was it one person? No, I think I got about three. Oh, well. Hahaha. It's extraordinary, isn't it?

Yeah. People's lives, man. Hahaha. Well, well, now you're going to get cast continental. ordinary, isn't it? Yeah. People's lives, man. Well, well, now you're going to get cast continental potatoes. Yes, yes, please. And that will be a lot of noise. Well, Mum, I'm going to cook up all those things, James, especially cast continental potatoes,

which people absolutely lost their minds for when this episode came. I hope that people at home have been cooking them as well, send them to Benito on all sorts of social media. He loves it. I wonder though if any of our listeners have been cooking up these particular food inventions, because they're a little bit less accessible, I would say. Let's hear from Angela Barnes and the absolute disgusting pig, Nick Muhammad. I'm not a cook, I love food, but I hate cooking. I hate it to my bones. Luckily, I live with a man who loves cooking. But I hate it. So, left to my own devices, my husband goes away.

I mean, it's Salah cream sandwiches for a week. That's what I'm just going to eat bread because it takes no time, and I don't have to think about it. Salad cream sandwich is Angela. I can't, I can't, that's pretty big. I'm a little bit pique over there. I love salad. Do you know what one of my favourite, it almost made it into my list, but I didn't in the end because I couldn't work it to go with everything else. One of my favourite comfort foods is a bowl of bird's eye peas mixed with salad cream.

I hope. No, I would not tell you that. That is a comfort food because that would not comfort me at all. Have you tried it? Nightmares. No, but I know all of those ingredients. I know peas and I know salad cream and I've eaten from a bowl before. But I don't think I would enjoy that, no.

That's because you're posh. See if you can. Don't you bring class into this? James, what do you think it sounds like? I think it sounds like? I think it sounds like a vaulted, yes. You're not a salad cream fan. No, I don't, I quite like, can you kiss James

or being posh? I can't, I'm so literally not. But he is poshed for me. I mean, in the, probably. I'd say, yeah, yeah, I'd say so. There's a gradient here and I'm a bot. So this salad cream sandwich you're having when your husband goes away?

Yeah. Are you literally just talking about? I, when I was a student, student, right, I did not eat well as a student because I just, I know, I wasn't one of these people go, oh yeah, these are the recipes my mum taught me. My mum worked full time when I was growing up. We have Finders, Cusby pancakes or chicken nuggets or like, there was no standing at Ernie in the kitchen watching her cook, it just didn't happen. So I went to university with no cooking skills at all. And you know, we just had like a little one of those baby-bellying cookers with two rings on and that was it, you know. So I just had a loaf of bread and some side cream in the fridge

and some butter. And I would just, a white bread, like, you know, obviously the cheapest Tesco value white bread. And I'd go, oh, I better eat some if I'm going out drinking. And I'd have a couple of slices of that. And I wouldn't even, I just put the butter on, squeeze the salicrimon and then just fold it and eat it. That would be- Oh, so not even not two slices of the slice, it nice, it's not just cold.

Would you just spread the salicrim or just squeeze it out? No, I just squeeze it on a sort of rub it around a bit. Yeah, that does the spreading for you, doesn't it? Otherwise, you've got washing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I washing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I've never even washed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's good point. Now, as a student, I completely understand that. Yeah. You're saying you still eat those? Yes, I'm 46. I still, we always have to be said. And my husband's really good. If you notice, the Sally Creams getting low, we will go,

oh, boy, you want Sally Creams getting low. Has to be Sally Cream in the fridge. And Sally Creams kept in the fridge. Catch up. No, salad cream, yes. Okay, you're right, okay. It's just nicer cold. Yeah. And yeah, I will often just, sometimes I'm so lazy.

I just can't, like, put a butter on the bread, feels like cookie. So I just get the bread and squeeze the salad cream. Well, to be honest, actually, the butter in there threw me a little bit, because I was like, I would just think it would be salad cream and bread. And actually, I think think I'd rather have if I had to eat one of them I'd go for the just salad cream and bread I don't think I'd have the butter for sure. It's nice with the butter

well I'll believe the experts more sort of luxurious and rich. I love salad cream. But just Salad cream and a sandwich not you're not attempting to put a bit of cheese in you can buy pre-sliced cheese if that's what you're worried about. No, bit of cheese in, you can buy pre-sliced cheese if that's what you're worried about. No, no, just just takes away from the Salah cream. I love that maybe it's that same thing as fizzy water. It gives you that little hit. Like I can't hear Salah cream. I feel like I know what it sounds like. Yeah. So what do the peas do with the Salah cream? How's that

work? I love peas. Peas are the best vegetable in the world. No, prep are they're just in the freezer. And then the only frozen vegetable that doesn't make them horrible. Do you know what I mean? I don't, I don't, I have fresh peas and I don't think they're better than frozen peas. Oh really?

Whereas most vegetables, the frozen versions, obviously horrible compared to the fresh version. But peas, I don't think, this is really easy. Just hot water. Okay, so you are heating them up. I am heating them up. For a second there, you're like, you're not fresh.

Straight out of the freezer. Here we go. Straight into the salad crease. That's why, I mean, I second there, because you're like, you're not straight out of freezer. Here we go. Straight to the salad cream. That's why I mean, I need to a bit more time if I'm gonna have peas and salad cream. Yeah, of course, yeah, yeah. I'm in a rush. You've got stuff to do.

And then peas and salad cream, if I'm feeling like, I've got a bit of time. I can, it's a problem is, as well, I think about food a lot, but I don't think about, because I hate cooking. I don't think about preparing food myself until I'm already

hungry. Yeah. Until I'm, it's time to eat. And so it's all about speed, which is why I eat out too much. I get takeaways too much because I'm not good at, you know, I'm definitely not someone who goes right on a sundown. I'm going to sit down and plan my meals for the witch. It just doesn't happen. Sure. Yeah, that's tricky. Right. And if you did do that, you'd just right, please be salicrum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would all be salicrum that day. My hello, fresh delivery is just a box of bread. It would be like in the shining, but they find out what has been right. It's the same thing I ever and over again.

Before we move on, I would like to know what your ratios are of concentrate to water when you make yourself a squash, because you're such a kind of sir. Oh, I like it weak. like I do like it weak, I'm not a monster. Because I feel like you can, I mean if it's too strong, because I'll often have like, do a point of it. And now we've got the ice thing. I mean, I will, you know, be generous on the ice. I guess what? If it's a pint glass, like possibly maximum two centimeters of squash, and then the rest will do. Feels like a lot.

No, I think it is. I don't feel weak to me. That feels like a... No, well, for a pint. Two centimeters medium. Is it? Yeah. It just depends also what frame of mind.

Like if I feel like, oh, I do, I should be drinking water. I will make it really weak. Okay. I should gain more water than the actual squash. What if you're celebrating? Yeah, I'm celebrating. I'll sometimes pop it in lemonade. Oh.

And my friend leaves to call that summer cocktail. Ha ha ha ha ha. He did. When we were growing up, I used to put grapes in it as well. Like in the summer cocktail. Pop a grape in a summer. Well, if you pop a grape in any fizzy drink, it will float up and then float down. Flat, do you know this goes up and down.

So it'll sink to the bottom, then all the, you know, the bubbles all cling onto it. And then it comes to top. The bubbles pop, then it goes back to the bottom. How do you do that? So you never know for grapes or which? Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, they should have gone onto that. Yeah. So you can do that. And that's, that an official summer cocktail lemonade orange squash grape one grape one grape. Don't slice it. And I once had it in a lemonade and like friends, I'm a mom and dad around and they thought

it was like a martini with an olive in it. If I was only about 12. I'm going to have an interesting girl. Yeah. Do I dip some of these poppy dobs? Yeah. I'll have dips. I'll have all of you eat so many poppy dobs, we should go you, Mr Poppy. Oh, yeah, Mr Poppy

Dom. Oh, yeah. Becca claimed that one of friends, friends first came up with phrase, just pop it them down there. That's like, I mean, I think it was Rowan Atkinson. If not, maybe somebody else. Come on. Oh, yeah. Oh, God, James. All right, yeah. Come on. I might even know the fuck Becker is.

I'm just a bit too wife. It's my wife and she's absolutely brilliant. She is just phenomenal. Anyway, what we saying? Poppodums, dips. I would have the writer. I'd have the, I quite like all the oniony stuff. If you get a takeaway, I love opening the cellophane bags to sound like. I quite like all the oniony stuff. If you get a takeaway,

I love opening the cellophane bags, I love all of that. It's sort of the only time I would probably have salad is with a curry. And that's mainly onion, isn't it? It's all, it's 100%. I feel like calling it salad. It's a stretch. It's onion, there's usually a bit of lettuce in there and I wouldn't really have that. And there's not half a tomato usually if you're lucky. Yeah. I wouldn't ever put some salad in a summer cocktail. What's it? Flute up and down. No, no, not a summer cocktail. No, it's very much a sweet thing. I'm gonna say everything. A summer cocktail. I do love it. You can't just do it. Just try it. It'd be delicious. Yeah. It's just sort of nicer than phanta. I mean

that. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's a big claim. Yeah. Yeah. But you can, and the, the thing is literally the world's your oyster because it can be any, choose any of those Robinson's flavors. It's a different summer cocktail. I mean, you say the world's your oyster. You are limited to the, you are limited to the race. Yeah. And I guess two types of grape. Yeah. Two times of lemonade. Yeah. Oh, we go in the the clear what are the cloudy? No, never cloudy. Always clear. But you won't see you great. But the fun's for it. And then the fun's for you because you don't know if it's going to fall down. I think that's more exciting. You just look at the surface. Yeah.

Yeah. And what's nice at the very end, you finish your summer cocktail. Usually there's a little bit of ice left and the grape, but the bottom. So you wait for the ice to dissolve and then you have the grape at the very end, you finish your summer cocktail. Usually there's a little bit of ice left and the grape, but the bottom. So you wait for the ice to dissolve and then you have the grape at the very end, like you would, I guess, am I teeny? Is that right? You'd have to olive at the end of the mountain. No, I don't. I'd have in the start. Well, I do. If there's like three, you're like, I'd have a sip, I'd have an olive, then I'd maybe have a couple more sip, then another olive in there. I'd have one olive at the end. Oh, okay. Because you want the salt. But the fun thing that you can do with the grape at the end

is that, or you can convince yourself that it has absorbed some of the lemonade. So you can convince yourself that the grape is fizzy. But you know, it's not true. Yeah, it's not true, it's just like something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's all fizzy, fizzy, fizzy. So then when you wait, do you genuinely check your brain?

Yeah, you feel like you need to kind of burp. Kind of like, oh, I've had a really sort of a big great, like a grape, it's full of gas. Because you brain. Yeah, you feel like you need to kind of burp. Kind of like, oh, I've had a really sort of a big, great, like a great person full of gas. Because he's great. Yeah. Pfft. Well, there we go. Thanks, Nick.

That was horrid. That was horrid. Yeah, what else is horrid? Whenever people rub my bake off appearance in my face on my own podcast. It is the shame that we'll never die James. Let's hear from Carol Vorderman. I really hate cooking. I had to do it from the age of 10. I had to do tea as we call it every night. You know, my dad would come in at course to six and tea had to be on the table.

And the days when we all had sliced bread and butter, you know, chopped up. And if it was posh, you do it like a triangle, rather than anything. But you had to slice it. It was so good at cutting bread and butter. And like, less doilys, you know, you could hold it up. So I cooked all those years. And then when the kids were older,

I just thought, oh, it's that, the eight cooking. Yeah, yeah. I really don't like it. I did win star baker apron though. It's a deep, yeah. I can cook, can cook. Don't want to cook. That's me. You bring out bad memories for James. The worst celebrity bakeoff appearance of all time. Did you? Did you come last? Well, they don't make that official, but it was implied. Yeah, it was implied. You tell. No, watch your show stopper.

Well, I made it because you parked out of my rangs. Yeah, I mean, they were all showstoppers in a way as a nation and stop the show. Was it that bad, James? It's pretty bad. Was it? Yeah, yeah. That's wonderful. And mine was fine.

So we've got the phone gamut here for like, yeah, I should have worn it. I should have worn my style, but yeah, I mean, amazing. Could I tell you about my show stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go on, go on. Let me hear about it. My show stuff, it was all about your favourite bit of leisure time, relaxing time. So of course, everyone goes, oh, bath, you have glass of champagne in the bath, I thought that is what I would do, but I wanted to think of something different about proper leisure

time. So I made a cake like the size of a bath, not a big bath, but so that was the cake rather than the little one. And then I put fondant icing all the way through like a roll top bath and all of that. And then the champagne, everyone else is boring goes, oh, and I bought this. No, I sing that's done in a champagne. Oh, no. So I got Rob Rinder to strip a Ken and the Barbie. I put Ken and Barbie in the bath. And then you had to pour a bottle of champagne into the bath

and drink it out with straws before you're allowed to eat the cake. That's good. See? Was Rob Rinder on the show with us? Yeah, that's true. Because it sounded like it. It sounded like it. Well, we needed to get Rob Rinder on the show with us? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it sounded like we needed to get Rob Rinder to strip a pen book because he's a guy. He's a guy who was strip of Kedda Barbe.

And to be fair, yeah, that would make sense. I met Rob Rinder. I sure he would happily strip a Kedda Barbe. He strip Kedda Barbe before me. And then what you had to, and then you had to drink the champagne, just like a party, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Drink the champagne, and everyone's involved, out of your stores,

and then you chop the cake. And by that time, the champagne has kind of gone through the fund and I think taking a lot of the sugar through, and then it's not a dry cake, it's quite moist. Wow. So you come up with that yourself? Yeah. I mean, that deserves star bacon, doesn't it?

I mean, I was nowhere near any of that. If I'm honest, I'll be completely honest. That's made me so angry. I want to beat somebody up and you know who deserves it more than anyone else. Oh no. Stephen Graham, baby. Yeah, but that's the one person that you can't be up

gonna beat him up. Let's hear from Azuka Hoyle. How many takes you to do with it? Of the film. Yeah. We did four. We did two on the first day, two on the second day, and the film that you're watching is the first of the second day.

Take three. Wow. Did anyone mess up at any point in it? It had to start again. No. Wow. And a lot of our dialogues improvised by the actors. So we were just in the zone, bro.

I would be so in my own head. Would you? Oh, if it came to me, it's like, right, you got to go now. And every time it comes to you, are you not thinking, here we go. I've got to get this far. If I can say this for them. The thing is, is that because you've got the leeway of improvisation, there's nothing to get right.

There's beach you have to hit, right? So you've got a certain amount of time to hit certain stuff and then make sure that if you're in charge of motivating the camera to move to the next bit, then you've done that. But in terms of the exchange that happens with the other character, I was having a way over time. When the camera would come over, I was like, you're going to be fucking go. I tell you what I'd get in my head. I'd suddenly be like, and I wouldn't want to do this, but in my head I'd be going, oh God, I'm going to try and

introduce a new story element here. And then the camera pan round I go, I saw a ghost. He's like, you saw a ghost. Yeah, I saw a ghost. Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. See what anyone else had to do. So we rehearsed, we practiced, we fought some kind of thing. And then you just take us completely off of a course and go, some of us. Some of us. In the pantry, I just need you to know if someone can help. Yeah.

Let me see what they do. Meanwhile, Stephen Graham is just looking at you, like he's gonna rip your head off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's his resting face, right? Good, good. He's like a giant puppy, it's about. Yeah.

Oh, here we go. Go on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm sure he is like a little puppy dog. And so soon it went his mouth off on TV shows. Has he ever made a statement to counter your challenge? No, because he's a busy man who doesn't need to be bothering himself with stupid little ones. That's what I thought. He went to Jonathan Ross and he fired shots. So that's all of us.

And I'm disappointed in you, Ed, for not calling him out. Oh, look, I'm not calling him out, but I'm very happy for you to call him out, because I want to see what happens. You know what's going to happen. Yeah, you're going to get your head on top. You're going to get absolutely fucking pommels. That's it.

That's it, man. That would never happen. Have you seen him recently? Has he seen himself? Has he seen me? Has he seen himself? How's that a comeback? Has he seen himself?

Yeah, you've had to have self-mote. Yeah, me. Even without him here, you panic there. How do you see themself? Yeah, I see themself. I see themself. Because you see maybe think again. I don't want to see what would happen. I tell you what, we wouldn't even need one take, man. We beat it up. We do that in half a take.

Yeah. Game over. And the film. Is it a film that you're getting up in now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the here. It's a global all you can eat buffet. It's a global all you can eat buffet made by people from the country that you would like the cuisine.

All your mates are there. It's just a stunning experience. You can bring your dog if you want. As the final point. Yes, really important that is animal friendly. Because this doesn't swing it for you, you can bring it up. You can bring it up. I actually got like emotional thinking about this in the car.

Here's the thing, it is end of the world does. Yes. I would worry that the families who are cooking it are going to be affected by that. What do you mean? They know that they're all about to die. Yes. It's the end of the world. Okay're just about to be snubbed out. I don't know if I want someone making me food

who has nothing matters in their head. Yes, so what if it's almost like a VR experience in the sense that my current time, this is happening, they are current time, they're in my position. You know what I mean? So it's not like the end of the world, somebody is like giving you server. Because also I'd feel bad about going into people's homes to have food that they've cooked for me when really they should be spending their last moments

on earth with their family. Exactly. Yeah. So they're in a different time. They're in a different time. Other presence. Yeah. You're in like Edward Norton's house in Glasgow Sonia. Yeah. Kind of, but not as bougie. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Let's just let's just keep it a bit chill. It's massive conservatory. Massive conservatory, just not too bougie. Movers if you can. But then you also, sadly, I'm confused actually. So it's all glass, but you're going through the hobbit doors, which are in the glass. Yeah, they just kind of appear. So you go through that, but then you're in like a non glass. It brings you into totally different ways. So just mages are portal.

Yeah, there's magic involved in this. I think that's really important to note. Yeah, okay. Well, that sounds great. I'd be really worried during this meal. Would you? Yeah, because there's a comment coming and I'm in a conservatory.

Okay. I think that's the last place I want to be. You don't want to see it. Well, no, I don't want the glass to shatter and I don't want to know. I'm definitely going to die with loads of glass in my face. How would you, how would you want to spend your final moment realistically? I guess just under the do you think yeah with anyone with it yeah no no no no can't have anyone see

me like that fucking out. Well that's realistic though you know you will be under the do you think I have a panic attack yes okay but I certainly wouldn't want to be near glass yeah but I just feel like it would happen so fast you wouldn't really feel the glass in you. It would just one minute you're alive next minute. All right, you've sold it to me now. I wouldn't feel the glass in me. How would you want to spend it? Being up Steven Graham. I've probably had Steven Graham over my head aiming at the comet and go, eight before beauty Graham, and then let him get hit by the comet first.

Or throw him into the comet. Yeah, I throw him into the comet, shout at the comet like I'm getting saved the world. That's what that's all would happen. So I'll probably do that and then go through one of the hobbit doors and hide in Casey survived it. She agreed. I would win. I don't think you'll remember you've not heard the episode back yet, so you're going to be cleaning your house, you're going to be scrubbing cappy off your porch at the moment. Yeah. For four types of cappy. And you're going to be gutted because you're going to be cleaning your house, you're going to be scrubbing cap pee off your porch at the moment. Four, four types of cap pee. And you're going to be gutted because you're wrong.

No, well, James, listen in the future. Skip that bit. Maybe you should have a drink and try and calm down. Because in 2023, we drank during records for the first time. Did it go well? I don't know. Let's hear a bit of the Paul Fee episode

and the Kyle Smith Bino episode. and the Kyle Smith-Bino episode. I mean, we should mention we are, we are in the presence of the Martini equipment. Here is what you brought it with you. Yes. I feel like we should. Would you like me to make you more feel like? I think it would be a shame not to say. I just hope, Benito, this might be just a lot of noise.

This is great though. We can use it as like, get a wild truck of that and use it as the stings in between the bits. Perfect, exactly. Now normally I would not use my hands to put the ice in here, but they are clean. So just know my friend, Alessandro Pallazzi, who's the head bartender at Duke's,

when I would do my show on Instagram, he would send me texts and say, like, stop using your hands. Use a spoon, so. I completely trust you pull I'd say in fact and I mean this you're our cleanest looking guest We've ever had yeah, really some distance Did I meet Stanley to actually to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the clean looking man Also smell wonderful. So I smell yeah, yeah, I've eaten it as house many times and the food is is everything you think would. I'm sure. I'm sure. Well, his wife, his wife, his

philosophy makes the New Yorkie and it's unbelievable. It's lighter than air. I mean, like little pillows of delicious. What are we going to do to get invite to the touches? I got to go back to that Atlanta hotel. James bumped into him in a hotel in Atlanta. Oh, really? After we've done the podcast, he remembered me. I've got to be in my mind.

So, you know, so we got, is that the Vermouth that's just gone in there? Yeah, the Vermouth is a driver move. I like Dolan personally. I have no investment whatsoever, but I basically, it's just a few drops. So you just want just enough, you know how like when you have a single malt scotch and you put in like a drop of water, just open it up. That's kind of what, that's how I look at the Bermuth and a martini. Because some people use a spray, right?

As well, have you seen that before? Yeah, I can do that. She just spray over or just rinse the glass with it as well. That's what they do it do. That's a lot of all sorts of, I put it in a sauna on a show. Yeah, pours it in, spins it, and then throws it on the carpet. Yes. There you go. I don't encourage that for you. You're wife of me to the... No! Oh, we just have a drink to me! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no to the N.A.K. And what's the name of your show? My gym is called Arding Stalls, Brilliant London Dry Gym.

Amazing. And what a beautiful bottle. Thank you. I've got a lot of designing this. Very nice. That's time. Literally just selling stuff on your show for the last ten minutes. Listen, Dan Atkoi did that and he's one of the people's favourites.

So, I don't think Dan likes me very much. Dan and I have a little history. Well, I love Dan. He's one of my favourites, but he kind of turned on me after he got spurs. Oh yeah, yeah. Well, I love Dan. He's one of my favorites, but he kind of turned on me after he goes buzzers. Oh yeah, yeah. Well, hey, we'll let him know. We'll say, Joe, what, you were poor thing, you have a lot of comments. Exactly. You should pick up the phone, Dan. But I will do a much longer interview than that. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think you, I'm not sure, Arting Stools will be an every course that you suggest. No, certainly not.

A critical score after this. So I'm just, I'm stirring endlessly because it needs to be very, very old. So this is very exciting. I'm so, so excited. I saw someone once making, because you know, I, I, I just say when people are making the cocktails and they do the really high pour. Yeah. And it's like, it can be quite theatrical and quite fun to watch, but not as fun as when I watch someone mess it up once. I was like, it was just absolutely, they, they did the really high figure they just went all over the floor

It's had to completely wet Tiger hand that was holding the glass You took great joy in that I really love it from the cost of the I cut my finger off while I do Peel in a not peeling a lemon. Peeling a lemon, there we go. Normally, I will do gigantic peels, but since I'm in the service of time, I'm going to

try to make these just normal. There we go. Four Martinez, one for each of us, including Ray Bonito. The only thing wrong with this is I did not chill these glasses. Normally, I would have these ice cold. There's a specific amount of martinis that I think is correct for an evening. How many martinis would you have on an evening? Well, here's the big question.

It depends what size they are. There's a very evil thing going on in the world, especially in America. I think it's here. I've had it here too, which is like a martini should be four ounces. And they've started doing like 10 ounce martinis, which is like more than a third of a bottle of gin. So if you wanted though, you know, you wanted to be cold. So in order to keep it cold, you kind of have to slam it down pretty fast.

And then you're whacked out. I mean, you're gone. So if it's a 10 ounce martini, you know, don't even finish it. But normal, like a good four ounce martini, which is kind of what I'm pouring here, that's just, you know, friendly and gets your evening off to a good start.

And you can have wine and all that. So now, now, it's all about getting the lemon oil. Sorry, people at home, I'm squeezing a lemon, lemon twist over this and get the edges on God. Paul my wife. There we go. And then you got to get it on the there. Oh, I like this squeezing the lemon peel. Rubbing it around the rim, dropping it into the cool pool. There we go. The cool pool. The cool pool. I don't normally have to negotiate a microphone while you. Yeah, that's right. I blame the mic. There we go. You saw us pull cheers. You bet. Thank you. Cheers to you. Cheers to you. Cheers to you. Thank you. Cheers, Benito. Cheers to you. Cheers, exactly. And thank you for letting me

do this on your show and having me on because I'm a massive fan. Absolutely. Well, that is just phenomenal. You like that? Love it. Excellent. What a lovely gin. Thank you. We've won a lot of awards and also I'm very, very proud of it. Yeah, fantastic. Now we're just going to cool drink in front of us. Exactly. James is coming across the table. We have a fight. We'll stop. Will we have enough to get a Shrek? Oh, we'll see.

We will see if Shrek comes out. I'll fix that in my city. Oh, don't get out. I got my, I got somebody at my target. Here's my, this is my Shrek challenge you though. Do it without saying, donky for me. Yeah. I said, you know, that track challenge you though. Do it without saying, are donkey for this. Yeah.

I said, you know, that's the war probably not exactly. I even say are donkey or my name is Shrek. This is Shrek. Yeah. I even one of them, it's when you can tell that someone's a good impressionist when they say the name of the person I did the impression of before they did it. I saw that video.

Yeah. That guy's on bike to make me a cut out. That's really hard. You're a drinker. Now we're here. We've got some whiskeys. Four whiskeys. I went to a bar in Wonson, which is no longer the building of the Stilder, but it's a piece of place now. And it was a bar. And it was quite a nice new bar, as Wonson was becoming one of those places where people are like,

come to once and it's nice here. And I had a cherry vanilla old fashioned. You like sweet drinks. I love sweet drinks. I drank this one. I used to drink this rana, that was my go-to. And then I just discovered other things. That's a good one, isn't it? This one, I know. I'm a retto, yeah. I'm a retto. Yeah, I'm a retto. You know, it's a real shame that you you've got to have so badly slammed it when you're first, man. Hopefully, hopefully, you're going to be. I'm begging people all the time. That's like I get my jobs, man. I really hope that somewhere will do them again because I've never seen Chauvin in a whole fashion anywhere.

Is that something you would attempt to make at home maybe? Oh, man. I get really annoyed when I have to, when I make something and it doesn't taste the way I want it to. I don't have the patience for it. Yeah. I don't really like cooking for that reason. Although I do have an air fryer.

Now I'm not going to talk too much about my air fryer because I could go on forever. People who have air fryer, it, fucking love their air frows. I love it. I'm like, you know, like how Australia is an other Australia. Yeah. I'm the air fryer. Mate. That'd be a good jackhouse video.

What? Dicking in air fryer? I like how you expected me to make the mental leap. So you're being a dick in the air fryer. I thought I'd do whatever it was. What? What? Dicking it, F-R-E.

I was a firecracker, I'd never done it. Yeah. Well, don't you have to shut the air fryer for it to work? Completely gloat. Yeah. So you'd have to jam the mechanism or shut your dick fully in the air fryer. A wedge point, you may as well shut your dick in anything.

I've never seen it air fryer. So you're in my head, I was imagining it. No, I have. It's like a see-through shoebox of a hole in it. Put your dick in from the side. You know, they don't make things that have dick access. Like, in case Jack has what he used to. You see that tweet about the vacuums in the house, the people are getting.

It's like a waste height vacuum. We just throw your clothes and it goes into the, you make a laundry shoot in your house. All right. Through vacuum. I love that. And then some surgeon or doctor replied to that tweet saying Accident emergency I cannot deal with a waste height vacuum It's been installed in people's houses The jackass boys absolutely Now we all try and buy them now Yeah Yeah, and then we'll hopefully we'll get enough. They would try and buy them. Look, the air friday didn't work.

Wasn't that we imagined it in our heads, the air friday? Thought it was going to be a clear shoe box with a hole in the side for our dick. Hey man, I just got this air friday. Where's the dick girl? I just got this air frown, where's the dickgoat? LAUGHTER That group chat is called, where does the dickgoat go? LAUGHTER So many customer services have been in response. Yeah.

Subject ended. Where does the dickgoat go? Dear Mr. Knoxville, we're sorry that you were unsatisfied with our blender. I watched the new Jackass on the plane when we were going on honeymoon. Charlie was like, this is the worst way to that honeymoon I've ever seen. Like, there were big screens on the plane as well. Just close up, Dix. Oh, like the air host says coming around going, would you like a drink?

Yeah, pause the phone. So many Dix. I can't remember what it was that I watched on the flight to Australia, but I realized that they'd edited it, edited it out all the sex stuff. And then I realized that oh, well, then I was told the Emirates do that. Uh-huh. Emirates just get rid of all that stuff. It makes sense to you in the film. So I want, well, you could tell me, but the film. So I want, well, you could tell me, but it might be what I'm watching if it says a great four. Yeah. Yeah, how short is that for?

Yeah. They set an effort, right? Then that's it. Yeah. More credits. A box, it. Plug it in. The film. Acast powers the world's best podcast.

Here's a show that we recommend. In 1973, a group of indigenous artists formed a collective. The press called them the Indian Group of Seven, their goal to raise the profile of indigenous art. That was all or nothing. We're representing all our people. And create a permanent space and galleries for Indigenous artists in Canada and around the world. That was really a rock star moment

for me. I'm Solay Lunya and this is Among Equals, the history and legacy of the professional Native Indian artist Inc. Listen wherever podcasts are heard. He cast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. acast.com Whoa, people should call him Kyle Smith-Wino. Oh, I love that. Genuinely, that's really good stuff. Yeah, it's good stuff. Ha, Ed, you know what?

When I look at you every episode, you know what I see? What? A national treasure in the making. Oh. And we've had a few national treasures on this podcast. Or Benito's written, we went digging from national treasures. Yeah, that's okay. Well, let's do it as Benito's that he's a producer.

We went digging from national treasures. Is what he's written? Dawn French, Steve Kugan, Ross Noble, Carol Vorderman, Dawn French again, Steve Cougan again and Kathy Burke. We always start the dream menu with still a sparkling water. Yeah, I know exactly what I'm having there. Can you guess? I think you would have still water.

I think sparkling, though. I think you're right. Yes. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. But I quite enjoy the gassiness and I quite enjoy the burping. Follows. I quite enjoy that. And it also feels posh. Yeah. I know it's a ripoff. I know it's wrong and it's expensive. I know all of those things. But if I'm going to deny myself

foie gras for all the right moral reasons, I'm going to have the sparkling water. Sorry. Are you disappointed? No, he's annoyed that you get strong. Just what's happened. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I thought I thought I was being really clever because of all the stuff you were saying earlier, definitely twats are the artholes and successful people. I am a twat. I'm saying I am a twat, so I'm allowed the sparkling water. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because it is mainly twats that drink sparkling water, isn't it? I guess, is it mainly twats or is it, is that arsehole territory? The successful thing is twat territory.

No, I think it's just twat territory. Yeah, it's, it's forgivable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Would you like to jump into a puddle of it? Oh, oh. Oh, Ed Gamble. I apologize.

There's something I've never, I've never considered. But if you want to organise it, I'd be there. It's something I've never, I've never considered. But if you want to organize it, I'd be there. It's your dream restaurant. Could it be real water or real, proper pedal, not silly studio, there's no membrane. Yeah, no hippos, no scaffolding, just plain old, fizzy water, just loads of it, gallons of it. Gallons are straight in. Yeah. Would you like as well?

Yeah. Because I think this would be good if Richard Curtis jumped into a big load of sparks and water and has to do it as many times as you've had to do it over your life. Richard Curtis was really so far behind the camera watching from a long distance like the camera really is. But he wrote it, come on, with Paul Make You Arch, it was their idea. I'd love to take the credit, but I can't. So they should be jumping into the...

They should, but not with me. I want to do it on my own, thanks. And there is a joy, you know, there is a joy with little stunty moments like that. And I think there's something in me that is sort of British and also trained my my brother that if you refuse a challenge you will be forever labeled a girl. So I'm not having that. I'm not a girl. Well, I am, but I'm not in his, a girl. And I will do any challenge to beat my brother. I mean, you're, you know, my brother's nearly 70 now. I'm 66. If I'm sitting next to my brother, we have to have a fight, physical fight.

It really does alarm his children, my children, everybody, because it's quite full on and it is serious. It starts with Chinese birds, you know, and it gives on from that. Yeah. We can't, it's about being in the back of the car together for years. Yeah. You still just slip into those rolls. There's just a little dig and then another one and it should stay like hearted but it doesn't, it gets quite violent. It gets out of control.

And I'm prepared to bite so just say that to you. He's going for the knees. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I hope you win the next one. Yeah, thank you. I will. I've got plans.

I would quite like a pea soup, but not pea soup. I don't like soups that are made when people blitz everything in a blender. Yeah. So it's all just one consistency. I like lumps of stuff. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I like pea soup that's got little bits of pea still in it. Yeah, whole peas or just bits of pea. Yeah, just like broken down peas, like it's half broken down in the greenness of the soup. Yeah, old bees or just bits of it. Yeah, just just like broken down peas, like half broken down in the greenness of the soup. And of course, white pepper and big white pepper person, the certain things that really bug me, Claire said, my daughter said, don't get, don't get too angry about. Yeah. Yeah. Well, basically, I'm fed up with restarts that don't have white pepper. I've all got this grind, they're the big sort of grinder with the black pepper. Yeah, and black pepper is great for pasta and stuff like that. It's great, but years ago in this country, we used to have white pepper in every cafe.

There'd be some, there'd be a little plastic thing of white pepper. And now you can't get a new white pepper. Oh, no, we don't have white pepper. We only have black pepper. Why? Why don't you have white pepper? Yeah. You know, on eggs, black pepper is shit. Yeah.

We have to have white pepper on eggs, on mashed potato, on cheppets pie, or on macaroni cheese, white pepper. White pepper is doing it in the world. You're mainly putting it on quite pale stuff, so I imagine the white pepper, you don't know how much you've put on. Well, you just give it a bit of a shake. It's a bit like a sort of, it's like talcum powder, but it's not, you know, and it's heavy food. But it's, people need to be discovered. I think it's associated with sort of low-fi, old-fashioned, old ladies, whatever,

that some, that people are on trendy, restaurants, I just think, that don't really put it out there. But I predict that there'll be a bit of a resurgence in what happened within the next five years. Well, it's also partly because of this podcast. Yeah, I think it'll probably help. So I'm a big, big white pepper person. Why did we get onto that? Pea soup.

So I put white pepper on the pea soup. There you go. That was why I mentioned that. What else? There's something else that bugs me while we're on things that bug me. When it comes to, because I can't read Cooke,

but I can do a sort of a breakfast. I don't do that quite well. I think. I think of you every time I have a fiber. Yes, so do I. So part of it. So part of it. There was a part of it.

So I don't, I try to be vegetarian, but I reserve the rights to not be vegetarian when there's like an amazingly good roast in it in a proper like gastropub that really views age to beef, and it's really really, yeah. So I will do that, if I only find other problems of where the meats come from, so otherwise it's, you know, we've been over that, It's not nice. It's not nice thinking about hot and I don't like, you know, and also I don't want animals to be badly treated with the breakfast, the parts of it about the breakfast. Oh yes, using the sausage as a breakwater to keep the beans away from the egg. I'm still pretty, I mean, that is me. I mean,

I don't mind being, I don't mind beans on sausage and I don't mind sausage in egg and I don't mind, you know, in the old days when I had more meat in a bacon and egg and beans and bacon, but beans, just beans in egg, it doesn't quite work for me. But these days I still do it right for my purpose, but I'll do a good good good good. I mean, the veggie meat option is now so good, you know, like the sausage in the old days, some meat, some these are like, if you got a Veggie sausage, it was just vegetables put into a sausage shape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now they seem a lot more tasty. And so I have those, but I don't like people who put beans in the microwave.

It really makes me angry. Yes. Not as angry as human rights violations, but pretty angry. Somewhere between human rights violations and paper cuts. Yes. Yeah. So, it's what microwave beans. Because the microwave beans come out hot and hard.

Hot mini-bullets in some watery tomato sauce. What you need to do when you do the practice. The first thing you put on is the beans You really let them break down. It's almost like almost to the level of mushy peas but not quite as much of mushy beans. Then they're much nicer to pull on your breakfast. So, anyone puts beans in the microwave. It's kind of nice. I know they're probably busy and they probably don't like me for saying that, but I just think it's about quality of life at the end of the day. Because they even sell them in little microwavable parts, don't they?

Yeah, I know that's just awful. Parridge, you know, I mean, you can microwave porridge, it's fine, but I mean, some things actually I'm not anti-microwave, you know, I know some people ask,obbous, you don't have microphones. They give you cancer, don't they don't? Don't give you cancer. It's a bad science, bad science by people who make science up. Anyway. So it's a soup just starter.

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say. That's very boring, but I like the simple things while dumb, good ingredients. I've got a slight obsession with genie logic. Yeah. And so this might be, we might not get to the food. I have a huge problem with Christina Aguilera. Yeah. Because she's the like she claims to be the number one world's genie expert, right? And then she sings it, but she knows nothing about Jesus. In that song, right, she sings, if you want to get with me, baby, there's a price to appear. I'm a genie in a bottle.

Yeah. Got to rub me the right way, right? Two things. First thing, you don't rub the genie. You rub the, yeah, exactly. You rub the lamp. She said, I'm a genie in a bottle. Genie's do not live in bottles. Yes, in I dream of genie, there was a bottle in that one. Larry Hagman kept her in a bottle, but that relationship was, it was sexly of basic. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. There was something going on there that wasn't an equal relationship. He was, he'd imprisoned that genie to work as his domestic slave. Yeah. Right. So that's genie slavery. So I'm not accepting the bottle situation. Yeah. So she claims you have to, she's a genie in a bottle, they live in lamps. And if she is in a bottle, you would rub the bottle, not the genie itself. Yeah. Yeah.

So I'm just seeing. She's showing me about singing that song. She knows bugger all about genie's. Yeah. And then so I always like to check, if somebody's claiming to be a genie, I need to know a whisper. But you're seeing that a whisper genie, is it because you've seen the pictures from Aladdin where the genie's emerging? And you think that he's still a bit of an attack, like an umbilical cord almost, like it's almost like a genie's emerging. And you think that he's still a bit of an attack,

like an umbilical cord almost, like a geniebilical. A geniebilical. So he's attached to the lamp and almost if a genie detaches from the lamp, how long can they survive? Are they getting the new drinks from the lamp? From in the lamp.

And you know how like when you like see a cow is giving birth? Yeah. And the calf comes out first. Yeah. And then or any on a mammal for that male. And then afterwards, there's like all of the, the, what did they call the birth? The afterbirth. Yeah. That all comes out. Yeah. And what's the name of the thing? We placenta the placenta. Yes. Of course, which some people eat. Of course, we could double back to that.

Don't give away your starter. Desert. Oh, always a sweet presenter. Is there like a sort of a genie placenta lamp shaped that if you, yeah, when after the three wishes are granted, then a sort of whispered presenter flops out and you just see like a dead genie just with it's kind of whispered bit down to thin, then like a sort of lamp here sort of percent. If that was the case and I knew that was going to happen, a long two would never have been released. And I would never do my third wish. I'd just do

the two wishes and I go, you know what, I don't want to see a genie placenta. So I'm going to leave it. Well, you could make the third wish. I wish this isn't about to happen with the placenta. And that's the, you know, you sort of, and that's how the genie has freeing the genie, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You say, look, you're going to be, you're just, the lamp is no longer going to be dragged. So does he just drag the lamp? Yeah, I just? If he is attached to the lamp, when a genie moves, so they just like drag the lamp behind them. But that's probably how they keep them, you know, like when they're in the cave.

What's he called? The cave of wonders. The cave of wonders. That's the, they just drill the lamp to the shelf. Yeah. And that stops the genie. It's not magic to keep them in there. Yeah, yeah. It's dails.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or normal nails. in there. Yeah. Yeah. It's nails. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or normal nails. Yeah. The glue. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That it has the same effect. Is that the thing that people still use no more nails? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. It's still going strong. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. No more nails in the advert. I remember there was like a chair halfway up a wall that someone had used no more nails to stick to it. And the guy was sitting on it talking about no more nails. And they're thought, well, that's the only thing I want to do with it now. Yeah. I want to stick a chair halfway up a wall and be able to sit on that halfway up a wall. Yeah. But was it was it arildight? Was that the, you know, where he stuck he's,

he was in a jumpsuit and he stuck it to the and then he was lowered over a sharks. I really was that there was a lot of that going on. Yeah, think now, because what do they call it? They call it imitative behavior, don't they? I think like nowadays you're not allowed to just start sticking your shoes to the ceiling. I'm Brian glue and with Brian's glue, you can put your shoes on the ceiling and hang upside down. You can do that. Yeah, because the kids are going to watch that. I'm going to stick my shoes to like Brian glue glue. Yeah, sure. I'd be like Brian glue. Yeah, who wants to be? Who wants to be?

But so, Whisby Jeannie. Yeah, yeah. I'm a Whisby Jeannie. Right. I might have thank you, by the way, on behalf of all Jeannie's for sticking up with the Christina Aguilera song. It's good to have an ally. You know what?

You know what? For years, I don't like the way that she's positioned herself. She's positioned herself as the voice of Jeanne's. That's interesting. You say that. Cause at what point in the song does she say, I'm the world wide genie expert. Well, she released it on all major plans. She was she was doing a whole like there was a whole tour. Yeah. Where the the reason people were going is to see her gyrating around. Yeah. I'm a genius. I'm a genius in a bottle. You've got to rub me the right way. And even if that is like a sexual thing, I also think that because

genies are essentially, they're not solid. So if you try to rub a genie, your hand goes through through the genie. So even that, even if she actually was a genie and had the paperwork to prove it and then you, you, well, I'm going to all right, Christina, if you're up for it, I will rub you the right way. You can't. Because you can't. Well, then that's the wrong way, isn't it? Maybe there is a right way. There is a right way. I think we've run out of time for. In those like, uh, later count down days, I was in a lot of bands around Northampton and, uh, we're in Richard Pasterway. We had a big memorial gig for him and, uh, to chew. Yeah, there was a big, because a lot of the, a lot of the people in the bands were,

you know, unemployed. So, uh, we were, we were watching. We were very big for the end of the show. There was Julianson. My friend's the retro spanky's released a single that was a tribute to... What was it? The retro spanky's. I thought the band was called. It's a very good song. It's probably a Nanna Brown or something. It's a very good song.

Oh, you need to make it. Oh, it's wonderful. You can probably still find that single on Spotify. I'll look for that. And thank you. Because he was so loved. Oh, yeah. Genuinely, properly, properly loved. And few people are loved that much, you know.

Because he was all in it boots and all. You know what I mean? We were like, when we did it, it just was a dream. Right, you know, you obviously have a very special relationship. Yeah. And you don't always have that to you. No, no. And you go, oh, I did a lovely show the other night with the XYZ and that was great. That's a good show, cracking show, but then you have a special thing. Yeah, it is special. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And we we chose to do this together, but you were like thrown together, I guess. Yeah, we were. Yeah, I was 21. God, I can't imagine being 21 and married. I've had a few since then. But it was wonderful. I'm introduced to say, because I was married twice

and you go. And one of-sorts and he was married once and they got divorced about a year later and he was used to say, he used to do the local show calendar which like local news, you know, like London tonight or whatever, on ITV and he always say yes and I wore a black tie for a year and nobody noticed. Black Typhry, and nobody noticed. It was famous for its ties. Famous. You were saying how big it was with students, because it was on at like 4, 4, 30 in the afternoon after lectures and so on.

And it was 5 million a day who used to watch Camp Town at that time, so there weren't any fourth channels. That was a time to go shopping. Yeah, good joke. Right, I should go go shopping. Anyway, all the supermarkets were empty and count down. Yeah. Well, it would be.

And everyone's manner had taken, like, the telephone off the hook. Yeah, yeah. Don't, don't you dare knock on the door, don't you dare ring me while count down, so you know all of that. And it was just, just this joy and Richard with his ties, so the students came in.

In the later years, we would often have an audience of students, a whole audience, particularly in the evenings, who were younger than the show. We'd been going 22 years or something and they were all like 18. And then one night they came in and everybody was in like this garish jacket and a beautiful tie, you know, and we go, oh, are you doing what? You said, I love your tie to go, oh, yeah, we've all come as Richard White later tonight because they'd be like just over a hundred in the audience and they'd all like from leads and leads, you know, I think, oh, that's fantastic.

And Richard came into the studio and he was so chuffed. And I said, well, how did you get the outfits? Oh, we all went to our dads and said, can you give me your worst jacket and your worst time? And Richard was like, oh, that's amazing. So we just loved it when people made an effort. Yeah. And it was a great love, that's the thing.

It was just that we're all in the joke together. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Very, very happy time. Yeah, and sure. Yeah, very, very happy time. Yeah, and you reput, both of you just support people's lives because you're on every day and every day. Every day is the most regular thing that people have. I guess steady.

Yeah. And when something rude came up, that awful one that begins with C U that you see on an NZPS, that never happened. I really, yeah, you see that on a meme quite a lot. Never happened. That was something that yeah you see that on a meme quite a lot. That never happened. That's something we've got to talk about. We've had that one. But some did come up and then we'd have to, we'd keep a straight face. I mean it was all about keeping the straight face and then of course in the early days you know they go no cut to cut to cut. You will have to do it again. Oh really.

Yeah but then if you'd got a six and you'd got a seven James, and we had to sort of do it so that the scoring was just... Yeah, of course. If I'd got a six and then James got a rude seven. Yeah, but it was allowed. Yeah. Then we had to re-record it, but give you a different seven to say. Yeah.

Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Because we couldn't have a rude word. Is that in your perfect 10 quiz book? Is the CPUP? No, it isn't. A rude word.

A rude word. I thought of that. No. A rude word can't done happened in the bar after. Something about my teeth at the moment, quite alarming. COVID came along, didn't it? My husband, front line worker, helps people with, he were in a pickle with drugs and alcohol and all that sort

of stuff. I'll leave his card here. Because he was given two choices, either live at work, with lots of people who were not distancing and whatever, they're all in a bit of a pickle, or go home, do not touch your wife and sleep in another room. So he chose the latter. Right, so we had this very weird few months, where it's in a different room at night. And I did not like this at all. So I found my comforts in returning to childhood. By every night, and this is, I'm talking about after brushing my teeth, afterwards, right? Five chocolate eclair tofies. Always five. Why? Don't know, can't answer you. A bit weird.

Lined up then, I think, ah, come on tonight, French. Tonight is the night you only have four. Come on. Let's go for let's go three. Let's go two. Let's go one. Let's go none. Let's win. Win yourself off. How long ago was COVID? Two years, three years? Well, 2020 was the big kickoff, wasn't it? 2020. So we're now in 2023. So we'll say three whole years. Yeah. How many days is that? Now in 2023, so let's say three whole years. How many days is that? So there's 365 days, there's been three years,

900, there's really a million, a million days, five toffee's every single day. So you're still doing it? So my, still doing it, can't stop. He's back in the bed and I'm still doing it. And he has to wait. I said, just wait, I'm on toffee, number three, I'll be with you shortly.

And now my teeth have gone smaller. No, no, it's waiting for And now my teeth have gone smaller. My teeth have been small and by the sugar in the toffee. Everything's gone wrong with the teeth because I'm favoring the sugar over the husband. I'm thinking sugar or husband sugar or husband oh, both. Did he know you were doing that before you came back. I said, look, this is what's going on. You're not there. And so I'm turning to sugar for my nutrients for my comforts. And you went, okay, this, well, we don't know how long COVID is going to last, but okay. And then, and then when he was back in, I tried to sneakily do it. I don't know if you've ever tried to open a chocolate declare sneakily. So then what I started to do it. I don't know if you've ever tried to open a chocolate Claire sneakily. So then what I started to do was

noisy park here is not noisy. I actually unwrap them early and put them in the drawers and I would just move the drawer and put them in the other way like this. But tend to be scrolling or something. Yeah, and really. And there is the chewy noises. All sorts of questions. If you if you can't answer questions if you've got an answer. You can't answer questions. Well, I don't get asked a lot of questions at bedtime. Do you?

Oh, God. Like, could you leave now? Yeah, yeah. I am. I apparently, I can't believe this, because it's not lady-like, do do a bit of snoring. Yeah. Well, everyone does. He does.

But when I'm doing my snoring, this is the noise that I hear. This is how I know I'm doing snoring because he does this noise. Do you think that's all right? So you're a cat? Yeah, I got you a cat in the night. Yeah. Because that apparently brings me out of the sleep enough to stop the snoring. And I'm very annoyed. I get very annoyed. I'm a part of the REM sleep. I'm like, well, the stabs go up there. Oh, I'm back again. And apparently, then I'm small free for another hour. So he's doing what he said to be a considerate thing?

Yes. Because he doesn't wait you out fully, but it's not too annoying. My answer is go to the other room. Yeah. If you hear that, please, yeah, you'd love to that other room during COVID. Wait, wait, you go in there.

Have you considered half having a toffee and sticking your teeth together? That might stop the snoring. Is it the teeth that makes the snoring? No, isn't it? Isn't it your u-fuella? Sorry to use that word. That's right.

At the back of the threat, is it all that? Is it septum? No, it's septum. No, it's septum. No, it's septum. I think it might be that tonsil-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y thing that's hanging down at the back. Or is that just girls? Or is that just me?

Would that be awful, I find out that I was the only person who had tonsils in the world? Nobody has had them. And I had some kind of prehistoric, hanging skin thing in the back of my throat. And everybody else said, what would you mean? What do you mean? You call it what? Tonsils. That would be so bad if you found that. You're flatching your throat. How'd you eat? It's a flap in your throat. Anyway. How do you eat? It's a flap and you're thrown. Anyway, you drink, drink, just leave. Drink, drink, drink. Okay, so yeah, I talked to my daughter about this. I said, what's that? I don't know about my drink. I don't drink anyway. I used to drink a lot, maybe

a bit too much, sometimes. But if I was still drinking, it would be, and this is really church, I don't know, is, don't like logs. like lugs. I mean, they're all right, but the best drink of all bifar, the one that I miss, because I'm drink is bitter. And that's, I think Alan's actually mad at that. But anyway, bitter, room temperature bitter, hand pumped in a from a pub, not chilled, so it's just a room temperature, not that fizzy, a bit flat. That to me is a perfect, I just love the taste of that. Do you have a particular bit? Well, the weaker the better, the better.

And that's not because I've not wanted to have as much alcohol. It just tastes better. So you get like 3.8%, is that's a good or 3.6 or 3.8? That's a really good because it's a bad, and the reason they're not that popular in purposes, they don't keep as well. So unless someone drinks them quite quickly, they lose the bit, goes off, so they're all 4.8 and 5 and you think, oh great, loads of alcohol is that, it's actually not a better drink, it's a feary drink, it's a lower alcohol

drink, I bet I'd have had to, in one of the mugs, the sort of mugs. No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a dick about it. I'm, no, I'm just like, I know, in a normal glass. I'm not, I'm not like a real ale. Sure. But, so no, just, so that would be, but the thing is, because I don't do that now, I go through fads, as my daughter's where I go,

I get into a certain kind of thing like a kombucha. I was buying loads of kombucha, trying different kind of kombucha, as that's really good for me. And um, you love that as well as a kombucha. Yeah. Yeah, the sort of, like the sort of, the sourness combined with the sweet. It's not like things like two sugary, and then the CBD drinks, so I'm getting all those, and they go that phase, and I go back to the kombucha, and then I just like, you know, I quite like those Dutch eucormal orange jiggers. Right, I've not had that.

Okay, it's like sort of just, what jig is like a posh person's name for orange juice for just orange juice, which I think that might be fizzy. So yeah, I do like Prince Charles Dutch, King Charles Dutch eucormal produce, even though I am an anti monocase. Yes, it's interesting because when I buy that, I go, I don't like having a royal family, but I do like his produce. Yeah. And so I feel a bit tall, but I think you can be anti-monarchist, but also admit they've

done some things right. Yes, they are. And you're an orange juice spot. I am. Yeah, I suppose it's just because most of the people who are into it all, there's flag wave in plastic, both the people are just, I think, are kind of idiots because they support a power structure that keeps a foot on the throat of working class people. And I just don't be keen on that kind of thing.

But yeah, yeah, agreed. But, but, how we said that, you know, the Queen worked very hard and yes, so she's all right. She was all right. The rest of them are problematic for me. Okay. I guess they're also like pouring like while they've got their foot on the throat, they're pouring juice in the mouth. Yeah, when the foot, at least in Charles, if he, as the head of a power structure, even unwittingly and maybe subconsciously has its faults collectively on the throats of working class people by being party to a power structure that rewards blah blah blah. You can fill in the rest yourself. While he's doing that, while he's got his thoughts on the in Jigger, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth, mouth. Welcome, Kathy Burke, to the Dream Restaurant.

We've been expecting you for some time. Yes. Here we are. Where did you have the start? Well, I did listen to lovely Richard E. Grant on your show quite recently, and I heard you say you wanted either me or the rock. So I couldn't, I couldn't actually get in touch with the rock himself. I did bring the rock. To just be calm. Yeah. For the listener, Cathy has brought an action figure of the rock. But for the listener, Kathy has brought an action figure of the rock. That is good. That's a little black waistcoat on.

And no top. Yeah. That's amazing. Absolutely. You're vept as you imagine. Any moves. Look at that. I'm wondering.

Can you see it? Oh, he let's fit him down. Let's get you a little, little sister. Let's get a little, little sister. What films that? What films are one way of ways, little black waistcoat? No, no wrestling. Wrestling, it did have WWE on the back.

WWE, it would have been by that point. That's yours. You can keep that. I should have got two to you, Dev1H. We can have it in the studio. Yeah, I've only been able to do it. I've had full chains with summer, get more pleasure about it than you, Ed.

That's probably true. Is this something you bought specifically for this purpose? Or did you have one kicking around? No, I all did it on a well-known delivery service. And there was a right palava. Was there? Well, he didn't get delivered. It said we couldn't deliver.

And I thought it was a goner. And I ordered it about three weeks ago. And then the other day a neighbor from down the road said, oh, I've had this package for a few days. And it was the wrong guy. It was so wonderful. Did you tell your neighbour what the package was? No, I've never that familiar with neighbours. Thank you very much. You start on that cable. They'll never leave. Yeah, my neighbours are the same. They're simply addresses to have parcels delivered to and pick up at a later date.

Exactly. I try and have chats with my. Yeah. Well, we're right next to each other, right at a later date. Exactly. I try and I've chaps of mine. Do you? Yeah, but we're right next to each other. Right, right in a little corner. I mean, I have to say my neighbours are lovely. Yeah, very nice. Yes. But I've always sort of kept myself to myself. Yeah.

You know, what I'm imagining just for my own amusement is that Kathy's neighbour is the rock. Yes. So that's why you didn't tell them what was in the package. I feel like if Kathy's neighbour was the rock, his name of his the lock. Yes. So that's why you didn't tell them what was in the package. I feel like if Kathy's name was the rock, you might have been able to get something from him to bring in rather than order. Maybe I don't know, man. Maybe noise. You might not have liked some noise in the past and didn't want to do me any favors. So I'm on a street WhatsApp group. Oh, no. No, see, I really resisted for a long time.

Yeah. But it is brilliant. Is it? Yeah, because there's one guy down the road who always looks out the, looks out the blinds just at the right time as something's happening and you're like, you're looking out those blinds all day. And the other day he saw a workman who was working on one of the other houses, come out of the house and do a shit next to one of the cars.

What? What? That's outrageous. And listen to this. and do a shit next to one of the cars. What? What? That's outrageous. And listen to this, this guy went outside and took a picture of the shit and put it on the WhatsApp crowd. Oh, gee, wait.

Oh, shit. Well, excuse me, I just burped. I tell you, probably, why you had to have a shit outside because a lot of people don't let builders or work in use the conveniences in their home, which I think is outrageous. It is completely outrageous.

Completely unhumane, inhumane. And going to the bathroom is very, very important. So, it might smell for a bit. And just tell them, say, look, clean it after. I don't want to be sorting out anybody's skid marks. So just make sure you clean it. So you've got to say say it's all I say. Yeah, yeah, I call you to say.

I mean, the story went on and on, like there was more details coming through. I don't think it was very well. It was only 16 or 17. And then he had to come back and clean it up because his boss told him to clean it up. And then he was crying while he was cleaning up the poo. Oh, this is so sad.

But from my perspective, reading all that on a WhatsApp group, I had the best morning of my life. Of course, because like, you know, it is funny when people cry. Yeah. That is quite funny, especially when they're clearing up their own shit. Yeah, yeah. Funny.

Sorry, awful. I've got a shit that's less. Wait, it's beginning. That's what you call our podcast. That's what I call your podcast. I love it. I love it. What a bunch of nationalists. I'm going to share this. Wait, it's beginning. That's what you call our podcast. That's what I call your podcast.

I love it. What a bunch of national treasures. It has been our national pleasures. I love digging from national treasures. I love digging from national treasures. You're also love impressions. Oh, yes. We love an impression of a half man, you don't we?

We do. And you love doing a Shrek impression. We might hear a little one of those. It says here, we love an impression on half menu and then two commas. And then even if it's terrible, brackets like James's, let's say for Nick Frost and Helen Bauer or is it Michael Cain and Shrek? Well, when I read that, I thought I don't even remember having Michael Cain on. Yeah, that's interesting.

Yeah. Got a technique for most people always looking for the tips for the most potatoes. Just hot, just hot oil. I mean hot oil. Yeah. I power boiled first of them. I've never seen an oven. It's an oven. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I turn it on. Preheat oven. And then a pan, I was pretty into something. I don't just, I mean, to lose into another. These are all good tips. Yeah. I mean, I think annoyingly, no, annoyingly, good lover. My, my wife does an amazing rose potato. Yeah. And it might not mind it never quite as good. I think you can say that's annoying. To sit you like. I don't want to seem bitter. I mean, also, I need to support her in that. And so,

I often say to my, our son, we share, oh, isn't mom's potato nice? You know, there's a way of wanting him to grow up thinking, good dad, never, he never badmouthed mom. But if it was always just the potato, if that's all for his, this is always, all he's got here is the potato. Is that the potato?

Mom's potato, is that right? Oh, no. Why don't they? To the bloody house of the potato. Yeah. I know. Mum's potatoes, is it, right? Oh, no. Why don't you? Bloody house of the potato. So, yeah, she has a good potato, but I mean, I guess it's always just crispy and soft inside and... Parboiling and shaking.

Yeah. Through a colander. Through a colander. Because you get a nice little softness then to the outside. My wife calls those Michael Cain's respirators, because he wants detailed that recipe in an interview in a Broadsheet newspaper. So he's taking a lot of credit for that recipe. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he puts his own trousers on. And then when they push him for the close up, he's got all his own clothes. So then he can. And then as soon as they rap ease, all right, I'm off. And then he goes,

that is outstanding. We all love that. But he likes to say into the later costume, can you make sure my trousers are just to buy? So I can put them on. I've got to go. That is a good impression. Very good. Oh, yeah, that's the cup of me. I like my mic. It's is a good impression. Very good. I like Michael Cain. It's because you're not doing too much. So what people do with Michael Cain impressions often is they really go for it. Right. It's a big.

It's a six-dees. Yeah. I think now it's a, I think as people have aged, my voice has got better at doing an impression of them. And I think David Ambrill getting old has certainly helped me too because I can do a, I spent about two or three weeks or a few years ago, I just said to myself, do David Ambrill and get a good one. And I did it. And so shall I, I'm going to be ladies, please.

For these young baboons, their life is just beginning. What for others? That life is sadly picked away. And then that was, that's I don't understand. No, I was like, I was due to myself to my myself love, like he's in a voice over booth, but like he's going a bit mad. So like after everything, he says, ah, birds. And the guy says, hey, Dave, Dave, I'm so sorry, you said birds at the end, oh right, okay, booboon, bird, oh, okay, and we're like, you see him losing his mind, so, but then you hear him as well, like talking to himself saying, I wish the earth would die, I wish all the animals were dying.

Dave, you know that mic? The microphone's up, right? That's a hot mic, Dave. That's a hot mic. Have you been to the Shrek Adventure? No. That's like a magic bus ride that really makes me think about it. Yeah.

Like it's really similar. Like you're on this bus and it's like, you're going through these different worlds. And I'm like, oh, with Shrek. Yeah, with Shrek, no, Shrek's not with you. You have to part of the adventure as you're going to get Shrek from prison. He's in prison. Oh, for why are you looking at each other like that?

I'm not looking at Ed. Why? It's my hands. It's my hands in front of Ed, so I can't see his face. Moving on to your main course. What? Do you know James does a brilliant impression of Shrek? No.

So if there's anything you would like to hear Shrek say, then ask James and he'll magically transform into Shrek. Yeah, obviously your gustor styling saves them room for later, but as Shrek. Okay. Okay. Lines in my head. I've got to get into it. No, I got it.

Yeah. I've manpuped to it with some other words, with some like stock Shrek phrases and then I'll do it with that. I'll do it with that. Oh, there with some like stock shrek phrases. And then I'll do it. I do it. That's hard to say. Oh, there's a mic and onion. Yeah. Oh, my name is Shrek.

Oh, don't get. Oh, God, the starly. You say some move for later. What was that? Was that a little so disappointed? That was disappointed. No, come on. That was devastated.

Who told you that was good? That says it's good. It's really good. Is it? Yeah, that's why we make him do it on every episode. I have never heard that before and I've listened to this for a cast. Maybe guess I did it to that. I don't know how I've been eating it. I'll say this babe, it's not good. It's actually woefully bad. No, it's just warming up. So do Augusta Star like said. You did it, he said it. Oh, did it?

It would be. I said it. I told a gus to scoop. I told him you'll text remove for later. He sounds like taxing like a taxing man. My name is Shrek. Don't get. Don't get. Have you been to the Shrek adventure? He is the Shrek adventure. You are. Come with me. And you'll be in our world of your imagination. But a track I'm available, you can come with my imagination. Don't care.

No. Don't care. You and me will not job in a different way. That's a good one. I'm clean. friendly ogre. That's lovely. That's really, I got better because I liked the song a lot. I'm a sucker for a song. Thank you.

Thank you. That was upsetting. Well, there we are, James. I mean, that was like watching Dead Ringers. Yeah, it was. It was exactly like watching Dead Ringers, actually. Shout out to the Dead Ringers crew. Everyone loves the Dead Ringers, man. Yeah, well, also everyone loves his pull-lut. And of course, 2023 was the year that we finally banked. Big old pull-lut. And even our guests can't stop talking. What old pooly blood and even our guests can't stop to what the hell is this? Even our guests can't stop talking about it. Yeah, I'll go to where we're tearing up that Joe Cornish is talking about pool blood. Yes, but then we have

we're going to have this from pool that Joe Cornish and pool blood. That's what you're about here. I mean, there's been, I've been served courses that are just like, I don't want to eat any of that cube of aculia substance. Here's the thing, I like to know what I'm eating. Yeah. So I like to see it. I don't like sources because they feel like a smoke screen. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't see the sources part of the dish? No, I don't. I think it's like, well, if you're going Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't see the sauce as part of the dish? No, I don't. I think it's like, well, if you're going to cook something, cook it nicely. Don't smother it in a sauce to try and, you know, putting a sauce on something's like wearing a Halloween costume on a daily basis or something. Do you know what I mean? No, it's like a mask to hide on a daily basis. But the sauce is surely part of the cooking.

You're suggesting that they've cooked something and then grab some sauce from the fridge or something and then just cover this. Yeah, you're right. Just taste the sauce it combines with the flavor. Okay, well here's the other weird thing. I don't drink tea or coffee. Right.

And I've only just, in my twilight years, which are now in, I think so. Started drinking hot, like hot drinks, like I've got a lemon and ginger here. So basically hot so, I just don't like hot fluids. Right, okay. You must have had people like this on before, with peculiar info.

Oh, definitely, yeah. We've heard that pull-rud just not like sources. I've eaten a meal with pull-rud. That must have been the driest meal in existence. Yeah, but everyone was like, those two guys, what the? I got a piece of lettuce on my upper glottis is what I remember about that meal.

It was with Edgar in LA. Yeah, it was quite a frustrating. This is when we were just, yeah, when Edgar was casting Ant-Man before we left Ant-Man, Edgar chose pull for Ant-Man. And yeah, so we sat down and had a meal with him and I started sort of convulsing and be unable to talk

and coughing violently. And it was a little piece of tiny, little piece of lettuce, almost like a little, a little rip of risler that was basically attached to my epiglottis. Very difficult to get off, because you can't get a finger and thumb in there and peel it. The only way to do it. You risk of tranging your epig glottis. Very difficult to get off because you can't get a finger and thumb in there and peel it. The only way you risk of tranging your upper glottis.

Pull Rudd shrink down to the size of that man and go in there and get it. Very good. Yeah. That's the only way. Me and James have both been thinking about that. You can tell. You can tell. You're absolutely right.

As soon as I said the only way to do it, I went, found it. Well, I should have said to him if you, if you want this part, get the letters of my epiglottis. The audition of all auditions. Yeah. Wow. I don't think he would have got the part. No. If he could do it in real life. If he'd shrunk down and got the letters off the epiglottis, he would have got the part. As I imagine, the VFX money you would have saved. Yeah. Yeah. If he could really shrink a dick.

Jump to your mouth, got the lettuce, then came out your nose. Mm hmm. And then sat down and cabin on talking to Edgar. That would have been a meal to remember. We're very excited to have you on the podcast because there's a long run in thing on the podcast that we need to settle with you. Are we getting this out of the way? I think we don't get it out of the way early doors.

Everyone's just going to think of anything else. So this is probably, don't even remember, I was talking about Fat Fat Noodle bar. So they've been thinking about is whether or not pull like sauce. Yeah. Yeah. I love that I'm here and we're going to get to the bottom of this. Yeah. So for anyone who hasn't heard the previous episodes,

Ashley and B, who was in a series with Paul, she said that during that film in Paul refused any condiments. He would not have any sauce, any condiments on his food. Anything wet at all. Anything wet he only likes dry food. It got brought up a few times in a few episodes as a joke. And then as McCarran came on, the podcast, who Paul has been into Asma's restaurant

and we said to Paul Episodesk when he was there was an all-dry food, she said, no, it's all sauce, he liked the love sauce. So we don't know. Everyone's confused. The room is here. And this is the only person who can give us the house. This is basically a true crime podcast now. Yeah. Let's get to the bottom of this. I'm putting all my cards on the table. Yeah. I like sauce. I think sauces are great. I grew up in Kansas City from the age of 10 to 20. In Kansas City is a huge barbecue place. And so barbecue sauce, people put it on everything. I like it. I like hot sauce. I like it. I mean, I like lots of sauces, but I loath catch up and mustard. Right. And I was come. Yeah. I don't like catch up and mustard. And mayonnaise.

I just don't know what that is. So I avoid it. But see, this is where it gets a little weird. I don't want to have a sandwich sandwich but mayonnaise on it. Yeah. But coleslaw, which is made with my all-eatage. Right. So I don't know. My nice little gray area. Yeah. Manays is really is yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, some I've seen some mayonnaise that is gray and uh and that's why I'm just not gonna tell you what you're gonna do. No. It's so, even the idea that I find repugnant. So you have coleslaw, so it's almost as if you don't trust yourself with how much mayonnaise you're supposed to put on. It's good point.

Yeah, yeah. There are certain things that I think, I'm going to force myself to eat this and like it. When I was little, I think I liked three things, four things maybe. And it was always embarrassing to go to somebody's house or go to a restaurant and somebody would serve something and I just like, oh no. I would avoid going to people's houses for dinner. You were going, so you know, like,

I just have to say, I can't deal because they're gonna serve something. I'm not gonna lie. So you were little, you said. And so I was hold little like 32. I'd say probably like six, seven years old. It's kind of amazing to be obviously like children, don't like some foods and like say, I only like these things, but also to have that self-awareness of like, I can't go to someone's house. I'm going to really. I still have like these

traumatic memories go. I went to McDonald's or something with a friend of mine and his dad said, what do you want? I said a hamburger and my mom always ordered hamburgers for me and they would always just, she would order them plain. And so I got a hamburger and I had ketchup and mustard and pickles on it. And I'm like, oh, I don't like this.

And he said, well, you got to eat it. I said, oh, I can't get a different one because I don't want, I don't like the stuff on it. And he's like, no, you got to eat. That's what you wanted. That's what I ordered. That's what you're going to eat. This is my, this is my, by the way, it was like my friend's dad. Now, like, what a jerk. And I don't know, was he trying to teach me something? Did he pick up his son? And so I had to, I remember eating this burger kind of crying like, like cocoa from fame which he's covering her, takes her shirt off and I'm eating this burger that I hate. And then I remember I would sometimes go over to his house and the first that my, I, I'd say, my mom said I didn't have to eat anything. I don't want to.

When I go have dinner or something. It was trot. I really traumatic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And see why you don't like that, Chopna? Well, I don't think that caused it, but it just never even occurred to me. I think it's a really little kid who loved and loves french fries or chips. Yeah. Yeah. To put anything with it, because they're so perfect on their own. So that cemented it for the sound of things. That was that was a full that.

That was my ketchup mustard. No, no, and mustard, you know, I think it would, like if it got on your finger or on a clay, it was like, it did, this smell never goes away. And I just think of a hot day and mustard on my shirt, because I think I went to a football match and let somebody put, spilled, like accidentally got mustard on my shirt. Yeah. And it was hot. I'm like, oh, this sucks.

I want to go home. I got to take this off. And I had a real kind of visceral reaction to it. I went to college with a guy who had such an aversion. His name was Walt Needner. That's his real name. And he hated the idea of ketchup and mustard mixed together on a plate. And we would sit around and say, boy,

imagine like if you had, you just squirt out some ketchup and it makes that sound, you sound like a paper plate and you're outside, like a picnic, and then some mustard, and he would just say, stop, stop. And we could always make him throw up. You could just buy, just like you're matching it. Just buy imagining it. And so it became say, stop, stop. And we could always make him throw up. You could just by just by imagining it. And so it became, I mean, we're vicious. It's cool.

You know, all the time, just start talking about it. And then it got to the point where it's like, so you have a paper plate, you need to see like he would then think about it and throw up for this for the moment. But place obviously what I thought that was going was you, you were going to say you literally did it in front of him or you would get ketchup and mustard, but all you need to do to make, talk about it to make me his, his, his imagination did the rest. He hated it. I think he had a similar thing like it, summer camp or something.

Yeah. It's like, oh, there's something just grossed him out about it. And so, but I get it. I feel the same way. Sounds like need the needing to go to it worse than you. Like, what was the cat? So you didn't like, I understand the mustard on your finger, mustard on your shirts. Yeah. For ever. Especially on a sunny day. What was the catch up? Catch up just seems just like sugary and tangy and nasty. Yeah, to me. I like a burger and I'll put like a cheeseburger outside, but I don't want ketchup on it. You want it just? Yes.

Yeah. Well, I mean, still, it's like sometimes a burger will show up and then it's like, oh, I've got to look under the bun. What's on this thing? And it'll be like, and the worst is when it's like a pinkish orange, I think that's a thousand island, something or other. Yeah. It's like a mix of mayonnaise and I think that's a thousand island, some or other. Yeah. It's like a mix of mayonnaise and ketchup and some other nonsense.

I don't want I have to try and scrape it off and, you know, that's a dollar through. That was a diamond. Yeah, for some of the thousand. I was like, what is that? What is that? What do you know? I think we've had this discussion on the podcast before. No one knows.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the podcast before, no one knows. No one knows. No one knows if I get to the bottom of it. No one knows what it is. I think it must be like catch up and mayo mixed, right? With a bit of spice in there. There's definitely those two things in there. I think maybe in there, it goes in there. All right. Beyond that. I can honestly say, I don't even know what it tastes like.

I've never had it. I've never had it. I don't know. I'm not going to start now. How did, well, needn't they feel about 2009? I never even asked. On a paper plate. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I imagine, needing to feel about 2009? Oh, I never even asked on a paper plate. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I imagine if I asked,

but I eat puke before I even got to the question. Yeah. I'm not going to be it. Well, there we are. Lovely to finally get to the bottom of that source, dilemma, James. Yeah, the mystery of the source. Not many podcasts have a narrative arc that stretches over many series,

but we've done it. We've pulled that into the source mystery. We've done it. And Paul Rudd wasn't the only guest we fanboyed out this year. We didn't fanboy ever pull Rudd anyway, but he tells wrong about that. But we didn't fanboy ever Florence Pughan, Richard. I fanboyed over Florence Pughan. And I got my ass and I got fact checked because we could

have gone out for cocktails with Pune, but you ruined it. Yes, I absolutely ruined it. I'll hold my hands up there. And V-Shirt Smith, I think we did, yeah, we definitely, he didn't, because I deliberately fanboyed over V-Shirt Smith. Yes. Because I know that he doesn't like that sort of thing and it absolutely worked to treat. The granny packed goes to the Midsomer premier. Can't imagine taking a granny to Midsomer.

I took her. Oh my God. Yeah. Fantastic. I took them to the Odean in Oxford because they we'd missed it. They couldn't come to the well, the premier was in New York. So I took them to the Odean and we all sat down and, and no, it was the first time I ever screened the movie and they completely botched it up. Like, it stopped playing the movie but the sound kept on going

but because it was such a weird movie, people were like, I'm just like, and then it got to the point where I was like, no, this is wrong. And I was like trying to wave. And then eventually someone came and like, so the project just stopped working.

And we're going to get it up and running in a bit. And we were like, okay. But it was in one of the moments where you really need to see everything. And then it happened again. And it was just one of those like, oh my god. Oh, and also it was the wrong sizing. So you couldn't see any of the, the fuck, what's the word translation? Oh yeah, it's see any of the, the, the, fuck what's the word, translation?

Oh yeah, and so no one knew what was killing on. And then I remember my granddad at the end was like, well, I wouldn't have watched it if you weren't in it. And I was like, no, I know that. I mean, his, okay, his question's about that now when we bought it up. Yeah. Let's do a food one first. now when we've brought it up. Yeah. Let's do a food one first. Yeah. So we've got food. Yeah.

What was it like getting the fish in your mouth? I don't know. The tail first. It was quite funny. We actually had loads of conversations about the fish because I didn't quite, I didn't quite a man. I just didn't. There's so many things that when you read a script, you're like, oh yeah, then we'll

do that. And then you don't really think about the act of actually doing it. It's all that's going to happen. Yeah. And that happens honestly with me so many times. And it's only. You just say, oh, that's gonna happen. Yeah. And that happens, honestly, with me, so many times. And it's only until someone's like, well, do you, do you want to, um, swallow it whole? Or do you want, do you want it hard?

And you're like, wait, what? Oh, my God. And they brought out this platter of fish one day. And it was so bloody hot though. It was Budapest in summer. It's as hot as L.A. in summer. It's like boiling. But the buildings aren't cool.

They don't have much air conditioning. We were shooting in a middle of a field in mid-summer and very little shade and so food, like the prop food kept on being sat in the sun would start to go rancid and go off. It was like, honestly nightmare, like actually nightmare. And so they brought out this platter of fish and one was huge, absolutely huge.

And then it just went down to like normal size. And Aru said, what do you think about that one? And it was like banging the middle of sizes. I was like, yeah, I think that was still a bit too big. And then they were asking me to like weigh them and fill them in my hands. I was like, this is so weird. That feels pointless to weigh them in my hands. I was like, this is so weird. That feels pointless to weigh them in your hands.

Sorry, sorry. Can we just talk about what's happening with the fish? Because it says in the script that they bring out a herring. I was like, but what is happening? And he goes, oh, they're going to dangle it in your mouth. I was like, what? I kind of hadn't really the process. Yeah.

Anyway, so we chose that one. And then I made sure that they put it on ice because it was shooting the next day and they were like, on ice, I go, yeah, it's going to be my mouth, on ice. So then they put it on ice and they're like, it's on ice. So they weren't going to, they were just going to leave it there until the next day. I think they would have refrigerated it. But we had a few issues with like the seat,

the crustacean tower hadn't been refrigerated and so it literally, we were doing that dining table, seeing, we were doing that scene for maybe two days or something. And by the second day, we were like, we were like, gagging, actually gagging.

And then it had to actually be swapped out with apples because people couldn't sit there anymore because some people were being sick. I love the thought of everyone gagging. And then it had to actually be swapped out with apples because people couldn't sit there anymore. Some people were being sick. I love the thought of everyone gagging and the only person not gagging is the guy drinking all the pubes. Oh, he's like, that's what you find. Yeah, the great back. Yeah. Now this is the merent table. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. So, but how was that? I mean, yeah, I just got like a face full of fish. Well, maybe that's why you dream about a fish all the time. Maybe that's it.

Yeah, get into balls. It was fun. You know what was a bit weird was that obviously it was just very sliming and oily. Yeah. Like my face was covered with scales and my lips were covered with scales. So it was just a bit like, oh, this is so unpleasant. And then after, of course, you just wipe it off and get on with your day. So I just still, I stank a fish for a bit.

It looks, it looks in the film. Fishing. Yeah. And it looks like you are, it's genuinely someone trying to do what they're asking you to do. Yeah. And the reaction seems really real. There's like, I can't do this.

Yes, it was that. No, I mean, it was in the script that she can't do it. Because it's a huge fish. Yeah. Yeah. But it was also made even better by the fact that the whole table was like smiling and cheering you. So it's just played into the surreal, you know, surrealism of it.

What do you think happens to her? Because the festival isn't over at the end. There's still days left and you're all smiling at the end, but I mean, what do you think? I think she survives. I think she's. So she's had a psychotic break. That's what's happened when she sees her husband, if you want to say, are they married? Oh my god, I can't believe that. Sorry, I kill so many my husbands in my movies. When she sees her boyfriend having that orgy in the temple, I think that's like one of the last

things that she can probably deal with. And I think through the mushroom trip and the this trip and the that trip, I think when everything starts, for example, when she's on the throne with her flower dress and she's given the choice to either choose her boyfriend or the other sacrifice. I genuinely, and also this is always, actors always have different, I mean, the idea of the movie should always be that what happens in the movie. But you always have like slight changes because it's you that's playing them. And as long as obviously you're giving a performance that they can edit, then it doesn't really matter what you were thinking when it happened. But I always took it as like she was kind of gone by that point. And as long as obviously you're giving a performance that they can edit, then it doesn't really matter what you were thinking when it happened. But I always took

it as like she was kind of gone by that point and just the pampering and the weirdness and the oddities of what was happening. So when she looks at him, I never thought she looked at him to kill him. I thought it was more of like she was in a different place. She was in a different, she, she, she wasn't her anymore. And she almost looks at him as if like, she's getting that recognition. She knows that it's someone that she loves and she knows that it's someone that's hurt her.

So that whole zoom in is like, for me, it was her processing deep, deep from whatever it is that she's got lost to, that that is someone that has hurt her and then it snaps and then he's been chosen. So I always thought that she survived. I don't think she's probably ever going to come back, because to come back from a psychotic break, you have to have deep, deep treatment and work that obviously those people don't have. Yeah, they're not offering that.

No, I don't think that. But I do think that they care for her and I do think she's in that weird twisted horrible way. She's in like a place that people actually want her to be there. And I do think she will be getting respect and and loving a weird way there. I don't think she's ever coming back from this break. Yeah. It was funny. When I did it, I was so wrapped up in her and I've never had this ever before with any of my characters. I was so wrapped up in her that when I was making the movie, there was so many places that I had to go to. I'd never played someone that was in that much pain before and I would put myself in really like shit situations that other actors maybe don't need to do, but like I would just be imagining the worst things because each day

the content would be getting more weird and harder to do. I was putting things in my head that were just getting worse and more bleak. And I think by the end, I had probably most definitely abused my own self in order to get that performance. And when I left the shoot, they still had three days left to shoot, because I was off to Boston to go and shoot little women that she straightaway. And I remember when I left, I said goodbye to everyone. And when I was in the plane, I looked down and by that point, I traveled so much over the weekends to go and do press for a little drummer girl that I knew exactly where the field was when I was in the plane,

because I'd followed the road out. And I remember looking down and feeling immense guilt. Like, I felt so guilty, because I felt like I'd left her in that field in that state. Oh, wow. And it was so weird. I've never had that before. I've never, I've always thought that like, oh, my characters are for once I've left them.

I was like, yeah, but they'd be fine in the next situation. Like, they know how to handle themselves. And this one, I was like, I've, and obviously, if like, oh my characters are for once I've left them, I was like, yeah, but they'd be fine in the next situation. Like they know how to handle themselves. And this one I was like, I've, and obviously, if like that's probably a psychological thing where I felt immense guilt of like what I'd put myself through. Yeah, of course. Yeah. But I definitely felt like I'd left her there in that field to be used to be, not to, to she can't fend for herself. Yeah. Almost like I'd created this person. And then I just left it when I had to go and do another movie. I mean, to be fair, probably better leave her there than take her with you's a little winner.

Totally, totally. Yeah, I don't think she has a place in the little one. But it's funny, it was just like I'd obviously created such a sad person. Yeah. And then felt guilty that I had created that person and then left her. But I guess that feeling of guilt is like kind of the character as well.

Yeah. So like she's feeling guilty about feeling that she's let people down. So you kind of, you are still in that as well. Well, I think she's fine. I think she's fine. I think like, I do think Pele would look after her. I don't think he's going to abuse her. I do think that community appreciate her being there.

But I felt like it was my... I'm going to trust those fucking... No. What do you think is going to happen? community appreciate her being there. But I felt like it was my trust. I know. No. What do you think is going to happen? I think they kill her. Really? Where were they ever made quints from the past? They were there.

I was, oh, were they? I bet she's fine. She's fine. Just a bit. She's absolutely fine. She's there. Also, they killed all of their sacrifices. Also, that was all the sacrifices they needed.

Oh, that's quite reassuring to me. Yeah. I genuinely have got like, I now know what I've watched the film a lot and watch a lot of videos online about it. I love that. And it's a big, it's a big side dish as well. It's a lot. Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm quite excited for it. It's your menu. We're getting all these like big calendar days of the year that because a lot of listeners are going to be getting 12 days of Christine kind of vibes.

No, that's what he hates it. He hates it. He hates it. He hates it. Because it's very on the ground for you to hate probably a lot of the fans favorite episode. He's got to have to have to have literally be like, fuck, 12 days of Christine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not even in it. You know what, yeah. Well, I mean, even tiny bit. You know it, yeah, tiny bit. You're trying to help, you know.

I know, well, yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Cause it, yeah. Yes, it's a good one. Oh, yes. I've never been happier to figure out something. I've seen five days and it's amazing, well, everyone, the accounts has been the best ever. It's an amazing one. Everyone recounts has been the best ever episode.

It's not your favourite. Not your favourite. It wouldn't be. If you were, it's your favourite. What's interesting is, you know, we try our best and the hardest thing in the world is to make them funny. Admit it, that one is not funny. It's got some funny things in it like people are in the world

funny along the way. But because it's got heart, it's because it made people cry. They are the ones that seemingly stick with people, like with the one we did with a double act, Steve. That was very moving as well, not. You know, it's not something we tried. I think it's a gimmick. We don't think, oh, we should do a sad one, that's what works. But that one, I think, was the first one that we did, Christine, that was sort of like unexpectedly emotional. And so, and of course, it's great, and the showroom's with is great in it.

I just get annoyed, because everyone's first root number one. And I hate ranking, I hate them putting them in order anyway. I always say, I read it. There's some real stink as you can't get through. Where are you hiding this phone, Ray? I'm on Twitter. You want to, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to look at these, and I'm going to say no, which ones?

They're the hardest ones to write, Cunt. I remember it's a pop-up moment. I remember being in Melbourne. Yes. Because I remember still talking about it. Yeah, yeah. It was fun. You remember? I was in a hotel for the comedian. Right. I remember still talking about it. Yeah, yeah, it was fun. You remember?

I was in a hotel for the comedian. Right. I remember walking out my hotel. Crying your eyes out. I've not seen it. So I got up in the morning, I put my door, John Kerns in the room next to me. He comes out, he goes, if you've seen... Shattered.

You've seen this inside number nine. Hushed home. You've got to watch it. Later on that day, he sees me again. Have you seen it yet? No, I haven't watched it. Currants. I've seen it yet.

Let me know when you watch it. I kept on checking on me. I had to watch it while I was there. No, it was standing over. You're looking at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm feeling the emotions. You're not moving.

Don't you worry. He's coming. He's coming. It's going to be a twist. I want to tell you what it is. It's a twist. I'm going to watch you when you coming up. Yeah, yeah. That's a twist. I want to tell you what it is. It's a twist. I'm going to watch you when you watch.

Yeah, yeah. He got all of this. Well, there we are. Thanks for spoiling our friendships with celebs, James, by being a little fanboy. It was my pleasure, Ed. Well, talking of Pupu, our food pot... What a bonito.

It was better puns. That was my pun. Yeah, no. I thought I'd pin it on Bonito. Oh, yeah, Bonito. Very rude. Yeah. Our food podcast is better puns. That was my pun. Yeah, I know. I thought I'd pin it on Bonito. Oh yeah, Bonito, very rude. Our food podcast is actually a poo. We're in a vomit podcast in disguise. Let's, I mean, this is a long list of people.

We must talk about this a lot. We do. Fern Brady to heep Jimmo, Pulfur, AJDUDU, Florence P.U, Kathy Burke, Ross Noble, Tim Menchin. We talked about weeing with Florence P. What the hell is wrong with us? So here's the question everyone probably had earlier in the podcast. noble Tim mentioned, we talked about weighing with Florida's people.

So here's a question that everyone probably had earlier in the podcast. I feel we should circle back around to before we move on with the menu is, sorry to ask it, but how bad did your fart stink when you were eating the eggs all the time? They weren't, they weren't bad. They were actually worse when I eat a lot of tofu and beans, which are two of my favorite foods. I fart lords, lords and lords. Because the second two loads and loads make me love loads. James knows exactly why I'm loving just because I find that sort of thing really fun. I used to say it in a very serious way. I thought you were musing on it.

I'm just because I find that sort of thing really fun. Yeah, I used to sit in a very serious way. I got you amusing on it. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's three, I better add two more loads in there. But isn't it good for you? Yeah, probably. I've got really had to readin' about the gut microbiome and eating fermented foods.

But I tend to get quite obsessive about one thing at once. So I read that eating for your gut is going to help you live longer. So I made my own computer. I bought the thingies that make kefir. I've made my own, we'll sell our one, the three keys. Cabbage. Kimchi.

Kimchi. Kimchi. I made it all at once. And then you're not really supposed to eat all the free things at once and then like massive quantities. And honestly, just like my shits were like flying out of me. I'm not really supposed to eat all the free things at once and in like, massive quantities. And at all, honestly, just like, my shits were like flying out of me

like, wet, I glitz. It was so wet. I was like, I didn't know the power that this stuff had. I just feel like I'll be fine. But yeah, I love all the fermented stuff. Very good for you. So you just think the life was just the amount that you're eating was what was causing the wet piglets? Yeah, you can't have the three keys at once.

You're going to just like sort of sprinkle them throughout your life. Well, you put three keys together and stuff starts, starts to go back. Yeah, that's when something starts up. Yeah, I'm just going to know, you should know, this is going to turn pretty bad. If Romeo lights still water and Juliet lights spark them water, do you think that that love would have bloomed? Absolutely not. I think they'd have seen each other at that party and been like,

she likes Spark and War. You get it? I mean, I'm out, man. I'm out. But surely that's the whole point of Romeo and Juliet there from two different, two different houses. Oh, you're right. Sparkling and still.

Oh, you're actually, and the love shouldn't. Oh, should we do like a Romeo and Juliet animation? And it's like Spark and war and still all that. That's it. We solve all the world's problems we end racism. All sorts of intolerance. It's an analogy for everything. Yeah. Yeah. Sparkling is still water. Then you're getting back to the White House again. Yeah. They're like thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Leave your bags. You've had another project. Help the world. So I'm about sparkling water people. That's not very Ted Lasso of you. Oh yeah. I mean Ted hates sparkling water in the show as well. Yeah, he like drinks it and the spits out and can't stand it the entire time and I'm like Yeah, I'll follow that man He doesn't like to into battle doesn't like to you. I'm not a big T drinker either. Well, yeah, like I don't I'm not a hot drink I said I don't drink coffee. I don't really I'm now drink tea, but I'm not like passionate about it Yeah, maybe a hot chocolate. I just like burn'll drink tea, but I'm not like passionate about it. Yeah, maybe a hot chocolate. I just like burn my tongue and then, and that's it, my

day's ruined. Would you say you're the most like Ted Lasso out of all the cars? Oh, am I the most like Ted, no, I don't think so. Who would be the most like Ted Lasso? Well, it's not Brett. It's not Brett. Definitely not. No, but it's not Brett.

But the most like, his own character. He's the most Rican. He's the most Rican, but also the most not Rican. Yeah, he's the very, very soft. But I guess like that's Rican, like Rican is a teddy bear. And pretend not to be, and I guess that's kind of Brett's role. But Brett doesn't pretend not to be as much. Yeah.

But yeah, Brett's not the most Ted Lasso like, who is the most Ted Lasso like, who is the most Ted Lasso? And if a hammer just been on this podcast, it's obviously not the most Ted Lasso like. Yeah. It's a ludic. Absolutely. Evolting. Nick, they're hating on you, man. I don't know what to say. They hate it on you, bro. The guy who plays Danny Vaux has, he seems to put you happy. Yeah, he is very happy. Also, very horrendous free choices. Yeah. Watching Crystal Eat is horrific. Like, I think people who love Crystal because he's like the happiest, like most charming

boy in the world, I think if you watched him eat a meal, like he'd lose a core chunk of his fan base, I think. Talk us through it. It's just, I don't know, because he's really fit and like musically and like he, you know, like I think he's like proteining up just to like stay, stay the most attractive boy in the world. But it's the, it's the eggs man. Like he eats a lot of eggs.

And I think that's like, that's protein right? Yeah. And I can't watch you eat six boiled eggs and not feel like we have to. Six on the bounce. Yes. And like, I'm like, we have to call an intervention. Like, it's just something has to be done, bro. It's a lot.

It's not good for you. It's not good for your insides. And the farts, I just, yeah. Yeah. It's got an upper store. It's tough. for your insides and the farts. I just hear it's got an upper store. It's tough. Does he shout farting his life? It's not bad. No. Well, Christophe does. He's like, he's the person that will get our food and we're making it through our first one. And Christophe is coming back with his second. And then he's got like two more to take home with him.

I'm like, yeah, he eats a lot. And that's why he is strapping attractive young man with the best head of hair I've ever seen on a human being. So yeah, do you think a lot of eggs see your hair stays thick and juicy? I think it's juicy. All the parts, the parts go into it. Luscious.

Maybe it is that. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe just like selling us the dream of, oh yeah, protein and jicolight is good for me. I want to stay, but it's just that all those nutrients are going into his hair. I mean, every time he fires his hair gross. If you look at him, really, if you look at him, every time he looks like that, his hair just goes up, he pushes him out a little bit. Yeah, he does it, I mean, that's like, that fight's head as crazy. He pushes him out a little bit. Yeah, he does play a little bit. I thought that was a little bit of this. Yeah, one of those play-dye things.

Yeah. I mean, no one has done that. I smell a hit movie. I think he should. Yeah, yeah. The power is his hair grows when he fights. Yeah, I make that movie. Are we unclean and porn star martini in the world?

Pete, one star martini is one of the 12. Yeah, yeah. Pino Disho'r on. Yeah. Because I was like, makes you sound sophisticated towards something like that, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, Pino Disho'r on. Because I was like, makes you sound sophisticated towards something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Pino Dishuron. I'll say. So I have that as a peritif. Yeah.

Camparion soda. Oh, it's a classic, isn't it? Yeah. Lovely. It's a classic for a reason. It's bitter. I love bitter flavours. Yeah. I love all the, I used to think that I wasn't very sophisticated, like with wine. Mm-hmm. Because I like all the wines. Yeah. But then I realised that, because I like all the wines. But then I realized that's,

because I like all the flavours. I like sweet, I like bitter, I like sour, I like umami, the fourth flavour. Yeah. And also, I don't like the fifth flavour. What's the fifth flavour? Shit. It's not good, is it?

Like, even in a... But it's even in a small dose, it's not good. It's never, it never adds to it. It's not good, it's horrible. It's a horrible flavour. Bittersweet salad. We might want to... We might want to...

And shit. I'm done. We've got a lot of drinks to get through here, Paul. Yeah, it's just alright. Alright. Sorry. Sorry, I just... Yeah. Oh, we've had three, haven't we? I believe so. Yeah. So, um, have we? Yeah, we've had three.

Yeah. You know, just your own. Best not going to all the game. Yeah. Yeah. Free. Please. No, actually, let's keep going through it. Let's keep adding one and then having to go through. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pulsed out my T-N-O, my T-N-O. T-N-O, the sure on Campari in Soda. Yeah, after that, Sherry. Yeah, a Sherry.

Lovely Sherry. Not Sherry. Then after that, Shardene, nice Shardene, nice wine. Yeah, very nice. After that, a nice, other white wine. Another white wine. another white wine. Any white wine. Reasling.

Ever-reasling. Yeah, you like easelings, yeah. After that, can I have shit juice, but not have it? Just leave that one. So it's one of the drinks, but I leave it, so I only drink 11 of them. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the essence of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you're not going to have it. But you have it.

It's what it is there. Yeah. As a reminder of like at least I'm not drinking that. How good you've got it. Yeah, but it's not actually shit. Because it reminds me of, you know, there's that thing that the modern art thing in Hobart in that of the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the right. So people turn up to the museum to see the machine poop. Yeah, have you been there?

No, but I've read about it. Yeah, so it comes out poop. It's not real poo because it's kind of is real, but isn't. Sure. Because it's just like chemical. Wow. So I'd have the same. I'd make it chemically.

Yeah. It's got chemical shit flavoring. Yeah. So you want it from that machine? Yeah, from that machine. Yeah, from the whole bar. Shit, she's... I think a lot of the arguments in Big Brother classically have been driven by lack of food

sometimes. Oh my God. Well, I think people get hangry, don't you? You know what, genuinely, this is the reason why I'd never go into that house, right? Because I just think, you know, meeting people being sociable, that's one thing, that's amazing. But also, you know what it is, it's exhausting. You might get back, I mean,

I don't know what you do from winding the evening, but I'm like, I do like to sit in silence and watch TV. It's hard to believe because I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, pulled it. But I do, I have quiet time with me, myself myself and I and I don't want to speak to anyone. But there is 24. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, oh my gosh, what? The sleeping next to me, they all sleep next to each other. They have to do the shopping list with each other. It's kind of like I always remember in previous series, people being like, cheese, you want cheese. That's so expensive. I don't eat cheese. I don't eat a lot. It's an argument, isn't it?

There's cheese. Yeah. And also the scenes, the desperate scenes where people are going, right, we're dividing the toilet wall and sheets by sheet, they're cutting it out and the rationing toilet paper. And it's just, I just couldn't do it. No, no. I wouldn't want to ask any houseman in their

discontent show to your fold because one's economically not right. Yeah. One's a bit more wasteful than the other. I go through all of my toilet paper ration within the first hour of getting it. Why? And then I just, because you know, I'd like to be like, jeerie, so that sort of stuff. And then for the rest of the week, I'd just be having a shower every time I went for a shit. Yeah.

It was a good way of doing it. Yeah. Film you in the shower. No. So it's like, hey, if you just got shit, but it now your legs are in the shower, they're not going to get that on cover. Because there's always, like, I remember classic celebrity big brother argument, John McCruric, one of his Diet Coke, he complained about his Diet Coke the whole time.

There's the Diet Coke. David's dead. Oh my gosh. I was nothing to do with food, but it was iconic. It's the best TV show moment of all time. And I'm including like succession. It was so good. And I just remember Nikki bless her RIP, but she was amazing when she was like, who is she? Who is she? Where did you find her? And then

just complaining about, you know, she, she just eats all of the conflicts, like the mountain of conflicts is in that bowl and you're like, oh my gosh babe, chill out. It's literally complex, but they are. There's so hungry. Yeah, it's sensitive. You gotta do that with cornflakes. What?

I think cornflakes, you gotta have a big mountain of cornflakes in the bowl. Yeah. Right, because it melts down. It's just great. Like I want to eat loads of cornflakes. So I like piling them up and then you put the milk over and maybe a bit of sugar. First out the house. What the hell? Absolutely, first out the house. Yeah, I'm imagining of corn flakes. So I like piling them up and then you put the milk over and maybe a bit of sugar. First out the house. Absolutely. First out the house. Yeah, I'm

imagine I would. Why are you eating all those corn flakes? You've eaten everyone's corn flakes for the entire week in one bowl because it's great because I like a big bowl. So I like a big bowl. So a small bowl of corn flakes doesn't hit the spot. Oh my gosh. You'd be amazing in the house. Yeah, you would be actually. Already, I know, you'd be a, I connect. Do you know what, AJ? It's genuinely one of the things I have to live with in life is knowing that I would be the best on reality TV and yet I'm to what myself to do it.

It's a real shame, because I know I'll be excellent value. You strictly. Strictly I'll be brilliant. I'll be excellent value. Yeah, you strictly strictly I'll be brilliant I'll be brilliant on traders anything any of that stuff I can make a whole living just doing that yeah all those shows but um sadly I'm dumb to two stuck up. Oh two pompous. How do we bring you back down to it? Yeah not you don't know. It's just like I mean sadly because I'm a capricorn it means I'm hugely successful. Yeah. that I'm never gonna do those shows. You don't need to.

You don't need to. If my career crashes, if someone can somehow figure out how to bring a Capricorn down, then I get desperate, then you might see me in the house. Well, the only person I know who could bring a Capricorn down is an Aquarius. So you're gonna have to do some work there, AJ. Head to head. I don't want everyone to bring anyone down though.

It's not my vibe. I just want to bring them up. Everyone can be up together. Yeah, I'll never be on those shows. Oh, I was, everyone on those shows. I tell you, you think McCruick gets angry as someone stills his Diet Coke. I'll be furious.

You can't have a story to tell them. Yeah, as well, about how much Diet Coke means to me. Yeah. So still a spark, tell them. Yeah. As well about how much diet coating means to me. Yeah. So still a sparkling water. Still sparkling. I'll go, I mean, okay, I will go still, but my mum will go sparkling and make me feel guilty.

So I'll probably get sparkling and then not drink it. So your mum is your mum. So your mum's made a sudden appearance here. Is she at the dream meal with you? No. Or is she always watching like Kevin Feige? Yeah, she's there. Yeah.

No, okay. I'm going to go still, but I still won't drink it. I don't like water. Okay. Why not? It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

There's a few people who come on who don't like water in the past. I don't like water. Claudia Winkerman's the main person we've had who just absolutely won't drink water. I don't drink it. Like you know when you go on to a run and you't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in the past. I don't know what you're in Golden syrup. I can go tea when it's in a perfect temperature. I just, I think my problem with it is, this is something that we all supposedly need to drink every day of our lives

and it tastes like that. Yeah. Like it could taste like elderflower, but it doesn't. Yeah. It doesn't. You're imbuing water here with its sort of own will. I'm just a bit bit stuck on going on, honestly. Yeah, yeah.

It's like you're remembering water sat there going, I'm going to taste like this. Yeah, exactly. I'm just a bit annoyed that there was no creativity in the creation of water. It was like all the things it could taste like. It could taste like whispering angel. It doesn't. It could taste like honestly, fucking anything. It could taste like anything. Yeah. and it just is a bit like me.

So for you, it tastes like nothing. Cause Jordan Banjo said to him, he feels like he's drinking a glass of spit. That's what it makes him think of. That is intense. Yeah. But to you, it's just flavorless. No, I don't know.

It's not flavorless. It's just boring. It's just boring and everyone's like, you can't even move to it. No, I don't want to water. Getting to be water. I didn't drink the last bit, but sure, make it overflowing. How do you how do you cope when you're in the States, then,

because especially in LA, they love to hydrate. I usually have tea from morning to lunch. Yeah. And then I'll probably like have a glass of wine if I'm having like a lunch meeting or something. Nice. And then I'll probably like have a glass of wine if I'm having like a lunch meeting or something. Yeah, nice. And then I should probably not do that all day because that's bad, isn't it? But I definitely a dabble in other areas. It's hard though, isn't it?

Being a non-water drinker. People frown on non-water drinkers. I know, and it's so judgemental. I have a friend that carries a water bottle around with her all the time. One of the massive ones. No, just a's so judgmental. I have a friend that carries a water bottle around with her all the time. One of the massive ones. No, just a normal one. Yeah.

And she needs to fill it up at like tap places all the time. So our day will have to be changed because she needs to go to a tap place. A tap place. A tap place. Yeah. And we'll be able to the toilet constantly as well. Yeah, that's another thing.

Okay, that's actually why I don't like water. Another thing. You wheel the time. Think of all Yeah, that's another thing. Okay, that's actually why I don't like water. Another thing. You wheel the time. Think of all the experiences that you're missing. Sure. Every time you have a week. Every time you have a week, you're missing the best jokes because you need a wee.

You need to, you're missing the best scenes in movies because you need a wee. I prefer to just wee as little as often. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to answer any of these questions if you don't want to. How often a day is the optimum amount? Guys, I do we, you just saw I went through it, we didn't see you. But for you, the optimum amount, this is the dream restaurant you can also bring the dreams to all of your fun. If I could, if I could just do like one thing a day, like if I like all the bodily functions

that we have to do and it has to be one state, I think I'd just like to do it once a day. Just get it out of the way. Yeah. But that can't happen because obviously you drink fluids. Does that mean to? Yeah. Well, because this is the dream meal, I don't want you like starting off with like a glass or something you don't like.

Is that so? I think I would go to the Lou because that's what you do. Yeah. And then I'd sit down and sense everybody loves to give you water. I'd take the water because I'm also polite and that's someone's job to come and give you some water and I appreciate that. But it's the dream, it's the dream restaurant. So if you don't want water, you can have.

No, you know what? I'm going to do that. I'll do that. Would you like what you were saying earlier, the dream restaurant. So if you don't want water, you can have out-of-the-wall press. No, you don't want. Oh, we all do that. Would you like what you were saying earlier, the dream? Yeah. Water that tastes like out-of-the-wall press. No, I'll have an out-of-the-wall press. You have that.

So don't mind those little panic cleanses. Yeah, yeah. I fucking ate a Moose Boosh. What the? Boy, he's that. Yeah, well, I try to do it on this podcast for a bit. Yeah. I try to do people in Moose Booshes at Yeah, I try to get people in those bushes at the beginning. No, they're just like little glasses of sick.

Very sheffy, isn't it? Oh, it really is. It's like, look, stop ticking about. Yeah. Just make me mid-inner. I don't need these little glasses of puke. So it's supposed to get your mouth ready, right? That's the whole point.

But when I turn up to dinner, my mouth ready. Yeah, my maps always ready for dinner. Where's Medina? That's us in the trip when they do the, they say, Ray Winston's flam. I love chicken wings so much that I was in Dublin, right? Are you aware of the chicken wing, the Dublin chicken wing wars? We might have mentioned. I don't know. I tell us about the Dublin chicken wing wars, isn't there? Have you had the popular comedian and television personality, Jason Manford on them? No, we've not. Okay. Myself and Mr. Manford were in Dublin. We were working in Dublin for a week and it turns out that somebody,

now the Irish aren't known for their, it's not Chicken Wings, you always associate with the American story, they say somebody put it on, best chicken wings in Dublin, this one restaurant. And then another place opened up. And they were like claiming they, so there was these two restaurants competing for the chicken wing crown. And then another one popped up. And then it became this thing

of like, because there was cues around the block for the two places. And then there was no sign of the chicken wing may and he was growing. So all these people start jumping on board and well, if there's cues around the block, no need to queue. So there's like 10 restaurants in Dublin who all claim to be the best chicken wings. All in the same, the same area. Yeah, yeah, central Dublin. So I said, because I love chicken wings. So I said to Jess and I said, well, they,

because she'd heard about this and he'd been to one of them. He said, oh, this place is definitely the best. So I said, why we're here for a week, right? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like, like, I thought, oh, it's going to be, you know, that you were all of them. You were to try all of them. But yours is, what do we eat? Nothing. But yeah, but there's 10 restaurants. I'm not, I'm not gluttonous. I'm going to have, if, you know, lunch and dinner for five days. Yeah. That's not a big stretch. I mean, look, I do sometimes, when I get it food that I like, like this drink, sometimes I can go for weeks where I only eat that one thing. If you like something, stick with it, right?

I don't think I don't like it anymore. That very rarely happens. It does not burn out. It's more than you like to the hypnotist. It's out there. It's the pocket watch comes out. It's chicken wings this time. Okay, here we go.

You're in the front. I went to Dublin. I tried to decide which one. Do you know chicken wing walls. Oh, he made the chicken noise to stop him drinking the diet. Cool. That's drinking the chicken wing addiction. I'm not a man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I made up my chicken with this time. No. So I sometimes I will, you know, I'll go through fears where I just eat like, you know, one thing. Anyway, on this, like, for example,

it made a friend of mine. We spent a week in Devon where we just went wild camping, like sleeping in farmer's fields, not official. And we ate nothing, but I'm brought to your rice pudding for a week. And I'll tell you what, I mean, I love rice pudding like Jesus. After a week of eating that, there was something. When was this? Probably five, six years ago. And we wrote on what it says,

we decided to ride around Devon. We made a little film about, in fact, it's on the internet, you can see, we got some of that, you know, you get the rice pudding where you can, it's got the milk in it and then there's, you can also, that Ambrosia company they brought out the, it's rice pudding, but it's got a custard base instead of a,

and we wanted to see which one was the most appetizing to manage your horses. So we went to, because there's that, down in Devon, there's a, like a Shetland Pony, a rescue center. So we, we went down into the field with all the Shetland Pony's. Like we put it on because we thought we'd get the Pony's to lick us, right? So he rubbed the custody one on his face and I rubbed the regular one on my face. And then we got on all fours to us not to scare the Shetland ponies. And then we crawled up to the ponies in the field. But then we read what we realized was we should have had half of each fit because I might have had a more

lickable face than him and it had nothing to do with the drill though. But then also ponies don't like dairy. It's not a thing horses they're not interested in. They don't get it in the wild. Even Chetland ponies, because they can get under a cow, but they can't suckle. But what happened to us is we're on all fours, and the Shetland ponies were coming up, but they were more injured, because we're on all fours, so that like the trousers were a bit low, so the arse rack. They were more interested in, we've been sleeping rough for a couple of years. They were more interested in the most dismal of the arse crack than they were from the, so as an experiment, it didn't work out, but it's a bit of an answer to the

experiment though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shatland ponies prefer the smell of sweaty arse is to amperazie roast pudding. Yeah, that's, that's no advert for the amperazine. And then, um, and it's called let me face it. Oh, it was, I mean, we were sticky for it because we had no way. It's, you know, we just wash it in puddles and that. So yeah, anyway, so we did that for a week. Hold on, did you do? Did you put the most pudding on your face every day for a week?

No, that was just one day of. No, I had pannism abit and we just packed it full of we had cans that we would we would hit it on the fire, you just put it straight on the fire and then there was the the yoghurt style card so you could eat it. But by the end of if you eat nothing but rice pudding for a whole week, I mean, I don't want to be vulgar about it, but we're talking, we're talking Aaron Cheney by the time you pass, you know, after three days, you're doing Aaron Cheney shit. That's not good. But anyway, so the point is, so let's, we're going to have to zoom out on this story. So, oh, sorry, sorry, I just, chicken wings was then, was how we got into that. So, yes, so the chicken. So a man for the night, we spent a week. So a man for the night, we spent a week.

So a man for the night, I spent a week eating nothing but chicken with him. And he had to bail out on the Thursday because he couldn't take it anymore. And I pressed on. And that was when I first suffered a crippling doubt. You don't like the idea of one of those taps. You don't want too much technology in your house, but what about a Japanese toilet? You must have wanted everyone wants a Japanese toilet in the house, right? My first experience as a Japanese toilet, I got to stay in Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's apartment in New York once while he was fond of me, I guess, because I was doing Jesus Christ Superstar, which was going well for him, and Matilda's, he owns the Cambridge Theatre.

So, like, we've got a bit of a relationship, and I was over there, actually opening Matilda on Broadway and writing Groundhog Day in his apartment. I've got this fantastic photo of all my colored sticky notes on his window, overlooking centre part, in the Trump Tower. You heard of that guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's got one of those toilets where you've got a little nozzle and you can adjust where it's pointing and it squirts water

at your pooper and all that and stuff. And it's pretty nice. It feels like another thing that can break down and having to get your poopy squirt fixed the whole time. I'm feels like an annoyance. Yes, sorry, Mike. But I did. There were people to pistol that Pfizer by Aynas is better. but fixed the whole time. I'm feels like. It's embarrassing. And annoying. Yes, sorry, Mike. But I did.

There were people. There were people that fought a pistol that fives at my anus as well. Yeah. You come over and fix it. Yeah. Yeah. Just shift drain, I swear.

I know you wrote Mattilda, but you didn't shift your anus. You're like shift drain. Yeah, and I definitely noticed people would disappear into the toilet and not come out for a while. Like it was a sort of novelty thing where people would disappear into the toilet and not come out for a while. It was a novelty thing where people would find it. Which is a nice reason for it to happen at Shobbys parties, right? That's my brother, that's me. Yeah, yeah. I think you could have been the other option and you would just very naive.

Yeah. Well, I love that poopy squirt. The poopy squirt is blasting my line off the toilet. Yeah. Oh, my God. I think I am really naive about that stuff. Yes, I am. I am. And even though, because I'm not a taker of drugs, particularly, but I'm really stupid about

it. I've been in this, I've been playing rock and roll for a long time and I'm still dumb about it. Or I'll go to a party with all my actor friends. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no My friends didn't good mood you like. I got a tim down. Yeah, exactly. I'm eating it. Yeah, my girlfriend is way more well versed all that stuff than me. And I'll always be like, I just such was a really weird mood earlier. Should we like, they were on drugs.

Yeah, it's a matter of my trip. Yeah, it was a matter of my trip. Yeah, it was a matter of my trip. When our friend headbutted the wall and then got back up. Yeah, that was obviously feeling very resilient. It's just going around like, well, fairly and else. It's like, it's like it's going to put nice pop-nomsaw bread. Pop-nomsaw bread. Oh, pop-nomsaw bread.

I didn't know that was a question. I'm not prepared. Pop-nomsaw bread. Yeah. Oh, that was another thing. That was what I was trying to remember. I was going to ask. Has Andrew Lord Webber ever played his song? My name is Andrew to you? No, has he got a song called My Name is Andrew?

Yeah, he played it to Josh Groban. No, he didn't. I think you're getting mixed up. Josh Groban told us that when he came on the podcast. I think you made up the song, my name is Andrew, from memory. Well, I'll let you be the judge of who did he make this song. Be your entry lawyer. He played it to Josh Groban and it goes, my name is Andrew. Hello, hello, hello, I have shoes and I have to go. It might be, I have feet and I have to go. I think that sounds quite good. Yeah.

I think maybe Josh Groben made it up. Oh, he made it up. Yeah. Yeah. Josh Groben. Groben's probably made up. Past offers. Past offers.

Andrew's quite eccentric, but that feels right. Does it? Right, you've got to be. Yeah, you've got to be that good. You've got to be. And he's very young when he was that good. I mean, I think getting sort of really respected and famous young, it's, I mean, the people I know

to whom that happened, the most sort of destabilized people, I know, not that Andrew's unstable, it's just like, it's strange for your personality, it's hard to know how to be. Well, being brilliant and then also having to work extremely hard, wasn't that young, I think, probably spends everyone out of it. How old was he? I think he wrote,

Superstar at 21. What? Wow. That's younger than Jesus, isn't the boy? Yeah. Jesus didn't do it in the last two years. Jesus, isn't the boy? Yeah. Jesus didn't do anything. A dozen years. Jesus is smoking kindness.

It's only one. It's his wilderness here, staying on. Yeah. I'm worried that he puts sticky notes on his window, to be honest. How did you get off the residue? Well, I don't think the sticky notes leave much residue. That's the point of them. It's not like I glued notes to that window.

Yeah, but I would still wouldn't put them on glass, especially on a big window overlooking. Well, I feel like he has a person who cleans those windows. Is that a floor to ceiling windows? Tim Rice. Tim Rice. Yeah. He's headed his gym rice to soak up red wine spills. Yeah. Either that or you crank the poop shoes up to 11 and just or you crank the poop sheets up to 11 and just... I'm going to go and click right on the left. I'm going to put the door. Just dang it.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So that's it for part one. Part two is out, drum roll, tomorrow. BOOM! We'll leave you with a message from Kathy Burke. How's fuck off? So you're not in my mouth?

Hello it's Rob Orton here. I don't need to tell you this but you've been listening to the off-menu podcast with Ed Gamble and James A. Castor. Now I've listened to the off-menu podcast a lot, and my favourite moment from any episode was when John Cairns said, hmm, pop country. Hand up the popcorn, nearly. Nob? Yep.

Ah, my nob. My nob's gone through the table. In the bread. I loved that. And I've watched that clip over and over and over again. Now, I'm here to tell you that my podcast, the Rob Olton Daily Podcast, is returning in 2024 on the 1st of January. My podcast is a mix of poems, stories, musings. There will be a new Rob Olton Daily Podcast episode every single day in the year of 2024,

including weekends.