Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Best of 2023: Part 2

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

Happy Part 2 of our Best of the Year episodes.See you in the new year for Series 11 of Off Menu. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order uber eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See out for details. Welcome to the second part of our best of 2023 episodes of Off Men New James. That's what we're listening to. Best of 2,224 episodes. I don't know, we've done that many. You must be finishing off the cleaning now.

Yeah, I hope so. James, if you're listening, look, this is a whole other episode. So maybe give the house another once over. Yeah. If you get into the end now, you know, just just do it again, make sure it's spicking span. So maybe you won't have to clean again until next year. I'll go the whole house would be fine. Now, we love a character on off menu. Our guests didn't disappoint this year either James, not just us doing the great characters.

No, not just us doing the great characters. Also, Judy Love, Carol Fordham and Paul Rod and the first person to do an entire episode in character, Gafmer Engy. Oh, we've got a good bit of butter and I love my, is it presidential butter? It's got some in it. Oh, yeah, the president, I think. Oh, yes, it president. Oh, my God, I've changed, I've changed, I've changed, I've changed, that butter is amazing. Yeah, with the chunks of salt in it. Oh my Lord, just see myself in wait,

Joe's walking down the freezer aisle, the butter and the yoga. I just reach on my, was it cool? President, I think. President, butter, low reach into the card. Yes, wander around alcohol. Look, if you're nice, male Mac. A few olives, a life, life. Forever changing. I like this character. Yeah, yeah, I love this character.

I love this character. I just wonder endlessly and effortlessly. Effortedly. You know the way I'm trying to say, effortlessly. I modically take a lot of effort. Effcessfully. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that.

I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. I'm not a fan of that. Teet and Argentine and Malmbert Too light for a deep and rich

magazine might buy a home life Home in farm life magazine After the one more jacket is that what's called one more one jacket and one more jacket? I don't know what the jacket's like Barbar Barbar Barbar Barbar Jaggers. Maybe north first. Maybe one of those. Oh, it's absolutely love it. Judy, please do an episode of loose women, but you just do this character. I get to do it on a different name. What's our corner? What are corner characters?

You have to be missed is something. Well, lady something. Yeah, you'd be better if I call her lady, but I'd have to use like a pact, which is Jamaican slang. So that people would Jamaican would know what that word is, but nobody else would. You just got people saying this word,

which is like absurd, but people just call it, yeah, it have to be something like that. I don't know, these characters are in me sometimes. That's great. Love it. Love it. I think I'm a neck, I mean, what part, why could you could you use?

Well, there's the normals, isn't it? Like, bumber clart, rast clart, I don't mean to say. People know those ones. Yeah, I think you want to know. People know this one. So I've got a five, they've needs those words in La Canda. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yer. Yeah, that's like, like,

show off on them or something like that. That can be double barrel. Double, shut out on them. My name is Lady Shagout on them. I would never know. Shagout on them. Yeah, Lady Shagout on them. Not saying that's official name,

but we'll work for it. So all like uncles, step family, everybody's farmers. Yeah. First boyfriend was a chicken farmer, Rick the chick. What? Rick the chick. Rick the chick.

Rick his name was Mr. Chicken farmer. Yes, yeah. So why if he was a chicken farmer, why do people call him Rick the chick? Well, shit. No, Rick the chick, you have Billy the milk, you have. What you have to enter stamp. For example, he was a chicken farmer. Why is he the chick, you have Billy, the milk, you have. What you have to enter, Stan. For example, he was a chicken farmer.

Why is he a chick, man? Billy, the milk. Because he's the chicken farmer. But then he should have been Rick, the chicken farmer. What? No, come on. He can't say that. That makes me think, chicken short, chicken short for chicken farmer.

That makes me think he's going to be a chicken. He's Ricky, the chicken farmer. Yeah. Oh, the chicken. Rick and farmer, the chicken farmer. Ha, ha, ha. You have a big call with the chicken farmer. Yeah. Rick and farmer the chicken farmer. You have a big call that. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, looking farmer. What is making you think he's a chick in Wales is that a lot of people have the same surname.

Yes. So you have to distinguish and a lot of people have the same first name. Yeah. So very common name would be like David Jones, for instance. Yeah. And so and a lot of people would be that it's like even in you know in our rugby scrum we've got win Jones and Allen win Jones. Yeah. Two entirely separate people. That's how normal it is. So you distinguish when the rugby and Allen win the rugby. No you might say the ball. Yeah. Or you might,

you know, you'd give it so, so it's like my stepfather was, um, who's my dad, who's Italian, who's Italian prison of war, Italian food, we're coming onto that. And he had a diginge, so it was David and they all had the, so diginge would work with my dad. And then there would be die the spark, or as you would prefer to call him David, the electrician. So, yeah, yeah, that's not funny. Did you have a nickname, Carl? Yeah, but I'm not telling you. Because that would go viral.

Really? So your dream drink, is it brown? It would be brown, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be a panic in us. Ah, very deep brown? It would be brown, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be a panic in us. Ah, very deep brown. Yeah, the deepest of brown.

I mean, yeah, you're right, because it looks black in the glass. Yeah. And then if you really look, that's brown. Yeah, almost red brown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're absolutely right. It's the nectar of the guards. Yeah, huge respect for this.

Fantastic. This was an extreme menu. It was instead of water though. I didn't have it as my dream drink I had it instead of the water So he didn't choose to sell sparkly and he chose a pint of a pint of a pint again Yes oversteal sparkly. I think it's more hydrating than water. It's good for you It is good for you people drink it after marathons because it's got so many great nutrients, you know after childbirth when you I

When my wife gave birth to our first child, you had a pint of Guinness. I had a pint of Guinness. And I felt like I ran a marathon. It's funny you should say. Yeah, I gave her a pint of Guinness. She had a pint of Guinness. And my mom did the same thing. She gave her a pint of Guinness. She was smashed. I was like, come on, we've got a baby, you got to take care of it. She's like, woo, I can't. Babe, just a queue of people out the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just pause driving.

Who's the lady that likes tennis? Do you want the the sham Vulcan to top of the Guinness? Not on you. Toeristic garbage. Yeah, no, no, but it needs to be poured properly because people don't know how to pour Guin garbage. Yeah, quite right. No, but it needs to be poured properly, because people don't know how to pour a Guinness. Because there's a real way to do it. Here's something that if you're in a pub

and you see somebody pouring a Guinness, and they have to, you know, you take it up, we leave a little bit of space and then you let it rest for. I believe the optimum time is a minute, 19 and a half seconds. I think there really is an optimum time. Yeah. And then, instead of pulling the tap, you push the tap forward to finish it off. Something about nitrogen release and that kind of thing.

And that's the way you do it. Wow. And people are not that. I mean, a lot of people, like you could see people pouring ginnosses in bars and you just think like this. Yeah, they're doing it all in one and it's all so you're gonna come up. Yeah, come on. No, until it's too light. You've ordered the ginsens.

Yeah. Do you have that with your head in your hands off? I'm like, I'm gonna have to grin and bear it. I'm gonna drink it. I'm not gonna send it back because that doesn't seem agreeable. No, you're right. You can't send it back. It would be, I mean, if you say, I need, I need you to point me a new one.

You didn't pour that right. I can't think of like, I would feel like, I mean, I would never do that because I would feel like it's just a huge jerk. But if somebody that was next to me said, you got to point me out, you didn't pour right? I would say that guys might hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way to go. Yeah.

And I'll be blue to do that. Yeah. But I would say that that is off limits to you now. You can't do it. No, no, I can't, no, that's a pull that's told me to be pulled. Yeah. I look say that that is off limits to you now. You can't do it. No, no, I can't. No, absolutely. Call that to tell me to me. Paul, yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. It's one of the downsides of fame, I guess. It's probably the biggest downside of fame. I can't not be a poor me again. It's the right way. Yeah.

If I have to fill it. Thankfully, I'm getting them free now. Anyway, I would respect the guy who did it, who made them pour it again, but then I'd keep quiet about that. And I would catch eyes with the member of bar stuff he may do. And I'd go like, roly eyes. I'm like, what a douche. Yeah. Yeah. And I would feel bad for the bartender.

Sure. Yeah. I feel bad for. I feel bad for you. I feel bad for everybody involved. Yeah. It's a real situation. that got on our hands. Do you have, because people are obsessed with specific places being good for a point of

Guinness? There are some pubs that are really, yeah, that are, they pour a really good pint. It's an interesting thing that I learned because people, when the states, if they're going over to Ireland, they say, oh, you have to have a Guinness there. It's better there. They make it differently. And that's not's better there. They make it differently. And that's not true. They don't make it differently. In fact, the Guinness that you're drinking in the States or anywhere else, it was made there. But it's been sent over in kegs. And when you're drinking it,

even though it's totally fine, chances are it was made two months ago. And when you're in Ireland, chances are it was made two days ago. So that's why it tastes so good. I mean, it's like, I mean, the beginning, the beginning, the first half of the Guinness, I had in Dublin was just mind-blowing. Yeah, all this is completely different than if you haven't. They look after the taps and the lines and all of that. They have like inspect Guinness inspects. Absolutely. It's a really serious thing.

I mean, I think that's a really good thing. I mean, I think that's a really good thing. I mean, I think It's a different kind of you know, they look off to the the taps and the lines and all of that they have like inspect Guinness inspects Absolutely right. It's a really serious business. Yeah, yeah, and yeah cleaning the lines and doing all of that and and doing it the right way But yeah people going in and and checking and I love it. Well, there's also the brew master I went time years ago met the brew mastermaster at Guinness storehouse in Dublin. And he said, you know, sometimes he's been in pubs and then the bartenders will get really nervous. They know who he is.

It's like having a food critic. Yeah. And they're really making sure they're pouring it properly. Yeah, he's saying it's, it's, they're stressed out. It's a real thing to go over and have all of that stuff inspected and checked out. Yeah. You met the boom. All stuff.

Yeah. Do you love us to meet the pretty master? I, uh, I was not nervous, but I was excited. And he's the one that told me about the minute and, uh, and 19 and a half seconds. And I, I poured one with him and he gave me a certificate that says, I know how to pour properly. I think they give it to everybody that shows up, but it didn't matter. I felt like a cool kid in school. You don't get the certificate. You didn't pour it properly. Imagine that. Yeah. Most certificate

for you. Yeah. You know, I did. We take it so as he wound here. So you like you come back again. You know what away three months before. Yeah. So you've got your provisionalized. Yeah, you've got to go and do a theory test. Yeah. Well, this is like a video of someone pouring gittest and you have to hit the screen. When did they do something wrong? No, you got to do it to six month course. And you really know, yeah, it's it's it's grueling and once you fail, you fail once, back to the end of the line. And how was that Guinness that you pulled yourself with the Brue Master Press under that supervision? It was perfect. So you want

that exact Guinness for your, you want the Brue Master supervised. I'd like the Brue Master to pour me with. Yeah, of course. Yeah, that Brue Master will pour you up. I love the Guinness. Yeah. That's what they say. If you were you offered to play the Bruno Mars do in a film? Would you do that? I don't think I did get cast in that part. I think they'd have to go Irish because they take it so seriously. Uh-huh. But if they said you can do the accent, I'd say, right.

And I'd say, I'm okay. I'm one, two, three. Yes, I'll take it. I'll do that's quite yeah, I would I'd love to do it and then I would go there and really do a lot of research. Yeah, yeah, it's nice to know How quick do you take the part though? Yeah, because in a second James gave no other details It was just like you like to play the brewmaster in a film. Yeah, yeah When you guys are shooting by the way Yeah, it's pretty good. It's. Yeah. Um, when you guys are shooting, by the way, yeah,

it's pretty, pretty funny. Well, it's in it. Uh, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, uh, all the, all the glies and so in it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. All of the glies. Donald, um, Brendan Jackie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're all in it. And uh, everyone else is Irish. Joanna, uh, everyone else is Irish. Yeah. And it's about, and I'm sure you. It's about and I'm sure you're whether this I'm sure you're aware of the history of it all, but it's about the the killing speed that the Brim Elster went on. Yeah, no, it's fun. It's going to it's really kind of checks a lot of boxes. I get to do a nice Irish accent. I get to be a killer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would take people to the

brink of death and then he'd wait one minute 19 seconds and then he finished them off. Yeah. And then he would actually take the knife and push it forward once it was buried in their chest and not back to let the gases from the heart expel in the right way. And yeah, no, he took it really seriously. Yeah. He what does what people get nervous when he's around? You're fucking murder. Yeah, it's nothing to do with like getting the pouring right.

As a child though, you must have enjoyed Halloween and trick-or-treating. Yes, I did, but I, again, I was always writing, Halloween wasn't as big a thing when I was younger. You know, it was a American thing. It was more guy-forks was the, you know, bonfire night was the thing. So there was a lot of settingfire night was was the thing. So there was a lot of setting things a light. That I enjoyed. Did you ever set anything a light that like really sticks in your head as like the best thing that we set a lot of local tramp

ones. But we were caught. Now this feeds into my book in in Karsarap. Okay. Okay. I'm not just being frivolous. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. There's the third story in this, the roundy man, that's about a tram where he wasn't actually set a light in the story. He's not set a light in the story. He's actually drowned. He works in a toilet.

He's a toilet attendant and he works in a toilet block and local kids pump the outlet pipes back into the toilet block and drown him in sewage. That was a variation on an experience I had as a child where my friends, my mates and I decided to set fire to a local hobo. Because they do light fire. This is the thing, they're always around fire. You know, when you see them in films, they're always standing around a fire. Yeah. So because they like fire. Now, I'm not saying what I did was right. No, no, no, no.

It was wrong. We didn't know then that they need the fire to keep warm. We didn't understand that then. We just thought they liked this stuff. So do we. What can we do? Yeah, I had to start that. Yeah. How do you want this beef cooked? What's what sort of level? Oh, medium rare, medium rare, all of it. If you're

going to do the heart, yeah, yeah, I like, I like absorbing that pure. But most other stuff, I, you know, I do, like, just, again, you've got to be a little bit careful where it's come from. You don't know what can exist in an uncooked mate. So you've got to be, you've got to be careful. I can see through the glass your publicist is going, hey, what? I think it's because of the story you told a second ago about the home that's person. Yeah. Well, you'll cut that out, I presume. Well, it's up to you. I mean, you said it's an inspiration. You asked me, let's get it out the way it is. There is nothing I am saying when I say that I was wrong, I'm right. I was wrong.

Yeah. Yeah. What was the question when we talked about that? Anyone? Well, we asked, uh, what's your favourite? You sure you said fibro. I think so. What did you say? Well, maybe I think you're most regrett

setting it. Well, I've done this a back to it. I'll put you sure I didn't say the thing you're most regrett. I think it was in the sort of area of favourite. Yeah, it was definitely one of the, I know the most vivid thing I remember. Yes, but you've said that you acknowledge it was wrong. Yeah, it was completely wrong. Yeah, and you know, I got stiffly told off who told you off? I think his mother Yeah, we go some people James didn't even realize Garth was a character which I think what we were hoping for. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what we were hoping for Anyone who did get angry at the episode, we aren't glad. Yes. But there's one person who doesn't like characters of any type,

especially cartoons, is Alex Jones. Yeah, but that's the that's the regularity thing, I think, as well. He's like every Wednesday, what we're having called beef hash. And then you move away and you realize you can have whatever you like on any night of the week. But then Wednesday rolls around and you're like, I miss that corn bef hash. Yeah, I know like Monday was lasagna and salad day for years. Great.

About 20 years. Monday was. Yeah. And you know, that's not a bad Monday. Is it Garfield loves lasagna, but doesn't like Mondays. Yeah. So that'd be crazy for Garfield. Garfield doesn't know what's going on. Well, that would be Garfield.

Get your comeback to that. But that would surely be the way to help Garfield like Mondays. Perfect for Garfield. Because he'd look forward to it. Give him a Los Angeles on a Monday. Turn him out. What do you mean Garfield doesn't know what's going on? Garfields, honestly, he to giving me the sign you're on a Monday, turn him around. What do you mean Garfield doesn't know what's going on?

Garfields, honestly, used to annoy the shit down. I don't know why everybody loved Garfield. I was like, what's the big deal? Garfields, I can't. So annoying. What did he annoy you? I don't know. Just too negative.

If he was quite negative, what would he say? Yeah. You're quite a positive.'t he? Yeah. Very negative. Negative. Everything's a problem. Oh, shut up, Garfield. Yeah. But he's a problem. It's not nice to Odie the dog, and that's quite nice.

You know, I just think you could do a better energy. Yeah, what would you do if you had to interview Garfield on the one show? Oh, yeah. Even you wouldn't even get past the flipping security door. No, we'd pin a poppy straight into him. You don't take that Garfield. Not even remember Sunday. Yeah. You raise a toast to Alex when you're there. Yeah. Well, think of me. Yeah.

Order a bottle. I'll say happy birthday and to Alex Jones. She's like, who? She loves the dofenmasse. Yeah. She doesn't think it's right for a Sunday. She hates Garfield. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's not controversial. No. Somebody bought me a Garfield calendar. Was a joke. So misguided. How old are you when they did that? Oh, quite young. And then, speaking of calendars, do you know the other one? But somebody bought me, and I, I actually, no. Words. I was watching the series, so it's in my head.

And be this, be this and butter it. I mean, what? Was it the same person who bought you those calendars? No. I was lost for words. I was like, it's better than the people you've got bought the Beavis and Butterhead calendar. I don't know, 14? I couldn't be anywhere further from Beavis and Butterhead. But somehow, somebody had gone into flipping WH Smith or Woolworth or whatever at the time

and thought, oh, she's going to love it. I know. Can you remember any of the, I mean, that they're pretty colorful characters, be it some but, can you remember any of the months and what they were doing on them? I just remember a lot of yellow and turquoise kind of colour and I agree faces and no, bin.

Where did they go off your calendar? Did they take the opportunity to do a little joke where all the Mondays are like, you know, scrubbed out or something? Did they always? Yeah, there was there. There was a cross on all the Mondays are like, you know, scrubbed out or something? Or were there? There was a cross on all the Mondays. Great.

It's not that funny. There was a, it's like, I just saw it. Jeremy. Yeah, it's the same joke 52 times, right? Exactly. Yeah. Did that go in the bin as well? Yeah.

Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the bin. Straight in the don't know. One of them with a little kittens or kittens in a basket. So I don't know.

There was a thing called Forever Friends, and I had a wall plan for Forever Friends. Wall plan I still love that. Or, you know, I don't know. I mean, new kids on the block. New kids on the block. Yeah. Well, that is what it is.

You want kittens or Forever Friends? Or New Kids on the block. You don't have to have your cat and be some but-head of Forever Friends. Yeah, come on. Nice try. What more do you want? Nice try. There's a cat and be some butter for ever friends. Yeah, come on. Nice try. What more do you want? Nice try. There's a coffee over there. And then, and then we're talking on the show of the other day about Bill and Ted. Oh, that's another pair I can't bet.

I can't bet. It's just not me. And I show the very nice people. Bill and Ted. Yeah. Yeah. Bill and Ted. Nice. They do. They even called my child tabbed, but they want everyone to be excellent to each other. But I don't want to build a calendar. You wouldn't want it.

No, I mean, that's a show. I've never got to calendars from beef Wellington. I don't. A pop garfield against it's funny. The garfield and we've discovered you also don't like beverson but head and bill and Ted. It's worth it. Well, it's very specific, isn't it? I feel bad now. They probably are very well. I mean, you don't like two men who hang around together a lot on a best friends and love rock music.

Well, actually, when you put it like that, it's like my husband and his best friend Trevor. Hey Trevor. Who the kids got Uncle Treasure? That's not his name. What's your husband's name? Charlie. So Charlie and Trevor is a bit like Beavison but ahead of me. Yeah, although, yeah, they are. Actually, they really are.

Maybe that's why I'm so annoyed with Beavison but. What would you do if you got a Charlie and Trevor calendar? Oh my goodness. Ben, Ben, Ben. He was our best man. I love him. Yeah, yeah. I love him to death.

He's lovely, but together. I think that's one of your favorite moments from the year, isn't it, James? This is why I love this, uh, the best of. Yeah. Cause like, these are all the highlights that I'd forgotten that she hates Garf. It was a bad. That was funny. But listen, Ed, we've had a few hot takes on the podcast, not just about Garfield and Peterson, but look, podcasts are edgy these days and we, we are no stranger to being edgy, James. We got a book clip by out there in the world just like, you know, we're not

above that. It's what we're saying. Two right. Let's hear from Paul Meskall, Ross Noble, Papa S.I.A.D. do, Harriet Kenzley, Arlo Parks, Jimmy Fama-Raywa, Paul Rudd, Carrie Adloy, Dr. Maggie Adder and Poecock, Graham Coxon, Harriet Kemsley again, and Nick Frost. I don't think I'm into this whole like, foods looking like other foods, because I've been deceived before.

When recently, we're at this like fancy dinner like an award show thing and they brought out this thing that looked like an outsturbing. They brought out this thing that looked like like an apple kind of salad, like little garnishes around them. I was like, love apple. Yeah. And I made a mistake where I like I put my fork into it and I thought it was like, oh, it was poached so it was kind of soft and put it in and it was patty.

I can't do patty. It's like disgusting. I was like, I was in the sea. Especially not a surprise patty, right? Yeah, nobody wants a patty. My whole spoon full of surprise patty. No, and it sticks to your mouth. Yeah. And you're at like a fancy dinner, so you can't be like, what the fuck is this? I just got an image of you sat there at the water in my knee. The only person in TZ asked me about the food. Everyone else is so jaded and they bring over that and you go I love

apples. I love apples. I'm a place. I'm not. I ate paparilla, shrancon restaurant once. I don't think we've heard this. I didn't think of it until now when Paul said he's been stung in the past. Oh, yeah, I remember that reminds me of when my entire family went to the gerkers together. Actually, I don't think it was strong, but anyway, went to the gerkers. Nepalese, probably. Yes, Nepalese. Yes, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Went to the gerkers and there was some paparazzi at the end of the table, and I thought it as a whole family, actually, we all agreed we weren't sure. What a beautiful tester. What it was.

And I was like, look, delicious. I went in and I'm out full of like, don't eat it. No, it's horrible. Here's the problem, right? No. I want a warning mango, right? It's too tropical. It's just too tropical.

So what's the issue with it being too tropical for you? You don't want to get ideas above your stage. I don't want to be transported to the mangrove. No, towards the end of his life, my father developed, I would say an unhealthy obsession with mango, eating it, not, you know, I didn't just have them around the place. And he had, yeah, like mango chutneys and dried mango. He had a lot of mangoes. And then there's never been a thing in his life before. You've never seen him in a mango in a family. No, no, he'd never, especially, I mean,

he was finding it difficult to eat. And I think the mango, my, that's gonna be dark on it. It might just be that mango is the thing that is mixed in food that's easy to, to eat. But he, I opened the fridge and he had an unhealthy amount of mango flavored yogurt. Yeah. And I just thought it's two. I've never

really thought about mango before that. And I went, there's too much mango. And then I thought, I thought, I thought, it's too tropical for me. But I do like the mango chutney on a pop of dom. So, I mean, I mean, you know, I'm asking a psychiatrist about that. Well, I think a psychiatrist, if I may, listen to that clip, we'll go, I think it's more that it reminds me of the end of his father's life. I think the tropical thing is that it's an issue. But you did look at the mango and you went, it is too, you separately then saw, do I let mango this much? No, it's's too. It wasn't dead at that point. But you said it was. It was like, he suddenly started eating loads of mangoes all the time. So what you're seeing that like, what do you mean? Like I opened the fridge and went, there's too much mango in this.

Obviously, now you would associate the mango with the time. But at the time, by the time you decided I'm off board with man goes because you opened the fridge and there was too many mango yoghurt. Yeah, but then equally some might say, if I was to eat mango now, it would transport me back to a time when my father was alive. Yeah. Sure. Sure. I don't think you're right. Does that make it less tropical, then? Because it's not transporting you to Oh see what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's causing you back to when your father was alive. A difficult situation isn't it? What else is too tropical for you, Russ? Yeah, oh, blind me. I would say like, Lilt is fine. Right. Right. That's their brand.

Well, that's totally tropical. That's a whole brand, Russ. But, thank God. Totally tropical. No, no, but it's not too tropical, is it? Right. It's totally tropical. That's a whole brand boss. But, God, totally tropical. No, no, but it's not too tropical, is it? Right. It's totally tropical. It's completely tropical.

If they released, you will like to hear, like a diet beverage, like a less sugar first. Yeah. They don't do, well, say like Red Bull. You've got Red Bull, and you've got Sugar-free Red Bull, and then you've got Lua Caffeine Red Bull. So Lilt is totally tropical. That's the right amount of tropical. But if somebody said, do you want a lilt, and I think I'm feeling a little bit tropical, right?

I just want the right amount of tropical. And then, somebody it comes out of the kitchen, they've hollowed out a pineapple, and they've poured the lilt into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's too tropical. So you never drink out the pineapple. Not or a coconut. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't know if you had to pour lilt into a coconut, is that too tropical? Well, the liquid itself is still totally tropical, right? Yes. But then combined with the vessel is too tropical.

Yeah, it's too tropical. Is it too tropical? Yeah. Are you aware that cost and press have released a, basically, their own kind of lilt? What? So that they've, do you want to give some background? Yes. So for the listener, you already know if you listen to enough episodes that I've obsessed

with cost and press and lovely pub cost and press. The nice people at cost and press said it's a lot of cans of it recently. As a result, Ross came here today, opened the fridge to get a soft drink out, was not prepared to see that much cost and press. And punch the air and said yes, with many s's on the end of yes. And then told us that you're addicted to it. I'm absolutely addicted to it. And but you know what? I'm ashamed to say it that I did not know the brand

because I've just been buying it at the Marx and Spence's motorway services. And I saw the rhubarb, you know, I've started the tour and you know, I've been in Australia and I've come back and I've seen, hang hang on a rhubarb beverage. What? Which is not tropical at all. You know what? If anything, it has the taste of the allotment of it. Yeah. Anything is the opposite. I reckon if you were to pour lilt and it's like if you, you know, like equalizing acidity, if you were to pour the rhubarb press into,

you know, like mix that with lids, it would just taste like water. The tropical, the totally tropical taste and the, you know, rhubarb growing indoors in the dark, the opposite of the, the opposite of tropical, they're going to cancel each other out. What would happen if you pulled rhubarb, of course, and pressed into a coconut? I think that would be a new, that would be a tropical vessel. Yeah. A tropical vessel.

A lotment drink. A lotment drink. Pour them together. I think if you're the sort of person who wanted to drink from a coconut and was thinking to themselves like, oh, I want to drink from a cook and not. I like the look of it, but I don't want people to think that I'm some sort of tropical

large, you know, then pour a bit of that root barb in and people go, oh, look at you, all tropical. Have a sip of that. I'll give you that. That's what you win that one. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I love cheese so much. And if I have it in the house, it just gets eaten in one sitting. Oh, so you literally can't be in the presence of it. I can't be in the presence of it. I can't have it at home anyway. I have it when I go out.

You really are the opposite to me. I used to sell the cheese off my pizza and as it's cool. What? What? What do you mean what? That's it. That's it. That's it.

It was short for what do you mean? So you would sell the cheese off your pizza? Yeah, when there's a school dinners, you get what? You get like two slices of, I wouldn't say it was like high quality pizza, but it resembles pizza at least. Knife under the cheese, cut it off, who wants some? I'm swapping it for what, three freddoes. Yeah, I'm swapping it for my gums.

I'm swapping it for maybe even a cookie. Wow, so you're money, 50p. 50p for the cheese. Yeah, that's a good market for it. That's really good. But people love cheese, like you. Yeah, I bet. I'd be absolutely snapping that cheese.

It would be bankrupt. Yeah. Who was buying the chip, like, did you have a main customer who would always do it? Or were you different people every time? Good question. Uh, you know what? It goes to the highest bidder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that you'd establish someone who they always want the cheese. Well, you think someone would always be following me in the lunch queue. You'd have a mate who they would always get it from you. Someone who's got a real problem with you. Yeah, it's like, there you go. Yeah, it's the standard.

It's the part of the routine at lunchtime. 50p. Guess their cheese. Yeah, no, it was, I was quite democratic with it, I would say. I would say like, I mean, there are probably more cheese lovers than cheese hates out there. So you've spread the love, don't you? We're especially if it's pizza day, right? Yeah.

But I mean, I suppose the sad thing is on the other side of that is then you have a cheese as pizza. The bread's not high quality. The tomato sauce is not high quality. It is now no topping. So the toppings went with the cheese. Well, you put a freddo on yours. You're melting very quickly.

So you would just have to mark a bread. To mark bread. Yeah. I'm saying it like I wasn't happy about it. It was. Yeah. I was really happy. You know, I got a genuinely imagined being the kid who bought the extra cheese and got excited about the idea of putting an extra layer of cheese on top of my pizza. Cheese on cheese. Yeah. Being like, oh yeah. This is the best day at school ever. It's exciting. Yeah. That's exciting for you, that's why I love pepperoni feast from Pizza Hut so much. Double pepperoni, double cheese. Is it? Yeah.

I didn't know that. Didn't know that about the pizza. Pepperoni feast is double cheese. Yeah, yeah. Layer of pepperoni on the tomato, then cheese, then pepperoni, then cheese from memory. Well, then I would assume it would be tomato, cheese, pepperoni, cheese, pepperoni. That's what I would assume. That is better actually. I would assume it would be tomato cheese, pepperoni cheese, pepperoni. That's what I would assume. That is better actually. I would assume that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mad to put the pepperoni pizza.

It's like a pepperoni pizza. We've then another layer of cheese. Yeah, yeah. I think you're both right. Why would you put the pepperoni on the bottom? That's absolutely crazy. But if you did, so let's say you went to the pizza hut. Yeah.

And you got the pepperoni pizza. There's two layers of cheese on there. Yeah. Are you selling that for a qu and there's two layers of cheese on there. Yeah. Are you selling that for a quid or are you selling each layer separately? Well first of all, I think what I'm ideally going to try and do, I'm trying to do pepperoni, pepperoni cheese cheese so that I get rid of the cheese and one-fell swoops, yeah, yeah, yeah, still get the toppings. Do you know what I mean? And then yeah, it's going for at least a pan. So you're going to have a word with the kitchen before they make it?

You're going to say can you please? Well, I think all of us need to have a word with the kitchen to see like what is the, what is the technique going on here? It's still what's the deal, but like yeah, definitely, I definitely be like I'm trying to forget a business out here. Yeah, and you tell Pizza Hut that you're trying to get a business going and try to make a profit. What you're doing there.

Oh, Pizza Hut, is that something? Yeah, can you still go walk into a pizza? I think you can Can you can? Yeah, on the roundabout is around about in Ketman big round about and if you go on it There's a pub there's pizza hut. There's Nando's some at Donald's and then there's a gym On this roundabout You work your own. Yeah, you can see the business in Banana Chris piece. I absolutely I'll just round about you what you are around. Yeah, you can see the business sense. Yeah, I know. Yeah, they know what they're doing. Absolutely.

Banana, Chris Bees. I absolutely hate the banana. Banana Cocoa Pops. No banana like vice Chris Bees. Banana, no, no. No banana. It's like it's like genuinely a phobia, I think. Yeah.

Real bananas as well as banana flavour. Banana flavour is actually better than actual bananas. Right. Like there's like the thought of a banana in a like actually better than actual bananas. Right. Like there's like the thought of a banana in a like a waste paper basket is. Yeah, that's too specific for it. It's good. He nearly choked on the drink. Sorry, I was having a sip of water. The thought of banana in a waste paper basket. You know how it creeps out like, like, well, it's like, or it could be like, over the side, like, the way that it like

splays itself. Yeah. So someone, if you saw someone throwing from across the room of an artist getting the waste paper box. And this is another thing where people know that I like, they find it funny to like wave them in my face because they know that I don't like it. But like it's genuinely, I just don't trust it. What about in a cartoon when someone slips over on a banana skin?

How do you feel about me? I see all the gins of your craft, the soul of gins of comedy. See original comedian, the banana skin. How do you feel about that? I see all the gins of your craft, the origin of comedy. See original comedian, the banana skin. You say you don't like it? You wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for that. You've a maybe it's my enemy, you know, maybe that's what it is. It's like it's like that's my kryptonite, maybe, that we work against each other and I'm just trying to genuinely walk down the road. And then there's a banana peel. What would you do if banana skin jumped out of you? I would really be bad. But like a costume would probably be fine. It's the way that they turn brown sometimes and then like the texture and then the inside. And how people eat them,

I just find so upsetting. What do you mean? Well, they just like, I don't know, like they just eat it. It's just like, like, I don't know. I mean, so none of this is about the taste of banana. Well, I think one of the things is I'm allergic to a lot of fruit. I actually think I'm not allergic to being banana. So it's unfortunate that I don't like banana. But yeah, I just, I don't like how they peel them and they eat them like it just like they hold it. I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know everyone. I don't know everyone in the world. But some people, what do you think about this? Because this is how monkeys do it. Yeah. Do you do that everyone? Yeah. But for some people, what do you think about this? Yes. Because this is how monkeys do it. Yeah. And then some people copy this, hold the banana the other way around.

So that's what would be upside down. So they hold it by the stalk bit. No. So it's like a little handle and then they peel it at the top and they make some more sense because then you get a little spiny bit out the top. And you've got a little handle. Yeah. I don't even know if I know what the spiny bit is. I rinse it away from them.

When you get down to the bottom of a banana, you get the little black pepper. You don't know what the spiny bit is. I don't know what's happening at the bottom of the banana. There's a little spike at the bottom of the banana going into the banana to keep it in. It's not for me. When they were designing the banana, they went, we're going to need a little spike in there to keep it in. Yeah, it's not for me. Yeah, when they were designing the banana, they went, we're going to need a little spike in there to keep it in. Yeah, keep it in place. Okay, so there's going to be no bananas on this. No. And you don't like the thought of the banana vice crispy,

so I had a banana kit that got discontinued. The flavour thing I can kind of handle, but then it makes me think of a banana and then that's, that's a problem. So foam bananas, which banana flavour, but they're in the shape of bananas? I could handle it, but I'd rather not. Yeah, that's fine. See, this is a dream menu. We're not going to force a foam banana. Just getting a feel for you.

Yeah. At the top of the episode. What's your dream starter? We've got into the meal proper. Okay, I would say very simple, but I love like a tomato and barata salad with a bit of basil, again black pepper, olive oil, just give it simple. Is there a place where you've had that's like the best place, the way you've been to it, and they make the best version of that?

There's a restaurant in LA called Sparanza that is really, really good at talent food, and I love that and all the past is homemade. I just love Italian food, it's just so like comforting. Yeah. It feels really warm, yeah, I love it. I think I like it. What? But then I would say, so here's my problem.

Italian food in general. Yeah, come on mate, Italian food. I like it. And the main foods. I like one of the main foods. It is. I do like it, but like, I've never, like, it's never my go to.

What? But this is what we have to know I always get. So I always get this reaction. Everyone's always like, who is this guy? I trust him, though. it's never my go to. What? This is the, what do you have to know I always get? So I always get this reaction. And everyone's always like, who is this guy? What, how is he told me about? Look, I love pastor, I love treat so broccoli pastor. Yeah. You know, broccoli is the go to, that's very specific.

Yes, yes. He made it every day of lockdown. Yes. So, you know, how dare you say you don't know if you like Italian food or not, after doing the wedge of lime guy. My, my wedge of lime guy wasn't Italian. Yes he was.

He was like, well, you had all the Italian rhythm. He was London gangster. Yours was, you were going American. What do you want? You want the, you want the, that was you. That was your, you had Italian rhythms. What do you want some lime with that? I, I, I, I, you were like, it's the ham.

The thing is, it's very, it's very expensive. Like, you put your hand. Yeah, you put my hand. Yeah, you did it, Italian hand. Oh, I didn't know I did that. I probably shouldn't have an apology. Yeah, I was my bad. Well, here's the thing, everyone always,

when I say this about telling everyone, everyone's like, what the hell is the matter with you? Correct. I like it, but like, I've never like gone nuts for it. It's never my first choice. And I went to Rome recently and I was like, here we go. I'm going to finally get it. I didn't get it. You didn't get it. I got the desserts. I love the desserts from Trevi fountain near Trevi fountain. Not in the

Trevi fountain. No, just you stood in the middle of the Trevi fountain. Yeah. Yeah. It is a place nearby. We've made a good dessert. But what about like, you know, antipastial, the cold meats are a chini. No, no like, you know, antipastial, the cold meats. And chini. And chini. None of that. No, I don't think it gets me as gas. What's the good thing then?

I'll probably, I'll go for Thai over that, or Indian, or Chinese, or Japanese, a lot of European cuisines. Like Italian? No, no, no. I love the farts and stuff. I've brought a lankan under. I love a bit of barata, which I think if you did a spreadsheet of all the best starter options, I do love barata, actually. That would win out, surely. Barata is delicious.

Treats home broccoli pasta, I'm brought to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The treat of broccoli pasta was invented by a man from Bristol. Gloucester. Gloucester, sorry. Look to head there to see, because I don't know where Tom K. He just from Gloucester. But yeah, but I mean, Barata is delicious. And I love a crazy salad. Is that Italian? Yes.

As you well know, yeah, I love it. Barata is, that's a great choice because some people come and say mozzarella and tomato salad, which is fine, but the barata, it's a step up. You've leveled up. Did you used like mozzarella more and then one day you woke up and you went, I prefer barata. Yes. That's probably exactly what happened. That's probably exactly what happened. Again, eyes opened. I'm a barata person. I like that. I thought of the day. Probably. Probably. Are you going with, because sometimes you order a barata salad and they've already cut the barata right for like, oh no, no.

Drizzle that over and you're like, I wanted the experience. The experience of cutting it open and it just blows out definitely. It's part of it. Like to be in control, you know. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a big part of it. It's like, where'd you draw the line of the control though? Because you don't want to cook the whole meal. No, but I want to be able to configure it how I want. Yeah. Like with the lime.

I'll do the squeeze. You'll do the squeeze. So in the dream restaurant, for your dream meal, are you going to be overseeing things in the kitchen as well? No, no, no, no. You don't want to be a supervisor? I'm just there in the kitchen, still over there. No, no, no.

You want the first bit done for you, but then... First bit done for me, and then the rest of it, I can handle. Is this why you're taking on more production duties with your albums now, just to have that little, you're sort of like squeezing the lime? Honestly, yes, yeah, I want to be the one to squeeze the lime. I was trying to extend that into an analogy, about making an album, but I've got absolutely no idea.

I did not have the vocabulary to do that. How you would make squeezele lime to a note. Ah, that's a good production choice. I can be the Squeezle lime on this song. Yeah. Although we have no idea what you're talking about. But to return to the question, it's got to be pop-adons. It's got to be pop-adons. Yeah, I feel almost similarly to the sparkling water thing

that is a feeling of, I don't know, like it's special. Like, bread is great, obviously sour dough is on every restaurant menu with a kind of fancy whipped butter next to it. I'm seeing a lot of, there's a lot of like glazed dinner rolls at the moment. Is that the new, that's the new brand of it? The new thing, yeah, just a little, that's what you got me here now. Yeah, the latest, the latest sort of, you know, you're a bread forecast. Is there certain stuff that you just get very tired of where you're like,

that's where the guard, if they've got trouble on this again, on this menu? Yeah, it does, it does happen where, and I think actually it can probably seem quite unfair to like restaurants, as like they, you know, there are these things that become real obsessions of chefs and then like, you know, people like me that write about food just kind of lose it out of all proportion because there's like another like wild garlic mayo, like, you know, there is a lot of, but I guess it's like anything, isn't it? There's there's trends and there's things that really bubble up and then suddenly everyone will be like, absolutely not, like, you know, we only need to look back through like food history or recent food history to see,

but yeah, it can, it can just get a little bit much at times. Yeah. When do you think pop and candy's going to be over? I think I've talked about this on like the first episode of the pop time. Yeah, they do. Pop and candy. And every time you see someone on a TV show, pop and candy and something, someone will eat it and go, oh, this chef's got such a sense of humour. They don't. Talking about just chef needs to grow up. Yeah. I don't. I'm talking about it. It just needs to grow up. Yeah. Because my dream dessert would be the perfect slice of cheesecake.

Nice. The perfect slice. Perfect. Slice of cheesecake. It's to focus on how it's perfect. It's light. The crust is thick and kind of graham crackery, but not too, it's kind of soft, but not too soft.

And it's the difference between the crust and the cake itself. And it's the right consistency in my mouth. Yeah. You're absolutely goody looks at this one again. We've never had an episode where the word consistency has been said so many times. Yeah, it's well, I'm consistent. Yeah, here's the thing. I'm textural.

I think this is also part of the whole thing with the ketchup and the sauces. I was really little. I used to like cucumbers. I loved cucumbers, but the middle part freaked me out. And so I'd have to cut out the seeds and I'd just go for the cumber. The middle part wasn't done. It was too larval stage. Yeah. And it wasn't done cooking. And so you see the middle is the cue on the outside.

It's the cumber. It's all cumber on the outside. And so it's like, I can handle the cumber. In fact, are you going to eat your cumbers? I'll take those. You can have my cue. Yeah. Just in fact, a plate of cue looks disgusting.

Yeah. It's like the inside of a pumpkin. And then, you know, I got over that. Thankfully, I got over that and I now I can eat the entire cucumber. Yeah. And love the cucumber. Yeah. I'm down with cue.

Yeah. That also sounds bad out of context. I'm actually January 6th. And, but the consistency, the thing of like, you know, it's like oysters or something. I don't know. Well, crazy about that. So you want the nice crispy, but not too crispy base. Yeah.

And and a really like a rich, but a, but a, I really like a good cheesecake. It can be really, it can be really high like good, like a, you know, like a New York, they do great ones. This is a baked cheesecake or like just like cream cheese and stuff and put it in the fridge. It can be really, it can be really high like good, like, you know, like in New York, they do great ones. Is this a baked cheesecake or like, just like cream cheese and stuff and put it in the fridge? I think it might be that one. Yeah.

Yeah. It's got the, the biscuit'sy base. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty creamy again. And it's cheesecake. Yeah. Weird, right?

Came to me later in life. Came to me later in life. I didn't like, I was like, yeah, as a kid, I wouldn't go near it just because it's called a cheesecake. I wouldn't go near it just because it's called a cheesecake. Oh yeah. Pum-nomsaw bread! Pum-nomsaw bread! Kami had Lloyd. Pum-nomsaw bread!

I've got a request. Yeah. Can I have a panor-shokla? Yeah, my God. Who's all that coming? Oh, right. I'm strapped in for this episode. Ed, what is your impression of a panor-shokla?

Nah, you can come see me live if you want to see the closing of my show. It's disgusting. Ha! And what is it, anti-panor the cry of the gunshot? It's disgusting. What is it, anti-panishokular? It's a little chocolate nipples. It does have little chocolate nipples. Where? On the front.

The little chocolate bits of the front. The sloth sals. Don't tell me the material doesn't work. I see when you've sliced it in half, sorry. I was thinking of it like when I was like, what eyes do you like a lizard? Are the front, yes, yes. I've been in the gym all the time. Can I have any in the fucking now?

Are you laughing at panishocular or are you? It's the first time anyone's picked a panachocular for the bread course. Yeah, I look, I do respect it. And I, what's the word? Umdenard, what's the better word than that? I ruminated about this. I like Umdenard. Thanks.

I think that's more fitting to the situation. I'm denied because I've had some amazing bread and some very good restaurants. But then thought of not having a banish chocolate. Because I are almost every day, banish chocolate, or cinnamon bun. But to me, I thought the cinnamon bun is, I could have had it just felt like the banish chocolate almost sneaks into the bread category easier than the cinnamon bun. Yeah, I agree with that. So I was like, okay, cinnamon bun, it's hedging towards puddings, isn't it? So the Panna Shock, from a specific place, meal, I don't know if that's how you say,

M-I-E-L, it's the French word for honey, so I might not be saying it. Meal. Meal. Meal. Meal. Meal. It's just near Warren Street and it's one of the best bakery, participiers in London. Everything from that shop is incredible,

but they do a very good panorchoc, and they do a ganduja. How have you say that one? Nutella type panorchoc. A special one would like chocolate lines are over it. That is very good, but it's almost too much for the breadcuffs. Yeah, not like a normal panorchoc. No, that's like a normal, just easy panashock.

So I'm like a panashock by peda-cours. What I'm obviously going to pick up on, that I'm surprised I haven't picked up on yet. Sorry. Panashock. Panashock, but good, yeah. If you're saying, that is how much you're saying panashock in life, then you have to shorten it to panashock. Panashock.

I've never met anyone before who's called it panashock, because they normally... Who has a panershokula? Why you? Oh, people who have only one a year. Yeah. Panershokula, I'm so low. Can you shorten it even more than that? Some people call it a pack, P-A-C.

Who calls it that? Oh, like me. Actual bakers. No, like bad station bakeries. Because I've been looking before and I've gone, what's a B-A-C? I want a Panershok. That's an old guy. Oh, they've called it, they've shortened it.

Yeah, a panorhoc. That might be, I have a lot of bad verbal habits with my mom's from Essex, and that is what my mom calls them, panorhoc. Panorhoc. Do you want a panorhoc? Let's get two panorhocs. I love a panorhoc. Oh, you've having another one. You eat so much sugar, there's something to do. Well, ordering me sugary things. So I think that might be a slightly S6 thing. I think like amazing croissants, amazing croissants, is as good as amazing bread.

Yes, and that's what I mean. Like proper, proper meat. It's French, but the person who runs it is not French, they trained there. And it is that kind of like, I used to live in Paris very briefly, and it is as good as the panacea. Loads of layers, Loads of layers.

And good chocolate. Those two eyes you're talking about. Nipples. Nipples. That's a bar. That's when the cheap bar, you know, they just put, this is like, you know, like, it's like they put chocolate inside it. You are getting chocolate. But that's what people think of when they think panacea, which is why the material works. Yeah, yeah. To be fair to where in context, context is talking about a breakfast buffet, a Panashokala, you get the breakfast buffet,

and it's all there and no shock. And those little nipples make you think that they're shocking there, but they get in. And there's no shock in there. Because that's a machine putting the bars down, and the machine chopping off the end of a bar. And I've worked that out by being upset by this happening to me. So I've gone, what the fuck? That had too big nipple. I was going to get a big bit of being upset by this happening to me. I've gone, what the

fuck that had too big nipple? I was going to get a big bit of chalk and this is all pastry. No, no, I didn't buy a cross on. I bought a pan of chalk. I need the shock to deal with it. Where's the shock? Where's the shock? I'm in shock at this pan. Actually, the piece that is the sauce is the Yorkshire pudding. This is the non-dairy. So it will be served in a massive Yorkshire pudding. Yes. So this is sort of the non-dairy. Absolutely. So it's all research and a massive Yorkshire pudding. Oh, yes.

I love it. Because the thing is, as using sort of the non-dairy milks, I can't make Yorkshire. I used to make fantastic Yorkshire puddings. You have to laugh up in the oven. They've come out and they're hardly sink at all and get out of it. I'd eat them. But I can't do it. Because with non-dairy milk, there's something in the cow's milk and they lose the Yorkshire. And so they come

out sort of little flat pancakes now. It's just so disappointing. Yeah, but you do want a big, dairy York chip pudding. Yes. Big enough to have the whole. Inside. I mean, the chip away at the corners and it's like, yeah, yes, absolutely brilliant. That's taking no real estate on the plate because it is the plate. Well, this is what I'm going to say. Normally, normally I have a guy who put Yorkshire puddings because I think they take up too much real estate on the plate. But if it is the plate, that's, that's a great loophole. You got to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause the, yeah, I'm enjoying actually how Dr. Mackey is quite at odds with you. Yes, he loves Yorkshire puddings. He's a big Yorkshire pudding.

He's cool. Yeah, it's like, if it's a big Yorkshire pudding, I can completely understand that. It's the, would it be fair to call the big Yorkshire pudding the black hole of the roast dinner? Oh, yeah. It's falling up all the time. Yeah, I'm going to get sucked in. You probably get a lot more in one of those black holes than you think you can, right? Surely.

Is that true? I think of the gravy because you could really go high because you've got a look now. Would you do that? Would you just pour it until it's filled with a bit of gravy? No, no, I want to, I'm just going to put your husky, would you put gravy in a black hole? What would you do? Would you put gravy in a black hole? Well, all I know is if you did put gravy in a black hole, like everything else, it will get spaghettified. Spaghettified? I've lost love. That's the thing.

Just take it right. It's a big crime. It's a big crime. It's a big crime. It's a big crime. It's a big crime. What do you mean? And what would happen if you put spaghetti in a black hole?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. So your spaghettification is actually a scientific term. But what happens is, we're spaghettification, because a black hole, the gravity is so strong, the gravity at your head and your toes would be significantly different. So as you form that hole you get strung out into a string of spaghetti. Whoa. Yes. But if you ask about spaghetti going into a black hole, spaghetti is already spaghetti, but I guess I'll get it to

more Elon. It would turn into a different shape of pasta. No, it'll get panified. it wouldn't turn into a different show per pastor. No, it's your bike time. It would get penified. Penified. Oh, look, that black hole. Can you just say that very carefully? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I hate to ask about

blurver, so I just meant it. But here's the, here's the, I might not ever get to interview anyone from Eva band ever again. So would you say it's fair to say that you absolutely pulverized them. But, Oasis, no. Come on. Come on. It's not a competition, Liam. You absolutely destroyed. Where are they now? You absolutely made a fine paste of them.

They don't even talk anymore. It was record sales as far as the night. People go on about, yeah, they run this battle. They didn't run the war. The war is still on. Oh, yeah, it is, isn't it? It seems, it seems to be. Yeah, but I would say if the war is still on, Lurve is still like on the main battlefield and a racist in the first eight ten. Yeah, we're yeah, two separate, two separate, two separate, two separate, two separate, two separate , one and a chap's where where where's everybody we've got here for a good fight. Yeah, and there's no one here. Yeah. No, but the thing is though, if a racist were to get together, yeah, yeah, then they they would lay waste to ask you think. Probably. But that's a good thing.

Yeah. And I think they should. Yeah, yeah. It'll be a laugh. I think that's a long time ago now, all that stuff. And we were fighting for our careers. We were, you know, it was a matter of life and death. Do you, for young people to be getting a career together,

of course, there was going to be competitiveness. Mm-hmm. You know, there was a few things that were said that were, that were no need for that, but what you going to do, the people were trying to get themselves out of their situation. And rock and roll was one way of doing it. So you're going to be serious about it. You're going to be sort of defending it. I chose Blur in the battle on the book, bought Country House.

Did you? It's a very vivid memory. Kevin HMV bought it and the lady behind the counter said to me, good choice. And then she started singing it while she got it from the, because you had to go, I'd give her the slip, anti-slip case. And she had to go and find the cassette in the little light

right behind it. Yeah. And she was just singing, singing the song as she was going to get it. I'm really, really, really vividly. Cause I felt like it was like the same way I felt when I went to vote for the first time. It is a bit like, well, this is important. I'm making a decision and I'm going, I'm going and I've decided I'm going to get Country House. And she told me, well done. You made the right choice. So then she sang it as she

had it. I think I'm resisting cateringettering says kept me in HMV right but that's good I'm glad we got I'm glad we got you know one one now I suppose yeah I don't think either song was they were both a bit dark though yeah short they were daft but that's what you want I guess from for like a little as a battle between the songs you want some some fun songs? Yeah. But then the universal was like, that was the next single. Yeah. And that was a, that was big part of my life. That was a big story. I did, I did the Keturin Gang Show. Do you know what that is? A gang show, we're in a Cub Scouts. Yeah. Yeah. Why would Graeme know what the Keturin Gang Show is?

Right. New more than. But specifically the Keturin Gang Show. Well, Kiki, guess what the the Ketman Gangshow would be? Yeah, no, a Gangshow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you think it's the... So it's just one that's in Ketzerings as opposed to my image for... Fair enough. A Stanway Gangshow. Yeah, Stanway Gangshow. You'll be ridden with a Stanway Gangshow. There was a Stanway Gangshow versus Ketman Gangshow, actually.

We won the battle, but they won the war. Yeah. It was big. With the Ketman Gangshow, and it was like my first time performing on stage, and it really meant a lot to me. I really, really wanted to do it. And my parents knew that I've really wanted to do it forever. I was probably 10 years old or whatever. And I knew that I really wanted to be on stage and perform. It's my first chance actually getting to do it.

And when I got home from the first performance of it on my pillow was, they brought me the universal Bible there on the set. Wow. and a little night that said like well done. It was very important to me. So that's nice. Every time I hear that song I think I think about that. I think about the first time being on stage. When expecting that way. No normally your story's end with you being embarrassed in some way. Oh yeah yeah at some point I'll probably embarrass myself. I've sought the tape and then I'll piss my pants. What did you do at the gang show? I was, uh, I was, uh, I was, uh, pissed your pants. Were you told to wear swimming trunks

when you performed in your gang show just in case you got stage fright? I was, I was. What? In the carbs, I was slightly younger than 10, maybe eight or nine, but they were said, Westwimming trunks. Just in case you get stage fright and we, lose control. You still do that to this day?

Where, where, Blue Arena? Yeah. Got your trunks on? Got the trunks on. You might see the drawstring peeping out at some point. That just seems like a way to guarantee that kids could have pissed themselves. It's a bit like, what?

You said that's frightening. What? I didn't know that could happen. Get your trunks on. What would you do if you ordered a big skull up and it arrived and it had glasses on? Yeah. I would hate that.

I would absolutely hate that. And the cup of new insight. Hello, I'm Simon. With it. Ah. Ah. This is why I can't have salmon because I was trying to have salmon for a while, Hello, I'm Simon. This is why I can't have salmon because I was trying to have salmon for a while but then I heard they um sing when they die. It's true. It's true you can find on the internet they sing.

It's not like a popular song. But like, they're like, oh, no, not like. You can imagine it. It's like, yeah, I actually can't imagine a fish. Yeah, imagine loads of salmon and they're all being killed and they're letting out this horrible song that's like, they're so sad because they've been killed. That's what it is. It's been googling it. Yeah, it's been a big googling it because it sounds made up. It's a chemical brother song apparently.

That's called the salmon dance. Is there any chance you could have seen a chemical brother song got mixed up? Yeah. This is definitely true. If it's not true, it would be very helpful because I did use to like the prep and smock salmon sandwiches. Yeah, but you know, they're not very helpful because I did use like the prep smuck salmon sandwiches. But you know they're not actually...

They've been discontinued. They've been discontinued. Probably. I think you like them. But obviously, they're not really singing. They don't think they're singing. But these like a sad, it's like a sad morning, like noise. It's an emotional base.

Yes, it's very emotional. I see what you mean. Yes, so I feel too bad. You know, I I just like this is the thing they get in my head, like when I gave up me, I just like I picture them. This is the thing, you know, and they're looking at me and they're like, why? Yeah. You don't have that. See, this is what I think my people they they they can disconnect and so yeah,

no, I think I do have it, but I can disconnect. Yeah, that's the I can't disconnect. Yeah, yeah, I've got pets now for the first time since you know, I was a little kid and two cats. Love them. Absolutely love them. Someone said to me, I'm going to kill them and eat them. I'll be up, you know, just the worst thing in the world. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I, you know, hyper-quickly, I am going to mount eating dead animals most days. Yeah, and cows can play football. Harriet, you. That is true.

You can see that on the internet. They play football. They're actually much smarter than you think they are. They're actually like dogs. You know, you got Jameson to really serious, conservative state there for a second. He was genuinely like confronting his own lifestyle. That is true, cows play football. And then you said, and then you said, yes, cows can play football.

As if he'd said anything that related to cows pay football. And then you said, and then you said, yes, cows can play football. As if he'd said anything that related to cows play football. Yes, because a cat is like a cow. This is what I'm saying. Like a cow on a cow can play football. I was like, literally, I'm going to make fun of having it for this. Yeah, I'm going to admit that, yeah, I know, you know, even though you're saying about salmon singing and all this kind of stuff, I'm going to, it's not a football match. I'm going to admit that, yeah, I, you know, our lives are hypocritical and, you know, that you're actually, you know, you imagine in them dying and stuff, that's not the weird thing.

It's weirder that we block it out. Just trying to extend that to you. And as I'm saying that, you say cows can play football. And while I've been saying this bit, I think you said it's a veg not a football. No, she said it's fetch. It's fetch not a football. It's fetch. I thought you said it was fetch. Like they play it with a lettuce. It's fetch. That's not football. What I was trying to say is that you love your cat and your cat, you find like an acceptable pet, but you could have a cow is what I'm saying. Like a cow is more like a cat than you

think it is, but you try and cut it off and you think, Oh, the cow, you know, like it's some big stupid cow, but actually they're very intelligent. Well, James, James was confronting that logic there in quite a sort of openly, emotionally raw way. And I actually think you've made a meat more meat than I do. I don't care now because you said he could have a pet cow and cows can play fetch. Yeah. Yeah. And some and sing when they don't. I mean, this is, I'm sorry, you don't know this. This is all just this is true. We do know. The football figures. So that's the, they can't play football. Um, I actually don't know if they can play football. So that came down with the app's ball shaking.

Yeah, I got confused between football and fetch. If you throw a ball, they will go get it and they'll bring it back like a dog. So this is what I was trying to say, like a cow is like a dog. You can't eat dogs, but you can eat a cow. You can't eat a cat, but you can eat a cat. I was trying to, I was, yeah, I was just trying to go along with what you were thinking and then you took it as an absolute affront. Well, you didn't go along with what I was thinking. First of all, you lied and said that they could play football. They can they play football? Let's see it. Here we go. Standing in the middle

of a, just for a listener, standing in there, not doing anything with this football. But standing next to it. So it's still left it aligned. Just in case you're wondering, there is a title above the video that says, cool football. It says cool football. There's a bunch of people stamping up to the cow, which is stood near a ball. And it seems to be not playing. One of them just kicks the ball at the cow at the cows. And the cow is now. They're surrounding the cow. So there's a bunch of absolute ourselves. And a cow that seems to be just guarding the ball but not playing with it. It's just walking along with the boys. It's not playing for it. It's not playing football. It just wants to keep the ball and these people are antagonizing

the cow. So yeah, I guess the video has made me want to eat less beef because I feel sorry for the cow on the cow's side of that video. But I don't think that cow could explain the off side rule. Heston, Blue Muntala is a restaurant in town called dinner and they serve a star called a meat fruit and that would be it. I mean that's the only thing from a restaurant on my entire. I just love it. It's just like magic and it's something that I could never and would never try to make. And I think part of that is there's a joy in that. Like this is so special. Like eating amazing Chinese food. It's like I could never try to make this. So there's a joy in that, you know, and it just looks like an orange, a mandarin, and you cut it

inside and it's meat. I do it in different ones. In the winter too, they have like a plum, a meat plum. Oh, did they change up the fruit? Yeah, I don't like meat plum. Just like the tangering one. And again, the bread there, like a really nice kind of, they've obviously oiled it to fart and did it on the griddle and then saw it the bread too.

It's just so good. Is it like chicken liver parfait in the middle of it? Yeah. And it's really light as well, doesn't it? It's not just right. And if you have stayed in that hotel, I think we stayed there as like a birthday tree once. And it's part of room service. Oh wow. You can get it up to the room. You can sit in the bath if you want to. Meet through it in the bath. Yeah. to. Meekfruit in the bath. Yeah. Just floating on the slice of sourdough. Into your mouth.

Yeah. Yeah. So this has come up on the podcast before. Quite a long time ago. Maybe even like the first series and we haven't had it again. I think Josie Long said it. No, I got it wrong. Oh, it's magic.

Oh, Dynamo said it. Did Dynamo say it? Dynamo said, meetfruit. Oh, good. It's one of the things that I still haven't tried it. And every time I hear about it, I'm like, I really like to try that. And I kind of know that I'd love it. Know that it'd be really nice.

I was so like seeing other customers, E, in it too, because other kind of like white middle class English people, who they obviously, because they're kids of pain free, and they're like, oh, they're, the seekers, their kids are paying for it or, and they, oh, they're, it's like a fruit. And then I'm not sure what it is. It's too much theater for middle class divers, isn't it? They can't buy not orange.

It's not an orange. I feel like because it's quite famous now, people are going there for that. Right. Some of the element of surprise is gone. So I feel like because it's quite famous now, people are going there for that. Some of the element of surprise is gone. So I feel like maybe one day, Heston should just make the plate, like meat plate. Like a meat plate. Yeah, but then have a normal tangerine on it. Right. So people are like, I have the meat fruit.

Yeah, right. And then they go through and it's meat plate. Yeah, meat plate. There's like a weird in the book. There's like a, I don't know, a lot of the times things go off on tangent. So it was like, I wanted people to read, to read a book and you're reading a recipe and then suddenly you get to a point and you're like, I don't know, hang on, how the fuck do we get to this point?

You know, I like how a story can do that. And there's a recipe, which was kind of based on dining at dinnware. Someone found that if you were to eat this part of the chicken, but you were to dry it over like 20 hours and then grind it. And if you were to then snort that, it released something inside your body where you literally fell backwards and swept up in a wave of ecstasy and you would fire out of a gland in your anus, this incredible chicken stock. And so someone just found out this and then it took off. So my book gets to a point where a young couple take her parents to go and try this amazing thing

and it's all part of the dining, you know, you're sat and your your table is essentially on like a slew's grate. And as you walk in like people, I'm firing, I'm out of their range. But then like the waiters capture it. And then you then all sit and drink it and stuff like that. That was a path going to dinner. I can see it. I just like that thing about cooking that there's secret glands that fire, Skogg should you, you know, tweak them. I would definitely it's not the chicken. And that was part of an experience in a restaurant. Yeah. I know no bounds. Have you seen no suggestion? Have ever seen people eating autolong with the with the club over their

Any in succession. That's the only thing that's what they do that in a scene. I've switched off success. Sorry I saw four episodes. I'm done. Yeah, there was a lot of I mean probably cut this out with a lot of actors just not sitting on chairs properly to sit on the chair. You know, I don't think we can cut that out for that. I mean, I'm just an amazing chair. What you do is you don't like to lie to success. Because they were sitting on chairs properly.

It's the holidays and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get icicles on Uber Eats, but ice coffee, ice cream, and iceberg lettuce. Yes, we deliver those. Rain beer? No. Bagel schmier?

Yes. Because those are groceries. And we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See you after details.

And here's the annual category of great clips, but we couldn't find a good hook for the moral, so they're all lumped together as anecdotes James. It's our favorite anecdotes. This is written anecdotes in bold underlines. This is a new section. Yes. AJ Adoodoo, Alex Jones, Paul Foot, Tahib Jamo, Graham Coxon, Helen Bauer, Joe Cornish, Rish Shiersmith, Lily Allen, Paul Foot and John Kerns. So for this drink, for the drinks course, would you like to be in an airport just before you're about to go on holidays? Is that the feeling that you want to invoke the weather you're having?

I love that feeling and I do, I love it, I love the weather spoons, I just, I've just some white eyes nice. Why the weather spoons in the air? Because obviously there's a lot of options in the airport places to drink, but if it's weather spoons, do you feel like you're properly saying goodbye to the UK? Yeah, I do, because I think as well, when you're going to certain places, nowhere does pubs like the UK. At all, even in America, they're like, oh, we've got the Irish bars. I'm like, it feels like a themed bar, rather than an actual pub. And it's table service.

Yeah, it's very confusing. So yeah, I think maybe should we have a woman cook? Yeah, the weather speaks before catching a flight. That'd be nice. He's telling me to do us. You're not still going to weather spoons in the airport. Come on. You're in the lounge mate. I'm not. Give over, AJ. I'm not. I'm very, very in the lounge. You've got access though. But I've got access. You've got access. Do you know what it is with the lounges? It's that confuses me a little bit.

Yeah. Not all of them do the announcements. Right. And I need a, I need a Tanoi. Yeah. I'm very easily distracted. Yeah, yeah. Tell me to go to my gate.

Yeah. But if it's silent, I'll be like, oh, I'll listen to a podcast, I'll listen to some music, read a bit of a book. Oh, what's that on the counter? I'll have a little bit of bite to eat. And then I'm like, oh, should I get these nuts for the flight? Yeah.

Probably saving food on the flight, but I'll get these ones as well. Should I do that? And before you know it, I'm like, oh my gosh, I've missed me flight. Or like, I've nearly missed me flight. Have you missed flights before? I've only missed one, I've missed two flights before two and it was bad.

It was not good. It was not good. God. What's the flights that I missed? Yeah. It was to my one of me best mates for one occur she was getting married in Casa Blanca. Oh my god. Casa Blanca in Morocco, basically as like one flight a day from London, do not miss it. Because if you miss it, you're not getting on that flight today. You'll have to pay loads of money to get there tomorrow. Fine.

I've missed the flight. That's stressful. Miss management of time. Let's just put it down to that. And then... Will you at the airport when you missed the flight? No, I was actually on the train to the airport, being like, I've got me train times mixed up here, I think, a bit of a minute. This train doesn't get to London bridge until that time, and then I need to get to Victoria, and then I need to get onto the Heathrow Express.

And I'm gonna miss this flight. I basically was like, I'm gonna miss the flight. Definitely missing it. I'm on route, and I'm like, I literally got there and they were like, we closely scared like two hours ago. So you're like, not even a little bit late for your flight. You're like, well, late for your flight. Amazing.

You still, even though you knew that, you still went there, pulling yourself together. Just in case. Just so, well, you still, even though you knew that, you still went to the airport. I just can't wait. Just in case. Well, you know, there's flight delays. Yeah. You know, there's pandemoniums at airports. Yeah.

I was praying for a flight delay. Yeah. Got there. Yeah. Yeah. They were running on time. So the flight had gone and I was left with a real dilemma because there's no more flights until tomorrow afternoon. But I need to be there for tomorrow morning because in the afternoon, my friend is getting married

and I am the bridesmaid. Oh, no. Oh, I, Jay. Oh, guys, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Portugal, get to go to Spain, go to France, go here, go there. I literally was on that five different flights to get to Casablanca. And then I get there the taxis to be I needed to get it was it was it was a lot. Long story short, I got there just in the nick of time, but I looked dreadful. I like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards. We made it. Also, if one of those the most chilled person ever, it was actually really even bothered. She was like, Oh, I don't really about it. I was like, I've been around the world to get here. This is insane. So yeah, that's why I don't like mountains.

Yes. It also that and the Rissals really sounds like the sort of thing you'd eat before you go out drinking. Oh yeah. Or proper just. So in Cardiff and you'll have listeners I know in Cardiff and they'll know about Chippy Lane. Chippy Lane, it's not really called Chippy Lane but it is Chippy Lane because all the sort of late night take away places are on it And the floor is so slippery from chips. Yeah.

So when you go down there in a heel, or... Why, Oldsmann? You are... You are taking your life into your own hands. Chippy Lane in a heel, 3am, disaster. But, oh, the rewards. If you make it into the shop, the rewards, I'll argue no other

Rissol chips, carry sauce, tons of vinegar. Oh, my mouth is watering. How slippy is it? Could you start one end of chippy lane and slide all the way like Martin but fly down to the other end? Well, let's just imagine it. Okay, your chips are fallen on the floor. Yeah. Okay. A few people have walked over them, so they kind of worn into the concrete. Very slippery. Yeah. Very slippery. The floor is lava.

People say bananas, it's not, it's chips. Chips should be in cartoons as people for people sleeping on them. Not bananas. There you go. If you're touring, you're hard. Yeah. Chippy Lane, that's where you need to go. I can walk down banana lane and no, in heels, no problem.

Yeah, yeah, they can't have runibby lane. That's where you need to go. I can walk down banana lane and no, in the, in the hills, no problem. Yeah, they can't have run down banana lane. We're going to talk a lot about food today. We already know that you are a foodie. You appreciate the fine foods when I first met you over 15 years ago. You were definitely in a phase at that point. And maybe it's not stopped. Maybe you still don't where you said to me, I only ever eat a Michelin star restaurants now. It was sort of, I don't know whether you've missed it, remember slightly, but that's what you said.

I'm perhaps I was trying to impress. I think, well, there's a truth to that, in that you get the good value, the best value I think in restaurants is at the top end and at the bottom end. Uh-huh. You can get some really cheap thing for £1.70, good value, and you can pay £200 or a really good meal. It's really good. Where you lose out is on the sort of mid-range where it's just not particularly like the sort of beller

italias and the place is a bit better than the be Italia. Yeah. It's nothing. You could cook it yourself. It's not that good. And it's money down the drain. So, yes, therefore, it is, there one should eat in the Michelin style restaurants when one can. I would like to see you host a consumer affairs show where you judge whether the things are money down the drain or not, because that is a catchphrase. It's money down the drain.

Yeah, money down the drain. It's not a name of my show. Yeah. Money down the drain or not, because that is a catchphrase. It's money down the drain. Yeah, money down the drain. And I would look at things that are down the drain money wise. Would it be like Antique's Roadshow where members of the public bring stuff to you and you decide if it's money down the drain or not, or are you going to establishments and decide, if what they're selling is money down the drain? Yeah, I'd go to establishments and there's obvious things. Well, I find it hilarious that people are caught out by things like this. Like, I bought a fridge a few years ago, a fridge, and it cost about £200, which is what you have to pay for a really quite good fridge. I mean, you can't really pay a lot of money for a really expensive fridge. One of the big American ones, if you want to do that.

But it doesn't really make much difference. It's a fridge. Yeah. So 200 pounds for a fridge, there's not much that could go wrong in a fridge. And it's under warranty for the first two years anyway. And then they try and sell you a thing. Would you like peace of mind? It's only 28 pound, 99 per year.

And if anything happens to your fridge, it'll be replaced. Like does anyone actually just look at that and think, what are the chances of the fridge breaking down? Low. What are the chances that I'm going to end up paying a lot more? Like it's ridiculous. Why do people do it? Magnus. This is the sort of thing I'd say in my podcast. Why? That podcast, It's not a podcast. It's TV show. TV show. I got confused.

This is a podcast. This is really happening. I forgot that. This is real. This is real. This is real. TV show imaginary. Yes.

Yes. Yes. And if someone did pay 28 pounds a year, just in case something happens with their Virgin goes on with it, what would that be? Well, in it, in the show, they've signed a thing that if they've been found to be putting money down the drain, then I'll save some of that money. So I'll save 50% of the money that they're putting down the drain will be saved. And the other 50% goes to me.

So I will be siphoning from people's bank accounts money. Yeah. People who have made stupid decisions in the past. Any bad decision, I get half the money. So in a way going on the show is also money down the drain. Yeah, it is. It's a massive, you know, I might say to you, you've got an investment and you can tell it's quite good investment. I'm getting a 7% interest. And if I found one with a higher interest, I'd say, you should have thought about that higher interest. So you then get the higher interest, but you pay half the difference to me, you see? Yeah. For life. When you get them money down the drain, when that gets siphoned to you, do you have to pay tax on that? Who's

that tax free? Tax free. Yeah, because, well, it is, isn't that, I mean, yeah, because it's not earnings, is it? It's just money I'm siphoning off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My account and I said, you know, how does it work with the tax situation of certain things? Yeah. We are earning some taxless rate. We are earning some dividends taxless rate siphoning. Does anyone ever pay tax on siphoning? No, no, no, never. Like it's another thing you can do with siphoning is you can siphon money out. You might have too much money and it's a bit of a problem about too much money here causing a problem because the capital gains tax situation, big worry, siphoned it out into the Cayman Islands, that siphoned off.

Siphoned out. That siphoned out. Yeah, siphoned out is when it comes out of their bank account into me. Sure. And then that was then ironically siphoned off into other accounts around the world. And then that gets siphoned up. Yeah, that gets siphoned up into property portfolio. Right.

Yes. Because I would like to be wealthy enough that I don't have a house or even second home or even three homes, a portfolio. That's what I want to have, a portfolio. You don't even really know what's in it. Yeah. Got a portfolio. That's what I want to have. A portfolio. You don't even really know what's in it. Got a portfolio. Oh, I'm going to Hong Kong next week. Oh, Shlosten Hotel. I think I might have somewhere in Hong Kong. Let me check my portfolio. Yes, I've got somewhere in Hong Kong. Stay there. Although the portfolio says someone's in there at the moment,

could be a real estate hotel. Never mind. You know, so you always end up in a hotel anyway. You always end up in a hotel, but then you're fantasy. Get in the first year, but then I might think, oh well, you don't need to expand the Portfolio in certain areas, certain markets. Would you ever like your property portfolio

to include hotels? Because then you've got yourself covered there if you buy a hotel and your own hotels. Yeah, I'd like to own a hotel. And then you've got yourself covered there if you buy hotel in your own hotels. Yeah, I'd like to own a hotel. And then you got a ring whenever you want. And you got really, I mean, I stayed in a hotel in Melbourne earlier in the year. It wasn't my hotel. No.

I said, I want to point out before I start the story. Yeah. You know, it wasn't mine, but I knew someone who knew the owner of the hotel best room in the hotel, wasn't it? All people at reception saying, there's anything you want, anything at all, just let us know. I mean, that's just to imagine if that was my hotel. Yeah. I think they do say that to everyone, no one hotels, right?

Oh, yeah. I don't know. I've never stayed in hotels. I don't understand hotels often, because I normally just in my one of my portfolio. I don't know why I just didn't, I've never trans, in my mind, I'm kind of like, this is, this is a luxury that I'm afforded when I'm away at work. But I guess I could just a bice or to butter. Yeah. Or just you've been to the white house, man.

I have been to the white house. Have some salt. It was. Did they have the white house? Did I have butter at the White House. Have some sort of advice. Did they have the White House? Did I have butter at the White House? I don't think I had White House. Do you have any food at the White House? Um, this is not correct. We didn't sit down and have a proper meal.

I don't think. There's nibbles and stuff. Surely there's some nibbles. Surely the nibbles at the White House. Wait, I'm not going any at food. I don't think we sat down and ate. No, I think we had, yeah, we came in, we did our thing. We might have been sandwiches.

We had sandwiches. And I remember Hannah asked for a banana. She was like, is there any fruit? And they gave her a banana, but they gave her a banana on one of those silver plates. There's a picture of her somewhere. And some like, this lovely person who works at the White House is holding this silver plate and underneath is one banana. And I was like, this is, that's the most White House shit. It's happened to me.

Got a bit, I had a warning him, got a bee one of the only people in the world charming enough to get away with going to the White House and asking for a banana. Yeah. Is there any, like, fruit? And I don't think she expected it to be a big deal. Yeah. And somebody comes with a, yeah, with like this all my T banana. I mean, they should have come and bought that whole thing on them and they open the closh, deal and somebody comes with a yeah with like this all my T banana I should have come and bought that whole thing on them and they're like open the Closh it was the slow shit biscuit she's got Like more than biscuits again. They did give us biscuits are they give us House like catering staff made us biscuits and they put in these like lovely little containers and

I remember trying to save it and I was like I want to like give it to my mom and But it was ages till I to save it. I was like, oh, I want to give it to my mum. And it was ages until I went back home. So I was like, go eat them. Yeah, it's for biscuit. So, and they were lovely. Unlike the ones that Hannah has to eat, which are discussing, I've tried one of them. And this, yeah, it's rough. It's rough.

We're going to not fake to like, oh, we got to actually eat in so many of these biscuits. That's just like, try and make them nice. No, but I think the thing is, you know, if you pack it, like if there's loads of sugar and stuff, she has to eat a lot of them. And so at some point it's like we just can't have that that actually happened to us on on certain season one. The catering team that we had at the beginning, like we just had everything. It was like a very American like it's an American show. So it's like an American where we had donuts and every type of phanta imagine every can drink

you could ever want snack, sweets, pastries. And it got to a point where all of it, they just realized as the episodes were going on, we were all just gaining weight. And so at some point, they got switched out and we got healthy yummies. Kavin, everything's really healthy and kale juice. And I mean, they also like really great.

And we had the yummys for three seasons. And by the end of it, like I really loved them. Those apart me, I was like, I remember when we had donuts every day. I don't like all posh. No. I don't, you know, tasting menus and things like that. That's all a bit odd.

I don't like being molly coddled and treated like a toddler or a baby in a restaurant. But people point with their little finger at bits of what's on a plate and tell you what it is. I've never thought of that as being treated like a baby, but it makes absolutely sense when you put it like that. It's like just put it, just, you know, just let me eat it. Although, you know, I've never thought about the point with the little finger as well. Yeah. And actually, I think if they came along and they pointed with their normal point in finger

at my food, I think I'll be like, get the hell out of here. I feel that would offend me more. Yeah. Pointing with the little finger does feel cleaner and less rude. Less aggressive. But if they were pointing with their actual finger,

I'd be like, yeah. So it's accusationally some gnarled. It's just the pretence of it. The pretence, I don't mean pretentious, pretent, pretentive, pretent, pretent, what's the word? Pretentious. I feel like you're looking for the whole set of the fakery. The pretence, the fakery, it's the fakery of it. Yeah. You know, this bloke is doing this and he's describing what that's called and this is a

little bit of foam to go with it and that's the sort of drink that you should have with it. And it's a bit like, I just don't take it. So I can't take it seriously. It's really absurd. Yeah. I think people should just be at how they are. But what if that is how they are the the waiters and stuff and the people at the restaurant? If that's that's that's fine. But you can tell you can see through it. Yeah. You can see through it, can't you? Yeah. Would you ever say that to many of those things, thanks. Would you ever be brave enough to say to a waiter, like, can't I see through all this? No, I wouldn't be. No.

That's the sort of thing that people I'm close to and possibly people in the band I play in would be, would, at certain times, not how any qualms about just, I mean, that is rare on here. Yeah. Right. Okay. Tell the people to fuck off. Just put it fucking down and fuck off. Yeah.

And that sort of thing. And sometimes when Alex is talking about his cheeses, do you go, I see right for you. I see right for you, Alex. Yeah. And I see a load of cheese in there. It's good cheese. Yeah, you like his cheese. Yeah, I've eaten it. I've eaten it. Yeah. I've eaten it at Christmas.

We usually get, I think Alex was complaining recently that he sends out Christmas parcels of cheese to everyone and gets nothing back every year. The thing is, you know, he makes the cheese friendship. It's not like he's a different gift every time, right? He gets to be in blur for a year. He should never take that for granted. Yeah, that's your present.

But it's Jesus nice and he expands. I'm waiting for the cheddar. Yeah, the old blue Monday. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, yeah. So you think you should carry on with the cheeses? Definitely, yeah. I never get through my quotient of cheese, my Christmas quotient, ever.

It's just too much. Yeah. I mean, I probably have the amount for Christmas and New Year's that he might have in one night, and it's still too much. You know, he is a maniac when it comes to the cheese. I bet he has sparkling water. Yeah. Yeah, the cheese can.iac when it comes to the cheese. I bet he has sparkling water. Yeah. Yeah. He's coming on the cheese here. I've been saying it so much cheese. Have you seen him

just like devour a load of cheese in front of you and can you not believe it? I have. I sort of can because I'm sort of used to it now, but if it was the first time, I would be quite shocked, possibly. Yeah. No, not really. I mean, I mustn't, you know, I was just a lovely man, I love Alex. But I did see him once eat a massive amount of that blue Monday. Yeah. Well, it was a Christmas amount, let's say, on a bit of cracker, which you're allowed to have

a bit more than your auntie or something. And he went slap, and then squirted a load of honey on it, as well. And then you got to try it like this. I was like, yeah, go on then. Yeah. But I feel like, I can't do that. I know again for another year. Not for another year. That was much. Yeah. It was much. Better get onto your menu proper. Yeah. I'm focused. I'm focused. That was such a work.

I'm focused. I'm focused. That was such a work. That's how we bow. Your dream starter. I would like prawn porri. Oh yeah. It's the best. It's the best starter.

It's delicious. It's like the nicest curried prawns and it's fried. It's more bread but I medically addicted to bread. Like fried sort of like doughy, roti. And oh, I can't handle it. With like lemon that you put on the prawns. Yeah. There's an amazing one in South London called Apollo Banana Leaf. It's like a Sri Lankan restaurant.

And you know it's good because like they sort of have a menu but they don't they just sort of go like if you say anything like we don't have it we don't have it. Yeah. Like but then they just sort of make up other dishiers and at the end they just sort of like guess at a price you're like we have the bill and they're like uh 20 pounds. See you know it's good right because it's all about the food and it's just magical. And the prong puri something they have on there all the time. That is there I I have never been turned away with a prawn puri ever. You always get it. Always get it.

I love it. I do love a prawn puri. When I was growing up, when I was living at home with my mum, that was like when we'd order an Indian, we'd always share everything, but then she'd get a prawn puri for herself. And for some reason, I never got a prawn puri. So I would always be like, that prawn puri, so I would always be like that prawn puri But it was like my mum's secret treat that she would have yeah

So when I started ordering my own takeaways Always a prawn puri and you know what it was worth it It is also like the ultimate greedy person starter Yeah, because I've when else just gets like a simple like they got some Moses or something And then obviously you can be like Someone gets bag of my own barges give me an onion bargey don't you dick about it you get a prompory that's coming in two separate items because you've got the promkary and the bread but if you order a prompory and a non everyone's chill with it but if you order two non's and you're two non's Helen you know in a minute so it's like you've really like

thought about it you're getting two parts in one. You know almost be two nuns Helen. I was and it was a tough time. It's a tough time. We could tell that you were. What you're saying is like that's not a thing. That's not a thing. Are you going to be a lot of inspiration? Don't ask Helen.

If she comes. But now I figured out the prompory trek. Yeah. I love a prompory. One of the sweetest stories I'd ever told that. I don't want to gloss over it too much because like. I already told it because I knew a prompory. One of the sweetest stories I'd ever told that. I don't want to gloss over it too much because like, I already told it because I knew you'd love it. When it grew up, starting an order in poor poor

it used to be like, is it mom? Yeah. Hahaha. And of course, we've talked about it on the podcast before. My pizza express order is my pizza express order because I copied it off my dad. Yeah. So cute.

And you feel close to them when you do it. No. But part of you must think of a prompuri definitely. Yeah. Do you ever confront her and be like, why did I not say that? No, I mean, obviously I do already. I'd be like, what the fuck? I think she was probably already getting fed up with me, be like, and I want this and this and this and this and this. So she's like, well, all right, you can have that, but you're not having any of my brawn puri.

We've ordered half the restaurant, and I don't know. I have something for myself. Yeah. She's got her boy. So she needs a sweet little boy. Your dream starter. Dream starter.

Okay, well, I think I was thinking about this, and I'm gonna, like in the dream restaurant, can I be anywhere that I want? Yeah. So it's like the rules of space and time are suspended. Yeah. So I would go for a bruschetta. Lovely. Lovely. Very funny thing to follow you asking if the rules of time and space are suspended. Well, this isn't any old bruschetta. Absolutely. You love it. I don't do whatever I like. So the one and I, okay, so this is the rules of size I'd like a wish at least. This is the follow up to your posh us to me. I'll

have ever had a great. So when I, when I tacked the block came out, this Italian producer bought it to distribute in Italy. His name was a really Odullarentis. Dino Dilerentis is nephew. Yes. Dino Dilerentine? Is famous producer right, Barbara Ella, Flash Gordon, Blue Velvet, Conan, Serpeco? Oh, I know Conan. Yeah. Well, I like that. Famous famous talent. Anyway, his nephew, he buys it for Italy.

He puts me in a private jet. I'm in a festival in Switzerland in Lokano. He says, Joe, come, come and see me. I want to meet you. I love your film. A little bit like that. His voice was so nice. Yeah. So he puts me in a private jet from Lokano. can't man see me, I want to meet you, I love your film. A little bit like that, it's voice voice. Yeah, I've got that.

So he puts on a private jet from Loccaano. I fly to Naples where I get on a speed boat, like a sexy speed boat, big James Bond speed boat. I get like speed boated out to this little bay off the island of Capri, where a really o' Dill Rentes is floating in this beautiful cove with a little plastic floating tray with a cappuccino on it. Wow.

I get off the speedboat. I bash my ankle against the steps. So there's blood running down my ankle. Immediately running the scene. Well, I mean, it's free shedding pain and I'm dribbling blood everywhere. I don't say anything about it. I just get ruining the scene. Well, I mean, it's free shedding pain and I'm dribbling blood everywhere. I don't say anything about it. I just get in the water, oh, salty sting, healing the wound.

And I swim over to, and that's how I meet Aurelio. Anyway, got a long story short. I stay in the island of Capri. He takes me the next day for lunch on this private island of the Amalfi coast, which has Rudolph Nureev's villa on it right to the ballet dancer. I think it's called La Galee or something. You can hire it now for about like $300,000 a minute. So it's on this private island and a friend of Orelios is staying there and we have lunch there and they just bring the most incredible tomatoes.

I've always had a conflicted relationship with tomatoes, right? Didn't like them as a kid at all. And tomatoes are a fruit, correct? So these tomatoes really tasted fucking phenomenal. I mean, really extraordinary. Like all my life, my dad is like, don't be so fussy about tomatoes.

They're a fruit. And I shut up. They're not a fruit. They're weird. These tomatoes, they were just sensational. And they were chopped into a bruschetta with some amazing olive oil on. And it was just the most beautiful thing I've ever tasted.

There was another big mysterious billionaire who I think had hired the island. And he had all these peculiar artists and people there It was very odd. It's a bit like that John Fowles book the Magers. Have you ever read that? No. People who've read that might know what I mean. Just this weird collection of people. So I'm sitting next to O'Reilly He's smoking a cigar. The other billionaire is smoking a cigar. O'Reilly is watching him and he leans over to me and says That man smokes a cigar like he is sucking a cock over to me and says, that man smokes us a guy like he is sucking a cock. And I say, yeah, yeah, he is. That's the sort of thing, billionaire, it's the sort of quip. Yeah, it's good. And

that guy led over to the guy who's next to him and said exactly the same thing about Rene O'Prob. Yeah. Also, I'd imagine I was there, but I don't think he was from the mental picture in your mind. Well, they think they're too very different. I've been very lucky in my life to have sucked a lot of cock to to to to I've seen people smoking cigars. Yeah, I've seen I Joe, I've seen people. Yeah, doing that going down on people. Yeah, I cannot imagine anyone doing one at as they would do the other. Really? When I say, I go, I go, that's a pipe. I think this guy might have been licking the tip of the cigar with a circular tongue motion. I don't know whether this is a false memory syndrome. That's what I'm spreading into my hair like you might have invented that. Don't you moisten the one end of the cigar? I don't fucking know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, listen, a really de-renzo was a really lovely, incredibly generous man. And he gave me the time of my life. He also gave me the tomato of my life. So for my starter, I would be there in that on Rudolph Nuriyev's private island with a really owe and the cigar sucking man with that Bruce Shetter, the elements of that Bruce Shetter. You should probably just jump in and say, when we talk about a mysterious billionaire on a private island, it's not that one, right? No, it's not. Well, there's a few to choose from. What are available? What are available at the end of that story? No, I was only there for lunch. So I don't know what happened when

the sun went down. Yeah. And everybody seems a legal age. Yes. But everyone was quite confused. I remember when I was a little I was trying to make myself get a cold by running it I used to do it repeatedly run up to the door and put my nose near the the keyhole to try and get a draft into my nostril. I know I was a little I used to do it to try and get off school. Yes. Yeah. And that was the best way you could think to do it was nose to the keyhole. The freeze is sitting completely. Yes.est in the corner. So I'm not going near the freeze.

No, no, just a gentle breeze through the keyhole. Yeah. Sniff the keyhole. It didn't work. But, you know, I taught like all my entire childhood was based on trying to not go to school. But I remember one time really wanting to go to school and having a terrible stomachache and having to come back, because I did, I'd die here. Oh, nice. I was sent home having shot to myself. got to school and having a terrible stomachache and having to come back because I did, I'd die here.

I was sent home having shot to myself. I think maybe that's another job, is actually. I would think so. Maybe it didn't happen, but the threat of it might have come back home again, but yeah, it was interesting. Of course, whenever you did get ill, your parents can give you anything, you should find it all for the pigeons. Yes, of course.

Yeah. Oh, we've got some pinkers. Oh, they've all gone. Oh! What are all the pigeons doing on that field? I don't know the experiment. I don't know what it's all about. The experiment.

The other thing you used to do as a kid in the same bat garden that I was throwing past you to more so over the fence was try to catch a bat every night. Nearly every night, for an hour's about 11 to about 15, my old, at the end of the garden, with my dad's fishing net trying to catch bats. I realised now it was a few-tile, yeah, because you can't catch them,

can you, because they're not. So, however, I just wanted one. I wanted a little bat, and then I was told they were full of lice, and they would have bit me, and I'm like, oh, something horrible. So I stopped trying to catch them, but I never did wanted one. I wanted a little bat, and then I was told they were full of lice, and they would have bit me and I'm like, oh, something horrible. So I stopped trying to catch them, but I never did catch one. You lived up to, grown from my house. My mum used to look after bats.

No. Yeah. So like, if there was injured bats, my mum would look after them. Probably one of the ones I'd find a courtier. Yeah, yeah. Some fucking injured them a net. Well, like, yeah, we'd be looking, so there's a number of bats that, like, yeah, I'm hanging off my finger.

No, you didn't. We know we learn into flying. Get the streets. Yeah, yeah, so you'd be there with your finger out. Hang on, I know, the flyman's living room, go back on your finger again. Oh, wait. And then, yeah, my mum would release something

back into the wild. Just generally, the Halloween. Pippa's generally the Halloween. Pippa's generally the Halloween. Pippa's generally the Halloween. Yeah. But yeah, once Pett V pet rescue came to interview my mum. No.

I do it at a pet rescue episode about my mum. Why the hell haven't you told me this? Well, it hasn't come up before. Bats, amazing. Yeah, yeah. I was trying to get in the background of it and they cut me out of the shop. As per. Yeah.

I'm used to it now. Oh, man. It's like the Adam's family. Yeah, yeah. It's really good, you know. Good Adam's family. Yeah, good Adam's family. Brilliant. Big stuff.

What have you done with the bat if you'd caught it? I'd have looked at it for a bit and then tried to uncurl it from the net because I presume it would have gone into a tight hole. Yeah, it would have got bad. Yeah, it would have been bad. And then just let it go, I guess. Yeah. You could have started COVID much earlier.

Got it out the way. Give me a couple of me for earlier. Got it out the way. Give me a cup. I blame me for that. This is in 1976. But, yes, I would have just been fulfilled. I caught one, finally. I've been different for many years, attempted it. And then I would let it go.

But I think I did try to have a back box in the end of the garden. Nothing ever went in it. No. Then only. But you had to mean your house. You had end of the garden. Nothing ever went in it. No. The annoyingly. But you are the mean your house. You're the mean the house? Incredible. Well, I know, about four of them.

There were only your names. They get names, but just because my mum wouldn't have named them, it was just because we were kids and wanted to. But real names, all like B21 or something. No, no, we were wanting to give them names. I can't remember what they were called. No, I remember like the one, the pet rescue one, was called something stupid,

because we just give it to the comedy names, like the made us laugh as kids. Yeah, but then the pet rescue people were like We want you to call this one radar because it's for the show and my mom was like Basic, no one people thinking that I get a catch bats and I call them stuff Right, that's the kind of person I am. They were insistent that on camera, make sure you refer to it as radar. So through Gritted Teaf, she would say it. And it was if it was her idea. Yeah, so she really didn't love it. I can't stand it.

It reminds me of like when you get stump people to do things for you in filming and you look terrible because they're doing it and they're acting as bad. You name it up shit now. I don't know why I leap from a back to that, but that's what it's the most.

Same injustice. I love the thought of a stunt person, one of your shows, like doing a massive stunt, like smashing for a window, holding for a fire, lying on the floor and you're going, give me a little shit. Exactly what I'm at. I met up with two friends recently from America and as soon as I sat down with them, here he is. Yeah, Loddy done. And as soon as I sat down, the first thing they said to me, they went, right, what would

you say a row of soldiers is because they had clearly been having a debate with each other about Brits and what we say. And obviously, as soon as I said it, the lady of the couple, this is a straight couple, the lady of the couple went, yeah, I told you I said it, the lady of the couple, this is a straight couple, the lady of the couple went, yeah, I told you I was right, and she was right. But then they told me the context that they'd had this discussion about was actually they'd watched a bake off episode. And Mary Berry had said that she wanted all the crimping on the pastry

to be like a row of soldiers. And I think Mary Berry would have been talking about actual soldiers of war. Okay, right. What was the word? soldiers of war. Okay. Right. What was the word classic James A. Cast the story? What was the word? What was the word? The row of soldiers. Oh, I just said it would be when you have some toast and you chop it into

OK. Fin bits. OK. I thought you were talking about like a collective noun, like, you know, sort of argument of which is like, what would you call a row of soldiers? Oh, yeah. What would you call a row of soldiers? Yeah, what would you call a load of soldiers? A platoon of soldiers.

Yes, if I'm ever I once I fantasized about having a... Careful. Oh yeah. Okay James, you've told me that was patrol. You've got this is a podcast man, you can't bring guests in here and start telling them about your fancies. This is Charlotte Church all over again. Oh no. Oh man, Charlotte Church really, you've earned my life.

We love Charlotte. Yeah, yeah, she was a fantastic guest. And then James said, you want to be in a waterfall? I'd love this down. Charlotte called James a pervert immediately. It was fantastic. What did you mean? She wanted to have her water course from a waterfall.

And she said, I want to hold the cup under the waterfall and I said, you're going to hold the cup under there or do you want to be under the waterfall? And I was not thinking like dirty, pervy, like wet t-shirt stuff. At all. But Charlotte church, man. She went there. She went there. She threw me in amongst it all and everyone was like, that guy's a grubby little pervert. It's never, it's all people's sheltering me now in the street. Okay, so what are you fantasising about this week, Jane? A poster that has slots for soldiers. That is genius. You can put a whole platoon in there at once. Yeah. That is so clever. My daughter, Marnie, who's my youngest daughter,

she likes to have two Dippy eggs for breakfast before she goes to school. Nice. So I'm constantly making soldiers. Yeah. That is my morning routine. How many soldiers for two Dippy eggs? I do like two quite big slices of sourdough

and then chop them that way and then in half. And so it's quite big mound of soldiers. It shouldn't really eat the egg. She just eats the soldier. I do. I actually know what I do when I dropped them off and I come back and I'll have the egg, but I've recently realized that my cat likes the egg. I've walked in on the cat in on the egg. So I've obviously come in before and eating this egg and my cat's been in there. So I'm just, yeah, I've been eating cat eggs. Just to be clear, because she went very, you weren't like, it's detailed. It's like, look, eat in the egg. She, my cat stands on the table, a lick, the inside of the egg, which I've left there after, you know, to go and do the school. I've come back, not realised the cat has been in my egg, and I've then eaten the rest of

the egg, and it's disgusting. I understood that story. Okay. Absolutely perfectly the first time. James, what did you think was happening? Fucking the egg. You thought the cat was fucking the egg. Okay.

You are a pub. You're going to be down there going to be showing it on the street again. You got to set me down that quibi road and then I was like, oh, the cat's there on top of the egg. I'm going to. That's a great idea though. The coast. No, that's not a good idea.

I'm ashamed of myself. Don't encourage it. Yeah. I'm ashamed of myself. Don't encourage it. Yeah, I close the with the soldiers. Yes. I never used to ready to use the chopsticks, actually, until I was about 10 years ago, actually. I never could do it. But one time I was on a flight from Sydney to Tokyo and I sat next to a Japanese lady and I just observed her and I learnt everything from

well why are you looking at me for waiting for you in a phone box and you sat next to the woman you didn't know and watched her hands for the whole flight. Yeah well, I wanted to see what she was doing with her chopsticks and I learnt everything from that. You didn't ask her, did you talk to her and say what's the secret? Yeah, I mean the way you paint it in a very different life. But, you know, I think it was, it wasn't like we were having a big, long, chat the whole flight, but it wasn't like I didn't say anything either.

You know, we would have had a couple of exchanges. It was very nice for you. You know, you're having the Japanese dish as well. Are you very nice, yes? Something like that happens. You're very nice. No, the sashimi, not your very nice. You said to her, the Japanese dishes as well, you're very nice. I thought you said that as well, but...

Well, yes, she was very nice person, you know. But I didn't mean it like that. But you observed her. Yeah, observed her. And now you live your life like her in all ways? Oh, just the chopsticks. Yeah, in some ways, I live your life like in all ways? Oh, yeah. Or just the chopsticks. Yeah, in some ways, I live my life in that way, you know, because I use the chopsticks with her.

And also, if I were to ever fly to Japan again, I would be going there for a euthanasia session like her, like she was, you know, she was going to the final journey. She said, look, I just said I'm having enough, you know, she was going to the final journey. She said, look, she said, I'm having enough, you know, I'm having a, you know, she said, I've got a terrible disease and I've had a good life, but I'm going back to see my family and then it's the youth and age of session, so I can assure you the fact I get saying you're very nice and looking at her hands. She wasn't bothered. She wasn't bothered. She was well beyond all that. She just thought if there's some weird pervert looking at my hands fine, let him. Within minutes of getting off the plane, she was dead.

She had to go straight into, she didn't even bother going through immigration. She didn't even bother re-entering her own nation. She's as soon as you got into the sort of the arrivals area, they just put an injection in her and she went. I mean, in some ways, it wasn't strictly youth and age. It was more of an assassination. Yeah, but she knew about it. It was a pre-election. She wanted us to do it. Yeah, I mean, in fact, she had said to me, please help me. I'm in danger of you. As assassins. I came back to Japan.

I want to go back. I don't want to live my whole life in exile and Sydney. But there's a danger. I said, don't worry. I'll be looking out for you. Don't worry. If I'm here, you'll be safe. She felt, I think, confident to know that I had her back.

I was going to be an as soon as, as soon as these people all like, all went round her, like with syringes and like, chloroform and like poison darts and various other killing methods. As soon as they did that, I just, I said, oh, oh, transverse this way. I was off. I was off. Yeah, there's too much to handle if it is a lot of a lot of you to take on all at once, isn't it? So we've all had that. It's useless. You know, on a plane, you sort of bond with someone on the plane. Yeah. And then you say, Oh, we're keeping charts. Yeah. Yeah. And oh, you're taking the same flight. Are you two? I was like, yeah, it's off to you on there. And then they just give you the slip and then you never see them again.

Similar to that much worse. slip and then you never see them again. Similar to that, but much worse. Yeah. Because he lied promised. I had promised that I would protect her. Yeah. I would protect her life. I was, she said to me, you know, you're a stranger, but we have a connection now because you are guaranteeing my life, you're going to protect me. Yeah. And she said that shows what decency you have as a human being because ultimately you will

protect me. And I said, well, it doesn't really matter that I don't know you. That's just what one does for another human being. We're all part of one human race. And so I'm going to protect you. I didn't. No, she was into the arms of the assassin. Do you remember her name? Yes. Yes. I remember her name. You can't say it out loud. I can't say it for legal reasons. But you hold it in your heart, you think about every day?

Every time you use chopsticks. Every time I use chopsticks, I think of her name. And every time I don't use chopsticks, I other times of the day when I'm not using chopsticks, I also think of her because I think, well, I sent her to a death. It was my fault. But yeah, so I think of her all the time really. It weighs heavily on my conscience. But when I am using shops, it's when I say a name over and over again, sort of like a mantra, which is ironically, I have a 10, which I stayed in a different one to

me. Yeah, one step ahead. It's like restaurants, like the restaurant near me, they've just, they've just, there was a sign on the door going, we're a dark restaurant now. What? You know, dark restaurants where they just become takeaway only. I thought you meant like one of the restaurants where you have to eat in the dark. Yeah, that's a gimmick some places do. The Japanese say that harsh lighting, no, low lights, cuts the app, no, is it, is it bright lights or low lights? Oh my god. Bright lights. I would say. I've never seen anyone go into something so confidently and then fall apart so quickly because there was no like we're just talking about you can be like, oh, about these dark restaurants or whatever. And then right, I've got something

here. Yeah, I do. The Japanese. Yes. Yes. Japanese. I'd say, if I'm starting any sentence that starts with the Japanese, I don't know where it's going. I know where it's going. Yeah, yeah, go on. Japanese, in Japanese restaurant, in Japanese culture, harsh lighting, is it a thing? Japanese culture in restaurants, harsh lighting cuts the appetite in half. Low lights keeps you hungry.

So in this restaurant, I want the lights low. I want little candles flickering around. And I want to be in a little booth. I want the booth to be higher than my head. I hate the booths where you've just got head. Do you know what I mean? You know, you get put in a booth, but you can still see someone's head. I've never started a booth. I know what you mean. So your sat and the booth goes up in your neck.

Yeah, yeah. I can't stand that. And if you're sitting, you might almost think back to back with someone else you don't know. You just see these hands popping about. If you put your head back, you can almost tap someone, someone else's head, couldn't you? I don't want to see it. I want the booth where you're like bang, you're like locked in. Yeah, yeah. Like there's a pub in Northern Ireland, which has...

The crown? Yeah. Yeah, the stained glass booths. Perfect. Oh, yeah. That's what I want. Ah! Well, James, I'm sorry to say that even though those anecdotes

were wonderful, that this may well have been the filthiest year of off menu yet. Yes, the Benito here is in brackets in brackets, a apology to my mother. Yes, but he's called her the wrong name. No, he hasn't. She gets angry if you call her that. Oh, yeah, she hates that, actually. And you know that Benito.

I've got to told off with that. Yeah, you know that Benito. She said, she said in a text, don't call her. You're in trouble now. Now, we largely blame Steve O for this being the Phil Theosier. Yes, but unfortunately, some other people joined in. Angela Barnes, Carol Vorderman, Jenny Aclair, Jordan Gray, Paul Meskle, Arlo Parks, Jimmy Famarewa, Steve O, Judy Love and John Kerns in perhaps one of my top three highlights of the whole year. Yes, I couldn't stop laughing. Not just off menu,

the whole year. The whole year. Yes. just off menu the whole year. The whole year. Yes. I don't know what I think looks like a stink. It's a gipeal good. I would never say that about gipeal. I don't know. I'm sorry Angela.

I said that about gipeal. I'm never taking a gamble to gipeal goods ever. Yeah. And the slashush puppy puppy. No way man, what are you talking about? He doesn't disgust. That slush puppy puppy looks rank. No way.

He's half a what puts me up a bit. He just smells like a look at that. Wet dog smell that slush puppy. That's what I think. Are you imagining him covered in his own slush, right? Yeah. What are you going to do? If you're making slush puppies all day, you're going to get wet.

If you're a dog and you're wet, you're going to smell. Yeah. I think it looks disgusting. That's slush, right? Yeah. Well, if you're making slush puppies all day, you're gonna get wet. And if you're a dog and you're wet, you're gonna smell. Yeah. I think it looks disgusting that slush puppy and they should get it off of the branding. Because like it puts me off nine times at a 10, I'm not getting a slush puppy, that little rank thing.

But it's called a slush puppy. Yeah, it's called a slush puppy. I think call it a slush puppy still, and whatever, but like, don't have that puppy on there, with his little woolen hat, it's well, I think that makes it worse. It's really hard.

It's quite a slush puppy machine. Slush puppy machines are so old now. Like, it's such an old 80s thing that they're often quite faded the slush puppies are actually often a bit, they look a bit sad. They're a bit peels and sad. I get that.

That makes it look like he stinks even more. This is the most stuff I've thought about slush puppies ever, I think. I think it'd be a sad day when you walk into Kettering, leisure centre and there's not a slush puppy machine. I think it'd be sad on that. That would be sad, but like,

I wouldn't mind if I walked in there and there's a slush puppy machine, but the actual stinky slush puppy's not on there. I'll be happy. Just do not see. How would you know it's a slush puppy machine? Hopefully it would say the word slush puppy on it. But it could be made by anyone.

But then that may think of the slush puppy, on it. But it could be made by anyone. But then that may think of the slush puppy, right? Well, yeah, then it's in your mind anyway. That's what I mean. I guess they need a new mascot. It looks a bit cleaner and looks a bit less rank than that little. Another animal. Maybe, maybe, maybe slush pussy.

Can't believe it. The most disgusting thing. Even if I thought that, even I wouldn't have said it. Yeah, but I am absolutely lazy. He knew you'd like it. Yeah, yeah. Big laugh from Angela. He knows his audience. He knew you'd absolutely love Sposh Pushing.

There's not many people who say that in front of him. That's true. Lodge right into it. That's true. I didn't say that in front of Selenia Henry. Yeah, yeah. That would have played a silence. And we were all felt sad after the episode. Oh, dear.

I think you'd love a slush person seeing him. Come here in. Oh, I'm going to be in the premier. Oh, God. Right. I don't know. It's good James Bond felt. I've never seen a James Bond.

I don't know. Oh, it's a James Bond. I'm trying to join in, but I'm just trying to make it less. That's graphic. I'm trying to think of it. I'm trying to think of it. I'm trying to think. Oh, I'm trying to join in. I'm just trying to make it this That animal that should be wet like a slush duck. Yeah, but if you say that animal that should be wet, it's gonna say slush Slush ducky at work. Slush ducky. Oh, I'll handle slush ducky Yeah, and the ducky can be called to keep it all good if you want.

I've been asked to be cooler. But like, yeah, you can't peel a duck. You can't peel a duck. You can't peel a duck. You can't peel a duck. You can't peel only once, not for your prison. Yeah. Yeah. I got funny, funny, scous stories. Just please. Yeah. Okay. Really funny. Just go last time I went up there. So you got to understand, I grew up in North Wales, then, bit of strip of North Wales. That's, you know, that's a third scous really. Yeah. Real. I went to school in North Wales, that bit of strip of North Wales, that's a third scout really,

real I went to school in all know. Oh man, I don't know where. I don't know. Did you? They destroyed me. Really? Yeah, supporting Milton Jones, they absolutely destroyed me. Did they?

They all called me to high heaven. Yeah. They didn't, did they? Oh yeah, they showed me. You've never been back. I've never been back. I understand. So, Liverpool is up the road. So you go to Liverpool for

my album. Last time I went to a big do, it's Jamie Carregor, and it was to raise money for, I think it was for local hospice, could have been hospice. But anyway, it was this big gig at the Titanic hotel, he'd been there, stunning? So about 500 people have paid money. Rod Stewart was there, pixie lot was singing, so not a huge venue, but a lot of people. So Rob was there on the next table. I have no need for that. Anyway, part of the thing is you go,

don't you, and then you go from tables to tables, and you have selfies and all of that. And everyone's like, oh, hey, come, come, come, it. And everyone's going, Oh, we can't comment. Comment. Comment. It was kind of, we love four, doesn't it? You know, in all this, I absolutely loved it. So we'll go round, round, round, round, round,

nights getting longer and longer. I have in a great time. I don't know, go to the set and this one goes, Oh, can't comment. Comment. Here is four, does she's going to the tape? She said, come here, come, come here. so I'm going there we're like

oh I'm in on me and this woman and she goes see you in there and she pointed to this like on the table it was like I don't know it's 30 so she said you've been in this one bank for six years can you have a selfie? I mean, there's a lot of, I mean, I was going to say, there's a lot of questions we can ask about that story, but I don't think we will. Nothing we don't. I feel like I'm the only one to do. I'm the only one to do.

It's a classic. Well, six years, six years is very specific. Yeah, I have to say. Anyway, I don't have the selfie and told him not to laminate it. Ha, ha, ha. All right, well, it doesn't need to. It's obvious. We go. That's life. That's life.

That's life. That's life. That's life. Anyway, that's life. No one else is like. I told, I told, I told went open told Roddy said, I've got to go over and shake his hand. I said, I wouldn't fight. Again, I'm going a bit scandy.

I want a fish platter, but without any bones, you know, bone-free, I don't like bones, I don't like them, any circumstances whatsoever. I don't like a bone chicken thigh. If I'm cooking a chicken, something or other, it's got to be boneless. I'm not having bones. And Jeff's very bone-phobic, because he wants Mr. Ferry when he was five because he got a bone stuck in his throat. I mean, Rune the family holiday has never been allowed to forget it or something. So he's, Jenny, give me a second with that. You've packed a lot of information to that

story there. And I've got to imagine it all play out. Jeff is bone phobic because he missed a ferry when he was five because he got a bone stuck in his throat. Yeah. Yeah. His bone phobic. I'm bone phobic because well, we don't like bones. What can I say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Jeppin first food, you can mash with the fork. Is he bone phobic because he got the bone stuck in his throat? Or was it specifically because he missed a ferry? It was because he missed a ferry. And that made his life difficult for a while because it was a family holiday and it all got a bit. Oh God, so and then he focused on the bone thing. Yeah.

I've got the bones stuck in my throat. Yeah, guilt, guilt. It's amazing what things, you know, when you're a child, how, what an impact it can have in your life. Where was it, where we go into? I have no idea. And it was never interested enough to ask. You know, when you're sort of quite interested up to a point and then you go that's enough detail. So this fish platter will be, okay,

we'll have some, we'll have salmon and I want it 70 style. You know when they used to dress a salmon like a fish? Right. Yeah. Each salmon and I want it with olive eyes and cucumber gills. Lovely. Probably done. Yeah. You know, pale pink and pretty. I like, and I'm quite fuss about China and plates and things. I'd quite like, you know, the state banquets. I'd quite like to borrow there. I'd like to see what they eat off. I couldn't do gold though. I couldn't have metal on a metal plate that would annoy me. And I can't eat, you know, and sometimes you're eating a boiled egg and someone's giving you a silver spoon. It's a bit tarnished, it's a worst taste in the world.

I'm very, you know, there's some things and if cut trees badly balanced, you know, some people, they think they can reinvent cutlery and then it'll also be weighted in the wrong direction. And whatever you do, it's on the floor and you think, oh, fuck, you know, it's just a knife and fork, but I want a classic knife and fork, I want it nice. Yes, classic. And I like nice plates. Yeah. Do you need it? You know fish knives, the flat ones? Yeah. Why are they? Why are they? That they are there because there was a time in history when

people didn't know what to buy each other for wedding. It's as simple as that really. I think there's a fish canteen. Yeah. They were called. Yes. But is it to get it off the bone if it's on the bone? So you definitely don't need that for this. No, no, no, no, no, no. I prefer to be eating some of this in my fingers. That's another, you know, that's another reason why I don't go to restaurants. Some, you know, can be a pig. And I have smoked some as well. I do love char grilled octopus. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, really sticky, really sticky. I want some lobster in here. Oh yeah. And I'll have it out of it, Shell,

because otherwise I get an amiss, you know, and it all goes under my fingernails. Shells are bone by a different name. It is. Yeah, you're not shell of phobic, you're bone of phobic. I'm sorry, bone phobic, not bone of phobic. You're bone phobic. Bone phobic.

I think I've just, I might have just since developed shell of phobic. Yeah, bone phobic, because I got one stuck in my throat, Mr. Trainer. Is that true? See, I'm very gullible as well. No, I'm just making her dick. You've said you got a bonus stuck in this fight. I've just made her dick. I was making a sort of dick jelly.

I was making a dick jelly. Oh, you know, I'm quite deaf as well, so I didn't really hear you. You had to really announce that your dick jelly was properly. You know, you were just shouting out them in my face. I got this boner stuck down my throat because I was gobbling on a boner. I'm really an uncivil, I think, James, probably. Is that even a bowler, probably? I'm in my face. So I got this bowler stuck down my throat because I was gobbling on a bowler. That's what I have to do.

I'm 11 years sober, but I'm going to put some alcohol onto the list because my drink of choice was a yaga bump and I miss it dearly. On a daily basis, I miss that lovely, what's it called, a digest thief? Yeah, I think we could call it a egg bomb or a digest thief. But what would you care for, a digest thief? We hope you enjoyed your meal. And there was a cheek version of the egg bomb called a young frow that you could get if you were doing it at home, which I sadly did, because there's a reason I don't drink it more, I drank way too

much. But I had this, this dream of like, I didn't go to uni, but had I, I remember researching the eight uni, they have like these little beer tasting clubs and things that you can go to in the first week to like, to be friends with people. And I thought, I'm going to start one of them, but it'll be specifically for Jagerbombs that are paired with various different image drinks, and we try different drinks. And I'd make like a really glossy, like pam glossy like pamphlet with all the tasting notes. And yeah, and how like monsters different from Red Bull's stuff. And I found the perfect pairing because and I'm sorry to do this to you then, but this is a naughty word to have on a podcast.

There's an energy drink and an energy drink called pussy energy drink. And they know it's rude because they put a little star over the years. They know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know they know energy drink. And they know it's rude, because they put a little star over the year. It's not even my baby. I thought it was gonna be way worse. Yeah, I imagine. I thought, great. Something just changed the drink. Completely. Something called,

Cun juice. That's what I was expecting. Yeah. The... That's an energy drink called pussy. And if you pair it with, yeah, you go, myster in the egg bum, it tastes exactly like a Marx and Spencer's Percy Pig without a deviation. It's a fizzy Percy Pig. Jordan, this is so great, but you can't tell James stuff like that.

You're the only. This is that this is going to be the end of his life. Oh, man. You tell them to be Percy's a liquid form that. It's absolutely happens that. Thanks to his girlfriend saying get a crate of pussy. Yeah, let's. When we get back, I want to see all the pussy you can get. So it's a Percy bomb. It's what if you want to call it, you can call it a pussy pig or you can call it a Percy bomb. I go with Percy. Yeah, yeah. And that's what I want to submit. No, we go with pussy pig. Yeah, yeah. Right a pussy pig or you can call it a pussy bomb. I go with a pussy. Yeah, yeah. And I'm, I'm not going to submit it. No, we go with pussy pig.

Yeah, yeah. Right down pussy pig. Right down pussy pig. I'm going to say that. That is what it's called. Pussy pig cocktail, I suppose you call it. What is a yay bomb? I mean, it's not, it's not, I wouldn't say cocktail.

But yeah, you're right. But it's not, it's not a shot either. It's not a shot. And it's not a mix. It's not vodka and coke because it is supposed to be. Downed. Which my strings aren't. Yeah, mix, drink, aren't designed to do that. Yeah, it's nice. It's not the energy of a shot, right? Yeah. I know. If it tastes like a Percy pig, I want to be sipping this. I don't want to. Perhaps it is a long drink with little pink ice cubes and stuff,

like really partnering it up with maybe some marks and Spencer's co-lab situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It has to be. That come after you. We've ever been there. If they need it, you're a market in your own purse, you pick drink. Yeah, but they're not also, they're not going to sell a pussy pick at the services, are they?

They could. I don't think it's like to sit on that business thing. We call it pussy pick on nothing. But like, I mean, it sounds great, obviously. Obviously, it's some of my street, some real. Properly used to get me. And it's not something you find anywhere. So you have to make it at home.

So it's very much a drink to be enjoyed. And so it's at a friends barbecue, you can always start with the pussy and get their party started. Obviously, I think all Percy pigs have veggie now, aren't they? They are, yeah. But the original veggie, Percy pigs with Percy Pigs. With little greeners. The little greeners. Yeah. Would you say, so I think they're my favourite Percy Pigs.

Where do you stand? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a different texture to it. Yeah, to a chewy gummies, isn't there? Yeah. You get to recognise them as Veggie Tones and Vegans, like the strawberries. They're a bit harder. Basically, a vegan gummies a little bit harder. Yeah. Because of the old Jellatine and that. You're a bit harder, basically a vegan gum is a little bit harder, the old jelly time and that. You are, and also perhaps one of them on a little cocktail umbrella on the top of it, makes it lovely. Lovely.

Yeah, that would be nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where do you stand on Percy and Friends? Yeah, yeah. The pals. Sorry, sorry. It's a messy impale. Sorry, doesn't.

I like the story of it. Yeah. I like my... What's the story of your hair? I think it makes the... I love to be narrated on the back, get on the back. He's a glyphotin. Isn't he? That's what it's. There's this gloetrotting Percy. That's what it says in the front of one of them. And I think that's because the species, Ben's nodding with such solidarity.

That was so sweet. That was so adorable. I think the animals are more exotic. So there's like a zebra, like a, do you know the flavor of the Percy Pig is? I do. And I shall tell you, but do you want to have a guess of what the actual flavor is? I've got no idea. It's just a memory. I think it's raspberry. You're very close. Strawberry. It's strawberry kiwi mix. Oh yeah. I wouldn't have got that. Oh, no idea. And that's what Percy

energy drink is. It's literally strawberry kiwi, which is why it tastes exactly like it. I have no doubt that a Percy Pig contains raspberry or did at some point or some variation has raspberry. She passed raspberry in it. Yeah. And there's a coke, the coke of coke of cola of cow's. That's the best of the cow. That's the best of the cow. That is without question. In fact, I could even retroengineer my cocktail to just be a Jagerbombe and coke with one of those sweet coke of cola of

the cow's on the top. That'd be just as happy with that. Yeah. I'd love the bag of just the cow's. If Mark or Spencer were listening, I would love it. If we had a bag of just the cow's. Well, they do the drink now, right? There's a Percy Pig soda.

I would sell it in Mark's and Spencer's. That's everything up. Sorry to say. No, it won't be boozy. It won't be boozy. No, but it is. It's the same general idea. A virgin pussy pig is what you say.

Oh, God. That's not. Watch, say it was plumbing. What's the toilet line? What, what, what, what, what, what, what? This virgin pussy pig. No, thank you. I'm not. Watch Stale's plumbing. What's the call it like? I bought a bottle of this virgin, but see, I'm like, no, thank you. Absolutely not.

I've got nowhere near that. That's right, up my straight line. You're going to do a leap. Did you make any noises when you're eating this carbonara? It was a lot of like, oh my god. Oh yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, that's good.

Would you use that in your acting to say you're in a scene where you're eating an amazing meal? Would you imagine the carbonara when you're eating it? Would you go method with the carbonara? It's like smell the fire acting. It's like, oh my god. Like, it's Eddie out like something like a really like important moment, like a like revolutionary moment for characters. It's like, oh my God. Like, it's like something like a really like important moment,

like a like revelatory moment for characters. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm just thinking of past. Yeah. Oh my God. Can I get more pumice? No, sorry Paul.

You can send me a pumice on out loud. God. I would think about like food memories if I had to do a sex scene. Food memories. Because I think about really delicious food and how I felt about it. But then that's not going to be sexual. So I'm not going to, so I wouldn't want to be in a sex scene.

I'm going to have to draw from sex. Yeah, yeah. Because then worst, think could happen. And then I'd say, I think somebody's throwing cream on your face. Yeah, I'll get cream from all all angles and it's not nice. So I think I would want to think of delicious food I've had so that my face is showing my absolute pleasure and ecstasy. Yeah, yeah.

But everything downstairs is completely chill down. Yeah, chill, yeah. It's just happy as Larry. I'm not doing a sexy and I have to say, can we get an astray? That was one of the things that was deleted from Cinderella, actually. Sex in the mouse was having sex and they're turning to a human half. They changed the PG rating. Yeah, yeah. Pretty bad. Well, what was the reaction of the person that you are having sex with

in the same? Well, remember, it was a mouse at the beginning, so it was so much. Oh, well, so they explained it. No, no, no, luckily they did. Exactly, I just... It's in the director's car. I'm the one, I'm the one. I'm the one. I'm the one who cut that out for the film.

They were like, it was too real. Yeah. Not real. My action was so good. Yeah. The director of Project Science like James, I'm so sorry, it was an amazing performance. Have you had sex with the mouse, but we just, we couldn't do it. We had it happen on there.

I was thinking of paper foods. What I was doing that scene. Nice. At the beginning I was thinking of cheese because I saw mouse is paper food. And then I was thinking of methods. Eyes Queen, when I was a that thing. Nice. At the beginning I was thinking of cheese because I saw mouse is vaping food. And then I was thinking of methods. Eyesquing, when I was a human. Method acting. Yeah. I'm very method.

We won't ask you about shooting the sex scenes. I'm sure you've been asked it in many times. I mean, I'm always thinking about food during sex scenes. Yeah. It's my... It's an exclusive, that's what I think about. Yeah, yeah. Well my next question was, um, do you twist a little suck?

But it was relating to the pastor. Oh my God. Oh my God. We've told this on the podcast before and it's another story that doesn't go anywhere. But like, you know, when we were in New York, and I, we, we walked ages to go to this pie place, and then it was shut. But like all we could think about was how much we wanted. Some of that sweet American pie. Not like the film. We weren't doing that.

I was going to say that's what I was thinking. We were doing that with the pride. Tracking across New York, he couldn't wait to get to that sweet American pie. I thought it was a cultural tradition. I got chucked out the shop pretty quickly. I don't know here. That film, man. What a film. We had to talk about that with Brett Goldstein recently.

He asked us what the most, Brett Goldstein does a film podcast. So he did a mashup for comic relief with the food podcast. He asked us, was it the most arousing meal? Meal in a film is. And I said, it was like, what the fuck's the point? I might have said it. Yeah. Yeah. Because Manics was 13 years old and watching a sex, a sex film.

Yeah. It wasn't fine. I even wouldn't. You weren't 13 going, oh, that's, that's sex. As far as I knew with that, it would be, I know with that, I'm probably know what to do with a pie more than a person. James James grew up in Kettering so the only apple pie he could let his hand and was Donald's what I really really burned himself. Boy then hot. To Kingdom come. I'm only just getting better now. I'm going to have some beef suya, this is my side dish. It's probably more of a snack or

a starter, but it's definitely not a main. And I think because the main that I've chosen the beans, it's quite kind of simple, it's quite restrained, there's no meat on it. The suya for those that do not know is a kind of like, addictively fiery barbecue beef that's kind of like traditionally sold by like roadside and kind of like little kind of outdoor grills in Nigeria. It's not, it's northern Nigerian in origin and it's in this dry spice rub which is called yaji specifically, or suya spice and that's got peanuts it. So it's kind of mixed with like ground peanuts with kind of dried pepper, like chili pepper, it's got some ginger in there. And it is like the most addictive thing you have ever had in your life. Genuinely,

it's out of control. There's something about the combination of like sweet roasted peanuts and kind of quite intenty with like charred strips of like a B for you can have it with chicken. You get it in new to paper when you go to if you have it traditionally in like Nigeria and it's kind of you know it's quite primal you're ripping it out of the paper with your hands a cold beer as well And I think that'll be a good little matchup. And it's the sort of thing. It is one of my absolute favourite Nigerian dishes. And I think I've write in the book that the first time I tried it actually

was some that had been smuggled into the country by a relative who had frozen it. I still don't really know how had frozen it. I still don't really know how they did it. And frozen it in a tin or something, hidden it in their bag so that escaped detection and then got it to the UK and then it kind of defrosted

and then they sort of gave it to us. And I mean, the fact that I'm still eating this, I can see you know, when it's kind of essentially been in someone's suit, guys. But yeah, it's amazing. And it's it's a really, really good dish. Yeah, it sounds great, even if it hasn't been mulled into the country. Are there places to get it? Yeah, there's really, really good. I think you can get it all over. And there's a place that delivers nationally, actually, called Alaji Suya, which I would massively recommend. They're in Peckham and they've got like, they've got a couple of locations but they've got main one in Peckham

and they're really, really good. They use really tender meat, they're yadji, their spice is like, they give you an extra little baggie of it for the hardcore. And I would also recommend Chisharoo, which is like quite an acclaimed restaurant that's in London by a chef called Jocquet Bakare and she does like Really nice bavet steak like with the spicy on top so that's like a little sort of like edging towards Bougie-ness version of it, but this still is delicious. We're gonna go there one. Yeah, are we? Yeah before I think it was before COVID Yeah, we've booked it to go. Yeah, I think we're gonna go there once. Yeah. Yeah, before I think it was before COVID, we booked it to go. In Brixton.

Yeah. I think we were going to go there and then it and then everything. You should go. She's amazing. She's such a good cook. And like, it's funny because I've eaten Sierra on TV shows and also like spicy dishes as well. And it is a weird thing, isn't it, where I feel like I do like spice, but I don't

know if it likes me as much as I like it. Like, there's a really growing body of evidence of me just like sweating and just looking like, what are you doing? Like, you know, I don't know, like, and it was funny like growing up because a lot of my friends would have that thing of like wanting to get the highest curry and when Nando's arrived, I'd be ribbed for all if I didn't go extra hot at Nando's. I think growing up with food that could be hot and with a lot of spice and stuff, I just didn't really understand that real, oh god, you've got to get the highest one. It's good, but yeah, I don't know how, you got to get that hot. It's what it's going to be like.

But yeah, I don't know how are you guys with the, the, you love it. I love it. Absolutely. Love it. But I wouldn't, it's certainly not for any sort of masculine proofries. Yeah, yeah, yeah, genuinely love it. As always, there's, there's, there's all the flavors there. Yeah. And then they're married together brilliant, delicious. I don't know if there's no flavor, and it's just really hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just kind of like a blunt heat. I like it to take me to the absolute edge. Oh, man. Yeah. When I start sweating and getting tingling, tingling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's part of it, isn't it? It's almost like physical. Like there's another, like, other end of the spectrum in terms of cuisine, but high, there's a few, like, speedboat bar. I don't know if you've been there. Yeah, that's another place I went. I went and then the next week I went back with him, because the one dish at speedboat bar where they were like, do you like hot food?

Like yes. And it came and it got me so close to the edge. Oh man. But I know when I've gone over the edge because I start hiccuping. Right. And I just started to get hiccups. It was the Chinese sausage. That's the Chinese sausage in the mustard green salad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's amazing.

Yeah. The prawns of each of these stuff there was off the chain. Yeah. I really want those again. It's so good. I remember after, we were talking about them the other day. And I was really like to serve the food there. And then I remember the drink that I had,

the me and Jamie Dmitry ordered. And it was like that, it was that beer. Jelly beer. Jelly beer, that was like a frozen beer. That had like ginger and honey in it. Yeah. How the hell? Oh, baby.

Like that's a dangerous drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got gop in that down on the juice. I was all ready to be angry at that restaurant because it used to be the Taiwanese taste. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I love. It's the bow guys did.

Yeah, which is like the most beautiful restaurant I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's zoo was zoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just a stunning. Yeah, but that is everything is like yeah, yeah, yeah, proper sort of pulse pounding.

I think when you do it, you're like, But that is everything is like proper sort of pulse pounding. I think when you do it, because I plaza cow gang, the kind of precursor to that, which is in arcade below center point. And that was my, like, you know, and they bring out little sort of,

like afterwards you have these little like milk, like almost like little shots of like pink milk that are kind of meant to like tame the spice to them, but you know, when you're just like I want more and people look at you now like you sure you want more It's a good idea But yeah, it's so addictive and yeah, like so you are definitely tick that box for me. It's just such a It's such a rush. It's kind of like like, to the point where there is a little bit of a thing in Nigeria, especially in like Nigerian culture,

where it's a bit like, and my mum's a little bit like, what is in that stuff? Like she finds it a little bit kind of, she's not sure about it. She's suspicious and there's all these rumors about various kind of, you know, I think them, I mean, I did write a piece about it. It's very, very, very, like, it being almost like a bit of a natural viagra type thing.

Like, there's kind of like weird sort of, um, I did things in there. So just be aware of that before you have. So where can you order this from? Also, those rumors are it by someone who was eating the cereal and got a bone. That's the person you start that move. Yeah, must be the cereal. So, natural white anger guys.

I'm not that I'm a hardist or a rocker. Not that I'm an unstoppable pervert. Yeah. It was the cereal. You'd actually have any of the cereal. Well, it's Steve. Oh, bucket list special. What's extra exciting about this conversation is that it's the very first formal promotion

for the special that I've done yet. And I don't even know what the messaging is. I can tell you that I'm positive that this special will not be on Netflix or HBO or any other legitimate platform which presents comedy specials because it is actually triple X rated. I'm friends of working on it. And they would have them just told me one of the things that you got to do. And that's what I have to do. It's done. But you have decided to do.

I'm like, there's no way that obviously that's not going to be on any. No, it's like part of this project and this special in this special, like I actually blow alone. I've fully, not only do I eat jack-e-late on camera, but naked with another man strapped to my back. But I do so simultaneously as I fall out of an airplane at 15,000 feet in the air. Like that's the most ambitious, like absurd,

and it's just challenging, because you try and jack off to completion in a tiny little airplane. Yeah. Well, I think I'd be too worried that because as far as I understand it with that, you've you've you've filmed that already. Yes. That's called skyjack. That's caught skyjack. Yeah. Yeah. Just to be sure, my thing that I've been most concerned about is that as far as I understand

when you ejaculate, it's as you jump out the play, which I would be quite worried that when I do that, that means I just haven't got my wits about me and I'm going to get everything wrong. Well, I mean, when you've got the other guy strapped your back, you don't have to do anything. But you just go, you're just flying up in his face. That's what I'll be worried about. The blowback is key. Yeah, key. Definitely he definitely caught some, what do you call it? Crossfire. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I think if you're agreeing to do that, you're not going to be bothered by the way of just like it wasn't. It wasn't just challenging logistically. I mean, it was challenging to get the coverage. Thank God we had the camera and the right spot on the outside of the plane to really get the money shot It's arguably the biggest success of my entire career For out-challenging it was because consider this I was loving the love it's even obviously I

I found out that I was already in the airplane that's when I found out that I I was already in the airplane. That's when I found out that I needed to time the ejaculation within a very precise window of two minutes. Yeah, yeah. That's counterintuitive to like why like, how's that? But come to learn that if we fall out of this airplane at any other time, then we miss the drop zone. It's a very distinct area that we have to land in.

And we're only over that, the two minutes is that all you got. So for that, now that's precision. I'm doing the most challenging thing and it has to be precisely and like never mind finding the company that was okay with doing this on their banner. Sure. The individual who was actively strapped to my back. Yeah. And now for the biggest challenge of all,

to tell a story in such a fashion that it makes a theater full of more than 1,000 people find it permissible, not just to watch me jack-off completion, but to watch it joyfully. Yeah, yeah. I mean, and I did that pulled that off. That's a feat. Yeah, that's when it comes to the craft of stand-up comedy and storytelling.

Like, I think that's testimony that I have for the last 13 years of persistently performing. I have developed the craft to a point of mastery where in Alabama, thousands of people are watching me jack off and they're okay with that. Yeah. Well, I think anyone go into one of your shows, I'd be surprised if they word, I'd be surprised if they go to see Steve Owen in 2023 and they said, oh, this is too far. I'm going to hang. I mean, Steve, but here too far. I'm going home. I mean, please, Steve, but I'm here.

Here's my question about sky jacket. We should actually questions about food, but I do have questions about you jacking off and jumping out of a plane. So, so you know that there's a specific time you've got a jump out and that you've got to a jacket like at that point. Yeah, there's a green light on the wind on the thing

where the green light goes on and that indicates it's okay to jump. So, so the green light, but for you, the green light means it's okay to choose. Yeah, exactly. And the green light's only going to be on for two minutes. Yeah. And that's the window. So when I found this out, I think maybe this answers your question.

I said, give me one minute to notice before that light comes on. Yeah. Because, and what's that for? Are you going? Right, I've got a, I've got to think about, were you thinking about a certain thing that you made? I had a portable DVD player tapes down, queued up to a particularly salacious moment in a film. When Cameron Diaz walks in in the mask. When Cameron Diaz walks in in the mask. No, no, something about Mary, where the guy's got the bed still.

That's all the guy strapped to your back with something. I bet you'll get better. The reason for all of this, I've been performing live comedy now for 13 years. Just grinding and comedy clubs. And I started 2010. And over the course of these 13 years, my comedy's improved and it's become a multimedia experience. Like at first it was just me and a microphone.

That was my first comedy special. My second comedy special just me and a microphone. That was my first comedy special. My second comedy special was me and a microphone and footage of the stories I told edited in post-production to illustrate the stories in a multimedia fashion. But the footage was not with me on tour. Now for this third show, which is the bucket list, I filmed everything so that the footage could come with me on tour.

And the footage had to be shit, it's not allowed on jackass. That was my deal. I'm gonna set my sights for like forbidden stunts. And the forbidden stunts were very clear. I had the idea for skydiving for the last 20 years. Every time skydiving ever came up in conversation, I would never fail to say that my idea of skydiving. And then there's like, God, the things I did for this show, like life threatening, flagrantly illegal.

For example, I got a medical professional to administer stolen, generally anesthesia drugs into an IV in my vein while I was riding a bicycle through a field. At that, like this medical professional in disguise, I mean, it is just so easy. They were wearing a hazmat suit with the face on like pulled and yeah, you couldn't. But then we got another medical professional dressed as a clown Which was kind of appropriate And he put a four-inch needle into my spine and injected a drug into my spinal cavity Which rendered me paralyzed while I was in a full sprint

Yeah, and that was before my buddies conducted experiments to determine just how paralyzed I was. So that one is so nuts. Actually, after that one, I found myself paralyzed on the ground sobbing because I was just tears of joy were flowing because it's so hard for me to raise the bar from where it's at. And like, that was such a profound success that it brought me to tears. I tell you what really it, it reminds me as well because it's that winter feeling of having toffee apples. So imagine that toffee apple tastes just sweetly. Itness and apple, a little shot of brandy pastry, that's childhood. That's childhood. That is childhood. The shot of fireworks night. There it is. Yeah. That's what I think that was one of the other.

Topsy apples on fireworks night. It wasn't the stouture, that's the pit. What's your opinion of Guy Fork? So if you're going to go into loose women mode and give a opinion on Guy Fork's. Well, I'm not great on the history. He burnt down the place, didn't he? He tried to. He tried history. He burnt down a place, didn't he? He tried to. He tried to. He got busted. Yeah, so he's a naughty boy.

Yeah. At that time, everyone has different emotional needs and people in different places in their life. And we're not sure exactly where GuyFogs was. We even know we have a story, but we haven't spoken direct to him. So it's hard to really judge. However, from the evidence, I would say what he was doing was absolutely terrible.

Great, very balanced, very measured. You've used the evidence. They chopped his knob off when they caught him. Why is knob, though? Oh, teaching, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was sitting in the fire to play this with Dick. How are you imagining that? Is he shooting flames at him as Dick? Or is he striking as Dick against a rough surface like a match? I feel like he's shooting the flames at him. Yeah. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bam, bam, bam, bam.

That's what I thought I was like. Oh. Yeah. So like quick, we got a chopper's dick off. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think it was in the moment. They didn't just see him try to set fires and just chop his dick off straight away.

I think they arrested him and they were like torturing him and stuff. But why did Dick, what about his hands? This is hands, these dicks are gonna get out going, walk over to a match. And like it, isn't? Yeah, but I don't think it was a preventative measure to stop him setting fires or anything else.

I think they'd caught him out. And it was like, it wasn't. Right, let's see if he set fire to anything else. I think they'd caught him out. And it was like, it wasn't. Right, let's see if he said fire to anything else. I'll chop you dick off. It was like, we've caught you and now we're gonna just talk to you. Wow. Okay, I suppose that would be the worst form of torture

for any man. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. I wonder if one of the people caught him was an ex. That's what they're going. oh, I've got an idea. Yeah. I chop his dick off. Check me.

Yeah. Check me. You never came in through a stone at my window. So I'm going to make you have no dick. Forget trying to burn down the place and you know causing devastation. What about the devastation you caught to my heart? So you thought, Jeremy, you set me on fire and never came back, bitch. So I'm going to chop your dick off.

That's probably what it was. And we've all the men together. And they all were like, yes, yes, yes. I bet it was gutted when he saw that, he's, sorry, my fat. What is it, Ronin on the floor? Yeah, but he was gutted then. I was jumping ahead of it.

I thought it'd be gutted when he saw the people decided his fate and one of them was his act, so I don't know where this is. Exactly. I saw he saw his dick rolling on the floor. And then I think he literally was gutted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The torture, there's a lot of things.

But start with chopping the dick off. Best place to start. That's best place to start. But that's why, you know, tradition, the like, you eat toffee apples on bonfire night because the the sticks meant to be represented as dick. Really? Yeah.

I like toffee apple. Yeah, we eat in the apple, apple's not. So what is the apple? What is the apple? I was gonna say. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, I like eating the apples.

Yeah. Hahaha. And also, I've still got this basket, a beautiful bread. Yeah, you're dipping. Yeah. And the basket is a... There's a hole underneath the basket, so it's constantly refilled. Oh, I thought you were going to do the popcorn shirt, but with a bread basket.

Popcorn trip. The hand of the popcorn. Nearly. No. Yeah. Oh, my no, my nobs going through the table. What in the bread? What is the spot I was confused about? It's time I've ever heard anyone.

No, it's going to be the table. I wish. I just was my dog in the butt and the print. What's my job with the print? You said you cut a hole in the bottom of the bread basket. Which we still need to put a button on that to look back to what he told you. But put a hole in the bottom of the bread basket. Cut a hole in the bottom of the bread basket.

And I've only ever heard people doing that. Where if there's a guy that doesn't buy you. Yeah. They cut a hole in the bottom of the, they sit there and knob through it, and then they offer someone some popcorn and the person goes, we ride down to the bottom for the good stuff, and then they touch their dick.

Popcorns on the lap. Yeah, yeah. Did this bread basket get in the middle of the table? I don't know what you're doing. You go, maybe you're cooling under the table. My friends are getting a bit, they're looking for a fish. You're probably fair.

Yeah, okay, my brother. One of the shapes. We're fishing for a bit of... For probably fair. Yeah, okay, my brother. One of the shapes. We're fishing for a bit of... For catcher. For catcher. Yeah. They might grab a knob.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, maybe you put some so dry tomatoes on it to disguise it. Yeah. It rose me. John, so... No, you'd know my knob. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's a low light. It's not a low light. It's a low light. It's not a low light. It's not a low light.

It's not a low light. You would know you're not going to see it. You can't see it in your hands there. You can't see a thing. You increase them appetite. The Japanese say that low light. I like to see why this is stressful now. Low light reduces your ability to recognise your brother's novel.

Yeah. That's what I say. Good God. It's definitely say, if you turn the lights down low, I wouldn't have read that. You're able to camouflage your no's a knob. Yeah, that's what I say. Good God. Definitely say, if you turn the lights down low, I wouldn't reckon that. You're able to camouflage your knob in it. What if they're all doing it in the last few of the catch-y? What if they're all doing it as a knob? We're all for what? We'll be funny to do it. So, do you all do it at different times throughout the evening? No, no. So all at once. You're going to do it and you have to stuff it at different times. No, no, no. You're going to do it.

And you have to stuff all the ginsengs between the same hole at the same time. Into the bread past. You're going to go just in for position. Yeah, but we don't know each other doing it. And then at the same time. And then you all meet for some for capture and then grab each other's nod.

I mean, best case scenario. You grab your own nod, right? Yeah, best case. Yeah, best case. You've been relieved. You've been relieved. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, the bread's there. So what do you mean? Point B, get the bread, dip it in the onion soup. Yeah. And then also, if I may,

John, I do need to look back. Why does a hole in the bottom of the basket mean that the bread keeps refilling? Yeah, yeah. Oh, in my mind, I don't know. There's a baker. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. And then also if I do need to look back, why does a hole in the bottom of the basket mean that the bread keeps refilling? Yeah. Oh, in my mind, I don't know, there's a baker below us just keeps funneling out. So that's more realistic than what I was saying. Well, yeah. Yeah, keep emptying. Surely the red rolls would fall at the bottom is what Bernito is saying is that if you cut a hole in the bottom, there's a Baker fun in them up, but surely for Catcher's going to be constantly tumbling back down the hole and blocking the tube. This Baker's having a nightmare. There's a pork callus. He released. So every

time it's empty, every time the basket's here, empty, he opens pork colors, shoves the bread, that shots a pork color. You better, you know, put your knob in there if there's a pork color. Really? Be careful. Be careful. Be careful. Yeah, well, you and all your brothers, the entire male line dies in one night. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean, I'm reading this for the first time, everyone listening, and there's a whole section called burp. Yeah, I mean, we should be ashamed of ourselves putting this shit out into the world every single week.

What, I mean, we shouldn't be able to do a whole category of our best of that is called burp that follows the category called Phil. So it's pretty sad, but listen, 2023 according to Benito, it's been the year with the birth. We've guests belching in the studio. And one guest asking, what is burp? Let's hear from Judy Love, Jenny Eclare and Paul Fertz. I feel the only time I've ever smoked your belt food is just knowing that you're like

Nando's, that's it. I do like Nando's, but I think I like Nando's a quick thing with the kids, but one of my favorite West Indian food is Oxdale. I love it Oxdale. It's got to be cooked really well. It's got to be succulent and just drop off the bone, sweet and nice. Nandos is not, it would definitely not be my, you know, if that one amazing meal, no. Yeah, this is the drama that you I was trying to get you. I was trying to not burn. Yeah. So you chose to do that instead.

So I was trying to hold it in. I was just running my face at like, I missed, I was turned around and then I just turned a honk. Yeah, you guys close at your bottom lip and over your top lip. I thought you could have blew up but did you fix it? You grabbed in your own face. Yeah, I was trying to hold it. It's very gassy. This diet coke. I was trying to hold the belt, because it put a camera, I can't, I can't even belt silently,

because I've got a belt. The mic in my mouth, I was trying to hold it, and then it just forced it to way out. Yeah, well you got away with it, Judy, well done. I've been out, but my balls. Oh my God. I'm glad we filmed this now. Yeah.

Oh my Lord. You'll see what your face would facing like. Don't you worry. Oh my god. Get better for more. That's it. So chapel down if you're listening. That's what happens when she has bubbles. It's great. You need to do that for a point. You want Lady Backers to come down to Vinyun, burping her own face? Lady Backers. Lady Backers. Lady Back, Day Mike, Day Mike, say copyrights, Lady Backers.

But I'm Lady Backers. Because there is Backers. How can I say, backshad? Yeah. Lady Backshad? Yeah, yeah. Lady Backshad. Backshad. Backshad. Yeah, yeah. It's my name. It's Lady Backshot. Yeah, yeah, Lady Backshot. Backshot. Backshot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's my name, it's Lady Backshot. It's the opposite of the face, but... Lady Backshot. Lady Backshot. She'd be like, Backshot, but it's... Yeah, it is obviously, isn't it? My god, it's wild. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. So. Wow. Damn. You know what? Yeah.

Just loving every second of this, Judy. This is such a good time. Enjoy ourselves. The, the, um, old and wider audience know us better than to do that. What would they know that we are, um, I'm, excuse me, sorry, Diet Coke. And I don't, but I did tiny one then. Um, Coleslaw, we are big Coleslaw fans. So the other side dish I was going to, um, suggest was a salariat, Remoulard, which is a posh version of course, excuse me now, burp. Absolutely love it. And I don't burp. No, no, no, no, no, just now,

a million times on a podcast. I mean, good health, but I have one weird thing about me, which is not really a health thing. And I only really realized eight months ago. But I used to, if I had like sparkling water, anything sparkling, like sparkling cherry cola and things like that, then I would go all bloated inside. And then if I had like all rich food, I would have to go to the, like, the blue. And it would have to release it in a really violent way that sound like I was being sick. One time I was at the Dorchester

Hotel having one of these mixed and star meals we talked about. And then I said, and show me where in the Lou, it's pleased, it's all very polite. There's this very pleased, thank you so much, and all that stuff. And then I went in and there was like some really rich people in the loop. He's the dovetail. And I just went, whoah! It's like a vomiting sound. But it's like a vomit sound. Yeah.

But it isn't. It's like all the gas coming out all violently. Wow. Anyway, and I couldn't work out what it was. And I thought it was because I'm swallowing air as I'm eating, eating too quickly and kind of air is going in. But anyway, then suddenly I was having a conversation with a friend a few months ago, and he said something about him, or just a little burp there.

And then I said, what is burp? What? I just said, I said, what is burp? Because I didn't really know what burp was. I didn't know. I'd heard the word. But I didn't know what burp was, you see. And then I discovered that you can burp either loudly, like it all burped, or silently. But the point is, I realised that never in my whole life have I ever burped, ever.

I've never burped. I didn't know what it was. So I've been training myself in burping because I looked it up online and it's quite rare. Well, I've got quite rare, but you can have it done by under general anesthetic, you have to have Botox injected into your sort of light down in the mouth, down in the throat. Yeah, to help you burp. To help you because it opens it up and then you can burp after that. But I was trying to do training because I saw an internet video of a man trying to do

a burp. And one time after brushing my teeth, I managed to get my mouth all full of that little toothpaste and I managed to do a belch. And I have been able to more recently do like release all the gas in like the vomiting way but less loudly than before. Like I'd be on it airplanes and like the cabin crew would say, are you all right? What's going on? Yes. But anyway, so you could, so the problem is that you're getting all that gas in there, but you'd have no way of releasing other than this weird

vomit sound. I can't release it other than the weird vomit sound. But then strangely enough, two weeks ago, and I hadn't even eaten or anything, I've been doing all this training, you see. And then I was just changing a record and my record player. And suddenly, I did a burp. And that's the first one in my whole life. But I haven't done one since. That was about three weeks ago. Right. And maybe a hope. And the next step will be another burp. And the next hill of that would be a silent burp, which is like, that's like a real pipe dream to me at the moment.

Not I'm more likely to be in Panto with Christopher Beginsson. Sure. Not that I want to. No, you don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. So likely, but it's still. So anyway, so that's why for that reason I had to have the steel water. So the last thing I need is more bubbles inside me because of that thing.

It's got a fancy name for it. Really? Not being able to burp. Yes, and you can have it done, but you have to have it done privately. And it costs about £4,000 or something. But what concerns me is that you've got to find, it's privately, and you've got to find someone who knows what they're doing. It's not like the NHS, with the NHS, you can have something done on the NHS for free,

and if it goes wrong, you can then just live with it for the rest of your life. But tell everyone and just say, you know, the NHS, they'll let me down. There's been so many cuts, so many cuts in the NHS. This is the disgrace that's been running for the ground. I went through a routine operation on my hip, I've been in an acne ever since, I had a routine operation to check something to do with my gold bladder, I've been in a continent

ever since and I can't have sex anymore, it's the disgrace, that's what's happening in the NHS and after it, they me just £15,000 compensation. It's not much, is it? Considering I've lost my sex driver, I've lost my ability to, you know, all that stuff. So, you know, if it's private, you know, you can't do that. No. So, you're best of made sure they know what they're doing. Yeah.

So that's why I thought, why not just train myself to do it? It must be possible. I mean, if you've done it where you were changing the record or you record player, that's a good start. Yeah. Maybe you remember what the album was, you were listening to the music, maybe that helps. Maybe it relaxed you. Vivaldi, was it?

Certainly not. No, it was JS Bach. I wouldn't have been listening to Vivaldi. Talk about second rate. Come on, believe me, just said that. That's not the most insulting thing you can say. The idea was to listen to Vivaldi in my own home. In my private sanctuary. When I finally got into my own home, done a complete sweep of the whole house, check the Ed Gamble, isn't there anywhere in the home, and I can just relax.

The idea I'm going to put Vivaldi on and then burp. Well, it's insulting. The body politics. I apologize. That's all right, James. Well, there we are. I mean, that's genuinely the end of the best of is the burping, but as ever, we end our best of episodes with the annual pop-at-ums or bread complication.

That's what Benito's written. It's in complication with a full stop afterwards. We'll be back with a new series in the new year, and yes, we will be releasing the episodes from the live tour. Actually, I'll say it in the tone of the video to we'll be recording. And yes, we will be releasing in the episodes of The Life Tour. Bye! Bye! POPLOBS OBREN! POPLOBS OBREN!

Jenny Claire, POPLOBS OBREN! Okay, right, that was so... Got a miss. That was a big one, wasn't it? Yeah, it was there. There's a... We're in the studios, it's called Plosive. Yes.

Oh, you did a very close of pee then, and I got some of it in my face. Yes Yes, Bob, I'm so bread Bob, I'm so bread for bread. I'm ready. I'm so bread Bob, I'm so bread Bob, I'm so dead. I'm so dead. I'm so dead. I'm so dead. I'm so dead. I'm so dead. I'm so dead Yeah, that's good. Bob, I'm so bread. Bob, I'm so bread. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so good. Poblums are bread. Poblums are bread. Oh my god. It's Poblums are bread. Well, I'm a bread. Poblums are bread. Poblums are bread. Jimmy Femma Raywa. Poblums are bread. Poblums are bread. Poblums are bread. Kyle. Poblums are bread. Bread. Poblums are bread. Poblums are bread. Nick Flost. Poblums are bread.

I'd never. Who would ever. I mean, I think it will be revealed when I... Yeah, the bread's not Poblums are red pop it up red lily Allen pop it up red hmm it's toughy isn't it that's why you've asked it the tough questions pop it up so bread pop it up so bread last night well pop it up so bread I was... Eeeh... When you see Pum-Lom-sob-red, are you referring to the color, Leon? See, come on. Pum-Lom-sob-red! Pum-Lom-sob-red on the parks! Pum-Lom-sob-red! Bread!

Pum-Lom-sob-red! Pum-Lom-sob-red, AJ, do do! Pum-Lom-sob-red! I'm going Pum-Fit-ums! Pum-Lom-sob-red! Pum-Lom-sob-red, have it, Kenzie! Pum-Lom-sob-red! Obviously, we've been looking forward to that for a while. Yeah. Pum-Lom-sob-red! Pum-Lom-sob-red is a hundred! Pum-Lom have it, Kensey. Pum lumps of bread. Obviously been looking forward to that for a while. Yeah. Pum lumps of bread. Pum lumps of bread is a hundred. Pum lumps of bread. Bread spread. We're going through the Irish door.

And we're going to have some sort of bread. Eat this Pum lumps of bread. Pum lumps of bread. Pum lumps of bread. Yeah, I always thought I'd be ready for that. Pum lumps of bread. Pum lumps of bread. We should, Smith.

Pum lumps of bread. Pum lumps of bread. Yes. Oh. Pum lumps of bread. Pum lumps of bread. Steve, I... Pum lumps of bread. Pum lumps of bread. Yeah. Pum lumps all bread. Yes. Oh! Papa Dom's all bread. Papa Dom's all bread, Steve. I'm Papa Dom's all bread. Papa Dom's all bread.

Yeah. Papa Dom's all bread. Papa Dom's all bread. Nietzsche, my... Papa Dom's all bread. Papa Dom's all bread. Papa Dom's all bread. Cammy had a lot of it.

Papa Dom's all bread. I've got requests. Yeah. Can I have a pound of chocolate? Yeah, my god. Papa Dom's all bread. Papa Dom's all bread. I'm a lot of them.

Papa Dom's all bread. I'm a lot of them. I need not. Papa Dom's all bread. Uh-huhoms or bread, cav-a-word-a-w, but- Definitely not. Pop-a-doms. Uh-huh. Because they are just like congealed dust. Pop-Loms or bread? Pop-Loms or bread, Alex Jones? Pop-Loms or bread? I can't even believe it's a question.

No. Pop-Loms or bread? Pop-Loms or bread, Grand Cups and Pop-Loms or bread? Pop-A-doms or bread? Yeah. Pop-Loms or bread? Pop-Loms or bread, Jordan Gray? Pop-Loms or bread?

Pop-Loms or bread? It's winter, and you can get anything you need delivered with uber eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on uber eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arrangini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No, but moose head?

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Bread. Pop the thumbs. Yeah. Wait, hang on. No, bread. I don't know. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it.

Deep down, I like you. Yeah. Yeah. Pop it up, so it's bread. Pop it up, so it's bread, pulfer. Pop it up I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. I'm deep down. I like you. Yeah. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Poofer. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Yo, Tampato Dengue. Poblom's all bread.

I didn't know that was. I was gonna ask this question. Of course, bread. Who eats Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Diffy habit. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Poblom's all bread. Pop-lums-up bread! Pop-lums-up bread! Pop-lums-up bread! Pop-lums-up bread! Pop-lums-up bread!

Pop-lums-up bread! Pop-lums-up bread! And to the bars! Pop-lums-up bread! Breads! Obviously bread! Pop-lums-up bread! Pop-lums-up bread! Talk to Matthew! I'm not gonna be in Po-Cop. Pop-lums-up bread! People with double-barrel surnames are very hard to shout pop-lums-up bread. So you have to do it really quickly. Pop-lums-up bread! Pop-lums-up bread! Don't French! Pop-lums-up bread! Oh my god! Pop-lums-up bread! Pop-lums-op-bread. So, I have to do it really quickly. Pop-lums-op-bread! Pop-lums-op-bread don't, French. Pop-lums-op-bread!

Oh my God. Pop-lums-op-bread! Pop-lums-op-bread, Fos-Pew. Oh. Pop-lums-op-bread. I'll get bread. Pop-lums-op-bread! Pop-lums-op-bread, Gaff-Meren.

He-pop-lums-op-bread. Pop-lums-op-bread, don't- Errm... Oh, pop-lums. Pop-lums-op-bread! I don't like it! Pop-lums-op-bread, Gaff-Meren. Pop-lums-op-bread, Pop-lums-op-bread!

That actually took me sick, myself. Yeah. I knew it was coming. But you're impressed. Pop-Loms-Up Red, how about it? Pop-Loms-Up Red! Oh, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- generally no, I love good bread Pop-lums-op-red Pop-lums-op-red Ah, I didn't know that was a question. I'm not prepared Pop-lums-op-red Pop-lums-op-red, Paul Figg, Pop-lums-op-red I'm ready. I'm ready for the arm Pop-lums-op-red, Pop-lums-op-red, Paul-lums-op-red Bread, is it your boy?

Yeah, sure we do Pop-lums-op-red, Pop-lums-op-red, John Cairns, Pop-lums-op-red Bread, please Can I have some bread, please? Thank you Yeah, sure we do. PUMBLOBS OPERAT! PUMBLOBS OPERAT! John Cairns! PUMBLOBS OPERAT! Uh, bread please. Can I have some bread please? Thank you. PUMBLOBS OPERAT! PUMBLOBS OPERAT!

Do you love the PUMBLOBS OPERAT? I don't know what happened there. You might get deported from Shakanda. What a podcast we've been recording. It's been, it's been, it's been, it's fun. Wildly entertaining. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Hello, it's Rob Olsen here. I don't need to tell you this, but you've been listening to the off menu podcast with Ed Gamble and James A. Caster. Now, I've listened to the off-menu podcast a lot, and my favourite moment from any episode was when John Cairns said, hmm, pop country. Hand up the popcorn? Nearly. Nob? Yep. Ah, my nob. My nob's gone through the table. In the bread. I loved that, and I've watched that clip over and over and over again. Ah, my knob. My knob's gone through the table. In the bread. I love that. And I've watched that clip over and over again. Now, I'm here to tell you that my podcast, The Rob Olton Daily Podcast, is returning in

2024 on the 1st of January. My podcast is a mix of poems, stories, musings, there will be a new Rob Olsen daily podcast episode every single day in the year of 2024, including weekends.