Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Best of 2025: Part 2

Episode Date: December 30, 2025

Welcome to part two of the Best Of episodes, we’ve been expecting you for some time… This half contains the 'toilet humour' section.Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcastFollow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Clips Celeb storiesElle FanningHarris DickinsonDermot O'LearyCarey MulliganMarian KeyesKate WinsletChris McCauslandGreg JamesChaosStevie MartinLucia KeskinJoy CrookesMawaan RizwanBen SchwartzJeff GoldblumSharon WanjohiSharon WanjohiAnecdotesEllie TaylorDavid TennantNeil HannonRhys JamesMeera SodhaWill SharpeBlazing BangladeshisJonny PelhamFilthWill SharpeSelf EsteemJulian ClaryToilet humourGeorge EggBridget ChristieMo GilliganStacey DooleyMarian KeyesDavid TennantIan SmithElle FanningJohn KearnsJames vs Stephen GrahamStephen Graham: James vs Stephen 1 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to part two of the best ofs. We've been expecting you for some time. That's right, we're back with another fresh batch of podcast highlights. Now we've had our fair share of celebs dish the dirt on off menu, and 2025 was no exception. We've had tales about Angelina Joe Lee, Beyonce, and the Chuckle Brothers. Here's El Fanning, Harris Dickinson,

Derma O'Leary, Carrie Mulligan, Marion Keys, Kate Winslet, Christmas, McCorsland, and Greg James. If it had to be from a specific place, city, is there somewhere where the tap water is? New York. New York. The water is the best there. Another vote for New York.

Good for your hair. Is it? Yes. Your hair feels better in New York, and that's why the bagels also taste different. And I've heard that in other stuff, States, there are some bagel places that get the water transported to their bagel shops to make bagels because the water, that's what makes it so good in New York. They've got to get the New York water over there. Some people get it, get New York water just to wash their hair as well. I'm sure there are people who fly out New York water. I'm sure, right? I'm sure.

There's someone right now in L.A. building a pipeline from New York to L.A. to get the water, yeah. A hundred percent. Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt. Or Jim Carrey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carrie isn't washing his hair. He doesn't believe in it.

He doesn't believe in it. He's not trying. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, DeCaprio. They're getting the water pumped to him from New York to L.A. Yes. They're all doing that. Yeah, yeah. Although I think Clooney probably lives in Italy or something.

Yeah, I think he does. I don't know. Or maybe I'll just believe in the Nisprosos. It's a bit too much. Yeah, you're believing in the, in the, Yeah, yeah, it makes me believe that he lives in. He's getting New York water flown out for his espresso. Yeah, yeah.

Just a little bit each time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the only amount he orders each time, flies it over. Just enough to fill a tank on a small espresso machine. Yeah. You met Clooney? You know, I have, but it was in, it was like at an event. It was like kind of in a quick way.

I don't know him super. I don't know him super well. Do you ever get starstruck? Totally. I totally. do. I remember, so I went to the Metball when I was, I was 12 or 13. I think I was like the youngest. Wow. I think I was 13, like one of the youngest, like, attendees. But, um, and I was with my sister, which was really great. So I had like a buddy, but everyone, and I was a big, like, fashion nerd. I mean,

I still am, but like, especially when I was young. And all I wanted to do was meet Alexa Chung at the Metball. because she, I was like, as a 13-year-old girl, I was like, I just loved her style. Like, I just wanted to meet her. Yeah. And on the red carpet, I, and I kind of wore an outfit that, like, Alexa would probably have worn, you know, at the time. You kind of bait Alexa churning to come over, yeah. And then I turned around and she was there, and she was like, I like, I like your outfit. And I was like, I was like, I can't believe that.

And Beyonce was there. Beyonce I've met, and that is pretty, you know. You know, you're in the presence of, like, a goddess. As British people, it's very funny for us to hear Alexa Chung listed before Beyonce. Yeah. We've done hundreds of episodes of this podcast. That's the craziest thing that anybody was like. Also, Beyonce was there.

Yeah. Because before Alexa Chung did all the fashion icon stuff. She did. She was a host of like a TV show here. Yeah. On T4. which was like the youth channel. Yeah.

So we know her as a TV presenter, really. Yeah, she was, you know, I think like there was something exotic about her, me being from L.A., like this London girl, you know. Yeah, yeah. She's very cool. She's very cool. Yeah, and I have, I got to know her a little bit now that I'm older. But, yeah, we've, a little bit, super nice and, you know, it's cool.

But I'm trying to think. Oh, there's actually another funny one that I, again, it was at the Metball, but I was, I was a little bit older and Billy Elish and Cardi B were like talking and I was sitting down and I kind of I got up and I was

you know you're wearing giant shoes of course and you're like have this long train and everyone's always trying to like outdo each other with you know the crazy outfits and so I got up and I slipped like completely fell off my ass and like in front of Cardi B

and she's like whoa like she looks over like In her peripheral, she just sees me, like, just go down. And I was mortified. But she was like, oh, are like, are you okay? I was like, girl, are you okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm all good. Like, don't mind me.

Like, so that, you know, your star struck. But I was like, that was an embarrassing moment. You should just pretend that you're doing like a drag race death drop sort of style. Yeah, I should have. No, I wasn't that quick. But I was like, oh, sorry. Yeah, people are asking me about the milk. Yeah, I don't know, man.

What do you say? it's very difficult, strange interactions. I think that's the good thing about being an actor is that you don't have to tell them anything. Because you can just go, well, there's the film. Yes, yes, not me. What you make of it? But people do think that's you.

As soon as they've watched you and something, they think that's like your thing. It's strange to encounter. I think that's what Nicole Kimman's really good at is that a lot of the time when I see her in films. Like, she's so convinced as the character, but I don't think that is what she thinks in real. Like, I don't know why.

There's this separation where I'm like, I think she's just completely playing the role and there's almost a part of her that goes for roles that are so far removed from who she is that you can't really confuse them in a way. I don't know. That's how I felt watching the Estelle wouldn't come away from it going.

That's what the cold kid is. I don't think I ever watch any actor and think they believe everything in the film. The Rock? My girlfriend loves the Rock. Hey, look. I love The Rock. Because he believes it.

There's a figure of him right there. There is, yeah. Do you like wrestling? I love wrestling. Yeah, me too. Love the Iron Claw. Oh, yeah. My two favorite things, wrestling and unremitting bleakless.

Yes. Brotherhood. But just going off what you said about Nicole, she is such a, she's such a daring actor. Like, I found, even in her body of work, it's obvious that she chooses really risky filmmakers and, like, bold stories. But when you do something with her,

like she's really prepared to just go to the most embarrassing place without fear of judgment of anyone. Because the film set is inherently quite embarrassing. Someone described it the other day as it's like a building site and you have to walk up to the building site and stop everyone what they're doing. They'll be like, I'm going to have an act now. Jack Loudon said it.

The actor Jack Loudon said that. He was with him and he was like, because it's true you've got all these like grips and camp operators and technicians and you're there like, I'm going to perform. And it's like this very like physical environment where, you know, know, you're stopping everything for a moment and be like, my turn. Stop what you're doing. Now I'm going to step in and do my thing.

And then you're sort of sat, you know, it's really weird and embarrassing. But she is just so good at jumping in and trying stuff. So that was a cool experience for me to be a part of that and force me to also go there. Were there times where you were thinking, do you ever think in things like, that's the Cole Kittman? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was glad to know that. Yeah, of course, yeah. I was saying some of the other day, like the first couple of weeks,

and the production, I really tried to play a cool and professional and, you know, didn't ask her anything because I was like, you know, she's trying to do her job. I don't want to embarrass her. And then I was like, wait a minute, I was laying in bed one night. I was thinking like, fucking I'm like, you need to ask her every single quick. Like, how can you not, how can you work with some of that and not ask? So the next day it was like 10 a.m. And I was like, I was like, I was Stanley Kubrick.

I just have you, you have to get over it because if you get to the end of that process, and you've been too polite or too cool, you kick yourself, you know, working with someone like that. But then it's a weird one because it's a mechanism to not be starstruck, isn't it? To just be like, yeah, but then also you meet someone like that or anyone like that, you know, years ago I worked with Angelina Jolie and I was like, how do I have a normal conversation with this person?

I was like 22 years old, like, what the fuck do I ask Angela Jolie? Like, say, you've been doing this long? It's a really difficult thing where you've known someone's work you've grown up watching them and you're then thrust into an environment and you've got to talk to them in a very professional normal going to work every day

you've got any kids or it's like you know you know information about them whether you research them or not it's just there so that's a weird thing I don't know if you guys find that when you meet people that you really admire how to navigate the sort of interaction like do you go straight in with something

we go in with popadums or bread normally I mean that's that's sparking. That's how we, what we've done is created a podcast and a format to do all of that.

Is there any, any X-Factor contestant you wish was sharing this meal with you? Oh, that's a nice question. One X-Factor contestant. Can I have a judge or a contestant?

Do you seriously want one of the judges? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Shersie. Shersie's the world. Shersie's a world of fun. Yeah. Yeah.

You want a good drinking, buddy. Yeah. The coal is pretty much as great as it can. So, yeah. We did judge's houses once and we ended up.

in Nice, and me and her got there the night before, I was staying in this, like, massive house. And we had the chef, and so the chef had cooked this kind of, you know, there's that sort of sort of job, isn't it, traveling chef around Europe in the summer quite often? He was this really sweet guy. And, you know, I mean, I was kind of taken along, but then obviously said, what do you want to eat, Nicole, and pick this menu and blah, blah, blah.

And then towards the end of the night, she said, you don't have any port to you. And they're kind of, there's a kind of drained from this guy's face because you don't have any port. He was, like, you know, obviously, you know, serving Nicole shares, and stunning and beautiful and funny and lovely and all this sort of stuff. And he went, oh, God, no, let me see what I can get. And he came back with this kind of bottle and we poured a glass of it and she's dried it.

She went, oh, my God, that's lovely. And he left it. And it was cooking sherry. So we then proceeded to get shit-faced on cooking sherry. And then she was like, we've got to find something else. So by this time this guy's gone home. So we are opening every cupboard in this house. So it's like an Airbnb, massive Airbnb.

So we're just like, I found some beer. She's just an app. absolute animal. Yeah. And then, so, you know, we have this great night

and there's like four or five are staying there. We'll go to bed. I wake up in the morning feeling, oh, God, I'm going to go down and have a swim in the sea

and feel a lot better. I've swimming in the sea. And I get up and I look out my window. And she's literally just going in like a 10-mile run. I'm like, I hate you.

How do you do this? We'll start off in my poor addiction and we've ended the podcast on Ed's very poor diction. Perfect addiction, to be fair. Yeah. The end. That's good.

And fast band his addiction. I'd bet that as well. Poor Michael. Yes. We can't do poor Michael for having a big wanger, can we? You're out of the conversation and that's fine. I'm out of the conversation. I haven't waited at all on any of it.

Yeah, yeah, no, no. There's no quotes available for this. I imagine you had this enough on the Shane press tour. I didn't do any press for shame because I was filming the Great Gatsby and I couldn't, I was in Sydney. So I did nothing. That's good. Baz Luhrmann?

Baz Luhr. Wear sunscreen? He does. I should hope so. If he didn't, I'd be like, you are having a crit. Yeah, completely. hypocrit. I go up to me and say you are a hypocrite. Yeah. You shouldn't have given all the people that advice in 1999. You should be ashamed yourself as learning. Yeah, you should get them in here

and tell them. Happily, I'd school him on it. I'd be like, right, these are all the things you told me when I was 14. How many of them have you done? That I should do. How many have you actually done in here? Yeah. Although it wasn't him. It wasn't him. Yeah. Someone else. But he wrote the words. I think it was someone else who gave a university, like a dress, a university, did a speech. And then he took that and put it to someone's music. Yeah. And there's music isn't him either. It's a, I think a rap. So what did he do?

Produced it. So you've, I was telling my Leonardo DiCaprio story earlier. What didn't even happen to me? You must have been sitting there going. What, Leonardo DiCaprio? Oh, the Central Park thing. I'm doing that. You're sitting there.

I bet you had loads of Decaprio stories up your sleeve. Why Decaprio stories? Yeah, they're all great. He's the best. I mean, no, like, juicy. Nothing juicy. He's just like a really, really professional, good actor. We're never looking for juicy stuff.

I have. We're never digging for the. the juice, are we? No, no, no. I wasn't implying that you were. I was just, I was trying to think of like a, like a, oh, that was good. And then I was like, oh, well, a nice thing is that we did, well, a very dramatic scene, you know, and there was lots of crying and sort of shouting towards the end of the film.

And we did his coverage first for whatever reason, for light or whatever. And then we turned around on me. And he was like almost better when the camera was on me. And I thought that was really solid from Leonardo DiCaprio. Because he could have kind of, you know, some people. sort of phone it in and the cameras on or go home some people go home people have been known to go home

people have been known to act with tennis balls but he was he was like trying so hard he was like practically better on on my side which I thought was really generous and solid and he was like that the whole time but particularly with that scene I remember thinking like oh my goodness any other books you'd like to start in the film

can I talk about a book? Yeah yeah only because my brother wrote one Okay. Tim came to the book launch last night. My brother wrote a book called The Accidental Soldier. It's coming out tomorrow. It might not be tomorrow when this comes out. But it's coming on April 10th.

It definitely won't be tomorrow when this comes out. It's coming out. It'll be out. This guy's not turning it around. He's got Project Podcasts on the go. He's not editing this and getting out. My brother's written a bit. But the only reason, not the only reason.

I'm very proud of him. But he's giving all of the money to War Child, which is a charity that I've been on Ambassador for 10 years. It's amazing. looks at your children in conflict zones. And it's very, very funny. It's about him going to Iraq when he was about 23. What's your brother's name?

Owen Mulligan. Oh, in Mulligan. The accidental soldier. So treacle pudding? Tricle pudding. Hot custard. Hot custard. Hot custard.

Oh, and my peanut butter date. That's when this is now... At the end. It comes right at the end. With the bill. Yeah. Do you want like a hot drink with that as well? Like a coffee.

I'd always like a peppermint tea with honey. Fresh mint tea with honey. Because then you can just sit and chat for ages and just work your way through my support. I did that last of my support. I did that. night. Did you? Yeah.

Who with? My brother's book launch was last night and then afterwards I went for dinner with all of my friends who I had wrangled to come to the book launch.

Flick? Flick. It was not there, flicks on holiday with Marcus and Sam and the gang. No, it was my two best friends

from school, my sister-in-law and my friend who works for a child. Oh, one thing I got asked before that. What's the island that you're on in the film

in Wally's island? Not an island, fake island. Oh, busted. Sorry. Movie magic. Contact the tabloids. The island that they shoot from like the drone shot there is an island.

We're not filming on that. But that I think is, oh my gosh. It's like just off the coast of Temby. But the rest of it is constructed to feel like an island. Very clever. I thought it was an island. Isn't it so pretty? So pretty.

But I saw the sea and I was like, I bet that goes all the way around. No, yeah. Turns out movie magic. Yeah. It doesn't. It was doing a great job acting. I got completely lost to it. I thought it was an island.

Yeah. I forgot that it wasn't an island. nomination for the C Yeah If you guys do your job correctly Yeah it's up to us to get the nomination It's up to you You are starting the awards campaign early

We've done well We've had a few people come on this podcast And then get nominated for Oscars Yeah we have actually Mescal we helped him out With what? With Afterson Oh you did help him out

Yeah yeah That was a very small film That was us we did that Well done We were someone else recently Sebastian Stan helped him out Oh he's amazing in that film because of the...

Well done. Yeah, he's opposite. You had to act opposite. Half a cat out. This is true. This is a fucking back end of a cow for the whole film. He was,

it's an uphill battle. You been nominated before? I have. Right. I'll figure this out. This is one of Benitez's least favorite things is James doing guessing games. Well, figuring out what I've been nominated.

Well, it's so late in the day for me to do a guessing game as well. So he's going to really hate it. Also, myestro. Yeah. I think it's such a big. I've got it first time. No, I've been nominated for three times. I think it's such a big swing to ask an accent.

You've been nominated for an Oscar? Yeah. Because you don't know how they feel about it or... I think we've been chatting long enough now that I don't think Kerry cares either way. Yeah. But like, I think it is obviously nice, but if you hadn't been,

you wouldn't be like, I don't bring that up. No, yeah, yeah, no, I could... Mystroes. So I got that one straight away so you can suck it. I didn't think you wouldn't get them. I thought you'd know this anyway. I'm surprised you asked the question.

The other ones, now, I should be able to get these. Should be able to get it. Dr. Who. Should have been, right? Yeah. He was saying earlier, Best episode, Doctor Who.

Thank you. It is. No competition. It's incredible. Weeping Angels. Have you seen it? No, I don't watch Doctor Who, even though it seems like I should.

It's a long time ago. Yeah, yeah. I won't do all the films because Benito's going to want to wrap up. It's a lot because I think I could definitely, I think if I thought about it, I'd get it. I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see you feel about it.

You would like, spark them. If other people want to guess, by the way, they should tweet the Great Benito. And if you get all of the film, films right, you win a sign chopping board. Yes, and you're allowed to check on IMDB if you want and things like that, but just tweet Benito

the three films that Kerry's been nominated for for Oscars and then he would send you a sign chopping board. Hashtag hey, great Benito, these are the Oscaritos. These are the Oscaritos. Your dream side dish. Oh, okay, right. How do we... Hassel Hasselback potatoes. I nearly

jumped in and said Hoff and then I thought... Leave it alone. That's what I nearly said. No, I nearly said it. Hasselhoff. Yeah, thank God I didn't. Yeah, Hassel back potatoes. Now, do you know what they are? I think you do. Great. Please. For the lesson of that. Yeah. Okay. Right. They are a potato and they have loads and loads of tiny thin slices cut into them. But the bottom of the potato is still intact. So it's kind of like a little fan, a little accordion. And into the little pleats, you put like tons of butter, Kerry Gold, of course. And you can do, I mean, you can do other things. things you can do beetroot like that as well but like I mean why would

you when you could do a potato that I would love that so much heavily seasoned with salt tons of salt thank you

there's no need for the pepper thanks okay not a fan of the pepper I don't mind it but I think

potatoes leave them alone salt and butter is all you need you know why ruin something that's already magnificent

perfect yeah what sort of size potato are you oh very big massive massive

massive massive but a foot long, if it's all possible, and very, very, very slender slices. Yeah, if the Hasselback potato comes along, I want to see the seasoning on it. I want there to be the more slices the better. Yes.

And I want there to be crispy little bits of seasoning all over. Those crystals of salt, not the kind of the minuscule, mingy table salt. You want some of that Himalayan pink salt. Yeah. Yeah. You know. Great big handfuls of it. Yeah. That's it with a colour. So you're having

Kerrygoat butter in every little slit? single one. Thank you. So you can get a pack of butter in there. Easily. Oh, easy. That should be the dream. Yeah. Well, this is the dream. Is there a place where you've had the best Hasselback potatoes? I know this is going to sound, and I'm really sorry yet. My husband is fantastic at this sort of thing.

I'm going to have to do one tonight. This guy. Keep up with this guy. This guy's leaving me in the goddamn dust. No, it's just it's inspiration. Yeah. Come on. Tell us about some of the things you've made. Please, come on. I don't know. Chicken. I don't know, chicken.

Say it again. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken. What way? Roast chicken. Come on. Roast chicken. You cannot be a lovely roast chicken, so I'm told. Lamb.

Lamb. Lamb. So I have lamb can be lovely, so I'm told. Slow cooked lamb. Yeah, slow cooked lamb. What about some of your veggie stuff? Yeah. But like.

Now you're asking. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we talked with Mirosoda about it. Lois from Mirasota's book. He's a tomato curry. Tomato curry. Yeah. Tomato curry?

Yeah, yeah. Tell me. Yeah. It's tomato cars. How do you do it? Come on now. Don't be shy now. It's quite a complicated recipe because you have to have two pans going at the same time and then mix them.

All right. But yeah. It's delicious. Not everyone can do that. Of course. Not everything. Dan Dan noodles. Yeah.

Yeah. With a lot of tahini and black vinegar and soy. You're really good at this, aren't you? A lot of tahini. Oh God. Tahini is the most wonderful thing. Yeah. But to have two pans going at the same time, I mean, that's, that's elite stuff.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did your husband do that? I don't think he can. I don't think he can. He's a one pan. You're a one-pan man. Yeah.

You see, and you're a two-pan man. Yes. You see? You're fabulous. Thank you. Thank you, Mary. If I was, if I would trust a one-pan man more than a two-pan man.

What are you talking about? I think one's not enough for this guy. No, I love the show of dexterity with the two-pan man. I think a two-pan man might get bored in a monobinous relationship. I'm a two-pan man, one-man band. Do you want David Hasselhoff there? Oh, God, I'd really rather not your mind. I was in a round.

room with them once. Yeah? He was singing a song that was very odd. It's like the one about his car. Remember that one? Did he do that

on the Berlin Wall? Stop. Well, he played on he played in Berlin the day the wall came down right? Because he's massive in Germany. He's massive in Germany.

Yeah, yeah. I shouldn't be mean about the chap. No, no, no, no. It's fine. I wish him well. Yeah. But no, I'm grand... He doesn't have to be there.

No, just the potatoes themselves are fine. Yes. So you sing one of his own songs in a room with you? Yeah. Where was this room? Agreement. Was it a gig? Did you go to a David Hasselhoff gig? Not! I thought we were friends!

No, I was in a TV studio, and we were on a show in Ireland, and then the show stopped running. You know, the camera stopped. It was the end, you know? And the next thing, he grabs a microphone and has some words with the band, and he's up singing. And again, it was a hostage situation. It felt like, you know, that we were all trapped, and we all had. had to kind of look delighted. And I just wanted to go home because I was tired. But I had to look delighted and wait for the song to end. There was nothing against him in particular.

It's just that I didn't grab the mic and have a word with the band and start singing. You have to make it okay with people if you're going to do that, I think. And sense the vibe in the room. Read the room. The room was tired and wanted to go home. Did he think the audience was tired? Oh no. I thought the audience were delighted.

Maybe the audience were delighted. I think with that stuff, like I think that I would never do that because I would think of it as like, like you've already done your interview, James. Yeah. You don't need them to pay even more attention to you. Just get over it.

Also, it's self-awareness, isn't it? Yeah. He should be thinking, I'm David Hasselhoff. I'm not Bruce Springsteen, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Do people want to hear of this? Yeah.

Yeah. But then I think, if I'm in the audience, and I'm not in this world all the time, and I've gone to see the TV show, and I didn't know there'd be so much stopping and starting with the TV show and wait a second everyone and the warm up comes out again and you're there for hours and then David Hasselhoff got up and sang with a band

I might be pretty delighted with it yeah they probably were and I'm just a curmudgeon no I don't I'd feel the same as you I'd be like oh fuck this guy I'd be worse than you but like I think it's a really good point though yeah the audience probably were delighted but then I'd think if he thinks the audience would be delighted about this even more egotistical. Yeah, yeah.

But some people do. I mean, yeah, it takes all sorts. See, the other thing is Bruce probably wouldn't. No. Because Bruce is sound. Bruce knows who Bruce is. I love Bruce. He says, Bruce says the best place is,

the best place, his favorite place to gig in the world is Ireland. Bruce says, yeah. Stop it. Favorite place in the world to do shows. Did you know that? I didn't, but I'm very, very pleased.

The boss. What would you do if he met David Hasselhoff and he turned around and he had loads of slits down his back and there was stuff with butter? And covered in big salt crystals. No, I'd leave him to it. You do you, David. Good, aren't you? Yeah.

Imagine that is the scene in Baywatch when he's like running down the beach and then they show it from the back. And they go, what the fuck? Yeah, and then he runs into the sea and it's the most painful thing in the world. Yeah. Yeah, because he's all hassled back to his Hasselhoff. Yes. It could happen. It could happen.

So I do love an oyster I do love it but only the little ones and I have two stories around my consumption of oysters which is that forever I would think oh my God way too gynecological looking can't be doing that

and then I was lucky enough when I was about 30 31 to be invited at a dinner it was a small dinner in New York because I lived in New York for 10 years and it was a small dinner with a group of people who, who my husband at the time, Sam, Mendez, he had just worked with Paul Newman and Tom Hanks. Wow. And somehow I found myself at having a meal with them. There were maybe seven or

eight of us. And Paul Newman ordered 24 oysters. And I was sat beside him and they were passed around. It had been a very, very generous man. It's the only time I met him. Yeah. passed around the table, would you like an oyster? Would you like one? Would you like one? I'm thinking, oh God, he's going to offer me a buck and I'm going to have to say no. The plate came to me and how about you? Would you like an oyster?

And I said, no, thank you. And I looked at his eyes and I went, actually yes. Because I thought, if I eat this oyster, I will always be able to say, Paul Newman gave me my first oyster. And I had the oyster and I loved it. and so on occasion I will order oysters and they're just delicious

Do you think about Paul Newman every time you have an oyster? I do actually I do and then I tell the story that I just told but I don't think I've ever told it on a podcast Yes Rote to Petition, exclusive Road to Petition, exactly right

that film, yeah, sorry there's a point in the video where people will see that you mention that they work together and I go like this I don't want people to think watching it, that you don't know what you're talking about, I wasn't interested in what you were saying. It was that I went, I had to remember what the film was.

It was a great, great film, really, really great film. And then years and years and years later, in 2011, at the beginning of the next chapter of my life, which I'm currently very, very happily immersed in, I met my husband, Ned. And again, we found ourselves in New York, and it was at the very beginning of our relationship. And Chelsea Market is a great, market in the city and there's an amazing fish shop in there really spectacular and ned and i were just having one of those kind of early romantic days out wandering around new york city and i said oh should get some oysters and he said well i don't know they've ever had oysters before and i'm sure i then

told them about the paul newman story and we and we bought these oysters and and we took them back to the flat where i lived at the time and i know how to shuck oysters and so i shucked all these oysters and we had the oysters and had some champagne and then um and then um we're still together and moving on you got it's a nice story so i did so that's a baller move on a date yeah if i was on an early date with someone they were like i'm going to shuck you an oyster i'd be like right well we're getting married yeah yeah that's absolutely brilliant there was no question as to whether or not we were going to be together forever i knew that since i met him i was like oh it's you Oh, it's you.

And that sounds super soppy, but I really did, yeah, I really did think that. That's nice. Good old. When you did strictly, did you have to change your diet at all? When I did, so when I did Strictly, which I talk about in my book, Keep Laughing, which is out for Christmas, makes a, they're, they're going to be like, oh, God. They left ages ago, Chris. Yeah. Thank God he's brought it back to the book.

I could eat what I want. Like, literally, it was insane. Like, we'd be training eight hours a day. I would have a, I would have a burger for like a Tuesday dinner time. Who's having a burger for a Tuesday dinner time at the age of 48? And then I go, I'll have a burger again on the Wednesday or, and it just didn't matter. I was, I was eating chocolate like it was Christmas and then it was Christmas. And so there was, the calories didn't matter.

I ate what I wanted and I still lost weight. It was insane. But, you know, to counterbalance that, I was also held together with physiotape. Yeah. Yeah, it was physically kind of slowly ripped me apart over four months. People that go, do you feel healthy?

I literally feel like I've been in a car crash. Yeah. Like, my ass is literally sell a tape to me back. Like, with actual pieces of tape. They've taken tape. they've attached it to me cheeks and they've stretched that up to my shoulders and they've gone,

this will hold you in the form of a human for another week. You just say to your wife, that's a Brazilian butt lift. Yeah, so I could eat what I wanted. It was good. But then you've really got to rein it in when it finishes because you don't carry on dancing

and that's the one thing you can't carry anything like that. Otherwise, it all goes wrong, don't they? It was great. it was great to watch it every single week every time where you're like I can't believe I'm still in it yeah yeah I mean like I honestly thought

I said no to it a few times because I didn't think it was possible I thought like I'm all for diversity I'm like we should have more diversity more representation across mainstream program do you strictly are you insane literally insane in what world do you think this is even possible

and I didn't I didn't know what it was they were asking me to do because I couldn't you can't describe it describe it as well it's dancing but how good How technical, how fast. What are the dances? So the only work I was able to figure out what it was they wanted me to do was by doing it. So it was so the unknown.

Most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life. And, you know, top ten scariest things have ever done in me life. I've had ten episodes strictly hands down. It was that feeling of eight million people watching at home. And you're in the studio while that VT plays and you're just waiting for this moment of reckoning. And then it comes in the studio and they go, dancing or whatever. and honestly the nerves I've never felt anything like it

and you just have to flick those switches in your head and just try and belt through it it's terrifying which is why as soon as that dance was over if I felt like I'd done a good job and we put the hours in we'd done all right I went straight into comedy modes because that was my safety day

that was like I've just blagged me well I've just blagged myself as a dancer for the last two minutes yeah now let's take the piss out of Greg and have a laugh and do something that I know I can do

and it works people kind of people liked it but the thing is that I mean the thing I'm proud of with it is that for none of the weeks

throughout the whole 13 weeks were me and Diane ever kept in above somebody that got more points than us every week the person that went out had less points

than us but from the judges so we always held our own even though it connected with the audience at home and they liked what we were doing and we had people supporting us and stuff. We always held our own up until the final

and then in the final over three dances, we were only four points off a maximum. So I couldn't be proud of what we did, you know. It was remarkable. And even when we got to February, two months after, I'd look back and I'd just, when you're out of that bubble for just two months, I'd look back and I go, how the fuck did we do this?

It just felt. it felt it felt insane that that was even something that happened so um yeah but it's um it's all in the book yeah look at you now on a giant pot noodle yeah yeah she did a dance in a giant pot noodle chris yeah yeah i suggested a lot of the you know i a lot of the music that you you do you dance as well you you you're allowed to kind of it's a it's a it's a three-way kind of conversation between strictly and you and diane and you or your dancer and i don't i you know i i you know i my input on some dances and some ideas but I'd say most of the things I suggested

in the show was shut down quite early on. A lot of my musical, I mean me and you, Eds share a lot of musical tastes yeah, yes. A lot of my musical tastes were, like, I'd play Diane something that I thought had a really good beat and a really good rhythm and she'd say, you just can't dance

to this. There's nothing in it at all that even remotely resumed. I'm not, listen to that bassline, die. And examples of the ones that got away? um you know i did play some pearl jam i play so i was told that like well the couple's choice you can do something that kind of means something to you and also the the pasadoblet i was told it's kind of the one that you could do something heavier to i i went through a whole morning of

playing um playing dihan sepeltura and solfi songs which is um Brazilian thrash metal yeah it's the trash slash groove metal and and and kind of arguing with it in disbelief that she was saying there was no rhythm to them. It's pure rhythm. It's pure rhythm. Too much rhythm, I would say. I would say it's the cranberry source of the musical world. But too much.

Dancing to vood's bloody vood. It's Chris McCorsland. Yeah, but I see her point. And I realize doing strictly as well that it's as much about the song as it is about the dancing. Like people will only like a dance if they like the song. That's interesting. And I think that.

the song really, unless it's a Pasadoblo, which is like traditional kind of, it works well with the traditional music. I think it needs to, it needs to have words to the song. It needs to be, they work better than like a score or, I remember, I remember Shane who I was on with,

did one of his dances. I can't remember which one it was. But he did it to whatever that tune is, that's the theme tune for Alton's Howells. Yeah. Fall of the Mountain King. I can't remember how it goes. It gets faster and faster.

Yeah, it's the Fantasia thing as well, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did it to that, and I was listening to it, because I'd do that every week. I'd be up there, like, there'd be an amazing dance gets done, and I'd say to die, God, the band's amazing, aren't they? But he did it to that, and it sounded amazing, but I was just thinking, I don't think people are going to like

the song compared to, you know, the other choices on that week. So I think that's important on it, you know? Yeah, I really wish I'd be able to say you dance to a soul, like something. Would you do it? No, never. I wouldn't hold up, Chris. I'll be out week one

from stress. I'll be pleading down the bound of the camera for them to vote me off. Please no one vote for me. I can't take this anymore. Also, costume would have an absolute nightmare with him

when he just gets an egg on it every single week. Please stop eating at breakfast wrap just before you go on. I can't help it. I don't know what your Chockel brothers sort of cultural touch points are, were you into them?

Did you rush home and watch Chockelvision? Constantly, love them, still think about them to this day. Yeah. But I think that's set us all, a certain generation, set us all on a path of going, oh, maybe you could just mess around forever and just do that sort of job. And do a different job every day and get fired from it for slacking. Well, not specifically the narrative of the show. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

But not the actual stories in the show. Great to talk about the actual people. I'm not talking about their personas. I'm talking about their real people. Because you know that that boss was an actor. Yeah. And do you know who the boss was? I don't know.

They're half brother. So there were two people who were always the boss. Oh, yeah, yeah. Mr. No slacken. And I think I can't remember what the other catchphrase was there. Mr. No slacken. The half-brothers are the chuckle brother. They were both their half-brotheres.

Yes. And the catchphrase was? No slacken. No. And they were the half-chuckle brothers? Yeah. It's like a show of his family. I think the...

Half-chuckle. Yeah. there you nearly got it. Titter. Yeah. I'd watch a set for a spin-off show that's called the Half-Chuckle Brothers. Yeah. And this is the two Half-Brothers. Yeah. Yeah.

Knocking around. So him and Barry, when I was 10, I went to go and see the Chuckel Bros with my Nan at Weymouth Pavilion. Amazing. Great venue. Yeah. Have you done stand up there? Once.

Yeah. It's a great venue. Ben Elton was in the main room. Oh, really? Good luck to him. One day. All the best for the future. All your best for the future and your quest of the main room at the Waymuff Pavilion.

But it was a signing. They did a signing afterwards and they would give you a photograph and he wrote to Gregory All the Best for the Future, which I was so excited about because I was there in my shell suit with all their other kids, just being like, oh my God, it's the guys off the telly, this is the best guys. And when we walked away and my nan was like,

let's have a look at that, and she'd see that and go, why did they write all the best for the future? That's just a strange thing to say to a kid. But it is quite strange, but I like, I like that they wrote that. And I've always remembered it. And I just thought, that's quite a good starting point for the book.

So I start as a 10-year-old me. Yeah. And I sort of imagine what my future life could be like. So it's a load of essays about growing up and falling in love and sort of gripes about the world and a reminder, hopefully, to stay true to your 10-year-old self. Because it's probably the stuff you love in your 10 is probably the stuff you've kind of like now. Yeah. Yeah.

To a certain extent. To a certain extent. Chucker brothers. Yeah, yeah. I'll watch it after when I get home after this. I mean, look, you know, definitely I've made a living off of coming on this podcast and talking about ice cream and how much love ice cream. There you go. That was me as a 10 year old.

It's not changed at all. If anything, it's got even more intense. Yes. You still love wrestling. Still love wrestling. Yeah, exactly. I'm regressing, basically. I think that's fine.

I think you can regress as you get older, but you just got, because maybe it's even more important because you've got so much boring stuff to sort out as well. As long as you keep doing the boring stuff as well. You do have to do both. You've got to do the taxes and watch chuckle bros. Yeah. Otherwise your life sort of falls apart. Yeah. And then you were just sat home watching Chuckle Brothers.

Then you're a genuine Chuckle Brother. Because, like, within the script of the show, I don't think those guys were doing their taxes. No. No way, they... No way. That feels like that sort of after hours, sort of a grown-up version of it,

where they didn't... It's like an HMRC infomercial. Yeah, it's like January 30th. It's 5 to midnight, and then just pushing the HMRC form from one to the other going, to me, to you. And then they would get investigated at some point.

Yeah. And sit down with them and go, okay, listen. You've had a series of jobs, each lasting less than a day from what we can see. Don't explain this one at the marble factory. How were you paid? It is cash in hand, isn't it? Right.

It's got to be cash in hand. It's repeatedly one of two bosses. Can you explain that? And they're your brothers. Multiple jobs. You have about 3065 jobs a year. Two bosses. Who are in all these businesses?

We were investigating them as well. You better believe that we are. Don't look at him. Answer the question. Put the ladder down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, clean the windows in a minute. This is serious.

Stop saying, oh no. Be careful with that bucket of slime. Okay. Were you telling that story? As someone, you must now sign autographs for people. I do. During this book, you're going to be signing books, going to book signings.

Yeah. all the best, fair enough all the best for the future Yeah Not is it weird for him to say to a kid I'd say if you're doing a lot of signings I would just write all the best That's a long thing to write

I wouldn't want to double my word count there Yeah All the best for the future Which maybe shows that they really did care Well I guess so Or I mean I've interviewed Paul There's a chapter about Paul at the end of the book It's quite a sweet moment where I'd see him again

For the first time in 30 years And I said why do you did you do this for all the kids? And he went, no. I don't know why I'd even say that. And I went, what do you think? He went, well, he must have said something. He blamed me.

And I said, well, maybe I said, maybe I want to be, like, be on telly one day. Yeah. So I think that's maybe what it was, because he said he would normally just do to me to you. Of course. So I don't know. I think it might be a one of one. I think it's a unique. This is incredible.

Yeah. It might be. I mean, anyone reached out since the... No. It could just be you. All the best for the future. I think it's it. Yeah.

I think it might be. Well, look, this is, this is it. If there is somebody who's also gotten all the best for the future. Yeah. Let's chat. Let's chat. Some of our favorite moments in the dream restaurant are when the podcast turns into utter chaos. Like, well, I don't know, for example, the entire Jeff Goldblum episode.

Let's hear from Stevie Martin, Lucia Keskin, Joy Crooks, Moan Rizwan, Ben Schwartz, and Jeff Goldblum. The dream sign. Is it our old friend bread again? No, it would have to be something that complimented it so you're looking for something fresh. You're looking for something but not boring. Padron peppers! Nice.

That's good, isn't it? That came to you like a bolt from the blue? It did. I have a starter, to be fair. Patron peppers usually classically a starter. Is it? Yeah. I say yeah, starter or it's a tapass dish, isn't it?

What's a side dish? You have Padron Peppers as a side dish Of course I can but say I would just throw this to you What would you have as a side dish for nachos? If I was getting nachos as a main The thing is then I'm thinking You are thinking in the realm of Padron Peppers Because you're thinking I've basically got a starter for a main

So then you're like, I'm doing bits I'm doing bits. I'm going to get some chicken strips Halipania poppers That's good! Okay I want to change my answer to that Yeah Yeah, because a bit of like breaded, sort of, you know, deep-fried, yeah, that's great.

You've got halipinos and cheese on the nachos? Again, I've been foiled by... And it would have to be, like, vegan cream cheese in the middle. I don't know how you feel about that. Sometimes it can be okay. The Philadelphia vegan is actually okay. I mean, it's just the texture is the same as quite cold tasting. So, yeah.

I thought Padron Peppers was a good shout. No, it was more just like, I don't actually think when push comes to shove, I know what side dishes. Broccoli, yeah. but you could have that is actually yeah thank you

I mean any any type of veg yeah loads of vegetables all right I do quite like that tend to stem broccoli I thought you were gonna say chips

because she's how much you love them at the start I know I thought well but I thought that but that's not real that does sound like I'm just nachos and chips is insane yeah after two loads of bread

yeah which actually to be honest now I'm thinking about it is quite on brand because I do I will I do get excited about the bread and I am then feeling a bit sick and sad

like a salad or something kidney beans and mayonnaise kidney beans and mayonnaise kidney beans and mayonnaise mayonnaise on the side. How about that on the side? There's probably kidney beans in the nachos as well. I have been known to put some grated cheese in that. Another thing, just some rice and soy sauce. That's okay. Just rice and soy sauce. It's okay. It's a snack. That's not gross. You ate that sometimes. Yeah, yeah. You don't want that as your side dish.

It's not gross. It's odd. That's a snack. Is it odd? So I think I would say that's quite straightforward. They go together. Yeah, go together. Yeah, it's just like I can't be bothered to make you know, a stir fry, so I'll just get the components write some toys off. Yeah, okay. All the components of a stir fry. Very carbly, isn't it? Okay, no, I will stick with...

I'll go padron pepper poppers. Oh, nice. There you go. Don't think it's ever been done before. Surely not. So cream cheese in the patch on peppers and breadcrummed all around? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Padron pepper poppers.

So you never had that before, obviously, so you've just invented it. No, I don't think it's the thing. Someone must have made that of people. People have made weirder things. You think people have stuffed a patron pepper before? Yeah. Peter Piper. Peter Piper did it?

That's very good. Thank you. That's what the restaurant's called. Invite him to your meal? Do you think he'd get on? Do you think Peter Piper would get on with your guest list? He's going to flip his lid when he sees the fucking Pappas, isn't he? He'll be like, can I not have one day where people don't try and give me peppers?

Everywhere I fucking go. These better not be pickled. Oh. Pickled Padron Papers. Shakespeare. Just like. steadily pushing the plate to one side into the bin.

What's the medieval version of nachos? Mutton. What's the medieval version of nachos? I don't know. Potatoes and mutton. Yeah, potatoes and mutton, I think, yeah. I met your dog. You did.

She's lovely, yeah. Nice dog. Lovely little dog. I love dogs. I'd love to be surrounded by dogs as well. For the meal. That's nice. Your own dog?

Definitely. Yeah, and some more. Will your dog have a special sort of position within the group of dogs, or will they just be in the mix of... She'll have her own little chair. Yeah. With a little plate of cheese. Yeah.

She loves cheese. Does she? Yeah. And then the other dogs can just have sort of some snacks. Yeah. As well, just because I don't want to be pested. Yeah. I want to be able to give them some, but not enough.

I can't give them my food because it's got onion in it. Can dogs not have onion? No. I like that the hard way. Will you talk us through what happened? I just found out that if they have onion, they'll die. Was that the hard way? Yeah.

No. The hard way is the hard way is you've got to say. Oh, really? God. I thought it was, that was. You've got to be careful how you use that phrase. Don't go around and say the people. I learned that the hard.

way when there's much harder ways than what you went to. My dog's still got a brain disease, just wasn't from onions. I guess I just learned that the hard way. No, because you didn't learn anything about the onions from your dog having a brain disease. No, but I did learn the hard way. What do you mean? About, you know, having a dog.

When you get a dog, you know, learnt that the hard way. She's now... About what it's like to have a dog? She's now got meningitis. But you didn't learn that dogs can't have onions the hard way You just learn that You learn another thing the hard way

Yeah That doesn't mean you should use that phrase For every situation you're in But they can't have onions So You did learn that Yeah You learned that but not the hard way

Yeah you learnt that Another things I'd tell you learnt that The easy way Yeah Yeah you've learnt the fact But I mean If she had an onion

Then I've just You know Killed her Yeah but you already knew that So you not learn that the hard way, you just messed up. But I wouldn't know that she's eating the onion. Sorry?

Would I? What do you mean? I wouldn't, you don't always know if a dog's eating, like, this is the issue. The dog can just, you won't know, you don't always know if your dog's going to eat an onion, so you do sometimes learn the hard way. Yeah, you would learn the hard way, but, but again, for that, you would have to not know that dogs can't eat onion. And then your dog without your knowledge eats an onion and dies.

And then you take it to the vet and they go, this dog, I'm a little bit confused. I ain't an onion, you've learned the whole, well, at least, at least, At least there's no onions in your kitchen ever. No, but I really want to make sure that she understands this because you are saying you're confused. But like, I'm saying, you read a fact about onions. Said if dogs eat onions, they die. So you read that and because of that,

your dog hasn't eaten onions and nothing's happening. So I've liked that the hard way. Well, no. Because your dog didn't eat it. So the hard way is that you feed your dog an onion a minute it dies. Yeah, and then you find out, yeah, that's how you learned it. That's the hard way.

That's the hard way. It's just an expression, though, isn't it? Yeah, but it means something. So, like, if... Like, we all learn the hard way. You found out the hard way that dogs can get meningitis. When your dog got meningitis. Yeah.

You learn the hard way. With the onion thing, you just read that. Yes. Yeah. But I think my dog, I don't know if I learned the hard way, my dog did just get meningitis. Did you know, did you know before the other than that? that the dogs could get meningitis. I suppose.

Oh, well, then. You get men in the hard way then. And you already know, and then your dog later got meningitis. That would be a perfect example. Yeah. It wouldn't have been a good example, but... Yeah. I guess we learnt that the hard way.

Main course. I had a really, like, this was a nightmare for me because I was stuck between the two, so I'm kind of like... You have to let me get away with this, okay? Mm-hmm. All right. So the main course and side dish

I kind of have to work together because that's the only way we're going to let this happen. But basically the first thing I thought of when I heard main course was spaghetti bonanese. I'm just going to be honest. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit for that. I know it's like having, it's like a Velcro moment, you know.

It makes you feel uncomfortable. But we all know the feeling, you know? And that's what spaghetti bonanese is for me. Are we going to ask questions? I don't know. Because when Joyce has stuff like this, we have questions but when we ask them

I feel like I know what you're going to say I feel like we're seen as silly for not being idiots for not understanding Velcro moment

and like I mean there's a lot of things along the way that I'm just like I don't think you'll get any shit for saying spaghetti balanese pretty much everyone loves spaghetti balanets but then like

it makes you feel uncomfortable it's like a Velcro moment and I don't know what that means about spaghetti balanays at all because like okay, it just made sense in my brain but basically I turned 27 recently and I asked for a friday tag bag

because they're like really durable and like you could literally like you know be in the worst weather ever and it would be fine and it won't get damaged and I really like practical things it might be a potential gay thing I don't know but being 27 and having Velcro

is really it's really humbling because we've all been there right we've all had Velcro shoes or like Velcro something because there was a time we couldn't tie things up. So there's something really warming and, like, nice about it and nostalgic.

But at the same time, I just feel like a wallet on the tube when I'm trying to get my fucking lip liner out. And there's just, you know, 27, trying to, like, maybe do some dodgy eye contact with someone on the tube. And then the next thing you know, the Velcro happens. And although it's a familiar feeling, it's nonetheless an embarrassing one. And that's how I feel about spaghetti while they. That's absolutely perfect.

I completely understand now. James? No. Come on, James. Come on, James. I don't understand. It's nostalgic. It makes you feel good.

Yeah. But from the outside perspective, it's quite sort of remedial and childish. Yeah. Yes? Yeah. Yes? Okay.

It's not often. Normally it has to... Yes, this is what I was about to say. Normally, I have to translate what James has said to the guest. This is the first time I've had to do it the other. way around. Cool. But it's nice to know

I can always be the middle man in every situation. Yeah. Well done, man. I feel good. I understand both of you. You're smashing it. Thank you.

Okay, got you. Do you? I think so. Yes. The confusing thing about the Velcro thing was the fact that you're 20, was using the 27 things. I was like,

that's so young. But I felt like you were using it like 27 was not. But it's not, it's old for Velcro. It's old for Velcro. Yeah. I'm not going to sit here

and play my tiny violin. I left it at home. I did buy one. A tiny violin? Yeah. How small are we talking? It's this big. Yeah.

So, like, what's that, like, small? Yeah, small. And then it comes with the bow, and it has this little button on it because it's battery powered. And if... You can use it in unplugged. Yeah, you can literally press down on the button bit,

but that's where the bow would go. And it plays a tiny little sad tune. That's good. It's sometimes when you're recording music and you have, like, novel things like that around, Because they're so novel, do you really hope it will work on the song? And is it really gutting if you do record the music and back and go, that's not it. You can make it work, though, because you can manipulate it off the words, can't you?

Okay. But you can change the pitch and make it work. But I just like it because my mates, just all my boyfriend, who just start gabbing on about something. I just get the tiny violin out. And just press it down like that. Yeah. Yeah.

And he wonders how he's ever going to spoon me again. That's what he's wondering, is it? I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is the Spaghetti Barnet's homemade? Yeah, it has to be. It could be made by like a nunna, but, like, I feel like a nunna would be just cussing me out,

and I just don't want to be cussed by an auntie, and I think if we're having this dream restaurant, I don't think genies are going to allow any kind of... Cussing. We're just, like, angry, like, angry auntie energy. I could deal with, like, a funny auntie. Yeah. You know, one that kind of smokes in the kitchen type of thing.

Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. Yeah. So I think an auntie that smokes in the kitchen. It's cooking. And it's kind of a little bit fit in, like, a way we're like, when you're in your 20s, you're a big problem. You can see the history in the eyes. Yeah.

Still a little sparkle. Yeah. I have an Italian name that I came up with, yeah, I have like an Italian alter ego. My Italian name is John Senna. John Cena. You're not pronouncing it, right? Sorry. Your Italian name is John Sina.

Yeah. And is that where you've got it from? By accident. Yeah. I said it out loud, and then my boyfriend said the exact same thing. He said, John Sina? Yeah. And I was like, oh, well, that's it.

Oh, you're going to see me. So there's aunt in the kitchen that smokes fags and it's a little bit fit. My name is John Sina. Yeah, okay. And is it, if you look closely, is it clearly John Sina wearing a wig? Yes. Yes, it is. Good on him.

Yeah. Yeah, good for him. So that's what we'll have for Mainz. Oh, and you get, we actually have a refill station, but it's just for Parmesan. Okay. You like a lot of Parmesan on there? And you want to keep refreshing it as you're going along. So I don't like, when everyone puts it all at the top, what I think you need to have is the little tub and then layer, that layer, go in for the next layer.

That's nice. Yeah. Great. That's how I do it. When you say refill station, I'm imagining like a drinks. Yeah, exactly there. So you're pushing a lever. It's like dandruffy fucking parmesan.

Also, the parmesan isn't going to be like them weird shaved ones. It's going to be like, like that needs head and shoulders type of parmesan. Yeah. Like really, really psoriasy. But proper parmesan like just grated heavily. Yeah, just grated. Not like shit parmesan. No, no, no, it's not shit.

It's like whatever. What's the poshon called? Like grim parmesan. Granipadano. That's the cheat one. That's the cheat one. I only realized. I was thought I was doing solid by buying that.

It was so fucking parmesan. It's a B-Tech Parmesan. What's the posh parmesan called Benito? Hulko Higano. Holco-Hungano. It was called that. Stony or cold. Yeah, I put Parmigiano Reggiano, surely.

Parmigiano-Reggiano. Sounds made up, doesn't it? It does sound made up, but I always sing it in my head. But it's like a big one, like one of them big wheels. The wheel. That's like the right colour. Have you ever seen him crack the wheel? Excuse me?

Have you ever seen them crack the wheel? I've never seen anyone crack the wheel. A fresh wheel, completely covered, and then they have to put in, like, spikes at the side, and then they, like, tap the spikes in, and then you hear a crack. Oh, it's that hard? Yeah, it's like a loud crack, and the whole thing lifts off. That's really interesting. I've never heard of that.

I will watch that on TikTok. Yeah, it's good. It's satisfying. I've seen it happen live, and it's a wonderful experience. I wonder if there's, like, an omen for that. An omen? Like, if you crack a, you know, like, we should come up with a proverb. Like an Italian one

Like Yeah Oh yeah You never really know him Until he cracks a wheel Until he cracks a wheel Yeah Yeah I think that works

That's a good one Thanks Yeah yeah Which one would you do I'm not sure I could I can improve on that joy Okay A dream starter

So I think a lot about Tel-W food No Yeah No This is funny Yeah Also on the way here

I was listening to a song that mentioned telitubbies. Was it the telitubbies team? Yeah, yeah. Because it does mention it a lot. That soundtrack, banged. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it made me think,

I thought about telubbies a day. He just said, no, you bought them up. I think about all the time. I was like you talking about this morning. I think about that, you know, that, like that pink custard that used to pipe through the bowl, like the pipe was the bar. Tubby custard.

Tubby custard. I think about the smiley face toast. Yeah. And it's like therapy in it. It's just soothing. It like, yeah, I want to be there. in Telitabir land I don't want none of the Telitabies there

because that's creepy yeah sure right we're past that now Do you have a gig with Tinky Winky Did I have a gig with Tinky Winky Yeah yeah A few of us have He was a comedian

He was like an alternative Comic from the 80s Oh yeah Yeah yeah But you play Tinky Winky So you'd occasionally be on a bill With him And everyone would say to you know

That's Tinky Winky Winky No Would you talk about it Yeah sometimes you'd talk about Not on stage But like You know Obviously they wouldn't believe him

Because they just assumed The Comedians are lying So you would kind of see him, talk about being Tinky Winking. I was like, don't think so, mate. But, like, we knew. Tinky is a green one, in it? The purple one. Oh, it wasn't the one with the hat.

No, it's the tallest one. Dipsy had the hat. That's hard, though, in it. You're not even the star. Yeah. Because the hat, he was the, he was the solo career kind of. Yeah. I know.

I think you ask different people. They'll tell you different, you know, teletubies with the star, because they're the, you know, they resonated with that person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you're just like a dipsy guy. And I identified with Poe quite a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Because it was like the afterthought.

Yeah, I always last. We've done a bit, you know what I mean? They're like, oh, I guess Poe is all. But you don't want any of them to be there while you're eating your meal. I don't want any of them to be there. No, because I'm always adults in, like, costumes. And then I feel like that's like verging, you know, like sort of baby fetish territory. Yeah.

I'd feel like what I'm sorry to do in my life. Do you know what I mean? But I want my friends there. I want, like, my perfect birthday would be, we'd like, take, you know, like you can get an Airbnb and go be in a castle a bit or whatever. What friends? Which friends? It's all the people you didn't mention in your BAFTA speech.

Yeah. Because your therapist took, say sorry. Imagine taking your therapist to tell you don't be like, you'd get into it, isn't it? Yeah. He'd be like, well, let's unpack this one. A friend who won't unpack shit. Or unpack the psychology of like why I'm desperate to go back to that time

when, you know, that show was so soothing. You know, like when life was easy. easier, basically. Life's easy in Tubbyland, right? In Tully Tubbyland. Yeah, the son's having to laugh. The son's a baby. The son's a fucking baby, man.

The son can be there. Yeah. The son can be there. What about the Hoover? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyone who's not like a man in a suit. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean?

So the Hoover can be there, Nune. Noonu's there. And also, because we've got to make a mess. Do you mean? There's going to be racks and lines of coke that you're going to need to. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, Popodoms for a start.

Noon is going to be going wild. Popper corner, your face, yeah. That's going to be working overtime. I know, which those tubbies were back. It feels unethical now, isn't it? It's like, is Noon getting paid? Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

You know in lockdown when the Kardashians had that, like, holiday and they had, like, the help in the background wearing masks? Obviously not. Obviously, I don't know about that. But, yeah, sure. Yeah, during lockdown, they threw a party. Yeah. And there was, like, photos of, like, the help in the background,

like, serving, and, like, in masks and stuff. Anyways, that's what I want Nunu to be. Yeah, okay. Do you want Tubby Custum and Tubby Toast as your starter, then? I want Tubby Toast. Yeah. Because let's not get crazy. I'm not trying to have dessert before my main, do you know what I mean?

That would have been nice though. I would have liked that. If you had Tubby custard and Tubby Caste. Yeah, I hear you. Maybe we could dip it in. Oh, come on. Surely you want to dip the tubby toast and Tubby Tubby Tust. See what it's like.

Yeah. Yeah. And it just, the main thing is it needs to look really plasticy. Like it needs to, do you know what I mean? it can't because it looks so vague and that's why it was so delicious what do you think tubby custard and tubby toast tastes like I reckon like art department making food which is not real food do you know what I mean

but if I was to really suspend my disbelief and what I wanted it to taste like as a kid the toast would taste like you know those edible you know you get like some things that look like they're not edible but then they are like little marble cake, you know what you mean? Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, yeah. Your marble cake, yeah.

No, you know when the sugar like goes all shiny because the way it's like cooked on and it's like snaps in your mouth. That's what I wanted to taste like. Oh, now I'm confused. Like sort of glazed. They're glazed. Yeah. You know almond nuts, yeah?

Mm-hmm. You know, sometimes they put like a sugar coating on them. Yes. Yeah. Okay. And then they're like, yeah. Yeah, a little shell. Yeah, shell or shell.

It's another like, yeah. Yeah. It's all about that, yeah. It's like a really thick pop of them. Yeah. With glazing. Yeah. Okay.

Like if someone got a popadum and put like crispy cream glaze on it. Yes. Like if you put it through the glaze curtain. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But it's hardened. The whole thing's that hard. Yeah.

I want to do this and like royal icing, I think. It might be like royal icing. Yeah. I'm thinking about like crispy cream glaze now on a popadom. You said crispy cream, actually. I did say that earlier. I know earlier I struggled with with teppy custard. Yeah.

Like all these words now are confusing me. Would you go through the glaze curtain? Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. If someone at Krispy Kreme was like, lay down on that convey about what? Absolutely.

You just go through the glass. Absolutely. And be covered in it. Yeah. Yeah. Are you laying on it on your back, on your front? On my back, because my front I've got a bit of a hairy chest. Hair is just complicated.

We've glazed, you know, we've all been there. It's a nightmare. Yeah, yeah. Getting it out. Do you know what I mean? I think that at this point in my life, I never had a hairy chest. My back's hairy. them are from.

Yeah? Is it? Yeah, I think so. Wow, man. You wear that like a badge of honor. Yeah, rarely. That's a vibe. Rarely check out the old back to see what's going on there.

But when I do, I'm like, that's the last place you want somebody to be sick. Yeah. Exactly. Much rather. Barrimor, get it out of my chest. Get it on my chest. Get that fizzy sick on my chest. For God's sake, Barrymore.

Hepsy vomit. Yeah. To get out than glazing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is very hard. Imagine going for the Michael Baramore vom curtain. Get a conveyor. They've riged Bamamo, he's had 10 Pepsi Maxis.

We don't title these episodes, like some podcasts do, but I think if we did, it would be cool. This episode will be the Michael Barrymore, Vaugham Curtain. Yeah. So, yeah, Dream Starter. Yeah. Yeah. What's tubby custard tasting like, do you think?

Sweet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, it would be gungge, wouldn't it? Like, you'd just be eating. Yeah, we want sweet. We don't want it too sweet so you can have loads of it. I think, again, you know the crispy cream filling

kind of donut filling like that, but pink. Yeah, you know what I mean? Nice. Yeah, that's nice. A lot of this. How old are you guys? You're younger than me by years. 39? 39. Okay, we're close. You're younger than that. 38?

Yeah. When's your birthday? Let me guess. I do not know either. I bet, I don't know yours. I will guess all three your birthdays separately. Okay. This is a special skill that I do. Yes, yes. Okay. Is it like the impressions? It's just like my impressions. Then it'll be perfect.

April 13th. Not far off. What is it? That's correct. That means I'm within two and a half weeks. Okay. If I get within two and a half weeks, that's unbelievable, Ben. That's the rule.

It's crazy you didn't even react. You guys are too British. That's unbelievable. This is a skill you got. He wouldn't be out to anything. That's unbelievable. That's true. That's right.

Okay. Give me a second. Yeah. Ben doesn't react to anything. Don't ever take it personally with him. We've been doing this podcast for a long time. He just sits there like he's not coining it in. God.

You laugh at the genie part. You left every time with the genie part? No, he hates the genie part. I always hear him under his breath going predictable. July 6th. January 9th.

Oh. Jay. You got the Jay. September 10th. No. October 4th. But hang on. You got the number right.

I think in your head you saw for me, it begins with Jay and you saw the number nine and you flipped upside down. Yeah. And I was trying to think, I was trying to January 6th the big thing that happened in America and D.C. I was like, you're definitely born around that time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. On that day. You're the 10th, but it's not a bet. Yeah. February 10th. No, March. You're so close, though. To get the tent straight up, is this what the podcast is?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's 100% what the podcast is. I love this. I love how you're initiating these games, and then you ask us, is this what the podcast is. We've got two more projects to talk about. Yeah, sorry. Oh, sorry, DNA.

So we just attached Yorma, and we're eking towards a green light, which is very exciting. And I'm not allowed to say what it's about yet. It's under wraps. The plot is underwrap. wraps. That's cool. But I wrote it. I've written many drafts of it. The first draft was written years ago for a searchlight. And then we attached party over here, which is Yorma, Andy, and Akiva. And then we attached Yorma's director. And now we're fixing the script up to hopefully

shoot me and Sam Rockwell. Who's won an Oscar? And he's doing an Oscar for free billboards. Oh, yeah. He was, uh, he was the, he was the, he was the, he was the, he was great in a green mile. Remember, remember him? Very good. Yeah. He was in Teenage Ninja Turtles. The original Teenage Mooning Turtles is as lead thug. Now I'm interested. You've got to see a picture of him. He's amazing. He's wearing a white t-shirt and he has like cigarettes underneath his white shirt. Always the coolest thing. The coolest thing. God.

Mike and Nick and Nick and Alice. Does the name Vince Vaughan mean anything to you? A little bit. Did a little roll in that. Small a roll in that. We just wrap that. That was very fun. There's a very, uh, Ben David, who directed it, uh, did Scott Pilgrim, the animated series and is a genius and he called me and he had this really fun role and he pitched it to me

and showed me with storyboards and it was so cool I was like gotta do it so I did that that was really fun James Marson is in that who's also in Sonic one two and three is this your first time meeting James Marsden face to face because in Sonic your cartoons that's true I met him during publicity but you're right. Let's be weird

I like to imagine you on set in Sonic just sort of painted blue walking around doing the voice yeah that's what I'm just hanging out Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't smoke cigarettes, but I imagine I'm smoking cigarettes. Smoking cigarettes, being like, all right, another one. Yeah, yeah, I feel like that could be me. Do you think you could, if you had to be Sonic in real life, you could do it?

Tell me what that means. Take me through what that means, and I'll tell you yes or no. One really fast, run into all the coins, run upside down. Rings, coins is Mario. Keep going. Anything else you want to shit on? Getting hit and dropping rings everywhere. There you go, that's good one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Picking up my barrel and throwing it like Donkey Kong. Yeah. Yeah. And you have to defeat Robotnik at the end, and Robotnik is Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey's amazing. So could you beat him in a fight? In real life?

No. Jim Carrey, I think can absolutely destroy me 100%. You ever see Truman Show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can do anything. Yeah. In Truman Show, does he beat someone up in Truman Show?

No, he probably gets beaten up. He gets his ass handed to him a lot. He does. By weather and by people. Yeah. Ed Harris is pretty mean to it much. Yeah, and it wears very small glasses.

Do you remember how small his glasses were? Tiny glasses. Yeah, two little monocles tied together. Great movie, though. That was one of the first, him and Robin Williams, you guys are both comedians. Him and Robin Williams, doing drama was such a big deal for me to see

because growing up, I'd never seen a comedian do drama before, and then I saw Robin Williams do it, and I saw Jim Carrey do it, and I was like, oh, we're allowed to do both. And it was a huge eye opener, and so Jim Carrey, that in Eternal Sunshine was huge to see as a kid. I spoke to David Cross recently on his podcast, and he would not

I kept saying to him, how often a week do you think to yourself I was in Eternal Sunshine? And he's like, never. Oh, really? And I was like, come on. It has to be all the time. Come on. I would think it all the time. Now, I'm trying to quote one of his lines to him. I am building a birdhouse. Very good. We wouldn't have any of that. No. He didn't. He didn't understand.

No, he didn't want to play with you. I get it. We haven't tried to guess your birthday. Women try to guess my birthday? We haven't. Women do? Do women? Do women try to guess your birthday? Do you want to try? This is, I think you can get it. Yeah. I'll zap it to you. I'll zap it to you. I'll zap it to you. I was zap it to you. I was zapping, man. You were not. You were zapping the number. Yeah, yeah. Stop it into my head. I'm really doing it. Okay. It's in your head. I can see it. Just say the first thing you're thinking of. September? This is unbelievable. Is it. Is it. Is it September? Keep going. I'm not going. Are you fucking with me? It doesn't matter. Keep going. Just whatever you feel. The 15th. Google it. Benito, Google it. 15th of September. No, you are kidding me.

You must have looked it up before. Yeah, I looked up. Yeah, I saw it. But when I said, you call him this, he was looking at it. Yeah, yeah. I left just enough time. I thought you were just on Twitter for some reason. Yeah, yeah. I don't know where the genie just goes on Twitter for no reason. I'd put a little mark, a little sticker on in my head going like, be horrible to James afterwards and really take him to task for going on his phone during the podcast because he's never he's never done that before

I couldn't believe that really yeah it's really rude I was like oh I guess this is whatever is chill everybody's chill here I guess it must have like a sort of cool American like bro podcast they're all in their phones yeah yeah it feels like yeah I'm sure their podcasts are based on their phones right but I thought I'll look at Ben's birthday you did that so well you delivered that so well then later on all I'll bring up but I thought I'd do it now because I didn't want the whole podcast for you be sitting there going I fucking gum's on his phone I think yeah sure I'm happy to I didn't like it no

Even though it gave us that moment, I still don't like it. Of course not. Would you take it back in an instant? Of course. Oh, wow. Live and die about the sword. Would you one of your genie wishes to be go back in time and stuff in doing that? Yeah, I'd use one of my three wishes to make you never look at your phone.

Poised of myself. Yeah. A food-based poisoning. As you see, I've strong feelings about many, many things. So that's a possible starter. Besides that, you know, salads. Let's talk about salads. I've heard you talk about Caesar salads.

Yeah. Well, as you know, I like Gar-Rour. I like anchovies, but listen to this. I have, I'll bet you've never heard this, and I've never said this publicly. Okay, we got an exclusive. There we go. Okay, anchovies. I love them.

I love them on pizza. I love when I was a kid, I remember opening that tin, and what's this? This is the saltiest fish. I love salty things, so I went, great, great. I ate the whole tin, and it was wrapped up with a little caper in the middle. By the way, I like a caper. But in moderation, I'm not sure how I think. about those big capers. They call those capers, too, with a big stem.

Caper berries. They say caper berries sometimes? I'm not sure how I feel. It's okay, but I'm not sure I would. Hey, speaking of which, do you know that fruit that is so omnipresent and everything that stick, those little twigs with the bunch of, it looks like, you know, Christmas holly, those little red berries, what are those called? And you can take them off like that or take it off like that. And they're kind of tart. What are those called? You know what I'm talking about? I know what you're talking about. I'm not sure what they're called, though. Neither do I. They're okay, but

you know, not my favorite. Speaking of which, nuts. Nuts. Because yesterday we had her, we were on the plane. We got a ramekin, by the way, that's the correct term. Yes, absolutely. And, you know what I like these days? Well, I like a salty nut. Yes. Me too. And I like, I think, the best. I pick them out first.

Something like a walnut or a pecan. I think that's great. And I like if it's salty or spicy or sugary. Yeah. You know, that's okay for me, too. Cashew probably is my next choice there. Almonds, it has to be really savory or sweet. Yeah.

You know what I don't like? I don't like, here's why water is when water is really good. Mmm. To wet the whistle. I like that. Now, what I don't like is, peanut is fine. because those are salty. I don't know about shelling things.

As a matter of fact, I don't know about edamami. Yeah. Unless it's salty on the outside, and you get some of that salty as you're just... Suck the pods. Yeah. But peanuts, okay. Pistachios, I like, if they're very salty,

but I don't know if I... I don't want to do work. They do bags of the unshared... They do. They do. And that's good, but then I can go to... Two. You quickly, you know.

You put 20 in my mouth at the same time. It's probably good. to have to work, but I don't like to work. My kids, like a lobster with some tools, and they say, watch this, they'll go to work, or they eat me, they're meat eaters, and for good or ill, you know, I'm sorry, if, if, if, if, if you don't like that, but they get a, they get a bone, and they go to town on that bone or a chicken. And they, like, are far, like in, but I think if you're going to be, 2001, if you're going to be a meat eater, you've got to have the bones, you've got to have,

So I'm not a meat eater these days, and I've never liked the bones. I've always liked meatloaf or a meatball or bolognaise sauce or ragu. Something that's already done for me. I don't want to work, and I don't want to come upon anything that's like gristle or tendon or anything. I don't like that. So I don't think I'm a natural non-meatater. Now I'm eating, you know, fish and this and that. Anyway, I got started on that. Hey, you know what, a nut I don't like. Brazil nut. The large Brazil nut. Boy, that's a boring nut. I'm sorry. Yeah.

I can go to hell. Yeah, yeah. I like the macadamian nut. Yeah, maybe a little fatty, but I like it, especially when it's sugared and something like that. Anyway, don't get me started. We love a good character on off menu, and one guest really got us laughing. Here's Sharon Wanjohie trying to impress a date. This is up there, moment of 25 for me, I think.

Yeah. See, this is another nostalgic dish. This is nostalgia for certain times of your life. It is. It's a crisp ribina. Yeah. I'm on a motor bike. And there's a boy I fancy two streets down.

And I'm riding and I fall off and I scrape my knee. Ah! Ah! I go up to the boy. Uh, hey. I scrape my knee This has got to be a clip because people have got to see Sharon's face

I'm doing it. I've never ridden a bike before. Could I? The disgust on your faces is not making me feel confident. I just know I'm right. I think it's brilliant, but I'm also confused. No, I'm not confused. I love it. I'm like there.

Are you in the moment with me? I get it. Thank you. Oh, I don't have any plasters. That's okay. I might come back tomorrow. That's okay with you. You might come back.

Come back tomorrow with this great knee. Yeah, because I'm eager. I feel like to buy tomorrow. I thought you were coming back tomorrow for a plaster. No, just to buy. But in that moment, I'm embarrassed. I've just scraped my knee. So, you've cycled.

So, let's recap. You're cycling on the street. You fall off the bike, scrop in knee. As a boy, you've got your age. You can't fancy him, but he's just like standing on the street. So he's just on the pavement. He's just chilling.

And you go up to him and say, I just scrape my knee. Yeah. In an American accent. In an American accent. With the voice. And he says, I don't have a plaster. You say, that's okay. I might come back to bars.

Is there anything wrong with that? Yeah. So you didn't come back? I'm embarrassed. Yeah. And the boy that I like has just seen me fall down. Yeah. I'm nervous.

But I also like that you say, I've just scraped my knee. And his first thing he says is I don't have any plasters. Because he wants to be helpful but he acknowledges that in the moment he can't help And I like that He's emotionally sensitive I think In this version of the thing And he's okay with me doing a voice

I like the voice See I didn't on a date the other day And she never texted me back I think I killed it What in what context? I was like She was like Let's check in

How are you feeling about this date? And I was like Ah I like this date I like this date You're very pretty. Oh,

should I have said that out loud? Oh, well. And then I thought fucking out, Sharon. That was the worst thing I've ever heard. Anyone doing a first date? It's a first date. I mean,

if I'm not going to be yourself. You may as well have let the butter off a cows under at that point. Oh, my God. That would have been better. I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't love let's check in how this date going. I don't love that either. I kind of like it.

It's very Gen Z. We're two women on a date. How are you feeling? Yeah. It's very crystal. So you quite like it, but then what you did. So let's dispense with that. Oh, fuck.

James and I are millennials. James and I are millennials, we don't like the check-in. Okay. The check-in is too much. The check-in should be unspoken. That's what you draw the line. Okay. So you like that.

Oh, my God. But then why did you then do the... Infantilizing. You became a little kid. I thought it'd be funny. I thought it'd be funny. If I was on a date and something said, how's a date going? Well, gee.

I'm pretty good, I guess, ma'am. I'd love that. I hope I don't go toilet in my pants. That is not what I was doing. How dare you. I got put off light in my stomach. I was being a big girl who watches way too much anime. I got to call my mommy and give her three rings.

Oh, geez, my heart's beaten out of my chest. You're telling me you wouldn't like that. But you said she was pretty in the voice. I love it. I thought it'd be funny. It is funny. I think it's hilarious. Apparently not.

It's funny hearing about it now. What was her face doing when you did it? So I wasn't looking at her while I was doing it. And I went to laugh being like, oh, no, don't cover your face. You're making this so much worse than it is. She's just absolutely puking everyone. She was like, you even look pretty when you puke. Oh.

Now, this is turning to billying. Yeah. So you weren't looking at her? No. You're looking down for the character? Yeah, because the character's like, ah! The character for the people just listened to it

always involves Sharon grabbing the back of her neck like nervously, like the kid in stranger things does when something's like creeping up and his sex is being bad. So just like hand on the back of the neck and then looking down and then like vibrating. And then making a noise which increasingly sounds

like an Al Pacino impression. Yeah. Oh, take it, adding that to the list. Date number two, thank you very much. So she's not got back in contact. Nah. When was it? I want to say like three weeks ago now.

Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, no, that's dead in the water. So it's fine, it's fine. I've cried my tears. Well, I guess you don't like me that much. I love the character. Yeah, the character is great. I really like the character.

Really good. Very rug rats. I'd watch up. Yeah, really rug rats, actually. Thanks. That's a millennial thing. Oh my God, I know what rock. How would you think I am?

Well, you've proudly proclaimed yourself of Gen Z, so. Yes, and I wear that with a badge of skibbitty honour. Thank you very much. What's Gen Z? 20s? You're 20s? Yeah. 20s, yeah.

But early 20s. I'll take it. Okay. I'm actually 16. This is illegal what you guys are doing, actually. We've had a 15-year-old on this. podcast before. No, you haven't.

We have. From Strangerson. Oh, yes. The kid who does that, actually. Yeah. It's the kid who does that. A very kid who does that. When you have 15,

you've always been, you do that. You're in the strange people. I'm not 15 in this, in this. You are when you're acting it. I'm a grown man. You weren't there. I tell you that much. You weren't there.

You don't know the facts. We arrived at your dream dessert. Yes. I kind of like, I feel like this is a recent food trend. I like the desserts that look like food, but they're cold. Like the ice cream chicken, ice cream fried chicken. Or like a sweet

past spaghetti bolognese. I know what you mean. It's very sort of an online thing. Like Disney, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna die at 50. It's kind of cool, though. I think it's so cool. The spaghetti's cool. Just like the spaghetti, like strands of ice cream, basically. Yeah, it looks like, it looks like. You guys are tricking.

I'm like, huh? What's this? This should be savory. Not sweet. And then it is sweet and it's delicious. And you're like, Yes, you guys got me again. I know James wants to ask about this character now as well. This is not a character.

This is who I am. Oh, fair enough. Nice to meet you. It was quite similar to the same. Quite similar to the date character. Yeah, a bit like that kind of same person, a bit in a different environment. Yeah, this one is a child.

Where they've been kind of tricked by the book. This one is a child. Yeah, they do brownies. What the heck? What the heck? Do you guys just swear? you're not supposed to do that I think I'm going to have to tell my mom

sorry but do the American voice it is quite similar to the other characters yeah I think I just really enjoy the way yeah yeah yeah it is good

why am I single yeah I know what you mean that that thing I remember when I was a kid when I first saw one of those like, you know, foam burgers, those little sweets. Oh, it's like, I was so excited to eat it. Oh my gosh.

I couldn't wait to eat one of those, like, with all the different layers with the gummy, like, lettuce, tomato, yeah, yeah. The burger itself actually, probably the least appealing part of the sweet burger. It doesn't lend itself well to the gummy. You could do without it. It could be a sandwich. Could be a sandwich. Were you like, is this going to taste like burger?

Or are you like, oh no, this is sweets? I think I definitely thought like this is going to taste like fruity sweet. but the burger part of it did make me, I go, I don't know what that's good. What is that meant to me? Yeah, like the rest of it, even the bun looked quite sweet and foamy and nice, but the actual burger itself was like, I don't, like, hopefully that's like a COLA thing or something. I don't know what it is. What's the name of the company that made those, like the ones that you see everywhere?

Because it's like right at the front of my brain and I just need to scratch that itch. Otherwise, yes. Amazon. No, it's not gummy zone. No, it's not gummy zone. He's angry about that way. So you've wasted this time. Gummy zone.

Benito's going to... He's getting ready to tell you you should quit comedy. That's normally after. You don't normally do that during. The fact is coming at the end of the meal, does that ruin the trick? No, because I think

the way I would approach this is that's dessert number one because I'm tricking my brain into thinking, oh, like I'm still eating savoury for you so there's more space for it. Because I feel like your brain does this thing where you're like, oh, I'm quite full actually from the meal, but I still want dessert.

Of course. You're like, let me just do the dessert and then I'll have, I'll be in a food coma after. If you get dessert number one and it looks like savory food, your mind is like, oh, this is more food. Okay, we can create space for this and then we can have dessert after. Ha ha, silly brain, I've already had dessert. I'm only going to go and do it again, but this time you'll actually see what the dessert is. So it's more of like a mental, psychological, I feel like the CIA might have kind of. James, did you follow that in any way whatsoever?

I just find it very funny. Silly brain is what made me laugh. Yeah, I was really, I loved silly. brain that you've also eaten it. Yeah. And you've tasted it and you, your silly brain still thinks it's savory. Oh, no, no.

This is a spag ball. But it tastes sweet. Hmm. I wonder what that's about. Let me just keep eating. I guess I'll get dessert after. The character sneaking back in there, I think. Every time something with the finger comes,

you go, hmm. If you're honest, the character is 100% at the wheel now. It's completely behind the wheel. It's taken over. But you're just resisted doing the voice because you want to disguise it is yourself, but you know really it's the... Hmm. I guess this is, maybe an ice cream of some description.

Can we do the rest of it like this? You can. You can. It's the best thing. All I can think about is you're on that day doing that. All I can think of is you're very, you're very pretty. Looking at the floor. You're very pretty. But not, you weren't saying you're very pretty, is that you went,

she sure is pretty or something like. Yeah, because you have to do lack and aside. You said it about her. And then you were doing, so you're doing like a Gollum kind of thing of like, She's always pretty, did I just say that out loud? Oh, no. I love it so much. It's so great.

I think it's a normal and fun and whimsical thing to do on a date. And if you guys disagree with that, that is absolutely okay. There's at least three people who disagree with it, me, James and her. Yeah. But she doesn't deserve you. That was fresh. If you said that in two months, I'd have been like, ha-ha, but actually that could have been my future wife, so that does sting.

No, it couldn't. No. But only because she wasn't down to clown. Yes, exactly. You need somebody who's down to clown. I need someone to give it back. Yeah. find someone who does like that kind of stuff

and it'll be great. I know. And that'll be, and I'm a big support of people just going, I'm just going to out the gate, be exactly who I am. You have to. Why go on a day? Don't waste any time. Did you want me to be like, yes, this meal is actually quite exquisite. I really enjoy the wine

bearing. I absolutely think you would do that as well. Same problem. It's not, though. Because I'm being a fancy lady. So she's like, oh, this lady's very fast. You've not shown up as a fancy lady, though. You're just suddenly, halfway through the meal turning into her something else. So I'd have to start off like that.

Yes. But that's not what she wants. She wants me and then she also wants the part of me that let's find her pretty. You want the whole smorgasbord. It's boring of... Yeah.

I think, you know, I think it's best off out of this. I don't think it's the fact... I don't think she's right. I'm sorry that I've bought us back here. Because I can't stop thinking about it. But like, I don't think it's the fact that you said she was pretty. I think if you went, it's going really well, actually, and I think you're really beautiful.

Nah. I don't think she would go, not replying to this. I think it's the fact that you went, oh, yeah. And you said just pretty in the character. Because it's funny. I think it was silly. Yeah. I like, I get it.

Thank you. Yeah. I think, like, yeah, you will find someone who loves that character. Yeah. And then it would be great. Thank you. That's very nice. And we'll just have like a little.

I think next time turn up is the character. From the get-go. Scrape your knee outside. Oh, my God. I'll come back here at a moment. So you do marketing, huh? I want that character to get a sitcom immediately. Is there any commissioners listening to this?

Yeah. Just please give Sharon a sitcom where that is the character. But the character has to live in just modern Britain, though. Oh, my God. The character can't live in like 50s America, clearly where they're from. My oyster card isn't working. They're just doing really mundane every day. I have a stamp, please.

I wonder if he knows what I'm sending. No, we have to get away from this now. I don't have to ruin my reputation. We are at the end of the episode, pretty much. We've not got away from it successful. So what is the food? You want a spaghetti bolognese ice cream? I want the fried chicken ice cream.

I want it to come in a bucket. I want to house it. And then I want to finish off with just a classic brownie. Hold on. So there's a brownie in there as well. As in like, that's dessert number two. Yeah, because you treat. You're tricky brain.

Tricky silly brain. Yeah. What flavour is the ice cream, the actual fried chicken ice cream? Classic vanilla. Let's not get too crazy with it, you know? And does it have a little, like, fake drums, that you can pick them up? You can literally pick them up and then bite into ice cream, which is a little bit in bread, but it's fun. Am I allowed to say that?

I don't know. I don't know. I've never heard anyone use it in that way before. I use it very lightly. It's actually honestly becoming a problem. You know who else is in bread? Marry his dad. He's in bread.

Oh, he's in bread. I thought you were going to say Shaman because she was kissing her cousin earlier. I wanted to set the record very straight. I have never and will never kiss my cousin. No, I think what you were saying is when you get so drunk that you could kiss your cousin. All rules fly out the window, yes, thank you.

We see eye to eye. You didn't say, yeah. You're just kissing your cousin, James, it sounds like. Yeah, yeah. You're just making it. On the reg. Yeah. Well, she's very pretty.

Oh. Oh, are we right? No. I think this is frowned apart. Mom's my dad's brother, right? No, this is bad. This is bad. Nauty.

No more of this. It's the annual list of anecdotes where Benito's failed to make these clips fall neatly into other categories. Here's Ellie Taylor, David Tennant, Neil Hannan, Reese James, Mirasota and Will Sharp. I want some, like, lovely, like, garlic, some yummy aoli with it, something, a sauce. But I want a good sauce to croquetta's ratio.

Yeah. I don't like it when they're stingy. And also, I want them to take a note of how many people are at the table and give me a number that I can divide. Do you know what I mean? Do not give me three when there's two of us. Yes. That drives me mad. Yeah, yeah.

Let's make that a law. It should be a law. Stama, if you're listening. Yeah. I think it's out of order when there's four of you. It's ridiculous. That's very ridiculous. It's like something, I'm sorry.

You probably don't want to hear this. You want some time away from it. But it's like something the producers of the traitors would put into the game to divide people and turn them against each other. Let's send them free when there's four of them. Yeah, yeah. And see their true colours come out and they'll start turning on each other. There we go.

That's the next series of the traitors. Yeah. The tapas, right. The next big twist. The tapas. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the tapas. Yeah.

I just think there's nothing more pathetic, Wendy, there's like three of you and you have to Oh, should we chop this one into three? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no one wants that, everyone wants it. Yeah. But you do need to, there needs to be a ruling though. Oh, you have to do.

Oh, because if you just went for it, yeah. I'd think about that forever if someone just did that. You can't chop it into three. The ruling needs to be, you two share that one. And then the next thing that comes, if there's a division issue, then I get priority. That's nice.

And we're all having a nice time. I like to just say that person just gets it just give it to someone else anyone but me I really because it's too awkward for you to have it I just can't be bothered

with the whole conversation just give it to that person or can we shout up being adults just order another portion that's blowing my mind right what? Big man

we're grownups Big man we can do that if we want we could actually do that can we yeah but sometimes you don't want a whole portion you just want one extra one

for the I beg your pardon you never seen a kid you never seen a kid go, should we get another portion? Yeah. Because we're grown-ups. Kids can't go.

Anyone else who's getting another portion? Let's just get another portion. Should we get a few bits? Let's just get another portion. Just get some move to the table. Imagine that. Imagine having a kid that was like, you've got kids. Imagine one of the kids that you go out as a family,

and one of the kids turns to and goes, should you get another portion? You know what? I would love that. I would love it or put them up for adoption. I don't know which one it would be. No, you would love that, Ed. What, if suddenly.

We don't have kids. My kid went, should we get to sleep for the table? You would love. I'd be delighted. It's scary. Let's put this one up for adoption. When they say things that we don't expect, I found a video of my daughter with my phone,

she's six, and she was just sort of doing a report to their camera, this is me at home with mommy and daddy. And she sort of went, and it's going to be Saturday. And I love all my friends. And then she paused and went, stay connected, peeps.

And into the little salute. See, that's good. This is it now. It makes you laugh. But they all watch YouTube too much. She doesn't watch YouTube, so I don't know where she's got that from. I was talking to some friends in that.

kid, like, every time they get hold of their mum's phone, just walks around, making, like, YouTube videos, even though they're not going to be uploaded anywhere. Right. And they did one, like, sneaking into their dad's room where he, like, builds Lego and stuff, this guy. And the kid was actually, like, it was like, really, go, okay, people, here we are. And at one point, he went, oh, my God, I don't shit my ass. Our friend's kid, she did a, she did a poo on her potty, and then turned to her dad and went,

present in there for you? That's amazing That's not true How old is that? It's not interesting Oh my God I want that He must have laughed at that

Yeah yeah Yeah of course Present in there for you Amazing My favourite My favourite thing My daughter said when she was about three There was a firework

That went off And she looked to me and went Excuse you, mummy Oh, good stuff Funny than I was like All right Well maybe if I had a kid who went There you go

for the table. I'd be on board. Oh, so, I don't think, if we're being realistic, I don't think Ed could have any other type of kid. He did, yeah. That's true. A kid would definitely turn out like that. Well, if your kids are picky eater if you had them and they were really picky.

Hello adoption. Okay. Well, you're a picky eater as a kid. No. You would. You only have stuff on the adults. You want stuff on the kids menu. That's not picky.

That's the opposite of picky. Were you like, Mommy, can I have some muscles? Yeah. Oh my God, really? Yeah, yeah. Yes. He would order the pickers' basket. He was very, very, it's true.

Hicked about what he had. The picker's basket from the brazzery. The brasserie. What's a picker's basket? It was like a sharing platter of starters, and that's what I'd have for my main. It's my favourite thing. How old are you?

Like a tiny kid. Pickers basket, yeah, yeah. Mozilla sticks, alapeno poppers. Oh my God. Yeah, all in a lovely picker's basket. Yeah, my kids are quite boring with food. But then some of their friends will be like, you know, in their pat lunches will have olives.

And I'm like, what? How have you got olives? I don't even like olives. Yeah. I think olives are disgusting. Really? Disgusting. If they come with my Keir Royal,

I'll throw them at the barman. They will not think I'm the most polite person. Yeah, I thought you were supposed to be the most polite person. Well, when it comes to olives. All your good work out the window. Gone. Yeah, I think they're absolutely. She was so lovely,

and then she lobbed a whole bowl of olives at my head. After a double vodka and Coke and a Keir Royale, she really turns. You've been Hamlet, right? You've done Hamlet. I've done Hamlet. There's no Genie's Lampton Hamlet. But you got a skull, like you got a whole of a skull. Yeah.

How heavy were that? We had a real skull. What? Wow. Yeah, we had the skull of a real human. A guy called Andre Tchaikovsky, who was a classical musician who had left his skull to the Royal Shakespeare Company. I remember this.

Yeah. In a production of Hammer. So I did not have to fake any weight there. I was holding Andre. He was Yorick. Wow. The first time you had to do that? Yeah.

You had to pick it up in rehearsal. Yeah. Did you just go straight in? Yeah. fine, or were you like, I don't know if all it is. Oh, I was really, really thrilled about it. Not in a macabre way, because that's what it's, that moment in the play is about connecting with mortality.

Yeah. So if you're actually lifting, there's no acting involved, you're looking into the eyes of a human who once walked the air for something very powerful about that. Could you see yourself leaving any of your bones to theatre? Very happily, I'm here again in a production of Hamlet, playing a different part. Yeah. I think that would be, that's something glorious about that. Yeah, I'd be awful if you left your skull to the Royal Shakespeare Company

and it was the understudy skull. Oh, yeah, imagine that. Yeah. That would be embarrassing, wouldn't it? To be honest, I don't think you can do it anymore. Because Andre had done it, I'd left it, and it had gone through all the various, there's a lot of hoops to jump through for various governmental organizations who perhaps frown on the idea of body parts being left to anything,

really, other than cremation. So I think the laws have now changed that Andre is probably the last person is going to be able to have done that but his skull is still there he can be used in future productions of Hamlet well done Andre Yeah or does it have to be Hamlet

If I vote a new play And I just wanted there to be a skull in it Could I get Andre's skull? That is an excellent question To which I did not know the answer I don't know how specific his will was And I don't know whether the specifics of that Have any kind of legal ramifications

So I can't give you the answer But I'd like to be able to What's the Janet and Alan Allberg book about the skeletons? Yeah, yeah. The lazy bones, is it? Yeah, what they call? Lazy bones, maybe. They live in a dark, dark house.

Yeah. On a dark, dark street. Okay. Those guys, and they're a family of skeletons. Maybe And Andre could be in a live production of that. Actually, no reason why not. Although I'm not in charge. Yeah, yeah.

But there's a lot of skeletons in that, David. We've written a production of lazy bones. I think the problem there is that there's a lot of skeletons in that. That's true. So if only one of them had a real skull. Even more different to that way. The Roach expert company does own other. skulls. Oh, great. From historical productions.

Brilliant. David Garrick's skull, I think, is not David Garrick himself. The skull David Garrick used is also in their collection. Because I used it at the dress rehearsal because Andre hadn't quite had all his boxes ticked by the various authorities. So in the dress rehearsal, I used the old skull that came from the store. And I dropped it and a bit fell off. Oh, wow. There was one time when my daughter was quite young and I'd done something silly with the peas and I said oh my bag

yeah because I thought that's what it was you thought they said my bag I thought they said my bag I thought that was the phrase my bag

that doesn't even make sense you've done something with the peas yeah I don't have you done wrong with the peas you had a bag of peas I can't remember the bag did something wrong I apologize you said my bag

I said my bag I don't know whether I thought it referred to like I can't imagine what I thought I guess people would say that's not my bag yeah that's not my bag so you're kind of confused the two phrases a little bit

are you going hey my bag so desperately unhip imagine if you did something wrong at like baggage claim or something that's not your bag that is not your bag that is not your bag that is not making mistakes

this is a whole moot of the problem is that you keep on picking up the wrong bag now you've got all these things on your Christmas dinner Oh, yeah. We've got to talk about the condiments. Sorry. Condiments are the best bit.

And we're going to do the condiments right now. Cranberry sauce, horseradish. Yeah. Mint sauce. Yeah. Bread sauce. English mustard. Dejean mustard.

Yeah. If I've forgotten anything. Anything else that's around. Bally Malou relish. Whatever. What's that relish? Oh, Bally Maloo. Do you not have it over here?

No, no, no. Oh, it's lovely. Yeah, it's from this range of products called Bally Maloo. But it's like Brandston a bit, but it's sweeter, and it's kind of sort of ready brand. It's really lovely. Lots of sort of Solana's crop up in it and stuff like this. Yeah, it's very good in sandwiches.

Nice. Yeah. I have a bread sauce story. Is it about the time your mum threw you some bread, and you play with it too much? No, no, but it did occur in my parents' house, like maybe 10 years ago. I was, you know, my brother's families were there as well.

Everybody was there. It was Christmas. I thought, I am going to make the bread sauce. I'm going to cut to the chase. It said, you know, I'd flavored it with like cinnamon things and like apple, whatever. And then it said sieve. I put the sieve there and I put the pot just threw it all down the sink. Yeah.

Yeah. You saved the sauce. I saved the sauce the wrong way around. And he said, my bag. My bag. Yeah. I hope it catches on. Yeah, my bag.

I think it will. Yeah. And sink bread sauce as well. Yeah. People only have it out of the sink. And he successfully made bread sauce since? I never tried to cook again. There was a year when I was 15 when my parents separated for one year.

Just for one year? For one year. They got a room springer. What's that? That sandwich? No, it's the Amish tradition of You get to leave the community for a year And go and do whatever you want

As long as the promises you come back and become Armish again Yeah I did know that about the Amish I didn't know it was called that I didn't know I knew this much about the Amish I love the Armish I keep getting TikToks at the moment Of people going to Amish communities

And saying you have to prepare The zombies are already in the city And the Amish people will be like What? And they're going like Honestly, and then there's other ones of them showing brain rot to Amish people. Yeah. Like weird memes that it just don't make any sense.

Yeah. How do the Amish people know about zombies? Yeah. Well, maybe there's some explaining they do before it. So there's a thing called zombies. That's the, that's dead people walking around. But you wouldn't be scared with it. I saw one, he had an AI video of cats in the Olympics,

and he showed it to an Amish person, and it was all cats going off diving boards and doing flips. And what's interesting about that one is the Amish person is not buying it one bit. They're looking at it like, yeah, so? what's this? This is obviously, the guy's like, look,

you wouldn't expect a cat to do that. Three flips. And I'm supposed to just like, yeah, it's just in an apple shop. So basically, sorry,

as in literal apples. It's not a genius bar. They're actually selling apples. The Apple store. It's not the Apple store. Must have been on your year off. Do not, yeah,

yeah. That's where they go immediately. As soon as the first day of their year off, straight in the Apple store, their head starts vibrating. Oh, they can't take it.

If you took your lap, laptop to the genius bar and someone was dressed like an Amish person there, you'd be like, well, I'm fucked, I'm never getting that knapsed back. They're not going to know what to do. I, sometimes when I see AI videos, I feel like an Amish guy. Because you think that's real? Yeah, yeah. And I have to check with Charlie what's AI and what's not.

I'd be like, come over here. How can a horse be this small? Come over here. How can a horse be this small? She'd be like, it's AI-ed. Right, well, then I'm going to be dead in a year. Yeah, because I can't tell whatever. When you fall for an AI thing,

it does feel like it's getting over for my brain, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. It's why when your parents send you one, you're just like, oh, God, this is weird different planets now. Yeah. Well, my mum got into, like,

using chat, GPT to make, like, pictures of our cat, my cats, and send them to me, so she would just, but she would just speak into it,

so it wouldn't look anything like them, but she would just say, like, a sphinx cat next to a main coon cat and it's their birthday. And then she would send me and there's two,

Cats wearing party hats I don't know that my cats I'll be like, why was it with this? She's just like, and she told me about and she was like, it's this website and you just tell it stuff.

Yeah, I mean, it is exciting. I got sent to my girlfriend's mom sent me a song about my cat that she'd made on AI but she just found an app

where you just makes, sings you a song. I've never used it. It was really good. I can't believe there's parents using AI. I've never used it. Yeah,

I was like, and I immediately was like, I was making a radio four show at the time and I needed some songs in it and I mean he was like, what is this website? this is incredible she didn't even write the lyrics

you just said there's a boy called Reese and he's got a cat called Tabitha she's a ginger cat and she's crazy write a song about that and it was like

a country and western song that was like exactly the tune you'd expect to it yeah yeah it was like a theme tune for the cat

basically that it came back with and I also it's like completely out of the blue you get that text from your girlfriend's mom so what I'm just like

what do thumbs up it and never reply I thought your cat I mean maybe this was a different cat. But I thought Bob Mortimer named your cat. Bob Mortimer named my cat. Tabitha LightSource. Oh, okay. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you're expected sort of like Mike Twat or something like that.

No, no, I knew it was something like that. It's disrespectful then to not say Tab with a light source every time you talk about your cat. Yeah. Yes. Okay, Tabitha Light Source. Yeah. Okay, Tabitha Light Source. Yeah. And I'll release the theme tune. Yeah. Yeah. situation where I was in... I'm very interested to hear how not dissimilar this is. Well, as in like, it was someone who was looking after poisonous venomous snakes and this was in Thailand and was telling us about how venomous they were

and showed us by getting this snake. He had, he sort of wrapped a glass, he put some cling film over a glass and then I didn't know what he'd done to sort of anger the snake, but the snake then bit the glass because it was angry and he saw this venom shoot out of its mouth

and then at some point during the show he was bitten and had to be taken off and there was an ambulance just outside and so the show just suddenly ended

So Was the ambulance outside before the show started? This happens every week Yeah, surely they're just there doors open It was quite

I wouldn't recommend anybody go to a place like this because if you kind of I remember looking at his arms thinking it looks like he's been bitten before numerous times Either that

or he was an heroin addicts But, you know, either way, it's not going to be a good show. He could have a crippling addiction. And he's trying to weed himself off of it by finding a different passion. And he's looking after snakes and now they're biting him all the time. It's true. He could have been manning the tandoor because, you know, going back to tandoes. I did have to work a tandoor at some point in my career.

And they burn up the arms. Oh, I bet. Shing the eyebrows off. All the hair disappears. Apart from the moustache. It's a dangerous job. Yeah, apart from the moustache. Yeah. That's the guy who works in the thing, not you.

Right, thank you. The uncle. The uncle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As soon as I said it, I was like, well, that's how to clear that up. I knew what you meant. Yeah, yeah.

Is it all the hair disappears? I was like, if we know one guy, who's doing all right on the hair front, who works at a tando. He's got longer arms than I have. Oh, has he? That's another thing.

I mean, I feel like I've got quite short arms. I feel like I mean. Yeah, well, I didn't think it before, but yeah, now you stuck your arm out. Do you do think T-Rex arms. That's crazy. Yeah. Feels proportional to me.

No, that's short. That's short. Yeah, so it was a dangerous job for me to do. You've got to really get in there, right? Yeah, it's one swift move. Yeah. You've got to plaster it with this kind of gigantic powder puff to the side of the tando quite swiftly and quickly and get out of there.

Yeah, because it's like 400 degrees in there. Wow. Yeah. What? I love that. I love seeing videos of that of people just like sticking, sticking the narns of the side of the Tandor. Oh, yeah.

Confidently. Yeah. really jealous you saw that guy get bit by a snake. Were you really afterwards, if you're honest, were you like, that was brilliant when he got bit? No, I do have to, I have to say I didn't think that. Good story now, though, isn't it? Yeah, it is a good story now. I would have been really laughing about it.

I do have another snake story coming up, though. Coming up? I didn't even, well, I mean, in the main course, there's, my main course actually features a snake. I mean, not eating a snake. I can see why you didn't want to save the bread now. because you already had a snake story lined up. Wouldn't it be amazing if the Pani Puri man, when he's putting the liquid in,

he also has a snake in his backpack and the snake bites the hole in the top. That would be genius. That would be a show, wouldn't it? That would be good, actually. Yeah, yeah. If it just bounces out, it bites a little hole in it. Because that's the hardest.

For me, when I ever had Panny Pooie, actually putting the hole in it, you know, the last, last time I can tell you when I had it, it was my birthday. Pow, too hard because I was so amped up because it was my birthday. I wasn't drunk. Starter, pow, immediately ruined it.

Just too big of a hole. Yeah. It felt real sad. Oh, I'm sorry about that. But I think snakes could be good, but the venom thing might be an issue. But you could have like a hygienic squirrel standing on a, like a little...

Yeah, yeah. A hygienic squirrel. A hygienic squirrel, yeah. Good luck finding one of those. I tell you who we could get one of those long schnauz to wankers to come in, whack their schnaz on it. Tell them there's an ant inside.

Yeah. Tell them there's an ant inside. I'd feel for it every time. Not an ant in this one. Yeah. Well, there's an ant in that one. There better be. So you two have a history.

Yes. Yeah. You went to university together. Is that way? I couldn't get in there. I couldn't get in there. You went to two different universities and Ed knew you because you were rivals. We were, yeah, we were, well, I guess, comedy rivals, but sometimes we do stuff together almost.

Friends. What union is we're talking here? Durham from my man. Doxbridge. We both went to Doxbridge. Doxbridge, yeah. That's disgusting. Yeah.

No, Will went to Cambridge and I went to Durham. But some people at Durham referred to Durham came Cambridge and Oxford as Doxbridge, which was pathetic. Who is that? Some real losers. I think mainly Ed. Oh, yeah, me. I mean, me, yeah. Also, like, Durham not getting many letters in there.

No. I know you have the font of the word. It's proportional. It's proportional. Yeah. Oh, you went to Oxford? Yeah. That's cool.

We did, yeah, so we'd meet each other at comedy. And then after uni, we did like bits together, didn't we? Yes. Comedy bits. We had a hit sketch group. We had a hit sketch group. Let's talk about this hit sketch group. Oh, man.

What was it called? Them four horsemen, it was called. I think we maybe did four shows. Four shows. And we kept trying to, we kept planning to do one on Christmas Eve. Yeah. Christmas Day, actually. It's probably, if you're still on face.

you can probably you can probably find the invite to the event somewhere on Christmas Day so you're going to do a Christmas Day gig the who is the four of you I'm guessing niche is involved in this somehow no no we did we did another thing with niche which is sort of like I was thinking about this because I knew it was coming in yeah it was it was called something like the club for men who are not usual and it was one of those like sitcom ideas that immediately immediately doesn't work yeah and we had like I think like an old camcorder and filming stuff around this flat.

And all I remember is there was some shoes in the fridge. Yeah. And Nish called his suit, his 9 to 5 shield. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And immediately we're like, the point of these people is they do things that are not usual. But they're really boring. Yeah, yeah.

Unsustainable. I remember that where there was a shot, like one shot where one of us, like, made a cup of tea from the beginning. Oh, yeah. Like, talking for ages about not being usual. And then, like, walked to the toilet. pointed down the toilet and flush. Oh, yes, it was that funny. That's a funny bit, but that's sort of it. It was really funny for us.

Yeah, we had a laugh, didn't we? It's a load of funny, nonsensical things, but after a while, I imagine as a, for a viewer, it's maddening. Well, there weren't any viewers apart from us, but it didn't matter. Yeah, yeah. I didn't even cut it together, to be fair. Yeah. That's a shame. Well, I do, I do have some old them-for-horseman sketches on a, on a hard drive somewhere.

Oh, my gosh. That's exciting. So who are the other two horsemen? Tom Williams, who's no longer in comedy. No, I do that. English teacher. English teacher. And Al Roberts.

Al Roberts. Stathlet's flats. Stats flats. Yeah, I do know who that is. Yeah. You know, Al. It's funny to, after the Williams guy to make out, like I didn't know, Al Roberts was. And you've done some other stuff since?

Without. Without. Without me. I've done some stuff. Yeah, you've been up to some stuff. Do you feel guilty when you do stuff without Ed? I feel guilty when I listen to this podcast. I've felt because so many times I've been like, oh, I should message, I should message Edge just to

say, I'm really enjoying it. And I haven't really, I didn't really do that. Well, I've not messaged you saying I'm enjoying all your stuff. Yeah, I suppose. Maybe that's how it works sometimes. What happened with the four horse people that means that you don't text each other anymore? I guess like we're just sort of got, got busy in other ways. Yeah, sidetracked.

You know you get sidetracked and then the side track becomes your main track. Yeah. Yeah. We're like, I'm late to that. There are other things like swimming around my head, but I'm like, we don't need to get Maybe come back to them later. If you ever find yourself on set filming something and thinking back to the days

of paling around with this young whippersnapper? Do you know what? I do feel like there is a thing where no matter what the scale is of a project, this is a bit of an earnest answer. But like I feel like it does sort of feel like just hanging in a good way at its best. You're just kind of figuring stuff out with your mates

and try to make it funny or make it work or whatever. So I do sometimes think of that. And like Tom Kings is another person I work with a lot in the past. I do think of those days sometimes. Would you ever put like pitch an idea on set, like if you were on an exciting project, but you know maybe the right joke here is flushing a cup of tea down the toilet. Maybe I'll try and work that in.

It's a good job. I try and work it in. Would you have to check with these guys? I think you'd be right with it. It would be like a little wink, you know, in the ether and see if, see if, you know, see if they'd spot it. Well, look, I officially give you permission to use anything from the club for men who are not usual.

If it's then for us, Mr. you're going to have to, you're going to have to call me because at some point I do want to do the song of the Cowboys teaching kids how to count. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that sounds good. Yeah, I can't like the premise. I've got a video of it somewhere.

And I refuse to watch it because I look haunted. You look haunted? In what way? Well, it was back in my bigger days, and I'd say I looked like I'm wearing a fat suit in a 90s film, and I'm very tired. I hope we're all pretty tired. Yeah.

We also, there was one sketch that we filmed, which the only, we were just all eating muller rice. Do you remember that? I don't remember muller ice. We just got bought, like, 20 muller ice. Yeah. And there was, the main theme of this sketch show seemed to be that there wasn't really a joke.

in any of us getting so we were just eating muller rice that's good I mean it's all right what we'd do is we'd have a show and we'd go to your flat during the day we'd just mess around for ages and one of us would go ask a sketch that would do me with a fake beard on and then the tight over my head

old man old man old man old man the rocker yeah old man the rocking in a rock and roll band yeah I'm an old man I was just clearly yeah smashing away on a guitar I was clearly, I think I had too much coffee

and I was just like, just running around with the guitar and they were all like, that's great, that's an actual guy. I think that does sound great though. I've got a bus pass, but I'd take it to Wembley. You've got a pair of tights on your head. That's it. Yeah, yeah. Why were the tightings?

So you look bold? So you're a bold old man. Yeah, kind of, but it just looked so weird. It just made him look metal. Yeah, just squinted your face up. Yeah, and then you put a beard on top. Yeah, it looks horrible. It's very funny for us.

I like it. I like old man in a rock and roll band. This is good. Maybe at the end of this we'll see if we can find paradise. Yeah, yeah. I could do it for the photo. We've got to do a photo afterwards. You and Will have got to bring the sketch group backhead.

I'm an old man, rocking in a band. I'm an old man. Rocking in a heavy metal band. With one guest, there was an anecdote we definitely wanted to hear. Let's hear from Johnny Pelham and the Blazing Bangladeshis. Did you ever go to the restaurant with your gang? With my gang? I was in a gang at school called the Blazing Bangladeshis.

It was just me and find Bangladeshi lands. And it was very fun. I was just, as soon as I knew you were coming in, I was like, I can't wait to ask him about his gang. We love the gang so much. Again, I imagine you just like, wait up, guys. Blazing Bangladeshiians. I was like the lawyer.

Was it ever acknowledged that you were white in the Blazing Bangladesh's? Well, look, let me hear of... Was it ever acknowledged? I'd imagine day one it might have been. Well, I think I was an honourable, and that was part of the joy for me, because I got included in this school. Because I went to pretty much an all-Asian school,

like I was the only white boy in my class. So that's why I had to psychoanalyze people, stat, get some vet. Like, you don't want to mess with him. I'll make your question your very existence. And the thing was, a lot of white kids got bullied. And I think subconsciously I looked at them and thought, I don't want that. So instead, I just became the most Asian boy I could be.

Straight into a gang with them. Yeah, I knew how to swear that people's moms in Bangladeshi. Yeah. I knew all sorts. And I was really, it was a great time to be left. And what was crazy is, it was only when I went to university. I was like, yeah, yeah. I was in a gang of Bangladeshi lads.

people, I realise how weird it was. Yeah, sure. It's not everyone's lived experience. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know what it's like on Friday.

Everyone goes to mosque. You have to play alone. How did you get in the gang? Did they invite you? Or did you like... Well, initially it was a five-side football tournament. Yeah. I was a goalkeeper.

Again, that's a position you get if you don't want to be bullied. I was quite a good goalkeeper, which is the ultimate like, look, guys, I can fulfill a role that no one wants to do. Yeah. So I was quite a good goalkeeper.

They were like, need a goalie, and then we did quite well, we got to the final, and that is a bonding experience. I mean, I'll play a lot of football manager. I know how important team of all is. Yeah. I was like, look, if we're going to win this competition next year, we need a gang. Yeah, yeah. And they all

agreed before, you know. I mean, there was a time where... Were you there for the naming of the gang? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a founding member. Yeah. Sorry, were there any other than said, let's call ourselves the the Blaz of Bangladesh's. Did no one look at you or you put your hand up and go

will that work for the whole game? I can't remember I think that was a decent chance that I was the one who said why do we call ourselves We're all the same right Yeah

little pause Okay Johnny We can call ourselves that But people won't When you're not with us People won't assume You're in the game

It's the only problem for you I wouldn't say No one No one suggested The Blazing Bangladesh's and Johnny You know what I mean? I think I was in the core group. There were people who were, like, more satellite gang members.

They must have been livid. Yeah. Especially if they were Bangladeshi, right? Yeah, they'd been like, who the fuck? How was he so prominent in this? Yeah. And then look at me, I'd swear at their mum in Bangladesh, and then go, he deserves to be.

Yeah, yeah. He's putting more work than us. He's put the work. He cuss out my mum. Yeah. It's like fun of the Mathia, who's not Italian. He's done some stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like an Irish guy in the mafia. Yeah.

Joe Irish will probably. That's a name. Like Joe Irish is in the Mafia. They sound a bit like Saltfish fritters Like Caribbean cuisine Or yes They are like that

Dumplings, deep fried Salt fish Yeah Yeah Fish running through them But they're not like Johnny cakes No they're not like Johnny cakes Just to be clear

Yeah yeah What are Johnny cakes? What Johnny cakes again? I thought They're not off there with me No nothing to do with you Well that kind of up There's a cake

Yeah You might pick cakes For your dessert They're like sort of flat bread batter type things, like dumpling sort of things. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to eat a Johnny Cape. Are you?

Not during this meal, though. Not during this meal, though. No. They're not the thing, oh, right, great. Yeah, we'll stay away from those. Normally, look, for the listener, we never tell the guests what the secret ingredient it is, but I felt, oh, fuck, we've led Johnny to this now. There's no way else I was going to say, I'll have a Johnny Kate. Well, I didn't know they existed.

To the extent, Johnny. I thought, you were on the verge. I thought, we're introducing to what they are. You said, Oh, I'm going to eat one. And I was like... If the next sentence was, yeah, fuck it, why don't I put one on the menu? And then we go, get out. Yeah, that is unacceptable.

So I did. Also, when Johnny found that out, he moved backwards, but he's had to move the microphone closer to him because he rolled his chair backwards. I think I realised why treacherous group is. Yeah. It does sound to be like a Johnny cake,

doesn't it? What's one of them? Oh, wow. You'd like that. Why don't you try one now? Sounds delicious. I like that you thought, how can we get Johnny to say something?

He'll probably say his name. He'll say his own name. And then if he follows that with cake. Cake, yeah. The simplest thing is out. I would like a Johnny cake, please. I, and some Johnny Pecoras. Every single food you say your name after yourself.

Johnny Carbonara. Johnny Carbonara sounds like quite the character. Well, he's in the mafia with Irish Joe, isn't he? He's starting getting the blazer among the last you. We're not letting him in. Go away, Johnny Carbonara. I love living in bread I can put me on the wing

I'm good at Froins I can play soccer I'm Johnny Carbonara It's a good character isn't it I love that I think you can make that into a sketch Johnny Carbonari yeah Making's one of my sketches I do

Yeah yeah Yeah one of my sketches Like do you want to interview Johnny Carbonara for the blazing Bangladeshis Trying to get in the gag Um, what, what bit of Bangladesh do you feel most proud of? Oh my God, I just love Bangladesh, you know?

I love the cuisine, I love the people. I just feel Bangladeshi at heart. I'm Johnny Kavanaugh. You're in? You're welcome addition to the gang. Fantastic. To honestly, it was quite easy to get in the gang. We were actually in the crew, and people were leaving by the day.

They're like, this isn't the social. It doesn't help me socially, as I imagine they were still getting bullied. It doesn't help to that. It just allows the bully to know the group to bully now. Yeah. Okay, great. There he is. Was there ever a situation where so many Bangladeshis had left,

you had to recruit more white people, and then it was a fully white gang called the Blazing Bangladeshis. That would have been amazing. Like a kind of atomic kitten situation. Sugar babes. Sugar babes. You said sugar babes. It was almost anger there.

Sugar babes. You said in a mystery about it. Next. I imagine if once sugar babes replace themselves with members of atomic kit, and it turned into a topic. Yeah, I'd love that. But they're still called the sugar babes. Yeah, yeah.

That would have been the most confusing. That would have been, I wouldn't mean dead confusing. Imagine if sugar babes changed the name to Blazing Bangladeshis. That would be very confused. That would be very confused. There's a chance I can make some money from that. Yeah, yeah. But that would be quite the news story.

But we're going, sorry, this guy is saying that he owns the name Blazing Bangladeshi. And now he's taking the sugar babes to call him. I think you'd be a villain on the internet if you tried to sue some. of using the nameblazing back with the money. You just start to take the money in wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is why people make money. This is why people make money.

This is why people sue atomic care. Yeah. We're getting deep into the best of episode now, and it's time to bring out the X-rated stuff. This podcast turns into filth more often than we're proud of. Let's go below the belt with Will Sharp, self-esteem, and Julian Clary, surprise.

Was it hard on the holiday to like enjoy all the little fish with a nag and doubt that your wife had slept with your friend? What? Because he was suspicious and you were certain that your wife had slept with your friend in the hotel so you couldn't really enjoy the fish. Yeah, I was eating the, you know, in a really contemplative, angry way. Yeah. It's just like, well, what the fish is wrong?

I don't know. Betrayal. I think you should have warned all your friends you were going to tug yourself off in that show, man. I'm so excited for you that you were in it, and then I'd pop it on enjoying myself, and then I'm like, oh, I did not need to see that. No. Apologies for the group email. Just as a heads up, I'm going to tuck myself off in this show.

I'm really going to go to town of myself. I know I haven't spoken to many of you for some years, but just as a heads up, I'm going to tuck myself off in this show. Beware. You're going to watch it because you're proud of it. Lying on your side. Oh, yeah, you're lining your side, tucking yourself up. But you could have put that in the menu aren't usual.

Yeah, who lies on their side? Like a painting. Yeah. Like a painting. Luckily, it was the first time Will and I've met. So when I saw that, I was just like, this is brilliant. Yeah, yeah. You love that at my net.

I didn't know you. I didn't know you. So I was like, I was like, go for it. Go on, lad. Go on lad. Go on lad. Yeah, what I've said when I was watching that scene. Have you?

Out loud, well, I was watching that scene. Go on, lad. I keep getting served a video on YouTube shorts of, it's like a ring camera doorbell thing. Oh, yeah. Of an old Jehovah's Witness ringing the doorbell. And from that Yorkshire, oh, it's Jehovah's Witness!

And the guy on the other end of the doorbell goes, just having a wank at the moment, mate. And the guy pauses and then goes, all right, good lad! So many times I've watched. Amazing. Yeah. You're from Yorkshire?

No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. I saw a film, you're from Yorkshire. Oh, yeah. From Yorkshire in Real Pain. Oh, yeah. Sheffield. You can't deny it.

See, this is the sort of interview style that we need to talk about. What? He was talking to me about this before you got here. Well, we have actors on, and then you go, you're in that. And they go, yeah, and then you don't follow it up with anything. Why should I have to? It's good segues, though. He's spotting the limbs.

The links are perfect. The links are perfect. But there's never a question. I've teed him up. Teed him up. Okay, here's the thing about that film. I think the funniest line of that film, genuinely, is when you say,

thank you, David. Oh, thank you. I think it's so funny. Thank you. I went to a screening of that film where Jesse Isabel did a Q&A afterwards and talked about you at length and how much you likes you.

Oh. And then he said that that line was improvised, and it blew my mind. Was it improvised? It was kind of improvised. like, basically, the joke was built into the scene that I give Kieran Colkin's character a much more heartfelt goodbye, and it wasn't scripted that I said anything to Jesse, which I thought was a bit weird, so I just thought, but I should probably do not very much

so that the joke still carries. So, like, the joke was in the scene. And it was also, I think it was the last, we're really running out of time. And so it was like, we only have time to do one take of this. It was like, well, shoot your shot, I guess. And I think afterwards he was like, that was so funny. I don't think it will make it in the film because it's too silly. I really but he sort of came around I've not seen it yet but I've just checked now

because I can check with you now do you tug yourself off then I don't know because it's sort of about like a Holocaust tour yeah yeah he's there he's a tour guy

he's in a professional capacity yeah yeah there's absolutely no way yeah no time no time to tug yourself off no shit my shot.

Your dream sides in there, or is your dream sides something different? Oh no. He's panicked. Oh, God. I'll tell you what. Oh, there's too many here. Speaking of sides,

we know what this guy likes to do in his side. Remember? Will you talk to yourself up? Albre plaza caught you? Yeah, I do remember. She caught you, man. She caught you. That must have been a person.

Did they tell you that was going to happen? Yeah, it was in a script. What I remember about that was going into it. I remember thinking, this isn't be so funny. It's such a funny scene. I mean, I guess for you guys, it was funny. And then as we were rehearsing, it was like, just play it completely straight. Yeah, you know, no.

And so then suddenly you feel really vulnerable. Yeah, yeah, of course. But I think it did make it back. It basically made it like the tensor. But going in, I was like, oh, it's going to be so fun. And then it was like, oh, this is really like tense and uncomfortable. Yeah.

Oh, it must be horrible to film it. Yeah. I mean, it's really funny because you've played it straight. Yeah. Because that it's more believable. In a way. It's really funny. Yeah.

But like, yeah, I would have been, I imagine in the moment, it would have been way easier for you just to, you know. There are some takes. Yeah. In the rushes where when she catches me, I'm doing full, like, Mr. Bean tumbles off the bed. And like, and then sort of like, standing up. aside like kind of trying to recover from it and sort of, you know, stuttering about porn and he was like, I don't, I don't need that.

I think we can just kind of be caught. We've got that now. You could just be caught doing it and just kind of. Was that as embarrassing, receiving a note like that when you've gone that big as getting caught, wanking? No, it was all right. It was part of process, in it? But no, it was like fair play.

Yeah, that is better. The thing is about, like, as you get older, your tongue dies, right? Huh? Have you not noticed? I didn't know that. Your tongue dies? I think so, because of all the, you know, the siggies and dicks. Like, you, your tongue needs...

Yeah, it's taking me back to my Damien Rice days. The sickies and dicks make your tongue die. Well, don't you think? And the booze and the... Yeah. So now I need a jalapino. everything. You know what I mean, right? I do, I do, I do, I do add hot sauce to most things, I'd say, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because our tongues are dying. Yeah, because we were born in the 80s. And the sickies and the dicks. Yeah, and the sickies and the dick. Yes. Where was that? Yeah, so your tongue dies as you get older. So things like lime pickles start to get really fucking nice. Because your tongue's dead and it couldn't handle it before. Yeah, and now it's like, what? Is your tongue one of the things that keeps growing when you're older as well? You know, like you're, you're, you're, Is it your ears and your...

You're asking the wrong person in this room. Is anyone a doctor? I don't think it's your tongue. I don't think you need to ask a doctor. I don't think old people have really long tongues. Did they? But the ears grow, right? Yeah, your ears and your nose, I think.

Ears and nose, but not your tongue. That would be great. Oh, your nose grown will be lovely. Yeah, and once my nose is a grown-up size, my ears and my nose are absolutely tiny. Oh, yeah, your ears as well. If I ever... Oh.

If I have any glasses, I'm fucked. Then I'm not going to stay on my face. Hopefully you'll be old enough to, you know, you can just keep them in place with your tongue. Sorry, I've got to read this. Really good stuff. You've ever so good. You're ever so good.

Because I hate comedians. Thank you for doing the book. But I don't mind you two at all. What comedians? Do you hate? I can't talk about it. List a few. I've had sex with so many of them.

Have you? Well, that would lead me to believe you love comedians. Yeah. No, no, no. So, what is it next? My starter. I haven't heard much. I would have heard more gossip about that

if you've been sleeping with loads of comedians. Am I not in the cool gossip circles? Well, James, of course we're not in the cool gossip circles. Why don't people tell us when they sleep the pop? stars? People for a long time a lot of people are invested in my love life and I've had more

than one text message saying you should go out with James A. Castor. That's the answer to everyone's problems. There's only wanted me to go around, unfortunately. I'm spoken for. No, I know, you know, I wasn't thrilled to get the text message, but more than once

a time in my life, people were like, Because no one's funny, do you know what I mean? And then people go, oh, do you know who's funny? And got, like, you know, is breathing. Money. Money and his breathing. How much this set cost? I don't know.

Benito, put it on the screen, how much the set cost. While we're waiting for that. Mildred's have started doing a lime pickle slaw. And I wasn't, you know, I was a big fan of Mildred's, and they went chain and it got less good, but some of the bits are still good. This lime pickle slore they've just introduced is outstanding. and the next level.

Absolutely love it. And I just think I should shout it out while we're talking about lime pickle because I'm very excited about it. I thought about saying a few things I like. Oh my God. That is... 15K. Are you shitting me?

You fucking shit. Get rid of it now. We're not making any money on this shit. 15K. That's what it's like being a pop star. I'm fine. What were you just saying? Lime Pickles, Law. Shouting out stuff you want for free.

Yeah, yeah. I like yard sale pizza. Yeah. Loads. I'm not going to, it's not on my menu. No, shout them out. Let's shout the free stuff. Marks and Spencer's Food Hall.

Really good. There's one open near where I'm living and it's truly become our plans. Yeah. That's what we're going to do today. Go to M&S Food Hall. What's your favourite thing in the M&S Food Hall? So the Orange Cordial. you fucked with that? No, I've not

fenced with the M&S orange cordial. But it's so bad. I go through it really quickly. Yeah. How many wee-wee? How many wee-wee? You can't ask this every time. And I've got one of them big, you know, flasks to hydrate because I'm always trying to be more healthy than I am

and I fill it with the orange cordials from MNS, which is counterintuitive. I think people have taken hydration too far these days. Tell me more, because I'm fed up of it. It wasn't, it was never, I'd say, last 10 years, like, people are like, you've got to hydrate, you've got to have a massive flask with you all the time. If, 10 years ago, people were drinking less water,

and they weren't walking around, like, big crisps or anything, were they? My mom's never drank water, and she's still alive, so. My parents are awful. What age were you? What? When they... Did you say your parents divorced? No.

Oh. I said they look awful. Oh. But you thought I said divorced and you were laughing your head off. Your dream starter, Julian. Yes. I have a choice of two.

Is that all right? Yes. Let's say both of them. We can try and narrow you down on it. Well, the first one, I used to live in the same village in Kent as Paula Grady. And he used to invite me over. for dinner, and I went over one

making up their own jokes now. Julian, I think it's because you're quite coquishly rubbing the inside of your thigh. Yeah. I didn't even know I was doing that. Sort of self-comfort, I think. That's not something the osteopath told you to do. So I went round at Halloween it was, And there was a selection of people, his manager and my husband and Paul's sister Vera.

Anyway, he served as pumpkin soup. And the next thing I knew, I woke up in a field. Surrounded by a sheep. And that soup was enhanced. Something I put in. He denied it, you know, the next day. Because I had no memory of the entire evening. But something was put in that soup, but it was very moorish.

So that's one choice. Yes, the laced soup. The laced soup. Enhanced pumpkin soup. Yes. The other choice is, have you heard of a cheese called Douda Montagna? No. Well, I hadn't until about...

I think it's a Spike Lee film. What? You said... Have you heard of a cheese called Do de Montaigne? And I said, I think that's a Spike Lee film because there's a Spike Lee film called Do the Right Thing. As I was saying it, I was like,

he can't even hear you, James. Why are you going for a pun that barely works? Yes. That also requires knowledge of Spike Lee's filmography. Well, it was worth a try. You know, these things, it can be edited out. It won't be. Not now.

Duda Montania. Yes. A couple of years ago, I was invited to play the part of Herod in the Jesus Christ Superstar musical. It's a great part, Herod. You're only on stage with three minutes and 20 seconds. although from the back of the stalls some people thought I was Imelda Staunton

but there's a lot of sitting round in your dressing room wiping down surfaces you know waiting for your three minutes and my hobby when I was on tour was to go round wherever I found myself to marks and Spencers because you know they're different in each town or city and I was in Manchester

and I was in Marks and Spencers collecting my bits and bobs vegetarian lasagna pop tarts for afters I don't care who knows it and I made my way to the till and I don't this will surprise you I don't go for the shortest cue

I go for the most interesting looking woman on the till and I found it as marvellous looking woman with dirty finger nails and tattoos up her neck. I thought, oh, yes. She'll be good to chat. And the man in front of me in the queue

was very elderly, probably in his 90s. I mean, it's Manchester, so you can't really tell. He was quite doddery, and he was getting his bits and bobs out, and I thought, shall I offer to help? And I thought, no. it'll give him a sense of achievement. Anyway, he did what he had to do.

It took a while, and they put it into his little string bag and tottered off. And then it was my turn. And I was so busy talking to this woman who was telling me how she'd slashed her husband with a Stanley knife. And you fucking deserved it! Speak to me like that, you bastard.

And I wasn't really paying much attention. Now, I put my items into my Louisville. Vuitton shopping bag. And I got back to my digs. Put them on the draining board. What do you think? There was an item there that I hadn't paid for. This old

boy had left this due de montana cheese behind. And I'd put it in with my shopping. I felt terrible. But I wolfed that cheese down in one sitting and it was delicious. So to get to the point you could deep fry

do de montana cheese so that's my other alternative amazing would you like that cheese in the dream menu to have been stolen from a 90 year old man no that's just how I discovered

I mean God bless him if he hadn't left it behind I would never have discovered it's lovely it's got a sort of nutty flavor creamy and nutty flavor creamy and nutty it slips down James

you'll thank me for that you try it so if you had it deep fried before did you deep fry it the first time you had it now I've never had it deep fried but you're just imagining that's how I might enhance it because you do that in restaurants they deep fry cheese

I think they cover it in breadcrumbers or something and you get a little, what is it you have with cheese, that sort of fruity compote. A coolly? Security. I don't know. I'm paralys here. A chutney, a chutney sort of thing.

Oh, where's my? Oh, just in a can. Could you open? that for me. Times I've said that. Yes, that's open. Is it? How'd you drink it then?

It's already open. There's a little bit there. It does not surprise me, Julian. That's the opening there. That's the only only thing from a can before. I've had those bottles with a sort of nipple.

Yeah. So which are you thinking of going for? You've got the enhanced pumpkin soup. You've got the deep-fried do de montana well the trouble is if you have that soup you never get on to anything else

sort of game over as I recall so I'd go for the old man's cheese and if innuendo and tugging yourself off wasn't lowbrow enough here's our annual section of toilet humour yes this podcast talks about

shit and piss more often than we're proud of here's George Egg Bridget Christi, Mo Gilligan, Stacey Dooley, Marion Keyes, David Tennant, Ian Smith, L Fanning and John Kearns. Populms or bread! Poplar bread, Georgiegg! Poplar! Do you know what? I knew it was coming. Announcement before you answer. An announcement.

Yeah. How many episodes of this podcast we've done now, Benito? 260-something. That's the first time I've shouted Popatoms or Bread and it's made me fart. Oh, wow. Maybe it's the thought of the sausages. As I shouted bread, I did a fart And it was forced out by me shouted and doing them

The first time you said bread or the second time Oh yeah, the first time But you still went in just as hard the second time Yes, because I was trying to I was so worried That maybe people had heard the fart I thought just keep on going Were you not worried that if you pushed even harder

You might squeeze the sausage at your thermos Maybe Maybe I was hoping the neck could be too small and it wouldn't come out. So there you go. It's a first of the popcorn house first.

All these times of shouting Pop-Bomb's or bread, but that's the first time. It's a modest-sized room this as well. Yeah, let's hope he doesn't smell of pot sausages by the end. We'll see. Populbs of bread, Georgic. Well, here's the thing.

I think you know what I'm going to say. Well, I guess you're going to say bread or you've got a hack where you've got both of them. No, I'm going to say. I'm going to say bread because. Where was the, in fact, I think the last time. I saw you on your birthday making bread? Yeah.

Should I say where? Yeah. E5 Bakehouse. Yeah, E5 Bakehouse having a, for your birthday. Someone who got it for you for your birthday. My daughter, who works at E5, at the time of recording. Yeah. You never know what she might have done between now then.

Yeah, she's a baker. And I said I would love to, because I love baking bread anyway. I mean, you know, obviously I love bacon bread. Of course I do. Yeah. Um, and she said, uh, I'll organize you to do a stage, which is, you know, when you go and basically chef for free in a, in a food establishment. Yeah. Uh, so I went and got there early in the morning and we spent the day baking bread.

And James came in and came backstage. I did. They let me in backstage. We could say happy birthday to George. I can see all that. You can meet all the bread. I met all the bread. We tried to get you to have a go with the bread.

But you were bread shut. You were dough shy. I wouldn't do it. Why not? I don't, I just, I, I, it is a very high. My history of baking is not good. I don't touch it. Do you know, it is quite, uh, intimidating the dough.

Yeah. In E5, because the quantities are insane. Because East London is like sort of cockney gangster. I sort of attitude is. Yeah. You were doing a good job, man. You were doing a good job and I loved it. I absolutely loved it.

I mean, I, I, I, before I started doing the cooking on stage shows, I had this real, because I was doing stand up for years before that. kind of more conventional stand-up. I had this real thing where I thought I'm going to stop doing stand-up all together and I'm going to do something in the culinary world like, you know, at a cafe or whatever, something like that. And then I started doing the on-stage cooking and realized, oh, actually, I can do both.

But I think I could work in a bakery. I'd be happy going in every day doing the same thing. It's meditative. You feel like you're creating something of value, you know. It's not intense. It's just, yeah, it's fantastic. Or is there something about bread? Because that is such a staple food for so many people.

that making it feel sort of... Oh, it's quite... It's like antagonists, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Is that the right word? Also, it's only when I met your daughter that I realised your surname isn't actually egg.

Yeah, I know. Because I always assumed it was. Meg eggs. And then your daughter's called Meg. And I was like, there's absolutely no way. That is mad, but that is the first time you thought that egg might not be George's real name.

I met a guy called Paul Foot. But there are, there are, There are real eggs out there. I've had people find me on social media and say, I found another egg. Yeah. They're having to say, I'm really sorry.

So what's the particular type of bread you want then for your, because I know you're George Egg, you're not going to just want bread in general. Well, here's the thing. So I want to give a shout out to, I suppose, Honourable Munchons,

that's what we say. Yeah. To white sliced bread with margarine and cress. And I tell you why that is, because when I was in nursery school, we grew crass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, as we all do. Yeah. And I will never forget the sensation of having, and we, when we finished growing, it took a little bit of a week or so, and then we cut it down, and we had white bread, and it would have been margarine, thickly spread, and then we cut the, put the cress in. And just the sensation of having that is just, you know, it's the ratatooey, you know, critic.

That's very nice, yeah. But that's not the bread I'm choosing. I'm choosing E5 bread because it's such incredibly good bread and because I've been there and I've made it and my daughter makes it and you know it's great bread. I know it's great. I mean, they featured on my first dream menu we did here. I think my side dish was the roast carrots there.

When I came and met you back stage, I also met the person who made the carrots. Wow, big moment for you. Yes, I talked to them. I said, thank you so much. I said, well, we'll be, because, you know, for those people who don't know E5, the menu changes every day.

It's a different lunch every day. So, you know, I very pathetically went, will we be seeing those carrots again any time soon? Well, you never know. James's life is going to restaurants and asking people who work there when is a menu item coming back. But that is the worst though, isn't it?

It's that thing of when things... Here's something I want them to bring back. Yeah. I don't like maltloaf. Sorin maltloaf. There is a thing you can do. There's a recipe in the book where you microwave it and add butter

and then it turns almost into like kind of sort of sticky toffee pudding. It's amazing. But briefly, Serene did a, like a cereal bar called the Go Bar. Stop doing it. It's gone. Can't get it anymore.

But you loved it. It was just, it was so good. It was kind of multi-sereney, but it was like a flapjack. And, yeah, it was just, it was heavenly. But if you met the people from Serene, would you go, please put back the go bar? Oh, I really would. Do you know, I've actually thought about writing to you then. Of course, yeah.

How do you think the people at Serene would apologize to you? Well, I... Oh. If they just went, we apologize. He were like, fucking hell, guys. He's right there. We are multi-sori.

Come on. I went to the French in Manchester recently, which I've shouted out on the podcast before. I love it. And their bread changes pretty regularly. They get it from Pullen Bakery in Manchester. And they did a maltloaf sourdough hybrid. And it was so good with beer butter.

Oh, wow. Beer butter? Yeah. Wow. And, or beef butter. Actually, as I said, beer butter. I was like, that's not right. Is there anything you'd like to talk about, apart from the room itself,

that we can just talk about that for a bit? Well, something has come up, which is that I thought my guts had exploded. Two weeks ago, honest to God, I was sat watching telly, and I was like, oh, I think I need the toilet. Oh, no, because this is a food podcast. Yeah. No, I'll just tell you anyway, because it's just happened. Yeah. So I thought either my appendix has burst or my guts have exploded.

Either way. Either one of those medical things, yeah. And I've had two children. And this, what was happening to me was worse than. and contractions. Oh, God. So I went to the downstairs toilet. My son was upstairs revising for his A-levels.

Didn't want to worry him, but I thought, you know, I've got quite high pain threshold, but I was like, I was on the floor in the toilet for half an hour. Guess what it was? I didn't know what it was. It was a kidney stone. Yeah.

I was going to guess that. That was going to be my first guess, yeah, because my wife's had those. Oh, my God. Were you with her when she had the thing? Yeah, it was awful. It was absolutely horrendous, yeah. Honestly, it was worse than having,

Maybe not my first child, but it was worse than having my second child, who was quite small when she was, well, not, she was bigger than a kidney stone. But the pain of this was absolutely off the charts. Did you go to the hospital? Yeah, and they did a scan, and they said, yeah, it's less than five millimeters, so. You've got to pass it. But why leave it in there, though? Anyway, that's not the thing that I was going to say.

Okay. When you passed it, did you have a nice colour? No, it's still in there. Like when you gave birth? It's in there. I haven't passed it. When you do, well, you have a nice cup of tea and some toast like when you gave birth. Oh, no.

I will keep it, though. But I did say to the doctor, will I know when I've passed it? And he said some people do and some people don't. But wouldn't it make a dropping sound? Depends how big is it? Four millimeters. Four millimeters. I'm not sure if that would make a dropping sound.

I'm not sure. Depends how dense it is. Yeah. There's calcium, isn't it? Yeah. But the other thing is that I also have thought that I've had a hernia for about five years. No one can get to the bottom of it. I have this thing that appears and disappears.

What's just like a bump? No, it's like a long... Can you take things out of this? The only way I can describe it is just in front of my right hip is like a big erection. I hope you won't ask. Ben to take things out of this because you want that taken out of it. Yeah, I mean, that's very unpleasant. Anyway, I've gone... I think that

has to stay in the edit. Yes. Well, there's people, so it comes and go, but that's the end way I can describe it like that long and that sort of shape. Anyway, so I've been to see loads of different doctors and consultants, went to a gastroenterologist who did the other weird scan where you have to get your blood injected

with this weird stuff so it shows up everything. Is that an ultrasound or something? A MRI? Was it an MRI? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I had that, and then he called me, and I remember I was on the, I was at Houston. I was going, I was on tour, and I, you know, outside the front of Houston, there's the big concourse area, is that word. Anyway, he called me, and he said, well, I can't find a hernia, but two things, you've got a slip disc and you're retaining shit. And I said, that's how he worded it.

That's how he worded it. And then I laughed out loud and I said, Doctor, are you telling me that I'm full of shit? And he said, in 30 years of practice or something, no patient has ever said that to me when I've said that to them. And I said, well, I don't believe you. I think you're full of shit. And then he laughed.

And then we had a bit of a giggle about it. And I said, so is the erection... Is that what that... Did you call it that to him? You called it the erection. You said, is the erection? Full of shit. Do I have...

Is this big erection full of shit? Do I have an erection on my body that is made of shit? I don't think I want this to go out. That's a shame. That's a huge shame. Just for the listener, if you are hearing this, it's because Bridget said it was okay for it to go out. Well, I mean, I can't describe it in any other...

Yeah. But I haven't had that... Pooh erection, should we call it? We shall. Yeah, we shall call it that. Yeah, we will have to call it that. I mean, there's no other word for it. Has he seen this before, the doctor? So is that?

I don't think he had it described in those terms. Is that, so the thing that keeps appearing, is that just one, is it like a one big poo? I don't know what it is. But I haven't had one for ages, but I'm still going to the toilet. You're still going to the toilet? Yeah. Yeah, but you haven't seen the poo.

ere action for a while. Jeez, we haven't even, we barely start. I don't, well, people won't be eating, will they? No, they don't eat while they're listening to this. No, and we talk about, I mean, not specifically that, but we talked about, you know, we talked about fecal matters. You know, people put out shows about their trauma and childhoods.

I don't want to be Bridgett Christie, the Pooh I don't want people to... Tired boner. The turd boner. I don't want, you know, people to come and see me with that. Because of that. I don't think you need to worry about increasing ticket sales. If this gets out into the world.

I can't be the only person that this has happened to, though, right? No. I think there must be people listening who've had... Who will go... I've had a perection. But that's the thing, is that... not enough people do talk about these things publicly. It can be embarrassing.

Yeah. And you're doing a great service to people. Yeah. Coming out publicly and saying, I sometimes in my body, have a poo erection. And other people who think they're the only ones will feel less alone and less weird.

And we'll be like, oh, Bridget Christie, who's this iconic comedian made... And already known for lots of things. So there's not, it's not like the poo action would supersede any of your previous creative way. Don't come to define you. You just have an erection that is made completely of poo that is

that comes and goes sometimes on your body. What might happen is a doctor might get in touch and say it isn't feces. Yeah. It's the muscles contracting in a tube shape. It would seem unusual if it was just

a whole poo that was still in your body occasionally pushing itself to the surface of your skin. And especially when it's the front. Yeah. From what you describe, it's the front of your body. It's just by my hip. So it would have to like make the journey round from the back to there. And surely at some point,

if it was poo, you would see it move around. I would see it. I don't think anyone was thinking it was a poo that was like recued up ready to go. Have you seen a substance when that bit of chicken moves around? No. I've not seen the substance. Yeah. I didn't think that quite made sense that bit.

I don't think we really know much about your food habits if you're much of a foodie. Oh, I'm a massive foodie, man. I love food, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To the point where, like, now, I've lost a bit of weight. And everyone's like, well, what was going on? You lost weight. I was like, bro.

I was eating all the time. But yeah, I'm a big foodie, man. I like my food. I would say for a palate, I pretty much eat anything you can buy like in an actual supermarket, the proper one, I'd probably eat it. Like any of those weird things,

you know how people eat like crickets and stuff like that and like funky stuff. I'm out. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm out. But I do like to try a thing first, you know what I mean?

Like I remember was trying steak tartar once. But I do this thing where I pretend like I know what I'm eating. So the first time I had oysters. I remember like sitting down and, you know, like everyone's sitting in an oyster and they're putting the stuff. It's like, yeah,

have oysters? And I'm like, yeah. I'm like, do I get a spoon and scoop this out? What? And then, like, I kind of watch what people do, but I pretend like I know what I'm doing. But I do like oysters now. I do like, um, oysters. Same with steak tartar.

I didn't know what it was. I was a bit like, what is this? And then when I had it, I was like, yeah. But now I think I do that thing where after a while when you start eating, you know, like, I just get turned off by the look of the food or the texture. So I just don't really like steak tartana because when I see it, it looks like sick. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

It looks like glamour as sick. Yeah, because sometimes I sit and it looks really nice, but and also I think of my stomach now. Yeah. I've got one of them stomachs that tell me like, bro, we don't eat this. Yeah. And then my stomach will let me know because about two hours I'll be on the toilet, just beatboxing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got one of those stomachs, man. So, yeah. But I am a foodie. I'm a massive foodie, man. I was saying it earlier that I think I've got one of those stomachs, so I've got to start listening to it because I don't, I don't listen to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just go, well. You like beatboxing, though, right? So you like the sound when it goes wrong. James records it, puts it on an album. Got acoustics in my bathroom, actually. But it lets you know everything's out. That's what I like about it. It lets you know it's all out.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. It sounds like raw, but it lets you know, like, that all came out in one go, one blast. There's no fucking around. Unless you get another contraction, and then you're like, oh, we've got one more to go. Yeah, yeah.

Then it lets you know that your stomach is actually clean. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh, you get, the real, how you know your body? Like, like, you know, like, you guys have had this. You've definitely eaten, so I had something recently at beginning of the year. And I was, I think I woke up at my sleep. And I said, oh, my bad, I feel good. And I knew I was like, we're going to be on the toilet for a now because me and my

body know each other. You woke me up sweating out of my sleep. Oh, man, I was beatboxing on that toilet, bro. Yeah, horrible stuff. Also, I find that it's like you can even pinpoint what the thing, even if you've eaten a whole bunch of stuff and then later on, you just know it was that.

Instinctively. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. I believe that too. If you looked at all of the foods you'd eaten in 24 hours in a line-up, like a police line-up, you just know. You can pick out the one that it was straight away.

Sometimes the food can look a little bit off or have a little bit of off taste. So you're like, it was probably the Palmer ham that says like it's the juba, you know, like when it says like it goes off in three months. But you're like, I shouldn't have really, I shouldn't really follow that.

Do you know what I mean? It's like deodont. I know it lasts 24 hours, but I still need to like wash it off and put the next one off. Do you know what I mean? It's a lie. That 24 hour deodon is a fucking lie.

Some of them is a 48 hour protection. It's like, that's too long. Why are you? You must really be... If it's got a last 40 hours in. I would have a shower in between. Just walking around and it still does its job. That's incredible.

There's no way. There's someone that that definitely gets their money's worth, though. There's someone that puts it on. and they're like, oh, 46, Barbara, I'm getting for 46 hours worth. Yeah, no, that's dirty.

And it hits 48, they go, yeah, I stink now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, we skimmed over it, but definitely Ed putting all the food in the police lineup is like some weird fantasy you've had in the past. What, putting food in a police lineup and picking the one that gave me the shits?

And then kissing it also. You love food so much. There's definitely a thing where you would love to be in a situation where they're putting those a delicious food out, put it in the line up, and you're like, damn one officer. Yeah, that's true, actually.

Would I be behind the glass, though, in the two-way, two-way mirror? Do you know what, a food line-up sounds like? It sounds like, you know, you ever see those pictures

where they tell you as a kid not to eat junk food and they've got all your junk foods on the lineup of not what to eat like burgers, fries and you've got the hot dog, but they're like got glasses on and shit like that.

Yeah, yeah. Like the McDonald's mascots. Yeah, yeah. I don't remember this. They've all got glasses on. What, the McDonald's mascots? So hang on, what are you talking about

where all the food's got glasses? No, I mean, like, you know when they do lineups? They always give them glasses, like, to make them look bad. You don't realize that? No. You know that when they give, like, a hot dog? Yeah. They make it look bad, so they'll give us some glasses and like a moustache.

Yeah, yeah. Like, you can't picture it. I can't remember that, no. It's like, soon as guy, he's a hot dog. Don't eat in, kids. Yeah, you get cellulite. He's got glasses. He's got glasses.

He's got glasses in the lineup. You're all coming out, like, do you know what I mean? I know what most Yeah, I know you do I wanted to be in the gang Yeah, I want to be in the gang Then they end up in the line up Yeah

They are beautiful Those pie shops are beautiful And they're beautiful All the tile in, you know It's all, yeah I think they're protected I think you're not allowed to change them Is that right?

Yeah, because there's one in Walthamstow Which is no longer a pie shop It's a Japanese restaurant But they can't change the interior Oh, fine You can go and have a nice Japanese meal But sat in an old pie shop And of course

Is that interesting? Huh? Is that interesting? what I just said? That's very interesting, yeah. I felt, if you ever said something and just felt like the most boring version of your dad possible, that was me then?

James and I not giving you a reaction. Yeah, that was, that's on us. We should have reacted more. Thank you, and thank you for admitting that. Yeah. I mean, definitely, I'll tell you something along those lines. The other day, I was cleaning out

the cat litter tray. This is really interesting, James. See, that, yeah, that's more the sort of thing I was after. My cat had done a shit in, I guess in four parts. Four, yeah, okay, four parts. Yeah, four parts shit.

Yeah, like it's a new TV series. Four parts of the shit. Yeah. And I was scooping them up and it's flat because it's flushable. So I was directly in the toilet. Count of the trades next to the toilet. Bam, bam, bam. Fourth one, scoop it up.

And I think to myself, oh, that's interesting. That was the first bit of shit that came out of its buck. So I was watching that. So I realized that the last, the last bit that I scooped up was the first bit that came out of its ass. And then I thought, my next thought was, I'm turning into my dad. Yeah. Yeah.

I wouldn't say Stacey enjoyed that anecdote. Do you know, that's on me again, though. I'm not massively into cats. I don't really like cats. It was the cat bit that put you off that story. It wasn't the drawn-out explanation of, you know, the shit. It was the fact that it was a cat. If it was a bloke had done those shit, you would be really interesting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet that in mind. What's your cat called? I've got four. Have you, James? That's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that, okay.

But that was Roo's, that was Roo in particular, who don't know shits. Yeah. Rooz is a small one as well. She's one of the smaller ones, yeah, yeah. So you love cats. Yeah, love them. I'm so not, so not. No, we're never going to marry, are we?

I guess not, especially with a kid in the way. No, yeah. I'm a cat guy as well. Yeah, really fine. Okay, guy. I truly I'm not into cats even in the slightest Yeah I like dogs but it'd be irresponsible to get a dog at the minute The baby loves dogs

She's into this cat actually as well that's down the road And I always try and swerve it I just think go away The cat and not my child What are you like cats so much You seem to be a proper hate- Yeah they're sort of quite probably get cancelled Because everyone loves cats

But they're sort of quite contrary aren't they And they don't really need you And they bring mice in I'm like, I have a massive phobia of mice. Pigeons and mice. Pigeons and rodents. It's just a hard no. I actually had a mouse in my kitchen the other week,

and I genuinely contemplated moving out. Called your daughter of Minnie. I know. You're actually type, yeah. Yeah, but more like mini driver. Right, okay. Yeah. Right, yeah.

So I just think I wouldn't be able to. I wouldn't be able to trust a cat not bringing a mouse. into my house. Well, my cat's a house cat, so has never met a mouse. Never left the house? Never left that. Do you want to hear something nuts?

Yeah, sure. I was in a film with Mini Driver and I played a mouse. Stop. That's not true, James. That is true. You was in a film with Mini Driver? Yeah. You weren't in a scene with her, were you?

No, I wasn't in a scene with her. You played a mouse? We were in the same film. What film? Cinderella. Stop? Yeah, yeah, she's the queen. I was a mouse who turns into a footman.

This is unbelievable. It is unbelievable, isn't it? I'm going to watch you on the way back. Amazon. It's amazing. Yeah, pretty amazing. That is. I mean, I knew you were like a high-flying comedian.

Yeah, yeah. But you also have. He's a film star as well. I'm a film star. He's in Ghostbusters. I'm with Ghostbusters. Stop this. I'm Lars Pinfield.

It's a parobiologist. James, you really are. Yeah. He's a superstar. Yeah. And I'll still scoop up my cat shit. You're still so real. Now, we're talking about books.

Okay. Now you're talking is the name of your podcast. Oh, no, no, now you're asking. Fuck, shit. No, it's fine. No, no, that's great because we can make a thing of it. No, I was really pleased with that segue. I knew I was going to do it and I actually formulated it in my head.

Now, we're asking about books, but now you're talking, that's what I was going. No, I'm fucking fucked it. Do it again. Do it again. Do it again. Here's what you don't know as well, Marion. Before you came in, I messed up the intro, loads. Like, I was, I messed up my words in the intro.

So clearly something's happened in my brain today. No, I love you. I'm like that, you know. And look at how you berate yourself. No, no, no. You have to be nicer to yourself. Yeah, yeah. We're all doing our best and you are brilliant.

Your head moves so fast. You are so clever and so witty. And this is what happens sometimes. That like when you're like that, just the words are all coming too fast. And it's like a bottleneck trying to get them through your brain and out through your mouth. And they just get mixed up.

It's like people trying to leave a stadium with James, the words. Yes, that's exactly what it's like. It is exactly what it's like. Although if you are me and you travel with the Irish team or, you know, when you go to see the Irish team like in foreign places, they lock us in till the local teams have left. Yes. Which is so mean because Irish football fans are delicious. You know, there was one place, where was it, Slovakia, which is on my list of like no fly zones forever and ever again. They locked us in for hours afterwards and then they left us leave they let us leave and there was like men

with machine guns watching us we're like excuse me do you know who we are we're Irish fans they're treating you like your English I'm afraid so I think they got us mixed up so anyway how did we get on to this the bottleneck yes the footbottles that's us

the bottleneck and before that we got into that because of the now you're asking podcast yes yes yes yes now you're asking is a podcast that you're doing with Tara with Tara Flynn. Yes.

Do you know Tara? She's a comedian. We've never met Tara. No, never met Tara. Of course, I'm aware of Tara, absolutely. I've heard a name

many, many times. But tell us a bit about now you're asking. Okay, it's sort of, it's a problem show. So people are writing with various kind of dilemmas. Like,

so it'll be like, I have just met a new fella and I am less young than I used to be and what's the story with pubic hair? Like, for example, would be one of the questions.

That's a lot in one question, isn't it? It's a lot of backstory in the question. I know, I think it kind of gets straight to the heart of the issue. Yeah. But then others would be like, how many minutes should a tea bag be left in a cup before you have the perfect cup of tea? This kind of business.

And what's the story with pubic hair? Do they all end with? And yeah, and also, yeah, P.S. Yeah. Yeah, because that's what they really wanted to know, but they had to disguise it because they weren't as brave as the first person. Yeah. Yeah, things like that.

And like, it's a mix of kind of fun stuff and really dark stuff. I mean, this poor woman wrote to us. I mean, she had been groomed by, I don't know what they're called in the Church of England. Would be a vicar or a reverent or I don't know. Anyway, when she was a child and a teenager, she was groomed by their local, whatever he was, vicar man. And as soon as she was 16, like he waited until she was 16. And it's just, it's horrific. And she had never told anybody

because her parents, our family were very into the church and to be trusted with her story. I mean, it was a huge privilege. So we're very, very careful. I'm very aware of how vulnerable people are who write in. So it is a mix of the dark and the light. And Tara's very funny. She's also very, very kind.

And we record it in my front room. So it's very intimate and chatty. And maybe you know the producer, he's Steve Doherty. And like he put me in Tara together. And the whole thing, you know, sometimes something beautiful just lands in your lap. Like it's, it's, it, that's that's that's. So we've done four series now and we're hoping that we'll be asked to do a fifth one. Well, what would you, if you had a question, Ed, they needed answer.

Because we can do one now. If you had something that, like something that you need in your life. What is the story with pubic hair? Oh, Ed. Not even giving the context like the first person. No, I'm cutting to the heart of the issue. Come on. Two sentences before.

I don't think I haven't anything to ask. Well, Ed's actual thing with pubic hair is that he does trim his pubes, but he lets them grow out to a point where he just says he looks like a woolly mammoth before he cuts them again. Is there a way that Ed can motivate himself to keep on top of it more? That's a good question. Yes, that's a very good question. Don't ask me how I know that

I treat it like a sheep Yeah all right then So it's kind of seasonal Yeah Well I mean you can't be shaving the sheep The whole time You know I mean there's nothing there Yeah

You know I would And I would do a job Yeah I do a job lot Yeah Yeah That's exactly what I do Yeah

But James is stressing this as an issue Well you've expressed it As an issue in the past Well I don't know whether You know it's difficult to know What's normal With that sort of thing is it Because people aren't as open as us three.

You could ask somebody, not me. Not you. Yes. That's a great response to a question. Yes. You should ask somebody. Not me. We're moving on.

Yeah. Yeah. We have lots of questions for you, Marion. Of course. But they're all food-based questions. Oh, yeah. It's rare we get to the pubs before the food. So hopefully when we ask you, would you like still a sparkly mortar?

You don't say you should ask someone that. Not me. Not me. Also, we're now in the dream restaurant. And the last question you want to hear in the dream restaurant. is what's the story with this pubic hair? Yeah. Yeah.

No, that is true. Yeah. Yes. I don't want any pubic hair with my stiller sparkling water. If that's okay. Of course, that's fine. I mean, I know it's an added extra.

But yeah, thank you. Thank you. Just let's keep it simple. Someone came to my house the other day, a much older person, and they left a pub on the toilet seat. And it was the biggest pub I'd ever seen. Lord God. I thought, do your pubs get bigger when you get older?

I don't know. Ask somebody, not me. Really long. He's long. But undeniably a pub. Are you sure? Yeah. 100%.

Much older person. Much older person. How old? Like 70s. Yeah. Longest pubs I've ever seen. Do you have a favourite Fizzy Pop? And I'm setting you up here to like be destroyed by your countryman if you say the wrong answer here.

Yeah. Well, I don't mind about Iron Brew, which I think is where you're going. Yeah. But I do like a bit of Dr. Pepper. Yeah. I think I would probably, if I had to land on one, I'd land on Dr. Pepper. And that is also like a soft drink that people can't really pin down what it is, what flavor it is. No.

Is it the same camp? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're similar. I love a Dr. Pepper because no one's really having a daily Dr. Pepper, are they? It's something you remember exists when you're in a shop and you're like, I've not had a Dr. Pepper for ages. Yeah, I suppose. And then it's a treat. Some people will really loat that. You get quite violent reactions

Some people react to Dr. Pepper in the way I react to dandelion and burdock Or parma violets Things that should not be put in a human's mouth Yeah, I hate palmerviolets so much Disgusting, my kids love them Really? What is that about?

Where have they got that from? Your kid's 90? Yeah Absolutely disgusting. Horrible. Like little slivers of soap. Yeah, yeah. I remember getting some, the first time I had them were free with the beano.

Oh yeah, they always gave me away with the beano. Yeah, the beano would have like sweet. Cellar tape to the front. Yeah, so like, you know, but I was lulled in because, like, you know, I was having stuff like refreshers on the front of the bino. Wambars. Yeah, Wambars. It's brilliant.

Palma violets. Oh, what's this one? This one looks delicious. As far as the ones with a little fizzy bits inside. Yeah. Lost the tooth in a wambor. Yeah, great. Did you really?

Yeah, I swallowed it because I thought it's one of those bits. Swallowed the tooth. Yeah, swallowed the tooth. Didn't realize until later. And did you have to make sure the tooth come out at the other side? Or did you just forget that? No, I didn't even occur to me at that age. And luckily, I didn't have parents who told me to,

if you want that from the tooth fairy, you'd have to sift through your own feces. So you just missed the tooth fairy? I think... Well, you looked in the toilet one down, and there's a quid in there? Yeah, yeah. The tooth fairy doesn't mind getting dirty. little shitty handprints You can get a quid

You can get a quid But you do have to Because of your own shit I think I'd probably get the quid later Yeah I think so Yeah I think you're at least washing it You're at least washing it right under the pillow Oh I hope not

Buy 10 wambars with that And then you lose another 10 teeth I mean this is this is a money-making scheme I don't mind sipping through my shit By the end of it I'm a millionaire I think Slow-cooked lamb I want it to be slow-cooked If it takes days

I guess you want it just at the point where There's a level of heat you could apply to lamb Where it just would never cook Yes, zero degrees Yeah But even two degrees It probably wouldn't ever cook, surely Yeah, yeah

Like if it was just in room temperature Yeah Just leave it out And five days a day, that's lovely But the longest you could That would be good, wouldn't it? If things cooked at room temperature. Yeah, surely there's something that cooks at room temperature, you know?

Fruit? Yeah, that's what's happening to it. Yeah. Maybe a torch, maybe if you put your iPhone torch on it for a couple of days, that's the slowest cooking you can possibly give it. Yeah, that's going to give you a carpal tunnel, isn't then? Hold in your torch over a lamp. Or whatever mystery, I'd probably have a mystery box of meat, so I don't know what meat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, surprise. It's another little surprise dish, lamb surprise. Yeah, lamb surprise. Yeah. I had the slow-cooked lamb in New Zealand at Mudbrick Vineyard, and I got, told off but in a, I'd say a lighthearted way for, I was quite drunk, complimenting the lamb too loudly. And I think that's a sign of a good meal.

Yeah. You've taken some tips from Lloyd Langford that you were shouting everything. Yeah. Yeah. What was your compliment? Who cooked this? How long has this been cooked for? Because the way you've said it there, and at that volume, they sound like you're really unhappy with it.

The complaint. I think they knew I liked it. My tone was like, who cooked this? It was more like, wow. Same as the same tone you use when you shout beans on toast. Yeah, yeah. Beans on toast! Who cooked this? I give a lot of good vibes to chefs.

But that's lovely. Why were you told off then? By the staff or by someone on a... a nearby table. By the staff, I think people around were disconcerted. Yeah.

And maybe they were running low on lamb. Yeah, maybe they hadn't ordered yet and don't... Yeah, yeah. But it went, oh my God, it was nice. Yeah? Falling apart. How long do you think it had been cooked for?

Minimum, I think we're talking double digits. Do you? I think it was something like 12 hours. Wow. Something mad. But I can't promise that, do you? Yeah, it was a long,

It was a long time. If you'd ordered it and they were like, oh, we haven't put it on yet, you'd be pissed off. Yeah. By the time you got it. Well, you'd be like, I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah.

Yeah, just come back tomorrow. Yeah. Do you know what cut of lamb it was? I think it will have been some like leg based. It wasn't, I mean, by the time this thing had been cooked, it wasn't slicable. Yeah. By any means.

It wasn't a shank, though. It could have been. It could have been a shank. But it didn't come with a big bone sticking out the top of it. No, there wasn't a bone in it. As far as I meant, I drank a lot of wine. I drank a lot of wine at this point. Were you out with another comedian at this point?

Was it another comic? The only time I get to go on like a big holiday is when someone's paying for me to do that professionally. There was a lot of comedians there. Finn Taylor, Andrew Maxwell, Alexis Dubuss, never confident with how to pronounce his surname. Oh, evidently.

Maybe Lloyd was that. Maybe Lloyd was there. Lloyd again. No, as well. But yeah, I like... I mean, these are some. You know, you've got Finn there, you got Maxwell there. These are some outspoken guys and you're getting told off.

Yeah, yeah. Like, you must have been really speaking your mind, throwing some opinions around the room. If you're the one who's getting reprimanded. Yeah, I mean, Andrew Maxwell will tell you the history of whatever country you're in, in quite a lot of detail. I will compliment the food. You'll shout who cook this. Yeah.

What did the lamb come with? And this doesn't have to be your dream side. I'm just interested in this specific lamb. Sure. So I want elements of this, but not everything. It came with a mad portion of a sort of hummusy dip. Right. And then long carrots. That's the main thing I remember about these carrots is the sheer length of it.

And then you had to get your potato dish as a side. You're screaming who grew these? Yeah. Who the hell grew these? Mr. McGregor. How long? How long have these been grown? I'm saying stuff like that.

Long and thin? Long and thin. Yeah. What color? Orange. Classic. The classic. But not the best carrot I've had was barely orange.

In a restaurant in Reykivit called Scal. Got the carrots as a side. Fucking hell, I've never had carrots. It's good in all my life. Yeah? They were black to the eye. They'd really been sort of roasted. I tried to look up before doing this, what they came with.

The menus changed. I found a picture of them on Instagram. It doesn't say anything. It doesn't say anything. Just a picture of some carrots. It says carrots. It doesn't even say carrots. No description.

But I love a sort of roasted carrot in some kind of sauce. I don't know. And the one in Reykivik was like, were they long and thin as well? No, no. And I preferred them. Dumpy is what I would say. Black and dumpy. Yeah.

That's what I would describe them. You want those with the lamb? I'd love them with the... I'd love to... Yes. Get rid of the longfin ones. Yeah. They were Aldente, these ones.

The Reckovic ones barely keeping themselves together. Yeah. So they'd be, like, probably slow-roasted as well, you think. Everything about this, I want to be slow. Yeah. I completely agree with you with a slow-roasted lamb. It is up there meat-wise, I think. Yeah.

Incredible. I love it. I want some dolphin wire. That's pretty slow. Yeah, you can do that slow. It's not quick. No, it's not quick, is it? It takes a while to make, I suppose.

Do you slow roast lamb at home? Yeah, I'll have it anywhere. No, but is that something you'll do? Have you ever done that? Yeah, absolutely. I'm sorry. a point of just made in the location. I'll have it anywhere.

What do you think the question was there? Would you eat at your house? Would you have it at home? As in like, if my mum had a slow-cooked lamb, would I have it? Yeah, let's just follow this. Is there anywhere that you wouldn't eat slow-stoyed's lab? I don't think, like funerals. You don't have that at the wake, but you wouldn't have it during, right?

You're not sorry for someone's loss if you're chewing. What, if you're screaming and cook this at your top of your voice. Sure. Yeah. Oh, like the cremation. How long? How long has it been cooked for? Woo!

Falling off the bone. Woo! Yeah, funeral. Yeah. Train toilet. That was my first thought of where I wouldn't eat, slow-rise lamb. But I would, if it's, I'd have it on the baby changing.

Yeah. Toilets your seat. That's your table. Yeah. Would you put a tablecloth down or anything? Yeah, ideally. Yeah. Or I guess if you're a parent, an unused...

Clean nappy. Unused. Yeah. Yeah. Well, even though it's unused, I'd find it hard to... It would be weird, especially if there's no plate, especially if you're eating slow-cooked lamb directly out of an unused nappy on a baby-changing table. I'd say that would throw me.

Yeah. Yeah, it's not where I'd want it. Barely staying together. It's weird, though, because you'd think someone eat in off a nappy in a baby changing room would be like they're having a breakdown but you wouldn't associate slow-cooked lamb leg

with a mental collapse I think it's the nappy that's doing the heavy lifting there yeah yeah yeah I think that changes the whole thing also it depends what brand and nappy right because if there's some nice ju and gravy in there

a pampas is absorbing all of that so you don't get to eat that yeah you want a cheap nap if you eat in a roast you pour your gravy on and then you go immediately go But what is the gravy? That's just outrageous.

You're doing the thing at the end of the adverts where you're squeezing it. It's all gravy. Trying to get the gravy out. But then you're squeezing that back out onto another nappy that you've put under there. I think directly into the mouth at this point. You've got your losses.

Yeah. Yeah, don't bring another napi into the situation. Let's not worry about your dignity at this point. You're already squeezing gravy out of a nappy. You may as well go straight in your mouth. Yeah. For American listeners, diapers. Diapers.

Yes. Yes, your main course. Okay. Okay, we're going to do something from my grandmother's recipe book. And it is something called Chicken Divan. I don't know if you ever heard of it. No. If you look it up, it is something that it's kind of, I don't know if it's southern.

I'm assuming it is almost like a take on like a curry, but like a southern curry. So when I describe it, you're going to think it's. sounds so gross, but it is made with cream of mushroom, like soup. Oh, the soup goes in. Yeah, but like cream of mushroom in the can. Manas. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure we can say this is something. This has never been said on this show, chicken dye fan. No, no, no. Never. No, no, no. And curry powder, like bought in the store. It's like, you know, generic curry powder. Yeah, like yellow curry powder, I guess.

I'm trying to think because I've actually never made it but it is in that book but it's a it's a cassero so you boil chicken you boil the chicken

this gets better and better with every sense of himself it is one of my favorite it's like so comfort for me I mean because it just also it just makes me think of home because she would make it

so much growing up and she's still like okay make chicken dive in so then like the curry the mayonnaise the cream of mushroom like all that's like mixed together that's put in a casserole dish with broccoli. Because can't guess the next.

One greening to the next. We're going to top it off. So then the broccoli's in there, it's like layering. We're going to top it off with. Can we guess? Can we get? Yeah, have a guess. Yeah, have a guess.

Well, I mean, we've already got mayonnaise and cream of mushroom soup, but are we putting cheese on top of it? Yeah, we are. Oh, I'm obviously going to go so obvious. What were you going to say? I was just going to say marshmallows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At this point, who knows?

That could have been, that could have been as well. Jello. Yeah, that could have been to. No, you like yellow cheddar cheese. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So then that goes on it. Then you bake it in the oven, and that cheese gets like really crispy.

Like, I like a, it has to have a crisp layer on it. And then the curry, it's like a, it doesn't taste like mayonnaise. It just has that like consistency. But I also, I love mayonnaise and condiments and stuff. Like some people are like revolted. buy it, but, like, I, more condiments the better, like, on anything for me. But, I mean, this is a casserole, but yeah, and you, and you have it with, like, white, fluffy rice. I mean, I would eat it. I'm not selling it. I'm not selling this, but it also, it's like,

if you look up, chicken dive in, there's a lot of recipes for it. People eat it. People eat it. As you were describing it, it sounded like the sort of thing you'd see on diners, drive-ins and dives. Yeah, yeah. Don't you think? Like Guy Fieri would be going in there. It doesn't look bad when you see it. It's colorful. I can imagine it. It's colorful because you got the orange, you got the bright green of the, you know, of the broccoli. And then the

chicken is like a nice yellow. So it's not like sloppy looking. It like looks nice. I think the bit that upset me the most was boil the chicken. Boil the chicken really upset me. Yeah. I think once the, I can, because I can imagine the soup, that's a quick way of doing something.

You know, just put the soup in. The mate, I was even on board with the mayonnaise, but boiling the chicken. I know, because it's not, you don't, you're not trying to get a brown on the chicken or anything. You don't want that extra flavor. No, no. You don't. Because a lot of that's coming from the soup.

Yeah. And it's the whole chicken. It's like chicken breasts. So you just buy the chicken bread. They got two of those, okay. Two, yeah. Made with only chicken hearts. Yeah, yeah.

No, it's chicken breasts. Yeah, and you kind of, does she shred it up? I don't know. Well, it's not really shredded. It's kind of put in there. I know. I need to revisit. I haven't had it in a little bit. But then my sister the other day, because I'm here in London, in London, she was in L.A. And she said that Gaba, that's what I call my grandmother Gaba. She's like, she made chicken dive van the other night. I'm like, I wish I was there. I missed it.

Yeah. So I had me thinking, I'm like, I'll put it in my dream restaurant. When people have like, here's something. I respect. We talked about this. I said, here's something. You can't flag what you're going to say with his something because now we're all expecting something. Yeah.

But you're going to say something, right? He'll say something, but he said that here's something as if this is going to be good stuff. Good, right. Yeah, yeah. I tend to use it when it's not good stuff. Okay. To try and like, got it.

But Elle doesn't know that. Yeah. So I was like, oh, so here's going to something. I'm getting used to it now. Yeah, just let you know, it's really nothing. Just take a while to get used to James. But eventually they do. Not really by the end of the podcast, though.

They're usually on the way home they get, they go, I could probably do it. that podcast now. Put up with that guy. Can we do it again? Yeah. I always respect when people use their, you know, they have a specific name for a grandparent.

Mm-hmm. That is like no one else would know that name. It's based on someone not being able to say it when they were a kid or whatever. That's what it is. When they still just will say it to everyone else. Because when I was a kid at my school, everyone called their grandmother nan.

Everyone would say my nan. Yeah. And I called mine granny. and felt like an idiot. Really? And I still feel like an idiot. Did you get bullied for that? No, because I just said nan at school.

Yeah, I was trying to blend in. I go my nan and I remember I have a distinct memory as a kid of my mom picking me up and me talking to a kid in front of her about my granny, but saying, Nan, getting to the point when I'm like, oh, my God, I've got to say nan now, and what she sells me out. Right.

What if she goes, what did you just say? Yeah, and then your mom is like, nan. That's like, he called her granny. Yeah. Like a little, like a little baby. That's what I felt like. So whenever anyone, Papa just goes with their own name, which is like so specific to their family,

I'm like, respect, so self-assured. Thank you. that's a cool name though. That's like an individual name for grandparents. Yeah. I was just grandma, grandpa, nanny, and granddad. That was my. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was it. Solid. Did they decide it or did you? Because like, I don't remember a moment where I decided it. Yeah. And it's like family-wide as well, those names. Oh, okay. Yeah. Because now, like, I have to remember, like, with my, my nephews and stuff. Yeah. Different grandparents, and different grandparents' names change with.

Like, my parents are not known as the same thing to both sets of nephews, and I've got to remember that. And if I get them muddled up, I get corrected. Big time. Oh, wow. This is like childhood trauma for you at this, keeping the grandparents straight. I don't know why they can't just cut it off after the parents. Why do we have grandparents to confuse everything? Their first names.

We should know our grandparents were their first names. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because uncles and aunties. Yeah. They're closer in age and we'd just call them by their names, right? You wouldn't call your uncle, uncle. No.

But I'd call them Uncle, like, full name, Uncle Billy. But you wouldn't call Uncle Billy, Uncle Billy to his face, would you? Yeah. Hello Uncle Billy. Used to when I was a little kid. Oh, what a loser. What a loser. Hello, Uncle Billy.

Well, that's the one I should have been self-conscious about. Yeah. Oh, my God. I was saying that to everyone. go and see my Uncle Billy, is it? It's not Uncle Billy in the rhyme, is it? No, it's not. It's my friend Billy.

Yeah, it's my friend, Billy. Yeah, and Elle doesn't need to know that. What's the rhyme? It was like a school yard. Al, I apologize for this in advance. I can't believe he's brought this up. We all learned, and I don't know how these things spread, because me and James went to school in completely different places in the UK,

but we all know my friend Billy had a 10-foot Willie, etc. Elle, I'm sorry. Yeah, Ellen, I'm just so sorry. I won't go through the whole way to hear that. I won't go through that. the whole Rymel, but it ends up being cut off with a rake by the girl next door. Oh my God.

She thought it was a snake. In her defense, she thought it was a snake. She thought it was a two-foot-four. And that is your uncle. Yeah. I can't believe it. I'm going to think it's up my uncle now. And everyone expects him to be sad, but he's like,

it's still two-foot-four, go. Yeah, yeah. If anything, it's easier to manage. Yeah, exactly. She did him a favor. Yeah, yeah. God. Oh, Elle, I'm sorry. I didn't grow up with any locks on the bathrooms or toilets in my house.

Right. Really? Yeah. Why? Did none of them work? Or was it just, they were removing your parents? There weren't any locks. No locks at all.

So how did you... Hey, just put your feet at the door, base of the door. What, hang on. So you'd still have the door shut. You'd be putting your feet on the door. Of course I have the door. Yeah, the door shut. I thought you were saying you grew up in like a very free household where...

God, no. I'm just saying there's not. no locks in case you just... I don't think there are any locks in any door, you know, front back. Front door, back door. Yeah. Locks.

No locks on other doors. Windows? Yeah, windows are locks. Yeah. I mean, you had windows. Anything external, but like inside the house. No locks. But then why were you having to push your foot?

I mean, surely everyone in the house knows... Well, you don't know. You don't know if someone's in there, though. Yeah, so you knock. Yeah. I would get pretty accustomed to knocking and not just opening any closed door where someone can be having a shit

knowing that but there's only one door when that's happening any close door so what are you in your bedroom do you have your feet on the door

keeping it shut wait wait how small were the rooms in your house were they all built so you could small enough to put your feet on the door

the toilet yeah you could put your feet on the door yeah like main bathroom no you're kind of just

staring at it open for the best but you are standing so if they do come in you're looking right at them Yeah, it was small enough where you'd know if someone had come in. Can't think of a room where you wouldn't know if someone had walked in. Did you ever do sock on the door handle?

No, you know? Sock on the door handle. Let him put it out. Sock on the door handle. Right. I'm just picturing like a video game, me walking up to a door with a sock on the door. Right, yeah, I think I know what's going on in there. Okay.

Yeah, I'm not walking in, no. Yeah, if you see a sock on the door handle. Is there only one person in there? Well, yeah, I guess so. Talking about your bathroom and your childhood home. I'm not saying if you saw a sock on the door handle, you'd be like, oh, my parents are banging. Gee.

Well, that's what it usually means. If people put a sock on the handle of the, you know, bedroom door or whatever, you mean, they're getting down to it. What are you telling your parents that? Huh? What do you mean? Is that a symbol for your parents?

I don't think people who, like, Do it when they're living at home. Yeah. So their payments knowing not to commit. I mean, maybe some people have that. I don't know. This isn't a thing. What?

This isn't a thing. This is in movies. Neither of you have done it. I haven't done it. I don't know anyone is put it. No, I understand. Also, I don't have many. There weren't many, uh, there weren't many door knobs in the house.

Hang on, no doorknob or locks. Yeah, what's going on? A door, a flat door. You don't put a door knob on every door. I think you. I think you do. Well, in a house. Yeah, you're working in a...

Then how are you even shutting the door? Is there no, no, no, no, latch on it at all? It's just a bit of wood. I mean, bringing it back. I knew you were going to say a bit of wood. Or do you have that... Or do you think, I bet you're even going to... Beated...

You two are going to say it's like cat flaps or saloon doors. James would probably say saloon doors. No, I wasn't going to say that. In your house, with no locks, saloon doors for the bathroom would be perfect. Yeah. You'd see my feet and my head.

That's fine. You don't know what's going on in the middle. Yeah. balloon doors, you don't know what's going on in the middle. Yeah. You can let them do that thing. Actually, saloon doors in toilets, it's fine. Yeah?

Yeah. You'd be fine with that? In Japan, they don't have, uh, the idea was that they'd build the toilet with the most beautiful view from the house and there were no doors. Well, it's your second time on the off-meny podcast and the second time you started a sentence with in Japan. What do you mean? Oh, what, uh, ghosts.

You wouldn't know, you didn't listen back. Ghosts don't have feet in Japan. Is that what we talked about before? No. We talked about low light, I believe. This is all for the same book, actually. Ghosts don't have feet in Japan. The Japanese cartoons, ghosts don't have feet.

Traditionally, that's where that comes from. What do you mean by that? If you draw a ghost, I doubt he has feet. Yeah, but that's not just Japanese ghosts. So that's why they have saloon doors and toilets. Is that what you're saying? There's no saloon doors in Japanese toilets. But is the ghosting anything to do with the...

No, that's because we've challenged it in Japan. I know three things about Japanese culture. Yeah. Low lights in restaurants. Japanese ghosts don't have feet. And traditionally, toilets were built with no doors facing the most beautiful view that they could get in the house. Right.

Really ironic, Kearns has talked about locks on toilet doors. It's the last time I saw him. He was farting over a hand drive. repeatedly all evening and the lock of the toilet door didn't help

him a jot We're nearly at the end of our best of but we can't forget that we release one of our greatest ever episodes of off menu

or any podcast this year Yeah the time I beat up Stephen Graham here we go Yeah okay Here we go

Roll VT Here we go Roll VT POMs or bread Stephen Graham Would you like Popen or bread James normally shouts this.

The whole thing is he shouts it at the guest. Well, there's not a need to shout it every time. And I think I can just say it to Stephen. What's happened to, Stephen? He's seen the pictures of you boxing. Yeah, of course. And he's got scared because, I mean, you're almost certainly not aware of this. But James has called you out on the podcast before.

Oh. Oh. When? He's called you out for a for a ruck. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Hold on a second. When did it?

Do we have, is this, is this flat? I don't remember this. It's happened. It happened on Azooka's episode. You are back up with a recording of this. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's been out, you know. Can we play the recording?

Can we play the recording? Can you find a recording while we're in conversation and we'll get back to this, Tim. We'll just put this on old for a minute. Just for a minute. We'll just put this on old for a minute. James, shut up, lad. I'm talking.

We'll just put this on old for a minute. If you find what he said, whoa, hang on. You've had your minute. We'll find what he said and then we'll come back to me. But for now, we'll carry on as normal. Yeah. All right?

We're still mates. Okay, just for now. I think Azuka might have said it. No. Maybe you've got it. You said it and Azuka laughed in your face. Hmm. Okay.

I think he's got his wires crossed, Stephen, but we will carry on. Let's carry on as normal. We'll carry on as normal. I think you've got your wires crossed, Ed. Okay. You might have said that, actually. I apologize if I've got my wise cross, but I think we both know that I have. We'll find out because we've got, you know, we've got fact, you will, oh.

What? He's got it. He's got it. Which one, which other says. It's probably happened on about. Well, I didn't think this will be. Can we all hear this? Let's see what they did.

Meanwhile, Stephen Graham's just stood looking at you like he's going to rip your head off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's his resting face, right? Oh, he's like a giant puppy as well, though. Yeah. Oh, here we go. Go on. No, no, no.

I actually say I set it up for you. I'm sure he is like a little puppy dog. He shouldn't run his mouth off on TV shows. Has he ever, like, made a statement to counter your channel. No, because he's a busy man who doesn't need to be bothering himself with stupid little. Yeah, that's what I thought. He fired shots at Rommish. That's all of us.

And I'm disappointed in you, Ed, for not calling him out. Oh, look, I'm not calling him out, but I'm very happy for you to call him out because I want to see what happens. You know what's going to happen. Yeah. You're going to get your head back off. You're going to get absolutely fucking pummels. As if, as if, man, that would never happen. Have you seen him recently?

Has he seen him? And has he seen me? Has he seen himself? How's that a comeback? Yeah, you worked on himself and went, yeah, me. Even without him here, you panic there. Has he seen himself, man? Has he seen himself?

Has he seen himself? Has he seen himself? Does he see maybe think again? No, I don't want to see what would happen. I'll tell you what, we wouldn't even need one take, man. Me beating him up. We do that in half a take. Yeah.

Game over. End of film. Is it a film that you're getting beaten up in now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the hero. Hmm, I think that might have been Ed to say that. That sounded like Ed to me. So what did I do to Romish?

I don't know. No, no, come on. You're saying it. It's all out there. What did I do to Rommish? I think that, uh, it's out there now. Your ass went then, didn't it? What did I do to Rommish?

Answer the question. Well, I think maybe what that was a reference to was. I think you might have gone on Jonathan Ross with Rommish. Yes, I did, yeah. And Rommish may have said, it's just my memory go ahead because I'm with you now

I remember this fucking thing go ahead what happens I think I think rubbish might have said that Liverpool audiences aren't good audience he doesn't like playing in Liverpool

yeah and he said because they heckle and they don't listen and stuff and I think you said oh this is my memory I'm just trying to

remember I think you said no I said I'll tell you exactly what I said I said maybe if you were fucking funny he laughed

I rest my case bollocks, it's over. Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, well, that's all I said. Look, and I know some of you have, some of you have this attitude where it's like, I'm just doing my job. No, you're a comedian. I've paid

fucking 25, 30 quid of you. I've brought me misses. That's 70 quid before I've even fucking sat down, and I want to have a laugh. So make me laugh. That's your job in it? Yeah. So fucking make me laugh. I agree. Thank you, and that's not just

Scoutsers, that should be all over the bastard country. If I'm paying money to go and watch a comedian, what I mean, you're like fucking juror self. Do you know what I mean? You're going on and on and on about bollets. I don't want you doing that. I want you to be what you should be. Ron Seale. Do

what it says on the fucking tin. Make me laugh, bastard. End the story. Can we carry on now with the show? Yeah. You're okay, James? I'm good. I agree with you. I think that's a fair that's a good point well made

a good point well made I always had you back steam thank you yeah thanks you know I think in my defence I think Benito edited that to sound

okay weird I think you should just admit you made a mistake and we'll move on James yeah probably just made a mistake yeah

okay pop domes or bread I love popadoms please and it'd be nice for your mum to taste the New York wanton soup as well. Of course.

Yeah, yes. As the fellow want on soup fanatic. And she'd go, oh, well done, lad, you're found it. Yeah, so that's who's there. And we're in a nice round table. We're one of those, what's them, what are them lovely? Lazy Susan. Lazy Susan. I love a Lacey Susan. It's a great name.

It's a great name. It's really good. It's fun to tell you, man. It was fun to tell you, man. It wasn't Susan. Definitely wasn't because of Susan. I'm not fucking lazy. She's running late in the mail. Arvived. But it's like, you know, it moves around in the middle and who's, hmm, I think we'll call that a lazy.

But anyway, one of those great tables. And let's stick with the theme. Let's make it all, although none of the rest of the food is, but let's make it a lovely kind of Chinese restaurants. Yeah, nice. Yeah. And what does make a great wanton soup? What is the criteria that you're looking for every time you've had?

Flavor. Pure flavor. But they're not being stingy with the little wanton's. Yeah. make sure that they've got a nice big you know they're solid yeah you don't want to be looking you don't be looking for them right no yeah yeah because then it's all yeah isn't it you know what I mean yeah nice packed one tons yeah you don't want it to leave you one turn more how we're feeling about that I'm feeling bad about it as soon as I said it

how do you think that go down in Liverpool I do that's why I'm sad yeah we're doing so well it probably wouldn't go well in Liverpool I don't think they'd go well in any fucking country. So we bought these massive giant lobsters and he bought some potatoes and he filled the pot and he literally

you know, it's not the nicest thing when it comes to cuckin lobsters. Yeah. But you do have to do that bit otherwise it's even wier, I think. Well, of course, yeah. Yeah, that would be very weird. I don't want to be cruel, so I'm just going to eat it like a big apple.

Yeah. Yeah, that wouldn't... In the big apple. Yeah. In the big apple. Yeah. So we... Now I get something in Liverpool.

If I did, eat it like a big apple in the big apple, surely that I get something. Do I look like I'm laughing? No, you don't, to be fair. So when you make me laugh, I will laugh. That's fair. He's done it a good few times. Yeah, I know. That's true.

You've seen me laugh. Yeah, yeah. I love kicking Liverpool. Well, I am capable of laugh. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. You're all capable of laughter.

If we are all capable of laughter. made to laugh yeah yeah okay so back to the story yeah can i have some spinach yeah okay i'll have a little bit of spinach then nice yeah garlic fresh garlic yeah yeah yeah it's mixed in there with the spinach i do love spinach more more and more i'm a big broccoli and spinach guy because growing up you're like just get that down you're you know you're supposed to eat it if you want everything else but now i look forward to the broccoli and spinach that's nice yeah it's a good vehicle for garlic and butter is yeah yeah yeah yeah that's good stuff great vehicle See, that's funny.

He's funny. What with the vehicle? Yeah, I liked it. Are you sure? I just saw, like a small thing. Oh, Ango, let me explain. Do I have to explain? I just thought it was funny.

He's in a vehicle and I just saw some little broccoli sitting on some, you know, some garlic sitting on the broccoli. It's a vehicle. It's me, you know. That's what I was doing. He played with the words. He was very clever. That's you doing the work.

Clever. He didn't mean a little bit of garlic sitting on the broccoli. That's not me doing the work. Yeah. It's given from my head to go, ah, that's funny. Sometimes you just have to plant the seed when you're, When you're a funny comedian. What the funny is natural anyway.

You just, you know, some people are naturally funny. No matter what I'm saying. Ed and Gene Wilder don't have to work at it. You do. Ed and Gene Wilder. That's what I've said, yeah. What that for? You in that, you're in that.

A shalon now? Yeah. Listen, I'm your biggest fan, I think you up all the time. That's true. But Wilder? Yeah. We're talking to Gene Wilder. Yeah.

And you're saying yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wonger. I'm wunker. You're wonker now? Yeah. Holy moly

well congratulations thank you they know you the new Gene Wilder sometimes it doesn't matter what you say if you're funny it just

yeah it just seeps out your paws doesn't it just the natural ability yeah so you meant you meant to put in the image

of a little bit of garlic riding on some broccoli like a vehicle no the broccoli the broccoli is the vehicle yeah yeah

yeah so the garlic's riding on the broccoli but now you're explaining it you've made it not funny which is just with the chili

and stuff yeah it's just it has to just it has to just hit you subliminally do you know what I mean I just sort of sort of sitting on that vehicle.

He brought the garlic and the chili to life. You put yourself in my shoes if I'm seeing Ramesh on a chat show. Yeah? And he's my friend and he's getting absolutely destroyed. Like torn limb from limb. The audience applauded your comment. I think they found me funny. I think that's like, you know.

Did you speak to Rommish in the green room after? Me and Rommish text. Often, he's a lovely fellow. Yeah, we got on really well. so Ramesh didn't mind and you've gone on this campaign on Ramesh's behalf you haven't even chat with him

in the defence of war yeah I defended all comedy all comedians Stephen likes comedy I love comedy yeah I guess I can't say you don't

because you did find the vehicle joke funny and at the time it was funny I do accept for responsibility for running the joke into the ground and moving the humour from it yeah

while they wouldn't do that and you can tell I like comedy, because I plucked out Gene Wilder from nowhere. And even you were impressed. And what's quite impressed, it did come out of nowhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like... No, no, I'm similar as a dreamer.

And only a true comedian could know how funny Gene Wilder actually was. Yeah, that's true. That's why I hate you. Yeah. See, what I've done is I've beaten you without raising a finger. That is what's scary about it. it's like it's like

the fight's already happened in a way yeah it's psychological and it's over we now don't need to fight completely in my own head yeah

it's like you know you know in a yeah you know you know you know because like we were talking about food

yeah and now I'm just I'm just defeat yeah and it's like You know when this is England and you're talking about the food. Yeah.

But they seem to milky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're talking about rice and peas and making food. Of course, yeah. And that's how I feel. Yeah. Can I tell you a quick little story about that? I think I know this.

Oh, do you? Well, that's an, what an awful interview technique. No. Imagine that having a guest on and them saying they're going to tell the story and going, I know this. I think I know this one before you tell it. Sorry, I'm just to be my own. head. I can't even interview people now.

I'm just letting them... I'm just spoiling people's stories. Graham Norton knows everyone's stories before he... Yeah. Graham Norton is just setting people up. Yeah. He never says. Yeah. Stop me out. I know this.

I know this one. The researcher told me it. I know this one. Yeah, he's never done that, I know. I had a teacher at school tell me that I couldn't do any of, like, you know. I was saying, like, I wanted to do. comedy and a bunch of different things you can't can't do that it's not going to happen and then she turned now I'm not sure

what you're going to think of this story actually you are so in your own head you've never said that you've never preempted one of your stories by saying I'm not sure what you're going to think of it well we'll see what your opinion is oh by the way I've heard this one yeah yeah yeah

you know you know this one you know what happens yeah yeah I was on tour I went on stage in Cambridge and someone had their not just their feet, but their entire legs on the stage. I looked and it was her, my teacher from school. Who told me I couldn't do this.

And I looked down and it was her and she was with her mates and they're hammered. They just ruined the whole show. The whole show, just shouting out. Shout heckled and then when I tried to deal with with them, they'd go, show some, they'd turn serious and go, show some respect, that's your teacher. I was like, at the time

I was like, I don't know, I was like, I'm 30 years old and they're going to get not my teacher anymore. They're like, oh, shut up. They ruined it. And I came off stage, and I was still on Facebook at the time. And I went, I had a message from her because she had followed me on Facebook after their school.

And she said, she was hammered, she was like, that was great. We had a great night. We're in the pub across the street coming over, come and have a drink with us. So I messaged back. Oh, right, man, where's this going? Yeah, yeah.

Now she's my wife. This is me. I got it. I got it. Becky, what he's laughing. He's laughed. Gene Wilder, come with me, and you'll be in a world of pure imagination. You got poned, James.

No, I didn't, Ed, I believe I won, although I didn't listen back to the clips, so I didn't need to. Maybe some genuine behind the scenes chat about what a fun episode that was to record or how good Stephen Graham was. Close brackets. And of course, you can watch the Supercut of James v. Stephen Graham on our YouTube channel. Now, that's it for 2025. If you're coming along to the Royal Albert Hall shows in March, we'll see you there, I guess. But for now, we'll leave you, as always, with the annual Popatoms or Bread complication. That's what it says.

It says complication. It says complication. It says complication. So that this is what it is. Yeah. Bye! Popadoms or bread! Poplarbs or bread, actually, Porovsky.

Poplarbs or bread. Wait, what? Poplarbs or bread. Poplarbs or bread. Jillian Anderson. Poplarums or bread. Uh, definitely bread. Poplarbs or bread.

Poplarbs or bread. Joanne McNally. Poplar. I go Papa Dom's. Poplar. Pop-a-doms or bread Pop-lums or bread, Nina Kudsey. Pop-lums or bread, do you say?

Yes. Just a bit. You did just a bit say that. I would like, Pop-a-doms, please. Pop-lums or bread. Pop-lums or bread. This is the only problem I have with this podcast. I love your podcast.

This is the fundamental flaw in the format. Okay. Get bacon on the phone. It is like asking me, do you want an apple or an avocado and asking me to come up with the right? Like, they're so contextual, aren't? Yes. Pop-a-O-Badden.

Pop-L-O-Bred. Oh, my God. What? Bread? Bread? Bread. Pop-O-Doms or bread. Pop-Doms or bread. More on this one.

Pop-Doms or bread. Pomp-a-Doms. Are you mad? Pop-a-Doms all day, man. Pop-Ans all bread. Pop-O-Bond. So, it was Pop-A-Doms or bread, Marend, Mera-Dem's all-Doms. So it was Pupp-a-Doms until 2014.

I would have said Pop-A-Doms or bread. Pop-Loms or bread. I made a jump. I did it. I made a job. Yeah, she jumped. She knew it was going to happen. She still jumped.

I think it's horrible. Pop-a-doms, obviously. Pop-Bond's or bread. Pop-Lum's or bread. Kate Winslet. Pop-Bond's or bread. Quite loud. Yes.

Bread, definitely. It was a bit loud, wasn't it? Every time. Yeah. Pop-l-Lum's or bread. Pop-Lum's or bread. Julie, Clary. Pop-Lum's or bread.

Pop-Dums or bread. Very well done, yes. Pop-Lum's or bread. Poplums or bread, Kevin's or bread. 10,000 times bread. Poplums or bread, Ben Schwartz. Poplums or bread? Poplubs or bread?

Yes. What is it? Poplubs or bread. As his tradition, when James screams popadums or bread. What is a papadum? Poplums or bread. Poblobs or bread. Poblobs or bread. Taze me, red.

Poblobs or bread. Tadloves or bread. Bread. Poplubs or bread. Pobloves or bread. Pobloves or bread. I am going to say, bread. Bread. Bread.

Poplums or bread, Greg, Greg, James. Poploms or bread. I've thought about this a lot. obviously it's Pop-a-doms. Pop-noms or bread. Pop-lums or bread, Harris Dickinson. Pop-n-n-N-N-R-Doh-R-D. Right, well, that went well.

Pop-Lum's all-Bred. Pop-Lum's or bread. I don't think we actually got the water. Blood is the answer. Blood has to be the answer now. Okay, Robin, Blood. Bread, please. Pop-n-O-Bred.

Pop-Blobs-O-Bred. I'm saying bread. I'm saying bread. I'm saying bread. Pop-n-N-Braterson. Pop-O-Braterson. Very good. I'd say, question.

quite harsh to do it as Catherine was taking a sip of Prosecco from her teacup. Oh, I didn't think of that. Populums or bread. Poplar bread, they chequesquins or bread. Oh, both. I've never ordered just one of you. Pop out of bread.

Pop out of bread. Pop out of bread. Pop out of bread. Poplar de bread, Boblums or bread, Boblobs or bread, Boblobs or bread. Bread.

Bread. Poplar and bread. Poblobs or bread, now had it. Populbs or bread. It's a bit like that scene in Man Bites Dog where he scares the old woman to death. I've got to say, it's the first shout out

we've had to Man Bites Dog on the course. Yeah, good shout out to Man Bites Dog. Pop Doms or Bread, San Diego Last trip. Pop Dubs or Bread. Oh, we said bread. Pop Doms or bread. Pop Doms or bread, Sally Fulitt. Publums or bread.

Basket of bread. Bres of the world. Pop Doms or bread. Pop Doms or bread, Stacey Dooley. Pop Dubs or bread. Pop Doms or bread. Um's all bread. Um, what bread?

I'll be talking. Populums or bread! Populums or bread! Shout by Joey! Poplums or bread! Ni-no! Humberna! Switch around.

Flipped it. Gotta keep you guessing. Yeah, the police... The police knew what was coming. It was a sting. It felt right at the time. A sting. It has to be bread.

Pop-d-O-bread. I love Pop-Ball-Doms or bread. Pop-Loms or bread. Populums or bread, James, Knots and Pop-O-Bret. Easy. Bread. Bread. Bread. bread.

Poplums or bread! Poplums or bread, Wolfs or bread. Oh yes. Yeah, bread, bread, probably. Publums or bread. Poplums or bread.

Bread. Bread. Bread. French baguette. Poplums or bread. Poblobs or bread. Johnny Pelham. Poplubs or bread.

That was pretty. I like that sound. I haven't got that sound out of someone before. Whoa. You kind of gained 60 years there. Suddenly. Poplums or bread. Poplums or bread.

Jesus. Godlums or bread. Joyce spilt her coffee. I've just spelt the coffee. Populums or bread. Poplar bread. Oh, bread. You looked so shocked at me.

That's the first time you'd not been able to get through it. Because you looked at me like, what has happened? What have I done? Yeah, because I didn't hear, I didn't know what you were saying. Populbs or bread, Marion Keyes. Bread. Publobs or bread. Poplums or bread.

Poplums or bread. I bet it feels good, doesn't it? Shout that. To have someone that you don't respect in a chair, okay. You've had two, but you've got too... The podcast has got too big for how much you like chatting that. Pop-lums or bread!

Pop-lums or bread, John Erley. Pop-a-dum's or bread. And there's the catchphrase. That's the... Pop-a-dum's or bread. The Indian kind of cracker. Yes. Has this come up, that one clearly?

But is it someone disagreed with you at one point? In your early child. Never. Okay, okay. Pop-l-lums or bread. Pop-l-O-bred. Do you know what? announcement before you answer an announcement yeah how many episodes of this podcast we've done

now benito 260 something that's the first time i've shouted popenoms or bread and it's made me fart oh wow poploms or bread poploms or bread robert denaro poploms or bread what yes popenoms or bread oh yeah yeah this is no i know i know this was going to happen chris i've given him the responsibility as you saw before we started the podcast I gave him the responsibility that he's got to do the shouting and I said that means you've got to know when to do it and he was like yeah yeah yeah and during this whole bit

I was like he's forgotten yeah no I didn't forget I was just enjoying the chat that's the problem because I enjoyed just a nice chat cross what shoutings you got to do I got a shout popping on his or bread in a bit but the idea is I surprised the guest but it's not going to surprise you know the least surprise we said I wasn't listening yeah all right talk about something else for a second Chris

You said you got Poplarums or bread Chris McCorsal and Popadums or bread Are you surprised Oh do you know what Foof Yeah I love that

Popnoms or bread Popnums or bread Jeff Goldblum Pobbos or bread What did you say Poplarbs or bread I will translate James said

Popadoms or bread That's your next choice Of course I knew you said that Well if you're really asking Although you're scared Did you see how easily I think it's jump scares You delighted by it

You seem delighted as well. I like scary movies myself, and I don't mind a jump scary, even though it makes me jump. I'm an easy jumper. Well, you, you, you, you're up my, you're, you're, you're, you're talking up my alley because why could we, let's talk about bread. We could talk about all manner of bread, all sorts of bread, my likes and dislikes, but Papa Dom, I know it from my Indian enthusiasms. Oh, I love Indian food. I love spicy food. Vindaloo.

This and that, I love, what is that, cardamom? Some of those curry flavors. Oh, I love it. And when you get that, well, none, that's a more dangerous and sinfully delicious, you know, doughy thing that scares me a little bit. I love it. I love garlic. I'm a big garlic man, so I love garlic none. And it's warm.

I love all that. Thank you.