Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 1: Scroobius Pip

Episode Date: December 5, 2018

It's the grand opening of the magical restaurant and the first guest through the doors is Mr Podcast himself, Scroobius Pip. The rapper, podcaster, actor and record label owner talks Ed Gamble and James Acaster through his dream meal, gives advice on pizza hut thriftiness and introduces his own food invention, the Meadsy Base.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Listen to Scroobius Pip’s podcast Distraction Pieces on Acast and Apple Podcasts.Ed Gamble is on tour in 2019. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour in 2019. See his website for full details.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Bon appetit and welcome to the Off Menu podcast with Ed Gamble and James A. Caster. I'm Ed Gamble. I'm James A. Caster. This is exciting, isn't it? It's very exciting. This is a podcast where we ask a guest basically to build their dream meal, their favorite starter they've ever had, favorite main, favorite dessert, favorite side, favorite drink. Best drink. Now, this is episode one, so we're obviously getting a few things fleshed out. Yes. I went with Bon Appetit there as the opening. I liked that. Are you happy with that? Yes, and I am a waiter. Ah, okay. So,

this is the other thing we should let you know as well. We haven't quite nailed the format down yet. And James is insisting throughout the podcast that he is a waiter and taking the orders. So, each time I'll guess, this week is the wonderful Scroogeous Pip. Yes. Very exciting. Very exciting. Love Scroogeous Pip and can't wait to hear what he wants to eat. So, James, every time we ask Pip about a new course, James takes the order as the waiter. Yes. I'm not sure that we should do that, James. You can't tell people what jobs they can and can't do, Ed. Well, I could tell someone to not be a waiter. I could tell someone not to be a waiter in a private room when we're not in a natural restaurant. Well, you can tell them, but then through the speech, I'm allowed to be a waiter.

So, we're sticking with Bon Appetit as the opening. Yes. And certainly for this episode, because we've already recorded it, you were acting like a waiter throughout, but a waiter who constantly stayed at the table. Yes. When there's familiar waiters who comes and sits with you and gets a bit personal, has a bit of a chat. I hate them. No, adds to the meal. It doesn't add to the meal. I felt like I added to the ambiance. You were fine, because at least I know you. Yes. So, I'd be like, the waiter here is James Acaster. He's going to come sit at the table, because it'd just be awkward otherwise, because he'd be like, what's happened to James? Why is he, what's happened in his comedy life that he's needing to get supplementary wages as a waiter?

Well, the waiter is more of a passion thing. It's my passion. So, this is not anything you're being paid for? No, I do it for the love. That's why I like chatting as well. Does the imaginary restaurant that you work again know that you're working there? Have you applied to work there or have you just turned up in a little waiters uniform? I like to think that it's almost like I'm a genie. A genie? Yeah, the whole restaurant. Okay, I think it's confusing enough that you're pretending to be a waiter in our pretty laid-back food chat podcast with the loose structure of favorite starter main side dessert. You can't also be a genie. But it's a magical restaurant, because they're able to order food

for many times in their life, for any time they had it. If it was a film, in the film, I would disappear on the waiter, and then they would realize there's something magical about the restaurant, and they'd realize, actually, I'm the only member of staff there, and the whole thing is just magic, and I'm a genie who created the restaurant. Do you see what I'm saying when I'm telling you that that seems like you're over-complicating it? But there's layers and layers of stuff where people would like, you know, because the more people listen to the podcast, the more they'll discover that. Right, okay. Even though I'm saying it now in episode one. Yeah, you've already given away that the twist is you're a genie as well as a waiter.

Yes, I've given it away, actually. As well as James A. Cast of the comedian. But what we could do is we could edit this but out, and then in a few years' time, play this and go, look, it was there from the beginning. They knew from the beginning that he was a genie, and it was a magical restaurant they had created by magic. I think it's a really fun episode. We've just had a lovely chat with Pip. Really good. Some unexpected choices, and hitting a lot of our loves. Yeah, indeed. We like, and we should also point out that for every episode, there's going to be a secret

ingredient which, if they mention it, they get kicked out the restaurant. Yeah, should we mention what it is now? Yes, so listeners can listen out for it. We won't say if he says it or not, yeah? But we decided that the ingredient that we don't like is pomegranate this week. Pomegranate. Pomegranate seeds that get in your teeth. Yeah. We're not having that in our imaginary genie restaurant. No, don't like them. So if he orders that, he is in trouble.

Also, something to be aware of. We're recording in the offices of your management, James. Not management at the restaurant. That's just me, because I'm a genie. Okay. Confusion really coming into play now. I think we're next to the kitchen of your management. So there will be background noise of plates and microwaves pinging. That is completely accidental. That is not a bed we've added in, but it's perfect. This has worked out, I do. It is perfect and adds to all the magic. But don't expect it every episode. No, don't expect it every episode. So this is the intro for the first one.

I think in future ones, we'll be catching up on food news, discussing food experiences. Yeah, the intro will be a bit more. Be a bit more. This is just a bit of setup for this one now, because it's the first ever one we've done. And people know what it is. But look, if you're getting confused by if I'm a waiter or a genie and stuff like that, just know it is going to be Scroogeous Pip talking about his favorite dishes that he's ever had. And that's all you need to know. So just imagine me, Ed Gamble, a man, sat talking to Scroogeous Pip, a man with sort of James, a hovering waiter. Yes. Enjoy the show.

Hello, guys. Good to see you. Welcome. Thank you for having me. It's exciting to be the first guest. Is it exciting or are you worried that you're the guinea pig in this experiment? It's exciting because it's got that element of being invited round for the first dinner party, but I've chosen the menu. So the risk is taken away. Exactly. So even if you guys are appalling hosts, both figuratively and literally, yeah, I get to talk about my favorite thing. So, you know, I've got it covered.

And you're the first one. So you can't, you can't get anything wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone else has to compare to me now. I've got, I've got tons of extra categories. I've planned your podcast wonderfully. That sounds great. You're like the first, you're the first star that means to be twice car. Yeah. Yeah. Just straight on the leaderboard. It doesn't matter what anyone else did. Now, have we picked our first guest? Well, are you a foodie? Would you consider yourself a foodie?

Well, yes. And it's something I made a note of at the start that I wanted to get across. I made a list of some of the posh, posh restaurants I've been to. That's what we like to hear. I've been to nice places like Sushi Samba, Popolo, Bob Bob Rickard. I know it's Sushi Samba twice. A rock salt in Folkestone if you want to get out of London, Hawksmore, Duck and Waffle, all of these. And I needed to get them in. I needed to get them in because almost all of my choices are from major fast food chains.

I've just got cheap taste. It's a blessing and a curse, I think. I've really enjoyed nice food. I go, I said to loads of nice places, but a while ago, we did, on another podcast, I was asked my kind of death row, last meal type thing. And I realised I'd genuinely probably order it from Pizza Hut or Domino's. Literally, that was it. You can have anything you want. It's like, but it's the last time I can have a stuff crust, right? I can never have one again. Well, it's got to be a stuff crust guy. I am a stuff crust guy.

Once I went out to Ed's house, I just had a, I literally broken up with my girlfriend that day. Sorry, I was just timing that. Just wanted to see how long it would take for you to mention a breakup. Yep. Here we are. Straight in there. And I went out to Ed's and ordered a pizza, and I ordered a hot dog stuffed crust pizza, which I'd never had before. It's intense, isn't it? See, that for me is a step too far. On all of those things, and the hot dog stuff crust is an example of, I enjoyed it. Yeah. I never needed to have it again. I'd experienced it. I didn't regret it. There's some things like that you order and regret. I didn't regret it, but I didn't have any urge to have it again. It was a strange thing to

review in that way, because people were asking me online, oh, was it, how was it? I was like, I really enjoyed it, but I will never have another one. So it's a weird, weird combination. Question about the hot dog stuffed crust. Is it one long hot dog all the way around, or is it a series of normal size hot dogs? Well, if it was one all the way around, it would be the the cumberland sausage stuffed crust, wouldn't it? Wouldn't that have to come out the person, sort of curl around towards the center of the pizza? I don't know, because it was all, you know, I had it in slices. Yeah. And you were crying, weren't you? So that made all that.

Yeah. And I was crying and everything. It cost a lot of money as well. So I ordered it. It cost me £20. Yeah. That pizza. Yeah. And I felt I'll do it because I'm heartbroken. But it was worth it. It didn't help. I don't know if it was worth it. I've got to spare revenue now. I've not got to waste it on dates and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I'm never going to be eating out again. So yeah, get myself a hot dog stuffed crust pizza for 20 quid. So you go to posh restaurants, but your go to is probably fast. Food's about comfort really, I think. Completely. And I have that a lot when I used to have it on tour or with,

well, I do act in a bit now if I'm away. One of the exciting things is here and what takeaways are available or local to my hotel because I live in a small town in Essex called Stamfordly Hope. And the only chain brand option I've got is Domino's. Yeah. Other than that, it's all small local ones and things like that. And they're not amazing. It's not like the East End. It's not all these fancy independent things. It's it's kebab shops and stuff like that. So it's exciting. Like we don't have a delivery or Uber Eats or any of that kind of thing. So it's genuinely exciting each time. Before now, in fact, almost every time I've had, for example, an acting gig in Leeds. And before I've gone there, I've entered the postcode and

checked what takeaways there are. I like that little hotel room takeaway and just pick out, enjoy yourself, have a film on and yeah, it's that comfort. So we should we should get into this. Yes. We've asked you to pick your perfect starter main side. Yes. Dessert combo. But something we're going to throw at you early doors that you weren't expecting. You've just sat down in the restaurant. Excellent. Poppedoms or bread? Poppedoms or bread. Jesus. I'll go for bread. Bread. No, I'll go for Poppedoms. You can, if you want, say a different option if you've ever been given something else nice before a meal that you prefer. No, I'm going to go for Poppedoms

and I like Poppedoms, but the only dip of the Poppedoms I like is the mango chutney. So don't worry with the rest of them. Just bring more mango chutney. You look for mango chutney. Yeah, it's awkward if I go with other people because I get a little bit, if they take a big scoop of the mango chutney, I'm like, well, you're having a bit of everything. That's all I'm having. So you've taken a large scoop of my only option and a small you've, you know, you should spread it out. Yeah, it's not fair. Yeah. Have you tried the other dips and just never liked them? Yeah, they've just, it's a weird one with curries. I didn't have a curry until I was over, over 20. I was in my 20s when I had my first camera. Wow. And there was a place

near me called Bombay Nights and they had all real authentic, apparently they shipped in all their spices and everything. So it was really authentic and it was the best curry I've ever had. But I'd only have it go there once or twice or once every month or two. And people would get annoyed because I'd always have the same stuff. But if I'm only going once every month or two, and it's really that one thing I had was really nice, I want to have it again. You don't want to risk putting something else. It was really nice. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that, I think. But it would annoy people. But then that place closed down. Every curry I've had since hasn't come close. Really? What was the curry? Here comes the judgment.

It was butter chicken. I knew you were going to say butter chicken. She said here comes the judgment. I was like, here comes butter chicken more. But it was a beautiful, because they did it as kind of, it was more, it had the, it was, it was, it was more a masala and then they had the creamy sauce on top of the masala and it was a really beautiful mix and it tasted lovely. But yeah, I would get judgment every time because clearly I had that the first time because I've never had a curry and I'm in my 20s. Sure. I don't want to take it easy. Fair enough. Happened to really like it. Let's stick with it. Let's not deviate from the past.

Everywhere else, do you always get butter chicken now? No, I generally avoid it now because everywhere else I've gone, it's been a huge let down. Sure. Because it is just more bland and more creamy than it was there. There it was spicy, but not in a hot way. It had a lot of flavour and a lot of spices. I'm not into hot stuff. So I mean, like flavour wise hot. I like hot food. I don't get to demand all my food. Say all your choices are free. Pop that in the fridge first, please for half an hour. No, yeah. So everywhere else I've gone, I then understood why I get judgment of choosing butter chicken because when I had it in other

places, I was like, it's just like a creamy, sickly chicken. In that place, it was special. That place, I did it really well. Yeah. So, yeah. Imagine that. The first you have a dish that everyone thinks is pretty bland, but you have it the best that anyone's ever made it in the world and you just think it's the best meal ever. Yeah. And everyone else is judging me. And I said, I then had, we were on tour in Newcastle once and we went to a carrier. So I was like, all right, this is a tour as well. So I'm ready for judgment. I was like, this is going to be fun. I ordered it. Everyone's, oh, everyone else having the hottest thing on the menu. And then it came and I was like, you know what, you're right.

Yeah, fair point. Even though you've explained it now, I'm still, I'm still judging you for the butter chicken. It's mad, isn't it? Although I'd like to try this original butter chicken. Yeah. That's what I'm referring to as the original butter chicken. You've got poppadoms. Yes. Now, don't fill up on them. That's key, isn't it? Yeah, I won't. Don't fill up on the poppadoms because now we're going to the starter. But are you being the waiter, James? Yes. So you need to come and take the order, don't you? Well, actually, first of all, would you like a drink before we get your starter? Good point. Yes, I'm going to start on just, on just, just water. I like a water with a meal.

Is that genuine? That's true. Just a water's fine. Stale sparkling. I might spice things up later on and order an alcoholic drink. Okay. At the moment, I'm going to start on the water because I want, I don't want anything to influence the flavors that I'm about to take in. I don't want to set a palette that's then hard to deviate from like cleaning your teeth before a glass of orange juice. Now, this is a real good intro into the starter. So you're having water to not, to not interrupt the flavors of the starter. Yes. Still sparkling or tap. A tap is fine. Yeah, I'm the same. I'm a tap guy. I'm fine with tap. Still, but you know, there's, there's an element of, of Essex cheapness that I'm like, well, still and tap are the same

thing just at a different price. So I'll take the cheaper of the two tap. But yeah, the starter, I'm going for what is, and I will not have any argument on this. What, what is the best starter ever? And it's the reason I went for popcorn rather than bread because I'm going for garlic bread with cheese because it is the best starter ever. No matter what meal you're having, it's the best starter ever. There's more fancy starters. There's nothing as good. And I'm asking the waiter to pop down specifically to get pizza hut garlic bread with cheese. So it's not just a pizza that's garlicky and cheesy. It's slices. It's individual slices with the cheese melted beautifully on top. Yeah. It's the best, it's the best starter and I won't have any.

I can see why you went with the water now. You wouldn't want anything influencing the flavor of the pizza hut. The continental flavor of garlic bread with cheese. Because you have picked a starter whose flavor could punch through any drink. Pretty much, pretty much. But I really want it to punch through nothing. Are we allowing guests to say they won't have any argument on it? I think so. I think that's the sort of level of passion. That's the level of passion we require from our guests. Yeah, that is true actually. I'm the first one. So it is undisputed at this stage. Yeah. So maybe the next guest. The future of the podcast is to dispute it. It's one of my, I watch a lot of mixed martial arts and my brother's main annoyance is at the start

of a title fight. They'll say, they'll introduce someone as the undisputed champion. It's like, we're literally here to dispute that. Because you literally, why are we all watching? This is a dispute of that and introduce the undisputed champ. No, it is being disputed in front of us now. So in the present, there's no one here to battle me. So it is undisputed. Garlic bread with cheese is the undisputed champion. What, with a pizza hut garlic bread with cheese, what is the cheese on top of it? It's normally a mozzarella. They for a period had four cheese mixed cheese, which was mozzarella. I think it was a red Leicester and a cheddar. I worked in pizza out for a little while in the kitchen. That's the best option. The mixed cheese is the best

option because the milk is just a little bit nicer. It's a little bit creamier. It's a smoother milk. So that's what you'd like me to get you. Yes. Yes. The cheese. Yes. I believe they stopped doing it five to 10 years ago, but if you could, they're probably a magical restaurant. I can get you whatever you want for whatever time period. Time is no issue in this restaurant. Yes. Get you whatever. Beautiful. How many slices are you getting with this? I'm going to go for four. I'm going to do a full order, eat it myself. I can handle it. I can take it. I'm confident in myself. Now, I'd say this is part of getting garlic bread with cheese from Pizza Hut. Would you like it brought in the box? Because I think part of it is some of the cheese may be caking

onto that weird little cardboard thing at the bottom and the grease forming a circle on the bottom of the box. I would like it in the box. In fact, I'd like James to have a seat. I'm going to go and get it myself because I like to eat one or two before it gets to the table. I like to collect it from Pizza Hut because I've not got a Pizza Hut that delivers as we heard. Only Domino's is my local. So if I want Pizza Hut, I have to drive to it. On the drive home, a slice or two isn't making it home. Let's just say that. Yeah, we're having it in the car. People in my house think they come in orders of two. I think the grease is giving you away there, though. So it's definitely like a shadow of grease where you can see like a chalk line

around the body. You know what's been there. Flame that they moved around a bit in the car. Yeah, I must have been there and then slid. I mean, and the crumbs in my beard is a tell-sale driving isn't easy for clean eating. Garlic breath, everything about it. It's quite obvious. The rouse is up. My issue with getting that as a starter when you get it from Pizza Hut or somewhere like that is then you eat that and it sort of carbs you up so much the more time you get to a pizza, you don't enjoy the pizza as much as you want. It's weird with pizza or generally with fast foods. So anything chocolatey in dessert, I don't seem to have a limit on them. I think it's partly because as unhealthy as

my choices are going to be in the week, I eat really healthy and then at weekends, I eat whatever I want. So I don't seem to have a limit on it. I seem to be able to eat all of that garlic bread. But before now, and I won't be doing it today, before now, in fact, I say before now, almost more regularly than ordering a pizza now, I'll just pop in a little starter's order. From Domino's or Pizza Hut, I'll order only starters. I'll order, you know, I'll go tapas. I'll go tapas at Pizza Hut. I'll have some chicken wings. I'll have some garlic breads. I might have, they do a macaroni cheese at Pizza Hut now. From Domino's, I might go twisted dough balls. Who knows? Just a few starters. Is that your favourite course then? I reckon it

must be, yeah. All the courses. You're a starters guy. I think it is, which makes it all the more impressive that when compiling this list, it's the only one that I only had one option on. All the others, still written on my phone are two options. So I'm that undecided. I'm still, I'm going to wait until the waiter comes and call it on the day. But all the rest, I've got a almost a tie for first place. Starter was the only one that was like, well, there's nothing better than cheesy garlic bread. From Pizza Hut three years ago. From Pizza Hut three years ago. I think it's a, that is a solid first choice. I like garlic bread that you can tear apart. You know, look at a baguette of garlic bread that you can tear it. My issue with those is that

because they're sort of half or three-quarters sliced through the baguette, often there's a little dry bit of bread at the bottom where the garlic butter hasn't reached. Whereas the slices of garlic bread with cheese, there's garlic butter everywhere. Or the often popular in pubs, the tear and share garlic bread. So it's just a big thing that is there for you to tear. I like to have that. I'll, I'll, I'll have, it's the only time in fact I have mayonnaise. I'm not a mayonnaise man, but better ketchup, better mayonnaise, a double dip, because the shares are suggestion. You have tear garlic bread. The tear is essential. The share part completely at your discretion. So I, yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll cross the streams. I'll dip in both and

uh, yeah. Dipping garlic bread in mayonnaise. Yeah. No, it's mad, is it? But it's, that is the, this is so many mind blowing. Yeah. That is the only time I've ever had mayonnaise. You've never? I've only ever had mayonnaise when tear, in fact, I can even say specific place, a pub around the back of festival leisure park in Basildon, tear and share garlic bread, ketchup and mayonnaise that double dipped. I'm not a mayonnaise man. It's never appealed to me. So that place in Basildon is the only place you'll, you've ever had mayonnaise. And you think you might have another butter chicken on your hands? Where if you go and have mayonnaise anywhere else and it's not as good? I think potentially. I

think potentially. And again, it's weird because they're similar with the butter chicken, which is the white creamy sauce over the masala in this place and mixing the red ketchup with the white mayonnaise. I think I have an issue with, I can only handle white stuff if it's mixed with red stuff. Yes. Which is a strange thing to realise. Let's pull that out on its own and put it on the internet out of context. Right, sorted. We've got, we've got garlic bread with cheese waiter. I'll let them know in the kitchen. And for a main, sir? Well, this is going to both surprise and disappoint. For the main, I'm going for a pizza because pizza is the best. He's actually doing it. But I'm going for something that I'm the only person who's ever had. And I

might have to come in the kitchen and make it for you. Because when I worked in pizza, I invented my name in real life is David Meads. Yeah. I stopped using that name not for stage, but when I worked in HMV, I was known as Pip. In loads of other places, I was known as Pip. But in pizza, I was still known as David Meads. And then I invented the Meads-y base. So I'm going to have a Meads-y base pizza. And the way I created that, and I'm waiting for myself to tell the kitchen how to make this. So I invited this down. You do, you do thin crust pizzas here, right? Yes. Just slap out a thin crust, sprinkle it with cheese and pop another thin crust on top of it. So we've got this cheese-in-case base. Now, the problem you're probably thinking there is,

but Pip, it's the cheese is going to bubble out of the sides. How do you seal that? Stuff the crust, mate. Stuff the crust, fold it over, stuff the crust. So we've got a stuffed crust. So cheese in the crust and in the base. And then the toppings, the sauce and the toppings on top. So you've got a stuffed base pizza. What cheese are you putting in there? Again, I've gone for the four cheese mix because it's, again, a smoother blend. It gives a nice smooth melt. So you've had that on the garlic bread. And now that's in the main course as well. Is that what you say cheese? I mean, I'm going to hear what the dessert's going to be. Is it going to be cheesecake? It's in the main course several times because it's in the base

and it's on top. So it's in the crust as well. Well, in the crust, they go for a more kind of a cheese string. And then you roll it over. You push down nicely to seal it and you run a little thing that perforates the base and seals it all in. You run that over. Tricks the trade. Then you put the sauce on. And yeah. So what sauce are you putting on? So your traditional tomato pizza sauce. And then I'm on toppings. Again, it's a controversial thing. Despite the monstrosity I've just created in front of you. I imagine the toppings could be another pizza base. Tiny pizzas, no. I'm traditional on toppings. I'm traditional on toppings because the habit in

the UK, again, this is the same as the people who at the Curry House are having the hottest curry available. Pizza or Domino's or wherever else are going, let's put some meatballs on it. Yeah. What's on a farm? Yeah, all of it on there. And including two of the vegetables, but only two, not many. Let's not mess things up. But in Italy, they always say that your sauce, your base and your cheese are the most important toppings. Then you should have one, maybe two other toppings. So I just go for ham. I'm just going to have ham on top of this. Because there's a lot in there already. So it's just cheese and ham. Referencing the simplicity of Italian cuisine, but you've stuffed the base and crust.

No, that's it. I had to highlight the monstrosity I'd built first, which is a very Americanized route of making pizza. But yeah, I'm going for that simplicity in the top end. Of respect in the tradition. Yeah. What size are we talking? The beauty of a Meadsy base is the thin crust bases are made in all sizes. So it's really optional. But I'll go for a medium. I'm quite peckish. So I'm going to have a medium all to myself. If I need to take some home in a box, I'll take some home in a box. Is a Meadsy base, have you had it cold in the morning before? I don't like cold pizza. I always reheat in the oven, not the microwave. The microwave

makes it go soft and floppy. The oven, if done within reasonable time, returns it to its former glory or slightly crispier. Then if you've ever tried this dry pan, medium heat, cheese down, really? I like that. Yeah, that makes sense. I think that would work for a Meadsy base as well. No, because it's like a dry pan. So you're not frying anything. You're just warming it. Just heating it. Melt the cheese again a little bit. Does it not stick to the pan? No. If you've got good pans, you shouldn't have that problem.

And if you're ordering from someone like Pizza Hut or something, the cheese never, it never goes so melty. It's almost liquid, does it? No, exactly. It's got like a solidified quality to it anyway. Well, that's good. That's what you did. I don't do it regularly, but I don't know why that is a thing you can do. I've never done it, but I now intend to. I mean, it's rare that I have a leftover, if I'm honest. Well, I was going to say.

Making a Meadsy base. You've put the work in, because only you can make it. Mate, I've put the work in. And I used to... Pizza is my favourite meal, is why it got in there. And I used to... When I got the job at Pizza Hut, my mum genuinely sat me down with little concern saying, but you love pizza and this might ruin it for you. It might be the thing that pushes you over the edge. And I ate it. You get a free pizza for lunch. Also, Pizza Hut do a thing called the buffet, which is, you know, you got your buffet there. And because of the amount you have to make, you prep some of them in advance.

There's any left over at the end of the day. There's no point in throwing them away, is there? And by chance, every shift I had, there was a large ham and cheese pizza left over at the end from the buffet. Is that as well as your pizza for lunch? That's as well as my pizza for lunch. I'll pop that in the oven to take that home. Provide for the family. Now that you're known as... I've become a man. Now that you're known as Scubius Pip, you've considered changing the name of the Meadsy base to like a Piperoni pizza? Come on. Piperoni pizza.

It suggests too much. A Piperi base or a Piperoni pizza suggests over there. Like you said, Piperoni pizza, you've got to admit that it felt good on the tongue, hasn't it? You said Piperoni pizza. I can see that you enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I like the Meadsy base. It never came into fruition. About five years after its creation, the Dominoes started doing a stuffed base pizza. See, I wasn't going to bring this up because I didn't want to rock the boat. I think they must have heard somehow. I genuinely, while I was working there, looked up the phone number for head office because I wanted to bring it up and say,

look, I've created this new pizza. I think it's got a future. There's a mole in our department. The Dominoes one, was it called the Dominator? The Dominator, yeah. Now, the problem with that stuffed base was it was like cream cheese? Cream cheese, yeah. It was horrible. Yeah, it was messy. Again, it was another one that I tried and enjoyed, but I wasn't particularly

drawn back many times. Dominoes have a history of that. They'll create inventive things. Speaking of which, this is just a plug for Dominoes now. I was so proud of them recently when I saw a new menu edition because Dominoes have an option of potato wedges. That's not that exciting, is it? You're getting a pizza. You've got the option of garlic bread, all this. They've just changed. They've just upped that. You can now order potato wedges with melted cheese on or with melted cheese and bacon. Instantly, 10 times more appealing. And it's stuff they've got anyway. They've not actually ordering anything extra there.

It's sitting there. They probably throw out a load of cheese at the end of each day that isn't used. I saw it and just went, well done, lads, because you've made that 10 times more appealing and you've spent nothing extra. I love it. You're proud of them. That is quite good. I have a question about the meaty base. Yes. How old were you when you invented it? So I guess I would have been 17 or 18. And who else has tried it? Only you? Only me. I'm the only one. No one else ever tried it. Have you ever shared it with anyone? Anyone ever taste? I did it with... But what do you make it?

I did it with individuals, so a personal pizza. So imagine that stuffed. There's not a lot left for toppings. No, it's mainly base. When the stuffed first came out, and the stuffed crust first came out, you could only get it in large. Only large, yes. And then again, it isn't me, because you can stuff any crust. Yes. Trust me. It's stuffed and crust. It's stuffed and crust. But you're an innovator. You were working at the top of your game.

I genuinely feel that we've got something good here. Let's keep it on a maximum premium. Because people who want a stuffed crust will order a stuffed crust when they might have been going, they might have previously thought, I'll have a medium. But oh, I want a stuffed crust. I'll go large and reheat it in the morning or whatever else. And you're spending a load more. If it was an option on a medium, people would take that, believe me. Yeah, absolutely. Right. It's a good meal so far. Very good, sir. It's going okay, isn't it?

The meaty base, writing that down. You must be feeling pretty full, but you've got to order a side. A side, yes. A side for the meaty base? Potato wedges with cheese and bacon. But guess what? Cheese is making an appearance again. Is it the cheese mix again? It's not done when I had it unbelievable before you came in.

It's not from Pizza Hut. This is a shock. It's not from Pizza Hut. It's from Camden Market. Is it off the curb or something? They have their little bit, which is all food from around the world. Obviously, I owned in on where I had cheese. And they do these halloumi fries that have got pomegranate sprinkled on, and some mint sauce, and all sorts of stuff like that. I'm just going to stop here. This is very interesting, because in the meeting previous to this recording,

James said we should establish an ingredient that if it gets mentioned, then we kick the guest off with the show. Today's ingredient was genuinely pomegranate seeds. Pomegranate seeds, really? It's the only place I've ever had them as well. I'm not going to force it. Well, I'm not going to kick you off it, but I can't believe they actually came up. You said the ingredient.

But what's interesting here is the first two times I had these, I said I didn't have the pomegranate seed. I'm quite a picky orderer. There'll rarely be something on the menu that I'm satisfied is the right way to put that together. But I'm like, well, no, let's leave that off of it, or let's add that. So as you've seen, we have the invention of the Meadsey base. The first few times I went to this place,

everyone's just having it. They've got these seeds drizzled on this mint stuff. And I was always like, no, I'll just have the halloumi fries. There was some kind of green sauce mixed on other than that. I'm fine. And it was after a while, I went for the pomegranate seed. So I'm happy to leave them off if it gets me through to dessert. My problem with them is it's like eating bits of gravel.

They do get stuck in your teeth. Yeah. I don't like the texture of them. So when I'm like eating a lovely salad and they've been snuck in there. Yeah, yeah. And then I get one popping in your mouth. I feel like they're more about look than they are about taste. I couldn't agree more.

Absolutely, you call it like a jeweled couscous or something. And it'll look like, yeah. But once you actually bite down into them. It's like nothing there. Or when they put gold on stuff. So some desserts will have gold flakes sprinkled on it. It's just to look for some vodka or a lot of bits of gold. Yeah, yeah.

So I'm just here for the vodka, not the gold. So the first bites with the eye, but all the other bites with your teeth and mouth. Yeah, yeah. And I do not like the pomegranate. Let's not focus solely on the first bite. That's a small percentage of the bites, depending on how much you chew. The halloumi fries I'm well on board with. They're amazing.

Yes, absolutely. Talk us through them. It's just simple. It's slices of halloumi that they've probably coated in something a bit. And then they've deep fried it. And halloumi is something that I came to late, as all of the UK did, I feel. And it feels like it's something that came out of nowhere. And everyone went, who's been keeping this a secret?

This seems to be a running thing for you though. Coming to cuisine quite late in your life. Did you eat gruel until 18? It's because of the pickiness and the blandness. Genuinely, from the age of about 13 or 14 is when I started to kind of make my own meals if I wanted to. But definitely from 13 or 16, I probably went 10 years and I would eat fruit of vegetables once, maybe twice a year.

Wow. Wow. I'm not exaggerating at all. I would live off pizza and meat. And that was it. Wow. Simple as that. I would generally have veg as a Christmas present to my mother.

So it's Christmas. All right, let's have some veg on the plate. Otherwise, I mean, potato doesn't count as a vegetable. No, I don't count that. It's its own food group. So yeah, but then when I got a bit older, I realised that there's all this good food that can be healthy and tasty. I've not chosen any of it today.

But it does exist. And yeah, I kind of... I feel like that's a good way of doing it though. Because I think if you do eat all that stuff when you're younger, you don't have that magical moment when you're an adult, when you realise you're like a whole other world of food. Yeah. And believe me, I wouldn't change a thing.

Because at that age, I had the metabolism to deal with that. Yeah, of course. That's the perfect time to be absolutely appallingly. And then when you get a bit older, go, oh, look, here's some healthier stuff that's tasty. If I'd had that early and got bored of it, it'd be a far bigger struggle now. Whereas as I've come to it, as I'm getting a bit older and the metabolism, it's taken a little more effort, it's perfectly timed.

I think this is a question that applies to the majority of the UK, and I think we'll have a good discussion around it. What's your record at a Pizza Hut buffet? Me? Now, obviously, you were behind the scenes a lot, so... Me and my mate Steve, who worked with me at Barley Corn Home Stores in Basildon, we would have a contest and we would give points. It was a point per slice, a point for garlic bread.

No, they didn't have garlic bread. The kicker was we'd give a point for each of the big breadsticks that they do at the buffet. Right, okay, yeah. That was a mistake because that's not equal to a slice of pizza. That's half a point, really, yeah. So he scored 21. Wow. My best score was 18, I believe.

I think we gave a point for a pint of drink. So it was generally a point for every element. Yeah, a point of drink. Yeah, so my score was 18. I'd say at least 10 of that was slices of pizza, probably 12. I wasn't big on... I was there for the game rather than the score. So whilst I could get...

I could have got a better score filling up on breadsticks, but what kind of lunch break is that? Exactly. Yeah, she still wanted to have a nice time. Also, I will add that Pizza Hut buffet was, for a long while, my favourite place to do a runner from and not pay. Is that when you're working there as well? No, no, it was after.

I went for a phase of really begrudging paying for food. Pizza Hut buffet was a real favourite of mine. Again, I think part of it was the guilt free element, knowing how much goes in the bin. So my consumption can just count as wastage. And my technique was flawless. I do it on my own more often than not. The first time I did it, I'd got my first job as a photographer

and my first paid job and I got paid something like three or four grand, which was insane for an 18, 19-year-old. I'm a photographer now and it blew my mind. And I went... Again, it's an illustration of my cheap taste to treat myself. I went for a Pizza Hut buffet to celebrate. And the real illustration of my treatness is, with that check in my pocket, I still chose to do a runner.

And my technique is on arrival. And I don't know if they've changed it, but so many of the buffet bars are quite near the front door. So my technique is eat as much as I want, then walk up to the buffet with my plate, just look for a bit. Place the plate on the sides and just walk out the door. I'm never up to run. It was always a very casual, just stroll up, have a look.

And often a pizza or a buffet pro knows that you will get some some lingers who are waiting for new pizzas to come out. A new one is coming. So no one turns a blind eye if you're hanging around up there for a bit. So I'll hang around until people, I've almost become invisible because they assume I'm just waiting for a new pizza. Then just pop that down, stroll out the door. Much of the time, I think it would be so easy to do that anywhere.

I really enjoyed it for a bit. But the last thing became a buzz. It became a buzz. You've got to walk, haven't you? The last thing you want to do after a pizza or a buffet is run. Exactly. A casual stroll. And then, yeah, walk out. Got a way of it numerous times.

At the time, we were trying to catch a waiters eye to try and ask for the bill and then ignoring you. And then you think, I could just get up and walk out. And nobody would stop you. Frankie and Benny, he's on a date. Frankie and Benny's. And we were waiting to try and pay for a good 15 minutes. And then I realized that my waiter had finished his shift and just gone.

So I said to the girl I was on the date with, don't wait in the car because I didn't want her to have anything embarrassing. I was like, yeah, you get out of the car. I'll be out in a minute. And then I got up, I walked out. I said goodbye to everyone on my way out. And I said, I'll see you later. Thanks a lot. That was lovely.

Bye. Thanks a lot. That was beautiful. I walked out and got in my car and went home. Frankie and Benny's at the Festival Ledger Park in Baselton. What a date as well. Yeah, yeah. I was happy with it. I was driving away. One of the waiters said to the other,

that's the guy invented the Meadsy Bench. Yeah, yeah. And the young lady obviously got to go, well, a good meal. And he's a rebel. Look at this rebel. Did you tell her that you're going to run or did you make out you just paid for it? No, I was fine with that. I was, I was quite proud.

So you're not? I'm also next to this car. Because every runner I've ever done was done with intelligence rather than physical prowess or speed. It's always been a calm and casual one. So there is a feel of achievement. I once, this is terrible confessions, but I was once chased by the police.

Yeah, this is weird, isn't it? I used to do some illegal stuff. I'm such a chance of running away. I used to just spray on walls. I did stenciling. And one time a police car came and we ran and we got kind of away into some woods and we stashed our stuff and kind of took our hoodies off and then walked out.

And as we're walking along, the police car was coming towards us. So I started to walk a tightrope along the pavement and then staggered and bumped into the police car as if I was drunk. And they just went, where are you guys after? I just got home at a good night and they went, we'll go straight home and don't cause any trouble. They were looking for us. But again, through my intelligence,

I felt rather than any physical prowess or anything else, it's what's led me to act in now. But that was it. It was that moment of rather than seeing them and going, run, saw them and went, be a drunk on the way home. They just don't have to treat us that buffet. Yeah. My day you go boys, be careful.

By the way, there's some stencils around. Yeah, was there another drink? What's your favorite drink of all time, water? Well, that's the thing. There's a drink that I would order now. It's not my favorite drink of all time. My favorite drink of all time is Robinson's High Juice. It's not available anymore.

The orange one. I drunk it constantly as a kid. It had an unusual shape and a green top. It was lovely. It wasn't as sweet as the squashes. It felt a bit more fresh. I would drink that morning, noon and night. We've got it in the kitchen if you want it.

I would dip biscuits in it. This shocks people. And is this your dessert? No, I'm not going for it. Dip your biscuits in high juice. You didn't try Mayonnaise to you in your 20s. It makes sense, doesn't it? I was distracted by dipping Bourbon biscuits

in Robinson's High Juice. Would you dip Tarrinshire Garlic Bread in Robinson's High Juice? I would not. I'm not an animal. It's like a chocolate orangey thing. I'm an adult now. So I'm not going to have Robinson's High Juice.

You're having Garlic Bread with Cheese for starters. Yes, exactly. At the beauty base for you, mate. So why not order a glass of Scroobius? Oh, here we go. It's his own drink now as well. Yeah, most popular new cocktail of 2017. Fantastic.

I invented it on the drunk cast on my own podcast. And the original manifestation of it is quite simple and it's going to blow your mind with fury what I'm doing here. It's Gin and Pepsi Max. I think I've heard you talk about this. See, it's legendary. It's legendary. But recently, I upgraded it.

So on the drunk cast, there's Chris and Stu, who did the Hardcore Listing podcast. Stu got one over to the Scroobius. The first episode is where everyone was like, oh, it's the worst drink ever. And then off mic, he'd go, can you pour me a drink? And I started it, but Chris was to the end. It's the worst drink ever.

Then we went on a little, a weekend away recently, and I had Scroobius 2018, which was Slingsbury Rhubarb Gin in Pepsi Max. Chris had some of that and was like, he went quiet for a bit. And I was like, oh, something good going on here. And then he had to reluctantly admit, he's like, that's really tasty. That's a really, you've turned a disgusting drink into a wonderful drink.

So I'll go for a Scroobius 2018, Slingsbury Rhubarb Gin, Rhubarb Gin, Jesus, and Pepsi Max. So good serving of ice, please, sir. Will that go with the meal? Do you think? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. All of the flavours I have in my meal

will punch through anything, despite my statement about water. So they stand alone. They do, absolutely. Single or a double? A double. Why not a YOLO? Yeah. Is it a double though?

Because it sounds like the sort of thing is just home measures, so it probably ends up being a quadruple. Yeah, it's just poor a bit. Just poor some. By letting you in the kitchen again to make your own? Yes, if you could. Behind the bar this time. Take the night off, my friends.

The access to the whole restaurant. Get down, get comfy. I like fizzy drinks when they go flat. Yeah, I have people look at me judgmentally when I pour myself a Pepsi Max, because I just sling it. And then they go, you know, you meant to tilt the glass? Of course, I was like, no, if I sling it, it fizzes up, and then a lot of that fizz disperses,

so I have it slightly more flat from the get-go. It's why I pour from quite a height to get maximum explosion of fizz, to soften it slightly. It's not an accident. People look at me as if I'm pouring Pepsi Max for the first time. Yeah, which, let's face it, for a few, is a possibility. Come on, it's not mayonnaise. Absolutely a possibility that whatever you're eating or drinking,

it might be a first. You didn't pour Pepsi Max until you're 20s in Basildon. Yeah, as a Christmas present to you, Matt. Didn't pay for it. Yeah, so with this Scribius 2018, do you want it a bit flat? Yeah, yeah, so pour it from a decent height. A lot of ice again always dilutes it a little. People like these ice cubes now that are kind of in plastic,

so it doesn't... Yeah, those rocks. I'm against it. I'm against it. It's like, no, I want the water. That's part of it. Yeah, and then the ice at the end crunch the ice at the end. I've had people as well.

Yeah, I'll have a bit of a crunch on the ice. I mean, I'm normally topping up for round two, but... Absolutely. You know, if we need to roll that out. I've heard you can't just have one Scribius 2018. No, exactly. No, no, perfectly. What's your pip?

You can't stip. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm getting it Scribius, I said it. I like it. So, I'm not proud of that.

So, dessert. Yeah. Licking my pen. Now, I'm going to ask you, if you could, to just quickly pop across to the cinema, because I want Ben and Jerry's, but I have a specific three scoops from the scoop station. And again, I've discussed this once or twice on the podcast, and it got a lot of laughter, but I do a bit of acting here as well, because I know the three scoops I want.

Yes. But I also know the order I want them in. Right. But that's a bit embarrassing to say. So, literally every time I go, I look as if I'm making my mind up. When they go three scoops, I go, oh, I'll have chocolate fudge brownie, because I don't want to say the three and then put them in the wrong order. Yeah, sure.

So, I say, I'll have chocolate fudge brownie. So, that's the base. Yeah. Peanut buttercup. Yeah, absolutely. Scooping it up for you now. And then there's some variations, because they did the, there's essentially variations of cookie ones.

So, it'll either be half baked, or it'll be the cookie dough mix, switch up. And there's variations. So, whichever one of them is, is the third scoop to go on top. Yeah. That's good, because you've got three flavours that complement each other, I would say, and that kind of belong in the same Ben and Jerry's family. Yeah. Whereas when I'm getting three scoops from the cinema, and I do always get three scoops,

I just want three wildly different, because it's like I'm asking for three different ice creams. Yeah. And so, I go like, I normally would go cherry Garcia. Right. And I'd probably also have the cinnamon bun one. That's a good choice, though. Cinnamon bun's good. Yeah.

And then an Ed, it's going to be furious, although Ed might recently come around to it, but I'd get the chunky monkey. Right. I don't like, broadly, I don't like artificial banana flavour. Okay. I like a banana, but I don't think science has managed to capture the flavour of a natural banana in artificial flavouring yet. Fair comment.

It's an interesting one, because the small banana sweets at Pick-A-Mix. The foam ones. Yeah. I would say it's not recreating. No, not at all. The red banana. It's it's improving upon it. Oh, wow.

It's improving upon the natural flavour. I'm pushing over the edge of this one. I feel, you feel like man has improved upon God's bananas. I feel bananas have never managed to capture the taste of cinema Pick-A-Mix red bananas. They've never managed to fully capture it and really get the sugariness and get it across for me. So it's a shame that the guy who invented bananas has not managed to capture Pick-A-Mix. Really not nailed it for the Pick-A-Mix.

It's terrible. But yeah, I create them as if I'm making a Sunday more than three individual flavours. But do you have sauce and stuff on them? No, I don't go for sauce and that. I don't think there's I don't think there's any need for that on Ben and Jerry's. I think they make enough. There's enough in them. There's enough in them.

The flavours there are sauces almost unnecessary. My girlfriend used to work at a cinema Ben and Jerry's stands and I love like there's a hole you have to go through training to get the scoop properly and stuff. But it was always very annoyed when someone would order one of those core ones. Yeah. Because there's so much stuff they have to do to get the core out and then put the sauce in and put the ice cream on top. Yeah, I genuinely the last time it's just given me a little flashback to the last time

I was genuinely speechless that I was in the I was having ice cream at the at the Cineworld in Leicester Square. I remember the place. Yeah. I'm not going to say the member of staff's name. It's stuck with me. She's scarred me. But I'm doing me.

I'm doing me usual routine. Yeah. I've gone. I'll have the chocolate fudge brownie and she scooped that and I've gone. Peanut buttercup. And then she started to get it and she struggled because of our frozen it is. Which happens. Yeah.

That's a thing. Sure. But then she's given up and said, it's too frozen. What? What would you like instead? No, it's not too frozen. And I was just like. Because that was what I wanted.

Yeah. That was it. And it's there. She's like, it's too frozen. What do you want a different one? And I was like. And that's not an excuse for not getting you an ice cream. That it's too cold.

I genuinely was. Yeah, exactly. That's a bit cold. I was genuinely I didn't know what to do. There was there was rage but also politeness overcoming me because I'm in public and it was like it was it was a time I wanted a way to kind of have to let me come around and serve myself. Yeah.

I would have gone. The trailers haven't even started yet. I can have I'll have 10 minutes on that. I'll get a scoop out of that. I'll get to it. Yeah. Yeah. You can be fine.

But yeah. She's going to have been through training. I was stunned. I was genuinely stunned. I was like. Did you have a different one? Did you replace it with something? I did.

I replaced because I. Do you remember what you replaced it with? False the poor young lady to injure herself. I guess you can't. Yeah. She had weak arms. Yeah. Made for scooping ice cream.

Yeah. My girlfriend went there for a couple of months and after a couple of months like had a more developed bicep on her right arm because it's a fair scoop. But yeah, I thought it was tough. I went straight to the cookie one. Yeah. I didn't know what I wanted on top of that because that's the ending. What would go on the top of it?

That's the ending. My panic. I've skipped to the end. Did you go for another chocolate first brownie made? I think I went for a chocolate mint one or something and and mints are when it's still chocolate. So it's still mixes in. But yeah.

I found mint ice cream has become my favorite ice cream to have in a banana split. And I know you probably won't like the bananas because they're not as good as the original banana ice cream and shape it into the shape of a banana. Yeah. But put line up a bunch of foam banana pick and mix either side of some scoops of mint ice cream. Because the beauty of foam bananas is they come already split.

That's the beauty of that creation. You don't have to peel them. So clever. And not the other way they've trumped the banana. I've improved upon it so much. Right. So let's with the three. Should we recap the meal?

Yeah. Yeah. I think we should do that. I think that should be a make sure I got this order right before going to the kitchen. Yeah. Oh, so are you taking the full order, including dessert and then you're going to the kitchen? Unconventional. Have you been here in a meeting?

No, you have not. So yeah, that's what I'm doing. I want to make sure we get it all right. Yeah. You see. So you were like Papa Dubs to start and fought with four mango chutney dips. Yes, please. And you would like a tap water?

Yes. Thank you. Starter. I've got here a cheesy garlic bread. I mean, I would have liked the tap water before we started the 40 minute conversation of taking the full order. But that's fine. Let's let's continue on. This is just a note for the future.

I'll remember that for next time. Starter. You got cheesy garlic both from Pizza Hut from three or four years ago with the mixed cheese. Yes. In the box. In the box. In the box, please. Yeah.

Main course. I've got here a meaty base written down. Ham meaty base. Yes. That's great. And that's a medium. You like that medium size? Yes.

Thank you. And with the side of Halumi fries from Camden Market. Yep. Thank you. Hold the pomegranates? Yeah. Hold them. Absolutely.

You're allowed to stay. And the dessert we've got here, the, well, your drink for one is the Scroobius 2018. Yes. Yes. The 2018 edition. Yes, please. As fast as possible. It was a good year for the Scroobius.

Yeah. With your own measure of gin. Yes. And home measure of gin. And then dessert. We have a pomegranate to the cinema. And we're getting you three scoops of Ben and Jerry's ice cream in this order. Chocolate for the brownie.

And then peanut butter cup. And then whatever cookie one that they have. Yes. Yes, correct. Correct. That sounds like a great order. I mean, that's perfect. It's also, I've essentially asked for a job really.

Because it's all stuff that I want to prepare myself. Yeah. You're going to have to prepare yourself. You're going to have to prepare yourself. Specific measures. All of this is like, are you implying that you're taking on stuff at the moment? You know what you like. I know what I like.

If you were only allowed one of those things. Yeah. What would it be? It would be the ice cream. Because I have regularly had ice cream for breakfast. I've had ice cream for lunch. We've had ice cream for dinner. My heart is beating.

It can be, it can be all three. I've had ice cream at my own heart. Yeah, you're really on James's page there. I don't, I don't have a limit on ice cream. Ice cream is something when you hear of people having ice cream eating competitions. It's something that I'd like to get involved with. Because I, I've done two tubs of Ben and Jerry's in a row in an evening. Wow.

For no competition. I had one weekend where over the weekend I had, I think it was four tubs. But I counted, I got in late on the Friday night. So technically it was the, exactly. But within 48 hours, I had four, maybe five tubs. Wow. Yeah. Um, yeah, I don't have a limit on it.

Eating ice cream drunk is a real big danger for me. If I get home and I have to have ice cream in the freezer. That is going to go. And I'm not, and I'm going to wake up the next morning and I won't remember eating it. And that, that'll be what will really annoy me. Yeah. I basically just put all the calories in me and without any of the actual members. Me and James went on holiday to New York together a few months ago.

And he was determined to buy an ice cream cake. I never had one before. Never had one before. And then one night we were walking back and he went, I'm going to go get an ice cream cake. And this was about one in the morning. We were like, I don't know where he's going. He's going to come back empty handed.

He crashed through the door about half an hour later, holding a full family size Baskin Robbins ice cream cake. Yes. Just sat down and ate it with a spoon. You see, my second choice on the desserts was Millie's cookies do cookie cupcakes. Oh yeah. And the cookies are great. I love a good cookie.

A Millie's or a Ben's. You know, I like that they've got their own strengths. But the cookie cupcakes, it's similar. The beauty of it is it's all about the chocolate kind of fondant type stuff that's just in there. So it's similar. You're just getting, the cookie has become just a receptacle for a whole load of this icing. Yes. And it's, yeah, it's a beautiful thing.

I always like to think that Millie and Ben used to be married. Yeah. And then they split up and set up separate cookie operations. Yeah. And Millie, I reckon they started Millie's together. Yeah. Because Ben took a while then because I can't just do the same. And he came up with this thing of just having the chocolate in one big chunk and then all this.

But yeah, I think that's it. I think they started Millie's together and then split up. And he's like, well, oh, I can't just make her cookies. He has to get over the divorce and everything in a lot on his plate. Well, you know what, this is the first meal we've done. And I think it's some solid choices. I like how passionate you've been about each of your selections. Yeah.

And I think it's going to be hard to beat. I appreciate that. Can I just give you the one that got pushed off? Because there was another chain. Honorable mention. It was another chain. Honorable munch shun. I like it.

That won't necessarily stay, but I think that's going to stay. Ben's writing it down. He's writing down all the munch shun things he's got to cut out or make jingles for. Yeah. So years and years ago, not far from here, actually, off Leicester Square. No, off Trafalgar Square. There was a Wendy's Burger place. Do you remember Wendy's?

They did square burgers and it was this hand made, just real nice. The first time I toured America, they have Wendy's over there. And I was like, I've got to go there. And I went there every time and I've had in and out burger over there. All these ones that people hype, I think Wendy's is the best. And Wendy's do a burger called the Baconator, which is two, two, you've got a choice of two, three or four patties, cheese, bacon and ketchup. And that's it.

But it's these square patties and it's delicious. So I was tempted to go for the Baconator as the main, but it would have meant I couldn't have had the halloumi fries as the side because they also come with a Baconator fries, which again, it's just a big tray of fries smothered in cheese and bacon. And it's just, I couldn't have had the two or the other. So it's why. So it's just the side dish pushed it out rather than the main. But the Baconator fries are wonderful.

But yeah, it's genuinely my big treat when I go to America. It was that and pink, pinkberry for a while. Oh yeah. The fries are frozen yours. Because again, they weren't over here at all. And the particular spot in LA, there's a Wendy's there and the pinkberry is like a five minute walk, which in my mind has walked off the burger. Yeah, yeah.

Especially if it's hot. You really feel like you're balanced out. Yeah. Back to zero on the calories. And genuinely the amount of times I've, I always go in on my own. Yeah. You know what I'm saying, mate? They don't want to go somewhere nice or go somewhere special.

And it will be every trip I've done to America now. I'll go at some point at least once on my own. And last time it was the night I got there. I've got this really weird Airbnb experience where I got there and all the, everything was, everything had glowing lights underneath it. So all the surfaces had glowing lights. He left a note. There were some guitars on the wall in case I want to vibe with that.

Which made me incredibly uncomfortable. And I was jet lagged and it had been this weird trip. And I literally, I walked out and it was open all night that night. And I just sat in there at midnight on my, me and some homeless people. They would say to bake an eight with bacon and fries and a large drink. And then I went back and vibed with that guy's guitar. Lovely. Oh, lovely.

Pinkberry is great. So it's build your own Ben and Jerry's. Yeah. That's what I found. It basically is. Really? Yeah. You just, there's cookie dough.

There's cookie dough. There's brownies, all sorts of stuff. I really, I like it a lot. It'd be more difficult to get your order though. Yeah. Because you'd have to build three separate ice creams. You'd have to do a lot of that to get it. Oh, okay.

Actually put some more fries and yogurt on top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have to walk in going, I'll be there in a minute guys. Yeah, yeah. Three please. And then start with my fictional order for me and my friends. And then how are your friends just coming? No, no, no, no.

They're outside. Three smalls. And then you go, I'm just going to take these out to the guys and get the money and then never come back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So get in the car to your date who's waiting for you. Just drive. Just drive while I, all three of these.

Oh, did you want something? Thank you very much, Pitt. Thank you, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much. And you are welcome here anytime. If you want to leave a tip for me, I'd appreciate it. Here's the bill. Thank you very much.

It's actually on Ed. Ed's paying for it. Excellent. I don't think Pitt needs to leave a tip because he's done all of the work himself. So. Oh yes, I'll tip you. Here's a fine one.

And Ed, can I interest you in a run-on? That was it. Episode one. Mmm. Mmm. Is that something we should do off the back of the go? Yum, yum, yum. That hit the spot.

There we go. So we've got Bon Appetit to open every episode. And then yum, yum, yum. That hit the spot after every episode. Perfect. Good catchphrase. What a great first guest. Such a great first guest.

Very open. Very gave us so much information on his choices. Really let us delve into his mind and stomach. I thought you were about to say he really let us down. Oh no. He did on the pomegranate side. He said pomegranate. But then we let him stay in the restaurant

because he agreed to have it not on. Have not, not, not pomegranate. He took them off. The halloumi fries, which is good. I think that's gone very well, James. And I think this is the start of a beautiful podcast. I think so. I feel like it's the start of a beautiful podcast.

I think everyone, I mean, you know, what can't you hear? If you look like that, why are you listening to podcasts? That's great. And if we keep booking guests of that caliber, I think we're, we're really going to last. Yeah. We have got some absolute humdingers lined up. We've got some real humdingers lined up. So if you enjoyed it, please subscribe on iTunes

or wherever you listen to your podcasts, write reviews. That's important, isn't it? Tweet about it. Tweet about it. Yeah. Tell your friends. Let us know what your favorite dishes are.

Yeah. Direct all that to James. Yeah. Let James know what your favorite dishes are. Yeah. And if you disagree with any of the favorite dishes that our guests have picked. Absolutely.

The main thing is subscribe on iTunes, share it around, tell your friends, play it loudly in restaurants. Also want to listen to Scrooge's Pips podcast. Distraction pieces. You are good at plugging, man. Pretty good at plugging. Yeah.

If you like James Acaster, which you really should, he's got, he's got four comedy specials on Netflix. I have. Not bad for a genie waiter. Now that is going to get, if you've not seen James's specials, things are going to get even more confusing when you watch them.

James Acaster, genie waiter, undercover cop, jury service. Yeah. Try and unpick it. Enjoy those. But for now, that was episode one of Off Menu with their government and James Acaster. We will see you next time with another fantastic guest and more yummy treats.

Oh, I want, no, I can't say that. You don't want to end on more yummy treats? More yummy treats. I sound, or sound like a perv. Does sound a little bit pervy, actually. I don't really know how to help you out of that one, Ed. Well, we'll just finish now and hope no one heard that bit. Yeah.

People might have switched off before now. Sorry about the yummy treats, everyone. Hello, it's me, Amy Gledhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith.

I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here, sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners, sure.

But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Gledhill's mum on every episode.

That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.