Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 104: Martin Freeman

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

This week’s episode takes An Unexpected Journey as BAFTA-winning actor Martin Freeman – star of ‘The Hobbit’, ‘Sherlock’, ‘Black Panther’ and Sky’s ‘Breeders’ – orders his dream meal. But what about that ‘Fargo’ accent, eh?Season 2 of ‘Breeders’ will land as a box set on Sky and be available to watch on Sky One and NOW TV from 27th May.Recorded by Ben Williams and edited by Naomi Parnell for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, opening the yoghurt of chat and licking the lid of humour. I'm Ed Gamble, and over there is James Acaster. Right, here's a thing, Ed. You normally take a while to think of those ones. And just then, Benito said, right, let's go. And you said that straight away. Yeah. Was that off the top of your head, or had you come into this recording session prepared? I thought about it just before we started recording. That's amazing. I was like, great. Because obviously, there's the old structure of there's some

humour involved, there's some chat involved. It's a sort of metaphor. But realised we've not done yoghurt yet. And I love a yoghurt. Well done, man. We've already got some merch out, but we should get some new merch and put that. Make a t-shirt that says, licking the lid of humour. Yeah, we should. And then, yes. Like a cartoon of the great Benito licking a yoghurt lid. Yeah, absolutely. That will be the main thing, him licking it and giving a little thumbs up because he loves it so much. This is a food podcast, James. It's a food podcast. And we ask a guest their favourite ever, start a main course dessert and side dish and drink. And this week's special guest is... Martin Freeman. Martin Freeman. I mean,

it's Martin Freeman. What else is there to say? He's got such a huge and brilliant and varied CV, James. Some of our favourite things. Yeah. Crazy man. The office. Fargo. Sherlock. The Hobbit. Black Panther. Start up never got the shout-outs it deserved. Yeah, this is exciting. We're going to ask him about food, but also, I plan to ask him about everything he's ever done. Are you going to nerd out as well? I'm going to nerd out. I don't care about it. Even though if he says a secret ingredient, I'll have to put the nerd in on hold and kick him out of the dream restaurant. And I'm not happy about that. I really hope he doesn't because the secret ingredient this week is Bombay Mix. Bombay Mix. I hate it. I've never

liked it. I remember the first time I had Bombay Mix, when I was a little boy and we were going to pick up a takeaway curry from a restaurant, and there was a big glass bowl of Bombay Mix. And I think my mum said, that's a snack. You can have a bit of that. And I put some in my mouth and I was like, this is unacceptable. What is this? My eight-year-old nephew has massively got into Bombay Mix during lockdown. Of course he has because he's a member of the A-Caster family. So he's an absolute weirdo. He was telling me over Zoom how much he loves Bombay Mix the other day, really. And he didn't know why I was finding it so funny, obviously, because he was telling me something that he likes. I love Bombay Mix.

I could eat a whole bag. He was saying something like that and I was really laughing. Also, Ed, I mean, in real time, again, I've just got another message on my phone. This is from my sister saying, Mr. Gamble is a ridiculous boy. Of course he could blow those seeds off of his plate because I think she's listening to the Jess Foster Q episode where you claim that you wouldn't be able to blow hemp seeds off of your plate. Someone's also just sent me a video of them blowing some seeds. So I'd imagine that you might get a lot of kickback. That's the thing. Sometimes we record the episode so far in advance that I've forgotten what we've talked about and then suddenly we'll get a volley of messages

saying like, you can blow seeds off a plate. Why did I claim I can blow seeds off a plate? You're very adamant at the time, I remember. I was making loads of seeds and you wouldn't be able to blow them off a plate. Anyway, enough seed chat. Yes. If Martin Freeman says Bombay Mix, we're kicking him out of the restaurant. And you know, when I was growing up watching The Office at university, I think I always knew that I'd say that phrase. Yes. Always destined to say that. Martin is in the second series of Breeders, a brilliant comedy show. And season two of Breeders will land as a box set on Sky and be available to watch on Sky One and Now TV from the 27th of May. So go get that. Watch it. Lovely stuff. But in the meantime, let's hear

this menu and pray he doesn't say Bombay Mix. Here is the dream. I don't know how to do this. Why are you trying to do it again? It's my bit that I do and you try to do it and you always mess it up. This is the off-menu. Humour. This is the off-menu menu of Martin Freeman. Martin Freeman, welcome to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you very much. Lovely to be here. Martin Freeman, welcome to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. I'm not that late, am I? No, not at all. You're actually our promptest guest on one of these. We arranged to start at 11 a.m. and we started at 11 o'clock. Oh, good. Well, I suppose you have a lot of comedians on, so that's probably why I'm an actor. We value timekeeping.

Yeah, exactly. Is that instantly shots fired? Actors are better than comedians. You put that out there. At some things and not at others. But yeah, I would say some things. Personal hygiene, discipline, timekeeping, without question acting, with some exceptions. There are some very good actors who are comedians. Generally, in the way that I just wouldn't assume I can be really good at football just because I've watched it, I think sometimes people think acting is easy. In the same way that I would for a moment think that getting up on a stage with a microphone is easy, not for one single second. Over the years, well, in the early years, people thought I was a comedian. Then people said, well, do you want to do stunt? No, because that's not a skill that I

want to acquire. I know it's hard. I know it's really hard. It's about a lot more than just being occasionally funny with your mates. An acting is, if you do it right, it looks deceptively easy and it ain't. Yeah, because of being in the comics, sometimes we get auditions. I've watched those on TV and I've seen people act. You've seen people act. And I've watched it and gone, and you watch it, don't you? And you go, that was some good acting. I see what they did there. So I think I pretty much understand it now. And then I get an audition and I sit down in it. And I feel like I'd say an idiot when I try and do the acting. It's really, really difficult. And I feel really self-conscious and I find it hard to completely just

not be aware that I'm sitting in a room in front of some people pretending to be somebody else. Yeah, I think that's very true. I think getting rid of the self-consciousness is one of the most massive parts of it, I think. And also, if your job is a stand-up, and I think there are various levels of show-offs, aren't there? And I'm definitely on the spectrum of show-off, otherwise I wouldn't be in a job that was like, shut up everyone and listen to me do this. Stand-up is the apex of it, with all due respect. And I know and love a lot of stand-ups. No, you're correct. You're correct. But there's no getting around it, is it? Shut up everyone while I make you laugh.

It's not your job to sort of disappear. Do you know what I mean? It's your job to appear very big and broadly, and God bless you for it. Out of all the actors you've ever worked with, who has lost the most? He's the tallest. Yeah, follow-up question. Who's the tallest? Well, Steve Merchant. Who's the tallest? Stephen Merchant, next question. And he is the same. He lost himself in The Og Monster in The Office quite deeply. Who's lost themselves? I don't know. It's a funny one, you know, because I think when you're younger, or in my case, when I was younger, and I think it's quite

common to feel that completely losing yourself is kind of the goal and something to try and attain because it feels grown up and it feels proper. And then the older I've got, the more I don't really look to that anyway. To be honest, it's quite a pain in the arse when someone really loses themselves. I mean, it is a massive pain in the arse because it's no longer than a craft and a job. And it overlaps with art. And I'm very happy to be called an artist by some people, or even if some people want to consider me an artist, I'll very happily take that. But within this time and this time of the day, you've got to get shit done. And if someone's busy losing themselves, it depends to what extent. It's just a pain in the arse. And I think it's a highly

impractical way of working, which is why I think it belongs more to the student stroke academic side than the practicability side. Because most certainly British actors, and there are cultural differences between actors, I guess, but most British actors I've ever worked with sort of just want to get on with it and get it done. And I don't mean get it done because we don't love it. We fucking love it. But there's a real pleasure in getting it done as opposed to only call me by my character name for five weeks and never talk to me outside of never have coffee with me, never do any I just we didn't become actors because it was the only thing left at the job center. Do you know what I mean? We became actors because it's fucking really enjoyable.

And it's really fulfilling and it's can be fun and it can be funny. And that's not fun for me. And that is 100% penance. And that's not to say sometimes you don't take it. Sometimes you have to go to a place without question. That's very true. Have you seen the Jim Carrey documentary about him making man on the moon? Oh, yeah. And all I could think when I was watching that is just imagine being anyone else working on that film, just like, Oh, fucking Ellie's coming in again, you can see their faces as well. You know, you get, you know, when he comes on the makeup bus, and there's proper grown up actors just going, Oh, Christ, you know, like, he's not only not only doing this, he's brought a fucking camera with him, you know, it's like, and music. It's for me.

And I'm sure genuinely sure Jim Carrey is a lovely and smart person, but it was the most self aggrandizing, selfish, fucking narcissistic bollocks I've ever seen. And the idea that anything in our culture would celebrate that or support it is deranged. I mean, it's literally deranged, I think, you know, I am a very lapsed Catholic. But the idea is, it's like, if you believe in transubstantiation, right, then then you're going somewhere along the line, I lost my I became the character. No, you didn't, you're not supposed to become the fucking character, because you're supposed to be open to stuff that happens in real life, you know, because someone at some point, someone's going to say cut, and it's no good going, What does cut mean? Because I'm Napoleon.

You know, you need to keep grounded, I think, in reality. And that's not to say that you don't lose yourself for the time between action and cut. But I think the rest of it is absolute pretentious nonsense. And I think it's highly amateurish, it's essentially an amateurish notion, because it's not, you know, I mean, like, it's not, for me, it's not a professional attitude, you know, get the job done, man, fucking do your work, you know, He should have got fired. He's totally got fired. Can you imagine if he had been anybody else under the line? I mean, he would have been sectioned, never let alone fired, he would have been got rid of, you know.

If it was one of the cameraman, sort of getting into the character of a really famous cameraman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My hero always filmed with his trousers and pants off, so can you just leave me to my process, yeah. So now I think it is that, yes, but it's partly that it's the ridiculous leeway that is given to some people. And of course, you know, I'm one of them, you know, like, we all get cushy gigs, and we all, you know, to a certain degree or another, we're all very fortunate in that we get a little pass in some situations where other people wouldn't. I understand that. But Christ, I mean, there's such a thing as pushing it. I just think when you are challenging,

and that's what that Jim Carrey thing looks like to me. At the very, very end, he does, he, I can't remember what he does, he does or says something that is sort of pertaining to his Christ-like self grandeur. And he does or says something that makes me think at the very last second, is all this a wind up? Is this a joke? Because he is clearly a very funny person, he knows absolutely where funny is all the time. But you sort of think, oh, God, but has he lost himself in this delusion of thinking he's a guru or a fakir? And because a fair few people do, you know, a fair few people do once you get to the top of the mountain and, you know, what are you going to do then? You know, because what else gives your life meaning?

Because essentially, you could argue what we do is it's, yes, it's not curing diseases or whatever, but I still think it has a nobility to it. And it's reasonably important. But if it's not, then you've got to go with it. You know, Jim, you should have paid more attention at school if you wanted to do something more important, you know, I hope he was joking. Yeah, we all hope he was joking. Although, just keep him everything that we've said in mind. Welcome to the podcast where one of us pretends to be a genie for the whole thing. James does lose himself in the genie role. Yeah, that's your saving grace, I think that as long as you don't go too far in to the genie role, then I will still have respect for you. If you really start thinking you're a

genie for this hour, I'm going to think, no, I didn't like that. So you just see him slowly pushing a sort of pot of blue paint out of the way, go, no, don't worry, I'll be absolutely fine. You're our second star of breeders on the podcast. We've interviewed Michael McKean early last year. Yes, he's lovely, isn't he? He's a lovely man. And he very much enjoyed the experience of working on breeders, I believe. Well, good. How did you find the experience of working with Michael McKean bearing in mind, he's not going to be on the podcast again. So slag him off all you like. Well, obviously, as I'm sure you both were, I was delighted, everyone was delighted and very excited. Everything I've seen him do ever

has been brilliant. But obviously, I go back to being the first time I saw Spinal Tap, I was 15, I was watching it with some of my siblings in Brighton in one of their flats, and I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe how much I loved it and I couldn't believe how much it was making me laugh. It's one of the sort of five or six things in my youth that made me laugh so much I thought I was going to die. So I will always have a massive affection for Michael McKean, for that alone. And everything I've seen him do since, he's an extremely good actor. He's not someone who's winking at the audience or just, I don't think he can hear the applause in his own head as he's giving you this devastating zinger or whatever. He's in the scene, he's in

that character and he wants to serve the scene and I love him for that. But he also has amazing comedy chops and we were all really, really excited to have him on, you know, and he couldn't have been lovelier. Was he nice on this or was he a terrible person? No, he's horrible, he's absolutely awful, awful man. No, he's saved up so much bile for us. It was upset in Martin. I bet. Yeah, it's the Wasley family, more adventures of what it is to be a parent and sort of that in between stage when you're in your 40s of like, you know, if your folks are still alive and you're bringing up kids as well and all the sort of family machinations. And I think we go a bit deeper into it this year. I think it's, you know, there were bits last year

that were, hopefully it's funny, I hope it's funny, but there were bits that are, you know, decidedly not funny and not trying to be funny. And there's the same sort of balance of that this year. I think we want to be unafraid to have some really funny bits and then have some bits that may go, Jesus Christ, but that was upsetting or that was frightening or whatever, you know, not frightening in a horror way. We haven't gone down that genre. We're not doing a sort of sore. That would be a real left turn, wouldn't it, if you just suddenly threw in a sore themed episode. We're saving that for, if we do get a third one, that's what we're saving. But yes, it's more of, you know, if you liked the first breeders, there's more of that sort of thing. I think,

I think this time better. And if you didn't like the first breeders, you don't have to watch it, it's fine. What a plug. If they didn't like it, this one's even better. That's what I meant to say. Yeah. Come back and give it another shot. That's exactly. But if you don't like something, do you want to see a better version of it? Because if you don't like it, then if you're just improving all the elements of something that someone doesn't like, you don't want to see it, do you? No, I don't think you do. I don't think so. I think if I watched something and I didn't like it, I'd resent it if I thought they'd got better. It's a real thing, isn't it? Where they're like, okay, right, you are going to hate the first three seasons of this, but when you get to season four,

it's going to blow your fucking mind. Yes, that's true. Here's a question. Yes. When it comes to that kind of stuff, you were in the first season of Fargo. Yes. Brilliant. Thank you. Your voice was amazing in that, by the way. Thank you. Thanks. That was insane. Like, I'll get on to my actual question, but like, I'm obsessed with that show and I love it. And one of the main things that you think every time there's a new actor in it is, let's see how they pull off this voice. Let's see how they do it. Honestly, I think yours is still the best one, isn't it? Yes. With three seasons in. And here's what happened. Every five seconds watching you in that, I went, yeah, that's a really good voice out loud, I'd say it. Right, really?

And I was watching it with, yeah, I couldn't believe how good it was. Did you say it that high? Yeah. It got higher each time I said it because I couldn't believe it. You kept not believing it. Is that then technically a bad performance from Martin, because he kept pulling you out of the performance by being too good? Maybe so. I'm a victim of my own genius. I want to pay you a compliment, but ended up slagging you off. I'll take that compliment. Thank you. A friend of mine saw it, saw, and he's in music, and he saw it. And you know, we're very fond of each other, and he's a big supporter of mine and all that. But he saw it and thought, oh dear,

Martin's American accent is pretty terrible. And it was only when it had it explained to him that it was a specific sort of regional accent. I think he thought I was doing a sort of, you know, I don't know what he thought I was doing. But I can see what he means if he thought I should just sound like an American newsreader or whatever, or an anchor man. But yeah, that's a pretty fun, because it is quite a funky accent. There's bits of Scandinavian, bits of Irish, bits of all sorts. But then there's like everyone else is doing it as well. So did he think your accent was so bad that the director had pulled them all to one side and got his copymarked? Yeah, don't make the Englishman feel left out. I don't know what he thought. I thought, you know,

he's quite easily distracted as this man. But yeah, he had it explained to him. And now, of course, he knows I'm amazing, you know, like James does. Yeah. Like I do. I assume his voice gets higher by the day. He goes up an octave. It does. Well, sometimes he gets lower. The more impressed he is, like he sounds so that by the end of episode six, he was like Barry White. Here's my question about that. We're talking about seasons and stuff like that. And sometimes seasons get better. With Fargo, they contain stories each season, different cast each time. As someone who was in the first one, do you watch each season and go, I really hope it's not as good as my one? I hope they mess it up this time. No, I don't genuinely because I like the people in it.

But I mean, of course, it's nice to think that whatever you do yourself, whatever we doing, has a special place in people's hearts. But genuinely, no, because Noah Hawley, who's the sort of writer extraordinaire behind it, and a showrunner. No, he's a good guy and he's a smart so I want success for the show. That's my story. And I'm sticking to it. Do you watch it and listen to the accent? Yes, James, I do. Yes. Yes. I do and go, no, that is at least 100 miles to south. Yeah, good stuff. We should talk about food really, shouldn't we? I'll be honest, Martin. I don't want to excite anyone, but this is the closest to a natural interview we've ever done. Yes. Normally, by this point, we are screaming at people about their water choices,

but we've asked you some genuine questions there and I think we've actually done really well. Do you think it's because we've never met? Maybe it should be never met. So we're sort of being formal. Yes. Because we're sort of strangers to each other personally. So we're probably being formal and polite. Well, I don't know. There's a lot of people that we've interviewed on this podcast who we've met for the first time and we have not been polite to them. And we have just asked them about food and given them shit for what they say they want to eat. I mean, I guess you've just been in some good stuff, man. We can't help but ask about it. Thank you. I'll take the respect. I mean, maybe it's better if you start insulting me because

then I'll feel like, oh, they really like me, these guys. These boys really take to me because they cussing me out. Clubs off. Clubs off. Let's do this. Let's do this off menu style. Still a sparkling water. If it's a choice of those, then I'm going to go sparkling. Normally, I'm a tap person because I sort of do resent paying for still water. I think it's, I think it's silly. You know, the way people did in 1989, you two could remember that, but paying for water, all out of a rubbish. And I sort of feel that a bit now, except if I'm going sparkling, I'm prepared to pay for that because the bubbles give you oxygen and wake you up. There is something in that. You have a fizzy drink with no sugar. I think it's quite good. So the bubbles that you

think are giving you oxygen as in like they're giving you extra oxygen, more than you get when you breathe. Fair play. I've not completely thought this through. I've not studied it, but I'm pretty sure it gives you extra oxygen. Yeah, if I'm extra, doesn't it? So do you think if you took a big mouthful of sparkling water and left it in your mouth, could you then go underwater for five minutes? I don't know. I asked David Blaine. I don't know this shit. This is very concerning, Martin. You could do a home school in your children. What have you been teaching? I just think, is there not some truth, University twats, in the idea that it's oxygenated, right? Gives you a little pep. Is it oxygenated? I thought it was carbon dioxide.

Okay. Yeah, you could be right. Carbonated. So what does that do? It gives you less oxygen. Opposite. Poisons you? Yeah, boys. That's oxygen. I see. Right. Well, that's definitely still for me. No, it's sparkling. Fuck it. I'm going to live on the edge. I'm going to say sparkling because it is like a little treat. What we can do for you, Martin, because this is the dream restaurant. We can get you sparkling water and then we can get you an oxygen tank as well to take little gulps out of every time you have a sip. Would you like that? I would now. Now I've heard of it. Yeah. Like meatloaf when he does a gig, you can have an oxygen tank just off to one side. Is that what he really does? Yeah. Big lad, ain't he? And he really goes for it still.

Smaller than he used to be. Yeah. But I think when he was at proper big meatloaf size, little towel for the sweat and an oxygen tank off at the side of stage. No sparkling water. No, I bet none. I bet none was knocking about in 1979 for the loaf. No. Yeah. All right. Sparkling and an oxygen tank. Thanks. When you were filming the office, did Big Keith have to go off and have an oxygen tank? No, he didn't. He didn't. No. What a question. Just a question. No, we had hang out in our little grief hole that was sort of acting as a green room that was adjacent to the set. And because it wasn't, you know, it's not a real set. It was just a group of officers. We had to be really,

really quiet and talk, you know, very, very hushedly or Asher Taylor or Steve Merchant would come and say, can you keep it down? And that's, you know, so you never really got any time off on the office. It wasn't like, you got seen off, go to the green room, and then you just had to go off and sort of whisper, you know. And that included Big Keith, you and Mackintosh. Hello, you. He thinks there's oxygen in a Scotch egg. Yes. How many times do you have to film that? That's a famous blooper, isn't it? The amount of times you're laughing in that. Yeah, that was a lot. I don't know. It wasn't crazy, man. That was probably like eight. Whereas there was some, there's, and it's on YouTube because it was on the DVD extras. There's

a scene between Gervais and myself that was just that. That was ridiculous. It was absolutely, again, well, if he hadn't been the star of the show, we definitely would have got fired. It was like 75 takes or something. It was absolutely stupid because he just couldn't leave it alone. You know, he sees different ways to make you laugh and ruin the scene and keep you there for longer. He'll do it. So yeah, that was the worst one ever. But the office was full of occasions where you would just be trying to, yeah, try not to laugh. So every scene that's in the office, every scene that made it to TV was just the triumph of people managing not to corks. That was brilliant. It wasn't even especially good acting. It was just like, right, did we get it?

Good. Let's go. Yeah, just one good one, and that'll do. One good one, 58, ruined one. Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it up, it's all bread, Martin Freeman. Pop it up, it's all bread. Well, what sort of, oh, this is any sort of restaurant, isn't it? It's a whatever, it's a whatever restaurant. It's not themed. It's whatever restaurant you can dream up, yeah. Bread. I mean, I like Pop It Ums, but I suppose that would set my brain thinking in a certain way, and I don't think I'm going to order that way today. So bread, there's loads of ways to do bread. And now, of course, you've got to tell me there's loads of ways to do Pop It Ums, Martin. Ignorant. But as far as I'm aware, there's a load of ways to do bread, and I like bread and butter.

I went during the last time that we could actually go out, I took my family out to a restaurant in London and just had, you know, sometimes when bread and butter is the best thing, you don't need anything else, you don't need the rest of the meal, and you just think, oh, just have another piece. It was that good. With a nice butter, lovely bit of bread, and you think, fuck, you know, why are we bothering doing anything else? So did you leave after the bread and butter? We did, Ed. Yeah, we did. And they were disappointed. I'd love that. I'd love that story of somebody working in a restaurant going, you know, Martin Freeman, right, came in with his family, sat down, he had the bread and butter, and then they all fucked up. Sod it off. He sod it off.

No, we didn't know. I foolishly kept going, and I kept saying to my kids, can you stop that, because it's just going to ruin your meal. So can we not have any more? Can I have some more bread, please? I was breaking my own rules as I was making them. And of course, yeah, by end of the main course, stuffed. But I'm still going to go with bread, and I'm going to ask one of you to, you have permission to say, Freeman, go easy on the bread. At what point is there a telltale sign in your eyes? No, after too little, like that size, size of bread and butter, you may say to me, should we take that away? And I'll go, thank you very much. I thank you for it. Otherwise, it just, it ruins the meal. Would you like bread and butter

from that specific place you were just talking about? Yeah, I would, to be honest, because I think actually that it was the best, you know, it's a Ponzi West End London restaurant, but it's actually not Ponzi, but just a very nice restaurant. And the quality of butter is just the right amount of saltedness. Oh man, so gorgeous. It's like a meal in itself. You know, like sometimes when you have like tomato soup and just bread and butter dipped in it, and yeah, it doesn't get much better than that. I love seeing the marbled effect of the butter on top of the tomato soup. Yeah, agreed. Agreed, yeah. The little sort of grease bubbles. Yeah, yeah. I prefer James's description of the marbled effect rather than grease bubbles, but

yes, I like the grease bubbles, they're full of oxygen. I've got this wrong, haven't I? I'm going to have to rethink my whole oxygen theory. Have you based your whole menu on oxygen? Basically, yeah, because I'm assuming, I thought this restaurant was in space, and so I just assumed that I was going to need as much oxygen as possible. Do you remember the name of the restaurant where you had the lovely bread, Martin? Yes, it was the Wallsley. Very nice. Which is next to the Ritz, and it's a really lovely place, nice to go there, and the food's great, and it's actually, I said it's Ponzi, it's not pretentious, it's kind of, it's a bit, it's usually, of course, it's the kind of place where

it justifies making an effort, so that's another nice thing, just not, I like not slobbing about, I like people making an effort, because I think it's good for one's own sense of pride and self-esteem to not just watch about in trackies all the time. I mean, I don't mind trackies, but come on, man, step it up. If we're going to go out for a meal, let's pretend we've got dressed, you know. If you're going to go out, pop to the Wallsley and just hammer down a loaf of bread, you've got to pop some proper trousers on, haven't you? You may as well dress like a baker. Yeah, it's nice to, I mean, I like having a bit of an effort, you know. Do you dress the whole family up in the same sort of outfit? No, but I do, no, well, it was Butcher Baker candlestick

make, and my daughter got the candlestick maker, and she wasn't happy because she was covered in wax, my son was covered in blood, and I was covered in flour. No, but I encourage them to sort of do whatever their version of making an effort is, you know. So if that just means a really crisp, clean tracksuit for my son, then that's fine. It doesn't all have to be the same, but make an effort, you know. I sort of feel that about a lot of things. You say it was next to the Ritz this place. Is there turf wars between the two? There is, because the postcode changes in the rope down the middle, and it does get, it does get pretty tasty. Yeah, it does. Yeah, it's like who's the poshest. Yeah, I would imagine one of your co stars, Cumberbatch, I bet he's a Ritz boy, and you're

a Wallsley lad. That's what I would imagine. I don't know. I imagine Ben would definitely, I can see Ben at the Wallsley. I'm not sure if I've ever been to the Ritz, because I did an interview in the Ritz early on in my career, like tea at the Ritz sort of thing. But I don't think, I don't think I've ever actually eaten in the Ritz, and I'm nothing against it. I want to at some point, I want to have tea at the Ritz, but I can see Ben at the Wallsley, because to be honest, I think there's a fairly wide range of people at the Wallsley. There's everyone there from agents to actors. All bases are covered. I mean, all the basic social groups, I can see him there. Yeah. He'd get jumped. He'd walk in, and they'd go, it's the Ritz boy, and they'd all chase him out.

Yeah, but he can escape easily, right? He can wriggle out of any situation. And Ben can fit in. He's a chameleon. He can play both sides. Yeah. I can't think of him as Ben. What do you have to think of him as a Benedict? Yeah. He's Benedict Cumberbatch. Or just Mr. Cumberbatch. He books the Wallsley as Ben, and then it's back to Benedict as soon as he walks through the doors of the Ritz. I'd book the Wallsley as Ben Cumberbatch. I get a better table when I pretend to be him. I know. If I imagine a Ben, I imagine like, you know, a little scrappy kid with a catapult, or an old kind man. Old Ben. Yes, old Ben. So you've got Ben Kenobi. Ben Kenobi is your old

wise man. Yeah. Uncle Ben. Uncle Ben. Uncle Ben is an old wise man. Yeah. Who's a scrappy little kid? Who's a scrappy kid, Ben? Ben 10. Ben 10. Oh, I hated Ben 10. I hated Ben 10. I absolutely loathed Ben 10. Because my, yeah, my son is 15, and he was sort of, when he was like two or three, I suppose, he was interested in Ben 10. I absolutely loathed it. What's Ben 10's vibe again? Because I obviously missed out on Ben 10. Is it, he's just 10? No, I don't think he's, I don't think he is 10. Maybe there's 10 of them or something. I don't know. I think it might be 10 of them in his crew or something. I'm not sure. Right. But man, I fucking hated that. And nothing against, you know, but I just was the wrong age. I wasn't

three. How much of your thoughts did Ben 10 occupy around that time? Well, let's say if it was over 3%, it was too many. Because, you know, like, yeah, any, any percentage is too much. I once, when Benedict come, Ben Benedict was recording the Penguins and Madagascar, I got hired to go in and read in all the other voices. Did you? And no one told me when I should start or stop. Right. And there was one where he didn't have a line for 10 pages. And I just read all 10 pages while everyone stared at me. And it was probably the most awkward 20 minutes of my life. Did you do different accents and stuff? Yep. Did all the different penguins? There are about 10 different penguins. I was doing all of them just out there riffing on my own while everyone looked at me.

Awful. I mean, he said well done at the end, but it felt like a waste of time. I mean, he gave me an award. Sure. But, but, and you were supposed to just give him his cue, presumably. I think so. But no one was specific. Yeah. Because there was a scene, I think, where he had a line at the beginning and then right at the end. And, you know, when does the cue start and when does the cue begin? So I just did the whole scene. Can I ask why? Why are they asked you to do that? Were you, were you sort of then or now, were you more in this sort of acting bit? Or what? No, I mean, I do, like James says, I do the awkward auditions as well. I didn't have to audition for that. I'd done a couple of things where they just call you up. Yeah. Go down there,

read in some lines, I think. That's pretty good. But I don't think it helps. I think you probably had to re-record it. Ed's being modest. Ed's being modest. Martin, he's done a bit of voice work. Right. Does the term kazoo, yeah, you can mean anything to you? It does and it doesn't. I don't know if you're in the market for a second-hand car, Martin, but I reckon I can sell you on it now. Kazoo, yeah, you can. Wow. Kazoo, yeah, you can. Kazoo, yeah, you can. Oh, yeah, that's it. Sorry. Sorry that I tried to do that. I would give anything to hear that recorded of you doing all the voices of the penguins or the penguins of Madagascar. Oh, man. So would I now. It makes me feel ill thinking about it, especially when you get to the

part that Ken Jong's supposed to be playing and you have to make that decision. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. We come to your starter. We're still at the beginning of the mail, Martin. We've had some lovely bread from the Wallsley, and now we come to your starter. I'm going to have, do they call it, is it a carpaccio if it's just meat? But basically, I want smoked salmon. I want smoked salmon and some onions and capers. And there, there's a bit more bread because there's usually little bits of toast with it. Yeah, so I like that. And a bit of squeezed lemon and ground pepper and all that because it's quite lean, right? It's not too heavy because I am what I like to call a fat pig. And so I love

food and I love just eating food a lot, right? So I've got to leave space to be a fat pig later on. So like smoked salmon, quite lean. With this bread though, Martin, you've entered into a pact with us in the restaurant to stop you eating any more bread. Yeah, that's true. But I didn't say toast, did I? I didn't say toast. There's a little sort of quarter of toast with no butter on it. Yeah, but this sounds like an addict thing now. You tell your friends, don't let me smoke again. And then they come around and you're chewing tobacco. Yeah, I didn't say not cigars. Yeah, I didn't say no crack. Yeah, no, this is a little bit sort of delicate toast. I think they're fine. You can't have them. Sorry, Martin. Oh, shit, really? You told us to do it. You said

no matter what I say. You're my gatekeeper. No matter how hard I plead, don't let me have any more bread. Lock me in this cage. And no matter what I say, if I start sending into a werewolf, don't let me out of here. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, hoist by my own petard. I shouldn't have brought that up. And you're quite right. But would you still like the smoked salmon even though there's no bread available for us? Yes, please. Yeah, because you know some food, I'm sure, well, no, I was going to say I'm sure it's a myth. Well, it's true. Some food is just not, it's tasty, and it's filling, but it's not, you know, you don't feel ledden afterwards. And a nice bit of smoked salmon without loads of other carby bits around it. It's really nice. Sets off your palette nicely,

gives you a little tingly feeling of wanting more. But it hasn't completely filled you up, do you know what I mean? I absolutely love it. Yeah, I love smoked salmon. I love eating it straight from the pack by the sheet. Yeah, sheeting it into my mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here's a question for you about smoked salmon. When you're buying it in the supermarket. So I find now, sometimes like I'm thinking I'm just going to eat this on its own. I know that I'm going to eat it on its own. And there's quite a lot of different options in the supermarket. And some of it is like the sheets and they've got like loads of pepper on them and lemon and some of them are like, I've got honey on them and stuff like that. What are you looking for? When you're in the

supermarket, what's your favorite type of smoked salmon to get off the shelf and take home? Eat by the sheet? Cheap. Just a bargain. No, I don't really like, I don't want it buggered about with really. I just want it straight. And I want enough so that because you know, sometimes you buy packages of smoked salmon and they're not quite big enough. So that once you've had a little snack, it's almost all gone. So I quite like big ones. And I'll buy a couple of bigger ones to go through a few breakfasts, you know what I mean? Because I like having it for breakfast. I like putting it in scrambled egg and, you know, or just maybe on the side. During the first lockdown, when like it was difficult to get food delivered and stuff, me and James actually both started using a thing

called food chain, which is like used to deliver to restaurants. So it was like for trade. So you'd go on there and there'd be all the different things. And I was like, I'll just order some smoked salmon. And then it arrived. It was like a meter, a meter of smoked salmon. I just saw it in half like a magician and freeze half of it. It was brilliant. God, that's a real touch. That was best day of lockdown. Yeah. Jesus Christ. What was it? It was about 500 quid. Were you thinking, why is this so much? Oh, yeah, I'm bankrupt now. I'm bankrupting myself on a meter of smoked salmon. To be fair, you are possessed by the soul of a thousand penguins. So it's okay for you to you can eat that many fish between your whole penguin clan. I just went along the whole thing,

different characters along each sheet. Get the slicing before you do Ken's voice. Yeah. So anyway, smoked salmon, capers. Talk about your relationship with capers, please. I'm kind of getting over them. Like, I'm learning to tolerate them. I think at first, I say at first, you know, probably when I was 30, I was like, what the fuck is, no. And then that's one of those things that I'm trying to incorporate into my taste buds, just because I don't, I don't really like leaving bits on the side of a plate. It just looks a bit fussy. And so I think, no, mind, come on, you can get over this. Open yourselves up. I've tried with anchovies. Can't manage it. Can't manage it. Similar thing. Because I think that they're just too

salty. Too salty for me. I love it. I've always loved it. Anchovies. Capers, anchovies. Mine might just get them in. Yeah. Can't get enough salt. Yeah. And I do, I do like salt. Do you like ready salted crisps? Not really. I've always been a bit fancy when it comes to crisps. Oh, Jesus Christ. There we go. It lures you in. It lures you in like, oh, I'm a salt, salt, salt. And then it's like, the most obvious thing. No, I don't like the Beatles. No. Christ. I am a salt, salt, salt, but you get salt, salt, salt on the other flavors as well, don't you? But you get a little bit extra. Yeah. I mean, I just, I think there's something about, like genuinely something about just plain, ready salted crisps that are phenomenal. I really, and

they go with everything. They go with a bagel. So I have a smoked salmon, cream cheese, tomato, bagel, packet of crisps on the side. Jesus Christ. And a Coke. Yeah. God almighty. Amazing. It's so nice. Yeah. Not healthy, but it's very nice. Yeah. Who cares if it's healthy or not? Yeah. That is a nice way to spend your lunchtime. It's a really nice snack. Yeah. So when you're in your, when you're 30, you're putting the capers on the side of the plate. Yeah. And then you start to get them involved a bit more. And now it's part of your dream meal. That's quite a journey for you. At what point, at what point were you like, I'm a caper guy. I reckon about two years ago. Wow. And you went around telling people you were a caper guy. Yeah. Because I did, and I did do

that. You're absolutely right. I did do that. About two years ago, I became a caper guy and just would have caper capers and wear caper capes and all that. And that, and it's changed my life. I am a new man. And I wasn't expecting that in my, you know, so it was, it was quite a shock for that to be such a change in my life, you know, more so than becoming a father. Absolutely. You don't know until it happens. The capers, no, exactly. You don't know. There's before capers and after capers. It's hard to explain to people who aren't into capers, you know, how it feels to be into capers. They won't understand. They don't understand. And they can empathize, but it's a new kind of love, isn't it? It is really. Yeah. It is. And I didn't

think, because I thought I'd been in love. I assumed I'd been in love, but not until I'd just had those salty berries down me throat. I thought, hello, this is a, this is a new thing. It is nice because they, they genuinely do, they, they set off, I don't know, I'm not a food scientist as we've established from my oxygenated water, but, um, they, it does something. It sets off a nice little chemical reaction on the salmon. Yes. What's your thoughts on caper berries, Martin? The big fat ones? Oh, no, but aren't the little capers that we're talking about, they're just a smaller version of that, right? I think so. But the big one, you know, when you get the big ones and you bite in and they've got all bits in them. Oh, maybe I haven't had a really

big one. Maybe I've not. I haven't had that. It's the first time I'm hearing about it, Martin. How big are they? Maybe I've imagined them. Are you thinking of a tomato yet? A green tomato. Green tomato covered in salt, that's what I'm thinking. Yeah. No, they're like, they're like, you know, I'd say three times the size of a normal caper. Okay. I think I've only had the little fellas. Stick with the little fellas. Not worth, not worth your time, the big ones. Okay. Thank you. That's short-cutted that. Let's move on to the main course now that Ed's told you that. Salmon and spinach linguine. Not salmon, not salmon, prawn. Prawn and spinach linguine. Yeah,

I know, it's too much. That would have been our first double salmon. Yeah, no, I've gone salmon prawn, a lovely sort of prawn, linguine and white wine sauce on a lovely bit of linguine. Yeah, it also works with tagliatelle. It works with all sorts, works with penne for Christ's sake, you know, but I'm going to go for linguine today. I was going to say it's the dream restaurant. So if you would like a mix up of all your favorite pastas, we can do that for you as well. No, no, don't patronize me. You've got dirty ape. I'm not, I'm just going to go for linguine. Thanks. When you said the prawns, I thought, oh, Martin's like a lot of seafood so far. I'm going to ask

him about seafood. And then here's how my brain went. I went, I asked him about seafood, and then I started imagining you eating your meal and singing the song Under the Sea from The Little Mermaid. And that pops into my head out of nowhere and started making me laugh before I even asked you a question. Would you sing Under the Sea while you were eating your meal? I don't know enough of it. I know bits of it, but then it becomes when Homer started singing it in an episode of The Simpsons, he started singing it. So I think the real version and Homer's version get mixed up in my mind. So I wouldn't be able to run you, I wouldn't be able to run you through Under the Sea. Would you? Do you know all the words for Under the Sea? No. Under the Sea,

Under the Sea. Down where it's better, down there it's wetter. Take it from me. Okay. Yeah. I think you'd have to fill in some bits being like Martin is better, down where it's wetter, Under the Sea. Yeah, just I don't have to riff some stuff. True. Yeah. But also I don't quite know where, I don't know, I'm not exactly sure of that melody line of, don't mean like we can say, we can blag it, but I don't know what's actually written down on the piano. Yeah. So I don't think I could carry that tune properly. Yeah. Well, there's a new one coming out and live action is coming out soon. And David Diggs is going to sing that song. Well, no, no, it's me. I'm singing that song. You're in it. So I better learn it. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I better learn it very,

very quickly. You're playing Sebastian the crab. No, who is it? Who's doing it? Who's doing that? David Diggs. Ah. Is this the, did you audition for it, Martin? And this is the first you're hearing of it? I feel like you and them penguins. I feel betrayed. I feel betrayed. How big are these prawns? They're quite big. Do you want them in the shell, Martin, or do you want them de-shelled and in your pasta? I'd like them de-shelled. Because I think when you've got to do your own shelling, that's a different thing. Tuck a napkin in there so not to, because it flies everywhere. It's like cutting a tomato. It's like goes, you know, it's berserk. So when you do that, you take a prawn's head off, it's, it's, there's always a bit of risk of ricocheting, you know,

of a friendly fire. So no, I just want it in the sauce with the spinach and the white wine. Do you want this from anywhere in particular? Is there somewhere where you've had the best prawn than Guiney you've ever had and you want that exact dish for your dream meal? It might actually be somewhere in Sorento, the name of which I can't remember, but I like to, me and my kids like to go to Sorento. It is truly a place where I feel very relaxed, and that doesn't happen very often, where I can really switch off and I can just sort of be invisible for a large part. Because you must get a lot of, we've already fanboyed out on you quite a bit today, all your different, different things you've done. What is the one that you get the most?

Probably Sherlock, I think, you know, it was a bit like, I don't know, a bit like, well the office was a bit like being in a band, because it felt quite cool, and lots of music people liked it. But Sherlock is like, I don't know, like being a big band, I don't know, not Glenn Miller big band, but it's just a big, a huge band. I think when Sherlock was at his height, that felt like the most definite, well, flippin' neck, this is something else, you know, and people really let you know, people really, really let you know. Did you realise when you were in Sorento, finally relaxed, and the waiter came over and put your seafood linguine down, and went, Dr. Watson? Yeah. I thought now I've made it, now I've made it. No, I can't relax here. I'm over here, please,

sir, we need to speak to you, the chef wants to speak to you, and then you've got taken off to the side in a little room, and he went, how did he survive jumping off at the building? I do want to ask about Sherlock jumping off the building, because I still don't understand what happened. Is it the crash map thing? Is it the thing that basically he does it, that they move a massive crash map round, and he jumps on that, and someone distracts you, because that makes me angry? Okay, hey, why does he make you angry, and that's fine, I like anger, but B, what do you hope it is? We all spent a year of our lives thinking about that, every single second of every single day, and trying to figure out how that had happened, and thinking, oh my god, this is so cool, what

does it happen? Oh my god, he really checkmated him, oh god, how was he behind the tree at the end, and then he got a billion people, like a whole cast of people to help him, and he jumped off a building, and he jumped onto a crash map, and I was like, it's like, whatever any magician reveals their trick, you go, what, that's all you were doing, and then you get wound up, so I was like, yeah, I think it was that, wasn't it? Yeah, and there was another corpse from the hospital that Molly Hooper had, you know, yeah, so there was a lot of, you know, it's a willing suspension of disbelief is needed, but yeah, I mean a lot of organisations. There was once a Jonathan Creek where someone jumped out of a building and then disappeared, and it turns out there was a trampoline

under the grass, so he landed on the grass, but they opened up the grass, then he bounced on the trampoline, and then they shut the grass again, absolutely infuriating, making it up as they go along. Yeah, that is generally the nature of fiction. Can't you just base some Sherlock on facts? Dickens, he's making it up as he goes along, yes, yes, and it's bought me a cottage. Sometimes do you think, ah, it would have been really cool if like, they came back after that break, and it's just that he didn't do a trick, he just did jump up and die, and the rest of it is just you, yourself in crimes like your own. I did suggest that to Mark and Stephen, they didn't go for it. No. Your dream side? Chips. Simple. Chips, because sometimes it's good to do a sort of

carb overload, pasta and chips as well, that's another thing I love, a creamy sort of white sauce pasta, and good sort of nicely done fat chips, Jesus, or even fries actually, but I'm going to go for a fatter chip today. Fat chips. Because I mean, I just think they're absolutely gorgeous, you know, a mouthful of pasta, a chip, heaven. Now, after you've specifically asked us not to let you have any more bread, it really feels like you're exploiting a few loopholes here. It does, this is like an addict, you're right, it is like an addict, I'm just trying to get round my own rules, but I'm up to main course now, so I'm in the bulk of it, I'm in it now, whereas I didn't want to ruin it before with the bread at the start.

Is your drink going to be a pint of mashed potato? I mean, if it could be, yeah, I mean, I love mashed potatoes so much. I mean, I might even have a Coke, I might even have a bottle of Coke, to be honest. Oh yeah? If this, you know, if you're paying for this meal or if it's free, I'm going to push the boat out, and if I don't have anything to do for the next couple of days, then I'm just going to be a real fat pig, yeah. When you have a bottle of Coke, do you have to clear your diary for the next few days usually? No, I'm just thinking, because this is going to be a big blowout, and I just, you know, as long as I don't have to get up early tomorrow or, you know, do anything impressive. Are you just going classic Coke? You're not going Pepsi?

No, I mean, I don't mind Pepsi, but no Coke Max, Coke Zero, none of that shit, no. I've got Pepsi Max in it and Coke Zero. No, I'm not interested. It was nice that you called them all shit and then went back to make sure you had their names right. Absolute load of shit. We've all done Pepsi Max. Yeah, with ice and lime. Ice and lime in my Coke, yeah, nice. Why haven't you asked me what I want to drink? Sorry? We are. Yeah, but no, but I brought a Coke thing. You didn't ask me if I wanted wine. You didn't ask any of that. What sort of sommelier have you got over there? Jesus Christ. I thought what we'd actually done is quite smoothly moved into the drink portion of the

menu, but you're annoyed because we haven't officially asked you, right? Yeah, because there wasn't a heading. Yeah, it was a heading, yeah. I appreciate that. And I also appreciate that on this podcast, we do ask about the drink pretty late in the day. Yeah. You've had your starter and your main course on your side and then we go, what would you like to drink? And then it occurs to you, oh, maybe you'd like a wine. I forgot. It's a bit much. I'm going to have a glass of Pinot Noir. I got into Pinot Noir. I worked in New Zealand for a long time and they all know about wine in New Zealand, like young people, normal people know about wine

in a way that I don't feel we do. I certainly didn't. And yeah, Pinot Noir was what I really discovered in New Zealand and that's kind of been my go-to since then. This is when you were doing The Hobbit. I mean, I don't like to talk about it, but yes, James, yes. Yes. What The Hobbit seat? Yeah, good question, actually. Everything. I mean, everything. They eat like a sort of Dickensian gentleman's feast. Like my character, Bilbo Baggins, or if you will, The Hobbit, he has his own. The main guy. Let's not mess around. He's the main guy, right? He's The Hobbit. B-O-G.

B-O-H. Yeah, he's got his own sort of walk-in larder. I mean, they take food very, very seriously. Yeah, second breakfasts, all that. Yeah, they eat a lot. So yeah, as a result, they're kind of a bit portly. Or maybe that was just me, because I think Elijah Wood wasn't very portly. But yeah, I think by the time you get to Bilbo, Bilbo, he definitely likes some grub. So are you having the Pinot Noir or the Coke? Both. Can I have both? This is a dream restaurant, right? Yeah, we'll let you have it. Thank you. This is the sort of floor in the format in that it is a dream restaurant, but we do

tend to ask people to stick with one thing. There are limits. I see. Fine. There is a structure. There is a structure. I would choose the red wine over the Coke. No, no, no. You can have both. Thank you. Are you going to double park them? Are you going to go sip of the wine, sip of the Coke, or are you going Coke to start? Coke to start. I think Coke is going to come with the water. So there's going to still going to be a little bit of Coke left over when I'm on the wine and pass them, because it's just, yeah, again, it peps you up, because I don't know if you know,

but Coke is carbonated, and it's got sort of like, but it's also got sugar in it, right? So it's got, you know, so it's two things, air and sugar. We arrive at your dessert. It's been such a journey. I also kind of want to ask you if you can still do the Fargo voice these days, or can you not do it anymore? It takes a bit of a run up, to be honest, James. It takes a little bit of a warm up. I don't want to make you perform for us, Martin. I mean, it was fairly, it was obvious at the beginning of the episode that you were angling for that, James. We all ignored it and we moved on.

Martin was very classy. He just decided to sort of segue into the next bit. Yes. What would really make me happy is you trying it. Oh, yeah, that would make me happy. I'm very bad at accents. But that's why it's going to be fun. If why don't you say, what would you like for your dessert as a Minnesotan? Me and Martin have naturally braced ourselves.

Yeah, yeah, it's really hard. I can't really get past okay then. Okay. Martin, what would be... What be? I kind of need to know your dessert choice there, Martin. If you, oh, I'll fake it. I need to know your... It's not bad. It's a bloody gallant effort. I'm trying my best. I'm genuinely trying.

I think you'd hit the R's more, hit the R samples on my name and on the dessert. No, I lose the rest of it. No, no, I'm doing... Oh, that's good. Oh, yeah. Dessert. Yeah, dessert. I'm getting better in meal time already. Improving, yeah, definitely.

Imagine if you were in a restaurant and the waiter came over and just started going, okay, okay, okay, yeah, okay, okay. Getting into character. What be you went for desserts there? No, I don't know, I don't know. Can I see the manager, please? This is a lot of fun. I like you doing accents. Can we just throw accents at you?

If you want to, I mean, it serves me right for trying to make you do the voice. So yeah, I think so. But like, can you do a thing where you don't pause? Because let's face it. Yes. It's a bit more serious for me if I do a lot of shit accents because it's my job, right? You've got your own thing going on, James. Do you know what I mean?

Sure. You're untouched, but like if you, okay, you do a bad well, no one gives a shit. So if I just say an accent, a region, I'll keep it in Britain. I'll keep it in Britain. Okay. And you've just got to, without pausing, just ask me what I want for dessert in that accent. Okay? Yeah, okay.

Yeah. Belfast. Oh, fuck off. Start off with the one that'll get me the most trouble. It's good. That's the sort of thing they say, but you need to work on the accent a bit. What would you like for dessert? What the hell is that?

I'm trying not to think. Trying not to think. What would you like for dessert? One more, one more. Birmingham. What would you like for dessert? Wow. They are all quite similar, right?

There's a definite similarity between all of them. And we just go to the show. We're all one big family. The human race is one big family. When I'm not allowed to think about it, I really do surprise myself with what comes out my mouth. And I'm not allowed to think about it at all. And I just have to go for it. It's a shock to me when it happens.

And to all of us. But I think it's quite good to not let your brain get in the way and just go for it. Do you know what I mean? And we all admire that more. The fact that you've gone for it. We should ask you dessert properly, really. But I also want to know how long it took you to do the Fargo accent. Really?

James. All I wanted to talk about on this episode is the Fargo accent. Yeah, we know. And I don't know why everyone's getting in the way. You could have got my number from someone, James. We've got mutual friends. And you could have just texted me. Do you want to hear my dessert?

We would. I would like a lemon meringue pie, please. That's what I would like. Thank you and goodbye. My lovely family, you've been a wonderful guest. I love lemon meringue pie. I don't know if anyone's chosen it properly yet. And I think some people have done a little shout-outs to it, but...

I think a well-made lemon meringue pie is quite gorgeous, you know. It's got that zesty flavour of the lemon and, you know, the sort of... The sugar overload of the meringue again. The pastry, the nice sort of crust pastry. It's gorgeous, man. I really like it. And also, it feels sort of light. And it's good that I'm in a restaurant

because that does limit me to one piece. If I have it at home, then I just... I'm going back for seconds and thirds, you know. So it's quite good to sort of, you know, be a bit restrained. But yeah, well-cooked piece of lemon meringue is amazing. Yeah. I think we talked about it on the podcast before. The lemon meringue pie at Gloria, a restaurant in Shoreditch,

where they have the normal lemon bit, and then the meringue bit is probably about 30 centimetres high. So that's well worth checking out. You can have one slice, but then, you know, that's... That's a lot of sugar. Yeah, that's three courses by the sound of it. You want the pastry to be good. You want all the different parts of it to be really on point, you know.

Oh, man. If they get all the different parts of it on point. Yeah. Oh, I could eat it forever. Yes, it is a really good thing. But then I think that about everything I eat, James. I think that about everything I eat. Fish and chips.

Why would you want to eat anything else? Japanese. Why would you... In the moment you're having it, I'm just basically like a chimp. Just on all I can see or think about is what I'm in the moment of there. This is why you need to hire someone

to tell you to stop eating stuff so you can move on to another thing. Ain't that the truth? Yeah. And my kids help with that. My girlfriend helps with that a little bit, because I give people license to say steady on. Because I don't know whether it's the cliché,

is that because I'm the youngest of five and I was always quite small. And yeah, usually in big families, and if you're the youngest, there is that thing of just wanting to pack it all in your mouth. But also, when I was a kid, I think I found it vaguely impressive that I was so small,

but I could eat loads. And grown-ups and teachers would say, oh, you're like a little hamster. And I think I saw that as a badge of honour when I was about two foot one. That at least, okay, I'm not tall, but I can eat. And I think I still have a bit of that.

And of course, without being too serious or self-righteous about it, like most of us, I can't stand waste. I can't stand it. And it's not like I never waste anything. I sometimes do. But I sort of hate doing it. You know, like when people have beans on toast, right?

And they've had the toast, they've had the beans, but there's still some beans and quite a lot of bean sauce. But why are you doing that? There is no fucking reason on God's green earth that you would leave like, oh, because that bit's not important. Yeah, of course it's important.

It's on your plate. I just don't get it. And I don't know whether that is just because I'm a pig or because I have something about, you know, you shouldn't throw food away. You can be sort of, you know, a conscious pig. I try to be. You're a socially conscious pig.

I try to be an aware pig, yeah. Sometimes I've had beans on toast and it doesn't look like there's enough beans, but they don't completely cover the toast. And I think, right, I've got to really ration this. I've got to make sure each bite I have some beans, but I can't go mad. And then at the end, I've got loads of beans

because I completely didn't do it properly. And then I'm like, oh man, this last bit of toast, this last mouthful is going to have been drenched in beans and I've over-beamed it. Yeah. What I love about this is that we do have to wrap up now and we're getting messages saying we've got to wrap up and James has thought, no, we need this anecdote

about me having too many beans. I'm really connected with that observation. Who would have thought we've got to do this beans anecdote? If we don't get this. You've got to have the beans bit. When we take this on the road, when lockdown's over, the beans bit is going to kill. It's going to kill.

We're going to have to open with the beans bit, otherwise people are going to go mad. Yeah, and maybe close as well, yeah. Yeah, oh yeah, like the one and only, like Chesme Hall. Sometimes on this podcast, someone brings something up and I really connect with it. And when Martin talked about the beans, I was like, oh man, and I know on the Zoom chat,

we're getting constant flashes up from Benito saying, do the menu, read his menu back. We really have to stop now. But he said the beans thing and I thought, man, ah, I really connect with that. No one's ever bought beans on toast on the podcast before. Sorry, I set you off there. I have to seize my opportunity.

Yeah, but no, I see that you're excited, yeah. I don't like beans. Wow, do you not? Don't like them. I've got some beans actually at home though. We bought some beans at the beginning of the pandemic because we thought it's the sort of thing you should have just in case everything goes wrong.

Yeah. But we've not eaten them. So if you don't like whey, Martin, you're very welcome to come over and pick up a tin of beans. Can I? Yes, you can. Thanks. Yeah, I'll let any loose beans in the pan and gratefully receive.

Yeah. They're not loose. We can tip them outside the door if you want. You can just come and pick them up. I'd rather that. I'd rather that, to be fair. Yeah, just into my hand. Water.

You would like sparkling water with an oxygen tank. Yes, please. Pop it on your bread. Do you want bread and butter from? The Walsley. Starter, smoked salmon with onions and capers. Delicate toast that we then confiscate and don't let you eat. Main course, prawn and spinach linguine

with white wine sauce in sorento. Side dish of chips, big chunky chips. Drink a glass of Pinot Noir and a bottle of Coke with a glass of ice and lime. And dessert, a lemon meringue pie where all the elements are made to perfection. Sounds good, right? That sounds good.

Sounds good. Yeah, I'd be very happy with that. The chips are a rogue element for me, but I'm, you know. Really? Yeah, but you don't like beans. I don't like beans. You're not fully to be trusted there, Benito. Who's Benito?

Oh, Ben was before. Benito's the producer. Sorry, Ed. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Because I'm only seeing you. He's too many characters. And you seem like the one who's in charge of this operation. And James keeps referring to the great Benito,

and you do seem a bit like an Italian fascist to me, only to me. Yes. I'm sure not to everyone else. So for this entire podcast, you have thought that Ed is the great Benito. No, I know Ed is Ed, but maybe I was thinking, is that your pet name for him?

Because he really has invaded, you know, North African countries, I don't know. There's a lot going on in this universe. But yeah, I'm an Italian fascist. Why not? Someone's got to be. Thank you very much, Martin. Thank you so much, Martin.

Thank you, gents. My pleasure. Thank you. Well, James, Martin Freeman came into the dream restaurant, and you absolutely, you wouldn't leave him alone. You fanboyed all over him. Yes.

We barely got to chat about food, because you're like, well, Martin, tell us about the time you did a different voice. Yes, I wanted to know about the voice. And I got my answers. I got what I came for. I might not get to talk to Martin Freeman again. I wanted to know about the voice from Fargo.

I wanted to know about Sherlock jumping off the building. And I wanted to know about Big Keith. And I asked all of those questions, and I was very happy about it. Well, I'm glad. I thought that was a wonderful episode, actually. And it genuinely felt like we were professional interviewers at points.

Yeah, at times I felt like this was be what it is like to take your podcast seriously. Well, look, it was a great episode. Thank you very much, Martin Freeman, for coming in. Remember, everyone, season two of Breeders is on Sky. And it will be available to watch on Sky One and now TV from the 27th of May as a box set. And Martin earned that plug, because he didn't say Bombay mix.

Can we get back in touch with Martin and ask him about Black Panther? Because I'm a bit annoyed that I missed out Black Panther. I want more. I want to do what I do. Actually, I forget I want to do redemption episode. I want to talk about Black Panther. And I want to talk about beans on toast a bit more.

You want the great Benito, who's not me, to email Martin's representation and say, can we get Martin on board for a live streamed episode, specifically to be asked about Black Panther and beans? Yes. Yeah. OK, we have merch. Go and get some merch.

Go on to our website, oftenmenupodcast.co.uk, and you can see how to buy some lovely t-shirt designs and all that sort of business. When we told Martin Freeman we've got merch, he was like, great, I haven't seen him since the office. That's what he calls Stephen Merchant. This is Nickname. Thank you very much.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Hello, I'm your dad's friend, Lou Sanders, and I've launched a new podcast called Cuddle Club. It's better than it sounds, actually. I talked to a special guest about cuddling. There's not another podcast on cuddling, I thought, to myself. Guests include Katherine Ryan, Richard Osman, and Alan Davies.

It's a perfect gift to yourself or to loved ones, because it's actually free to download. I'd love you to listen, but you're going to be the loser if you don't. It's worth reminding you that there's no other podcast about cuddling. This business gone crazy. It's available on Apple Podcasts.

Of course it is. Acasts, yes. Spotify. Wherever you get your podcasts, subscribe now, please. Don't be a absolute dick piece. Hello, it's me, Amy Glentill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato,

our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here, sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing.

It's called Northern News. It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North, because, look, we're two Northerners, sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off, and that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to.

Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glentill's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog.

You've left it so late.