Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 11: Krishnan Guru-Murthy

Episode Date: February 13, 2019

Have we got NEWS for you! Channel 4's Krishnan Guru-Murthy orders his dream meal this week. Ed and James introduce the newsreader to a popular fast food, James realises he's been mispronouncing a drink and Ed learns how to wash a paella pan.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography) and Amy Browne (illustrations)Krishnan Guru-Murthy's podcast 'Ways to Change the World' is on Apple Podcasts, Acast, Spotify and all the others.Ed Gamble is on tour. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.James’s TV show ‘Hypothetical’ is on Dave, Wednesdays, 10pm.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Get that cutlery ready. It's time for the Off Menu podcast. I can tell you weren't happy with that one, as you said it. No. Well, no one ever says get that cutlery ready, do they? No. No, no one ever said that. Even people, I'd say who like manufacture cutlery. Yeah. Or own a cutlery shop. Never say get that cutlery ready. I'll try another one. It's time for the Off Menu podcast. I thought it was going to be a second part of that. With Ed Gamble and James A. Caster. Yeah, that's fair enough.

What? So that's... I'm doing all of this, am I? So I come up with a catchphrase, polish those spoons, get the cutlery ready. I come up with a new one every week too, this week. Say our names and then you just look at me. Well, I'll try to think about like a second part of that. I was like polish those spoons and it should be another thing. It feels like there should be another thing. Well, there's those spoons and you count those moons. Right. Okay, one. One moon. There's one moon. Why would you count the moons? Well, it depends. And it's got to do with food. We're polishing the spoons so it's ready for the soup. Oh yeah, that's true. James, explain what the podcast is, mate.

We're going to ask our guests what their favourite ever starter, main course, side, drink and dessert are. And we're going to then make it for them in our magical restaurant and I am a genie. Why do you always leave that until last? If you start with it, then people think it's all about me being a genie, but it's not. No, that barely gets mentioned, really. It happens to be that I'm a genie. Who's the guest this week? Christian and Guru Murphy. Christian and Guru... actual Christian and Guru Murphy. Yes. I couldn't believe it that he said yes.

You have no idea they might have people who have said yes, but then we say no to them. We're horrible like that. We ask people if they want to do it and then they say yes and we go no. Yeah, no way. Bad luck. Goodbye. Yeah, but Christian and absolutely not. He's straight on here. Yeah, very excited to have him on. One of the main news boys. One of the main news boys. Probably big news boys. He knows everything. Those who know about news. I imagine there's not a subject he doesn't know about. Yeah. We'll see. Maybe there might be some topics he's not fully versed on.

I doubt it. I doubt it. He probably knows everything about everything. However, if he mentions a certain ingredient, then he will be out of our restaurant. We will kick him out. Every week, we have an ingredient that we hate and we don't want in anyone's dream meal and we don't want in our dream restaurant. And this week, the ingredient, which I had to look up the name for, is fissilis. Fissilis. No. Fissilis. What did you say? Yes. Fissilis. Fissilis, fissilis eye are the little fruits, the little orange, hard fruits with weird wing. They look like flies wings for leaves. And you put, they put them on pudding sometimes and they put them on cocktails. I don't know if you're supposed to eat them, but they're hard,

they're bitter, they're sour, they're weird. I hate them. I don't like the leaves. Fissilis can fissil off, fuck off. That's quite, yeah. Yeah, fissil a fuck off. Fissil a fuck off. Fissil a fuck off. Yeah, that's a Bond villain. Hello, Mr Bond. I am fissil a fuck off. Yeah, immediately. Be suspicious if you're a Bond. Just shoot them straight away. Yeah. Fissil a fuck off. Oh, no. I was a born yesterday. So, oh, I can hear him pulling up in his car now outside of our other dream restaurant. We'd better get these doors open and let Christian and Gary Murphy in. We're here with Christian and Gary Murphy. Hello. Hello. Hi, how are you?

Good. Thank you. Thank you very much for coming on the podcast. Not at all. It's a pleasure. Well, actually, it's not a pleasure. It's been a bit of a nightmare. How's it? I'm thinking about my favourite food and very bad at picking favourites. Well, no, but this is exciting for us because we already know now you've thought about it in advance and done some preparation, which has not gone for every guest. A lot of consideration's got into it. That's what we like. At least half an hour. But I mean, on, yes, I mean, just generally, you've been bubbling around in my head thinking, what are my favourites? And I find it very, very difficult. It's worse than thinking about desert island discs.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Are you a bit of a foodie? I love food, yes. I mean, am I a foodie? I mean, I'm not a foodie as in I don't go off, you know, doing pop-ups and cooking huge amounts of things and all the rest of it. But I love food, yes. And I love restaurants and I love trying new things. Yeah. So I imagine even though I love doing this podcast, if I was in your position, I would be very stressed, actually, if I'm honest. Yeah, being forced to pick all the favourites. Yeah, because I love food, and having to, like, really narrow it down. Because have you had to bench some absolute favourites? Lots and lots. But actually, things pop into your head. I mean, I was walking down

the road here, past some shops thinking, oh, that's nice. I didn't think about that. That's really good. And then I had to go, no, but it's too late. Just stick with what you're thinking. Just keep your eyes on where you're going. Don't look at anything to distract you on the way. So this is a dream restaurant we've welcomed you in here. So you can order anything you like. And it can be from different genres. It can be from different genres. It can be from different times in your life. It can be from different parts of the world. It can be specific restaurants you ate in years and years ago, whatever you want, because James is a waiter. And he's also a genie. So just come out the lamp. Every few I've said so far, I've been inside a lamp.

That's why I'm so echoing, because I was inside a lamp still. But now I'm out of the lamp. Yeah. Here I am. And the wishes are only food related. Yeah. Yeah. You can't be like, can I have a thousand wishes? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely can't do that. No. We will then make you eat it if you do that. If you have a thousand meals, we have to make you sit there and finish it all. So welcome, Christian, into the restaurant, please. Genie Waiter. Have a seat. May I take your coat?

I usually just put it over the back of my chair, but... Just a minute. Do you have a plate over the back of your chair, and then you have a nice meal, and then you look and it's falling on the floor? Yeah. No, that does happen. I've got this sheepskin coat that makes me a bit like a football manager, and that always falls on the floor. So that's very annoying. Yeah. Natural place for the sheep. Yes. Can I just say you were beyond tickled by the idea of someone's coat falling on the floor there,

which is very unusual. Yeah. Christians are very like... I admire Christian Guru Murphy, and I don't think it's funny if something... My coat's on the floor being trampled. Something that comical happened to him. So it's just a slap sticky thing that happens to a highly revered man. Maybe laugh for some reason like that. I just love the idea that you're a very respected comedian, James.

A lot of people think a lot of your comedy, but they'd be very surprised to hear that you really chuckled at the idea of a coat falling on the floor. Yeah. That's the funniest thing. Because you're not aware of it. You're eating your meal. You don't know it's on the floor. And you don't know how long it's been on the floor. Yeah. You know, it's like, oh, no, it slipped off the back of the chair. Sorry. There's a lot going on in the kitchen at the Dream Restaurant at the moment. There's some pans being slung around.

Yeah. We're getting it right. It was because someone heard the term 1,000 wishes, and they're panicking in there now. They're absolutely panicking. Oh, no. I've got a loophole merchant in. Can I just say, you're the waiter in this, and we've recorded quite a few episodes. My role within the restaurant has never been fully discussed, has it? Yeah, you just kind of seem... Am I just having dinner with our guests?

Yeah. So, I'm the manager. Oh, right. I'm one of those managers who walks around restaurants just checking in. Oh, you're the man on the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The maitre d. Yeah. I'll be the maitre d, yeah. So, if you're the manager...

What is the origin of maitre d? I have absolutely no idea. What does the D stand for? Maitre is like mate, like friend. And what's the D, James? Like Mackey D's. Like Mackey D's, right. Okay. So, it originates in McDonald's,

Christian in his ways, where it comes from. It's your mate who takes you to McDonald's. Yeah, yeah, I'll be the side. I'll go with that. Yeah, okay. If you're the manager of the restaurant, does that mean you're my boss? I own the lamp, yeah. So, you're the one who gets to make a wish and set me free, if that...

Yeah, I found that. Yeah, if I wanted to do that, I could set you free. I found the lamp in a brick-and-brack shop. Oh, yeah. In Kilkenny? Sure. Why not? Where did the genie idea come from?

I don't know. I prefer not to corner James about his ideas. Just one of those games, things. Yeah, yeah, I would just plucked it out of there. Yeah. Ed was very reluctant about it to begin with. And... Still am? But...

Yeah, yeah. Be fair. That's the rule with it. Makes sense, doesn't it? If we get you any meal from any time of your life, any place in the world, only a genie could do that. Yeah.

I'll stand by it. This one, probably, that's what people besides genies could do, but would you like still or sparkling water? Sparkling, always. Always? And I don't like the pressure that people come under now to have tap. Right, yeah, yeah.

I find it really annoying. You know, what I find really annoying is when the person opposite you says tap, before they've even consulted you. And then you're going to order sparkling or something? The polite thing to do in my life was always be, when they say, would you like water sparkling or still? Look at the person.

Across the table, as if to say, what would you like? And then I usually say, well, I'd like sparkling, but what would you like? But then if the rule is you look at the person across the table, does that mean you're just going to spend the whole meal just locked in this thing of looking at each other? Waiting for the other person to do something. It's possible.

But now, it seems quite fashionable for people to just decide and say, no, no, no, no, no. We'll have tap. Yeah. Which I find quite, I mean, fascist, almost. Yeah, well, the way you said about saying your word, it's much more fascist, isn't it? Yeah.

People have tap water so fast. Also, if someone orders tap and then you order sparkling, you're going to look very fancy. Yes. Well, you can't. That's the point. Once they've ordered tap, you have to go, all right, tap. I'll come to a restaurant and I'll drink the water

that I could have had at home. Yeah. So the restaurant experience for you starts with the water. So as soon as you're there, you want to feel like you're having a treat. It's all different. There's no point in going to a restaurant and doing everything that you'd have at home. I mean, it's got to be different.

That's a very good point. Now, I normally have tap water, but when you put it like that, it should be a treat. It should be a restaurant experience. Then why have the sort of thing you can have at home? Unless you really like tap water, unless you prefer tap water, in which case, I'm not against people having tap water.

Yeah. I'm just again choosing tap water for me. You've called them fascists. Well, I like to have absolute fascism. Yeah, no, it's only when they don't say, but if you'd like. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're in a group, then it's easy

because you can just say both. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Now, you referring to people who ordered tap water as fascists and then you put a lot of the news stories you report on into perspective. Yes, it's fascist. I'm going to not take your headlines so seriously next time.

I mean, you say, It's really bad. It's about fascist dictators. I'm like, well, hold on a second, everyone. Let's hear this story. It just means they have tap water. It might not be what we think it is. But that's fine.

And a pop it up. It's all bread. Pop it up. It's all bread. Question. What's? Pop it up. It's all bread.

And it's always shouted. It's always shouted bread, I think, actually bread. What bread because bread, bread embraces so many things. Isn't it? Yeah. I like a variety of bread unless there's one restaurant near me, which is a French restaurant,

which I don't go to very often, but they do brilliant French bread, which they make themselves. And so when I go there, all I want is that. And it's kind of warm and comforting and nice. But generally, I like a basket of bread. What's this French place called? It's called Maquisine in Cuba. Which if I had to guess the name of a French restaurant,

I'd probably go with Maquisine or La Food. Yes. And I don't really go there very often, but I go there for lunch sometimes with my wife when we have a quiet moment. And she always has French onion soup. And I always have bread. You just have the bread.

No, you have the steak. You do have the steak. I'd love it if you were known in that restaurant for just coming and eating the initial bread. That was a really annoying joke. The third basket of bread of the evening. Yeah. And then he screams at his wife that she's a fascist.

A fascist throws his bread in the sink. He splashes it. So that's, you either like that bread or a selection? I like a selection of bread. I mean, I love, what's that Argentinian steak chain? Goucho? Goucho. Goucho.

Goucho do that brilliant sort of cheesy. Yes. Yeah, that's, I mean. Bread that is just gorgeous. It's a lot of cheese in the middle of it, basically, yeah. Kind of loss of them. But so, you know, I like, you know, I like that idea of sort of a basket of different things.

And you get one of those things that's kind of all gooey and a bread stick. I don't mind a bread stick. Sometimes it's not. Yeah, a bread stick, yeah, yeah. Goucho do this whipped dessert. It's like whipped ice cream. I mean, this is typical of you, James,

that we're still, we're talking about the bread. Yeah. Your brain is going, we've got to talk about the desserts. But that's why I have one of the best desserts. Go on, what was the dessert? They whipped the ice cream. They whipped it, whipped it, whipped it. Yeah.

So it's actually quite, you know, it's quite soft. Mr. Whippy. You had a Mr. Whippy at Goucho. And there's bourbon in it as well. So it's vanilla and bourbon and all whipped up. So nice. It's not melted ice cream. I just added bread into that.

Yeah, just put it in. Yeah, just adds a few bread crumbs in there. I'm not against bread and pudding, so I'll go for it. I think that's a good choice, because normally people have got one specific type of bread, or they don't really know. But what you've gone with is a selection, which is not against the rules.

Not against the rules? I'll let people have a sense of bread and stuff. There's many different breads as you like. Isn't that sad? Yeah, a bread basket. The cheesy bread I had in Brazil quite a lot, and it blew my mind the first time I had it. Because you think it's a bread roll,

and then you bite into it or tear it open, and it's, I'd say, 80% cheese. Oh, yeah. It's fantastic. That's very nice. And it's all melted. It's all melted, but it's quite solid as well. Baked in, isn't it?

Yeah, it's all baked in. But yeah, fantastic. Yeah, so maybe combined or two, you have a selection of bread from a man restaurant, or whatever it's called. Mac cuisine. Mac cuisine. Yeah, bit of mac cuisine French baguettes.

Yeah. A bit of goucho cheesy. Cheesy bread. Cheesy bread. Yeah. A bread stick. A bread stick. But in the top, like a sparkler.

Yeah, yeah. Actually, see, I mean, if you'll get, see, I mean, it's interesting the choice was poppadums. But actually, if you're going to go for an Indian bread, then I would go for a paratha. You know, sort of a very buttery, flaky, rich kind of thing in my bread basket. You could have that in the basket as well.

No problem. Oh, that would be nice. I like mopping up the sauce with that. Thinking about that now. See, my mum makes the most amazing Indian flatbreads, which are, I mean, you have chipatis, which everyone knows, which is just the stuff that's basically fried. And then you have puris, which are the sort of the same sort of dough,

but shoved in a pan full of boiling hot oil that puff up. And they are absolutely amazing. And you just have them straight out of the pan. And when I was a kid, me and my friends always used to sort of have competitions to see who could eat the most. Yeah, good competition. My best friend got up to 25. Oh, wow.

Wow. Thank you, Mr. Peace. That's incredible. Me and my friend used to have a similar competition at school, where at the end of the school dinner line, so you'd have, you'd get all your food and then there was like a bit, where there was like salads and bread, and then a little tray of dairy-lea triangles.

And we used to just grab as many as we could and put them in our pockets and then go and see how many dairy-lea triangles we could fit in our mouth all at once. 11. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah. If I may contribute to this and you won't be surprised at what mine is. I mean, my friends would go to the Pizza Hut buffet and do the bottomless.

There was a, just serve yourself bottomless ice cream. Yeah. So the soft serve. So we would do that against each other. And you got extra points because you could just put, there's loads of donny mixtures. You just put loads of that on. And I won, but I did have to,

I remember lying down on the back of my friend's car, just really, really sick all the way home. How many ice creams did you have? I think I had something like, it was like seven or eight bowls of this soft serve ice cream with the, with all the donny mixtures on it. Oh my goodness. Like I beat my friend, Sean.

Still talking about it to this day. Every time I see him. Still brings it up. Do you remember when you won that Pizza Hut thing? Yeah. But you really lost in that way. And to start, sir, your starter. Yeah.

Well, this is my initial nightmare because basically my favourite starter, I think, is anything that's kind of fresh, seafood-y, light, with the exception of the occasional bit of beef. But it doesn't really fit into that. So I think maybe, which might mean sort of oysters, but I think I'm going for a sort of a Japanese tataki. Oh yeah, okay. You know, like sort of a tuna or a beef.

Or maybe both, to be honest. A tuna or a beef. A bit of both. A bit of both on the place. That's a type of selection play. Yes. Yeah. A tuna is known as the beef of the day.

This is like, as you can see on this. Is that right? Have I made that up? If you have made it up, it should be a thing. What was that I missed there? Is tuna known as the beef of the sea? Is that wrong? I don't know what it is now.

It feels like it should be. It feels like it is. I've never heard that, but maybe it is. Urban Dictionary says that sea beef is lobster. What? But that doesn't make sense to me. No. Tuna.

Yeah. Do you just... Tuna's meaty. So you certainly think that. Yeah, it's like a red meat, right? Yeah. Do yourself a tuna steak at home. It feels like a proper...

And you have a tuna steak. Tuna's the beef of the sea. Yes. Well, we'll call it that. Don't you want to explain what tataki is for people who don't know at home? Yeah, well, tataki, I mean, it can be a couple of different things, but basically it's a seared piece of either tuna or beef.

Yeah. Just really cooked just on the outside for like 10 seconds. But it's served with soy sauce and chopped onion. Yeah. Yeah, sort of just a nice sort of tangy... Okay, yeah, like a citrusy sauce sometimes. Citrusy thing with ginger often. Citrus and ginger, that kind of sort of thing.

And it just kind of, it's that sort of melt-in-the-mouth, pop it in your mouth thing that is brilliant. But I think you're probably spotting in my sort of basket of different breads. I'm going for sort of a basket of different tatakis. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know if I'm allowed to do this all the way through. You definitely are. But yeah, a bit of tuna and a bit of beef. Tataki basket, sounds fine. It's a task... No, that doesn't work. But also, I think that's a good choice for a starter, because it is light, like you say. I think a lot of people have come in and gone just all in,

all guns blazing from the starter, although you've had quite a lot of bread already. But... Sure. You said a whole bakery, so you probably wouldn't have a... I think that's a good fresh light start to the meal. Is there anywhere where you've had tatakis, like the best stuff you've had?

Like you would want me to source this from? I'm going to sound like a tosser now, but... No, not at all. No, because do you know what? Too many people on this podcast are afraid of sound like a tosser. And they just choose to like, I just got to get it from McDonald's, who cares? Yeah.

I want to hear Swanky places. Nobu in Miami. Nobu in South Beach. Many years ago. I remember just going there and just going, oh, wow. I loved... And I loved how Swanky that was, because when you said, Nobu, I was like, this is Swanky, not the London brand.

No. Oh, like the Miami one, please. We go to Miami. Welcome to Miami. Welcome to Miami. But it may also just be... Because you know, food is always about the moment, you know, at the time that you're in and how you feel.

And I arrived in Miami with my wife before we got married, actually, and it was sort of one of those Swanky trips that you do before you have children. And we arrived and it was very late. And we went straight to our hotel and thought, right, let's go and get some food. And we saw Nobu and thought, oh, let's give it a try. And they had a table.

And so we went there and so we had it there. And that's why I remember it, because actually it was just that moment. It was just that kind of, wow, we're in South Beach and it's amazing, we're in Nobu and we got a table. And it's just like... It's connected with all those memories. It's connected with all of that.

But as a result, I do often have it and it's great. That first like getting someone a holiday and like, yeah, you kind of have a place in mind to go and you actually get in there without a reservation. It's an amazing feeling. It's the best feeling in the world. Yeah. Yeah.

Do that in winter. Actually, it's not the best. Best feeling in the world. What's really good is when your friends are all talking about, oh, we went to such and such. Yeah. And you know they booked and they booked ages ago, or it's because they met the guy or whatever it is.

And then you just give it a try. Just what was it? Always, my advice to people who say you can't get into a place, always just give it, just turn up, give it a try and never book restaurants. Always just go. Yeah. And there's always a chance they've got things.

There's always people who've canceled. There's... I did that. It was my birthday recently. And I was out with some friends and there's a place on the corner that I really like. I thought I was just going to see if we can get a table for later. And there was two people working at the counter.

And one of them was very keen to help me out and make sure that we did get a table. And the other one kind of early doors went in with, well, you left it a bit last minute, haven't you? So she was really annoyed when it was going well. And I was clearly going to get in. So she kept on going, oh, yeah, but maybe we can't get you in. And then the other one was like, no, no, if we move these people here,

it should be fine. She's like, yeah, but you know, it's a bit late, hasn't it? So you probably can't get in. In the end, you managed... It was a table for about 14 people. 14 of us were there. Yeah. And...

I was like, loads of space. Yeah. But it was actually, we wasn't happy all night. All night, I'd look over and again, just look at me like I can't believe you've landed on your feet. But it's like how you felt when I ordered my sofa and I didn't measure for it. And then it just, it fitted perfectly.

Right. Well, this annoy you, Christian. James did not measure for his sofa in his new flat. He ordered a sofa, but did not measure the space. And I was like, no, you've not measured. It's a nightmare. It's going to be too big. And then it arrived and it was perfect. Like it looks like it's made to measure.

I'd think good on you. Congratulations. Thank you very much. I just have to admit, yeah, I mean, I've never, I've never measured for a sofa either. Oh, well, that's why neither of you are measureous. You're assumed that Christian would be on your side because he's a sensible man.

But back like, he's just like me. You kind of look at something I like that. That's how it probably fits. I hate it when it's under-prepared people land on their feet. Oh, it was so funny when I sent Ed the photo with the sofa because it's in this like little, because it's not just like, oh, it just fits in.

It's like, there's this space for it. It fits perfect. And it's just like, it's like a Tetris block. It's right in there and he's so annoyed. And what were you going to do if it didn't? Don't know, didn't have a plan. It was a genuine guess. I was going to be really upset with myself.

I was going to walk around, you know, chest size, I was going to be like, oh, you should have measured it. You're an idiot, James. That would have been like that. But instead I laughed so much I said in the picture. It's like once I was going, I was getting a plane to a gig with another comic and I was on my way to the airport

and I got a call from him saying, I've gone to the wrong airport. So I planned it all. I was going to Heathrow. So I've gone to Gatwick by accident. I'm going to have to come from Gatwick to Heathrow. I was like, well, that's what happens when you don't, when you don't prepare, you've not prepared unfortunately.

And then I arrived at the airport and I checked in and he was, he made it before me. Well, I was just, I think I was just about to leave and then he like got a bus or something or raced across London and just got there really quickly. Like a cartoon character. That's great. That would make me quite annoyed.

Yeah. Well, the fact that my friend had gone to the wrong airport would be really angry. Yeah. I mean, that was annoying in itself, but then he, then he got there before me. So it worked out better for him. And that friend was James A. Kenner, wasn't it? No way. I'd never gone on a plane with Ed. Your main course, Christian,

that's a very strong start, by the way. I think of all the starters we've had, that's the one I would like to try so far. Not a solid start. My mum makes, so in this strange, genie-like restaurant, my mum is suddenly now the chef. My mum makes the most amazing prawn curry, usually with tiger prawns, big tiger prawns,

but our butterflyed and it's quite a coconut-y curry. And it's just, it's the best prawn curry you can get anywhere. It's one of those things, very difficult having a good cook for a mum, particularly with Indian food, because a lot of Indian food in this country is sort of concocted. It's not, you know, it's not really home cooking. It's kind of that version of Indian food

that is Indian restaurant food. And so you spend a lot of time in Indian restaurants going, but it doesn't sound like my, doesn't taste like the cooking at home or your friend's house or whatever it is. And that is the case with this curry. It's just, I mean, it's quite a simple curry. I've tried making it myself. Can't quite get it absolutely right.

But it's all about that. It's that instinct thing of how much you put in, trying to get a recipe off my mum is impossible. Because it's just all in her head and she... Well, yeah. And she'll say, then you put in some whatever. So, you know, put in a bit of chilli powder and you go, well, how much?

And she'll go, well, I mean, I don't know, you know, just, you know, just, yeah. And so she then tries to sort of measure it out and says, well, I'll put half a teaspoon in, I'll put a teaspoon in of this or whatever it is. And obviously she's just spent her life doing it by feel because she kind of taught herself when she came to this country that she didn't know how to cook. And so learn to all herself.

And so she does it brilliantly. And it's just a really, really sort of simple thing. And, you know, I wouldn't sort of want a huge amount of other stuff with it. It's basically just a prawn curry with white basmati rice and a bit of yoghurt. And... How hot is this curry? Not very well.

I mean, depending on... It was on a menu and there was chilies next to it. It would not be very hot. It would be a three out of five. Okay. And... Because I can't really deal with very hot stuff anymore because I have Crohn's disease, but...

Which was for which chilies really bad. But in any case, I'm a bit rubbish with very hot food. So it doesn't have to be really hot. It's just got to have enough chili. And it's about fresh chili as well, I think. It's the flavor of chili. So it's got to have enough to give it the flavor, but not so much that it becomes unpleasant.

And was this... Is this your whole life, this curry? I mean, do you remember a time when this curry wasn't in your life? Yes. I mean, it's not something we used to have when we were really kids. It was something that kind of... I remember starting to have when I was sort of a teenager, about sort of 14, 15.

And also because of the availability of fresh, big Asian tiger prawns. Wasn't that good a long time ago in the... 70s and 80s. I don't think it was that easy to get all that stuff. Whereas now you can obviously get anything from anywhere all the time. And it was sort of killed yesterday. And so the availability of all this stuff has kind of transformed it.

So yeah, it's much more a thing of the last 20 years, or 25 years maybe. And it is... I think it's probably... Well, it's me and my brother's favorite dish actually as well. Have you asked for it for your birthday before? On your birthday, for your birthday meal, have you said about my birthday?

Not my birthday, but for special meals, yes. Yeah, we say, can you make prawn curry? How often would you say you asked for the prawn curry? How often you going over and say, oh, it's a special occasion to choose that. Yeah, no, when we were younger, a lot. And my brother used to do it an awful lot. But yeah, I mean, not that much now.

Because it seems unfair. It's a bit of a pistachio, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, no quite a lot. A big fan of coconut and curries and stuff. My mum makes this Thai fish kind of like soup, but there's a lot of... I absolutely...

I think that's my favorite thing that my mum makes. Is it? Yeah, when I go around, if it... I asked for it for my birthday or something like that. I'll have the Thai fish soup. Oh, so... And again, I tried to make that myself, got the recipe off of her and just didn't...

What was really annoying is I was close. But first of all, I was like, I've done it, I've nailed it. And then there was this aftertaste that was not... I tell you, you're missing an ingredient, James. A mother's love. You know what? In my head, that sounded really lovely and homely. And then when I said a mother's love,

it sounded really creepy and I didn't mean it to. Yeah, suddenly, it was good. Because the way you shifted your voice, you did the deep voice. And I leant into the microphone. Yeah, you said a mother's love. But it's the subtleties of flavor, though. Yeah.

That your mother can deliver. Yeah. That you can't. And I don't know what... Well, not you, I mean, but I can't. One can't. I can't. Because you do just try to follow the recipe

and the recipe's always wrong. Practice is all instinct. And it's when it goes in and how long it's there. Even the pan that they're using. Yes. You know, if it's a pan that you use over and over again for the same recipe, every time you're cooking it, you're seasoning the pan.

It's got flavor in it. Yeah. That pan. Pan's got some flavor in it anyway. Well, they say that about paella, don't they? Yes. The paella dish has got... Because they don't wash them.

You can't wash them. Really? They never wash them. They must wash them a bit. No, you don't. You oil them. Oh. You oil the paella pan.

You don't wash it with soap. What are you doing? So, hold on. Everybody eat the paella and then they put some oil in and then scrub the oil around it. Basically, yeah. Yeah. And then it adds flavor every time.

So, you taste the last paella? Well, I don't know. But I mean, I'm not a big paella maker. But I have made it a couple of times. And I do know that you're not supposed to... That sounds like... Because I furiously scour my pans and so does my mum. So, it's not the pan with my mum.

It's just her knowing what she's doing. Your mum's got clean pans. We're all slightly obsessive about that. But I know with a paella dish, you're not supposed to sort of scrub it with soap and all the rest of it. You're supposed to clean it out and all the rest of it. And...

But then oil it and leave it. So, it's still got a little bit of something in it. It sounds like that was started by one lazy Spanish chef. Possibly. Yeah. It was like, are you going to clean your pan? No. No, you've got to leave the flavor in it.

If he also washes himself in oil. I don't think he's a dirty pan. I think you do clean it. But you don't kind of, you know... You don't scour it with detergent. Scrape everything off and make sure it shines. Oil it up. Yeah.

Tesco used to do this paella. No one was expecting Tesco to be the next word, though. I know. But they did this like... Just like, you know, microwaveable paella. I absolutely loved. Yeah. I used to buy it all the time.

And you just oiled the plastic dish. Yeah, oiled the plastic dish. Go back into Tesco and go, could you please just refill this with some paella, please? Yeah. I will pay for a new one. I just want it in this dish again to implement the microwave. Keeps the flavor.

You just oiled that plastic dish again, you disgusting boy. Well, I don't know if they do it anymore. So, because I don't live near Tesco anymore. So, like, if anyone does live near Tesco and they want to tweet us in, let me know if they've got the pa... It's in the round one. It's not the rectangular one. Don't be mistaken.

What was it, Sainsbury's? No, it was Tesco, I'm pretty sure. There's occasionally on this podcast, there is, like, a few minutes where James tries to remember something. Yeah. One of the highlights of one of the episodes was me trying to remember what I dipped in some sour cream once.

And it was some sensations, pop it on sensations, many pop it on sensations, that lime and coriander. One, that was the perfect combination. Yeah, it was delicious. It was so good. And I... Because if there's any old ground that needs recovering, it's that.

We definitely need a recap. The listeners love it. They tweet about it all the time. Mainly because they were frustrated because it took so long that the podcast couldn't remember it. It's fine. But yeah, if anyone lives near a Tesco, let me know if they've got the big round pillar still

that you can microwave. I'll happily travel and get another one of them. Travel? Yeah. Like, it's going to be anything over than 20 minutes. To be honest, so, actually, it's a bit weird that I'm even... Because I've actually got a Tesco walking distance. I might as well go there.

He's lost his mind. I might do it. So, yeah, you're both... My mom's the wrong curry. Yes. That's where we are. And they're the big prawns. They're like the prawns that, like, you know,

they come on the shell and they're going to be, like, five or six inches. And then by the time you've got all the scubbins out, which is not pleasant. Have you ever done that? No, I've never. Deveining the prawn and all that kind of stuff? Very important.

Deveining the prawn, yeah. So you just slit it down the back. Yeah. And then try and take out the... Peel out the poop, the poop shoot. Which is not nice, but I kind of do it by a sink. And then they kind of... Then because they've been slipped down the back,

they then kind of curl up and butterfly and open up. They're really nice. Honestly, I'm naturally doing it like that. So they don't look anything like a prawn when you get them in the dish. They look round. Right. Round and chunky.

Little hoops. Yeah. Well, no, not hoops. They're just circles. Hmm. Oh, I like that. No, not like a donut. Not like a donut, James, no.

Oh, but like a donut without a hole in it. The hole is generally closed up. Yes. They're quite tight. There could be a donut. There's probably a hole there. I mean, there is a hole there. Yeah.

It's just kind of... The prawns dribbled up. It's not immediately possible, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But probably I shouldn't go around referring to prawns as donuts, that's what we were saying. No, no.

No. They're not a lot like donuts. Yeah, that's fair enough. What yoghurt do you put? You said some yoghurt. What yoghurt are you putting on there? Well, see, this is the problem because this...

We're now we're getting into my side dish. Oh, are we? Okay. We can segue into your side dish if you want. Yeah. Well, because I think yoghurt has to be my side dish because I have a lot of yoghurt. And the best yoghurt, again, is a homemade yoghurt.

Yes. Which is cultured. I wouldn't know where to start making a yoghurt at home. No, I wouldn't actually. No, neither would I. Neither would I. But it's the kind of thing that mums and grandparents did. And they would have a bit of yoghurt

and they would make yoghurt from the yoghurt. And I don't ask me how. So where does the first yoghurt come from? Well, somebody made yoghurt somewhere. And then it's just been passed down. It's a bit like the earth and existence. You know, it's just like somewhere, something... It's like there was a big bang.

Yeah. Some yoghurt was made. And from the first yoghurt came all the yoghurt. And that bacteria or whatever it is, is very important in the making of the yoghurt. So all yoghurt's have come from the same yoghurt? No, I don't think so. I made that up.

All of them. Crunchy corners? But no, like you can have... Actually, my wife's mother did this as well for years and years in Australia. She's Australian. And she used to say she used to make yoghurt. And for years, it would essentially be the same yoghurt.

Yeah. Like sourdough. Like when people do sourdough bread, it's the same start. They have like a starter. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

You keep like a little jar of like the sourdough. And you use a little bit to start the next lunch. Yeah. It all comes from... So when I was growing up, my mum would always have this sort of bowl of yoghurt in the fridge that was being made or cultured or whatever it is. So that yoghurt probably is the best yoghurt.

And you can also... Well, I'm still getting complicated. I'm complicating myself now. So I've just contradicted my own dessert, but we'll come to that right, Joe. But yeah, no, that yoghurt, or these days, just Greek yoghurt. Okay, great. Did you put anything in the yoghurt?

No, just plain yoghurt. I think we've got to get your family yoghurt. I mean, that's like, you know, that sounds more special. Yeah, I think family yoghurt. Yeah, family yoghurt. Yeah. Yeah, lots and lots of yoghurt pop down. I could probably test going to get some Greek yoghurt.

I really like spiced yoghurt as well. I don't know if you've had spiced yoghurt. No, what's spiced in the yoghurt? Well, particularly in India, like if you have a lassi yoghurt drink that might be spiced, you can spice a thick yoghurt as well. And I have a... You know what a writer is, which is a chopped cucumber and onion and tomato or whatever it is in yoghurt.

And you can also put a bit of spice in there as well and just have a sort of a big taste sensation of a yoghurt. Yeah. But to be honest, I just like plain yoghurt because I kind of use it to kind of bring down the heat and just, you know, spread it out a bit. First time I had a mango lassi. Holy moly.

You can imagine. Do you remember where you were? Yeah, I can actually. Where were you? I was in Cardiff with Henry and Josh Whitcomb. The home of mango lassi. Yeah, so it's quite late in my life. Quite late in my life when I had a mango lassi.

So I was in my 20s. Yeah. And there's this vegetarian place that I really liked. And we went there to get the cheese doses there, the Whitcomb boys. Cheese doses? Yeah, that's what I did there at the time. Okay. And that's what...

As in paneer, I suppose. I guess so. But that's what I really, really liked. And I was like... And then they were like, we're getting mango lassi. What's that? Followed suit. I obviously...

Changed your life. Oh, so sweet. I loved it. I was like, this is all I want to drink from that one. So good at mango lassi. What's it just nice to say? I like saying it. Rolls off the tongue.

It's... Yeah, but you're saying it wrong. Yeah. Yeah, it rolls off the tongue. It shouldn't. It's not lassi. It's not the dog. What?

Although it's spelt. Yes, I know it's spelt like the dog. But it's a us sound. It's lassi. Lassi, lassi. Like a you. Mango and lassi. Yeah.

See, the A sound in a lot of Indian words and languages is not A or A. It's like Krishnan. N-A-N, Krishnan. Yes. Oh, right, yeah. So I hope I said that right. I got it wrong. So my brother's name is Ravi.

R-A-V-I, as in Ravi Shankar. The star player, but everyone calls him Ravi. Oh, God. I've definitely been saying that. So Ravi like lassi. It's actually Ravi and lassi. Oh, man. I'm very anxious now because I know that I'm not being saying that.

It's so funny that he's been so long going and it's so nice to say. I love saying. So it's a mango lassi. No, mango is fine. That's actually, that's actually, I've gone and screwed up my own rule. It's not mango. It's mango. Lassi.

Mango and lassi. I don't think I've ever, I don't think I've ever had a lassi. What? Nothing I've ever had one. You've got to do it. They're delicious. Do I have to go to Cardiff? Yeah.

How have you? That's the home of the lassi. You've been to Indian restaurants. I've been to Indian restaurants, but I've never, yeah, I wouldn't, I just not, I've just not touched a lassi before. Oh, getting from Cardiff. Definitely, definitely happened. But when, when, when in the meal would I have it?

Would I have it with the meal? I'm having it before the meal, after the meal. I had it straight away before the meal. Yeah, I have it before and I'm trying to tell you where to go to have it. Good to do. Absolutely. Because there's a brilliant Indian street food restaurant. There was a place in Soho very...

Chynasto. Chynasto. Chynasto. Or Nasto. Nasto, yeah. Chynasto. Chynasto. It's Chynasto and Hammersmith Grove.

It's absolutely... Oh, I live, I live quite near there. Really? Yeah. I'll, I'll go there. And you've not gone, yeah. Go there and they do brilliant lassis. And great, great martinis as well, actually.

Oh, that doesn't sound like a good mix. They do, they do lychee martinis, I think, as I remember. So to order a lassi and a martini. That is going to be quite the night out for me. That sounds delicious. I'm going to do it. There was a very, for briefly, this is very short lived. There was a place in Soho that was just called Mango.

And everything it served was mango stuff. That is... Oh, God. It did not last long. No. No. It did not, mango lassies. Yeah, you hope so, yeah.

But like, it was like, yeah, everything was with mango-y. You would struggle, because the best mangoes are only available for a few weeks a year. Right, right, yeah. So what do you do the rest of the time? So open a few weeks. Yeah, a few weeks. And they had a comedy gig there. That's how I know about it.

What? There was a gig in the back. So I played mango about three times. If it wasn't called Mangoes Into A Bar. No, it wasn't actually. Right. Gammoth Movenin's fault. Gammoth, if you're listening.

Was that his gig? Yeah, he used to put that gig. Movenin did. So if you're listening, Movenin, why do you not call it Mangoes Into A Bar? Right. So yogurt was your side dish? Yes. Yogurt was my side dish on the basis that if you're going to have something that isn't

your prawn curry, then it has to be your side dish. But that's good. So your meal is fitting together. Some people don't necessarily just pick stuff around. Oh, so you could just have a completely different side dish. Because no one's judging you. You could have a completely different side dish. You could have chips if you wanted to.

Quite hard not to have chips. Yeah. It is difficult, generally, to not have chips. I completely agree with that. Yeah, sod the yogurt. I think maybe chips. You can have the yogurt as part of the main. Because it also depends when you say your drink, you know,

what is the context of the meal? Is it like my last meal? Am I about to be executed? It doesn't have to. I mean, you know, people take it how they want. It's just your best meal. Just the best stuff you've ever had. Best food you've ever had.

It's hard, hard not to have chips. Because you can have the yogurt as part of the main meal, because the yogurt goes with the curry. And then you can have a completely disconnected side dish. So you could bung some chips in there if you wanted. I think I'd do that. Chips. If I could do that, yeah.

Yogurt with the main. Yeah. And I think you'd have to have those, you know, double or triple cooked. Right. The thick triple cooked ones from like. Biscuit ones. Yeah. From nice restaurants.

Where you might only get six, but what are six? But they'll come in a little pile. They're crisscrossed pile of six. Oh, actually no. No, no, no. I don't like that. I saw the regret in your face. I'm not happy with that small little, you know,

yeah, you can have two that way and two that way and two on the top. I hate that. I want a pile of chips. Pile of chips, yeah. But they should also be. Super crispy. Super crispy and well cooked. First person who did that.

First person who just stacked up six chips together. What were they thinking? In their heads, they must have been doing that. That evil villain laugh from films. Yeah. Looking at the overheads on it. Gosh, I mean it's just, I hate that actually when that comes. Yeah.

It's very annoying. It's very annoying. Really, really hate it. They put a lot of, that's putting a lot on how the chips taste, isn't it? Like you better make sure they're good chips. It is just a chip at the end of the day. I mean, chips are great, but you know,

there's not a lot of subtlety to the flavor. Yeah. It's just a chip. Yeah, you got to, I mean, although, I remember when Curly Fries came out. And, uh... Do you? Yeah.

Were you at the launch? I don't remember when they came out, but I remember when like this time, becoming a bit more of a thing. You remember when they cut the big Curly Ribbon? Yeah, we all went in. Yeah, it was great. But they were, oh, couldn't get enough of them.

I'm still pro Curly Fries. Yeah, I love them. You don't see them in a lot of places. I'm trying to think where I've seen Curly Fries. They're starting to kind of like, yeah. I can't recall having Curly Fries. Wow. You never had them.

There's a place in Hammersmith Grove. I'm trying to think. Trying to think where I may have had Curly Fries, but I can't think. I don't know why they're not on every menu that has chips. Should be a... Because sweet potato fries are big now. I don't know why Curly Fries aren't available.

Curly Fries are better. I would choose Curly Fries have a sweet potato fries in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat. They've always got like occasion seasoning on them. Seasoning is great. So great. Oh, mumma mia.

Are they Curly as in just Curly as in a chip that's curved? It's like a spring. Or is it? No, they're spirals. Coiled like a spring. Yeah, they're coiled like a spring. Yeah. So you get different textures.

I've never seen that. It's crispy on the ends. You've never seen it. Hold on. Where do you eat? Have we told you about the never-seen a Curly Fries? I've never seen a Curly Fries. Yeah, where do we get that?

You even know that was a thing until we bought it up. No! Well, we are getting exclusives on this podcast. Christian and Guru Murthy has never seen a Curly Fries before. He's just heard about a Curly Fries for the first time. Listeners, we're telling Christian the news. Wait a minute. Oh, well, you must have not been in the news

when that day, Christian. When they got Curly Fries. He must have been out. Hugh Evans was in that day. He knows all about Curly Fries. He's all over Curly Fries. But no, seriously, where'd you get a Curly Fries? Well, you should get it in there.

Well, this is a good question. I mean, you can buy them and take them home. So, they're in the supermarkets in banks. Oh, I see. You can do that. But you can also get them in. This is some like, I would say there's a lot of places that are like, you know, it's like family pub places that have like,

maybe soft play areas and stuff would have it as an item on the menu. Like, what an upgrade to Curly Fries. Why do you have Curly Fries? 50p extra or whatever. Have some Curly Fries. Okay. Do they have like, Perry Perry salt on them or something like that? Kind of a spicy Cajun thing.

Paprika. Here is a sentence I never thought I'd say. I'm about to show a Christianing group a picture of a Curly Fries. Okay, here we go. That's what we're talking about. Oh, that doesn't look nice. The first time you see them. The first time you see the Curly Fry.

That is a particularly long Curly Fry. Yeah, that is a big one. That's a really long one. That's the size of a jumbo sausage, yeah. That's like a little Victor Wringel's ringlet. That's a little bit daunting for your first view of the Curly Fries. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to get that.

You shouldn't eat you in, Christianing. I'm so sorry. No one goes in that size, Curly. A jumbo sausage. Happy with that? It looks like an onion ring. Right, okay. Yeah, because those ones do.

This didn't go as well as I thought. I think what we're learning here is there's not many good photographers of Curly Fries. That's not many good Curly Fry photographers for show Christianing his first ever Curly Fry. There must be something on Instagram. There's probably a Curly Fry. There's probably an account because the air is dedicated to Curly Fries. Yeah, if there's not, there will be after this. Yeah, people.

If one of our listeners would like to set up an Instagram account entirely dedicated to Curly Fries. Curly Fries hashtag. There is a Curly Fries hashtag. Okay, now I can see Curly Fries. They still look hideous. I'm so privileged to be here the first time Christians heard of or seen Curly Fries. Obviously, anyone who follows Christian on Twitter.

It's been a sheltered upbringing. Please feel free to tweet some pictures of some Curly Fries at them in the future. Educate them as much as possible. Thanks. One day we are going to find a picture of Curly Fries that you like. So if you want to tweet Christian in a picture of Curly Fries saying, What about these ones? That's what you've got to write.

Are you allowed to write anything else? All I have to say is what about these ones? Well, we're playing in the mall. Right, great. Triple Cook Chips is the sign. And you want a big bowl of them. A nice big amount of them. A big amount of them.

Salt and vinegar? Oh yeah, lots of vinegar. Ketchup Mayo? Ketchup, not Mayo. My opinion on mayonnaise has shifted over the years. And this is not a European thing. But there's a pub down the road from the newsroom, Channel 4 News, called the Cal Thor Arms, where we often go.

And they are brilliant people and they often bring us a bowl of chips. Just to be nice. And they will often bring a little tub of ketchup and a little tub of mayonnaise that goes with it. And over the years, because I've been at Channel 4 News for 20 years, 20 years of a little tub of mayonnaise with the chips has slowly sort of converted me. Because obviously the ketchup always goes first. So when the ketchup goes, there's nothing else to dip into.

You do go for mayonnaise. You find yourself straying to the Mayo pot. I'm not against mayonnaise in the same way that I would have been had you asked me 10 years ago. That's good to know. That's good. I'm probably the opposite. I think in school and stuff, I was big into mayonnaise on chips and now ketchup every time.

I'd probably just go... That's really surprising. You have mayonnaise on chips at school. Yeah, yeah. It was a big thing at my school. It was a Montague school then ketchup in. It's now an academy. It's completely changed now.

No Mayo anymore. No, it was school I went in. Not there anymore. It's under a tennis court. That's true. But yeah, we all just went through a phase of all having mayonnaise on chips. Maybe it's because in Pulp Fiction, they say at the start, I think maybe one kid has seen Pulp Fiction and then it caught on.

I love Mayo on chips. Don't even like... I don't really like ketchup. I find it too sweet. Don't think it goes well on chips. Or anywhere. Okay. Mayo on chips.

Poori's in ketchup. Going back to the little flat breads that my mum makes. Poori's in ketchup is a thing. I'm going to try that. It's a proper thing. Yeah. I'll try that. Ed agreed to have that one.

I'll have that one. Good. I'll have a mango lussey. If you eat a curly fry. Yeah, I'll try it. All right, good. We'll have a day when we all do this. Your drink...

We started your drink ages ago. Went back to the side. He talked about a few drinks. Well, I mean, start off sounding like a toss a carry-on, I guess. So, I would... I really like a nice glass of champagne. When I go out to a restaurant. Lovely.

I like to begin with a glass of champagne. And not any old champagne. Sort of a nice glass of champagne, I think. So, if I can have any drink I want. You know. A really nice glass. Is there a specific champagne? A really nice glass of bolly.

You know, it's quite... Yeah. It's sort of quite hard to beat. In that... I hate myself listening to myself on this, but... This is what people tune in for. This is what people tune in for. But, yeah.

No, I think, you know, starting off a meal like that is great. Yeah. I feel champagne goes straight to my head. I can't really handle champagne. Maybe one glass. And it's same with then it's like Prosecco, any sparkling wine. One glass I can have, but otherwise it really... It knocks me for six.

Interesting news. And too fizzy, I end up with burpee giggling mess. I mean, going back to my birthday again, Ed. Yeah. So, my birthday started in midday and we just had the whole day eating and drinking and Ed immediately was like, we're getting champagne. Really pushy, weren't you, all day?

Yeah, because I thought it was funny. I kept on saying no. Eventually, he gets some champagne. Like, right at the end you want some champagne. It's because I said I'll buy you a bottle of champagne. You said I don't want any champagne. I don't like champagne. So, it immediately became funny to buy you a bottle of champagne.

Yeah, it was really comfortable all day. And now I've learned that Ed doesn't even like it that much. It goes to his head and he becomes a burpee giggling mess. But that was right at the end of the night anyway. So, I was already a burpee giggling mess. Yeah, then it was not a good end to the night we were. No, it was... They bought me a flaming shot.

What do you think about that, Christian? As in a sandbucker? No, it was like... I didn't even know what it was. Maybe it was, it was absolutely disgusting. So, a drink that was on fire. A burnt mark on the lips. Yeah, you're supposed to blow it out first.

I'll blow it out first, but I did blow it out. But then, like, the glass was really hot. Burnt my lips on the rim of the glass. Happy birthday. Yes, you would. You would. Actually, the only variation to that, I suppose, if we're starting with Tataki, would be Saki.

Saki, yes. Saki to Taki. Saki to Taki. Saki and Tataki is really, really nice. But I'm a bit uncouth when it comes to Saki. So, I really like hot Saki, which is terrible. You know, I mean, everybody thinks that's really naff. Is it?

Yeah, you've got to have cold Saki, apparently. But I like hot Saki. Why is a hot Saki naff? I think, I don't know. I think it's like drinking maybe champagne. Right, okay. I'd never really had Saki. And then I went to, like, a Japanese expo thing in London.

And I did a Saki tasting thing, where you just went round about sort of 12 different people who were selling different types of Saki. By the end, I was pissed and bought a bottle of all of the Saki. And I've still got them because it just, I can't do it. I had too much Saki that day. Including, I've had these actually, Jellied Saki, which came in little cans.

I've never had that. That it was like citrus flavor. I mean, I'd imagine this is naff. Yeah, naff of them. How'd you get it out? Well, you just have to really tip it. And it sort of comes out like, it's like, sort of liquidy, but also jelly-y.

It's an odd texture. I absolutely loved it. Right. It was, yeah. What flavor was it? Lemon. Lemon Jellied Saki. And you got up from this?

From this Japanese expo. But I'm sure you can find it. It was in little mini cans. It was absolutely delicious. I don't think Christian's sold on that. You don't seem to really... I mean, I wouldn't be against it. But I mean, it's sounding a bit like a lemon vodka.

Yeah, it's a bit like a jelly shot, exactly. Jelly shot, yeah. Yeah. But you would want champagne. I think champagne. Yeah, that was your first instinct, I think. Yeah. I mean, I like sour drinks.

So I like margaritas, and I like dry champagne, and anything with lime and lemon in it. I like sour beer. I've got into sour beer within the last year. What kind of thing? I absolutely love it. Well, actually, I don't know their names, so that's me being useless.

But I was in Amsterdam, and I went for a meal on my own to this place. So I kind of walked quite a long way, found this place. I ate beef Wellington for two, just myself. I got some roasted cauliflower on the side. Didn't order dessert, and it was going to be a mini little ice cream anyway. It was great.

And then on the way home, I really needed a shit. So I went into this pub, and I went to the pub, and it was empty. So that meant the guy behind the counter saw me come in, just go to the toilet, be in there for long enough that I'm clearly not having a wee, and then come out. And so I was like, I've got to order a drink. Yeah.

And I took out something that's like a local brewed thing. And he pulled me this sour beer. And I think, that's probably... That's a drink I've ever had. Like, top, in the top tiers. It's weird that that's one of the nicest drinks I've ever had. Yeah, that's what it was. I don't know what it was called.

That's tragic. Yeah. That's like meeting the love of your life, and then getting a number. Yeah, it is kind of like that. But you know what Christian was saying about his start of being connected with nice memories? Yeah.

I think you're on a post-shitty euphoria. You feel that was what it was. Yeah. I'm so happy that I... Yeah. I'd had other shit. So I knew I wasn't going to make it back to the apartment. So that was what...

It was such a relief to go in there and just find a toilet. And then whatever you'd had to drink. Whatever I'd had to be connected with that memory. Best drink ever. Or dancing home thinking about the love of my life. Well, we come to the dessert. This is obviously my favourite course. Are you a dessert man?

Big dessert person. Yes. Excellent. A big pudding... I mean, I grew up in the North, so pudding is a big thing for me. And so any kind of steamed pudding with custard is fine. Stick to your own puddings.

But I think a chocolate-steamed pudding has to be the thing. You know, a gooey chocolate sponge pudding. Nice. So with a sponge and an extra chocolate sauce on top? Yeah, or where it's sort of a melted in the middle kind of chocolate pudding. Oh, okay. Where you spoon into it. And there are two, I suppose, that I would cite.

One is the one you can buy and stick in the microwave from Marks and Spencer's. Excellent. And the other is from E&O in Notting Hill, which is a sort of a slightly posh version of it. But it's basically the same thing. But it's the restaurant version, so it's a bit more bitter. Yeah, a bit posh, but that is the best way to end the meal, I think. But a homely, nice, comforting, gooey chocolate pudding.

What's E&O like? I lived in Labrote Grove for about four years. I've never heard of this place. Really? Yeah. Well, I suppose, I mean, it was incredibly fashionable years ago. And it's a great place. It's sort of Asian-y, fusion-y, so you can go in and you can have

sort of sushi-type stuff, Japanese-y-type stuff, other Asian-y-type dishes. But it's not, it doesn't stick to any particular thing. It's not a Japanese restaurant. And but it's got to sort of an Asian feel to it. I missed out. You missed out. You could have had chocolate pudding. Missed out.

I went to Itzu in Notting Hill quite a lot. Yeah. I mean, I had this place on my doorstep. What are you having? So, are you having a cold component with it as well? Or is it just the hot pudding? Or would you have some ice cream with it? Generally not, to be honest.

I mean, no, I'm quite purist about the chocolate pudding, I'd say. Just the chocolate pudding and the chocolate sauce. The Marks & Spencer's one, they've done an advert for that pudding, haven't they? They've done their classic trademark advert for it. Was it in the, this is not just a chocolate pudding. Yeah, the sexy voice. Maybe, I don't know. And this, you can imagine them slow-motion cutting it in half.

There were two, though. I don't know whether you've ever noticed. There is the melting middle chocolate pudding. And there is the other chocolate pudding, which has kind of got sourced around the side. Right. And you're up for the melting middle. No, actually, no.

Oh, okay, sorry. In a restaurant, generally, yes. But in that particular genre, I think the standard, the bog standard one, I guess. Sponge and sauce, rather than sauce within the sponge. Just, I don't know. Yo, trust the one on the ends. It's not that I don't trust.

Just too hot in the microwave. It's just something about the overall experience. Yo, yeah. I think you just don't trust it, because the sauce is hiding. Are you eating them cold, if you're honest? You're not even putting them in the microwave. You're just popping them in on the way home. Dude, it hasn't taken long, has it?

Little car snack. Yes, you could. No, they're not my car snack. That's another podcast altogether. Do you have a car snack? I have all sorts of car snacks. It's really, really bad and very, very unhealthy. You went somewhere there.

Yeah, you really glazed over. You stand into the distance. I thought I was going to look over and see. Yeah, no, I was thinking, no, I can't possibly admit to that. Are you going to admit to it? No, well, I do have this slightly secret thing that I do sometimes. When I go to M&S and do a food shop, I have this slight weakness for the M&S custard tart. My wife gets really annoyed if I come home with a packet of custard tart,

because she says, you're just buying this stuff and it's really bad for you, and you're just trying to lose weight, and you get fat, and then you're just like, you know, why'd you buy it? And so sometimes what I do is I buy the two-packet of custard tart, and I wait for it right at the end. And I put it on the top of the bag, so that it's there on the top of my bag when I go to my car, and I eat it between, I eat both of them, between leaving Marks and Spencer's and getting home.

Then I dispose of the evidence so that my wife never knows, and now she knows I've bled. She'll hear this and go, this explains why he refuses to kiss me when he gets back from Marks after Marks and Spencer's shop. He never wants to give me a kiss. Straight away, and that's why he's bought a little dust buster for the car. It's not just that. No, you see, the thing about them is, was they crumble. So they do collapse. In fact, the truth is, I did this last night. And I did it, and as I did it, I stopped in the Marks and Spencer's at Chiswick, and I thought, well, I'm just going to have one, and I had it, and I bit into it,

and it collapsed, and so it fell down my front of my shirt, you know, and so then I had custard down my shirt. You had to get top this in Marks and Spencer. Wiping custard down. What, new shirt? I'm even in a new suit. My love. I don't know who my dear. Oh, that is great. We're getting so many exclusives. So many exclusives, yeah. You've never seen a curly fry and you eat custard tots secretly in the car. How did you get out until you went down your top,

but then what did you do? How did you get out of this? I just, I just, I just kind of wiped it, went inside really quickly and changed. Yeah, I did wonder why you came downstairs at a new top. Hi, just going to change. Get out of this work stuff. Go for a good line. It's like big day today. All my work clothes. We're interviewing the, interviewing the national custard throwers of Great Britain. I kept my mouth closed, dear, don't worry. Let's run for your order. You would like some sparkling water.

Brackets, no fascists at the table. You would like a bread selection. Those are different types of bread, especially the one from my cuisine, which is your favorite. Tataki beef and tataki tuna. Tuna. Tuna. Together. Yeah, I can say tuna. The beef of the sea. The beef of the sea. Mum's tiger prawn curry for, for Maine, with some homemade yogurt on it as well, and some chips on the side, triple cooked, plenty of them. Champagne. What make was it again?

Bollinger. Yes, please. And for dessert, some chocolate steam pudding. I think we have to say for M&S now. No, not for M&S actually. No. Because it's not the favorite. It's the main dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So it's Ian O. Ian O. Yeah. Ian O. What a delicious meal. Fantastic meal. Thank you very much. And obviously, we'll send you home in the car with a couple of custard tart. Don't worry about it. See if it's safe with us.

Sure, never know. Thank you so much for coming on, Christian. Thanks for having me on. It's been a pleasure. Thank you, mate. Thank you, man. Oh, what an episode. What a cheeky man. I loved that episode. That's probably one of my favorites, I'd say. Great stuff. I mean, so many, so many moments in there. Christian saw a curly fry for the first time. I learned how to say mango lussey. And we got a little insight into his sneaky little habits in the car.

It's rare that a moment in history is recorded like that. Yeah. That Christian Guru Murthy learning about curly fries for the first time is now recorded for posterity and is available forever more. To begin with, I thought he was just saying, I don't know where to get curly fries. Which is a fair enough question. Yeah. I was like, yeah, yeah. Couldn't have think of it. You don't really see him around as much nowadays.

And then when he was literally going, I don't know what you're talking about. I couldn't believe it. Also, and don't forget to tweet Christian Guru Murthy with a picture of curly fries and say, what about these ones? Yeah. That's very important. What about this one? What about these ones? Depending on how many in the photo. We will find a curly fry that he likes the look of. That would be perfect.

Thank you very much. His Twitter handle is atcrishgm, atcrishgm, do tweeting pictures of curly fries and say, what about these ones? And at off menu official as well. If you want to just tweet us just in general, just follow us, keep up to date on all our news. Tag us in on Twitter and Instagram, atoffmenuofficial. Subscribe to the podcast. Review the podcast.

Yes, stars. Thank you very much. Tell your friends about the podcast. All that jazz. Christian did not say the secret ingredient, Ed. Did you notice that? I did notice that. And what was the secret ingredient called, James? Syphilis.

Yeah. He didn't say that. He didn't say physyllis either. So well done, Christian. On having an excellent menu, I thought. Yes. Sounded very delicious. And a pudding that we've already had on the podcast as well was the chocolate pudding with the filled with chocolate. That was Salassie's option as well.

So that's the second time that's been in. So, you know, if anyone, if there's anyone who listens to the podcast, who's keeping a note of stuff, you know, maybe now's a good time to start. That's straight to the top of the charts. Yes. See what the most popular dishes are. And if you like the cuts of Christian's jib. I do. And you enjoy podcasts.

He's got his own podcast called Ways to Change the World. And we've just had a look at the quality of guests he gets on. And it really is quite exceptional. Yeah. He's done one with Salman Rushdie. Someone with Johnny Ma. These are great guests. I was in a room once with Salman Rushdie.

And Yen Top is together. Yeah. They were hanging out. Everyone was looking at him. And his story. So, keep listening. Do all the subscribing and all that jazz. Come back next week for another off-menu podcast.

Goodbye, James. Goodbye, Ed. Bon appetit. Bon appetit. Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu. Where Spurts and my Mum and Astro about seaweed on mashed potato. And our relationship's never been the same since.

And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast podcast. It's called Northern News. It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North.

Because, look, we're two Northerners. Sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to.

Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. We'll get our mum on every episode. We'll get our mum on every episode. We'll get our mum on every episode. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian?

It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.