Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 111: Emily Atack

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

Emily Atack – star of ‘The Inbetweeners’ and ‘The Emily Atack Show’ – is this week’s diner. But, unlike her ‘Inbetweeners’ co-star Joe Thomas, there’s not a buried lamb in sight.The second series of ‘The Emily Atack Show’ on ITV2 kicks off in October., Emily is also on tour from the end of September. Tickets here.Follow Emily Atack on Twitter @ematack and Instagram @emilyatackofficialRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, grabbing a fish fresh from the ocean of chat, dunking it into the deep fryer of humour, and sprinkling it with the salt of giggles. Hello, James. What's the fish doing in the ocean of chat? Oh, I don't know. It's got lost. It was in the real ocean, and then it got lost and ended up in the ocean. No, the ocean of chat has fish in it. And I guess the fish represents a topic of conversation. Oh, yeah, I love it. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, and then you get it out, and then you fry it in the fryer

of humour, and then you sprinkle over the giggles. I love that. Thanks, man. It's a food podcast. That's why I did that. Is it sort of linked to food, food and humour? It's a food podcast with Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Yes, correct. We invited guests to the Dream Restaurant every week, and we asked them to favour, ever start a main course, side dish, drink and dessert. That's exactly what we do, and our special guest this week is Emily Atak. Emily Atak is an actor, a presenter. She's got her own show on ITV2, where she does like stand up and sketches and all of that sort of thing. She was in the in-betweeners, James. So what a CV. That's a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff to talk about. Multitalented. But knowing us,

we won't be talking about any of that in any way whatsoever, because we'll be too busy talking about food, probably making fun of her a bit, unless it really looks like she's getting upset, and then we'll reel it in. Yeah, we'll reel it in. But that's normally what happens, right? Yeah, normally. Normally, if things go into the gutter at some point. I normally take it there, and I'd like to apologise for that, but I will never change. Yeah. That's the best kind of apology. Yes. Here's what we won't apologise for, though. If Emily Atak chooses a secret ingredient, an ingredient that me and Ed don't like, we'll chuck her out of the dream restaurant and she won't get any dinner. Correct. And this week's secret ingredient is salt and shake crisps.

Salt and shake crisps. So disappointing. I remember them in school, a little kid being like, hey, check these out. And he showed me the salt and shake, and I thought it looked so cool. And then I had a crisp, and I was like, right, well, you're an idiot. Yeah, there's no coverage of salt on these crisps. What they've done there is they've left the most important job up to you as a kid, and you're never going to do it because you don't work in a crisp factory. No, you have the means. So all that happens, you shake it, and then all the salt floats to the bottom anyway. Floats to the bottom. Floats to the bottom. And James isn't a man of science, but he knows that salt floats downwards. Salt floats to the bottom of the packet. I'll

be honest, the first time I had them, my mum put them in my lunchbox. I don't think she really knew what they were, and I ate the whole bag of plain crisps and then found the sachet at the bottom. Yes. And then what did you do with the sachet of salt? I probably ate the sachet. Yeah, I bet you did. If I could sum up my childhood in one word, it would be consumption. Yeah, I bet you ate the salt, sachet of salt. I bet you made this noise. Yeah, I definitely did that. And then there's some music when... Yeah, you had a big mouthful of salt. Well, yeah, this is exciting. If Emily chooses to salt and shake crisps, we'll chuck him out. Yes, we will. So, without further ado,

let's hear the off-menu menu of Emily A-Tac. Welcome, Emily A-Tac, to the Dream Restaurant. Hi. That's high pitch, isn't it? That's really high pitch, so... A lot of stuff happened there. Welcome, Emily A-Tac, to the Dream Restaurant. I've been expecting you for some time. Oh, I'm so chuffed. I'm so chuffed to be here. Thank you. It was a very high-pitched high, and you were aware of it. You came in high-pitched, and then the genie arrived. A lot of stuff went on very quickly. Do you normally go in with a high-pitched high? I do when I'm kind of... Because this, for me, is really exciting,

this doing this podcast. So, it's almost like a nervy thing of going, hi, and then realising, and now I'm embarrassed. I've drawn attention to it even more. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad we're talking about it, though. It's fine. Get it out there. Apologies for that. Let's put you at ease with a bit of bonding. You and me both have hard A's at the start of our surnames. Oh, we do, don't we? Yeah. A-Tac. I was always so chuffed. I was always the first on the register at school. It was the best thing ever. It was like, I am first, so... Who was second? Do you remember? Oh, no. I don't know. I can't remember.

Shout out Daniel B. Han. Is that who was second on your register, James, rather than you don't weirdly know the details of Emily's school register? Daniel B. Han was in my primary school class, and then was even in my form group in secondary school. So, it was always A-Caster B. Han went up to the other hard A, hard B. Nice. I always felt sorry for a lad in my class called Farrow, because he was a bit further down the line when I was thinking rubbish. But surely not at the end? Well, it was a small class. It was a small class, James. Really small. How many? Well, your class stopped at F.

Yeah, I think it did. What? Actually, no, there was a guy called... No, no. Just remember, there was a guy called Ward. He was last. But he didn't get your sympathy for something. Yeah. You felt... You were feeling sorry for Farrow, but Ward's sitting there like, what? Look at me. Well, big shout out and wait to see how sorry you feel for this guy in my school, Zubeda. Wow. Rock bottom of the register. That's a cool name, though. Zubeda. I like it. Also, got your attention to something that me and Ed have just seen, but the list didn't happen. Why are you drinking out of a cup the size of your head?

Oh, is it? Is it quite big? That is humongous. I honestly thought you hailed it right up to the camera there, but it is just a massive cup. Yeah. And also, it's really difficult to find objects that are bigger than my head. So, I think that's why I've chosen it, because my head is so fucking massive. So, finding something to make my head look smaller is kind of the aim here. So, you always hold big objects? Always on a Zoom, especially on a Zoom, because Zoom really kind of enlarges the head, especially if I've been on the booze all weekend. My head inflates by five sizes.

So, since the pubs have reopened, since the 12th of April, my God, I think it's inflated around 27 sizes. Yeah. They're letting people indoors, but that's not going to be an option for you, unfortunately. I'll have it in the beer garden, still, my head's massive. Give it to me in a big of glass as you've got, so I can try perspective trick this absolute nightmare. I'll have a pint of Guinness in a sports direct mug, please. On a My Uncle Calls It, the booze valve, if you have been drinking too much and your face is really inflated, and you have to pierce a bit of skin there, and then it just goes,

phew, the booze valve. Has it got a big head as well? Is this a thing in your family? Yeah, really, yeah. It's a thing in the family. Everyone's got a big massive fucking head. Well, everyone's on the telly, so it's a very sort of telly family, and I think lots of people on telly have big heads. It is a thing. People say to me in real life, people go, oh, my God, your head is massive. But I sometimes get really pleased with that, because I sort of go, does that mean I've got a tiny body? Ah. It's interesting, because normally what people say is when they make someone famous,

oh, they're a lot shorter than I realized. Yeah. With you guys, it's, aren't their heads bigger than they look on the telly? Yes. Honestly, that's what everyone says to me, like, guys even have said it to me before, they're like, no, like, she is fit, but her head is fucking massive. Part of my ignorance here. I would like a rundown of all of your family who are on the telly, because I... Oh, God. I think I know, so you can, you give James the rundown, and I was going to say, I've never thought any of you have big heads. I'm going to put that out there now, although I'm enjoying making fun of you for having a big head, even though I don't think you have one. When you see us in real life, trust me, it is the massive head brigade. It's

mental. We saw your sister a minute ago helping you set up the laptop. Big head. So big. It's enormous, yes. We haven't even touched a service on the forehead yet. Everyone always says to me, I've got like a nine head. Yeah, so you just pulled your hair back there. What you're doing there is you're pulling your hair back and obscuring the hair. So, yeah, I mean, I think everyone's head, I mean, I do have quite a big head anyway, but everyone's head looks quite big if you do that. Yeah, I mean, what I mainly struck by when you do that is just how absolutely pristine your skin is. Is it? Do you think? Here he comes from here. James loves skin, and that came out creepier than I thought it would. Oh, my God, that is the nicest thing anyone

has said to me in a really long time. Hey, no problem. Sorry that Ed hasn't been paying any compliments. To balance it out, it's lucky your skin's pristine, because there's so much of it on their head. Yeah. It must take how many bottles of moisturizer do you use on your fucking head in the morning? A lot. E45, more like E145, Ed, am I right? Oh, he's good. The thing is, he's got it within him. It's good that he conceals it a lot of the time. James still doesn't know who in your family is on the television, so you've got to put him on his misery now. Well, to be honest, I think you're a bit young. It's more like your parents might know kind of who my mum is. My mum sort of been around for a while. She's called Kate Robbins. She's a comedian, actress, all-round

showoff. My uncle Ted Robbins has been in the business for a really long time. You know Ted Robbins, James? Oh, yes. He's just one of those all-rounders. He's kind of been around for, you know, a really long time. Yeah, I know Kate Robbins. It's the photo of her with Paul McCartney here. Yes, so I'm related to Paul McCartney as well. Oh, congrats. I wasn't going to mention that one, because that's really showing off. It's a bit edit. And now you've mentioned it. What a massive head Paul McCartney's got. Yeah, well, yeah, no. And if you actually look, there's a similarity, like my sister looks a lot like the McCartney, my sister's got the McCartney gene a lot. Yeah, Paul McCartney is my grandma's cousin. Wow. That mug, every time you put it on, that's what the

was for. Not the McCartney link. Yeah, yeah. I thought we were going to give a shit about Paul McCartney, but look at that mug. What's in it? It's a coffee. I don't really love coffee that much, but I'm a bit like a child. And I drink coffee, like if I'm not allowed to have alcohol, I have to have something to give me like a whoosh. So I'll have a bit of that before, you know, like something like this. Keeps my little brain ticking away, you know. Little brain thinking. Yeah, sadly. We always start with still sparkling water at the start of the meal. You got a preference? Sparkling. Yeah, definitely sparkling. If it's still, I want to, I'm one of those annoying people I now sort of put cucumber in it and bit of mint. Even at home? Yeah, this is at home. I sort of

do that. That's kind of like one of like a grown up thing that I do. I feel really grown up when I do that. I also know that I'm looking after myself when I kind of put cucumber in water, you know. But yeah, first choice sparkling because then it's a bit more fun, isn't it? You sort of feel like you're having a bit of pop. Ed, do you hate cucumber in water? Yes, I absolutely hate it. He's voiced this before. He hates it. I like it. I think it's nice. I'm with you. Yeah, it's nice. The heartache sticking together here. It's just you get just a slight, like tiny little hint of it when you drink it. Do you like cucumber in general? Yeah, I like cucumber, but you know, cucumber is mainly water anyway, isn't it? So

have a slice of cucumber. Fine. But I don't want that. I think it tastes more cucumber, tastes more cucumber-y when you put it in water than it does when you have a slice of cucumber. And I like the taste of water anyway. I don't need to mess with water. Okay, fair enough. Icy water. Icy water? Yeah. Icy dead people. That's exactly what I thought. I thought you said that's what I thought was going on there. Icy water. Yeah, we all do, Emily. That's not a paranormal skill. It's not a paranormal skill. We can all say it. Slice of lemon maybe. Slice of lemon, but not with sparkling water. I don't like to mess around with it too much. Loads of ice and maybe a bit of lemon, but I'm not bothered without it either.

So yeah. Well, hold on though. So because you add stuff in it. So you said lemon, you said cucumber, you said mint. Is there anything else that you would add to a glass of water? And when we've got the full list of stuff you would add to a glass of water, and you're going to need to rank them worst to best. Okay. I also go a little bit mad sometimes and put sliced strawberry in my still water. But the thing is you can't leave it in there for too long because the strawberries start to kind of go a bit soft and a bit there. This is just like, if you're going to drink the still water with all the things in it, you have to drink it quite quickly because you just get a nice hint of the flavours of the bits that are in there,

but then it doesn't get all mushy and little bits start flying around it and it's chaos. So yeah, but I would say the first choice would be cucumber and then lemon and then strawberry. Sometimes I put it all in together. Like a non-alcoholic pims. Yeah. I think I like the vibe of it. I like a vibe. So like a glass, if someone asks me if I want a glass of water, I'm kind of like, oh, like, because I feel like if someone's trying to get me to drink water, they're trying to stop me from having fun. So like, I felt that growing up. It was always like a glass of water and then that I was having a tantrum or just like, I've realised I haven't had a glass of water for a few days and it's like, I just have to drink a bit of water. But kind of now in my 30s, I'm

realising water is very important. So I try and drink it more. But yeah, I think I'm adding things to the water out of protest to try and make it more interesting because I definitely relate to water with being dull. Yeah. Right. You see, that to me sounds like a lot of hassle. Like, every time I have a glass of water, I have to get the cucumber out, slice up a strawberry, do all that because I don't know. I think you can have too much vibe. I think that probably says a lot about me. Sometimes I don't want a vibe. I just want a glass of water. Completely fair. And James knows I'm a glugger as well. You've never seen someone glug it like it. I mean, just ridiculous. Are you one of those? Do you love what?

Joe Dummit, who obviously you guys know very well, he constantly has a go at me for not drinking enough water and all he talks about is how much he loves water. He's like, I love it so much. I love water. I just love it. I always say I'm actually fucking love water. I was like, yes, I get the hint. Like, I mean, when we're doing extra camp together and we're away in Australia, he was always checking to see that I was drinking water. And his rule is if you pick up a bottle of water, you have to finish it. You're not allowed to put it down. I'm like, I can't do that. Yeah. Yeah, that's mad. Finish a bottle of water. For one, Joe Dummit has no right to dictate to anyone what they should be drinking. Correct. Or eating at all because this history on this

podcast is pretty poor. Everyone absolutely hates him. So he can't tell you to do that. Also, that is such a Joel thing to do to be like the rule is if you pick up a water, you have to drink the whole water. It's such a Joel Dummit rule, which I love him for. To put a game or a rule onto basic stuff is very Joel. Yeah. Yeah. And again, it's just it's made me made me associate water with being boring. Because again, I feel like I'm being told to drink it. I'm being told to finish the bottle of water. So if I'm being told to do it, I don't want to do it. By a pretty fun guy though, right? Yeah. No, it's a pretty fun. Yeah, it must seem less square when Joel Dummit's telling you to drink

it surely. I was just trying to get him to drink alcohol the entire time we were away, blessing or bastard. Yeah, with your massive head going through the jungle. Please, Joel. Have some booze with me. Please, make my head inflate by three sizes. Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it up, it's all bread. Emily, attack. Pop it up, it's all bread. Okay, I was up very late last night thinking about this and I had nightmares about it because but is it if I'm having Indian food, I'll have pop it on. Sure. But I'm having bread if it's anything else, bread. But like quite simple. I like a bit of oil, a bit of balsamic vinegar, tiny crunch of salt. That's my bread. I don't have butter on my bread.

Whatever. Not really. Wow. This might be a first on the podcast. I'm scared because I'm already scared that I'm eating an entire like for capture or something. That scares me. So I'm scared of putting butter on it because I'm already eating a for capture bigger than my head. So the butter is adding. I think I'm a girl and I think about calories and all that, shall I? Actually, no, I don't when I'm out having dinner. Well, you don't have to think about that in the dream restaurant. Okay, butter. All right. No, no. No, I actually don't think with olive oil and balsamic. You don't need butter, surely? No, that's fair. But if you prefer olive oil and balsamic,

that's what you should have. Yeah. If you genuinely prefer it. Yeah, I think I'm just going to admit that I prefer olive and balsamic over butter, I think. Would you do this at home as well? Is this something you do at home? Yeah, I love it. I love it so much. Because things in little bowls make me really happy. And again, it's like Vibey. I love little bowls and nice things. And if I see like a little bowl of balsamic and oil mixed together, lovely. That makes me really happy. I like that a lot. I feel like you're doing things at home that not many other people would make the step to do at

home. You're doing restaurant flourishes in a home cooking setting, which is very impressive. I love cooking. And I like making those little vibes for myself. Like if I pour a glass of wine, I have like a tiny little bowl of nuts with it. And I think that's why I can't be asked to just drink a glass of water. Because with a glass of water, I'm not going to make myself a tiny little bowl of nuts because the water is just keeping me alive. There's no fun to it. It's like if it's a glass of wine, it's like, oh, shall I have a bowl of olives with it as well? Then take a picture of it, put it on Instagram. Lovely. Yeah. How much traction does that get?

Well, it's not a picture of my tits, so actually probably nothing, but yeah. That would be awful. No likes for a picture of a bowl of olives. Well, even sadder would be no likes for a picture of some tits. Yeah, that would be sad, wouldn't it? That would be sadder, right? That'd be a bigger hit to the ego. Yeah, no, it would. You're right. You're very right. Who cares if people like the olives or not? If I put a picture of my butt on Instagram, I'd want people to like it. I wouldn't care about the olives picture.

No, it's all right. I remember when that Instagram first sort of came out, and I was sort of trying to gauge what was popular to put up. And I realized people like pictures of food, don't they? They like sort of seeing little pleasing bowls of things and drinks and stuff. And I was sort of trying to do that. I thought, right, if I put a picture of my poached egg, is that going to get likes? And then I just realized, no, it is just a picture of the tits. Watch the likes roll in. So I gave up on putting poached eggs on my fucking Instagram. No fucking point. I don't follow you on Instagram. I'm not on Instagram myself, but I now imagine in your timeline, it's just like loads of pictures of food,

and then suddenly it just completely changes. And I've got to say, Emily, I don't follow you on Instagram, and you do realize after this conversation, there is no way I can. It's all right. Not there tits, just, you know. But it's impossible for Ed to follow you without you thinking, oh, it's impossible for you to get that notification saying Ed Gabbler has followed you on Instagram without thinking, oh, right. Yeah, I see. Yeah, I guess it's olives from now on in. Yeah, get the poached eggs back. Yeah. Also quite interesting, just before we move on, nice to know that James thinks of his butt as his tits. Yes, the butt is the male tits.

Yeah, it's a cleavage, isn't it? It's a cleavage. Look, you know, at the end of the day, I just kind of think if someone sent me a picture of their tits, I think it would be a little bit hardcore to go straight in with a deemed shot, and I think what I would do in response would be a photo of my butt. I've got the funniest image in my head. Do you think anyone in that scenario would then send you something back? If they, you know, were kind enough to send you a picture of themselves in that scenario and they received a butt pic back again, do you think then that conversation is carrying on? Yeah. Well, the ball is in their court. Oh, is that there as well?

Like this is one. Just quite accident. Yeah, sometimes. A tuck between the legs. Yeah. Yeah, pop it through. Little something. Little sleep preview. You've got a funny story about someone sending their butt to their girlfriend, haven't you, Ed? I know you're pressing me for that. Someone I sort of know once sent a butt pic to his girlfriend to spice up the relationship, and she broke up with him almost exactly after that. Oh, my God, no. Was it because his bum was really bad or was it because she was like, well, this is just... I just think it's, I think it's weird to send a bum pic. A bum pic is a very bold choice. I'm always scared of man's bums. Like, I, you know the little walk,

on the way out, if you've just like, I don't even know if you can hear this. On the way out? On the way out to the bathroom, you know, when you're lying in bed and then they walk off to the bathroom to have a wee. I always get really scared to look because I'm scared. I'm like, I want to see what his bum looks like, but I'm really scared. What are you scared of, Emily? What are you frightened to do you're going to see? I'm just scared. I'm just like, what's it going to look like? Is it going to be hairy? Is it going to not be hairy? Is it going to have something weird on it? Or is it going to put me off them? Weird on it. A spider. You're looking as if a tarantula's sitting up.

Crawling out of it. But you know, like, I don't know, like, oh, bums are scary. I get scared of bums. What's the worst thing you could see on a man's bum? Yes. That would scare you the most. What are you most worried about seeing on a bum? Like a piece of shit. Well, it's the right answer. There was a moment there where James was so taken aback and then thought about it and was clearly like, well, yeah, obviously that is a way. Yeah, good going. Well, my initial response to my head was, oh, yeah. Why'd you say that? And then I went, no, it's absolutely the right answer. Yeah, especially if you've been laying in bed with this man, he's like, oh, just

go pop to the bathroom and there's an actual piece of shit. Just on his bum. I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't laugh immediately because that's exactly my humour. Oh, my God, I'm actually crying. See, I'm crying at the thought of the horrible shitty bum. Yeah. I was going to ask, what's the best thing you could see on his bum? But it's a nice clean bum. Nice clean bum. That's what you want, isn't it? Your dream starter. Okay, I'm going to sound like a basic bitch, but it's for me, this is the consistent, lovely, reliable, boring boyfriend of starters. And it's a prawn cocktail. Not just like, and I don't think I've ever had a prawn cocktail, but, you know,

and also because I was going to say only when it's like the nice, the nice giant prawns. Did you say you've never had a prawn cocktail, Emily? No, never had a bad prawn cocktail. Because that was a big swing, because initially you said I've never had a prawn cocktail. Never had one. No, I've never had a bad one. And I was going to say it has to be a bit of a posh one. But actually, I remembered all the times in my life when I've just had really nice basic ones. Because also with starters, I panic, I really, really panic because I'm so obsessed with food and I'm so obsessed with going out to eat. And I'm one of those psychos that studies the menu back to front, even if I know the menu. And the starter is very important

because you're so hungry, but you want to order like something massive, but something that's probably going to destroy your main course because you've eaten too much bread and olives and all of that. But I think a prawn cocktail, it's light. It doesn't fill you too much. There's not too much bread on it. And yeah, I just don't really like a prawn cocktail. And I've got a nice sort of sentimental memory of these particular prawn cocktails. I used to go to Portugal with my parents. I was really young and my brother and sister. And that was when I was kind of introduced to them. My mum would get us all a prawn cocktail each. And I felt a bit grown up with my little sparkly dress on and my clumpy little baby heels. And I go, weird child. But yeah. And it was just a

really nice memory. And yeah, we'd be in Portugal and we'd have these lovely little prawn cocktails. Yeah. And I just, I love them. You said grown up. And I think that's the key word for a prawn cocktail. As a child, having a prawn cocktail must feel so grown up. You feel like, yeah, that's a proper adult starter, I think. Yeah. And I used to get annoyed with my mum because she would like, she knew that I was going to have a prawn cocktail, whatever restaurant we went to. So she'd go, Emily, do you want your prawn cocktail? I don't want to say it to myself that I'm having a prawn cocktail. Like to the waiter, I'd be so chuffed with myself, like looking up at the waiter going, I have a prawn cocktail, please. And that was like my thing. So I was like, to mum, back off,

bitch. I am saying this myself. But the, the Thousand Island sauce, because that has got, had a nice, nice squeeze of lemon in there, but not too much. And yeah, I love it. Do you like a prawn cocktail? Yeah, I like them. I don't think I'd ever choose it necessarily, but I have had them in the past and enjoyed them. They feel, if they come back into fashion because they were old fashion for a bit and now they probably came back in. Yeah, they're probably, they're probably a bit old fashioned, but yeah, they just, they're consistent. And I've never, I've never had a bad one. And sometimes nowadays I do go a little bit too, I go for like the strangest thing on a menu. And sometimes I just sort of say to myself, stop trying to be clever, just order what you want

I didn't have a prawn cocktail until I was in my twenties, maybe 25, 25 years old. And until then, it was just a flavor of crisp to me. That was all, it was a crisp flavor for ages. I didn't really understand, you know, I didn't really question that prawn cocktail. And it's like, it didn't even taste like prawns, but like, I loved prawn cocktail crisps. Absolutely loved them. And then I remember being on tour with Josie Long in a little B&B in Scotland, and I saw a prawn cocktail on the menu. And I didn't say it out loud because I very quickly figured out that it must have always been a thing and it probably predated the crisps. But in my head, I was like, oh man, it's an actual dish. Yeah. It's an actual thing. So I ordered it there and then. Oh, so the first day you had a prawn

cocktail was also the first day you found out that it wasn't just a crisp flavor? Yes. Really? Yeah. Genuinely. And so you're not on any menus and I hadn't talked about it with people. I had prawn cocktail crisps. I never said to anyone, why are they called prawn cocktail? Never asked it. Never came up anywhere until I was 25. Well, because if you actually think about the words prawn cocktail, if you actually think about that, that doesn't sound very nice, does it? You sort of think. Weird. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds weird because a cocktail, it means a mix of stuff. And I don't really, I don't really want prawns to be mixed with too many mad things. So yeah, it does sound a bit weird. But yeah, God, I can't believe you didn't have one too 25.

Was there anything else that you were confused by? They bring you fish and chips and they were like, do you want salt and vinegar on your chips? You're like, what? Well, I probably did make that link at one point. I bet there was a time when I went to the chip and they said salt and vinegar. And I was like, aha. Because they're made of potatoes as well. This is the best. I'll see where these crisp companies get the ideas from now. Because really the prawn cocktail crisps were just 1,000 island sauce flavour, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah. Why is it called 1,000 island dressing? I'm looking it up. Are there 1,000 islands? Do they all contribute an ingredient each to the dressing? According to the Oxford companion to American Food and Drink, the dressing's name comes from the

1,000 islands region located along the Upper St. Lawrence River between the United States and Canada. So it's the name of a region. It's called 1,000 islands and that's where the dressing comes from. It's not 1,000 different islands all with their own spoon making one dressing. Right. 1,000 island bottled stuff isn't as nice. I think the fresher the better. And when you start pissing around with it, people start putting weird things in it. No, I think it just has to be very basic. It's ketchup and mayo, isn't it? A little bit of lemon and keep it simple. Oh my God, I used to go to Pizza Hut when I was little and the salad bars at Pizza Hut. Do you remember the salad bars you go up there and close that bowl? Yeah. And you didn't want your pizza afterwards because you had

so much of that in the beginning and there was a nice 1,000 island sauce they had there and I used to cover everything in that sauce. You've transported me there. I'm remembering the black plastic little ladle that you could get a surprising amount of dressing into. And the little bacon bits. The little bacon bits. I would mainly have those. I'd have a bowl of dressing, some cheese, some bacon bits and a beaten salad with no vegetables in it. Here's a question for you about the Pizza Hut buffet. You loved it for a start, Emily. Would you ever think a second trip to the buffet was an acceptable dessert? Having a salad with some croutons in there and bacon? Would you think that was a dessert? No. No. It definitely wouldn't be your dream meal dessert,

would it? No, absolutely not. No, no, no. So in case Daisy made Koopers listening to this. Well, James, we recorded that episode maybe two years ago. You've got to let it go, man. No, absolutely can't let go. Every time someone brings up the Pizza Hut buffet, I think about that and I think someone actually had that as their dream dessert once at it. She was only doing it to annoy you. She was only doing it to annoy you and it's worked for so long. It's going to work for much longer as well. Good news for Daisy. To the day I die, I'm going to be angry about that. I can see it in your eyes. You're trailing off with your eyes, reliving it and getting really cross. What's the difference between Thousand Island Dressing

and Mary Rose Sauce? Oh, good point. I don't know. Do you know the answer to that? I think one of them has salad cream and one of them has mayo. The recipes I'm getting up here have both got mayonnaise in them. See, that's why I love Mary Rose or Thousand Island Dressing, because I'm a condiment queen. I love condiments so much and it's basically just all of them mixed together, isn't it? All the ones you like. You're a condiment queen. I am a mash king. Are you? This is exciting. Best at making the mashed potato. In one pub in the 90s, he was the mash king. Yeah. Well, it was early 2000s. Mid 2000s, actually, to be fair to me. But yeah, very good at it. Well, you might hate this, but I actually love sweet potato mash. Sweet potato

mash is my thing. I know if you're a real true potato lover, people get a bit cross when you say about sweet potatoes. People like sweet potatoes have taken over. I love sweet potatoes. I'm obsessed with sweet potatoes. I love making sweet potato mash. Any kind of mash, whether it's sweet potato or regular mash, I put loads of horseradish in it. Loads of butter and loads of horseradish. Delicious. We've been told by our producer, the Great Benito, that the sauces are the same, Mary Rose and Thousand Island Dressing, but it is Mary Rose that is usually associated with the Prawn Cocktail, whereas Thousand Island Dressing is often used in a Reuben sandwich. Oh, oh my God, I'm so hungry now, thinking about that. Apologies, because we are going to ask you

more questions about food. It's only going to get worse, that feeling. What size prawns do you want in your prawn cocktail? Because obviously you've spoken about these posher ones that come with like six big prawns around the outside, and then all the lettuce and dressing in the middle, but then a traditional sort of more 70s prawn cocktail would be those little frozen prawns, the way you eat them, and they don't really taste of anything, but then there's a little bit of water at the bottom that tastes of the sea. Yeah, oh my God, heaven. Well, I like both. I'm going to be greedy and say, because this is my dream prawn cocktail. I would have both. I would have the small prawns with all the lettuce and

everything in the middle, and then I'd have the big, and also you never get enough big ones. They're always a bit stingy, aren't they? And you get one or two, but I'd have all of them with a little bowl at the side with the hands. The only thing I don't like, I don't like having the admin of picking food apart when I'm out with my sparkly dress and my little heels on. I don't want my hands to smell and like, so I don't really like doing that, but I would still do it for the prawn cocktail because I love it. You don't have to. We can work out a system here. Oh, really? Whether it's we get someone to shell them for you, or we can provide sort of snooker referee gloves that you can use, maybe. Okay, because I think for the visuals, it's nice,

isn't it, when they all come with the heads on and things like that. But if we're talking practically, I would rather everything come ready for me to just absolutely dive straight into. Shame though, because then you don't get the fun of, you know, after doing all that, you get to put your hands in the little bowl with the lemon in it, and then you get to down the water, don't you? Oh, God, that is rank. You've been doing that, have you? Well, it's a little drink at the end, isn't it? You get a little like a spatula at the end before. Is she finger water? Yeah, I don't want to fish finger water, thank you. No. James, do you really, do you do that, do you? Oh, no. Oh my God, imagine if someone did that on a date. If I was on a date and a guy

did that, but didn't even acknowledge that he was doing it, I would rather see his shitty ass walking out the door, swear to God. Imagine if a guy did that, he down that bowl and then stood up and went, excuse me for one second, and what's the toilet? He had a shit all over his bum. That is a bad date. Yeah, you're not going to be there when he gets back. You definitely leave. And then he sends you a photo of his bum from the toilet as well. It's got more shit on it. I mean, so far, we've ended each section on the talk of a piece of shit on a bum, so let's go on to the main course and see if we end up there as well. So that was our fault. That one was our

fault, Emily, to be fair. Oh, right, main course. Okay, again, I was losing sleep over this because what I want to go for, and it's a psychological problem I have to get past, is a honey-glazed pork. Right, so years ago, when we were little, my dad, instead of Christmas lunch, he said, right, instead of Christmas lunch this year, I'm going to go out and buy this beautiful piece of pork, and I'm going to honey glaze it, and it's going to be amazing. My dad's a really good cook. And it caused so many arguments. I'm convinced it's why my parents divorced. The build-up, he was talking about it for weeks, and we're all kind of going, I kind of just wanted just a normal Christmas lunch, but we're going, no, no, no, he really wants to do it. You know, mum was going,

come on, your father really wants to do this. So mum was on board at the beginning, and then by the end of it, she divorced it. So it was like, it was literally, it was like she treated it like he had another woman. It was, it was the most mental thing, and he was glazing it for about four days. I just watched, like, all these problems unravel in my family because of this fucking honey-glazed fucking pork. What were the arguments about? Was he just being obsessive about it? Yeah, he was being obsessive about it, because you know that sort of happens, doesn't it? Like, I've sort of seen that happen before, when the husband gets really obsessed over, like, it's normally the turkey, isn't it, for a Christmas lunch. They talk about how they're

going to baste it and how they're going to, and the wife is always kind of like, I can't, I can't be asked to hear about this bloody turkey one more time. Last, last Christmas for me. Yeah, this is exactly why, you're just, you're just literally just laying out my whole life bare. Yeah, every weekend at Ed's house. Every weekend. But, but I remember eating it and thinking this is the most delicious thing I've ever eaten in my life. So, and I've always thought about it ever since, but I've been too scared to have it. I feel like it would curse my life. Because your mum started to get jealous of the pork and felt like it was another woman, as she said. Yeah. When she had the pork, she must have also thought, like, you, that it was delicious,

but do you think? I don't think she'd admit it. I don't know. I can't remember if she admitted it. But maybe it was worse for her that it was delicious, because she can taste how much he loves the pork. She's like, well, now I'm going to, I'm going to leave him. Yeah. And she was like, he doesn't put that sort of attention into me. Ah, yeah. But it was just, and I'll just remember this fucking ham causing so many rows. So now like, I, I'm scared to have it again because I'm scared it will curse my life. So yeah, I think, I think I would do that because this is the dream meal. I've never forgotten it for good reasons and bad reasons.

Was it worth it, the taste? Was it so good that you don't mind your home being broken apart? Yeah. No, it was definitely the worth of, worth the breakdown of my parents' marriage. Here's what I'm going to offer you, Emily. And I don't know you very well, so apologies if this has crossed a line. As a genie waiter, I could make it that this is like, because this is the last, you know, the last time you had the pork, your parents got divorced. And with this one, how about it's the same pork, but by eating it, your parents get back together. How would you like that? I'd really like that. That is, it is a dream restaurant. That's very kind of you, genie. Thank you. No problem. That's lovely.

The problem is, it's only if you have one helping, they get back together. If you have seconds, they break up again. Oh fuck that then, no. If we have first, they get back together again. That's the one with the pork. No, no, I'm going to have to have second helpings because it's actually, even though it's gorgeous, it's still quite, it was quite, you have to have a lot of it, you know. So yeah, no fuck that. They can stay the rules. Your side dish, I feel, is going to be sweet potatoes. Yeah. And again, basic bitch, I have sweet potato fries with everything. But, you know, I've tried these new things recently and I always like a side that has a little bit of sweetness to

it. So like, have you ever had pumpkin karaki? Yeah. It's more in Japanese places really, but I kind of have it on as a side for anything really. It's sweet pumpkin and it's like deep fat fried and it is absolutely gorgeous. And it kind of, it has that, it has a similar vibe to a sweet potato. So it just, it's like a nice sweet thing with a, with like a really salty thing. So I really like my side to have a sweetness to it to like compliment the salty meat. Anything sweet potato, anything pumpkin or like butternut squash, maybe like chopped butternut squash with sweet potato and garlic and all that kind of stuff, all roasted. I love that kind of thing. Or just a pile of sweet potato fries. Absolutely lovely. That sort of thing,

you feel like you're getting away with having veg. Do you know what I mean? Like it's a vegetable side, like roasted pumpkin. Does anyone know this yet? So I always say, I say I'm having sweet potato fries to be healthier, but it's not, is it? It's not healthier. Well, we're back to Joel Domet because I think he picked sweet potato fries, but to prove a point that they're not any healthier than normal fries, because he wanted to get some sort of public service announcement out to people that potatoes and sweet potatoes are the same. I mean, it was, it was insane. It was an insane choice. It was all health based. It was horrible. Oh my God. It was a disaster. And then we got him back on to try and redeem himself and then he

made it even worse choice the second time. So. Did he? Oh no. Did he say protein shake? Yeah. That was the first episode. He said a protein shake. The second time, I can't remember what his drink was the second time, but he, he chose a main meal, which he was based on an actual meal he had recently had, and he couldn't actually remember it and didn't really know what it was. And it didn't go well for him yet. Again, he still gets shouted out in the street by people. Yeah. Have a go at him. I know. And he said, he gives, I got trolled for life. Yeah. People get very passionate, don't they, about food and drink. Yeah. If you think you've heard the last of anything you've said on this podcast, after this is like, well, you've got another thing coming.

And I think you know what you're going to get shouted at. At you the most in the street after this. Sadly, yeah. Oh God. But yeah, no, sweet potato vibes. I love a sweet, like a sweet potato puree or like a pumpkin puree. You can have all of that. I reckon we can give you all of those different things in, in one bowl if you want. That's very kind. Thank you. I'd love that. And you've already given it a name. It's sweet potato vibes. So you can have a bowl of sweet potato vibes, which has got the fries, pumpkin croquet, puree, roasted butternut squash, all the orange sweet things in one big bowl, sweet potato vibes. Yeah. It's a bit like baby food. Yeah. A little bit like baby food. Do you like sweet potato crisps? Yeah. All right. I think because

I love sweet potatoes so much, I feel like with the crisps, it's taken away too much of the joy of the actual sweet potato. So I'm not really that arse. I'd rather just have a sweet potato. Again, no, I say that because if I'm sort of necking a sandwich, especially the pret ones, they're so naughty for you, aren't they? But obviously you have to have a packet of crisps with your sandwich. But if I get the vegetable crisps, I say I'm being healthier, but actually they're just as bad, probably worse. Yeah. I think pret sandwiches are fine for you, but they're probably worse for you if you're, and I quote you just a second ago, necking it. Yeah. Like necking it. I can't not put the pret sandwiches. I eat them in like three bites.

I love them so much. You get those big baguettes. I hate the name of it though. Mature pret pickle. That's the cheese and the pickle and everything. Is that your favorite one? Yeah. That's my favorite one. And it's got like crescent in it. Cress. Cress is like a forgotten joy. Like I forgot about Cress and then I had a big, I started eating the big baguettes from Pret and it had crescent. I was like, how have I forgotten about this lovely little bit of Cress? Now, if I make a sandwich, I've got to have Cress in it. I love a bit of Cress. Cress. Yes. Cress, honestly. Are you kidding me? It's a forgotten little joy, Cress. What's the joy? If Cress was nice,

they wouldn't have to jazz it up by making it like pretend hair coming out of the pot's head. Yeah, true. Do you remember making Cress at school? It was like the first thing that you had to be responsible for, a little thing of Cress. I'm surprised we've never had Cress as the secret ingredient on this podcast. Yeah, good point. Cress. Honestly, try it. I swear to God. I've tried it. Yeah, we've tried Cress, I believe. Even before I was 25, I'd have Cress. Give it a rebirth in your life, Cress. Every time I've ordered something, somewhere, and it's come with Cress on it, the first thing I'll do is get all the Cress off of all the bits that I'm doing. How do you like this? Imagine this scenario. You're lying in bed,

he turns to you and says, back in a minute, I'm going to go to the toilet. He gets up, he walks out, you have a little look at his butt, and there's Cress growing out of it. Cress. Oh no. He's got a Cress butt. I think I'd be all right with that. Yeah. I'd rather that been a piece of shit. Just on the top of the cheeks, not like the whole... Do you mean coming out of the crap? Oh, can I be if you want, yeah. I imagine just a clump on one of the cheeks. That's what I was imagining, like a little Cress head, but you mean in place of his butt hair? Yeah, the crap, like an ass strip. You would like it just coming out of the crack there? I wonder if you want to say I would like that. That's how I imagined it.

Your dream drink. We've talked about how much you're loving the pubs being open again, and hitting the boozer. Yeah. Your head doubling in size, flipping in size. Is this drink going to reduce the size of your head or increase it? I think I've just learned in life, most things I drink will always increase my head size. I've literally eaten out and been drinking out since the 12th of April. So I'm trying to think, what is it that I've been drinking most of recently? Do you know, I went through a summer where I drank nothing but Provence Rose. It was my favorite thing in the world, but I drank it so much that I think I overdid it. So I'm really into my white wine at the moment, so I'm going to go with a really cold glass of Gavi. I love a

Gavi. Or is it Gavi? Gavi. Gavi. I'll go with Gavi. You said it with confidence. You said it with authority. Yeah, Gavi. And also, I love a Chardonnay. And so I'm really into my white wines at the moment. It's a really lovely cold glass of white wine, either a Chardonnay or a Gavi. Gorgeous. You need a glass of wine to give you that hit that you want. Like, if you have like a, I don't start with a cocktail. You know, some people start with cocktails before they're about to have savory food. I don't get that thought process. A cocktail, I'll go for a cocktail if I'm going out for cocktails, or I'll have a cocktail instead of a dessert when I'm being good. One cocktail? No, no, just a cocktail. But yeah, I'd have like a lychee martini or something like

that, but not before a savory meal. Do you know what I mean by that? Well, then your brain's ready for sweet, right? Yeah. So if I have a cocktail before a meal, it'll be something like a martini, just straight booze. Yeah. Nothing sweet about it. There you go. But I don't really like sweet cocktails anyway. You know, people always complain about how little the cocktails are, but actually it's kind of all you need. It's all you need. You don't want to have 10 drinks that all taste like melted celeros. Well, James does, definitely. Yes, please. Do you eat the lychee, if you get a lychee martini? Yeah, or the olive in a martini with an olive. Oh, gorgeous. But yeah, no, I like a nice dry drink, dry white wine, when I'm sitting looking at the menu. Oh, God,

it's the best feeling ever, isn't it? Sitting there with a menu and ordering a nice drink. It's just, it's my favourite feeling in the world. Love it. You said you've been drinking out a lot. Who is the best person that you've had a drink with in that time? Do you know, I'm really lucky and like all my mates are fucking legends. So I would say, and it sounds so cheesy, but just seeing my friends again and being able to do that. No, no, no, no, no. One person, please. Yeah, you're not going to get away with that, unfortunately, I believe. You've got to pick one person. I'm waiting for it. Okay, one person. Okay. Can I say my mum? Yeah, you can if you want to sound like a fucking sad, though. Yeah, if that's your actual answer,

as an adult. I think it's my mum. My mum is so fucking jokes and we have so much fun and she loves getting pissed and she loves eating and it's, it's, yeah, just anyone that wants to get pissed and eat loads of food and not worry about it. And that is my mum. Always blows my mind when people have parents who like to get pissed with them. Oh yeah. My mum's worse than me. She's brilliant. I'm not judging. I think it's cool, but like, I've never had, my parents, they like, they like boozing. I even think they like getting drunk, but not intentionally with me. I can't even imagine sitting down with either one of them and we're like, we're getting hammered. Let's do this.

Every time people are like, yeah, go with my dad and get pissed together. I'm like, what the hell? I don't think like, certainly not my mum. My dad, we would go out for dinner and we would get drunk, but the decision wouldn't be, we are going out to get pissed tonight, but we would, we would. Oh no. See, when I go home, when I go back home, you know, normally you sort of go back home to recharge and to kind of rehabilitate yourself for a bit and drink more water and, you know, and sort of be looked after a bit. I know that if I go, when I go back home, I come back two stone heavier and just really fucking tired and I'm completely out of sorts. And I'm like, oh God, I need actually to rehabilitate myself back in my own London home away from my family.

They're just, they're party people and they, yeah, they love a drink and they love eating and it's so fun. But every time I go back home, it's Christmas. It's like Christmas. And obviously not through the pandemic, but like, I think that's what I miss most, just it being Christmas every weekend. We go to my auntie Amy's house and it's just, it's literally just a three-day mess up with night with all the family and roast dinners and lasagnas and just loads of booze, loads of booze. And it's the best. We're quite, quite nice accompaniments to loads of booze, isn't it? It's roast dinners and lasagnas all the time. Oh yeah. Yeah. Another lasagna? I'd actually like to do that now, just having like

two days of just drinking, but all we're eating is lasagnas all the time. Keep them coming. I remember the last time we all went out together as a family. So it was like a Saturday morning. We all went out for breakfast together and we ended up having a beer with breakfast or a wine or whatever. And then we, we then just, we drank all day. So we ended up staying out for breakfast, lunch and dinner and just like went to different restaurants all around the village. Well, that is my, that is my absolute dream. A three restaurant day hammered. Yeah. And with each meal, we were going, are we really going to do this? It started. So it was like a breakfast-eat meal in the morning, you know, poached eggs and avocado and mimosa,

it's all of that. And then we went to, went to a pub afterwards and thought, well, we won't, we won't eat because we've just had a nice big breakfast. We'll just have like a few pints at the pub, literally three pints in. We're like, I should get a bit of lunch. And then after that, you go, well, tell you what, we'll probably won't get dinner. We'll just have a few more drinks, you know, and then we'll head off. And then it gets to 6pm. We're going for a fucking curry, 100% going for a curry. You know, that is the complete opposite of how anyone else would have that day. So everyone else would be eating a meal and then go, go on, we'll have another drink. Well, we come on, let's have another drink. And your family are going, well, we're obviously

drinking all day, but go on, let's, oh, fuck it. We'll have a meal. We are naughty. Yes, have another meal. We'll eat some food to sustain all this alcohol. I could force down another lasagna, I suppose. I really shouldn't. It's my third of the day. This will soak up all the alcohol. For an all day session, what are you drinking? All day session, right. Okay, so I'll start with like a mimosa or whatever. Yeah, a couple of mimosas. And then I'll get to the pub and I'm probably hung over on a Saturday. So I'll have like a pint of amstel with like a bit of lime in it. Okay. In the top, but like a shandy sort of eye, like maybe a drop of lemonade just to, I can't, I don't go straight in there with the

pint. It has to have some kind of like nice sort of fizz in like fizzy pop in there, give it a bit of sweetness. It makes it taste a little bit more childish. I'll have a couple of those. And then that's when I feel absolutely fine again. And then like the bottles of wine will probably start coming. Maybe some champagne, love champagne. Then I'll have wine with the food and then always whenever we go, we go to the same curry house called the Amtil Tandori in Bedfordshire at about six o'clock. And I always have, when I stand by this with my curry, I have Mattias Rose. It's about four quid in the supermarket. And it is, it's so nice with the curry. It's like, I don't like sweet wine at all. It's not really sweet. It's just got like a tiny hint of

sweetness to it. It's pink and really fizzy. And it's just fucking lovely. And I remember growing up, my parents just living on Mattias Rose. And we just went out for curries all the time. And even on school nights, you know, we were the kids that stank of garlic and like garlic lamb the next day in class on like a Tuesday. Like, oh, so tired. You can't sell that like it's a universal observation. The kids who smell like garlic. You know, everyone's got them in that school. The kids who stink of garlic. Yeah, no, we were the kids because we were always out with our parents. Like they, because they went on tour a lot and stuff. And then they'd come home and it'd be like nine o'clock and we'd be getting ready for bed because if we had school and our

parents are like, right, we've been away for three weeks, we're taking, we're taking you all out for dinner and we'd go for a curry and it'd be the best thing ever. And then we'd miss the bus the next day, rushing to school late for registration. And I was always late because I was, you know, first on register. So I was fine. And it was great. And I'd just be sitting there so tired and everyone kind of going, Emily, can you say it? Wait, please. I'm just thinking about the lovely night I had before, so I didn't care. It makes my, it makes my parents sound insane. I promise you they are wonderful. They're the best parents ever. They are the best parents ever. Yes, they sound irresponsible. Oh yeah, but brilliant. Yeah, in a great way. In the best ways. Yeah, yeah.

We arrive at your dessert. Very exciting. Although I'm a little bit nervous because when you were talking about your families, you know, big days out and stuff, there wasn't any desserts feature in there. Was a lot of savory, a lot of booze, but no desserts made an appearance. But you know, if we do have a dessert, it's a few of them in the middle and we're kind of sharing. No one really has an individual dessert. But if I am going to have a dessert, the one thing I absolutely will not do, which I think you'll appreciate this, a cheese board is not a dessert. Yeah. So that is, that is a, that's obviously, we all know that. I think it's psychotic to order a cheese board as a dessert. Absolutely. It's psychotic. It's psychotic. Like,

what a shame from Emily Otak. It's a meal. It's a, I'll have it like an hour after a dessert or once you're home and then you're having a nightcap, cheese board, lovely and an extra added part to the evening. Yes. But not as a dessert. No. Well, your family probably have them with their breakfast beers. It's a lovely dessert. It's a lovely way to round off a meal. Thank you, Emily Otak. Do you think? Okay. No. Cheeseboards are a beauty of life. Absolutely. But that is, that is a few, that's like two hours when you're home from the meal and you're all having a nightcap and you've got something on the telly and then a cheese board is made. Gorgeous. Or if you don't have a dessert at the restaurant, go home and have a cheese board by all means. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So in a way,

in a way, it's a dessert. Yeah. No, you should still have, no, you should still have it. Because you know, if you've not had dessert and you go home and have a cheese board, then the cheese board is the dessert. So thank you very much. No, but what are you saying, Ed? What if you have your main course, you go home. I know what you're going to say. You go to sleep. You wake up the next morning. Then you wake up. Yeah. And then you have a bowl of cereal. Does that mean it's a dessert? A fry up. Yeah. You have a fry up. Is that your dessert? The fry up. No, because there's a sleep in the middle. Oh, so if there's sleep in the middle, it's different. Yes. And it's a different time. If it's in the evening and you've had it straight after your main course,

then it's a dessert. What Emily was saying was a different time. But not straight after. No, it's in the same quadrant of time. It's still in the evening. It's still in the evening. It's a car journey between these. Yeah, but it's a different part of the evening. The evening's the evening as far as I'm concerned. No, because there's different sections of an evening. How many sections are there in an evening? Take us through the sections. Okay, so there's like this, you know, pre-drink. This is all going to be drinks based, isn't it? Yeah, amazing. What parts of the evening are they? Well, obviously, the whole evening is divided up into when I'm having my drink. Pre-drinks, first drinks, second drinks, first drinks, lasagna,

fourth drinks. The first drinks, that is the first part of the evening. You've just got together and you're having a drink to say hello. That's the first part of the evening. I'm actually sort of thinking about when I'm on holiday, there's more sections of an evening. So that you will meet on the balcony, let's say, or the terrace, whatever, and you're having a little drink. So there's that bit. There's then walking to the restaurant heaven. You know, that sort of time, like about sort of eight o'clock in the evening, and it's like, oh, gorgeous. You're a bit sunburned and everyone's like walking down to the restaurant. Everyone's chatting. That's a bit of a vibe. That's the next bit. That walk is nice. Are you taking a drink with you for the walk?

Yeah. Yeah, we call it a bot for the germ. A bot for the germ? I know, James, so well now that when I hear something, I know he's going to absolutely love it, and it's all he's going to want to talk about. A bot for the germ, James. A bot for the germ. I'll tell you what you wouldn't want to see on a bot for the germ. A bot that is on a germ, you would not want to see a... That's something I'm using. I'm using bot for the germ. Yeah, absolutely. We're like, should we take a little bot for the germ? Who started saying that? When did it become a thing that you always say that to each other? Me and my mates, we started saying this like 10 years ago when we started going out to... Actually, no, it must have been longer now. Basically, when we started

going out clubbing, we created bot for the germ because on the way in the taxi with all the screaming going on, you need a pissy bottle of cheap wine to be drinking on the way. It's now not a bottle of pissy cheater. It would be something nice that we have now. But yeah, that's where it came from, bot for the germ, piling in a cab and all kind of like a gaggle. But you're saying on holiday, this is a walk, right? A walk from the balcony to the restaurant. Yeah. How long is the walk, the germ, that you need a whole bot? Well, to be honest, now it's not really now a bottle. It can just be like a little plastic cup of something that you've been drinking. But because bot for the germ, it's just evolved. It's still called bot for the germ, but it doesn't necessarily

mean you have to have a bottle. It just means a drink for the germ. It's nothing else that works. I've gone through all the different options in my head. Nothing works on bot for the germ. Glass for the germ just doesn't work. Nothing else is like one syllable, glass, cup, mug. So you just have to go bot for the germ. Because it's the only one you can shorten anyway. And it's lovely. So now, so walking down to the, to a restaurant with a drink in hand with your bot for the germ, B for the J, sometimes we've shortened it to, I don't know. Yeah, well, that's really confusing. So don't start having anyone over here in that. That goes with their family. What's so funny though is that we've been using it for so long now,

like my mum and like my aunts and everyone say it as well. But it's, it's, we now say it very seriously because we don't, there's no irony to it anymore. We're saying it very seriously. We go, have you got a bot for the germ? Okay. So like when you sort of hear like mum or like my auntie, Amy's saying, I don't think we've got a bot for the germ. Yeah, of course. We've heard about your mum and your auntie Amy before. And it does not surprise me that they've adopted the drinking slang of you and your uni buddies. You and your uni mates. It's just a very normal thing we say now. Mum, mum will go, love, love, love, love. Have you got a bot for the germ? Yeah, yeah, got it. All right. And then we walk to the restaurant. Your sister goes on the walk with a full lasagna

under her arms. Yeah. You've got a las for the germ. Our other meal, our other meal that auntie Amy cooks us, las and sal. So we call it las and sal, which is like Sunday lasagna and salad that we love. And so if we're having a las and sal day at auntie Amy's, we know that's going to be a big old piss off as well. A lasy Sunday. Yeah. It used to be the pasta piss up, and then it changed to, she started making these really nice lasagnas. And now we call it the las and sal, like up for a bit of las and sal. But when you know, when you're having las and sal at auntie Amy's, it's going to go off. But it used to be called a pasta piss up, just to be clear. Yeah. The pasta piss up. The great British pasta piss up. And now your mum always checks

that you've got a bot for the germ. The way that most people's mothers check if they've got their keys or something like that. Got your bot for the germ, darling. So far, in an evening, we've got pre-drinks and we've got a bot for the germ. Yeah, a bot for the germ. And then that's the second bit. And then getting to the restaurant, sitting down, having a browse of the menu and chatting, that's the next bit. And then the meal. And I'll actually know there's five, because then there's the meal and then there's a bit after the meal. So then there's five, five elements to an evening. But after the meal, is there one bit or is there another germ? And then the nightcap. Yeah. The nightcap, which then turns into like a full kind of dance

around the living room or in the kitchen, wherever we are. And then that's another, that's a whole other kind of part of the evening. That's when the cheeseboard is out. And that, yeah, the cheeseboard and the dance. Yeah. So the element five of an evening would be the cheeseboard and maybe a Bailey's. And the nightcaps. But it's quite ironic because I've only just learned that a nightcap is like one, isn't it? So I've been saying my whole life, should we have a few nightcaps now? I just thought nightcaps mean more drinking. So a nightcap is actually only meant to be one, which it never, never is. Do you call nightcaps bot for the bed? We still haven't found out what your dessert is yet.

Okay. My dessert, again, I've got a bit basic because there's times where you can have show-off mad desserts where it's got, you know, crazy things on it. And I like a sticky toffee pudding with salted caramel ice cream. The salted caramel ice cream is kind of the showy offy bit. But yeah, just quite classic. And you can't go wrong. And again, I don't think I've ever had a bad sticky toffee pudding ever. I've had a bad, like, because I love rhubarb crumble, but I've had a bad crumble before. So, you know, it's not hot, it's not hotting up sometimes, a bit too much. The ratio of fruit to crumble presses me off sometimes. What's the correct ratios of rhubarb to crumble? I think it has to be fairly the same. I think

it has to have the same amount of rhubarb. Actually, no, when I was young, when I was little, I wanted a bit more crumble. Nowadays, I don't mind it just being like a very sort of light topping of crumble, because I quite like the sharpness of the fruit. That is, you know, it's quite a bit more grown up, isn't it? But yes, sticky toffee pudding, sticky toffee pudding, salted caramel ice cream, and a dessert wine. Love a dessert wine. Am I allowed a dessert wine? I think I fear what would happen if we got in your way. So, yeah, absolutely. You need a bot for the adjourn between courses. There's technically, you know, it's not a physical adjourn, but it's an emotional adjourn between main desserts.

So, you do need a bot for the adjourn. So, yeah, a muscat dessert wine. I think that's lovely. With a sticky toffee pudding, salted caramel ice cream. To go with the prawn cocktail, quite a sort of old-school British menu as well. I've surprised myself really, I think, because I like to experiment with food all the time. I love it so much. It brings me so much joy. I love it. And I always experiment. I love to cook. I experiment with so many different things. But I think if we're just thinking about dream meal, I just don't think overcomplicate it too much. Keep it just really like, yeah, I love a good old classic. Right. I'll read you your menu back now

and see how you feel about it. Okay. Here we go. Sparkling water, loads of ice with lemon and cucumber and mint and strawberries in it. Problems with bread. You want some focaccia bread, I believe you said, with some olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Starter, prawn cocktail with small and big prawns. Main course, honey-glazed pork and that gets your parents back together. But not if you have seconds. If you have seconds, that's not happening. Side, sweet potato vibes. That was sweet potato fries with pumpkin croquette. Croquet? Croquet. Croquet, croquet, croquet, croquet. I think one of them. Roasted butternut squash, sweet potato puree. Drink, a cold glass of white wine.

Gavi! Dessert, sticky toffee pudding with salted caramelized cream and a dessert wine, muscat. And I'm assuming at some point during all that, there's a bot for the journey. There's got to be. Yeah. Do you mean at the meal or the one that I'm taking home? There's such a difference in the way we say bot for the journey and the way you say it because you say it. Well, yeah, you've been saying it for ages, right? And this is so new to us. We love, I don't know if you've noticed, Emily, we love saying bot for the journey. Yeah. We just want to get it right. It'll be one of those things, you'll say it so much, you just won't even think about it. We're getting bot for the journey.

Bot for the journey. It's not, you won't, you'll stop. There'll come a point where you stop smiling when you say it because it actually becomes quite an important part of your life. Yeah. Yeah. It's crucial. Well, I would say that probably before all this, you've got a bot for the journey because you're going on the way to the restaurant. So what is the bot for the journey for this particular meal? The bot for the journey for this particular meal would be, I think I'm going to go with a bottle of champagne, like a Verve Clico, that's showing off, isn't it? Sorry about that. Or in my way, I like it in my way. Oh, actually, no, a lansen, or like a pink sparkling lansen. Bot for the journey. For the journey. Yeah. That's my bot

for the journey. That with a straw. Yeah. Oh, you might want to clean that bot. There's a piece. There's a piece of shit on it. I love it. I can't believe that. I can't believe that's going to be the end of the episode. Watch your bot. Yeah, of course. You might want to clean your bot. There's a piece of shit on it. Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you so much. Well, there we are, James. A brilliant episode with Emily Atack. A good menu, too, I thought. A great ep for the journey. A great ep for the journey. I'll be using bot for the journey. I know you will be. Yes. It's one of the many things that's been adopted into my vocabulary. Bot for the journey, gin tonne, and probably some other things. Gin tonne for the journey.

Emily did not say salt and shake crisps. She didn't even really want those sweet potato crisps. She wasn't having that, so she didn't even come close to being kicked out of the recipe. We bought up crisps a lot. I bought a poor cocktail crisps. That was naughty of me, because I was like, getting into crisps territory, trying to put crisps in her head. Couldn't she would not be shaken like the salt? Very good. Lovely. Thank you very much, Emily. The second series of Emily's TV show, the Emily Atack Show on ITV2, starts in October, so keep an eye out for that. She's going on tour from the end of September, and you can go on the Live Nation website for ticket details. Get a drink in the main foyer of the theatre, and call it the bot for the journey down to your seat.

As you're walking from the bar to your seat, know that you're on the journey. You've got a bot, and maybe if you want to really have a laugh via fake poo from a joke shop, stick it to your bum, and then when you get up to go to the toilet during the show, just don't reference it. Just walk down the aisle, and Emily will be able to see that you've got a piece of shit on your ass. I can't believe you of all people is encouraging people to get up to go to the toilet in the middle of a show, not only that, but to attach a fake piece of shit to your ass. Yes, I should point out, if you haven't seen me live, I would absolutely hate that behaviour, and I'd kick off. You don't like it when people leave you things on the stage.

Refuse to do the rest of the show, yeah. Felt bad once someone left me cabbage on stage, and for a laugh, I kicked it off the stage, and then they burst into tears and left. So I think overall best idea is just go and see Emily live, just watch it, enjoy it, laugh, and then leave. Be a good audience member. Be a good audience, laugh, then leave, that's what I would say. Also, if you want to show your appreciation to us boys, you can buy some merch. We have a good range of merch on the Off Menu website, offmenupodcast.co.uk, a lovely range of t-shirts, accessories, t-tals. T-tals, t-shirts, t-bags. No t-bags yet, mugs, t-mugs, t-for-mug. So do go and check that out,

we really like our merch, and I like seeing people wear it, so do that. Yeah, my sister went to give blood once, and there was someone waiting to give blood, who was wearing an off menu t-shirt, and my nephews couldn't wrap their head around it. They're like, all of a sudden they're on a stranger's t-shirt. Well, thank you very much for listening. We will be back probably next week, I'd imagine, James, depending on when this is going out. That's usually how we do it. We do it like that. So do come back next week and have a little listen, but until then, keep on eating. Keep on eating, keep on tweeting.

If you enjoyed this podcast, can I interest you in a totally different podcast that's not about food and doesn't have James, A. Castor or Ed Gamble, but I would say is quite fun. No, thank you. Oh, okay, not to worry. If you change your mind at a later date, it's called Nobody Panic. Right. It's hosted by me, Tessa Coates, and my friend, Stevie Martin. Which is weirdly me. And we tackle all kinds of how-to's from big things to small things. How to stop saying sorry, how to poo, how to break up with someone, how to quit your job, how to relax, how to have a conversation, how to deal with unrequited love. A smorgasbord of thing. Absolutely. We have a nice time. People seem to like it.

If you like, you can come and see what all the fuss is about. All that fuss? What's it called? Nobody Panic. You can find it on all of the podcast apps that you would imagine it would be on. Please have a listen. Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here, sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing.

It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North, because look, we're two Northerners, sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.