Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 118: Edgar Wright (Live at Royal Festival Hall)

Episode Date: September 4, 2021

The second ever live Off Menu, in front of a sold out crowd at London’s Royal Festival Hall. With very special guest, Hollywood director and Cornetto connoisseur, Edgar Wright!Watch Edgar Wright’s documentary ‘The Sparks Brothers’ in cinemas or on demand.Edgar’s new feature film ‘Last Night in Soho’ is in cinemas 29 October.Follow Edgar on Twitter and Instagram @edgarwrightRecorded by Southbank Centre. Edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Hello and welcome to a bonus episode of Off Menu, a.k.a. The Great Bonito Presents Off Menu Live. And double brackets. Special guest, Edgar Wright. Double brackets, then closing off the other brackets. It's sort of a triple bracket. Yeah, a lot of brackets involved. But really, even though the Great Bonito has put himself at the head of all this, and so that his name is in big lights, very egotistical, Edgar Wright is the real draw here. Yes, Edgar

Wright is the real draw. Amazing director, writer. I mean, come on. Spaced, short of the dead, hot fuzz, world's end, Scott Pilgrim, baby driver. He's just released, as we're recording this, The Sparks Brothers documentary about the band Sparks. And One Night and Soho is coming out soon, a wonderful horror film. He's been a busy boy. Oh man, he's been such a busy boy. I didn't get a chance to say to Edgar, which is very lucky, because it's probably the sort of boring shit he is every day. One of my first dates with the lady I'm going to marry was to see Scott Pilgrim. That is a film that means a huge amount to me. I love that film so much. I didn't know that. But I imagine he hears that

quite a lot. And do you think? Yeah. I mean, there's no reason for him to be invested in my relationship. I guess not. But you know, but I know maybe you'll hear this and he'll get in touch with you and be like, please invite me to the wedding. All I care about is your relationship now. I want to film the wedding. I want to be the videographer at the wedding. Oh, that'd be great. I mean, that'd be a nice little wedding video, wouldn't it? Whoopie, yeah. Directed by a professional. Directed doing banks films. Yeah. Simon Peggs in it for some reason. Yeah. Simon Peggs in there. Yeah. Nick Frost working behind the bar. Nick Frost working behind the bar. Yeah. Oh, great. That'd be awesome. And this was

a live episode of course, Royal Festival Hall, Southbank Centre. You've got a lot of people in that audience and they were all off menu fans. They knew all the little details of off menu, probably even better than the three of us do. They were menu heads, that's for sure. They were menu heads. They also loved Edgar Wright. And who can blame him? Who can blame them? Let's crack into it, James, because it's a really good episode. Let's get crackalacking. It's the off menu menu of Edgar Wright. Edgar Wright. Live. We did it. Yes. Oh, yeah. Too much. So, hello. Welcome to the show. We're going to be welcome to the second ever off menu live. The off menu live show, sprinkling the... Oh,

there we go. It's not normal. But honestly, thank fuck you're doing it because I genuinely haven't thought of one. As I was walking out and everyone was cheering, I thought, this is lovely, but I've not written the intro again. So, do you want to give it a go? I've not written one. No. So, we've got sprinkling. What are we sprinkling on? What? What did he say? He said Kettering. He said moron. I see. You can't sprinkle Kettering. Doesn't understand what you can sprinkle. Yeah. Also, it doesn't seem to understand the podcast. Never listened to it before. He's the reason I've stopped touring, if you're wondering. That and the pandemic. Probably actually blame the pandemic more than you, sir. Let's not kick off on

that note, James. Let's not have one of your famous meltdowns this early on. What are we sprinkling? I quit. Just taking the, sprinkling the, the, sprinkling the, sprinkling the icing sugar of chat. Okay. Straight. I mean, it's amazing how on the nose you are as a person's owner, isn't it? Just straight to icing sugar, no beating around the bush, sprinkling the, you don't sprinkle icing sugar, you snorty. Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't remember you criticising Kettering this much when they guys shouted that out. Accepted that immediately. I had to point out how bad that was. Sprinkling the icing sugar of chat. Yes. Over the dough of humour. Yes. Baking in the oven of live entertainment. Oh. Isn't it a bit like an

donut of friendship? Okay. That's very good. Pretty good. No, it's really good. So never made a donut. Huh? Never made a donut? Yeah. How'd you make a donut? Sprinkle icing sugar on some dough and put it in the oven. Right, okay. Yeah, I suppose so, mate. In a way. Do you want to tell everyone what the podcast, oh, am I doing that tonight? We switch roles. Oh, yeah. If we switch in roles, you do that. Roles, that's a pun, because I don't know how to roll. Not a role. You've been making roles. The off-menu podcast is a podcast where we ask a special guest, their favourite starter, main course, side, drink and dessert in that fucking order. Got it right. Did it in the order? That takes years of training to get

it in the order. Yeah. And our special guest tonight is Edgar Wright. Very exciting. Very exciting. He'll be coming on a little bit later. Before we bring Edgar out, I've made sure he's still in this dressing room. Yes. We should sort out the secret ingredient. Yeah, we should actually. Bit special. We've not decided on it yet, so we thought we'd get one of you guys to decide it. You could help us, I think. Whoa. A hand went up, a hand went up down here. Look, if there's a hand went up, that's fine. Otherwise, if we let people scream out, the secret ingredient's going to be catering. So then I'll have to leave. By the way, if you don't know, the secret ingredient, just so you know, is an

ingredient we don't like, and if someone says it, if the guest says it, if the guest says it, we kick them out of the dream restaurant. So it is fun, but also, bear in mind, if we do do want to kick them out, we all have to go home early. Now, this person in the front, can you put your hand up, to which I respect? What was your suggestion? Cornetto? No, we're not doing, come on. Cool. Come on. Why are you trying to do that? We've got a hand up here. I'd be dessert, I guess, at least. Would you reckon? Raisins. Raisins. This is interesting. The other night, Sultanas was like earlier. What is people's problems? Are you from the fresh grape board or something? Why do you like raisins? What's your problem with raisins?

They're just not for you. Quite a mild reason to shout something out. Raisins, they're not personally for me. I understand that everyone has different tastes. All right, raisins, we'll put it in the mix. Let's see, the person with the hand up there. Salad cream. Salad cream. Oh, some support there for the salad cream. I think that was him clapping his own choice there as well. Salad cream, standing ovation. That's a show that's a secret and I respect it. Always start your own applause. We've all done it. Salad cream's more solid than raisins. I like salad cream, but I do appreciate why people don't like it. I think it's quite a good one to choose, unless it gets topped. Hang on, we've got a hand up

here. Pretty confident you can beat salad cream, aren't you? Look at this. Parmaviolet. No, we've all, I agree. I agree. Absolutely disgusting Parmaviolet. We've already had those on the podcast. We have already had Parmaviolet on the podcast. Have we all had salad cream? No, you have not. I sang along to Baby Boy. I know everything about this podcast. Yes. Anchoves. What would that person say? I don't know if I want to know. Salad cream. Yeah. So bloated, yeah. A bunch of absolute pig shits, don't they? Yes, on the aisle. Cabbage. Yeah, that always gets suggested. Coriander. Coriander. Very popular. We had that one on, but that's a good one, mate. I think we just have to go with salad. I mean, there's a few hands

of the people who are still very passionate about this, yes? Avocado. What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck is the matter with you? Fucking avocado. Jesus Christ. Right, can we kick him out? I don't think that's... Look around you, mate. These are the people who buy the entire load of avocados. This is everyone. Avocado. What the fuck? Your problem. Right, confident hand up here. Coffee. Coffee. Hang on. I've got someone you've got to meet. Oh, no. It'll be squeezing you into that. Yeah, he's an angry man. Do you really not like coffee? Fuck coffee. Okay, it's a Sunday, mate. I think we've got to go with salad cream. I think salad cream's a great choice. Yeah. It's a good choice. Let's start. Let's do it. Everyone of the Royal Festival Hall,

this is the off-menu menu of... Edgar Wright. Hi. Good to see you. Thank you. Thank you. Lovely. Hello. Thanks for having me. Feeling hungry? I am feeling hungry. Yeah. Well, that's a shame because we don't have any food for you. I'm just going to make you talk about... Oh, I need to do my proper entrance. Oh, yes. Sorry. Sorry, Edgar. James needs to transgress to the astral plane and become the genie. So, you're now going to watch a fully grown man

try and climb inside that lamp. Got my lamp here. Yeah. He's going to climb inside it. That's an easy. Okay. He's inside the lamp. Everyone, we need to look at the lamp and imagine rubbing it. Imagine... We're not allowed to touch it for COVID reasons. It's been a hard time for genies because of fomites. Okay, we're rubbing it. It's good. Here we go. Oh, it's a genie! Welcome, Edgar Wright, to the Dream Restaurant. I'm going to be expecting you for some time. Yeah. I was not expecting Oscar-winning visual effects. Yeah. I appreciate it. Tell your friends at the academy. Oh, white. There's too much CGI these days, and I think it's the practical effects of the way to go. And I think we've nailed that tonight. Oh, yeah. I'd like to see you in Guy

Richie's remake of Aladdin. Oh, man. You know, I wouldn't turn that down, man, when I was a kid. Really? Really? Yeah. I would say yes to it. I would say yes. When I was a kid, Robin Williams was my hero because of Aladdin. I was obsessed with it. And I was still a little Christian boy and went to church. And at one point, when I was a little kid, in Sunday school, we all had to write down like a little profile about ourselves to put on the wall of like, oh, the kids at Sunday school. And one of the things you had to fill out was who your hero was. And I'll put Robin Williams and all the other kids put Jesus. And I realized that was the right answer. That was the only one. Robin Williams. The genie's funny. Who was your hero growing up? Robin Williams or Jesus?

Oh, so the two options. It's the new poppadoms or bread. You know what? I'd say I'd say flat out Mork. I knew who Mork was before I knew who Robin Williams was. So let's say Mork. I would have drawn that and put that up on the Sunday school wall. Yeah, well, Mork was cool. I didn't watch enough Mork. I just remember the episode where they were hatching an egg for ages. It was the size of a person. And then it was a person. When it hatched. I'll just say a no, by the way. There's someone in here who's gunning for you. Because we asked them what the secret ingredient should be, which is when we're going to kick him out if they say the secret ingredient. The person at the end there said,

cornetto was trying to stitch you up. Yeah. But what specifically, what flavor of cornetto? Good point. He's got you. Strawberry. Oh, that's the good one. No, I would go. If I had to rank the three classic flavors, now there's like 400 of them. Yes. But it would be Classico first, then strawberry, then mint last. No. Is that contentious? Oh, no. I'm sorry, I did. You're going to have to leave. Yes. This is why we're here. Would you like me to go? I do think Classico is, was people hissing then? It's like Panto. Oh, yeah. They get proper angry. Oh my God. Yeah. Proper angry about food stuff. A lot of mint fans in tonight. Mint would be my favorite. I'm not just playing to the crowd here. But as a kid, I was always. I just used to go

through it. I didn't use to taste them. I just used to go through them. Just straight in until we just get to the bottom bit. Yeah. That was the key. Just get to that fucking little pointy chocolate nipple. That's all I wanted. I saw somebody on Twitter the other day complaining about the chocolate at the bottom of the cornetto corner. It's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? That's the best bit. It's also, as somebody pointed out, it's the load bearing bit. It's there to stop the ice cream. Right? I've never thought about it. That's where it's there. In terms of structural engineering before. It's true. It's true. Yeah. Because other cones, you hold them and they just go immediately. Yeah. And you have a cone you get. Oh, no. You've got to be dead

inside not to enjoy that last piece of chocolate. Haven't you? What was even their justification for slagging off the bit of chocolate at the end? Oh, here we go. Is that someone who doesn't like the chocolate at the end? No. Is there anybody in the Royal Festival Hall who doesn't like the chocolate at the bottom of the cornetto cone? Me? Why? Why? Why? Why? Happier than anyone who doesn't appreciate joy as anyone right to be. Next time. I hate the chocolate. Next time you have one, would you post it to me afterwards? Why can't you buy banks of them? You should be able to buy. You can, yeah. You can. Right. Sorry, guys. Goodbye. I need to go. The amount of cornetto they had to collapse just to get the nibs off them to put them in a bag.

I feel pretty bad. Are you a foodie, Edgar? Would you consider yourself a foodie? I am a foodie, but in thinking about this tonight, I realize that a lot of fancy restaurants, I've definitely been to a lot of fancy restaurants in my time, but most of those kind of go into the general experience, and I found myself racking my brains to think of any one dish that I had in some of the world's top restaurants, which was strange, because there's a couple of times I've been to, I usually judge by the expense of the bill, but I actually found it so tough to think of a specific dish, so I started going back to more things which I gravitate towards, so I definitely have a thing where I gravitate towards the same

things and sort of try and expend less mental energy on picking and just kind of things that I like, and so that's what I've gone for tonight, for the most part. I want to dig into you saying that you judge it by the bill at the end. Yeah. Well, if you've gone to a really fancy restaurant and it's been an extortionate bill, you have to think, well, I guess that was really good. I guess I'm wrong. I guess that must have been 700 quid good. I thought it was disgusting, but it was the nicest meal I've ever had. That's just me falling myself into thinking that I haven't just wasted 700 pounds. Sure. That was only the one time. I was going to say, this is a very specific amount of money you've repeated twice now. Listen, you don't forget that bill easily, especially when

you've done the really dumb thing of saying, hey, I'll get this. No, wait, wait, wait. Is there a choice from that meal on the menu tonight, or can we talk about that meal now? No. Where was this meal? It was that New York restaurant with a really hungry... That New York restaurant, La Bernardine, I think that's where it's called. Right. Which is the kind of place that Patrick Bayman would go. Right, okay. Yeah. Yeah. So like really small classy plates. Yes. Really fancy. Quite dark in there as well. Very dark in there. Do a murder. Until the bill comes out and they put a spotlight on it. I did. This is maybe too much information, but this is the time for it, isn't it?

Maybe I shouldn't tell the story, but I did. Let me just say I had to... I was bordering on having... No, I don't know if I want to talk about it. Well, I guess we'll all go home and just imagine what it was forever. But at the minute, we're all thinking it was a wank. Let's be coy about it. You're like, well, I've paid 700 quid off. I can do it in the middle of the restaurant. Yeah. You can get my money's worth. Excuse me. There's your tip. Let's just say frequent toiletries were needed. Yes. And like, because I was in the States, emodium was needed, but here's the thing. Right. I'm so glad you said emodium because for a second it sounded like you were doing a lot of coke.

It would also have the same effect. And Patrick Bateman would be proud of me. That's going for the full American psycho effect. Take a lot of coke before dinner. Killer prostitute after dinner. No, the thing was is that I knew going in, I was ill, but it was Christmas Eve. I booked, you know, it's difficult to get a table there. This story is bleak. Christmas Eve, shit in your pants. You're going to spend 700 quid on a meal. But it was, um, I just had that kind of, I felt like probably I just looked kind of, you know, kind of gray and sweaty for the entire meal. But it was that thing. It was like Christmas Eve. And we booked a table. I couldn't like, you know, kind of pull the sticky. So I suffered

through it and it was nice, but that's maybe why I don't remember it as one of the being the best meals. Sounds bleak. Yeah. I mean, was it a family? No, it was just friends on Christmas Eve. I so want to know who, was there any celebs there? Because if it was Christmas Eve, I really wanted to know what celebs you're hanging out with on Christmas Eve. It was Ryan Johnson who was having dinner with and his wife, Karina Longworth, another podcast. I think I tried to keep it secret that I was ill. And then it was very clear I was not well back and forth. And really struggling. Once you've done the seven trips to the toilet during the meals, obviously something is out. Or like you said, a big coke head. Yeah. How many, how many courses was with meal? I think

taking, we're going to this bathroom seven times to take care of it would have been less embarrassing than essentially having diarrhea. Yeah. Yeah. I just like the thought of you trying to style it out though. Seven trips to the bathroom and still trying to come back. Titans have come for the joy every morning. God bless us everyone. Were you shitting as the time crossed from Christmas Eve to Christmas Day? I'd be more of a... That's the question. I don't think so. Or I would have liked to have done that on New Year's Eve. That would have been good. Yeah. Then to kind of, you know, it would have then kind of crossed two calendar years. Do you want to know the worst calendar year crossing of my life? Do it. It was many, many years ago as it... I can't believe

I'm saying this out loud. Everyone's having those moments tonight apart from I am coming out of this squeaky clean. As it crossed from one year to the other, and I didn't realize that this was the time, one of my friends had decided to show me two girls one cup on his phone. It's actually quite similar to your Christmas Eve. You now have to share a story where you've been violently ill in a restaurant. Yeah. Well, I've never shipped myself in a restaurant. It's fine. I didn't actually do it. Yeah, I shipped myself in a steakhouse in New York, in LA. Good times. Still a spump in water.

Yeah. Imagine a natural waiter doing that. I had to wake him up. I shipped myself in a steakhouse. Anyway, still a sparkling water. I'm sorry. I shipped myself once. What kind of water do you want? Still, still, still, still with ice. This is what the Royal Festival Hall was built for. Yeah. Also, please, no lemon in the, in the still water. Oh, look at this. You're really winning a vote. I get a bit annoyed, and this happens a bit more in the States than it does in the UK, but it's that presumption that you wanted some lemon in it. Right.

So, fish that out immediately. I don't really like that. The lemon in the water just, you know, if you go to like a spa sometimes, and they have that horrid water with like what seems like a ton of like limes and lemons. And sometimes strawberries and stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no. And it just looks like mulch. So, I can't get that out of my head. To be fair, that's load bearing though. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's load bearing. Keeps the water. It'll just come out the jug of it was. I am sparkling water. There's nothing worse than room temperature or warm sparkling water. It's horrific. Room temperature, still water, fine. Room temperature, sparkling water, no.

In terms of that, I've been excited to drink sparkling waters when I've had some periods of just not drinking for a long time. And then just the bubbles become a bit more fun. It's all you've got left. That's all you've got left is like, I guess I'll have some sparkling water. The bubbles are fun. But other than that, no, sparkling water, no. Also, the worst thing as well is when you take a sip of sparkling water, thinking it's still. No, that's really bad. Especially if it's warm. That's the worst. How often has that happened in your life? More often than I care for. So, hold on. Is it that you're not even looking at it? Yeah. And that you're just, you're just going for, or is it like, you know, sometimes sparkling water

gets a little bit flat? You can't really tell. And then you have this wig and it's like, it's just got a dead fart in it. Just like brands with confusing labels, like make it, make it clear, like sort of what the black is still. And then the other one is silver, right? Or grey? Yeah. But that's a good point. We've never, I mean, look, the crisp debate rages on about what colour should be what flavours. We've never really sorted out what colour sparkling should be and what colour still should be. Yeah. So I think we should do it now. Green for, green for sparkling. I'd go with that. Just like nature. Can you imagine the babbling brothel? Because of course, blue is up for grabs here, because they're both water, right? So that just confuses the

issue to have like... So we need to get rid of blue completely. Blue's out. No? Oh, people want to keep blue. Blue for still. Yeah, I mean, that's the other option. Blue for still, green for sparkling, because it's the colour of a spring, right? I think we've actually solved that a lot quicker than I thought we would. But you're saying you don't like sparkling if it's like room temperature. There's still water. Does it matter how cold it is? Well, if you're in a dream restaurant, I'd love it with some ice and it would be lovely. Yeah. Oh, you dreamer. If we're going wild here. But you know, room temperature still was fine. And the ice cubes are made from still water or sparkling water. Maybe that would be the way of weaning me on to sparkling water, wouldn't it?

But actually releasing the bubbles just one at a time. You just have one bubble at a time each time. That's like you're trying to slowly poison me with sparkling water. Yeah, just gradually stripping you one bubble at a time until eventually you love it and you can't tell the difference anymore. Oh, yeah, like the Pepsi challenge. Yeah. Well, I mean... You're probably too young to remember that. Does anybody remember the Pepsi challenge? I remember the Pepsi challenge and I could, I mean, right now I could tell the difference between Diet Pepsi and Diet Coke if anyone wanted me to. They're very different. Do you think Diet Coke actually... Do you think, Edgar, if you didn't have any water for like a year? Oh, yeah. Do you think then if you had sparkling water,

it would taste the same as still water? I thought you were going to ask me if I was in the desert and somebody came in and they gave me a bottle of sparkling water. That's a better question than my desperate appeal to an in-joke on the podcast. You'd have to be really fussy to turn down the sparkling water at that point after three days in the Gobi Desert without any water. But do you think your mouth would be so sensitive that the bubbles would just like, what, your face would melt? Yeah, that's the point. James is disappointed because I interrupted his Diet Coke story, by the way. He's so angry. He's not going to get over this. What would be your preference, Pepsi-wise?

I'd Diet Pepsi. I'd go for. I like Diet Coke as well, but I'd probably prefer Diet Pepsi, but like, for ages I didn't really have... I kind of like gave up caffeine entirely, which like, I have to be careful saying that in the building, because I think Edwin Coffee's not left yet, but like, I didn't have caffeine in my diet for ages. And then after like five years, I started drinking Diet Coke again, and I hadn't had like full-fat Coke and all that time. And after five years of not having any caffeine and not having regular Coke, Diet Coke just tasted like normal Coke. Can I just say, firstly, the other... We did this the other night. James told that story

maybe a hundred times in the podcast. We did it live the other night, and it was brilliant. It was a lovely show, lovely audience. We came off stage and James looked a bit bummed out. I was like, what's wrong with that? It was really funny. He went, didn't get a chance to do my Diet Coke story. And it was great live then, to hear people being bored by it live. Because you all cheered when he started doing it, and then there was a noticeable drop-off in energy. I think you need to be able to tell the difference between bored and on tenterhooks. Ed Wood. Yeah. Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it up, it's all bread, Edgar Wright. Pop it up, it's all bread.

I'm going to go bread. There we go. Oh, some booze, some booze. A lot of happy people. I will say, I will say though, if you'd asked me like 20 years ago, the answer would have been poppadoms. The joy of poppadoms has sort of permanently been curdled in my brain. Because poppadoms have too often been a part of what I would call the sad takeaway. And why me by the side? So every, I think I'm sure you guys have done this as well. There's a point in the night where after a certain hour, usually midnight, the ordering a takeaway is a bad idea. And usually it's because at a certain point in the night, your takeaway options start disappearing. And so then if you're really kind of on one, and it's like you want to get a late night Chinese or an Indian, it's always that really

depressing thing that even before you've got to the main you've ordered, being lumbered with the really dry poppadoms in a coming from a plastic bag as well, is so just depressing. And even the little tub of mango chutney, or the kind of like the takeaway version of what's it called rater, the yogurt? The other one. It's just like, so I think I've had too many of those and it's permanently ruined the joy of poppadoms because I used to love that. So that's now gone out of my life. I'd say the same for like, bad 3am prawn crackers. Also really depressing. And it's sort of permanently ruined both of them for me. So it's got to be bread all the way. And if I'd be specific, I'd say like a couple of things that I really like is like, well, I just went to Spain, actually, and like

they, the bread there, they always have like tons and tons of aioli, really, really garlicky aioli. That's the best. So that's what I'm specifically going for. Great. And what type of bread is with that garlicky aioli? Spanish bread. Spanish bread. Spanish bread. Of course. Famous Spanish bread. I realized Ross Kent went into more detail. Sure. Sure. You tend to remember exactly what you're eating when there's a gun to your head. You want to be polite to your hosts. None of my anecdotes involve MS13. So you want Spanish bread with loads of garlicky aioli there. Also, like just out of interest, I'll give me a cheer if you would say bread.

Poppidoms. Same as the other night, the poppidoms sound happier. Yeah. I mean, there were definitely a lot of people cheering both there. Yeah, some people just haven't had dinner today. Yeah. Whatever you've got, please. The poppidoms contingent have ordered them earlier in the evening. Yeah. They've planned it a little bit. But I mean, carry a bag of poppidoms. No one's putting them in their dream meal, especially when they get... Emperor on crackers, when you get that kind of... Yeah. If you can fold them. Yeah. It's just that thing, like after 3 a.m. or something, when there's only two takeaways open on Grubhub,

you know it's not going to be good. And if you're on Grubhub at all, really? Grubhub. Deliveroo at this point is closed. Yeah, that's it. When you scroll down, even Deliveroo's abandoned you, and then you're like, oh, now I'm going to have to hit up Grubhub. Even the name Grubhub. I've never heard of this before. I can't wait to hear you say it. Does it still exist? I think, sort of, once I switched to, you know, once delivery came along, Grubhub was the thing. Grubhub still exists? It's been taken over by Pornhub. Grubhub is... But you can get anything, anytime, in that manner.

Exactly. Yeah, it's never sad. It's always sad, but it is 24 hours a day. Have you never heard of Grubhub? No, I've never heard of Grubhub before. Oh, that sounded as good as I hoped it would when you said it. Grubhub. Grubhub. Get to your main meal now. Get to your starter, your dream. Aeoli, by the way, quickly, genius. I don't think anyone else has chosen Aeoli with the bread. I fucking think garlic, when it just rips your face off, it's so good. People don't choose it, I think, because people don't know when to stop saying the first bit.

Aeoli? Yeah, they're not confident enough on the podcast, they're like, I'd like some Aeoli, please. So no matter how much they love it, they're like, oh, fuck it, I've garlic mayo. This is when we find out how easy it is for James to write James Aeocaster stand-up material. Oh, that Aeoli, man. Yeah, easy when you're a fucking genius. No one ever knows when to stop saying it. It is pretty easy. Is that a Bumblebee? I think that was a fucking bee.

That's from one of my other shows. I don't know where that bee's gone. Well, great. Now I've got that in my head. Count me out for the rest of this. I'm going to be too scared. Your dream starter. Is it from a specific place? Yeah, I went around the houses thinking about this one because I had to think about what starters I always order. So I tend to order the same things in the same places. And there's also sometimes a thing where, like, if I'm at dinner with my girlfriend, she'll ask me to order something

so she can have most of mine. And usually that's Berata, which I'm totally happy with. Berata is a great starter. I never thought, I never realized it rhymes before either. Yeah, you said Berata was a great starter. That was quite good. There's a place in LA, a stereo monster that has a mozzarella bar that's just all Beratas. Oh, my God. And it's like, it's too decadent. It's like, it's too decadent before anything even starts. Like, I'm going to die at that place. I've just decided that's where I'm going to die. It's a good place to die.

That would be if I ever fell out of a plane and God forbid. But that's where I'd like to land. I think it cushioned you enough. On one of the Beratas. On all of them. If you lay on the mozzarella bar and stuff, you could spring back. Yeah, yeah, then you might be like... All the way back up to the plane.

But with a mozzarella in your mouth. Mozzarella and just this, like, stream of, like, all the gooey stuff that comes off the sort of look like a firework or, I don't know, quite nice is what I'm saying. I'd like that. Prefer that. Although the worst place I'd like to land if I fell out of a plane. Are we all going to do best and worst? Yes.

Yeah, okay. Is on the pavement right next to the Beratas. It would be the worst. I would hate it. No, on some sea urchins or something. No, not even on some sea urchins. Because at least then you're like, what's the answer I have? You just survive and just for a second and just see the Beratas.

You're like, oh, god. Yeah, see someone enjoying it. That'd be bad. So this is the cycles that I went through. The other thing is the starter that I only had once, which like in my birthday was at the start of lockdown last year. So it was pretty, there was like nothing open. And my girlfriend, very nicely on my birthday cooked me like,

what I can only describe is gourmet movie snacks, which was amazing. So because we were going to have like a movie marathon or weekend. And so she cooked me like hot dogs. She's Swedish with Skagen on top, which was amazing. With like, what's Skagen? Skagen's like the fish kind of any Swedes in the audience help me out. That didn't help just the square. It's like fish woo.

Fish woo. That's the, that's what it is. Yeah. What? It's like, how's that helping me out? It's the fish, it's a fish sauce. Okay. It's, it's, it's great.

I've only had that once, but I'll get what I want to, and I think you have mentioned this before. And so I think I'm correct in thinking this, but the one I eventually plump for is one that if I see it on delivery, I will go to that restaurant just to get the starter. And that's the squid at Basaba, Itai. Ah, yes. Which I, the calamari for Basaba. Yes.

I've heard some people on the internet call it crack squid. And I'd agree with that because I had it the other night and it's just one of those things that's like, I mean, almost the rest of the menu doesn't matter as much. Yeah. But that kind of inky sort of like, um, peppercorns. I'm happy about this. Garlic on it. Very happy.

So I'm going to say the Basaba squid. Man, if you haven't been to Basaba and got the squid, then your life is kind of incomplete, I'm afraid. That is such a good choice. I don't think I'll be, because really, you know, start as a notoriously the worst course and everyone knows that. Oh, go fuck yourself. It sounds like you haven't been. And I've never been so happy, I guess, to start a choice before.

This is great. It sounds like you haven't been to the right Barata bar. Yeah, I've not been, but like. How do you feel about the, uh, the squid at Basaba? I have never had this squid before. Whoa. What needs more description? Because I assumed when you said the squid from Basaba, which I nearly said Barata,

you've, I can, I know what sounds you like. How's it prepared? I assumed it was like deep, like deep fried. No, it's like grilled and in some kind of inky sauce with like peppercorns and garlic. It's lovely. It's magic, but it still has a crunch to it as if it has been fried like it's been air fried or something. But like, it's like, it's, I don't know how they do it, Ed. It's impossible.

The flavor in it has this like indescribable, like. I'll be honest with you, Edgar. I've not stopped thinking about you saying you nearly picked hot dogs with fish sauce. Yes. I could switch back to that one. I need to know more about this because no offense. It sounds disgusting. Where's that sweet?

It's scargot on hot dogs is good, right? What? Jesus Christ. Yep. I guess you had to be there. Yeah, it was delicious. Yeah. I mean, maybe it was tastier because it was my birthday.

I don't know. It's your birthday. You're looking forward to your movie marathon. What, what films did you watch on your birthday movie marathon? I think it was a very, very unusual double bill of 2001, a space odyssey and Jackie Chan's police story. Nice. Can almost be a sequel to 2001. That's what I've always thought.

2001 Jackie Chan's police story. Yeah. Well, the ending is so ambiguous of 2000. We might as well have any film after it and go, yeah, that's what happened at the end. The baby, the star baby, the star child goes down to earth and becomes a police officer in Hong Kong. Yes. I'll be up for that. Cue up the second film.

And then you were eating your fishy hot dogs. Okay. We don't normally ask this question. It's completely out of the blue here. What is the best food film? Oh, Ed, go say it before we carry on. Great question. A popular answer.

That one's very good. Well, there's two that spring to mind, but one of which I haven't seen recently. Tampopo is a good one. And then another one that's really good. We'll make you very hungry is Stanley Tucci's Big Night. Yeah. That's a great food film. It's impossible not to watch that and not be absolutely starving at the end of it.

I have not seen it. What are they eating in that? Italian food. I've heard of it. What's your favorite food movie? Well, I think I've said this before on the podcast. I have spirited away is an amazing food film. And I've always watched that going, oh, look at that incredible food.

That's incredible. And ignoring the fact that they're eating so much of it, they turn into pigs, which has always been my issue. It's always about the quality of the food and not the quantity being too much. But that's a phenomenon. Those big dumplings, they're like all wobbly. And you can see how much soup's in them as well. James, what's yours?

There's two. I've probably mentioned both of them on the podcast before. One is in Home Alone 2 Lost in New York when he gets served all the ice cream. Oh, yeah. And he's on the bed and they say, I never scoop, sir. One scoop or two is like, make it free. I'm not driving. One of the best.

Absolutely live my life by it still. Yeah. Yeah. For many reasons. Never driving again. Was he ordering the rum raisin? Was there's no alcohol in the ice cream? Yeah.

Well, maybe it was even amazing. It was just that Macaulay Culkin's a genius and he could sell that shit. Worked. Ice cream is the booze for kids. Like the kids version of booze. So he led that line. But the other bit, obviously, is bangerang in hook. Is when they have the food fight in hook.

Always makes me. But not. It's not nice food. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not the bit when you can see the food or when they're fighting. The bit when they are miming it. When they're just doing. When that kid is like.

Do it all that. I was like, oh, I fucking want that food so much. Robin Williams. Hero is looking at the kids and being like. And I was like, I'll fill that. Absolutely get what you're feeling like the kids. I think he's called fats. That's not me being an asshole.

That's the kid's name. Is doing this and looking up at him. And Robin Williams is like, oh, God, I want that food so much. And that I think is the best. Better than any physical food I've ever seen in a film. At the bangerang food is delicious. Sunday school. Did you mistakenly think that was the last supper?

Yeah. And then Jesus said, bang around. I'd love it if Jesus did bang around at the last supper. Listen, guys, I'm going to level with you. I'm not supposed to tell you, but I'm going to fucking crucify soon. Who wants to do a bangerang? Because it would cheer me up. I would like to do a bangerang if you're all up for it.

So the calamari from Basaba. Oh, yeah. Why don't they just call it Crack Squid? They should call it Crack Squid. It is so addictive. Like my sister came to visit me in London once and I had planned a, we did a food day where we basically did a food pub crawl.

Where we did a course in each place and just all day had like a tasting menu across London. And one of them was the Basaba Squid and I was so excited to go. And I mean, it was weird going in there and just going, just the Basaba Squid, please. It's like a little, and they're like, anything else? No.

After this, we're going to shampoo you. Okay. But yeah, I really am up for that choice. So it's very exciting to start. I can't wait to try it. You've influenced me to try it. I believe you've not tried it. Sorry, man.

I thought I knew you. Yeah. If we don't get free Basaba from now on, something's gone terribly wrong. Yeah, it has actually. Ed doesn't deserve it. I'll be the only one putting it on Instagram though. I think I'll definitely get free one.

I don't know if they'll want you in if you're going to and from the bathroom constantly. You can have it to take away, Ed. Just the six trips tonight. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'll come in there. Main course for Dream Main. Well, this is another one I went around the houses on

because I tend to sort of order the same things around the world and stuff, like traveling and things. Or not what I mean is, you know, like I'm just between like the UK and the States. So, you know, like special, you know, like things like steak and amazing fish, that's great. And I find out myself, I tend to kind of gravitate towards if you're in like a posh restaurant

and they have some kind of like comfort food on the menu and you would think that's going to be good. And so I'm a sucker for that. Whenever I see comfort food on like a fancy, in a fancy restaurant, if it's like Shepherd's Pie somewhere or another, this is the one I was almost going to pick. I'm like real sucker for spaghetti and meatballs. Like just because like, I don't know,

it just makes me sort of like, I feel like I always feel, I only order spaghetti and meatballs, but I feel like I really earned it. And then it feels like that thing, if it's been a good day and it's like sort of, you know, like sort of, or like usually it's like a celebration meal and it's that thing, because it seems like the most unambitious thing on the menu.

Spaghetti and meatballs, but it's like, you know what? Spaghetti and meatballs with a lot of cheese on top and a glass of, that sounds amazing. But I didn't go for that. I want to like- I think most of the spaghetti and meatballs that I've seen, and I've seen plenty, if you had to put a number on it. Huh? Oh yeah.

If you had to put a number on it. Good point. I want the number of the individual plates and then I want the number of the meatballs. Yes. And then the strands of spaghetti. Fair enough. I think in my 36 years on this planet, I've probably seen,

now, I've probably seen 102 plates of spaghetti and meatballs. I'd say I've seen probably 510 meatballs and 5,000 strands of spaghetti. I think on the nose, 5,000. Thank you. But I would say a lot of the plates of spaghetti and meatballs I saw,

for the first maybe 10 years of my life, were cartoons. Yes. Lady in the Tramp. It looks fun. Just really big in the world of cartoons, spaghetti and meatballs. Yeah. Like everyone's eating them all the time. Way more than they do in like day to day life.

Yeah. Spaghetti and meatballs is on the menu a lot in cartoons. That's why I always feel slightly let down by spaghetti and meatballs when I have them, because no one in real life can twizzle spaghetti like you can in a cartoon. Yeah. You know when they go like, and they've got the whole lump and it's like,

and they suck it and go, the last bit of spaghetti goes, spray it in. Yeah. Do that again. You just have to practice. Yep. Very good.

I know there's some terrible plates of spaghetti and meatballs out there. Yeah. There's some particular ones. There's two places in LA actually that I just, I can't not have it when I'm there. Right. There's like, have you ever been to that restaurant Little Dom's?

Have you been there? I've not been to Little Dom's, no. I don't want to ask James and not Ed. No, I've never been to Little Dom's. Have you been to Little Dom's, James? I mean, obviously if I saw Little Dom's, I'd go there because it sounds hilarious, but no, I've not been to Little Dom's.

Where's Little Dom, please? I've never met Little Dom himself. No, I've never met him. I'd love to know what Little Dom's like. Let's get Little Dom on the podcast in the future. You can come back for it. That also isn't my pick. That was my B-choice,

and it was like the spaghetti and meatballs at the Chateau Marmont Hotel or like Little Dom's, both of which I can't not have it. And it's like, it always feels like such a beautiful achievement to have nice spaghetti and meatballs. But something happened to me like a couple of months ago where to go back to the comfort food thing, I was in Cornwall for like a week,

trying to sort of write on my own, yes. She saw you there? I think what I hadn't accounted for, because I've probably been in London too much and probably spoiled during the pandemic by Deliveroo and other like takeaway apps. I didn't realise in Cornwall when I got there that the options would go down to two,

both of which were like 75 minutes away. And so I didn't eat like a lot of... And most of the... Because it was just coming out of the pandemic, I was staying in a place called St Agnes. Anybody know St Agnes in Cornwall? So my eating that week had sort of gone down to very basic, because I'm not an amazing cook,

and I sort of... And most of the places kind of closed early, and they were like, you know, and the takeaway options were not great. And I'd sort of already burned through the Chinese and the Indian ones that were on offer. And so it was my last night in St Agnes in Cornwall in this little house,

and then I noticed that the local fish and chip shop was open, and I thought, I'll just get fish and chips. And maybe it was because I had sort of suffered through a week of like not great food. The fish and chips were orgasmic. And I just kind of had like my little ratatouille moment of just going back to sort of like... And it was also this thing,

it kind of cracked the sad takeaway thing, because it was so amazing, even the fact that I was sitting there in a house in Cornwall eating it on my own with the little hind sachets. It was just beautiful. So I give a shout out to... I remember the name of the fish shop, because it was called Fish and Chips,

like nuclear fish in St Agnes. Fish and chips. Fish and chips. Why was it called that? I don't know. Near a nuclear power plant. I guess it could be. I'd have asked why before I ate it, personally.

Anna said, why have you named it Fish and Chips, like nuclear fish? I wouldn't have gone, thank you. Straight in the mouth. See what happens? Could have hulked out. I think they really were great. I don't think it was just the kind of the week

of like my bad cooking that I'd suffered through, but it was just a beautiful moment. And it was a bit of solo, non-sad takeaway dining that I really enjoyed. So I'd like to give a shout out to that. So is that a shout out or your actual choice? That's going to be my choice. The choice, Fish and Chips.

Yes. Yeah, I like that. Fish and Chips. Great choice. Nice choice. The 700 pound meal at the Bernardina is permanently cursed. So Fish and Chips and Fish and Chips in St Agnes Cornwall it is.

Yeah. And this is like, so far this is a very seafoody menu. Yes, it's true. You know, we've got the squid and now we're on to Fish and Chips. Let's dig down into this Fish and Chips. Yes. What sort of fish? It was fried haddock.

Lovely. And there was a lot of salt and vinegar. And he gave me a sachet of ketchup and a sachet of mayonnaise. And I asked if I could have two more and he said that's 40 pence. And I was happy to pay. Imagine if you haven't. I spend 700 quid on nothing. How much salt and how much vinegar?

So let's mime it out now. So I'm the man. You be the chippy and I'll say stop. I'm the man, right? You're the man? Okay. Right. Someone film this and make a gif of that.

Stop. So that was, I'd say maybe eight shakes. Okay. Eight shakes. Feels like a good amount of shakes. The vinegar's like a free pouring vinegar, right? Okay, go vinegar. Holy Christ.

Rest in peace. Ah, I forgot to say stop. It wasn't that much. I just want to miss. That's 40 pence, please. That is how much vinegar my girlfriend has on stuff. We'll go to like, we used to live near an amazing kebab shop called Kebab Kid in southwest London.

And when she'd go in, they'd be like, oh, here comes a vinegar lady. They'd be doing that to get the vinegar in. And she'd be like, a bit more, a bit more, a bit more. Like with a queue forming around the block. Just mad. I kind of did a soaking wet by the end. Oh, yes. Big potato soup.

I'll back that up. I like it. I mean, I don't look like a soup, but like, I definitely like loads of vinegar. And when I was a kid, we'd all go and lunchtime to the fish and chip shop. Loads of salt and vinegar. And we wanted so much vinegar. And then we would put our heads directly in the bag and huff it. Yeah.

I got into poppers when I was about 13. So it's a similar sort of story. That guy shouted, Ketman knows what I'm on about here. Ketman a bag of fish and chips. You always had a kebab cod? It was, I think it was because, I think I was like a sucker for the most expensive I'm on the menu. Because when you see cod and then it's like haddock is 20p more. You go, ooh.

I want to try the haddock. That seems like the fancy option. It's a good choice, haddock. I mean, you know, I speak to you as a buttered sausage boy for life. Always battered sausage. And in some of my dark years, a battered sausage under Savalloy. Just to see it naked, you know. Yeah.

It's interesting. Yeah. Take the clothes. Must be weird for them in the back together. Come on. You know we're going to someone's house. You don't want to put anything on. How uncivilized.

It is easy to write my material. That is how I do it. Workshop that. Haddock, I've got traumatic memories. I worked in a pub where we had haddocks and they were in this like water that would kind of like, even though the haddocks were like, the haddocks were just floating around in there. So the water stank and it was a prank to put people's belongings in the haddock water. Oh, no, no, no, no.

When they didn't know and stuff like that. But the way to do it, when it was, if it was like their clothing or something, it would get wrapped in cling film first. So it doesn't get wet, but you put it in there and the, the stink of the haddock will get in there. And so people did started doing that. But one day someone was like, I'm going to get Acaster. And they went up, they got my shoes, cling filmed my shoes, put them in there. But literally they put them in there.

They walked out the fridge. I walked in the fridge thinking I'm suspected something. I put it there on my shoes, got them out before they stank, then put his shoes in there. And then all shift he was going, oh, anyone, anyone fancy some haddock after this? No, this. And I was like, no, not really. Oh, you will, mate. No, this.

I loved it. At the end, we went up to the change rooms. I put my shoes on and he was like, oh, James, if you. I'm pretty good. And he was like, I was like, oh, yeah, they're my shoes. Where are your shoes? The horror on his face. You prick.

I'm not a prick. Clearly not a prick. I'm you. But yeah, but on my last day at the thing, they dumped a bucket of the haddock water over my car. No. Yeah. And it got into the air vents. Is that why you crashed so much?

Yeah, I had to crash it. Had to crash it to get a new one. Have you ever been able to enjoy haddock since? Not really. Honestly, I haven't really. I wouldn't. I'd always order cod in a fish and chip shop still. But maybe that's just because I think it's the OG.

It's the OG fish. Right. It's it's the OG fish. Cod is the OG fish. It was famously the first fish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The original fish. I think Cod's the original fish. Is that the original fish in your? That's why it's so close to the word God. Yes. Because when God was like, I'm going to make these things, pop them in that. And then they start to slither away. I was like, oh, I've got to name them Cod.

Dream side. There's a lot of ones that are on constant rotation, including Brussels sprouts, which, um, you know, which I find amazing that Brussels sprouts has gone from being everybody's least favorite side or one of the most on-premise to the hipster side, which is an amazing transformation in time. I don't think that's hit here properly yet. In the states, especially, yeah, it's like Brussels sprouts everywhere. There's an amazing Portlandia sketch about the, um, how, uh,

Brussels sprouts got hipster fide. Yeah. Have you ever seen that? It's an entire episode, in fact. Oh, you know, I've seen that. That's great. I fucking love it, but it's just not hit here yet. Love Brussels sprouts.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Here, they're still farts. They're still farts here. I, I like, I like them before, even when they were like boiled and like really tasteless. I still like them, but then they got all cool in the states. Oh, so you like, you like Brussels sprouts when they weren't cool? I was like, yeah, I like their first album.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You've got all their old stuff on vinyl, right? Yeah. Aren't you, um, but now like, you know, aren't you making a documentary about Brussels sprouts? Yeah. The sprout brothers. The sprout brothers.

Yeah. I would love that. That pause there was the three of us trying to think of other rips off of that subject. Just saying. All of us coming to a dead end and going up, man. That's that. There's no. These are the bits we normally, our podcast records are normally four and a half hours long,

and three hours is absolute silence. Is us going, I've got something. Wait, wait, wait, wait, I've got something. Sprout brothers. Sprout brothers. I mean, there's not many, you know, parallels we can draw between the band, Sparks and Brussels sprouts to be fair to us. We did quite well to get it as far as we did.

One of, one of the brothers is called Russell. That's, that's rhymes with Brussels. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. When we, we're getting somewhere. We should, we should quit. We should quit before you can come out with that. Oh, that is genuinely depressing that we didn't.

Jesus. Well. So you're picking Brussels sprouts or? No. This is, and this is another one where I kind of go back to comfort food thing. And I'm sorry, I'm going to have to mention Little Dom's again, which you have definitely not been to. Not been to Little Dom's, but I love it.

I'm glad we're back there. To be honest, I felt like we moved away from it a bit too quickly last night. We mentioned Little Dom's. We were all excited and intrigued as to what Little Dom's was. And then we moved on from it and we were all like, want to hear more about Little Dom's. Well, they have a side there on the menu. It's called grilled summer corn, which, you know,

it sounds like it's going to be like corn on the cobble, like nice and charred and everything. But it is literally like a big plate of sweet corn with like garlic and butter and cheese. And I will like shovel that down my gob without anybody else touching it, an entire plate of sweet corn. And I think that's something like just as a kid, and apologies. I think some people in the room might be with me on this,

but did anybody eat sweet corn straight from the tin when they were young? Okay. I'm with you guys. Whoa, I'm going to say way more people than I anticipated. I thought you'd get five people or something going. Oh, yeah, I did that. All of them, gunsling sweet corn from the tin. Still too proud.

He's there doing it now. Yeah. Filling his mask with it and eating it. I have to reverse engineer something back to my main, actually. When I bought the Haddock and chips from Fish and Chips and St Agnes Cornwall, I became very confident of what I had was like, this is going to be good. I have a good feeling about these fish and chips. And I went over the road to the spa that was still open,

and I bought a can of green giant. Oh, wow. And I went home and I put some butter on it. I stirred it up and it was delightful. Okay, so he did it straight from the tin. Warmed it up? I did warm it up, yeah. So yeah.

Did you call it Little Edgars Sweet Corn when you did it? A little what? Little Edgars. That's your name, Edgar. Little Edgars. I think that was just one of the words that got lost in the fold back here. I was like, what are you saying? Yeah, yeah.

What is this? Italian name? I famously cannot hear my own name. Yeah. That's an idea for a film like that down. Somebody can't hear their own name. Imagine the hijinks they'd get up to. Not hearing your own name.

Walking around, people are trying to warn them of stuff. Yeah. They can't hear it. It's a quiet place, part three. The only way to defeat the aliens is that the only word they can't hear is Edgar. So if you say Edgar over and over and over again, you can survive. I thought you were going to say the only word they can't hear is their own name. So you have to learn their individual names.

Stephen. So go back to the sweet corn though. I think as I just said, sweet corn has always been... This is a wonderful character trait from you, Edgar, that I was not expecting. To get back to the sweet corn? Every time he'd be like, but if we could get back to the sweet corn. Never mind that I just did an absolutely spot on impression of the monsters from the quiet place.

Anyway, I like sweet corn from... I've just noticed the time, but we really need to get back to this sweet corn. Like little doms. I guess I've never been to a restaurant where the side is just a pile of sweet corn. Yeah. How big is this plate? You said you could have the whole plate for yourself. And the sad thing is I can eat all of it. Yeah, that's not sad. That sounds lovely.

I mean, I'm presuming that the dream restaurant, the calorie intake, is not an issue. If you want it to be not an issue, some people might like it. Some people say double the calories, please. I love being buzzed on all the calories. But if you want no calorie intake, but the same great taste and experience, we can do that for you. I listened to Joe Wick's one, and I was impressed by the amount of, like, calorific intake.

But then I thought he works out for 23 hours a day, and he can do that. Unlike me, he can eat whatever he wants. Yeah, he's running from restaurant to restaurant on his menu. It's okay. He's doing a lap of London eating it all. He's all right. You're kind of little doms in a taxi. Wolf in the sweet corn. And getting grub-hubbed just under some fish and chips from Cornwall. Little Dom chasing you out of the restaurant telling you you can't take the plate,

but you can't hear him because he's shouting your name. Yeah. Joe Wick's with the individual pieces of corn in between burpees. Yeah, yeah. Edgar, have you ever had, because this is a recent discovery for me and James, corn ribs? Oh, yeah, I have. We've had some from a place called Fallow, where you chop them.

Yeah. And then you just basically deep-frying bits of sweet corn, and then they've got this amazing kombu seasoning, and you just eat them like a rib. But I had them in Oaxaca the other night as well. It's the new big thing, corn ribs. Speaking of cartoons with corn on the cob, do you eat them left to right like it's a typewriter or something?

Do you make the noise? Oh, I'm trying to work it out. Do you do them left to right? What is my style? Because that's one style, right? But then I think I'm, I do it in sections. Yeah, I'll do that. Fully round like that, yeah.

Yeah, I'll do sections. I mean, like spaghetti and meatballs, I think any food you want to pretend you're in a Tom and Jerry cartoon, I would go left to right and finish a line like it's Tetris. Roll it around and start again. Yeah, yeah, cartoons are always like that. I guess it would be weird. I mean, imagine being an animator,

and they said, yeah, you know, hand in the, you've got to animate the camera to eat in the corn on the cob today, and you turned it in and you did it, then rotated it, and they were like, right, Michael, I'm going to have to see you in my office. You've changed the game. What does that look like to you?

Let's get the mouse eating the corn on the cob. You think any kids want to watch that? And it's going to make anyone happy? Photos of corn on the cob on the table. Michael, eat that. Now, eat that for me. I want to film you on my phone, and you tell me how nice it looks.

Michael desperately tried to get them to delete the email he's just sent of the spaghetti and meatballs scene. Yeah. Whether spaghetti doesn't do this at the end. Yeah. Michael, does this look like any bells? Because apparently you don't know where the fuck that is. You know that with the old Disney cartoons and stuff,

and I presume about the cartoons, but Disney cartoons like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, they filmed actors or models or dancers doing the actions, and then they would animate from that. Do you think that when they were getting some people to act out Lady and the Tramp, that they just happened to get on 35-mil film, the spaghetti twirling into somebody's mouth one time,

and the cameraman says, did you fucking see that? We have that footage forever. That's not a standard. Especially if it was two dogs, that's impressive. Yeah. People don't know this, but Lady and the Tramp was meant to be about two people, and they had all the scene ready with the meatballs,

and then two dogs just fucking legged it in, did that, and they're like, the guys were changing the whole script. Have you ever done a Lady and the Tramp spaghetti in real life, like a same bit of spaghetti towards someone? No, but I'm absolutely hoping that you have. It's weird. You've done it.

It blows my mind time and time again how I'm painted to be the weird one all the time. Oh, you're so weird. I have a question. Sitting Lady and the Tramp. Oh, there'll be questions. You mean to tell me, you sat down with a plate of spaghetti and meatballs,

and you put one end of the spaghetti in your mouth and the other end in the dog's mouth. Guess the question is, Ed, were you the Lady or the Tramp in this situation? I'm a little bit of both, you know me. When did you do this? It's the eye contact that's the hardest thing. Lady in the streets, Tramp in the sheets.

How far into your relationship was it, Ed? Early. Early. Was it during a speed date? Yeah, I take spaghetti with me to speed dating nights. To each table. Right, hit the clock. We've got to try something right now.

No, next one. The spaghetti's cooling down. We've got to be quick. I think it would be a good speed dating night to only try and recreate that scene from Lady and the Tramp. Or, good idea for a dating night. Some people are on one side, other people are on the other side.

There's long pieces of spaghetti that all cross over. You all put them in your mouth and you just start sucking and see who you end up with. See who you end up with, Ed? It's like a key ring party. It's like a key party, except with spaghetti. Although, I would like to, like, you know... What do you do with the meatballs?

The meatballs are all just rolling around on the floor. It's horrible. Did you roll a meatball towards her with your nose when you did it? Should have done that. If you're familiar with Lady and the Tramp, I think you know what's coming next. Here is this fat chef that I've hired with an accordion.

So, it's a lovely side, it's all the sweet corn. Your dream drink. I think, I gravitate towards a lot of things. I mean, usually red wine is usually the option, but I'm not like a wine connoisseur. I usually go for something that's fun to say. Pinot Noir's fun to say. Merlot, not so fun to say.

Chateau Nerf de Pap, very fun to say. It's even in a Beastie Boys lyric. With a bottle of Chateau Nerf de Pap, I'm fine like wine when I go to rap. There's not many other wines you could have used there to be fair. Is that why you go to Little Dom's, fun to say? What, for some Chateau Nerf de Pap? You just go to Little Dom's because it's fun to say.

That's what I would think. Little Dom's is fun to say. I'd say I'm going to Little Dom's, I wouldn't care what they're ordering. What they're ordering, they know order, do they? No, no, no. Can't believe you've not got your head around this yet. That's my theory with wine though.

Order something fun to say, that's it. I'm beginning to see why you ended up with a £700 bill. So fun to say. And the funnest one to say is always at the bottom of the list. Why I'm going to go for my drink though, and I have like a, I'm going to do an A and B thing, which is going to be the main drink, and then maybe the end of night drink.

Okay. Main drink would be a gin martini with a twist of lemon. Which I think is like a really highly concentrated, sophisticated way to get really drunk real quick. And you know, I just, yeah, I've come to enjoy a gin martini. It's the perfect drink. They're great. Let's, yeah, let's not fuck around with that.

Just straight down the hatch. Two and you're done. Yes. But I love it. We went for, where is it that's meant to be the best gin martini? That guy said. Dukes in London. Dukes.

The hotel bar is Dukes, yeah. Apparently it's amazing. We didn't go. I wanted to go and Ed wouldn't let me. Well, we'd been drinking wine all afternoon. We were invited somewhere to drink wine. And the man said, who invited us, he said, well, you should go to Dukes for martini one day.

And James said, we should go after this. And the man went, no, you should not. And then we went to a pub around the corner and we drank Guinness for the afternoon. Yes. And then I still wanted to go to the gin place. I was told we couldn't go. So you're going for gin martini with a twist of lemon,

but then there's another drink later on. Do you want to do that drink after your dessert or do you want to shout it out now? Well, I'll shout it out now because I don't really know anybody that likes this drink, but I'm sure somebody in here will. Because I kind of think it seems like it's probably a granny drink, but like my favorite late night drink is an amaretto on ice. Oh, OK.

More than I would have thought. It's basically like liquid marzipan. Oh, yeah. It's, I mean, I always, like, I've never seen anybody else drink it, so I feel very at home now that there was a cheer for amaretto on ice. Do you think of it? Yeah, I don't think I, I never order it. Would you ever order it in a bar?

Oh, yeah. At the end of the night, though, it feels like a sort of a good kind of closer. When you're off home for your 3 a.m. curry. Just before finishing my meal and going home to fire up grub hub and find the saddest Chinese meal I possibly can with the driest prawn crackers in a plastic bag. I like an amaretto sour. Oh, yeah.

Very nice cocktail. Got, you know, first of all, as a whiskey sour guy, and then got into the amaretto sour as big time. So I've never gone like just pure amaretto, which now kind of think I will. Oh, I was reading up about it before. I thought I'd do some amaretto research and there's almonders in it, but also the two things you can extract from almonds is like the,

I guess, the amaretto liqueur, but also cyanide. I didn't know about that. Oh, wow. So I didn't know that cyanide came from almonds, but that would be a good way to, you know, poison someone. I think, yeah. I mean, it would take a fucking long time, I reckon. It would be slower than doing it with one bubble of sparkling water at a time.

Because I once went through a real Brazil nut phase. And I ate half a kilo of Brazil nuts on a bus back from Oxford. And then I Googled Brazil nuts after I finished the bag, and it said they had a lot of selenium in them and selenium can kill you. So I did a lot of panicked research, and I think you'd have to eat about maybe a thousand kilos. And how many kilos had you done on the bus trip? Well, I could, then I cracked into my second half kilo bag.

Because you were getting the bus head, before you got on the bus, when someone offered you the almonds, did you say, make it a whole bag? I'm not driving. Did you say that? Sorry, it was Brazil nuts. Yeah, it was. Oh, man.

Oh, man, are you all right? Oh, it's been locked down. Is what he'd taken his toll on. I'm rusty. I'm rusty. Your dessert. Now, this is... Now, Edgar, what I would say to you

is that obviously the amaretto, quite a sweet drink. Yes. So... Oh, you piece of shit. You don't feel, Edgar, like you obviously then... Oh, bit sweet. You might need something to take the edge off the sweetness, maybe something a little bit more savory for the final course of the meal.

Well... Well, maybe something nice and savory, like, hmm, maybe the pavement in Trafalgar Square, where I would throw you... Oh, no, I'd better not land next to the barata bar. Also, can we... Sorry, Edgar, before you give your cheeseboard choice. No one's choosing cheese.

We've got a text saying that from some moment, bit of intel about the queue, there's a lady with a cheeseboard on her head. Um, is there a lady here with a cheeseboard on her head? What's she gonna look like with... What's that, what's that? Where is she? I don't know what I'm expecting from the end of this.

There is genuinely... Can we put the house lights up so I can see the lady's cheeseboard? She's under there. I can't describe how she looks to you. She has come with a cheeseboard hat. She has made a cheeseboard. I'm sorry everyone up there. I love you.

Get me a plate of spaghetti. There's something I want to try with you. Right. And then we can grate your head all over and say no. I think it's acceptable. Disgusted thing to say to a fan. Which bit? Which bit?

Get some spaghetti. There's something I want to try with you. And then saying you're going to grate her head or something. And then we host this podcast solo because you've been cancelled after this. God, that would be the way I get cancelled, isn't it? Be a cheese creep. Yep, be a little cheese perv. Also, well, obviously before we move on,

um, I don't know, there she is. Fuck you. Sorry. I have a controversial suggestion to settle this because I would say, and also if this is the dream meal and also like calories are not a problem and money is no option, I would say the dessert and cheese are two different courses. Am I right?

Yep. Absolutely. Because we haven't even gone into petty forwards and all of that shit as well. No, no. But I think, you know, sometimes you don't want anything sweet. You just say the more sophisticated way to round up, go fuck yourselves. You can all go fuck yourselves.

It's lovely for a Type 1 diabetic to meet so many future Type 2s. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Sorry. See you in the Thames, you fucking pricks. I like... He gets a bit testy when he's near the scene of the crime. I like to be a people pleaser and I'm going to break the format and I'm going to say both. But the cheese board comes second, the dessert comes first.

And I was going to say... Excellent way to close the meal, Edgar. Thank you very much. Close on cheese. That's a bad line now. I appreciate that. I'll accept that. Dessert is dessert and the cheese board is a little after thing.

Fine, I've never said that I'm not okay with that. I've always stated. There are multiple episodes where I've said that's fine. The dessert I was going to go for, I'm kind of a sucker for anything chocolatey, but let's say a chocolate nemesis cake, which is pretty amazing. If you've ever had the one, there's a few at the River Cafe, there's a chocolate nemesis cake, which is... There you go.

And it's like... He works there. He's clapping himself. Do you... Like he's coming off at his own testimonial match. Do you make the chocolate nemesis cake? If... Listen, if you don't make the chocolate... Pretty impressive.

Oh, sorry, I'll take my applause back, you fucking asshole. Thought you made the chocolate nemesis cake. That's awesome. It's pretty exciting. Did you hook up and put some nemesis cake? The nemesis cake is insane. Yeah, that was not the answer to the question I asked. Did you say that the nemesis cake has turned you insane?

Maybe. I'm crazy. We went to, for my dad's 60th birthday, we went to the River Cafe. And a man who was at my dad's 60th birthday, it's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen in my life, he went back to the kitchen, speaks to one of the chefs, and he came back and he was holding an artichoke. And he went, guys, the first artichoke of the season.

And it was the first time my sister's boyfriend had ever been to, like, a gamble family event. And he was like, what the fuck is up with your family? And I think he was holding up, expecting applause, just like the first artichoke of the season. Well, sit down, Chris. You and your fiancee are there, slurping spaghetti between the two of you. Not sure about your family, they're a bit weird.

I was checking it with my girlfriend about the chocolate nemesis cake, and I said, I mean, it comes with ice cream, right? She goes, no, it comes with creme fraiche. She said, you ordered the ice cream as well. Well, I never had chocolate nemesis cake. It's good. It's just like a gooey, like, you know, like a fondant cake. It's really good.

Like a chocolate lava cake. Sort of, yeah. It's a fancy, I don't know who the nemesis is. It applies to it, it's like a big patty. Edgar, when you said chocolate nemesis cake, I saw James going, I know exactly what was happening in his head. He thought it was a cake you could only get at Alton Towers. That is what I thought.

I'm not even going to pretend it wasn't. You thought it was a cake you could- I thought it was associated with the ride at Alton Towers. You thought it was a cake that you could only eat on the nemesis ride. You didn't necessarily only eat there, but I thought it would be based on there. Like, I immediately thought the design would be quite complex of a cake. You have to queue for eight hours to eat some.

Yeah, yeah. For ages. My dad's here tonight. I suppose you didn't say that, but I am, when I was a kid, my parents surprised us by taking us to Alton Towers. They didn't tell us it was going to happen. And I was nine years old and they woke us up and they were like, hey, we're going to go somewhere for the day.

And they were telling us, like, we're going to go to a deer park. It was a little trick. And then we got to Alton Towers and it was the best day. It was so much fun. And I was in the queue for nemesis with my dad. And I was really excited. And I looked up and went, dad, this has been the best day of my whole life. And he went, you're nine.

Fucking hard life. Absolutely flawless. I have, did it get any better? No, that's still the best day of my whole life. So it's valid now. Honestly, there was a genuinely heartwarming moment backstage where I looked up in the green room and James and his dad were sat next to each other,

both eating pastries in exactly the same way. Rotating them. I love you, dad. Can I ask Mr. River Cafe something? Yeah. Do you know why it's called the chocolate nemesis? Why is it called the nemesis? Now he's going to answer the question that I asked,

that he's going to answer that one. Why is it called the chocolate nemesis, mate? I don't know. It's been around for about 20, 30 years. That is more information than we expected, though. Oh, did yourself that? 20 years. You don't, I guess we'll never know it's been around so long.

Yeah. There's no one alive. And then after I've whiffed the chocolate nemesis cake and some ice cream, then the cheese board. Yeah. Okay. And you have in the amaretto. We've got about 15 minutes.

Take us through. Cheese by cheese, bite by bite. You don't have to do that. After the chocolate nemesis cake, is it chocolate nemesis cake, then amaretto, then the cheese board? Amaretto at the end, then. At the very end, then.

Okay, fair enough. And the cheese board, I guess, you're just getting that for a joke? What sort of cheeses do you want, Edgar? I would like more hard cheeses than soft cheeses. You're lovely. But that's okay. And it's got to have the little quince tubes,

cubes or whatever they're called. Quince, right? Quince cubes, yeah. Quince jelly cubes. Oh, you got to have those. Absolutely. Oh, man. So what sort of hard cheeses would you like?

I'm whatever's nice to say. Oh, fuck you. I'll tell you what's nice to say. More ice cream. I'm not driving. I'll let you have the cheese board. Maybe, like, you know, you can have that by the hearth. Is that all right?

I like to move people to the fireplace. Get off the table? Yeah. Do you say hearth? Is that not the, is that not the... A lot of people in here were like, oh, I think we're going to leave that alone, are we? No.

I've said hearth all my life. Yeah. And no one's corrected me on it. So this is a very bad moment to discover that's wrong. It's hearth. Yeah, it's hearth. That's OK. Yeah.

I've just got to accept this like a champ. Everyone saw in my eyes when I said hearth that it wasn't me just getting it wrong. You know, as a one-off, they were like, yep, he's believed that his whole life. There's no point in me trying to sell it to any different now. But how often does it come up, really? Not very often.

Only when I tell people, take that cheeseboard over to the hearth where it belongs. Still sounds right to me. But when they say, do you want to retire to the hearth? Yeah. No, that's the thing, I think. They're essentially saying, like, get, we want this table back.

So if they don't have a hearth, you're going to end up eating the cheeseboard on this. It sounds like they're saying, do you want to go over to the hearth? So they've got a list. Well, that's where someone should go if they're ordered a cheeseboard, quite frankly. Cheeseboard us.

I'm sorry for your loss. Yeah. I'll be in the hearth. Please follow on. Sir, you've eaten the chocolate nemesis cake and a bowl of ice cream and the whole cheeseboard. Would you like to go to the hospital? Well, I think this is fine.

I think that's quite a good menu. I'm going to read the menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Now, normally, Benito would write this down. And I would read it out. But he will not, he will 100% not come out, by the way. He's not going to come out. Listen.

Yeah, yeah. I want to see Benito. Yeah, fair enough. That will have put him off even more. There's no way, no way he will. But so I'll try and remember it by memory. Remember it by memory. It's one of the classic ways.

Here we go. Here we go. Edgar, you would like still water to start, nothing in it, as part of ice cubes. No sparkling water ice cubes. No sparkling water ice cubes, just the normal ice cubes in it. You want bread, and you want that bread with plenty of aioli. Spanish bread.

Spanish bread. You would like, for your starter, you want the calamari from Basaba. Your main, you would like fish and chips from fish and chips in Cornwall. With a side of the sweet corn from Little Dom's. Your drink, you would like a, don't help me, I'm going to get this. You would like a martini, a gin martini with a lemon twist. Later on at the end of the meal, you would like an amaretto with ice.

For your dessert, you would like a chocolate nemesis cake with ice cream, and then a tie to the hearth for a cheese board, which I will allow. That sounds like a good dinner. Really good menu, and then it's home for a curry. Edgar Wright, thank you so much for coming to the dream. Thank you, Edgar Wright, everyone. Thank you for having me. Give it up for Edgar.

And thank you so much to all of you for coming. It's been fucking brilliant. You've been amazing. We're going to probably go now, won't we? Yeah, let's go. Thanks, everyone. Cheers, everyone. You're great.

Bye. Thank you. Well, there we are, James. The second in a run of two of Off Menu Live. That is how it's done. What a great show that was. Thank you so much to Edgar for coming down and doing that. Edgar's new film, The Sparks Brothers, about the band Sparks,

it's absolutely fantastic. I loved it to bits. That, you can go and watch that in the cinema, James. You can go and watch it in the cinema. It'd be a wonderful experience. Yeah, we both love that film. And visually, it's a treat as well. So go and see it on the big screen.

Yes, do. And he has another film coming out soon called One Night in Soho. I'm not quite sure when that one's out, but do keep an eye out for it. I'm very excited from the trailers. I'm buzzing for that one. Looks a bit scary. It's right up my street. He obviously did not say salad cream or salad.

He did say Grubhub, though. Or salad cream. He did say Grubhub, which is an American thing. Yeah, he wants to disappoint that out. He wanted to point that out that he made a mistake. Grubhub is an American thing. And we've never had Grubhub here. I don't think that.

I don't think people thought badly of him for that, James. No one would think badly of you for that. Edgar, come on. Don't worry about that, man. So I'm sure we'll do Live Ones again at some point in the future, James. Oh, absolutely. We had a wonderful time at both those gigs. Thanks to everyone who turned up.

The Great Benito will present another live show fourth week. Come and see my tour. I'm doing a solo tour. If you enjoyed off-menu live, imagine that. But with just me, and also it's not really about food. Actually, there is quite a long bit about food. But come and see. The Great Benito presents Ed Gamble Electric on tour in 2022.

edgamble.co.uk for tickets. Thank you. Yes. Also, The Great Benito presents Me At Home. Wishing Ed all the best of luck. Thank you very much to The Great Benito and also to James. Goodbye. Hello, it's me, Amy Gledhill.

You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil in case... Get him on, James and Ed.

But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners, sure. But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny.

Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Gledhill's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian?

It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.