Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 121: Sarah Keyworth

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

The genie’s left speechless by comedian, writer and cob-lover Sarah Keyworth in this week’s episode. Speechless.See Sarah Keyworth live – visit her website for dates: sarahkeyworth.co.ukFollow Sarah on Twitter @sarahkcomedy and Instagram @sarah_keyworthRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? And if you just sniff the podcast, you get the aromas of fun, of chat, and of nice good times. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Smells great. It's James A. Caster there, doing an impression of smelling some wine by sniffing around it like a big dog. That's how I do it. I sniff around it. They said gamble there, saying dog.

This is the Off Menu podcast, where we chat to a special guest about food. But more specifically, James, we've got a little format that we use, don't we? Yes, we want to know their dream meal, their favourite ever starter, main course, dessert, side dish, and drink. And this week's guest is Sarah Keyworth. Sarah Keyworth, a brilliant comedian. You may have seen her on television or live or one of those things. She's an exceptional stand-up comedian, James. Yes, absolutely. It's an honour to have her in the dream restaurant. But if Sarah says the secret ingredient, same rules to everyone I'm afraid, we will kick her out.

And the secret ingredient this week is chocolate liqueurs. Absolutely hate them, James. Now, this is something that I selected. Are you also on board the Yuck train with these? I am. I think that they sound nicer than they are. And I also think that the pocket of liqueur in the middle is always... I don't think there's really a right amount for it, but always feels like there's too much of it. Yeah, floods. It floods it. I don't like how it feels in my mouth when it announces itself out of the chocolate.

I'd rather just have it a nice, lovely chocolate. Although there are exceptions to this, so don't go trawling the back catalogs and trying to catch me out. I broadly think keep booze out of my puddings. Oh, really? Yeah. I think so. I wouldn't agree with that. I like boozy puddings, but chocolate liqueurs can jog on. And I know really anyone who likes them, I think is pretty creepy. Yeah, OK, cool. Let's go with that. I think the problem with chocolate liqueurs is the

booze is too raw. Yeah, absolutely. It's too raw, and whoever likes them should be on a register. Yeah, absolutely. Top of the register. And I'd even put reason for being on the register likes chocolate liqueurs, and I think the cops would understand. I think they would. I think they'd totally understand. They'd say no more. So, if Sarah says chocolate liqueurs, she's out of here, and we will call the cops.

Yeah, we're going to do what our good old friend, I can't remember who said call the cops now. Jack McBrayer. It was Jack McBrayer. Jack McBrayer said call the cops. He said call the cops. He also said poppers off the bread. He said poppers off the bread. He asked if we were going to call the cops, and as you know, we will call the, I mean, we've only kicked out one person from the dream restaurant so far, and we should have pointed out we did call the cops on her, and we kept that

out of the episode, but when Jade got kicked out, we called the cops. Well, she at least got taken down to the station. I don't know if she was... Well, and she got put away. She said to change her name to Jail Adams. Oh, yes, Jail Adams. She plays a harmonica in jail now. So if Sarah Keyworth says chocolate liqueurs, we will call the cops and poppers off the

bread, but hopefully she will not. Fingers crossed. We will see. This is the off menu menu of Sarah Keyworth. Welcome. But it usually says enjoy your meal. James, you've interrupted the beginning. I'll just say it, but Benito wasn't as hospitable then to the Keyworth as he normally is to people.

Well, that's how this is going to start now, because Benito's created a frosty atmosphere in the restaurant. I was trying to welcome Sarah Keyworth, and now you've made it even more unhospitable in hospitable. I know that normally, Benito, you know, on the Zoom, he says, OK, I'm going to go away now and let you record the podcast, enjoy your meal. And the guest always has a little smile like, oh, that was nice. And this time he just went, see ya, go on and start then.

He just left me with a couple of rumbling fans. Yes. Yeah. Oh, we should let the listener know. For some reason, all mine and James's laptop fans are going absolutely potty today. Yeah. Mine's calmed down again now, but I don't think that's the end of it. I feel like it's a baddie in a horror film and never really, really dead, are they?

They're always dead. Of course, James, we're used to the fans going crazy, aren't we? Oh, good one. Absolutely brilliant. Sorry, I've had a coffee about 10 minutes ago, Sarah, and I'd like to apologise in advance because apparently it's turned me into my own father. No, I like it. I think it's good.

Welcome, Sarah Keyworth, to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you. Welcome. Thank you. We've been expecting you for some time. Was that it? Was that my genie sound? Yeah, James, that was pathetic.

What the fuck was that? That was pathetic. Well, Benita's not going to try. I'm not going to try. Oh, fuck's sake. I have been waiting for so long to see what would happen when the genie appears, and that was awful. It was a bit like a party popper.

It wasn't very good. You did like a real sort of limp wrist gesture with it as well, like, here you are, like that. Yeah. It would be so annoying, wouldn't it, if you found a lamp, rub the lamp as if you came out, and it was just like, all right. Are you sticking with that? Is that what you're going for or are we going to do?

I think it's good that on this episode, yeah, it's different. This episode, I think you're so far out of all the guests we've ever had, you're the one that has not been made to feel welcome at all so far. I've been made to feel welcome. Yeah. Hostile environment. Sorry about that. I did try.

I want you to remember that I tried Sarah. Welcome, Sarah Keyworth, to the Dream Restaurant. Welcome, Sarah Keyworth, to the Dream Restaurant, but I expected it, yeah, it doesn't feel sincere. You didn't even finish that sentence. Thanks for having me. Great to be here. Look, you are quite correct to react to the genie in the same way as he welcomed you, but I need to try.

Look, sometimes you go for a meal and you just know the vibes are wrong, right from the off. This is like a bad first date. Exactly. It's a bad first date, but I'm always the one who's going to try and pull this out of the doldrums. I'm going to increase the energy. I'm desperately going to try and make this a lovely first date, okay, by sweating, by

making terrible jokes about the fans, and guys, come on, we can do this. This could be something. I like that sweating and terrible jokes are your way of saving a terrible first date. You're like, this isn't going well, I'll just start sweating a bit more. But Sarah, it's very nice to have you here in the Dream Restaurant. It's actually really, genuinely very nice to be here. I've been looking forward to this. I'm looking forward to it.

I don't think I've ever seen you eat anything. I don't. I don't. I don't eat. This is going to be a disaster. I don't know how I'm still alive. It's impressive. Maybe you're not.

I look at food and I sort of get a sense of it and I think, yeah, that'll do. Yeah. Then I move on. Watch the other people. Is all your choices based on things you've seen other people eat and look nice? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. It's all TV references.

It's all stuff from adverts and stuff. It's just, every course is special K. Yeah. But the last one, crunchy nut. A reverse Joe Lysit menu. I like it. You've never seen me eat James A. Caster. I don't think I've ever seen you eat.

I think, even when we were at the Melbourne Comedy Festival together and we went to that, the organizers put on like a barbecue or something at a bowl in green and we were all playing bowls and you were definitely there, but I didn't see you eat any of that food. I did eat some food. I was horribly hungover and I didn't want you to see me. So I waited until you were bowling to take a bite. I see. Very clever.

So it's not that James hasn't seen you eat because you've always hidden it from him, right? Every time James A. Caster walks into the room, I stop eating. What is it about his general vibe that means you don't want him to see you eat? Does he stare or? No, he doesn't stare. It's not staring. It's like a side eye. I know that he's thinking about what I'm doing when he's in the room with me.

That's true. I can't deny that. This is making me think of the last time that we were all in a room together, actually. It was just before all of this kicked off. It was at Soho Theatre. And I found something out about that night recently that has actually been haunting me. I had just done my show. I came down into the bar area.

You guys were having a drink. I walked over and said hello and you looked up like I'd sort of scared you a little bit. And you went, oh, we're really glad it's you because a woman's just been over and been quite rude. And she said all this stuff about she was like, oh, my friends say that you guys are famous, but I don't know who you are. And then took a photo with you and stuff. And I was there with you like, fuck, oh, that's so rude.

She sounds like a dickhead. And then went off and joined some of my friends who had been to the show. Several months later, there's a lockdown. There's a pandemic. I don't see or speak to anybody. I see those friends that I was with that night. And one of my friends says to my other friend, I want that girl that you brought with you was really rude to James A. Custer and Ed Gamble.

And me, like, really relentlessly naive was like, well, you know, the boys were having a real night of it. Because they said, they said the boys were really rude to them. And said she didn't know who they were. And they all looked at me like I just said that I thought the earth was flat. I love stuff. Obviously, it's rude, but I love stuff like that when it happens on with James, because he's way less patient than me for stuff like that. Because it is rude when people do the whole, I don't know who you are,

but my friend says you're famous. It's so passive aggressive, leaning towards the aggressive. But in that situation, I don't get annoyed if I'm with James, because I can just watch James's blood boil while it happens. And his reaction is always very funny. If someone says, can I have a photo? I don't know who you are. James will just go, no. Up.

Goodbye. I don't know why anybody would want a photo with someone that they don't know. The whole thing is a test for like, I had it once a lady came up to me, quite an old lady, in a reception at a hotel, and she looked at me and went, I know you. I was like, oh, right. And then she went away.

And then she came back again and she went, I've just realized you're on the wing. I thought you were my window cleaner. You do look a bit like a window cleaner. Yeah, it does look a bit like, like a pervy window cleaner from the 70s film, like Confessions of a Window Cleaner. Yeah, that kind of thing.

You're not in it for the cleaner of the windows. You're in it for looking through them. I do not look like a pervy window cleaner. That's like an old boy. I look like a whimsical window cleaner. No, you look a bit like Robin Asquith, who was, I think his name is Robin Asquith, Confessions of a Window Cleaner.

I've been told I look like I could be a chimney sweep. Absolutely. Look, here's the front cover of Robin Asquith's autobiography. I'm not going to deny that looks like me, I guess. It is absolutely James Acaster, yeah. James is now obviously being recognized more, Sarah. Obviously, we can't go out in public that much, but when we can, he's going to be recognized for being,

I think, number six or number seven in Heath's Secret Crushes list. Right. No way. For one, it's number five, right? So, don't be slinging around six and seven. Piers Morgan's number six. I'd like to know who one, two, three and four are.

I mean, Keyworth, when someone told me I was on that list, I felt well-chuffed and then I looked at the list and no disrespect to any of them, but it didn't make me feel, didn't really boost the old ego when I saw the list of people. No, I'm sure there's no self-esteem to be found there. I thought it was going to be a bunch of hunks.

It was not. It's not the top hunks. But that's better than, because they sometimes do sort of like guilty crushes and things, whereas I think secrets crushes. That's what it is. They've rebranded the guilty crushes. Because it's less offensive if it's secret. But Boris Johnson's on there, for example. How is he higher or lower than James?

Can I guess? Oh, lower? Don't worry. And James B. Piers Morgan. No worries. Well done, James. Thank you very much. Yeah, pretty glad. Boris Johnson and Piers Morgan. Yeah, pretty pleased with that. Absolutely. I saw off Frank Skinner with nothing that was easy.

It was you. Skinner's been weeping about it ever since. Right, we're in a restaurant. We can't get onto this sort of chat if we're in a restaurant. We're picking up the secret crush list. Yes, sorry. So obsessed with yourselves. I could have waited to tell Keyworth about it. Yeah.

Still a spark through water, Sarah Keyworth? I'm going to, okay. I'm having both. Can I have both? Yeah, you can. Absolutely. Baller move. Why are you having both? Because I am a child. And I will be thirsty. And I know that I'm going to drink a lot

of alcohol this evening. So it's good to have a bit of still water. I don't want to get that down. But then I don't want to miss out on any fizz. Fair enough. I like both. And I want it all on the table. I've been known to overorder drinks at a restaurant. I'll have like a glass of wine,

a cocktail, two different types of water. Did you ever play the thing about you're not allowed to double park? We used to have a rule that in the pub. Do you remember that? Yeah, that was a drinking game, wasn't it? Some people call it double fisting, which is fun. Not where I come from, Sarah.

Because that's a completely different thing. I always need to double check with things like drinking games just in case it was just a posh person thing. But we definitely called it double fisting opposed to double parked because nobody owned cars where I was from. The rule was if you had two drinks

on the table at the same time, you had to put your dick in a pheasant, right? You have to put? So you never want to miss out on... Is this going to become a theme for your whole menu? Is that you don't want to miss out on stuff and maybe we're going to get quite a lot of... I worry that I'm going to overorder it, yeah.

Yes. I just think the thing with water is that I'm also, as I say, a child. So we all try and down the fizzy water if it's the only thing there, and then I'll get hiccups. So you down the fizzy water, you get the hiccups, and then do you use the still water

to try and cure your hiccups? Well, then I have to get the genie back and can I have a couple more stills, please? Yeah, just keep them coming. But then I get worried. I like it when, you know, you go to some restaurants and they have, like, water taps. Like, um...

Yeah. I like it on tap is what I'm saying. Would you ever want to stick your head under the taps? Absolutely. Turn them on? Yeah. I like the fizzy one so that it would, like, bobble over my mouth. Yeah.

The problem with the Yo Sushi taps, I find, is they only give you a tiny little glass. I like a pint of water and I like to down it all in one. That's how I get my water in. Do you think you could bring your own pint glass to Yo Sushi? Yeah, feel like it might be frowned upon when you get out the little bag with your pint glass in. I just think everything about Yo Sushi

is designed to make you feel like a giant, though, isn't it? Because all those little plates, the little mouthfuls... You feel like a giant going on holiday. Yeah, you do, because it's always in an airport, isn't it? How are they going to fit you on the plane? No idea. Yeah, that would be a good prank to play on someone.

Just make everything very small, including their plane, when they get on the plane. That would ruin your holiday, wouldn't it? Yeah, straight away. Spending the whole flight thinking about how you're going to get in your bikini. They've made it. Oh, OK.

All right, then. Pop it up some bread, keyword! It's bread, isn't it? It's always going to be bread. I like a poppadum. I like that they're crunchy. I like mango chutney. But I want bread and I want chips. I want a chip cob for my bread course. That's what I want.

Right, OK. We'll get into that. First observation that I've only just realised, bread people are way more certain than poppadum people. So, bread people are always like, it's bread, of course it is. It's got to be bread. Whereas, poppadum people are always like, I think I'm going to go for a poppadum.

They're a lot more open. That's because they know they're wrong. They're cowards. They're trying to book the trend and it's embarrassing. Either of you are poppadum people. I'm a bread guy. Of course, my attitude is, why wouldn't it be bread?

It's definitely bread. But also, I'm self-aware enough to be like, that's a bit arrogant. That's a bit arrogant to think bread is the only way. I don't think it's arrogant at all. I think it's arrogant that poppadums have walked into this podcast thinking that they can go toe-to-toe with bread, honestly. Well, look,

I'll be honest, Sarah, this has always got on my nerves. If we'd had a meeting before we recorded the first episode of this and James had suggested poppadums or bread as a question, I would have said, that's not a question. That's not something you're offered at any restaurant. Yeah, they're not comparatives. But, as with everything in this podcast,

James just shouted it in the first episode and it became a feature because we couldn't change it. I mean, we did have a meeting pre-podcast. Fair enough, poppadums or bread didn't come up. We didn't actually talk about that. But, mainly, our meeting was taken up with me saying I'm going to be a genie,

and Ben and Ed tried to talk me out of it. Well, I mean, it sounds like you weren't in a position to make decent creative decisions during that meeting anyway, so poppadums and bread would have probably been completely signed off. Yeah, maybe that would have. If you'd taken that meeting seriously,

you would have kept poppadums and bread, you would have gotten rid of the genie, and I wouldn't be here today. Yeah, you might not be. Because the genie is my dad. That's why you don't eat. You don't need to. Because you're a little baby genie.

I'm a tiny little genie, yeah. And he won't teach me how to clean windows. He only gave me the gymnas. He doesn't want you saying that sort of stuff. We'll cover more ground that way. My father is cruel. Poppadums or bread question is open to interpretation. If people want to say prawn crackers,

if people want to say tortilla chips, just anything that you would get at that point in the meal before the course starts. I don't want to laugh now, Sarah. You want a chip cob. A chip cob, yeah. I'm bending the rules completely. What I really like about this is you've said

you're going to overorder, and you've not broken your promise. Traditionally, people say I don't want to eat bread before a meal, because I don't want to fill myself up. What you've done is you've got bread and you've put some more cubs in it. I've assumed that I am completely bottomless during this meal.

I assume I'm not going to get full at any point. I think it sneaks in, and it's like a good full. Yeah. I can do that for you. Yeah, no problem. Thanks, Dad. Yeah. What's a cob? I wondered if that would come up. I wondered if you would start this silly conversation, Jeannie.

A cob is a bread roll. So what's corn on the cob? Corn of the cob is a... I mean, to be honest, it's a cob of corn. It's a roll, isn't it? It's rolled corn. It's rolled corn. You are going to have to specify that you want because otherwise, Jeannie's are open to interpretation.

He might bring you the middle of a corn on the cob with chips on it. And you rotate it and eat the chips off of it. I'd eat that. I'd probably, yeah. I'd give it a go. I don't want to upset you, but I'm not a fan of a chip butty. Call it what I called it.

I don't want a chip cob. I don't like double-carbing it within the same dish. I think it's a waste of stomach space. I think everything tastes too bland. I'm not a fan. I mean, people are going to be going mad about this. This is like when I say I don't like Yorkshire puddings.

My finger is hovering over the leave button of this Zoom meeting, by the way. I'll do it. I don't blame your keyboard. James, do you like it? Yeah, I like chip butties. Chip cobs, sorry. Loads of butter, ketchup. And ideally,

because I have good memories of this when I kid, I'd go swimming and I'd do the swimming. I'd get into it knowing full well that I'd get a chip cock afterwards. So you want to be that level of slightly nicely tired after a good swim. Yeah, and then they chuck it in the pool

and you've got to dive and get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a rubber brick. Yeah, it is like a rubber brick. That's hardly my problem with it. Is it from a chip shop, Keyworth? No, it's from Swimmingpool at Walthamstow. No, Walthamstow, Edwinstown.

Forgot where you grew up. For a minute there, I forgot where I grew up. I don't mind a butty cob situation, but here's something I used to have when I was at university. See if you like the sound of this. This was introduced to me by my friend who grew up in Preston.

I already don't like the sound of this. Right, well, it was a lower point of my life in terms of eating. And I probably used to have one of these a day, a pie butty. What? Tell me that.

Tell me what that is. I've never heard this before. Probably a mince pie, like a beef mince pie. It'll have like mince and gravy and onion in it. No. Like a proper pastry pie. Yeah. And then get some bread and heavily butter the bread.

Glad that you clarified that it is encased in pastry, so you've got a bread layer, you'd say. Yeah. And then get some just cheap white bread, butter, top the pie in the middle. Right. Put some brown sauce and some red sauce on top of the pie. Get the other slice of bread.

And then just a light push, just to slightly squash the pie. And then eat the pie butty. We need to talk about the fact that you just said that you don't like double carving. Mm-hmm. And you think it's a waste of stomach space. You have a dirty, past head count.

What I would say to that is that I think with the pie butty, there's more variety of flavour. It's not just straight white carbs all the way through. Yes, because there's an entire meal on the inside of your bread. Yes. And also, when I say stomach space,

I had a lot more stomach space then. So I wasn't filling up on the pie butty. What stage of the day do you have it? Well, I'd normally probably... I'd sleep through both my morning lectures, so I'd probably wake up at around 11 a.m. Mm-hmm. When I'd get up, I'd probably have three cigarettes,

and then I'd stroll to the baker's. So I was probably having that at around noon. So it was more of a brunch. You were buying a pre-made pie at the baker's. Buying a pre-made pie at the baker's and then going back and using probably someone else's bread in the kitchen. You're a real piece of shit, Gamble.

LAUGHTER Remember when Ed, like, he lost a lot of weight when, like... Did he? A bigger gentleman, and he lost all that weight, and everyone was, like, so amazed by it. And he even had a stand-up routine. We said, everyone's asking me how I lost the weight,

and, you know, it's just... But boring answer, really. You just eat less exercise more. And no, it's not boring answer. You go, oh, yeah, I'll tell you my secret. I stopped eating pie butties every single day. I miss pie butties. I honestly, I feel like someone who used to be in a gang,

like a violent gang. I'm glad I'm out of it, but, God, I miss those days. That's why you've got that pie butty face tattoo as well. Exactly, yeah. Oh, do you want your swim to be in a mixture of still and sparkling water? Yeah, I do, actually. I've never done it before, but I think that that would elevate

the experience in some sense. If you mix still and sparkling water, does it continue to sparkle? It must be a light sparkle, right? A light sparkle. I don't know whether I'd preferred to swim in purely sparkling water. There is something so evocative, isn't there, about things you used to eat after you went swimming

as a child, like the smell of the chlorine and you're, like, properly exhausted. I think it was because you'd swallowed so much chlorine as a child. Your body was desperate for something to soak up those chemicals. Yeah. It was the only time I ever got stuff from a vending machine.

I was always denied vending machine food, but I was allowed vending machine stuff after a swim and getting space radars and stuff like that from the vending machine. You just get some smoky bacon crisps after a swim from a vending machine. Also, my dad, I remembered this recently because it's such a bizarre thing that happened.

My dad used to take me to play golf, which just doesn't make any sense to me, apart from the fact that he was actually trying to make me a lesbian. And we'd play golf and then he'd buy me a bucket of round trees, fruit pastels afterwards. I'll tell you what, I was in it for the pastels, not the golf.

I'll be honest, initially, I thought you said bucket. A bucket? Yeah. He'd empty out the golf balls. I need to fill it with fruit pastels. When did you say you were from Edwinstowe? I'm from Nottingham, so I grew up in an area called Sherwood, but we would drive to a place called Edwinstowe,

and on the way, my mum would tell a story about a man called Edwin who had a very big toe. Very big toe. Sarah, I don't know if you did this deliberately, but the idea of your mum telling the story about Edwinstowe, you've exactly nailed James A. Custer's humour. Really makes me laugh, that kind of stuff. I didn't nail it, to be honest.

It was my mum. It was always my mum. And it was only, I'd say, two years ago, I'm 27 now, and it was only about age 25 that occurred to me, that the reason she told a story about Edwinstowe every time is because we were going to Edwinstowe. Right.

I just thought she'd fucking love this story when we go somewhere. We'll get to your starter, then. So you've already kind of had, what most people might even call a starter. A meal. A chip cob after a swim. I want to hear the starter

that is going to follow up your chip cob. OK. Yes. I am a vegetarian, but before I was a vegetarian, one of my favourite dishes, and I remember it, because when I was a kid, we didn't get takeaways very often,

we'd get takeaways for like a birthday or whatever. And when we got Chinese takeaway, my favourite thing would be duck pancakes with hoisin sauce and little strips of cucumber. Given that this is my fantasy situation, I'm having that. I don't mind if it's mock duck,

but I want it to be as close to the real thing as possible, please. Here's a good compromise. We can make it real duck, but the duck we've got it from can come out and sort of say hello and just let you know that it's still alive and it's fine.

I thought you were going to say, we can make it real duck, but the duck we've got it from was a cunt. Either or. If you want crispy cunt duck, you can have that as well. I don't think we should get into. Every time you make one of those jokes,

you're going to picture your dad on the golf course going, you're doing me proud. Just dropping another parcel in the bucket. All in one. Yep! Weird treat training for me at the time, I think. Keep them coming, keep them.

Do you want to meet the duck while you're eating it and the duck can be like, hey, look, I was happy to give up some of my body's regrown, I'm still alive, we're all right. Would the duck stay whilst I ate it? No, it wouldn't watch you like James Acaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it's a little crowded in this restaurant with Acaster's eyes on me. Yeah, let's do that then. Let's treat myself. I've not done anything bad to this duck. The duck's happy. I'm imagining that the duck comes in, says this to me, walks back into the kitchen

and then is brutally murdered. And I'm just happily... And I'm just happily thinking that the duck's fine. Yeah, I'll agree to that, that's fine. Now, talking of the ratios, what you're doing, because whenever we used to get crispy duck pancakes at home, I'd always fuck it early doors

and end up putting too much hoisin sauce on the first one, putting all the veg in and then there was none left over for the next pancakes. Ed's ratios were always like, Ed would have a little bit of hoisin sauce and then half a lasagna and then a beef burger and he'd roll it all up

and oh no, it's too much in here again. Two slices of white bread. Yeah. Oh, so traditional. Traditional Chinese food. I have thought about this because I feel as though I don't know if they do it on purpose or don't know whether they expect you

to just use less of everything in your first couple of pancakes. But it does feel like they don't give you enough for the amount of pancakes to give you. So basically what I'd like to happen is having sort of all you can eat situation and then I'll tell you when I'm done. Perfect. We can definitely do that for you for sure.

I don't think I'm not sounding like old school gamble in this moment. As long as you don't put a pie in the pancake, we're absolutely fine. Not tempted after hearing Ed's stories. The butter mixes with the gravy. It's lovely. There's a compromise where you could just

put a little bit of butter on your pie, couldn't you? No, come on. That's too far. I'm not going to butter my pie. I'm not going to butter the bread, and if some of the butter should mix with the pie, then so be it. You're essentially buttering your pie. You've buttered your pie, young man.

Hoisin duck pancakes are a wonderful choice to kick off any meal. But the thing is, okay, I've had some other thoughts about the starter situation, because I really like tapas. I don't know whether I can do all of this. It's a bit of a small play, isn't it, the duck pancake?

Here's what I think you'd have to do with the tapas. You'd have to make them mini pancakes, like canapes, size, pancakes. You're not interested. I'm back down. But you've played a good game here, because now I want to hear what else is on the tapas list.

Well, basically, there's a tapas place in Nottingham. It's called Barabarica, and they do triple-cooked potato sprawers. So chips. Oh, you got me. You saw through it. I would like that. You saw through it.

I would like them in a cob. In El Cobbo. I want a chip cob on the side of every dish. Yeah. I mean, patatas bravas, it's good stuff. I feel like if you've had the chip cob,

surely just let some of the chips fall out of the cob and save them. No. No. I'm not sacrificing chips for my chip cob. I thought this was a dream restaurant. I thought this was my fantasy. I didn't realise that we had to ration things now.

You said I can have all you can eat real hoisin duck pancakes. But I've got to save some of my chips from my breadcores. LAUGHTER Yeah, I did hear the sentence I just said, by the way. If you're eating your hoisin duck pancakes and you've got patatas bravas on the side,

are you going back and forth? Are you doing all the pancakes than any in the bravas? What are you doing? I've never had these two things actually at the same time. So I've got no idea what the flavour palette would be, but knowing me,

I had to go back and forth. Would you be tempted to dip a patatas bravas in the hoisin? Not just tempted. I would absolutely do it. I don't even think there'd be time for temptation. I think I'd do it without thinking. Would you wrap them all up in a pancake, put a loaded patatas bravas in a pancacco?

So just to double check so far, we've got two chip gobs. LAUGHTER Two chip gobs, and I just want to have a little quick chat with a doc in between. LAUGHTER That's my dream. Just to make sure everything's fine.

Is there anything else from the tapas place that you want on this tapas platter? They also do a chili and ginger glazed cauliflower that is, like, crispy. So I'd have a bit of that if you're offering. It's like a sort of popcorn cauliflower, but it's sweet

and salty and glazed, and it's just fucking great. Huge shout out to the Bang Bang cauliflower at Wagamama, which is, I think, one of the best chain restaurant side dishes out there. I nearly mentioned it just now to try and sort of

give you a sense of what it's like, but I think it's an elevated version of the Bang Bang cauliflower. But I am a fan of a Bang Bang cauliflower and have been known to order two. You've double-fisted Bang Bang? I've double-fisted. LAUGHTER

Yeah. LAUGHTER One more pastel in the bucket! Yeah. Literally, as soon as Ed said you've double-fisted Bang Bang, all I saw was a man teared off.

Teared off. And he's pouring him in the bucket. That's got to be more than one for double-fisted Bang Bang! LAUGHTER Well, we come to your main course, Keebuff. There is a lot of carb going on. I've just... It has occurred to me.

Here we go. But I'd like a carb. And you know what? I'm not ashamed. Lean into it. I think there are other people in this conversation that also like carbs. I'm not going to name names. My fingers. Pie, butty boys. My main course

is a stolen mac and cheese. We need to know more. Why does it need to be stolen, Sarah, and who are you sealing it from? This is a stolen mac and cheese, because I like mac and cheese. I've always been a fan of it. But a long time ago,

I dated an American girl who talked at length about a mac and cheese that her mom made. And one day, I don't know if she was having a particularly good time or a particularly bad time, but for some reason I thought I'm going to do something nice for her.

I don't know why I explained that. I couldn't just do something nice for my girlfriend without breakfast. It's really good to know that, yeah, if she was having a completely normal day, you wouldn't have wanted to do something nice for her. She had to be at one extreme. It has to be something that made me think,

well, we're not having fruit pastels tonight, and so I sent a message to her mom and asked for the mac and cheese recipe which she sent over to me in American language. Cops are plenty. Made the mac and cheese, and it was.

It was what she'd made it out to be. But then we broke up and I've continued in the six or seven years since I was with this girl, I've continued to make her mom's mac and cheese. So it's stolen. When you say it's stolen, I don't necessarily agree that it's stolen.

You asked someone for a recipe and they gave it to you. Do you think using any recipe that's not entirely your own creation is stealing? It's all plagiarism. It's nicking. Also, I think it depends who you are asking. Like you, Ed, when you said stolen mac and cheese, I thought you'd want, you know,

someone with less than mac and cheese cooling on a window sill and you'd mud a log and snatch them out of the way. We don't live in a world where we don't have a window sill. The first person that would get to it would be James A. Caster. Yeah, to be fair, I'm already at the window. You, though, the windows of London,

like the back of your hand. However, I do get what you have means because I think it depends who you're asking this situation. I think if you asked your ex-girlfriend, she would say you stole that. Like, stop doing that recipe. That's my mom's recipe and we broke up and that's not your recipe to make and stop doing it.

I feel like I've stolen a sort of family traditional dish from an unsuspecting, romantic ex-lover. But it depends where the mom got the recipe from, right, because if it was the mom's creation entirely, then, yes, that's stealing.

But surely the mom got that recipe from a book or got it from another different, maybe she got it from an ex-boyfriend's family. I think she got it from BBC Good Food. No, I don't know where she got it from. I didn't ask. I didn't go, where did you get this from?

I just trusted that it was sentimental and special and made it accordingly. You want the mac and cheese cooked by yourself for your dream main course? Well, yeah, I mean, I could talk someone through it. I spoke, but yeah, you know, I want my mac and cheese. My nicked mac and cheese. And do you know what's worse is that I haven't

been telling people that I've been passing it off as my own ever since. Yeah, you've got it. You've absolutely got it. Yeah. What's special about it? How many different cheeses are in it and talk me through them? It has three different cheeses in it. So you go with a classic cheddar, a red cheese, like a red luster,

and then a smoked. Nice. The key thing here is to just use shitload. I'm not kidding when I say it's an American recipe. Just chop it all up and you cube the cheese. You don't even grate it. There's no time. You'd be there for hours

if you were trying to grate it. You cube it up and loads of butter in your roux. Cook it like you want to die is what I say. And then, yeah, plenty of red cheese so that you get it kind of is an orangy colour and it's just thick. And then breadcrumbs

on top. Of course. And then chips. You layer it with chips and then you get rid of the macaroni and the cheese. So is it like, is it quite saucy? Is there like a lot of sauce in it?

Lots of sauce. You know that macaroni cheese sound? Oh yeah, the squelch. It's got a bit of a rim in it. And then also crispy onions on top. Wow. What, those pre-done crispy onions? Yeah, ideally. I mean, I've never been able to purchase them. So I just...

Oh, you can get them. You can get them. I've got a big bag of them in the cupboard. They are delicious. I mean, I can eat handfuls of them. Yeah. So you sort of mix your breadcrumbs with your crispy onions and do a layer on top. Bake. That's a good tip. That's a really good tip with crispy onions.

That's why I added the crispy onions. Oh, then it's yours. It's mine. Yeah, I've adapted it. Then it's yours and I'm going to steal that from you and it's going to taste all the sweeter. Take it from me. Have it. And do you know what inspired the crispy onions on the mac and cheese? There's a food van

at the Oda Belly bit of the Edinburgh French Festival called Mack Shack and they do crispy onions on their mac and cheese. And I had it and I don't know whether or not it was the best thing I'd ever eaten or whether or not I was really depressed on that particular day of the Edinburgh

Fringe. I feel like food during the Edinburgh Fringe tastes so fucking good because it's one of the few sources of joy. I think also everyone has a place that they absolutely, every comic has a place in Edinburgh that they

love eating at so much and sometimes it is when the Crepe fans at Edinburgh are going nuts for every year. Me, Domet and Nish will go out and get really excited about it and go home eating our Crepes. Also I think during the Fringe you can feel so physically exhausted at times

that sitting down for a meal like at post-show going for a meal always just felt so good. Is there any like particular meals you remember having at the Edinburgh Fringe that felt like that? I'm a big fan of mums in Edinburgh

the Sausage and Mash place. God that makes me feel old I remember it being monster mash of course it used to be called monster mash back in the day and it did the same thing same thing, sort of maybe less wide-ranging menu. I thought you were going to say

I remember when she didn't have children I remember when it was just young girl with dreams that's what it was called briefly it was called woman who is pregnant and just before that it was called woman who feels a bit sick but she's not sure why I like mums previously known as monster mash

because it's such comfort food and it says it on it doesn't it and usually it's raining in Edinburgh and I like sitting in that little tiny restaurant on a tiny table and eating sausage and mash and they give you as much gravy as you want sorry can you hear shouting by the way

no we're good there is a poppy in my house and I think she's just woke it up so I'm hearing it I thought your ex's mum had just come over what the fuck is my mac and cheese crispy are you joking come down here

why are you why are you why are you you took the best years of my daughter's life come down here right now and it's true my girlfriend's mum was Audrey from Little Shock of Horus there's a good Japanese restaurant

just down the road from mums I think it's called Koyama as well where I go a lot during the French I like the Italian restaurant it's quite popular I can't remember it's like Vittorio or something

is it the ones for the pirates no that's Chao Roma and I have actually to talk about Chao Roma I am very popular in Chao Roma actually I'm good friends with the owner of Chao Roma his name's Franco because I did a show

in Chao Roma I don't know three or four years ago now and I think basically what happened was I was one of the only performers who talked to the staff of Chao Roma and would go in and just engage with them and ask them how their days would go

and things like that and also I would fly on my own show for two hours before it and I think he respected the work ethic there and so we sort of became good friends and now I go back every year

and he treats me like sort of like a mafia like I've returned I've been there and on occasion walked in and I met a friend there once and there was Big Q outside and she met me outside

and she said there's no tables there's nothing available and I in a sort of incredibly arrogant move went leave it with me and we were at table within three minutes I would say amazing

they bring like a new table out looking good fellas no but they they got to a point where I had a table and the table was far too big for the amount of people that I would come with he'd give me like an eight person table and they'd be like four of us just doesn't make any sense

but maybe he was hoping I'd invite him to join us but I didn't I never did I would love to know your side dish so I feel at the moment there's a lot of carb more so than we've ever had before

really? I would say it's impossible to have more you've had a chip but some pancakes with some potatoes bravas on the side macaroni cheese the most indulgent macaroni cheese I've ever heard

so yeah and you did a quick shout out to mash potato so that's coming up I don't regret anything I've said by the way so is it going to upset you if I have a chip cup on the side of this bag of cheese none of this is

upsetting at all you have whatever you like my side dish is some broccoli tender stem from a restaurant called flesh and bum and it's smoky and barbecued with orange zest on top

and it's the best broccoli I've ever had in my life I've been known to order two of them actually the broccoli thing I think it's really grown up when people finally realise that broccoli is actually delicious and there's ways of doing broccoli that are so nice why do they hold back tender stem

from us as children though good question you can have tender stem when you're older but you've got to figure out on your own you've got to earn it it's like a proper passage of aging isn't it you've got to negotiate that you've got to find tender stem for yourself

it's all the more satisfying it's a secret that they keep from us and it's fox me off it's like sex but they have that conversation with us when we get to a point I'm glad that's held back I wouldn't have been ready for that but people sit you down and they tell you about it

they explain that to you but nobody's today is the day for the tender stem broccoli chat I see what you mean I thought you were saying they should let children have sex I thought you were saying they're holding tender stem

broccoli back from us just like they do with sex what the fuck are you talking about with the tender stem broccoli I went on Saturday kitchen recently the BBC one flagship cooking show on a Saturday morning and Matt Tebb at the host

did tender stem broccoli and charred it and I've never known properly how to do this and I think I've done it about three times a week since all it is it's just a super hot griddle pan put the broccoli in and then put a heavy pan on top of it for

like three minutes flip it for another two minutes put the pan back on and then you've got like charred perfectly cooked broccoli it's amazing as in like waiting it down like pushing it right down so you're properly charring it

Keywith do you think that Ed has stolen that recipe from that man of course and he's confessing on this podcast you know you could put crispy onions on it as well I think do you know what there's something like that in this broccoli that I'm talking about

it's been so long this is also the thing when I was sort of trying to think about what I was going to say I was thinking what restaurants have I been to what food have I had that's been absolutely amazing and it's been so long since I've done that that I've had to resort to

7 chip cobs and a mac and cheese let's see this will be impressive let's see if you can get carbs into your drink is wine a carb no could it be no wine is not wine is not a carb

doesn't matter because I'm having red wine so chips my drink is a bottle of red wine that for some reason probably about 8 years ago my entire extended family got completely obsessed with because it was sort of reasonably affordable and tasty

and so now there's probably better wine out there but there's a sort of weird loyalty it's almost like we own the vineyard or something but we don't so there's no financial benefit to it it's a classic wine it's relatively basic

I'm building it up and it's a Campo Viejo Campo Viejo it's a huge name it's well known and there's a reason for it they do a good job they do what they do and they do it well I think I'm familiar with it

you'd recognise the label the original flavour is a yellow label yes I know what you're talking about they've strayed outside the original flavour have they what else have they what else have they added

they have a grand reserve cookies and cream cookies and cream they're doing the walk as crisps at the moment of doing a KFC flavour take us through do you have tasting notes for the Campo Viejo

you've had it so much because I love wine but what I've started doing recently and James will hate me for this is I use the Vivino app and I taste the wine and I try and work out what I can taste in it and I write it down then I check the tasting notes on the Vivino app

to see if I got any of them right I actually don't hate that at all I actually like that quite a lot that makes me think I actually pretty cool Sarah I could tell that I completely agree with you on this and that we get on well having a lovely old drink

when you said I'd like a bottle of red wine please there was no I'll have a wine you're straight in with the hot are you a whole bottle person yes no I am and I actually I feel slightly exposed because I wasn't even asking for a bottle of Campo Viejo

thinking that would be my only bottle I sort of expected that to be a sort of keep them coming situation we'll keep the bottles coming for sure Magnums we'll bring you Magnums I love going out for dinner and drinking shit loads of wine I just think it's a very enjoyable experience

so do you want me to start bringing these wines out immediately with the chip carbon stuff oh yeah no I want it from the start I don't want to wait I want to be handed a bottle on entry was that worthy of a pastel anything with the term on entry has to be surely

I feel like I'm going to think about that now every time I say something vaguely euphemistic I'm going to think that would be a pastel wouldn't it you're going to think of your dad dropping a fruit pastel into a golf ball bucket it would ruin my sex life for the rest of my life yeah it really is

Sarah were you okay you seemed a bit distant thinking about my dad dropping a fruit pastel into a golf ball bucket and then one day I'll see my dad actually dropping a fruit pastel into a bucket and I'll feel weird about it

does the Campo Viejo with your dessert okay so I'm not much of a sweet toothed person to be honest what about all the fruit pastels you've been guzzling your entire life I was a child James

I was a child and I was being trained into being a lesbian the moment I became a lesbian I lost my sweet tooth that's how it works that's not how it works we love to hear it here on the off-menu podcast when someone says they don't really have a sweet tooth

because they're not a child anymore that's correct we don't love to hear it I knew this would get you riled up so I don't want a dessert are you fucking kidding me he was so lulled you've lulled him into the perfect sense of false secure

I can see that James has sat up on his seat he's actually it's not like a normal sit-up he goes to a fetal position he's proper goleming it I don't want a dessert thanks

I'd have a mouthful of someone else's what the what about that's great that's the first time we've had a mouthful of someone else's dessert does it matter what it is no not really I'd have a mouthful of someone else's

I'm genuinely upset I'm not even angry with this I agree with you I'm the worst kind of person I'm upset when they order a dessert they're excited to have it and then suddenly my eyes get a bit beady I didn't want a full dessert I've had it before

why don't we get two and we'll share them leave me alone I've just had five chip cobs you are full do you ask the waiter for another spoon when you have a mouthful more of an instinctive thing

I go in with two fingers that's a grab bag of pasta so that's what I like about this it doesn't matter what it is it just has to be someone else's and you only want a mouthful of it that's the thing about dessert more than any other dish that you have during a meal

if somebody has a dessert and you don't they will always feel obliged to say do you want to try it you've never had dinner with James A. Caster we know that I'm not offering you any of mine I'm going to trap you into a meal one day James if I've got a lovely dessert

I don't know how I'm going to do it I don't know I'm going to do it James how are you feeling mate bad this feels bad I haven't had anyone completely pass on it before

I've had awful people pizza hut buffet or more poutine I've never had someone go sorry wait that was a dessert because I would have more poutine I would have had that

no I don't want to put that in your head I do not want to put that in your head but yeah you would absolutely love that I'd be all over that I'd have a second round of patatas bravas to be honest what I really like about this dessert as well if we look back at your main course which was

you've stolen mac and cheese and you said it was stolen because someone else gave you a recipe and this is you're literally taking it off someone else's plate and you've not called it stolen no I don't think this is stolen they offered I don't understand how you would rather have nothing

than dessert there's not like a dessert that is like your favourite dessert you've ever had there's not one I'll tell you what I would have James having a dessert and they're looking at me like oh it's uncomfortable that you're not having anything what are you going to do

I would have an espresso martini it's better than nothing no that's not your answer your answer is a mouthful of someone else's dessert no I stand by what I said if I was pushed I'd have an espresso martini feels like a bit of a dessert because it comes in one of those nice little dessert glasses

otherwise known as martini glass you would have a cocktail but there's no ice cream cakes there's nothing you're not going to break me James you're not going to break me what Sarah has done is yes there are ice creams

there are gatos there are trifles there's all of that available if someone else orders it and she can have a mouthful of it it feels like a waste to get a whole thing because I won't eat it all there we go I think it's a great answer well done you not a great answer you don't think it's a great answer I do think it's a great answer well done you

thank you I'm proud of myself read the order back please the thing is I really it's weird because at the minute I'm in a little bit of a like I didn't get much sleep last night because I ate too much chocolate brownie bites before I went to bed

and my heart was going like a jackrabbit and I couldn't fall asleep and so it's a bit difficult to now defend to really try and put my case forward against key work on this because not only do I not have the energy because I was up all night but also

I don't want something raising my heart rate which is why I'll stick with my espresso martini thank you yeah yeah yeah well I mean it is heart breaking heart breaking I don't understand it I like that we're ending this

because we started it with you saying I've never seen you eat yes and I like that actually we've ended it with you not ever wanting to see me eat no I don't know how good I had it I want to get some tier tattoos and they're all made of like double fat creams melted ice cream

melted ice cream tears tears with chunks in I mean I I want to move on and read the menu but I also want to like lay into this more but I don't think I have anything I'm genuinely bereft here have I left you speechless

yes I don't understand what you have to understand is as well the thing is if I'm having a meal with my dad which I'm often I often am you know he's got a fruit pastel I would hope so so what am I going to do have a dessert then have a pastel

you've earned a lot of fruit pastels this episode it's like this is like reading a book well now I hate the ending it's really difficult really difficult it's like reading the boy in the stripe pyjamas yeah it's like reading the boy in the stripe pyjamas

I think that is so harsh thanks for ruining that book for me I didn't know that book ends with him not having dessert I haven't even read that at the end he doesn't get any pudding he just doesn't bite someone else's yeah here we go

water still and sparkling problems or bread a chip con starter crispy duck pancakes plus some tapas dishes the triple cooked potatoes brothers and chili and ginger glazed cauliflower main course

stolen mac and cheese with crispy onions side dish tender stand broccoli with orange from flash and bun drink Campo Viejo red wine a whole bottle but keep them coming throughout the whole meal and dessert is a mouthful of someone else's

I can't believe what I'm reading I'm going to clip you saying a mouthful of someone else's and have it as my ring turned the resentment delicious I would have that for my dessert that's a fruit pastel if ever I saw

one saying a mouthful of someone else's every single time Sarah Kiwa thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant and thank you for I mean you seem to have basically murdered James A. Custer's soul which I've broken the genie

I don't know if I'm coming back I don't know if I'm going to be on this podcast again this might be my last one but you know what you deserved it for that awful welcome you gave Sarah and now she's left you genuinely feeling like that you're never going to be able to puff out your lamp ever again he didn't say enjoy your meal

and now look at me I quit well there we go thanks very much Sarah I guess I'm the new genie now you're the new genie now I'm handed it over to you that's the rule isn't it with genies the genie that makes the genie quit becomes the new genie I really want to commit to that now

and actually do it that'll be fun if I just stop doing the podcast and keep up with the new genie and they go wow they really went with the bit and we do it but we don't tell anyone it's happened yeah and every new guest who's on when it gets to the dessert they say their dessert

and you always go can I have a mouthful of that Ed I've done this podcast for a long time I would like to do my farewell speech now I'm not coming back okay right Benito's absolutely look I mean I think we've been going for an hour and 40 now tearing his hair out

going how am I going to edit this and now James is going and now I'd like to do my farewell speech please I'd like to thank the great Benito for all of his time and patience over the years even though he's a little squirt I would also like to thank Ed Gamble who has been

of the perfect maitre d and sure we haven't always seen eye to eye but I feel like he still understands me on some level at least a culinary level and thanks to all the guests who have ever been on the podcast apologies to Jade Adams

who got kicked out deservedly so and big shout out to Joel Domit who I believe I'll be joining in some sort of recovery clinic after I've come off of this Keyworth I'm sure you're going to be an excellent

genie now I'm gone enjoy enjoy being on off menu Keyworth I'm moved that was great well there we go James a mouthful of someone else's that's one of those great situations where obviously I don't agree with that I think that's an awful choice

for dessert because you're missing out on a whole course but I just agreed with us to make you angry actually makes me feel better to hear you say that yeah of course not a mouthful of someone else's what's better for you someone saying cheese or someone saying a mouthful of someone else's dessert very difficult do you know what

I think cheese boards make me angrier because I'm opposed to them but this makes me sadder I feel sad what about if someone said they'd like a mouthful of someone else's cheese oh dear well then I'll be sad and angry at the same time I wouldn't I mean it's angry

yeah I I would go on a rampage I think it wouldn't be pretty I mean keywords now absolutely cemented herself into a future redemption dinner party episode yeah that's true maybe she because obviously people know now maybe they're doing it deliberately

so they get another rep it's like get rebooked desperately trying to win taskmaster so you get to do champion of champions yeah you were very clever with that actually I've been the best but we enjoyed having Sarah in the restaurant yeah all the same yes it was nice it was a lovely chats just so sad at the end

you know it's like watching a lovely film and then I mean we've already done this analogy yeah I've done that riff but all the same even though she made James sad do check out Sarah's social media accounts she is at Sarah K comedy on Twitter at Sarah underscore keyword on Instagram and check out her

website Sarah keyword code UK maybe even James when this episode is going out they might even be gigs planned they might be events in the future featuring Sarah that you might want to go to so just go and check out her website etc for that absolutely oh and if you are listening

to us in those times tell us what it's like how they're going to do that huh how they're going to do that well I'm here I'm all ears he's always it looks very weird he did drugs and more that coffee became your dad again well at least

you didn't say chocolate the cures I mean she said no dessert and that upset me but I was glad at least at least if she'd gone for chocolate the cures this dessert it would have been even worse than a mouthful of someone else's correct actually technically she said a mouthful of what any it doesn't even matter what it is

whatever anyone's got so that could include chocolate the cures actually it's rare to be in a restaurant and someone has a plate of chocolate the cures well I wish I'd thought of that she'd made me so upset I should have said what if I were eating chocolate the cures do you want a mouthful of that if she gone yeah or gone get out the restaurant

go enjoying jail Adams in prison she's your bunk mate check out our social media accounts as well on instagram and twitter we're on there you can find us no at off menu official

oh yes what's our website James off menu podcast dot co.uk he's plugged the website thank you very much what a way to finish was there something else you wanted to plug there James

I want to say thank you to Hackney Gelato for sending me a load of gelato because I know that I love ice cream really appreciate it I don't think they knew that I was already a fan of theirs so absolute chumps for sending me loads of free stuff thanks guys all I think they thought well

introducing to our flavors I already loved it the butterscotch one is like just sublime best butterscotch ice cream out there in my humble opinion and my friend had texted me the day before telling me how much he loves the peanut butter one and then the next day I got this email from them saying do you want some free ice cream

so I sent him a screen grab of the email then I sent him a screen grab of the ice cream when it was in my freezer drawer and now he's not my friend speaking of peanut butter actually shout out to the good people at Manny Life peanut butter who I gave a shout out to on the May Martin episode

it's my favorite peanut butter a man called Stu who runs Manny Life was like hey we're doing a crossover with a restaurant soon and we're just sorting out the recipes dishes that we're coming up with and they're doing a collab with Labab who are a kebab restaurant

in the centre of London and I had an amazing chicken kebab with like peanut butter and a broccoli with tahini peanut butter dressing and an amazing aubergine sabiche with peanut butter as well it was an incredible meal James that sounds so good I'm not kidding he also sent me too much peanut butter

good on him and I don't know if we've mentioned before but I can't even remember what the brand is so there's probably no point shouting this out but I got sent loads of free marmalade because we called Diane Morgan a shredhead well one of their PR just had a heart attack yeah yeah

you know thanks for that shout out to marmalade thanks very much for listening hit us up on the socials don't do that that sounds awful just follow us if you want thank you bye goodbye

if you enjoyed this podcast can I interest you in a totally different podcast that's not about food and doesn't have James A. Caster or Ed Gamble but I would say is quite fun no thank you

oh okay not to worry if you change your mind at a later date it's called Nobody Panic it's hosted by me Tessa Coates and my friend Stevie Martin which is weirdly me and we tackle

all kinds of how to's from big things to small things how to stop saying sorry how to poo how to break up with someone how to quit your job how to relax, how to have a conversation how to deal with unrequited love

a smorgasbord of things we have a nice time, people seem to like it if you like you can come and see what all the fuss is about all that fuss if you panic you can find it on all of the podcast apps that you would imagine it would be on please have a listen Hello

it's me Amy Gledtail you might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed mashed potato our relationship's never been the same since and I am joined by

I would probably go bread I'm not going to spoil it get him on James and Ed but we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing it's called Northern News it's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the north

because look we're two northerners sure but we've been living in London for a long time the news stories are funny quite a lot of them crimes it's all kicking off the podcast called Northern News we'd love you to listen to

maybe we'll get my mum on get Gledtail's mum on every episode that's Northern News when's it out Ian? it's already out now Amy is it? get listening there's probably a backlog you've left it so late