Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 13: Phil Wang

Episode Date: February 27, 2019

'Taskmaster' star Phil Wang – everyone's favourite Wang – visits the restaurant this week. Let's just hope he doesn't roast Ed again.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography) and Amy Browne (illustrations)Check out Phil Wang's latest live dates are philwang.co.uk.Ed Gamble is on tour. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.James’s TV show ‘Hypothetical’ is on Dave, Wednesdays, 10pm.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? It's the Off Menu podcast. Yes, it is. It's me, Ed Gamble. And who's that? James A. Caster. This James A. Caster. Yes. Exciting episode this week. So exciting. Phil Wang is here. Everyone's favourite Wang. He is my favourite Wang, actually. By a country mile. Yeah, by a whole country mile. How long is a country mile? Oh, I don't know, actually. Because surely that originates somewhere, and I don't want to be... You don't want to take a comment. I don't get all the QI elves ganging up on us when we get it wrong. Do you

think the QI elves are listening to this? Yeah, they come down our chimney at night and then focus with sticks because we're getting facts wrong. They do do that. Yes. I think they don't even have sticks. They can focus with their wit. Yeah, they have got their wit. It's a good episode with Phil. We've already recorded it. Yeah. A little bit different. But what? Yeah. But was it? Different type of cuisine we explore. Oh, yes. Very insightful. He took us to a lot of different places. He did. He took us all over the globe with his words. So we're going to have a chat with Phil. Any food updates in your life, James? I've currently... I ate a flapjack a minute ago. I've still got it in my teeth.

All right. Okay. That's sort of food update we needed. Yeah. We'll give you the secret ingredient now. Oh, yeah. Cardamom. I hate cardamom. Yeah. I'm sure it does a lot flavour-wise, but I hate when they leave the pod in. Oh, that cardamom pod can sling its hook. Flavour-wise, I'm kind of okay. But maybe we should just say the pod. Cardamom pod. Cardamom pod. Yeah. Okay. The secret ingredient is cardamom pod. So if Phil says cardamom, then we'll say, okay, what's that? Just the flavour? Are you keeping the pods in? Keeping the pod in. And if he says keep the pod in, you can get out the restaurant. I don't want any type of pod in my food. No. Yeah. I'm struggling to think of a pod that I'd like.

I'll tell you what. If I found a pod in my food, I would cast it out. Welcome to the podcast. Oh, fairly good. That was... I didn't even see that coming. So, Phil, this is our dream restaurant. Yeah. Welcome. It's beautiful. Just before James gets in there and lets you know this, James is away. He plays a waiter in this. Okay. Yes. Strange for the waiter to be sitting down with us. Yeah. Well, it's not strange. It happens now and again. You can't see my legs. Does this actually happen? I've heard people talk about waiters who sit down with... Yeah. We had a waiter sit down with us in New York, didn't we? Yeah.

He sat down with us, pulled up a chair, then told us about how he really doesn't like fireworks, but then told us loads of stories about times he's loved fireworks. Yeah. But every single story he had involved him going to see some fireworks, while also just saying how much he hates fireworks, but he loved every fireworks display he saw. And at the end of it, it was like a 15-minute monologue. I can't remember who said it, but just when you really are doing nothing to avoid fireworks or someone who hates fireworks. He sounds like he's as conflicted about fireworks as he is conflicted about whether or not he works at the restaurant or is visiting it. I felt a bit sorry for him because we were the

only people in the restaurant. But he was wearing a big fleece. He was wearing a big fleece with like a woodland scene on it. We literally got there when it opened. As soon as it opened, we were there. So I didn't feel that sorry for him. Yeah. I think he would have got busy as the day went on. And he was clearly looking to party. He wanted to know where we were going later that night, what we were up to. Didn't he recommend us a strip club as well? We hadn't asked for recommendations for a strip club. We did not want to go to the strip club. But he did recommend a good place to play pool. And we played pool. And me and Ed beat Lloyd Langford and John Robbins, who were proper pool players and are really good. Me and Ed could not play. And we fluked to win.

Yeah. It was like a doubles. Yeah. Doubles. Yeah. They were so angry. Oh, that's some brilliancy. Those guys angry. Oh, it was so good seeing John Robbins angry because he didn't win something. He doesn't get angry, does he? Oh, imagine beyond, beyond normal. So, so furious that we're beaten. I got off for the strip club in New York as well. But this was like gig. No, this was when I was there with the university group in 2012. This is a while back, we're in Times Square, just walking around. And this guy. Because you know the places to go when you go to New York? We just follow lights. And the this guy came up to us. And he was an, I think he was a Nigerian guy. And he was like, you want tickets to the comedy? Is that what he

sounded like? No, I'm saving my attempt at the accent for what he says later. Okay. I wonder why you teed up his race. Let's come in later on. And he, you know, we wanted to go to comedy clubs. And so we're like, yeah, we got tickets to the comedy club. And then he was like, great. And then afterwards, you can go to a strip club is you will get Carl come pick you up and take you to a strip club. And we're like, no, that's okay. We don't want to. And he said, no, no, you want you want to go, you want to go to the strip club is that we really don't. And he in his final play, he singled out Jason. Yeah, I'm great. Who is the gay man in the gay one of us. Yeah. Yes. Pick grabbed him

on the shoulder, looked him straight in the eye and said, you, my friend, you look like a pussy. That is funny. But if Jason was the guest, that's what he probably have as his starter. Yeah. First course, pussy. Do you eat out a lot, Phil? Not a deliberate pun. No. Trying to segue into the main body of the podcast. I think that would be my main extravagant cost is eating out. Like I don't spend them. I don't spend much on like clothes or I don't buy that many expensive things, but food and wine. I'm getting into wine in a bad way. And I just went to, I went to one of your New York, New York places.

James, you recommended after you guys went there. I went to the Dutch, which was great. Good, right? I love the Dutch. Great. That wasn't where the guy sat down with you. No, that was a different place. No, the Dutch would never sit down with you. And the Dutch, we went there and apparently in the very, very, very far corner, there was a leak, not that we would ever know about it. And someone went in at one point and had to mop it up really far away from us. At the end of our meal, when we'd had dessert and everything, the waiter said to us, uh, we'd like the, uh, dessert to be on the house. We are, we like to apologize for the hullabaloo earlier. And we were like,

there was a hullabaloo. Oh, there was a hullabaloo in the corner. The desserts are on us. Great. He did say hullabaloo twice as if that is the technical name for a leak in a restaurant. That's the English word for it. Like you guys wouldn't understand that. Yeah, yeah. I have to speak English to these guys. So Phil, we're in the dream restaurant. Oh yeah. Fireworks everywhere. No, James is also a genie. We should have brought that up. All right. Just appeared out of my lamp. Hello, sir. Uh, can I get you some water? What would you like? Tap sparkling or still?

Um, uh, sparkling. Explain. I know. I used to be bang against sparkling. It tastes salty for some reason, but I used to be still watering through. But there's just an inescapable sense of occasion with sparkling, right? You can't get away from it. Yeah. You feel like, uh, a little posh place where you drink it. It's fireworks and water, you know? And so it's champagne everyone can enjoy. Yeah. Champagne for kids. Yeah. It's sky champagne. Yeah. Yeah. So I, I think I'd go sparkling. Does it not fill you up with vibe sparkling? It feels like I'm just, the gas is, you know, building up. Yeah. It's unnecessary gas and your stomach's not as empty as it was to start with. Well, I need that kind of slowing down. I, I, I eat like a dog. So I need, I need to be slowed down

by this gas that I can slowly release. That's what people recommend for dogs as well. So it's about the water in the doggie bowl. Big question now, James. Oh yeah. Let me ask you this, Phil. Pop it up, it's all bread, Phil. Pop it up, it's all bread. Okay. I don't like bread. I don't like it. You don't like bread. Here we go. I'm not. Holy hell, Philip Wang. This is a, this is a white privilege. I don't know. It's boring. I find it very boring. No, no, no. It's a way to commit to the white privilege argument. White privilege is actually my favorite type of bread. Yeah. I think Wolverton's doing right. This presumption that everyone loves bread and you got to love bread is cultural

imperialism. Right. That sounds about right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't really mean that. I just find bread boring and as a waste of calories, there are more enjoyable ways to take a starch than bread. Some examples. Noodles, rice. There might be a theme here. Oh yeah, you do love noodles. You regularly, when you go abroad, you do reviews of noodle bars. Yeah. A lot of the time. You review five, out of five. Five bowls. Five bowls of noodles. So, a Wang, a Wang five bowler is a place that's got a perfect score. Yeah. And each comedy festival, there's about two or three that will get a five bowler. Oh, two or three with a five bowler everywhere? Yeah. Yeah. On every two or three. I mean, I've done this for two festivals.

So, I don't have that much, that larger sample together. It's still quite impressive that you're finding like five bowlers everywhere. I sometimes feel like, you know, that episode of The Simpsons When Home, it becomes a food reviewer. It just loves everything. It becomes a beast. And it lists the entire restaurant in its springfield. I feel like that sometimes. And then I have to, I will actually actively go out my way to have something bad. Right. But then I feel like this is what reviews have to do anyway, right? Is it? I don't know. They get jaded. Also, their palate, I guess, over time gets more and more honed and finely tuned. And they search for the more subtle flavors.

It's what the every man wants. It's something they can really taste, you know, like a laksa or something. Do you mean bold, big and bold? Yeah. Big and bold. But then if you get jaded by that, you want to find things where you have to be skilled enough to taste the taste. Like bread. Like bread. Shit. You know what? I have to give you that. But is there nothing we can do these days without being called privileged? I just want a lovely sandwich and I won't be able to bite into one without thinking, I'm sorry, everyone. I will take the poppadum over the bread. But not if it's not an Indian dinner coming up. That'd be weird.

I'm explaining. I guess you know the meal coming up, not us. Are we picking these choices in isolation or as part of this is part of the thing? So this is one. Okay. In that case, I'll have to go back. I'll have to. Yeah. Let's go poppies. Yeah. This is about what's coming up. We can have poppidums. It's not an Indian meal coming up. Okay. I wish that was a case of more restaurants. That's why this is the perfect restaurant. You get the choice no matter what. Fascinating. Okay. I'll take poppidums. And the chutneys I want. I want the chopped weird onion salad. Yeah. I want mango chutney. Oh yeah, of course. And

I'm sticking his tongue out just for the listener. Trying to taste the air for what he wants. The literally licking the air. Chocolatey con churros sauce. What? Chocolatey con churros sauce. You know when you have chocolatey con churros? No. Chocolatey con churros. What are you on about? Churros. Churros. As in the donuts. Yeah. You want chocolate sauce. Chocolate sauce that you would normally get with churros. Yeah. With your poppidums. To finish off. Okay. Because you have, I guess you've got the sweet from the mango already. I'll let them do that. Yeah. No, you can do what you want. It's just. If I'm completely honest, I'd forgotten what the

other poppidum dips were. Brindal pickle. Like an aubergine pickle. Min yogurt. Min yoghurt you want. Min yogurt. Yeah. Okay. So we'll go there. So the salad, the min yogurt and the mango chutney. That's my dip. All right. No chocolate sauce. In retrospect, I was. You were panicking. I panicked. I had it and you forgot what dish you were all doing. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. Now, can I take your starter please? My starter is. Sorry, Phil. I just want everyone to know listening at home that James does mine having a notepad and pen every time he does. Does a genie need a notepad? I feel like one of his powers is probably memory. Or is it for our sake?

It's for your sake. So you feel it's not normal. Otherwise, you know, I may as well just be an invisible entity who's just a voice in your head and make everything happen and that would be scary for you. It would be really scary. Yeah. So I have to, the physical form is just for humans. But the pen and notepad really ground the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, Phil. Please go. My starter is something my favorite restaurant in the world, I think is a place in Georgetown and Penang in Malaysia. And it's called Kibaya. And what the starter they have there is these fat salmon rows, salmon roe eggs in place on a leaf. I think it's a better leaf. I can never, I can never remember the name of this leaf. I think it's

illegal here. Right. Because it is marijuana. It is slightly narcotic. So you roll up the salmon eggs and you eat the whole thing and you are high for the rest of the dinner and the whole thing. Phil's starter is drugs. You're not off your nut. You're just a bit, you're just floating a little. Yeah. Everything is good. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Yeah. So it's a little bit hard. What do you say? Everything is fine. So what would you compare it to? What other highs would you compare it to? Like taking had this leaf, some coke, a little bit of coke, like a bit, like having like, it's like you've just gone on a good workout, but you're not sweating and you're not tired. I can endorphins going around your brain some good exercise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

it's just the big fat roe eggs. How big are these roe eggs? Yeah. Like small marbles, small little marbles in a leaf. One per leaf? No, no, a whole bunch. A whole bunch. A clutch. A clutch of leaf. A clutch of roe eggs. A clutch of roe leaf. Yeah. Yeah, not roe eggs. Like salmon roe, like you said. I'll keep on saying roe eggs. They're saying eggs eggs. Yeah, eggs eggs. What's a single row then? What would you call that? A row? Also a row? Right. I guess it's a fish. Yeah, yeah. This is how much we value fish. We don't even think of them as individuals, all their eggs. This is how humble fish are. But it's literally the only ingredients are just the row and the leaf and that's it. And the main thing is that you're getting high as a

kite. I think there was another sort of bolstering ingredient that kind of held everything together. I mean, sort of a paste or something. But to be honest, I was so off my fucking face. What's the flavor? So the eggs, are they popping? They're popping up. I love it, mate. I absolutely love that. I mean, it's got a test going on about it, but it's so nice. I didn't know you like popping eggs. Yeah, I love popping eggs. I like salmon roe a lot. I have like a sushi. I have like a couple of places you really nice salmon roe gunk and and then you just you can get them all individually and pop them on the roof of your mouth. What's gunk and it means battleship in Japanese, I believe it's just a certain type of

sort of type of sushi. It's just like a little bed and then they put everything on top and a bit of rice. Yeah, a bit of rice and then some in the shape of a little battleship and then they pile things onto the shape of a battleship. Yeah. And then some row on the top and then some row on the top. I like that. It all pops in your mouth pops in your mouth. Yeah, you've never said that to me before. Is that part of the appeal, the popping? Yeah, it's a sensory roller coaster. If roller coasters had a bit of a roller coaster. Yes, thank you. There you go. That's what I intended. I'm beginning. I'd say roller coasters are pretty sensory anyway. I think that sounds like that's a really interesting choice, Phil. Thank you. And is that the only place you've

ever had it? Yes. It's our first drug based choice. Yeah. Is it? Okay. Yes, which I like. I like the fact that we never know. But all food is a mood altering, right? All food is technically a drug. Yeah, but now you're talking like you're in a 70s rock band and being asked about doing drugs and going, well, everything's a drug, man. Life's a drug. Yeah, we're all on the same journey. We all feel stuff and we do stuff. So it's all drugs. Some of us choose different methods of transport. Yeah. Okay, well, my method is a big leaf, little leaves with popping rows on it. And have you eaten this with your family? No. So you have not got high with the the wands? No, they would never get high. It would feel wrong to do that. Yeah, I don't,

I don't like I feel uncomfortable getting drunk around my family the way that British people seem completely fine with drugs. Like, no, but it's like a normal thing. Oh, I've done it. Sure. But I don't feel comfortable once I've done it. When I'm drunk about my parents, I'm like, do without this, actually. I think Ed would be fine getting drunk about his parents. No, I do. I do get it's like Christmas and stuff. You don't get drunk around your family. But I don't, I never point at any point think, oh, yeah, it's good to have a proper laugh now, nor get pissed and have a fun time. Yeah, it's more like I get pissed, and then I'll say, I'll drop a seat, but my mum will go Edward. Yeah, yeah, that's all that happens. Yeah. Yeah.

Or someone will reveal some awful family secret that was meant to be kept tight. Yeah. That's happened. It's not people have like parents who probably get stoned with them, stuff like that. Yeah, I had loads of friends who had that. No, thank you. No, thanks. Although it was fun. My I had these friends who grew up, their father smoked a lot of weed. And as a result, they think weed is really lame. So they would want to touch it. They think that's lame dad shit to be smoking weed all the time. So the little wangs are going to think about your leaves with fish eggs. Yeah, they're going to be such squares. Yeah, dad's having another leaf in the corner. It is packet of leaves. Listen to the EDM doesn't even have the row in them anymore.

His main line of them. And the main course, sir? The main course is a Malaysian dish called Watan Hor, which Cantonese dish called Watan Hor. It's it looks vile. It's it's whole fun noodles like the flat rice noodles. Yeah. That's their stuff, right? And then they're covered in a a gloopy savoury egg based gravy sauce. Yeah. I had this because you recommended this to me. Yeah. And and on English menu, the English translation can only ever call it egg gravy, which sounds disgusting. Yes. Yeah, that sounds egg should never be gravy. But it is genuinely delicious and it is the seafood all over it. And it warms the cockles

of my belly. It's delicious and filling. It's great. It's my favourite. I remember where was it I had it? So I went to a place that you'd recommended. Probably CNR cafe in Chinatown. I went there, texted you saying what dish to get. You said that was your favourite, but you would understand if I would not like it. You're like the gravy might put you off, man. It's like and I was like, no, I'm going to do it. And it was it was very delicious. Great. I definitely had to the consistency of it was was something else. Yeah, it's like a quiet like loose scrambled egg. No, imagine the the looser scrambled egg you ever had, right? Three times as loose is raw egg. It's basically like a raw egg, but it somehow

isn't raw, but it had the consistency of it. And yeah, I mean, it's kind of putting me off talking about it. But somehow cooked a raw egg and kept it the same consistency somehow. It's buying, as I say, it binds to slightly more than a raw egg would. But yeah, it's pretty. I don't really know how they do it. I don't know how to do it. I've not asked what your seafood ingredients in there. I love fish balls and fish cakes. Yes. Asian style fish balls and fish cakes and stuff. I'm starting to go off prawns. I had some prawns earlier. I usually love them in there. I don't know. There's something I'm starting to find them a bit creepy. Like the surely shelled prawns. And even if they're cooked perfectly, right, I just

I've I've I've creased. You're taking the shells off, right? These were already shelled. Right. Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll eat the legs. Do you eat the legs? I don't want to eat a leg. I'll suck a head. I'll suck a head. You want to suck the head? Oh, no, my dad does that. That's some hard shit. It's like a head. Nice. Not me. What did the brains like? Just this just all head like brains. You've ordered brains before. Have I? Yeah, we had to have had head cheese. What is that? Head cheese is like all the goop from like a cow's house. Come on. Why would you do that? Because I think it's heavy metal concerts.

You turn up and they're handing out goop from cow heads and everyone eats them. I just think if you're going to eat meat, yeah, if you're going to eat animal products, you've got to go all in. I think it's so insulting. You know, in the light, oh, I'm a celebrity or stuff like that. They're like, oh, you're going to eat an eye now. Yeah. And everyone goes, oh, the eye, that's horrible. Poor animal. What do you mean poor animal? It's dead, right? And then you're going, I'll eat it. I'll eat its leg, but only his eye. Just get stuck in. Well, because then the animal was going to be like, you can just chop my leg off and let

me carry on living. That wasn't where I was going with it. But yeah, fine. I think it's more that it's sort of an insult injury, isn't it? You've eaten me and then will you also have the temerity to call one of my bits gross? Yeah, you can't just go, oh, that bit's gross, but I'll eat that bit. And so the head cheese isn't made into like a paste or a cake or into like a sort of when I had it, it was like pressed into a sort of almost pate, like a thick pate, like a terrine. And you dip things in there. Head cheese, terrine. You put it on bread. Sorry, Phil.

That's disgusting. Literally tastes like cheese. No, that's just the name for it. Where is it? They've given it a more gross name than they need to as well. Where was this? This was in America. In like a Texas or something. No, it was in LA actually. Oh, so it's like a cool. It was a cool thing. Sounds like you had it in the house in Texas chainsaw mask.

They gave it to you there. I don't remember the name of the place, but I can't know. What did it taste like? It's just meaty. There's something with this like gross stuff. It's like, you just taste, it still tastes like meat, don't it? It still tastes the same. I'll have them in, we eat a lot of guts and stuff, you know, in Malaysia, Chinese, you know,

you'll have like porridge with just pig intestines cut up and thrown in. I went to Myanmar and you just sit around this cauldron of like a black gloopy broth with sticks sticking in it and along the sticks, it's just bits of gut. You pull it out and you just teeth off the bits of gut and... Wow. Lovely. Yeah, they make that sound. Did you like it?

Yeah, I really like, all right. Dude's Hut is what it's called. It's just like pig entrails. Well, my problem with things normally is not where they come from or what they are. It's consistency. If like the guts were really chewy, that will put me off. Yeah, well, the test sounds like the outside is rubbery and the inside is like mush. Yeah, I don't know if I could deal with that.

Yeah, it's a bit much. Yeah. Rubbery and mush. Rubbery and mush. Not the two. So the sensation is like you're biting into a bit of intestine that's got a bit of poo in it. Oh, great. And yet prawns creep you out, don't they?

Yeah, this is a bit wriggly. Like the four of prawns. You got enough of them. I think what frees me out about prawn is that they're all meat. Like what are the odds that they're all meat? Like you pull off, like every other animal like this. What are the odds? What are the odds?

You know, like this animal was made into a perfectly eatable. But then this is due marveling at evolution. That's not like the prawn. Sea shaped piece of meat. Like what are the odds? You know, because everything else has bones in it and intestines they have to take out. Yeah, we can't have this kind of that. And around that is a meat because this was a living thing that had more

poor purpose in life than being eaten. But with the prawn, it's like I come ready made to eat. No, it's got the poop line. Yeah, I knew this would come up, the poop line. But I bet you eat the poop line, don't you? Yeah, I bet you love that. I bet you put it on a stick of life. So just the poop line, please.

Or wrap that around a stick, put it in a cauldron. No, that would be ridiculous. But even the poop line is placed so conveniently to be just peeled off in one go. It's just along the back, it's open up. You don't have to dig in. It just freaks me out. I feel like there's more going on. So you're basically this paranoid guy who's like, this is too good to be true.

If a deal is too good to be true, it probably is. What's the catch? That's why I say every time I serve prawns, I rest when I say, hey, what's the catch? Catch of the day. That's what they think I'm saying. And then they say the grouper. And then I always just answer, that's the tiger prawns of the catch. And then I get, I order more.

What is the catch? It's the tiger prawns. Yeah. So as you might understand, I've never got a straight answer. Yeah. Very difficult. I had some lovely prawns the other day. Ed saw me eating them.

I absolutely delicious. There was some hors d'oeuvres. We went to a do and they bought one of these hors d'oeuvres. And there was these prawns that were covered in breadcrumbs and chili. And I couldn't stop eating them. Could I, Ed? I had the whole plate and then he went to the toilet. The waitress came over and she took away the last two.

And I was about to stop and then I thought it's probably for the best. I was upset when I came back. These are little balls? Like breaded ones. Just prawns. There's like the tails sticking out. They were like bread crumbed, but like, you know, it's quite soft breadcrumbs. It wasn't like crispy crispy.

But weirdly, they came breadcrumbs straight out the sea. So I'm beginning to suspect something as well. Oh yeah, something is up there. See, see what I'm talking about. Yeah, it's alright. They breadcrumbs themselves, those prawns. And then got themselves caught deliberately. They got a plan.

Oh, I get it. So you feel like they're like the joke of in Batman. When he gets caught and it's like. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's too easy. And you're like, it's part of his plan, isn't it? Yeah, so prawns are getting into your tummy. They're going to put a bomb in there. Yeah, they're going to put a bomb in there and break out all the other foods.

Yeah. That's a good Pixar movie, I think. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Get ready. Food's free. And your side dish, please, sir, with that?

This, just to go with this meal, just a bit of clear Chinese broth, which is really hard to find outside of Malaysia. Everywhere you go there, if you have a dry meal, you'll come with a free little bowl of hot broth, hot, salty broth to wash it down. You can't get it here. Even when I go to Malaysia, they say, can you just give me a small bottle of broth, a small bowl of broth? They spit in my eye.

Why do they say no? I don't know. Because surely that's easy, right? It's easy. It doesn't cost them anything. I'll pay like a pound, I don't care. They won't do it. It's very strange.

So that would be my side. And what flavor? So it's just stock. It's just like a stock made out of vegetables or old bones and stuff. Yeah. It's just a clear broth. Nice clear broth. I want to get to the bottom of why Malaysian restaurants in UK aren't doing this.

This is the easiest thing. And it's pretty common to have it with main dishes in Malaysia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they must, yeah. It's not, they're not doing it because people wouldn't buy it here. Because they would, right? Yeah. Well, I think if you're not used to it, you might find it strange.

Yeah, but they're doing aggravy. Yeah. If they sell an aggravy. I think what it is is the, there's a really like a starter culture in Malaysia. You have side dishes instead. And I think here when restaurants here try to acclimatize to the British way of doing things by serving Malaysian food, they follow the starter main course kind of model. And so that doesn't leave any room then to have the soup with the dish.

And they, yeah. But I think is that people here actually don't, would find it strange to have soup next to their dish because you wouldn't have soup next to your main course. If it was a clear broth, I would. Would you? Yeah. Like, you know what? You can give it a sushi place and they offer you some miso soup with your mains.

Yeah, sure. It's an Asian thing. I think they come around to it. Yeah. But how, so your, but your main, how brothy is that? Well, it's not, you've had it. I can't even remember it. It's all, it's like, it's still thick enough that it's not technically a soup.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, with the world on hold, I could not, I could not have soup. Something dry like a chameon or fried rice. You want, you want that soup to break it all up and wash it down. Sure. But still it's nice, it's nice, it's nice little break from the nudes to swig a soup. And what order? How many bites of the main to a swig of broth?

I'd say that is the most, James A. has the question. He's asked on his phone. Three, I reckon on average three chopsticks of food to a slab soup. Yeah. Well, that, I mean, that's relative. That's all relative though, isn't it? I guess. Relative to how big your chopsticks are.

How big your chopsticks are, how good you are with chopsticks. Do you own your own pair of chopsticks that you take? Three chopsticks for me would be one noodle. It's short. Yeah. Yeah, I have my own chopsticks. I'm bringing them around. You know how people who are really into pool have their own?

Bring a queue around. So I have a little bag. Do you put it together like a fork? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to screw them together. Are you short the end? For the extra grab. And then to eat, I place my eyes on a table level.

We'll get down real close. I'm so bad at chopsticks. I'd need one of those spider things for mine. Like a claw, like an arcade machine. No, like when you're playing pool or something. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Yeah.

Oh, yes. Yeah. And when they bump us, bumpers like bowling. If I see an attractive lady struggling with a chopsticks, I'll go around behind her. Yeah, I'll put my hand down. Are you going to be in an 80s film? Oh, great riff.

Lovely riff. Classic riff, that. Good part of the classic thing, guys. Actually, ourselves on riffs, that's fine, isn't it? Yeah, that's fine. Oh, I'll tell you what, though. Tell you what, I'm going down. Compliments to the chef.

I'll tell you what I've been really worried about since you got on here, Phil. And I think everyone's been feeling it, been worried about it. I'm worried you might roast it, again, destroy the edge on the roast. Because Phil roasted it on comedy, roasted it on the roast. Yeah.

I love it. I lost, but. I'm surprised you haven't ordered a roast, did I, Phil? And Ed's the main. Ed's the main. Phil roasted me real hard. Ed's got a new tattoo for every roast that I made of him. Yeah.

To represent every roast. So he'll never forget. Every time I got roasted, these all represent sad times in my life when Phil roasted me. A lot of my roasts were about his skeleton. Yeah, there's a lot of skull-ice roasts. Ed's mama so sad.

I don't think you said that, did you, Phil? There's a line, isn't there? Yeah, yeah. There's a line, isn't there? That's the most I've roasted you. You have to maintain some level of respect. No, that's. That's the most I've roasted Ed.

You've since been roasted by Daniel Sloss. Yeah, he won last. He won. Yeah, so here I am back down here with you. So that means if Sloss beat you and you beat Ed, that means Sloss also be dead. And Ed has been roasted twice. Ed's mama so fat.

Right, why? Why, James? Why did you keep doing this? Ed's been roasted so hard. He's twice. At least me and Phil went on the roast. You're too much of a pussy. Outside of roast roasts. There is a rule of the roast.

No genies. It would be unfair to everyone else. You're only allowed to give three roasts. And the four men requires five. Yeah, and they're not allowed to ask for infinite roasts. Can you remember some of your choice cuts when you roasted Ed? Can you remember some of the things that you said when you roasted Ed? I can.

I bet you're thinking of them every day, Ed. I'll never forget them, Ed. Every time I fall asleep, I remember. You're kind of like a little baby boy. Also, did someone else... You were in the latest series of roasts as well, weren't you? Or were you in another one? Christmas special.

You were in like a day tournament. I did a tournament. You were in a Royal Rumble. I roasted Bobby Mair first. Yes. One. Whoa! Did you see that coming?

Ed normally loses. Then I was in the final against Susie Ruffle. Yes. And I won. What? That's two roasts to Phil's one to James's zero. He turned it around. He's the king of the roast.

That's the best roast in the room. I got a trophy. Did you? That was a trophy. Yeah, it was a trophy because it was a Christmas tournament. I wasn't allowed to keep the trophy because apparently it cost 2,000 pounds to make. You're joking. It was a skull.

What? That's right up your arm. You would love that. That would go all your decor in your house. Exactly. I love skulls. Oh, so Ed is actually good at roasts. Yeah, and the best at roasts, in a way.

Ed puts mum a sofa in. Imagine if the better you got at roasting people, your mother lost her weight. With every win she dropped a few. Her mum just lost. Your mum was so thin. All right. Well done, Ed. Still, Phil beat you.

So if Phil beat you and you were the king of the roasts, that means Phil is actually king of the roasts. Phil's king of the roasts and I'm just a little proud. So Sloth is actually king of the roasts. That's confusing. I don't think I'm even in the roast royal family anymore. Oh, no. Phil, you're going to have to have a drink with all of this, aren't you?

Yeah. Because sparkling water does not a meal make. So what are you having with all of that, mate? Well, I'm gradually becoming a wine wanker. It's a lot of fun to be a wine wanker. Just a wanker, yeah. A wine wanker. A wine wanker.

A wine wanker. A wine wanker. A wine wanker. Yeah. A wine wanker. But it doesn't really, it's hard to pair wine with Asian food. Riesling. Really?

Yes. Chinese food. He was asking what your reason was. That's what I heard the first time. Riesling. I would recommend. With Chinese food? Yes.

It's been sweet. With any, it's the only thing that'll pump through spice. But do you want to mash the spice with the Shiraz? But the spice, I think if you're eating super spicy food, it'll knock any flavour out your mouth. I feel like I'm watching the roast battle again. Imagine if this was the roast battle. That could fall.

Look, I'd recommend a Riesling, but... A Riesling. Okay, I'll give that a go. Yeah, give it a go. I mean, I get something like, I think like a rose or an orange wine might be nice with the Chinese food. Because he had much orange wine. Huh?

Always nice. Yeah. We tried some in New York, actually, James, and we didn't like it. No, we didn't like it. But like, what's, but then we were drinking it with John Robbins and he's grumpy. Yeah. So I think he had a bit of it and then criticised it,

and then we were all like, well, that's ruined. What is the difference? Orange wine, what's the... Why is it orange? What's that all about? I think it's made in the same way as Rosie, but the skins are left to steep for less long. Okay.

Think that's it. Okay. And there might be different grapes being used, probably. So you are proper getting into it, aren't you? I can tell. I just find it very interesting. Because it's the kind of thing you can get into straight away, but there's always more stuff to find out about it.

And... Have you seen the film Somme? Yes, I love it. It's a great film, Ben. Apologies if I talked about this already, but this is why I don't think I'll ever become a wine winemaker because of this comment that a guy trained to be a sommelier smelt a white wine and said it smelled like a freshly opened can of tennis balls.

Just the stupidest thing I've ever heard. But that's fun, like coming up with all these weird descriptions. Like we were in Malta. I was in Malta with my family, and they make their own wine there in Malta, but they only make enough for Maltese to drink, so it's actually quite hard to find outside of Malta. And all the wine there tastes of burnt rubber.

Lovely. You swig it around. Oh, yes, very good. It smells like my tires are burning. And it's the only situation in which you can describe an unpleasant smell in a positive way. I don't know. And was that a positive?

Does it actually taste like it? Do you actually like it, the wine? Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't have it very much. So I guess no. Sure. But it was interesting. I like burnt flavors, you know, stuff.

But I don't have a burnt wine, but I like burnt caramel. Burnt toast? Actually, I do. Do you like a bit of burnt toast? Carcinogenic, apparently. Yes. Oh, that's what you like?

Yeah, I like carcinogenic. James lives on the edge. Yeah, of a car park. Burnt bridges? Do you like a burnt bridge? Yeah, I like to burn bridges. Yeah, that's there. Burnt rubber?

Oh, that's where I said it. Like the wine? Practical wine, sorry. So you think like a shi, maybe a shiras or something as well, did you say? Not with Chinese, but shiras. I think shiras is like an Indian meal supposed to work. With Chinese, I've never really been able,

I've never really had a wine. Maybe like, I think a reasoning is probably a right call because it's light, but it's still not light. I think reasoning, I'll try reasoning this time. Thanks. While I will get you that, fair enough, what is the best wine you've ever had? It's a meal.

Good question. It's a meal is irrelevant. Best wine. In recent memory, it was actually at the Dutch. I'm getting into American wines now, which are fantastic. And especially Oregon, which make great Pinot Noirs and great shiras. Yeah.

And there was a Pinot Noir in the Dutch called, from a producer called Big Table Farm. Yes. And I've tried to get it here by New York, I can't get it. So many of those wines that we had in New York, I tried to get here and just can't. We had some incredible ones. Remember that wine I bought from the shop?

James just went into a shop and went, I'm going to go and buy a nice bottle of wine and came out with some absolute hefty beast. It was the most I've ever spent on a drink. What was it? It was, I can't remember what the, what was it called, Ed? I think I've got a photo of it. It was a red wine and it was so expensive.

Basically, it was New Year's and it was all together in New York. I'm just going to buy a really special bottle of wine and we can all sit down. Lovely, lovely old drink. And I thought I was going to, yeah, I was going to, and also, because I don't know anything about wine, I just went for, not the most expensive one in the shop,

but just way more than, yeah, way more than I would normally pay. So I could come out and be like, I did it guys, we got. But like, yeah, what was it? Because the name is on the tip of my term. But it was like, Ed's described it as drinking liquid jam. It's a bit. So it was very sweet. That is quite sweet and I mean, it was delicious.

Mm-hmm. Was it the, was it the Stag's Leap District? Yes. Cabernet Sauvignon, yeah. Stag's Leap. I was about to say something like Cabernet. I should have done it and it would have sounded so good. I would have sounded so good.

Amazing. What was it, California? Yes. Yeah, I had a California and Cabernet Sauvignon. It was really good. And yeah, it's very fruity, very sweet. And like you say, yeah, quite jammy. Yeah.

That sounds fantastic. This podcast is going to make it sound like such cunts. No, but making it sound like absolute legends. I'm leaning into it. Yeah, that sounds great. And the one we had at the Dutch was another Cab Sauv, Robert Sinske, Napa Valley again. What's where are you finding out all this information?

I take pictures of all the wines I like and put them on an app. Oh, great. That is cool. Is that Vivino? That is cool. It's called Delectable and you take a picture of the label and then it'll search. Vivino does this as well.

Yeah, I'm looking. It's very good. Okay. It's very helpful, very useful. Phil, I didn't know you liked wine. We should have a wine night. Do you like wine a lot? Yeah, but I don't know much about it,

but I'd like, I love the taste of it. Oh, yeah, yeah. I like the taste of it. And also, I'm willing to spend too much on something I don't know. I'm going to go to Vagabond Wines just around the corner after this to grab a bottle and see what I got. Oh, yeah. I'm kind of, you want to come?

I've got a meeting, but yeah. I think I'll take a minute. Yeah. Let's do that. That sounds great. I sent back my first ever bottle of wine in New York. A restaurant. Yeah.

Badass. He sent a bottle back. It was... I don't think I've ever met anyone who sent a bottle back, apart from my dad, and I assume that was just him being difficult. I think I was being difficult because it was an expensive bottle of wine. Yeah.

Although because it was at a restaurant, it might have retailed for like $30 and they pumped it over to $150 or whatever. And it was a hermitage and I tasted it and I thought, he'll probably mellow out. And I thought, yeah, that's fine. So you didn't do it at that stage? Yeah, that's... You didn't do it at the taste stage?

Yeah, I know what you're talking about about. You let him pour you a glass and walk away. But with each sip, it didn't get better. It just kept being really sour around the mouth where I guess it would. And eventually I said to the others, are you enjoying this? And they said, I don't love it. So I thought, I'm going to do it.

I'm going to say this is corked. At this point, how are you feeling physically? Were you decided you were going to do it? I couldn't feel my fingers. Yeah. I was terrified because it's quite a fancy restaurant. Yeah. And so the waitress came back and I said,

sorry, I think this might be corked. My heart is like, yeah. And she goes, oh, really? Okay, I'll just go get our sommelier. And the big boy, the headmaster of wines. Slides down his fireman's pulse into the restaurant. That was scary. And I was like, yeah, cool.

You bring that piece of shit. And so she goes off with a bottle. And I see in the corner, she gives it to him. And he takes away... So you can see all this playing out. I can see all this. He can't see me. He's twiddling his mustache, the sommelier.

He gives the bottle a whiff. And he makes this sort of wind's face, which... And now the wind's, I can't tell if it's, ooh, that is bad or, hmm, this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. Sure, sure. Because that's the same wind. It's the same face.

Classically, that is exactly the same wind. It is discussed. It's the same emotion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then he comes around, I see, and just behind our table, he gets himself a glass and he pours a little bit. On his break.

And he takes a sip and he comes over and he leans to me. And I'm just losing my mind. Yeah, yeah. And he says, um, this isn't correct. And now I'm in flight of flight of flight. Oh, God, yeah, sure. Either I go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'll give you a kiss on the head.

I'm really pleased. Don't kill me. Or double down. And so I double down. Wow. And I go, really, it tastes very accurate. I thought, I'll pick a different word. Oh, yes.

I'll pick a different word for sour. Yes, mate. Everyone knows sour. Pick the dictionary you sommelier twat. And he goes, and that's quite, it's got a brown, that's a Sira taste. And then he said, it's actually rather lovely, which I think was his.

No, it's gonna work. No, it's gonna work. That was his color blue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. His color blue. And I said, oh, I don't know. And he said, well, if I get you another bottle, it'll probably taste the same.

Because I said, we'll get something else then. And so I got a bottle of Shadun of the Pub, because you can't go wrong, really. And he said, okay, lovely, great. And he got this Shadun of the Pub, and he tried it, and he was like, that okay. And it was actually still a bit sour. But I said, yeah, it'll be fine.

Were you also eating like sour skittles? I was brushing my teeth. I was brushing my teeth out at the time. I don't know if that changes anything. Happy with tangfastics on the go. This is very sour. All these wines are given us. You're eating tangfastics, sir.

With the wine. It's all very sour. And I'd like to say that every the sommelier, please, you have a mouthful of sour dinosaurs, sir. We saw you take a mouthful of toxic waste on the way in. You and your friends were doing the warhead challenge. I don't think we can give your word on this wine. The food tastes a little sour now, I think of it.

Phil, that would really give me a rush that story. Oh, it is. Yeah. Yeah, it's very, it's the most toxic story we've had on the podcast. I'm not sure it's this sort of every man vibe you can take onto the stage, but... I'm giving up on that, man. I can't even, there's no place to say who the every man even is anymore, you know.

Because in the sommelier world, every man is a sommelier. Sure. And now every man hates you. Yeah. In the sommelier world. Any sommeliers listening to this are going to be like, oh. That guy. But every sub-wine-o that I've talked about, which mean like a wine...

Yeah, wine is not the wine for that. A drunk, okay. But every wine that these have told about this since has been on my side. Sure. Like regardless of whether or not I was right. He was being a dick. That's what the other people would say. And apparently restaurants don't lose any money.

They all get, if anybody will descend back, they will get a refund from their... Really? ...from the prison. I'm going to do it every time. Yeah. Oh, well. Yeah.

Well, now I know that. Yeah. I'm going to send you back diet cokes. Too bubbly. It's just too sour. Send it back. I would like to shout out an earth to pap. Please.

So you... He does... Every time. Shout out an earth to pap, please. Every time, that's what I'm going to place it with. For desserts, sir. Banoffee pie. It's my favorite food, I think.

I saw you eating banoffee pie. Your favorite food? Yes. For desserts, sorry. For desserts, yeah. Your favorite food. If you're asking him what food, he's like... Banoffee pie.

I... I don't accept that. I thought it was his favorite food in the world. I don't accept that. I know you was. I don't accept a dessert as your favorite food. Yeah. I mean, I had that for the first time when I came to England

when I was like 10, maybe. Where was it? Take us there. At the airport. As soon as you got off the plane. Yeah. Yeah, there's a guy... Welcome to England.

There's a beef eater. Welcome to England, sir. Oh, little boy. Started putting your chopsticks together. No, you won't be doing those. This is a banoffee pie, young man. Don't chalk up those chopsticks. I really hope Ben takes out the previous mention of the chopsticks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great Benito, getting his revenge. Yeah. Banoffee pie. Yes. I think my uncle made it. By like, he just heated up a tin of condensed milk and that becomes banoffee sauce.

Tuffy, I think. Yeah, yeah. And it's just amazing because you've got the salty and the sweet and... Yeah, it's great. James and I had... Yes. For what would you call it here, craft? That's American is in the craft.

Oh, the catering on Taskmaster. So it's the people who did the food catering on that. And they're famous there for the banoffee pie. Yeah. Everyone who's ever been to the studio talks about the banoffee pie. And for good reason, he was out of this world. We were really looking forward to it all day. They told us, it's the banoffee pie day.

And obviously me and Phil, I love desserts anyway. And Phil loves the banoffee pie. So we were both just all day going, oh, I want that banoffee pie. Do you want it? Do you want it? And it was on the same day as Egg Gravy Day, wasn't it, as well? Yeah, Egg Gravy Banoffee Pie Day.

But I couldn't eat too much because we had a recording to do straight after. So it's like this ultimate torture where I had my favorite dessert and I could only have like... Well, I mean, James Egghaster is a man who has never worried about that. I've seen you eat full three course meals before one of the week. Yeah, really? And you go on and you feel... Oh, that feel great.

No, no, no. I'm not saying I feel good, but like, it's worth the trade. I'll have that. If it's a delicious dessert and it means I'll be like 20% less funny, fair enough. I'll be sitting there with Banoffee Pie thinking that I'll take care of me in the edit. I'll be all right. I shut down. I might as well not be there if I eat too much.

Because like my style of panel shows is not... I don't scattergun really. I don't say that much. I just try to make what I do say count. But if I'm out of it, those moments will just pass me by. You just do a big burp rather than say what you're going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just go, um, and then they move on.

Round of applause next topic. Yeah, it goes on really well, really. But like, I put down my terrible would-I-like-to-appearance to a bowl of fried rice from Michael Mama's I had just before that I fucking wolfed. Yeah. I just, I told myself I'll have one spoon and then my animal took over and I just dogged it down. Yeah.

And I chased it up with a bunch of narcotic leaves. I couldn't talk, let alone lie to celebs. Here's what I think about Benofi Pai. I think the quality of a Benofi Pai is so variable. The worst Benofi Pai is so far away from the best Benofi Pai. Do you know what I mean? Because you end up with people use squirty cream? Well, I mean like whipped cream over cans.

Yeah. That's all right, isn't it? No. What's wrong with that? It's whipped cream. Awful. Let's just like. I must have had whipped cream.

It's just like thick air. But where else has whipped cream come from? Whipping actual cream? You're joking. I thought I needed the spray bit. No, it doesn't need the spray. I didn't need the air myself. What?

But that's how you- You are pulling my dick off right now. What are you talking about? Whipped cream is in a bowl. They do it in a bowl. Whip it by hand, beat it. That's just like- All I do it with the, you know, the mixer.

Yeah. That's not, but they don't- Oh, you've whipped some cream, but it's not whipped cream. Yeah. It's- that's literally what it is. Do you say when you whip some cream it's not whipped cream? You whipped some cream, sure. Yeah.

It's cream that has been whipped, but whipped cream comes out of a- No. Aerosol. No, no, no, that's squirty cream. I call it whipped cream, but they're- It's not been whipped. They're chance in their luck there. Okay, okay.

Okay, so- Yeah, okay, sure. Okay, I can see this. So, where's the best banoffee pie? Is there a- Are you getting it from the caterer at Taskmaster? That is the best I've ever had, probably. Okay.

It was the best I've ever had. You can have it. This is a dream restaurant. I can get you the catering from Taskmaster banoffee pie. I've always thought that would be like the ultimate hipster food place. It's like a place of work that you have to somehow get into. I thought like a school- an actual school cafeteria as a chef, but you have to somehow get a visitor's pass.

Yeah, or it qualifies as a doing a lady. Or a teacher, or somehow as a student. And you have to get in and it's like- And like Vice gives it six stars. Yeah. You have to- There's a cafe called the Pit Stop Cafe at my college. And it did a hot chocolate deluxe.

And yeah, people wanted to get into our college to try this hot chocolate. Really? Yeah, they were so delicious. That had squirty cream on it. Squirty cream. But it was everything. Marshmallows, chocolate powder, the squirty cream, a really quite thick luxurious hot chocolate

that did taste like a liquid dairy milk. Very rich. Oh, it was so good. We'd get them all the time. Me and my friend Graham. Go get a hot chocolate deluxe. And so people like climbing over the fences to- Yeah, yeah.

People really wanted to go in and get in. Like people who had left the college- It was people who had been to the college before, left the college and was like- They were jonesing for a couple of deluxe. They'd be like- They'd still doing that. Because it was a music course we were doing.

So we still knew a lot of bands outside of college who would go, oh, you're doing that B-Tec course. They still don't know how chocolate deluxe is in the pit stop. You know, yeah. Oh, man. But then, real bad because it had chocolate sauce on it as well and all this stuff. And then one day, they just kind of like,

all they did was the squirty cream and the chocolate powder and that was it. And everything else went. The marshmallows went. The chocolate sauce went. But they still called it a deluxe. They still called it a hot chocolate deluxe. And we were like, what is going on here?

I mean, very, very upset. This is from 2008. This is the crash. No, it was the marshmallow crash. No, the sugar, the sugar crash. Yeah. The great sugar crash. Yeah, it was.

Phil Wang. What a meal. What a meal. What a man. What a meal. What a meal. What a meal. What a magnified meal.

Should we, should we run through what Phil's ordered? Yes. Phil, let me just get your order straight. Yeah, can you read that back to me? You would like some sparkling water, some poppadoms, some salmon roe on a drug leaf. Some mutton hoar. Lovely.

Some clear Chinese broth to go with that. You would like some wine. You went for the riesling in the end. Yeah, on my friend's recommendation. And you would like some banoffee pie from the Taskmaster catering team. Please. Thank you, Jeannie.

No. But your wish is my command. When do you get freed when someone compliments the chef? Oh, let's have the minute. None of the guests have chosen to free me. You have to not have a meal. You have to, that you have no food or no drink when you're free. You can choose to free me instead.

And that's when the podcast ends. Yeah, we're looking to get maybe 20 apps under the belt before Jeannie gets freed. Phil, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks for dinner. No worries, man. Delicious. Come back soon.

Bye. Ah, Phil's been run over. Oh no, another one dead. At least he had a perfect meal. Oh, he sprayed egg gravy all over the motorway. I'm all right, guys. It doesn't miss to me. Phil's OK.

Bye, Phil. Thanks again for dinner. See you, Phil. See you later. Nealing. Oh. Whoa, whoa. Thank God Phil was all right.

Oh, we'll touch and go for a second there. I didn't know if he was going to survive, but I'm very, very good at him. We come back and let us know he survived when the tram hit him. I don't know what that tram did hit, but whatever it was, it didn't survive. I hope it didn't hit our guest for next week.

Oh, fingers crossed. That'd be awful, wouldn't it? No cardamom pods. Well done, Phil. You dodged it. You swerved it. I mean, if we had said egg gravy, we would have had him. Yeah.

Maybe the ingredient next week should be egg gravy. It is. Right. Definitely. OK. The secret ingredient in next week's episode is egg gravy. Hey, thanks for listening, guys. Do tune in again next week.

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast. Yeah, people should do it. Subscribe to the podcast. Review it. Review it. On iTunes. Review it if it's good. Oh, no.

Give it five stars. It helps people listen to it. Review it. Give it five stars. Subscribe to it on iTunes or whatever app that you use. Yeah. Listen to it on the train. And if you laugh out loud on the train,

make sure you say the name of the podcast afterwards. What do you laugh? Exactly. Off-menu podcast afterwards. Off-menu podcast with Ed Gamble and James A. Caster. Yeah. And then carry on listening to it. But do all of that.

Keep listening to it. We'll keep doing it anyway. But just crack along with it. Spread the word and spread the buffer. On the bread. On the bread. I'm on tour. So feel free to come and see me on tour.

EdGamble.co.uk forward slash gigs. Feel free to bring me any foods that you think we should discuss here on the off-menu podcast. Great idea. But as long as it's not cardamom pods, egg gravy, pomegranate seeds, coriander, or fennel. That would be the worst, the worst feast. Unless you somehow combine all of those into a muffin,

bring it in, and then I'll make James A. Caster eat it. Okay, I'll do that. Hello, it's me, Amy Gladhill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off-menu. We spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith.

I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners, sure.

But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glittle's mum on every episode.

That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.