Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 156: Amy Gledhill

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

In one of the most chaotic episodes ever, rising comedy start – and 1/3 of sketch duo The Delightful Sausage – Amy Gledhill needs a mystery solving. See Amy Gledhill’s debut solo show ‘The Girl Before The Girl You Marry’ at the Edinburgh Fringe this August. Tickets here.Follow Amy on Twitter @thatgledhill and Instagram @thatamygledhill Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Cutting into the avocado. What are you doing, James? There's a fly on the desk and I was just getting it, but I got the cutlery as well. Oh, right. Okay. I was going to do it. It's like avocado. I was going to do it. It's like an avocado. And then the stone was going to be, we order, drink, restaurant and an eye. And we invite a guest every single week and we ask them their favorite ever, start a main course, dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is

Amy Gladhill. Amy Gladhill, a wonderful comedian. She's a stand-up comedian. She's in the sketch group as well. Absolutely brilliant. So funny. Can't wait to have her in the dream restaurant. Yes. I'd say one of our favorite. New comedians in recent years. I mean, I don't know. The term new is because we're, we're so old now. Yes. It is. It's quite shocking when I have to confront that. Yes. Amy's recently been on a hypothetical as well, hasn't she? Yeah. She was fantastic on a hypothetical. I love her sketch. She did a delightful sausage. One of the best sketch groups going today, I'd say. And she's doing her debut Edinburgh solo show, stand-up show. Isn't she? Yes. The girl before the girl you marry is the

name of the show, which is a great title. She will be doing that for the month of August at the Edinburgh Fringe at the Monkey Barrel. So do go and check that out. I'll be at the Edinburgh Fringe for a little bit as well. That's a punter? Eight to the 14th at the Assembly George Square Theatre. Go on to my website again. We'll go to UK for details of that and of the rest of my tour. But I'm one of those guys who just goes up for a few nights now, an old man. Also, listen, I'm excited to have Amy on the podcast, but as with all our guests, if she picks an ingredient, a secret ingredient, which we deem to be disgusting, then we will kick her out of the dream restaurant. And this week, the secret

ingredient is a horrible sausage. Because as you just heard, Amy is in a sketch group called the Delightful Sausage. So the secret ingredient this week is a horrible sausage. Yes. So if she picks a sausage, we will ask her. You said if she picks a sausage there in the exact rhythm of the wonderful Wizard of Oz. So if she picks a sausage, we'll ask if it is horrible. There you go. We found it, guys. My exact perfect humor. Exactly what Ed likes. So remember, just a sausage on its own. We're not going to kick her out. We're going to ask how nice a sausage is on a scale from Delightful. What a horrible. If she says horrible. But I also think it should be if she picks one of those Richmond

sausages or a pepper army, she's gone. Yeah, yeah. Because we think they're horrible. So anything the way you think is a horrible sausage, you're gone. Yeah. But I hope she doesn't say that. She's great fun. Yeah. This is the off menu menu of Amy Gladhill. Welcome, Amy, to the dream restaurant. Thank you very much. Welcome, Amy Gladhill, to the dream restaurant. We expect you for some time. This is really exciting. It's more dramatic than I thought it was going to be. Yeah, thank you. The visuals, you weren't expecting the visuals. Wow. Can you describe to the listener, the high budget, the sound effects that you just said are quite big. It's, you know how in the new Erby One series, they're

not using green screen, they're using actual LCD TVs. Best place that, isn't it? But it's the floor. It's the ceiling. It's you guys. It's really blown my mind. Can't believe it. That technology is great, isn't it? Yeah. I love all that stuff. Yeah. It's the same stuff they used in Mandalorian. What? They don't use green screen in that? No, it's this 360 stuff, isn't it? Yeah. 360. The world. Do you mean the world? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we've got now, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go in this little space, doesn't they? Yeah. And it goes all around. I've done it. And it's got, it's got like stuff in it. You've never sounded more catering. And I do this, don't it? And it just looks

like they're in there. You think they were there? Was it? Yeah, in the desert and stuff. It's amazing. And you're going to love it. Yeah. Because I was imagining when you said the LCD screens, like a box of just all screens, like a sort of 90s rap video. Kind of. Is it a bit like that? Kind of like Matrix when it goes into the Kentucky Fire Chicken world. What? All the screens have got the kernel on them. I don't remember the specific bit of the Matrix where he goes into Kentucky Fire Chicken world. It's like the guy looks like the kernel and there's all the screens. Right. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the kernel, though, is it? No. They don't explicitly say it, do they? They don't clear that up. There's a lot

of exposition in that film. So you'd think that if it wasn't the kernel, they'd go out there waiting to say it wasn't. Quite appropriate for this podcast, then, if we're in Kentucky Fire Chicken world in the Matrix. Yeah. Is that what you would like if you were in the Matrix? Let's do it. Yeah. Let's get the kernel up on these screens. Yeah. There he is. There he is. Would that be your go-to? No. KFC? No. Of the fast foods? Do you know what? It'd be Greg's. God, what a loser. I know that's bad. That wouldn't have translated globally for the Matrix, I don't think. No, sure. They could have changed Neo's name to Greg. Oh, yeah. That would have been cool. That would have been good. That would have been pretty good. You could have been your

name as Greg. Fair enough. So your go-to. Well, I wouldn't even think of Greg's as fast food, though. I still live in a world where Greg's is a baker's. Pretty fast, you know? But I don't really mean. Yeah. If you were thinking, I want some fast food, you would choose a Greg's over any of the I would. I think you've got the more variety. You've got your hot stuff. You've got your cold stuff. You don't often get that in a super fast food restaurant. You don't often do the cold stuff. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they do, but it's not. Not deliberately, though. That's when it's not fast enough. And sweet stuff as well. You've got the whole range there. Well, what's your, I don't know if you're doing spoilers. Is Greg's on your dream menu?

No, but do you know what? You could get some of the items from Greg's. So I was going to say, like, you know, if you could hot stuff, cold stuff, sweet stuff from Greg's. Have you got, like, a go to for each of those categories? Yeah. Oh, from Greg's. Yeah. Yeah. Let's play hot stuff, cold stuff, sweet stuff with Amy Gladhill. Oh, this is great. This is brilliant. Now, I'm going to say that Benito's dog is being too noisy. Benito, Cap's saying before we record, he went, Toast is going to be in here for this record, but don't worry. He'll just go to sleep. And every time he said it, I thought, no, he's not. Let's play hot stuff, cold stuff, sweet stuff with Amy Gladhill. Love it. Hot stuff. She's nearing pasty. Yeah. Cold stuff. A chicken baguette.

Sweet stuff. A six pack of yum-yums. Wow. That's too much, isn't it? No, I think six pack of yum-yums, it sounds good. He's speaking my language. So, yeah, it's a yum-yums, but time six. Yeah. You get them in a package. 12 yum-yums, really. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. That's how I ask for them. Yeah. Yeah. We would ask the listeners to film themselves, role-playing, ordering a six pack of yum-yums at Greg's. Yeah. And you have to do it without the script and you have to get it right and make sure the last one is yum. Yeah. Tweet them at At Off Menu official. Please. And make sure you tag in Amy Gladhill. Right.

But it is dog. Toast is going crazy. I mean, listen, Toast, this is not your episode, this is Amy's episode. Maybe Toast wants to play hot stuff, cold stuff, sweet stuff, that's what it is. Yeah. What would you go for? I have not been to Greg's in years, but I was very surprised when you didn't say sausage roll. Okay. Because I would think everyone surely would say sausage roll. Sure. The Greg sausage roll is a beautiful thing. That might be, I mean, I've been to Greg's twice ever. What? Yeah, pretty bad, eh? Once in Kettering and once when on the road, I can't even remember

where I was. I think sausage roll once I had and the other one I had some sort of bake, steak bake or something. Yeah. Well, I say sausage, bean and cheese, bake. It's really good. But I've eaten a lot of them, actually a lot of the hot things cold, because I used to work in a pub next to the Greg's and we used to have lock-ins. And then at five in the morning, they used to come and pick up the old stuff and bring the new stuff. And if you come out of the pub just at the time they do it, you go, get out of that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You have a bag of that and you go back home and put it all in the fridge and then spend the next few days eating cold steak, baked some stuff.

And yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Maybe get one of the hot things cold, put some sugar on it. It's all three categories. Yeah. Oh my God. That's the dream. Yeah. Yeah. I'd go sausage roll, probably like some sort of sandwich. Yeah. I don't think their cold game is as good as their hot game. You're absolutely right. Amy, if you're in the matrix and you go into a room and the person behind the matrix, the architect is also a mascot for a fast food chain, which mascot for a fast food chain, which you hope it would be. There's a lot to choose from here. There's obviously the

Burger King. Well, what does the Burger King look like? I think it's the head of the burger and it like flams open. Yeah, the mouth is like that. That's so scary. You've done the one, that one. Yeah. Although, no, for a while there was like an actual king, like with a goat. Yeah, it was. It looked like a bit of a V for vendetta kind of thing. Yeah. He had quite a long face. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't really like it. No. There's a whole cast of characters from McDonald's, obviously. I don't think you have any of those ones yet. The hamburger or grimace or model himself. Not to spoil my answer. Yeah. I'd like to have the Barceloros Cockerel from Nando's.

Are we going global? Can we have Wendy from Wendy's? Yeah, yeah. Wendy from Wendy's. I think she'd be the nicest one. Yeah. I think she'd be the least threatening. All the rest have got a bit of a sinister energy so far, I think. They do. They do, yeah. I don't really notice that. So you put them all together. You can't break them down. Yeah. I'd go Wendy's. I'd go grimace. Yeah. I think you want grimace to explain to you what the matrix is. Yeah. And also explain to me what he is. Yeah. Makes no sense. Ronald McDonald barely makes sense.

But then the hamburger, I get that. He still has hamburgers, right? It's a hamburger restaurant. There he is. Fuck his grimace. Yeah. What is it? I think I'd want the little chef. Oh, yeah. You didn't. That's cute. Interesting. You didn't name the little chef because you already had it in the back of your mind what you were going to say. I didn't, actually. No, no, no. I'm not letting anyone put the little chef. I'm not even going to say it. It was between the little chef or that fucking Quaker who runs the Tobey Carvery. We're not surely including the Tobey Carvery in sort of popular fast food restaurants.

Wow. I think it's your episode. Oh, do you know what? Oh, is it fast? It's not fast, is it? But I think it deserves to be up there. Yeah. Yeah. I think it deserves to be up. It's a chain. What a chain. What a great chain. Are you a fan of the Tobey Carvery? Do you know what? I've had too much. You know, when you listen to a song too much and it's ruined. I've been to too many. I've been to Tobey Carvery all around the country. But how does that come up so often? Because I don't see a Tobey Carvery really. Like when you hear a song, it's on the radio the whole time. I'm not listening to the radio. They go, go to the Tobey Carvery. You can find that. Do you know where to look?

Are you seeking them out? Yes. So I went on, I was doing tour support for someone and they sort of said, let's go to Tobey Carvery before every single. Do you know what I thought? I thought for a second, why hasn't Amy named who she was on tour support with? Normally they don't name them. And then you said that like, yeah, that's why you don't want people to, you think they might not have that being put made public. Is it Dave Gorman? It sounds like one of his challenges. A Dave Gorman challenge. Before every show, was it a big tour? It was, yeah. It was too much. I ruined just absolutely. Like the first one, it was like,

oh, this is quite nice. Yeah. You know, you're getting some veg in lovely by like day 26 or something. You're like, I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be really sick. Are there options at Tobey Carvery if you'd like want to eat a bit lighter before you go on? Yeah, of course. Yeah. But it's very difficult to choose that. I don't think I have that in my DNA to like go up to a place where you can have as much as you want and just select, you know, the appropriate amount. I agree. I'm sort of the same. Wack it on. I decide when I get to the table and then it's too late. The damage has been done. We all know what's going to happen. Such a slow, bloated performance every single night.

From both of you. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. You and Morgan Spurlock. Not heard his name said out loud for like eight years. Spurlock's back. Spurlock's in town. Hey, we've got a new challenge for us. We do Tobey Carvery every day, prove it's not good for you. Spurlock's gone too far this time. Well, I've only done it for a day. I'm going to film it. Right. Do you get a choice of gravy? I don't think I've been to a Tobey Carvery before. You do. You do. Yeah. You get a choice of... What's the gravy choice?

There's like the classic Tobey Gravery. Gravery. There we go. Tobey Carvery. That's a sped-off chain. Just the grave. Or you can drink gravy. Well, that's when you get buried after you eat every day. That gives us back so much. Yeah. If you fill in this card with all the stamps, within a month, you get a free plot in the Tobey Carvery. Oh, no, I would have got that plot. Yeah, you could have. That's a heroine. Spurlock side by side in the grave. She died how she lived at a Tobey Carvery. Classic gravy.

You get like a veg gravy. And I think like there might even be a third one, like a particularly onion gravy, you know? It's a good name for it as well. Particularly onion. Yeah. Well, we've got a go there now. Yeah. When we take off menu on the road. Yeah. We have to stop at a Tobey Carvery or something before every show. As is tradition. All tours in Britain. That's the thing that I try like, I really try not to eat too much before I go on when I'm on tour, because otherwise it is that thing about, oh, hey guys, how's it going? But if we take this show on the road. Yeah.

We have to eat before the show, because we've got to tell the audience about where we've been, right? Tell them where we've been and also we'll be talking about food for two hours or whatever. We're going to be starving. Yeah. And like there's nothing worse than being on tour and then after the tour show, you're hungry and you're like, where can we go and eat just the worst places in the world? Yeah. So like you need to eat beforehand. Yeah. Otherwise we're good. That's why when I'm touring, I bring in my shows at like 9.15, 9.30. Yeah. And then you can just sneak into some good places and that's with a support. Yeah. Get it done. Get it done and get them out. I mean, the most enviable job in showbiz is Chloe Pax. Congratz to her.

Five minute open. Yeah. She's watching the football by five bucks. We always start with still sparkling water on the pod. Do you have a preference? This is awful. I don't like water really. I don't like the taste of it. It doesn't have a taste. It does have a taste. It does. So I'd go tap water because I don't want to spend on something that honestly, I'm not going to drink. Fair. Is that terrible? No. So there's a few people who have been on the pod who have said the same. Oh yeah. So Jordan Banjo had never drunk water until he was, I don't know, late 20s or something. Yeah. Just never, never had it. Well, he had water but it was always squash. Yeah. And he didn't like water because it reminded him of spit.

Yes. Well, I will now. See, I love, I love water. So I don't understand the not liking water thing. Really? But I totally understand getting the tap, the tap water thing. Yeah. Do you not like any water? Or is there like, if you had to have tap water from a particular tap or place, yeah, is there somewhere where you prefer water? I feel like, I hope this isn't me just being like totally northern, but I feel like the water in London, it does taste different. This was the road I was leading you down. Oh, is it, is it scientific fact? I've heard, I haven't heard like people not from London. They're like, I can't, I can't drink London water. I love it. I gotta say, it's from a Midlands boy,

Midlands water and I'd never fussed by it, came to London's, I probably won't cause a change, still wasn't fussed. Northern water is exquisite. Oh my God. It is, it is better. Manchester water. I mean, when I, when I go to my girlfriend's mum's house, it is like drinking from a spring. Yeah. She lives in a spring though, doesn't she? Yes, she's, right, right, right. From a family of deer. It is noticeably different. Okay. Well, that makes sense. That just makes sense. And it's different for like your hair and everything. Too soft for me. Too soft. Is that what it is? Too soft. It's, it's very soft in Northern water, but for shower in it, my hair goes too fluffy.

But then a guy can look too adorable, you know? Well, it's maybe coffee, man. If you're really thirsty or it's a really hot day, what are you reaching for to quench your thirst if not a lovely cold water? Well, a squash is, is ideal with ice cubes. Ice cubes make all the difference, I think. Well, I'm about to blow your mind. Go on. Do you know what they're made of? What? Come on. Don't. What is it? What? Shop! Oh my God! Will that you have, as your water course, squash if you like?

Oh, would you? Do you know what? I think we've done that before. I often carry around, because I'm like an eight-year-old child, you know one of them little mini squashes? You're only there for... Yeah, that's me. They're just for me. Like a little sachet, like a little sachet of squash. It's like a sort of, it's almost the same size as a hand sanitizer. Yeah. So people think that you're just like cleansing your water with some antibacterial stuff, but you're not. You're just adding a bit of fun.

A squashy. A squashy! Well, have they not called them that? Have they not called them squashy's? It's a bit clunky, I guess, I would say squash, because it's not called squash, is it? Squash! Squash! Squash! Squashy! That's David Breddard. Yeah, squash. But yeah, you get a little squashy. I love that, then.

What flavor squashy do you want? It is good. Some sort of like, I like a combo squashy. Do you know what I mean? Like an orange and mango, or like a multitude of berries. Do you want that all in one squashy, or do you want one orange squashy and one mango squashy? Oh, I'd love one of each if you're offering. Then you could do them at the same time. Oh, yeah.

Double them up. Oh, wow, this is a luxury restaurant, isn't it? Oh, my God! We can lay on a whole buffet of squashy's, if you want. Oh, my God. A whole selection. Would you do that for me? Oh, my God. Bit of the Toby Calvary style coming in.

Squafay, yeah. We'll get you a squafay. We'll get you a squafay, if you want. Guys, thank you. This is amazing. And you like ice cubes? I'd love some ice cubes. With northern water. With northern water, specifically.

Whereabouts up north? I think near the coast, near the east coast, is where it's like hoolala. Describe water as that. So I went to school in a place called Hornsea, which is like, it's like below Whitby. And I don't know where people would know, but I think that's where it's at, the sweetest. Great. We can get the ice cubes. Yeah, we can get that. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be amazing.

Yeah, like Whitby Water. Whitby Water. Let's do it. We'll have a squash-a-squafay for you. With Whitby Water ice cubes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Amazing. Pop it up to our bread!

Oh, God! Pop it up to our bread, Amy Glenhill. Pop it up to our bread! Bread, bread, please. Toast got scared. We finally got Bonito's dog off to sleep. So he wasn't disturbing the record. And then we all forgot that he was about to be woken up horrifically.

Rise and shine, you mangy mutt! You work toast up by shouting bread. Yeah. It's almost like his name as well. He's like, oh, no. Double whammy. That might be me. Call him a mangy mutt.

Very funny calling him a mangy mutt, because he's the most adorable dog ever. Yeah, he's so adorable. He was lovely. I'm sorry. Pop it up to our bread. Yeah, bread, please. Yeah. It was all right, yeah.

Yeah, it was all right, yeah. I have white bread with some butter. It's all right. What sort of white bread? Some that's soft. I don't like it when it's crunching. It hurts your gums. So no sourdough?

No sourdough, if that's all right. Just like a bread bap. You know, like a soft flowery. Yes. What the listener's missing out on here is Amy's hand movements, which is she sort of tickling the bottom of the bap almost. Yeah. The bread bap.

Both hands. Both hands tickling away. Both hands. You know, I'd say the distance apart from each other with the hands would be, as if they weren't, bread baps. Yeah. It's what we're seeing here. Yeah.

And they're ticked in motion. Yeah. So you're tickling the baps. Tickling the soft flowery baps. Yeah, not hard. The hurt your gums. Not hard to hurt your gums. Nice and soft.

Ideally a little bit warm if you can. Sure. That's all right. Sure. It's not a problem. God, that's amazing. And then some sort of, I like it when you get the butter in like little round discs. Yeah.

Yeah. I love that. I love that. I don't think we talked about this on the pod before. About butter shapes. Butter discs. The discs, because the discs, they are better. Yeah.

They come out and usually, especially if it's like, you know, you haven't just unwrapped it and the paper's still there. I think it's just a disc of butter on like, you know, maybe a cold marble surface or something. And you're like, that's going to be good. Yeah. How cold do you want this butter though? In the cold disc.

It's got to be, it's got to be like room temperature. It's got to be spreadable. But you're working on a cold marble. Just like for whatever reason, when it's on there, just looks like it's soft. It's not hard when it's on the cold marble. Really sound like a body. Comes out on a slab, on a marble slab. Yeah.

You know, it's going to be nice. Yeah. The disc is one of the best shapes for butter, I think. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like, you know, rectangles or whatever, you know, that's that out of one of those packets where they're always hard. Yeah.

I hate it. Curls. The worst is when they bring out like a curl of butter and you're like, there's so much surface area taken out, but half of it's air. Yeah. It's unacceptable. Yeah. Don't like that.

Don't like the butter curls. The disc. Do you want to see a bit of like rock salt on top of that disc? Oh, go on. Yeah, that would be phenomenal. Even if it's salted butter, you need a bit, see a bit of rock salt. It's like, you can tell me it's salted. Yeah.

I want to show me the evidence. Yeah. Absolutely. Oh, this is brilliant. How are you spreading the butter on? I have a lot of arguments with my wife about this. It really came to blows about this. I don't even know actually because you get a lot of bread and then a certain amount of butter.

Yeah. And she will take the whole bit of bread and butter the whole bit of bread immediately. Yeah. And then eat it like one bit. Yeah. Tell you what I'm doing. And you already look like you're both on her side. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, you're just quite a normal person. Chunks of bread, you're putting a little bit of butter on each chunk and then eating it. So I'm getting as much butter as possible on each chunk. And she's taking most of that butter and going, that's all my butter. Yeah. That's all going on this bit of bread. Yeah.

Buttering it and then eating it like she's at home. No, we're in a restaurant. You can have a bit of fun with it. Take a chunk, another chunk of butter, a little bit of butter on there. Too much butter. Some might say, but who cares? We're enjoying ourselves. We're on honeymoon.

What do you think about that, Amy? Oh, your honeymoon sounds lovely. You know, that sounds so nice and relaxing. Yeah, I'm with your wife. Yeah, I thought you might be. But I would say you'd say you've got one lovely slice of bread each and a disc comes out. Obviously, you know, half of that disc is yours. So you do, you can make it even so then you can do what you want.

Yeah, that's not what love's about, you know. Love's not about splitting the butter. Sure. Do you ask for a second disc of butter in this situation, Ed? No, you just try it. It's a race to... I mean, I can see why if I was going out with someone or recently married to someone who spreads every morsel of bread with as much butter as they can,

I might immediately get half that butter and spread it across my penis. But I don't see the answer. Because I would be like, I've got to bank this now. You know, if it's romance though, if it's romance and someone immediately goes, that's my butter and that's my bread, doesn't feel very nice. So eager to split everything until the bloody build comes. Why is she giving me so angry about that? She doesn't listen to this.

No, that's true, genuinely true. She doesn't listen to this podcast, that's why it comes in like a brave little boy after a slag and a half on it. We have our guests on the pod before who have agreed with Ed, who say they love, I can't think of specifics, but they love butter in each piece of the bread. And to be honest, so I'm a, you know, I just butter the whole piece of bread straight away and I like it nice and thick.

However, just cause I do that doesn't mean that when people say they do your approach, I don't think that does sound better than what I do actually. So I think it is better. I agree that your approach sounds nicer to eat that every bit's got like as much butter as you can on it. And that's awesome. But what if it was like a roll or a nice flurry back? Yeah.

Are you cutting the roll in half and then buttering each half of the roll? Or are you tearing it apart with your fingers, seeing the steam rise? It's more tactile, it's more romantic. Amy, do you want to take that first? What are you doing with the back? Yeah, I guess I would open it. I would go to Buttertown, but then I would pick apart probably. But after you've gone to Buttertown?

After I've gone to Buttertown. Interesting. So it's like a combined methods. Yeah. But what's the option other than picking it apart afterwards? You're not cutting it piece by piece are you with a knife and fork? No, I guess I'm talking about before the butter goes on. I would be like, I mean, you know my style.

I can't explain it again. You're like, Jesus divided up the loaves. Yes. But I'm just feeding me. That's just for you. Yeah. How was that? Yeah.

This loaf is going off for ages. Scowling at your wife. Just Jesus eating it on his own. Oh, he's got the fish out now. What's he going to do with that? Yeah, there's this sitting in front of everyone going, oh, I couldn't possibly, oh. I'll tell you what, it's really went a lot further than I thought.

Thanks for the lunchbox, little kid. Was it a little kid from up here? I think a little kid. In a lunchbox. In a lunchbox who's like, I've got loaves and fishes in here. If you want to share these out, Jesus, then he does. Has anyone ever, does it say in the Bible how big the loaves and fishes were?

Because if they were massive, then it's less of a miracle. Yeah. Yeah. There's a kid who's like, spent the whole weekend baking these massive loaves, caught a couple of absolute stonkers in the lake, drinks them in. Of course we can feed 5,000 with that. Jesus, can you feed anyone with these?

Two whales. Two dolphins you caught, kid. We call them fish in Bible times. I haven't got a name for them yet. Jesus, it's got a certain attitude. Two dolphins, kid. Are you kidding me, kid? Who bought this kid here?

Are you having dad here? This fucking kid. I have one. Everyone made this fucking kid. Your dream starter. Yeah. Now is this from a specific place or is it like a general dish that you just love this particular dish

wherever you find? Well, what I thought about when prepping for this was with a starter, sometimes you can eat too much and spoil your mint. So I wanted something that was going to wet the appetite and actually make me want more. And I was thinking what makes me hungrier as I'm eating it and it's crisps and dip. Can I allowed that in a restaurant?

Yeah. So dreams. It's your dream restaurant. Okay, brilliant. Also, I think crisps and dip is in restaurants as well. Is it? Yeah. What restaurants?

It depends what crisps you're talking about. What dip and stuff. Yeah. It might be like where we just had the bread course. They might bring it out. Yeah. Then some places might have that kind of stuff. Yeah, they'd have like a few ready salted crisps

and olives and things like that. Whereas I want something like chili heat wave Doritos. Something like very specific. Something like this exact crisps. Something along the lines of 150 grand of... Chili heat wave Doritos please. And a sour cream dip. I want a hot crisp with a cooling soothing dip.

I like it. So we're either going that or sensations the Thai chili one with like a hummus, you know? You're both... I mean, yeah. At the craft fair. We found a half-eaten bag of chili heat wave Doritos in our flat and we don't know where it came from.

Neither of us have eaten Doritos in years. It was next to the boiler. I was like, are these your chili heat wave Doritos? No, are they yours? No. What the hell are they doing here? Half of them are there. Surely.

When was the last time you had the boiler service? Last week. But it wasn't the boiler man because this was before he came round. We discovered them. But before... So before that... So I went to have a look at the boiler

because I was like, I think it's service time. Yeah. A lot of people, they'll do it by date. You just do it by vibe, right? There's a thing that comes up that flashes up on this panel. Yeah. A little spanner. And that tells you it's service time.

It's service time. So I was like, I'm pretty sure it's service time. I have a little look. That was your catchphrase when you were a wrestler when you were the boiler man, right? It's service time. It's service time. You could be called Pat Test.

Yeah. That's cool. I should be called Pat Test. Yeah, I went to look for the spanner, the little flashy spanner on the screen. And I was like... Oh, so it wasn't the spanner came up and you knew it was service time.

You were like, oh, I think the spanner might have just come up. I think it's service time. It's service time. Well, actually, the truth is, I got the letter in the post that said it's service time. OK, OK. And then I was like... Is it?

I was like, is it? I went and looked and seen if the spanner's there. Yeah. A lot less impressive now. So then it made me go. I looked and seen if the spanner's there. Went and looked. And I was like, what the fuck?

Oh, it's half a bucket of chili in the way. God. Hey. Hey, is this your bucket of chili in the way to me? Doesn't seem like your usual fare. And she's like, no, for sure. I was like, no, it's not mine. You said to your girlfriend,

it doesn't seem like your usual fare. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I said. Where are you living? Victorian time. Hey. This doesn't seem like your usual fare. It do a lockdown because came up with my own way of communicating. Sure. Yeah, yeah.

So your question to her was, doesn't seem like you normally eat chili to heat wave to Riso's, rather than why have you had a packet of crisps and left half of them next to the boiler? That was kind of hard. That was what I was building up to. Yeah.

What's this? Why did you eat these? And why are they still there? And it's a massive pack as well. Is it? Grab bag? Yeah, kind of that you get for friends coming over. I guess it was the last time the boiler was serviced, right?

What? The boiler man came around and we put on dips for him. No, but he might have been eating his lunch or something. And he just left it there. And he left it there. And then a year later. The boiler is out in the open in the kitchen. It's like in the corner.

The surface under the boiler is the same countertop for everything in the kitchen. So you would have seen it before? Yeah, but I just didn't notice it before. So it's like if there's a toaster, then the chopping boards are all next to the toaster. And then there's a little gap where normally we might bung the blender there sometimes.

And then there's the boiler. And then next to the blender this time was this packet of chili heat wave to eaters. And it was like folded down. So someone had, you know, that's quite mindful. Yeah. Whoever did that. This could be a new true crime podcast, couldn't it?

Yeah. I need to say broadcast, then. Broadcast. I mean, in my head, I'm just thinking is your girlfriend having an affair with someone who's very mindful and eats chili heat with Doritos? Good point. If you're listening to this, you dip-loving motherfucker.

I'm going to feed those Doritos to you up. It's Jesus again. Oh, you wouldn't believe it in Jesus when I'm doing it. I mean, you motherfucker. I hate to go down this road, but shape and flavoring. I think the chili heat wave Dorito would be the worst crisp to have pushed up your ass. Yep.

Oh, gosh. Yeah. Do you think? Yeah. Corners and spice. Let's see. What would I not like up there more crisp wise? We can all think this.

I wouldn't like a chip stick. That's perfect. Oh. The salt and vinegar too. The salt and vinegar. Shape-wise is perfect. Shape-wise is perfect to go up the ass. But the salt and vinegar and the, you know,

it's quite a rough texture. I think almost it would, how easy it goes up your ass would be a problem. I think consistency-wise it would disintegrate quickly enough for it to not be an issue. Same with the skip. A skip's dissolved, depending on how moist your ass is, a skip is dissolving immediately on contact with any anus.

Yeah, that's not even making it in. That's melting. Not on the old white anus. Not on my absolute swamp of an anus. It does look a bit like, yeah, Benito's just spoiling it out. It does look a bit like an anus. A skip. So it would just think it's meeting one of its...

It would fall in love. It would fall in love when it sees the bubble. How they melt. Yeah, it would. Oh, I want to see that as like an animated short. Yeah. Before it picks up. Yes.

Yeah. It's always something about objects, something about being in love, isn't it? Yeah. Skip falling in love with an anus. A little song about it. But his heart melted. I think the heatwave Doritos is the worst.

Amy, do you have a quiz? You'd like to shout out for the worst up there? Worst and best. Worsties and besties. The only thing similar to a sort of chilly heatwave thing, but maybe a worse ship, maybe a better ship, is the flaming hot monster munch, you know, because it's the monster vlog.

Because they're quite thick. Yeah, it would literally grab on, wouldn't it? It would, yeah, it would grab right on. So I think that would be quite bad. Good. Do you know what? One of the little cheese balls. Yeah, yeah.

Do you know what? You know what? If I had to, if you're making me, just put one of them up there. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not going to disintegrate like a skip. It's still, I don't know why you'd not want it to disintegrate,

but yeah, just a little cheese ball. It'd be easier to load someone up with them. Yeah. You could load them up. Load them up like a pest dispenser. Yeah, yeah. You can pop them in one after the other. Can't we cover that?

We ask that every week. Yeah. Yeah. Good to find. Nice and spicy knickknacks would be a nightmare, because they're random, aren't they? You never know which way they're going to go. Sure.

Oh, that's true. They wouldn't know what to expect every time. But they wouldn't dissolve like a chip stick. No. Yep. I think they're solid. They're solid. They maintain their structure and integrity.

Yeah. And it's sort of knobbly. Maybe that's nice, actually. Yeah, actually, maybe I'm thinking about the best. The best was nice. I once ate a whole pack of prawn cocktail Pringles, and it took all the skin off the inside of my lips. Oh my God.

Yeah, I know. And do you know what? I've done it two or three times, which is terrible. But thinking of that near the sensitive parts of you, of people, that's going to be a nightmare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, you know,

fall me once in that scenario. You've taken the skin off your lips three times. Yeah. Don't be putting it anywhere else. No. So chips and dips. Chips and dips. Chips and dips.

Yes, please. But specifically sour cream dip. Yeah, something cooling. I think I'll let you know when you're at a buffet, and there's like big balls of crisps. And I just get so hungry, I think, well, I'll have one. And then it's just, it's like, oh, this is brilliant. And you don't want to stop.

And then if the main meal's coming, I think you're like prepped, ready, mentally, to devour, to feast, you know. It is a good dip as well. I'm thinking of the, you know, when you buy the multi-pack of dips. Oh, yeah. There's some weird ones in there. Yeah.

Like that's, there's like a Thousand Island one in there. They're never selling that individually. So why is it in the multi-pack? Well, it's always the fourth one that's the weird one, right? You've got guacamole, salsa, sour cream, and then the fourth one. Like a pink one. Is that anyone's game? Yeah.

The pink ones are Thousand Island, right? That's what I'm thinking of. Yeah. Or it's another sour cream one, but it's got cheese in it this time. Oh, yeah. Nine things go. Cheese? Yeah.

Like bits of grated cheese. So, yeah, it's always the fourth one. They need to do, they just, just do a triple one. Yeah. Even do a triple one, or get as a, put hummus in the fourth one or something. And then everyone likes hummus. You said hummus earlier. Yeah.

It's a, surely that in the dip charts is knocking around sometimes number one. I'd say for people. Yeah. Why is that not the fourth one? Although there's not many crisps, I'd say, that can handle dipping in hummus. Especially if you're scooping. Sure. Even a Dorito.

I think if you're pushing it down into hummus and trying to scoop it out, especially if the hummus has been in the fridge, you're snapping off, you've just got a dip of Dorito left. That's, that's a nightmare. Like, how do you feel? Explain, like to the listener, your emotional journey. When a dip of chip in and it snaps and now you're just left with the corner of a Dorito and the rest of it's in the, in the dip.

Well, you feel like an idiot, don't you? You feel like an absolute idiot. You feel like the person that's run for the bus. I missed it and everyone's looked out of the window being like, you stupid, pathetic woman. But there is a, there was a way around it and you get two Doritos of a similar shape, similar size. You put them next to each other.

You scoop them together. Oh, that's great. You double Dorito in. Oh, I've not even thought of that. It's not what you're doing. Doubling up. Have you doubled up? You've done it.

I've been known to double up. And it just makes everything a bit more solid. You can really, and then you can really go to town with the dips. Yeah. And then I guess you're sometimes, if you're dipping, you get it on the top where you wanted it. And also some might go in between the crisps as well. A little sandwich.

Okay. Well, that's our tip of the week. Yeah. Move on to your dream main course. You've taken it slowly with this starter. Yeah. For a reason. Because there's something coming up I can tell.

It's big. And you've wanted to make some room for it. It's really big. Because of what we talked about earlier with the Toby Carvery, I feel like I've maybe let myself down a path here. But my sort of dream main is like a giant Yorkshire, like a giant Yorkshire pudding, but filled with just everything. Tarragon mash is my favorite thing in the world.

It has to be creamy. It has to be buttery. But the tarragon is what elevates it, you know? I've never had tarragon mash before. You've never had tarragon mash. I'm so on board. Oh, it's the best. Do you know what I think I'm about to do, Ed?

What? I think I'm about to take off my crown and hand it over to Amy Gladfield. Because I don't think I am the mash king any longer. Yeah. Tarragon mash is great. You may be the true mash king. And we're skimming over that you've put the tarragon mash

in the worst thing to ever be invested in. Don't listen to me, Mammy. This is a long-running thing on the podcast. He doesn't like Yorkshire puddings. He doesn't like Yorkshire puddings. No, it's... The best thing about Yorkshire puddings is you can put other things in them.

Here we go. You say you don't like the soggy bit for Yorkshire. I'm saying in life in general, I don't like soggy-ness. Food. Soggy food's good. Soggy Yorkshire puddings. Dry boy. I'm a dry boy.

You're a little dry boy. Oh, they're drying crispy, isn't it? If you're a dry boy, you can have a dry Yorkshire puddings. They'd love to dry them. Yeah. No, they're not. Yes, they are. They are.

They are. They are. Boring. They're boring. There's no texture. Every texture in the world going on in a Yorkshire pudding. Yeah. Thank you. Fluffy?

Yes. Yes. Fluffy. It's crispy. It's dry. It's soggy. It's delicious. It's simple.

It's complex. You can put stuff in it. You can put stuff on it. Yeah. Hot, cold if you want. Yeah. There's nothing that isn't improved with the Yorkshire puddings. That's not true.

Come on. That's not an improve it. Don't blink. Don't blink in the faces. This is crazy to me. This is absolutely crazy to me. I just find it very bland. Everyone looks at it like it's crazy.

This is madness. No one is on his side. You've got to be on his side. And a single person come on this point. No, it's true. And agree with you on this. Very bland. They're delicious.

Can you remember the first time you had a Yorkshire pudding and what it did to your life? Oh, do you know what? I think I've just grown up with them in my blood. Probably literally a cholesterol, isn't it? But I think, yeah, always on a Sunday, you'd have a Yorkshire. We have them with Christmas dinner and everything. Is that a normal thing?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to make my normal point that I always make about the Yorkshire pudding. James is going to get really angry with me. They take up too much real estate on a plate. Ridiculous.

Did you hear that Amy's putting stuff into the Yorkshire pudding, mate? Yeah. So therefore... It's taking up no real estate. But is that then on a plate? It's as big as a plate. Is it on a plate? It doesn't have to be.

But it's just going to catch a bit of the sogginess. So... Get it off the plate. You can still get more of those things on the plate. No, you're wrong. You're wrong. Because the Yorkshire pudding has walls. Their walls is stuck in it.

Yes! Oh, God. You've got more. You've got more. You can pack more in. It's a structure. It's a building. It's a bin.

It's a palace. You're putting everything in and then layering it up like a big bin of food. Is that what you call a bowl? Well, it is what I'm putting like... We haven't heard what else is in it. If this is just the Yorkshire pudding full of mash, I'm going to be really angry.

No, it's not. It's not. There's other things in there. There's garden peas. Yes. Awful. Oh, my God. Absolutely.

So rude. Yeah. Very rude. Then I'd go for a chicken, actually. Some sort of chicken. A whole chicken in the... A whole chicken. Yes, I'd go for a whole chicken.

Just on top. I'm talking roast chicken here. I'd go roast chicken. Yes, of course. I'd go roast chicken. Roast chicken, gravy, carrots, turnips, honey roasted, please. Honey roasted turnips.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah. That sounds amazing. Yeah, really good. Broccoli, but done in the air fryer. So it's like super crispy and dry. Like really dry. You'd really like it.

Yeah, I would like that. I'm dry crispy, boy. Dry crispy, boy. Here's a dry crispy, boy. And then I top it off with seaweed, you know? Wow. Wow. Did not see this.

Can't big left turn here. Yeah. Like from a Japanese restaurant. Yeah. 100%. Is it wakame? I think it's like a wakame salad. They're sort of...

It's almost like a bit jelly-y. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I love that stuff. Yeah. Wow. Roast chicken, which means that this is the second thing you've got in common with Claudia Winkerman now.

Claudia Winkerman came on the podcast. Yes. Didn't just not like water, very anti-water. And chose a roast chicken as a main. What should we get into first here? There's a lot of things... I'd like to hear about the turnips. I don't think anyone has chosen turnips yet on the podcast.

I think we should hear about the turnips, because that feels like it fits within the meal. Yeah. And then we need to hear about the seaweed, because that feels like a crazy addition. That I've known when I'd like to know if you have had it before with all of these things. Yeah.

With those things. Yeah. Where from? Maybe we're starting here. Okay. Yeah, I think we're starting here. Where do you go that does a roast and put seaweed on it? There is a country pub just outside of Hull,

where you can ask and they'll give you seaweed. Okay. And is that on the menu? Seaweed's on the menu, because it's one of them that does all kinds of stuff. What's it called? What, the pub? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can I check? Yeah. Yeah, it's just outside of Cottingham, and it's on a big roundabout. And it's a... Toby Carpenter. It's a... It's not Toby Carpenter, but do you know what?

It's not far off. It is called the Toby Carpenter. That's not seaweed. It is run by a Japanese guy. The Half Moon. The Half Moon. The Half Moon. The Half Moon.

And when they were with my parents, and the girl was like, do you want seaweed on it? That must have fucking destroyed you the first time you heard that. Like, what? Yeah, it was a bit of a shock, but she said it so casually that it was like,

I was like, yeah, OK. Like, wasn't like, oh, my God. Oh, I need to try it. I was just like, yeah, sure. Because it was like, do you want it with the greens? And we did it. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want seaweed on it?

Yeah, it's a taste sensation. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, go on then. Go on then, I love it. So, actually, seaweed on mash. In particular is like... On the time of a mash. I love the idea of it.

I can imagine it, but I've just never been in a situation where it's been, it's been possible. Never been possible. I've never been to the half moon. Would you try it at home? Yeah, I'd do that at home, for sure. Really?

On the tarragon. Does it go with all the tarragon mash? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't be confident enough. You're the mash king, man. Yeah, but not put seaweed on it. Just a sprinkles on it or a sprinkle? Hon, are you sprinkling?

I thought this was the jelly stuff. What are we talking here? Oh, oh, well... Are you talking... Like, crispy boy. Crispy boy. Crispy dry boy. Nori, you're talking about like the stuff

that goes around sushi. No, well, this... They talk about stuff like if you went to like a Chinese restaurant and you got it as a starter, that kind of seaweed. Yeah, I guess that kind of seaweed. That makes more sense to me. Yeah, I guess Nori would also work. The sheets that they wrap sushi in here.

The sheets? You can get sheets, yeah, yeah. But they're sprinkling them on. They're not sprinkling, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, you're not sprinkling a sheet on. Yeah, but you can get it... You can chop up a sheet. Can we ring them now? I wouldn't be against it.

Yeah, I can ring them. Yeah, I'll ring them. Yeah, do it. Oh, my God! I'll ring them. And we'll find out what's going on. If you say, just asking you about the seaweed that you put on the roast and they go, are you with Amy?

Yeah. Oh, my God! Here we go. Putting them on speaker. Oh, my God. Good evening, hub. Good evening. Hello. I'll just phone into... I'll have a quick question. Is there a roast?

With the roasts, is there the option to have seaweed on them? Is that the... Is this the right place? Sorry. Could you say that again? It's a bit loud in here. Yeah, no worries. Um, with the roast dinners... Roast dinners. Is there an option to have seaweed on the roast dinners?

Is that... Is this the right... Yeah, is this the right place? No, it is not. Sorry, there's a place nearby. Is this just outside of Cottenham, yeah? Sorry, say that again. Are you just outside of Cottenham?

Yeah, we are, yeah. Okay, there's a place nearby that does roast that have... Sorry, my friends, it was trying to... We're trying to book a place that she remembers that... Maybe... Could be the millhouse restaurant. Oh, the millhouse? Yeah, cry the millhouse. Oh, okay. Thank you very much. Cheers.

Thanks, mate. Bye. Bye. Give me the number, Benita. Give me the number because that was not... Skidby's not right, Skidby's not right. Shout out to that lady for being so patient with you. She was lovely, wasn't she? She's got a noisy restaurant on our hands there.

She was not enjoying it. It's not Skidby. Shall I text my mum? Text your mum. That could have been her most is-like-style prank because she just ran with it. She just went along it. Yeah. The seaweed?

And the earth did a poo. Hey, anyone see the seaweed? I mean, it's not looking good for you because... No, let me take time off. Imagine what a thing to make up, you know? That there's a place that does seaweed on the roast. Yeah. It should be called in, your mum.

I don't want to call my mum. Up to you. I don't know how much of this is staying in for the listener, but this is the most amount of research we've ever done. Yeah. Mid pod. Seaweed, roast, dinner, cotting them is what I'm going to Google. I feel like I'm in CTU.

Oh, I love it. Have you texted your mum? Yeah. What's up to? I really want to know this. Shall I ring my mum? Yeah, ring your mum. Yeah, ring your mum.

Do I put her on speakerphone? I mean, if you want, if you feel comfortable with that. Yeah, it's up to you. Okay. Imagine if it's the woman in the pub again. Hiya, mum. Hiya. Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm here. I've got a weird question. I'm doing a podcast right now. So you're on speakerphone. And with James and Ed, do you want to say hello? Hello. Hello. Hello.

Signal mic, I warn you. Oh, brilliant. Okay, well, just being quick, we're trying to find the name of the restaurant we went to, where we had like a kind of a roast dinner on a big roundabout. And we drove there and on the roast dinner, they like sprinkle seaweed on the mash. And we're trying to find that restaurant. And I can't remember the name of it. And I thought it was near Cottingham.

How long ago? It was before Covid. But I drove there. So it was after I passed my driving test. God. Do you remember what it was called? Oh, just as she did. Okay.

Can you remember a restaurant we went to? Amy drove and it was on roundtable, you say? No, it was on a roundabout. It's on a big roundabout. Oh, it's on a big roundabout. And the sprinkle seaweed or something on the mash. We had a big roast dinner. We had a big roast dinner.

It's on a big roundabout. Just before Covid. And was it just me and me and your dad and you? I think maybe there was one other person. But I know I drove because I left first before you did. So it wasn't Victoria Dock? No, it wasn't. When you drove off?

No, it wasn't then. It wouldn't have been Home Farm, would it? You would have got a carvery from there. Maybe. Home. Absolutely. Could be Home Farm. Near the Humber Bridge.

Near the Humber Bridge, yeah. Could be that one. That's on a big roundabout, isn't it? Home Farm. Yeah, we did go there. We did go there. Because I think I can remember getting a pink gin because I wasn't driving.

Yeah, maybe it was that then. All right then. Well, we're just trying to work out which one it is, so we'll try that one. Thanks, Mum. Thank you. Thank you. All right.

Bye then. Bye. Bye. Bye. Your Mum's an absolute hero. Bless her. Thank you for calling the Home Farm Brewster. I'm sorry, all of our team members are busy with guests at the moment.

If you'd like to book a table, you can always book online at www.brewster.co.uk. We can also find lots of information on how you can dine safely with us. Thanks for your call, and we look forward to seeing you soon. No watching of an answer play? No. Just free advertising for it. Just gave him a free advert. I'll be honest.

It doesn't feel like the sort of place that I can offer seaweed. I'm fam. Absolutely. It's a Brewers fair pub. Absolutely. I'm obsessed with it. It's something we're going to have to throw to the listeners, which is torture. Here's the reason I really want to be able to solve this for you,

right? Yeah, please. It's because if we don't solve it in this episode, there is a right answer out there. There will be a lot of people who know that answer, and you will get every single week for the rest of your life, someone tweeting you what the answer to this thing is. Nicola Coughlin came on the episode.

She couldn't remember what Staffordshire Oat Cake was. We didn't solve it within the episode every day of her life. Every day of her life. Someone tweets her going, oh, just so you know, it's a Staffordshire Oat Cake every single day. And still, it's still part of her life, even though she's on the biggest show on Netflix. So if we don't solve this for you, we've been in the episode,

everyone's going to be tweeting you going, it's this place. And that's all your timeline's going to be. But I think that's it. I think we have to move on. We're going to have to move on. It sounds delicious. I'm going to just message my brother Paul, and if he gets back within the episode, he'll know.

In the meantime, your dream side dish. But is it a side dish situation, or is the joy of the big Yorkshire pudding that you can put everything within the Yorkshire pudding? You don't have any room on the plate for a side dish. Yeah. Well, this is what this was the one I was kind of struggling with in terms of because I've got everything I want. You've got tarragon mash.

I've got the mash. I've got the peas. I've got the veg. Mystery seaweed. You know, I've got the crispy seaweed, of course. Anything I could think of for a side dish, you just put. Don't know if that came over the mic, but James has picked toast up. This is the most chaotic episode we've ever recorded. I'm so sorry. He's biting the table.

Yeah. Sorry about that. He's not going to. You can't say go to sleep as a dog's bite chewing on the side of a table. It feels so nice to have on my lap, though. Are you sure no side dish, by the way? Was there anything that occurred to you? No, genuinely, it would have just been like bread and butter, which I've got. I've got everything I need.

That's the sort of joy of this man, you know. It's all in one big. So it's all there. One big horrible bucket. It's one big bin. Sounds delicious. Dream drink. Pepsi Max cherry.

Yeah. Sorry, toast. Oh, no. Oh, no. He was absolutely settled. He was settled. Oh, no, he's up close. He's biting me. He's biting me.

Oh, no. Oh, Jesus. 100% your fault. Yeah. Oh, my God. There you go. It's okay. It's okay. You're toasting.

Pepsi Max cherry is delicious. Yeah, I love it. Big choice in this room as well. We both love it. We're both obsessed with it. Oh, really? It's my little treat. If I'm driving back from a gig,

I'll get myself a little Pepsi Max cherry. Sit there, because it's quite a big bottle as well. Supping away. Absolutely love it. You love it. I love it. Love a Pepsi Max cherry. Had one yesterday.

I went to a gig to watch some rappers, and I was like, one Pepsi Max cherry, please. I should have the one of the cool drinks hanging out with the rappers. Well, it's like everyone having gin and juice. Say Gaston's got a Pepsi Max cherry on the go. Delicious. Yeah, it's the best.

Talk us through your love affair with the Pepsi Max cherry. Well, not being a big fan of water, I think Pepsi Max cherry is the opposite of water. It's just got so much flavour, but so many chemicals, so many beautiful, pure chemicals. I just think it's gorgeous.

It can't be improved. You can try and have a Coca-Cola cherry. It's not as good. You can have anything you want with cherry, and it just doesn't have the right. It's just not right. But Pepsi Max cherry, bit of ice. Oh, God, it's perfect.

Yeah. Just the perfect drink. A cherry's never tasted like that. No. No. Real cherries don't do the job. But imagine if real cherries tasted like cherry and Pepsi Max.

Oh, my God. I'd get through punnets of the thing. Yeah, yeah. Love it. Just constantly throwing them in. Easily. Yeah. Love it.

It's good. I mean, the first time I had a Pepsi Max cherry, I was like, this can't be real. This can't be sugar-free. Yeah, sugar-free. Right? That should be so delicious. Yeah.

I guess it's the, I guess you offset it with the chemicals, right? It is bad for you, but internally and over a number of years, I'd imagine. I've never heard anyone go, well, they died because they drank too much Pepsi Max cherry.

Yeah. No. You know? That's not a thing. That's a great, I'm glad that's finally been a choice on the pod. Have you ever tried adding booze to it? Yeah.

Amaretta. Does that work? Yeah. Yeah, cherry. I mean, look at Bakewell. Putting the sugar back in. It's like a Bakewell tart. Yeah.

That is great. Yeah, it's incredible. Do you have a name for that cocktail? No, let's think of one. A Gled Hill tart. Wow. Didn't think, didn't think, didn't think, didn't think I got this.

I guess it's the end now. Really didn't think about that. Bake, Bakewell tart, Gled Hill. As soon as I got to tart, I thought, oh no, hold on. Tart means something else. What on James? A Gled Hill tart?

Oh God, I'm so sorry. No, I think that's perfect, actually. Gled Hill tart. A Gled Hill tart. That was bad, wasn't it? That was bad. That was bad. It's perfect.

It's perfect. Get out. What an episode. Come on in. Let's make your phone your mum. We're going to let a dog just completely run amok. We thought you were tart and said you're high.

Don't forget, don't forget, which crisp would you shove up your anus? While you're here, ruminate over this little brain teaser. What crisp would you like to shove up your anus? And then we have the nerve to call you a tart afterwards. Come on, James, ask the question

the one you like asking. Huh? Dessert. Oh yes, sorry. That. Sorry, I know the dog's distracting you. We're doing a food podcast. I'm excited about you've already said

you're like something sweet from Greg's. Yeah. I know I'm in no danger here with someone saying, you're not going to do choosing biscuits, are you? No. No. Oh no. No way.

No. You're like the sweet cherry Pepsi Max over a water. We're in good hands. Yeah, I think so. Okay, so you know the like a roller yogurt. Yes. You know. Just like a roller yogurt.

Like a roller yogurt. Imagine a roller yogurt and then someone just like it. They're too small. Yeah. You know, because they're not necessarily the roller about on the bottom, but like the chocolate bit, the pure chocolate bit, and you also get it in the, you know, the Cadbury's, the pots, the chocolate pots,

but they're too small. So I want that, but really big, right? But then I was thinking, but what else do I want? And I thought I could sort of make that into the base of a, of a trifle, my own special trifle. Yeah. The special Gled Hill trifle. A Gled Hill trifle.

With roller yogurt. Instead of, what are you replacing? So the gel is gone. The gel is gone. And also I thought the base of it could be, you know, like the best bit of a cake, where it's like the icing, like the thick icing, or marzipan.

So I, that would be the base of it. Then it would be. So you're losing the cake, the cake's gone. Cake's gone. But we're putting marzipan. So it's marzipan. Marzipan, icing. Yeah.

It's thick though, would like this. What's that? Like two, three inches? That looks like two inches. Say, isn't it? So that, yeah, like pretty good old layer. Yeah. Yeah.

Two inches of marzipan and cake icing. Is that an inch each? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to an inch each. Then thick, roller yogurt, chocolate-ness.

Just the chocolate. Just the chocolate. Just the chocolate. Just the chocolate. And then on top of that, you've got your sort of thick set custard. Then your cream, and then your hundreds of thousands. So what you've done heavily with the trifles,

you've removed all of the texture. I guess you've got sort of, you sort of go through soft, soft, soft, soft, soft, rock solid. Instead of putting those on the side or whatever. Yeah. Interestingly, I think we might have finally found a pudding that might be too sweet for James.

Uh, that's interesting because I was about to say, said I'm in love with Amy. Okay, I was wrong. I think it's the greatest pudding we've had on this podcast. I would vote for Amy if she was running for Prime Minister. It's very inventive. I love the invention of it. As soon as you said,

roller desserts are too small, I was like, finally someone said it. Because like, no one's brought that up with his podcast. It's absolutely 100% true. The best desserts are too small. Furiates me. Yeah. Roller desserts, so delicious.

You have one, and you're like, well, I'm obviously going to eat the whole four pack because like, what the hell? I've never had one. Wow. Such a dry boy. Yeah, such a dry boy. I love a rollo, sure.

Dry little boys, hell. You should try it, man. Milky bar desserts. What do you like? The Milky bar ones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm into it.

I love the idea. They're great. They're like, like American puddings, what Americans call pudding. Right. Okay. So like sloppy. Yeah, but like, they've got some form.

They've got some wobble to them. Yeah, they've got a bit of wobble. They're so good. Yeah, there's a bit of structural integrity. That's why I was thinking you could probably balance, like, custard on it. It'd be wobbly, but you know, I'd give it a try. I'd give it a bloody try.

I love it. I mean, would you consider, if I may, workshop with a fellow. Please, please do. Like, maybe put in, like, I would maybe put in between the rollo dessert and the custard, like wafer biscuits, like pink wafer biscuits or something. In between, as like a dam, but also give you some.

Oh my God, yeah, that would be good. That's great. That's really good. This is incredible. I really like the sound of this. This needs a name. Yeah, it's hard, isn't it? Hard to think of the name for, I mean,

obviously, rollo seems to be the star of the show here. Yeah. So you should probably make it to do with rollo. Rollo trifle. But then, you know, there's marzipan at the bottom. True. Which is a big, that's a big surprise, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And is this all in New Yorkshire pudding as well? No, no, it's not. Could be. Could be in, like, what you get, an ice cream cone, that kind of textured wafer type thing, like a waffle type thing. Big massive waffle cone instead of a bowl. Yeah.

Yeah, because that's the thing, there's a lot of savory things that you get in an edible bowl, a tortilla bowl, you know? It's like, oh, it's the big selling point, you can eat the bowl. Not enough desserts, like you can eat the bowl as well. I know neither of you are, but you're talking like you're stoned. Yeah. And then instead of the bowl, imagine if it was just a waffle cone. And I'd take the jelly out of marzipan.

I would love this dessert, man. Yeah. I would have the waffle bowl. Yeah, chase the world. It would be, or it wouldn't be any worse if this was a dessert. No, don't get us married. You, your main course was in an edible Yorkshire pudding bowl. And now your dessert is in an edible waffle cone bowl.

I have to speak to you. If we don't need any plates, if you get rid of plates, then it saves the environment. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I love it. I mean, roll the pan, marzipan, marzipan, marzipan, I don't know.

Rollo marzipan. Rollo marzipan. Rollo marzipan. I love it, man. Mashed, both of you mashed. Mashed kings. Yeah. The mashed kings.

Yes. And that's our spin-off podcast. I'm reading your menu back to you now. See how you feel about it. Okay, great. Water course you would like. Squashé. Squashé.

Squashé. Squashé. Squafé. Squafé with Whitby water ice cubes. Problems over red. Warm white bap with salted room temperature disc of butter. Starter, crisps and dip. The Doritos and the, what was it again?

The sour cream. Chili heat with Doritos and sour cream dip. Chili heat with Doritos and sour cream dip. Main course. Giant Yorkshire pudding filled with tarragon mash, roast chicken, honey roast turnips. Don't even get into those. Broccoli and seaweed sprinkled on top from an unknown restaurant

that we would like listeners to help us with. Side dish. Pass. Because it's already all in the Yorkshire put. Drink. Pepsi Max cherry. Yes. Dessert.

Self-evented trifle in a waffle bowl with marzipan, icing, rollo-yogurt, custard, cream and. Hundreds of thousands. Hundreds of thousands on the top. Seaweed. I thought I said 100 grams, 1,000 grams here. I was like, yeah, yes please. No seaweed on the top of the trifle.

Well, we don't know. Someone might do it. Yeah, who knows. It was a certain place. How do you feel about that, hearing it back? It's a lot, isn't it? It is a real lot. Three meals though.

But yeah. You've got to go for it, right? Yeah. Yeah. If I was on Death Row, that's what I'd have. Well, no, you've got a gig after that. With this unnamed comedian. Who?

I mean, that's the main tweet you're going to be getting. Yeah. Correct. Who was the comedian who had a toby carvery before every single meal? Do you want to give the listeners a clue at least? Are they a TV regular, Amy? No.

They're well-known. They're well-known. They're well-known. They're known enough. You already know. Do you? I do. Amy, thank you very much for coming on the Off Menu podcast.

Thank you, Amy. Thank you. There we are. What an episode. I had so much fun. We don't often get to phone people's parents during the podcast. That was a lot of fun. Maybe we should from now on.

We should make it a feature. I enjoyed it a lot. Yes. And Amy didn't say horrible sausage either. She didn't say horrible sausage. Thank you, Amy Gladhill. Do go and see Amy's friend's show, The Girl Before the Girl You Marry at the Monkey Barrel

for the entirety of the Edinburgh Fringe. It will be a fantastic guarantee. Do you got a guarantee there? Nailed on guarantee. I'm doing the fringe as well. Ed Gamble.co.uk for details of that and the rest of my tour for the rest of the year. Thank you.

Yes. I will not be doing the fringe. I'll be in Disney World. Ever again. Going to Disney World. The Disney Fringe. James is doing the Disney Fringe. He'll be doing his solo show.

Heckler's Welcome at the Star Wars bit. What are you doing? Revising the Resistance. Featuring James Heckler as the Heckler's Welcome. Are we doing it in his little Yoda outfit? Nearly on his shoes. Yes. I was speaking like Yoda for the whole thing.

Yes. If you heckle me, you have to heckle like Yoda also. Well, the show actually do look up the show properly because it's called Heckler's Welcome They Are. Yes. Yes. Let's call it the full title. And then that as well in the title.

Welcome Heckler's I do. Bitter fun is a bit of fun. It's always a bit of fun. We always like a bit of fun at the end. Just really kick back and let our hair down a bit. Thank you very much for listening. We will see you again next week or another time. Cowabunga.

Hello, it's me, Amy Glentill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on James and Ed.

But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes.

It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glentill's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy!

Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.