Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 164: Richard E Grant

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

No Camberwell Carrots are on the menu in this week’s episode with – yet another national treasure – Richard E Grant. Richard E Grant’s new book ‘A Pocketful of Happiness’ is published in hardback by Simon & Schuster on 29th September. Buy it here. Follow Richard on Twitter @RichardEGrant and Instagram @richard.e.grant Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive. Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations). Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the rice of conversation, laying over the raw fish of humor, wrapping in the seaweed of the internet, and dipping it in the soy sauce of good fun. Sushi. Ed Gamble there. My name is James A. Casper. This is Off Menu podcast. We own a dream restaurant, and we invite a guest in every week and ask them their favorite ever. Start a main course, dessert, side dish, and drink, aka their dream meal. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is Richard E. Grant. Here we are. We're back in the

Tres Chest. Oh, look at, look at us. Look at us. We've dug up some more national treasure. Yes, please. Very exciting. Obviously, Richard E. Grant needs no introduction. He's in so many wonderful, iconic things. And he soon has a new book out, A Pocket Full of Happiness. It's a memoir. It's out tomorrow. And we're going to be asking him about that in the podcast. Very excited that he's on. I mean, too many of the list is his films, his iconic film roles. Basically, this whole interview is going to be me trying to not do with Nell and I, quotes. Yes. I might try not to ask about Spice World, the movie. If he could. Yes, I'll try. Yeah. But Spice might come up. We'll talk about food.

But what's going to come up with, you know, he might, does he want wine? Does he want the finest wines available to humanity? Oh, yeah. Then we're in trouble. Yeah, then we're in trouble. Yeah. Then you got a bite by your tongue there. We'll see. We'll see what happens. Of course, you know, hopefully we'll get that far. Because like, obviously, if Richard says a secret ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable, we are going to kick him out in the dream restaurant as the rule forever. Yes. And this week, the secret ingredient is lighter fluid. Of course, another with Nell and I reference. They drink it with Nell and I. Yes. So therefore counts as an ingredient. Yeah. Sometimes we pick these because they're relevant

to people's work. Sometimes we pick them because they're ingredients we don't like. Sometimes it's because we don't want them to be kicked out. Yeah. And we're pretty sure. If Richard E Grant says to start, I'd like a shot of lighter fluid, then I think he deserves to be kicked out. Yeah. People will be like, oh, fair enough. Yeah. Get him out. They had to do that, even though it's a national treasure. Yeah. Because he shouldn't be drinking lighter fluid. I'm so excited to meet Richard E Grant. Very excited. Who, who, who was, who thought that when these, this bunch of idiots sitting around this table here started a food podcast that we get to speak to so many national treasures, Richard E Grant would sit down with us and tell us his

favorite foods. This series, we've had Lady Henry and Richard E Grant. Pinch me. I mean, I will not. Ed refused us to do anything that might hurt me. That's how much he cares about me. I'll kiss you. I won't pinch you. Who would have thunk it? Richard E Grant on our little part. We should point out as well. Ed is drunk. Well, you're just leaving massive pauses. So whenever I say anything, it just makes me so like I'm drunk. Yeah. We've recorded quite a few today. I'm drunk with pod and we've had so much pod and now we're going to interview a national treasure and I keep on powering down and then Ed has to fill the silences by saying, who'd have thunk it? I mean, you know, but he took an edit out the silences and it could just seem like

it's like that. It's you shouting, who'd have thunk it over and over again. Maybe I will get drunk now. Yeah. Well, let's see. After Richard E Grant. Yeah. After Richard E Grant. I don't think there's many national treasures left after. Amber. Attenborough. Let's get on with it. Here we go. It is the menu menu of Richard E Grant. Welcome, Richard, to the dream restaurant. Thank you. Welcome, Richard E Grant to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Here we are. Thank you. Lovely to have you in the dream restaurant. In your dream dining scenario, is there anything that you would love to see around you? What's the what's the setting like?

Oh, to be at the seaside. Yeah. Lovely. Anywhere. Have I said a word that is a banned word already? Not at all. You're going to be ejected seated like a man now. Okay. No, anywhere by the sea. Yeah. That's what I'd like to eat. A UK seaside spot? I would go anywhere where there's water. And are you outside for the meal? Depending on how cold it is. Yes, as close to the water as possible. I'm not even going to ask you, but I'm going to take the liberty of getting rid of all the seagulls in that case. Okay. Because I don't want you having your dream meal under constant threat of seagull theft. I'm very, very greedy. So I would take on a seagull. You could take on a seagull? Yeah, I would. I'd have a machete down my back ready to pull it. Could you reintroduce

one seagull because I'd love to see that. Yeah, there's one seagull. And it's the seagull from the little mermaid. What's it called? I don't know. Well, it's a popular character. It's not going to be voiced by Aquafino in the new film. Yes. Right. Well, of course, it would have very good manners and befriend me and come sit at the end of the table. Yes. And I'd feed it, you know. My leftovers. This is nice. You're by the sea. Yeah. Would you dine a line for your dream meal or do you like company? I'm very greedy. And the idea of a sharing plate to me was one of the great culinary disasters of the last two decades. It's very popular. So widespread now, the share. I hate it. Yeah. I don't like sitting on a bench. I don't share a plate. I want everything that

is in front of me on my plate. And I've had to restrain myself from stabbing fellow diners who have reached over and said, oh, could I just have a taste of that? I said, no, I'd rather order you an entire plate of it. And I will pay for it, even if you take one bite, but do not mess with mine. Oh, I mean, we're so on the same page. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. It's like, could I just have one of your chips and the go on my diet? No, no. Just let me eat what I've ordered. Don't give me a sharing plate. You got the machete now. So yeah, I have. Yeah. But you hate sharing, Ed, but you also, you hate it if someone orders the same thing as you. I do. So Ed's like impossible to please. Correct. So how do you feel about people who envy what you've

ordered? And they said, oh, I should have ordered that. And the hand is reaching over. The pour is ready. Yeah. Go into your place. Straight off. Oh, we're on the same page. I love it when people envy what I've ordered, because then I can feel like I know what I'm talking about. Well, before you were born, there was a French and Saunders comedy team of two female comics that had a sketch where two schoolgirls and one had a big chocolate something. And the other one was edging towards her to try and get a little bite. And as she got within inches of her, Jennifer Saunders carried you to stuff the whole thing into her mouth. And I thought, that's me. Before you were born, Ed, that's a compliment. Yes. Thank you. You're both very young. How old do you think we

are, Richard? 25. What, both of us? Yeah. I love it. I love it. I'm 36. I'm 37. Well, listeners, they're using donkey sperm treats to keep their skin as taut as I don't know what to mention. Don't give away our secrets. We told you when you came into the studio, we said ignore the donkey in the corner. Okay. Go on the donkey. No, they're looking marvelous. Both of our faces. Very good lighting. You've both got your own hair and teeth. Thank you. I'm envious. Are you much of a foodie, Richard, in general? Yes. Have you ever had somebody who's come onto your show that doesn't like food? I mean, there are lots of things I don't like to eat. But yeah, I love cooking and I love eating. Well, before we started recording, there's a

brief conversation you have with the great Belito about Wivnell and I. And one of the bits of Wivnell that I always think about whenever I see anyone eat an egg sandwich is the bit at the beginning when they bite into the egg sandwich and then the yolk just pours out of the back of it like that. And it's when he's really depressed in London as I just want to need to get out of here and he sees that happen. And I just think about it every time. Every time I eat an egg sandwich, do anything like that. I think about that. So how often are you eating a soft fried egg sandwich? Joe, not as much anymore. Not as much as when I was before I saw that film. Because you're so rich now. I'm rich as hell, but also because that film, which I saw before I was so rich,

made me think, I can't, egg sandwiches are gross. I agree with you. Suddenly represented despair for me. It's very interesting because I heard you mention that just then, the egg sandwich. And I thought, oh, he's going to say it makes him love an egg sandwich. Because I love a fried egg sandwich, the pop. When you bite into it and you feel the yolk pop and it dribbles out, I love that. Yeah, but can you eat an egg and crest cold sandwich, which is like a fart between two slices of white? I'm not a fan of egg and crest. We're bonding in normalcy. We're friends. We have to catch up, you and I, Blondie. Yeah, listen, Sloven study wins the race. I'm going to be there by the edge. You can get there. I'm just having to talk about stuff. I'm also very excited to talk about

your new book, A Pocket Full of Happiness, a memoir. It's quite a personal book. Yeah, it came about because on New Year's Day, at the beginning of this year, I posted a video on social media in which I had said that my late wife had said to me four days before she died at the end of September 2021. I know that you'll be sad, but try and find a pocket full of happiness in each day. And that really has been a sort of a hat show of what you call a hallmark card, corny as it may sound. My daughter and I found it really useful to try and get over the canyon of grief that you have to navigate your way through on a daily basis to find something that is going to make you happy. So you guys are my pocket full today so far. No pressure. They are the pocket

full of happiness. Yeah, so it's a memoir that begins with when she was diagnosed and ends when she died, and then seesaws back in time to how we first met. And I combined careers over 40 years, so lots of showbiz stuff in amongst all the other. Wow. And did you find that writing it sometimes, that was the bit of happiness you found each day was like writing about that memory? Well, when my literature agent called and said at the beginning of January that a publisher had asked if I would write a memoir, I immediately said no. And then my daughter wisely said, I think this will help you because it'll force you to get out of your own head and going down the rabbit hole of grief. And it proved absolutely right. So I'm very grateful. But I

didn't make a verizer with her that I said, in order not to jeopardize my relationship with her, my daughter, I would write the whole thing out first, make an agreement with the publisher that I wouldn't take a penny of the advance until my daughter had read it and either vetoed a section or the whole thing. And they willingly took that risk, which I'm very grateful. And she read it, kept me waiting for three days. And I thought, I'll speak to her twice a day. I've absolutely blobbed. And then she said, there's one paragraph that I want changed because the person who will read it could interpret it in a way that they could see as being critical. So she's protecting somebody. And she said, you got the surname of one of my friends wrong. It's missing an S.

And that was it. That's not bad for notes, right? I was pretty amazed. So she said, no, you've absolutely captured what your wife, her mum was like and what your relationship was and all of that stuff and your career. So she said, warts and all, it's good. So I got the go ahead from her, which is why I'm now sitting here all these months later. Does food ever ever represent the pocket full of happiness in a day? Oh, God, yes. And the first time I mutually seduced my wife and I, when we first met in 1983, she invited me around for dinner because she was an accent speech teacher. And I'd done a series of regional accents with her, the actors center at the end of 1982 after I just emigrated from Swaziland. And she then said, Oh, well, I'm coaching on a

play at the Royal Shakespeare Company that requires a Swati speaker. And you're the only person that I know that speaks Swati. So which is a click language. And so I went round for dinner and she cooked a beef buccaneal, which was absolutely delicious. And I didn't go home that night. So it began like that. And the last meal I cooked for her was chicken soup. So yeah, store life and food. And when I met her, I couldn't boil an egg. And she gave me, you know, I grew up in the colonies, you didn't need to cook for yourself, you know, the love in our life. So she gave me Delia Smith's How to Cook, which tells you how to boil an egg, fry an egg, scramble one. And once you've mastered that, I then learned very quickly how to cook

properly. And now I love doing it. Thank you, Delia. Thank you, Delia. I need to meet an accent coach. Oh, no. Well, you know, I had to, I had to go to my wife to learn how to do your, the R that the way you do your R is because I played Michael Heseltine in The Iron Lady with Meryl Streep. And I had to do the like, like you spoke like I do the soft R. He really hams it up though, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no, not deliberately. You really put it on. Yeah, I've put it on. I like it on thick. Yeah. What? Is it a seduction technique that you use? Yeah, yeah. Are you feeling seduced? Oh yeah, absolutely. Pants off, ready to go. Why do you need to meet an accent coach, James? Because I'm always trying to do accents on the

podcast. I'm really interested in, in like any time an actor comes on and can do an accent, I'm jealous of them. I want to know how they do it. My brain just doesn't work that way. I can't do other accents. And sometimes I think I just need to sit down with an accent coach, face it head on and actually learn to do some voices besides my own. I really get a kick out of it. The people are going to accent coaches to learn how to speak like me. That's topsy turvy. I told you, I went to an accent coach once for an American accent and she had me crawling around on the floor. Did she? Yeah, she said it's more helpful if you crawl around on the floor. So that's not going to be very good at the audition. What was her name? I can't remember. Yeah. But

she had me crawling around on the floor. Sounds familiar. No, my late wife was absolutely adamant that you didn't have to lie on the floor and think of Himalayan gusts coming up your sphincter and, you know, you know, think of your auntie Muriel to try and, you know, reach an American accent. She gave you very specific practical things to do, which is why she was so successful. So you've just pointed out exactly the kind of accent guru bollocks that goes on, you know, in the profession. I have the same weariness of people who say, I'm a very spiritual person. What's your star sign? And the combination of those two things usually has me a-lying and then running for the door. So we always start on the dream menu with still or sparkling water?

A sparkling water, please. Ice cold with a glass full of ice and I don't care how much water is in there, but it has to be ice cold every day of the year. Yeah. If it's not ice cold, are you just like, is it repulsive? Yeah, repulsive. Yeah. Everything has to be ice cold. So anyone in ice cubes, crushed ice? I don't care. As long as it's absolutely, you know, brain-freezingly cold. Are you taking your time or do you go really fast and actually give yourself brain freeze? Oh, I'll do whichever. It's the seagulls nearby. Yeah, I'm very greedy. Yeah, I might clock the seagull with an ice cube. No, I don't know much about seagulls. Yeah. I know they nick chips. I've never seen one go after someone sparkling water. No, even if it's blobbing back with ice.

You're right. That's true. I've never seen him clogging a barrel of sparkling water. Chasing someone with a Perrier down Brighton Beach. Yeah. Have you two ever had a big fight? We've got an argument. Yeah. No, I don't think so. No, I don't think we have. Wow. Wow. That means there's one coming right? I think, no, no, I think that's wonderful that you... I think we're quite good at seeing when one is potentially going to happen. Right. And then the one of... I think we've been lucky that we haven't both been wound up about something at the same time and therefore an argument. So I think it's been like, it's one of us will be angry and not the other. Yeah. And the other one goes, I'm gonna walk away from this. Yeah. And you never do socialize outside of

land. Oh, you do? Yeah. So I was always amazed by IAL Diamond and Billy Wilder. You know, it's something like It Hot and Sons of Boulevard, all those movies. They used to meet in an office, I think at eight o'clock in the morning for something like 40 or 50 years and then would leave at five o'clock in the evening. They never ever socialized. They never even went into each other's houses and produced this great stuff. So I wondered whether you, but you obviously live in each other's houses. Well, we don't spend enough time together working for that to be necessary, I think. Because you hear about people who spend like, you know, like Penn and Teller are on tour all the time, but they won't speak to each other

outside of the show. They'll literally just walk on stage and that's the first time they will have seen each other all day. Oh, I didn't know that. Apparently, yeah. And I think Cannon and Bull were like that towards the end as well. But that's a lot of time you're spending with someone professionally. Whereas we, you know, every now and again, get together and do a day where we do four podcasts. And most of the time we spend together is social. Yeah, most of it. And you have partners or? We do, yeah. We do. And how do they cope with your friendship? They love it. Yeah, they do. Well, I don't know. We're all big pals together. I can speak on behalf of my partner. Yeah, and mine. She's all for it. Yeah, she's, she's. I don't want to put words in

your partner's mouth. Why do you, do you think our friendship would be a problem to our partners? I don't know. You know, some people can be threatened or feel left out or I have no idea. I'm not very friendly. I just met you. So I'm just asking. Yeah, curious. He's not a threat to anyone in the sky. And because of doing this, you, you know, exactly what the other person doesn't like. What's the thing that you hate eating the most? There's not a lot of things. It's Yorkshire puddings. Yorkshire puddings. Yorkshire puddings you don't like. Yeah, but sometimes, sometimes I really, I really sort of amp that up because it annoys people a lot, Richard. Right. Well, why, why is it the puffiness of them all? Puffiness,

that I just find, find they're quite plain. I don't think they got much flavour. And he's going to get angry at this annoys him. They take up a lot of real estate on the plates. They do. Well, Alex, you can put stuff in it. So what's, what's he saying? Because yours is Yorkshire pudding. What's yours? What's your hate? Fennel, hate fennel, hate pomegranate seeds. Wow. Yeah. Both of those are the most disgusting. They're gruesome, twosome. That's what I feel about chocolate and cheese. Oh, yeah. Together. Oh, in either any combination. The smell and the taste of them, absolutely abhorrent.

Now you're wanting both of us. No, no, no. It's absolutely true. Ed loves cheese. I love chocolate. Rich. Tiny bit of Parmesan cheese on a, on a Caesar salad is about as close as I can get to that. I've almost never asked that it has. Coats cheese is the worst. Yeah, yeah. I'll back you. This is the two, the two finest things available. Oh, chocolate and cheese. Chocolate is not cheese. No. The taste of luxury. No, I think anything that's come out of an udder should go back in there. Seriously. Do you think you could put a block of cheese back in an udder?

Would you give it a go? A lighter, yeah, with the machete and a seagull to go with it. That's a weird looking udder when you see that cow walking around the field. Okay. Very lumpy. Why is that utter squawking? Pop it up some bread. Pop it up some bread, Richard E. Grant. Pop it up some bread. Bread. Yeah. Bread. Every, I suffer from misophonia. Ah, yeah. Which is identified 20 years ago officially. Sorry to make, sorry to immediately make the sound there. Yeah, yeah. So the sound of the poppadum being crunched near you is literally brings

the red mist of rage over my, and I wish I didn't suffer from this, but I do. So the sound of a poppadum is unacceptable. So is all of your menu going to be quite soft foods? You old age food you don't need teeth for. Sort of silence. No, but if I eat an apple, I will go and eat it in a corner on my own so that I don't have to infringe that noise on somebody else, close by, because I know what that does to me, if somebody's doing it close to me. Oh, that's nice. So I've never met a sort of an empathetic misophone before.

Oh, are you on me? No, no, no. But it's always about when anyone talks about it, it's always about what sounds like to them and how it makes them feel. I've never met anyone who's gone, and I also don't want anyone else to hear that. So you have to privately eat crunchy foods. Yeah, yeah. No, I'll go and sit in the front row of the cinema on my own with a box of popcorn, because I know the sound of that is only, I will be hearing how awful that sound is, because if I'm near anybody else that's doing it, I'm So does the sound of your self-eating make you feel weird?

I get used to it because greed overtakes the misophonia part of it. But yeah, I find that even crunching toast, I think, God, can't you just do it? This is the one time I've wished that I could be deaf, so that I couldn't hear the sound of it. One of your own film premiers, and yours has sat at the front on your own, and everyone else is at the back, and you're eating popcorn at your own film. No, you go at the beginning to do the press stuff, because you're required to do that in your contract, and then you don't stay and watch it. I've noticed that. Sometimes I've gone to watch a film at a film premiere,

and I've been excited, and everyone's there at the front, all the stars are here, and then you'll leave out the fire escape, and you're like, what the? Shallow Bay, where are you going? I know very few actors that like watching themselves in stuff. The only analogy I have is that unless you're a voyeur, would you want to watch a replay of yourself having sex? Because it's the actor doing it that is pleasurable. It's a making of the movie or whatever you're doing, but having to re-watch it afterwards, you go, oh my God, is that what it looks like? Is that what it is?

Oh, no. So it's gruesome. Looks like it's just had a beef burger in your mouth. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Can't watch this. Exactly. Exactly right. So is an actor who enjoys watching their own stuff a red flag? No, because that's passing judgment on somebody. I don't know, because some people, I'm sure there'll be critics out there who'll say, well, that's your problem. You should have been watching yourself to improve.

I don't know. No, it's the actor doing it. I think comics have a similar thing, right? Yeah. If I'm literally putting out a comedy special, I can watch it during the edit, watch the final version once, and then I'm never watching it again. And that's the most I'll ever watch myself is when I'm literally putting the thing out and releasing it and having to make sure it's good. What does that make you feel when you watch it? That's relief, because that's like, okay, I've got it. I've got it edited the way I want it.

It's fine. But if I watched it one more time after that, when it's finished, I would just be like, shut up, you boring wanker. Get the machete out. Be the worst. Yeah, get the machete through the TV. Whereas you love watching yourself over there. I love watching myself to you. When I watch James, I think, shut up, you boring wanker. Yeah, yeah. Often that's the, we have to edit out.

So you're the ying and yang of your relationship. No, I can't bear it either. Oh, you can't. It's easier when you're watching it for an edit or something, because you're in another brain. It's almost like you're not watching yourself, because you're watching it for the edit. But I would never, certainly for pleasure, never watch anything I'm involved in.

And a lot of people would agree. Paul Bonito here has to edit this. And at some point in the future, he's going to be sitting there editing a conversation about editing. And that is going to be quite the day for him. So you're just sitting here waiting, getting the scissors in between the bits, where there's big, gappy pauses and thinking, get the f**k a move on. A good plate of bread at the beginning of a meal, you know the rest of the meal is going to be good.

Oh yeah. Warm. Gotta be warm. Warm olive oil. Olive oil. Yeah. Is that where you'd go for it? Yeah, I don't eat butter.

So olive oil. Yeah. You're dipping it? Oh, dipping it in so that it all absorbs. Yeah. Nothing like good bread. Balsamic there as well? Are you just keeping it just the olive oil?

Yeah, I can have some of that too. But I like it just straight up. No, it's not essential. Not even the olive oil. It's essential. It's a lovely bread. Yeah, lovely bread. Your dream starter.

A bowl of linguine with fresh white crab meat. Medium chili and coriander, lemon and olive oil. Not enough people use the pasta as a starter hack. Yeah. I love it when it comes out to play. Well, you know when you go to Italy, they give you a starter-sized bowl. You never get this mountain of food that you get

in an English restaurant where there's so much pasta that you then have to go and get into a bed for half an hour. Yeah, it just gives you enough to, you know, five or six mouthfuls to get you ready for the main course. Of course, here you're really lining up the seagull with the crab meat. With the crab meat. You better get that machete. You better be fast with that machete.

Yeah, absolutely. But if you have one of those, because it was in England and you had one of those heater things nearby, you could always just thwack it towards the heater. I'm going to have animal rights people coming up to me. I'm not seagulls. Numbers. We're talking about a specific seagull who's not a good egg, this guy.

It's a fictional seagull who's very aggressively wants all this of food. Yes, the Don Corleone of seagulls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it's fine to wind it up into a heater. If the seagull got into your crab spaghetti, because I don't think, could you suck spaghetti through a beak? Oh yeah, it'd be interesting to see. Oh yeah, yeah, they could.

Yeah, you reckon? You reckon? Yeah, I think it's possible. You think if Lady in the Tramp was about seagulls, you think that scene would work? Um, don't think so. They can't kiss, can they? They can't kiss.

Because they just click. Yeah, they just click. They just click. They just back and forth. Oh yeah, the spaghetti itself, it'd be quite difficult. They would do a lot of takes to get that. I think with the spaghetti slope. Is this something that you cook yourself at home?

Yes, regularly. And is the dream meal the one that you've cooked? Oh no, I'd have somebody else cook it for me. Yeah. Do you make the pasta from fresh? Oh no. The crab meat that you use in, you know, is that a place you go to for your crab meat?

Yeah, there's a great fishmonger called Sandy's, run by a guy called Stuart in Twickenham, which is about three or four miles away from where I live in Richmond. And he has absolutely amazing white crab meat. And so you make the trek for it, get it back. Richmond is a lovely part of town. So beautiful.

Have you seen Ted Lasso being filmed? No, I haven't. No, but I know that it's filmed on Richmond Green at the Cretus Pub. Yeah, I think if you just walked over there one day while they were filming and went, hello, I'm Richard E Grant. Oscar nominated actor.

Do you mind if I get in this scene? It's a very weird thing. I don't know whether you feel this, but when you see other people filming stuff, there's always a feeling of like, oh, why am I not in that? Or have I been excluded? So you don't feel like you're worthy enough to go and,

you know, show your face. If you see it happening, you're clearly not busy that day. And you could, they didn't even do availability. Yeah, when you see that, you know, somebody sold out at Wembley Stadium or the O2, and the name is taller than, you know, this building, does that make you want to run in and go,

yeah, I must see this stand up? No, luckily it's a very bad venue. So I just think, I think, I think, what a sucker. What an absolute sucker. I can't get over the courage that you must have to be able to stand up and make people laugh because there's no in between that, you know, as an actor, you think, well,

if you're doing a drama and it's really quiet, you're hoping that they're blubbing their eyes out or are so moved. But if it's a comedy and there's no response, you know that you've died, don't you? Yeah, but then we've got the opposite, where we are, we desperately need that response on them to let us know it's going well.

And if I was ever doing serious acting on stage, I would be terrified every time they're not, if I was doing a serious bit, I would have no gauge to know if that, I wouldn't have the thing of like, oh, I trust that they're feeling emotional during this. I would just be like, I'm tanking, it's going bad because I need that reassurance from them. Yeah, but have you ever done your...

Every time I've done anything, like a wedding... And then there's been no response. I've done like a wedding speech and I'm doing a serious bit within the speech where it's a heartfelt bit about how much I love my friend. And obviously that's not engineered to get laughs at all. So I say the bit and I just feel like, no, I want to jump out of a window.

What I'm asking is that have you, where something is obviously engineered to get a laugh and you get no laugh as time will weed, how does that, has that ever happened to you? Yeah, constantly, on a weekly basis. And it feels horrible every time. Horrible, really mortifying. You feel so embarrassed.

You can't believe you're up there doing it. Why am I doing this? I clearly can't. So what keeps you doing it? I've got no place else to go. I've got no place else to go. Yeah, we made our own beds now, haven't we? Yeah, also we've been doing it long enough

and have had enough good nights to realize that they all weren't flukes. And you want to improve as well. I think the thing that means you keep doing it is that I would like to get better. And so I'm keep on going back to and try to improve. And what do you think about the sell-by date of a comedian? It's short.

I've been friends with Steve Martin for over 30 years since working on LA Story. And he said, in his opinion, very often people's careers and especially in comedy are over five years before the person realizes that it's over. And that gave me a sort of pubes straightening moment of thinking, my time come and gone. You know what I mean?

But it's, and I just wondered with comedian, because you will know them and I know you can name them. And of course I'm not going to name them. People who used to be funny, who still are doing the same shtick and it's just not so funny anymore or time has changed. Yeah, but then Steve Martin sort of deliberately ended his stand-up career way before that point. Well, he said, he told me that, and I've written about it as well,

that by the time he got to the stadium shows, he was the first comedian that had done stadiums, that the audience knew all his material and was saying it back to him. He said, where do you go from there? Because it had taken him so many years to get to that point that to then come up with fresh material was just impossible. So he thought it was just better to stop.

Yeah, also I think that it's weird, like you say Steve Martin actually, because I think that shelf life wise, I remember seeing Paul K. Dennis Pennis in character. Saying to Steve, Steve Martin didn't used to be funny. Why aren't you funny anymore? Yeah, whatever it was. It was in 1991 at the premiere of LA Story.

Right, whereas now, yesterday, I was speaking to someone and they're going, you got to watch Only Murders in the building. It's so good, it's so funny. So like, I guess it doesn't mean that you're done, done. No. You can go through phases of like, I need to pick this back up, I need to get back in touch with this. And him and Martin short now are just like, incredible.

And they were before ebbs and flows. So, you know, hopefully, hopefully Ed, that's our careers. Well, it's just like food, the sell-by-date of comedians. You just ignore it and then I hope it's fine in a couple of weeks. Take the fridge, take the sticker off and go, hmm, this is delicious. That's what we'll change colour. My career in a few years,

I'm just going to scrape the mold off and keep going. You heard it here, Ben, keep that in. Your dream main course, Richie Grant, your dream main course, you've had this lovely... A barbecue seafood platter of lobster, giant prawns from Mozambique or Madagascar, and squid. Just those three ingredients, covered in garlic butter.

Wow, I mean... Is that right? Yeah, but I'm just picturing this seagull. Yeah. It's going in. When you take the lobster and you put the shell on the edge of the platter and then it can come and take that, because you'd be attracted by the bright pink colour.

Keep it busy with the lobster shell. Yeah, exactly. That's not going to work for long, though, is it? With the prawns sat there in the squid, he's going to be straight back out. Yeah, yeah. Thought you could trick me on the seagull, man. That does sound absolutely amazing.

Good. Yeah, a nice, simple, not doing too much with it, garlic butter. Yeah. You've barbecued them, but yeah, it's not too much on it. A bowl of lemon to squeeze, you know. Yeah, it's the quality of the ingredients. Oh, and some lemon mayonnaise.

Homemade. Oh, homemade? Yep. By yourself, by your own hand? Yeah, nothing like it. Beats, helmets, all those other ones into a cork jar. Have you got a secret to making the best lemon mayonnaise? Just put lots of lemon in it.

Oh, yeah, secret ingredients, lemon. Yeah, that's a real hack. Yeah, dig your mustard and yeah, just go for it. How are you eating all of this stuff? With your hands. Is it with hands? Oh, yeah, with your hands. Is it a bib?

Are you wearing a bib? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What does the bib say on it? Hungry boy? Hungry boy, yes. That's why Z-Boy eats here. Get in with your hands and are you going back and forth

between the different meats? Or are you, you know, one at a time? Are you that kind of person? Oh, I'm not, I'm not fussing that way. I'm just very, very greedy. I just have my hands on the whole lot. Tornado. Yeah, tornado.

All of it one by one. Is there any actors that, like, you've been doing films with and then you've gone to eat together and that you would share a meal like this with ever? Have you ever, like, taken? We wouldn't share. I wouldn't share with them. Come on, let's not bring that word up.

Yeah. We wouldn't share them with. Melissa McCarthy is a fantastic person to eat with. Do you know what? I was thinking in my head because I love that film that you did together. Oh, thank you. Can you ever forgive me?

Yeah, she was so generous and funny and all the things that you'd hoped that she might be from her screen persona and she loves eating and she loves food. So it's a real delight to eat with her. Do you have any good meals during the filming of that? Did you get to spend much social time together? Yeah, all the time because we were the only two people. Almost all the scenes were between the two of us.

But on the morning of the Oscars, I'd gone to LA with my daughter and I said, I called her up the night before and I said, this is such an out-of-body experience being in LA. And you and Ben Falcona husband and their two daughters live not in the centre of Los Angeles. They live on the valley side of the studio city. And I said, if I bring all the ingredients, can we make scrambled eggs and toast and everything at your house

and just have a normal family day before we have to get dressed and get into a limousine at two o'clock in the afternoon? And she said, that's a great idea. So that's what we did. We trampolined. I cooked everything and they had never had scrambled eggs cooked with olive oil instead of butter. And they thought this was a great improvement.

So that was a very memorable meal that we had together. Oh, that's lovely. That's really nice. Normalised everything because we all, and the other thing was that we knew that by the time you get that, because you have to leave at two o'clock in the afternoon, by the time you get food at nine o'clock at night, you're ravenous and you can't take food into the Kodak theatre.

And we both of us knew that we weren't going to win. So we stuffed ourselves to the gun holes on that morning. You had a wonderful time with the nomination. It was nice to see someone really enjoy just being nominated. How could you not? Well, too many people don't, I'd say. I don't understand that. People don't seem like they're enjoying it and really going,

oh, this is great. I've been nominated. This is enough. And like, you know, you really, it was a joy for everyone to see, I think, you enjoy that moment in your career. Well, it was, you know, I knew that it would never, ever happen again.

And it was, you know, once in a lifetime chance. So I grabbed every ounce of it that I could. And I met everybody that I'd wanted to meet in my whole life. It was brilliant. Yeah. Like, Madame de Source, come to life. And I've written about it in my book too. No holds barred about what it's actually like to go there

and meet all those people. Who was the person you were most excited to see? Oh, Barbara Streisand, of course, because I've been following her career for 53 years and I got to meet her. That felt to me like winning the gold rather than the actual thing that night. Did she perform at that one?

Because she'd performed at that one for so many years. No, she didn't. So you got on a night off. That's good. Even better, I like that. Got her a night off, exactly. That's a night. More chatty.

You didn't trampoline after the scrambled eggs, did you? Yeah, we did. Asked them for trouble. Yeah. Swam, did everything. Yeah. So the scrambled eggs go on a trampoline and go to the onsen? Yes.

Was it trampolining in the black tie or did you get changed after that? Oh, no, got changed at 12, 30 or whatever, because they send round people to dress you and paint your face and do your hair and all of that. So you feel like one of these shop mannequins, they just come and paint you up and you just have to stand still.

It's the most bonkers experience I've ever had, going to that whole event. Did you go to some of the after parties afterwards? There must be food there. All of them, yeah. It ended up with, there was Olivia Coleman and Amy Adams were having a lock-in at Betty Davis's old house.

And Olivia Coleman came out to men who worked with her, but I met her a few times and she came up at the Vanity Fair Party and she said, she slipped a note in my hand and she said, we're having a lock-in. This is the address. Get the driver who's brought you here to go there. So we went there at about midnight

and crawled out of there at dawn. We all got to hold Olivia's Oscar and she had karaoke and I can remember singing David Bowie's Life on Mars with enormous passion and gusto. And my daughter, I just looked around my daughter, just had her head in her hands in deepest shame. And she said, oh my God, thank God this is a lock-in that nobody, nobody said if this iPhone footage

of this ever appears anywhere, she said, I will disown you as my father. It has yet to appear. Yeah, so that's how the night ended. Began with scrambled eggs at Melissa's house in the morning and lock-ins doing karaoke with Olivia Coleman. That is a good day. Yeah, it was a really good day.

No matter what happens in the middle, that was a good day. And I had a 40 minute conversation with Barbara Streisand in the middle of it at the governor's ball. So yeah, win, win, win, win, win, win. So who's the, you've asked me, who is the person that you are most excited to meet? Who out of both of you is the person

that you either want to meet or have met that you thought, wow, I can go to my grave now? I don't know, Fred is on the pod, it was Ainsley, right? We went to work to get Ainsley on the pod. Ainsley, Harriet was our dream guest for a long time. Ainsley was. Yeah, I think in terms of you. Yeah, and we went when it Ainsley on the pod.

I think in terms of like outside of the pod. And did Ainsley deliver? Oh yeah, did he ever? He knows what he's there for. He brings it, he brings Ainsley. Yeah, yeah, it was recorded to live with. Yeah, so there's nobody left now. There's nobody that you have your sights on.

We haven't replaced, yeah, the wish that we have. Kathy Burke and The Rock. Oh yeah, we've been trying to get Kathy Burke since day one, we've been trying to get. Why won't she do it? She's just a... She's a brilliant guest. I mean, she's amazing, isn't she?

Amazing. Some people just don't have the time, they can't make it work day-wise. Who knows? But we'd never, yeah, I mean The Rock, Kathy Burke and The Rock. If it ever a film came out, and the two leads were Kathy Burke and The Rock,

I think I would pre-order it on Blu-ray. But we've not even seen it. So you would like Kathy Burke and The Rock in here? At the same time. At the same time. And then workshopper films. I'd be happy to take them separately. Yeah, yeah, okay.

But maybe on a day like today when we're doing like a bunch in a row, having them back-to-back so they can meet each other. Yeah. Because sometimes, yeah, you have guests who are back-to-back and they do meet each other, one on the way out. And it's quite nice to see, you know,

Jack McBrayer meet Rose McGowan for the first time. Yeah. And it's quite nice to be present at that. So, you know, I'd like them, you know, back-to-back, The Rock meets Kathy Burke, see them have that conversation, then my life would be complete. So if I can persuade Kathy Burke to come on here,

I don't know The Rock, what would I get in return? Oh, what would you get? Probably some sort of plaque. I think you would get. Okay, plaque. We would make sure that you're... Okay, yeah, Ben the producer's nodding. Yeah.

With his headphones on. Yeah, okay. We'd make sure that Richard gets his dream meal for real. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a deal. Without the seagull. Yeah, without the seagull, but we could make sure you get...

Listen, we're invisibly shaking hands on that. Yeah, yeah. I can still cook it for you. Okay. It's done. I can have a plaque as well. Okay. Yeah, yeah, a bit of everything.

Let's get onto your dream side dish. You've got all this lovely seafood barbecue, seafood platter. What are you having on the side? Big tub of homemade mayonnaise, which I've already mentioned. That's a side dish. The side is the big tub of mayonnaise.

Yeah, you don't need anything else. Absolutely fair enough. Big tub of mayonnaise. Big tub of mayonnaise is stinking in the sun. I just love that there's something so luxurious and then just quite sort of carnal, as well as like getting a big bit of lobster and... Taking the whole lobster out of the shell

and then dunking it into that big bowl of lemon mayonnaise, just dunking it in. Maldon salt sprinkled on top of it and then stuffed it. I've got a bag of it in my pocket, which I keep with me at all times. Maldon salt. Oh, what is the mayonnaise? What is the lemon mayonnaise that he had a bag of?

No, because... But just for the listener, that bag, what's that made of the bag? What material is that? Oh, it's a Calico bag with a Union Jack. It has a Union Jack on it. It's full of salt that you always carry around in your pocket. Everywhere, because any restaurant,

anybody's house that I've ever been into, they say, oh, no, no, it's all sorted in advance again. No, believe me, it never has enough for me. When you were chapter Barbra Streisand, was the bag of salt in your pocket? It was, yeah. That's great. It was, because we've just been at the Governor's Ball

dinner, and so, yes, it was there. It was always there, all night long. I mean, oh, man, I love that. There's some place, if you walk in and say you've got a bag of salt in your pocket, they're going to really misinterpret what you mean by that, really. Let's just show a big circle.

Yeah, well, I've been through the airport, you know, hand luggage, and you have to explain what these white crystals are in there, but I should have shares in Maldon salt, honestly. Maldon's gold standard stuff. Gold standard. We're six. We've both really got into Hal and Mon as well,

which is a fantastic Welsh salt. Oh, I don't know about that one. Did you really enjoy that, Richard? Yeah, it's very, very good. I don't know how dedicated you are to the Maldon brand, but... Oh, completely. Yeah.

I should have shares in it. The amount of money I've spent on it. What's the one... Welsh one is called what? Hal and Mon. Hal and Mon. Can you say that with a Welsh accent? No.

No, I need a coach. Yeah, okay, Hal and Mon. Let me get on the floor, and I can do it for you. Well, let's go into your dream drink, then. Your dream drink to go with this meal. Freshly squeezed orange juice and a glass of ice. So many with no quotes. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, obviously. Sorry, we were too busy thinking about with no... A glass of fresh orange juice, fresh squeezed orange juice and a glass of ice. Oh, lovely. So why are they set put in this case? Because if you order, I always ask for the glass of ice separately in a restaurant, because otherwise,

they'll give you the glass with the ice already in it, with about a thimble full of orange juice or whatever the drink is. Whereas if it's separate, you get the full glass, and then you can make it as cold as you want. As you go. Yeah, and it's not diluted by the time it's come from the bar to you by ice and water and all that, so that's why.

Lovely, and it's freshly squeezed. Yeah, always. So where's the... Because like, that was a place. You know the orange... Right, here's something I don't think we spoke about on the podcast. Yes, of course.

I'm quite excited to speak about it, but maybe we have spoke about it, but there are some places that have an orange juice in machine. Yes. That looks like a Willy Wonka contraption. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like being flipped through a Wallet and Gromit thing. Absolutely.

It's like wheels and... Yeah, and the cost of fortune. Like full round, and that is the best orange juice. It is the best orange juice. I love it. And I know because I did a documentary series called Hotel Secrets for Sky Atlantic about 10 years ago, and I stayed at the Gritty Palace on the Grand Canal in Venice,

and they took me into the kitchen because I said, this is the best fresh orange juice I'd ever drunk. And they said, this is the machine, and it was exactly what you've described. I love those. With all the gestures, too, which, you know, you can't actually see. Yeah, I remember the first time seeing that.

It's a place in near Finsbury Park. Josh Whitcomb is a fantastic comic, you've probably heard of him. We both lived around there as open spots, and we'd go to this cafe to write together every time and try and figure out how to be funny. And they had one of those machines there, and I remember seeing that machine for the first time. I bet the orange juice is shit from there.

So it's all bells and whistles, and it's all just a big fit. That's what I thought. All theatrics, it's going to be bad. Had a glass there once. Absolutely blew my mind. So happy. Didn't want any material that day. Should have.

Should have. I could have used it now. But you're so full of vitamin C. That's a secret of your beautiful skin. Yeah, that's exactly. Orange juice. You could have done a bit about those machines. That's a very you bit to do.

Yeah, I was worried that not enough people would know the Wallace and Gromit orange juice machines. But, you know, maybe, maybe now at the same time. Are you squeezing at home? Yep, I am. What are you, I'm squeezing one out at home. What are you squeezing? What are you using to squeeze?

Because you don't have one of the contraptions to you, Roger. No, I've got one of those that cost about $5.99 from Robert Dias, a little white thing. And you just, you know, you press the orange on the top of it and it goes, and it squeezes everything out of it. Oh yeah, Moose found itself. That's good.

But then you get everything out. My dad bought me a juicer, but it's one of those ones that's just more like an ornament. I don't think we've ever used it. It's like stainless steel. Fleeve Stark thing. Yeah, exactly. It looks like sculpture.

It looks like a sculpture of a rocket. And the juice runs down the legs. That's a whole lot of bollocks. Looks nice. It looks lovely, yeah. I love this fresh, when you squeeze something like that citrusy fruit. The smell, the immediate smell is so good.

So I assume you would choose alcohol for your dream drink. I guess I would. But listen, this is the first time we've had orange juice on the podcast as the dream drink, which is exciting. I mean, you're right in assuming a lot of people choose booze. Some people don't, but we haven't had

a lovely, freshly squeezed orange juice before. And I think a lot of people listening to this are going to feel seen because I think it is a hugely popular drink, but it's never been represented on this pot. Anything you want to say to all the orange juice heads out there? Squeeze on, baby. Squeeze me till my pips squeak. So we arrive at your dream dessert.

Christmas pudding. Yeah. Straight in. No Christmas. No Christmas pudding. My dad's dream dessert. I eat one once a month because in January, they are literally throwing them outside stores on sales.

They're giving them away because nobody wants them. And so I have, yeah, I've got an enormous supply of them. I've got a pantry and I eat them once a month. I have to ration myself because otherwise, I would be the size of... Father Christmas. Yeah, exactly. Father Christmas.

I think there's nothing like a Christmas pudding. I don't divide people. Many people who loathe it. I love Christmas. I've come to like it. I don't think I liked it when I was younger and now I absolutely love it. I'm glad I didn't like it when I was younger.

I'm glad I've been able to appreciate it more now. And I hope that continues for the rest of my life. I hope there's food that I think is garbage now that I like in 10 years time. I don't want to be so bored, man. 20 years ago, I belonged to the Pudding Club of England where you could, you would meet once a month and then they would just bring out a tiny amount of food

at the beginning as a starter. And then platters of bread and butter pudding, Queens pudding, tonal whole, all of those sticky toffee pudding and you would just eat that, gorge on it. Well, where do I join that club? I'm sure you can go online and find it. How have they not reached out to me?

I don't know. I should be the president. You should be. I love it. Are you having custard or brandy butter or double cream? What are you having with this? No dairy, no custard, no double cream. Absolutely revolting.

Brandy olive oil? No brandy, allergic to alcohol, but lychee sorbet. Oh my. To just make it, just bring in a bit of cold and something slightly acidic against that incredible, rich, dark, delicious fruit of the gods. Ed's dad. So I believe.

And now me. This is something I do now. And now Ed, and now me. Because Ed's told us on, I believe, I might be wrong here. That Sue Perkins chose Christmas pudding as her dream dessert. Did she?

Your memory is mad. Wow. If I remember that right. Sue Perkins. I might have, did she? Yeah, she did. She's a goddess. So Sue Perkins chose Christmas pudding.

During that episode, Ed said that his dad and his past is down to Ed, will on Boxing Day, probably a few days afterwards as well, just cut up rectangles of Christmas pudding and fry them in butter and eat them. And at the time, my girlfriend had made a massive Christmas pudding at Christmas and bought a Mark Suspenser's massive Christmas pudding

as a backup in case that one didn't work. And then we went somewhere else for Christmas to a different relatives and had two massive Christmas puddings. So by March, or whenever we're doing the Sue Perkins interview, I still had loads of Christmas pudding. Ed said that, made me go, I've got to try that now. And then I think for every day, for too long,

I was frying Christmas pudding in butter and eating. Fried Christmas pudding. It is one of the greatest. But my problem is that I've never managed, I have at other people's houses, but if I've had Christmas pudding at home, I've eaten the whole thing, so there's never been leftovers to then fry up.

But I have, I know exactly what you're talking about, because I've had at other people's houses. Yeah, yeah. So good. Oh, food and gold. Have you had one this month, yeah? No, I'm having it at the end of the month. This is always the end of the month.

How does it feel eating Christmas pudding, say in July or August? Glorious, absolutely perfect. No problem whatsoever. It's like drinking something ice cold, in the middle of deepest coldest January. It's no problem for me. Yeah, I found that.

I found eating that Christmas pudding in the middle of the year actually made me feel even better. Yeah, it's like a mouthful of happiness. You just feel so good. And you're like, no one tells me what I can and can't do. Yeah. Those are my rules. Yeah, and there's something almost indecently pleasurable

about the fact that you're doing it at the time of the year when you're not supposed to be doing it. Yeah, even though I be doing it every once a month, for years and years and years, I still get that tingle of thinking, well, it's like Christmas Day all in one in the middle of July. How many chapters of a pocket full of happiness are about you eating Christmas pudding?

75. Well, I'm going to read your menu back to you now, Richard. See how you feel about it. You would like ice cold, sparkling water in a glass full of ice. Yes, please. Pop ones or bread. You would like a lovely bread with some olive oil. Yes, please.

Starter, linguiney with fresh white crab meat, medium chili and lemon and olive oil. Main course, barbecue seafood platter, lobster, giant prawns and squid with garlic butter all over it. Side dish, a big tub of your homemade lemon mayonnaise. Drink freshly squeezed orange juice, plus a glass of ice and dessert, Christmas pudding with lychee sorbet.

The dream, the absolute dream. I'm living the dream. It sounds great. That is so nice. The garlic butter, yes. Oh, he's got another question. Yes. Are we okay with the butter?

Doesn't that need to go back in the other? Yes, because it was cooked. You know, I cook with butter, but I would never put butter on bread. I see, so it's the... Yes, it's just cooked in. So if you, you know, I cook steak, cook it in butter, there's nothing...

So you could do Christmas pudding cooked in butter. Oh, yes. But I certainly couldn't put a slab of cold butter on top of a piece of Christmas pudding or on a piece of bread. I would find that gagging. Yes, yes, exactly. Your dad could do that.

I guess if you're cooking steak in butter, that is like putting it back in the other, right? Yes. It is indeed. Yeah. Yes. Great segue back to that. Yeah.

Every time I cook a steak, I shout, reunite it at the top of my voice. Long time no see. Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Richard. Thank you very much for having me. It's been delicious. Richard E. Grant there, James. Wonderful.

What a delight. Delicious menu. Lovely to hear his stories as well. Wonderful, friendly guy. Everything you'd hoped for. Truly charming. Didn't say lighter fluid, so we didn't have to kick him out the Dream Restaurant,

of course. No, thank God for that. But he was never going to say lighter fluid. No. Although, how did you like the barbecue? Uh-oh, we didn't ask that. Kick him out. You must go and buy Richard E. Grant's new book,

A Pocketful of Happiness. It's published on 29th of September. That's tomorrow, 2022, in Hardback. And it's published by Simon and Shuster. And it's also available at ebook and audio formats. Oh, lovely. Keep squeezing, motherfuckers. No, that's not what you said.

Yeah. No. Squeeze me, baby. Squeeze me, baby. Someone remember between that. Keep squeezing, baby. Keep squeezing, baby. Squeeze me till my pipsqueak.

Oh, yeah, squeeze me till my pipsqueak. I like that. Yeah. I like squeeze me till my pipsqueak. I'm on tour. Ed Gamble, Electric, do go and check that out. edgamble.co.uk for tickets. And I'm always knocking about.

So go and just have a chat with James. Yeah, just have a chat. Leave me alone, actually. Yeah, leave you alone. Go buy your book. Yeah, yeah. If they like, guide to quitting social media. Right.

It's not me, is it? It is him doing this now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm completely, my brain's not working. Yeah. My brain is absolutely not working. I turned it on for the actual interview, gave it all I had, loved it.

Yeah. And then as soon as we stopped speaking to Richard, I turned it off again. Yeah, go on. My brain's just not working. And I apologize to the listeners. You know, it must be frustrating, but listen. This room that we're sitting in is boiling.

We've been here all day. I've got sweat patches the size of dinner plates under my arms. It's tough stuff. Yeah, tough stuff. You know, I'm woozy. I'm tired. I'm thinking, do I go to the gym tonight? Do I not go to the gym tonight?

You're not going to the gym tonight, man. Probably not. I'm going to carry on watching the Sopranos. In case you're wondering, it's 2022. It's 2022. Just so you know, I'm halfway through season one. Thanks very much for listening to the OfferMandy podcast. I'm hanging my afro, kind of, of yours.

No, that's the Godfather. We'll see you next week. Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where Spooked and My Mum and Astro about seaweed on mashed potato. Our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread.

I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North, because look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time.

The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News.

When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.