Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 189: Róisín Murphy

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

Will this week’s guest be tempted by fruit hanging ripe on the tree? Róisín Murphy – musician, record producer and formerly half of Moloko – is our dream diner. Róisín Murphy’s new single ‘CooCool’ is out now, and she has more new music coming soon. She plays the Royal Albert Hall in London on 11 May. Buy tickets here. Follow Róisín on Twitter @roisinmurphy and Instagram @roisinmurphyofficial Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive. Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations). Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast that you're listening to right now. I'm here to tell you that I am on tour. UK and Ireland tour. Hot Diggity Dog is the name of the show. Starting on March the 12th, going all over to lots of places. Go to edgamble.co.uk to buy tickets for what I believe is a very funny show. We'll have a nice time. See you there.

Bye. Hot Diggity Dog! Thank you, James. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. See you there. Bye. Hot diggity dog! Thank you, James. may vary by region. See app for details. Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Taking the coffee grounds of humour humor putting it in the um the tap bit you know difficult when you don't know the specifics out of my depth putting coffee in a tap no the you know like an espresso machine yes you know that you put it in a thing don't you but what's the thing called i know that you tamp it down so i was was going to say tamp it down with friendship. Yes.

With the paddle of friendship. Yep. But what's the thing, the spout? There's a little spout in the... You put it in, don't you? And then you tamp it down, the coffee, and then you click it into the espresso machine and then the water goes over it and you make espresso. Yes.

That's what I was going to say. I've got a pod machine. I'll do that. Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Taking the coffee pod of humour, putting it in the espresso machine of the internet, putting the cup of good times below it, and having a

lovely cup of pod coffee. The classics. The classics. That's a gamble. My name is James Acaster. This is the Off Menu Podcast. We own a dream restaurant. We invite a guest in every single week, ask them their favourite ever start, a main course dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is

Roisin Murphy. Roisin Murphy. Brilliant musician, James. I mean, yo, when I was a lad in school... You're still a lad. I'm still a lad, come on! Miloko was the group that Roisin was in. Fantastic group. And now, an amazing

solo career. Solo career, yeah. Which for. And now, an amazing solo career. Solo career, yeah. Which for me, like, I'm a big fan. She's so loco. I own quite a lot. She's gotten so loco.

So loco. That is amazing. Yeah. How has no one said that before? Unbelievable. Of Roisin Murphy. But, I mean,

you know, people know that I love 2016. Greatest year for music of all time. Take Her Up to Montauk was released that year by Roisin Murphy. You know, experimental, eccentric, electronic pop music.

Absolutely love it. With every album, she approaches it from a different perspective, different genre, reinventing herself constantly. Can't wait to see what she does next. Can't wait to see what flavour of Roshi Murphy we get on this podcast. Very good, James. Thank you very much. What flavour of Roshi Murphy we're going to get on this podcast. You good, James. Thank you very much. What flavour of Roisin Murphy are we going to get on this podcast? You never know.

I'm very excited. I'm, you know, I'm a little bit intimidated having Roisin on the pod. Yeah. But, all that being said, as with all our guests, if Roisin says a secret ingredient,

an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have, with a heavy heart, to kick it out of the podcast. With a very heavy heart. Very heavy heart. And this week,

the secret ingredient is... Low-fat cheddar. No thanks. Listen, I think we've done every disappointing form of cheddar that there is. Yes. We're now arriving at low-fat cheddar. I think you can go through all the previous episodes and you can probably deduce that we basically like a bit of flavour in our cheddar.

We want cheese to be cheese, please. We don't want people to hold back. And what is our cheddar. We want cheese to be cheese, please. We don't want people to hold back. And what is the point? Please let my cheese be cheese, please. Of having cheddar if it's not got the goods in it. It ain't going to melt properly if it's low-fat cheddar. So we are going to put low-fat cheddar on it.

And this might be the last time that cheddar makes an appearance as a secret ingredient. But who knows? They might come up with more bullshit versions of it and we'll be forced to put them on. Throw them on the fire. If you throw low-fat cheddar on the fire, nothing happens. So, Roisin Murphy,

if you do say low-fat cheddar, we are going to kick you out. Apologies. Bye-bye, Roisin. Low-fat cheddar comes to us courtesy of David Leask on Twitter. Oh, the Leaskster. The Leaskster.

Leask and potatoes. Mate, I was literally about to say that. It's so depressing. Yeah? You were about to say Lisk and potatoes too? I was going to say Lisk and potato soup. I wonder if Lisk's partner, if Lisk has a partner. Maybe they're called potato.

If their name is potatoes. Or onions. Or onions. Lisk and onion. Lisk and onions would also work. I mean, I guess we'd have to... Lisk and onions. Onions. Yeah, yeah. You'd have to

switch it around a bit. Yeah, lisk and onions. But Lisk, why don't you tweet the podcast and let us know if you've got a special someone in your life and if their surname is also a dish. This is the Off Menu Menu of Roisin Murphy. Roisin Murphy!

Welcome, Roisin, to the Dream Restaurant. Oh, thanks for having me. Welcome, Roisin Murphy, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. I'm starving, lads. Come on, let's get on with it. That's what we like. That's the attitude we, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. I'm starving, lads. Come on, let's get on with it. That's what we like. That's the attitude we like in the Dream Restaurant.

You've got a quiche on the way. Yeah. I've got a quiche, quiche Lorraine. It's a good thing to get the food, actual food, ordered, as opposed to the dream food, because it's a tricky record if, you know, you're hungry and there's no food coming. Because the dream food doesn't exist, does it?

The dream food doesn't exist only in our minds. Which a lot of times we've screwed ourselves over by talking for, you know, an hour, hour and a half about food and then just having nothing afterwards and just sat there starving. Being starving, yeah. Yeah, it was just crying and whimpering to each other and wishing we'd ordered a quiche Lorraine like you. I've had the foresight to do.

Do you get hungry? Is that something you get? to each other and wishing we'd ordered a quiche Lorraine like you. I've had the foresight to do. Do you get hungry? Is that something you get? Yeah. I mean, I love food, you know. In fact, it was quite hard for me to choose these courses and when I rang my husband,

he's not really my husband but I call him that. Bit of a laugh. And we've been together a long time. So he's Italian and he's got and he's got he's a brilliant cook and all that. So he

knows a lot about food. And I rang him and I was like, what am I going to say? And he said, well tell them that because you're with a Milanese person, you know that you like classic things. Which I do, you know. And of course

Quiche Lorraine is a classic essentially I'm translating what your husband said it was essentially don't show me up yeah I do like mad stuff

as well I mean I went the other day to a Peruvian fusion place in Ibiza and that was very very very

very nice nice but you're not allowed to say that because he's told you you should only say classics classic classics and the classics are what Quiche Lorraine very, very nice. Nice. But you're not allowed to say that because he's told you you should only say classics. Classic.

Classics. And the classics are what? Quiche Lorraine, hot dogs. Yeah. Well, we do like it. Yeah, we love a hamburger. Yeah.

That's not what I've chosen today. Okay, good. Little clue. No classic hamburgers today. I like eating a Quiche Lorraine. I hate the name. Yes, it is rather sort of housewife-ish, isn't it?

Yeah, it feels 70s. It does. Yeah, good housekeeping magazine. Do we know why it's called that? Lorraine Kelly? No, it's not named after Lorraine Kelly. Come on. I think in a French accent it sounds better.

Quiche Lorraine. Yeah, it's the ch. I'm not going to try. No. I mean, to be honest, we don't know. Maybe it is. Is it French, a quiche Lorraine? Yeah, it's the... I'm not going to try. No. I mean, to be honest, we don't know. Maybe it is. Is it French, a Quiche Lorraine? I think probably.

I'm assuming Quiche is French, isn't it? Quiche Lorraine. So that is French. So probably Lorraine Kelly isn't to do with it. But we're not ruling that out completely, though, as a group. It would be a pity, though, wouldn't it, if it wasn't anything to do with Lorraine Kelly? Yeah, I feel like maybe it used to be called something else

and then she bought the rights, maybe. Maybe it's because she's called Lorraine because she likes Quiche Lorraine. She's named after the Quiche Lorraine. Yeah. As a baby, she was eating Quiche Lorraine quite a lot. Maybe she wasn't even called Lorraine to begin with and then she just ate so much Quiche Lorraine. Maybe she was conceived in a Gale's bakery.

Could be. Yeah. I mean, I'd call her gale if that happened yeah good point yeah that'd be weird good point yeah like the first the first thing to go for would be gale actually yeah yeah what is in a quiche lorraine uh bacon and eggs and your classic eggs and a bit of cheese nice that's what's what makes it a Lorraine. It says bacon in it. Yeah.

If there's no bacon in it, is it no longer a Lorraine? No, it's just a cheesy quiche. Cheesy quiche. No fancy name for that one. Cheesy quiche. Fair enough. It's more of a gale. Yeah.

Yeah. So you like the classics. Also, you've released some classic music. Is that fair to say, Roisin? Brilliant link That's good right? Yeah Do you think that was good?

Yeah A good link I loved it yeah Thank you Because you must have done a lot of interviews Timeless A lot of interviews about your music spoken to a lot of people

and the links are often the hardest bit but I think we've absolutely smashed that You've nailed it mate Yeah thank you I mean your music is I mean what I like about your music, your albums and your songs is that it feels very of the

time, very now but you're pulling from loads of different eras all the way through and you're not necessarily like, your music could sit in any era I think. You're not necessarily just doing what everyone around you is doing. No, no I follow. And mirroring the scenes that are going on now. No, I follow my own sort of heart when I make music.

I don't do it for any particular market or, you know, it's all just coming from what I'm passionate about in that moment. Yeah, I mean, when I look back on it, I've got quite a big catalogue now. There's a lot of albums, including the Moloko albums, obviously, and my own. And when I look back, I'm very proud of them and I think they all

sort of stand the test of time in their own way. And so does the food that I'm just about to choose. You mentioned Moloko. When I was at school, did you know David Pak? David Pak?

No. He was in my school year. He was in my year at school. Oh, why would I know? Well? David Pack? No. He was in my school year. He was in my year at school. Oh, why would I know? Well, I'm just checking. But like David Pack was in my year at school and everyone would sing, bring it back, David Pack.

Oh, how nice. We'd always do it, always do it to him. You've never told me about David Pack. I know how that feels, poor David. I do know how that feels. I have a friend in Ibiza that just always has to bring up, sing It Back every time we have a few drinks. And everybody groans and she starts singing it.

Sylvia, shout going out. You must be used to having that sung at you. Probably more than David Pack, I'd say. I don't know what David Pack's up to these days. I haven't kept in touch with him. I hope he's a listener or someone listening to this knows David Pack. I feel for you, David. And can check what he's up to and make sure you haven't kept in touch with him. I hope he's a listener or someone listening to this knows David Pak. I feel for you, David. And can check what he's up to

and make sure you sing that song to him. Well, he should come on the show. We'll get him on the pod. Talk about food. When he eats all his food, he becomes a full Pak. Yeah, yeah. That's what David Pak's doing these days.

I don't know him that well. I don't even know him through song. There's lots of jokes you could make about a name like Pak, isn't there? Yeah, for sure. Oh, there was loads, but all we did...

Back Pak. Back Pak, yeah. Are you Back there was loads, but all we did... Backpack. Backpack, yeah. Are you Backpack? Bring it Backpack. Bring it Backpack. I should have said that. It feels too great now. All we did was sing David Pack to him.

But yeah, we'll get onto your food choices instead. It's not about the kids that I went to school with. It's a shame, though, when you think about it now, that they're all snowflakes and they wouldn't make up such a horrible thing yeah little snowflakes little snowflakes

being kind to each other yeah not bullying each other being kind innit yeah disgusting so kind I mean the David Pak one

was yeah I think that'd still go on now that's harmless who's that hurting yeah yeah him yeah well he loved it David Pak

from what I remember yeah dancing along yeah David Pak was quite popular. He was all right. Yeah. Did you have any fun songs that you used to sing at school? No, no.

Oh, yeah, they used to sing, when I first came to the UK, some very funny people in school used to say, Oh, you're in the IRA. Wow. Wow, yeah. Yeah. So that's, I mean, that's a... Which, of course, I wasn't.

No. And nobody belonged to me was, funnily enough. No. So every time you make a new album, are you always thinking it's better than the last one? Yes. Or are you doing something different every time? Always.

Always. Always thinking chances are this is going to be the best one I ever did. Yeah. Does that mean you don't think your 2016 album, Take Her Up to Monto, is your best album? Or is it one of the best albums? I did at the time, you know,

and then, and then you move on and you're like, no, I can even do it better, I can do it better. To keep moving forward, you have to do that,

I guess. and of course, none of them are better than the other ones in a way, you know, it's just they're different and I am in a brilliant position to make different records

because I'm not in a band with the same, like, three people, four people for the last 25 years, you know, I move on and I band with the same three people, four people for the last 25 years. I move on and I work with different collaborators. And so that always gives me something fresh

and new impetus and new ideas and a new flavour every time. Can you give us a sneak peek about what you're working on at the minute? I have finished my next record that I worked with a guy called DJ Coase on and so it's all written and produced with him

and it's the best one I've ever made, obviously. We always start with still a sparkling water on the pot. Do you have a preference? Sparkling,

as they say in Ireland. Sparkling. Yeah, get your mouth around that word. you have a preference? Sparkling, as they say in Ireland. Sparkling. Yeah, get your mouth around that word. Give it a sparkling. Sparkling. I've been watching The Crown and I can speak quite posh now.

Do they often order, I'm not up to date with The Crown, do they often order sparkling water in The Crown? Sparkling. Sparkling, darling. Do give me some sparkling. This is great.

It's a shame they're not making it anymore. I think you'd be a shoo-in for I don't know they left it open now there could be another one yeah

there'll be another one at some point oh mummy oh duh I've been going around speaking for my children like this and I've really freaked

them out how do they feel about that when you suddenly start speaking like a member of the royal family and saying sparkling

over and over again I should say they're rather perturbed I mean I've never seen the crown oh it's brilliant yeah speaking like a member of the royal family and saying sparkling over and over again. I should say they're rather perturbed. I mean, I've never seen The Crown. Oh, it's brilliant. Yeah? It's about the royal family, James.

Yeah, that's what puts me off. Oh, it's so good. Oh, a bunch of wankers, though. Every family's got a bunch of wankers. Yeah, that's true. I think that's universal in that sense. All families a bunch of wankers. They've all got some black sheep in them, families a bunch of wankers they've all got some black sheep

in them every family haven't they they've all got a few wankers a few more skellies in the closet for the old royals I'd say

yeah I'd say so but who knows who out of all the royal family do you think is most likely to have drunk the most sparkling water

they probably don't drink sparkling water do they do you not think no I don't know it's quite a sort of a lot of foreign people

would do that, wouldn't they? Rather than, Italians and French. I would think that. What do you think the royal family would drink? Would it be still

or would it be something like, I should think it would be still. I think it would be like the blood of the working classes. Do you think? I'd give them a break. Bit on the nose, James.

Sorry. Jesus. Plus, you can, James. Sorry. Jesus. Plus, you can't only drink blood. You'd have to wash it down with something now and again, wouldn't you? I think they drink blood. Yeah?

Yeah, that's how they live so long. After the hunt. Yeah, after the hunt. Can't believe all this time, this is the moment you choose to sort of go in a David Icke direction. Like the royals.

Yeah. And the lizards. I didn't say there were lizards. Yeah. And the lizards. And the lizards. I didn't say they were lizards. No. I didn't say it. You don't get me there. I didn't say anything.

Okay. So, I mean, here's another question for you. This is just completely separate. Do you think a lizard would drink sparkling water? Yes. Yes. That's fair enough.

They'll drink anything. Yeah. Why do you like sparkling? oh yeah I especially that vichy one you know I like a little bit

sort of salty and I like the you know that it cuts the let's say dirt off of your tongue and your mouth

before you start eating you know it gets the palate ready why have you got such a dirty tongue? dirty tongue I want you got such a dirty tongue? Dirty tongue, I want you. What's that from? I was going to go into a song there. I can't wait until you release

Dirty Tongue as a single and everyone knows where it came from. We had a kid at my school called John Tongue and we used to sing that at him. Oh, here we go with the kids at school. He was lucky to get away with that, actually. He was, yeah. If your third name's tongue.

So you've got a dirty tongue? Well, I think we all do, don't we, really, after a few hours in the day, you know? And yeah, sparkling water does feel like it's, and we've talked about this before, but it does feel like the inside of a washing machine on an advert sometimes. It's just sort of taking all the grime off the sparkling water.

The bubbles are attacking all the dirt on the tongue. Like a dishwasher. Yeah. Fantastic stuff, it is. Like a dishwasher. Yeah. Fantastic stuff it is. Yeah, it's good. And you like Vichy? Yes, yeah. What's that?

I don't think I've had that. It's a Spanish one. Really, really good. Apparently, yeah, I mean, I listened to some podcast also about water. Will Self made a podcast about water.

Of course he did. Did he? A series of podcasts, actually. It wasn't just even one. And that ended up being his favourite as well. And yeah, he spoke to people who were sommelier of water, which there is such a thing nowadays. Could you see yourself getting into the water scene that much?

Would you be able to converse with a sommelier of water and not find the whole thing a bit silly? Possibly not. Yeah, I feel like you're a bit too no-nonsense for that. not find the whole thing a bit silly. Possibly not. Yeah, I feel like you're a bit too no-nonsense for that. That's the vibe I'm getting already. Will Self's whole life is making sure that he looks smart, though, right? So, like, when he's talking to a sommelier of water,

he's like, come on, Will, you can do this. Don't get bored. Most people would get bored and bail out of this conversation. But if you stick to this, everyone will think you're really clever no he was being very wry yes he's very wry

he's a wry guy he's a wry guy would you drink sparkling water on stage while you're performing hell to the no no no that's a still still time

you wouldn't want to get bubbles kind of caught in your throat while you're singing no I guess so but it might give you a different sort of tone tone to the voice

maybe you could maybe that's something to try on the on the next album if you want to make it a little bit different just chug a load of sparkling water before you record it i'll just write that down get the burps going and get the auto tune on yeah some people will just do that sounds great actually experimental sort of thing you'd like i would i'd listen to that i'd listen to a burped auto tune album i'm not ashamed to say. DJ Burpee? Yeah.

Pop a Dom's or bread! Pop a Dom's or bread, Roisin Murphy! Pop a Dom's or bread! Jesus! You're frightening me. Yes. You actually played it very cool immediately, let him finish, and then went,

you frightened me there. Yeah, you frightened me. Pop a Dom's or bread? Yes. On the table of this magical meal that we're having. Yes, what would you like before your meal?

I wouldn't be having Papa Doms unless it's Indian food. But you know, it's a dream meal if you want to mix things up and you feel like having a Papa Dom

before your class. There are no rules here. Just like with your music, Roisin, there's no rules in a dream restaurant. I do like Papa Doms I have to say. And I love Indian food,

but I think I'd have bread with this meal. And even saying that, one has to try and be very disciplined with the bread at the beginning of the meal. Because if you eat loads of bread and then you have a fantastic meal coming, you're full with the bread. Is that something you have to do?

Do you have to restrain yourself from the bread? I think we all do, don't we? Is that sort of a universal thing? Some people are very controlled, you know. Some people won't have the bread. Some people will just have a little nibble and they'll be fine. But yesterday I was out for lunch with the rest of the Gamble family

and they brought bread round and we all had a slice of bread. Then the bread man came back round, another slice of bread. Then the bread man came back round again. We'd had a whole loaf by the time the meal started. Yeah, it's not good. And I love butter. Oh, yeah. Oh, God, I love butter.

Any particular type of butter? What's the dream butter that's arriving at the table for you? Irish. Yeah. Kerrygold, we're talking here? I mean, Kerrygold, there's nothing wrong

with a bit of Kerrygold. You always try and push our Irish guests into saying Kerrygold, James. I just think it's become a thing on the pod. Become a thing on the pod where most...

It has to be grass-fed. Yeah. the pod. It has to be grass fed. You know, dairy has to be grass fed. So yeah, Irish butter would always be grass fed because that's all we have in Ireland is grass. Just grass. So much grass, it's unbelievable. Yeah, that's true. So we don't even need to put grass fed onto our dairy

because there is no such other thing. Can you tell the difference in the taste whether it's grass-fed or not? I don't think I eat anything else. You wouldn't need to. I wouldn't need to

tell the difference. Do you think Ireland will ever run out of grass? No. Never. Never ever? Never. It's our thing.

Yeah, yeah. I hope so. I hope you're right. It would be a sad day. It would be a sad day. What would you feed the cows on? There are areas

of Ireland in the west where there's more rocks than grass. And they're not great. But the butter from that place is crunchy as hell. Do you go past Giant's Causeway and go, perfect. No grass here. No grass in Giant's Causeway.

Why is that a tourist attraction? The idea of, you mentioned that, butter from a cow that's been fed on butter. Surely that's the butteriest butter that you could possibly have. It's so buttery. Butter from a cow that's been fed on butter yes surely that's the butteriest butter that you could possibly have so buttery butter from a cow that's been fed on butter yeah it sounds very wrong i don't know if someone told me there's this restaurant and they got the best butter because the cows are fed exclusively on butter on their own butter as well their own each other's butter the count of the left. That sounds twisted and evil. I pass the butter to the left-hand side.

Thank you for doing that. This sounds great. Is it like a type of bread in particular, like a particular Irish bread, or just like a general bread that you're into? I'm generally mad about bread. I have to say bread is lovely, isn't it? Yeah.

I mean, this is a dream restaurant. Would you like a bread basket which contains every bread in the world? Yeah. Yeah. What? I like German selections of bread. They do great selection. They have all kinds of like grains and colours of bread and all that sort of stuff.

But I do, you know, obviously love good sourdough. Yes. Just like most people. Sure, the classics. We're talking the classics here. Sticking to the classics. And you were sticking to what you said at the start. You're in the classics.

You've got sourdough. No one can fault you on that. I like this idea of a German selection, though. Some of that dark rye bread, that sort of stuff. Yeah. Maybe we bring a German basket, James. What have they got? They've a German basket James what have they got they've got the lot

what have they got they've got the lot now what have they got they have got the lot that's good you have to say that James when you bring the bread

what have they got they've got the lot yeah Roshan you're very good at accents yeah yeah you know it yeah yeah it's kind of close to, you know it. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of close to singing, you know, mimicry.

Yeah. Fair enough. I'm good at accents as well, James. So are you, right? Yes. We're all very good at accents around here. Yeah. Let's all pat each other on the back then.

Yeah, pretty good. To the left-hand side. Pat the person on your left. Your dream starter. Right. Well, I'm going to go sort of like two starters okay so I'm going to have

to open the stomach I shall have courgette flowers oh nice lovely is this the first shout out for courgette flowers on the pod

this is the first courgette flowers shout out we've had oh god when they're done well stop yeah so good so they're light and crisp

are they fried yes deep fried yeah with anything in the flours are the flours stuffed yes what we talking

ricotta yes can't remember the first time I had those but it blew my mind yeah they're amazing and they're kind of like so delicate

you know the batter has to be so delicate and it has to be just so in and out of the fry. Yeah. It's good to get,

and then I've been eating courgettes for years and then you think, why have I been buying all these courgettes with no flowers on the end? Yeah, where do you get the flowers?

Yeah. They should sell the courgettes with the flowers on the end. It's not that most people couldn't cook that though, including myself, to be honest. I wouldn't try that.

I'd end up eating the flowers raw. Yeah. That's what you'd do. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's what he does every Valentine's Day. There's something so nice about it, you know, the flour and stuffed and dipped in and out of the fry. It's all good. I've had them drizzled in honey before. Yeah. That's a

classic. That can work with the ricotta. Yes, yes, yes. Do you want the honey? Yeah, maybe, yeah. Maybe at least one of them has a drizzle of honey on it. A little drizzle. We can bring you a drizzle pot.

Yeah, bring you a drizzle pot. Drizz it off, let's have it. How many flammers do you want? A bouquet? Well, seeing as I'm going to have two starters,

not too many, maybe three. A mini bouquet. Three max, yeah. So what's this other starter then? Because we don't often have this double starter here. Well,

it's not that it's a double starter, but you know, in Italian, you'd go with like a pasta dish as a starter or a rice dish.

And I'm going to go with risotto milanese, which is the risotto with the saffron. So this is from where your husband's from? Well, your non-husband's from? He's from Milan, yeah. I liked it before I met him, though.

Yeah? Yeah. He didn't get you into it. Saffron's very expensive. I have got expensive taste. Yeah. You know, by the weight, it's extremely expensive stuff.

What are we talking? Don't know, but I know it's dear. Get a yellow tongue? Not if it's done right, I don't think. You get a yellow tongue. You need the sparkling water. Yeah,

to clean that. I had it on its own once. You what? I just had saffron on its own once. Why? This is the sort of lifestyle that James is leading now.

And what was that like? I was backstage at a TV show. They got a load of saffron for something, I can't remember what it was. And everyone was there. It was a thing.

Let's all eat it on its own. Let's go for it. What was it like? Just very, a bit strong. This is what people in the general public assumed that people

are doing backstage at TV shows. They're using taxpayers' money to sit backstage at the BBC and eat saffron raw. Yeah.

And that's exactly what we were doing. That's a disgrace. Yeah, that's a disgrace. Yeah. And may I, may I just, you know, reiterate my hatred for the raw family. And the way that they live their lives.

Sit backstage eating saffron and whittling on a picture of our king. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was doing. My bright yellow piss. Did you say whittling? I said whittling. Not a fan? That's quite an Irish sort of thing. I've got some Irish blood knocking around. Let's get Ed on Who Do You Think You Are.

Go and have a whittle. That's bringing my childhood back, actually. See an episode of Who Do You Think You Are with Ed on it and they're like, now, we noticed you used the term whittle earlier. That got us thinking. You're Irish. Rather than just checking my lineage at all.

Is there anything behind this, guys? A family tree or anything? No. We've just written the word Whiddle on a big sheet of paper. We heard you say Whiddle, and we're saying you're Irish. So congratulations. This risotto, can you talk about it a bit more? I had some the other day, and they actually had a little bit of gold on it as well.

You know the way they put gold in food sometimes? You've just got even more fancy than James. That was super posh. I snort a line about it every morning. It's unnecessary, though. Saffron isn't off, really. That edible gold stuff, you can't taste it. You can't taste that stuff.

It's just to be fancy, isn't it? It's ridiculous. While the world burns. It's probably not even correct, really. I had it in Madrid. It's not in Milan. It's probably not even correct, really. I had it in Madrid, not in Milan. It's not part of the classic. It's probably not part of the classic version of the dish. I'm a big fan of this.

It's a little bit of a loophole that people find on this podcast. Whenever anyone utilises the pasta course, I do love it. I am happy when people kind of go, I want one of those other extra courses that you can have on a menu. Is saffron the main flavoring in there? Or is there cheese and stuff in there as well? Or is it just saffron and stuff?

Oh yeah, there's cheese in there. Yeah. Gotta be, right? Maybe I'm just, I don't know actually. In fact, maybe now I'm thinking about it. I don't know. Yeah.

Sometimes, tell me if this happens to you, I'm eating something that normally has cheese in it and it doesn't have cheese in it, but my brain tells me there's cheese in it. Yeah. This guy loves cheese. I think with risotto, it's the way you cook it that gives you that glutinism.

Glutinism, is that right? No, glutinous. Glutinous, yeah. Yeah, glutinous. Glutinous, that's good. Yeah, because you add the stock slowly, right? And then you just cook it and it becomes all... And it takes the gluten out of the rice.

That's what gives you the sexiness. Is that what you look for in a dish? You want it to be sexy? Yeah. Yeah, I want everything to be sexy. That's fair enough. That's a fair request, I think. I don't think I want everything to be sexy.

What do you not want to be sexy? Well, men wouldn't really. It'd be uncomfortable for them I'd be knackered yeah because of bonus awkward is that what you mean

yes I think it is what you meant yeah mum was clarifying yeah it might be a bit awkward yeah

I just imagine waking up in the morning being like sexiness starts straight away it's going to start being sexy again now I know what you mean I think I might have to agree with that.

You just want things to be normal. Yeah, that's fair enough. Also, how do you know if things are sexy if everything is sexy? Yeah, good point. You have to have different things that are not sexy. But in foods, okay, food's spaced out enough throughout the day

that you can have that be sexy. Yes. I don't want a sexy breakfast, for example. No? Why not? Well, it depends on the scenario, doesn't it, really? What would be a sexy breakfast? Because it's about the surroundings, right, as well.

But maybe shakshuka? That's sexy. That's a sexy breakfast. Onomatopoeically, it sounds like a wank, I guess. Oh, for God's sake. This is a disgrace. Nobody told me this was going to be like this in here. You brought up...

You brought up sexiness. I was just trying to... Yeah, but sexiness is, you know, you can talk about sexiness in a subtle way. He can't talk about anything in a subtle way, obviously. This is not normally what he's like, Rasheen, I'll be honest. It's normally my job to be like this. I'm just trying... You're saying shakshuka sounds like a wank? he's like, Rasheed. I'll be honest. It's normally my job to be like this. I'm just trying.

I'm just trying. You're saying shakshuka sounds like a wank? It's a traditional Turkish dish. Onomatopoeically. Onomatopoeically. That's something Will Self would say.

That's quite smart. But that, you know what that means? Huh? You know what that means? Sounds like. Yeah. Yeah.

So you're saying. It sounds like a wank. You're saying that when you, excuse me, Rasheed. When you wank, it sounds like. When you wank, it sounds like... It sounds... I'm so glad I can visualise all this. Sorry.

Ashamed of myself now. This saffron in this risotto sounds delicious. Yes. I'm not sure I've had this risotto before. It's a bobby dazzler. It really is. I think it's fantastic. It's a classic of classics.

Well, both of these things sound delicious so far. So I think we move on to the bacon. Despite your best efforts, James. We've been so sophisticated. I'm engaged with all of this. I'm talking about the classics here. Hey, if wanking isn't a

classic, someone let me know. Because I think it's the original classic, isn't it? Yeah, I guess so, mate. You can quote me on that. It's timeless, let's put it that way. Wanky is the original classic. It's timeless. It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats.

Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies Dream main course. I might be inclined to order a steak tartare as a main course in this situation. Wow.

This is a big move because it often comes as a starter but on menus sometimes you see it as the starter price and the main. Rarely see people go for it for the main but what a great choice.

Oh God, I love it. With a bit of egg as well and the pickle and then of course you're going to ask me about the side and the classic is to have French fries with that. So your dream side would be the French fries with the steak tartare.

Do you want it made table side, where they come and they've got all the stuff and you can pick what you want and then they do it in front of you? Oh, yeah, I like that. Yeah, it's great. I've not seen that with a steak tartare. At pretty old school restaurants they do that. They bring a little trolley along and they've got all the like the cornichons

and mustard and all of that and shallots and they can do it all in front of you and mix it up to your yeah yeah

that's what happens cornichons they're nice are those the pickles you're thinking of yeah let's have them thrown in and all

this is great do you want in I mean this is the dream restaurant obviously normally it would just be sort of pushed together in a circle or whatever would you like it in any shape? We can put it in like a jelly mould and make it into your dream shape for the steak tartare? Yeah.

I think we should have some sort of brutalism shape, perhaps, in the shape of the Barbican. Oh, I love it. Yeah, yeah. Steak tartare. Steak star Barbican. No? No, it doesn't work. Never mind. No, steak bar bar. steak star barbican no no doesn't work never mind steak bar bar steak bar barbican

yeah but then if you say steak bar bar I'm thinking of bar bar the elephant or alibaba yeah bar bar black sheep yeah

the three bar bars Edward Barber of course went to school with him not another one genuinely did yeah yeah little songs

main songs bar bar the elephant yeah bar bar the elephant probably yeah I went to the barbican Of course. Went to school with him. Not another one. Genuinely did. Yeah, yeah. Little songs, there's many songs out here. Bye Bye the Elephant. Yeah. You've got to go Bye Bye the Elephant probably, yeah. I went to the Barbican recently to see my neighbour Totoro.

Yeah. Exquisite. Was it? Oh, it was amazing. Absolutely brilliant. When I was in there, wasn't thinking much about steak tartare

if I'm honest. No. No. Also, I love eggs. You know, lads, I'm a big egg lover. Yeah. I just love eggs. People are weird

about raw egg but in that scenario a raw egg yolk in a steak tartare. Is that your favourite way to have egg? Is in the steak tartare or are there ways that you like? I just love all kinds of eggs. Eggs are my favourite. They pop up in my work a lot.

I mean in my videos and things like that. Boiled eggs. Obviously, that's a very surreal image somehow. And I was brought up on boiled eggs. You know, I had two boiled eggs every single morning before going to school. Did you now? I did, yeah. What did that do to you?

I think it made me quite strong. Yeah, it made you quite strong. And my mother ignored advice that was being given and just simply couldn't accept that that amount of eggs was bad for anybody. Which we were being told at that time in the 80s they were.

When you were going to, you know, I think, what's it saying? Cholesterol or something. Yeah. And then that turned out to be that my mother was right. Yeah. Great way to start the day. It's like your mother wanted you to be a bodybuilder. Yeah. I think it's good for your brain, you know, going to school as well on a boiled egg or two is good.

It's super good. Are you imagining Roisin on the egg going to school? It's surreal. That would be surreal. Flying along on the egg. It's funny. Being the smartest kid in class because they had two boiled eggs that morning.

There is nothing more perfect than their boiled egg that is done to the turn, you know, just still runny, but the white is nice and solid. Yeah. Were you dipping? Were you dipping soldiers? Oh, yes, yes, yes.

See, I'll just go, I'll go with straight egg now. I wouldn't even have toast. I can happily just eat. I'll go straight straight egg now. No, you don't do the bread. I wouldn't even have toast. I can happily just eat. I'll go straight in. Oh no, it's the combination. It's not so much the bread as the butter on the bread. Yeah.

Would you ever consider just completely peeling the egg and then buttering that egg and then eating it? No. Strangely not. No? I don't think anyone's ever done that. It might get a bit messy. It might be onto something.

It might get a bit messy, no? In one. Have you never done an egg in one? I've done an egg in one. Yeah? I'll try it later. No, I haven't. It's strange.

I haven't tried to do that. But I love it all. I love scrambled eggs. I love omelettes. I love poached eggs. You know, I mean, eggs are just the best, you know, the best, most convenient,

wonderful food out there. I agree with you. I mean eggs are just the best you know the best most convenient wonderful food out there I agree with you I love eggs I reckon I do 12 eggs a week I went to call you Ed then and then I called you Ed I called you an egg

but Ed has criticised me on this podcast before for liking scrambled eggs he's called me a child asked me if I'm a toddler well

okay what do you think about this on a full English or full Irish breakfast no before for liking scrambled eggs. He's called me a child. Asked me if I'm a toddler. Well, okay. What do you think about this? On a full English or full Irish breakfast? No. What eggs are you having? You're not going to have scrambled. Scrambled are to be nice with smoked salmon.

Yeah. I agree with that. That's not childish. Also, you can, if you can lightly put in cream cheese before you do the scrambled egg. Yeah. You've done that. Nice.

I've not had it with cream cheese but I've done it with sour cream sometimes and then even just a bit of milk will do it as well

or a little bit of truffle on top of the scrambled egg that can be nice but on a full breakfast you're out fried eggs fried and absolutely

no baked beans anywhere near that breakfast yes I'm so on board. It's completely wrong. That's one of my main

political viewpoints. Yeah, it is. Yeah, mine too. We're going to get along. Yeah, I think so. Ignoring him. Because these baked bean people as well,

they always, you probably like this, put it in a separate ramekin. They can't even stand by the food that they like. No. Yeah, well, at least it's in the separate ramekin. They can't even stand by the food that they like. No. Yeah.

Well, at least it's in the separate ramekin. Because you don't want it mixed up with your egg. You don't want to leave it in the tin. Disgusting. Exactly. I'll only have fried eggs

in sandwiches and stuff and like with other things and it can press the sandwich together and then it all loses out the sides and I've got the fried egg. I don't really like it

on a fry up. That's a sexy breakfast. Oh, it's the first thing to go on my fry up plate is the eggs. They go, because I don't know, I just love dipping all the other stuff into the egg. Okay.

And of course, Irish breakfasts are the best fried breakfasts in the world. We call them a grill because we don't fry them. We grill most of it. Take us through the classic Irish grill. Well, the sausages, obviously. Best sausages in the world?

In Ireland? No. No, they're not. But they're great in that context. And the bacon is the bacon, you know. It's like the English bacon.

It's a little bit wrong for many people who are used to sort of the drier, streaky bacon thing. We have the real sort of like lumps of bacon. And they're a bit wet and all that sort of stuff. But you have to have it with this kind of context. And then the real clincher, I suppose, with the Irish breakfast is the puddings.

The black pudding and the white pudding. We've tried to work this out before. I think I know what black pudding is. What's white pudding? It's just more or less black pudding but it's got more bread in it.

Great. Oh, really? Yeah. And grain, some sort of grain stuff and what have you. I love Dalhagas as well, I have to say.

Absolutely. I'm getting hungry, my mouth is watering. I can tell. You're looking at Ed and he's turning into a massive quiche Lorraine. This was the other

problem when I spoke to my old, I'll be, when I spoke to him about it, I was like, what am I going to say? He says,

I don't know because you like everything. That's good, that's what we like. You're almost going to be disappointed with the quiche Lorraine now, I think.

If you're hyping yourself up for black pudding, white pudding and haggis. Yeah. It's got egg in it at least. Yeah. It's so good though.

I love haggis. Haggis is lovely. I like everything. Even blood. You love blood. The blood. Yeah. That's why you're like the royal family.

Because they drink that every morning. And now you're one of them. I knew it, Roshi. I knew it. Yeah. Black pudding, I guess. If the royal family are eating black pudding, then you're right. Yeah. They are eating black pudding, then you're right. Yeah.

They are eating black pudding. Made from people's blood. Yeah, they're eating black pudding made from people. Made from people blood. Yeah. And your side is the chips. Or French fries. Fries.

Come on, chips at this point. No, French fries. You want them nice and skinny and crispy? Not too skinny. Not those straw. They call them straw fries, don't they? Not too much, no. French fries, like the real thing

like McDonald's proportions but not from McDonald's tiny bit bigger than that tiny bit bigger than that yeah yeah yeah where's the best

fries that you've had probably in France in Paris they just call them fries there yeah they just call them

fries there yeah maybe frites yes frites pomfretes what sort of size portion do you want They just call them fries there. Yeah. Yeah. They just call them fries there, yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Freet. Yes, Freet. Pompfrit. What sort of size portion do you want?

Yeah, I'm keeping, you know, I'm taking it fairly handy, as they say, don't they, with the amounts so far. So I could probably have a fair few. I've never heard that, taking it fairly handy. That's Irish. No. I like it. I'm taking it handy, they say. Don't you say about that phrase what I think you're going to say about that phrase.

No. I'm not going to talk about shakshuka again, don't worry. Don't worry, guys. I'm on my best behaviour. Whenever I learn a new Irish phrase, I love it. Yeah. Anytime. When Aisling B started referring to the whole audience

as lads all the time, I remember being like, brilliant. My lads. Yeah. Absolutely great. You got a favourite Irish phrase? Yolk. When anything can be a yolk.

A yolk is a yolk. Like, if you can't think of the name of something, you call it a yolk. Absolutely obsessed with that. We are. Listen, this is going to make me sound like I've got a one-time life. Give me that yolk. Show me that yolk.

Here, shatsuka that yolk. Or whatever, you know. Yeah, yeah. That makes shachuka that yolk, or whatever, you know. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, that actually makes perfect sense, yeah. What's up, mate? This is going to make me sound like I have a one-track mind also. He's not normally like this, honestly.

Listen, Damien Rice. Don't know. Who's that? Are you kidding me? Is it a type of rice? In this context, it would make more sense if you were saying a type of rice. In the food context, Damien Rice could be... I'm just suggesting another side dish to you.

Damien Rice, singer-songwriter from Ireland. Oh, yeah, yeah. Back in the day. Like early 2000s or something. Yeah, I don't know if that really is back in the day when you're talking about Irish singer-songwriters. It is for me. They've got quite a history

of singer-songwriters in Ireland. Pretty sure that's not the case. He's the first one, was he? You started in the 2000s. He's a good-looking fella from a few years ago. Yes. He did a...

I went to see him at Shepherd's Bush Empire. Yes. 2005, whenever. Back in the day. Back in the day. Back in the day. Yeah. He did a song that wasn't on his album called Me, My Yoke and I.

And he said, this is about when I was a lad. And every time I played with my yoke, I would feel guilty. So I'd have to then give money to charities afterwards. The trocler box. Yeah. Now, I know this sounds like all I talk about is wanking, but it is the only ever context

I've heard someone use that term yoke. And that's the only context I have for it, and it is an Irish singer-songwriter. Well, just so you know, it can be absolutely anything. So that's why he used that term. Some of the lads in Dublin, they're like, you know, when they go out like raving and they have to take yokes.

But it goes back much further than that. Some of the lads in Dublin, they're like, you know, when they go out like raving and that, they take yolks. Yeah. But it goes back much further than that. Yeah. Irish people just call everything yolks. That's an old yolk there. Because if I heard some guys saying that in Dublin, I wouldn't assume drugs. How many yolks did you have?

I only had half a yolk. I would assume they were just downing egg yolks to get energy for the night out. Like Rocky. I would assume they were just downing egg yolks to get energy for the night out. Like Rocky. I would assume. Yeah. How many yolks did you have before the night out? I wouldn't see if they were comparing

how many wanks they'd had. Because from what I know about it, because this is why it's good that I've had this conversation with you, Roshan, because I've only ever heard Damien Rice talk about it in this context. So if they were all saying to each other, how many yolks did you have before

you came out? I had half a yolk. I'd be like, everyone's really quite sex positive here. This is quite good, actually. It's rare, but sometimes you manage to get a double yoker. Yeah, yeah. And I'd be like, wow, these guys. But it's good that you've said that, and I know it can mean anything at all.

And now if I'm in Ireland and I hear people talking about yolks, I would always think like, oh, man, what a crass conversation to be having. No, anything could be a yolk. Unless you're setting us up for a horrible trip to Ireland one day. Might be. I'm accustomed to going, I think you'll find I've got a few yolks in. You can have some straight on straight yolks.

You want to see my yolk, do you? Yeah. I had a few yolks on the plane. What? On straight yolks. You want to see my yolk, do you? Yeah. I had a few yolks on the plane. What? Well, dream drink then. Okay, well, now then, the other week I was out and I happened to be invited to a beautiful do that was hosted by Krug.

And the whole meal, we had different vintages, very special vintages of Krug. That sounds amazing. And to be honest with you, it worked with everything. It wasn't like champagne. I don't think I know what this is. It was more than champagne. It was Krug. It was like vintage crook.

So it just worked like, and I didn't have that kind of hangover that you have from wine either. But I suppose I'd have to have a glass of red wine with the steak tartare. My sort of father-in-law, father of me fella, has a vineyard in Gavi,

in the Gavi region. It's a young grape, you know, so it's quite a light red wine. And the name of it is La Chiara. And the region is... This is really boring

for everyone, isn't it? They love the details. Okay, well the region is Ligure. I know, I can't even say. You're doing so well with your accents earlier, Ashene. Just say it's from Yoke. It's from Yoke. It's the Dolcetto grape,

which is similar to Barbera. Nice. Have you ever just sat on the vineyard and actually been there drinking wine together Yeah I mean absolutely That's the dream isn't it

Yeah It's got to be the best I know just that place as well you know you can actually almost have a meal

from things you can pick off the trees and the vines and Amazing I mean in certain times of the year it's just so

plentiful you know that place Sounds incredible I mean in certain times of the year it's just so plentiful you know that place. Sounds incredible I mean look this guy your sort of husband can cook his father owns a vineyard you can see why you're just calling him husband now you've just got to lock that shit down

he does I think well I'll never be married I don't think guys I don't really like weddings, first of all. I don't like chairs with bows on them and forced fun. Yeah, look, I'm with you on the wedding stuff, but my main problem isn't the chairs with the bows on them. You know, I mean, really? Yeah, yeah.

Chairs with bows and chocolate fountains and things like that. It doesn't do it for me. I'm married and we ruled out chairs with bows and chocolate fountains and things like that. It doesn't do it for me. I'm married and we ruled out chairs with bows immediately. Yeah, good. And they cost extra. They do, they cost extra. I don't like forced fun. I don't like organised parties.

I actually don't even like organised parties. I had this friend who had a big birthday party this summer and she was stressed out for three weeks before, you know, he's not coming, they're coming, I'm going to, and it's like, oh God,

it's not worth it. Yeah, it didn't go in the end, I guess. And even on the night, she wasn't too happy with herself, you know, and usually she's always

the life and soul of the party type thing. Yeah. So, I'm a bit against all that sort of thing. That's fair enough. And then there's the idea of like,

now my dad's passed away, sadly, but I always said, so hang on a minute, Mickey Murphy, right, is going to give me away. He's going to actually give, he's going to give me away to another fella. And then we're going to go backstage

and sign a contract for this fella getting me from me dad. It's insane. You're very much viewing this through the prism of the music industry. You just referred to backstage and signing a contract. Is my dad getting royalties on me still?

So my dad represented me and then I'm moving to another agency? I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to get the lawyer to look over this contract. Yeah. Get your music lawyer involved. But I mean, really, like, give me away.

Yeah. Hell no. It's mad. 2022. People are still being given away. Shouldn't have invited you. Given away. No, no.

I was awful at that wedding. I was heckling it. My dad used to always joke that, you know, because he actually got my mother by some miracle because she was like

the best looking woman in Ireland and all. She actually had a neck and everything. Back in them days, not many people did in Ireland. Yeah, yeah.

And fabulous pair of legs and all, you know. And somehow he got her and he should have just been delighted with that. But he used to always complain that he never got the dowry as well. Because you're supposed to give stuff to the man for taking the woman.

Yeah. Wow. But she had the neck. She had the neck. That's the dowry. Yeah. That's that sorted. And long legs, you know. With like a knee in between the bottom and the neck. That's the dowry. Yeah. That's sorted. And long legs, you know.

With like a knee in between the bottom and the top. What was the dowry that you got, Ed? I didn't get a dowry. What? I don't need a dowry. Complain. You should complain. We were together for 11 years.

I think it was too late to ask for a dowry at that point. I don't know. You should have told me, man. I was part of the groomsmen. I was part of your team. That's what we were there for yeah anything you need so if you just said to me you to sort out this dowry because i haven't got it i would have gone to the you could have lobbied yeah i would have gone to the family and said where's the dowry you had enough jobs on the day

yeah i had a few jobs i was announcing the cakes a job that he invented you announced the cakes yes how many cakes? Four. It was like a tower of cakes that were all different flavours. And no other wedding has this happened. James invented a job for himself to announce all the different flavours. What about wedding cakes? Let's be honest.

Come on. They're rubbish. No. Mostly they are. This was good cake. Nobody eats it, though. I bet you had a ton of it left, didn't you? So the bottom layer, which was massive, there was a bit of that left. The little layer at the top had all gone. I bet you had a ton of it left, didn't you? So the bottom layer, which was massive,

there was a bit of that left. The little layer at the top had all gone. I'm livid. It was the salted peanut cake. Yeah, with the brittle on it. That had all gone. That sounds disgusting. Well, bad luck, Roisin,

because you're never going to tell. And it was brilliant. So delicious. This wasn't like wedding cake. This was like just properly nice cakes. Yeah, but come on, lads. Big, massive, industrial-sized cake. It's disgusting.

Well, I'm sorry. How is that disgusting? I mean, suddenly I've flipped and I like weddings now. Because, like, when it comes to cake, I mean, earlier you said the chocolate fountain thing. I'll let that slide. But a massive cake. Come on.

Look, it's a shame. You're never going to get married. You can have what you want. You could have a big poached egg. Of course. You could have everyone gather round and you could have a big poached egg of course everyone gather round and have a big slice of poached egg so you're having the red wine

but I'm having the Krug as well and the Krug yeah that's cool I would drink that Krug every day with everything but as I said before

I do have very expensive tastes unfortunately I very luckily had a bottle of Krug recently thing. But as I said before, I do have very expensive tastes unfortunately. I very luckily had a bottle of Krug recently. I had some with some friends and it's just another level. It's a whole other thing. Yeah, it's crazy. Not familiar. Not familiar. It's just a really nice

champagne, but it's a... It's not for scumballs like you. You can get a yellow tongue like this for being a scumble. Old saffron chops over here. Saffron boy. I have a friend

who's Elaine Constantine. She's very, very famous, well-to-do photographer and filmmaker. But I've known her for many,

many years and her fella is Italian as well and we were out at some fancy Italian restaurant in London and they were ordering in Italian and all for us and everything.

And she turned around to me. She's from Bury in Manchester. And she turned around to me and she went, Hey, Roisin. And she sort of hit me in the stomach with her elbow. She went, Hey, haven't we done well for a couple of scum balls? It's got to feel good. So it did, it felt good.

That was great. That's what me and Ed say to each other every day before we go on this podcast. Haven't we done well for a couple of scum balls? In that accent as well. Haven't we done well for a couple of scum balls? So we arrive at your dream dessert. Now, I'm a bit nervous going into this now

because you've poo-pooed the chocolate fountains. Oh, that sounds awful. That would be the end of the party. Get kicked out of a wedding for that. Okay, dessert. I love sugary things, yeah. I love sweet things. But not at the end of a big meal.

It's hard, you know. Do you know what I mean? Because usually you're full by that point and you can't devour it and love it as much as you would in between a meal. In between meals. It wouldn't size. And shut up, you. You're treading on very, very thin ice with James here. He's a real dessert boy.

So you take it obviously in whatever direction you want. Come on, I love desserts. I'm just saying it's sometimes hard when you're looking at a menu to say order a big dessert after you've had a meal like we've just discussed. Right. But I have to tell you that in that context, after a big, wonderful meal, the greatest dessert I've ever had was in Paris and it was a simple chocolate mousse.

And it made me cry. Wow. Yeah. It made me cry. It was the perfect consistency, you know. It left a little hole in it when you took the spoon out. Yeah, it held the shape. It held, yeah. And it had air in it, but not too much air in it when you took the spoon out yeah it held it held the shape

it held yeah and it had air in it but not too much air in it it had egg in it obviously egg being very

much part of this dish and yeah it was just like you know that thing where you put the spoon

in your gob and then you pull the spoon out and the thing is in your gob and you just don't spoon out and the thing is in your gob and you just don't have to do anything. It's just, it's there. It's everything.

It's the taste, it's the texture, it's the temperature. Goosebumps? Did it give you goosebumps? It gave me tears. Goosebumps and tears. Yeah, I suppose there's no tears without goosebumps. Tears on the first mouthful? Or as the dish progressed?

More or less, I think, yeah. And then tears of sadness when it was over? No, I was ready for the meal to be over. It's actually been a glutton that night. How was it presented? Was it literally just the chocolate mousse in the bowl or on the plate? Yeah, it was just the chocolate mousse. No other faffing around with any other?

Nothing. Whereabouts was this? I want to eat this chocolate mousse now. Oh God, I don't know the name of the restaurant, but it was, again, very classic, kind of canteen-like Parisian restaurant that's been there for, I don't know, 100 years or something.

I went with Jarvis Cocker. Jarvis Cocker's been on this podcast. He has. He took me there, so if you ever see him again, ask him what the name of the restaurant was. What was that restaurant called? Because he mentioned Paris when he was on the podcast. paris he loves it he loves paris right he

loves it he loves it he lives there i think doesn't he or he lives at some point i don't know where he lives now but like yeah he definitely we need to track down that chocolate mousse restaurant yeah yeah yeah everything i had there was great as well. Like I had like the onion soup in the beginning and it was like the best onion soup I ever had, which is also an amazing dish. But I didn't put it in here because it gives me cramps. Oh, yeah? I can't resist it,

but the onions tend to don't go well in my stomach. When you had that meal then? Yeah, the onion soup. I was younger then though though so I was able to handle the onions but as I get older I'm not able to handle them as much It's gutting that stuff isn't it? Yeah I think it is, I've sort of

got an intolerance, I've built up an intolerance to it I know you're supposed to build up a tolerance aren't you I think an intolerance has built up Most people, onions make them cry. But for you, it was the chocolate mousse

at the end of the meal. Yes. Quite. It's quite poetic in a way. Sounds incredible. I wish you remembered the name. I'd go there now. Yeah, yeah.

The worst dish I ever had was in Paris as well. Oh, yes. Here we go. Yeah. Andouillette. Have you ever heard of it? Now,

this has been brought up on the pod before, right? The touche? The touche. Sani Tucci? Now, this has been brought up on the pod before, right? The Tooch? The Tooch. Sandy Toochie? Oh, yes. He talked about... I bet he's well able for it, is he? He loves it up. Him and Mel Streep had it and hated it.

Oh, it's absolutely... I mean, it's unbelievable. I was in Paris. Your man says, comes over. I said, what's this? And he said, it's sausage. And I said, go on, I'll have that. He said, are you sure, madam? And I looked, it's sausage. And I said, go on, I'll have that. He said, are you sure, madam? And I looked at him and I was like,

yeah, I'm sure. I can eat anything. Anything at all. Just bring it. Like that, you know. Arrogant. And he smiled the corner of his mouth.

He loved that, I bet. Can't wait. Okay. And off he went and he came back with this. And it was wonderful. It looked wonderful on the plate. It was this huge sort of thing that looked like, you know, big sausage. Really had to choose your language there because James is in the room.

I was looking over at James there, yeah. Big curved sausage on the plate. Leave it, mate. And it looked wonderfully cooked and all that. And everything looked fine until I put the knife into it and I cut through it. And suddenly the whole area smelled of shit. It wasn't even near my mouth yet, right? And the waiter was over there smiling.

Yeah. And I was like over there smiling. Yeah. And I was like horrified already. But I went for it. Yeah, got it. And I thought, okay, it smells of shit. It won't taste of shit. That's a red flag for me. Cut into it and you just see all this like,

there's no meat, like a sausage meat in it. It's just intestines stuffed in it. So it's like folded intestines inside cut into it took it put a bit into my mouth no that actually tastes

like I've got shit in my mouth and it came out of nowhere you know and he was like are you enjoying your meal madam

and I was like no not really and I was like no, not really. And I was green. My face was green. And bless him he said you can order something else we won't charge you.

I think he enjoyed it so much he didn't charge me for the intellect. Onion soup please. He knows the deal. He does it every day. Goes over gets someone to talk himself into having it. Some idiot, yeah.

Some scum ball comes over. We got another scum ball. Let's send out an accolade. She thinks she idiot, yeah. Some scum ball comes over. We've got to have a scum ball. Let's send out an adulate. She thinks she's done alright for a scum ball.

Send out a shit sausage. That is literally the only thing that I've not been able to eat. Sounds reasonable. And Sally Tucci,

you know, loves all foods, goes around eating anything, and he hated that. And he's not a scum ball. He is the

opposite of a scumble. All right. I'm going to read your menu back to you now. See how you feel about it. Go ahead. You would like vichy water to start sparkling. Popped almonds or bread you would like. A German bread selection and sourdough with grass-fed butter.

Starter, three courgette flours stuffed with ricotta. Then a pasta course of a risotto milanese main course steak tartare side dish of french fries from France pomfrites

drink you would like Krug throughout and this red wine from your not husband's father's vineyard Lucky Ara

yeah but he's not his father it's his stepfather but yeah go on yeah fair play dessert Alfredo shout going out shout out to Alfredo shout out Yeah, but he's not his father. It's his stepfather. But yeah, go on. Yeah, fair play. Dessert. Alfredo, shout going out.

Shout out to Alfredo. Shout out. Alfredo. Dessert. The chocolate mousse from Paris with Jarvis Cocker. Yes, on the side. Jarvis Cocker on the side, shedding a tear with you in unison. I can picture Cocker just like, little tear rolling down his cheek as well.

because he's not allowed any. Yeah, because he can't have any. That, you promised the classics. I think you delivered the classics. I did.

It feels like the classics. Can I say this? I do like the other mad stuff as well. I will try that. You know, like I said, I went to the Peruvian

sort of fusion business last week and it was fabulous. But the greatest meal that I've had in the last, I don't know how many years, had a ridiculous amount of courses. It had, I don't know, 30 courses. And it was a sushi meal.

Great. And it was like a religious experience, honestly. It was so meditative and I think it's very important, the space that you eat in as well. And so he had gone to a lot of trouble, this guy, to make the sound right in the room. Wow. So that when you're, it's a restaurant that only holds nine people on one, like sort of, what's it called? Like a counter. And so there's one guy behind the counter and stools on the counter.

But he's gone to a lot of trouble with the lighting and the sound. And I think that's very important around food. I hate when you can't hear each other in a restaurant. Sure. And it was amazing. He's got kind of a secret phone number that you have to get off somebody else.

And... Whereabouts is this? This was in Ibiza as well. Do you remember what it was called or is it a secret? It's not really got a name. He's called Walt. The guy's called Walt. But my God. I mean, food does make me cry when it's good.

It can bring tears. It's the name I was least expecting when you described the restaurant. He's actually Australian, but he had many, many years in Tokyo. Walt, the Australian sushi shop. I think that's got to become a goal of the podcast now, to get Walt's number. Nobody's getting it, and I'm not even going to tell you where it is

or anything like that because otherwise we won't be able to get in the next time we want to go We're going to try We're going to try and find this number And we had no choice

what we were being given You know that kind of way As well I don't really like reading menus and worrying about choice Sorry to put you through that then

I know what you mean though I like it I like it when you go in and they say we're going to take care of it what would you do if you went back to Walt's and midway through the meal

he brought out an andouillette the ultimate he wouldn't though would he but maybe there would be some slither of it in something

yeah just a bit of shit yeah just a bit of shit can be good. That's the perfect phrase to end on, I think. Just a bit of shit can be good. Just a bit of shit can be good.

Roisin, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. Thanks, guys. I loved it. Thank you so much. Sorry. There we are. Great chat with Roisin Murphy. Fantastic chat. Also, thank you, Roisin, for not saying low-fat cheddar, the secret ingredient we were allowed to keep you in the restaurant

for the duration. Thank you so much. Roisin has new music coming out soon, new singles, new album. On the way. Make sure you get on that. Also, if you're not familiar with Roisin's back catalogue, change that. Change that.

Right now. There's so much stuff for you to delve into and enjoy. So make sure you get on that. Wrap your ears around some sweet sounds. You know, check out Moloko, sure. But if you leave the Soloko stuff, you're crazy. You've got to get on the

Soloko stuff. Yeah. Absolutely. Nice to hear another Andouillette story as well. Yes. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Thank you very much to Roisin Murphy. Bye-bye.

Goodbye. We'll see you next time. Tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Hello, my name is Ian Smith. And I'm Amy Gledhill.

And we are from the Northern News Podcast. Where we take a deep dive into the bizarre stories we find from the North. Hey, and if you like food, and I know you like food actually, because you're listening to Off Menu, we've got stories about pigs getting coaxed off roundabout with crisps. We've got stories about gravy wrestling in car parks. We've got stories about restaurants getting one-star food hygiene ratings. And record-breaking Yorkshire puddings.

And we've got special guests. Which you may remember from off-menu episodes such as... Maisie Adam, Tim Key, Rosie Jones, Fatah El Ghori, Phil Wang, and he hasn't been on off-menu, but we've got Kevin Kennedy, who played Curly Watts in Coronation Street. Take that,

eh, caster? So please, give a listen to the Northern News Podcast. Every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.