Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 194: Tim Minchin

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty. Arena-filling comedian, Matilda maestro and co-writer of Groundhog Day the musical, Tim Minchin joins us in the Dream Restaurant.Groundhog Day is playing at the Old Vic Theatre in London until 19 August. Buy tickets here.Follow Tim on Twitter and Instagram @timminchinRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello listeners of the off menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the off menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was, what a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny, I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multicourse life of a very greedy boy, and it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from, and if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multicore's life of the very greedy boy. Now, please! Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast, chopping the raw white onion of humour. Very, very small into small little dices, chopping a bit of cucumber of conversation, putting it into the white plastic small bag of the internet and throwing it in with a curry. It's one of those bags you get for a takeaway. You don't want to fall. It's one of the raw onion bags in the curry.

That's a gamble. My name is James A. Kaster. We are in a dream restaurant and we invite a guest in every single week. We ask them their favourite ever. Start a main course. There's a side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week I guest is Tim Mention. Tim Mention. I mean, how do we even describe Tim Mention? Well, listen, he's written amazing musicals that have touched the hearts of many. He's an incredible stand-up comedian, amazing songwriter. Amazing songwriter. Feels like he can't stand up comedy very quickly though. Yes. And then he just went on to having smash hit musicals.

In that you want a whole bunch of awards have been a brilliant stand-up and then when now I'm going to go and do Matilda change the musical landscape. Yes. And then also he's got a, I suppose he's new musical, but because of you know, the pandemic and what has been happening with time, this is before, this is back of the day he did Groundhog Day at the musical, but now it's like finally coming back to the UK. So it feels new. It's not new. Yeah. It was on Broadway for ages. So they know. But time now feels weird, which is like quite appropriate. Okay. So I'll do another version. And then Benito can work out which one's put in. He's also relevant. It's a musical about time every day over and over again.

That's what the pandemic felt like. But also like because of the pandemic, pandemic were now like, oh, this is no, it's not new really because it was started before the pandemic and now it pulls and now we've got it back again. So time feels weird. He's also written in musical Groundhog Day, which is on from now until August at the old Vic. So you just pick whichever one you want from that, Benito. You pick whatever one you want. Tim, we'd like very much, but if he says a secret ingredient, and a ingredient which we deemed to be unacceptable, we will kick him out of the dream restaurant. And this week the ingredient is chocolate cake.

Now look, specifically, we like it. Yeah, we like chocolate cake. It's the best. Obviously we do, but sometimes we pick ingredients that are specific to the guests. Yes, and Tim of course, right Matilda. Yeah.

And there's a big old chocolate cake in Matilda. Boost Bogtrotters chocolate cake. I love that guy. That guy's a hero. Love Bogtrotters on this podcast. Yeah. Respect. We're Bogheads.

We're a couple of Bogheads. Yeah, boy. But if Tim picks chocolate cake, he is out on his ear. Yeah. Or both is. We'll pick him up by his, oh yeah, here we go. Pig tails. Pig tails.

Swing him out and around and we'll throw him out. This is the off menu menu of Tim Mention. Tim Mention. Welcome Tim to the Dream Restaurant. Oh yeah, it's nice. Welcome Tim Mention to the Dream Restaurant. We'd expect it's nice. Welcome Tim mentioned to the Dream Restaurant, but expect to give us some time. Was I on time?

I was early. You were early from my booking. Yeah, the, we've been expecting you for some time is a genie catch phrase, which relates more to the restaurant's booking system, which is sort of infinite. Our hands, not, it doesn't fit within linear time. All right. Like it was faked. We always knew, we always knew it would be.

Yeah, yeah. I was always going to come and not come at all different times and not time. Exactly. Yeah. And you're here and not here. Yes, totally. Which is I was staying in which I'm very comfortable.

It's sort of super position sort of spin up, spin down, existing and not existing. Like a cat in a box. I'm fucking love, I'm really happy. I'm only here if I'm observed. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Great.

This is as philosophical as you get. That's real. Can we please start again? Someone told me this week, someone told me that the show diggers cat thing was like, that was actually just show digger, like, people were going on about these theories of like, if you can't see something, do you know it exists and all this? And he said it's stupid. It's like if someone said if you put a cat in a box, you don't know if the cat's alive.

They were like, exactly, that's brilliant. And he didn't like any of that. He was, he was, he was, he was saying it to take the piss. And now we've all run with it and go, yes, show them his cat. Yeah, he really, he really believed in the dead and alive cat. Yeah, he was like, no, you know it's alive. You know, the buck. Taking my cat to the vet's when you cornered me about this philosophical cat. Yeah, he was like, no, you know, it's a live. You know, the book taking my cat to the vet's when you corner me about this philosophical

bridge. Yeah. Yeah. People got confused. I just had a cat who seemed unconscious. There was a really good bit in McEwan's latest novel about using that cat thing as that basically is a state of of not knowing of not knowing of insecurity talks about a phone call from the police where the police are ringing up to talk about his son. And he expands this, what would be a heartbeat, before the cop reveals what he's ringing for, whether the father just assumes the kid is dead or has just had a big drunk night out and needs to be picked up, and that that is the cat in the box. In that moment, he is both dead in a

morgue lying on a slab and sort of shame faced in a cell, you know, having done a public wheel or something and they're both true until the, what do they call the wave function collapses and it becomes one or the other. It's really good. He can write a book in. He's pretty good at saying to me. it's about him. He's getting there. He's getting there. I sent him some notes. I actually did send him some notes. I sent him an email pointing out the things I loved.

Right. He's one of those people. I have, I just at some point got an email address and now I had a send him fan. We had to do one of his books for GCSE English. So now I can't pick up any more of his words. No child in time. Oh, yeah, but we're the I like to kill a mockingbird. We had to do that. Everyone likes to kill a mockingbird. Give it up for chance.

But you don't know if you've killed the mockingbird, do you? I saw the Amazon can play. I'm speaking of the theater. Pretty good. I don't want to call it early, but by the way, this is the most literary start we've ever had to a podcast. Yeah, we've turned off. I don't think so.

I think they're just absolutely aghast that we haven't sort of made a fart joke yet. McEwan's tuned in for the first time. Yeah. Well, I'll get him listening. Groundhog day. Groundhog day. Exciting. Yeah, really good. He's coming back round again.

Yeah. That's got to be all the presses got to be that, right? Yeah, it's funny how I've done a couple of interviews and now one's like, so Groundhog day is coming out, they're obviously like, I can't just say that. I can't say that. That's a good story. Yeah, yeah. It's back. And yeah, it's really, really nice.

So I don't know if your listeners know about this. There's a musical that I helped write of a musical based on the 1990s iconic film. And it went really well in London and then went to Broadway and kind of went critically well. But it was just for lots of reasons. We couldn't keep it. Musical theaters like this, it's just like putting all your chips on red or something, except much lower odds.

I mean, something like one in 20, makes their money back. So it's a gamble thing, because it just puts so much into it. They're so expensive to create and run. And we couldn't survive on Broadway. So it kind of died, even though we've got all these awards and reviews. And we couldn't survive on Broadway. So it kind of died even though we've got all these awards and reviews.

And then all sorts of stuff happened. My dear friend, Andre, who was a producer and my business partner died suddenly and we couldn't get it into a theater and then COVID and then on and on and suddenly it's seven years later. And we're finally, it's coming back to London. And I get to be here for rehearsals and you know, notice little phrases of songs that I'd like to improve and it's like that beautiful tinkering that you get to do

when you get a second chance at something which ironically is what Groundhog Day's about. Yeah. It's fate. When it was first, was it at the old vicar? Yeah, yeah. Like I was really wanting to see it and I assumed quite, I was like, it's going to be a for ages. Yeah, I was like, I was like, where did it went? Yeah. I was like, it's gonna be a for ages. Yeah, I was like, where the, when? Yeah, I was like, that's unfair. And they started it, it's coming back now. Yeah, well, I'd love you to see it. I mean, musicals, I mean, like, I don't love them all,

you know, and most people don't love them. Or some people are massive fans, but they're tough, you know, they're tough to get right. And different people, like, different things, you know, I'm not a massive fan of what's the Apple one, or whatever, like, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um and I like it a lot. I'm very specific about the musicals I'm not going to get. I've not seen it yet, but I already know it's going to be one of those. Yeah, I think it's got a lot of gags and a lot of clever ideas. So I went to see Book of Mormon this week, which I'd already seen, but I took my girlfriend for a birthday.

My girlfriend was like, she's like, I don't like musicals. And I was like, have you seen Book of Mormon Hamilton and Matilda? No, it's like, you don, you don't not like musicals. You just see those. And there, because I was like, that was like, I used to be like, I don't like musicals. And I absolutely thought it in. And then I saw Matilda, and then that was completely

different after that. I was like, oh, I do like him. Because actually, before that, I thought musicals are, there's one good song. Yeah. And the story is really annoying. And then that's it. And I go home and actually Matilda was like, without,

I mean, I wouldn't say this to you outside of here because it would see a little bit. But, you know, we're on the podcast. Every single song's brilliant. It visually looks amazing. The story's great. And then you realize, oh, it can be like this. Yeah. And I think there's three musicals you mentioned.

A really a good example of the sort of slightly different ways in which musicals can be good. Putting aside the Dreambox thing, which I totally get can be a fun night out, you know, all the songs, but it's just songs wedged into a story framework. Like that, that's a different genre to me, and it's not one I'm, you know, particularly interested in. Book of Mormons are satire, it's almost a parody of a musical, and yet, because the South Park boys got help from Bobby Lopez, who's him and Christian Anderson Lopez wrote frozen. He's proper Disney and he wrote Avenue Q with his breakout. So Bobby wrote these songs.

So even though it's sort of a parody of a musical that's taking the piss out of the idea of what the Americans call it, I want some. Like the, you know, and all that. It's so brilliant. It manages to be a parody of something and an impeccable version of itself at the same time. And then you've got Hamilton, which is just brilliant.

Obviously, Lin-Manuel's just extraordinary, but it's really like the songs could play on the radio and they did and they won Grammys and stuff. And then you've got something like Matilda, which is it ain't Sondheim, but it's sort of more in that realm where we're like We're not trying to place the music in a trendy time or place the music Just supporting the story and it's hyper detailed and it makes you laugh and cry and that's the sort of area

I like to play in because I can't write pop songs. So yeah, good musical theaters out there But it's for me It those are the sort of the three possible categories of good musical theater And then there's a bunch of other stuff which is really just people trying to make money out of old properties. My nephews have started watching, so there's like a version of Matilda now, the musical like on TV or online somewhere. Frickin massive film. Yeah.

He just text me, lyrics from Matilda, out of context. And the first time he did it, he text me, all new kids. And so you think you're able to survive this mess by being a principal at Penn Social, and then just holding whole thing, was very threatening, out of context. I hadn't seen Mattel during a while. And probably written down, you don't realise that the alphabet is hidden in those lyrics.

Not, I didn't, the alphabet's there at all. LAUGHTER I was just having a little kids to go and all of a sudden. No, that was the alphabet, what's the next thing? There was an outfit, yeah. I was just having a bit of a kids' got- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, well, I know books now. I'm not saying great. Stephen Graham. Oh, I mean, I was Stephen Graham. Yeah, he plays Mr. Wormwood. Tell them I will beat him up. Yeah, all right. I've said on the podcast before.

Yeah, James is trying to start a feud with Stephen Graham, which to me doesn't sound like the smartest idea. We could probably get that happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a very nice guy and he's not as tall as you, but there's absolutely no doubt that he'd make mincemeat. Well, this is what it would assumes. And that's what make mincemeat. But there's like, what assumes? And that's what I've got on my side.

Have you ever had a fight? No. I feel like you're someone who could begin his luck. Yeah. It's not luck if you're playing it mate. It doesn't work like that. I feel like you could get angry enough about something to have a bit of a, to do some damage.

Got a good reach. Yeah. Really? Yeah, he's like, you know, he's got, I think, mentally, intellectually. Not intellectually. He was absolutely lost with that immigrant stuff. Yeah. And then you've watched the alphabet, I mean.

I mean, this whole thing has been confusing. Oh, 27 letters. Yeah, 27. We always start with still a spark to water. Do you have a preference? Well, I don't want to immediately destabilise the premise of your podcast, but sparkling. Yeah. I'm just going to go crazy from the outset. Yeah. You feel pretty Dutch? Yeah. I really thought you were going to throw a spanner in the water, because some people come and they go to like water, it's disgusting, but just straight for sure.

Yeah, who drinks water these days? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Boring for to all be drinking water. That's to check your privilege. Yeah, I think sparkling, it came quite late for me. Didn't really start sparkling till my 30s, probably. Well, what was the change? What happened? Success, success to that sparkling water.

To be fair, I was too poor for sparkling water until about that. I think it really cleanses the palate, doesn't it? It makes you feel like, right? Now I'm ready for something disgusting to go. It's not how you feel food. It's something disgusting. It's pretty disgusting when you break it down. Literally, yeah. But yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like the sparkle. And it's probably still makes you feel a bit like I'm having a proper dinner. If you, you know, because you don't have sparking water at home before dinner, do you? So, no, it marks that you're embarking on a ritual. Yeah, like the cutting of the ribbon. Yeah, that's right. Ready to rock. Yeah.

Would you have it if someone offered you a tap at home that dispensed sparkling water, would you say yes or would you say no, then that will burn all meals out for me? I mean, I guess that offer is tacitly there, isn't it? I mean, I wrote my till rock and I have a sparkling water tank. I'd rather do a fucking want. So, and I'm renovating my house at the moment. I'm not, I'm hiring people who know how to do it. And yeah, there's all that, you know, hot tap dough, but I'm super, I hate over tech. I hate having more things that can break down in my home. So, literally I've got to want a hot and cold water tap.

I don't even want a mixer, you know, and I want light switches to be like on and off. And if you want, if you can, a demo can be a round demo, if you're going to have a demo, but none of this sort of like his five different settings and you can change the settings for the different lights. It's just like each light has a switch. Each temperature of water has a tap. And that, but me, instant boiling water, I don't know, something I'm deeply uncomfortable

with about instant boiling water. It feels like you need to put the effort in. Yes, yes. I like the, the ritual of like, well, I want to cup a tea, but I'm going to have to have to. I'm going to have to go and wait. Yeah. I'm going to have to take breath here.

You don't like the idea of one of those taps. You don't want too much technology in your house. But what about a Japanese toilet? You must want it. Everyone wants a Japanese toilet in the house, right? My first experience as a Japanese toilet, I got to stay in Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber's apartment in New York once while he was fond of me, I guess,

because I was doing Jesus Christ Superstar, which was going well for him and Matilda's, he owns the Cambridge Theatre. So like, we've got a bit of a relationship and I was over there. Right, actually, opening Matilda on Broadway and writing Groundhog Day in his apartment. I've got this fantastic photo of all my colored sticky notes

on his window, overlooking Santa Barbara, in the Trump Tower. You heard of that guy? Anyway, yeah. And he's got one of those toilets where it's got a little nozzle and you can adjust where it's pointing and it's squirts water at your pooper

and all that and stuff. And it's pretty nice. It feels like another thing that can break down and having to get your your poopy squirter fixed the whole time.. It feels like another thing that can break down and having to get your square, your poopy square to fix the whole time. I'm feels like. It's embarrassing. And annoyance.

Yes, sorry, Mike. Yeah. But I did. The important pistol that fires at my anus is broken. Do you come over and fix it? Yeah. Yeah. Just shift your anus, mate.

I know you wrote me tell to be in shift your anus. I can't believe you can shift your hand. You can at least shift your hand. Yeah, and I definitely noticed people would disappear into the toilet and not come out for a while. Like it was a sort of novelty thing where people find... Which is a nice reason for it to happen at Shobba's parties, right? That's quite violent, that's it.

I think you could have been the other option and you would just very naive. Yeah, I would love that. Pupi Squirt. Pupi Squirt has bl is blasting my line off the toilet. Oh, God. I think I am really naive about that stuff. Yes, I am.

I'm like, and even though, because I'm not a taker of drugs, particularly, but I'm really stupid about it. I've been in this, I've been playing rock and roll for a long time and I just, I'm still dumb about it. Or I'll go to a party with all my actor friends. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he was the part with me. When that, when our friend headbutt of the wall and then got back up, that was... That was obviously feeling very resilient, though. That's just going around like Will Ferrell and Elf.

Like, it's like it happens nice. Oh, that was another thing. That was what I was trying to remember. I was going to ask. What, has Andrew Lloyd-Babber ever played his song, my name is Andrew to you? No, has he got a song called, my name is Andrew? Yeah, he played it to Josh Groban.

No, he didn't. I think you're getting mixed up. Josh Groban told us that when he came on the podcast. I think you made up the song, my name is Andrew, from memory. Well, I'll let you be the judge of who, do you think made this song? Ha ha ha ha. Me, I actually like that.

He played it to Josh Groban and it goes, my name is Andrew. Hello, hello, hello. I have shoes and I have to go. Actually, it might be, I have feet and I have to go. It might be that I have feet and I have to go. I think that sounds quite good. Yeah, maybe Josh Groben made it up. Oh, he made it up.

Yeah. Yeah. Graves. Groves probably made it up. Past off as I was doing with Weber. Andrew's quite eccentric, but that feels right. Does that? Yeah. Right, you've got to be.

You've got to be that good. You've got to be. And he's very young when he was that good. I mean, I think getting sort of really respected and famous young, it's, I mean, the people I know to whom that happened, the most sort of destabilized people I know, not, not that Andrew's unstable. It's just like, it's strange for you a personality it's hard to know how to be.

Well, being brilliant and then also having to work extremely hard, what do you think? Yeah, that's right, spins everyone out a bit. How old was he? I think he wrote a superstar at 21. What? Wow. That's younger than Jesus, isn't the boy? Yeah.

Jesus didn't do it. A dozen years. Jesus, don't go this. He's smoking kindness at do it in the end. Yeah, Jesus don't know this. Jesus is smoking kindness, it's 21. That's his wilderness years, hanging on. Yeah. I'm worried that he puts sticky notes on his window, to be honest.

How did you get off the residue? Well, I don't think the sticky notes leave much residue, that's the point of them. It's not like I glued notes to that window. Yeah, but I would still wouldn't put them on glass, especially on a big window overlooking. Well, I feel like he has a person who cleans those windows. Is that a floor to ceiling window?

Tim Rice. Yeah. Tim Rice, yeah. Yeah. He's a good kid. He's got his gym rice to soak up red wine spills. Yeah. Either that or you crank the poop sheets

or up to 11 and just hang glitz right on the left. I'll put the tool. Just hang glitz. It's going to go. Yeah. Yeah. Pop it up, dog red. Pop it up, dog red. and just anglic right on the ocean. To Daniel. To Daniel. To Daniel. Yeah. Pop-nomsaw bread. Pop-nomsaw bread.

Oh. Pop-nomsaw bread. I didn't know that was a question. I'm not prepared. Pop-nomsaw bread. Yeah. Well, you have pop-noms if you're eating South Asian food. But we're not.

I mean, I know where this is going. So I would say bread, but the bread bread. Any particular sort of bread? White. Very fluffy with a crispy like a big get. Big get bread sort of warm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The same as the spot in the water. Everything's epic. If you ever gone to a Boulangerie and got a Boulond jury? On paris, yeah, I actually, yeah, yeah, yeah. And have you walked home with the baguette? I've ridden home with a basket, red bike. I have, I think I've walked home with a baguette in France, yeah.

And did you bite the top off of the baguette on the way home? Or did you wait until you got home to eat the baguette? I mean, I understand the question, but it's not a tricky one. I'm going to answer every question with, I'm going to start with that. I understand the question. I understand the question. I mean, no, you don't do that. That's not where the joy is.

I mean, the knob at the end is, you know, but no one wants to wrap their lips around the knob at the end. No, there's too much across there. Yeah. No, you do. I mean, I, I ate the ends. It depends what you're using it for. Oh, I always nibble the end. Yeah. Yeah.

You're not enough. I can't resist it. As you're walking home. Yeah. I can't resist it. I'm more likely to dig a bit out of the middle if I'm going to. That's, that's a good, but that, I think you can get away with a little just, and you know, no per Parisians are going to bat an eyelid,

but if you're in the middle of the street digging the middle out, yeah, I think you're going to lose some of the sort of French cool. Cudos. Yeah, the Cudos. Yeah. And if you do a bunch of different ones down the middle and you can play it like a flute, maybe when you get home, yeah, I don't know. I'm trying that. I mean, I understand the question. You could like put down like sometimes when I'm trying to kill a tree, I'm trying to kill a tree.

You drill holes around the trunk and then squirt monsanto products into the trunk. So you could do that with a life ready, like drill some holes and put jam, I said make it into it, so it'd be long. I would like that. Yeah, yeah. What else could you squirre interested in how many times you've killed a tree? I killed trees. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Scott, but no, no. The nofo little tree tax is absolutely ideal. Yeah, I killed trees. Next question. Yeah, yeah. I have a little block of what we call a block. What do you call that over here?

What, a paltus? No, like a bit land. Oh, 12 acres of native Australian rainforest, but the problem is not native, because of colonialism, it's like you guys, that everything's been crap. And not just like you guys, that everything's been crap. And not just like you guys, other people bring stuff.

And it's like a micro climate down south from Sydney. And it's got beautiful native trees, but is often challenged by invasive species, some of which are trees themselves. But mostly it's landowners, it's like bushes and stuff. So you have to very carefully, well, you can just go and spray it all with life, and then run roughshod over it. We're doing a different thing. We're trying to rewild the trees whilst not like lovely native birds live in the invasive species. So you do it slowly, slowly, and try not

to spray life, and stuff. So we're doing that. So one way to do that is to drill holes and things back square. The baguette. The flute. So one way to do that is to drill holes and things that get too much poison in there. The baguette, the gluten. The flute, the baguette. You want to get mixed up and put jam in the trees, though. So don't ever do that, Tim. Well, I don't know if I'm gonna... I don't want to open the paper.

I don't want to open the paper read about you squirted jam in the trees, because you're mixed up. Well, I want to see that for you. I really appreciate that. We're gonna get onto your dream meal now, and I thought of a great question, Ed. All right, okay, here we go. We'll Tim understand it. This is a question. Oh, yeah, that's... Is this the kind of question? Is it...

Fuck. Oh, fuck. It's starting up. Oh, fuck. Start the whole podcast. Is this the kind of meal that you could have over and over again day after day, over, over, each day having the same meal over and over, like groundhog day. There you go. I like that. Yeah. I don't think you want to do anything over and over, do you?

But which is sort of what groundhog day is about, or at least trying to figure out how you bring wisdom to bear on the question of how you put up with life's grind, is what groundhog day is about. So there it does sometimes feel like it's very, oh my god, I'm awake again. It's another morning. Do you have a Yes, I feel like you guys probably have most mornings you feel like. There's a lyric in Groundhog Day that there's a song called Hope that starts with the lyric, there will be mornings when you're

utterly defeated by your laces which is something I've sort of felt. Not Jamesy was velcro, she was. Yes, yes. That's the thing. They defeat me though. That's when you know you're in trouble. Yeah, yeah. But this meal that I have planned for you boys,

it would be a lot. Right. Well, it's just quite heavy, but yeah, I mean, you could, you could, but you get sick of, I mean, food, perhaps more than anything anything is enhanced by novelty, isn't it? So, but some people don't feel like that. Some people like having the same thing every day and having a routine. I don't, I think that sounds awful. Yeah. If you said to me, you won breakfast for the rest of your life, and I went and lovely granola, some yoga, and some rhubarb, or something. I mean, I base it. That's what I have every morning.

Very happy with that. Breakfast seems to me. So you have a groundhog breakfast, but the rest is right. Yeah. Next music called, groundhog breakfast. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, I understand the question. LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Your dream starter. Yeah. All right, so this is where my vegetarian sort of ism, I mean, we fall, fall away very quickly because it's patte. Oh, patte. The meatiest of the starters. The cruelest of meat.

Yeah, patte. And this is why I was a bit thrown by the bread and popping-up question because my starter involves bread and it would, you know, really lovely, really buttery patte. No, no complexity. Not like, oh, there's a peppercorns or some sort of wooden just like, and I know, oh, there's like fishy things, just like, liver, duck liver, you know, chicken liver. Duck liver, chicken liver. Probably chicken liver. I actually don't know how different duck, I'm sure, connoisseurs would don't know how different duck, I'm sure connoisseurs would say they're very different, but I'm sure. But yeah, really buttery,

really bad for you and bad for the duck, you know, pate with an onion jam. Lovely. Yeah, really thick sticky. Yeah, like caramelized on the chicken sticky. Yeah, caramelized onion jam and then just yeah, baguette. Yeah, really, really fresh. I'm so on board of this. If there's ever like chicken liver pate or anything like that on a menu. Yeah, always ordering it. I tend not to because I feel a bit bad about it, but that's why in my fantasy one, I can just go nuts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I didn't ever I don't know what kind of pate we had when I was growing up. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't ever, I don't know what kind of pate we had when I was growing up. Yeah. It wasn't like pate.

I didn't like it. Yeah, I thought I don't like pate. So I would never do that. But then I remember being in a restaurant or whatever way it was just like, you know, you get what you're given. Yeah. And they bought that out and I was like, oh, I can't believe it's an hour and a half. And this is like the smoothest.

Yeah. And I'm not sure I've ever told this to her in the podcast, I might have done. But my wife once bought Pate from a news agent that was out of date and she, she the same. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She, basically, when I go away, she buys Pate from a news agent, she will eat just pickles all day and then she'll go to the closest place where you can buy food, which is normally a news agent. Right. And on this occasion, she bought some pate from an news agent that probably wasn't good to start with and I think was out of date. And wait till you hear this. She claims it made her seem black and white for I think she bought a newspaper. I think she just got the words confused.

So she bought a newspaper and went home and read it. And she's like, I'm seeing him black and white. That's crazy. Ed's got to wait tomorrow for a month. Yeah, I'm really want to check in. I'm going to check in. Where? To Australia.

Tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, To Australia tomorrow. Yeah, it's more a comedy festival. Yeah, two weeks of Melbourne and then all over the place in the New Zealand You ever been and your wife's To Australia Can't remember I was there a week ago And I'll be there again in two weeks is your wife useless. Yeah, she used to be going away It's not so useless. Oh, you

I got used to this She useless. Oh, useless. I've got to be useless. Yeah. I love her. Yeah. That's a delicious start. Yeah.

Yeah. I like that a long trouble is your full already, but we can I pretend that I'll forget that that's not a problem. Yeah. That's part of this right. For sure. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you're never going to want dessert at the end of this shit show, but um, but that's when we're in a fantasy world where a lot of people employ that rule. Yeah. I've like, you don't get full. Yeah. And you just can eat whatever before you go to dinner, you have this lovely little ceremony where you have a surgical bypass, where you bypass your stomach and you just get a pipe taken from the lower part of your esophagus straight out the side of your body. Just falls into a bucket, an open bucket.

It's a wonderful attitude to the notion of fantasy that you're thinking. It's like, no, you can't stretch it to a child's not being fooled. Fancy sleep, that's what brains really like. Even like with my sexual fantasies, I have to peg it really. I have to really peg it to reality. I can't let myself, I have to be really close to reality with just a little twist to keep it. So what we talk like if you were having a sexual fantasy about someone who wasn't your partner, would you have to then put that

in a world where that is okay and you've been given permission? Well to be honest, I don't want to be too creepy, but I would, I would usually have to have seen that person recently. So I can peg it to something that actually have happened to you. I'm quite a literal person, but actually the honest truth is I don't, it's mostly my partner. That's lovely. It's not lovely. It's sad and annoying. And I can't have dreams about it.

Like I can't have sex, if I have a sexy dream, it always stops. My dream, I won't let me do fun things in my sleep. It's so annoying. And also, if you have to go through the whole rigmarole of being like, well, then we'd split up, of course. Yeah. And one of us would have to move that. We'd just do that. And you'd have to put the movers and get the truck and stuff.

This is really getting away with my... Yes, I'm just going to die. I'm going to die. That's right. BEEP. BEEP. Dream main course. I want to preface this and I should've said this earlier,

I'm not really a foodie, right? But I mean that, but I don't think I'm as bad at this as some pit, like I'm not as skanky and sort of... Yeah, you're desiccious. You're definitely not. Was it Nick Muhammad? Yeah, that might be one of the worst menus. I mean, it is one of the worst menus we've ever had.

Yeah. I would rather eat the pipe that comes out of your side and goes into a bucket. I would rather eat the bucket contents after you've had it. I would probably love it. Yeah, yeah. It's just good food chewed through my mouth. Yeah, that's right.

It's not breaking down in any sort of scientific way. Is it? It's just pattoe shooting out that pipe. Yeah, it's just pattoe. Well, it's all chewed up. It's chewed up. Yeah, it's chewed up. It's chewed up.

It's chewed up. It's chewed up. Yeah, it's chewed up. It's chewed up. It's chewed up. Yeah, it's chewed up. It's chewed up. Yeah, it's chewed up.

Yeah, it's chewed up. Yeah, it's chewed up. Yeah, it's chewed up. Yeah, it's chewed up. Yeah, it's chewed up. Yeah, it's a steak. Yeah, yeah. Because really, especially when I'm hungry, if I imagine that the pat I didn't touch the sides, quite literally, I love, like, and you know, it's quite trendy these days to really like marble, that I'm like lean fat. You know, you get a fillet that's like as tall as it is wise, basically sort of a fist of mage.

And quite rare, but not too rare, really high quality filler. And that's basically it. I'm pretty happy it was a sort of on a plate with a little, I don't know, what do we do with it? Like sometimes I think, like, no, what's the sort of sauce that's not Bernays, but maybe it's Bernays. Butays is the like Tarragon-E creamy one. Yeah, creamy. But when it's really, really good and really moist, you've belly-needered. I completely agree.

Sometimes you just don't need a sauce. Dream steak is going to be without a sauce, really. Yeah. That's when that is like the most delicious, the most best quality. You're masking it. Yeah. Anything masking it is a step backwards. Yeah. I picture it with something

green on the plate and and asparagus looks pretty dumb but I can't handle the smell of my urine the next time. I just I just stopped. I've just gone okay enough. I can't handle the smell of my urine. Yeah. Like immediately actually like minutes later., I've buy it everything and then I go, I'm gonna go have a wee and it's just, it makes my eyes hurt. It's awful. Does anyone know anything about that? The chemistry of that. Well, I always think, is it like the asparagus

protecting itself? Yeah, it's saying, you don't want to eat mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My urine's gonna stink. It's not the asparagus's urine, unless it is, I don't know anything about science really Not you know enough to know that a sparigus doesn't urinate. Yeah, it does all all living things have Output yes excretions excretions. It's great something. Yeah. Oh, why not well? Someone's talking about the oxygen. I mean we hope

I hope I suppose does the sparigus excrete at all Plants actually just never is I hope I suppose. I just asparagus, excrete at all, plant, sex, or just leaves. I've never been close enough. I've never been close enough to an asparagus to hear if it's breathing or not. I'm so embarrassed that I don't know. I think we should do that. It's been an episode of getting a asparagus on.

Yeah. I've got his dream menu. Yeah. Thib is breathed, it's sweet. I kind of, I don't mind the smell of my ear enough to write it asparagus. Yeah. Some people find it kind of like novel.

It reminds me of what I ate the night before. Yeah, gross. So first thing in the morning, like when you have a boat, go to the toilet after a beetroot. Yeah, exactly. That's the panic one. Yeah, that's the proper panic one. The Asparagus, because you know, when you get up in the morning,

you're a bit like just still not fully working up. Yeah. And like not connected with the world. And then some of the Asparagus. And then I was like, that's what I did last night. It's like a ginger shop. Yeah. I don't remember anything else. What I know, I had asparagus. I totally blacked out, clearly got in a fight, but at least I had asparagus. I tell you what you imagine Tim. Imagine Tim. If you ate asparagus one night, and then the next day

is when your groundhog day started. Yeah. So every morning, every morning, I was like, oh, we are the sparrows. I guess you get. Yeah. But you're a little head and body. Yeah. I was under the mishap prevention that there's a people have, you know, different receptors and different. And I thought some people don't seem to worry about the sparrows smell. I don't really smell it and I thought the distinction was some humans whatever the chemical is, they don't excrete, they absorb it or something so it's not coming out of their urine and some humans, they excrete all that through their urine, which is probably dumb. I think what it is is that some people just can't really smell it very much. It's more

a receptor thing. I was told, some people can smell it, some people can't smell it. So I can't. Some people hate the smell of cucumber because they can smell something. Well, exactly. And I'm not a big fan of, and by the way, I'm not a super-tester

because I did a podcast with people a lot dumber than you guys, Brian Cox. Oh, yeah, I did. Oh, the monkey. We had him on. Yeah, absolutely crackpot. Yeah. He believes all this weird shit, it's really exciting. He exerts had him on. Yeah, absolutely crackpot. He believes all this weird shit is really exciting.

It's man's everywhere. Yeah. But we did this wine podcast and I'm a bogan, you know, like I don't have like fine taste or anything. But whatever the thing is, that smells asparagus. I'm the king of that. I have that asparagus piss smelling thing everywhere. He smells everywhere. Yeah. So you don't want asparagus piss smelling thing everywhere.

So you don't want asparagus on this plate? No, so if it's not that, as I say, they're pretty aren't they? Yeah, pretty spears. Well, you could have a bunch of asparagus in involves in the middle of the table. A giant in that, or like a wreath. Yeah, we could not be wearing littlestparagus. The asparagus crowns. The fact We're going to be wearing littlest berries. That's very, it's crowned. I'm so happy I'll do it.

All right. That's good. Mid-Summer. Yeah. OK, so if I got something else on the plate, it would be either long-stem broccoli. It's very nice with some roasted pine nuts through it or something like that.

Or of course, some Brussels sprouts, you know, a seat of fried to almost burnt with little bits of bacon or something. Bacon and the steaks a bit much, but I'm sure. But if you go, if you're going for it, it's all coming out the pipe. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. Sometimes we go to like a steakhouse or whatever. The sides are usually pretty beefed up.

They've got other stuff in them. They're pretty crazy. And you are pretty hungry, so it's quite exciting to get one of those kind of bacon bits in the... And if you're honest, a little mac and cheese with the steak is pretty insane. Like, really classy, one of the little blue cheese in it or something. But I think there's a section in this podcast where you ask about sides, and I'm sort of trying to cheat by having something on the plate, and then I want to have a side as well. Absolutely fine, both, and I'm sort of trying to cheat by having something on the plate,

and then I want to have a side as well. Absolutely fine, mate. So I'm going to leave the greens on the plate, and then I'm going to get into mac and cheese on the side, smaller, or a lot. I think that's absolutely. Also, I think, because of the steak you're having, I think you can afford to have some richer sides,

because it's not like a mad marble dribbier or anything, which is not like a much foing. The oilier. Yeah, I think that's right, or something cheesy is fine. How do you, do you want it sort of cooked on an open flame? I hate to, you know, start leaning towards stereotypes of your countrymen. Uh-oh.

Yeah, no, it's not a Barbie. I, you know, I felt pretty deep into that trap. It's a great to go with a new movie. Barbie, very much. I wasn't sure. I we go to Gerber's new movie. Barbie. Very much. I wasn't sure. I've heard a lot about that project over the years. I had a meeting about it back in the day as in they wanted songs and stuff.

And I was like, you wrote a lot of songs about barbecues. Yeah. You know, like, Tim, why are we going to throw a shrimp on this bar? I'm not going to throw. Yeah, and I wasn't sure. But I said, send me a script and then I never did so. Maybe it was because I kept talking about Barbies. It looks quite funny. I think I'm big-cus.

My countryman who's playing the lead role is very, very talented and she can do it all, including be very funny. Do you know? Yeah, Margot. Not very well actually. She was in, she was a voice in my movie that died. My animated film that I spent four years making, that shut down, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. I know that.

Mine. I directed and co-wrote and wrote songs for like, I don't know. I did whatever, a million dollar, I moved to LA to co-direct and co-write this film. We spent four years on it and we were 50 something million bucks in and like three quarters. That was amazing, carrot, beautiful carrot design

and Hans Zimmer was helping move the score. Yeah, and every huge appman and Jackie Weaver and Margaret Rubian, Naomi Watson, you know, everyone was Mendo, everyone was in it. But yeah, the studio got bought and they just went, yeah, that's a tax rate off. That was that. Well, when was this? Well, a timeline wise, yeah, the studio got bought and they just went, yeah, that's a tax write-off. That was that. Well, when was this? Well, a timeline was, is it pretty? Well, the closed down happened the same year that Groundhog Day within the same few months that Groundhog Day closed on Broadway

and a whole lot of sort of ruthless American, uh, reductive behavior as well or not reductive it's some ruthless. Um, yeah. But, you know, you want to play in that end of the game, you can't go. I thought it was all going to be like a school play. You know, it's the thought, but the shutdown of lyricals, the, the film was right on the high end of, you know, everyone, everyone in Hollywood's got a story of something got shut down, but it's usually not that late. Yeah. Yeah.

And working with those company, I would have fought in your position. You would have been like, boy, this is definitely happening. I've got hands in my, I've got this. Oh, I mean, I actually never doubted. I'm super foolish about this stuff, actually. I'm just about to pitch my new show to market,

like I've been developing it for two years. And again, I say mine because we're talking about me as obviously always. A lot of people and a lot of work and I've got a really good production company attached, a fantastic director and really good pilot. And I'm like, well, this is my next project. And it's only recently after working out two years, I'm, oh no, this is another thing that, you know, it's a period piece that's going to, someone needs to commit, you know, 20 something million pounds to a show with me at the center.

Like, it's probably, it won't happen. I just sort of forget all the time. I'm so like, why did I? Like, I've got a creative idea and I've worked really hard and I'm really kind. Let's do it, guys. And they're like, yeah, it doesn't quite work. But you probably need that level of optimism and excitement about it while you're crazy. I think it's got me a long way. Yeah. My God, it hurts when you suddenly go, oh yeah, it's not, it's, I'm very polyannarch. I seem to, even after my sort of aynas

horribleus, even after losing the arrogance, which did, I was really like knocked sideways by it. And the whole, and broadways always, pretty traumatic, even with Matilda, it was quite traumatic. But I seem to rise again as this like kind of dough-eyed, you know, baby in the woods, you know. Oh, hello, Mr. Wolf. You know, like, it's so weird. Why are you going to the toilet again, Mr. Wolf?

That's right. Should I come with you, Mr. Wolf? Yeah, what do you mean out of order? Yeah, so I think that is good and I love my work so much and that's what's driving the polyanna richness. It's just like, oh, you're saying polyanna rich. Yes, I would say polyanna. I was like, no, you're not. You can't even one coper. That's true. That's true. But like, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. A second time out, I was like, we're talking about polianic. Yeah. That's a character. It was naive. Yeah. I don't think it's going to be better.

Yeah. I wish I could be slightly less polianarish and slightly more polianorous, but, um, yeah, even creatively, you're the opposite of polianorous, right? You focus on one thing. Yeah. Absolutely not. I go pretty hard on things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But when it pays off, pays off pretty big, but then you can't have what about the other ones? It's a gamble. Yeah. I didn't realize

how much it was a gamble. Ed. Just for the listener, Tim, user phrase gamble, didn't reference it at all because it's just a normal sentence. and James pointed at me, which is why Tim felt like he had to bring it up. Yeah. That's not what it is. James is like, the passion opportunity for a job mention. Fucking idiot. That joke is not on to it.

It's a pun. It's not even a pun, it's just his name. It's his name. It's his name, but I love it. I love it. It's his name. I'm going to fucking get this chair keeps rolling. I need a caster. Oh, yes. You know, like I'm it. I love it. It's his name. I'm going to fucking get this chair keeps rolling. I need a caster.

Oh, yes. You know, like I'm trying. Yes. I have a pasta. That's a part of that really did. That got me out of nowhere. People don't really do them about my name as much. Well, I'm here to change that.

Fakitib. Yeah. Don't mention my name, etc. We were. Yeah. You need to be quite a bad podcast. You need to be quite a bad podcast. From a mediocre podcast. This has become a bad podcast.

I'll probably see you in the last five minutes. And then I'll start legal down here in selection from the beginning. And I think we've come good on that. Yeah, yeah, we're on a slide. Half way down. Because on this podcast, if people have food that they don't want to include in their menu, but they want to shout out, we call them honorable mansions. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nounchens. Oh, no. For your episode, we'll call them honorable munchens. We'll call them honorable munchens. Honorable munchens. Honorable munchens.

Honorable munchens. Honorable munchens. Honorable munchens. Honorable munchens. Honorable munchens. Honorable munchens. If you do have any. That issue on my food pipe any day.

Yeah, yeah. If you've got any or a munchens. If you've got any or a munchens. Yeah, yeah. You're honorable munchens. I mean, I I actually really think in the cab on the way here to get enough food to answer your freaking questions. I'm not kind of like, and you said your dream side is just mac and cheese.

So we're kind of all we know what they're saying. I feel like, yeah, you know, slightly burnt on the top and crunch your way through. And I think, yeah, but when you scoop it out, it's all runny. And so that sprints a bit of your sauce. You're the sort of stringy cheese. I think maybe it's runnier than that. Yeah, but when you scoop it out, it's all runny. And so that strings a bit of your sauce. You want the sort of string you choose? I think maybe it's running out than that. Yeah, okay.

It's quite almost saucy in the bottom. And you dipping steak in there. I think you've got some bread left over that you're dipping. But I think within your steak there, and a little bit of long stem broccoli. You call it long stem, broccoli-nears the other. We call it broccoli-nears. Or tender stem?

Tender stem. That's what it is over here. Yeah, and that's what it says in Waitrose. Tendestem. Yeah, and I think you're slushing your steak in your cheese goodness. And it's not loaded, mucking cheese does not like. I don't think so. I think it may be a couple of different cheeses and maybe a bit of, as I say, a bit of

blue or something, but I want to talk about truffle. Yes. And I don't want to upset anyone. Is that cool? Yeah. We call it truffle. Well, cool, we're talking about it. I'm going to trigger truffle trigger.

Yeah, there's better truffle triggers here. I want to say fuck truffle, man. But I don't really feel that strongly, but I've been forced to kind of take a position. It feels like a culture war thing. Like, and it's not my fault that I'm angry about it. It's been over. It's shoved in my face. Yeah, you know, been pushed on. I just feel like truffle. Everyone's just putting truffle in everything and it's an obnoxious little fucking fun guys and it's like, I've learnt to be cross about it because

I don't mind a little bit of truffle in something, but it just, it's really aggressive and it really makes a lot of itself. Oh, oh, oh, God, I'm truffle. Oh, no. Yeah. It's that, I mean, it's a truffle. What did it say? It said, it's a truffle.

That's it. You need the slightest shaving and that's fine. So you could have a truffle mac and cheese. And there was a time when I'd be, oh, that's a lovely little note, a musty note, you know, but now it's just like... It's the truffle oil, but it's the synthetic truffle oil. People just lug that in and that's the really aggressive one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a little shaving, a little grating is lovely. I love this character that you've created for truffle though. Yeah, I like truffle. I feel like...

Oh, guys, I'm in your chips. Joe is kind of like. It's like, if you've seen the latest, compared to mere catadverts, I've had them all. I don't know if I've seen the latest. Oh, send them over to you. No, I do, I do, won't send them to you, Tim. So I think it would be class of the hate crime.

Because, oh yeah, good point. That, their cousin, the one back from Australia visits. And, steam has got this as the voice shout out. Does he? Yeah. That's steam doing that voice. The one that's going to be like, Advert. Well, he's, he's kind of like your shuffle character, but Australian. So you doing this for shuffle, I feel, is like his rebalance in the universe and going like, well, here's a, you know, Stain's one bat is like, Oh, guys. Like, he's kind of like, you know,

like, like, absolutely, like, bowling into the scene, just like, clumsying, knocking everything over, completely, completely, completely, other way of like, how obnoxious he's being. Yeah. But essentially, he has a good heart. Yeah.

And I feel like that about your trouble character. Yeah. I don't know though, I think it might be more nefarious than that. I think truffles doing it deliberately. Yeah, I think it's a bully. I mean, yeah, I agree with you about the trick. My girlfriend absolutely hates truffles. Right. To the point now where, if I book us a meal somewhere and they say any allergies, I just say that she's allergic to truffle. Yeah. Because like it's not going to, it's going to, and if sometimes we forget to, we just go somewhere and they bring them out, at least I know I'm

getting double of that thing. I'm at least going to have that as well. I've got a joke in my head that's making me laugh. It's just like, it's so obnoxious. I mean, I'll just say it because it's just terrible. Which is that, of course, you go off and Hatch travel all those years, you were forced to look for it. So yeah, yeah, that's a funny thing. It's you go off for interp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so off, but it's got to be it's actually nice.

Yeah, I don't even know. I don't, it's not funny to me because I think it's an awful thing to do with this joke about it. Yeah, sure. Yeah, but it's funny to me because it's a terror. It's not my sort of joke. And so I had to say it out that. Yeah, I get it. I'm also thinking we've already met today, but I still feel like I'm already at that point with you where, oh, my God. I mean, I love joke. Like because it's a joke on a joke,

it's a joke about terrible. These jokes are,. We all do jokes about our wives and our mothers, right? And that's funny until it's true, which is why I didn't do it with your girlfriend. The problem with you. Where are you good? When you delivered that. I double-jucked. You didn't change the way you were sitting to your ironic search. No, I run into it.

So I confused you. Yeah. No, I don't, I think come... I feel the thing. I think it's all about... I love you. From your trotters all the way up to your flat. I love you.

Your dream drink? Well, I am an alcoholic. I'm not really, I'm a sort of medicinal alcohol dependent person. Which means I like a drink every day. It's a really nice way to end a day, but I have no spin-up, you know, you've got friends who spin-up drinkers. Do you like, if you have one, you have two, and if you have two, you have four, and then you're looking for some cocaine? I am, if I'm out with, I don't look for cocaine about the end, because I don't know you, but I'd spend up with that. If I was out with friends, I would find it, if I was out with Ed, I'd find it difficult just to have one and go

out and see you later. So home. But people that you like spending time with, well, you don't need to drink alcohol. Like after this podcast, when we go next to one of the pub, then I would like, yeah, that as we were finishing the first drink, the best idea in the world, we've been best idea in the world I see no point in having one drink. Yeah, I Home up one and I don't even want a second one after that. Yeah, yeah, maybe maybe at home But out and about one one drink what I'd rather have no drinks very hard Yeah, but I wouldn't rather have no drinks that's absurd

so So that's I only say that because I do love a drink, but I only drink one thing really these days. I've slowly over time just gone. So every time I have a nagroney, I say, you know, you get someone nice and head it out with a cocktail, I do want, because I want to, I'm just, I could be drinking red wine right now. This is a complete waste of the alcoholic effect. I could be drinking a good heavy dry earth Aussie red wine.

And so that, for me, it's, it's a beautiful red wine. I'm not really enough of a wine wanker to sort of tell you what year it would be or whatever, but a South Australian or West Australian dry earth sharazoray or something like heavy reds. Heavy reds with high alcohol content to make the feeling scar. And the first glass of wine I've ever had was an Australian Shiraz. Amazing. Just proper.

Is it pinfants? It was pinfants. Yeah, for years I'd do Melbourne and the New Zealand company first of all, and would always have to bring my dad, that's the kind of one he likes. Yeah. It's like, yeah, as Shira has from that region. And so like, I'd always have to find a different but all to bring back for him. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, I mean, I was pretty nice dude. Yeah. But like, yeah, I mean, it must be pretty cool. If you're into that, coming from the actual country. Yeah, it's a good place to live. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You do get a bit ruined.

I think I was these, I find, you know, and I know this is a reveal of my unsophistication, but I find like, even quite, you know, really good French wines. So that they have this earthiness and this brownness to the colour and stuff. And I recognize, I think I could pick it, but I could recognize quite good French red, but I'm just, we're ruined in Australia, not because they're better, but because they're so heavy and so peppery,

you're slightly, you lose subtlety in your palate, you're just like, a rrrr, a psyched in drinking steak, in a bicycle yourself. Do you have a collection of wine at home? No, no. That doesn't last. You're just buying it.

Yeah, just to get six at a time or something. Yeah. And then the next day, go back to the shop. So you're not aging any penfolds at home or anything. It won't last up. No, no, no, no, I'm not a collector of wine. And I don't buy very posh wine. I buy $20, you know, $15,

quit, you know, maybe slightly nicer. Which ones you go to? Which one would you... It doesn't have to be the one you have at the dream mill, but what's your, what's your one other day you're pouring yourself a glass at the end of the day? What is it normally? I just, I never even buy the same. There's just so many different wines in Australia. I'll try that one. Yeah. I mean, the penfolds have lots of lower level, they're not all granged. There's like been one, three, four stuff and there's a one called Max's because named after one of their old vineyards and stuff and so I tend to, I do buy those. I've got a dear friend who owned fast Felix, so I buy, you know, when you know someone, and there's another winery

in West Australia, where we know the people called Pietro. So, you know, I tend to go, you know, like when you watch films, you have friends or anything, stuff like that. Oh, lovely. I don't know. I don't know what wine I drink. Just a nice one. Just the one that makes the feeling go away. Right, I know. Because we're talking about Australia drink now and then. Like, is there certain things that you

can only get in Australia that you miss when you're over here or when you're elsewhere, like foods or drinks that you're like, I wish I could have a, I mean, I'm not, yeah. Yeah, no, no. What would be a lazy reference? A tip tab? Yeah, I mean, these days you can get it all over here, but you know, there's people are really like, I think my brain doesn't work like that. Like people go, oh, I couldn't live in England the weather and I don't like the, I wish I could get my favorite food or whatever.

My brain's just like, I don't care about anything except seeing my kids and working. Like, I just don't care. Like when I'm here, I love being here because I get to hang out with smart people and you guys and I get to do work I love and you know walk across the bridge to the national and have a meeting and I don't care if it's raining or sunny because I'm walking across the bridge to the national. You know, like I'm catching a train to Stratford to talk about. And so I just don't care about food or weather or anything.

As long as my bed is, I can shut the curtains so the sun doesn't burn when I'm sleeping. It's quite a good menu so far for somebody who doesn't really care about it. Yeah, I think it's just nice for this trip. Yeah, yeah. You know what? What I miss is our ocean. that's what I miss about Australia. Right. Yeah. Let's move on to your dream. Does that? All right. So my favorite sweet food is apricots. I like

apricots. I like like dried apricots. I like little apricots, coconut squares, they're not so popular over here, they're, I like apricot jam. I don't, the, your average apricot take or leave it, you know, like an unprocessed, unshugged, but you know what they're like. Well, you know, it's like, it can be really powdery and really flavorless and yet put it in a crumble and it's like literally one of my favorite things on the earth.

So I'm gonna say apricot crumble. A little bit nice. Nice. A lot of it. A really nice otie crumble. Yeah, slightly burnt and custard. It's great. Custard can be a bit overbearing as well, so it could just be cream.

Don't need ice cream. No, apricot's got all the sweetness in it. But if you can, you can't be an eat-crumble. You can't be an eat-crumble in your friend's. No, that's what I'm not. I'm not an eat-crumble. James is a big ice cream, bro eat-throwing, eat-throwing, eat-throwing. No, that's what I'm not going to say. James is a big ice cream, but I can have ice cream. I've had to deal with that for a second. But like, what, I'm okay now.

It's not huge for me ice cream. Ice cream's not that big for me in general. I slightly surprised myself with this dessert because I'm a cheesehead. But I feel like, can I just have cheese after dessert? Like they're doing some pretty good. You can. You're keeping everyone happy there because I'm a cheesehead. But when people pick just a cheeseboard cheese after dessert, like they're doing some. I love that. You can. You're keeping everyone happy there, because I'm a cheese head.

But when people pick just a cheese board instead of dessert, he loses his mind. Freaks my mind. Yeah, yeah. It's about the time. I'm very happy to have a little bit of ice cream. I don't want to upset anyone. No, no, no, no.

I've got to wait for your watching. In fact, I think I do want ice cream with it over custard. My wife's one of those people would be like cream ice cream custard all at the same time. Oh, yeah, yeah the same time. But if we can have enough time, if we can just sit and chill for a while, just drinking wine for an hour after dessert, then bring out cheese. Any particular cheeses on the board? We've gone to this already. Oh, sorry, I don't want to talk to the eight. We've got crumbly. I'm excited about the cheese. You know what we're doing here.

You know that I've got a chance to talk about a pop of dissing. You're moving it right onto a cheese board, you're fucking fine. You're saying, you know, we've had the mac and cheese, so that's a little shout out to what cheeses might be on the board. I didn't know that was already about free cheese. That's just like a suggestion. That's just a whisper of what's to come. Yeah, that's right.

It's pre-announced a whisper. Let's keep it as a whisper. Yeah come. Yeah, that's right. It's a pre-annual whisper. Let's keep it as a whisper. Yeah. You know, that was a dessert. I would love it. Can we just, can we just, can we just, can we just take a couple of steps back? Yes.

And that's really dive into this overcome. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. For sure enough. Now, is this like a homemade thing? Have you had it before when someone's done a homemade one that's delicious?

It can make it. Oh, yeah. Not it. Not it. Not it. It's mine. What you've had in life, that's the best thing for a couple. I don't think so. I mean, I have to admit, I have gone with 8Bicart, but Apple and Rubar crumble, it's good. I mean, it's the crumble.

It's the meeting of the sweet stewed fruit and the crumble and a little bit of ice cream, if you will. So I don't really mind, but I don't know. My mum used to make an apricot crumble. You know, mixed success. Yeah. You know, she's no culinary genius, but she had a lot of heart, you know. Now it's about it being cooked at a high enough temperature that it's a little bit burned

on the top. Which is a running thing. Yeah, we've had that a little bit of a cheese. And also your steak, I didn't get back to you about flame grill. I don't think it should be flame grill, but I do, very happy if it's quite, it's been quite cooked quite hot. Cooked quite hot. Yeah.

So I don't like it blue this day, so we're going back to the steak right back. It can be almost sort of burnt on the outside as well as the Zonsa. It's made him around the inside. So this is a thing that you like in general. If you see, if you're looking at a menu, and you see the word, but somebody get that on a thing, are you going to try that? I want to get that.

And even we even had the word caramelized earlier, which tends to be about really getting there. So let's quickly cover this cheeseburger. I mean, I like to hear about it, but for Ed. Oh, look, I got nothing particular, especially if you've had a meal, even if you've got a tube outside of your side. It's a lot to think about cheese, having thought about that crumble and that steak and that mac and cheese and stuff, but I guess something soft, something hard, something blue.

Nice, classic. Yeah. And then just, it's just there to pick out. Yeah. Yeah. And some crackers, and don't make a big meal of the crackers. I can just be like water crackers or whatever, like table crackers. I don't have to be like infused with fig or fucking truffle.

You know that. Some grapes I suppose but yeah cheese. And you're probably keeping the wine going for this. Oh yeah, yeah, you just stay on it really. I have a back at back around apricot crumble time. I don't mind a sticky. Sticky? Sticky? Wine? Sticky? A sticky wine. Sticky? Yeah, what I call dessert wine over here. Oh, yeah, yeah. I love wine. Oh, here we call it sticky Yeah, I love that. Don't mind a sticky. I said in these boys I don't mind a sticky wine. I got a sweet raisin whatever with dessert But also with cheese like so you have your sweet dessert

and then you bring out a cheese, which is obviously not sweet, which is what James is so hateful about. But then you have a sweet, something, something a bit fortified or desserty in your alcohol intake. Takes you back into the sweet realm, saves the day, and then you have a beer. Really?

See, I couldn't do that. That's where I've potted ways with you there. Yeah. I'm so full. It's very rare, but we're not full right. So we have to understand we're not full. I like a cleansing ale, but I don't want it to be an ale. I want it to be a lager, but there is, it's like to bookend both this podcast and our meal, sparkling, and then a cleansing lager at the end to just take all the stickiness and all the the grapiness out of your mouth and then you just go dancing and do some ice. Is that all going through the pipe as well? Are you going straight to the liver?

Yeah. So yourself back up for the beer at the end. Yeah, it's a bit sad that you're not getting drunk with that pipe, isn't it? I think the pipe is a matter of... The pipes are matter of all for not getting full, isn't it? I think the pipe is a metaphor. The pipes are metaphor for not getting full, I don't. Just for listeners at home, I don't think you should do the pipe. No, I am.

The pipes are metaphor. Please, that would do the pipe. No. That will, I mean, that will guarantee for the end of this podcast. Yeah, if someone does the pipe. If someone listens to this, then does the pipe. Yeah.

And then there's a new story about it, about how someone did the pipe, because they listen to it self-made. We've done the podcast. We've done for. If it's the new ice bucket challenge, we're in trouble here. Yeah. Oh, no. Please don't do the pipe.

They're raising money. If they're getting the pipe and raising money. Yeah, and they're nominating their friends to do the pipe. Yeah. But it's only a matter of time before we get nominated then. And then we go with this type. If we want to do the charity. Yeah, but it's only a matter of time before we get nominated then. Yeah, I'm not going to have to do it. If we want to do the charity,

give it to a charity or not. Irregion, man, you're back to your now, see how you feel about it? Sparkling water. Then you would like a warm baguette, starter, chicken liver pate, with caramelized onion jam and more baguette. Main course, you would like a quite rare fillet steak

with a tender stem broccoli and brussel sprouts with bacon. Side dish, mac and cheese that we've burnt on the top. Actually, everything so far should have been a little bit burnt on the top. Drink, heavy, dry earth, Australian red wine, the one that makes the feeling go away. A dessert you would like, apricot crumble, a little bit burnt on the top, with ice cream. And then after that, cheese board with sticky wine and after that a beer cleans it all again and that feels ice and dancing and then I'm so lovely, that's a good night out. I think it's fine. I'm not my go do it. Yeah, you should absolutely

do that. That's very realizable that many years apart from the pipe. Yeah, the pipe is not. Yeah, because anyway that was your brain trying the pipe. Yeah, the pipe is not, yeah. Because anyway, that was your brain trying to make things realistic. That pipe is not. But actually, the pipe is unnecessary and to be clear to listeners, I don't know.

I'm not invisible. But it's unnecessary as long as you do it slowly. I'm like a like any good degreased steel. You know, if you start at five, then finish at 11, that's all fine. And also it's not like, you've, if you start at five and finish at 11, that's all fine. And also it's not like, you've not completely gone mad. Like that's a, try to end your, and your mains not huge. I mean, you feel it can be, you know, 120 grams.

Yeah, I think, I don't think you need to do the pipe too. I appreciate you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I appreciate you. Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Tim. Yeah, it's really nice and I love the day call. Thank you, Tim. Well, there we are.

What a menu. Delicious. Delicious, well done, Tim. And thank you for coming in Tim mentioned. Thank you for not saying chocolate cake as well. Yes. I thought that was possible. Yeah, I thought it was possible.

And we did mention to him after the recording that his secret ingredient was chocolate cake as well. Yes. I thought that was possible. Yeah, I thought it was possible. And we did mention to him after the recording, the secret ingredient was chocolate cake, who's like, no way I would have picked that. Yeah. Don't like anything like that. Doesn't like chocolate cake. I mean, which is like, you know, well done for, you know, being a writer musical that so do you bluntly celebrate chocolate cake, even though you yourself hated it. But dull, dull did a lot of the work there, right, with the chocolate cake. And I think someone eats Dahl in the musical. But maybe Tim was like, I want to change it from chocolate cake, because I don't like chocolate cake, and then there would have been an uproar.

That would have been, people would have kicked off. People would have gone there and Bok Trotter was eating a flan or something. Yeah, no. Or Dahl. Or Dahl. Big pot of Dahl. Very different story if Bok Trotters

mentioned on a big pot of Dahl. Yeah. Then everyone would be very confused. Yeah, yeah. What's the message in here? What's he saying about old dal? The bogtrotters now eat in the dal as one massive thing. Yeah. Well, I'd watch it. I guess this is why we don't write musicals. Yes, absolutely. One of many, many reasons. But Tim Mjyn does write musicals and he's very, very good at it. He has co-written Groundhog Day, which is coming back to London. It is on from now until August the 12th at the Old Vic in London. I'm going to go and see it. I'm going to go and see it. But he says I'm going to get what it's already been. But yeah, that's the beauty of Groundhog Day. Yeah. Go and see it again. Go and see it again. For the listener,

I've never seen James look proud of with something he said ever. Yeah, well, yeah, he's pretty good, isn't it? What I just said. Yeah, but he needs to write you down to order it out. Yeah, yeah, fan of it. Thank you very much for listening. We will see you again sometime soon. Bye-bye. Keep on snacking. Oh, nothing. Hello, it's me Amy Glentill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where Sput and my Mum and Astro about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationships have

never been the same since, and I am joined by me and smith I would probably go bread. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna spoil in case getting on James and Ed but we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience It's over a new podcast that we're doing it's called Northern news It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the north because look we're too nervous sure but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny, quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off and that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love these to listen to. Maybe we'll get me mum on. Get a glittles mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out Ian?

It's already out now Amy! Is it? Yeah get listening there's probably a backlog you've left it so late!