Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 205: Jordan Gray

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

National Comedy Award-winning stand-up and musician Jordan Gray joins us this week. And you’ll never look at a Percy Pig in the same way again… Jordan Gray is on tour now with her Edinburgh Comedy Award-nominated show ‘Is It a Bird?’. For dates and tickets go to jordangraylive.co.uk Listen to Jordan’s podcast ‘Transplaining with Jordan Gray’ wherever you get your podcasts. Follow Jordan on Twitter and Instagram @talkdarkfriendRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the off menu podcast, taking the meringue of humor, the whipped cream of good times, the raspberries of chuckles and mashing them all up into a big, oldie in mess. That is it. Gamble. My name is James A. Caster, staff, menu podcast. And we welcome a guest into our dream restaurant every single week and ask them their favorite, ever start a main course dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, I guess, is Jordan Gray. Jordan Gray is a wonderful comedian and musical genius. Musical genius, probably if you've ever seen a performance, it's pretty phenomenal.

I don't know, we're recording this episode. We have to record all the episodes in big batches, let them out one by one as the year rolls by. I think there's going to be quite a gap between us recording this and releasing it. Who knows the products that Jordan's got out now because I know there's a lot of projects in the works. So she's busy. Don't know what to promote at this stage.

We'll just promote Jordan. Just promote Jordan. Go and see Jordan's stand up if you can. And Jordan's podcast, Transplaining, which is available on all. Oh, wherever you get your podcast. All your potty platforms. Yeah, yeah. Go and listen to that.

But honestly, just go and check out whatever she's doing. She's brilliant. Very much looking forward to talking to her today, James, about food. However, even though we're very much looking forward to talking to Jordan about food, if Jordan says the secret ingredient, the ingredient which we deemed to be unacceptable, we will have to kick her out of the dream restaurant. Bye bye Jordan. And this week, the secret ingredient is...

Quail. Quail. Now it's got... Trekkie won this. Jordan's show, her sort of breakthrough show, is called Is It a Bird? Yeah. And Quail is a bird. We thought, let's think of a bird.

Yeah. Quail is a bird. Now, I like Quail, of course, but it doesn't annoy me because it's tiny. So I often think, I'd like that if it was big, but that is basically a chicken. The bones are tiny, So you try and get more meat and then you're eating these tiny little bones. Yeah. So that's why I'm saying we are justified to put quail on. I hate tiny little bones. Also, we put quail eggs in the past for secret ingredient.

So I think, you know, by association, the quail that's causing that we wouldn't have quail eggs. If it wasn't for the quail. I know people are now going to be like, well, what came first? Listen, that's not the point. We definitely wouldn't have quail eggs if it wasn't for quails popping them out. Yeah. So I would say, you know, just by association, a quail becomes a secret ingredient. That's fine.

Quail is a secret ingredient. If Jordan says quail, she's out on her ear. Sorry! Sorry, not sorry. Sorry, not sorry. Sorry, not sorry. This is the off menu menu of Jordan. Jordan! Great!

MUSIC Welcome, Jordan, to the Dream Restaurant. Thanks. It's nice here. Lovely. Welcome, Jordan. Welcome, Jordan. We'll be expecting you sometime. Gray, to the dream restaurant. We're being spoken to you for some time. This is a nice dream restaurant.

Thanks for having me in your dream restaurant. This is what I'm proponised. Not met you before, Ed, maybe very briefly. Very, very exciting to meet you. Thanks. Straight in. Didn't know this. Very briefly met James before.

And if I make quickly recap it, because you get a chance to meet him. I love this. What happened is, we met a little charity charity because it was really nice and met first time at him and in any walk some of our other is and I'm a man I deeply admire but I did wanted to know that so I've been a little in the corner and then I really wanted to say like I'll thanks for that little sister's boy sketch that you did because I'm trying to send it is like really nice so I waited all night and then I didn't get a really chance to see a set and at the end I just come up and I was like, I wanted to say, Jane, thanks for that sis boy sketch,

but what I said was, thanks sis boy. And then you're very sweet, you're like, what? And now I'm just going, thanks for everything you've done for the trash, you're the community. And then I'm just right away. And it must have been baffling for you. I was very grateful to have you. I love thanks sis boys. Yeah, I love cis boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I'm just like, it's a power move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's how everyone refers to me, actually.

I didn't even notice. Yeah. Everyone on the bill was saying that. That's a cis boy. It's a cis boy. That's great. You had such a good gig that night as well. I do love a gig and like and win the nice.

Thanks for saying that. It was good. The tech was all over the place and that's a musical comedian. That's annoying because it's sort of a binary system. If the tech doesn't work and you're a musical comedian, there is not a performance. But it's all right. Here's my question about your life performances.

Have you ever fallen over? Yeah. Because you do stuff where you stand really precariously. I'm on the stool, on the keyboard. And I was like, surely that's gone wrong before. Definitely, and in the most embarrassing way, one time. So I get, there's no surprise at this point. I get nude at the end of my hour, and I did that in Coventry, and I fell off nude of my

keyboard and landed on my wrist backwards. So I'm just sitting with these floppy wrists nude. Everything about me is floppy at that point, basically. And it's like, and that was painful, but you can't be nude and in pain, you have to like just suck it out. It's fine. I mean, this is an audio amazing. You can't see, but I'm flopping, you know, I'm standing there. Yeah, it's a little too extensive. But life's just really short, so this is all right. It's fine. It's, I'm not embarrassed enough to not talk about it with you. No, absolutely not. I mean, that is not the first time someone's fallen naked on a keyboard and coventry.

Yeah, yeah, come on. Come on, yeah, this city was built on it. I'm kind of worried. So you said the dream restaurant is nice when you came in. Now, obviously, the dream restaurant exists within the minds of the guest diners. So what are you seeing when you walk into the dream restaurant? It's quiet.

There's not a lot of people there. People perhaps have pictures of people I admire more so than they're actually being there. I don't want to interact with them. Oh that's good. So what are the, so some other cis boys? Just all cis boys everywhere. It's hard to be reminded of the fast, like the nostalgia of cis-gender people everywhere. And I'm the only transgender person there, because you can only have one of us in a room at a time, the rights of the race. Fight to the death.

Course three is the transgender person you just murdered in a dystopian fantasy. I can't wait to go to that. Lots of nice cis people, but that's irrelevant. Just nice face people that I like and I look up and be reminded of all that while I'm enjoying a meal. That's nice. I like a television, I think, as well. I think it's TV, that's great. No one's had a TV. No one's had a TV.

My skiner had his phone watching YouTube. One who was eating. I guess he didn't think to have a TV. Yeah, a big TV. Yeah, a big TV. Yeah, I don't know what happened to Kevab Shocks with TV's playing in the corner all the time, but that was nostalgic and it was for the Kibab screen. I think it was the main problem. I just remember, oh, God, do you remember? I mean, Hurricane Katrina, it was a big thing. I remember being drunk in a Kibab shop and seeing it on TV. And somebody, it had been weeks of coverage. And some guy

goes, oh, who bloody cares? And I was really drunk. And I just went into full like Captain America mode. And I was like, maybe our friends Atlantic cousins cares. I was like, no, we just got the fight. It was so stupid. I'm not that sort of person. I just got really paid for it for a country I don't live in. I was like, quite a good reason to have the fight.

A lot of people was having fights because people have looked at them funny. You were defending the people of New Orleans. It was. And it was not really. It was one then fights like, what? Do you remember when Homer Simpson thought that boxer and the thing and he don't really fight just stands there and that's all that happened. I stood there and took lots of beatings.

I was going down while constantly being like, the family, the family, that's who cares. That's great. But hopefully that won't happen in the dream restaurant unless you want to have a fight in the dream restaurant. Now, I'd like to keep things civil and peaceful and tasty. Television in a corner. Don't have to be a big one. What do you want on the television? I'd like access to all the sitcoms of all time. A hybrid streaming service with all the sitcoms. I can flick at my leisure. 30 rock on repeat. It'd be good for me to want to meet you and I enjoyed that one. I mean, I did that as a specialist subject in mastermind. Yeah, I did.

Oh, man, I didn't see that. It'd be a good excuse to just watch all of them again. That's wonderful. That's what I'm watching when I get home. No, that's it. That's the answer. I want to see that on repeat for my time because it's not long me or on their hour long episodes. I want to do it mastermind.

So you or mastermind to infect you. Welcome, having that spoiler warning. I didn't do it in Mastermind. So you or Mastermind, really? In fact, welcome, I'm having that. Spoiler warning, I didn't win Jordan. Very bad. Well, by the dessert, we'll switch over to a different channel. But it's not to win Ed. Can you remember any of the questions you had? If Jordan, I don't think I can, you know, I did okay on 30 rock. There was one about which city does Jason Sedacus' character move to?

Yeah, to move away from New York. which city does Jason Sedacus' character move to? Yeah. To move away from New York. Fucking hell, I do. It's not Philly. Oh, it's really funny. They've got the Rockham Hill Museum and stuff. And there's a whole song about it, and he mentions it in the song.

I love it. God, don't you hear that? No idea. I've been going straight away. Not in the tank of me at all. But it's just acting in the balance. Clearly on the tip of the tongue. In the mountain.

Yeah. But, oh, Natto, I'm sorry, I don't know. I tell you what, here's some extra pressure on you. We now know that Tina Feyn listen to this podcast. Really? So you, she's listened to it right now. We don't know that. We don't know that. She came to the Christmas live show.

She came to our live show. Bloody wonderful. Yeah, we were, we were, we were, we were she came with her family. Oh, yes. So it might be a member of her family who listens to it. Bullshit. And also the live show is absolute chaos. I would imagine if even if she did listen to it,

there's absolutely no way she listens to it. I am sorry. She, everyone who's at those live shows doesn't listen to it at all. That whole audience, no, no longer listen to the podcast. To be honest, we, we, we, we, to the podcast, to be honest, we've, we've we've, we've heard a lot of bridges. Cleveland. Cleveland. Congratulations. We always start with still or sparkling water. Do you have a preference? Yeah, I can't imagine why anyone would go out and order anything but sparkling because I can have still at home

with a warm tap. And that literally untap. So what I've really enjoyed about this part of the pun, is that people often lead up to their answer with, well, obviously, but it's always different. Well, I obviously, one of two. It's sort of all a half always the same, really, isn't it? Yeah, but always the person is like, clearly this. Yeah, why would anyone else choose the other one? So for you, it's because you couldn't get sparkling at home. Yeah, but I can't imagine a person saying, still because obviously, what's an obvious reason to have still walked through in a restaurant? First, I guess people, people who don't like

sparkling properly think it tastes drunk. Like they think it's horrible. It's like someone's farted in your water, all this kind of stuff. More to think it's horrible. It's like someone's farted in your water. All this kind of stuff. More to add all the reasons. Yeah. So many reasons that people like, why would anyone ever out a choice drink that? But then, conversely, we have like the, it's obviously it's fancier to have the spark. It's nice. You want to night out. You want to do this. You know, so it's always people just think, I think people don't know how strong everyone

else's opinions are about water until they come on this pod. Would you have sparkling at home? I could, I suppose it's going out of my way, whereas I'm here at this restaurant at your behest, a bubbly water, like, yeah, it's like a party in my mouth. I'm the only one that's there that I'm enjoying the bubbles. Yeah, on the walls of your mouth of other people who you're like, on pictures of everyone having just had a super sparkling war and they didn't realise it was sparkling. So my favourite people going, that would have been a big coming out.

That would have been a big surprise. Are you at the party in your mouth or are you the party in your mouth? Yes, good question. So have I administrative and invited everyone to a party in my mouth? Of course. I'm my own mouth. When you drink the sparkling water, it is a party in your mouth, but are you a guest at that party? Are you simply the venue? Yeah. You're right. No, I'm the venue. I'm not being in office counting the money in my own party. Yeah. I took money on the door and then I'm in a dark corner at the party in my own mouth. That's got took money on the door and then I'm in a dark corner at the party in my own mouth. Yeah, that's got a sadrary, isn't it?

Yeah, that's what I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you think you could recognize your own mouth from the inside? If you... If you... If you woke up... Are you inside a mouth? And someone said guess whose mouth this is?

It would definitely wouldn't be my first. I wouldn't have thought I'm in my own. In fact, of all the mouths, if I woke up in a mouth, the last mouth I've been, because it's my least likely mouth to be in it. Because I've got my hands in. However, if I did this and then a giant finger appeared in front of me, I'd be like, that's my mouth. I'd be insane, actually. Yeah, that would be my first one to do that. Yeah, wrap your head around that. And then behind Ace World, is what happened. This is the right, layer three of the mouth inception party.

Is you put your finger in, I see a giant finger, and then the minute I touch that giant finger, I feel a tiny me in my own mouth. And there's a little me having a party in my mouth. Oh yeah, had it go on and on and on. Pass the big finger touch and you'd be able to see your mouth. No, brilliant. Yes, you would. You would be able to see this by the end of your mouth again.

Jeez. Ah, I can see why you picked sparkling water, though. Yeah, yeah. This is great. It's an amazing choice. It's an effervescent theory. Yeah. And if you don't get that with H2O.

I get the impression that if you could have a tap in your house that had sparkling water coming out of it, you would say yes to it. Or would you say no, because it would ruin going out? No, you're right. I'd have one. A soda stream. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. The going out is the hassle of it all. You got to be careful with soda streams. Then work very well. James had a soda stream and he's very sick, so he didn't know how to work it properly. I've been seeping milk in it. I said, I wish that was the plan long term. I wouldn't even get that part. They don't work. They're faulty. You never screwed it in properly so every time you pump it up it went everywhere.

You have to manually pump it as well. I always just said it was a thing. You've got a button thing, you've got a pump it to get you basically still water, screw it in, you know, three times just to make sure it's secure, press the button a few times and then it puts gas into the into the water. I see. That's really silly. That's a, like, just a few steps removed from a clown's seltzer bottle. You've got to do it yourself. Yeah, yeah, ridiculous.

And I'm working for the man. It's fine with me, water man. I shouldn't be having to do that. Yeah, yeah, working for Big Sparkling. It's, they should be doing that for me. Yeah. Well, you can, you can just buy sparkling water. Oh, my mug.

Gonna go there, pay for it myself. I want to get a soda stream and you want to just pour, ideally, I do your world. I think Jordan agrees with me. Yeah. You just pour the water into the soda stream at the top and it just comes out the bottom sparkling. Is what you want. That's what you want, like a witty wanker kind of thing.

Yeah, I want an element of whimsy about mine. Yeah, beverages, every beverage I drink. Two whimsical living in a dream world over here, living in your own mouth, unbelievable. Some of us are realists. Yeah, yeah, you've never entertained such things. No, pushed the button a few times, lovely. Me and James bumping on the ceiling

of a moving fan, could've had our lovely at the best in bubbles, and if in the dream out there, we're gonna get a ballad for this light up. You slugwer down there, I'm fiddling up, best in bubbles. In the dream out there, we're going to get a poll for this light. You slug were down there. Still, I have the slug worth of this podcast, actually. That was stuck with whispering in everyone's ears.

And then at the end of the video, we were good all along. That's going to be the twist of the off-man-you podcast eventually. Everyone does discover this. Ed was actually all right. Oh, at the end. Well, that makes me put the rest of it in perspective. A lot of people come up to the street, go ahead and edit the baddie. Yeah. And then what do you say? I'll say, you wait till the end. No, you don't. You pull your jacket up and you walk away without saying anything. Yeah.

Of course I do. Pop, I was off the bed. Pop, I was off the bed, Jordan, great. Pop, I was off the bed. Pop, a dumps. Yeah. Wait, hang on. No, bread. Because I've got... Sorry, I was so confused. You got confused. I don't think I've got the... Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off the bed. Poplar's off That's a meal on its own is a lovely non bread cooked properly. Yeah. Have you tried the other ones and then just not for you? They have a nons. Is Peshwari a meat?

No, Keema's the meat one. Oh, so I've never eaten it. Yeah, I'm vegetarian. So Peshwari is like the coconut, the really sweet coconut. Oh, that's a bit much. I think that's sickly. It's mad. Some people love it.

Even if it's a sweet tooth boy, yeah, getting a Peshwari non at the start. I'm like, this is bananas. Yeah. If combined, it's a start airing none at the start. I'm like, this is bananas. Is it if combined? Sort of start a main and dessert into one. I've never said it, Jordan. As soon as I said this is bananas, I knew I've opened myself up there to know it's coated up.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not proud of myself. I mean, but none and none's great because there's a piece of built in. It's just a banana, but you had an extra A wherever you like. Banana. It was more like, yeah, it works with it down. Yeah, it's kind of like you're tweaked that. Absolutely, go nuts. Yeah.

It's like that out loud on a date, getting nothing mate. Banana. Maybe you see, I'm the next one. Right. Who's the lead singer if no doubt that went solo? Gwinsafana is the final. That's a wrap a little bit, wouldn't it?

Yeah. The A&A, the&A, start again. With the vibes of this, this bread is bananas. A&A, A&A, it's a heart, that is hard. For a real love in the pause of a recording, Gwen, how wedded are you to this pun? Be honest, because people aren't aware of banana, none's existing. So it's a niche product at this point. We're not launching that.

That's not our job. I'm adding if you if you were launching the banana non, obviously, you would have to do it with that song. Yeah, I do that as the jingle to promote it, but you'd have to do it in a different time signature. I believe it's in 4.4, but you would have to at least that's at least a bar with 4 and a bar with 5 following each other. I was going to say, yeah, co-lab in with some obscure math core band. Yeah.

I think I've got their big break, because we need a six, seven-time signature to do. There's a lot of music chat flying around that I don't know about. I don't know, 4-4 and 5-5 and stuff. Jordan and I, music. Maybe you don't know it on the surface, but you know it in your heart, because 4-4 is basically most self. Yeah. Right. If you're right, if you're boogie and it's four four, if you're doing a sort of a little

sway, it's probably in three four. Yeah. Well, as far as I'm aware, I've never boogie'd or stay a little sway. Oh, I've seen you boogie and sway. Don't be so modest. And do I boogie and sway more to four fours or the other ones? You boogie to the four four, you sway to the three four-4, and to those other ones, you have to do a lot of math core, a lot of tech, metal bands.

And for those, I just, normally you have seen you sit and pensively watch them with an angry look on your face. It's amazing. Yeah, I don't look like I'm enjoying it, do I? No, I didn't, in your head, you enjoyed it. But I am. But yeah, yeah. Getting more and more wedded to this idea for the next. It's not quite a sketch,

but yeah, as a tablo or something in a music video. It's really interesting. Yeah. There's so many layers. It's good. I guess you could try and eat a bit of banana non and then the big banana non comes in. This non is bananas.

I know, I know, I know. It just keeps going and going. And to try to stop into sort of like the U of the echo, it just gets really disqualified. It just doesn't feel music. Let's get into the darkness. I'll say that then, if that's all right. I know that's sort of technically aside,

because it's not really an existing bread. But I'll say banana none. I'll just go for it. Sparkling more of banana none. Banana none. It's a harrowing combination for an artist. And banana is spent with the, yeah. Yes it is.

So I think banana, so I'd go B-A-N-A-N-A. I don't know. That's why I put the extra A, I'll be in that. Yeah, banana. Yeah, banana. Yeah, like that hair just by just saying it. Yeah, that's about right.

Yeah, just for the person who's going to inevitably put it in the Wikipedia. Well, where else would it go? The X-ray, kind of the beginning. No, it's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there.

It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. It's not going to be over there. I'm just being crystal clear. I would have thought it would be on the same page with the one's muddy about how much spell banana.

That'd be one, my hair. I'm going to be thinking, this is bananas. I'm loving the fake. You two dream starter. An invention, or is it pre-existing dish? It pre-exists. And I don't think there's any greater flavor combination in the world than tomato, basil and cheese, a Caprese salad of anywhere

ago, it's a fresh and it's light. And they do a barata Caprese in Goucho's in Soho that is the best Caprese, perhaps the best thing I've ever eaten. And I think it's the way they reduce the jus. And I'm just going to throw the wadju out there like I know that is. You've got to chuck out the wad I've ever eaten. And I think it's the way they reduce the, the zoo. And I'm just going to throw the word zoo out there, like I know that it is. You've got to chuck out the word zoo now and again. I've got to chuck out as you.

I think it's like Balsamic vinegar and brown sugar that they reduce down. So it's just a thick sauce on a very sparse amount of basil, quite a lot of tiny tomatoes, and then the barata that's like a, a universe of cheese. Like a, because the barata is like, a mozzarella, but with loads of little mozzarella floating in some mozzarella-dews inside, isn't it? Yeah, a barata is like a much readable, but with loads of little mozzarella is floating in some mozzarella

juice inside, isn't it? Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a dinosaur egg or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Godzilla. It looks like the Godzilla X from the original 9th, the 90s Godzilla film. Yeah. On some tomato and jus. And it's absolutely beautiful. And considering Goucho's is a steak restaurant and I thought I was going to be sitting there eating salad. It's like this is, this is lovely. Yeah, that's a treat. I mean, barata is just the ultimate, isn't it?

Yeah. Also, it's so rare to eat a whole cheese. Yeah. It's so rare for someone to go, this is a dish for one person and it's a whole cheese and you've got a breach it. I love breach, breach is involved in any meal. That's it. Well, what the list does don't know is that Ed on the way here was in, you were very

offended. Yes, I was. Yeah. And you're probably in like, you know, survival mode in your head. So you're talking about breaching stuff and all that. You're very much like, I think I'm in survival mode. I was in an Uber and some of the cheese and you're like, you got a bridge for cheese. Like, it's fully, it wasn't a bad accident or anything. everyone's fine. You got me and ended, though. Yeah. And you said, hey, your neck a bit, because you'd been wrestling yesterday. Yeah.

I mean, what an insight into my life. I said, it's life. Now I'm talking about breach the cheese because I've hurt my neck a bit. Wait, did you, the story I heard, which only happened 30 seconds after having two via James, was that you hurt your neck in the Uber as well. Yeah, so I hurt your neck wrestling and it's been a compounded or expounded by the accident. Exactly. Well, yesterday I did a couple of bumps in the ring, which is wrestling terminology and it's not drugs. It's like a 90s pop band. Yeah, bumps in the ring.

In the ring. Ah, lovely. And I forgot to, one of the important things when you're wrestling is make sure you tuck your head in when you fall on the floor. Right. And I forgot to, one of the important things when you're wrestling is make sure you tuck your head in when you fall on the floor. And I forgot that bit. So I was just sort of like, get a bit of mild wit lash. And I thought, well, I have a day off that today. And then I got in an Uber that was rear-ended.

Tuck your head in like a turtle. Not downwards. I wish I'd known you before, coventry. Coventry. Where's the commentary? I can't remember where I fell off a gig. Yeah, I can't remember.

Coventry. Did you tap your neck in when you fell off a keyboard? No, there's all appendages out and about heads and everything. It's not healthy. I hope you're feeling better. Oh, I feel great. Honestly. Is this meal is going to require neck movement, isn't it?

I mean, I suppose so for the swallowing part. Turns out, I mean, birds do. Most, most do. I mean, I don't think it's like, yeah, I suppose so for the swallowing part. Turns out, I mean, birds don't have, I was actually called parastelsis, like the movement of, that swallowing is parastelsis, it's a contraction of the thing all the way down from the mouth to the old bummer. But like birds don't have that. They just use gravity, don't they?

They just put things in and then just keep bouncing. Like that, that's why you see a bird do that. What? Yeah, it's like birds don't have parastelsis, they just put things in and then just keep bouncing like that. That's why you see a bird do that. Birds don't have peristosis so food just has to fall down their neck. Like fish don't have it. They just have to like keep moving like as far as I know. But humans, like I know most mammals you've got to use your neck to eat. I think so. Yeah. Basically, there's nothing to put anything to chewy or difficult to swallow. No, I'll just sit very still. So yeah, basically let's not put anything to chew it or difficult to swallow. No, I'll just sit very still

Fun challenge though for the listeners try next time you have a meal try not using your neck Cut them a cow in the middle man. Yeah head to stomach Yeah, I just see if you can manage it birds use gravity to eat. Yeah, they're really picking shoes when they use gravity Yeah, they are masters. That's fucking rich. It's rich and birds, isn't it? It's rich. Oh, they come calling back. Yeah.

Always ask this when people say, do you think you could ever go back to mozzarella? My dad, Bessie, he knows it's my favourite meal, so he makes it with mozzarella. And because it's infused with fatherly love. I could ever love it, I love mozzarella. I love mozzarella is on par with a disfessional barata. That's about the same. But I love barata with top everything. I don't know who, yeah. It's just not as fun though as it

mozzarella now because the barata when you're hate to bring it to a breach again, mozzarella now because the barata when you're hate to bring up your breach again, you cut into that and it just explodes and oozes and oh Yeah, it's not often I hear myself saying I would like my cheese to have a surprise Yeah, that's a lot of thing you really want cheese can can do that to you But yeah, that's in that case I could look gift. Yeah, I put the extra a b you are Yeah, so she started saying I made a lot of Caprazi salads during the lockdowns. It was a rough time for you, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. A lot of people struggle during lockdown, but I just want people to know that James made a lot of Caprazi salads. I made a lot of Caprazi. I had a lot of Caprazi.

Mainly because I'm a few so open the door, 20 delivery men, so I could only eat what they could slide under the door. So, to just slice by slice with the tomatoes, I never think this under. I'd assemble it myself on the other side. Would you say Italian is probably the cuisine where you could get most of the food under the door? Good question. Oh, you do, your brain goes straight to pizza, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Pasta, it's mostly, but you can get that under the door.

Yeah. I suppose like a... Decentriety lasagna you could. Yeah. Sheat by sheet. I mean, it's really take a lot of ties just broth. And broth moves quite fluidly between anybody's. Yeah, that's true.

Pour it under it. It'd be difficult to receive at the other end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get it under the door. the two. Yeah, that's true. Forward under it. It'd be difficult to receive at the other gate under the door, your question. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you could definitely get a lot of broth under. I would want to know goals and stuff and bok choy, all of that stuff. Pour it through the keyhole with the broth.

And I'll be waiting with a bowl. So then you're using gravity. Yeah, then grab it, you should fend. Then like a little bird, a little club of bird. And really, with noodles, you could feed a noodle through the keyhole. And if you put your lips up against it, you just suck. Yeah, just grab it, you should fend, then look a little bird, a little club of bird. And really, with noodles, you could feed a noodle through the keyhole, and if you put your lips up against it, you just suck. Yeah, just suck it.

And all of the noodles are going through. So all of it for the keyhole. Yeah. So yeah. So I met my wife at the door. I told my wife the door. Yes, probably right, Italian is a two-dimensional scene. Yeah, yeah.

It's a flatist cuisine that there is. Palm of ham. Palm of ham, that's a two-dimensional scene. Yeah, yeah. It's a flatist, the flatist cuisine that there is. Yeah. Palm of a ham. Palm of a ham. That's going under the door, you're not thinking twice there. No, no way. Or anything that unrolls, like sushi or one of them swish rolls, I don't mind reassembling it at the other end.

Yeah, it's a little bit of fun. It's that when you get, when you buy a mattress and it's rolled up, yeah. It's just sort of the opposite of that. Give it to you flat and I'll arrange for my sushi at the end. Yeah a lot of people say that about sushi. It's got the opposite of a mattress. With that in mind, I do very often think, I wish there was such a thing as like a bread pillow and that's not me being a silly surrealist comedian about it. I often think I'd love to sleep on a pillow. Warm bread, because it's just a nice,

when you've got a non bread, being it and eating it at the same time. Well, yeah, I mean, like, you know, sometimes a lot of the way people can describe really good bread, say, no, it's really pillow-y on the side. They know what they're on about. They know we bread. I wish that I could lay their head on it.

That would be good. Yeah. I wouldn't complain there. So would it be non bread for you if you were to have it as a pillow? Yeah, because often you don't usually want lumps. I like the topography of narn. I think just really looks like quite like how it's got different shapes and layers and it's quite organic. But that's nice because you find your little niche in it and go to sleep. Yeah, you find your little little divot. Yeah. Little divot in the heart. So yes, everata leafy. I like I love me some basil. Have you ever had a basil plant at home? Have you ever take to the leap? No, I only my whole life ever owned a single species of plant.

Many of them, but one species because I'm a little nerd and I always had a Venus fly trap growing up as a kid. I kept that going for about 15 years. I haven't got my name anymore. It's not the same plant, so it's like loads of them being a spy trap. How would you feed it for lives? Yeah, a bit of everything. And I saw a documentary online that said they can count because if a flag goes in and it feels a movement, it doesn't just close straight away because what if the second movement

it feels is that flag flying away? Because then it'll close for no reason. Because it hasn't got a brain arise. So it will only close on either odd or prime numbered. It's probably odd. Feelings, because a third thing means it's come, come out and go on again, something like that. So that's cool.

Kind of accidentally count, which is very cool. So I don't think about fingers fly traps. You don't see them anymore for a very long time. I know you thought about them. They are nuts. Yeah. Yeah. It's really a weird thing to get a B and Q in the plant section. As I said, we know it as a goth as well and it's like the most sort of gothy plant. Yeah, for sure.

Something that's got teeth. It was such a huge thing. Every Halloween and me and my partners would buy Halloween gifts instead of Valentine's they'd give. And we always gave each other like Venus fly traps or something with them a card edge to it. And that instead of flowers, like little items family. That's the video.

No, Ed wishes he was in that venture group. Yeah, I'd love that. You wish, man. Well, you sort of goth the Jason. Yeah, yeah, I was. A Jason, yeah, I was hung out with the goffs. Yeah. But that's how a guy at me for wearing too much color.

Yeah, you can't be a house too happy to be a goff to be a fan. And that's how it got me for wearing too much color. Yeah, you can't be a house too happy to be a gop to be a fan. That does give you a waist right away. But I had that, you know, I had the full, I had a leather trench coat. Yeah, same. Yeah. But Neo from Matrix that year, everyone had that. Yeah. Yeah. What did your hair look like? I had dyed black hair for a while. Yeah. But still would like, still with the sort of fairly conservative looking haircut. Great. I didn't know that. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, black nail varnish.

Tiny bit of eyeliner, maybe. A little bit of eyeliner now and again. A big, new rock flame boots. Yeah, brilliant. I don't know any of this. This is new flame. No, this is great. I loved it.

I don't know. I'd be sitting next to Ed, girl, and I'm talking to you this whole time. I'll put Ed shortfall. I didn't have a Venus fly trap, though. No.'t the full golf. That's proper hard core. They don't really go in for botanium most golf. Everything's supposed to be dead. The fact that anything was alive in the house, it's got to have teeth or eyes. Or that you and James, are you a athlete boy? No, so my friends were. Yeah. I was still a Christian at the time. So that wasn't cool.

So I was there. And also, so I'd gone from like, so 13 is when I started getting to that kind of music hanging out with those sorts of kids. Before then, I was like trying to be cool and not succeeded by all the kind of like ever since like ads, bottoms and like sportswear. So then I just had this, you know, realization that all of this is bullshit. I'm gonna hang out with these kids

who don't care about any of that stuff, but then quickly discovered they do care. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the other, it's just another great stuff. And I was exhausted. Well, I started hanging out with them and then I remember going around one of their houses and I was like, well, you were in an own boat shirt.

You meant to be one of us, and I was like, oh, fuck it now. This is even worse than before. So I was still wearing the, I kind of deliberately didn't even think about what I wore until I was in my mid to late 20s, because I was doing sources about it when I was 13. So much paraphernalia to be in a goth. And there's not brands as much either. It is just a sort of a vibe. It's Camden Market basically. It is Camden Market. Everything I introduced from Camden Market, massive chains. I bought a bullet belt in Australia and it was like a whole thing. It's like they look like bullets, but it's obviously

a belt. And they said you can't take that on the plane, which is sort of I'll get because they're not sure if they're really bullets. But then they said, but you can post it to yourself. So, wait, hang on. So the problem is that you're worried that I'm going to use them on the plane, but not when I get to the country of origin. They write a bullet, so they're built. Make a decision. Yeah, use it. I'm so jealous. I never had a bullet bullet bullet. A bullet belt, sir. Yeah, it doesn't even work because I sort of have more cowboy and western. Yeah. Yeah. Golf is a weird combination. Yeah. Golf shouldn't be using guns and stuff. Should they?

I definitely not. I could have thought it was a golf in the Magnificent 7. And I'd say that we're golfing. They're complaining it's too sunny in the Wild West. That's going to be a dream main course. This is a perfect segue because actually it's bullets. Fight of flies. Yeah, during that time being a goffin that I was a proper nerd that suddenly became the

lead singer of the band, the big band from our school and the only every school has got like one. And during those times we'd finished the gig and my mum said, we keep all the ticket money from, because I lived in a pub, sorry, I rewine, lived in this pub, and we'd invite everyone to the gigs. We could keep all that money so long as she got the bar takings

and I'd just sit there with a pint of money, like Pound Cointain stuff, all of us band members got loads of money and we'd go to the Kibab van that was outside. And the Kibab van was paying like no rent and I knew it so they didn't even charge us any money. So it's a free meal and there's such a sense of victory when you're 14, you're being a nerd that suddenly, you know, I was a grind core band. It was amazing. They're all there. They've really loved it, all the kids.

So I know a Monday in school, if I was going to love it, I'm sat there with a chicken, kebab, and I'm a vegetarian. And yet I'm putting this in because that's how nostalgic and good it was. Let's say, because it's a dream restaurant magically you're able to affect the biochemical molecular structure and it's not got any meat in it. So it's a chicken cabab from this specific place because he was worried about his bread getting put up so he gave us free food. I know that this podcast includes a side that has historically, but I used to get them as one meal with chips and burg sals. Am I allowed to include them? So it's a chicken gabb and a thing and some chips with burg sals on, which you can't get anymore, the burg sals that they've got.

I don't know why that's, you know, burg sals is, yeah. I mean, what was it? Exactly. Burgess also supposed to just be ketchup and mayonnaise sort of really in it. But the primary, I learned about colors in school and it's orange, so it's got a yellow and red in it, so I assume it's even mustard or... Bit mustard in there as well, yeah. But for whatever reason, cheap burger, van, kebab sauce is amazing. They were called all sit best kebab, which is a bulk claim, and we did live in all sit, so that at least made it. But their cheeseburger there as well, and I know that's a stretch, but it was one meal that I had, and I would sit there, my underwear with all my gov makeup still on. And I'd just sort of like sort of

legs a quimbo with this food like a little king. And just picking with my hands no one's looking, that's why they know we can be in this restaurant. Just greasy handfuls of everything, just with a pint of money on the side. And it was just the feeling in the world because that shouldn't happen to a little anirac, which definitely was. So this meal is this main course, is a chicken kebab, chips and burger sauce, and a cheeseburger. And eating with no plan as to how and in what order any of that's going to be consumed. But it's piecemeal. You're eating a bite of a beer, bite of this, and always there's a television on there.

I think of base the restaurant mainly around this meal to be fair. Yeah, yeah, it sounds like this is the sandwich. yeah, I just be clear, I'm changing the molecular structure of the chicken when not the burger. I can't have everything. It was so, so sweet. Like you can see the terror in his eyes every time we come past. It's like any way that he could get his rent to stay down. So he'd offer, I'd have just eaten and he'd offer food. I'd definitely, and also just's just, I'd like sort of a little mafia field to it that I could take all my friends there

and he had to give them all free food. And that wasn't my intention, but it was always gonna happen. Well, you're holding the pint of money as well, just to show that you could pay if you wanted to. Just take it. Just take it. Yeah, formative soup out of the pint of that coins. It tastes good.

And then they found out that the plot of land that we lived on, there was a little gap where technically he wasn't even on our land. So you can't really open up a business right next to a working food business because they were taking a lot of our business away, but we didn't mind. But then it turned out, even though it was cheap rent, it was rent that they didn't even technically owe us. Wow. So there was a checkered history to his van.

Oh, and it burned down. Oh shit. It burned. And that's going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy.

I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm going to be a big boy. I'm like opening my eyes a bit more. I was like, I was not aliens, it's a shootout between the police and some of that. Oh my god. That didn't happen. I'm thinking it's that. And I'm like, oh, it's not the police, the shooting. Ah, this is the ideal.

Then I'm opening it more. And I'm like, oh, it's loads of firemen with a hose putting out the fire of a flaming a bed van. And I thought, this is all mad. It must be a dream. So I just went back to bed in the morning, and woke up my mum. I was like, Mum, I think the kid band van is just a flaming pile of ash. It was, it's gone. It's just gone. What a drop off in what you what you thought it was, what it actually was. But there was no paradigm shift to me thinking,

I'm actually awake. It was all a dream. It just got more and more boring than the destiny there's a dream. So I just thought it's a dream. Aliens shoot out, flaming goodbye. Flaming goodbye. Yeah. Oh, no. I just thought it's a dream. Aliens shoot out, flaming goodbye. Flaming goodbye. Yeah. Oh, no. I just think it's funny when people describe anything other than a building burning down, like a van burning down. Yeah. Doesn't sound right. Does it? The van burn down. It's the only way to say it. Yeah. The van burn down. Yeah, it doesn't work. Yeah. I would try to figure out anything that would sound like.

Even the birds they can do. Oh, burn down. Yeah. My cake's burned down. Oh, cake's burned down. It's really bad. I love the sound of this meal though. I like that. Yeah, is it pure nostalgia or was it like genuinely like good versions of that stuff? It was, yeah, they lived up to the name of all sit best, Kebab, because everyone sort

of says that. And maybe it was home, even hometown, they would live there. name of all-sit best, Kibab. Because everyone sort of says that. And maybe it was home, even hometown pride. They would live there, they would raise it in my house. They would in my garden. So it was like home pride that it was good. But yeah, it was good stuff. The salad was always fresh. Good.

And I'm sorry, but it ain't always fresh. You know, Kibab shop. And I like red onion, that all that. I've tried to recreate it now in a vegan way, with all the individual ingredients. And a Kibab fan, Kibab is more than the sum of its parts. If you try and make it yourself, I've tried to recreate it now in a vegan way with all the individual ingredients and a kebab van kebab is more than the sum of its parts. If you try and make it yourself, you just taste all the things you've bought from a shop. It's not a cohesive thing. It's just a pastiche of a meal

filled with sadness. What was going in this kebab then? So you had the the salo, chicken, onion, red cabbage, very finely d diced lettuce and it's the bit of the lettuce that ain't really green is when they get down to the white bit that's what you get in a salad yeah not cabbage lettuce chili peppers but not done for me chili sauce if I'm really drunk and I haven't drunk for 10 years as well so I remember that feeling of like oh this is going to hurt tomorrow but right now if it was so perfect on my little drunken tongue so sometimes some chili sauce to all the chips and vinegar, no salt, vinegar and loads of burgers, and then the cheeseburger, just the cheeseburger

that you'd expect from a cabin fan. I'm going to, if I may, please try them to the all-fidling and assault part of that. Was that what you were going to ask? No, I was still thinking, I was thinking about, we used a singer in the grind call band. Oh, sorry. I can't even, we've glossed over to that first person who who ever had on the podcast who was in a grind call band. Yeah. Your throat must have been red roar after those gigs and then you're pouring a big hot cabab down it. One of those are chilly sauce. Yeah, I had a husky voice throughout my team for sure. Definitely. Also, I wasn't doing it right. You're supposed to growl and there's amazing techniques to do it. I'm doing it in and I want to do it near a microphone. Yeah. But you

go, you just go and roll, roll, want to do it near a microphone. Yeah. But you go, you just go and roll, roll, roll, like inwards. Right. So you're just breathing, it's horrible. It should really be bad. It's way about that. I'm producing, I'm writing that to you. I'm like, see, line on the pod.

And it's better than that as well. I've sort of lost it. Yeah. I've lost the heart. Really. That's the solution. I'm not expecting you to pull that out. Yeah.

For the next show, bring it back for the next show. Ah, bloody. It's just that it's so expecting you to pull that out. For the next show, bring it back for the next show. Ah, bloody. It's just that it's so cool thing to be part of. When you're a kid and there's only one place that you can drink on a rage, it don't matter what music is playing there. We were a grind call, man. We might as well have done anything. All the kids decided that they loved it

because it's where they can come and get drunk for... And that's because that was your pub. It was. It's not there anymore. It's not there anymore. It's not an individual, it's not an individual. It's just a pub that my parents are. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, I was like a little richy rich. Yeah, it's an Indian restaurant now with a water ceiling aquarium in it where my bedroom used to be. Wow. It's officially live there now. I love

it. I'm miss being in that band. I wish I was there. It was grind core. So in Ketrin, when I was growing up, sludge core was the thing. What is that? I'm never heard of that. It's very slow. Not kind of, I guess, a branch of doing metal in a way, but blues, blues metal as well. I blues metal doing metal kind of mixed, like very like the slower the better. Foraging speed horn. Made in speed horn, but like scourge were the main local band that they were like the proper sludge band who we all loved and they supported Raging speed horn at the roadmender which is no longer there in Northampton. We all went to see them really excited that like they were doing this proper venue and

I was right at the front and Cliff was the lead singer of scourge. He got right up to the front of the audience and he got the mic and he was looking around for someone to do a guttural growl and he just shoved the mic right in my face. Oh man. I can feel the griller the mic against my teeth and I didn't know what to do, little Christian boy knowing what to do. I was like, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr And Toby was the bass player who I knew, had his foot right upon the monitor. And he said it. He said he got that sound right up to him and just started laughing. And he was like, that's too funny. I said it like cooking monsters.

I'm a Christian ground. That's lovely. Christian ground metal. Peace for people to get me. I used to walk around in steel tow cat boots with the trench coat. No shirt, just the trench coat. I had a cog from a machine that my dad worked in a steel factory in a cog broke and I hung out a chain around my neck. I had a walk around on the tips of the steel tow cat boots, like a spider. Like I had invented this walk that was going to catch on with the goffs. And I got really good at it. So I'm just, I obviously said an audio medium. Well, I describe it.

I look like an idiot. Like an idiot. And I'd sort of do that and I'd scream at people. I remember, I broke up with my first girlfriend when I was like 14 and then she brought a new boyfriend to the gig. Not written on my chest and read lipstick. You can just gather your letters, you just said,

broken heart. Oh my God. And I just went out. And because it, like, I normally wouldn't wear, I wore something else, I wore like a sort of a boot and ear type thing as well. So I could just pull it open. As if people had seen that and go,

I just got broken heart. I was probably that. But like, it doesn't mean anything. It's the most on the those thing ever. I'm seeing all sad, absolutely music. But I just want you to know this because I've got a, a grind caught, a grind caught emo band. But it's great. I'm asking a bar band Ross in a new metal band, not as cool. He wrote on his chest, also probably in Lipsicle permanent mark. I can't remember. Susie was here with an arrow pointing down to the stick. She was there all the gigs. How did Susie feel about that?

I think she was in on it. Yeah, I think she wrote it. I think she wrote it for them. I put it on there. We didn't know it was going to be there. It's part of a longer story which I've told on other things. It was an absolute maniac. And that was the final surprise that he had for us one night. Was that you wrote that on himself? Our most popular band in our school was called Callus, K-A-L-U-S. And they played in the tuck shop. I love that thought. They played a cover of Soulfly, Ifer and I. The place went off. I love that. They played a cover of Soulfly, Ifer and I, the place went off. Oh, I thought, yeah.

Brilliant. I'm over that stuff. Yeah, yeah. To bring it back around to food, with my pints of money, what I would do to tuck a chop, Jason, is I'd go in, this is so stupid. I'd go to the ice cream, then, which was a roaming tuck shop, essentially. And I'd just buy way too much, like, armfuls. And I'd just walk out into the crowd of people that are waiting,

because there's no cues when you're kid, and I just throw them up in the air. Just bags of no sweets, sorry. Sorry, sorry. Really should have been in my flocks. Like bags of those shrimps and gummy bears. And throw them up in the air again, like, I don't know, like a Victorian draconian, so yeah.

And it made people flock, but that doesn't equate to friendship. It's awful to do. It's awful all these people around because they're bloody lovely. So popular. Yeah, pounds and pounds worth of sweets around. Wow. I mean, I think we had opposite experiences of school and TNT. You see the most confident, like, I absolutely love it. Just like going around wearing a big cog around your neck from sweets around. You got a Venus flytrap. I've done a spell on that cog and put it in the ground because I used to think I was a witch.

Yeah, of course. I'm not even dying mind that because it's like, yeah, I'm not allowing up to it. I thought I had magical powers at one point. What spell did you put on the cog? To make all that, I think it was just, there was people that was really mean to me and it was just to make, not make them die, I'll go away. Just for them to leave me a light. To turn them into, because I'd have to sing on my neck for so many gigs,

I thought it must be infused with all of my power and confidence. So I've done as well and it and buried it in the beer garden of the pub. Oh, amazing. So it's just a little patch of dirt where it was. I think I dug out once to get it back and then put it back in again. That could still be there at the Indian restaurant. Yeah, yeah, definitely. It shouldn't be. It's a genuinely an industrial piece of metal that probably had some radio acting. The broke out of a machine. So my dad gave it to me and I fixed it up.

Man, I don't know why suddenly I find spells so funny. Yeah, I'm funny. Spells are funny. Spells are the first funnier cast to spell, isn't it? Yeah, funny. It spells a funny spell. It spells a funny cast a spell, isn't it? Peace. Oh, my little spell. My friend's house and his grandfather bests him on his last legs, like death bed last legs.

It's really all good thing when you don't know that person. And I said to him, without irony, this is so bad, I was like 14 and I said to him, look, I was like, mate, I know you're granddad's dying. But if we can just get to the shop now and you can get me some red thread and a candle. Yeah. Like, there's a chance I could like make him like last bit longer. We'll be spell that you know. Yeah, we'll be spell that you know.

Red thread and candle spell. But there's not, there's no irony to that. I'm not going like, it's a gate. I'm like, I'm going to do this for you, man. I love you. And I'm like, to make your grandad last an extra few hours if you get me the right color spread. It was going to be a good conversation that we might not be able to go to see it. And he knew that about him. And then when he did die, he literally turned to his dad and was like, does this mean we can not go see slip not saying it was like, no, we will.

Because it's what your granddad would have wanted. Yeah, yeah. It's amazing what people do, one after they die, isn't it? They want all sorts of self-whip. Yeah. Yeah. They want to do whatever they want. They didn't want that in life.

Never mentioned that in life at all. Never even a parcel interested in either of those bands. They want you to go see him tonight. Quite beneath him when he see Slipknot. Did you really? Yeah, it was very funny. So I love Slipknot. Yeah.

And we had Corey Taylor on the podcast. I didn't know that. Yeah. And then we got invited to go and see them do a live session at BBC Made of Ale. Yeah. Smallest gig they played in 20 years. 100 people in the room.

Passively. And Benito came. He doesn't have a fucking clue in about anything about them. Everyone else losing their mind. Bonito and his friend Guy stood at the back of an anorax going, what's all this then? LAUGHTER It was great.

Always love the detail that your friend's called Guy is. I don't know. I don't know why I'm fighting. Why the guy waiting to see something? LAUGHTER TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK I wait to see something. You're dream side dish. All right, then some Bombay potatoes, because that's your side dish in India and then India is perhaps the best cuisine for sides. Yeah.

And if that's fair to say. I think that's a good shout. It's almost all sides, really. A lot of it, depending on, even when you would remain, it comes at the same size as the side, doesn't it in an Indian restaurant. So Bombay potato, a domined, cheap one in a, I'd kind of like that it would come in an aluminium rectangle with a bit of paper on top with a little bee on it. Yeah, that's just what we can do. I love that.

Yeah. The cardboard lid, so exciting, like rolling back the foil and taking a little lid off. Oh yeah. And for the nostalgia of it, the table, let's say it's this table as well, you're lovely round table, but I'd have it carpeted with like a white cream carpet because there's nothing like Bombay potato to stain a carpet. Yeah. And I really like that. That really takes me back. The red of chicken te teak and the yellow of Bombay on a carpet is not going away. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So would you be deliberately sloshing it about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I scoop onto the thing, rub it around a little bit, like finger painting while I'm eating. It's like the freedom of that because how many hours have we spent worried about getting food everywhere? Yeah, yeah.

But it's a messy thing. Mastication is a messy process. And yet we've civilised it into this weird thing. Yeah, I want to make mess. That's the, maybe that's the point of this restaurant really. Yeah, messy restaurant. Messy restaurant. But not on a non. Yeah, it's a messy restaurant. So yes, half of it's going on the carpet. It's a-well, and half's going in my gobb. Am I uncarpeted mouth. Are you still in your underwear for this bit?

No, I've gotten dressed in a lovely pristine white dressing gun. Yeah, you've got it. So be covered by the end. Yeah, I want to see the fallout. What's the collateral damage that my meal has caused? Yeah. That's a good film. Collateral, I just remember that good film.

What's your name? Good film. Like every time I see it on some listings, I'm bloody tempted. Yeah, yeah. Because I was like, that was gripping. It was gripping. It was menacing in that.

It was. The bit where he drops the bomb by potatoes everywhere. Yeah, it's really. And Jamie Foxx was like, we can't do that man. We can't be driving the bomb by potatoes. We'll over the pace. People live here. The turmeric, the turmeric is never going to come out.

The turmeric is what he is. I'm just feeling like I've got the least. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, fuck that that. Yeah, so, I fucked that man. I was having one of those mornings when you said, well, I was feeling like, you're someone healthy, man, you need to really turn your life around and you start eating more healthy. And I went in a shop, I got a turmeric shop. I was like, this is the first day of the rest of my life. And to downed it, then I was trying to put the top back onto the turmeric shot while I was walking, fumbled it, dropped the empty bottle, it bounced once on the pavement and

all of the turmeric that was inside sprayed up on my trousers, I was like, well that's what I get. That's what I get, I try to do a good thing straight to the ice cream shot. That's what I get. I then check the dark green shot to two armfuls of it and I'll throw them into the crowds. I was like, that's how I live fucking get. I don't know, check the touchscreen shop. Two arm falls of it. I threw them into the crowds. I was like, that's in our way, I'm not alive now. Fuck turmeric, man.

Yeah, fuck. I've got, I don't know why I'm making a habit of doing this. I've got like Lego teeth, not literally, but like I've made, I've made, I've missed in two teeth and I bought these beads off the internet called Thermo Beads and you make your own teeth, save loads of money, I'll show you.

What? It's like a little Lego tooth. Right. Because I've got a gap over two. And it's, it comes out right white.. Right. Because I've got a gap of a tooth. And it's, it comes out bright white. So you have to put it in a cup of tea for like an hour to stain it to the colour of your teeth.

But a turmeric, a shot of that mookie turmeric that you're talking about, any turmeric, will make it go bright yellow. And sometimes forget a meal's got turmeric in. So it's mid-mill. Oh, wow. And it will show, I just have a bright yellow sort of prospector's golden tooth. Like, it's out nowhere. So then what do you have to do making new two?

I can need to finish a real hassle because what it is right you get it like a glob you all have played though you stick it in and it's see through and you have to keep putting it in and out and in and out as it calls because if you left it in and called it expanded you'd never get it out and then you're in trouble likewise if you left it out you'd never get it back in so you have to keep in and in and out as it's trying and you get I mean you didn't ask to keep in and in and out as it's trying. And you get, I mean, you didn't ask to see this. This is a second time show, a bit of my insight. I was saying it. I like it.

Imagine the massive finger just coming into my mouth and grabbing a child. This is how I do fit. There's absolutely no way you're not recognising the inside of your own mouth. Yeah, you got it. You literally just grapple to it and then take the go. Wait, there it is.

Yeah, it's a chaos in there. The inside of my mouth, this is gonna be, as Nisha references you've ever had on this program, probably looks like the opening set film Zardos. You see, like Zardos. No idea. You never had a Zardos. No, oh, don't need to go into it.

That's what it is. Yes, that's what you do. It's a Sean Connery film. Right, okay, so you've seen it in parodies of it, that giant floating rock head that you get in stuff like in fan die or whatever, giant head and loads of guns fall out of it. It's a film called Zados from the 70s and it's absolutely bizarre. It's Sean Connery in a red leotard, no, like leotard was the word. I think I've seen a picture of him. Yeah, where he's got like long hair

and he's got like, it's like a sort of, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen pictures of him in that, yeah. And it gets in that head, you know, which you're not supposed like, it's like a sort of and a liars gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, see pictures of him. And gets in that head, you know, which you're not supposed to, it basically spews up guns for them to kill each of them. You don't know why and spoiler, they're aimed to recent at all to get to 70s film. This is before jaws before there was actually a three-act structure. So it's just someone's

thoughts in a film for two hours. It gets in that head and he goes to a posh place where people are controlling the film that you're in. It's a meta up on that. But yeah, inside that head and he goes to a posh place where people are controlling the film that you're in. It's a meta up on Merrin. But yeah, inside that head, there's loads of people Naked people shrink wrapped against the walls and it's feel 70 feel 70s But I think maybe it's not 70s. Maybe it's just that film is really weird and that's what it did There's mysteries going on in our mouths, isn't there really? Yeah, it could That could be naked people, cellophane to the reef of my mouth.

On a good day, there's naked people at my mouth. Yeah. Or a part self-appendent, she's not of, not entire people. Main question about, was it Zapdos? Was it called? Zapdos. You've just quoted a Pokemon, which is maybe really happy. Yeah, I like it.

I like trying to put a bone Pokemon. That's not good. I didn't think it was going to get niche than Zapdos, but you're right. Let me talk about Pokemon on the podcast. That's totally cool. But Nzar does. When Connery is getting an on board the massive flying rocket.

Did they let him take the bullet belt? On or does he have to have said it to himself? It's oddly, he's the only one on it. It's an automated thing, so he got away with it. It's okay. He's allowed to do what he wants. Dream Drink. I'm going to put some alcohol onto the list because my drink of choice was a, was a yaga bump and I miss it dearly. On a daily basis I miss that lovely, what's it called a digest thief? Yeah, I think we could call it a yoga bottle of digest. But what would you care for, I just do.

We hope you enjoyed doing it. And there was a cheek version of a yoga bottle called Jungfrau that you could get if you were doing it at home, which I sadly did, because there's a reason I don't drink anymore, I drank way too much. But I had this stream of like, I didn't go to uni but had I I remember researching that at uni They have like these little beer tasting clubs and things that you can go to in the first week to like To be friends with people And I thought I'm a start one of them, but it'll be specifically for Jager bombs that appeared with various different energy drinks And we tried different drinks and I'd make like a really glossy like pamphlet

We'll do it're all tasting notes. Yeah, and how like monsters different from Red Bull's stuff. And I found the perfect pairing because, and I'm sorry to do this to you, Ben, but this is an naughty word to have on a podcast. There's an energy drink called Pussy Energy Drink. And they know it's rude because they put a little star over the year. It's not even bad. I thought it was going to be way worse.

Yeah, I thought I'd great. Something just changed the tune completely. I dropped something called Cun juice. As far as expected. Yeah. There's an interjean called pussy. And if you pair it with, yeah, you go, Mice there in the egg

bum, it tastes exactly like a Marx and Spencer's Percy pig without a deviation. It's a fizzy, Percy pig. Jordan, this is so great, but you can't tell James stuff like that. Yodeling. This is going to be the end of his life. Oh, man. You tell them he's a liquid formed up. It could be. I'm absolutely happy to have that. Thanks to his. Oh, man. You tell them he personally liquid formed up. I'm absolutely happy that.

Thanks to his girlfriend saying, get a crate of pussy. Yeah, listen. When we get back, I want to see all the pussy you can get. So it's a pussy bomb. It's what you want to call it. You can call it a pussy pig or you can call it a pussy bomb. I go with pussy pig. And that's what I want to submit.

We go with pussy pig. Yeah, yeah. Right down pussy pig. Mike what I want to submit. We're going with pussy big. Right down pussy big. Mike, I'll put you put the that is what it's called. Pussy big cocktail, I suppose you call it. What is a yay, Bob? I mean, it's not, it's not, I wouldn't say cocktail, but yeah, you're right.

But it's not, it's not a shot either. Is it? A shot and it's not a mix. It's not a mix. It's not vodka and coke because it is supposed to be downed, which most, my friends aren't. Yeah, mix drinks aren't, mixed drinks aren't designed to do that.

Yeah, it's nice. It's not got the energy of a shot, right? Yeah. I, if it tastes like a Percy pig, I, I want to be sipping this. I don't want to, perhaps it's a long drink, perhaps it is a long drink with little pink ice cubes and stuff, like really imparting it out with maybe some marks and Spencer's co-lab situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It has to be. I love that. That would come after you. We've ever been, they've got, if they need it, you know, marketing your own Percy Pig drink. Yeah, but they're not also, they're not going to sell a Percy Pig at the services, are they? Yeah, they could. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, they'd like to sit in on that business.

They'd be, like, we call it Percy Pig on nothing. But, like, I mean, it sounds great, obviously. Obviously, it's some of my streets, some real. Properly used to get me. And it's not something you find anywhere. So you have to make it at home. I was so, it's very much a drink to be enjoyed. And so it's at a friends barbecue,

you can always start with the pussy and get their party started. Obviously, I think all Percy pigs have veggie now, aren't they? They are, yeah. But the original veggie Percy pigs. With little green ears. The little green ears. Would you say, so I think they're my favorite Percy pigs that were where do you stand? Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a different texture to it to a chewy gummies in there. Yeah, you get to

recognise them as vegetarians and vegans like the strawberries. They're a bit harder, basically a vegan gummies a little bit harder. Yeah, the old Jell-A-Tine and that. You're right. And also perhaps one of them on a little cocktail I'm bread on the top of it makes it lovely. Yeah, that's a nice. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Where do you stand on Percy and Friends? Yeah, yeah.

The pals. The pals. Sorry, he's a lessy in pals. Sorry, he doesn't. I like the story of it. Yeah. I like my, what's the story of it? I think it makes the views.

I love to be on the back. Well, he's a glyphotin, isn't he? That's what it's, there's this gloatrotting Percy. That's what it says in the front of one of them.. I love to be on the back. Well, he's a glyphotin, isn't he? That's what it's. There's gloatrotting Percy. That's what it says in the front of one of them. Right. And I think that's because the species, but there's nothing we've said to solidarity.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So sweet. That was so adorable. I think the animals are more exotic. So there's like a zebra, like a, do you know the flavor of Percy Piggy is? I do, and I shall tell you, but do you want to have a guess of what the actual flavor is?

I've got no idea. It's just a memory. I think it's raspberry. You're very close. Strawberry. It's strawberry and kiwi mix. Oh. Yeah. I've got no idea. I think it's raspberry. You're very close. Strawberry. It's strawberry and kiwi mix. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't have got that. Oh, no idea. And that's what Percy energy drink is, is literally strawberry and kiwi, which is why it tastes exactly like it. I have no doubt that Percy big contains raspberry or did at some point or some variation.

I think she passed raspberry in it. Yeah. And there's a coke, the coke of cola flavour cow is not favourite in the past. Well, that's the best of the Pals That's the best That is without question In fact, I'm I could even Retroengineer Mark cocktail to just be a Jaeger bombing coke with one of those sweet coke Flavor cows on the top that'd be just as happy with that

I love the bag of just the cows if if Mark or Spencer are listening I would love it if we had a bag of just the cows Well, they do the drink now, right? There's a Percy Pig soda I want to sell in Markson Spencer That's everything up sorry to say No, it won't be boozy It won't be cows, well, they do the drink now, right? There's a Percy Pig soda. I was selling mocks and spans and everything. Sorry to say. No, it won't be boozy. It won't be boozy.

No, but it means it's the same general idea. A virgin pussy pig is what you say. Oh, God. That's not. I watched sales plumage. What's the toilet that I bought a bottle of this virgin pussy pig. No, thank you. Absolutely not.

Yeah. That's right. I'm most straight. You're going to do a wee. Yeah, like the cow is the best of the, of the, of the, of the pals. I'm going to eat the cows. The cows, the pals, it is nice that he's globe trying and making

friends what he's doing. The pun, they're what Marx and Spencer's with first he picks are working backwards from puns. I swear all the pounds. It is nice that he's globe-trying and making friends what he's doing. The pun. Marks and Spencer's with Percy Pigs are working backwards from puns. I swear all the time. They don't go, let's make one that's opposite. It's a reversey pig. They go reversey pig, what's that? Yeah.

And me and my sister came up with this massive list of like Percy Pigs, like Coercy Pigs. And it's like, you buy a meal deal. And then they are obligated professionally to try and upsell you a bag of Percy Pigs. And that's the cover. Percy Pigs. Oh, we made this list that went on forever. Like, oh, I don't know. What's another thing that rhymes? Cursey. Cursey Pigs. Cersei Pigs. Because Cersei was the Greek goddess that turned people into pigs. So yeah, Cersei made people. So like Cersei Pigs, I don't know what the gummy are. I can't work it out. It's from my car. Well, Cersei a few pigs I guess if she's turned them into a party there'd be some human

shaped ones in there and then somewhere it's like halfway between a human and a pig and then the whole crazy pigs yeah this group screaming in torment is like you can walk and expands into a like those toys yes all well obviously think of everything mercy pigs mercy pigs is really nice.

It's a bit merciful. Yeah, that's the free bag they give you if you feel upset by the coercie pigs. You feel upset when you feel like you need try to see they give you a bag of mercy pigs. So, yes, that's my cocktail is a Percy bomb. I shall continue to call it a person. I'll call it what you will. Yeah, Percy bomb's nice, more marketable than a virgin person. It's a pussy pig. No, it's not a virgin. No, I'm not called what you will. Yeah, Percy Bombs nice, more marketable. In the Virgin Pursuit. But it's a pussy pig. No, it's not a virgin.

No, I'm not. It's not called a virgin pig. It's an alcoholic pussy pig. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much. One of this. Yeah. Also before we move on, it might be laughing

if one of Percy's pals was called Guy. Yes. And there's only one per packet. Yeah, yeah. One. And he looks exactly like the Neat O's friend. Oh, lucky you. You got the guy. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. It's one. And it looks exactly like the Neat Oats friend. Oh, lucky you, you got the guy.

Oh, God. We arrive at your dream dessert. Well, I very much enjoyed about this conversation is how fluidly we've moved from one into the other because this is another perfect segway. Might as a, and I thought long and high about it, when I was little, we used to get given a pound for pocket money each week.

And on the Friday, we'd go to the happy shopper. Happy shoppers? Happy shopper, right? Yeah. And they'd have the trays of pickermick sweets that you can't grab. You have to say I would like one of them, two of them, and it's behind the glass thing, and somebody had to buy one by one and get it out. And the woman that worked there loved it, and her husband hated it. So depending on who you got, it's a different shopper experience. And I would get them, I'd get a pounds worth, which was a lot of different things and variety.

And I'd make, this is so stupid as well, I'd make dioramas out of my things. Which is fine because you got like a little, I'd say, like a little, a few mice and they lived together and then I'd make like a house out of the square things and then it's like a diorama, then I'd eat it. And that was fine. And then my mum got uncomfortable with it because I'd start to chew off half of one like a gummy baby and then half a jelly snake and I'd stick them together. And I'm like, well that's it's extended to sort of the myth, though, the storyline on my diorama. And then she said I had to stop when I was about nine because I got a jelly baby and a mouse. And I was like, that looks like a man, well, could he's dog, but there's no lead.

So I just chewed up some gum. And then I stretched it out and I made a lead out of the gum. And she saw that and told me I had to stop doing it. Yeah, sure. Fair enough. So, good. Fair enough. And this is my dessert the next day, the next Friday even.

And we went to that shop and we had a babysitter. What I've fenced seed a lot, right? And I'm too young for that babysitter. I'll admit it now. That's fine. I was nine or maybe 10. And she was really cool and she took us there. I've ever insisted, got their pounds worth of sweets.

Like one, those, please do those. And I just looked at the guy and I was like, oh yeah, get pounded lemon sherbet, please. That was my like, much out is gone. That was maybe another outside of a pound of lemon sherbet, please. That was my like, much elder's gone. That was maybe in the other side of a pound of lemon sherbet. That was the most grown-up thing you could think of to do a show on for the baby's set up. To show to the baby's set up.

And I sat with a spoon shoveling lemon sherbet into my mouth. That's my night there. There's one flavor, that's so disappointing. You know, for writing anymore. No diorama. Just sitting there like, like my lips had imploded in on themselves with lemon sherbet at this babysitter like.

And I just have fond memories of it. So I'd have a, I think a bowl is too much. A bowl of lemon sherbet. So you're just an lemon sherbet? A quid's worth of lemon sherbet. A quid's worth of lemon sherbet, a little paper bag that's all of you know, and you get, this, ah, just hit me like a proper memory when you get the bag and then you do the flip with the paper bag.

Yeah, I want it to arrive like that sort of like a Japanese dumpling, like a proper memory when you get the bag and then you do the flip with the paper. Yeah, I want it to arrive like that. Yeah. Sort of like a Japanese dumpling, like a, what they call, what's the Japanese thing called? Like a bow or a band or something. Oh, I want that. Like a geo. Geo is it. It's like a little geo is a of edible sugar paper filled with lemon sherbet on a beautiful

little chocolate. I love it. You just elevated it. Right. Lemon. If it's not a much sugar paper, are you still opening up the bag, eating the lemon sherbet, or are you just, I would be tempted just to pick up the bag, all twizzled up, I just bite out a bit outside of it. That's a very appealing prospect. I'd bite it into a bag of sand. So this is like the sherbet powder, not like the little sweets, right?

No, yes. It's more grain granule. It it's sort of like lemon sugar it's like as if sugar was yellow and I'm confused yeah you're thinking of the sweets yeah I'm thinking of the sweets are they sherbet lemons and lemon sherbet is yeah silly mean yeah now this is just like sugar it's yellow sour sugar that's even more inside literally the powder this inside I thought it was mad that you just ordered the sweets, a pound of them. I didn't tell you nor did a pound of sherbet. Yeah, it's like, because you're just shoveling sugar into your shell, but it felt like the most growing up thing, because it's also like sour, which is like away from the sweet end of the spectrum, the kiddie end of the spectrum.

I was going to shovel lemon into my mouth. For it to be proper growing up, you should have racked up lines of it on the coffee table. In front of the made you face into it like scoffed ice. Don't mind if I don't do you. do you, and it'll lie because. Just kind of. But perhaps because of the sugar paper, you're right. That is really appealing. Bite into it and just let it all pour out.

Yeah. But perhaps you much like one of those chocolate fundants, so the ice cream and chocolate and you pour hot, some hot caramel in it, melts. Maybe you take your pussy pig and you just pour it out. Let me show it. And you've got this sandy sugary mush and you sort of eat that at your leisure. I just watch it. I'd find it hard to resist doing that. I think I'd have a bit of the sherbet.

Yeah. But then soon I'm a late, I'm going to pour the pussy pig over it. I like the way we agreed with Percy Bomm. We agreed on Percy Bomm about five minutes ago, and now everyone's just gone back to pussy pig. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's hard to get away from it. It is the catcher off the two. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the only meal that I'd want the company for. I'd want that babysitter. Yeah. At that eight. Yeah. No, no. How old was she? She was like, oh, she's probably 19. Can we break an average of how old she was? She is now. Do you want to be the age you were then? I do want to be the age.

Of course it is. I'm sorry, I know. I want to be 14. Back to fine. No, yeah, I want to be old enough that it's conceivable. But do you have all your thoughts and memories that you have now? Because that's not all right.

Because then you're the one with the power again. Yeah, you can't go. I wish I was 14 again with all of my thoughts now. I can chat up at 19 year old babysitter. Yeah. Yeah, you're right, though. For all the parties, think to them. Yeah, then I'm going to do a spell on the babysitter. I do a spell. I'm going to show up. I'm going to show up. I don't do a spell. They should fall in love with me. I'd like just you to track her down now, then that's fine. Just how she's now. For a couple of known. This is probably a million.

And I can decide if he bleeps it or not. It's coming out. Can't you stay in? You can bleep. You can bleep that. That'd be funny. Yeah, yeah. That's true.

Yeah, you did it at first. Yeah, just bleep juice. That's fun. That is perhaps the name that I'd give to the end result of my dessert. I've put everything on that support. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got 11 sugar peepers, 30 big cups. I mean, that carpeted table is that's a light off.

Yeah. You never see it in that room. It's like Harry Rampson's when you get certificate for eating all those. Yeah, we see it them do you know? My dad did that once. We got to Harry Ramsons. Yeah. You had to eat like a mass.

It's like double portion of chips, and like a huge bit of fish and mushy peas and double mushy peas I think. And if you ate all of it, you got a free pudding. And we were on our way somewhere. We were on the motorway and he did that. And he finished it. Got a free pudding. Did you respect it? No, the waiters came over and went, we had some Japanese tourists, the whole family in the other day and they shared one of those. That made him feel worse.

How are you, Ramsd? It's funny name. It's funny name. It's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, my name's Harry Ramston. What? Joking. You like to say it that way is the way you say Ramston is quite funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come in with a soft art. Anything within an art, he loves it. Yeah, yeah, I love saying it. It's funny. Banana Rama. Banana Rama. I'll say that.

Banana Rama. I'll say that if you like. I'll say that. I'll say that. I'll say it. Banana, no, no. I'll say that if you like. I'll say that. I'll buy it. Yeah, banana. I know we've given Gwen Stefani the job, but surely banana Ramara and with a shout of advertising the banana.

Banana, no, no. Yeah, banana, banana, no, no, no, no. Banana, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I've been not done that. LAUGHTER Oh, that took too long. I'll be your menu back to you now. See how you feel about it? Thanks. Water. You want sparkling water? Yes, please. Popcorn was a bread by Naan and Naan.

Do do do do. I deliberately love the pause. Yeah. Start a bra, a caprazzi salad. From the gout show? Yep. Yeah. Main course, chicken, kebab, chips, burger sauce,

and cheeseburger from Orset Basketball. Sideit basketball side one by potatoes drink the pussy pig Does that one pound of lemon sherbet with the baby sir if I can just Quickly men that last one a pounds worth rather than a pounding weight Pounds worth not a pounding weight. Yeah one quid's worth served by The wife and not the husband of the happy shopper. That's so sweet that you remembered that, yeah. That's great. We don't want, we don't want the husband.

I'm happy sharing that with you. Do you want a Poundsworth as it was then or as it was now? Then, because you barely get any news. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bloody economy, not worth it. Thanks so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Jordan. Thank you very much. It's been so joyous.

Thank you Jordan. Lovely boys. Thank you very much to Jordan for coming in. Thank you Jordan, a wonderful menu. Wonderful insight. I think it was a wonderful menu. No, I think it was a lovely nostalgic menu. Yes.

And I like those ones too, where it clearly means a lot to someone, it sort of triggers memories with them of a good time. That's not one of the menus where I'm like, I can't wait to go to Orset Basketball. Sure. I can't. His burn down. The van burn down. The van burn down.

I mean, obviously I want to try the pussy pig. Yeah, James wants to try the pussy pig. So obviously, I'd like to do that. So that's, you know, do you promise to record a video of your trying the pussy pig. Yeah, James wants to try the pussy pig. So obviously, I'd like to do that. So that's, you know, do you promise to record a video if you're trying the pussy pig? Yes, if I ever, hey, if I ever sampled the pussy pig. You heard it here. James is going to try the pussy pig.

He's going to take a video of it and we'll put it on the off menu, social media accounts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it might be really tweeted by Jordan, who is tall, dark friend on social media. Follow her on all platforms and look out for anything that Jordan's doing. And thank you Jordan for not saying the secret ingredient didn't say quail. No quail. We really appreciate that.

Also, the best kebab do not do quail. Imagine if they did. They would be burning that place down. If it had as a quail in it. No way. Maybe they would have gone run out of money. Yeah, I'm not going to be quail. I've dropped a lot quicker. Yeah, but if they had quail.

Big left turn to say, would you quail now? Yeah, yeah. Bad luck. You better burn that place, the best. Thank you so much to Jordan. Don't forget to listen to her podcast, Transplaining. Bye-bye. We'll see you next week.

See you later. So good. So good. Supers? SUCKOAD! Hello, my name is Ian Smith. I'm Amy Gletto. And we are from the Northern News Podcast. Where we take a deep dive into the bizarre stories we find from the North. Hey, and if you like food, and I know you like food, actually, because you're listening to Off Menu.

We've got stories about pigs getting cooked, stuff round about with crisps. We've got stories about gravy retling in carparks. We've got stories about restaurants getting one star food hygiene retains. And record-breaking Yorkshire puddings. And we've got special guests. Which you may remember from off menu episodes such as... on star food hygiene retains. And record breaking Yorkshire puddings. And we got special guests. But you may remember from off menu episodes such as Macy Adam, Tim Key, Rosie Jones, Fatter Herl Gory,

Phil Wang, and he hasn't been on off menu, but we got Kevin Kennedy. You'll play Curly Watchs in Coronation Street. Take that, eh, Castor? So please, give a listen to the Northern News podcast. Every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts. So please give a listen to the Northern News Podcast. Every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts.