Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 214: Steve-O

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

This episode is not for the faint-hearted. Professional Jackass Steve-O shows us his new tat, introduces us to his new dog, and threatens to destroy our buttholes in this week’s episode.Trigger warning: this episode contains talk about addiction, vomiting and, to be frank, so much more.Steve-O’s new special ‘The Bucket List Special’ is available to stream now from steveo.com.Steve-O’s Hot Sauce For Your Butthole is available to buy from Amazon.Follow Steve-O on Twitter and Instagram @steveo.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast and I'm very excited to say that my book is out now, Glutton the Multicloss Life of a very greedy boy. It's a memoir but it's mainly about food, it's about my life and food. I'm very proud of it, I think it's very funny. Is it touching? I don't know, that's up to you guys to decide. But it is available everywhere you get books now and also the audiobook is available on Audible. I would recommend buying both three times.

Thank you very much. Happy reading, all listening. I'm Kathleen Goldtar and I'm the host of a new podcast, Crime Story. Every week we bring you a different crime, told by the storyteller who knows it best. You got one witness who can't be found. You got another witness who's murdered. I was getting calls from Cosby's attorney threatening to sue every day. Every crime in one way or another is a reflection of who we are

as a people, as a city, as a country. Crime Story. Available now on CBC Listen or wherever you get your podcasts. Today's episode of the Off-Menu podcast is sponsored by Kozy. Oh, Ed, are we talking Kozy modulus sofas here? Yes, we are. James, it's thoughtfully designed furniture made for modern living. I've often said, Benito needs to get some Kozy furniture for the off-menu studios because at the moment it's hell.

And this is the thing. I've Kozy modular sofas, allow the owners to easily elevate any space. This whole space needs elevating. We want to choose the designs that we like, configure the shape and number of seats for our space, pick our favorite fabric. This is what the studio needs, but need to please.

And we could add modules over time if our needs change. You know, there's not enough space in here. What if we have the whole of Westlife on the podcast? I want some new shelf said. Yeah, we should get some new shelves actually in here. Yeah, Cozy have launched some new solid wood modules, shelving systems called the Altitude Collection, James. They're super easy to assemble,

and the installation can be done on any wall in a couple of minutes. But you might be worrying about the customer experience. I often do that when I interact with a new company. What's the customer experience going to be like? Well, no need to worry with Cozy. It's free and fast shipping on all orders. And they have over three and a half thousand five star of views.

Plus, there's five year warranty and a 30 day risk free trial. And the customer support is human. It's not bears like you get in some of these places. Transform your living space today with Co visit cozy dot c a c o z e y to start customizing your furniture. Welcome to the off menu podcast, taking the head of conversation, the tail of the internet, pulling those apart, cracking open the shell of good times, pulling out the poop shoots of bad times and chowing down on the prawn cast. It in a lobster? No, that's a prawn. That's a gamble. My name is James A. Gaster. We own a dream restaurant and we invite a guest

in every single week and we ask them their favourite ever start a main course to Zer, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week our guest is Steve. Steve O of course, you will know from Jack Ast. The guys are the guys are cultural icon James. He's got his own podcast Steve O's Wild Ride is of course done Wild Boys on TV as well. The Jackass movies, Jackass TV series is a stand up comedian has been a stand up comedian for over a decade now. Yeah. Towing many countries. Yes. And Eagle Eard listeners of this podcast will know that of course I'm a massive fan of Steve O's work But James is absolutely obsessed with Jackass and what the Jackass guys are up to now Yes, it's one of my favorite things as to know that the Jackass guys are up to now Jackass forever was

What was probably now one of my favorite films of all time? Yes came out last year? I've watched it a lot including the extra one where you get all the different footage What didn't make it in the film? I've watched that too and I watched it on the plane on the way to my honeymoon and paused the film as the hostess came round and there was a dick just filling the whole screen. Yeah, We're just very hard to pause that film and there not be a dick filling the screen. There's quite a lot of dicks in it. Yes Look, you know, we're buzzed that we're going to be talking to Steve O. This is pretty amazing. And, yeah, Benito's a bit scared. Yes. Steve has come into the office, toasters in the office. Yeah. You know, Steve O loves

animals, but he's done loads of stunts with animals in Jackass. Yes. So he might be about to put toast up his ass. Put toast up his ass. That could happen. Good happen. That's the risk we're taking today. Yes. It's worth. I'm willing to take that risk. And if he shoves toast up his ass, we will not kick him out. No. But if he chooses a secret ingredient, which we have deemed to be unacceptable, then we will kick him out. As is the format of the podcast, the rules. It is. And this week, the secret ingredient says a line of wasabi, which he has had before. We saw him in one of the Jackass films, snought a line of wasabi. It made him puke. Yes. It was pretty disgusting. Yeah. And I could only imagine what it felt like.

Yeah. So I mean, you know, we're hoping he doesn't want to do that again. We're hoping he doesn't want to do it again. But you know, we are choosing something that he might have got a taste for after. Yeah, maybe. I went away and thought that was actually great. He certainly doesn't let things put him off. So maybe it is part of his dream to do something wild like that again. Yeah. So, you know, fingers crossed, he won't pick it. But if he does, rules and if anyone can take getting kicked out of the dream, you're trying to steal it. Steve Oh. Steve O has a new special which is out now. It is the bucket list special. I believe it is available on his website,

stevo.com, but we'll see. We'll ask him all about it. We'll hear all about the making of the special that's coming out. Yes, very excited to meet Steve O, to hear from Steve O, to get some stories, and to hear what food he likes. This is the off menu menu of Steve O, to hear from Steve O, to get some stories, and to hear what food he likes. This is the Off-Menu menu of Steve O.

MUSIC Welcome, Steve O, to the Dream Restaurant. Yeah, dude. Welcome, Steve O, to the Dream Restaurant, but it's about to give us some time. Love it. Now, candidly, I was told that I had to come up with a dream meal. Yes. And I got really excited.

Yeah. And then I found out you guys aren't even going to cook it for me. You know, people don't want to hear you eat. Although people can you do a lot worse to be fed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The baby. We like to make people really hungry coming up with their dream menu and then we just send them back out into the world starving.

I'll tell you right out of the gate that my favourite food is pickled onion monster munch. Really? Yeah. So, really Steve, are you pandering to us because it's... If you think I'm kidding, why are you taking your belt away? This is happening earlier than I thought. See, those just pulled his trousers down and he has a he has the monster, fun the picodonion monster, much tattooed on his leg. Very fatly. Is that a large one? Yeah. Okay. Now, we might as well peel the curtain back a

little bit. Yeah. But what does that mean when you say, yeah, yeah, please, please, people because this podcast as people are listening to it right now, if all goes to plan, well, they'll be listening to it substantially in the future. Yes, yeah, we're in July now, and we're going to hold this off until you're special. Right, which leaves a bunch of question marks, which makes this very, very titillating. Number one, will my brand new Pickled Onion Monster Munch tattoo be a cause for a massive crippling staff infection when I jump off the tower of London Gridge into the filthy river Thames tomorrow. Tomorrow. I go, so when did you get the tattoo done?

Yesterday. And two days after you get it done, you're jumping into the Thames. It is bad, like, it is very bad. They say, don't even get it wet. They say, don't even take a shower. The Thames is pretty what? You've had starfish patches before?

No. You never had. But I'm not even really worried about it because I've spent my entire life challenging my immune system. Yes, cool. And as such, building it up. I remember people maybe don't know this. I was born in England and I attended high school. Your forms go through the age of 16, high school goes to 18.

But I did all four years of high school in London, England. Oh, I was actually there even before that. I was in eighth grade attending the American school in London, England. And this was like a highly privileged school, like almost exclusively for obnoxiously wealthy kids. My dad was like a wildly successful corporate executive. And they had this week called alternatives, I think. And it was just even they'd send the students on field trips. And

these field trips were like all over the world like high level stuff. So I chose to go to Egypt for a week and eighth grade. We we got to Egypt, they told us they said, do not drink the water. Or they said, even if you order like a Coca-Cola, do not let them put ice cubes in it because you'll get so sick. And we're like, wow, creepy. And then we're at this restaurant. And the restaurant was literally on the Nile River,

eating out on the patio, on the bank of the Nile River, and I watched this Egyptian dude, like kneeling by the river, and I watched him dunk a tooth brush in the Nile River and just sit there brushing his teeth. And I thought, well damn, it's like if tap water's bad,

then what's the Nile? You know, it's gotta be Nile. And then my next thought was, but I bet this guy's just used to it, you know, like, and I bet if this guy who's brushing his teeth and the Nile went back to London where I live and drank tap water, he'd probably get sick. You know, it's like whatever you're used to.

Yeah. So I devised at that moment, in that moment, I decided that my goal to be the health to his person would be to travel the world everywhere and just gulp down tap water, which I went on to do. We filmed wild boys that Jack has spin off TV show. Oh, Steve, I just so you know, you don't have to give us any back guns at any time, and I think that you have done.

Nice. We filmed wild boys on every single continent, except for Antarctica. And I'm reasonably sure that Antarctica's probably got pretty clean water anyway. Yeah, right, yeah. And I did. First thing I would do when we when we like checked into our spot.

I'd put down my bags. You know, after traveling, you want to brush your teeth. So I'd be brushing my teeth. I'd think about it and it's go go go go go down tap water. And I never got sick. I drink toilet water in Peru. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What? And you never you never got the shits. You never had anything. And I'm going to see a never. Like I had some diarrhea in Kenya. I think I've every time I've gone to Kenya,

I've gotten some kind of diarrhea. Now we just heard a dog barking. We might hear that a little more. Yes. That is this terribly badly behaved dog, which I picked up in whole. Yeah. Tarnit, not yesterday, the day before yesterday.

So this is like, the tattoo. Same as the tattoo. At the big day. I was laying down, dude, I was such a big day. I was laying down on the tattoo table with the dog like laying on me. And this dog is snappy. Yeah.

I mean, like it will bite you. Like at one point, somebody opened up the door to the tattoo parlour and there was kind of a crowd gathered around outside because I was posting to my Instagram stories. So I tagged the tattoo parlour and everybody turns a crowd outside the tattoo parlour. Somebody opens up the door and this damn dog just bolts out and just goes straight to just attacking a much smaller dog. Visually. Yeah. Visually to. Okay.

So yeah, I've named this dog Tazzi. Yeah. It looks and acts like a Tasmanian devil. And it's not okay with kids or cats or dogs. Yes. And in my job is to find a home for it. But if I fail, the order lady lady in whole will take it back. Yeah, she told us she had 92 animals in her house.

Oh my God. You know, it's just down to just the one dog. I mean, I kid calling her a hoarder lady. She's actually a wonderful lady who runs an animal shelter out of her own house. Yeah. I just I love animals. It's my thing. Yeah, no, you're a big animal. I mean it's Peru where you got your last Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've gotten we've gotten more dogs since

We picked one up in Hawaii named Lucy and she's the greatest, but yeah, we've got more question marks Well, will I get arrested for for jumping up the tower of London bridge? It's not that high, but it's not that low There's no London bridge. It's not that high, but it's not that low. It's not, it's not, it's not clear. It's not clear. It's not clear. It's not. Oh, no, God. You're just going to be rocked up and you're like, definitely not. Like, well, the current be strong enough to take me out to see where I might drown. I don't think so. A lot of people have been worried about that. But you will get taken out to see they're like, they're like, the current is intense in the temps. Yeah, you'll be fine with it. You'll be like, that's what I'd

like to say. I jumped off it 20 years ago. Right. What bridge was that from? Was it the same bridge? The same bridge. So you kind of know at the time that was the highest I'd ever jumped off of. So is that mean you've got like a game plan going into this when you know how to jump off of this particular bridge? Well, the only game plan is to bring a professional photographer. Because otherwise, there's another one. And this is all these are question marks. Because I'm always right. Oh, there's another one. And this is all these real question marks.

How's it going to go? Yeah, yeah. And I believe that the universe is smiling on me, dudes. You know, every once in a while, you feel like you're just getting a little tap on the shoulder, a little wink. You know, like everything's coming together, and there's just no way. It's like we call it a God shot, right?

Because as part of my campaign to get killer professional photos, I was like, dude, London, you know, like I got to get a photo surfing on the roof of a big red London double-decker bus. Yeah, got to do it. Yeah. But how do you do that? I have a buddy in in in Hall who I flew out to LA because he won this competition.

He is a bus driver, double-decker bus driver in Hall. Of course, those puts, he's have blue double-decker bus. Yeah, that's not, that's, that's, that's, tired. Yeah, no, that photo's not gonna mean anything to anyone around the world, right? Yeah, that's a knockoff. It's an imposter.

I don't want anything to do with the blue double-decker bus. It has to be read. But it was pretty clear, my buddy, the bus driver and a haul, that it's not just as easy as, yeah, sure, hop on the roof. Yeah. Sure. And I've been beating up on him. Like, okay, he's like, well, and he says,

I suppose if you go to like the bus yard where they park, but dude, I don't want to get a photo of a bus parked and a crowded lot of, you know, that's lame. It's got to be on the road, then I get to London. And I've spent the last few days trying to figure out how to get this shot. And it just so happens that in front of the hotel my lady is in. She's the production designer for my special.

And she couldn't come on tour. She's just working on this insane wall of hundreds of TVs from the 80s that all have to work. And it just so happens that right outside of the hotel is where the double-decker bus drivers take their breaks. Literally, you've got like at all times, at all times there's buses that just come up and it's not necessarily great for the photo because like there'll be like a bus,

there'll be like three of them. It's in the road, it's very Londony. And they literally come up, they park in front of our hotel. Then the driver just gets out of the driver's seat and just goes and hangs out in the back for it is like 15 minute break, has a snack, like whatever is just chilling in the back.

So what this bus driver doesn't know is that I'm gonna have a crew like with like a 15 foot extension ladder. And we don't have the ladder yet again, this is a question mark. So it's a fascinating conversation. I think the ladder is the easiest bit. Yeah. So, I think that you're worried.

But we need to be respectful and not scratch the bus. We Googled it on the way here to your studio. A London big red double-decker bus is 14 feet and four inches. I don't necessarily need the extension ladder to be taller than that, right? I think if we get a 15 foot extension ladder, so there's so many people I need to get this done. I need two people to move the ladder in and out and hold a steady. The ladder can't be in the photo, so they've got to get it out

and then bring it back. I need one guy to fly the drone to get the killer drone shot. I need another guy, professional photographer, to get the killer still image. I need videographer, probably two of them, to get multiple angles. So that's five or six, and then me. It is amazing. The sort of things that you do, they're obviously presented as completely crazy,

and you've done it on a whim. But the amount of work that actually has to go into them to make them happen. Well, and without exception, every time I come up with an idea, it has to happen immediately. So my whole crew is completely used to, like, oh, God, once you come up with an idea, it has to happen immediately. Yeah, really? So my whole crew was completely used to, like, oh God, once he come up with this time. And we're always excited about it. It's always like generally like a pretty fun idea, but I super stress out my crew because they never have like advanced notice. Yeah. It's always like, it's got to be.

Fifty foot ladder with rubber feet. Yeah, yeah. And then that's why I brought my executive assistant with me because like he's out there of sourcing that ladder. Yeah, I told him like renting it would make more sense, but it'd be pretty gangster to buy it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, pretty gangster to buy it.

And like, I'm just picturing the the bus because I travel on a tour bus all the time. And we have like, you know, crazy assholes climbing up on the roof of our tour bus. And every time without fail, we notice it. You can't have somebody on the roof of the bus and not feel it. We're like, we've had people climb up on the roof of our bus and jump off and just break their ankle. Sure. One guy broke his ankle so bad. And I know that's like, you know, like I've had my whole ankle shattered and then screwed together like it's bad, dude. Yeah, it's right.

Yeah, but, but yes, so the bus driver's gonna know, when I get on the roof, like there's just no, it's that drive it. But it's too late. It's not gonna prevent us from getting the photo. Yeah, sure, you'll get the photo. You've got to get the photo. And then the video, I would imagine, would capture the bus driver coming out with the bus a little hot.

Did we get told off a little? Maybe get told off a little bit and bus drivers take no shit, by the way. I really are. They are really used to people getting at them, so they are they will flip. Right. I bet. You know, bet. And now we arrive at, I'm searching for the word, is it existential like this dynamic, this double life that I live? Because that's kind of a thick thing to do. I'm gonna piss off a bus driver on purpose.

And at the same time, I'm this like reformed, clean and sober guy, like living a spiritual life, you know, like before I can even have coffee in the morning, I have to meditate for 20 minutes to do full yoga, the whole deal. I can't lie. I got to do the right thing. But there are some things that are not okay for Stephen Glover that are perfectly appropriate for Steve. Yeah. I also, you know, and plus the guy, the bus driver, no matter how mad he is, there's a decent

chance he's going to get a step ladder out of it. Yeah. I'm not going to play the star. I mean, also, you got, we all just on our own journeys, try to improve. And, you know, I think when you look at, you know, if these days you might imitate a bus driver a little bit, but you have it, you've gone to really great lengths not to even scratch the bus. Right.

But, you know, back in the day, I remember my friend getting a Steve O'Live DVD of one of your tours, and one of the actress was see you on PCP for three days, going absolutely ballistic and being the worst person in the world. So like, I think it's a pretty good step. Yeah, it's, I'm in a different forward. Progress in the right direction. Yeah. And I'll absolutely be ready to,

to throw a hefty cash tip at the guy. Yeah. And I'll promise to either pixelate or replace in Photoshop, the license plate number. So we'll make it into like nobody ever needs to know that that was this guy's bus. Yeah, yeah. And then we will preserve his anonymity, throw him the big tip, maybe hook him up with an extension ladder and life goes on off to the tower bridge. Yeah, I love it. That's perfect. Which hill probably happily drive you to.

If you find out that's what you're doing. You know, the first time. If that's his route, and he finally gets you off the roof of his bus, and then he's like, right, I just got to get on one my day, and then he drives off and see you on top of the... It's like a guy. Yeah. When I first sought to jump off the tower bridge 20 years ago,

When I first sought to jump off the tower bridge 20 years ago, my idea was that I would pay for one of these sightseeing tours. You know, the top of the bus is open. So they can't prevent me from it. It's easy to get in there. And I would pick one that just happens to go over the tower bridge. And then as it drove over the tower bridge, I would jump out of the open top of the Diker bus off the bridge. But when I went to go scout it out, it turned out that that sidewalks like 30 feet wide. I mean, there's no way you're gonna make that.

It's redid. You don't even ever think about how wide a sidewalk is until you're trying to jump out of a double-decker bus. Well, I think we've all been through that. I think visually, that's even funnier though. If you had a film that had essentially jumping up a bus and it's landed on the sidewalk, I'd say sidewalk. Then I'm in surgery with the other butt jump off the bus asshole. And here's the most major question. Sure. Let's do that.

Is will I get arrested for the bus or the London Bridge? And I can't deport me because I'm British and I have a valid British passport. They can't arrest me. I can't picture either of these crimes being so serious that I would be locked up and procured from doing any shows. So that's not really a question mark. But staff infection with my new tattoo could really put a hamper on my ability to perform. And I've the biggest show of my life in London. It's Steve Bo's bucket list special. What's extra exciting about this conversation is that it's the very first formal promotion for this special that I've done yet.

And I don't even know what the messaging is. I can tell you that I'm positive that this special will not be on Netflix or HBO or any other legitimate platform which presents comedy specials because it is actually triple x rated. I'm friends of working on it and they've whatever has told me one of the things that you've got to do and that's what I have to do. It's done. But you have decided to do. Yeah, there's no way that obviously that's not going to be on any

project platform. Yeah, like part of this project and this special, in this special, like I actually blow a load. I fully eat, not only do I ejaculate on camera, but naked with another man strapped to my back. But I do so simultaneously as I fall out of an airplane at 15,000 feet in the air. That's the most ambitious, absurd, and it's just challenging, you try and jack off to completion in a tiny little airplane.

Yeah, well, I'd be too worried because as far as I understand it with that, you've filmed that already. That's called sky jacking, right? That's called sky jacking, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm just to be sure. My thing that I've been most concerned about is that as far as I understand, when you ejaculate, it's as you jump out the play,

which I would be quite worried that when I do that, that means I just haven't got my wits about me and I'm going to get everything wrong. Well, I mean, when you've got the other guy strapped your back, you don't do anything, but you just got your gizz flying up in his face. That's true. That's what I'll be worried about.

The blow, the blowback. Yeah, he definitely caught some, what do you call it, crossfire? Yeah, yeah. So I think if you're agreeing to do that, you're not going to be bothered by the gizziness. It wasn't. It wasn't just challenging logistically. I mean, it was challenging to get the coverage. Thank God, we had the camera and the right spot on the outside of the plane to really get the money shot. It's arguably the biggest success of my entire career throughout challenging it

was because consider this. I'm sorry for laughing a lot, but obviously I agree with you. But like I said, it's very funny. I found out that I was already in the airplane. That's when I found out that I needed to time the ejaculation within a very precise window of two minutes. Yeah, yeah. That's counterintuitive to like why like how's that? But come to learn that if we fall out of this airplane at any other time, then we miss the drop zone.

There's a very distinct area that we have to land in. And we're only over that, the two minutes is that all you got. So for that, now that's precision. I'm doing the most challenging thing and it has to be precisely, and like never mind finding the company that was okay with doing this on their banner.

Sure. The individual who was actively strapped to my back. Yeah. And now, for the biggest challenge of all, to tell a story in such a fashion that it makes a theater full of more than 1,000 people find it permissible, not just to watch me jack off to completion,

but to watch it joyfully. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and I did that, pulled that off, that's a feat. Like that's when it comes to the craft of stand-up comedy and storytelling. Like I think that's testimony that I have for the last 13 years of persistently performing. I have developed the craft to a point of mastery where in Alabama, thousands of people are watching me jack off and they're okay

with that. Yeah. Well, I think anyone go into one of your shows. I'd be surprised if they weren't. I'll be surprised if they go to see Steve Owen in 2023 and they said, I'm going to go, oh, this is too far. I'm going to hang. I mean, Steve, but here's my question about Sky Jacken. We should actually question about food, but I do have questions about you jacking off and jumping out of a plane. So, um, so you know that there's a specific time you've got a jump out and that you've got to a the light at that point.

Yeah, there's a green light on the wind on the thing where the green light goes on and that indicates it's okay to jump. So the green light means it's okay to choose. Yeah, exactly. And the green light's only going to be on for two minutes. Yeah. And that's the window. So when I found this out, I think maybe this answers your question. I said, give me one minute to notice before that light comes on.

Yeah. Because I'm and what's that for? Are you going? Right. I've got a, I've got to think about what you're thinking about a certain thing that you made. I had a portable DVD player taped down, queued up to a particularly salacious moment in a film. Yeah. When Cameron Diaz walks in in the mask. No, no, something about Mary, where the guy's got the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she was watching the bed still listening. Yeah, that's all because we're like, that's all the guy strapped to your back with things. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think you'll get better. But the reason for all of this, I've been performing live comedy now for 13 years. Yeah. You know, like just grinding and comedy clubs and I started 2010.

And over the course of these 13 years, my comedy is improved and it's become a multimedia experience. Like at first it was just me and a microphone. That was my first comedy special. My second comedy special was me and a microphone and footage of the stories I told edited in post-production to illustrate the stories in a multimedia fashion. But the footage was not with me on tour. Now for this third show, which is the bucket list,

I filmed everything so that the footage could come with me on tour. And the footage had to be shit, it's not allowed on Jackass. That was my deal. I'm gonna set my sights for like forbidden stunts. And the forbidden stunts were very clear. I had the idea for Skyjiving for the last 20 years. Every time skydiving ever came up in conversation, I would never fail to say that my idea of skydiving.

And then there's like, God, the things I did for this show, like life threatening, flagrant legal. For example, I got a medical professional to administer stolen, generally anesthesia drugs, into an IV in my vein, while I was riding a bicycle through a field. And that, like, this medical professional in disguise, I mean, it is just so illegal.

It's like, they were wearing a hazmat suit with the face all pulled. But then we got another medical professional dressed as a clown, which was kind of appropriate. He put a four-inch needle into my spine and injected a drug into my spinal cavity which rendered me paralyzed while I was in a full sprint. Yeah, and that was before my buddy's conducted experiments to determine just how paralyzed I was. So that one is so nuts.

Actually, after that one, I found myself paralyzed on the ground sobbing because I was just tears of joy were flowing because it's so hard for me to raise the bar from where it's at. And like that was such a profound success that it probably had a tear. Well, this, we always start the dream menu with still or spark in water. Now, you've already said that you go around the world drinking every tap water. So would there be a certain type of tap water from a certain country that you would want to start your dream meal with?

Ah! Because you, more than anyone, by the sound of things, would know what the best tap water in the world is. How about this? I'll go for a glass of Tams. Yeah. To kick off the meal. Yeah. A glass of Thames. Yeah. To kick off the meal.

Yeah, a glass of Thames. But could we carbonate the Thames? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll throw the stream. Sparkling Thames. Yeah, yeah. That sounds fantastic. Sparkling Thames water.

Sparkling Thames water. Put the lumps off red. Put the lumps off red, Steve. I'll put the lumps off red. 10s or this but I'm actually avoiding um flower yeah yeah just you're in clear of it like there's really nothing traditional about it and that's where you get all your punch from and I'm at that age man you know you know that everyone's just listened to you talking about

how you're standing close with flour. Yeah, flour is really, really, really, try to avoid, man. And then again, this is the double life I live. So what would you have then instead, like, just before the meal, if we were to bring you out something, is there anything that they sometimes bring out at restaurants for all the apps or whatever? If you want to do, like like some carrots and hummus, that sounds pretty killer,

but the hummus has to be covered with Steve O's hot sauce for your butthole. Yes, yeah, yeah. I'm familiar with Steve O's hot sauce for you but. Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, I've watched Steve O's podcast on YouTube as you know, I've talked about it on the podcast. And often at the end, there are

adverts to Steve O's products, Steve O's many products. And you have no idea how many of them contain the phrase for your bottle. Yeah. Steve O's hot sauce for your bottle is the original, the original. It wasn't really designed to be like explosively hot, like this, you know, frankly, I like hot sauce,

but I don't need it to be like so crazy and so hot. You want some flavor in there, right? Yeah, it's not that hot, and I'm frankly addicted to it. I like, and I have a condiment disorder, so I will go through an entire bottle, like not necessarily in one sitting, but that's not unheard of.

And then for the people who are just clamoring for even hotter, I have Steve V's Butthold Destroyer hot sauce. And the Butthold Destroyer represents one third of our sales. Yeah. Yeah, my dad's actively working on a campaign to sell the brand. Really? He says, he says what you've done with this brand. You know, it's like, what were the net sales in 2020 were like 700,000.

And then it went out. And then like I forget what 2021, 2022 was well over a million. My dad says, if you've done this well in your own, then like somebody who's actually a distributor, who's got the channels, who's got, you know, like, they could look at this and be like, wow, you know, and dad says, if I throw in a commitment for you to make appearances at promotional events to help this buyer get new accounts, you know, a limited number, as well as a commitment to keep selling the hot sauce on tour.

So, are you and your dad gonna go on Shark Tank? Drugs, Dan? We're not even going on to Shark Tank, but we're preparing the proposal from our Cuban. But I say, yeah, not necessarily for Mark Cuban to be the buyer, but for Mark Cuban to point us to suffice to say that I can reasonably expect to get a message directly to Mark Cuban, who I can reasonably expect will be amenable to reading it. And my dad is this business mastermind. And it's just so crazy that this stunt career, you know, I want to be a crazy famous asshole, you know, like that really kind of drove my father and I apart. And then ultimately brought us closer together than everything.

That's on my payroll now. Just yesterday he said that he wants to bump in his retainer. If you want an increase in his monthly fee, and he's got me by the balls, I got to pay. Yeah. Well, let's get into your menu proper. What would be your dream starter? I don't think you're going to be shocked when I say pickle done in monster. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is not as I understand it. I mean, and all of my rules go out the window when it comes to pickle done in monster monster. It's even got a form of dairy in it. I think there's like some powder that's a derivative of milk. And I'm so, I'm so violently opposed to the factory farming industry.

And I believe that I'm just contributing to that. Like it drives me nuts, man. I just throw my morals out the window when it comes to pickled on the munch munch because I love it that much. But we've got a big problem with this product. So, problem is, from bag to bag, the coating varies. Some bags are like exquisitely powerful with the flavor.

Yeah. And then the next bag, and it could be the next bag in from the same box. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which has virtually no flavor. Yeah. And it's just like you're eating this styrofoam. in from the same box. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which has virtually no flavor. And she's like, you're eating that styrofoam. But are you eating these back to back? Because I reckon you might,

the first bag seems really strong. And then you go straight into another bag. You just turn out your skin and you're inside into the flavor. It's not. And I can confirm that it's not the case because my lady made me shake on it that I'm limited to just one bag of monster munch per day.

One bag of pickle any monster munch per day. So it's got to be the biggest bag I can possibly find. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And with this coding problem, the new giant variation leans towards less flavorful. Oh, really? Yeah, like they're not coding those giant monster munch pieces effectively.

So what my dream starter and I actually propose this to I want to get in business with monster munch. Sure. I really, really do. You can use monster munch but hold destroyer. Steve is monster munch for your butt. Monster munch for your butt.

Not a bad idea. But I have talked about that on the podcast actually before with someone we talked about, I think Amy Glad here we talked about shoving months to months, shoving your butt. Yeah, we talked about different crisps that you could. Yeah, I understand the monster month has or there's pickled onion flavored just regular crisps now. I haven't found them yet. It might be, yeah. Yeah, that's all, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know if that's under the Monster Munch brand name, but in any case, I think I can safely say

that of anybody with like a public profile, I am by far the most outspoken, known, fanatic of Pickled Onion Monster Munch. I don't even know that there's a close second. Well, no, we've seen the tattoo. I mean, that's it. Game over. I don't think that there's even a remotely close second.

So, now I'm not campaigning to be a spokesperson for Pickled Onion Monster Munch, but I'm sure my dad wouldn't clear that in the proposal. Yeah. person for pickled ony monster months, but I'm sure my dad wouldn't clear that in the proposal. But I do feel strongly that whether this actually happens in a very real world's relationship between me and the Walker's company, Walker's crisps, the maker. Whether or not this actually happens in the real world, my dream is for there to be swap out the milk ingredient. There's all kinds of alternatives to milk. There's no reason whatsoever to have actual milk from factory-formed dairy cows and double coated.

Yeah, double coated. I think anybody who's a fan of monster might which is going to understand what I'm talking about from one bag to the next, it's a wildly fluctuating level of flavor, which must be gutting if you've said you're only going to have one bag of data. And then your bag of the day is under flavored. And that has happened on this trip. Now, this is the first time I've ever limited myself to one bag today. But the problem is that I have like an addictive, because I don't know how to moderate, you know, like I'm, I'm white-knuckling and I'm losing my mind with just one bag a day. Yeah.

The problem is without these guardrails, like I would be visibly 10 pounds heavier by the time I tape the pocket list special on pure monster budget, pure monster money, 100%. So your dream starter then will be a massive bag, pickling a monster bunch without the milk double coated. Vegan double coated pickled onion monster monster. Beautiful. And I wonder if I'm even getting that right. I don't know how this product is produced. I don't know like if it's a coating maybe, maybe I'm making the wrong reference. However, they apply the flavoring to the baked corn, double it up and double it up and be mindful

that even the double coated bags don't fluctuate. Find some way to uniformly code them all equally. Yeah, we are. I'll be interested to know why they're not. I know. I mean, the boxes in the factory, not doing that job. I got to imagine. I'm going to see what the they're not. I know. I mean, the monsters in the factory, not doing their job. I got to imagine. I'm going to be going to the monsters involved. And here's another wonderful question mark. By October, have I figured out this proposition? I've made the proposal.

Has it been accepted or rejected? Yeah, yeah. If they reject me, snub me or ignore me, I'll be kicking myself for how much shine I've given them on your broadcast. We'll get an email from you. Talk with them once to much stuff. Because no matter how much they offend me, I'm still helplessly addicted to their product. They could do whatever they want.

They could wrong me. They could they could wrong me, they could harm me, they could assassinate my character and destroy my livelihood. And I cannot stop eating pickled onions. Where'd you stand on the other flavors of monster months? I don't care. In different. I know that flaming hot is right up there and popular.

There was a lot of people that make your hands stink. You absolutely stink forever. You can have as many showers as you want You still smell of beef Pick it on your mouth. I'm very very singular in my devotion to pickle. Now we got to move up this topic Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can see fingers go I'm concerned with how much free publicity. I've been I've been even proposed to them. I don't even know if I'm gonna going to work to turn to that much free publicity. I've been, I've been even proposed to them. I don't even know if I'm going to have a business arrangement.

I think when we watch, you know, when the special comes out and we get to watch it and we watch Sky Jacking, you know, there, and we look at the laptop you're watching and actually it's just a pick on your monster, but you're, you're jacking it to, and there was never a poor no. I hope you wash your hands before you did Sky Jacking. You know, I don't think you wash my hands, man. Well, even on TV, you can pick on your monster, man. She's not gonna jack off after that.

That's the same rule applies as with tap water. I mean, you know, you know, like your immune system is a muscle and it needs to be exercised straight up. You know, if you, if you live in an incubator and shield yourself from germs, you're just a pussy that gets sick all the time. I have missing teeth. I have a partial denture. My guy who sells merch, he collects the cash and he's like really scared of cash.

So I just threw my denture in a bag of cash the the other night and then pulled it out and put it in, I put it back in my mouth and he's like, oh! So yeah, so I don't watch my hands. I don't believe in it. I should get hand when you arrive here, you bastard. Yeah.

You're filthy motherfucker. I'm Kathleen Goldtar and I'm the host of a new podcast, Crime Story. Every week we bring you a different crime, told by the storyteller who knows it best. You got one witness who can't be found. You got another witness who's murdered. I was getting calls from Cosby's attorney threatening to sue every day. Every crime in one way or another is a reflection of who we are as a people, as a city, as a country. Crime Story.

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That's good, Ed. Join and listen free for 30 days, visit audible.ca. Today's episode of the Off-Menu podcast is sponsored by Kozy. Oh, Ed, are we talking Kozy modulus sofas here? Yes, we are, James. It's thoughtfully designed furniture made for modern living. I've often said, Benito needs to get some Kozy furniture for the Off-Menu studios because at the moment, it's hell. And this is the thing, I've coated modules to allow the owners to easily elevate any space. This whole space needs elevating. We want to choose the designs that we like, configure the shape and number of seats for our space,

pick our favorite fabric. This is what the studio needs, Benito, please. And we could add modules over time if our needs change. You know, there's not enough space in here. What if we have the whole of Westlife on the podcast? I want some new shelf said. and add modules over time if our needs change. You know, there's not enough space in here. What if we have the whole of Westlife on the podcast? I want some new shelf said. Yeah, we should get some new shelves actually in here. Yeah, cozy of launch some new solid word modular shelving systems called the altitude collection,

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Okay, dream main course. Piccoloni and monstremont. I'm not really a pic. I'm not a pic. Respect. And I just, people are like, like, gonna be expecting me to say something vegan. Yeah. Like, I've been in the past like a particularly outoken, and I'll even admit shamefully,

like leaning militant on vegan. Like I do tremendously care about animals and I'm violently opposed to factory farming and all of that and been very outspoken about that. And I was loudly vegan for four years. And then reintroduced seafood into my diet. Then I went back to vegan and then I reintroduced, you know, I've been kind of bouncing back and forth and where it's left off now, I'm pescatarian. So we're going to have fish on this. I believe that eating

fish is good for me. I think a lot of these fake vegan meats, highly processed soy and wheat, which your body just simply does not recognize as food. I mean, like I went for one of these colonic hydrotherapy where they stick a tube up your butt and flush it out. Yeah, yeah. We did this as you jumped out of a plate.

It's getting on the track. I'm just going on the long run. It's a long run time. Yeah, yeah, we did this as you jumped out of a plate London under It's crazy It's like you're laid down and up with your legs up on these things The tube goes up your butt and there's like who did it on jackass just a Santa or something that was not so Not so did the Christmas episode of the first season a member of the plosive team who the people who made this podcast has a question about Knoxville if I may ask it. Go for it.

How is he still as handsome as he is after all the stuff that he's done that could have smashed his face up? He's been very protective of his face with the moisturizer with, yeah, he's shockingly handsome. He's the captain. So yes, all of you have got, you know, what might appear to be a deaf wish, just do whatever, but you've all got these little things

where you will take care of yourself. You're avoiding flour, not to those moisturising. There's like different, you've all got different ways that you are actually practicing self-care amongst all of this. I'm full-blown recovery guy. So it's not such a void flower, but clean and certain.

I'm with respect to 12-step fellowships. I try to go to in STEM, but I've lost even many. It's identifying as a sex addict, as a drug addict, as an alcoholic, as a compulsive overeater. How does the sex addict program react to using the term bulls deep? That's a good question. And how does it deal with skyjacking like you know?

I don't know if they've ever had to factor that into their goals before. Just segue in from that into what's fishy one. You know what? I believe pretty strongly as it relates to eating the seed food that death isn't something to be like feared. I mean, maybe dying if it's like, if it's extremely painful, like, of course, nobody wants pain and suffering. But once we're dead,

I believe strongly that everything's okay. I think that it's really, really silly to grieve for the person who's died. Now, whenever somebody loses a loved one, I emphatically implore them to grieve selfishly because they miss that person. Just don't feel sorry for the person because they're okay now. You know, let's agree on that.

They're okay now. Some people would say they're just in a void of nothingness. Other people would say they're in the warm embrace of our creator. You know, I'm open to the warm embrace part. I watch all these near-death experience videos and I know you do. I'm like to the warm embrace part. I watch all these near death experience videos and, and, oh, I, I, I, I, I, I know you do. I've heard you talk about it. I've heard you talk about the near death experience videos you watch.

So we were all one thing. We're all one thing and we go back door stores. Everything's okay. So I don't think that death or be a day. You're about to choose a human being as your main course. You're about to choose a human being as your main course. You're about to eat a part of that person. No, but I just think when it comes to fish, a fish that has lived its life swimming in the ocean and its natural habitat has had the life it was intended to have.

And then sure, it gets caught and that's a bummer, but it's a pretty quick bummer. Like, it had a great life, it had a quick death, and then now like when I eat it, my body recognizes it as food. Like I'm pretty comfortable with that. Okay, I'm pretty comfortable with that, with one caveat that the seas are just wildly over-fished

and the environment is just not, it's not good for the world. It's necessarily to eat fish, like the whole ecosystem of the planet is just so challenged and thrown off kilter by over-fishing and all the extinctions and everything else. But we're getting kind of into the weeds when I get that far and I just got a bisectomy

so that I don't have it on my conscience to bring a human into this world that is so fast going down the drain. Mm-hmm. Sure. So I eat fish and we're gonna go with sea bass. Yeah, and I think that's particularly in Cindy-Ary, like in flammatory, like inflammatory, like offensive, because I think that on some level, sea bass is endangered. I think that's why I cost a damn much. I don't know. You like a sea bass. You like some sea bass as your main. It's the shortest gap we've had between the sector me and sea bass. By the way, the bucket list features a bit called the vasectomy Olympics. Now this is what I was about to ask because I'm going to say, if you're Steve,

oh, you're getting a vasectomy, surely you don't just get a vasectomy. You leave it. Surely there's some footage to be had there. Yeah. And it is in all of its glory. It's bucket list special. I mean, fantastically so. And it is the original culprit for,

I'm gonna say legions, but I've been at this tour for a few years and we absolutely average at least one person in the audience completely passing out after the bisectomy Olympics. We also have people passing out after the spinal tap and there's two other videos that have been culprits too, but less frequently. Well, so we's two other videos that have been culprits too, but less frequently. Well, we've got four videos that make people literally pass out.

And like, this is a phenomenon that I never anticipated. I've never heard about people passing out during jackass movies. But yeah, as soon as I went out on this tour, like, So it's a fast forward and it's so crazy on every performance, you know, before the bisectomy Olympics, I save as a rule before I play this video for you, this masterpiece, before I play this masterpiece, I have to say something for legal reasons, which is that we are all here at our own risk. Yeah. That's what I say before my comedy gigs. Nice. So that people know that there are exceptions that people don't pass out every show, but we've literally had as many as 11 people pass out in one show.

So the average is absolutely no less than one person person. Yeah, yeah, but there's that very sh- you know, and who knows, man, maybe London's tough dudes. I don't know. I passed out, I reckon. Yeah, yeah. And I was shocked that the the Sexy Me Olympics went on to make people pass out. Because it's like a minimally invasive procedure. Yeah. Like you know, to be totally awake. Like when I watched back the footage in the edit, my main concern was that it was just plain underwhelming. You know, I was funny. There was great banter with the doctor

and then the bear back horseback riding immediately afterwards and like all the other challenges that which immediately proceeded. I don't think that sounds underwhelming. It's not. Plus the pay off shot at the end, the two days later shot of the, just the plum that my ball bag turned into. Do you find yourself when you've done something like that? So say you've done the, for set to me, Olympics and then you know that a few days later you want to get the shot of your, your balls. If during those days you're in the shower and you're, look, because you're going to be inspecting yourself every day. Yeah. Yeah. If they're just going back're in the shower and you're looking to be inspected

yourself every day. Yeah. Yeah. If they're just going back to normal pretty quickly, you disappoint it. It would have been heartbreaking. Yeah. Your dream side dish. I'm going to go ahead and have a what it what you call it pureed mashed potatoes. Yeah, kind of a deal. Yeah, with a lot of Steve's hot sauce for your butthole. I don't know if I've emphasized it up, but I get high on my own supply. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. And it's available on Amazon too. Steve was hot sauce for your butthole. And it's available in the UK on Amazon in the UK.

So you want loads of Steve Holtzides for your butthole in the potato? Yeah. And I want loads of your listeners to sample Steve Holtz. It's that good. Oh, that's coming across. Yeah, I think. Yeah. You've not buried that message.

Yeah. That's yeah, hit on everybody. And if you're really brave, try the butthole destroyer. Because you know how the ingredients list starts with what comprises the largest quantity. Yeah. You know, you go the top three ingredients of Steve O's butthole destroyer are these three hottest peppers on earth, scorpion, ghost, and Carolina Reaper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those is not just a jaloque or whatever. Yeah, sure. That's the guy's pepper, I think.

That goes to K. Yeah. Yeah. So you've been on hot ones. Yeah, twice. And then they've got like side ones, like truth or death. Oh, yeah. You've done those things. So you've done everyone who's seen hot ones has seen people do debon and people go nuts for it. If you can compare the but hold us joy to debon, people go nuts for it. If you can compare the but hold us joyer to debon. But all destroyers way in earlier. Yeah. And the reason for that is that they've got a, and then I probably shouldn't even say this because I like I love them that their whole organization that they've just been very

good to me. But but all destroyer they wouldn't want to subject the caliber of talent that they have on on their show to to that level of destruction to their buttole. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why do you went on it as well? You put hot sauce in your eye.

I did. Yeah. Not the destroyer. I would never pour the destroyer in my eye. But the, that's the butthole strictly. Yeah, that's the destroyer. Yeah, I did put it in my boat. No, yeah, I did.

Steve, those eyeball destroyers coming out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that might be one more in glasses because I've squeezed so much lemon juice and hot sauce in my eyes over the years. But yeah, the OG basic Steve Hotsaw's for your butt hole, I've poured into my eyes. I did on Gordon Ramsay's show, did that on Hot One.

I think I would like to consider myself retired from pouring Hotsaw's into my eyeballs. You did it enough times. Yeah, I think I'm out. I think it comes a time in every man's life where they have to retire from pouring Hotsaw's in their eyes. Right, you know what? We'll pay the point.

There's zero doubt in my mind. I would put a substantial bet on this that I have poured more hot sauce in my eyes than any man who's ever lived. And yet, year after year, I'm snubbed by Guinness. That's a snubbed. Do you know how many undeniable world records I've been snubbed for for by Gizmo Guinness. Yeah, yeah

Surely skyjackings got to be a world record one one would think yeah, but but you've got to be able to like really Qualify it's got to be demonstrably Provable that it's a world record. Yeah sure sure. So the one I'm most confident in I would submit that Nobody has Barfed vomited on screen in both Television and film I'd like come on. Oh, no lots bangs man Lots of people. Yeah, I mean he is he is

Yeah, I mean, he is he is. And the validity of those vomits, I think, can might come into question. Sorry, Lance. I don't know. I think there's a little bit of gagging going on, not necessarily full blown, full blown peaking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I have full blown peaking. Yeah. Nobody can touch me, man. And that's so, that's so demonstrable. Yeah. Come on, Guinness. Come on. Yeah. What's your beef? What did I ever do to you?

What did I ever do? And you know what, like one of the bucket list bits is a demonstrable, undeniable world record. I won't even say what it is. I won't even say what it is. That's more important. But I'll have you know that I've yet to hear from Guinness. Yeah.

And you've contacted Guinness. That's true. That's true. That might be a short car. Your dream drink. I am a humongous fan of bloody Mary mix with no alcohol. Virgin Mary. Right.

Whenever I order one, because my sobriety is so paramount to me, I say, I would like a virgin Bloody Mary, no alcohol. Yeah. Just the mix. Like go real double ducts on that and just try to drive on it. Yeah, I try to go redundancy. Yeah, yeah. Or double redundancy.

Yeah, you don't want any confusion there. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise.

I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise.

I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. I try to apologise. in the podcast in the past. At the moment, you're doing what was previously known as a Dan Acro-Cristle Sculling with the hot sauce. Yeah, I was actually, he was promoting his product. Well, his dream mail is a wonderful dream mail like yours is, but a crystal skull went

with every course. That's cool. So vodka, which is the thing that we're removing from your bloody mail. And can you believe how much of this valuable promotion was diverted to a Walker's company? We arrive at your dream dessert, Steve. Now, I haven't been doing dessert and this kills me because I have a gnarly sugar addict.

Yeah. And gnarly sweet tooth. And like, um, I remember making it from, whenever that first Joaquin Phoenix Joker movie came out, it was like maybe 2019, maybe 2018, I don't know. During that Joaquin Phoenix Joker movie, I got a tub, like a bucket of Caramel Popcorn. Was this, was this an America? An America. Yeah, so like the big one.

Not like it was, it was a plastic one. Yeah. Which is prepackaged. It wasn't like where they scoop it out of the popcorn machine. But it was, you know, it's not wrong to call it a bucket. It's a bucket of caramel popcorn. And there's this liquorice product in America known as red known as red wine. So I got a jumbo pack. I sat there in that Joker movie with just taking a handful of the caramel popcorn, putting in my mouth. And as I chewed it, inserting

a bundle of red vines and kind of chewing it all up together in concert. I found that to be delicious. I mean, it was like, it was, it was, I ate the entire tub and the whole jumbo pack of red vines. And I don't even want to know how many grams of sugar that was. But that represented for me at the time, a rock bottom. And the next day, I reached out to somebody who I knew in the food program and said, I need help. And that person became a mentor to me. And for subsequent weeks, maybe months, every meal that I ate, I photographed and texted a photo. So that was my accountability in the food program.

And that sort of food sobriety lasted for about, I wanna say 10 months, I made it almost a year. And then it was during the pandemic, Tony Hawk is a personal owner in a restaurant down in San Diego. And my lady and I were at Tony Hawk's restaurant. I was on my best behavior. And then, you know, end of our meal, this waiter comes by and says,

Hey, somebody got an order wrong or something like this extra dessert. It was this like lava, this chocolate lava cake. So, you know, I hate it. Like, and they just put it on the table. And I was like, man, like, screw it. You know, I'm with my girl, where you know, and I had one bite of that thing.

And I ate the whole thing. And then it was just like the cage door opened to that little crack, and the whole gorilla came out, man. And that's how I am. Like that's, I went into full-blown relapse mode, and when I do that, it's very hard for me to get back on the rails. Of course, I'm already planning for the second,

I'm finishing filming my bucket list special. I will eat 24 bags of pickle, dundin, monster, much in a row. Cool. You got a celebrate. Yeah. And that might send me off the rails. I don't know. But where I sit today, I will say that I'm going to just not have dessert. But then again, we've got a question mark, who knows come October where I'm going to be at with my food program? I might be in relapse mode. So hypothetically, if I am in relapse mode,

I want every single goddamn dessert on your menu. Sure. No. Well, here's a thing. It was something because I'll tell you, you know. Well, Andy does it in the world, just let's see what we've got. All right, I'll tell you this. I went into, I forget what it was called,

but it was, I was in, maybe Manchester. And is it Costa? That's the copy place. Yeah, yeah. And god damn, I went into Costa and get a flat white. And I looked at their display of desserts and every damn one of them. I was just like, man, if I didn't care, like every one of it, just like, I was shocked at what

an unbelievably appealing selection of cakes and pies and just like, dude, I wanted it at all. Anything with salty caramel is going to be a priority. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it came out great. I mean, dude, I'm pretty bad with sugar. I really don't care. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think either no dessert or all the dessert in the world is a good answer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was great about this, Steve. It's normally when guests come in and pick no dessert or pick something not sweet for dessert. James gets really angry because he's a sugar fin. He gets angry with the guest, but because you connected it to your recovery journey and addiction, he can't say anything. I'd like to sit here and go, well, I have to let him have no dessert, but normally I'm going through the roof for this.

Yeah, I mean, we get like, what's the one that's like a creme brulee where you break through like the caramel, like, and then you just get into the liquid caramel. Yeah. What I say is not you think it's a creme brulee. You crack the hard caramel and it's just a bowl of caramel. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. Yeah.

Well, I'll read your menu back to you now. See how you feel about it. You would like a glass of sparkling, tems water. Then you want carrots and hummus with steve-os hot sauce for your butthole in the hummus, starter, pickled onion, monster munch vegan, double coated, main course, sea bass, side dish, pureed mashed potatoes with steve-os hot sauce for your butthole, drink a virgin Mary no alcohol, just a mix. Do you want some sea munch sauce?

I do want some sea munch? I do want a lot of sea of resources. I don't know. Does that you would like even know dessert or every dessert in the world? Correct. That's fantastic, Steve. I think that's a good menu. Yeah, I love that menu. And my little satanic dog was pretty well behaved.

Pretty well behaved, Steve. Anybody in the area you guys interested in a dog that cannot be around other dogs, cats or children? Well, me and James Bond have cats and Benito's got a dog, so I think we're probably not. Yeah, right. Thank you, the offer though. Yeah, we're sharing.

Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant Steve. Thank you Steve. That's a lot of fun man, thank you. Thank you. Well there we are. We got accroited. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, there we are. Wow. We got accroited.

We got accroited big time. But actually, to be fair to Steve, though, he had a conversation with us. He didn't just do his menu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He did talk to us and he heard the words that we said. Yes. I'm responding to those. I love that.

I was happy to just sit back and let Steve O'Talk. That was fantastic. That's all you want. Yeah. You just let, you know, he's an entrepreneur. Yes. He's a madman. Yes. But he's also very mindful. Yeah. I mean, you know, the guy has layers. Yeah. So, you know, for one sentence to the next, you know, what the subject's going to be. Yeah. And that's that's what you want on a podcast. I guess I mean, I'm again. I'll be honest, when he took his trousers down within two minutes, I thought we're we're in for a world ride here. I thought I'm going to see at some point, I'm probably going to see up this guy's butt hole and out of his mouth. He's already pulling his pants down. Yeah, but that tattoo was insane. It was brilliant. It's a genuinely good tattoo.

Yeah, like which we hope isn't now absolutely muffled and falling out. Yeah. As you're hearing this listener, hopefully you'll be hearing it. Hopefully we won't have had to pull the entire episode because we're not pulling it. If he dies, we're going to put out what you think Steve, I wouldn't want this to be released. I asked Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve, who says he said to us and I don't know what's going to make the edit and what isn't. But at one point he said that if someone dies, you can mourn how like you feel and you feel bad. Yeah, don't feel sorry for the person. Yeah, they're fine. Yeah. So Steve, I dies, we're putting this out. I think more realistically, you can go and see Steve, I was tattooed in a museum because his leg

will have to be amputated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So he might add that leg anymore. Yeah, but you'll be able to see the tattoo somewhere. Yeah. Go and watch his special, go and watch all the jackass stuff, the wild boy stuff, listen to Steve, those podcast. Yeah. What a guy. Steve, those wild rides, the podcast is called. Yes. He obviously did not say a line of wasabi. Yeah. He did say fizzy, temps water. He said fizzy, temps water. I mean, you know, there was a lot of stuff. He showed what he said, a lot of things to the point where we just had to take it that his bank was just seabass and we don't know anything else about that. Yeah, we didn't really have time to delve into the more foodie things that we normally do. Yeah.

So it was just seabass pure-ed potato, Steve Vos Hot Sauce. Yeah, Steve, Steve Vos, for your butthole hot sauce, I mean, check it out on Amazon. I don't think we need to plug that anymore, do we? No. Of all the things in the world that up and that's fine. Thank you very much for listening. We will see you again next week. Thank you very much. Bye bye. Today's episode of the Off-Menu podcast is sponsored by Kozy. Oh, Ed, are we talking Kozy modulus sofas here? Yes, we are, James. It's thoughtfully designed furniture made for modern living.

I've often said, Benito needs to get some Kozy furniture for the off-menu studios because at the moment, it's hell. And this is the thing, I've coated much of the sofa's allowed the owners to easily elevate any space. This whole space needs elevating. We want to choose the designs that we like, configure the shape and number of seats for our space, pick our favourite fabric. This is what the studio needs, Benito, please. And we could add modules over time if our needs change. You know, there's not enough space in here. What if we have the whole of Westlife on the podcast?

I want some new shelf said. Yeah, we should get some new shelves actually in here. Yeah, to see if we've launched some new solid wood modules, shelving systems called the altitude collection, James. They're super easy to assemble and the installation can be done on any wall in a couple of minutes. But you might be worrying about the customer experience.

I often do that when I interact with a new company. What's the customer experience going to be like? Well, no need to worry with Cozy. It's free and fast shipping on all orders and they have over 3,500 five star reviews. Plus there's five year warranty and a 30 day risk-free trial and the customer support is human. It's not bears like you get in some of these places. Transform your living space today with cozy. Visit cozy.ca, C-O-Z-E-Y.

To start customizing your furniture, C-O-Z-E-Y. I'm Kathleen Goldtar and I'm the host of a new podcast, Crime Story. Every week we bring you a different crime, told by the storyteller who knows it best. You got one witness who can't be found. You got another witness who's murdered. I was getting calls from Cosby's attorney threatening to sue every day. Every crime in one way or another is a reflection of who we are as a people, as a city, as a country. Crime Story.

Available now on CDC Listen or Wherever You Get Your Podcasts. Hello, my name is Ian Smith. I'm Amy Gletto. And we are from the Northern News Podcast. Where we take a deep dive into the bizarre stories we find from the north. Hey, and if you like food, and I know you like food, actually, because you listen into off menu, we've got stories about pigs getting cooked off round

about with crisps. We've got stories about gravy retling in carparks. We've got stories about restaurants getting one star food hygiene retains. And record breaking Yorkshire puddings. And we've got special guests. But you may remember from off-menu episodes such as... Macy Adam, Tim Key, Rosie Jones, Fatter Herl Gory, Phil Wang,

and he hasn't been on off-menu, but we got Kevin Kennedy. He'll play Curly Watts in Coronation Street. Take that, eh, Castor. So please, give a listen to the Northern News podcast. Every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts. Have a listen to the Northern News Podcast. Every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts.