Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 220: Peter Capaldi

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Doctor Who and The Thick of It star Peter Capaldi is welcomed to the Dream Restaurant this week. But does he know the way to the American Church? Peter Capaldi stars in 'Criminal Record' which is out now on Apple TV+. Watch it here. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast that you're listening to right now. I'm here to tell you that I am on tour. UK and Ireland tour, Hot Diggity Dog is the name of the show. It's starting on March the 12th, going all over to lots of places. Go to edgamble.co.uk to buy tickets for what I believe is a very funny show. We'll have a nice time. See you there. Bye. Thank you, James. See you there. Bye. Thank you, James. ACAST powers the world's best podcast. Here's the show that we recommend. This week we analyze the remarkable marketing skills of Taylor Swift.

She has regained ownership of her master recordings, convinced Apple and Spotify to pay artists in a more equitable way. She defied Hollywood, she markets her music in very surprising ways, and holds over 70 Guinness World Records, the marketing of Taylor Swift, this week on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking these sausages of a conversation, putting them in the butter of the internet and pouring over the onion gravy of friendship.

Tode in the whole podcast. POD in the whole. POD in the whole. Off menu. That's Tode in the whole, was it? Tad in the whole podcast, pod in the whole, pod in the whole of many. That's toad in the whole, was it? Toad in the whole. You missed out a very important ingredient of toad in the whole there. Toad. No, that's the sausages, the toad. But it's not just sausages with onion gravy, is it? No, in the batter. I said batter. Because you don't want to say.

What? Well, it's batter. It's not a Yorkshire pudding because there's... It's Yorkshire pudding. That's a different shape. It's still the it's but it's batter it's not a Yorkshire pudding because there's torture pudding that's a different shape it's the but it's still the batter but you do not you like Yorkshire pudding you missed it no because if you I didn't say I liked it anyway but if you put sausages in a Yorkshire pudding that's not toad in the hole they have to be put in the batter and all cooked together mate that is a gamble my name is Jeff they get together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest and

ask them to favor ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in James and I are going to be going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're

going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're

going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're going to be the best. We're. The Doctor. Sorry. He hasn't played Doctor Who. He's played the Doctor. Yes. I mean, he's got such an amazing back catalogue, such an amazing CV, James.

A real proper actor in the off-menu studio. And you can see him playing Detective Chief Inspector Daniel Hagarty in the new Apple TV Plus series, Criminal Record. Criminal Record. Out now. We've not seen it yet but we're very very excited I've been reading the press release is exactly the sort of thing that's up my street. I'm going to binge it James

Yeah, I'll binge it too. I think episodes can binge binge that easy. Should we binge together? Yeah, let's binge together Yeah, that's we're going to open binge together. We don't spend enough time together I think we should start watching tv shows together. Yeah, we start doing that as well Yeah, I don't know you say everything really. Yeah shows together. Yeah, we start doing that as well. And I don't know, you say everything really. Sharing a big old bed. Yeah. This does never, never be a part. Shame that you said it had to be a big old bed. Sorry, little bed. Telling me you were a distance from me when we're in bed. This is a normal bed. Two man bed.

Standard bed, top to tail. Listen. Or 69. I love Peter Capaldi. but if Peter Capaldi says the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we have deemed to be unacceptable, we are going to have to kick him out of the dream restaurant. Sorry, Peter. And this one was suggested to us on tour in Glasgow. Yes. By the audience. So just because of the Scottish link there, we've chosen to go with it. The Glasgow link indeed. The Glasgow Lincoln deed. And this week, the secret ingredient is Hershey's chocolate. Hershey's chocolates. American chocolate was suggested to us in Glasgow, but I completely agree with this. Hershey's. Man, oh man, what are they playing at over there? It's crazy, right? A country that, if anything, specialises in

sugar should absolutely be knocking chocolate out the park. Yeah. And somehow it's not sweet enough. I remember the first time I had Hershey's and I distinctly remember it tasting of piss. Yeah. It just, there's just nothing going on there. No. Bad stuff. It's crazy. It's like dog chocolate or something. Yeah. It's like dog chocolate. Yeah. And that's not a secret ingredient. Dog chocolate isn't a secret ingredient. It's Hershey's. It's Hershey's. Yeah I take dog chocolate over Hershey's. You know and Peter's works on a lot of films You know he's worked on American productions Maybe at the craft service table. He's taken a liking to Hershey's but if he has unfortunately Peter Capaldi will be removed

Well, it'll be regenerated. Oh, yeah, I had to regenerate him during the episode Different guest to get Jodie Whitaker in to do the rest of the episode. That would be exciting for people, though. Maybe we should do that, Benito. Maybe we should get a bunch of people who have played the doctor. To do one episode. And just make one big episode. Yeah.

So we could kind of maybe hold off on this, releasing this one, so that we can regenerate Peter into Jodie Whittaker. And for Jodie Whittaker, we can do Whittaker's chocolate as the secret ingredient. And then Whittaker would have to regenerate pizza into Jodie Whitaker. And for Jodie Whitaker, we can do Whitaker's chocolate as the secret ingredient. And then Whitaker would have to regenerate into tent. I mean, she regenerated into tenant, didn't she? Easy secret ingredient there. Yeah, easy secret ingredient there, tenants.

Tenants, so hey, let's make this happen. If you're listening to Jodie Whitaker, David Tennant. But if they're listening, then this is already out, so it's not worked. We failed. Yeah. I'm sorry everyone. We failed. This is the off-menu menu of Peter Capaldi. Welcome Peter to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you. Welcome, Peter Capaldi, to the Dream Restaurant, but it's better you have some time. Thank you very much. Pleased to be here.

James is a genie in this. I feel like I should point this out. That's what that explosion was at the beginning. I wondered what that was. Yes, it was a genie in this version. Well, Peter and I, you know, before you came in, we marked on the lamp that Benidio has put here in the centre table.

There is a magic lamp here, which I asked who that belonged to. Yes. And does it belong to the genie? I've never, no, I guess genies are trapped in the lamps, aren't they? They don't own their property. This is a plastic one. Yes, it's quite small. Yes. Big volumes about the quality of the genie, I'd say. Or the quality of the Panto it may have come from.

Yeah. Yeah. Are you a fan of Panto? I mean, it's quite enjoyable. from. Yeah. Are you a fan of Pantoe? I mean, it's quite enjoyable. Yeah, would you ever be in a pantomime? I'd like to be in a pantomime. It's incredibly hard work because they do like four shows a day. For like two months.

So all the actors are absolutely exhausted and down on their feet. But I'm too lazy and I can't be bothered doing that. But I might end up doing it because that's what happens with actors' life. You're up the next minute, you're down, you can be in a successful show and then that can disappear and you might be lucky to find yourself in in Basildon or somewhere like that. You know, playing. Would that be the dream would be Basildon? If you do any Panto in any place. I just plucked Basildon out of the air.

I don't really have never been to Basildon, I have no idea, I have no mental image of it. It's a place that feels like it would have a Panto. You think so? Yeah, I think. I didn't want to go for any of the more obvious kind of places where I might know people who are in Panto. Yeah, sure. They might be upset with me.

Yeah, I think Panto, I think it's, you have to be, you have to have a lot of stamina, you have to be off the tail a bit. Yeah, a bit. I mean, the old days you had to be, you know, from Dad's army or something like that. But now you can be off just a real life show. Yeah. Realty show.

Reality show, a real life show. I think that's a better name for them. Real life show. It's a bit more dignity. Yeah, real life show. Real life show. You'll be a best for them. Real life show. It's a bit more dignity. Yeah, real life show. Real life show. You'll be a bestie from a real life show. You don't have to have any skill in particular.

Ed loves pantomize. I do. Well, I try and go and see the Palladium Panto every year because it's- Oh, well, that's different. It's, I mean, it's huge, isn't it? I mean, that's taken the easy way out. Going to see the Palladium Panto, don't do that.

You think I should be going to Basildon? I think if you're really a fan of Panta, really, if you're really interested, you've got, you'll have so much choice over the entire country of every washed up reality person. Real life person. Or every actor who's struggling to make ends meet. And other people who are on the way up and they'll all be doing their best

to send waves of love on the pantomime stage with varying budgets and varying scales of quality of prop such as the prop of Aladdin's lamp here. I would say may belong to a school panto. Yes. I'd be disappointed if I paid the money for the Palladium panto. It was the plastic lamp. That would be if you and Cusjumbo were in a pantomime together. Which panto would you want to do? You're in criminal record together? We're in criminal record together, which is not a panto. No, you should. Oh, we've been given the wrong... We've given the wrong answer. I apologise because I've gone on about pantomimes. No, no, it's a very...

Apple TV Plus. Oh, yes, sorry. This is not a pantomime. No, yes. It's a thriller. It's a thriller. A contemporary police drama. Nice. Very exciting as well. Very exciting. Eight episodes. That was great.

I think it is, yeah. It's quite a... It's just the discussion of Panto and somewhat thrown me. Because that couldn't be further from what Criminal Record is. It's the opposite of Panto. Yeah, that's about injustice. Without giving away any spoilers, do you think any of the characters in Criminal Record would have benefited from someone shouting out he's behind you? Certainly. Yeah, yeah. But it would be given the game away, say which ones.

Absolutely. And I think quite a few of the actors will certainly have been in Panthos and may yet be in B-Bos. No, it's a much more dramatic thing than that. It's about someone who's been wrongly banged up for a murder and Kush Jumbo discovers that and comes in pursuit of the person who put him away, who is me. And that's a mistake that she does that she shouldn't come after me. She shouldn't come after you. No way. I mean, even from the press shot we've got here on the release, very moody press shot of you. Yeah. Don't go after that guy. Don't go after that guy.

You look like an asshole. I think I look like an asshole. I don't think so. I think I look like... In that photo. No, no, no. That photo when you're half in shadow. No, no, no.

I think that could be available as Baron Hardock. Yeah, I think so. Or Hook. Hook's the other big role, I think. Hook. Yeah. Yeah, I've been offered that. Yeah, Hook, because Hook you also play, but that's not Panto, really. That's Peter Pan. Yeah, but that's you can do a P role, I think. Hook, yeah, yeah, I've been offered that. Yeah, Hook, because Hook you also play, but that's not Panto, really, that's Peter Pound.

Yeah, but you can do Panto, Peter Pound, Peter Panto. I guess so. But when you play Hook, you also get to play Mr. Darling. Yeah, oh yeah. It's traditions that you play. There's all these traditions in Panto that you have to follow. It's also to do with how much money they've got,

so they can't afford a Mr. Darling. Yeah. So they get Captain Hook to play Mr. Darling also. And of course, obviously, Captain Hook's hook is a measure of how good the pantomime is. Oh yeah, of course. Sack of the lamp. Yeah, with the lamp,

because if you get just like a plastic Woolworth's kind of a hook, you know, like you're a lad in lamp here, it's not going to impress the audience very much. No, no, you need a proper sharpened hook, don't you? Yeah, and also you can obviously see the actors. Yeah. There's always that kind of knob of metal or gray plastic on top of his hand.

And the hook comes out the end of that. Where obviously if his hand had been removed, it'd be spaced there, so the hook would be further up. So I don't know how you do that. So the play didn't panter, they actually removed the actors hand. Did they? Yeah, yeah, know how you do that. The play didn't pan to that. You remove the the actor's hand. Yeah. For yeah. Yeah. Me attached. Let's take your prices. Who are the stars of that this year?

I don't know who it is this year, but certainly the years I've been. Big names. Big names and then also regulars as well. So we're talking Clary. He's in it a lot. Love him. Havers is in it a lot as well. Is Havers in it this year? Nigel Havers. I've never seen anyone have a better time than Nigel Havers doing the Play The Impanto. He's having a scream that guy. Yes, he seems to have a scream most of the time.

He seems a very happy fellow. Yeah. Have you crossed paths with Havers? I don't think I have. I don't think I have. He's got his own theatre company now. He's doing private lives with Patricia Hodge. Oh, yeah. There you go.

Marvelous. I have literally crossed paths with Havers before. Yeah? Near where I used to live, I went for a run and I run past Nigel Havers. Well, that's ironic because he first came to fame via Characters of Fire. Yes, of course. It's a very famous scene of all the young men running on the beach. Yeah.

And I can see you there. Yeah. Well, I don't run as well as that. He was probably looking at me going. Was he running or did he have a croissant? I'm like a cup of coffee. It was croissant vibes. He was strolling, had a big scarf on, that sort of thing. Of course.

You can't run in it. I mean, after you've been in Charrette's Sophia, it's like you can't go running in public if you're Nigel Havers. Everybody starts singing that theme tune at you or whatever. You can't do it. I crossed paths with you once, Peter. Oh yeah? Yeah. I asked you for directions.

How was I? It's fine if you don't remember. Was I nice or not nice? You were lovely. You knew where the place was. You gave me successful directions. I tell you what happened. I was going for an audition.

This was many years ago. And it was at the American church on Tontum Court Road. Oh yeah? And I'd never been there before. And I was a bit late and I was really panicking. Cause I didn't know where it was. And then I saw you and I thought Peter Capaldi You'll know where the American Church is all right, and you directed me straight there. That's fantastic Yeah, it was the most successful bit of that day. I'll tell you did you get the job? No

It was five loans to play Warren Beatty in a drama about Barbara Windsor's life I can see the Warren Beatty Kind of a thing now that's what the casting director said, and then I started doing the lines and she looked very disappointed. She shouldn't have, I think. I think you look like a dead ringer. I was on Graham Norton with Warren Beatty.

Were you? Yeah, yeah, and he was really, really nice, but he did that thing that big stars tend to do. He said to me, when you're in LA, we must have dinner. And I said, yeah, of course that'd be great. And that was it and I thought, but how do you do that? Do I, what happens? Do I go to LA and try?

Cause you don't give me a card or a number. Who did you get in touch with, Graham Norton and say, have you got a contact number for Warren? And do I call him and does he remember, or do I get through to his people? How does that work? Do you wanna go for a meal with Ed instead and pretend he's Warren?

I'm basically, thank you very much. No worries. I've got, obviously I would love to. Normally. But at the moment things are really. Sure, you get the criminal record coming out. I've got a lot of stuff to do, to do the show and stuff.

Thank you anyway. I asked Bill Nye for directions once. Oh yeah? Fucking useless. All right. What did he say? Less? I asked Bill Nye for directions once. Oh yeah? Fucking useless. Alright. What did he say? Less? He said, I don't think I do.

I said, do you know where the John Snow is? I don't think I do. I was like, alright, okay. Okay, that's good. That's an adequate impression. Yeah. You could do Nye in a drama. Oh yeah. Imagine if I was on my way to audition to play's an adequate impression. Yeah. You could do 90 in a drama. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Imagine if I was on my way to audition to play Bill Nighting

and bumped into him and asked him for directions to the audition. Yeah, that'd be tricky. Asking people for directions is quite stressful. Yeah. For either end, isn't it? Because you could, you feel quite bad if you don't know. Yeah. And you feel quite stupid. If you don't know, you just think, you know, I've lived in London for, you know, 40 years, I know my web by and you're with American church.

Straight away. But a lot of places are done. Do you know where the American church is from here? Could you give me directions from here to the American? No, here's the mystery to me. Yeah, also I can't stress enough, we were in front of the American church. Oh yeah.

And you literally went, it's there. I said the bottom of the top on Court Road, is it where you're not, yeah. Yeah, near Goode Street, yeah. Yeah, and they do rehearsals and auditions. And auditions for Barbara Windsor dramas, yeah. I went some auditions, I had a similar thing to Ed, Dead Winger for a celebrity.

And they immediately realised they've made a massive mistake and just sent me home after one reading of the lines. Didn't even ask me to do it another time. Can you guess what the celebrity is? It's a, give your clues to Snooker Player. Steve Davis. I thought this little bit is, it's a give you clues, a snooker player. Steve. Yeah, yeah. Steve Davis, yeah. We always start with sparkling water.

Do you have a preference? I really like sparkling water. But I think I'd prefer to get tap water because I think that's a measure of how serious the restaurant is about looking after me. Oh, that's good. That's interesting. Because if they're not offering tap water,

they might have a ulterior motive. Oh yeah. What sort of ulterior motives might they have? Well, to exploit my ignorance. Yeah. And to exploit my naivety. And make me pay lots of money for stuff that I don't want to eat.

I love it. Very small portions of things that I don't want to eat. There are small portions of things that I don't want to eat. So if they say you want to spark them in water or tap water, they're open in their arms. That's what I'm saying. Don't be uptight. It's cool. Your family come in.

I love this idea that when you go out to eat, you've just got your guard up straight away. You're constantly worried they're trying to screw you over. That's absolutely true. It is, I mean, and that's, I think coming from, you know, fairly humble background and coming to London and becoming an actor. I mean, being an actor is my parents had no idea at all

about how you became an actor. I didn't know anybody in the business bar, blah, blah. So I had no preparation for entering that world. And certainly no preparation for entering the world of what I thought of posh restaurants because my family didn't go to posh restaurants. So I was always, I was largely terrified when I'd go to a restaurant.

But the one restaurant, funnily enough, that wasn't like that, which is ironic, was the old Ivy. When I said the old Ivy, I mean, the Ivy as was before it became a sort of brand. And the Ivy for listeners who don't know was a restaurant that was set, I think it was Bell in the 20s or something like that. It went through various hands.

But it was always a kind of show busy restaurant. It was always Actors. It was Actors who went there as opposed to comedians. We call artists and Pando artists. It was always actors who went there, Vivienne Lee and all that, Laurence, and everything and stuff. And I always remember going to it being quite,

A, quite scared because you'd look around and there'd be like, and it was like, you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger would go there and stuff like that. And anybody who was anybody would go there. But they in fact, they treated you so well and so openly. I wish I could bring my mother here because they treat my mother wonderfully.

Not because she was my mother, but because that was how their staff were. They just treated people really well. And like they were gonna have a good time and they weren't gonna be intimidated. I don't mean the staff was going to say, you're not gonna intimidate me. I mean, the staff were not intimidating their customers.

Yeah. And they were offering tap water. They were a place that was fine with the last one. Well, in those days, you just took whatever. You just got a bottle of water. There wasn't really, because Perrier had just been invented as a brand. And that may have existed in real life,

in France somewhere. But it's been invented bit of a thing. Sparkling water was new on the scene. I think it wasn't just a bit of a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can either of you do a good Schwarzenegger impression, Arnie? Because I keep on thinking... Not even letting you finish the request?

No. This sounds very funny him saying the IV. Like, if you imagine Schwarzenegger saying the IV, I think that would sound funny. The IV, no. I can't do it. No, let's imagine it. Yeah. Guess everyone's got to imagine it. Yeah. Everyone at home, imagine that. Also, where do you want the tap water to come from in the world?

Because Scottish tap water is better than English tap water. Yeah. Well, from Scotland, but obviously that would be a very long pipe. But it is. Well, this is the dream restaurant. So we would have to turn on it. This is the dream restaurant. You can have whatever you like on your dream meal piece. If you want Scottish tap water, we can invent this long pipe. Well, I think I'd like Scottish tap water, but not the ones that have labels with drawings of the Highlands and waterfalls and stuff like that.

No, you don't like that? Well, that's not what Scotland I come from. So I need one with a label that's got, you know, kind of a crumbling tail and some high-rise blows and a nice cream van, you know, in it. I think the water in Glasgow is great. So I'd have some Glasgow water. Yeah, delicious. Yeah, fantastic.

And we can, you know, we can absolutely make that happen. Get the pipe coming down from Glasgow and then we'll have someone on the other end ready to turn the tap on whenever you want more. That'd be brilliant. Who do you want to be turning the tap on? What Glasgow icon would you like to turn the tap on? So it's extra Glasgow.

Oh, gosh. Well, Billy Connelly's not there anymore. He's over in Florida. So we don't want to have the tap going all the way under the sea and all that kind of stuff going on. We can give him a really long arm. He's the greatest living glasswitch. And the greatest dead one as well,

just the greatest glasswitch. And this is Billy Connelly. I think maybe, maybe Paolo Nattini. Yeah. Yeah. Because he could be hanging around between gigs, between tours, hanging around in Glasgow. A little bell could be wrong.

Paolo would be writing a song, you know. I'll put a stop right in my song now. I'll go and ask Peter, I need some water, man. And he's going to get me some water. I love it. Paolo Nattini. Pop it up, it's all bread. Pop it up, it's all bread.

Peter Capaldi, pop it up, it's all bread. Oh God, that's hard. I love pop it down. I really, really love them. I love them with chutney, with all the various chutneys. But bread, I love too. And there are so many breads that we can choose from.

Obviously, I think a sourdough, a crusty roll with maybe some wee seeds on them. I never quite know whether bread, whether is it meant to be, is that for eating before the starter arrives, or is it to be part of the starter? Because I often eat the bread beforehand and then have to ask for some more.

Yeah, I'm the same as you. Which is not a good, the restaurant is not good if I have to do that, if I have to ask for more. There's gonna be a big basket of bread. Yeah, or replace it without asking, right? Replace it and replace it without ceremony. Not with like here and with my big basket of bread, which one would you like?

Yeah. You know, I mean, I just do stuff for you. That's the kind of problem with restaurants, I mean, I think I love restaurants. You know, I love a kind of art decor restaurant. I kind of sort of one that I would imagine would be in the Chrysler building, you know, and the Americans have a a kind of art decor restaurant, the kind of sort of one that I would imagine would be in the Chrysler building, and the Americans have a very kind of,

because they're not, I mean, all of our restaurants are the shadow of the class system, really looms over all of our restaurants. That's the wrong way of saying that. No, but yeah. You get what I mean. 100%. So I think if you go into a restaurant

and you are not skilled or confident in that area, you'll immediately start deferring to the waiter. My father used to defer to the waiter. Used to call the waiter Saar. And basically he'd be very nervous in the company of the waiter because he wouldn't want to offend the waiter. He'd want the waiter to know

that he did not think less of him because he was a waiter. And the way that he did that was to be as shell pits, shell pits are Scottish word, meaning to be as small and on extreme as possible. So I think that that's going on in restaurants all the time in the back, but in my dream restaurant, it wouldn't be. The staff would be amazing. You know, there'd be one that would be a little bit of a,

I'll tell you a good story about a restaurant actually. I was very lucky, I was in New York, and I was doing a show, and I fell in with the metridee of Joe Allen's, which is a famous show busy restaurant. Yeah, another sort of big actors restaurant. That's right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's one here, but it started originally,

with the original Joe Allen off Broadway. And it was run at the time in the matriot D. I could hear it in his voice. It was actually Scottish. His name was Angus. That was a bit of a giveaway. That's a clue. That's a big clue.

But of course, you don't expect to find an Angus off Broadway running Joe Allen's. But then sometimes in New York, a lot of Americans feel very close to their Scottish or Irish heritage and they've never been there. That's right, yeah. And they don't really care they get mixed up.

They think if they're Irish, they think Angus is an Irish name, you know, whatever. You know, it's all vaguely a kind of Celtic. So I'll take that. Yeah, Celtic vibes. Celtic slash Polish slash that would do. Angus used to tell me secrets of being a restaurant tour. And one of the best ones that he told me,

he didn't do this, but he said it used to happen with the previous person, Joe Anlitz. There's a little door, you enter the door and the matriot is standing there, a little desk. And obviously he's got his book there with all the bookings and stuff like that. And you may show up at the door and the maitre d might not know who you are

and you might be somebody off the telly in the UK. For instance, Peter Cabaldi off the thick of it. But he doesn't know that. And you go to say to him, kind of have a, and he says, excuse me, I'm on it and his phone rings. Sorry, I gotta take this phone call. And he takes the phone call and the phone call is from the bar man who's behind the

bar, who's an expert on show business. And he can see who's at the door. And he's saying to Angus, that's Peter Capaldi from a show called The Thick of It. And he's here doing a show on Broadway. He's okay. He's reasonably successful. He's not a big shot, but you know, he's a nice guy. He's okay to have the rest.

And I said, thanks, he puts the phone down, he's, Mr. Capaldi, thanks very much. I love you. And they think, come on in. Very good. Yeah. So I mean, I'd be tempted then if I knew that, to ask them follow-up questions about my work. I think you'd be wise to.

However, you would be subverting the illusion. Yes. Into which we all buy. Yeah, which we all buy. We all know it's an illusion that you know, even if you're Arnold Schwarzenegger, I bet Arnold Schwarzenegger still thinks something a bit more famous than me or they don't really mean it when they say they love me. Surely Schwarzenegger's not worried about that sort of stuff is he? He's very smart, he's a human being, he's a very smart guy so I think, so that's up to you. That's your choice as to whether or not you're going to maybe I'll just let the mess with that. It's the nature of this dream vest. Yes, I hope. Yeah. Edward, I guess. Yeah. But I know who's coming in. You know, I've done my research. Yeah. Okay,

well, that's good. He knows you. Yeah. So what show have I been in recently? Criminal record. There you go. I love you and criminal record, Mr Capaldi. Please come to your table. Let's say that. The Suicide Squad. The first one or the second one? Second, the second one. You should.

The James Gunn one. That was a good one. Okay. The James Gunn one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did love that genuinely. Big brain. Yeah, big brain.

Thank you very much. You're not being fed this, are you? No, no, no, no. Please. Big brain. Yeah, big brain. Thank you very much. You're not being fed this, are you? No, no, no, no, please don't break the illusion, Peter. Good. Your dream starter, Peter Cappado. I think I like Calamari. I'm not really a great fan of fish,

but from fish and chips, Glaswegian fish and chips. Yeah, what's different about Glaswegian fish and chips? I think the fish is different. In what way is the fish different? It's Scottish. Scottish fish. Scottish fish.

I think the batter's different. Yeah. I think the salt and vinegar's different. I think it's just, it's just not as fussy. I mean, the fish and chips and London's some gigantic piece of cod, what's cod roe? I don't know, cod with some huge kind of thing covered in orange batter and stuff like that. In Scotland, it's much more business-like. Well, the Chippies in Glasgow, like, I think the best city-wise for like those like takeaways

and chip shops are the best I've had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's more pride in it. Right. And obviously, you've got, you've got, obviously, there's a few fights when you're in there and all that stuff and that, but that just makes you hardened. I obviously you've got, you've got, obviously there's, there's a few fights when you're in there and all that stuff. But that just makes you hardened. I thought you were tearing up for like an old school joke there and go like, I sort of started to get battered or something. I wish I had that. I thought I would do this. Here we go. He's going to get us, he's going to get us a few fights in there obviously. So, sort of how to go about it the other day. You know, that's what I thought we were headed.

No, that's good. I plan on just thinking of a similar joke. I don't really... That'd be good in Panto. I think that would be... If you're doing Panto in Glasgow, you'd definitely be like... Oh, for sure. Yeah. Do you want the calamari from a specific place in the world as a specific restaurant you've been to? No, I love calamari, but I have a slight problem with it, which is that it's squid. I don't want to be reminded of that, that it's squid. It's quite a big problem. You said it's a small problem.

Yeah, it's quite a big problem with Calamari. Huge problem. Yeah, but it's not a whole squid on a plate with all of its legs hanging out and stuff like that. It's sliced leg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of kind of, if you imagine if it was a cartoon, it would be like sliced octopus, right?

Yeah, it's the ring, it's rings. It's a ring, it's a little like onion rings. But it shares the same problem that onion rings give me. That they're onion. No, I love onion rings. I mean, I could easily have had an onion ring, onion rings as a starter as well. But it's when you eat them, you put them in your mouth

and your teeth are able to puncture the batter. And you think you've punctured all the way through the onion or the calamari flesh. And you pull the remaining bits, you don't want to eat the whole ring. So you pull the other half of the ring away and you find that you haven't established a clean break. And so the octopus leg continues into the exposed piece of batter. Then the batter crumbles and then you get out whack. It pings. It's the rubbery ping. It pings back.

That's, you don't want that. You don't want that. It's a slapstick thing to happen at a dinner, isn't it? So what do you suggest? Because we, you know, this is a dream restaurant, so we can solve your calamari issues here. Not my problem. You're the dream restaurant guys.

Don't come to me with the cooking problems. Well, I don't know about that. I'm going to make them just bite-size so you don't have to bite into them like that. You can just pop them in. You should be alert to this. Yeah. Because you should be standing at the back going, he's worried about, I think, I think that, I think Mr. Capaldi is worried about.

I should have had a call from the bar saying, and that is Peter Capaldi. He's in the show called The Thick of It and he's worried about the Calamari rings pinging back in his face. So just keep an eye on him. And if he's uptight about that, if he has a problem with the onion rings, just go over. Yeah. Go on and say, okay, all right with onion rings. We can get the other onion rings. But that's up to you, it's not up to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll sort of answer that it's like, they're delicious calamari. But it's a little popcorn size bit. Like popcorn calamari. That's a good idea. Good idea. Pop it in.

Would you ever do, you know, in Old Boy, you know where I'm going with this, surely, Peter? Have you seen the um, Old Boy, you know, where I'm going with this surely, Peter? Have you seen the film, Old Boy? No. Well, the lead actor... He's gonna do whatever he was gonna do now anyway. The lead actor in that, at one point, has to eat an octopus. It's a live octopus. Oh yeah. And he just, he just does it for real. For real. He just bites into a live octopus and eats it on camera. Okay. And the, obviously, the octopus and eats it on camera. Okay. And obviously

the opposite octopus was absolutely the ape shit in his hand. But he's is the right and people talk about it and go like, like that was real. Yeah, we'll discuss that. Yeah. Would you ever do that in a role if they were like, Peter, in this scene, you've got a calamari. No, you had to get a calamari or something. No, but like a live, a live octopus. No, like this is a live. It really looked cool if you just did it for real. Fuck that. Do not, I mean, all of that kind of stuff, who cares?

Really, who cares really? No, don't make me uncomfortable. I'll pretend to a lot of octopus. That's all we got to do. Who cares? You know, I love Tom Cruise, he's great. I don't really care that he strapped himself to a Hellkillies bomber and went up there.

I don't really care that he's on the motorbike and he comes, I don't care. It's great and it's terrific and he's a lovely man and he's really sweet and all that. I don't care. Yeah, yeah. I'd love to see obviously on YouTube and on the internet in general,

you get people doing reaction videos to other videos. I'd love to have you watching that Tom Cruise five or video of him going off the cliff in the motorbike and just going, I don't care. I don't give a any of it. Who cares? It doesn't make a difference whether it's him

or another guy, does it? No, I mean, I admire it. Yeah. It's a film. Who cares? Yeah. It's a film, who cares? Yeah. You know, I'm reminded though, whether the eating octopus story

of one of my great inspirations when I was in Doctor Who was that Martin Landau played the part of Bill Legosi in a film that Tim Button made. Edward. Edward. And it's a great scene in that. For those who don't know, Bill Laguzzi was an actor who played Dracula in the 30s and they fell on hard times.

Would have done Panto if necessary, but ended up actually having to play Dracula on stage. Tour in America playing Dracula in little theaters all over the country. And but he ended up with this Edward was a terrible director and they, Ed used to go into Universal Studios at night and steal props because he was making low budget film horror movies and he stole an octopus prop. And he had this scene in this film where he was making where Bella had to fight this octopus. And Bella looked at the octopus and said,

well, where are the octopus guys, the operators? Where isn't there a mechanical thing that switches this on? And they said, no, there is, it's just a rubber octopus. You've just got to fight it. And Baylor said, well, okay, if that's the way it is, he took a slug of whiskey and he just fought the rubber octopus.

And that's what I used to do in Doctor Who, because I'd go, where's the, where are the puppet operators here? Where's the CGI people for all this? And they go, there isn't any. It's just a robber octopus. You got to fight it. So I go, great spirit of Bella, go and fight him. Swing a whiskey? No, I don't drink anymore.

Oh, fair enough. I used to, but it would go off here. Surely now if you went to, you went to Joe Allen's whatever, they would be like, that's Peter Capaldi from Doctor Who, or is it still the thick of it? Is that still the go-to? I don't know. What do you get the most from people coming up to you in the street? I get both of those.

Yeah. Doctor Who obviously is, you know, as a long life, but the thick of it is still around. It's amazing, yeah. And people seem to still watch as that happens a lot. That character's still like, and that's gonna be an iconic comedy character for a long time, right?

Well, we were very, very lucky to get it and to be part of it. The writers were amazing. I mean, everyone, we made a great deal of the improvisation and stuff like that, but it sure wasn't really made an improvisation. It was made on writing. I mean, the scripts were like 400 pages long.

You know, they were like way, way, way, way, way longer than what you would have for a 25 minute sitcom. And they were full of great material. So you had to shoot all the written stuff and then you would improvise a bit. Just to give it that kind of tang of life. But most of the great stuff sold right. I was perfect. I was like, I need to give it that kind of tang of life. But most of the great stuff's all written. I was perfect.

I should have said I can't watch it all again. Yeah, I can watch it all again. Okay. Is there something about the calamari pinging back in your face that reminds you of a Doctor Who monster and that's why it upsets you? No, it's just the injustice because I look a bit, it makes me uncomfortable because that can't be right.

Or is it? I think we'd have to speak to Calamari eating experts. Is it right? Am I eating it wrong? Am I not puncturing a flesh enough? Or is this happening to everyone? I've never discussed it with anyone else. I think you're totally right. I mean, it happens to me all the time with Calamari.

You end up pulling the whole ring out and then you've just got a hollow bit of batter, which obviously that doesn't hold up to anything. Is that right? It's not right, but it happens. I don't like the rings for that reason. I'd rather have like the little bits of calamari that's like the tiny calamari.

But onion rings do the same thing. Yeah, yeah, onion rings are nightmare. Absolute nightmare. You see, I used to work in a pub and there's a massive onion ring once, like huge in this bag of onion rings did the same thing. Yeah, yeah. Onion rings are nightmare. Absolute nightmare. I used to work in a pub and there was a massive onion ring once, like huge in this bag of onion rings, frozen onion rings. It's the size of a donut. And we didn't fry it. We took it out and we would prank newbies with it.

So if someone new came, we would say, do you want a donut? We've got donuts in. And they'd be like, yeah, and we put it on a plate. And they'd be like, no one fell for it, tried to eat it, but they'd always look at it say, do you want a donut? We got donuts in the middle, yeah. And we put it on a plate and they'd be like, no one fell for it, tried to eat it, but they'd always look at it and go, is that a donut? Well, that's an onion ring.

And we'd laugh and put it back in the freezer. Is that when you realised you were gonna be a comedian because of that great joke? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think if you were the victim, it's actually, you wouldn't be the victim because it's a win-win situation. Yeah, yeah.

You were expecting a donut and you got a giant onion ring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I took you up here, they were, can't find that, no, but you can help us get the next new a giant onion ring? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put you up here with that one. Can't find that in here, no. But you can help us get the next newbie. And they're like, OK, cool. I'm in the gang now.

I'm glad you celebrated the giant onion ring. Yeah, yeah. That is good still be there. By the time I left, it was still... We haven't fried it yet. That's my issue with onion rings, but then have you had a blooming onion before? No, what's that?

Ed. Language. They do them in the States at like, there's a chain restaurant that are famous for them, but they do them in like roadside cafes and stuff. So they'll get a massive white onion, like one of those huge ones. And then they'll slice it, but not all the way through, just like down to the root or whatever, like wedges all the way around. Then they'll batter that whole thing and drop it into the deep fat fryer,

and it blooms like a flour into separate portions. Then put that on the plate with a dip in the middle and then you can just pick off these deep fry bits of onion dip and have them. So it's not ring based. Right. But you get all the flavour and taste of onion ring. That's good. It sounds a wee bit tacky though. Oh yeah, hugely. It's not a classy onion. They're not doing that in the Ivy. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. This week, we analyze the remarkable marketing skills of Taylor Swift. She has regained ownership of her master recordings, convinced Apple and Spotify to pay artists

in a more equitable way. She defied Hollywood, she markets her music in very surprising ways, and holds over 70 Guinness World Records, the marketing of Taylor Swift, this week on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. Your dream main course, Peter Cappale? My dream main course I like, maybe it's because I'm Italian, I like Italian food, obviously. It would be between lasagna, spaghetti carbonara or spaghetti bolognese, all very simple, but capable of being dull, often quite dull,

and sometimes quite beautiful. Yeah. What I'm really enjoying about your dream menu so far, Peter, is the starter, you had a massive issue with it. Yeah. Like a logistical issue. Yeah. And then these dishes that you're gonna pick

for your main course, you've said they're very capable of being extremely dull. Yeah. But there's always a, I like, there's always a negative to bring up immediately with your dream meal. It's my life, really, basically. It's don't get your hopes up. I think that's the safe way.

I mean, that's been very Scottish, I think. It's just, that's the best way to be. Don't get, you know, then you won't be disappointed. So I carry a wedge of disappointment with me, just in case. And often it's very useful. So do you feel like your wedge of disappointment has got bigger or smaller as you get older? Oh, smaller, but my wedge of reality.

I love this whole thing, this whole kind of question of whether or not being, where wisdom starts and where cynicism ends, where pragmatism starts and ends and where illusion starts and ends. So I think if you reach my age, you've been in a lot of restaurants, so you know that most of the time, what they're telling you

and the way they're boasting about their food is really statistically, it's not really gonna work. There's only in all of my life, there's been like maybe 5% of the meals have lived up to the hype. But that's okay, that doesn't, that makes life good. Cause you can get on with your life and you know, you don't have a crushing disappointment.

Yeah. Cause you know that might not be great. And then sometimes it is great. And that's amazing. That makes even better. So sometimes they used to be when I was young, people would accuse me of being cynical because I would often look on the darker side of things.

But it's not being cynical. It's just being realistic. And also you then get delights, even more juicy things. Do you think that attitude helps as well when you're starting out in acting? Because there must be like a lot of like auditions and things like that where- Look at you going along to the, to get the part of

Warren Betty. Warren Betty. And not, I mean, how did you feel after that? Fine, I mean, I, by that point, I was pretty good at just going into auditions and brain dumping them. And then- Be honest, yeah, you have to put a brave face on it. I was devastated, Peter.

Well, that's what happens. I mean, you have to learn how to cope with it, don't you? You have to learn how to cope with being rich. I think it's, you know, I often think, my dad had nothing to do with the business. He never went to an audition in his life. I don't think he ever went for a job interview in his life, you know, because his family gave him jobs.

So he never, you know, so I've been to thousands of job interviews. Even more like, you know, a teacher might go in their life for interviews or something like that and get rejected occasionally. We as performers get rejected all the time. Yes. So I think you get used to it,

but the bad news is the older you get, it sort of comes back. There's sort of anxiety and fear about it. You go, fuck it, it's rotten being rejected and feeling awful about yourself. And maybe I am just as shit as they think I am. But then you go, well, I'm still here. So something must be working.

Yeah. There's an audition standout was being particularly bad, like the worst audition you've ever had done. I mean, they think of it when it was interesting because that was on that morning. I've told the story many times. I had two auditions, and one was for a sitcom, and I had to go to the television centre, as was, and I sat in this room.

And the part was like, basically, they could have written on the part, you know, a guy walks in, he looks exactly like Peter Capaldi, and he speaks for his Peter Capaldi accent, and he's got two scenes. And it was playing like an MP or something like that, Scottish MP with two scenes. And it was like 42 or something like that, or whatever it was at the time. And I had to go and tape for this too.

And I looked up and in the room, I had worked with every single person in the room, every one of them. I'd done various shows, I thought, what the fuck am I doing here? Jumping through hoops for all these people who've given me jobs before, but obviously I had to go to some other executive level.

So I did that, was feeling very pissed off about it, and then walked into the figure interview with Amanda, and who I love Amanda, but I didn't know Amanda at the time, I just knew he was a kind of comedy genius. But my attitude was, yeah. Where's this comedy? Let's get some of this genius going, let's hear some of the gags.

And I'm like, oh, there isn't a script. Oh, really? There's no fucking script. So what I'm supposed to fucking come up with stuff. But of course this was exactly the right attitude. I didn't realize that, that it was exactly the right attitude. I didn't realise that, that it was exactly the right attitude. He said, no, no, there's just, I'll tell you a scene and you just play the scene with your own words.

Fucking thanks very much. I'll play it with my own words. Yes, here we go. Okay, hit me with the scene. And off we went. And that's how I got to be Malcolm Tucker. Perfect. So yeah, you might not have got it

if there hadn't been that audition beforehand. That's exactly true. So all the rejection that you get makes you who you are. And how you deal with it makes you who you are. You know, and that makes you an interesting person. Yeah. So I wouldn't have changed it. I love the thought of like,

there might be some young actors here in this. And I'm like, okay, cool. So I've got to go in and like act like I don't give a shit. And I've got to be disrespectful to something that I don't give a shit. Yeah, this is fucking shit. I'll get the part. I think one of the worst audition stories I heard

was I was actually in, I was at, it was a big audition, big troll they were doing. You know, you go to these things where there's a whole pile of people being dragged in. And I went and I knew I wasn't gonna get this thing wrong. And it was for a film that they did, it was an animated film based on that book about pirates. I think the book's called The Book of,

a book about pirates, I think it's called. I think it was the Wallace and Gromit kind of people who were all very sweet. And I was doing my audition and it was, you know, it was crap. But I could hear this booming voice from downstairs. What, what, what, what, what, what, what? I thought, oh, fuck, Brian bless it, see. And sure, I went downstairs and there was Brian.

He said, what are you doing here? And I said, well, I've just been out, and he says, oh, I'm here to play the king of the pirates. I saw that's marvelous. And he had the book and he said, have you seen the book? I'm exhausted doing the impression. He said, have you seen the book?

I said, yeah, I vaguely looked at it. And he showed me the book and in the book, it said the king of the pirates looks exactly like, and sounds exactly like Brian blesseth. It said in the book. And then he had to go on addition for it I don't even know if you got it Danny to be over as a nice breaker once went into an audition and Held up the script and went first things first who wrote this shit We need to narrow down your yes, what one of these pasta courses you're gonna have for your dream main course. Let's go for carbonara.

And who would you like to make that for you? Is it like a dish where when you were growing up, someone made that and it was particularly good? No, my mother used to make spaghetti bullion. My mother who was not Italian, and was based of Irish extraction, made the most fabulous spaghetti bullion next. But I think maybe the Italian side of the family

had taught her how to do that. But the Italian side of the family had taught her to do that. But the Italian side of the family was only my grandfather and he died. So there wasn't really, they'd come up, I think they did a fabulous Scottish Italian recipe for Bolognese, which was fabulous. Who would make it? I don't know, what difference does that make?

Well, just because of your, say I guess I didn't know it was just your granddad, but like, you know, I thought maybe someone would have made it for you growing up and that would be like a... Well, they wouldn't have made, they wouldn't have known what carbonara was. No, they would have ventured into that kind of area. Spaghetti, bowling, nays, they would have known about carbonara. I mean, what you young people don't realise is that there's been a food revolution over the last 40 years. And when we grew up, there was, you know, Wimpy's, you know, which were basically

strips of plastic mixed up with old pigs' heads and crushed into a flat slab cut into suckers that would be sold as hamburgers. Oh, they'd sl slab of pig's head. Absolutely. I'd love that. I'd order that on a menu. Plastic, innit? Maybe not. Maybe not the plastic, but the slab of pig's head,

just say, hold the plastic. Love that. No plastic on my pig's head, please. So they didn't know anything about carbonara. No. So do you have a restaurant that you go to, like an Italian restaurant maybe where you're like, I love their carbonara? Ironically, I'm very fond of restaurants that where I don't have to look at the menu

and they just know me and they bring stuff. Yeah. I mean, there's a wonderful place in Crouch, Hank of Forrow Hall, which is fabulous. And they do like tapah. And they have all these incredible dishes like, beetroot with sort of curried beetroot and stuff like that which I wouldn't eat the menu would just frighten me so they just bring it all yeah and

I just eat it and they know me and it's it's lovely. Yeah that's great that's the dream. Yeah and that's in tapas I generally I love yeah because it's it's the dishes are small yeah and I feel as if also because when the Spanish have tapar, it's while they're getting on with other stuff. So it's not got the whole kind of ceremony and they're all the all the all the class, you know, indicators of a meal. Standing up quite a lot of the time as well.

Yeah. Just like pop a quick sort of dish in your mouth and then you're on the go. That's right. Yeah. So I like that. Um, so I don't really go to an Italian restaurant. People get funny about carbonara though, don't they? Cause like you'll go to some place and they're putting cream in the carbonara and then Italians get really

angry. I don't mind. I think it's all, anything goes. Your dream side dish, Peter. I'm a side dish. Well, that would just be a lovely little rocket salad. Yeah. With Parmesan shavings. Yeah. How big do you want the shavings to be?

A flake size, flake size. Probably about one centimeter square or… We get specific on this podcast. Maybe more rectangular than square. Yeah. Yeah. One centimeter by half a centimeter. Are you a salad man in general? You're fan of salads?

I mean, I should point out that I eat healthily, but I really want to eat unhealthily. Right. And it's only my commitment to stay alive, to keep food on my family's table, that I don't eat as unhealthily as I would really like to. So it's a daily struggle of resisting unhealthy things. Yeah, I would eat anything. The more, you know, I love sausages and bacon and eggs and all that chocolate and everything,

you know, everything that's really bad for you. Would you kick off the day with the full fried breakfast? Oh yeah. Yeah. Is the Scottish breakfast better than the English breakfast? I wouldn't say that because I never, again, a full breakfast is something, when I was a kid, you never had a, you know, what did you have?

I don't know, slice of toast on the way to school. So all this business of full English breakfast, then that's all part of, that's marketing. It's all about capitalism. That's all that is massive selling to you that you should buy this full English breakfast or full, ironically in Scotland, big surprise it's called full Scottish breakfast.

Yeah, they get really annoyed by the way if you're in Scotland and you ask for a full English. Yeah, you shouldn't, because you wouldn't in America ask for a full English. Yeah, you shouldn't because it's when you wouldn't in America ask for a full English breakfast, would you? Probably. Would you? Well, I've let it slip out sometimes when I'm in Scotland and go, I love a full

English and then a Scottish person will go, it's called a full Scottish. Yeah. And it is different. There's potatoes. There's like black pudding and. A hack of some of this. There's more blood. Yeah, there's more blood. Squares sausage.

I love squares sausage. Yes, I wouldn squaresauce. Yes, I wouldn't go up tight, but who cares? And the whole Scotty, I like porridge for breakfast. And of course people think, oh, that's because you're Scottish. I never had porridge when I was a kid. As I say, we'd slice the toast on the way out the door.

Everyone lucky. We never had, I got porridge because it was, if you're doing a show like say Doctor Who and you're like on that for 11 months of the year, you get breakfast every morning because you're there at like half six in the morning. If you order a full English breakfast at half six in the morning or 11 months,

you know, you're gonna have to regenerate at Christmas time because the costumes are not gonna fit you. You're gonna get through the tartars, you're gonna be to regenerate at Christmas time because the costumes are not gonna fit you You don't get through the tatters. You're gonna be bigger on the outside It'd be doctor what the fuck happen exactly So you can't listen I said look let just get me porous. Yeah, why don't you just simple just get me? I so I would come in the morning I just have a ball of porridge and off I'd go and blow up some Daleks. Yeah And that was slow release energy, isn't it? So that's what you need and blow up some Daleks. Yeah. And that was... Because it's slow release energy, isn't it? So that's what you need to blow up the Daleks.

For sure. Yeah. Or to wrestle with men in latex suits. Yeah. But that's at night. Yeah. So, yeah, porridge would get me through to lunchtime. Nice.

Who was your favourite villain to beat up on Doctor Who? When you saw it on the call sheet, oh, the Daleks are going, I can't make a beat. Well, the Daleks, I would grin when I wasn't working. It was a scene where they, come on, the Daleks invaded a space station. Yeah. And they were, you know, there were guys with, you know, full kind of SWAT team outfits waiting for them.

Who's not going to go in and watch all that? I wasn't in this scene, but I was standing there, and they got cheering as they blew it up and all that stuff. 12 Daleks coming through the, down the corridor. Come on, slice of toast. I'm not the old days. Yeah, Dalek Cybermen are quite liked. I'm already beaten up.

I did have to fight rubber spiders, which I enjoyed because of the little baler thing. I liked them all. They were all varying degrees of... Some of them were less cosmic than others, but they all smelled of latex. I mean, that's the... That always takes me back is the smell of rubber. You know the scenes where the doctor changes

into the next doctor? Yeah. Regeneration. Regenerates. Thank you, Warren. Okay. Now, obviously, I would assume that you're filming your scenes on different, you know,

they filmed their bit as their doctor. And then you're filming your bit separately, obviously. But do you like go in for that scene? I went in for Matt, because Matt Smith turned into me. And that was so great, it was so lovely, because Matt's wonderful anyway, he's a wonderful actor, but he's such a nice person. And it was really emotional, we just said,

and he gave me the watch that he wore as Dr. Who, and passed that to me, and we had some little wads together. And then he just handed it over to me. But we couldn't do that with Jodie. We couldn't do that because for some reason they weren't starting filming to wait later. Or maybe they hadn't announced her or something. So I did mine on my own and just finished it.

But in the old days, that's how they used to do it. They used to just have the other person there. So it did mine on my own and just finished it. But in the old days, that's how they used to do it. They used to just have the other person there. So it's quite emotional. Yeah. And also the crew down there are all kind of wonderful and it's a very kind of warm family. So people get sad, you know, but it's nice when a new person comes along and brings it to life. Watching now with that they bought tenant back. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. David's

lovely. What are you thinking of looking at your phone every now and again? No, no, no, no, no. They might do it. No, no, I don't think so. But there's a great piece of film of the original Doctor Who, William Hartleham. I say the original Doctor Who, I mean it, who was the story of how he left the show is clouded in mystery, so I don't really know exactly what happened. But he ended up in Panto, and there's a wonderful interview with him, which the last piece of film of him being interviewed in his dressing room about to go on stage in the panties and wall thing or something like that. And he's quite openly down on the whole panties thing.

He makes it quite clear that he's a respected character actor of the British stage and film. And not front of cloth comedian. Oh, that's so weird. Is that a familiar term? Boys front of cloth comedian? I've just heard that, but like. You know you know the term front of cloth, surely? Do I?

Yeah. Is it... That's when you really need a shit. Yeah, no. And it's like... And you've got to get some... It's an old like musical term, right? Because you'd be in front of the curtains

while they set up for the next bit of the rise. Actors would be behind, because the cotton came down and someone would come out and do some funny business. Yes, some funny business. There'd be a front of her cloth comic. Keenan and Kel. Keenan and Kel at the start and then Borkoff.

And then, yeah. Your dream drink, Peter? My dream drink. Well, because I don't drink, I drink ginger beer. Nice. Which is nice. Fiery? Fiery ginger beer, yeah, don't drink, I drink ginger beer. Nice. Which is nice. Fiery. Fiery ginger beer, yeah, but my friend,

I keep going on about this, obviously. It sounds like I'm plugging it, which I am, but unnecessarily, because it's really busy, is this restaurant, The Floral Hall, because Kay does, she makes me a ginger and elderflower drink of her own recipe. I don't really know what's in it,

but it's wonderful because it feels mildly alcoholic. I used to drink, I mean, I used to really like drinking, but stopped the way most men from the West of Scotland have to stop drinking at some point. And I used to love red wine, ryoka. You know, a nice ryca would be a favorite drink. But I was also quite, I think I failed for the labels. There was a Spanish wine that used to have like a lovely painting of a kind of velour-thiquest type man with a big, you know, rough on and he'd be holding

a glass of wine and stop smiling. So I'll have that one. Yeah, you thought that man looks like he's having a good time. Yeah, that would do for me. I'd like to be that one. Yeah, you thought that man looks like he's having a good time. Yeah, that'll do for me. I'd like to be that man. Yeah. But you're an actor, so you could be that man if you wanted to. Do you ever think that just wake up one morning and just pretend to be someone else

because you're that good of an actor? It's that chameleon. You're just going to be that guy who's on the wine bottle. That can be anybody. Yeah. Of course I can. No, I've got this face. I can only be this person with this face.

Well, that's the thing for all actors, right? That maybe would help with the rejection is that so much the time what they're looking for is so specific. The truth is the thing that they're rejecting is the thing that somebody else will buy. That's what makes you different. It's the thing that people don't,

you're not gonna work for everything. So you'll get to a point where you're the only person that's right for the job. Mm-hmm, that must be weird with the, been going back to Doctor Who. That is multiple people playing that role. You wonder what is actually they're looking, I mean, I don't know what is actually looking for each time.

Is it, they just want something different from the last person? I think James would be a great doctor. Who do you agree with me Peter? It'd have to cheer up a bit. You can talk. Yeah, but the audience is not seeing my smiles. That is a pot kettle black situation.

What the fuck are you talking about? No, I think it'd be good. Yeah, but you'd have to be a bit more child-friendly. Child-friendly. I'll take that. Yeah. Quite happy with that. Yeah, yeah.

I often worry that I'm too much like a kids comedian or kids TV presenter. No, I don't think so. It's been a long time since I've watched kids tell me. I've got Edge. You're an edgy guy. I'm an edgy guy. Edge guy. Maybe a companion.

I could be a companion. No? What do you think to that? Yeah, I think it could be. Well, it depends who the doctor is, of course. Yeah. As to whether he could be a companion. For a whole series? For a whole season?

Badly Walsh did it. Yeah? Yeah. He's a talented guy, you know? Yeah. Yeah, but I could do it. Badly Walsh did it. John Bishop did it? Yeah. Yeah. These are talented guy, you know? Yeah. Yeah, but I could do it. Badie Walsh did it. John Bishop did it. Yeah. Another good, another talented guy.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure you could. A couple of the same cloth, front of cloth. So for your dream drink, do you want this ginger and elderflower from what was the name of the restaurant, sorry? Floral Hall. Floral Hall. Do you want, do you want the elderflower and ginger from there? Yeah. Lovely. We'd have to get in touch and find out what it is.

Cause I just said, give me that, the thing. Yeah. And she brings it. That's fine, that's great. I felt like I'm sitting there like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the froes. And the feet to Prince.

Bring me the thing. That's right. They're panicking in the kitchen. What does he mean the thing? The Dauphin. Is it on the menu? Or is that something that's just made for you? That's made for me.

The Capaldi. Well, it's like, you know, Zoe Wanamaker, who's also in Criminal Record on the show, and is wonderful. Zoe has a cocktail, which you can buy. I don't mean she markets it. It's just that she's been a enthusiast of cocktails for some time.

And so at the old Ivy, they created a cocktail called a wanna maker. A wanna maker. Which you can buy all over the place. How do you make a wanna maker? Do you shake the wanna maker? I don't know. You'd have to get Zoe on. We'd love to. We'd love to get Zoe wanna maker on. I wonder if she'll wanna wanna maker. I wonder if she'll wanna wanna maker. Do you think she'll wanna wanna maker? Well, I don't know. I think she might have wanna wanna make her. I wonder if she'll wanna wanna wanna make her. Do you think she'll wanna wanna make her? Well, I don't know.

I think she might have heard these jokes before. It's nice to run the mark again. I doubt it. I don't think so. I wonder if there's, is there whiskey in it, the wanna make her? I've no idea. It might be wanna make her's mark.

That's the type of whiskey, Peter. That's good stuff. That's good stuff. She hasn't heard that. She hasn't heard wanna make her's mark. Yeah, I think she's good. Peter, there's no way she's heard wanna. That's good stuff. She hasn't heard that. She hasn't heard Wanna Make Us Mark. Yeah, I think she's heard. Peter, there's no way she's heard Wanna Make Us Mark. Your dream dessert, Peter.

My dream dessert. I love custard. Yeah. And I love... So much respect if your dream dessert is just custard. Absolutely. I would have good disgusted. I love, I've always loved custard. I think it was because I was a kid and I went to the dentist or anything like that.

My mother would always reward me with custard. I learned how to make it as well. Your mum was rewarding you for going to the dentist with custard? Well, I mean, going to the dentist or something that was unpleasant. Yes, sure. You know, she would help me. I think directly, just because it was a dentist, it made me laugh as, well done, your teeth are healthy.

Here's a pot of custard. Well, that's very Scottish. That was the way we were brought up. Most kids were like that then. They were given sugary and sweet things to help them through the rough times. Yes. But then I learned to make custard,

but then it would come in powder. I don't think it was, I don't mean classic French custard, or whatever they call it, cream, whatever it is. Birds custard. Yeah, it was, yeah. Creme on glaze. Yeah, creme on glaze.

It was powdered, it was like kind of, you know, radioactive bright yellow, that stuff. But I love bread and bar pudding. Oh yeah. I think bread and bar pudding is one of the greatest dishes. And I make it myself with panettoni, which is an Italian cake. It's a bread with sultanas and fruit in it.

And I use that, and I slice that up and lay it in a dish and then put all the, make up the custard mix and pour that all up and lay it in a dish and then put all the make up, the custard mix and pour that all over and bake it. And that is amazing. Yeah. This is, so before we started recording this episode, you were saying to us like, how many do you record? And we've done like about six episodes this week.

And one of them, someone told us their message for some bread and butter pudding earlier this week and described it to us. And both times it's been a bit of an inventive twist on it, you and your panatoni. And it's just made me want to immediately have some bread and butter pudding, but have exactly what you've just described. Try it, try and make it myself. I think it's a sign that we've got to try this, Ed, because- It's a sign from the universe that we've got to have some bread and butter pudding.

For sure. Yeah. And would you then, when it's done and it's baked and you've done it, would you add more custard to it? I would. Yeah. I would personally. Others might not. But I would. And then I would really look forward to if there was some left the next day.

Because of that slightly congealed kind of thing. And then I'd custard to that. I often think as well, it's kind of vaguely, it's a relative of lasagna in some way. Because it's, you know, it's a layers of stuff with other stuff in between, and a kind of creamy binder. Yeah, it's probably, you do it in the same dish almost,

wouldn't you, if you're making it in a sort of lasagna dish. Yeah, and fun enough, those are the only two dishes I can make. Breadbar pudding and lasagna. Oh, great. Have you ever done them back? Do you do them back to back? No, that's too labor intensive. Yeah. I wouldn't be able to say it. We don't have enough. We don't have enough.

You just got the one dish. We only got the one dish. So we couldn't do that. And that's not part making a little version of either. I mean, this might be too outrageous, Peter, but have you ever thought about doing a half and half in the dish? That wouldn't work. Sweet and savour. Yeah, but they're separate. There's just there's probably a bit in the middle.

You'd have to have a dividing. You'd have a dividing thing, or you just avoid the strip in the middle. The strip in the middle. The strip in the middle, where they touch. No, but they have to be the seeds. The meaning of the seas. You have to have either enough custard or enough bechamel sauce. You have to have too much of that.

So that it comes over the, so that it would mix up. You couldn't do it, it'd be horrible. Have you ever heard that song, I Can't Go Back to Savory Now? No, no, but you've never heard it. You haven't heard it, By John Shuttleworth. Oh, I love John Shuttleworth. Oh, he does a fabulous song.

Yeah. And it's all about, he's eaten, I can't remember how it goes, but he's at dinner with his wife and his daughter and he's eaten, they've got like, Mince Pie or something like that and he's eaten that. And then his sweet comes along and it's possibly custard or something like that. His daughter meanwhile has been taking longer to eat the Mince Pie and it's possibly custard or something like that. His daughter meanwhile, has been taking longer to eat the mince pie and it's decided she's had enough.

And she's leaving some. So she offers her dad some mince pie, but he's eating his custard. He's in the custard. And he says, I can't go back to savory now, which is the sad refrain. I saw him do a whole song at the Edinburgh Festival, just about serials that he likes.

And it was so funny. But like, just for ages, he's just listing every single type of cereal. But I'm going to read your menu back to you now. See how you feel about it, Peter. You would like Glasgow tap water. You would like a bread basket. Turned on by Billy Connelly. No, Paolo Nettini. Paolo Nettini. Pop Ones of Bread, You would like a bread basket. Turned on by Billy Connelly. No, Palo Natini. Palo Natini. Problems with bread, you would like a bread basket that gets topped up without

ceremony. Without ceremony. And without you knowing. Without you having to ask. Starter, calamari, mains, spaghetti, carbonara, side dish, a rocket salad with Parmesan shavings, drink, ginger and elderflower from the floral hall, which is called called a capaldi, and does a panatoni bread and butter pudding with custard, your own recipe. For sure. Absolutely delicious. I want that bread and butter pudding. Yeah.

Yeah, well, I'll get some centipede. I won't really. What? Because we're at show business. That's dream. This is the show business me. Yeah, this is what we should have dinner in a nice situation. Yes, the warm bitchy guy, yeah.

You're a little twist on it, I like. I'll send some bread and butter pudding over to you. You should start saying that to everyone, I think. I once did, I was in this film, Maleficent, which Angelina Jolie was in, and she was lovely. And she was at the height of her extraordinaryness. And I would see her on the set, and she'd just be extraordinary

because I'd never seen anyone who look, you know, she'd look at you and it would be like being hit with a water can. You know, because she was so extraordinary. Was she in costume as well? And she had like horns and stuff, didn't she? Yeah. And she was very, very sweet. And one, because I played, I'm not in the film, I was cut out.

This is another one. This is showbiz. I played the King of the Fairies, but that part of the film, they changed the story so that she was no longer brought up by us. So we were on the cutting room floor. But I had to be in makeup for a long time

and a lot of the fairies had to be in makeup for a long time. So that meant when we finished filming, we still had two and a half hours of getting all this stuff off. And so we'd go into the makeup room and get all this stuff off and everyone else would be home. But one night there was a little tap at the door and someone was there with a large tray

that Angelina had sent with a couple of bottles of wine, some cheese, some apples, some fruit, no brain but pudding. No. But a lovely little gift to get us through the night. That's a classy move. Don't eat the apples off, manifesto. LAUGHTER Stay away from those apples, Peter.

That's actually out of order. That takes... It sounds like a nice gesture, but she's trying to fuck you up. LAUGHTER Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant Pizza. Thank you, my pleasure. Thank you for inviting me. Well, there we go, James. Lovely stuff.

Lovely stuff. What a lovely man. So nice to meet him. Yeah. He was also, after we finished recording, he was delighted that he gave me the correct directions to the American church. He was very happy about that. You went to the toilet and he was going, I'm so glad I gave you the right direction. That's good. Yeah. Well, you've made his day just telling him, what a nice thing to happen for someone just to come

up to you and go, here's something you don't even remember doing. Yes. But it was nice. But it was nice and helpful. Thank you. And obviously I knew who he was, but I didn't have time to say, nice to meet him, a big fan of your work. Same with me and Bill and I. Yeah. It feels good though, doesn't it?

Yeah. If it was really good, stopping a celeb, asking for directions, not acknowledging who they are and just going on your way. Yes. That feels great. Yeah. So if you do want to ask James for directions,

don't know what Latrua is. Yeah, I would love it. I'll try and give you directions. Yeah, he won't know where the fuck you need to go. No, I have no idea. Yeah. I do my best whenever anyone asks me, but... But thank you.

Also, I didn't say it during the episode. The worst feeling is when someone asks you directions and you have to get your phone out to look on Google Maps. Yeah, I had to do that. Some people in, it was Glasgow actually. Yeah, I had to do that. So some people in. It was Glasgow, actually. Was it? I think Glasgow and some tourists stopped me and they wanted directions to the Hard Rock Cafe.

And I was like, I said, I'll give you directions, but I don't think you should go there. So I said, I said, there's so much good stuff here. Yeah. So don't go to Hard Rock Cafe and then they laughed. Went, yeah, please. I was like, OK, I said, there's so much good stuff here. Yeah. And got, so don't go to hard rock cafe and then they laughed. When, yeah, but please, I was like, okay, I'll do it. But like, but this bad idea, don't go to hard rock cafe. Like, don't definitely don't eat there. But I really wanted to go.

Well, we loved having Peter in and he did not say her. She's did not say her. She's thank you, Peter, for not saying her. She's the bread. I can't wait to have bread and butter pudding again. I can't eat that panatoni bread and butter pudding. Oh, I'd put cold single cream on panatoni bread and butter pudding, I think. Would you?

Yeah, I'm team custard. Yeah, you're team custard all the way. Get on Apple TV Plus, watch all eight episodes of Criminal Record, Peter Capaldi and Cush Jumbo. Yes, I'm very excited to watch that. I will be watching that ASAP. Also, just to tie up some loose ends in the episode, he said Tapas weird.

We were aware of it. Yeah. But we didn't pick him up on it. Yeah. In fact, I like the way he said Tapas and I'll be using that from now on. Tapa. Tapa. Yeah, I'll start saying Tapa.

Global Tapa. Yeah, Tapao, remember that band? Yeah. Maybe start calling it Tapao. Global Tapau. Yeah, Tapau. Remember that band? Yeah. Maybe start calling it Tapau. Thanks very much for listening to our menu. We will see you again next week. Bye-bye. Goodbye.

Hello, my name is Ian Smith. And I'm Amy Gledhill. And we are from the Northern News podcast. Where we take a deep dive into the bizarre stories we find from the North. Hey, and if you like food, and I know you like food actually, because you're listening to Off Menu. We've got stories about pigs getting co getting cooked off roundabout with crisps. We've got stories about gravy wrestling in car parks. We've got stories about restaurants getting one-star food hygiene ratings. And record-breaking Yorkshire puddings. And we've got special guests which you may remember from Off Menu episodes such as... Maisie Adam, Tim Key, Rosie Jones, Fatah El Gory, Phil Wang and he hasn't been on

Off Menu but we've got Kevin Kennedy who played Curly Waters in Coronation Street. Kim Key, Rosie Jones, Fatah El-Ghory, Phil Wang, and he hasn't been on off-menu, but we got Kevin Kennedy, who played Curly Watts in Coronation Street. Take that, eh, caster? So please, give a listen to the Northern News Podcast. Every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.