Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 224: CMAT

Episode Date: February 14, 2024

It’s Another Day in the Dream Restaurant, and this week’s diner is Choice Music Prize winning musician and Brit Awards nominee CMAT.Trigger warning: this episode contains talk about diet culture. CMAT’s new album ‘CrazyMad, For Me’ is out now. Stream and buy it here.CMAT is touring and playing festivals this year. Dates and tickets here.Follow CMAT on Twitter and Instagram @cmatbabyRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast that you're listening to right now. I'm here to tell you that I am on tour. UK and Ireland tour, Hot Diggity Dog is the name of the show. It's starting on March the 12th, going all over to lots of places. Go to edgamble.co.uk to buy tickets for what I believe is a very funny show. We'll have a nice time. See you there. Bye. Thank you, James. See you there, bye! Hot picketty doll! Thank you, James. Moose? No. But Moose Head? Yes. Because that's alcohol and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials.

Order Uber Eats? No. For alcohol you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the white bread of conversation, spreading on the butter of humour, slicing the cheese of the internet and adding a healthy dose of the pickle of friendship, James. That sounds healthy dose of the pickle of friendship James. That sounds like a cheese and pickle sandwich to me. Cheese and pickle podcast. That is it, Gamble. My name is James A. Casper.

Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest and ask them their favourite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order. And this week our guest is... Seamat. Seamat. A brilliant musician. She's got a brilliant album called Crazy Mad for me. Don't forget the Comrade. And Crazy Mad is one Matt. C Matt, a brilliant musician. She's got a brilliant album called Crazy Mad for Me. Don't forget the comma, Ed.

And Crazy Mad is one word. Crazy Mad, Crazy Mad for Me. Very good. Thank you very much. She is touring later this year as well, James. Yes, very exciting. The album's great. You should check it out if you haven't heard it.

Absolutely. And you should go and get tickets to the tour as well. Yes, and I am reliably informed that she is a foodie, James. She knows her stuff. Yes, which is very important for the touring life, of course. So hopefully that will serve her well on the road. We'll hear all about that. I mean, I hope that we get some dishes from around the world, maybe, if it's a touring musician. She's travelling around. But we are big fans of CMAT, sure.

So she's so all of our girlfriends. So are all of our girlfriends. This is for you. This is for you. Are we dedicating this to our girlfriends, are we? Yeah, your wife, Benito's several partner. Ha ha ha ha ha. And my girlfriend. What a complicated, just the women in our lives.

This is for you, we couldn't do this without you. We love you. You changed our lives. I can't wait for you to win an Oscar. Yeah. Would you do that in your Oscar speech? I would do that in my Oscar speech. Yeah, yeah.

I'd say for all of our partners. Yes. Yeah, yeah. For Ed Gamble's wife. We couldn't do what we do without you. The great Benito, civil partner and my girlfriend. I couldn't do what I did without you. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I love you. You changed my life. If Seamats is a secret ingredient that we have pre-agreed a person. I couldn't do what I did without you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love you. You changed my life. If Seamats has a secret ingredient that we have pre-agreed upon, then she will be kicked out of the dream restaurant. And, look, often it's an ingredient we think's disgusting, but sometimes it relates directly to the guests' work. And it's one of those today, because the secret ingredient is KFC. KFC. I didn't know you were going to do it like that. I didn't know you're going to go KFC because no one says it like that.

Well, everyone says it like that. Do you? Yeah. So we're saying KFC. Is it? Yeah. Kettering Fried Chicken. KFC because the football club are called Ketmentown FC. Yeah. KTFC. Yeah. So if you say KFC too fast, people think you go, miss here, then you go to the football. So we have to spell it out, KFC.

Well, C-MAT has a song called Another Day, Brackets KFC. I've been to a KFC with you before, James. Yep, you filmed me ordering and they told you to start filming. Yes, they did. Respect to the people at KFC. Full respect. We couldn't do what we do without you. We love you so much. We changed our lives. This is the off-menu menu of Seamat. Welcome Seamat to the dream restaurant. Hiya. Welcome, CMAT, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Cool. Thank you. Have you?

Have you known who I am for some time? Since before you were born. Oh. Well, James is a genie, so he sort of hovers above all of time and space. Yeah. Do you know my mum? Yeah. What's her name? DMAT.

It shouldn't be DMAT though, should it? It should be B Matt. Fuck. Why? Why B Matt? Because she's like before C Matt in the alphabet. Yeah, it should be B Matt really. Your grandmother is A Matt. Your grandmother. I don't know your mum. Do you know your mum? Yeah, her name is Sinead. Sinead and what's Sinead into? Her name is Sinead. Sinead. And what's Sinead into? She loves running.

She did loads of marathons back in the day, although her ankles are a bit in bits now because of it. And she really wants me to not run marathons, which is fine, because I don't want to do that. She makes you promise not to run marathons. Yeah. And she loves, unfortunately, like, no, she doesn't love it anymore. but when I was growing up,

I mean, if we're gonna talk about food, my mother's really not a good cook, bless her, because she was well into the Weight Watchers things. So there was a lot of, like, pre-packaged food, a lot of curly, woody bars, put in the freezer, and then smashed up into little bits, and we weren't allowed to have them. And it was like a Weight Watchers thing

where you'd, like, break up a bit of the chocolate and then have, like, a little bit throughout the day so that your sweetness was like satiated, but you were only having like a hundred calories. It's that kind of thing. Wow. Yeah. Curly, when you said curly early in the freezer

and smashed it up, I was like, sounds quite good. That sounds good if you have it in one go. Yeah, yeah. Or as a topping on ice cream. You're saving a truth today. And like, yeah, is that what I'm talking about? Exactly what I thought. You have to take it away, put it on a Sunday. No,. You're saving a trip today. Yeah, as that topping on ice cream. That's exactly what I thought. You have to try it away, put it on a Sunday. No, it's actually sadder than that.

But yeah, I feel like my very intense affinity for food culture and my love of food in general is like a continuing act of like teenage rebellion in a way. Like I feel like I got really into like weird food really performatively when I was a teenager to be like, I'm not like you. And then. Was there any particular bits of items of food that would really stick it to your mar? Oh, I mean, I think she's, I don't think it's sticking it to her anymore because she's like a nice person and is like, oh, that's great that my daughter likes things. Like she's not

she's not a bitch. Um, am I allowed to swear on this? Yeah, you go for it. She's not a fucking bitch. You go and snade a bitch. Unbelievable. I think she's able to. She must be on here for three minutes. We've called her mum a bitch. She is. No, she's not. She's led it. But I feel like anything, and this is a word that my boyfriend uses all the time, unctuous. Anything unctuous, butter, butter, stock, salt, anything that's like absolutely laden with fat was illegal in Ireland's diet culture world of the 2000s to early 2010s. So using butter butter in general was like, like. It's nice that butter got two shout outs there in the list. Yeah, butter, butter.

I can't stress enough the importance of butter. I mean, you don't need to tell us, but let's talk about butter for a minute. Yeah, I spend probably an enormous amount of money on butter in my adult life because I like to get the one that's really posh. Have you ever seen that video of that French man who owns a butter factory, the handmade butter factory? No, but I want to.

I like the fact it's referred to as that video of like it's something that everyone says. Well, it's a bit of a sacred text for me because I've probably watched this video easily 200 times in my life and I put it on when I'm drunk and it's all in French. But his name is Monsieur Bordier and he owns Bordier Butter and every time he talks about butter he starts to cry and he like hand cranks it through a mellexage machine. It's like the only one left. It's like the only original one left from like the 1500s. And he makes his men use it because he's like, if there's no love in the butter, then I don't want it.

And he genuinely cries about three times during this video about how proud he is of the butter that he makes. So his job is to make this butter. He's making it all day. How often is he crying? How do you cry about something you're doing all day? I guess it was like he was being filmed. And so he was reflecting on his life's work

and he was just overwhelmed at how much he loves his life's work because it is just butter. But it is absolutely incredible. And you can only really get it in France because they don't send it overseas because they're like, no, that's gonna ruin it. Like it's gonna ruin the butter. I think maybe you can get it in some dodgy places.

Like black market butter. Black market, yeah, yeah. Yeah, black market, yeah. But it's all handmade, it in some dodgy places. Like black market border. Black market border, yeah. Yeah, black market border. But it's all handmade, it's all little paddles. And he's like, I could make money, I don't want money. I want to be a nice little man who has a nice little butter. And he just goes on and on about it. Is that a quote?

It's like a translation of the French where he calls himself a nice little man who makes a nice little butter. And yet he's intermittently crying during this whole video. I will send it to you. It's a, I'll find it. I'm immediately gonna find it afterwards. Have you had this butter before?

No, I haven't. I haven't been able to find it. And I go to Paris, send me frequently because of music. And every single time I probably dedicate about a half an hour to trying to just like find, I'm like, okay, I have a half an hour between sound check or whatever.

Let me walk around and see if like, I could probably put more effort in, but I think it has to be as magical as I think it's gonna be. But they do loads of different flavors. They do like seaweed. So you put seaweed through it and it's just like a chili, but he just like loads of flavor bars and then like salted, unsalted.

I think about it all the time. Yeah. Yeah, and now I'm going to. Yeah, yeah. I mean, also once on the podcast, a while ago, we had Joe Thomas on and he mentioned a guy called Willie who did a show called Willys A Perfect Chocolate Christmas. And we ended up doing an episode

with Willie and Joe in the future. So you and the little butterman, maybe we'll do a special in the future if we can track him down. That would be great crack because he definitely doesn't speak English and I think that could add a level of attention to the bugger. But we'll know when he's talking about butter because he'll start crying. He'll start crying. Yeah, yeah, monster boardier. Oh, what a man. Nice little man. I love him so much. Would you say you're crazy mad for butter?

I like that. Yeah. What a link. Link it into the promo. Yeah. That's a good link, right? I thought it was good. Not bad.

It was all right. Now, but for it to be a good link, what would happen there is you'd very then smoothly move into the actual promo rather than just talking for ages about the link itself because now it's not a link. Now you're going to have to awkwardly gear shift into talking about the album. But I thought you's not a link. Now you're going to have to awkwardly gearshift

into talking about the album. But I thought you would like pick up the baton. The baton. The baton. Okay, I'll pick up the baton. Your new album is called Crazy Mad for me. It is called Crazy Mad for me. And it's been a bit of a wild ride recently,

because I was like, oh yeah, I'm going to release an album and then it's just going to plop out. And then the people who like me will be like, oh, yeah, that's a good album. And then I'll just continue on. But it seems, I think because of a couple of television appearances that I've done recently, that there is now like 10 times the amount of people looking at and listening to me. And that is a bit terrifying.

It keeps me awake at night. Weird, that sort of thing, isn't it? Because I think we all get that working in like creative industries where you've got people who really like your stuff and you're like, great, well, they'll enjoy something I do. And the aim should be for more people to see it. But then you're like, oh no, other people, strangers.

Then it happens and I'm like, fuck. And it's more casual people who might just end up going, oh, have a little listen to this. Yeah. And it's, I think it's an interesting one because like what I do is definitely niche. Like I find it even funny that I'm on like this podcast doing things that normal people who have normal jobs and media do because I don't really consider myself in that bracket of people, if you know what I mean. Like, because my music is like weird, but then people seem to be enjoying it. So I don't really consider myself and that bracket of people, if you know what I mean. Like, because my music is like weird, but then people seem to be enjoying it.

So I don't really know what's going on. Like I have songs about like Vincent Company and stuff, do you know what I mean? And then it's also about me cutting all my hair off when I lived in Manchester and then taping it to the wall because I had a complete mental breakdown. And it's also country music, but it also sends like meatloaf.

So it's like, I don't, like, I just, I find the whole thing that's been happening recently very puzzling because I didn't think it's going to happen. Well, people, you know, I guess a lot of people will have done all those things separately, maybe one of those things. And people like country music, people like meatloaf. You know, loads of massive pop stars are weird and singing about weird things. And like, now genre is like, not even a thing thing people do mashup stuff now So people are way more open now to things like that. Yeah, you know, it's great Yeah, it is great. It is great, but it's just in it feels like it's now starting to move out the niche and I'm like

I think the big leap is like we say like ten times as many Yeah, that's not like because I think what we've experienced as comedians is like by increments each time. So we've never had, I've never had it. I've never experienced what you're talking about where suddenly it's like, bam, like 10 times as many people and that is like mad. What's weird is that's happening

like the last two to three weeks, right? Like I also had that incremental build. Like I've been working for years with nothing happening. And then first single at CMAT like had like a little bit of a like, you know, I probably had 3000 followers or something like that. And everyone was enjoying it. It was having a great time.

But like two weeks ago we were on the Graham Norton show and it's literally been nonstop since then. And that's been crazy. Cause I just like hang out in my house and do things. And then my mom will be like, this person was talking about you. This person was talking about you. This person was talking about you.

And I'm like, great. That's when you know things have got bigger. If your mom knows people who are talking about you. Oh yeah. The way that I know that I've truly, I'm on the road to making it is that my local pub, Brady's and Dunboy and Shedda Brady's and Dunboy, absolutely best pint of Guinness in probably the world.

100 million percent. Dunboy and County Mead. They have all these cabinets in the pub. It's like a long pub. They've all these cabinets in the pub and framed photographs on the wall. And it's all just like, do you know GAA? It's like Irish football. It's like Gaelic football, Irish football. So there's like GA teams,

Hurlin teams, another Irish sport. There's like a rugby player called Trevor Brennan who has his own cabinet because he's won loads of trophies playing for Ireland. But he's not even from the point. So I don't even really know how he got there. But all these things. And now there is me. Got your own cabinet. I don't have my own cabinet, but I'm working towards it. I've been considering, because I have a lot of trophies and stuff, right? Because I've got two number one album trophies now, and I've got a Choice Music Prize. And I'm kind of just like, if I just give them all to Brady's

and they're like, will they give me a cabinet? Will they kick out Trevor Brennan and give him my own cabinet? Because that for me is the mark of success. Kicking out Brennan. Yeah, kicking out the Ruby players and the guy ladies team. Get out of there. 1996. No one remembers his leave. That's my plan.

What do you think you'd have to get for them in order to... Because what you've already listed is enough, but... It should be enough. But maybe if I got like an Ivory Novello or something nice, some songwriting award or something. Yeah, I don't know. I don't feel like that's going to sway them, to be honest. I don't think the Ivanovelo is what's going to put you over the edge at the pub. I think it might be when you play on the Graham Norton show, you get a tote bag

that says the Graham Norton show on it. That's more likely to be that. If I give them that, I'm sure it will be. I then put stuff inside of it. Yeah. And you've come on here and said it's the best point of Guinness in the world. That's yeah. Genuinely. And I don't know if that's because of obviously nostalgia and where it is, and we're talking about, but I've never had a better pint of Guinness in my life. And I've drank a significant amount of Guinness in my life. I've never had a better pint than in Brady's.

So where you had your first point of Guinness was in Brady's. No, I don't think so. I would have had it in Wheelins in the music pub in Dublin. Yeah, definitely would have had my first pint in Wilans and not enjoyed it that much, but Guinness is an acquired taste. So when you first drink it, it's like, this is disgusting. Why do families get ruined by it?

And then, sorry, I don't know why that's so much different in my mind. Why are entire empires built on this horrible black liquid and then it takes you. Well, I mean, my first point again, this would have been in a terrible pub in London. Yeah. And I was still like, hey, this is nice. So imagine what I'm going to be like if I go to Brady's. Have you ever had a pint of Guinness in Ireland? Yes.

Okay. Well, then you probably have some had some approximation of a good pint of Guinness because I was worried that you've only drank it in London. No. And I've drunk it in nicer places in London as well, where everyone says it's better. But also, I've heard it in Ireland and it is, you know, it probably is better, but I'm starting to think that's a myth. It's not a myth. It's actually the fucking truth. And I will not sit here and listen to an Englishman tell me that there's no discrepancy between quality of Guinness country, because there is. But what is it? I was trying to remember, because I was like, I've had a conversation with someone

recently who insisted that it's not different and who was it and I've just remembered it was Ed. I choose violence sometimes and that's... I was opposing this point of view. Well, thank you James. Along with my friend who insists it's different and always when they say they're going to go to Dublin, they always put on an Irish accent and say, I'm going to have a pint of the black stuff. Okay. Well, that I'm not loving, but thank you for your general Irish solidarity. That's not me.

That's not Ed, but that's a friend of ours. I tell you why I started rebelling against this point of view, because in England, that's something that English wankers say, where they're having a pint of Guinness and they'll go, I'll tell you what, it's much better in Ireland actually. You've not had Guinness unless you've gone to Ireland. Like Tossers say that. Okay, I see that, I see that.

However, it is, because there's two things that it right. One is travel time. Guinness has to be like fresh. It has to like be quite fresh. That's why I was just in Chicago recently and they've just gotten the Guinness brewery. I think it's the first one outside of Dublin. They built it in Chicago, which is absolutely hilarious to me that they were like, it's going to be Chicago. But also because of the freshness, you need to get rid of the keg quite quickly. It can't sit

there, right? People very predominantly only drink Guinness and Beemish and Murphy's, the tree big stouts. Like it will be the only thing they drink. So you can get rid of a keg in a day in the pub in Ireland, right? Which means that it's just like staying nice and the tap is running. Whereas in London, you could have a keg sitting there for a week, it's just not gonna be good. That's interesting.

I think that's actually the bigger point is like, it's not getting run true quick enough. Also, last point, to Guinness, unbelievable ingredient in food. Two of the nicest home cooked dishes I've ever made in my life was like a Guinness cake and a Guinness stew. But the Guinness stew, I'm not going to lie, had at least a half a block of butter in it as well. Like easily, easily a half a block, maybe close to a full block of Kerry Gold, which is absolutely lip butter as well. But yeah, it's an unbelievable ingredient. I completely agree. I've made Guinness juice before. I made a Guinness chocolate cake on Celebrity Bake Off. Did you? Yeah, I love it. Oh,

absolutely love it. What else did you make on Bake Off? Yeah. I made some gingerbread skull biscuits that didn't quite work out there a bit too. Was it tin gingerbread or was it ticked gingerbread? It was thin but they had to have like little, you know when you crush boiled sweets and put them in to make a little window so they had like red boiled sweets at eyes. Oh yeah. But I think I just didn't put them in the oven for long enough. So they're a bit, they're a bit cookie-ish which was a shame and then we had to do raspberry doughnuts for the technical which we all fucked up massively. That's really hard. Yeah. Have you, sorry I'm going to go off on a tangent now because you said gingerbread and gingerbread is

maybe my favourite thing in the world. Have you ever had, have you ever been to Cumbria? Yeah. Right. Are you aware that William Wordsworth's sister invented a patented type of Cumbrian gingerbread that you can still only buy from this one bakery in Cumbria? I'll tell you what. In Grasmere.

I've never known. I've got my cupboard at home. Isn't it unreal? Good stuff. I ordered two boxes of it for it, because we just did a week of rehearsals because we're going on tour next in like a couple of days. I ordered two boxes of it to satiate the crew and the band. And just every so often when someone looked like they were going to kill each other,

I would just like force feed them some of the guys who are gingerbread. And they're like, oh, that's so delicious. I was like, yeah, I know it is. Distraction tactic. But also the nicest shit I've ever had in my life. I did not know this. It's really good. It's really, really good.

Do you know as well she sells, she's dead. It's Sarah Nelson. She's long gone. May she rest in peace. They sell, because it's covered in this like crumb breadcrumbs, gingerbread breadcrumb thing. They sell big bags of just those crumbs for three pounds. So you can make it in like a cheesecake. Do you know, like you can make a cheesecake with that

or you can sprinkle on top of other things. Or just on real. It's only three pounds. Straight in the mouth, right? I've got to say. That's what everyone's made of fucking cheesecake. No, I would be shoveling straight into my mouth. Yeah. Do you buy those crums. I was gonna say. No one's made a fucking cheesecake with it. No, I would be shoveling straight into my mouth. Yeah.

It's great stuff. This is just, this is about crumbs. You'll love this story. So I'm not sure I've told it on the podcast before. Oh, don't remember a crumb story? My wife told me the other day that when she was a little kid at nursery and primary school, that if it was someone's birthday,

that a cake would get brought in. And rather than just everyone getting a slice, the teacher would make it into crumbs and then make all the kids sit there with their mouths open like that and then drop the crumbs into their mouth. And it was called birdie crumbs. I do love that.

Of course I love that. Yeah. That is really disturbing. It's pretty disturbing when you think about it, isn't it? Yeah. Was there other adults around? I don't know. Yeah, I mean, it's like you would.

But all the kids are lined up with their mouths open and their body crumbs. I definitely don't think any teacher would do that now. Even though it's not technically out of order. I think you would still be like, I feel like I'm pushing some sort of boundary here. Like. I'm wondering if they've gotten,

you know when you pull meat and you shred it with work. Right, so they get the cake, they shred it up, and then they get a spoon and spoon it onto individual plates and then the kids do the birdie crumbs themselves. Well, you're telling me that an adult human went along the line and did birdie crumbs. Made the children stand in a line. Yeah, yeah.

And feed them. Birdie crumbs. Yeah, that's the bit. They may as well chew it and then spit it into their mouth like a fucking bruise. Like what's going on? Yeah, pretty weird. Yeah, like Starlings. Starling too, that Ace Ventura does that.

Yeah, Ace Ventura does it in the second film. That film hasn't aged well at all. No, no, no, no.. That film hasn't aged well at all. No, no, no, no. It's really bad. No, they've lived with them of age well. No, both of them got some... Yeah, yeah.

Pretty bad. Jim Carrey hasn't aged well in general. Not physically, I think he looks fabulous. He looks great. Jim, you look great. We always start with still a spark and water, Seamat. Do you have a preference? Still. I'm not a psychopath.

I want still water with my meal. I really, really dislike fizzy water. I will only have it in the context of, is there a half of a lemon squeezed in? You know what I mean? Like, if it's lemony and fizzy and there's, like, a flavour there. Otherwise, I feel like something bad is happening in my brain when it's in my mouth, cause it's wrong.

Like you don't expect it to sparkle, you know? Even if you see it coming and you know it's sparkling more. And you don't expect it? You don't expect it, cause it's water. It's supposed to satiate you and it's supposed to run through your body in a normal way that doesn't cause discomfort or stress, but it does when it's fizzy.

So even if you know it's fizzy, they brought it, they poured it in the glass, you know it's gonna be fizzy, your body still goes, hang on does when it's fizzy. So even if you know it's fizzy, they brought it, they poured it in the glass, you know it's gonna be fizzy, your body still goes, hang on what the fuck's going on. Yeah, it's not right in the, and as well, like the point of water with your meal is to like help digestion. Fizzy water, it just, it feels counterintuitive

and it doesn't feel neutral. It's supposed to be a neutral, delicious substance that brings health and vitality. And fizzy water is like eating TV static or something. It's just, it's wrong. I know a lot of people use that comparison, but it's right. Yeah, yeah.

Or white noise, you know, not good. Sorry, I've made a lot of noises. No, it's great. We love it. It's a podcast. It's an audio medium. The more noise, the better. Is that a noise?

You know, when they do that. It'll be the clown horn. You'll need Jim Carrey. Although you did it with two hands there. Yeah. Yeah. The more noise is the better. That's a noise. You know, when you do the little clown horn. You do the Jim Carrey. Although you did it with two hands there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's another noise. Another horn. I think the mask does that noise. Yeah. Has the mask aged well? Oh, I don't know. But Camry Diaz is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen on screen. Yeah, that was a big film for me. I think that's the best a person has ever looked

in a film as Cameron Diaz in that movie. Walking into the bank. Yeah. Yeah, when she wants to the bank. Yeah, first appearance. I love her. She's married to a good Charlotte. Do you know that?

She is. She's married to one of the good Charlotte. She's married to... It's standing the test of time that they've been together for like 15 years, which is like 70 years. I think she's married to Benjy. Yeah. Benjy or Joel.

Yeah. You've or Joel. Yeah. You've stumbled into every of expertise here. Really? Well, I also, I did know that because I've just started watching the new series of Ink Master and Joel Madden is the new host of Ink Master. And is that the Cameron Diaz one? No, I think that's the other one.

That's the Nicole Richie one. Because the other one is Michael Nicole Richie. Yeah, that's the Nicole Richie one. Yeah. The good Charlotte boys, you know. I bet they're charming as hell. Yeah. You got to be funny and charming as hell to keep up with the

wondrous master that is Cameradillas. But also they, you know, they're known for believing that girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money. So they must feel on edge every day. That is one of the few Good Charlotte songs I know. And they've both married women who are definitely infinitely wealthier than them. So just to show you what's going on. Love them.

I actually love them. They're both such good vibes. Yeah. I went to a CDUK special recording of Good Charlotte. Whoa. They needed three songs. That's go. Cat Deely. Yeah. Deely. Legend.

Cat Deely UK. Right? Isn't that what that was? I don't think it did it stand for Cat Deely UK? That's going to blow my mind if it did. Because she was on it now. She was the host, yeah. I thought that's why it was called CD UK. That was Cat D. Lee UK. I thought it was just CD because CDs had music on them.

Yeah, but also Cat D. Is it works on two levels? Wow. Love her. Queen of Ireland. I wrote a poem for her once into SMTV. Hang on what? Hang on. James, why have you never told me this?

I thought you knew. I thought you knew that. No, can you remember any of the poem and I need to know immediately? No, I can remember the whole thing, but I'm not gonna recite it. Recite it. It's too embarrassing.

Recite it. It's already, you've already told us that you wrote a poem to Kat Deely. Was it like, was it like very, was it giving William Wordsworth or was it giving like Andrew Diceman Clay or something? Yeah. He could read it or read it giving like Andrew Dice Man Clay or something? Yeah, it could read it or read it.

A little bit of a crossover, I guess. I thought it was going to be like a funny poem, but I think it came off. Was it horny? Quite horny. Well, I was just very earnest. Like I was in, you know, I was in, I was 11. That's fair. The poem sent it in. Benito, can we put Candi Lee for this podcast, please? I've met her before, I was 11. That's fair. They put it in. Benito, can we put Candile for this podcast, please?

I've met her before, she's great. Well, let's not talk about booking other guests before we're midway through. No, it's so fair. I think we look at Candile fan in the room. You're just going to have to bring me back when she's here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be like, hello.

Pop it on the bread! Pop it on the bread! See, Matt? Pop it on the bread! Bread? Yeah. Obviously. I mean, with my meal, Papapadobs are delicious and I do love them, but with my meal that I have in my head planned out for today's events, it's got to be bread. Also I love bread. Maybe it might seem obvious, but a lot of my tastes lie in French stuff, like French

food. I think it's like my general food taste and like, oh my God, 90 cent baguette that you just get in any fucking Boulangerie in like any part of Northern France. And it like, it like cracks, you know, it goes like that. And then I'll eat a whole thing. I'll eat a whole thing. Yeah, yeah.

Unreal. So if you went to a Bollandery in Paris and you're walking back to your house to it with the bread And it's sticking out the top of the packet Do you wait until you get back to where you are or are you gonna bite the top off on your way back? Absolutely not. I'm going to bite the top off. Yeah, I'm gonna do that thing where it's like under my arm It poking out of a tote bag realistic. Yeah quite a deep tote bag And I'll be walking and maybe I'm using my phone It's like under my arm, poking out of a tote bag, realistic, quite a deep tote bag. It's coming up here. And I'll be walking and maybe I'm using my phone and maybe I'm like, like that moment

where it's like tucked in, but it's like hands-free access to the baguette, I think. I love that you're on the phone while this is happening as well. Yeah. You're on the phone too. I'm just doing business. Yeah.

I'm a Bobster, I'm a busy woman. I'll be like, yeah, I want all those. She thought I'd ask by Monday. You know, Person on the other end is going, see Matt, did you just buy a baguette? See Matt, be honest. Yes, I did. And I do it again. Are we going with the Montseor Baudier butter with? Or the Kerry Gold.

Oh, I mean, listen, Kerrygold is absolutely fabulous. And it's tried and tested. But I think because this is my dream, and I haven't had it yet, I'm going with the Bordier butch. You've got to go Bordier. I'm actually, I'm going with it right. This is what I imagined, because I know he has lots of different butters.

I'm imagining like a plinth, a plank. You would have on a plank, wouldn't you? And, you know, sorry, that's it. Have you ever seen that episode of Come Downine with me with the Welsh girl who just uses her hands to toss the chips? No. So she's like from Wales and she just was like, for my episode of Come Dine with me, I'm going to go to TK Maxx and buy loads of planks, like wooden chopping boards.

So she serves every single dish on a plank. Fantastic. And she keeps going, you would have a posh restaurant, you would have it on a plank, wouldn't you? You would have on a plank. And she keeps it like, you went to a posh restaurant, you would have it on a plank, wouldn't you? You would have it on plank. Yeah, like she just keeps saying the word plank. I've not seen that one. Obviously, I know all the big hits from Come Dime with me,

the sad little life and the guy with the whisk in his mouth. I think she's a big hit. I think I understand. I think she's coming up the right. She's a new addition to the pantheon of Come Dime with me content. But she is definitely, she is coming up the right. She's a new addition to the pantheon of come down with me content. But she is definitely, she is like stirring the food. You know the way you would stir it with like a spoon

or a wooden spatula. She just has her oven mitt and she's doing it with the oven mitt. With the oven mitt. It's even worse with the oven mitt on for some reason. It's so gross. It's the best.

And then she's just fucking everything onto a plate with the oven. She's like deconstructed Pavlova. And it's just like loads of smashed bits of food on a plank. That's great. And she gets a bit of sauce and goes like this. She's like design. But anyway, so I would have it on a plank.

I would have a little like dollop-y selection of different butters, like a butter flight, if you will. Nice. I think like seaweed, chili, salted, unsalted, whatever. And then I would... They're all salted. Maybe instead of spreading, cause I'm a freak, I would just like rip off a bit of bread

and just like smear it, you know what I mean? And just go in, I want to taste that butter. You'd have to try them all separately first, maybe, and then do the wipe. Yeah, like get a little spoon and eat like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give you unlimited, we'll keep the planks coming. Yeah, like get a little spoon and eat like this. Yeah, yeah. Give you unlimited. We'll keep the planks coming. Yeah. Yeah. Also, side note, I was recently in a restaurant in New York,

and it was a Jewish Japanese fusion restaurant. And they had like a halibread, but it was just like a little mini halibread. And it was absolutely gorgeous, but they served it with a cinnamon raisin butter. And it was like a sweet and savory experience that absolutely blew my balls off. It was so good, like it was so fucking tasty. They missed the Japanese fusion on that bit. Yes.

I don't think there was any Japanese in there. It was just Jewish, but it was absolutely fabulous. Great. It was absolutely fabulous. To be honest, I can't remember the name of the restaurant. It's a good restaurant, but like I've heard of the place. What's it called? Yeah.

Shalom Japan. It was really, really nice. But their version of like Jewish and Japanese fusion was like, it's a bowl of ramen, but they've just put a matabal in it. Like everything else about it is just ramen, but it just has matabals on it. Yeah. Yeah. I was listening. It sounds good. It was fucking great.

Yeah. Would recommend, but that bread and raisin and fuckings and whatever that was, it was so good. But you're going for the French baguette with the plank of butter. I think if I'm on my deathbed, I'm like, give me bread and give me a flight of butter. Yeah, yeah, made by the crying man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's, yeah, that's why. Would you like the crying man to serve it to you? Who's the crying man? From your videos. What's your buddy? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. So that's, yeah. Would you like the crying man to serve it to you? Who's the crying man? From your videos. What's your buddy? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Apps are fucking new to me.

And I want him to eat the entire meal with me and tell me stories about his life because I think he's a very interesting man. How quickly would him crying all the time get annoying? I'd actually probably just start crying with him. I'd go on that journey with him. I'm quite an empath. Like if he's crying about his life's work,

I just start crying about my life's work. You know, like, wow, I'm so proud of that song. And then I think he'd start crying about that as well. Man, do you wanna listen to, I wanna be a cowboy baby, Ridley. I put headphones on him and he'd be like, wow, it is so good. I love this song.

That's my French accent. It's good. It's great. I like it. It's good. Great. I like it. It's good. Yeah, yeah. They make that noise a lot. Yeah, that's that's that.

Yes. Your dream starter. Okay. My dream starter. And luckily dreams do come true because I think I've had this multiple times this year. It's basically interchangeable but it's the same thing. I've been in two restaurants this year that have served a variation of the same starter which essentially was an artichoke that is lightly battered in flour but also parmesan and then deep fried.

Lovely. And I've had that in Lena's stores but only in the summer and then there's a restaurant in Brighton where I live at the moment called Tuto which does approximately the same thing but it's with broccoli and broccolini so it's like they it's genuinely unbelievably good. It's like they just whack the broccoli in around in powder and then somehow make parmesan into a powder and also batter and then they deep fry it and you just eat it as it is. Bit of olive oil, bit of balsamic, whatever.

It's so good. I think something that's very important to me in this life is a filthy vegetable. Do you know what I mean? Like a vegetable that has been treated horribly. And it's like all of the health has been removed from it. And it's just a delicious treat. And I think that's my dream starter.

That's really, really, really good. Do you want both of those things on the dream start? You can have the artichoke and the broccoli, and broccoli as well. Maybe like a, again, a flight on a plank. I think I got the plank. I got a feeling all of this is going to be on plank. It's all going to be a, you would have it on a plank with you.

Would you like the Welsh woman to be prepared with your food? Maybe not preparing my food, because I don't really look. No, I actually don't wanna touching my food. I don't wanna touching my food, but I would like her to also be at my table with me. I think she would be, I think she seems like a really nice person. How do you think her and Bordier are gonna get on?

I think they'd have a great time. I think the two of them would get, they wouldn't understand a word the other person's saying and they just like have good vibes. It's not really about communication on a verbal language level. It's just about like vibes. General vibes.

I mean general vibes. And I can kind of sit silently and enjoy my food while being entertained by people I love around me. I think that's like a good vibe at a restaurant. Nice. I feel like maybe the two of them are quite, you know, polo oppas, because like, he's very meticulous from what you described about how he makes his butter.

If he saw her with her mitts on, tossing stuff with her mitts on. But there definitely was a passion in the way that she put everything on a plank, you know, like I think she has a love of food and there is like a heart and a passion there. Well, he loves planks as well, right? He does. He batters the thing with planks and wood and stuff like the malach sage machine is like just wooden planks just like slapping the butter over and over again like this. It's unbelievable. So they could chat about planks for a bit. Yeah, yeah, they got that. Or they just point at planks and give the thumbs up.

Oh, I love that. Get a pirate involved as well, if you join a pirate there. Yeah. And then I'd walk it, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Walk the butter plank. And jump into a pool of butter.

I'd hate to walk the plank. Would you? Yeah. Why? I'd be terrified. Yeah, it's not. It would suck, man, because like, if you get thrown off the boat, that's bad enough. But like, if they make you walk the plank, the only point of that is to scare you even

more. Yeah. Because they could just chuck you off, but for their entertainment, they make you walk the plank, which is out of order. Pirates haven't been known to be like, compassionate that much though. So it's not shocking that they would make you walk the plank. But this is them at their worst, in my opinion. But they did try and make pirates like Jolly and, you know,

like cartoons of them and stuff, and our pirates are a laugh. Yeah. We're still making people walk the plank, which is awful. They were still doing that. Even when it was like, Yohoho and the Botler rum and we're Jolly pirates. They were still making people, pugwash, they were still making people walk the plank. If you think of the time period that we're in, right?

Realistically pirates, that shit is kicking off about the 1500s, the time of like Magellan, right? What else was going on at the time? Well, I tell you one thing, the English were invading Ireland. That was pretty bad. They were doing terrible things there. But also just in general, if you were like a lowly orphan coughing and you're like, please, sir, I've got no money. Can I steal a life of bread for my family? And then they catch him, this little orphan, stealing a loaf of bread. They might make him sit on the Spanish donkey or something.

Do you know all that medieval torture stuff that goes on at that time? I didn't know about Spanish donkey. It's like a sharp, triangular thing that they make people sit on naked and tie ankle weights, and then they just slowly split in half. What? Yeah. Why is that called a Spanish dog? They put a little orphan boy on that.

I don't remember. Yeah, they put a little orphan boy on that. Or they stretch them out until they snap in half as well. There's that one. Yeah. Like there's loads of terrible, honestly walking the plank is humane by the standards of like the stuff they were doing to punish people. I mean, I would like, I wasn't saying like it would be the worst thing in the world. Keel hauling as well.

I would hate it. I would hate it. Firewise. I don't want like it would be the worst feeling the keel hauling as well I don't want to be split in half on a pyramid either I think that maybe the people of the sea though people of the sea might be a bit more They might have like a bit more harsh than people of the land, you know So I just don't want you to I don't you to have a bad impression of like pirates and see people in general from the plant because I think In the context of what was going on at the time, you would have had a much worse time committing a crime or getting out of favour with people on land, hanged, drawn and quartered. They did that

as well. Yeah, they did that stuff. But then the pilots aren't even doing it if I've committed a crime really. They just don't like cutting my jib and they make me walk the plank. If someone doesn't like the cut of your jib, that's a crime. And you're stuck in that trap. I mean, that is literally a boat term as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it?

It's a sailing term, yeah. Is it? I just sit on the end of the plank, and I refuse to go any further. Well, they'd walk down and stab you, mate. That's the point. No, because I'd then shake the plank, and they'd fall off. And every time they'd try and walk down and get me. Drowning must be horrible.

Yeah. Well, keel hauling was something they used to do, where they used to tie people to the bottom of the ship and then go along. So you drown for a bit, but then the ship would come up and you'd get to mare, then you'd go back down again and then you keep basically keep going.

That's so embarrassing. That's such an embarrassing way to do it. Like, like, like that is so cringe. Yeah. Then you get all sliced up by the barnacles on the boat as well. They're not nice guys. No.

But still, again, I just have to put my foot down with this within the context of the time, the people of the sea were better than the people of the land. Yeah. It's mainly because it's mainly based on the fact that our lot were invaded you. Yeah. Yeah.

To be honest with you. It's not enough. English people love land like, do you know what I mean? Yeah. These love just, oh, see that better land. I'm going to take that. To be honest with you. It's not enough. English people love land like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. These love just, oh, see that bit of land, I'm gonna take that. I can't deny it. I love walking around.

I love it. Well, you can't do that either because all the land in England is fucking privatised. You can't even go for a proxy walk without tracks passing. Yeah. Do you know about this? Like there's like no free land. I read a pamphlet that's released by annually

called Weird Walks. And I absolutely love it. And it's about people who love going on walks around the British Isles. I don't love the term, but it is what it is. And basically, if you are like, oh, I want to go for a walk in the wilderness in England, you're going to be trespassing, no matter what you do.

Almost all of the land in England is privatized. So technically you're not allowed go and see, say you have like an amazing ported almond from like the Iron Age and it's in Canterbury somewhere, you're not actually allowed as a human being technically allowed go see it because it's illegal. Brighstock Country Park, is that private? I don't know where that is. Brighstock. It's in New Famptonshire. I went there a lot as a kid. Is that where you're from? I don't even know where that is. Where's that New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York.

It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York.

It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York.

It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the New York. It's the the West Midlands called the WM. More East Midlands. Yeah. East Midlands. Okay. Okay. Kind of opposite of Wolverhampton. Okay. Brings the country parks around there. Okay. Is that private? Very possibly could be. Very possibly could be. ACAS powers the world's best podcast.

Here's a show that we recommend. film and television to discuss their careers, their industry advice, and what they want for the next generation of women in film. You're entering an industry that should be called Hustle, the Hustle game. We've all had different experiences. We've also had very similar experiences. Don't wait until you feel ready. Just jump in, learn while doing, that's how you get ready. Dive into the shore season two now, wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

acast.com Your dream main course. Okay. So this is just something I had this year that I was going in the rolodex of my brain and I was like, what are the best meals I've had this year? I'm one just kept popping out of me over and over again. I was like, okay, this is the best meals I've had this year? And one just kept popping out of me over and over again. I was like, okay, this is the best meal I've had this year. The best main dish I had this year was a risotto with a poached salmon on top.

Doesn't sound that good, right? Doesn't sound spectacular. The risotto was, I believe, boiled in a chorizo stock. So it was set in a chorizo stock, right? And it would have been, you know, classic risotto where you dice carrots, onion, celery, and then you, you know, toss everything in a bit of parsley. And then you ladle the Treso stock in, Treso stock, right? But then when it was done, they just fucking stirred in double cream. So they just stirred

double cream through the risotto, right? And that's the base. Then dotted around, they had like 10 muscles, like in the shell, like muscles in the shell, just like dotted around, like real cute, like a little flower. They were delicious. But then the poached salmon on top was unbelievable. And I don't even know how they did it. It was just like the most perfect bit of fish I've ever had in my life. So they poached it and it was a big massive bit of it.

But then they clearly fired and marinated the salmon. So then they fired the skin. So the skin was this perfect crispy, like crisp. It's like, you know, when you get really good pork crackling or something. Yeah. It was like that, but it was this fish skin. And it is absolutely the best main course I've had this year.

It was unbelievably good, unbelievably good. James' stomach has been going fucking crazy over here. Yeah, with that description. Yeah. It's a great description. It's really good. It's a very good food description. I had it in Paris.

I had it in a restaurant called. You love Paris? I love Paris. I love Paris for food. I love French food. Because I like vegetables and they grow it all there and it's nice, you know what I mean? You don't have to travel so you don't feel guilty about it.

Every time you have a lemon, which I do. You know, because it's come from like South America and I'm like, what, I'm in Brighton, how did they even get here? I think that comes from the Guinness traveling. Like, you don't like it if food and drink travels. Yeah, I don't like when food and drink travels. It feels like food colonization or something.

It's like, why do I actually have to have a lemon? Like I live in England at the moment. Like, can I not just live without a lemon? You know, like maybe give lemons to people who deserve lemons more. Unless they grow lemons here, I don't think they really do grow lemons here, does it? No, I don't think the climate's right for lemons.

And yeah, I eat lemons all the time. That's terrible. But yeah, that's my dream main dish. It's a poached salmon on top. That sounds amazing. It the time. That's terrible. But yeah, that's my dream, main dish. It was a poached salmon on top. That sounds amazing. It is unreal, it's unreal. And that restaurant, it's called the restaurant 24, or the 24, I don't know, La restaurant 24.

I don't know what 24 is in French. That was probably also, and I know it's not important when you're really treating yourself, but it's absolutely one of the like, best value meals I've ever had. Like it's absolutely one of the like best value meals I've ever had. Like it was like their, what to call it when

it's just like a set menu, but they have a word for it. Just a set menu to store or something. It's like starter, main course dessert. And it's like, you don't get any choice. It's like, this is what you're getting. And it was like 30 euro or something. There's so many amazing like bistros like that where you just walk in and like,

just give me what you got. And it's just incredible. Yeah, I sat outside and it was sunny. And I had ran there because I was overdue to side of Paris. So it was like, okay, I was into running at the time. And then my mother was like, stop running, your ankles be fucked.

So, but I was running. So I ran from one side of Paris to the other and life is all about balance. So I was like, I'm going to go eat a disgusting amount of food right now. And then that was, I, no. I sound like a posh person when I talk about food, but it is the thing I probably spend the most money on

in my life. I absolutely love food and I love really good food. I don't think you sound posh. What do you mean? Well, I'm being posh with my food choices. Like, do you not think? Paris, Paris comes up a lot. Paris does come up a lot. But I am over there for work all the time.

It sounds like good stuff. Yeah. Also, I travel a lot, right, and I don't get to make my own food most of the time because I'm constantly, constantly on tour. So I have to have someone make me a meal that is actually nice and not terrible and full of grease, or I will, my whole day will be ruined. Like, if I eat a meal and I've spent money on it And it's just like a crap Nando's I will genuinely be upset for the rest of day

And it will affect my mood very poorly for the rest of day So I've had to get smart and the Michelin guide app. Do you use the guide app? No, it is it has changed my life forever That is maybe a bit of an exaggeration But I actually don't think it is because it is so good. You basically, wherever you sit, you're in, you go on the mission guide app, you set the setting to like, they have like these little Euro signs that's like one Euro, then two Euro signs and three Euro signs. You basically only want to go to the one or the two. You don't, you want to do the first two brackets because everything after

that gets a bit nuts, you know, crazy food people. I love that. I think it's weird, but you know, if you're writing about day to day, you don't want to be... You don't want a 12 course tasting menu that costs 800 quid. No, you don't. You don't. So that's how I find loads of my restaurants. And that was how I found... I was like, stopped running and I was like, okay, let me see what's open. And it was like five minutes away from open in that place. And I was like, cool, I'll just walk over there. And I had literally the nicest fucking meal I've ever had. Right, nice doing that. Yeah, yeah. Because it's not just places with Michelin stars, right? Yeah, it's like recommended. It's not doing that. Because it's not just places with Michelin stars.

It's like games that are on the guides and B. B. Gormand. What I've been looking for. Dream side dish. So, side dish. Much like in the, with the starter, I have a general shape of the side dish, but I in the, with the starter, I have a general shape of the side dish, but I haven't locked in like the exact one,

but I kind of know what it is. I love butter beans. Okay. Right? And butter beans boiled in like a delicious stock with like vegetables throughout as a side dish is like my favorite one. I can think of two examples. One is that like one day I walked into

my friend's mom's house in York, Florencia, a shout out Florencia Clifford of Partisan. And I forget the name of her new restaurant. I'm not going to lie, she'd probably fucking kill me for that. But, you know, the two places that Florencia looks after in New York are unbelievable. But she was just making like a home cooked meal that day. And I walked in and she was like, are you hungry? And I was like, yeah, she's like, here, just have this.

It's just like sitting on the stove. And it was like a butter bean stew with like, I think again, a chorizo stock, but like a bit of fish stock in it as well. And then like loads of veg and like spinach throughout. And then you just have a bit of bread. It's unreal. And then the other day, I was in, I'm gonna try and remember the name of this pub off the top of my head.

It's near Stockwell in London. I believe it's also like a gastropub that is like posh vibes. The Canton arms. Canton arms, I was gonna say. Do you know the Canton arms? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had like, it was like mutton. I'm pretty sure it was like just a chop of mutton,

but it had butter beans in like a green kind of stuff. I actually genuinely don't know what it was. I think there was like apple in there. It was like apple and celeriac. And then also like some kind of meat stock that it was boiled in. And that was like on the side of the mutton chops and it was fucking unreal. Like the beans were on the side of the mutton chops. And it was fucking unreal.

Like the beans were actually arguably nicer than the chops. Quite French again. This is sticking with the theme. Yeah. The first time we've had butter beans. Butter beans. Yeah.

So it's on the podcast. I used to hate butter beans, but I think the first time I had like a proper like casselet in France, I was like, oh no, this is how you do beans. Yeah, this is the thing. You have to make them dirt. Like you have to make them a bit like you have to really...

Because obviously butter beans, there's a lot of foods that are unfortunately very wrapped up in like diet culture. So they're just foods you would never touch in a million years because it's like, you know, I think beans is a good example. Like people were always doing like skinny beans and like, you know, it's so good for adjusting skinny beans. Like you're just like doing a little bit of, you know what I'm very like doing it in the skinny way.

Like, or even like as an example, like the poached salmon, like poached salmon for me is like associated with, you also do with a bit of steamed rice and like steamed carrots. And no flavor and no nothing or whatever whatsoever. Right. I think butter beans get that unfair wrap like steamed carrots. And no flavor and no nothing or whatever, whatsoever, right? I think butter beans get that unfair wrap because they're kind of tied up with like 2000s diet culture because people would always like

lob them into a salad as like the protein and carb. But if you absolutely just boil them in like butter and a meat stock and then diced roasted vegetables throughout. Bit of spinach in there. Why not? There's your health and you just have that. It's absolutely outrageous. I think you had your eyes closed for a full minute then. I did. I did. I did. Unxious. Unxious. Unxious. And you love butter? I love butter. I love butter. So you think that's what led you to the butter bean? Maybe, maybe. Maybe this is like a patriotism thing.

I say deep down I'm a very patriotic woman because butter is essentially the national dish of Ireland. You know what I mean? Like that is essentially our national dish because it's in everything and there's absolutely fucking lots of it. Because we don't really do spices or nothing and I think that gets a bit of an unfair wrap in Irish cooking.

I also think the reason I like French cooking is cause it's a bit like Irish cooking a little bit, but they're just like, they got a bit more going on. They got a bit more growing over there. So they got nicer weather. But like the Irish national dish, I think is ham and cabbage. What is the actual?

I don't actually know what the Irish national dish is. It's going to be like ham and cabbage or colcanin or like stew, maybe it's just Irish stew. Yeah, like that's got half block of butter in it. If it's a good stew, it's got a half block of butter in there. It's unreal. I'm glad you mentioned Kerrygold as well that keeps up our run of every Irish guest

we've ever had as mentioned Kerrygold. You would have been the first not to if you hadn't done it. Well, that's good. I'm glad. Cause the thing is, right, respectfully, and again, you know, I love English people individually, right? Love them individually. Not all of them, right? Not all of them, definitely. And you know, I don't love every person individually. Some people are for someone. There you go. You know, and I've, some of my best friends are English. And... Oh dear,

here we go. My boyfriend,, Blossom, is English. The Beatroot Love Ambassador. Yeah, Blossom. He does fucking love Beatroot as well. You know, but I still sometimes struggle with the concept of it overall. Of English people. Yeah. Just living here can be a bit difficult sometimes,

because there is just like a thing in the back of my head and I'm like, 800 years and where my patriotism just like a thing in the back of my head and I'm like, 800 years. And where my patriotism really kicks in is in the supermarket because when you go to buy butter, the only butter that I can buy in my local supermarket that does not have the Union Jack emblazoned across it is a carry gold.

Every single other one in the Sainsbury's has some design of Union Jack and I'm just like, I can't do it. Like, I can't have that. Fair enough, ain't. Like, Willie, my boyfriend, has like a Jack Wills hoodie that has like the Union Jack in the logo of it across the front.

Not anymore. Purple all the way across, no? I just hid it on him. It's like in my attic, in a bag. He doesn't know where he's at. He's always like, where's my hoodie? I'm like, oh, I don't know, babe. You just tell him, man. Just wearing my Bombay bicycle hoodie, it's my hoodie? I'm like, oh, I don't know, babe. You should just tell him, man.

Just wear my Bombay bicycle hoodie. It's fine. Where do you think it is, Willie? You fucking... You know how I feel about the fucking union jacket. You bought that hoodie. It's so funny. And as well, like my old guitar player, Josh, and he's from Cavern, so he should know better,

but he was cutting around on tour. He got on the tour and I looked at his feet. I was like, are you wearing a pair of fucking Reeboks, man? And he was like, yeah, I am. And I was like, give me them. And I'm quite good at embroidery. So, you know the way it has a little tiny Union Jack on it. I just did an Irish tricolor over them.

Great. It's just like the little things. And for me, Kerry Gold is like the only safe space of butter in England. It's kind of the little thing. But also, I mean, you shouldn't be ashamed of any of this. It's great. But like, I wouldn't say it's the little things

because earlier when I said, I wouldn't want to walk the plank, your response was, you shouldn't be ashamed of any of this. It's great. But like, I wouldn't say it's the little things because earlier when I said, I wouldn't want to walk the plank, your response was you invaded Ireland. It wasn't exactly how the conversation went, but that was the heart of the matter. I mean, you didn't. Well, I benefited from it. I was probably still benefit from it to this day, I'd say.

So I'm still probably still reaping the rewards of those people doing that. A-Caster. Yeah. What's that name? Anglo-Saxon name, kind of, North-East of England. Yeah. You benefit.

I've never done a family tree thing, but I'm pretty sure I benefit from all the bad stuff in the world. Gamble. Irish. Go on. Yeah. Newly-hatted in them. He's sitting there, but you can't wait to be asked.

Yeah. He was sitting there going, yeah, asking me what gamble makes. We actually, we, like, really, my boyfriend, we fight about one thing. This is actually disgusting, what I'm just gonna say. We fight about one thing, which is that man. So when I first met him, right, he didn't eat food

because he'd been on tour for about 11 years. Well, he didn't. No, he really didn't eat food. He wasn't an eater. He was like a smoker and so didn't eat and was like, I'm a starving musician. So he didn't eat any food. And then over the course of being in a relationship with me,

his appetite has like quadrupled. And now he eats probably 10 times more than me because he's quite a tall guy and he's like naturally skinny. And I think when those kind of people start eating food, they're like, oh my God, I can't stop because food actually feels good. So he eats all the time, but now the problem I have is we live together and he wakes up in the middle of the night

almost every single night at 2 o'clock in the morning, 3 o'clock in the morning and he goes downstairs and he starts eating food and he eats one of two things. He either eats a bar of chocolate or he eats a block of compate cheese in its entirety or like half of it at least, right? Discuss my hero. And when I'm not home, which is quite often because I'm a businesswoman who does business and eats spaghetti. Of course.

He will eat this food in bed. So recently, I was on a call, I was on a FaceTime call with like the producer for fucking Graham Norton or something like very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, recently, I was on a call, I was on a FaceTime call with like the producer for fucking Graham Norton or something, like very important phone call. And I was in bed because there's those stuff going on downstairs with the band. I think they were like bringing gear in and out. And I was in my bed and I found a fucking mouse poo.

A mouse poo. A mouse poo. A mouse dropping in my fucking bed where I fucking sleep. And I've never had such an argument with someone over something. I was like, this is cause you eat cheese and chocolate at bed every night. And then the worst thing was like, I started giving out to him over it. So he started like trying to hide his tracks. So sometimes I'd get into the bed and there'll be rappers,, like evidence of like wrappers beneath the pillowcases. Because he's not done a great job of hiding his crotch there.

No, no, he's useless. The hiding is working. Throwing the bin probably. But I know. And then even if he remembers, I'll know because the sheets will smell a little bit like cup day. Oh my God. Are you sure Willie's not a massive mouse? This is the theory is that he's actually the best because he does kind of do this with his hands a lot. He does kind of stand like this sometimes. Well, you got to sort this out, man. Well, then you come on, man.

Stop making cheese in the bed and attracting all the mice. You love cheese? No, I did. And the other day I was sitting downstairs and I was up like working and he went to the kitchen to get a cup of tea. So he was like, I could feel him like sneaking back upstairs.

And I looked at him and he had like four biscuits in his mouth. But he was holding them in his mouth because he thought like the silhouette of holding biscuits would give the game away. He thought I just wouldn't look at him. He's literally like, I'm like biscuits in his mouth. And I was like, get them fucking biscuits out of your mouth and eat downstairs like a normal person. Yeah, you can't eat biscuits in bed. I think all the biscuits in his mouth. And I was like, get them fucking biscuits out of your mouth. Knead downstairs like a normal person.

Yeah, you can't eat biscuits in bed. I think all the biscuits in bed. Yeah. God damn it, Willie. Your dream drink. Oh, so like with this meal, it's got to be like a dry white wine, I reckon. It's got to be a chablis, you know.

Or my actual favorite wine that I drink most weeks is the Kylie Miloge branded Provence Rose. Not her Rose, Rose, because that's not as nice Kylie, respectfully. But the Kylie Miloge Provence Rose, is like actually one of the actual nicest Provence Rose's that you can get in most parts of this country.

Because obviously, like I said, I'm in France a lot, I'm in Paris a lot. If they give you rosé, it's the nicest fucking shit you've ever had in life. It's absolutely delicious. But Kylie Minogue's Provence rosé is unreal. What would they say in France though if you were like, I love Kylie's Provence rosé? They'd probably be like, yeah, it's absolutely passable as like an everyday wine. I've never had Kylie's rosé. I love a's Provence Rose. They'd probably be like, yeah, it's absolutely passable. It's like an everyday wine. I've never had Kylie's Rose. I love a Rose.

The normal Rose isn't as nice. It's a bit wet, a bit fruity. It's not my vibe. But her dry Provence Rose is really, really good. It's just really drinkable and it's really good at food. But in general, I love it shabby. What's your favorite Kylie song? Oh my God.

I love like the way I wear it. Read my lips. I'm into you. I'm into you. Can't resist you so hot. Get me into the shade. I love that. I also love obviously, I'm just going through Kylie. I love Kylie Minogue. Oh, also better than W.

You know? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Um, what else? Oh, she's just got so many good ears, man. She's so good. Her, like her songwriting and her, the songs that come out of that woman are just like unreal. She's, she's, she's excellent. Always reinventing herself. Always reinventing herself. Do you think, when you look at people like that, they've been going for a long time. Do

you think, oh, I'm going to have to reinvent myself? But she doesn't reinvent herself too much. I don't think she does. Yeah. She's not like, I'm got Kylie now. No. I mean, actually she did do going to have to reinvent myself. But she doesn't reinvent herself too much. I don't think she does. Yeah, she's not like, I'm goth Kylie now. No, I mean, actually she did do that. She did do that. They call me the wild rose. But my name was Eliza Day.

Was that the Niccave stuff? Yeah, it was the Niccave one. What was I saying? Kylie's wine. Oh, love it. Vance Rosé, love Kylie. But you would have a chablis instead. Interchangeable for me.

Like, I just, I don't really, I'm not one of these people that's like, But you would have a chaplain instead. Interchangeable for me. I'm not one of these people that's like, oh my God, this is the most delicious one I've ever had. But I love wine within the context of food. Because I love food and I think wine goes really well with the fish and the veg and the risotto and all that. I think like a dry wine, dry white wine. I love like, if I was drinking on its own and there was no food involved.

I love actually, I'm kind of a Christmas girlie. I love a Muldwine. I love a hot, sweet tart wine with some fucking cloves in there and cinnamon sticks and, uh, a bit orange. I love a Muldwine. I've only got into it in the last few years really. But yeah, I look forward to it. It's lovely. I got sent some Muldwine for Christmas last year. Didn't use it. The other day I got, oh yeah, last night. I got home, Muldwine's out, the bottle, half empty. The cat.

I said to my girlfriend, wait, you been drinking my wine? She was like, no. She didn't have a clue. We renowned it down to her friend Lauren. Or my mum. Oh. Has just drunk it as is.

What, just cold? Just out the ball. Because there's no evidence of mulling going on in the house. Have you checked for stains? I'll tell you why. No stains anywhere? I love, I love Muldwine and I buy bottles from Topku, they do their own Muldwine every year.

That's good stuff. Had it in the wine rack at home. Didn't drink a couple of the bottles. February, I say. Come down into the kitchen, wine all over the opposite wall. Cause it's got so much sugar in it, I think. If you leave it in the bottle,

it starts to push the cork out. So don't keep the Muld wine. I don't know. So this has been moved. It was in the cupboard. Now it's out on the side. It might have really rocketed off. Now it's out on the side and no one has mulled that wine. It has been drunk cold as is out the bottle, half the bottle. My mum cat sat for a weekend. Could have been the cat. It's not the cat. It's even my mum or it's my girlfriend's friend Lauren or he can keep this in the podcast hear me out because Willie Yeah, where do you live actually don't answer that question. I'm not gonna tell you because then you would tell Willie Enough cats, they'll catch him that big mouse. That's swarming.

That's swarming, I'll take him down big mouse willy. Yeah, he would be the type of person to drink an entire bottle of Mold wine as well. Because he has to think, he's not an alcoholic, right? But if he's definitely not an alcoholic, I don't even know why I said he's not an alcoholic. But I've witnessed that man because food is such a new experience to him because of all of the years of touring and just ignoring food. I witnessed him drink like an entire bottle of Baileys because he couldn't get over how delicious it was. Like he just was like, oh yeah, let me just have this. And he's like, oh my God, it's so good. It tastes like milk. They drank the whole fucking day.

You would have done that. Yeah, it's really difficult to stop drinking Baileys. Do you ever have like the strawberries and cream one? No, I think I'd be too much for that. That's unreal. It's unreal. And the salt caramel one. And actually there is a Irish cream liqueur

from County Waterford, which is like a white chocolate based cream liqueur. And it's called Cool Swan. And it's from County Waterford, which is where all my family are from. I think I've had Cool Swan. I had to do like a taste test of things for observe a few months.

It's like bright white. Yeah, I've had it. Isn't it the most delicious thing you've ever had in your life? I really liked it, but it was tasting something and going, I can't have this ever again. Yeah. Because I'll chug it.

So yeah, so me and Willie have easily on a Christmas or a New Year's had an entire liter between the two of us. Very easily. It's so good. It's so tasty. So that's actually technically my dream drink. If it was just I'm drinking and there's no food involved is probably a cool swan over ice honestly.

Well listen, a lot of the time we have let people pair different drinks with different courses so if you want for your dream drink cool swan and those wines can be with your come out with your courses. Okay amazing. You see a cool swan as a digestif. Because cool swan over ice would actually go with my dessert. Oh, there you go. Well, let's get onto the dessert then.

What is your dream dessert? So this is embarrassing. My sister told me not to say this because she said it would be embarrassingly egotistical of me. But last week I made a dessert and it is Hansen, the best dessert I've had this year. Great. But it is followed to the tea

from the love of my life, Nigella Lawson's cookie repeat. It is a bread and butter Christmas pudding recipe. So it's like a Christmas bread and butter pudding, right? Oh my God, that sounds amazing. It is genuinely the nicest. Like I had to physically stop myself from having like six bowls of it. It was so good. I actually made it for, I was in I in Suffolk with Willie's mom and dad.

And I didn't realize that Shed et Steve bread and butter pudding is his favorite thing of all time. And he's not a man of many, many words, but his dad, after I made the bread and butter, kept doing that classic like older English man thing of like taking me aside, maybe three times over the course that he would just like take me aside and be like, I really loved that. Like staring me like deeply in the eye and be like,

putting his hand on my shoulder and being like, I really loved that. I really loved it. Like almost tears in his eyes over how much he loved it. It was so cute. What's your Bordier? It was really, really lovely. Bordier levels.

He was giving Bordier. So the Christmas bread and butter pudding recipe by Queen of My Life, Nigella Lawson. It is obviously stale white sandwich bread, grant, butter both sides. Traditionally, you just chop that up into triangles and you lie down and you pour the custard over it. Because she's a fucking genius, she was like, oh, mince meat, right? Like mince meat that you put in a mince pie. You make mince meat sandwiches. So you put a big thick layer of mince meat and then you put the bread on top and you cut up triangular sandwiches and then you lie that down in the pan

and then you pour the custard over and you bake it. Cause traditionally, right? You put like, you know, raisins, sultanas over the top. They just get dry. They get dry. They sit on the top. Or it's like, you know, or the pudding is too wet or the whatever,

but this is actually because the mince meat and stuff is like in the body of it. And it's not too much It's not overpowering. It just like it all is perfect It is like the perfect texture and the perfect consistency and the raisins are perfect The mince meat is for everything about it is absolutely Being perfect. It is like the nicest dessert I've had all year Is there anything else in the custard that makes it more Christmassy or is it like just the vanilla?

It's just like vanilla, like eggs. I actually, I think I put an extra egg into the custard then said in the recipe just cause I had another egg and maybe not enough double cream but it's like full fat milk, double cream, eggs, cinnamon, sugar, not too much sugar though. It's only like two heaped teaspoons of castor sugar.

It's not like- You've got the minced meat and stuff, right? Yeah, you got the mince meat and everything. And that custard actually, when I finished making that custard, I probably should have had a little sip of the raw shabang because it's just got eggs in it, but oh my God, it was unreal.

And then you just pour that over and then you bake it for like 40 minutes. And then I served it with a very hot custard. Really? Yeah, I did hot enough. I don't usually do that, but I was kind of just like, I think I want hot custard with this, and I think it was the right call.

But that's where I'm saying I could have cool swan over ice as my drink, because I actually think all those flavours would go very well together. It might be a bit sweet and overpairing, but oh my God, that is the nicest dessert I've had in a very long time. And I just made it myself, and it's so easy. I want to make that now. It's so easy and actually very cheap.

Like you don't need loads of stuff. It's like a slice pan of bread, loads of butter. There's a lot of butter in this recipe, should have pointed out because you're buttering both sides of each of the slices of bread that you're using. And then also you have to put loads of butter down in the pan so that it lifts off. Maybe explains why it's one of butter down in the pan so that it like lifts off. Maybe explains why it's like one of my favorite recipes, but it's really, really good.

You got me excited for Christmas now. You should just make that and not Christmas. I'm probably going to make that tonight to be honest with you because I keep talking about it on my sister Roshin keeps going, man. She's like, why did you make it for me? She's really jealous. Love you, sis. She's in the next room. Lovely impression you did of your sister. She's real jealous. You know, she always has been when she's good. Like if any... I only met her briefly, but she didn't sound like that when I met her.

No, didn't sound like that. She sounds exactly like me. My sisters, my two sisters, and we all sound exactly the same when we talk, but we're just all very different, you know, that kind of way. Yeah. She's a nurse and has like a real job and stuff and lives in Australia.

Come on, you've got a little job. She's an adrenaline junkie. She jumps out of planes and stuff like that. That's not for you? Absolutely not. No, I get like, I've been talking to this, I don't need adrenaline, I don't need high-threat. My adrenaline starts pumping if I'm like,

if the bus is in two minutes and I'm a one-minute walk away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I start to go like that. So jumping out of a plane, I'd probably just die. Do you know what I mean? I'd just like pass out in the air and not come back to life, I think. What if someone made you walk the plank out of a plane. I'd probably just die Do you know what I mean? I just like pass out in the air and not come back to life I think what someone made you walk the plank out of a plane. I'd be grand actually I'd be like well, I'd just be ready to die at that point

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, if someone was like walk the plank out of a plane I wouldn't do slowly I just lob myself out be like let's go. Yeah end of life. I've had a good run to know Yeah, I think if I if I had to accept it at that point, I'd maybe just leg it down the plank. Yeah. Have one last hurrah. Leg it down the plank and have a good look at the scenery. Hopefully you get thrown off a plane in like a nice location, do you know what I mean? And you don't spin out so that you die before you hit the ground.

You know the way some people do that, they jump out of the plane and they go, and they run on their head like disconnects from their body or whatever. Yeah, I wouldn't want to do that. No. You want to have a look? Jumped off the plank from the plane and then you landed on another plank coming out of a pirate ship. What if that happened? No. You walked the plank twice. I mean surely that plank would just split you in half.

Yeah, you think. The speed you're going at. Yeah, it'd be like sitting on a Spanish donkey. Yeah, yeah. Hey! I don't think you're going to make your batch here now. See how you feel about it? Okay.

You would like still water. You would like a French baguette with a flight of Bordier butter. Starter, you would like buttered Parmesan artichoke and broccolini. Battered. Battered. Sorry, this image. We're thinking about butter. Yeah. Yeah. On this menu that I thought surely they're buttered. Yeah. Main course, risotto with poached salmon and mussels from 24 Le Restaurant in Paris. Paris? No one's ever said Paris before. Slide dish, butter beans cooked in stock and butter. Drink.

Well, we've got the chablis here for all the courses, but then with the dessert, you're going to bring out the cool swan, because you're having Christmas dinner, but I put in Alain Agililorsson with Steamin' Hot Custard. Mmm, Steamin' Hot Custard. That sounds really good. Yeah. I would like to eat, I think I would definitely want that bread and butter put in, definitely want that main course.

I want all of it. Oh yeah, all of it would be nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But those two are like... I want the Bordeaux butter. Yeah, I want that. Straight away. I get so actually, yeah.

I want that Bordeaux butter. Do you just get of spawn con food, like sentiers for doing all this. Yeah, that's my dream. What do you want? I want all of the food. I just I definitely want Bordier butter. I'm not sure. I can't see Bordier getting in contact and sending some butter over. No, they're too exclusive.

That's why it's special. I reckon the Cool Swan people might get in contact with you. Cool Swan people of County Waterford. My nanny is Nori Lannigan and she's from Dungarvan. And let me tell you, original name noon. And if you don't send me some bottles of Cool Swan for plugging you so hard, my family be after you. Yeah.

There's about 75 million of them in County Waterford. So be careful. Lovely start. Well, I think they probably... Lovely you. Yeah. There's about 75 million of them in County Waterford. So be careful. Lovely start. Well, I think they probably... Threat? Yeah. I feel like they might have sent you some stuff originally and then you said that your family are gonna be after them.

Okay, take it back. I love you. And listen, if the people at Whitaker's chocolate are listening, if you don't send me some fucking chocolate, I'm gonna send my dad around your house, he's gonna fucking stab you in the kneecaps with a screwdriver. And if there's any pirates listening, please,

please don't make us do that. Do not make me wanna play. I hate it, please. Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Seamat. Thank you for having me. Thank you Seamat. There we are, James. A great menu from Seamat. A delicious menu, no danger of KFC coming up in that menu.

You surprised yourself with a cough, didn't you? I did, I can't believe that happened. You didn't know you were going to cough and you were coughing and you looked all confused, like a baby sneeze for the first time. We've just had lunch, so I think we're all a bit tired. You think? Yeah. That's what it is?

Yeah. A little baby. Why would we say we're all a bit tired? I mean, it's just you. Yeah, man. I'm tired. Yeah. Yeah. You did a cough that surprised yourself, but C Matt didn't choose KFC. No. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Kentucky Fried Chicken. And chose some absolutely delicious dishes and Crazy Mad comma for me. Is out now. Thank you so much C Matt for coming on the podcast. Wonderful stories. And you know, I would say at some point if we can get the butterman on the podcast and make that episode happen. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of people that

CMAT talked about who I'd like to get on the podcast. Willie. That's the first time we've ever said Willie at the same time. That's not. Oh yeah. Thank you very much to see Matt. We'll see you again sometime soon. Goodbye. Bye. Hello, my name is Ian Smith. And I'm Amy Gledhill. And we are from the Northern News podcast. Where we take a deep dive into the bizarre stories we find from the North. Hey, and if you like food, and I know you like food actually, because you're listening to Off Menu. We've got stories about pigs getting coaxed off roundabout with crisps. We've got stories about gravy wrestling in carparks. We've got stories about gravy wrestling in car parks.

We've got stories about restaurants getting one-star food hygiene ratings. And record-breaking Yorkshire puddings. And we've got special guests, which you may remember from off-menu episodes such as... Maisie Adam, Tim Key, Rosie Jones, Fatah El Gory, Phil Wang, and he hasn't been on off-menu,

but we've got Kevin Kennedy, who played Curly Waters in Coronation Street. Take that eh Caster. So please give a listen to the Northern News podcast. Every Thursday wherever you get your podcast.