Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 251: Helen Skelton

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

TV presenter, author and Strictly contestant Helen Skelton takes on her next challenge: ordering her Off Menu menu in the Dream Restaurant. Helen Skelton’s book ‘In My Stride’ is out now published by Headline. Buy it here. Follow Helen on Twitter and Instagram @helenskelton Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I am Charlotte Casaragui and in partnership with the House of Chanel, I present to you the Les Rencontres podcast. As part of the Rendez-vous littéraire at Rue Cambon, this podcast spotlights the birth of a female writer. You can listen to the various episodes and their authors on your preferred streaming platforms. Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the big flat cake of conversation, adding the cream of humour, the jam of friendship and rolling it all up on the internet. Swiss Roll podcast.

That is it, Gabbill. My name is James A. Castor. Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite the guests and ask them their favourite ever star to make us dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is Helen Skelton. Helen is a TV presenter. She's done so many things James. You know what I'm excited about? Blue Peter, country file, she is a broadcaster of much repute, she has a book out now called In My Stride, it's a memoir all about her life James, as memoirs tend to be. And she talks about Strictly in it. Okay. You've got to promise me man, that when Helen

comes on the podcast, we don't just talk about Strictly the whole time, because a lot of listeners may know this already. You are an obsessive Strictly fan, like to the extent you are basically a mum in her fifties. Yeah. Like you are obsessed with it, which makes me laugh because it's just not your personality in any other way. But you've got to promise me this doesn't get taken over by Strictly because this is a food podcast. This is a food podcast. It's a food and comedy chat podcast. Listen, all joking aside, you know that I love Strictly, but I respect this podcast. I respect you and Benito and your time. And we are just going to stick to food. We might a little bit mention Strictly because sometimes

we go off on tangents, but we're going to stick to food. We're going gonna stick to food. We might a little bit mention strictly sometimes we go off on tangents Yeah, but we stick to food. We stick to the book in my stride Helen Skelton and her life, but don't worry. I'm aware man Like I'm a professional and I know this podcast means a lot to you Well, if that's a promise then I'll take it as such you have my word. Okay. Thank you If Helen mentions a secret ingredient that we have pre decided upon she will be removed from the dream restaurant and the secret ingredient this week is Spring onion beards. Beards. The beards at the end of spring onions. Now Benito came up with this one Well, he didn't you did you said it? You know when you get a spring onion, it's got a beard at the bottom

Yep, imagine getting that in your food So I guess I'm gonna interview you now Ed. Has that ever happened to you? Well sure, little strands come off sometimes if you use it. If you're chopping a spring onion and you chop the beards off, there might be a little strand of beard and it might get into your stir fry. And that's not pleasant to find. No, so if Helen chooses spring onions, or somebody with spring onions in. And I will say, do you want the beard?

Do you want the beard in there? Yeah. Beard or no beard? Beard or no beard. And if she says beard, we could go out. Yeah. Fair enough. That sounds fair enough. I think that's the best one we've done in a while. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a really good one, man. Yeah. It's good stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It's good stuff. Spring onion beard. Yeah. Yeah. He suggested it before the podcast. He said, but I was looking at his computer and trying to find ones we've been sent in

by listeners and it went Spring Onion beard. And Ben said, what's Spring Onion beard? And he went, the beard of a Spring Onion. And Bonito went, oh yeah, okay, fine. And Ed was like, is that okay? And Bonito went, I don't give a shit. Yeah, I think you should give a shit, Bonito. He didn't give a shit.

And then we just started, we his press record and looked at Ed. Oh, that was it. No, that was another thing that happened before he best record. It was like, he was like, you ready Ed? No, obviously not. Obviously, I'm not ready. I've got to think of what I've got to say at the top. And then we're Swiss roll.

I don't know how to make a Swiss roll. I was just, it's just K-offing and it's like got cream and jam on it. And Ed thought for a little bit, his eyes went up to the top of his head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And then he started talking about that. Look, I can't be forced. I've got to come up with the secret ingredients, big onion beards and I'm going to do my intro. You know, I've got a lot of stuff to do at the top here. Yeah, yeah. You're got a lot of stuff to do at the top here. Yeah. Yeah. You got, you're, you're spinning a lot of plates. I was putting a lot of plates, man. Not like Benito. As far as I can work out. He just sits in the corner of the room,

making everyone uncomfortable. Yeah. Creeping out the guests. It's just, they're literally sat here. Go, who's this guy? They don't like it unless he's Steve Kugin. And then you just talk directly to Ben the whole time. Yeah. Then he just taught you just deliver your whole thing to Ben, which no one would know listening to the podcast. I urge the listener to go back, re-listening to the Steve Coogan episode and bear in mind that for 90% of it or 95% to be more accurate, he is looking straight at Benito. Yeah.

If you look at, there's a couple of clips on our social media and there is one where he does turn to Benito to say something. Yeah. Yeah. And that was, that was like a tiny proportion of the times he did it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we're looking forward to chatting to Helen about her life and career, the whole thing and definitely not just one thing. Yes. This is the off menu menu of Helen Skelton. Welcome Helen to the Dream Restaurant. Hello, thank you for having me.

Welcome Helen Skelton to the Dream Restaurant, we've been expecting you for some time. Thank you, I'm late. No, no, no, no. I always worry about James' catchphrases, we've been expecting you for some time and he says it to every guest. So I always worry that guests think that they've been late. No, but I genuinely was late. That's why I said that. Yeah, but it wasn't your fault. But that's what we worry about. A little peek behind the curtain, there was a late cab and

that's what's happened. And I'll be honest with you, Helen, that we were very grateful for it because we'd not eaten lunch. So now we have eaten lunch and you're getting two boys in a better mood. Everybody is better when they're fed. Yes, exactly. Yes, that's what this podcast is all about. And you just eat them as well. You had a very long bit of mozzarella. The stringiest cheese ever. It was really stringy. I looked away when you were taking a bite of the sandwich because I'm a gentleman and then I heard a fracar and I looked over and I'd say the string of mozzarella was maybe three feet away from your face. I could tell you felt awkward. It was that, oh, we've just met. She's, oh, she's eating a sandwich. Oh, I don't know where to look. Oh, now there's cheese everywhere.

That cheese will never end. Yeah. No, I feel like the ice was broken. The ice was totally broken. Even if the cheese wasn't. Very good. Thank you. Also very excited about your book In My Strive, which is out now. What can people expect? Adventures, confessions, laughs, life. Some people are like, oh gosh, you overshared. Oh, you've undershared. So do you know what I've enjoyed is that people have got a laugh and a smile and a nice tear out of it in places. It's always, do you know

what, before you put it out there, everyone said to me, do you feel like you're about to run naked down the street? And I said, yeah, that's exactly it. Cause obviously you're looking back on stuff, but you don't know how other people look back on stuff. Like your version of a time or a, you know, a trip or an adventure or a challenge or whatever might be different to how other people saw it. So it's just been a nice relief to get people's feedback. The weirdest thing that I've had so much of is dads buying this book for their grownup daughters, which I didn't expect. That's sweet though. Oh, it's cute. Like, yeah. Yeah. Like grownups going, Oh, my daughter wants to do this and my daughter wants to do that. And I just thought

if she reads this book, she might, which is the ultimate compliment. Yeah. Where do the dads know you're from? Do you reckon? What, what, what the dad's fans? Let's not pull on that for us. I want to say the Olympics. Let's say that. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. Country file. Dads love country file. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. That is, yeah. Dads do love country file. Every dad who watches country file probably hope that their daughter would become like a presenter on country file because like this is a good wholesome person, right? There you go. That's a great safe untrue. Yeah. Like, that's how country file comes

across. I watch it and think like, we should all be like that. James doesn't have children neither do I. But if he was a dad, he'd like to hope for his children to be presented on country file is what he's saying. I'd hope that, yeah. Yeah. I kind of birthed Kate Humble or something like that. Or Ellie Harrison. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or Helen Skelton. The perfect example is in the room, James. I don't know why you're bringing Humble up. Oh no, I mean, we all aspire to be Kate Humble. Yeah, that's true. Me too. I know you mean that Blue Peter and Countryfile. If your daughter's got to be a presenter on any show, it's Blue Peter and Countryfile and

Five Lives Four. Yeah. So, yeah. I mean we all aspire to be Kate Humble. Yeah, that's true. I know you mean that Blue Peter and Country File. If your daughter's going to be a presenter on any show, it's Blue Peter and Country File and Five Lives Sport versus a lot of dads would probably aim for that versus I'm not even going to finish that sentence. Yeah, yeah. It's the perfect mix. If I had a son, I wouldn't wish he would be a presenter on Blue Peter.

No, there are. They're up to all sorts of those guys. We fly red arrows and make stuff out of plastic. Oh yeah, but I get what Ed's saying is that the male presenters is different. Some. Male presenters are absolutely, they're terrible. It's like we might as well begin with BIRFish Sid Vicious. Blue Peter male blue Peter presenter.

Not in my day. No, not in your day. Matt Baker was a blue Peter presenter. And a story. That's my day. No, not in your day. Matt Baker was a blue feet presenter. End of story. That's my case. I was very excited about the book and like you said about the oversharing, undersharing thing and that intrigues me a lot because my introduction to you was through the last

series of Strictly last year and I got very invested in your story throughout the whole series. But what was amazing about it was that it wasn't really, it was this story that wasn't been, you weren't talking about it on the show and it was maybe what we put on it rather than what you were actually, I don't know. I felt like we were projected a bit or we were putting a lot of stuff on you that and that wasn't, that maybe wasn't part of your journey with that show. No, and I think that's a really astute assessment because in our generation, in

our world, we share everything, don't we? And you get an opinion of someone and you get, you know, it's so easy to look at someone and go, oh, they must be mad. Why? Because they posted a picture of their cheese sandwich. Like you make an opinion based on what you think their life is. And I mean, there's loads of Strictly in the book. And that for me again, was the biggest test when Gorka, who was my Strictly partner, when he read it and he was like, oh yeah, I cried in a good way. Like I was really happy with how you shared the story. And I think for me, it was just a crazy,

full on wonderful time. But even as someone who's been in telling, you know, my whole adult life, I totally underestimated the eyes and the expectations and the perceptions that are put on Strictly. You walk out onto a dance floor, bearing in mind you're wearing a massive hair piece that's not yours, a load of makeup that's not yours. And all of that is designed to make you feel amazing and a costume that's designed to make you feel amazing. But if it's not yours, you're

still a bit like, oh my gosh, like what is happening to me? Do I, am I all right about this? Whilst also having to keep in your head a whole dance routine as well. And do a cha cha cha. Like, I mean, if you don't do that, then, and it's really interesting now watching it, I can see the people who are just in their stride, hit the ground running and the people who really want to like it, who were like at the edge of the party, but want to get in the middle of the dance floor, but don't quite know how and that was me.

And I feel like I'm a bit upset. Like I'm always texting, I was always texting always texting Annabel Croft and various people, you know, Angela Rippon. I'm like, just go for it. Just get stuck in. People tell you to do that, but quite often you don't until it's too late. So I was glad that I got the chance to stay in as long. I guess the long-winded answer to your question is I didn't mind what people thought about me because I was in it and the longer I was in it, the more I enjoyed it and found my feet. And so I didn't really mind what people were saying. That came across as well. That was what I think people got invested in with you is that you, yeah, at the beginning it was like, oh, maybe you weren't very comfortable and by

the end you were a completely different person, which is quite rare on that show. I mean, the first week I hid on the fire escape. I did the dance, you have to go on a Friday and I do a camera block and you learn the dance in your room and it's awkward at first. If you're not, I don't know, some people we met and we're like, Oh, awkward hug. Like some people are quite physical straight away. I wasn't. So even like standing in hold with someone for the first week is weird.

You're like, Oh, hello. Nice to meet you. Oh, like our cheeks are right next to each other. Oh, you've got your hand on my back. Oh, hello. It's weird. And then you're in this costume, again, weird, the hair, the makeup, all of that.

You have to go in the dance floor, did the dance, and they went, Helen, you look like you just can't wait to get off. And I was like, it's fine, they can have their turn. I'm fine. And I went and I was on the fire escape and I was like, what am I doing? And I couldn't understand why some of the others like Fleur and Molly and

Tyler and James By, they'd be like hyping each other up, dancing in the corridors, doing TikToks. And I genuinely used to see it in the corridor. I was like, how are they doing that? Why are they doing that? Me and Ellie Taylor would look at each other and we're like, what has happened to our lives? And you want to be that person, you know? I want to be fun Bobby, but I think sometimes it takes you a bit of time to get there. And yeah, by the end I got it. By the end I was like, oh yeah, I really, really want to do the dance.

The week of the final, I can't wait to get out there. Whereas for like week one, two, three, four up until the Charleston, I was like, oh my gosh, are we still here? Like must I? Yeah. Well, terrifying. That came across. That was such a great thing about watching that series. It's like, I mean, look, I never got to talk about food. But that's what people want. It's

one of Ed's favourite things is how much I'm into Strictly. Yeah. It makes me laugh because it's so antithetical to your entire personality and everything else you like that you're just obsessed with Strictly. Yeah. Obsessed. But you get addicted to it. Ellie Taylor and I studied our dressing room one day and Will Mellor was in the next dressing room and he was doing videos and like role playing and like so we could hear him acting out characters. Yeah. Molly and Fleur shared a dressing room next door and they were doing TikToks and singing like acapella because they're insanely talented and just wonderful. And there was all this like showbiz going around and Ellie Taylor was dressed as little bo peep with this massive bonnet on. And there was a woman between my legs, like sewing the gusset of my pants to the dress so that my knickers didn't flash on the telly. And she looked

at me and she went, Helen, we've got mortgages. I know what's happening, but when you're in it, it's so, I don't know. It's so wonderful. I was the same. I was like, I don't know, you're singing and dancing on telly. And the more you get into it, you're like, oh, it's like running down a hill as fast as you can. So fast. You think your legs might fall off. If you commit to it, it's just the best feeling in the world. I think viewers want that from strictly, right? They want to see someone's journey from maybe being a bit uncomfortable at the beginning and then really getting into it. And by the end, so you can compare the end in the beginning and can look at what you've achieved. We don't

need these people coming on episode one and being amazing at dancing and getting anything everything sod that the ones who are confident From the start they might get to the final hell and I'm gonna win Picture of me doing that mind hair dance on like my on my wall showed him that earlier today. I showed him that one Spenders and a course of Spanish crawling around on a Spanish guy's back, like what's happening? Gorka, his name is Gorka. It was so, that was so great. That dance, me and my girlfriend, we're watching it at home and after you finished it with

a, it's like properly like we just sing with the best things on TV. Do you think you should have a Strictly podcast James? Because you should do the show. Would you do the show? I'll just turn this one into a Strictly podcast slowly? You guys won't even notice. You are doing a good job so far. I've started to notice. But you get what it's about. Like is the magic of that show. It isn't about dancing. Yeah. It's about, you know, like I remember one week, though it's Sam, my summer was rubbish. And I was like, I'm not here to do the best Samba. I'm here to be like, sometime life is a bit hard,

but you just got to get on with it and do the best you can and have a laugh along the way. And what's great about everyone on that show, Gorka for me was the personification of it. Their job is to make you feel great and you step over the threshold of that place and everything, you know, there's people designing a hairstyle for you to feel good.

I mean, what a wonderful opportunity that is to appreciate that. I mean, I loved, apart from the actual dancing in the beginning, I loved every bit of it. And like when it came on this year, I was so in a good way jealous. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll tell you what, no one gives a shit about at the start of each episode, all the professional dancers come out and they do a big dance number together. Fast forward. each episode all the professional dancers come out and they do a big dance number together? Fast forward. I'm the officer! Do not give a fuck.

I'm the officer! I think now I feel like... Will you fast forward the rest of this then? No, I love the dancer. I'm like the geek that like looks all... I slow down Gorkas a bit and I'm like you were particularly good then, like I have a valid opinion. Yeah, yeah.

I don't watch the professional dancers at the beginning, don't care. I just love how much you love Strictly. Yeah, we can carry this on later between ourselves. Yeah, we can carry on. We should do a Strictly podcast. No, no, no, this is the Strictly podcast. We always start with still a sparkling water, Helen. Sparkling. It's the Strictly of Waters. If you want to, we can't talk about it. Just trying to give this episode some sort of cohesion, James. Yeah, yeah. Fair enough. Have you always liked sparkling water?

Yes. I mean, of all the TV shows you've done, obviously strictly, I'm aware that, I'm aware that like this might be needed, but like, I don't want you to feel that this is my reaction to this is personal against you. No, it's fine. I get it. You're drinking different waters than all the TV shows you've done, right? Say you're presenting country file. Are you drinking a sparkling water on that or are you going to be a still

water? Yeah, valid. Probably, probably still. And it's a big bone of contention. You're not allowed to buy a bottle of plastic water. Yeah, that's a good point. So you can't, you can't get sparkling water when you're on country file. Gosh, no, you get whatever is in the local garage or someone gives you in their house. Have I had wild water on Countryfile? Yes.

On Cataphrase Stream? 100%. Where's the best? The higher you are, the better it is. As in stunned? Like higher up of mountain. Big revelation about what goes on in the set of Countryfile. Wouldn't surprise anyone.

Where's the blue Peter? Wouldn't surprise anyone. I'm going to have to distance myself from these comments. surprise anyone. Where's the blue Peter? I think even the people who watch Country File, if they learn that the Country File hosts are always banked out in the country they'd be like, yeah, it's natural, it comes from the air. So you've had some good stream water, some good natural spring water. So for your water course now, still a sparkling, but is the water from the stream, the best water you've ever had?

And would you like that instead? Do you know the best water I've ever had? I did this trip and I was obviously no shops or anything. I had everything that I needed for the whole month in my sledge. So you had to melt the ice for your water. It takes so long. Wow.

Yeah, so you have to obviously put your stove up, melt the ice, get water, massive big block of ice gives you a tiny bit of water. That's satisfying because you have to really graft for it. Is it the grafting that makes it taste good or is it the water itself is good? No, it's the grafting. It's the grafting. And the fact there's nothing else to do. Yeah. So you're like, this is amazing. Would you like that for your dream meal? As the water? Yeah, water that someone has really put their effort into. But does it have to be you though for the graft? Ideally I'd like someone else to do it, just as a token.

Ed? I'll do it. I'll melt down that water for you. Whereabouts was it this trip? South Pole. South Pole, great. I'm off to the South Pole to get some ice and we'll melt it down fairly. You wouldn't last two seconds. I usually think you'd be alright. I'd be alright, thank you Helen. I'd be great in the South Pole. What are you talking about?

I've gone walking around. Me and him had to walk from Kendall to Buxton once. He can't go to the South Pole, this guy. I do enjoy that you said to me, far away from the Lake District, oh, we're going to the Lake District. Then you named a Michelin star restaurant. I was like, that's not my, I mean. It would be a joke.

Well, it's in the Lake District, Alan. It is. Back in your box, Alan. Yeah, it's valid. It's just when you said we're going to the lake. And it's three Michelin stars. Know your area. I thought you were going to be like, oh, we're going camping and that and beans and stuff. No, fuck that. No, no, no. We did go to the Kendall on Celebrity Hunted. Oh. So we roughed it for that. Thank you. Yeah, we roughed it. I respect that. Fair play. Yeah. We only went to two mission and star restaurants when we were on Doing Hunted. We had to lay low.

Yeah. You didn't want to peek too soon, good. Yeah, yeah, went to a freestyle. I've seen this clip, you know. Yeah, you just went for a good time, didn't you? Yeah, a lot of people are not very happy with us, actually. A lot of people's... Jamelia, for example, said we annoyed her on it.

Yeah. Bring us full circle to what we said before on these shows you just got to do you, stay in your lane. Post and ghost doesn't matter what other people think. Yeah, they can keep their opinions to themselves. Post and ghost, I love that. Pop-a-dums or bread? Pop-a-dums or bread? Hello, skeleton. Pop-a-dums or bread? Pop-a-dums. Nice. Now I'd say we, percentage wise, we're on tour at the moment and we get the percentages from the audience on who wants poppadoms or bread. It's pretty consistent everywhere and it's like 85% bread, 15% poppadoms.

So it's always a delight for a guest to say poppadoms because it's rarer than bread. But bread is risky because if it's nice, warm, baked little loaves, yes, but you're never sure of that, are you? Well, in the dream restaurant, you're sure because we can make sure to get you your absolute dream bread But if poppadoms are the way you want to go we can go poppadoms with a chutney. Yeah None of the other dips just the mango chutney just a chutney. Yes the chutney I don't know. I don't wait. Yeah, do you have a pots just get put in the fridge for another day? And I never eat them. So how much chutney getting you getting through? Oh no, more chutney than poppadom to be fair. A jar of the mango chutney? If I have a takeaway,

one of those will be gone. Yeah. Are you breaking into shards and dipping or are you keeping the poppadom whole and biting it like a big crisp? No, like I would say like a half and half. Half and half. Yeah. Not shards, but a half. A half. Yeah. And then dipping or spreading? Dipping. Specific. I like this. Yeah. Well, dipping or spreading? Dipping. Specific, I like this. Yeah. Or dipping I think it's always the best, you know, it could break but you give it a little spread or a little, you know, then you know what you're dealing with. This isn't the exit. You don't get this level of excitement with bread and butter do you? That's true. No one's thinking am I dipping the bread in the butter? No. I must spread. I mean, you

are now. I would actually do that. I'm thinking. As soon as you said no one's thinking am I dipping the bread in the butter? With a bit of salt you are. Yeah. I mean that you are now. I saw the thing in your eye. As soon as you said no one's thinking I might dip in the bread in the butter. You're like... With a bit of salt you are. Yeah. I mean that is good. Let's not stray from poppadoms. That is a good idea. Dip bread in the butter. How many poppadoms you want? Five. You know, you know, are you going to be mother? What, share?

Smash them. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Cause they'll again, the kids will smash the poppadoms. That's a bit of entertainment. That's the messy house equivalent of a coloring book at the table. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no poppadoms. Living the dream. Give them a bucket of ice, go outside kids, knock yourselves out for five hours.

Have a glass of water. No, quite the opposite because they're so noisy kids. Like mine just literally, and people think it's a bad analogy, but I often refer to my children as feral and people think that's bad. Yeah, it sounds bad. That's wonderful. They're like wild and free. It is great. I mean, I've always lived in London, but we'd go and visit my cousins in Northumberland now and again and you just go anywhere, run around, go feral. It's great.

You feel, yeah, totally free as a kid. Shot my cousin in the ass with a BB gun. It was a great life. I just got back from Leeds and the food there is amazing. Oh, the food is amazing. Did you go in the market? No, I went to a few places, had an amazing meal at a place called Ox Club. Yeah. And I had, I went to a place called the dough hut and which is a donut place, but they do a savory donut, which is a bagel donut called a daigle. And that

is one of the best things I've ever eaten. Have you had a Yorkshire wrap? Yes. That is also an excellent thing. I like that. Like Ed doesn't like Yorkshire puddings. I don't like Yorkshire puddings. But it's a meal in a wrap. I think I'm more on board with that because it's totally self-enclosed and it's sort of

flatter isn't it than a traditional Yorkshire pudding. It's just the, it's the flavor of Yorkshire pudding, but without taking up too much real estate on the plate. And you can grab it and go. You can grab it and go. So when the kids aren't entertained by poppadoms and you need to be on the move, that works. But the market in Leeds is so good for food because it's that old school. Yeah, happened in the past actually. Now you've just said that about that rap. That's where I've had it. It's where Marks and Spencer started. Is it? What? C? What? I don't know why I said C. C? You didn't believe me did you? You've proved your point. My grandparents

lived in Rothwell. So my grandma would always go to Leeds Market and bring back, I'd say sackfuls of broken biscuits. Oh yeah? Yeah, absolutely love it. Why are broken biscuits should be more expensive? Yeah, yeah. Well, my first job was just down the road from McVitie's factory and I used to do breakfast, so I used to have to go to work every morning at 4.30, but it was so good because I had to go past the factory and on the way back they sell off the boxes of broken biscuits. Do they?

Yes! Oh, I wish the Wheatbeaks factory did that when I was growing up. There's less of a good smell from a Wheatbeaks factory though. If you enjoy a factory, I did a whole series, you know, on factories. Did you? McVitie's, Walker's, Hines. Food factories. Guinness.

Yeah. There's another one. Wasn't my best work. What was your favorite? What was your favorite factory? Well, I was pregnant with my, my least favorite because I was pregnant with my third child was Heinz. What you're about to say, I was pregnant with my least favorite child. No, my least favorite is not.

I won't say which one. No, I, yeah, I filmed this series in food factories, super brands. Oh, Warburton's, that's a great factory smell. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And behind beans, when you're heavily pregnant, you do not want to put your head in a big massive vat of blanched beans. Not great. But is that, is that, would you say for all pregnancies or is that specific to yours? Do you think that beans made, made you feel ill? Cause some people might have a craving for it, right? It might be the best thing possible. Well, that combined with, I spoke to the wonderful people who do the testing. They have people who do the quality control and they just all day taste cold bowls of spaghetti hoops, alfabeti

spaghetti, cold soup, all of that. And that's their job. You just constantly taste stuff. A couple of hours of that coupled with the blanched beans. It wasn't a great day for me. I don't know. I didn't meet these people and I've not seen the show. I don't want to cast dispersions but I bet those people look awful. Yes. No, they know. And they've all worked there for like 40 years. They look like ghosts, Helen. Let's be honest. Yeah. Surely. I mean, as I say, it was a dark time in my life. I was just trying not to be ill. I think those people would look like, um, you know, uh, have know, have you seen the descent?

No, actually you're wrong. Very happy. No, no, no, can't have it. They were so happy about their cold bean tasting. Yeah, they think they're happy. But they look like they're in the descent. They look like they're just not seeing daylight for years. Not eating properly. No, they gave me a personalized bottle of ketchup. I can't say anything negative. That's pretty cool. We live quite near a bread factory. Me and my wife and during COVID when we go on a little cycle every day,

we'd really treat ourselves if we went the bread way. Cycle past the factory and cycle through the smell. That was our one bit of hope and excitement during COVID. Guinness, that was another good smell. You can do that in South London, cycle past hops places. God, we're old now aren't we? We're not even talking about going drinking to Guinness. Molly and Fleur aren't talking about this. They're doing TikToks. TikToks about the best smelling factories. Those TikToks are really good, still worth a watch. I love Molly and Fleur. Love that Fleur's doing

it takes two now. Oh, of course you would have, she's good at it takes two though, to be fair, isn't she? Brilliant. One of her TikToks, I'm in the background just eating a Kit Kat, it was like really tragic. Let's go on to your dream meal proper. Your dream starter.

Prawn cocktail old school. So what old school, what's changed over the years? Well now it's like fancy prawns in shells. I like the small frozen prawns that have been defrosted in a sieve under hot water. I mean that's so risky isn't it? But that's what your mum did. Yeah, yeah, old school. With loads of mayonnaise and tomato sauce mixed up on top. Yeah. And a bit of soggy lettuce underneath. Yeah, so you've made that sound pretty gross. Yeah. A lot of the words you're using are gross words. Yeah. But perfect, right? You nodded. I nodded because I was...

Yeah. I was showing you that I understood. We've had... Prawn cocktail is a very popular starter on this podcast. Okay. As it has every right to be. As it has every right to be. But often when people have said like how they used to be, actually what we get is like massive prawns hanging off the side of like a glass that's like, you know, for an ice cream sundae glass.

And that's what they want. So I was expecting that. Oh no, I mean like the teeny tiny bag of frozen prawns. That's what I used to think prawns were. Yeah. I had no idea that prawns could be so big. Yeah. And I get, we lived in France for a while, so I get the whole like, it's proper classy

to like de-head it and de-shell it and all that, but it is a faff, isn't it? Oh, it's a total faff. Yeah. And then it's basically the prawns, the prawns are the same you'd get in like a prawn mayo sandwich, right? The little tiddlers. James Martin taught me how to cook a fish before I moved to France because he's like, look, if you're going to, you're going to have to cook for people come round. Never made that dish

once. It was so complicated. You know, when you, the whole time I was like, huh, this is, yeah. Yeah. The key bit of the recipe is having James Martin. Yeah. And he says, have you done that? I just couldn't do it. It's too complicated. Also when someone who's like proper professional chef is showing you, I just think it's always going to be too complicated, isn't it? Like you want just like a mate who's like, Oh, I can do this. Yeah. So I'll show you how to do it. Yeah. Okay. Fine. And also in that kind of professional environment, you feel the need to be like, yeah, yeah, I've got that utensil. No, I haven't. I don't know any of that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.

James Mayans got loaded, like Trixie little bits of, Oh, he's got a knack. He does it with flair, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Mom's favorite. Are you saying your mom's favorite or he's the mom's favorite? Like because he is generally speaking, his mom's favorite, isn't he? And my mom's favorite. And he's your mom's favorite. Yeah. Does he ride a motorbike? Yeah. Yeah. So he does. You'll be happy. Oh, I told this to James the other day. He does like, he does ride motorbikes. I think when I was a little kid and this is a few years after my mom and dad had split up, I decided that my mom should get a boyfriend, but he had to ride a motorbike and she was

like, just chat up basically. He's got to ride a motorbike and she remembers, she remembers one day this delivery man came to the door and he had his motorbike. And then she turned around and I was stood next to the stairs going, like winking. Revin. Revin of the bike. Go mum, mum. Pointed at the guy. That's like so cute and mildly worrying at the same time. I used to try and get my mum to get off with the delivery guy. Yeah. I didn't think getting off was in my, I wasn't saying go get off with that motorbike guy. Ask him on a date.

Yeah, ask him on a date. Yeah. Be with him forever. Yeah. Thanks to you. James Martin, mum's favourite. James Martin, mum's favourite, yeah. That's exciting.

Yeah, I think he does have motorbikes, doesn't he? He's a car guy as well. Yeah, he's cars and motorhomes. Yeah, he's vehicle minded. Yes. A lot of my knowledge of James Martin comes from the new Alan Partridge book. And I'm not sure a lot of that's real. Is it your new book? Sorry.

Yeah, yeah. The new Alan Partridge book, there's a bit where Alan goes to meet James Martin. Great. I'm not sure James Martin will be happy with it, but... I used to work in local radio. I often feel like Alan Partridge had an insight into my soul. You must have been on, I mean, I imagine there's not a single mode of transport you haven't been on. I'm so happy that you rephrased that question.

You could have asked it in such a different way. You must have been on a motorbike, but it's because I know that like you do a lot of the things you've done for TV. You've been like, Helen will try anything. Well, when I started Blue Peter, I think that Joel was the funny one. I was the sort of cool cultured one and what was left, she'll be the one that's not afraid of stuff. So I used to get three roles.

Yeah. So I am, they just used to chuck me out of helicopters and yeah, you're right. I mean, that motorbikes. I mean, when I started on repeat, it was different. Like every shoe had a helicopter, a motorbike, a boat, whatever. I mean, it was just a really great time to be part of a show. What do they do now then? Well, there's a lot more kids shows now, isn't there? So there's a lot more, you know, like

Steve Batchel does a lot of the sort of stuff we used to do or now. Steve Batchel? The juggling for her? No, Steve Batchel. No, that's Steve Bacchley. But valid. Steve Baxchel is like a animal. Animal guy. He's an animal guy. He's actually in the second partridge book. Yeah, he's cool. He's done strictly. You'll know him from that. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's like, there's a lot more kid shows now. So it's different. But yeah, back in the day, I'm trying to think helicopter. Yes. Boats motorbikes, hovercraft, yes. This is great. What other modes of transport are there? Hang rider. Yes. I'm annoying myself. Unicycle? No, ballot. Don't think so. No, it's not really a mode of transport. I know what you mean though. I feel like Ripley's world of weird inventions used to like regularly bring stuff to the studio. So it was normal that, oh, what are you doing on Tuesday? Oh, riding the world's smallest car or, you know, taking the dogs on the back of a three wheeler lorry. It was, yeah, it was a weird fun time.

Does the novelty ever wear off with that sort of thing? Like a three wheeler lorry with dogs on it, just going like, for fuck's sake. That's why I left when I did. Because I didn't want to be the person for who it wore off and I went to Antarctica and that was like my last big challenge. So done mad stuff and like, you name it. My first day at work on Blue Peter, I went to Alaska for six weeks. Wow. And you like dropped it, chase bears, get dropped into, you know,, moulins and you go off to, I don't know. As I say, you name it. We went Turkey, swim from Asia to Europe, all of that. And then I came back to the office and I went today you go into the world warming championships and you dress in as a chicken. And that was the moment at which I thought I need to go

soon because it's fun dressing as a chicken once. But do you know when you like? What if this becomes a regular thing? Yeah. The worming champion. Yeah. And ironically, I literally was like, I don't do like dressing up and singing and dancing on telly. And then, yeah, ironically given the whole strictly thing. What's the worming championship? You stamp on the ground, try and get worms to come out and get the most worms out wins.

That makes more sense than what I was thinking. Oh no, it's not like that. When you have to dress like a chicken. It's not. Yeah. Oh no. It's not like we have to dress like a chicken. Yeah. It's not like a thing for pets. Yeah. Yeah. That's how you know which one they're sending you to. Yeah. Well, they say you're dressed up. I also don't know why I just tried to action that out. So it made more sense because that was probably worse. It's probably good for the pod. Yeah. We've got a video that. No, not good for you and your life. The dream main course. Roast chicken dinner.

Oh, is this because you used to dress? Takes me back to that good old day. Proper chicken, loads of stuffing, like in a big bowl, stuffing bowl, good. In the chicken? No, separate. Separate. Yeah. You don't want it in the chicken? No.

You sounded like a chicken there. Sorry, I'm secretly a chicken when I'm offended. You don't want to eat the chicken from inside. You would want to be stuffed if you were a chicken. Rose parsnips, definitely. Loads of gravy, definitely. And I wouldn't go Yorkshire Pudding on a roast chicken dinner. Wow. Yes. Not a Yorkshire Pudding fan either. This is a double fucking win for him. So you're not a Yorkshire Pudding fan? No, I get the practicality of a wrap, but I wouldn't put it

on my dinner. Absolute result. I think it's the first time there's someone here who backs me up on it. But also someone, are you from Yorkshire? No, Cumbria. Oh well then fair enough. It's not that much of a win for you. I thought you got someone from Yorkshire. Well I had a child born in Yorkshire and I lived there for a long time so I'm sort of adopted. They claim me. No, no, no, no, it's not the same as you can't claim this as someone from Yorkshire is agreeing with you about Yorkshire puddings. I just think anyone agreeing with me about Yorkshire puddings is a win because people are evangelical about Yorkshire puddings. I just think anyone agreeing with me about Yorkshire puddings is a win because people are evangelical about Yorkshire puddings in this country. Some people put them on Christmas dinners.

Yeah, I don't know what they're playing at. Quite nice. No. Think of everything else on a Christmas dinner. There's so much lovely food to eat and then you're putting essentially a lump of polystyrene on the plate. You're putting packing materials. No, if you do a blindfolded taste test and I gave you a Yorkshire pudding and a lump of polystyrene,

I think it would tell the difference. Well, if you had to put me a headphones in and then, because I'd hear the squeak of the polystyrene. Yeah, I'll put some headphones on. You can listen to a little bit. I wouldn't tell the difference. I wouldn't tell the difference. I'll get you to eat them.

You'll be able to tell the difference. Polystyrene, halloumi, yes or no? What, the squeak? Well, they're the same. Just to eat it. Do you like it? Yeah, I love halloumi, yes or no? What, the squeak? Well, they're the same. Just to eat it, do you like it? Yeah, I love halloumi.

Okay. I like it, but if I could get rid of the squeak, I would, in a heartbeat. I hate the squeak. Because I had a television disagreement with Paul Hollywood about halloumi. Was this on Bake Off? I argued for halloumi, he argued against halloumi. Really? And I didn't realize in that environment, you're supposed to just nod and listen, aren't

you? Because the judges are there there to critique. Yeah. But I thought it was like a chat. What were you doing? What were you doing with the looming though? Putting it on a pizza. Right. Yeah. I can see why you disagree with that. It wasn't fun. It wasn't. Was he a fan of her loom in general? No, because apparently he lived in Cyprus. Yes. Yeah. Too much. Too much. He didn't know what he's on about. Well, that's basically what I said, which didn't go down too well. Well, yeah. Well, good on you. Good on you for sticking up to him. He doesn't know what he's talking about. He's stealing a living. But you clearly haven't met him in the flesh because when he's there, the eyes. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen this goddamn

eyes. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like one of the white walkers from Game of Thrones. Oh, he's like, why was I said Siberian Husky? Yeah. That's a nicer way of putting it. But also he knows I've never looked into someone's eyes before and seen that I have looked into people's eyes before. It's not comfortable for me. I don't like doing it. Obviously. No, you can't hold a stare.

No, I can't hold a stare. I don't like it. Looking at me. But when I have looking Paul Hollywood's eyes, you can see that he knows he has nice eyes. Yeah. And that's, I've not had that with someone before, where you look at them and they look at you and you can tell all they're thinking is, my eyes are nice aren't they?

No, I know what you mean, because they're like so blue. You can relax and feel comfortable staring into my eyes because I'm technically cross-eyed. So these are not great eyes. Oh, okay. Well, I feel a bit better about that because I'm technically cross-eyed. So these are not great eyes. Oh, okay. Well, I feel a bit better about that. What does technically cross-eyed mean? So if I took my lenses out, my eyes would meet in the middle.

Really attractive. What, your lens is like made of magnets that propel each other? I don't know. They keep your eyes. Yeah, how does that work? I've got no idea. It's amazing.

Well, that's going to be a great big finish for the end of the podcast. You take your lenses out, right on that camera. That's where it is for future reference before you take the lenses out. So is this off track? No, it's great. Also, you know, I'm going to be going strictly again, but like in that Dutch did from Cabaret, you looked straight down the camera and you mimed along to the song saying you're better without me or something like that. And now imagine if you had done

that and taken your lenses out at the same time. It would have been a brilliant bit in this song. That was all the way through the show. They keep going, just stare at the lens, stare at the lens. And I've spent my life around cameras and live TV and none of that faces me. But honestly, when you're dancing, it is a bit like, don't look at me. Like, you know, like when you were a kid and you think if I'm playing hide and seek, if I can't see you, you can't see me. But then I think that was a difference on Cabaret. They were like, just do it. I was like, okay.

It was great. It's a great bit. Made me emotional when you did that. You mimed along to that. I was like, she's done it. I know we're taking the make up of him. That's really nice of you to say thanks. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, he means it. He absolutely loves, loves the show. Yeah. Very powerful moment in the show. Have you. I mean, he means it. He absolutely loves the show. Yeah. Very powerful moment in the show. Have you been to the show?

God. Get this, Helen. I was invited this week, the last Saturday just gone and I couldn't go. I was invited very last minute to go and do the terms and conditions. And I was so, literally the week before when my girlfriend and I were watching it, she was like, why haven't you done the terms and conditions yet? And I was like, they never offered me. And then like a couple of days later, I get the email, but we couldn't do it. Absolutely gutted.

And I said to them, I've not been offered it. I would not appreciate it. I wouldn't fucking appreciate you. But like I said to them, please bear in mind for a future, like anytime there's a gap, I'd love to do it. But they're going to ask you to do the show now. Yeah. Then they said, well, you do the Christmas special, which I know is the first thing you

did Christmas special in like 2012. Yeah. And then, oh, what's the real? And then you came back and did, uh, I did the, um, but I couldn't do it. I'd be too stressed. No, you didn't know you were doing it ever. Helen. You're really, really good.

Here's how I replied to it. And I'm sure my agent would have reworded it, but I said, I'd rather be dead. No, because, no, after the Christmas special, I said, don't ever let me do the show, absolutely not. But I honestly, I cannot tell you enough. It's the best thing I've ever done in my life. Every bit of it.

Helen, for context, you said to James that he's not met Paul Hollywood in the flesh. So you don't know about the time James went on Celebrity Bake Off, which is widely regarded as the worst performance on Celebrity Bake Off of all time. The clip of his flapjacks has gone viral multiple times. He's a meme. I'm a meme because of how badly it went. And that would happen on Strictly as well. It would be the first contestants to shit their pants live on air.

Yeah. Like while looking down the camber. Yeah. And shouting. You better without me. Two days is bake off. And it's not as hardcore as what you have to do on Strictly. And I absolutely fell apart. I could not do a week on Strictly.

When I got kicked off Bake Off, they thanked me for bringing the comedy element. Well, I don't know what I wish they'd said that to me. Yeah, but what you did was tragic. Yeah, they went goodbye. Yeah They said to me when I learned. Who did it when you were on? Rylan. Yeah. God bless him. Russell Tovey and Michelle Keegan. She won. She's won. She's been on this podcast. She gloated. She rubbed it in my face. It is a hard one. I didn't take it as serious as I thought you meant. I thought when you got there, they told you what to cook like they do on Blue Peter. You didn't practice. I didn't know. Oh my God. I didn't practice. Yeah. I know that. I dropped all my cakes and didn't realize it was

hidden cameras. There's all cameras everywhere. Isn't there? Tell them they're hidden though, Helen. No, but I mean, there's a lot of cameras. There's men holding them. No, there's a lot of cameras you don't realize. Yeah, yeah. And I dropped them and I picked them up and put them on the table and just like dusted them off. And they were like, did you drop them? And I was like, no, no, it's fine. I didn't think anyone had seen.

Lied. So they, yeah. So they made a thing of it. And they were like, Helen, did you drop them? And I was like, Oh God, I'm committed. I said, no, so now I have to stick to my note even though knowing I had. And then they were like you've just dropped them and dusted them off and offered them to Mary Berry and I was like I wouldn't have stuck to this life I'd known. To kill a national treasure. Yeah, but I won't circle away from you doing Strictly.

You'd really like it. You'd really like it. Your dream side dish. Um, corn on the cob. Wow. We haven't had corn on the cob for a while. We've never had corn on the cob. Maybe never.

As a side dish, I don't think. Exciting. Because people feel nervous. But someone said to me, she'd never have a corn on the cob on a date. And I was like, yeah. Why? I get it. It's guessing your teeth.

Okay. Guessing your teeth. It's not a dignified eating process, I guess. It's like the cheese. Yeah, it's like the cheese. Never have a mozzarella panini or a corn on the cob on a first date. I didn't clock that. Yeah, the corn on the cob, I guess it's like there's sort of no way of eating a corn on the cob that can make you look sort of mysterious. That's where I'm going wrong. Yeah, you can't really look mysterious.

Because you're basically, you have to eat it like a beaver. Yes. Yes. Unless you're very accurate. Imagine if you held it and you looked at them by contact. Yeah. But what you're doing is you're picking out individual corn kernels and you're spelling out a message in it. And so when you turn it to the next bit, it says like, what's the message?

Kiss question marks. But how would you know you're doing it the right? You'd have to really practice the right way, the right way around. Cause you don't want a backwards kiss on there. I thought you were going to say you like my head. I was imagine you ripping out individual kernels. Yeah. Do you have also noticed he can hold my stare now he knows I've got bad eyes. Yeah, yeah, it's fine. Now. It's fine. Now. I know that you couldn't be Michelle Keegan, could you? No way. I can't look him in the eye. Cheater for one. Never look a

cheat in the eye. How do you want this corn on the cob prepared? What's your bit of butter? But how do you want it cooked? Because I do it on the barbecue, Helen. And I don't mind telling you. Oh, that's everything on the box. Yeah, I do. Actually, that's true. I like an outside dining experience.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Country style. Yeah. I've got so honestly in my cellar, I've got so many like outside cooking things, everything that you can cook on outside, I've got. It's quite sad. But inside, you've got them inside.

Yeah. Aside from the whole inside. Yeah. You've never used any of them. Have they been given to you as a gift? No, no, I'm that person. And again, you know what we're saying about dads want their daughters to be the kind of person

we want them to be. I think this is why dad, I'm that person that would go to an outdoor shop and buy all the outdoor cooking equipment. Did not use that. I've used the stove. Oh yeah. That's all right. But I haven't used the griddle. I haven't used the little box.

I haven't used any of the 17 other things I've got. But I appreciate your corn on the cob. But what would you normally when you have corn on the cob, how do you cook it? Because boil it or grill it, also on the barbecue. Yeah. I've got a little barbecue you can turn on with your phone. What? See? Interesting. He wants it. Also on the barbecue. Yeah, I've got a little barbecue you can turn on with your phone. What see You want it I want it because I could be on my way home and turn the barbecue on so it's ready when I get back That's the point you can turn it on from in like wherever you are. Hang on. Is it a gas barbecue? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not messing with it

Turn up in the whole house is burned out. Will you leave it outside? You live it outside the barbecue live outside, there's a barbecue joint. So I'd worry. Really good. I'd worry that I turn it on on my phone and then it like makes the whole thing like judder towards the house or something. You know? It's not a robot.

Yeah, it's not a Roomba. It is a robot, you turn it on on your phone. Oh, valid, valid. That's a robot. I could go crazy. So you think it's jiggling all the way to the house. Juddering towards the house. Like it's opening the door. No smashing through your window.

Yeah. Your patio window. And then what's the issue? And then it sets your whole house on fire. Right. Because it's a turned on barbecue. Yeah. Also you've got a cat.

So you might turn it on and then the cat's like, well, what's going on here? And then like jumps on the barbecue. But the cat can't go outside. What kind of cat is that? Yeah. What kind of Siberian cat? That stays inside. It's a house cat. Where does it poo? In a litter box. That blew your mind, didn't it? You never heard of a house cat before? Well, it never ever goes outside? No. Gross. You've got four cats that never go outside. So imagine what his house is like.

You've, you, you never, they never go outside ever. No. Also we live in London, people nick cats. Yeah, especially handsome cats like ours. Yeah, stunners, we got real stunners. We got real stunners, Helen. I mean, I'm so happy that the gender stereotypes are just being shot to kill, aren't they? Yeah, correct. Cat guys. Yeah, we're cat boys. We're cat boys and proud. Okay. I got four. They all stay in the house My whole life stinks of shit That's unusual, isn't it? Yeah, we're getting a in the guy doing the catty. Oh is coming this week. I can't wait You've enjoyed that. My dog's called spider-man. What?

No, wait till you hear this is My cat is called Spider-Man. We were destined to be friends. This is amazing. And check this out as well. The cat that's called Spider-Man, he's got eyes like yours. Cross-eyed? They got a bit cross-eyed.

And do you love that about him? Yeah, well we got him. It's only when you take his lenses out. Only when we take his lenses out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I was laughing. I was laughing. Yeah, I was like, that on its own is a really nice compliment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's slightly creepy. With the context, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, guess what? My cat has got eyes like Paul Hollywood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't he? He does actually.

And he looks at you like he knows it as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely knows it. So you can't look him in the eye. I can't look at you with his cat in the eye. Yeah, he does actually. And he looks at you like he knows it as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely knows it. So you can't look him in the eye? No, I can't look him in the eye. No way. My kid wants a cat for Christmas. You got to do it. Yeah.

Really? I'm not sure Spider-Man will be alright about it. Spider-Man's quite aggy. Got kicked out of the police. That's how we got him. He got kicked out of the police? Right. Obviously, imagine him in an office getting his papers. Yeah, obviously. Yeah, handing you a badge. Sorry. Yeah. Your. Yeah, hand in your badge. Sorry. Yeah, your badge in your bone.

Helen, I'm going to ask you a question. Your dog got kicked out the police. Is your dog racist? I was thinking that, I just been like trying to get around this. No, he's delicious. He likes everyone. He's definitely a bit anti-man. Anti-man. Yeah. Right. So he's a great guard dog. He likes everyone. He's definitely bit anti-man.

Anti-man. Yeah. Right. So he's a great guard dog. Yeah. He's like, on my first, strictly reference for you, my first strictly VT where they go meet your partner. Yeah. Obviously, I've got three kids. I work, I've got a dog. No one has time for the chit chat small talk. I live up north. I work in this industry. I know I'm getting Gorka and I'm really excited about it because he's Northern. I'm already friends with Gemma. Yeah, well, they live up in Manchester. Okay, so this is brilliant. I'm super excited. But they do this whole thing don't they where they have to build up the anxiety and like run and jump each other. You don't know me, but I'm sure you're guessing I'm not a runny jumpy on a stranger

kind of person. So we're in the park. I've got the kids and the dog and they're filming. And in order to answer the question, how excited are you about meeting your partner? I kept having to throw the ball. So I'd be like, ask the question, throw the ball, the kids and the dog would go for the ball and I'd be like, you've got until they get back. Yeah. I love that the kids are part of this as well. You can't just say to your kids, can you stand over there? I'm just doing some work. Fist be flinging a poppadom across the park. All of them going chasing after it. Yeah. And so, bless Gorky stood in the wings. And again, he asked, we both have to do this

whole like, yeah, this is amazing. But it's just weird. Like we're in the park. It's meant to be a secret. There's a glitter ball. It's really busy. There's a crew there. There's no end to this story. I just thought you'd enjoy the story because you liked it. I love it. I love him about Gorka. I thought Spider-Man was about to attack Gorka. Gorka's most attractive man on Strictly. But what's nice is he doesn't know it. You agree? Benito just held his hat up and said this five minutes, but it looked like you were agreeing that Gorka was the most attractive man. That was a vote for Benito. A lot of people do agree, but what's nice is he, I wouldn't say he's not one of those

people who's like, I know how attractive I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who would be, if we made you do it, you have to do it for the sake of Spider-Man, your cat, right? Yeah, but that would be a great painting. That would be great. Yeah, cause you'd have fun. It's never gonna happen.

Your dream drink. I do like a gin and tonic but that is boring so if it was a special occasion I am gonna say a Kie Royale. Ah lovely. Is this the first shout out for Kie Royale? I know we discussed it with Rob Brydon but I don't know if it actually if he chose that I think he did. Yes remind us Helen of what K Keroa actually is. Champagne and cassis with the little liqueur in the bottom. Just like the way it looks. Yeah. Yeah. And tastes. Oh yeah. It's a very fancy looking drink though. It feels like you're not having one of those at home on the reg are you? How are you? If you are, how often do you have one? Not often, but like I feel like you feel like it's an occasion. You know, it's a Christmas drink.

It's a girls around drink, isn't it? And I feel like gin and tonic is something everyone would say. Who are the girls around? Oh, of my friends? James, I want to know all of the girls who come around their names, please. Yeah, that's not in a creepy way. Well, that's it. Look, I always ask people this.

Yes, it is true. But whenever people say, I want it with a group of friends, I'm always like, who are your friends? What are their names? I'm never like, what girls are around? What are their names? Yeah. Shelly wonderful, most organized person can tell you what she's doing every day for the next six months. She's the one person of my friends who like schedules in getting too drunk and boy does she go for it when she goes for it. Okay. Yeah. Shelly. Yeah. Great. Like wild, couldn't share some of you like, yeah, line, she's leaping over the line. You know, the line is a dot to her.

Yeah. Kim, works in music, super organized, just stupidly good fun. Like she will, we'll go to Kim's for drinks. She's organized. She's hired the local busker to come and sing at her house for us. She's got like marquees, she's got caterers.

She is putting on a spread. She's a good time girl. And also just like fun, sporadic. It's Thursday, she is putting on a spread. She's a good time girl. And also just like fun sporadic, it's Thursday. Should we have a do? Let's have a do. She's bringing the K-Royale. Great. Jill, super smart.

Do you want all the friends that would come? Yeah, I was laughing at Jill because it reminds me of one hello, Jill. And that's why I love it. Jill just rolls with the chaos, like rocks up at my house on Saturday with five pizzas for my kids with her three kids There were already seven kids there and she was like which ones are yours by that point. I'm not gonna lie. I'd lost track

Yeah, they were all there Yeah, and so yeah, she'll just come in roll with the chaos so much fun all that exact same thing She has to drive past my house for work. So quite often on Friday. She calls back in with a bottle of Prosecco She is the kind of girl who her She has to drive past my house for work. So quite often on Friday, she calls back in with a bottle of Prosecco. She is the kind of girl who her boyfriend gets like a outdoor swimming pool and then they drive a tractor. I don't know, I'm talking fast. I love it. And then they get a tractor and they, I mean the health and safety would not be into this.

So that's why I will make sure it's exclusively all good, not me. Yeah. Yeah. Like a bucket on a tractor. So the kids jump out of the bucket and use that as a diving board. Tr gone, not me. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a bucket on a tractor. So the kids jump out of the bucket and use that as a diving board. Traptors not moving. Yeah. It doesn't sound like a diving board, but yes.

It was a bucket. It's a bucket, isn't it? Yeah. It's a high sided diving board. So those girls, my sister-in-law, she's also fun. I have a friend, Rebecca. She just gets so stressed out by the chaos of my life. We used to live, used to house share.

You'll enjoy this. We used to house share in London. We were like born three beds apart. Like one of my best friends, like family. We lived in a flat. It took me a while to work out that you're talking about in a hospital. Cause I just imagined a house with like eight beds in one room. It's Cumbria. Charlie the chocolate factory. We lived in a house in London for three years when we left, we said let's have a leaving do and I was like, okay, great, I'll make a chilli and then went to open the oven and we realized that there's still plastic on the inside of the oven. We lived there three

years and never used it. Oh my God. Firstly, I like how quickly someone says, should we have a leaving do and you go, yep, I'll make a chilli. I'll make a chilli. It's got to be a chilli. Open the oven, this is brand new. Still a running joke. I mean, that was probably 12 years ago. I've never made a chili. You got to do it at some point. But I guess the longer you leave it, the funnier it is.

Yeah. It's a running joke. Let's have a get together. Who's going to make a chili? Yeah. So for this part of the meal, for the drink, do you want all those people that, Oh yeah. 100% like the water turn up up and do you want the tractor with the bucket and everyone diving out of that? 100% slip and slide we had last time as well. Oh that's really good, I mean that's proper like people breaking bones on that right? Yeah especially like where we live because big gardens big hills. Yeah so what yeah a little tarpaulin out and then just covering it and washing up liquid. Yeah very liquid hose pipe. Yeah.'ll tell you what works well, they're like crash mats from Ikea. You can get a right run on those.

They sell crash mats in Ikea? What? Maybe not. Why? Like kids play areas and stuff. Oh, right. Okay. It's not like crash mats for like stunt work or something they're doing in Ikea.

I think so. You can use it how you want. Yeah. Do you want to slip and slide? We can do the Kier Royale instead of the washing up liquid. Kier Royale fountain. Yeah, slip and slide all the way down. I care Royale. Very good. He's come back to me now. Oh, look at me in the eye. Yeah, look at you in the eye now. Never had a guest challenge me so much on the eye contact before. Your dream dessert Helen.

Well, this is what I'd have at home as my comfort hidden food. You know, like jelly with the tangerine segments in? No? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like tin of orange segments. Yeah. And then a jelly. The segments are suspended in the jelly, right? Yes! Yeah, yeah. It's like magic. It is like magic and it does look cool.

And it's joy. It's joy. I don't know, as a kid. I think I've had it since I was a kid, that kind of jelly. And that's why you should have it more often. Because it reminds me of being a little kid. Maybe. You need to be more childlike, James.

Yeah, yeah. You've hardened in your old age. I just grown up desserts are so, I don't know, I just think they're underwhelming. They don't, they taste good, but they don't look good. And jelly looks good. Yeah, yeah, jelly looks good. Yeah, yeah. Suspended in the jelly. I just think like as a kid, I remember those, those little tangerine segments in there and being absolutely gutted about those. Because I love the jelly. But then they're trying to sneak fruit in. What the hell yeah. Why you got a tangerine in there? Sometimes they did that didn't they? I'm probably like that a bit more but I never got those, never got given those. It was always

the tangerine. Would you eat around the tangerine? No, I'd eat it. Yeah. Because there's no way like if my parents saw that I'd left all the tangerines, they'd be like, what are you doing? You've got to eat those. I really, really, it was a close call between that and a butterscotch Angel Delight. Wow. This is proper party food now. This is like kids party food. We're Kee Royale deep now. We've slipped and slid.

No one's got time for creme brulee. My Tiffy's covered an Ikea crash mat in Angel Delight. That is a different kind of film isn't it? I had some friends from America come over this year and one of them really got into Angel Delight without really knowing, you know, where it sits on the cultural landscape, how people in England feel about it, how it's viewed. So they were like, just discovered this amazing. But you can tell, you can tell what comes in sachets. It's like a sachet of powder. Yeah, but they were like just discovered this amazing but you can tell you can tell what comes in sachets

It's like a sachet of powder. Yeah, but they were like wow. I love being them. I love it Yeah, bad beans being them the northern massive Woolworths like modern-day Woolworth you can buy Ain't like in batch in batch. Oh so much angel delight. Are you doing that? Of course? I am get listen I've got three kids. It's about 17 kids in my house at any one time. You've got to have a lot of Angel Delight in the cupboard. When they were naming Angel Delight, they really went for the name that was going to sell it the most, didn't they? We want this thing to sound amazing.

Yeah, that was clever. Angel Delight. Whoever came up with that. Are you a hand whipper or an electric whisker? Pick your buttons. That's private. We both did the joke. And I will not make eye contact with you while I do it.

Helen, before you ask your next question. I have each of menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Water, you would like ice water from the South Pole, that's melted. Pop-o-nomos or bread, you would like five pop-o-nomos with mango chutney. Starter, old school prawn cocktail. Main course, roast chicken dinner with stuffing, parsnips and gravy. Side dish, corn on the cob with butter. Drink, Kia Royale and dessert. Jelly with tangerine segments, like your grandmother used to make. Yeah. We can throw a bit of Bus Scotch Angel Delight on there as well, can't we?

Have a shot. A shot of that. A shot of Angel Delight by the Scotch. Listen, that sounds like a fun time. It does sound like a fun time. And I would like to have that jelly again in my life. See? You've made me remember that jelly.

What flavor is the actual jelly? Orange. Like no red, strawberry. Red. Yeah, okay. I don't even know, cherry, raspberry, what is it? Red. Did you ever eat the jelly cubes red strawberry. Red. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don't even know cherry raspberry.

What is it? Red. Yeah. Did you ever eat the jelly cubes? Yes. Yeah. Amazing. Whenever you were allowed to do that, you're like, why are we bothering with the actual

process of making the jelly? It's just better jelly. Why not just giving me this jelly cube? Why? You were allowed. We had to sneak it. Yeah. We were allowed one.

Okay. Okay. Is everything makes sense now? How much you like desserts? How much addicted you are to sugar? Basically your parents giving you an E. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just one half. Half an E. There you go. I'm addicted, but I can't get a lot of it. And then I get old enough that I can get my own ecstasy. So now I've gone insane. I can get my own ecstasy. Yeah. So now I've gone insane. Ellen, thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant.

Thank you for having me. Thank you, Ellen. James? Yeah? What did I say? Listen, I owe you an apology, man. You knew what you were going to do. I didn't know.

You knew you were only going to talk about Strictly. I tried really hard not to talk about Strictly. I'm sorry, man. You didn't try at all. I wholeheartedly apologize. I let you down. I tried really hard. I just wanted to find out about food and Helen's life and it just kept naturally coming up in conversation. It didn't. I'm sorry. You cry about it in every time. And then Helen started talking about it because it's in her career. And once she realized that you're a fan of Strictly, she was giving at one point, she even said, you'll enjoy this because you're a Strictly fan. She was tailoring answers to you because you like Strictly.

Oh, but I can't help that. That was out of my hands that one. Yeah. And I genuinely sorry and it won't happen again. And if you just let us. We're never having a guest on who's been on Strictly before. Ever again. Well I think you're narrowing our pool of guests pretty severely there. I think a lot of people would like to have, like Molly would be great on it. Molly who? On the same series.

Molly who? What's her surname? Strictly. Molly Strictly. Yes. Right. So you want to have a guest on and you don't even know their surname and all you know them from is Strictly. Yes. Right. So you want to have a guest on and you don't even know their surname and all you know them from is Strictly. You know, I just know them as Molly. When I was watching Molly and Carlos. But we can't. She danced with Carlos. Get Carlos on it. He's one of the dancers. No. Carlos would be great. We've recorded one with a professional

dance from Strictly. It went great. It did go great. And one of the judges, that went great. So we get Craig Revel Hallward on. Benito's just told us Craig Revel Hallward once pushed past him and said he had a lot of bags. Yeah. It sounded like he did have a lot of bags there, Benito. Yeah, at the theatre. Yeah.

That would annoy me if I turned up to the theatre and tried to get to my seat and someone was sat in the middle of the row with loads of bags. Yeah. And I would say, you've got a lot of bags. Yeah. I'm sure Craig Hall would have been to loads of theater gigs and seen loads of performances. So he knows what the correct etiquette is. Someone with shit loads of bags, he's going to tell them, apparently better bring Christmas shopping. See now, now I want to have Craig on because I want to ask him about, do you remember when

a guy had loads of bags at the theater? Yeah. So that'd be great. then I'll say that was him. Get Kregon, get Gorka, get Carlos. I think you should do a... Speak to Benito. Benito will produce a Strictly podcast for you here at Plosive Productions. Why don't you want this for the whole podcast?

Because I can't stress enough, I don't like Strictly. Yes, but I think the listener already loves the fact. I can speak for them. I love Strictly and you really don't like it. But the listener doesn't like strictly. There's quite a lot of listeners who like strictly, but also for the ones who don't, you're their voice. So it's perfect to have guests on. They also need to listen to your voice and it's mainly your voice on these ones because all you're doing is talking about fucking strictly. You were talking on that when you talked about what you talk about Talked about, can we stop talking about strictly now and talk about food?

That probably didn't make the edit though. You maybe were hoping I was gonna say spring onion beard and I'd get kicked out of the green restaurant. I'd love that. But she didn't say it. So she stayed in the restaurant to deliver her full menu. Do not forget that Helen's book In My Stride is out now. You can go and buy that. Yes. And also you can buy Ed's book, Glutton. The Multicourse Life of a Very Gritty Boy, that is available also. Do go and buy it for all of your book needs.

James's books are all out as well. Yeah, yeah. And look out for his next book, I Love Strictly. I Love Strictly, so sue me. That's a good idea for a book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it could produce it. Thank you very much for listening. We will see you again sometime soon.

Bye bye. Goodbye. Hello, it's Rob Orton here. Now I've got a podcast called the Rob Orton Daily Podcast. It's a short poem or story or amusing on a particular subject every single day. What if you commissioned Picasso to paint your house and he just painted it white? Would you be annoyed? Wouldn't it be good if you could pour miracle grow onto other things such as pizzas? Have you ever thought about what a beach might be like if it was made from digestive biscuits? Have you ever tried to cry about something you're not thinking about?

If you would like to listen to a daily podcast that includes subjects I've mentioned there, then please listen to the Rob Orton Daily Podcast.