Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 255: Saoirse-Monica Jackson

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

‘Derry Girls’ and ‘The Decameron’ star Saoirse-Monica Jackson joins us in the Dream Restaurant this week. And we’re all getting Nike ticks shaved on our heads. Saoirse-Monica Jackson stars in ‘The Decameron’ which launched on Netflix on 25th July. Watch it here. Follow Saoirse-Monica on Instagram @saoirsemonicajacksonRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. What begins as a tragic discovery of a female body in a creek unravels a tale of an international kidnapping, toxic relationships, and a breakthrough that changes everything. There's only three ways you can enter any environment. One is purposeful, one is accidental, and the third way is by the hands of another. Was it an accident or something more sinister? I'm private investigator Julia Robson, and this is Troubled Waters,

a Casefile Presents production, out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the Coco Pops of conversation, pouring over the cold milk of friendship and listening, turning the milk chocolatey brown with humor. Oh no. You chose a short one there. I should have done one that there's not many steps to it. Yeah, I should have done Rice Krispies and I could have said listening to the Snap, Crackle and Pop of content.

We can still do that with Coco Pops. Yeah, but that's not what they're known for. They're known for turning the milk chocolate brown, but the idea of turning the milk chocolate brown with humor is what upset me, I think. Yeah, it doesn't sound, although many episodes that we've done. That's true. That is what we end up doing. Yeah, we do turn the milk chocolate brown. That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Edgar. Together, we own a dream restaurant. And every single week, we invite the guests last in their favour ever start a make or dessert side dish and drink not in that order. And this week, our guest is Royalty. Sitcom Royalty, very excited. Derry Girls is such an amazing sitcom. Is it our third guest? It is. From Derry Girls? Fourth. Fourth? Fourth. I think Derry Girls is probably one of the shows that we've had the most cast members on from because we've had Nicola Coughlin. Oh we had

Nicola Coughlin? I forget Nicola Coughlin. We've had Siobhan McSweeney and we've had Tommy Ternan. Oh, Benito's just told us it's five. Ardell's in it as well. Five. Man. I mean, obviously if you're counting Taskmaster, then that's obviously the winner with the amount of people we've had on from it. Yes. Stranger things weirdly is we're doing quite well. He's knocking on the door. Yeah. Three of them. Yeah, three of them. Yeah, but yeah, Derry Girls is way up there. Yeah. Well, that's very exciting. I think, I mean, Nicola was in the lockdowns. Yeah. She locked herself out of her house. Yes.

Let's see if Saoirse will lock herself out of the studio during this, in person. Well, we will lock her out of the studio if she says the secret ingredient of which we have pre-agreed. We will have to. And we've had to dip into some of our live show audience suggestions again, and we've gone with one from the Dublin show, which was Brown Coddle. Brown Coddle. We didn't know what it was when it was suggested by the Dublin audience. Yes. We believe it's kind of stew. It comes in different colours. Yes. It's got like little carrots and potatoes in it and stuff. It sounds quite nice. I think it sounds nice. I mean the name is horrible. Yes, Brown Coddle doesn't sound nice. I think sounds nice. I mean, the name is the name is horrible. Yes. Brown coddle. Brown coddle. Doesn't sound nice. It turns the milk chocolatey brown.

That's what they say. Yeah, they do say that. Yeah. It's the go go pops. So the savory cocoa pops. Yes. That's what we understand. So if Searsha says savory cocoa pops, she's out. She's out, which would be a shame because we're all very much looking forward to watching the Decameron on Netflix. Searsha is in, because it comes out on July 25th tomorrow. We're looking at a little press thing for her here. It says The Decameron is like Love Island, but back in the day.

It's a great cast as well. Amazing cast. Tony Hale, Zozie and Mamet, I think is... I don't know what, I've never known how to pronounce that person's name, but they're fantastic. Yes. I've always find them funny, but I don't know how to say their first name because too used to their characters.

So check out the Decameron, but only after you've listened to this. It's the off menu menu of Sisher Monica Jackson. Welcome, Sersher, to the Dream Restaurant. Waiting for me to do it. Not going to be fooled and say hello. Welcome, Saoirse, I wanted you to chat to the Dream Restaurant. I've been here for some time. I was so focused on saying Saoirse right, that I messed up Monica. And I said it different to Ed.

I went for Saoirse, I went for Saoirse. Yeah, it's really your own choice. I don't think it is. I don't think that's how names work. I'm well used to it. I've got everything from Soskwiski, Deciriasis. I mean, actually, I just started a Guinness ad recently where we were talking about in the ad, the pronunciation of my name and my fiancee through that effort has learned how to say my name properly. Finally. Finally.

I spoke to someone recently who is pregnant and is naming their daughter, Saoirse. Oh, it's becoming more common now, isn't it? And had a whole conversation with them about, cause they were saying that another celebrity, not you. I won't say who it is, how's that name? And they were like, they say it wrong. She calls herself Saoirse. But I think that that is a different, there's two different, there's two different like Gaelic translations and dialects within Ireland. So I think hers is off a different translation. That's the translation I was doing. I was aware of the two different

dialects and I just plumped for the wrong Gaelic dialect. It means freedom. So people in the North, I think have more of a stronghold over that word. So I think that we're right. But surely it means freedom. So people can just pronounce it however they like. They're free to free to do that, right? Yeah. Do you want to freely respond to that comment? Do you know what? I am so used to it. And that's always an open, like a conversation opener and people are so thrilled in themselves once they get it right. It's sort of nice to see the delight on people's faces. Do you know who never gets it wrong as Americans?

Really? Americans, first time round, absolutely fucking nail it. English people, disaster. Because we don't believe in ourselves like the Americans do. Yeah, or you're just doing it at a pure spite. Yeah, I think it's a spite thing. Maybe somewhere in between the two. We're the ones who feel spiteful towards you. And what I like about it is obviously you're still not telling us which one of us.

If either of us have got it right at all, we're going to leave us both guessing. It's sear, like sear a steak and then sha. That's what I always say to people and they still go, s'a squishkey. At least I didn't go s'a squishkey. Yeah, I mean, I wish you had s'a squishkey. I can't say s'a squishkey. That's harder to say than s'a squishkey. S'a squishkey Monica Jackson.

It's good to have the Monica as a good wee buffer that serves me well in Starbucks and things like that or on like film sets in foreign countries. You just say Monica. Who's it for Monica? Sometimes they just call me Monica and in Italy they were calling me Shushi, which I thought was quite cute. That's quite nice Shushi. Yeah, Shushi. I felt like a little Pomeranian.

Exactly. It's like you're in a handbag. Yeah. I felt like a little Pomeranian. It's like you're in a handbag. And you were in Italy of course filming and here's another word I can't, I don't have absolute confidence in pronouncing, the Decameron. How was that filming in Italy for that? And it's coming to Netflix very soon. Yeah, it's coming to Netflix on the 25th of July.

It was such a brilliant experience. Rome is the most chaotic place that I've ever been or stayed. I think it was quite funny to watch the Americans getting travelled to work in the morning because they're just not used to cobblestones the way we are. We're hardcore on the cobblestones in Europe. We can handle it. We've got stomachs of dogs. When it comes to travel, where the Americans are just used to like wide flat roads.

That was quite an experience to see the difference between us there. How were they reacting to the cobblestones? What was Tony Hale like on some cobblestones? He was just like, oh my God, I mean, is this serious everywhere? It never stops. And fame, I mean, you know, that is the true confidence of Americans to go to Rome and start slagging off the roads. Yeah. The roads pretty much, they're Roman, they're Roman boys.

Yeah, but America is user friendly. We're not user friendly. We're just friendly. But nothing's easy here. Yeah. Everything, especially I think in Ireland, you have to work for everything. Everything is an uphill battle. We're in America. Everything is just made free. Yeah.

Convenience. You need to work hard to slot in over on this side of the planet, I think. Yeah. What's the thing that when friends from overseas visit Ireland that they complain about the most? They don't dare to do that. What's your cobbles? What's our cobbles? Well, we've got big walls that wrap around the whole area. So that's

sort of nice. But I don't think there's, we don't have great wifi maybe, Antoni Cole, but there's not much to complain about. Like the food's great. The scenic views are amazing. And I think that the people are really, really good looking as well. So, and always adds to your trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why you need the walls to keep out all the suitors. Exactly. They're clambering over and we're like, stop, stop, we're taking. We don't hear about any of that because of the bad Wi-Fi.

No, no, you can't tell anyone, you can't do any tweets about it. Are you much of a foodie? Are you a food fan? I am a massive food fan. I love to eat and I love my grub. I think I like like a range of different food. I like like ranging from like extremely wanky food to like, you know, home cooked cottage pie, beans toasty. I'm across the spectrum all over really.

This is what we like on this podcast I think. Yeah, I mean the first time both of us met you was at the Great British Menu banquet. Yes. So there was, you know, food is very much an, Ed, correct me if I'm wrong, the name of the game. It's a big part of it I'd say, yeah, at least 50% is part of that show. Yeah. Were you on the table with the man who was asleep? The old man? No, was he?

I'm not sure, maybe you were on that table. I thought you were on the table with the man who fell asleep. I was on the table with Catherine, an amazing actress from the IT crowd. Yes, Catherine Parkinson. We had a ball. Yeah, she's great fun. I didn't expect it because normally when you go to these TV events, it's like quite stuffy and everybody leaves in like prim and proper time, but it was madness.

That was a fun one. And because it was so, it was loose. Cause it was celebrating the BBC as well. They invited loads of fun people. That's why. Yeah. And like all of the tables were fun. We were on a fun table with just friends basically.

And then we were in a good position to look at **** who fell asleep halfway through. And then the pudding arrived, it got put in front of him. He woke up, ate the pudding and then went back to sleep again. Well, we always start with still a sparkling water. Do you have a preference? Sparkling. I like to get the mouth scratched. So that's what you're enjoying getting from the sparkly is this scratchy mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Just to tangle that moist, get it all open. Have you ever heard of the face,

Jim? Yeah. It's been recommended to me. Yeah. Well, who says a lot about how I clearly look well, apparently it gives you a skinnier face. So maybe that's what Sparkle and Water's doing for the inside of your mouth. Do you- Sucking in from the inside. Yeah. Oh, so I thought you were saying it gives you the skinnier inside of the mouth. Yeah.

Does that show on the outside then, or are you just trying to get- I'm a shaman, so why? Yeah. Because there's less on the inside. Yeah. So that means you have to pull it out from the inside. Yeah.

I see, let's find it. Just feels nice, isn't it? Just push it around. Yeah. I know, I see what you mean. It's stimulating. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Sparkle and water. Yeah, gets you ready for what you're about to eat maybe.

Yeah, and obviously scratches the mouth and makes it skinny on the inside, yeah. And they massage the inside of your mouth at the face gym, don't they? They never, I've never had anyone's fingers in my mouth in the face gym. Other places, yes, at work sometimes. We should try and explain what the face gym is,

maybe for some listeners who don't. Yeah, explain the face gym. I'm gonna explain it now really well, so hopefully they give me some free face gym. Yeah. The face gym is a place where you go and they exercise your face. You don't have to do any of the exercise in yourself.

You don't have to move your own face. They move it for you, and they have like weights and balls and things that they press and roll and ice and you leave honestly snatched. Yeah. It's amazing. Cause I've seen, I've been past the face gym and have thought, but where have we come to? You've got fantastic skin though that you're supposed to. Thank you very much. And do you do anything, Dave, or you just? Uh, wash it. Now and again. He's only just started doing that. Me and James have had an argument about this before,

that I wasn't washing my face at night, and James thought it was the most unbelievable thing he'd ever heard. Yeah, you have to wash your face at any time, so you're living in London. Yeah, and then I did an interview with GQ magazine, and they were really upset that I didn't wash my face. So about six months later, when I'd calmed down my stubbornness, I started washing my face at night. Yeah. Do you not have like a wee sooty face when you're coming home?

No, I'm not a chimney sweep. I'm not running through the streets of London, jumping into chalk paintings. But it's modern day dirt is invisible now. Yeah. Well, I think also Ed was born in London. You have all that wifi on your face. I should move to Donegal. Because I think when I moved to London, I really noticed like, oh, my skin is fucked. Yeah. Like as soon as I moved in, it was fine in Kettering. Yeah.

And then I moved here and all the pollution started attacking my face. I was like, why did I? Ed was born here. So I guess. You're hard. I've always been why I got a sort of, Ed was born here. So I guess. You're hard. I've always been mucky. His skin knows how to deal with it. He's a mucky boy.

But you must be hard as fuck because Yeah, I'm nails. The water is hard. So it must harden you, especially if you're growing with that water. Yeah. You're maybe, maybe I'm just used to it. You know, it's like an immune system thing now.

Yeah. Because I can't go anywhere with soft water. I've said it on the podcast before, it makes my hair too fluffy. Yeah. But he texted me when he started washing his face at night to tell me he'd started doing it. For a bit I was texting him every night going,

done it again. Done it again. It's becoming a routine. Is it just like rotting black? Yeah. It's awful. And then I've got a little acid thing that I use sometimes as well. Oh,

that's nice. My wife sometimes uses like an acid peel thing that is like purple, but never warns me when she's put it on. And I'm always shocked. She's walking to the bedroom, like with a bright purple face, every single time I have one of those led masks. They are amazing. Also snatch. Do they actually do anything though? They really, really, really do. I just feel like when I take it off, I sort of look like I just got out of the sea. Do you know when it's a wee bit tighter and a wee bit like going? That's what it feels like.

Oh, nice. I really am on this yanker. And that's very relaxing, you know, to just lie down and like just your pants and the face mask just like starfished across the bed. It's a bit of you time. We live in a busy world yeah we do yeah we've got a put on an LED face mask that make us look like we're in slip not now and again my girlfriend's got one of those yeah I've tried it out a couple of times yeah sitting there on the bed with my pants with what looks like you know

you have to be in your pants I just say that now I know, like you have to be in your pants. I'll just say that now. I think that's, I don't think you have to be in your pants. You're just out of the shower when you do it. So obviously not going to lie. I would never not have pants on. Well, so we lay in there in a LED face mask and full dungarees. Just do it on the tube. What do you want? You do it when you're just clean.

Right. OK, that makes sense then. Sorry. Carry on. Yeah. Well, last time I did it, I'm laying there, got it on, in my pants, and then my cat, who was a sphinx cat, hairless cat, comes and sits on my chest, it was quite the sight, me with that mask on, and a hairless cat sitting on me.

Pop-a-doms or bread? Pop-a-doms or bread, Saoirse and Monica Jackson? Pop-a-doms or bread? I'm gonna go for pop-a-doms. Yeah, you're the first person from Ireland'm going to go for poppadoms. Yeah. You're the first person from Ireland who's chosen this. Really? Yeah.

I'm obviously the most cultured. Yeah. I was like, when I was coming in here, I was like, we got another bread on our hands. I imagine. It'd be bread, it'd be Kerrygold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do love Kerrygold.

Yeah, yeah. I go for poppadoms because I think that it's a better vehicle for d dips and I'm all about dips. So that's why I offer a poppadom and I like to add some crunch. What dips we talking if the dips are the headline is here? For the poppadoms. Yeah. Or for anything. I mean, generally, I mean, also you can bring in some of your favorite dips from non-poppadom world and pop them with the poppadoms.

Oh, I do do that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there you go. You can bring in some of your favourite dips from non-poppadom world and pop them with the poppadoms. Oh I do do that. Oh there you go. Leave the last wee poppadom at the end of the bag and then have a wee dip feast the next day. I love that. Fantastic. I want to hear about these dips.

My favourite dips are Frank's. I like Frank's because it's very vinegar and it makes you sweat from here. I always think that's a good sign. Frank's. Frank's Buffalo sauce. Yeah I wouldn't even describe that as a dip. So this is the level you're operating on now. What do you have to describe as a dip?

A hot sauce. It's a sauce? A sauce. A hot sauce. A jus, whatever you want. No, a dip. I'm thinking you could get a pot of it and then you're dipping it in.

I'm sorry, yeah, she's done you that. No, a sauce you're putting on top of something. She's absolutely done you that. No, you're not even listening to me. You know the difference between a dip and a sauce. Yeah, I do. I think anything you could eat with your tongue is classified as a dip. The tongue is the ultimate spoon.

The tongue is the ultimate spoon. Okay, now I fully believe that that is a dip. Listen, since you've chosen categorically a hot sauce, so you are correct, but you've done you with the shoe thing. Absolutely done you. Okay, so you've done you with the shoe thing. Yeah. Absolutely done you. Okay. So we're going for buffalo sauce. Buffalo sauce. I like that green dip that you get from an undine, you know, the wee hairby one.

Yeah. It's sort of like an undine pesto. Yeah. It doesn't taste anything like pesto. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

I love that. Quite fresh, quite sort of zingy. Quite fresh. And green chili in there as well. But of green chilli, a lot of spice. A lot of the lime pickle also from the Indian. Yes. I wouldn't know you'd be a big woman for salsa or sour cream or anything like that.

No. Sour cream, I think to me, is fucking gross. Every time I meet a new person from Ireland who I've not met before, I learn a new phrase that I didn't know existed. And I didn't know I wouldn't be a big woman. But I've never heard that before. And every time I'm like, I love that phrase. I would like to steal it.

I love that phrase, I'm gonna get a tattoo. Yeah, yeah. You look... I feel like you could bring that into your lexicon. There were certain things I could get away with saying on stage. Yeah, I think because you've got a bit your lexicon. There were certain things I could get away with saying on stage. Yeah. Yeah. I think because you've got a bit of a ginger gene.

By too, you could say any Irish phrase and it would be believable. But like, oh, I'm smart, I'm not Irish. Yeah. That's good. I could get away with that. That's good to know. I've got the ginger gene. A lot of ginger people, you know, see me as like, you know, representation on TV.

You're the king, the king of the gingers. Yeah, they tell me that. But then when they meet me in real life, they are looking at my you know, representation on TV. You're the king, the king of the gingers. Yeah, they tell me that. I don't like, but then when they meet me in real life, they are looking at my head like, hold on a second. I got a ginger vibe off you, from the tail end our first meeting, but in today's reflect, you're not that ginger, but I can see you have it on you.

I do think at the banquet, I think you told me that. That's what you said when you first met me. You said, I thought you were more ginger than this. I have the ginger gene in me as well. Yeah, you said I thought you were more ginger than this. I have the ginger gene in me as well. Yeah. You got it. Yeah. I think you can deal with people. Can you see by looking at me that I could have been ginger? I actually can. Now you say it. Yeah. Yeah.

Definitely the ginger gene. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. When I was born, I was ginger. That is so surprising. I didn't know this. Yeah. Well, I was it was like you know they say strawberry blonde. Did they just not clean off the blood? Yeah that was it actually. I was cutting it in my head. Dirty London. I can't believe you were born

ginger because you're so not that fight not at all. Well it was like yeah strawberry blonde and then I don't think my mum was that happy about that. Oh. So maybe they've been dyeing my hair ever since. Yeah, without you knowing. Yeah, yeah. Happens at night now. That's why they told you not to wash your face. But when you grow a beard really thing, is that ginger? Yeah, sort of. I mean, it's almost impossible for me to grow a beard, but it's ginger flecks. And my dad has like a ginger mustache as well. So. Yeah.

That's the bit of Irish knocking around in the family. My brother's ginger and he's terrified of the sun. So it's a double-edged sword, really, of eating ginger. Yeah. What's the bit of Irish knocking around in the family. My brother's ginger, he's terrified of the sun, so it's a double-edged sword, really being ginger. He's beautiful, he's very handsome, but hard for him to go abroad. Porcelain skinned. He probably couldn't even use that LED mask without getting sunburned, could he? He'd be absolutely frazzed immediately. So we've got two dips,, no, three dips here. Lime pickle, the green dip and the buffalo sauce.

Anything else? So is that the- I like the wee yogurty dip as a killing factor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't need that. You got some spices.

I've been to Thailand recently and I was really under the sambal. What's that? Don't know, but it was really nice. I don't know actually what's on it, but you know, it's not a kick in the, kick in the depth of the other depths. It's just like a different twist. Yeah. On that. Seems to remember that it felt like there was these wee circle crunchy things on it, but I don't know what they were.

Okay. And then I ordered some from Amazon thinking I just ordered one jar and I ordered 24 of them. Everything's been clattered in Zambal as of late. Are you bored of it yet? No, it's lovely. That moment, because I've done that before where you're like, oh, I've ordered something and then it arrives at, oh, that's my life now. That's my life for the next year. I don't know if we pickle gingers out. So now when people come this day,

I always give them like the things that I've ordered multi-pack by accident. So they'll get like fours, feets, mango, chocolate and pickle ginger as they go out the door. I'm like, thank you, tell your mom I was asking for. A little party bag. Yeah. Your brother thinks you're taking the piss out of him. Do you want some pickled ginger? Get out of here. I did that with chicken thighs in the pandemic, accidentally ordered 10 kilos of chicken thighs.

What did you do with them then? Well, some friends who live in the area were like coming over standing at the end of the path and I was like throwing them bags of chicken thighs out the front door and stuff. Did you drop them off in any parks for any wild animals? No, I don't think that would be particularly appreciated in my local area if I was just leaving raw chicken size in the park for foxes. I wonder could, do you think dogs can eat raw meat? I don't know actually. I think foxes can eat raw meat. Foxes can definitely eat anything. Foxes can, they're horrible. They've eaten little chickens they've just killed. They've been lying there for a while. Yeah exactly.

But then if a chicken's just, I wonder how they work that out themselves. During the pandemic as well. I think it was fox mating season during the pandemic and they were all like fucking outside the window. It was a horrible noise. In Ireland we call it Banshees. Oh really? That's why there's so many rumors about Banshees, but it's like, it's not Banshees gears. it's just foxes riding. So the, the origin of the banshee myth is from foxes riding. I discovered that when I got older, we went on holidays to Kevin and there was two foxes riding and I was like six and I'm like, I discovered it quite early on. I was like, oh my God, there's a fucking banshee.

I probably wasn't saying fucking because of the change and I was terrified and I couldn't sleep. My mom was like, don't worry, don't worry. It's just two foxes fighting. And then as I got a bit older, I was like, they weren't fighting. They weren't fighting. They were having a lovely time.

And then every time people talked about banshees, I was like, I'm not having it. Foxes having sex. There's no such thing as a banshee. We've all seen the fucking foxes living in Sharon, haven't we? Yeah. Yeah.

Great film. Let's get into your meal properly, your dream starter. My dream starter would be oysters. I would like the oysters to come from Ireland, but I would like the vinaigrette that comes along with the oysters from this restaurant in Liverpool called the Italian Fish Club because they're vinaigrette. My, oh my, it's so vinaigrette. And they're not stingy in the amount of those

wee tiny bits of onions you get on it. So I really love their vinaigrette. I'd like the two different Tabasco sauces down with that. The green one, actually the three of them. I want the dark Tabasco sauce, the green Tabasco and your standard, the reddish salted of Tabasco, the red one. And then I would also like on a platter with that, some langoustines. Nice. With a garlicky butter over it.

This is great. What a great starter. Really good starter. How many oysters you having? I have six. Six. So how many? When we get the oyster, because you got a very specific selection of aoutrements on there to go on the oyster. How are you doing it? How are you evening out these sauces? Are you doing all three Tabascos on each oyster or are you changing it up depending on what oyster, what Tabasco sauce you use? I'll change it up. There'll definitely be one in there that I put all three of them on at the one time. I might do that with two.

I'll squeeze the lemon on, good British a lot. And then I'll singular out some of the sauces to let them have their moment. Each individually. And then whatever, whatever vinaigrette is left, I'll put a bit of Tabasco on it and I'll shot it. Oh yeah. Wow. That's cool. Cause that's so good. Isn't it? Yeah. I mean that, that's got a face, Jim, your mouth. Surely. That's why I look so young. Cause I'm just pickled from the inside out. Yeah, because that's so good, isn't it? Yeah, I mean that's got to face-jim your mouth, surely?

Yeah, that's why I look so young, because I'm just peckled from the inside out. Surely, you've already scratched up the inside of your mouth with sparkling water, and then you're chucking vinegar in there. So it's really absorbent on there, so... Yeah, you're just in agony all of the time, but you look amazing. I'm just... I'm just eight. I love this idea of giving each source their moment as well. Are you sort of imagining the sources as living beings who are getting jealous of all being on the same oyster and they're like, but what about my moment? Let my flavors shine.

Exactly. They'll get a solo. That's good. Yeah. They'll get a solo. They're a choir, but everyone needs a solo. You do need to always make sure you brush your teeth with sensitine though, don't you? Before you eat oysters, because have you ever put an oyster under your mouth and your teeth are sensitive and you go, and it sort

of wiggles out a wee bit at the front. What are you talking about? You know the freezingness of the oyster, if it hits your molars and your teeth are sensitive, if it's been a long week. It jiggles in your heart. You're trying to control the sensitivity and flatten your tongue across your teeth. And so many oyster above it. There's so many things I need to talk to you about. Yeah. I mean, look, if we're stand up comics, we've been there before when we think something's universal in it.

You must have had that. Come on, you've never crunched on the ice and went fuck that's gonna come out. Cold, yeah, not, no, I've never thought that's so cold it's gonna come out, wriggle out the front, I think is the phrase you might have used. The thing I really want to concentrate on is you say when the teeth are sensitive, because it's been a long week, do your teeth get more sensitive as the week goes on if it's busy? No, do you know what? Actually, it's funny you mentioned that. This is a recent thing, this is very boring to do to other people, but I'm a wild woman for grinding recently. Yeah. Your teeth. Yeah, the teeth. So if there's a lot on in that week, there'll be, it's a bigger grind.

So some days my teeth be more sensitive than others. And oysters always feel like a special occasion. So maybe the excitement for a special occasion will have amped up the grinding. And therefore maybe the oysters always coincide with that. So that's why I have that experience. And you're chewing the oysters, you're not down in one. Can you swallow them in whole? No, I go one bite swallow.

I don't let me imagine it. I think I shake it from side to side and bite on each side just to make sure. And then I might swallow, but I definitely sort of break it with my tongue in half. Yeah. Yeah. I think you've got to break it. No, you've got to enjoy the flavor. Yeah. Otherwise it's like you're taking a paracetamol. Exactly. When you say you shake it side to side, are you shaking your whole head? Like I'll make sure that it's bitten on each side of the oyster. Right. Okay.

I'll warm it up basically in my mouth first so I'm not swallowing it too cold. There's going to be people seeing you in restaurants now going, I hope she gets oysters. I can't wait to see the way she eats them. Shaking around and shotting the vinegar. That's what they're made for. For a celebration. Are you going lemon as well? Oh, always lemon.

Yeah. Lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon on all. As much as possible. You'd be hoping you don't have any fingernail ragtags when you're out having oysters, because you'd be burning the fingertips right off you, wouldn't you? With the lemon and the Tabasco. But that's just like going to the finger gym. Well, I mean, that sounds very efficient, the whole thing. Yeah. And the langoustines. How many of them? I don't want to be too full for my main. So I'll go with four. Now are

you having to peel those and stuff and do any admin with them? Was that just, I like that again, the, I think, find that ceremonious is the word. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I like that. And I like taking their wee legs apart, their wee six packs. Yeah. And getting those wee bad boys out. I've never thought of a langoustine as buff before, but now clearly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Early on when me and Hector started going out with each other, we used to come up, it was like during the second lockdown.

So it was obviously boring. And we used to come up with these wee characters in our heads that we obviously didn't just keep singularly and not speak out loud, but to come up together and we used to like do the voices for them and two characters, we was called Scrawn the Prawn and Little Shitbag. So I was Little Shitbag and he was Scrawn the Prawn. And then we just met. We, yeah, it was only a couple couple months, like a month or two young.

And then I got an artist to commission a photo. Like I described Scron the Prawn dear of what I imagined Scron the Prawn to look like, which is like a lovable rogue with a pair of nightgare mics on with a cap backwards and a chain smoking a cigarette. But he's a prawn, right? But he's a prawn. Yeah, yeah. Scron the Prawn.

And he was a sex pack. He was a prawn, right? But he's a prawn. Yeah, yeah. He's on a prawn. And he has a six pack. Yeah, he has a six pack. Once not to brag, he's my boyfriend. I like this bag, to be fair. Scrawl on the prawn. There's no way around that. But congratulations to him on his listening on your six pack.

So I got the role of really being little shit bag. Talk us through little shit bags. Talk us through little shit bags. Little shit bag is a bag of money. Like what you see in old curtains, you know, like a bag with the dollar sign. And it's got shit inside it with little stink marks coming off the top. And it's always sad when it's a tiny shit bag. It's full of shit. But it once contained money I presume. And it does anything Scrawl in the Prawn says. It once contained money, you're right. Yeah, so that's why it's so sad. It knows how good life used to be.

Yeah. I mean you might not even know. Maybe it's a metaphor for like money strikes. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. How did you get to Scrawl in the Prawn and Little Shit back? I just started like the both of us sat on a sofa looking out a window and then she never do that with you're like, you're sending out a window and then she never do that with your like,

your significant allers and then you're just like talking on the voice like, Oh, I don't have no patience. I don't have any patience because I don't have any time. Then we give them like their characters developed and then it became Scrawl the Brawn and Little Shitbag. COVID, we all had to get through it some way. What's Little Shitbag's voice? What voice does Little Shitbag speak? That was sort of Little Shitbag's voice. It's a little high pitched voice. Scrawl the prawn is more like scrawl the prawn, party, party, party.

I loved how you described that going, scrawl the prawn's more like scrawl the prawn. So scrawl the prawn's obviously scrawl the prawn, you see. What's the relationship with each other again? What do they think of each other? I think that it's sort of like a mirror I might not a rep off at all in any way I reckon Marty Like we're little shitbag is always following it's grown the prawn Yeah

And it's grown the prawn is just always trying to work things out and making it a disaster and little shitbags actually fixing them mistakes Behind him and never getting any glory for it. But it's just happy to be there. I'd happily watch an animation of Scrawl the Prawn and Little Shipbag. Yes. I know, isn't this actually, nobody better fucking stay in the video anyway. Yeah. I think it'll be pretty clear if they've stolen the idea. I'd say as you were talking there and describing their relationship, I did

notice a switch from talking about the characters to talking what sounded like I did notice a switch from talking about the characters to talking what sounded like your real relationship with your partner. You're like, and the little shitbag's always cleaning up, scoring the pawns and messes and never getting any credit for it. He's got a sex pack so he can put up with some stuff. Yeah, yeah, fine. I'm just joking because he's got a sex pack. And I'm full of shit.

I love that it's a bag. And I'm full of shit. I love that it's a bag of money that's full of shit. A dollar bag that's full of shit. That's the character you came up with. I'm a prom. University. Yeah. I'm a prom with a backwards cap. I'm a bag of shit.

Well, you'll get through the pandemic somehow. Well, you'll get through a breakthrough that changes everything. There's only three ways you can enter any environment. One is purposeful, one is accidental, and the third way is by the hands of another. Was it an accident or something more sinister? I'm private investigator Julia Robson, and this is Troubled Waters, a Casefile Presents production.

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This was a hard one to do. Can I tell you what the runners up were first? We love runners up. Yeah. Okay. So the first runners up was Andy. Well, you know Andy, Oliver, don't you? I'm a huge fan of stirring it up.

And then I bought her cookbook and I made the honey baked chicken because when I heard a Lolly Allen eating it and Makita, I was just like, that sounds so good. Just the sound effects of even them. Like I could tell they were actually eating the whole way through the podcast. So I made that and oh my God, it did not disappoint. It is absolutely delicious. But I want it to be made by Andy Oliver herself because I can't quite get the crisp on the chicken. When I've seen her photos and I've zoomed in on Instagram,

it looks like it's crispy and like darker, whereas Mangs is quite gray and thin. So I want that baked by Andy Oliver, because that sauce is honestly like a real showstopper. My other runner up was Orangini pasta with my own sauce. Is that my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or my own or I make this pasta sauce that I've been making since like university. And it's sort of evolved where it's red pesto. It's really not fancy. Red pesto, garlic. Obviously I do the garlic first before the red pesto. Garlic first and then loads of cherry tomatoes, like a full packet of it.

And then red pesto, natural yogurt and shit loads of Tabasco and a full block of feta and garden peas. It really sounds like something you came up with at university. That sounds like the ultimate student meal. I still love it. And I love those wee orangey new pasta shapes because they're very tongue like. Yeah. But I thought you don't need them though, because the tongue's a natural spoon. But they just skip it all up. So that was the next run. Andy's was closer.

Mangs was last. And then I wall choose for the winner of the day for my dream. I went to Devonshire house in Soho last week and managed to wangle a table there. It was a Devonshire house. You've never heard of it? The Devonshire. The Devonshire. I was actually about to bring up the Devonshire when you talk about longastines because they do like just a... Longastines? Did you just call them longastines? Oui.

Are they not called langoustines? Well, it's a sear-sear-sear thing, isn't it? Longastines? I have no idea which is correct. Do you get long longer scenes in Barcelona? We've had this with jalapenos before. People get at me for trying to pronounce things correctly. Yeah.

I think there's something else as well. Yeah, I'm a wanker. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. No, not at all. They do just like a pile of whatever that is that we're talking about. Linguistics. Very, very good. Like cons.

Yeah. Yeah. I do know that place now. Someone showed me a list of like best places to eat in central London or whatever. And that was like the Devonshire was like on there. And I was like, I've never heard of it, but it sounds like it's a, it's a really good, it's got a great atmosphere in it as well I wanted to get the longosteens when I was there but I didn't have time yeah because it's a whole

thing isn't it getting that longosteens experience don't change it for them to take them out of their wee homes yeah so I just had time for the mains. I actually didn't get my dream dish. My friend got my dream dish. And it was when I tasted it, my oh my, it was so good. It was, I think Irish people really love lamb. I think it's like, it's not that, it's not a big hitter in England, isn't it? No, we don't do it very well. We're getting better in recent years.

I'd say. Yeah, we are getting, yeah, but lamb is probably, you know, with beef switching around now and again. The winner of the day for me. Yeah. It's often the winner of the day for me as well. But like that's a recent thing for me. Yeah. Growing up, I didn't think it was good. Cause I didn't have it. Do you think it'll make it as big of a hat as pulled pork? Do you think lamb will ever get to that stage? Have that moment in the song like pulled pork does? I don't know. Cause I don't, I don't think it'll make it as big of a hit as pulled pork. Do you think lamb will ever get to that stage? Have that moment in the sun like pulled pork does? I don't know. Cause I don't, I don't think pulled pork deserved its moment in the sun. Cause I don't think anyone really does it well. No. Particularly cause you're not, you need

to cook it for like 12 hours for it to be actually good. Go on. But it's not actually pulled. It's still on the bone. So I take that back. But if it's pulled, we need it. One of those big massive pork legs when you're in does it. No, I get the turkey leg. I don't do the pork. It's not pork. All right.

Did you know what I was making that mistake? No, I was laughing because you just said, do you know where does it really well? And I was expecting a restaurant. You said Disneyland. So I was laughing at that. And then as it progressed, I was like, this is the turkey leg. But I wasn't laughing about that. No, because I think I've seen... I thought you were laughing at me being truly hoisted by my umpire.

No, I would not laugh at that. But I think there are places in Disneyland where they do like a pork knuckle or something in like Butte in the Beastland or something. So that's what, you know. Yeah, that'd be something that has like the beast's hand or something. So that's what, you know, yeah. That'd be something like the beast's hand. No, yeah, I agree. I think, I think pulled pork is like the Gangnam style of foods. And it had a little bit, but it wasn't that good. Yeah. But lamb, I think once England learns how to cook it properly, it does stink when you're cooking it. It does stink.

And then you get a wild, big, grey, floaty foam at the top. It's not nice, but it's worth it. Hang on, how are you cooking the lamb? Well, I think anyway, you cook lamb if you do it. Have you never cooked it when you do it in the oven? When you do it in the oven and you get that grey, wobbly gist coming out of it? Or if you were ever to boil a lamb? I've never boiled lamb, but also I think I have cooked lamb in an oven a lot and I don't think

I've ever had wobbly gray juice coming out of it. I think every time it does. Maybe I have a fresher lamb than you. Or the opposite. Do you know that lamb's not actually a lamb? What? I have an old farmer friend of mine. It's not, it wasn't an old farmer. It's just a friend from the past, but still quite good friends. He told me that he was a farmer that did sheep. The farm sheep! The farm sheep!

And he said, like, because I was like, oh, Jesus, I really love lamb, you know, I love it so much. But like, it's obviously, it's quite controversial because I shouldn't be eating too many of them because then they'll go extinct, maybe. And it's not good because they're such small baby sheep. And he said, no, actually, they're not. They're teenagers. They're immature sheep. They're like full growing sheep that didn't grow up properly. And then that's what classifies them as lamb. And that came straight from the farmer himself. So there's a when, when we're eating lamb, they're not actually little baby sheep. It's not just amateur sheep. They're adult sheep. Like the shorter? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lamb's not been to a face gym. So you don't get to feel that bad about it then? Yeah. No, I do, yeah. I do, I almost feel worse about that. Yeah, I think, I think if I'm, if next time I'm eating a lamb, and this will happen now because you've said it.

Next time you're meeting a lamb. Eating. Oh, I thought you said meeting. Oh, I wish. Next time I'm eating a lamb, if I'm gonna be thinking to myself, this is a teenager. Yeah. I think that's worse.

That's going to be worse for me now. Really? If I start thinking this is a teenager. Because you're eating all the puberty that's in it then. Yeah, that's what you'll be thinking. Because teenagers are. Whenever I will, yeah. But it's maler than children, aren't you?

Yeah, B.O. Maybe that's it. Maybe you've been cooking pubi lamb and that's why all that stuff's coming off it. Yeah, so the B.O. Fuckin' that, it's a really good point. Maybe I've been getting real lambs. Maybe I've got the hookup for the actual babies. The actual babies.

When you think about it, how tough would a baby let anything, or lamb be? It's not as fatty. So that's what he said to me. He said, no, you wouldn't want to be really eating no, I'm cause it would be too, it'd be too tough. Just tough babies. How do they do this at the Devonshire? What was, I honestly have never tasted something as succulent and tasty. It didn't dribble. It wasn't greasy, but the bite and it was, it nearly was filled with its own juice. It didn't, it had a sauce. Of course it had a sauce on the side. It was like a lovely hair, but it wasn't a Chemi churri, but it's like, it was sort of like

if Ireland did Chemi churri. So it was just like herbs. I would add now personally a Chimichurri as well so I can have the herb and the spicy option. And then on the side, I would have cheesy leeks. This is the first time I've ever had cheesy leeks that it was the white bit of the leek. Okay. Did you know? Cause you're, you're very good at food. Did you know that that's the better way to do cheesy leeks? No. For the listeners, so she was looking at Ed. very good at food. Did you know that that's the better way to do cheesy licks? For the listeners, she was looking at Ed. No, but I guess that's the more sort of, yeah, that's the more oniony bit that you can cook for a little bit longer.

See, I always discarded that bit. Oh really? I got it all wrong until I've been to the Devonshire. You've got it topsy turvy. I was eating a cone, holy shit. So that's from the Devonshire as well. The cheesy licks came with the lamb. Was it like slow roast lamb? Was it? Sounds like it. Yeah. It wasn't like falling apart. It wasn't pulled. It was very much its own entity for three

different chops. Cause I imagine if it's slow roasted, does it not all fall apart? Yeah. Yeah. So it must not have been slow roasted. But it was chops you say? It was chops. You're great. It was gorgeous. Yeah, yeah. And then they had these goose fat chips there that I would also choose.

And then I would just like a bowl of rocket that I would add that they didn't offer there that I would also add. I love rocket. Yeah. So you'd like that's your main course is all those things together. And a Bloody Mary. Very spicy with loads of Tabasco. You got it.

Yeah, absolutely. Just one type of Tabasco, what type of Tabasco are you using for that? I'll go for the standard. The red salted. Yeah. Well, that sounds great. Any other accoutrement in that Bloody Mary?

I have something to add to my Bloody Mary. I would like a Bloody Mary from, which I've only had this one time. It was a one time thing and I went back and they were all sold out and said, oh, the machine's broken. Then I haven't been in that area again. From the first aid box in Herne Hill. And I had a clarified Bloody Mary and it was, they made it from yellow tomatoes. And it was sorta, cause you know, sometimes when they use cheap tomato, just, it's just spicy, cold sip. We've walked in them, it's too thick and it's sort of curdles. And sometimes it's not good.

This was like what you really want from a Bloody Mary. It was done, but tomato and sweet and just light and like jalapeno, but still Tabasco had its moment with a citrusy burst. Wow. Amazing. Sounds delicious. Can I just go and get that? Yeah. Off to Hearn Hill. Didn't think I was going to say that today. Again, like, you nailed the starter, very specific, sounded delicious.

This main course as well, I want to eat that. Yeah. And you've put in a lot of stuff with the main course as well, which is a good hack. Respect. It's basically a deconstructed roast. Yeah. Saoirse is drinking out of a bottle of stuff with the main course as well, which is a good hack. Respect. It's basically a deconstructed roast. Yeah. Sasha is drinking out of a bottle of water and completely tilted back, drinking the water and very briefly, just for that one comment about the deconstructed roast, just

tipped forward, put the bottle out of her mouth, said while looking at it, it's like a deconstructed roast and then put the bottle back into her mouth while still looking at it. Your dream side dish then you've got a lot of sides with that main but I imagine you've got another side dish lined up. Those are the ones, the potatoes, the sorry, the chips, the cheesy lakes. If you're giving me, if I have another option. Oh, you don't have to. If you want it to be. I'll take it off. It's going. Yeah. I'll squeeze in because I was concerned that none of my things had pasta in it and I love pasta. So I'll throw on there a wild card truffle, jalapeno mac and cheese. Is that from a place? Have you had that before or have you made that or if you never had it and you've just

invented it in your head? I definitely had truffle mac and cheese and had jalapeno. I don't know if I've had it together, but I always think when I'm having truffle fuck I wish this was spicy. Yeah. Yeah. You love spice. Yeah.

I love spice. You're adding spice to everything. You've got a spicy drink. Yeah. You had your Tabasco on your. Three types of Tabasco. Three types of Tabasco on those starters. You've got some spicy drink. You had your Tabasco on your, three types of Tabasco on those stars. You've got some spicy dips for the poppadoms and the lamb. You're like, I'd add chimichurri on the side of that. You're wanting to spice everything up. Yeah. And do you know what was England really done that for me when I first moved here,

I couldn't even eat hot Doritos and through the cultural landscape of this country, I have really went up on the spice ammeter. Now I would say I'm like the most hardcore at all my friends know my spice. How do they look up to you? Sometimes I'd be scared. I'd be scared to cook for them in case it's too spicy, but they are like, Oh my God, Sersha, you can take so much spice.

Oh God, Sersha, you know, there's no nothing you can't handle. I hear that. How was, how was little shit bag with spice? Not good. Does little shit bag handle spice? No, IBS just like, you don't want little shit bag like, or cry. little shit bag keeps it all bottled up as little shit bag should snaps every once in a while the bag snaps yeah no little shit bag just snaps can't take it anymore oh i thought you meant the bag snaps open loads of shit pulls out no he's never he's never opened up right yeah yeah he keeps it all inside yeah He keeps it all inside. Yeah. He keeps it all inside. Yeah. Sometimes he snaps. That's at Scorn the Prawn or anyone. Just like he'll like

float up and smack him across the face and then come back down again. That'll be the end of episode. Big revelation that little shitbag can float. Little shitbag only floats. Little shitbag's got no legs and hovers with the shadow below him. It's good that we know that now. Yeah. We're so curious about what I was thinking. Oh God, I love Little Shitbag. I know, it's so cute. I think Little Shitbag would be my favourite character in the cartoon, but I'd appreciate that Scrawn the Prawn has to be there for the dynamic.

If you had to invent characters for Ed and I to be in this world. Yeah. Cameos in the cartoon. You be a duck. The quickest. I was not expecting that straight away to James. You'd be a duck. You'd be a duck for sure. With really, really long legs and a tiny wee body.

What's his name? Flapper. Flapper. Flapper. Yeah, Flapper the Duck. Flapper the Duck with the really long legs and the tiny, tiny wee body. Yeah, I love it. And you'd be a ruler. A ruler? Just a ruler.

Just a ruler called Shumpy. Shumpy the ruler. Because I think you're like urban but measured. Yeah, that's why.umpy the ruler. Because I think you're like urban but measured. Yeah, that's why. Like a ruler. Like a ruler. Oh, I'm glad I'm a ruler actually. Yeah, and I'm glad you didn't think of that as quickly as you thought of James being a duck.

Yeah, a ruler and a duck. Walking around together. Give your wee duck head the exact same hair style that you have now. Good. That's good. Very generous of you to refer to this as a style. Yeah. Literally done nothing to it today. So whatever this is, I don't even know what it's doing. Do not go in and ask for anything specific in the hairdressers.

I say, give me what we did last time. And then every now and again, I'll put something in it. Today is not one of those days. I've just woke up. I think it looks like a big cut though. Yeah, it's a good cut. Oh yeah, shout out to the person who cut it. Hey, did you ever have a Nike tic shaved under your head?

No, I didn't. Finally enough, do I come across you? No, I didn't. That was a big thing in there, right? Nike and Adidas shaved under the side of boys' heads and you're all the gears like, oh my case, got his new night-tick on. The girls loved it. The capitalism, man.

So it was a good thing, so girls liked the night-tick. Yeah, you were and did the night-tick. It was around the Spice Boy era. It was part of it, really. Not the Sandshilday. And all the girls had diamonds in their teeth. It was such a trendy time, wasn't it? And that's all coming back in now. Yeah, it is coming back in actually. I might get a night take.

You should bring it back. I should get a night take. How do you think your wife would react if you came home tonight, but you still had the same thickness and fluff at the side of all the rest there, but just you had to shave just one patch out and just do the night check at the side. How do you think she would react if you didn't tell her and you came in from the side of your side and then you went to bed that night and you went, oh, and you lay over and nightshade the side of your head. Yeah. Good night.

She's still not noticing. I bet she wouldn't notice. And I'd have to say good night to draw attention to her. So you constantly doing that in the morning. So it's nice to see you. Yeah. I like to see you too. Oh, tired this morning. I don't want to get up. I guess I'll just do it.

Look at my fucking head. I think she'd find it quite funny, but I don't think, I think it would be like, okay, but today is the day you get rid of the night. Tech, right? Yeah. Americans are gonna be furious at us right now. Why do Americans really love Nike? Because we're not saying Nike. I actually do say Nike and long and long.

Christine. Of course, he is right there to say Nike, to be fair. Well, it is Nike's night is named after this Greek God, isn't it? Or something. Bike is it's not a bike. Absolutely. I say right on my bikey. Absolutely. I would Absolutely. I'm going for a ride on my bikey. Absolutely, I would never say I'm going for a ride on my bikey.

I'm going to get on my bikey and get a Nike tic shaking to my... I likey my bikey. I don't say that. Exactly. Your dream drink, Saoirse. I've had the Bloody Mary. You've had the Bloody Mary. But what've had the Bloody Mary, but that's a little bonus. Is this another spicy drink? No, but I have a multi Puccino, the bottle.

A what? A multi Puccino. Italian red? Italian red. Okay. Yeah. I like it because it's fun. I don't know red wines very well.

And last time we were, when we did our live shows in Dublin, we had Tommy Tehrnan on. You know him. I know him. Yeah. And he, he chose Poochin? Poochin? Poochin? Parchin? Parchin? Yeah. So when you said that, that Parchin. I once got accused of drinking Parchin when I was a teenager and I just had licorice. My friend's mom was like, I fucking know you're having patching, let me smell your bread. And I've had so much I breathe through my nose, even though I hadn't done anything wrong. I just had like a licorice all sort and she was like, here she was drinking patching. And I was like, oh, I was eating licorice.

She was like, do you expect me to believe that you were eating licorice? And I was like, it's actually as hard you believe. I know I'm 12, but I do like liquorice. Do you expect me to believe that you've been eating liquorice? I'm 12. Yeah. But it's sort of a granny granda sweet, doesn't it? Sure. Yeah. Like what, what 12 years going around eating liquorice? Sure. Me. Like a beano character. I have old people's taste buds. Do you? And for everything really, for perfume, like old people's smells and for food, like the more vintage-y style basket, I'll always go for that. Love it. And I love like pickled stuff, like war food. Yeah. I love all that. What age do you think you're

going to get to where everything that you like makes sense with your age? Well, will it ever? Because then I'll be the same age as all the other, my contemporaries will still like the things that they liked, whereas I'll just be on my own then with all those people that like the same things as me, we'll all be dead. By the time I'm that age. But will the other people's tastes not evolve to be the sort of older tastes? I can see that sort of happening a little bit, but I think it's all done in a very modernized way. Like people are recently getting and they like a bit of pickled spread on things

and fancy restaurants, but it's like, would you eat Branstad and pickle with a spin? Do you have a bowl of cauliflower pickle? No, you don't. So you're modernizing it. It's not like war time. Yeah. Do you drink like war time. Do you drink bovril? Do you drink bovril? If it's there, I'll definitely have a bovril on the go. Yeah. Yeah. Your friend's mom's smelling your breath. Yeah. I like a bovril.

Filming? Yeah, I'm filming. When you're freezing. I'm always filming outside in a money skirt. Why you don't stink after bovril? You've got beef breath. Jack Nicholson. I would never. If someone's had beef... Jack Nicholson brushes teeth before going on set. I obviously chew chewing gum.

Sometimes I don't have time to brush my teeth. Sensodyne. You love Sensodyne. You plugged it earlier. I wouldn't be sensitive at work because it's whatever the makeup artists would have on them. So it wouldn't be possible at work. Would line my teeth and I would be sensitive once a week.

If you're really worried. Don't worry, I've got it covered. I'm worried. Worried about all this Beaufreal. Because it's a nightmare having sensitive teeth. You'll be walking around that, trying to guard them from the wind. If you're an actor, it can't be that every character you're playing has sensitive teeth. So you have beef breath on set. No, no, no. I've been conscious of my breath because I'm an ex-smoker, so I'm always conscious

of my breath. Still even though I eat the PTSD from it, it me always be like oh god I check in on myself. So that when you said the name of the wine which I've already forgotten because I've never heard it before I thought you were talking about a fancy version of that drink that I can't pronounce. Multi Puccino yeah that's the name of the wine. Yeah so when you said that I thought of the Poccin. No no no it's not Poccin. When you said that I thought oh of the poaching. No, no, no, no. It's not poaching. When you said that, I thought, oh, that's a really fancy version of it. It was the Italian version of it. Have you ever tried poaching? No, no. I've just heard, I heard Tommy speak about it.

You can get lovely poachings that are like not as hard, but like it is rock and field. Yeah. Oh, it's really, really, really intense. I don't want that. Yeah. I don't want to speed up. I don't want to like, yeah. I don't understand shots. Unless it's vinegar. Yeah. Unless it's vinegar, but I don't understand alcoholic shots. I'm not here for it. I always lie when someone gives me a shot and throw it on my shoulder. Yeah. Not behind me or I'll spit it back into

the cup because they don't want to ruin the balls. So it depends on who does only do that for people I care about if it's their birthday or something. Yeah. So I might do tequila. I might if I'm in a good mood, which is rare. So, yeah, but you'll take sometimes if the person is their birthday, you really care about them. Yeah. You'll do the shot to be to join in and then gobb it. Only if I'm in a very nice bar. Yeah, but then gobb it back into the glass. If it's in a nice bar and it's expensive tequila, I'll drink it. If I have the lime and the salt, if I'm in a nightclub, I'm spitting it back into the cup

or I'm throwing it over down my shoulder. I agree with you about shots. Awful. Because it's always disgusting tasting stuff as well. Yeah Yeah, anyone who brings like surprise sambuca shots In the world. Yeah, those people are absolute dickheads even the smell of sambuca. Yeah talking about it. It's making me Yeah, do you know what else I like licorice though? Yeah, no, is it gold

slanger? That's Anna C.D. It's no gold slanger. Everybody used to drink it as teenagers. The one because it's got like flakes of gold in it. Gitchy drunkard Shrek 2 log 2. What? What did you do for? You know, in Shrek when they get up to the mean machine, do you not remember that? But it's Shrek where it's like, brush your teeth, washer, and then they're about to flash and then face. I can't say I remember that. Do you not remember that? No, no, no. Speaking about about Trek and my new show, I've got to be Lord Farquaad like great. And it's very, very funny. Wow. So you were, is it specifically Farquaad? That wasn't their attention, but like I am the ringer of Lord Farquaad.

You could be Farquaad in a live action show. So this one, we should talk about the wine a bit more, shouldn't we? Because like, I mean, Ed knows about wine. It won't surprise you to know that. Do you not drink wine? I do drink it, but I don't mean know much about it. The ruler knows more than the duck about the wine. I think, yeah, I don't know a huge amount about wine.

I really enjoy wine. But then, like, I think, like, like you've done, you find a type of wine that you enjoy. So if someone says, what do you want? If you're in a bar and you're in a restaurant, at least you can go, I know I've liked that in the past. I'll have that one. Exactly. Yeah. What is it about this particular wine that is the winner of the day for you? I've discovered the older I've got that like Spanish wines, this is going to be the busiest thing I've ever said. Spanish wines are very sore in my stomach after all. Really? I think the tannins in them are too strong.

I've had a couple of bad experiences on the Spanish wine. I still drink it if I'm in Spain, obviously. But I like multi-pitchiano because it's thin, doesn't catch to your lipstick, which as a lady is important. You don't want red wine lips. And I think it goes with most dishes. And I think like it's a lighter body. Basically. I like a lighter body. Great. Yeah. Like these, cause it spreads around your mouth more. Which, um, which one stick most to lipstick? Oh yeah. It's not an angle we've heard on the bugco. No, we haven't heard of it. Riyaka is desperate for second ear lipstick. Malbake is up there too.

Merlot is desperate for second ear lipstick. But Riyaka is really bad. It basically becomes lipstick. That's always whenever anyone's talking, like you arrive at a party a bit later than everyone else and Someone comes up to you and talks to you and they think they're nailing the whole conversation And they don't know that their lips are purple, but would you not tell somebody? I would always tell somebody because I think Hector once told me that a good friend always

Yeah, see when you've got shit in your face, and I even if I'm not friends with someone just trying to be difficult But in the ship I know shit. I must be be constantly having to score the porn on your face. I am shit. This is all so good. I'm glad we're recording this so you can go and write the pilot. This is Hector's brainchild as well. I can't just say that this was just me. Going to work.

I mean, would you ever like, you know, collaborate with a, I. You can co-write. You can co-write. Going to work. I mean, would you ever like, you know, collaborate with a, I mean, you don't want to turn your relationship into work, do you? Work, no. But then there could be a lot of money in this. I'd like to get them, we're getting mine, so like, let's get them nailed first

and then look under the bus in this venture soon. Then bring up on the honeymoon. Lock it down. Scrawl the prawn. Lock it down. Little shitbag cartoon. Yeah, I would tell someone, like like if I knew them really well, I might tell Ed. I would tell a stranger if I just met you today. I would if you'd tell

me on your face, just to let you know you've got a wee bit on your face. Yeah. The red wine that I don't know if I would, cause I would think I don't know if there's anything they can do about that. Like, like if they've got something stuck to their face, but if they got red wine lips, I don't know I just feel a bit judgy. If I didn't know someone I went oh, you've got red wine lips, by the way Every time you've walked away with shit in your face You walk away and you think what a cunt they don't tell me you do you don't you? If I looked in the mirror and red wine that side I go I wouldn't expect them to tell me that I expect them to tell me if there was like

See that's a lovely way of doing it exactly If James did it to me I'll be livid it happens to the best of it Yes, I'd be livid. It happens to the best of us. You've got my wide lips. I go, yes, I'm drinking red wine. Red wine all over your lips. Yes, I know. I know actually. That's what I do. I'd want to know I'm the worst. I'd just go, I'd go, yeah, yeah, I know.

I know I do. I like it. I know. I like it. It's cool. I'm not even going to wash my face at the end of the day. I'm going to keep it like that. Go to sleep.

Good night. I love that we just, throughout this, made your bedtime routine so weird. You're like red faced and have like Nike tuxedos. Good night everybody. Goes to sleep with a pencil case. Just about to say that. Your wife is just up the up. My transparent roller or like a metal one or a wood. No, you've got a blue tent. Oh, thank you.

So quick. That was quick. Yeah. Yeah. You got it all planned out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Bad back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bad back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wobbly roller. Yeah. Yeah. We arrive at your dream dessert. I am going to have from a famous ice cream parlor and dairy. I think it's one of the oldest establishments in Derry called Florentines and I will be having a Neckerbacher glory. Now I'm obviously going to be very glad you've chosen

something from Derry as well. How long have you been going to this ice cream parlor for? That is like honestly one of the most staple memories. All my early memories, not every memory. My parents took me out of the most staple memories. All my early memories, not every memory. My parents took me out of the shop as well. We didn't love there. It would be really weird if every memory was from Florentineys. If my family grew up in Derry. And then I discovered, I imagine on this podcast, I realised, fuck I was held hostage in Florentineys for so long.

It's another good film idea. Held hostage in an ice cream shop. Yeah. We all scream for ice cream. Yeah. Yeah. Call it that. I love that.

It's a good film. Brain freeze. Yeah. So I would have a knickerbocker glory with the flake and the chocolate sauce, the strawberry sauce again, all the sauces, dips, whatever. We weren't going to go, do you mean dips? Spreadable condiments. Ice cream dips.

What else? Tongues are dipped for ice cream. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Hang on, the tongue's the dip? Yeah, because the ice cream's dipping under the tongue. Is that how you think of eating?

What do you think about it? The food is dipping into your tongue. Right. Okay. What else is in the Knickerbocker glory then? Talk, talk us through it. Cause can you have any ice cream in there in Florentine? No, no, not with the Knickerbocker glory. Just straight up. Actually I've never questioned it. A bigger thinker like you probably could. You've not, you've not questioned it cause of Stockholm syndrome. No, it just comes to your standard. I'm pretty sure it's like Italian Mr. Whippy ice cream

and the Hacker Vodka Glory from Florentines and it's got ground down flakes. I'm sure it's not called ground down. Smash flakes and jelly, red jelly, green jelly, more ice cream on top. Some Smarties, some different sweets, more ice cream, more ground down flake, more sauce. What's the sauce? The sauce is rimmed up the glass. You're getting sauce throughout and then ground down flake on top. My stomach's rumbling talking about the McRibbocker glory. And then more sauce on top with two flakes. And then they put on these like lovely like wee party sticks with like a wee fanfare situation on top. Salvaton.

A wee fanfare situation on top and a long spoon. So it's quite like elegant when you're eating it. You're like, whoa. And it's soft serve ice cream. I miss it. It's soft serve. Delicious. It's delicious., yeah. Delicious.

It's delicious. That sounds so good. And the sauce is like strawberry chocolate? All three. Strawberry chocolate and green. Green's green. I don't know what it is. No.

I don't know what the green is. Green for Ireland. Green for Ireland, yeah. Green for Ireland, yeah. Is it mint? It's not minty. It's more like appley. Okay.

Yeah, appley. Which is strange, isn't it? Yeah, that's weird. It can't be apple Yeah, it's weird. It can't be apple sauce, but like maybe apple in the kind of like sense of like- It's not apple sauce, it's bright green and it's thin. Yeah.

It's like an aesthetic apple. So it's like, yeah, like a Haribo apple. Yeah, exactly. That's what it is. That sounds delicious. It sounds absolutely brilliant. I remember the first time I heard about Nicker Bokker Glories was in a kid's book.

I can't remember what it was, it might have been a Roald Dahl book or something like that. I'd never had them before. And all I could think about after having that book read to me, I think was I have to have one of those. And every time we were somewhere, it was dessert time, I'd be like, do they have Nickerbocker glories? And they never did. I was always asking, I don't know, do you know what? I'm not even sure if I've had one to this day. I think I must've at some point. I was like, that was Jamie Oliver. Every time I went onto science for his, I was like, do you know Jamie Oliver? Do you know it? That story is not as closely linked to James's story as you thought it was.

But I want to hear about it. Yeah. I was a child once and it's something completely different that happened to me. Yeah, I just forget everyone knew Jamie Oliver. When he was like the face of Sainsbury's, you were so desperate to meet him that you would ask him. Sainsbury's was opening in Derry and I thought, oh my God, it's going to be fun when I meet Jamie Oliver. I don't know why I was so obsessed with Jamie Oliver. So you were asking the staff at the Derry Sainsbury's if they knew Jamie Oliver. Yeah. And what would they say? He's not here today.

Not here today? So it's like, that's like Santa Claus. Yeah. That's like people telling you, yeah, so they're keeping you going. They're keeping you going. Did you ever get your neck back in glory? I think I must have at some point. I think of it as like like the best like ice cream Yeah, like because that it was cemented in my head is that even though I'm not ordering them I still think like when someone says it I'm like, yeah, the original and the best The best Sunday is an Ikebaka glory. It is I mean, it's like the when you think of like an ice cream even if it's like

A cartoon in your head. It's an Ikebaka glory, isn't it? Because it's got like the cherry on top, it's got like cream or whatever on top with a long glass with a long spoon. I love it. Love it. Yeah. Had them in Bridlington quite a lot. Oh, lovely. There you go.

I feel like someone told me why they're called Knickerbocker Glories recently and I've forgotten and I'm really annoyed at myself because I'm now on a podcast where it's come up. Yeah. Not yet. Not any podcast. The podcast that I co-host with Ed Gamble. And the food podcast I do with Ed. Yeah, the food podcast that I do with Ed. Some people have a go at me for saying that.

Sometimes I meet people for the first time or whatever and they'll be like, what are you up to? And I'll be like, oh, stand up gigs and the podcast that I do with Ed. And they'll be like, just call it off menu man. We know what you're talking about. Why are they still angry? I don't know. Because they feel like James is hiding his light

in a bushel and that, you know. That is an English expression. I have never heard that. Hiding his light in a bushel. Under a bushel, I think. Yeah. I'm not a big lady for shining my light. Yeah.

Big woman. Big woman, sorry. I'm not a big woman for boasting. sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Another big woman for boasted. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fair. Yeah. If you've not heard the phrase hiding your light

under a bushel, it is a weird thing to hear for the first time, I'd imagine. And I don't really know what it means. Is a bushel an old word for bush? I don't know. Like Nike. I'm gonna get a bushel shaved in my hair. But he's just gonna show me why Nicker Bucca Glory is called Nicker Bucca Glory.

Although he's mouthed to me that it's so boring. But I think I still have to know. It's thought to be named after the Nicker Bucca Hotel in Manhattan. That's interesting, man. I assumed it was like a British thing. There you go. I thought it would have been American, like... Well, you're right.

...around levels was actually. Manhattan, I would have thought America. You're a major menu back to you now. So you feel about it. You want sparkling water, scratch the tongue. You would like pop noms with loads of dips. You want Frank's lime pickle, green dip, yogurt dip, sambal, a lot of it, a lot of jars of that. Start, you want six oysters from Ireland with a vinaigrette from the Italian Fish Club in Liverpool, three Tabasco sauces and Lungestines with garlic

butter for them. No one's called them that. No, I thought I'd throw an extra one in there. Lungestines. Yeah. Well, I thought I'd find an extra one in there. Lung steams. Yeah. Sounds gross. Make us the lamb. That's a good character. Lung steams.

A lung steams long on a shell. I always scorn the prawn. You reckon? Lungy? Or they'd be enemies. Yeah, they'd be enemies. You want the lamb from the Devonshire with herby sauce and you want to add some chimichurri on there with cheesy leeks, goose fat chips and a bowl of rockets and a Bloody Mary from

First Aid Box. Side dish, truffle hal... Clarified Bloody Mary. Clarified. Clarified. You want truffle jalapeno mac and cheese as your side dish. Drink you would like a obviously Monte... Molte Pocciano. Pocciano. And dessert you want a Nica Bocca Glory from Florentini's in Derry. Yeah. Amazing. That's

a great menu. A delicious menu and you know people won't know what order that we record these episodes in but I think you're the fifth episode we've recorded this week. And it's nice to actually hear something that is edible. Sounds, sounds delicious because everyone else is like, they've never had food before. And we're going to, we're going to have to space those episodes out. Otherwise we're going to be dropping subscribers like no one's business. Do we have subscribers?

Honestly, if we put out the episodes we've done this week in a row people are gonna be sick And yours will be a blessed relief. So yeah for many reasons. Thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant, Saoirse Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure What an episode Absolutely loved loved that chat, James. Oh, it's fantastic. I was laughing throughout, but also those dishes all sounded delicious. Yeah, it's the dream app, really. It's the dream app. You're laughing and you're hungry. You're thinking, hmm, I might get something to eat after this. But I'm not in too much of a rush. The duck is hungry. The duck is hungry. Let me tell you, this ruler's rumbling. Yeah, who used the ruler to measure my long legs? Yeah. Yeah, love that. She was brilliant.

And of course she didn't say Brown Coddle. Didn't say Brown Coddle. Thank you for not saying that. Thank you, Saoirse. And that means we can all go and watch the Cameron. Yes, we can watch the Cameron on Netflix. It starts on July 25th. That's very, very soon. Depending when you listen to this, I guess. I mean, most of you, you know, most, I guess, in a majority of the future, it's out now. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And we always go with the majority of the future. Yeah. Always go with the majority of the future. Odds are it's out now. Yes. So go and watch the Cameron. Odds are it's out now. Majority of the future. Yeah always go with the majority of the future. Odds are it's out now. Yes so go and watch the Cameron odds are it's out now majority of the future. My uh delivery is on its way so

that's exciting probably just wrap up. Yeah yeah probably just wrap up um have a good day everyone and um I guess uh I don't know you know you never know. I gotta go and get this. What the day may bring. I don't know, you never know what the day may bring. I've got to go and get this delivery. He's one minute away. Stay open. Stay open to opportunities and always look on the bright side because you never know what you're going to get. See you next week! Bye! Hello off-menu listener! Yes, that's right, at last a good comedian on this podcast. It's me, Nish Kavar, and I am temporarily interrupting your lovely chat about sandwiches to tell you that I am on tour

with my new show Nish Don't Kill My Vibe. Yes, you're right, that title is a reference to Kendrick Lamar because I'm incredibly relevant. Tickets are available right now at nishkamar.co.uk. If you like James Acaster and Ed Gamble, maybe you'll enjoy the humor of one of their friends. Tickets at nishkamar.co.uk.