Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 257: Amy Annette

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

Superb stand-up, writer and podcaster Amy Annette – who, already, is frequently mentioned on Off Menu – is this week’s guest. Remember: always order an extra egg in a ramen. Amy Annette’s debut solo show ‘Thick Skin’ is at the Edinburgh Fringe, Pleasance Courtyard, until the 25th August. Buy tickets here. Listen to Amy’s podcast ‘What Women Want’ on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts. Follow Amy on Instagram and Twitter @theamyannetteRecorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the aubergine of conversation, slicing that up with the knife of friendship, adding the tomato sauce of good humour and the mozzarella of content and the parmesan of being best buddies aubergine parmigiana, aubergine podcaster. Aubergine podcaster, my name is James A. Caster. That is our gamble. Together we own a dream restaurant we invite the guests every single week and we ask them their favorite ever star of main course dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is Amy Annette. Amy Annette, a wonderful comedian and a dear friend of ours, James. Yes. I mean, for years, Amy has impacted the world of comedy in so many different

ways. And she's finally taken her debut standup comedy show. Yes. To the Edinburgh Fringe. Thick Skin is on at the Pleasance Courtyard right now. So go along and see Amy and Nett. Listen to this episode first. Yes. And also like Amy's podcasts. Yes. What Women Want. What Women Want. Yes. Amy is a wonderful podcaster as well. But get yourself to the show. Listen to this. Get Amy's vibe if you don't know her. Pop along to the show.

It's going to be a wonderful way to spend your time. You're gonna have a great time here and there Very nice. Of course, though, if Amy says a secret ingredient that we've pre-established She will be removed from the restaurant and you better hope she has thick skin if we're kicking her out Yeah, so she won't be upset because of that's what thick skin means. Yeah. That's what thick skin means. Yeah. And this week, the secret ingredient is nettle tea. You came up with this one, James. Yes. Cause Amy's got the word net in her surname. Yes. So I just worked from there. Nettle tea. I thought nettle tea. Um, I, I have had nettle tea. And you seem like the sort of guy who might've had nettle tea. Yeah. There was sort of guy who might have had nettle tea. Yeah, there was a period of my life where I wasn't drinking caffeine, about five years.

And during that I tried every tea under the sun. And nettle tea I just found very boring. I feel like you would have had nettle tea in your jumpers phase, when you were wearing the jumpers. Sure, yeah. When you had the big hair and you were wearing the jumpers. Yeah, that would make more sense to have done it then. Backstage at a gig where everyone's having a drink, you'd be like,

do you have any nettle tea? I would quite like that. And everyone's just like, use this fucking dweeb. You got to follow it up with a shot of dockleaf squash. Very important. Should we chat to Amy then? I'd love to chat to Amy. This is the off menu menu of Amy and Nett. Welcome Amy to the dream restaurant. Hello. Welcome Amy and Nett to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Oh my God, a genie. Wow. Hello. Finally, a reaction from a guest that establishes the fact you're a genie and they're impressed by it. And that you've exploded into the room in a puff of smoke. Green smoke.

No one has colored this smoke. No one has colored the smoke before. It's not normally, do you see that when you see a genie in popular entertainment rather than in real life, is it, is it colorful smoke or is it just your standard sort of white smoke? Such a good point. I guess it is white, but then I'm thinking blue, even though I said green. Because of Aladdin. Because of Aladdin. Is that blue?

He's blue, right? Yeah. The smoke can also be, maybe it, Benito, you don't have to Google this Google image. Straight away. Genie puff of smoke Aladdin. Yeah. Yeah. What's in the doo doo doo doo, boop boop boopop, boop, boop, boop, boop, that one. Hang on. You know, I dream of Jeannie. I dream of Jeannie. Yeah. Oh, wow. I would not have got that. Does she, I thought that she pops out. Is that smoke?

She's out a lot of the time though, right? So. Yeah. He's rubbing that lamp a lot. Well, that would be a nightmare if you were married to a Jeannie though. Yeah. And you're like, I thought we were going to spend time together and every time you've got to rub the lamp. She's in a little lamp. Yeah you're like, I thought we were going to spend time together. And every time you've got a rocket lamp. Yeah. But she's so comfortable in that lamp.

Yeah. Have you seen it? It's like got a lovely bonquette. Yeah. Sort of like a sort of lounge, a secret lounge. I think I remember the interior of the lamp. I'm married in that. Oh yeah, big time.

Yeah. It's a bit... Yeah, she's a genie, but she's married. Okay. Yeah. Two... Is he the master? Yeah.

I guess so. Ooh. And I guess I'm also in my head thinking of the witch one, which is a different show. A lot of American shows about straight men marrying magical blonde women, who are the servants. Amy, no, puff of smoke. That's where we got to puff of smoke. We've been for many meals together.

Yeah. So many. All of us. I would say most of my meals are with either one of you or both of you. Or both of us. Yeah. Really? That's exciting. I don't eat when I'm not with you.

All of your meals? Yeah. Right, so. I'm hungry. I haven't seen you, either of you in ages. I know, we've both been on tour. Yeah. If I'd known.

I'm so hungry. But you weren't eating. Yeah. Because if I'm not in a fancy restaurant with my pals, I'm not eating. You know that internet phrase, passage and princess, and it's for like people who don't drive, they get driven around. I've not heard that, but I like it. I do like it.

You're the passenger princess James, and you're the passenger king. No, that doesn't work. You're the king. Anyway, you drive there. That's what I'm trying to say. You're the king anyway, you drive it. And I, I feel like I'm the passenger princess meals wise with you and your continued food based success. I've had some great meals off your own, off the back of this.

I don't know. I get, I get messages, you know, from you and that guy quite often being like, oh, we're in this nice restaurant and I get some little food picks. So you guys are striking out on your own. That's so depressing that even when we're on our own, let's show Ed what we're having a little trouble with. You're referring to my longtime lover, Nish Kumar. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. We don't normally like to say his name on the podcast. Why? What is that? Is that the secret ingredient? We should start making it that. We should

make it up for every episode. Then we don't have to come up with a new one every time. And no one can ever mention Nish. But you love mentioning him. So you'd have to do it. He loves being mentioned as well. I listen to this podcast only the ones I think I might be mentioned in. Well, you're mentioning quite a few of them in the past, certainly, because you are well within the off menu law. I'm in the law. I'm in the canon. Yeah. Because of your advice when eating ramen, which is always ordinary, an extra egg.

Such good advice, but need it be advice. It just feels like the most obvious thing in the world. You said it first, you know. Yeah. Before any Japanese person. I'm not sure they say always order an extra egg. No, no, I think to the wise, it seems obvious, but like to the rest of us, when you told me that for the first time, it changed my mind. I lived opposite a ramen place at the time. Of course. And that's now a shame. It's everywhere. I just think it feels

so decadent when you think about it, but when you do it, it makes so much sense. Also often you're given half an egg as standard. So I'm just completing the circle. Yeah. That are oval. Yeah. So you're not ordering an extra egg really, because they only give you half in the first place. Yes. And because of that, I actually do often order two, maybe three. Extra eggs. If it's possible. Cause you know someone got a tattoo of that, right?

What? I'm right remembering this, aren't I? Someone got a tattoo saying always order an extra egg. Is that someone you? No, no, no. I mean, I'd happily get that, but they got like a picture of egg, maybe in ramen and it says always order an extra egg. I'm trying to remember if they also...

What? They put Amy and it on the bottom. Amy and it on the... If they also had it, that it was... I don't think they did, but they... But they, at least in the post online, credited you. Gosh. So in some people's worlds, in the Marvel universe of your off menu, but now that I'm here, I'm fulfilling some sort

of prophecy. Yes. Yeah. Wow. That's powerful. This is like one of the post end game Marvel films. The nuggets. Yeah. Do you know, I recently learned that's not what they're called. The nuggets. They're called Easter eggs at the end of a movie. Hang on, right. I know. I just agreed with you because I was like, okay, the nuggets must be the thing I don't know about. I've been calling them nuggets.

At the end of a movie I go, I go to Nish, my long-term lover, is there going to be a nugget? And he tolerates me. So he says yes or no. He doesn't say that's actually not what they're called. But they're more called Easter eggs. No, post credit sequence. Easter eggs are like, would be within the film. So if you, I guess if you're referenced in an episode of off menu, I'm an Easter egg. Who am I in the mother? By the way, we're going to cut everything we've said before this and the episode is

going to start with you saying I'm an Easter egg. Just poof, a genie. I am an Easter egg. But yeah, but definitely not nuggets. No, I've learned that. Now I want to start calling them nuggets. It's fun. That's a nugget guys.

Really smartly turning to the cinema going that's a nugget. Oh, do you remember the nugget with Harry Styles in it? Told you there'd be a nugget. With handsome Brett Goldstein, all these nuggets. It's exciting. I stopped a family leaving the cinema because Brett's nugget was coming up. You said my friend's going to be on this screen. I said, I said, guys, you might want to hold your horses. There's a post credit scene. There's a handsome hairy man coming.

They sat down, they watched it and when they left, their dad turned to me and said, thank you very much for that. That's very decent of you. That's so nice. And you weren't great nugget, right? Yeah. Pretty good nugget. Great nugget. I really liked that. Now if you engage with my weird horn for Brett there, I think that was correct. Well, listen, handsome hairy man. It's not, I don't think it's even the fact stating the facts. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a personal horn. It's a societal horn. It's a group horn. Everyone knows you've got a long-term lover.

A long-term lover who also has wonderful eyebrows. And a handsome hairy man. Oh, absolutely true. Can we please, before we get into the main, talk about your Edinburgh show. Oh yeah. Thick Skin. I've seen the show and it's brilliant. I've seen a work in progress version of it. It was fantastic. I laughed a lot. Thick Skin is called? Yes. There's a point where I really did an old man laugh during the show. Oh yeah. Yeah.

I was like, that really, yeah, I was really laughing at myself. Tell us a little bit about the show, please, Amy. Okay. It is about the 2000s. Great. But also it's not really about anything. It's quite silly. It's quite goofy. It's loosely about growing up in the 2000s, how very much the fashion of that time is back. We've seen the children, they're wearing our clothes, my clothes rather, not your lovely t-shirts and hats.

My trendy clothes from my childhood. And it's very odd to see young girls who look like you did when you were that age, like 1920, but are living in a very different time. And are we the same? Are we different? I like it. Comedy. I'm really looking forward to seeing it.

I'm going to come to a preview because I'm not going anywhere near the Edinburgh fringe. Can't even imagine you in that town. No, thank you. No, I can't wait. We always start with still a spark in water, Amy and Ed. Do you have a preference? What do you think? Now you can't do this for every question. Well, I quite like it actually.

We've been to many meals, but have you been paying attention to what I've been choosing? I think you've always had still water. Correct. Ding, ding, ding. And tap, please. I'm not paying. I get furious when there's some suggestion that they're going to trick me. Still or sparkling. What I want to say is free or pay and then let me go from there.

Sometimes they say, I said just free, please. Yeah. Cheap, no money. Yeah. And then they say, oh, the sparkling is free because they do it themselves. And then I begrudgingly, I will get it just for the joy of having something that normally costs money for free. Even though you prefer still water. Yeah. I think a real theme of this is going to be me realizing I'm not well. joy of having something that normally costs money for free. Even though you prefer still water. I think a real theme of this is going to be me realizing I'm not well. I was looking through my photos on my phone to remind myself of meals I've enjoyed.

Oh no, I'm not well. I eat so much mortadella, so much smoked ham of various kinds. Okay. So what I want to investigate is every time you eat mortadella or smoked ham, are you taking a photo of it? It seems like it. It's not necessarily what you eat all the time. That's what's terrifying. Those are the photos I took. We must assume those times I just enjoyed a mortadella, no pics.

Sure. And even if you are, why are you taking a photo of mortadella? Because I wouldn't say... Who am I sending that to? Yeah Mortadella? Because I wouldn't say... Who am I sending that to? Yeah. Not you guys. I wouldn't say it's the most picturesque looking thing. It's ugly. Disgusting.

Yeah. Delicious. Mortadella is great. I had some the other day actually from Dalesford. Oh, wow. It had pistachios in it. Oh, I actually don't need a pistachio, but I'm happy if it's there. It was more a textural thing than a flavor thing.

And I ordered some, like it was on Deliveroo, I think. Wow, Dalesford on Deliveroo? Yeah, it was on like a grocery app and I got it and my wife Charlie was away and I was on tour, so I was getting back quite late and I'd just be getting back from gigs and having a little antipasty. Oh, that is chic. Going straight to bed, mortadella bedtime, bye bye. Mortadella in bed?

I think I'd draw the line there. I have a very high self-awareness for bleak moments. Sure. And mortadella in bed might be crossing the line for me. It sounds lovely, but you'd have to get up, you'd have to have wipes nearby. You'd have to have wipes nearby. There'd definitely be a bit where if I'm lying on my back eating mortadella where I dropped some on my chest and that would feel weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also sometimes there's stringy bits like around the edge. If that got in your tooth and you woke up the next morning, that's sad. And I wake up in the next morning and there's a bit of mortadella next to me. Yeah. I'd be like, you killed an ape, Charlie. I'm so sorry. Just because she's quite pink.

Yeah, she's quite pink. She's full of pistachios. Yeah, full of pistachios. She's a pink lady Yeah, she's quite pink. She's full of pistachios. Yeah, full of pistachios. She's a pink lady with green flecks. Yeah, she does like lime green clothes. Oh, but at Mortadella pre-bed, that's nice. So you have done Mortadella pre-bed?

Oh yeah. In the house? In the house? In the bed? Not in the bed, but only because my longtime lover Nish is weirdly a clean freak, despite every aspect of his personality that you are all aware of. You know, cause he's just like a sort of jovial, big energy, hairy, handsome man.

And then you made him sound like Santa. That's only in my head. I'm thinking of the Muppet playing the drums. Animal. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I would.

So he would be very furious with food in bed. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. If I have my own bed, which I'm pushing for. Absolutely. One day. Absolutely.

I could have food in that bed. Crumb bed. Love bed. Two separate rooms. Crumb bed and love bed. Yeah. And Nish is never going in the crumb bed. He wouldn't want to.

So he's setting up residence in the love bed. Yeah. And you're flitting between crumb and love. He can't bring a love bed on his own. That's sad. Why? That's sad. He's got to have another bed.

You have a third bed. Well, what's his, what does he need a bed alone for? You would know more than us. You two would know more than me. Well, when we lived in a flat together, like, just like maybe worrying. Worrying. Yeah. You could have a little worrying bed.

Worry bed. Yeah, a little worry bed. Love bed is the one on its own. Don't you dare bring the worrying or crumbs into the love bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also I don't want worrying in my crumb bed either. Especially worrying about the crumb. That's actually a place of pure bliss.

That's the best bed. That's the best bed. My crumb bed, and in my mind it's a divan, you know, like a sort of sofa bed. That's the best, but my crumb head and in my mind, it's a divan, you know, like a sort of sofa bed, a day bed, you know, so it's, it's kind of a reclining energy. Is this where you want to have your dream meal in the love bed or the crumb bed? Do you remember in Sex and the City or any New York representation of the nineties, and they would always take them to a club called bed and there'd be like a big room with lots of beds in it. And if I've made this up, wow, that mortadella has

gone to my head. And it would be like the cool nightclub thing to do, sit in a bed, do a white bed. And I always thought, I actually don't know if I like reclining when food is around when there are other people there. So am I alone in the dream restaurant or is there a blue genie looking at me? Whatever you want. It's up to you. I don't have to be there. I can magic it into the restaurant for you. Magic in and out.

Yeah, you need never deal with another person in the restaurant. Then who am I gonna talk to about how nice the food is? Yeah, that's true. Who am I gonna make the noises to? You gotta make the noises at someone. I mean, I've had some fantastic meals alone, but you are missing something

if you're not making the noises of people. And then you find yourself, for example, taking photos of everything and sending it to people. Yeah. And I'm with Nish when he's sending those photos to you. So that is bleak. So I know I don't want to be in a bed, but I wouldn't mind a bed being nearby after. Straight after. Straight after. Problems or bread? Problems or bread Amy and Ed? Problems or bread? Wow. I might have me

jump. Yeah, it's terrifying. I haven't made anyone jump in ages. But even people, when they come in and they've not heard the podcast, like guests, I've lost my touch. You've not lost your touch. I think people are just like, yeah, of course this guy's doing that. You don't have to baby me. I've lost my touch. Well, baby, you got it back. Okay.

Cause I was shocked. I'm gonna shout popdoms or bed. Cause of all the chat we're just in about. Yes. Do you want to do that? Popdoms or bed? Popdoms or bed, Amy and Nat? Popdoms or bed because of all the chat we've just done about this. Do you want to do that? Pop-Dops or bed? Pop-Dops or bed, Amy and Nat? Pop-Dops or bed?

Bed. Yeah. Well, this I feel is a trap for me because of my long-time lover. I think you are trying to end my marriage. We're not married. But bread. Oh, I love bread. Loving bread is a huge part of my personality, I would say.

Too much. In the pictures of Mortadella, there's often bread nearby. Of course. So good. Put it in the background. Yeah. Cheeky little bread trying to get in the photo. Delicious.

Have you ever had the bread from Honey and Co? They give you a sort of little bread platter. Have you been to Honey and Co? No, I've still not been. Oh, fantastic. I follow their Instagrams and unfortunately for them, I have figured out where they live and I don't feel good about it.

What? The people who own it? Yeah. Itamar, and he has a wonderful Instagram, very exciting, very passionate, very lovely. But they keep, this is not my fault, taking pictures out of their window. And I'm not going to say what it is, but there's a very clear local landmark out

there. So every time I go past their house, I go, they live in the national gallery. I love that food. Oh, it's so good. Talk us through the bread platter. What kind of stuff is it? Oh, you don't even really understand that these breads could exist. That's how I feel every time I have them. One is sort of sweet, but not malty. And that's fantastic for the labneh. Oh, the labneh, the delicious cheese. I think it's strained yogurt maybe. Like a... Well, I'll tell you this, it's bad for me. But I love it so much. And they have a sort of pitta, but it's quite plump. That's a plosive. Plump.

Plump. That's for Ben. So don't forget Ben. He loves plosives. Every night when I do my sound check, tour manager Paul tries to make me do a plosive. Oh. To check to see that there's no popping sounds on the mic. And I've never used plump before. What do you use? Normally the story at the moment is Pedro Pascal and Paul went for a picnic and Paul pulled his trousers down and Pedro called the

police. Yeah. I try and bully Paul within the soundtrack. I immediately understood. I was excited by the sexy Pedro Pascal imagery. Yes. Sorry. I got distracted by it. So the plump pitta. Oh, plump pitta, which is nice, right? Because pitta delicious in any situation, but sometimes can be on the flatter bread, which is of course another word for pitta aside. Well, I think pitta, my whole opinion of pitta has changed in maybe the last five years. That's the great food revolution.

This country, this bloody country. Speak on it. It's just destroyed pitta. Growing up with supermarket pitas, those drinks coasters that come out the plastic packet. I'm going to vote for you Ed, because I'm excited. This is my manifesto. You put the pitas in the toaster and then they come out and you try and tear them apart and they're hotter than the sun. So hot. And then you see actual pitas where they're all puffed up and plump.

Yeah. Oh my goodness. It saves you life. It really does. Delicious. Pitta pockets? Pitta pockets. That's just a plump plosive. A pitta pocket, very much my childhood, exactly this. You put it in the toaster, it's burning hot. You take it out, you try and cut the top off. You cut way too much. You've ruined the whole thing. Steam everywhere and yet you persist and you eat it. So yeah, delicious breads. And then they have, I wouldn't even be able to guess at the name of some of these breads, but they are so fantastic.

And they come in great quantity in a sort of semi-unasked for situation. Like I'm sure we're paying for it, but it just sort of pops up. Oh, where does this bread come from? So unlike the water, you don't check that they're free. How interesting. I'm happy to pay for bread. My dream would be free bread. Of course. Yeah. Oh, bread for the table. That just pops up. Bread for the table. Would you like that foyer dream meal for the bread to pop up and expect to be frother meal? Yeah. Different bread each time. Does the genie have a sort of overview

of how much gluten and dairy I'm eating for my own good? Yes, but I can also take away the effects of that. What? If you like. So that's happened in the past. Yeah. In episodes people have said, you know, I'm intolerant to this, can that not be an issue?

This episode, yep. Can I not get full? Yep. Like any consequences of food that you'd like me to move. I can do. Yes, please. Dairy. But let's be real. I'm in real life. I mean it anyway. Sure. Yeah. Consequences be damned. Yes. May I bring up one of the consequences? It's one of my favorite stories ever. Yeah. It was a wonderful moment. Yes. Yeah. We were walking back from the cinema once. I can't remember what we'd seen.

You had to go into a Baskin Robbins. We'd been to a Nando's. We'd been to a Nando's. Yeah. Have we been to the cinema as well? I think we just went to the full and Broadway Nando's. Yes. Which is near a cinema.

Which is near a cinema. Possibly we saw a show. And then we were walking back. You had to go into the Baskin Robbins to use the facilities because no one went in there to buy ice cream ever. And you're in there for a while and you came out and out loud said, so sorry Baskin Robbins to use the facilities because no one went in there to buy ice cream ever. And you're in there for a while and you came out and out loud said, so sorry Baskin Robbins. And that is a phrase that has now is just in my vocabulary. Absolutely. Yeah. No, if you ever do a crime, let's say in an establishment, you have to

leave the establishment and say, and you don't have to say, I just did a crime. All you have to say is so sorry, the Arcola theater. Is that another place where it's happened? I just honestly couldn't think of any other specific. So sorry, close of offices. So you want the whole bed board come in at different times, surprising you. Does it come with specifically this honey and co-bread? Does it come with like little dippy things or little butters?

So what's crazy for me telling this story is I don't think there is butter there. But of course my one true love, butter. Salted butter. I think as I came from the salted bacon, sorry, the chocolate bacon generation, remember there was a period of time when you couldn't get away from chocolate covered bacon. This is a truth. What are you talking about? This is a central truth. This is part of my identity.

Growing up, there was just a moment in time where suddenly gastronomically, everyone was very excited by the idea that you could cover bacon in chocolate. Now I am older than you, Amy. But I would still consider us part of a similar generation. I don't remember the chocolate bacon generation. That feels like peak ed.

I sort of know what you mean. That was like a bit of a, when things started turning a bit like dirty food or Elvis burger or anything else, stuff like that. But it wasn't just like gross out over the top gluttony. It was like almost quite not chic, you know, but certainly like, uh, this is, this is progress. This is future. This is science. I honestly, I, this is what I feel like when I listened to the Tim Key episode and you were making fun of him for having an egg timer in the pot. And I was like, yeah, we'll have that egg timer. It's

not electronic. It's, it's a great gift for Christmas. And I was like yelling at my phone. So I'm sure there's someone out there being like, yeah, I remember the great chocolate bacon. Jen. I think if you'd said, do you remember when you could get chocolate bacon? Sure. I think we would have glossed over it. But when you refer to it as an entire generation where you couldn't get away from chocolate covered bacon. I honestly felt like for a period of time you leave your door. What's that? Someone trying to offer you some gourmet chocolate covered bacon.

Amy lived in the Selfridges food hall. Well, all I'm talking about is the salty sweet. I love it. I'm into it. Saltier the better. So do you want some salted butter with this honey and co bread? I would like salted butter, which is the only addition I would make to a honey and co Meze bread platter. Unlimited salted butter. Yeah, if there's no consequences, yes. I just don't want to, so sorry, the dream genie fantasy toilet. What are you going to be in a bed as well?

So sorry, my fantasy bed. Tracy Amott. My day bed. Yeah, Tracy Amott. Sorry, the other day outside this office. What did you say? I said, hello, I think you're brilliant. What did she say?

She said, thank you. Wow, and then? That was it really. Oh. Yeah, I was you're brilliant. What did she say? She said, thank you. Wow, and then? That was it really. Oh. Yeah, I was quite starstruck. Did she recognize you? No. As the great food podcaster of our generation?

Of course not. I'll just say, James, why James was outside the office, because we had a gap in between recordings and he went to the bookshop around the corner to borrow a board game. And could you? Yeah, he gave him Jenga. Jenga, not a board game.

No, that's not a board game. But you board game adjacent. Yeah, yeah. Fills the same hole. It's really fun. Here's my question to you. Did you see Tracy Emin while you were holding a thing of Jenga? I was bringing Jenga back to the office. I think she would have liked that actually.

Stopped to say hello. She'd be a great guest on this. That's what I said. Yeah. You just say, I like your work. Do you want to play Jenga? Everything went out of my head. Sure.

Just your brilliant straight in the office could have asked her, could have said how you That's what I said. Yeah. You just say, I like your work. Do you want to play Jenga? Everything went out of my head. Sure. Just your brilliant straight in the office could have asked her, could have said, hi, if you're around here. If someone you didn't know who had a slightly odd vibe, no offense, James, came up to you holding Jenga and said, do you want to be in my podcast? What would you do? How close is my Edinburgh Festival show?

Your dream starter, Amy. Yes. Okay. So looking through my phone, as I said, looking at all the photos, I looked first through food and then I looked at photos of the two of you. Because I thought it would be nice if we could go down a trip down memory lane. And of course I famously take unasked for candid photos. Yes. Always.

Ed hates it. I do. He hates it so much. Little creep shots from him. After a party, I'm just going to send Ed a few pictures of him having a lovely time with his wife, not knowing he's being documented. Normally from an angle that I look very unattractive at and my mouth's halfway open because I'm saying something and I've got one eye shut. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. But there's no angle you look bad at Ed. Come on.

Yeah. From the right. Really? I say, you know, like that. Like that. Yeah. Oh no, the right. No left.

Your left. Yeah. Yeah. My left. Yeah. Yeah. That's where I am now. You look lovely.

Ed, you have the most symmetrical face of anyone in the world. No, no, no, I don't. You're a symmetrical boy. No, one side's all right. The other side looks like a honey and co bread basket. What? Delicious. Side eye. Delicious and I'm into it. Yeah, cover it in labne. Oh, yes please. Hairy or not, I'm going there. I'm going there. Here's my question to you. Honestly, I do believe that you are the most magical man in the world. Well, that's very nice.

When my mom, who you both met, asked after you, she says, how is the handsome man and his wife who used to wear the dresses? What does your mom say about me? She says, how is that pest James A. Custer? So, for your start, you want Ed's symmetrical face? Is that on the table? No, why am I being so sexual?

I don't like it. Never ever is that the dynamic of our friendship? No. That you're sexual towards us? No. As soon as it's recording. I think it's what the young people like. Yeah.

Also, when you say you're being sexual, I say it more like a sort of a 1950s comic. Oh yeah. Sort of like that. Wank. Is it bars? That is my true self. I do. Fun Mum, you've called me that before. Quite disparagingly. Yeah. Yeah. He was being me. You were bullying me. Come on. Maybe a comedian who might be on a bill in an episode of the Marvelous Miss Maisel. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That show did come out quite close to when I started doing standards. I would love to have that hair.

So bouncy. My starter is mortadella three ways. Mortadella three ways. And I think that's achievable. Cicchetti, that is the Venetian small breads with various things on top, which your friend Chris, who lives in Venice, told us to go to this bar. Bar a la Lo Croco. How did you, did you write that down?

I wrote it down and I thought I won't need to write that phonetically. Well you nailed it to begin with and then suddenly. And then it carried on. I really lost control. I you nailed it to begin with. And then suddenly it carried on. It just kept carrying on. I really lost control. Oh, I'm so sorry to all Italians. If anything, this is the best advert for your show though.

You are absolutely coming across authentically. I'm weeping. Okay. Dreaming of this Chiquetti. Let me tell you, wow wee. That's again, that 1950s person who's like losing their mind and then suddenly snaps back into it. Boys, when I tell you about this chickei, you're going to lose your mind.

So chickei is like tiny breads with various spreads or meats or fishes on top. So good. There is a few restaurants in London, like a chain called... Chiquetti. Yes. Have you ever said that name before? Well, I have, but it was sort of an early running joke with me and Charlie that we would walk past it. And for some reason pronounce it like this. So now every time we walk past it, whatever it has to say. That's the only problem with being in long-term relationships. You start a joke, wowee, that's going to go for a long time. You start a joke two years in, that's fine. 13 years later, still doing it. Also, it's not a joke anymore, it's just what we call it.

But do you just name every place you go past? Yeah, we go to Shishashi, so sorry, Baskin Robbins. So what do you want on these Shishashi? Mortadella. So there's more, there's more to that. So it really opened me up to the idea. This is so beautiful. Um, and there's little tables and you go up and then you try to speak a bit of Italian and then they immediately speak English to you. It's so nice. Yes. We heard you try to speak a bit of it. I can only imagine how quickly they switched to English. They were like, shut up.

Shut this woman up. And then you sort of point at the various things you want and they don't seem to judge you about how many you're ordering. Great. Cause I want them all. And then they keep making them as well. So you're like, oh, I just had some squid,

but what's that man doing? That's mortadella. So he's like slicing the mortadella. They pop it on the bread and then they give you a's mortadella. So it's like slicing the mortadella, they pop it on the bread and then they give you a glass of white wine. So nice. So nice. And so I'd like the mortadella that I had there.

Now I know palma ham is not a mortadella, but if the genie should slip in a few sheaths, I wouldn't mind it. I wouldn't mind it at all. And then my second way of mortadella is a sandwich. And I almost don't want to say this because of the Shaq for you of it all. But when you guys mentioned Shaq for you for the first time,

people went wild with bananas and I no longer could get in for my solo green tea matcha cake. And I could see those Dweebo's having their gorgeous cakes. And I was thinking, that should be me. But there's a place in Vauxhall called Italo. Have you ever been? No.

I keep meaning to take you both. It's called Italo. Italo. Are we sure it's called that? Yes. No, no. I'll send you a Google map after. Thank you.

All the maps exist. And it was, they do these sandwiches that are so nice. Oh my gosh. Fantastic. So they have, they make, I guess they make them in Fakacha. They have Fakacha. The sandwiches are so full. They start making them from midday. I recommend going there then. And they have this chicken. It was like a roasted chicken with rosemary. I feel like I had aioli and it certainly had like a sort of vinegary mayonnaise, but not too heavy. And it was on the focaccia, which was buttered or maybe oiled. Certainly there was an unctuousness to it, you know? And then the chicken, it was too big for the sandwich.

Oh my God. This is fantastic. And it was roasted so succulently that the skin was slopping off, but in a good slopping, good slopping, slopping slowly off. And so you had to sort of catch it with your mouth, like, like it was an ice cream, but it was the skin of a chicken and it was crispy, thick skin, thick skin. Oh no. Yeah. Like my comedy show, thick skin. It was delicious and worth buying a ticket for. Oh no, I would buy a ticket for this sandwich any day. Oh wow. And they also do fish finger sandwiches. Like they change what the sandwiches a lot. That was a curve ball for me. Suddenly fish finger. Just like a mama used to make. For some reason I thought I need to make it clear that if anyone goes, they might not get the chicken sandwich because they

change it up a lot. And I was thinking well, and also fish finger. Yeah. Well that at least gives us an idea of the range of how much they can change. Yeah. I'm sure it'd be the most bougie fish finger you ever had. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like your mama's fish finger. I went somewhere in Bristol called Core, I think C-O-R, all in caps.

And the dessert there was this tiramisu, I think it was the Sicilian tiramisu where they make it with instead of sponge fingers, it's with panettone. Fish fingers. I thought that's where that was going. Panettone instead. And then they're great. Like, I think it was like nutmeg and stuff on top of it.

And it was one of the best desserts I've ever had anywhere. It was basically Christmas pudding tiramisu. It tasted incredible. And at my gig that night, I was there for four days and my gig, I told everyone you have got to go and get this to in the suit. At your first gig? Yeah. I said, you've got to go. It's amazing. And then my tour manager went the next day and I caught up with him and he said, well, and he said that they said that that was only on for yesterday and there's, they haven't got it. And that people ask it. So they were just really annoyed

at that point. Yeah, I felt bad. So I respect what you've just done because I felt very bad. Yeah. Sending everyone to a place where that thing didn't exist. You got to tell them I had this amazing experience, but I can't promise you that. Yeah. Yeah. But if the people who run that restaurant are listening, which I know they do listen to this podcast, they said they did core in Bristol, please put it back on the menu. It's one of the best desserts I've had anywhere. Probably they just had leftover panettone. I think again, I'm going to reveal myself to be quite the privo here, but often at Christmas you'll have leftover panettone. Because I love a panettone in the morning for lunch.

This bread, it's sweet bread. I mean that also gives a lot of behind the scenes. I love a panettone in the morning for lunch. Yeah, I do not get up early. At Christmas, I'm not getting up early. So hang on, it's the shish-eshi with the mortadella. And then what are the other two ways? And then one way is this Italo sandwich, which I'm imagining they're doing everything that

they normally do, but it's more the Bella instead of chicken instead of chicken. I can't even imagine what that would be like. Yeah. Mortadella skin. Yeah. Slopping off in a good way. Honestly, they make everything that feels like, I ate the sandwich, oh, a thrill.

And I thought there's nothing in this sandwich that isn't something I couldn't lay my hands on or make. And yet there's no way I could put it together like this. Also that is, because I think that about sandwiches that are that good sometimes, it was like they've perfectly roasted a chicken. They've probably brined the chicken. They've done all this stuff.

They've made a butter for it or whatever. Then they've baked bread. They've done this. They've made roasted a chicken. They've probably brined the chicken. They've done all this stuff. They've made a butter for it or whatever. Then they've baked bread. They've done this. They've made a different thing. You're like, yes, I could do all of that. But if I did it, I wouldn't enjoy that sandwich as much because I'd be looking at it going, that's two days work for a sandwich. Exactly. And then it's done and I can go shop and get it. Yeah. And the economy is a scale. It just doesn't add up. And what's your third mortadella? Rolled up like a rose on a flatter. You understand what I mean? I don't need to explain it. You know, you know, in modern family, there's this moment where Jay is being given a charcuterie board by Manny, our good friend Manny. And Manny says, this is charcuterie. And Jay goes, this is charcuterie. I've been avoiding this

on menus for years. They're killing themselves with that name. Yes, I do know that exact line. Yeah, because I say it all the time. On the board, they just have this like gorgeous, it feels like a very American thing. They're very good at boards. They have like spreads. They spread out the meat.

They roll up the meat. They make it look like a rose. You know, you feel bad picking it up. That's kind of, I want that. Fancy, more stellar roses. I want multiple smoked meats, mortadella, if I have to maintain my three-way mortadella starter choice, which I respect the rules and I will.

I mean, that's the rules that you've just made. Yeah. And I respect them. You are respected. I respect my own rules. So I would just like as many hams, but not that honey roasted. Yeah, yeah.

I agree. We're talking mainly the Italian hams, aren't we? I would, cause we're talking about the ones that are really bad for your heart. Yeah. May we stray into Spain and pick up a bit of a Berico? I should love that. Hamon and Berico? I should love that.

We're supposed to shave it off the leg. Yeah. That's probably my favorite of all the bad heart hams. Oh, such a good bad heart. Yeah. It's really great. So mortadella is my favorite, but I think some of it is nostalgia because growing up my dad, who's American,

was very into baloney. This is what I was going to ask. Is baloney basically like a cheap mortadella? Exactly this. Yeah. Baloney is, well, this is the truth I'm about to say. It's just a fact I'm going to say, but I actually do not believe it to be true. It is the ends of all the meats.

Shmooshed. And that is, that is Bologna. It's like the good stuff went to sausages. The better stuff went to the ribs. Yeah. Do you make ribs out of? They don't make ribs. I think ribs. The ribs are there anyway. Made of ribs, aren't they? Listen, I'm just, I'm eating it. I'm not making it. Okay. In any case, the stuff that is not fresh or good gets

professionally termed smooshed into bologna. Yeah, into like weird paste, weird pink goop and then put into sausage shape. Yes, or disc. Perfect for your sammies. Or bear shapes. Yes. Billy Bear shapes. Yes. Billy bear ham. That I do think is quite macabre for some reason.

Why do we give the children the bear faced ham? Yeah, it's really weird. And the fact that when it's sliced, it's the same face all the way through. And then I always imagine that the last slice you cut it off and he's got a really sad face. You finished him off. Yeah, you finished him off. All his friends are dead. Oh, he's packed in with his friends. Each slice is a friend. Yeah. Oh, that's sad.

But I did love that as a kid. I bet you did. Yeah, of course. Did you do that while you were dressed as a pirate? The other day, James told me the story about him being dressed up as a pirate as a kid and I couldn't believe I'd never heard it before. Yeah. But you told me you did it on another podcast. So I feel like it's true. Yeah. I told her on birthday girls podcast ages ago, I'd forgotten it until then. I blanked out my memory and then they started talking about fancy dress. And I remembered that when I was a kid, I had a pirate's fancy dress outfit. And every now and again, I just put it on and then walk around the house referring to

myself as Scallywag. I jump up from behind the sofa and go, ah, it's Scallywag. I stowed away on your ship. And then being stowed away was a big problem. I always have stowed away and they had to be cross at me going, oh no, Scullywag. They had to be cross at you. How did you get on board again? Ah, I hid in the rice.

And then I'd be walking around. What? I'd be hiding in some sort of cargo, hid myself in like some sort of cargo box. This is a merchant ship. He's on a merchant ship. Yeah, I was... Fer. I was ferrying rice. I was topped with a skull and crossbones waistcoat. Yeah. Had red and black striped tattered like trousers. Which I think amazing that you had such good costume. Yeah. And then just a like a brown wooden flat cap that was knitted for something

else that wasn't part of the combo. And the drumstick. I'd hold a drumstick. of the combo and the drumstick. I'd hold a drumstick and walk around. Scallywags here. Never eat a scallywag. I love this. I love to hear about scallywag. I was always, yeah, I was stowing away on the ship and there wasn't really much to the game. I just walk around taunting them about how I did it. I did it again. I got on your ship again. Your sense of humor has not changed since then. That's exactly what you'd enjoy saying. It's got larger. I did it. Yeah. I did it. I was in the rice. And then how does it end? My memory of it is it would peter out into me. I'm just wearing that outfit, but being myself. Sure. So sitting there watching TV with a black hat on, or doing something, yeah, eating my dinner. I'm just sitting

there in a pirate costume. That's nice. What trauma do you think you were exploring? Not enough. Obviously, I mean, if I sat down with a psychiatrist, they might say that I felt unwelcome in my own household and I felt the need to turn them that you stowed away. I was there and that made me feel better. That made me feel like I'd won. Yeah. And they. Is that too much to ask? Your dream main course, Amy. Well, you talk about pasta. Reminds me of my central truth as a child was to find a way to eat buttery pasta at every meal without insulting everyone around me. And how did I do that? Yes, I read a book

in the library, a shelter book, which doesn't make any sense, a homeless charity, but it was about food and how food is made. And there was a big thing about dolphins and there was a huge thing about battery farmed hens. Now I'm saying out loud, I'm thinking, I read more than one book. I've mixed that up in my head. But for some reason I was like, oh, I'll be a vegetarian. And I wish I could say that I did that so to save the animals, but truly I did it because I realized if you were vegetarian, you could just have buttery pasta. And in fact, you'd be doing whoever was hosting you a favor because they'd be like, we've cooked all this meat, but it would be nothing for me just to have some buttery pasta.

You know, you go, you're at your friend's house, their mother's cooked a delicious lamb meal. I don't want that. I want buttery pasta. So I'm like, Susie, I would adore to eat your lamb meal, but I'm a 12 year old vegetarian. Just some buttery pasta will suffice. I loved it so much. And also it's my primary school. They were obsessed with serving shepherd's pie. Shepherd's pie made at scale. No, it's no good.

So that was when I thought that vegetarian's life for me. So to the dinner ladies that you're in butchery. I said, Susie, my love. Nice to see you again. Susie, your moussaka looks gorgeous, but unfortunately I read a book by the homeless charity shelter, which tells me I cannot eat your meat. Um, and I would just have, uh, whatever vegetarian thing they have, which would often be like a sort of buttery angel hair pasta. Oh my God. Or in the slices of white bread with a sort of swipe of butter on it. And I'd have that with

some orange squash and I'd be so happy. So is this your dream main? No, this is just my trauma because James shares some of it. Okay, okay. Look, some people have hacked this podcast and added a pasta course before the main course. Oh, that's so chic. So if you want buttery pasta, I would love that.

as your pasta course, we'll let you have that because that would be nice. That story was very compelling. Because actually my main is incredibly meat heavy and that is my own personal journey. Quick question about the pasta phase. Were you actually a vegetarian? Hard to say. Because like at home, it's not hard to say.

At home were your parents like you're eating bologna, you're not eating buttery pasta. I revealed it in my childhood, I ate bologna. So I was a vegetarian and I did at one point tell my parents I was a porketarian. Sorry for doing that while you had your mouth full of water, Ed. It sounds like what like Stifler would refer to himself. I will say that my dad finds it so funny that I did that, but he never tells a story in a way that doesn't sound weirdly like he is in stiff. He's about bone Stifler's mom, you know, like he's very way. It's not Stifler's mom.

No, it is Stifler's mom. Yeah. Stifler's mom. Well, so who's the guy who burns Stiffler's mom? The guy who shits himself all the time. You can't go for a shit at school. Shit break. Shit break.

The guy can't go for a shit at school. It's crazy to me that you can remember this, but you can't remember chocolate covered bacon. Because it was the same time. Okay. I was 13 and I watched American Party. You think I'm ever going to forget that? No. No, I know you.

You have not. If they watched chocolate covered bacon in Katrine, that would have had the same effect on me. I would remember it. Yeah, that would be, that'd be everything. In my dad's Stiffless Mom's retelling of my childhood, he's always like, and then she came up and she says, I'll only take sausage. He's American. He doesn't know he's kind.

He doesn't hear it. He doesn't hear it. So there was a period of time where I thought, okay, turns out I do quite like the heart painful meats, the heart hurting meats. And I do like sausage. So I am a vegetarian except for I eat the most processed meat available. And then I went to Katie Balkum's bat mitzvah and passed around on a tray was some chicken skewers. You won't go around a bat mitzv for saying you were porkitarian, will you? No, I could read the room.

I will say, this is a very liberal Jewish area. I'm sure there are a few porkitarians in the room. But not at the Bat Mitzvah, of course. Not on the day of the Bat Mitzvah. We're not having pork. So we're in some sort of West Hampstead venue. I remember she was walking around, probably not Katie herself, but let's imagine that Katie herself walking around with, and it was a maybe like chicken on skewers with

a bit of peanut butter. We understand that. That's a, that's a classic. I tried that and I thought this is chicken. This has been chicken the whole time. They're ruining themselves with that name. Yeah. Jay.

Oh, it was so good. So then you became a chicken porkatarian. Chicken porkatarian. And then I was with my friend Rosie and she had a hamburger and I thought, well, that does look good actually. And I think that was probably when I, I stopped pretending that I was vegetarian. Okay. Cause I thought we were going to get your introduction to every single mate there. I'm probably good. Chicken porkabee for terian. Well, what are the meat is there? Lamb lamp. And you've already turnedatarian. Chicken Bokka Beefatarian. Well, what other meat is there? Lamb?

Lamb. And you've already turned that down, of course, in the shepherd's pie. Yeah, in the shepherd's pie. In your friend's house. I don't like that. A lovely lamb dinner. Lamb shouldn't be minced. Interesting.

Why shouldn't lamb be minced? It's too precious a meat to be minced. My hot take should be presented in a sort of shank. Okay. On a platter in Wales. So I got my vegetarian buttery pasta and then my actual main is beef tartare. And that was my great journey to go from never eating meat to being like, I really like tartare. I like raw.

I like it raw. The meatiest of all the meats. And is it from a particular place, this beef tartare? Well, again, looking through my photos on my phone of food I'd eaten, the real theme was mortadella beef tata, which I do think I'm not. Okay. Looking back, there's very few pictures of salads, but who takes a picture of salad? Well, who takes a picture of mortadella is also the question. Me baby. Me baby. And many times I actually screen shot them all so I could show you after.

One is just a hunk of mortadella in a butcher's. I don't even appear to be in the butcher's. In the photo. I'm outside the window. Zooming in. Oh, I love it. But no, beef fatar, I guess probably in, I'm in Paris and I'm really impressing the waiter by choosing it. They call it there, I think steak hash. Hash. Hashay. But it's so nice. Though I actually like the one that is more like sashimi. You know, there's like tartar that comes in, it's almost like a mush. I'm sure they call it something else. And there's also one where it comes in, it's like very finely chopped, almost like a sashimi. That's, I think I prefer that one. So I like steak tartare a lot as well. I'll normally get it if it's on like a classic menu. And you get the main size. Yeah, I'll get the main size or I just think the starter size is never big enough.

I mean, I have on a couple of occasions got the main size for my starter. Yeah. Which is a hack. You can just, if you're paying for it, you can just order what you like. Sure. So I just get the big one. You know what's better than someone else is paying for it. Yeah, that is good order what you like. Sure. So I just get the big one. You know what's better than someone else is paying for it? Yeah, that is good.

You really can. But then if someone else is paying for it and I start going, you're paying for it, are you? I'll be having this main for my starter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. You've got to order it. You've got to roll the dice.

You've got to roll the dice. Exactly. So sometimes at places they do it table side, they bring it over and they mix it all up for you and they ask you what you want in it. So take me through when they put all the stuff in it, what do you want? This is when the way to get sad because I don't want Tabasco. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, but that's, I think that is the better way to do it.

The sad thing is it's meant to be like a lot of French food is a sort of protein that is a vehicle for flavor that is different. So like your snails are your vehicle for garlic butter. Your steak is your vehicle for Tabasco pepper. What else would you have on salt and pepper? Capers? Capers. Yeah. Maybe, maybe little gherkins. Am I mad insane egg yolk? No, you're not at all. 1000% egg yolk. I'm all in for the egg yolk. Yeah. Two eggs. Like diced shallot. Diced shallot. Diced shallot. moutard. Oh, moutard. That's French for mustard.

All of those things. I just go with all of it. Do you? Yeah. I should do that, but I weirdly like the bland raw meat. Yes. Oh dear. Do you think you might be turning into a werewolf? I'm certainly not well.

If I went to a restaurant with someone and they were like, steak tartare, I want the big steak tartare. And then the waiter comes over and goes, what can I add? They go, just the meat. I'd be like, right, there's been a full moon. Or she has some sort of huge iron deficiency. Yeah, there's been a massive iron deficiency. I do sometimes worry when I look back at my food, I'm like, what vitamins am I trying?

Am I like, cloring it? And often they come with little sort of thin toasts, etc. Is that what you want with them? And thin chips. Yes. The chips, the fries and the toast. Red chips, hash. Yes.

Sometimes they have a very thin sort of salad, the thinnest. But with some of the strongest vinaigrette you've ever had. Really punchy vinaigrette. Oh, ding ding, you're awake. Which is good because you just ate a lot of bread. Oh, I love that. I think I really like French food. It just doesn't like me back.

So sorry, French food. So sorry, French food. Yeah. I think that's fantastic. Steak tartare for the main. I think chic. There's a thing that bao do in the King's Cross one, where it's like, it looks like a tartare,

because I think it's like a beef rice, but they build the rice bowl and then on top of it, they have like slices of the raw beef with the egg on top and then an egg on top and it's slightly not sticky but it's like held together somehow. Oh, that's good. I've seen a picture of it many times and think I'd like that and then I've never got it. Oh yeah. So I've got to go and get that. Got to go get that. There might be a pirate in that rice. Scallywag. You've done it again. Scallywag comes out. Stunned away to bow. The egg stays on his head as he emerges out of the rice. Ah, it's me, Scallywag. I've stoned away in the rice. Oh, Scallywag. Can I have an honorable munchen? Yeah. For my main. Yeah. Have you been to the region, the full English cafe, like the cafe in Pimlico?

No. Oh my gosh, it's so fantastic. Has pictures of various boxes up. That's how you know it's good. And they've all been there. And it's you, it's an old cafe, like a, I don't know how you describe it because you don't basically you get in the queue. There's lots of Formica tables.

Formica? Nice old table everywhere and tile is great and you get in the queue and then you get very stressed because it's about to be your turn and then the man nicely yells at you and says, what do you want? And then you have to say two sausage, one bean, egg. You panicked and said one bean. Two sausage, one bean. And I always found it so stressful, but I love it.

You fucked up and asked for one bean. And he would throw me out. He would throw me out. He'd say, you one bean bitch. No, no, they're charming. They're charming. They're charming. I don't want to give them a bad rep.

They're kind. They're gross, but they're kind. They'll call you a one bean bitch if you go. But they're busy and they're knocking food out at a high rate. There's cab drivers in there, there's tourists in there, there's a lot of energy. You can't sit down until you shouldn't sit down until you've ordered your food. They get very annoyed if they see you sitting down before you... No holding tables. Keep it moving.

The food is so good. The orange squash to die for. Tea in a big urn. Oh, and the sausage is great. Oh no, I'm going to die young. I eat so much meat. No regrets. It's delicious. So is that your breakfast from, from the region? The region. Lovely. Oh, it's so good. Benito's just Googled it. It's called the Regency. Thank you. The great Benito. And I will tell you the only reason I wasn't sure is because I used to work with a girl who would take me there and she'd call it the reage. And I didn't think I had the plomb to pull that off. So I just guess how it ended.

The reage. I loved it. I'd say, yeah, to the reage. Yeah, that's great. Please. And then I'll, you know, I'll sleep at my desk after. Dream side dish. Grape salad supreme. Do you need me to explain that? Yes. No.

Grape salad supreme. So we don't need to explain it. So the podcast is over. Grape salad supreme. Absolutely. Keep it in delivered. It is a side dish at my family's Thanksgiving, which I for a very long time thought was a classic North American side dish. And then I took it to my friend Monica's Canadian Thanksgiving and she looked horrified. And it turns out no, it's just something that is quite unique to my North

American family. Yes. It is grapes, pineapple, not fresh. Don't give me that shit from a tin. Tin pineapple, because you're going to use the juice as well. The juice from the tin pineapple, grapes, halved, quartered if you're crazy and you don't have enough grapes, whipped cream, mayonnaise, more than you think, sour cream. And if you're crazy, we don't do this, marshmallows. We don't do marshmallows because we're not crazy. We just do mayonnaise and whipped cream. It's into the phrase mayonnaise more than you think is interesting. Because I would have thought no mayonnaise.

Less than you think. More than you think. Yeah, some, any mayonnaise. In that nice dessert you were describing. Yeah. And this is the truth. It begins as a kind of fresh, wonderful fruit salad. It ends as a savory side dish, perfect for your turkey. Well, this is the interesting, this is the one thing where I think North America and the UK have quite a lot of crossover in terms of what they enjoy in their palates.

But when it comes to this sort of thing, no, no, no. And this marshmallow business, this fruit and mayonnaise, the word salad is treated quite disgustingly. That is rich coming from this country. Come on. I know I don't sound North American, but I'm serious on behalf of my kids. Salad in North America appears to mean it's got mayonnaise in it. Absolutely. What's in this country? Egg salad, tuna salad? No, no, no. Potato salad? Potato salad, but that's American. What's the British salad? Well, like leaves and vegetables and dressing. That's not British. That's French. That's Italian. Yeah, but that's what I think most people would assume was salad. Jelly eels. That's what you eat in

your salads. Oh yeah. no, you're absolutely right. And also my Thanksgiving meal is very much based on my grandmother's like, chefing and she is very much from that 1950s innovation. Gelatin is an ingredient time. So she's never served me anything in Aspic, but I'm sure she absolutely did. Jell-O. Jell-o, there is an, like, I think it's a American salad, which is Jell-o and green beans. Even that's a little too far for me.

Okay. But the grape salads of Bream. Now that is delicious. I don't, you know what? I've never, I've never tried it in my head. I could not be convinced to enjoy it. I'll make you some. Yeah.

I'd like to try it. Do you think I would enjoy it if, I don't think I can get over it. You don't really taste the mayonnaise. What a selling point. I mean, don't worry, you don't taste the mayonnaise. I have to tell you mayonnaise is in it because I think it's a crime. Probably not too, but I wish I could just say, try this delicious great salad soup. Is it sweet or is it sweet and salty like all your favorite things? I'm the generation, the generation of the chocolate bacon. It is, well it's grapes in various white liquids, isn't it? So yeah, it's quite sweet. You're really selling it to me.

It's so nice and it's so good with like a very sort of heavy meal. Tata. Tata. Oh, that would be good actually. I now realize it comes from like a sort of my grandmother had a load of church cooking books. You've ever seen these like old North American churches had cookbooks and they get everyone to donate a recipe.

So it'd be some of the wildest stuff you've ever seen. And we cook a lot from them. That's fun. There's a cookbook store in New York. It's so nice. It's in the Lower East Side. And I bought a series of self authored cookbooks where women in the 1970s and before had like printed their own picture cookbooks. All of them have an aunt on the front looking

angry with a more love. It's a meatloaf rather than not a more love. That would be crazy. They don't have more love. It's so good. Well, we, cause I made, you didn't try it when I brought it to your house. Well, I mean, I will try it next time you make it. Cause I would like to know what it's like, but weirdly I'm off it more that you can't taste the mayonnaise. I was like, Oh, that sounds like an interesting thing. I wonder what that would taste like.

But now it just sounds like it's going to be a nice dessert that every now and again, I remember has mayonnaise in. Yeah. It might make me feel weird. You can taste the mayonnaise. Okay. Also you have it on the side of a savory dish, right? Yes. So it's, it's turkey, potato, grape salad supreme. Really? There's nothing else. Maybe a broccoli if you're crazy. The

flavor hole it's filling really is like a sort of sweet, like chutney cranberry sauce type thing. Maybe. Yes. I think the flavor hole is filling is that we as a culture, this is my North American side, we don't want salad to be healthy. Right. Okay. Sneaky salad. I love a salad in New York, in America. Oh, you get a salad. It's covered in the most delicious dressing of all time. Well, the Caesar salad, of course. A wedge salad salad. Yeah. A wedge salad. Yeah. Oh, an iceberg wedge with the blue cheese and the bacon bits. Yeah. Even what, like a chop salad with blue cheese and egg and all of that.

Cobb salad. That's just meat. That's good stuff. Chopped up. Yeah. I like all those things because they've got like leaves in and some veg. Oh, so you like to pretend a bit. Yeah.

I don't want a salad I can dollop. Yeah. That's insane to me. like leaves in and some veg. Oh, so you like to pretend a bit. Yeah, I don't want a salad I can dollop. That's insane to me. Because you've had an episode where you keep your head in your hands and go, I ate so much meat. Oh, okay, a salad. Grapes, mayonnaise, whipped cream. I know.

Dream drink. Thank you. I've already mentioned the delicious squash at the Ridge. Yeah. And I do love a squash. I think that comes from school. Nothing better than a cold orange squash in those plastic cups. The ribs.

With the ribs. But my sort of, this feels like quite a fancy meal. I'm having tartare and a white wine because I often forget what I've enjoyed. Yeah. I recently went to, uh, brat, the one in Shoreditch, which I know many people on this percussive reference and it is delicious. It's fantastic. The gorgeous various meat rices. Wow. Um, we went with some fancy people, just Americans, just two Americans we know. And they, the wine person came over

and said, what would you like? We said white. And then they kept asking us for like description words so that they could choose us a bottle. It was like an escape room in that we could not find the word to unlock them to go away and find us a wine. They were very, they were trying, I think they were trying to give us a great experience. I don't fault them for doing this, but the person said, um, dry. Yeah. Fine. No, the sommelier would not leave.

The other person said, funky. Oh no, that's not going to come. First of all, disgusting. I don't want that. But what a big, what a big swing. Huge swing. But honestly, we were just like, how can we make you leave with love and professionalism? Someone said crisp.

And then eventually I said Sicilian and they walked away. It was huge. Yeah. And never came back. And they turned out they didn't work there. They're just trying to get an autograph from Jason Manzou because who we were having dinner with. So you want, you want a Sicilian white wine for your dream meal? Yes. I think I want a Sicilian white wine. But then I went to noble rock the other day to go to nice restaurants. You weren't even there. Yeah. Wow.

I've been there. Yeah. I think we went because you told us to. It was so nice and they have a crazy wine list. Well, wine's their thing, right? Absolutely. That one felt less pressure to impress the person. Yeah.

So Sicilian white, which I think there's one called like Cattarotto, which is quite nice. That's actually quite accessible. Yeah. But yeah, I like it. I don't like a very dry white wine because I get heartburn. Some other words that you could say to maybe make people go away. Yeah. Minerally. That doesn't even sound like a real word. Slate. You could say that volcanic. Anything from the volcanic regions? Because that's, that's the slate. Yeah. Yeah. That's all makes you sound impressive and I don't really know what a lot of that means. Yeah. You can have stuff that sort of made near Etna. Yeah. I would love that. Yeah. These are all words I just pick up and then I throw them in just when I feel like it's right when I'm talking to

a wine person. But what if they ask you follow up? They don't, they know. They don't. People who know about wine aren't interested really to hear what you know about. You've just got to negotiate the conversation by saying the right sorts of words that don't set off any of their alarm bells so they can then tell you what they know. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So that's, so I think you and I are the wine choosers often. I think you and I are the pappas of the group. We are the pappas of the group. We are the pappas of the group. But I like to defer to you.

I find it quite stressful sometimes being the wine pappa, though I am often the wine pappa. Well, I find it stressful as well, but I also don't want something bad. Don't want something bad. And then also I realized that quite often when we're together as a group, no one really minds. So it's not like anyone's going like, if you mess this up, the night is over. Especially when we went out together on New Year's Eve and instead of doing the wine pairing with the lovely meal that we

had, that with the specific wine pairing, tailor to the meal. James instead had a cocktail with every course. It felt great until I stood up. Until it was like New Year's itself and everyone else went out to watch the fireworks. I just sat down with the chef in an empty restaurant and was like, that's brilliant. I got a creepy photo of you doing that. Yeah. Yeah. The one where I really was like, oh, I'm in trouble now. I was just like, what's the one I haven't had yet? We're still on the main like savory course. And they were like, haven't had that one yet. I was like, great, have that one. And it came out and it was basically a of the forest Gatto themed, like mainly cream.

It just tasted like they had blended. It was delicious. But I was like, I'm now having a pudding with my dunk or whatever. I'm in trouble now. And then, I mean, you made it past midnight. We got back to where we were staying. And then every time anyone got their phone out, James

shouted at them. Yeah. Put your phone away. Your dream dessert. So I think my dream dessert is, sorry, do we not do them in French? I love it. That was in French. Well, I don't know.

I don't think dream is dream in French. It probably is. No, it's not. It's a dream. I think. My God.'s irrev. I think. Reve. Yeah. My God.

Education. Wow. I think. I mean, I'm sure you're right. That could also not be true. I think it's right. And I've just told you a complete nonsense word. You both just went, well.

Yeah. I'll go ahead and say it. I'll say that it sounds like the sort of thing I would say it's right. Okay. So there you go. I love the crepe from the creperie in Hampstead, have you ever been? No. It's a, it's not a shop, it's a stand, a truck, a little cart, a cart, it's a cart.

And it's right outside the Prince William pub, I think. It's been there for years and years and years. I went to school in North London and on a Friday, I would traverse North London to go to Hampstead to get in the line for the creperie. Sometimes people in the pub and God bless them, try to set up a separate stand because there's such a long queue for the original. Do not be fooled. Get in the original queue.

It goes faster than you think. Run by French people. They speak French to each other. They seem to be kind of annoyed that they have to speak English to you, even though you are in London. Fantastic. And they do French to each other. They seem to be kind of annoyed that they have to speak English to you, even though you are in London. Fantastic. And they do most amazing crepes. They do savoury ones.

I've never had them because I'm only getting one thing I'm getting mixed chocolate, which is milk chocolate and white chocolate. They have the little not squares like almost like milky, but what I'm trying to say, discs, tiny discs, buttons. Thank you. Chocolate buttons, milk and white. So they have them sort of fresh. If such a thing could be true about chocolate. And then they put them onto the crap and then they melt. Oh my God. And then they use that sort of long spatula thing to sort of smoosh them around like a sort of galaxy. And then I get smushed food, smushed discs.

Because even tartare is kind of a disc. Oh, well, I'll die happy with a crepe in my hand. And the crepe is so good. It's so light and kind of crispy on the edges. It's just a lot of butter. And then I get banana in that. And then they chop the banana in a way that only a creperie can, which is like sort of on a diagonal. Nice. Yeah. Long slices. Long slices using the same spatula that they just used to shmooch the chocolate. And then it's a, with the spatula, which is like a sort of fold, fold, fold into a cardboard, into your hand. Quite a lot of money. So good. Yeah. I'm always so impressed. I mean, watching people make a crepe, when people have mastered that art, it's incredible. They should be paid more. When they haven't, it is absolutely...

If you're at a festival, a music festival or something, and then you get someone who was doing their first ever music festival, and they're just working the crepe stand, just so that I'll get free. As soon as they start doing it, and you can tell they don't know what they're doing, I want to say, forget it. I'm not eating this. Forget it. And it's going to be like 12 pounds. Yeah. And like three times you'll have to watch them. Some like an old bloke come over and go, no, no, no. Scrape that down and go again. Yeah. You got to be ready. Yeah, no, it's okay. I didn't want to go and see the band on my way to see. I was watching fucking mess a crap up five times.

Oh no. And you're the king of craps or pancakes. Yeah, absolutely. Pancake day. I had pancake day routine. Huge, big, big routine. Big routine for you. Huge routine for you.

It was big for me. You were ready to strive. Yeah, yeah. It was big stuff. It was big stuff. Back in the day. That's probably your routine that I remember the most. I know you've done stuff since.

It's the one when, when, you know, all of us went to latitude for like the first time we were all booked to do latitude and we're walking around and I absentmindedly bought a crap. It was Nish just pointing at me all day. Yeah. As I was eating it, pointing at me out to strangers who let's face it, didn't know me or that routine going, hey, look at what he's, he's striving. He's doing some out of season striving. And then that's, I think that was the moment when Nish realized that the best way to bully me was to quote my material at me to strangers.

What's crazy, I don't think I, I don't think even Nish and I weren't dating then. Just a motley crew of fools. hadn't happened yet. Wow. And I saw that and I thought, yes, that's my long-term lover. Wow. That guy really bullies that other guy. That guy's pressing all my buttons by bullying his friend. Wow. Out of season something.

Okay. That's the Harry Hansen guy for me. I have one more honorable mention for the burgers that we used to order in Parsons Green. What were they called? It was early days Deliveroo, like truly Deliveroo just existed. I'm not sure it's even an app. It wasn't Deliveroo. It was on from their website.

On their own? Yeah, Chosen Bun. Chosen Bun. Chosen Bun. They were great. Oh my God. They came in these like quite modern cardboard packets that like you sort of lifted. They were these huge burgers.

And I think it was like the first thing I'd ever been able to order on my phone without having to talk to someone. I guess it's like a key element of shame and that stops you ordering some of this stuff. And it got initially was a huge tree and then it became just became every day. So yeah, it is so much. The burgers, the chips are really good. The mac and cheese balls were really good as well. The chips were fantastic. Good old chosen bun. So that's an honorable mention for your dessert, right? much. The burgers, the chips are really good. The mac and cheese balls were really good as well. Fantastic. Good old chosen bun. So that's an honorable mention for your dessert, right? Yeah. I'd have a sort of delicious, that's nostalgia. I have anything for it. Yeah. The crepe sounds lovely, especially the quality of the crepe itself, because that really does,

that's next level stuff. If it, ideally you want the crepe to be so good, you don't need anything on it and then just pimp it out even more, make it even better with those buttons. What do you have in a crepe? Chocolate and banana is absolutely a winner all the time. I don't like Nutella. I'd probably also chuck marshmallow in there. You're describing a salad at my house.

Crepe salad baby. You'd eat that. Yeah, I think that would be my standard kind of- Wait, banana chocolate marshmallow? I think so. I mean, I think the best one I ever had, I can't even remember where this was, but I did peanut butter, vanilla ice cream and some sort of like jam, like strawberry jam. And I just went full Elvis on it.

And I really loved that. Chocolate bacon sticking out the top. Yeah, yeah. May as well a bit. What do you reckon I like in a crepe Amy? Oh, black pudding. Yeah, exactly what I was thinking of. The potatoes from the Decatur parboil, thinly sliced.

I was talking about stuff that's commercially available from a normal crepe place. Oh, not your fantasy crepe. You are right. It's savory crepe. I'm going ham and cheese every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ham and cheese and crepes. I absolutely love a from a normal crepe place. You are right. It's savoury crepe. I'm going ham and cheese every time. I absolutely love a ham and cheese crepe. Waste of a crepe. It's not a waste of a crepe man. It's delicious. It's the same as, you know, it's doing a different thing. Yeah. It's like comparing ham and cheese croissant as well. Thank you. I've got them as well, but I need to be healthy.

When I see James with his ham and cheese, I know he's on the good side. He's trying to be a good boy. He's on the way to the gym. I'll read your menu back to you now. Unless you have any more honorable mentions. I'd like to have an espresso Martini with my crepe, I guess. Yeah. And it would also take away the slightly childish nature of sort of like scoffing a crepe with your hands.

If in the other hand, you could be sloshing. Oh, my team. Scoffing. Scoffing and sloshing. And we've had slopping earlier. Slopping, yeah. Smooshing. Smooshing, yeah.

We've had a very onomatopoeic menu. I'm a poet who's gonna die young. Gorgeous. Tap water. Yeah. You would like honey and co, platter with salted butter, popping up throughout the whole meal. The labneh. The labneh.

Start with water, three ways. Yes. Shhh, shhh, shhh. Yes. Bumbar, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala, ala Of course. See? Yeah. You're making fun of Amy. It's difficult though, isn't it? Yes. Bullying me again. It was fun making fun of Amy for it. Italo sandwich and rolled up like a rose.

Pasta course, buttery pasta. Main course, beef tartare. Side crepes are the supreme. Drink, a Sicilian white wine. Yeah, because I'm chic. Dessert, mixed chocolate and banana crepe from Le Creperie in Hampstead. Le Creperie de Hampstead is what Benito's written. Is that what the actual place is called? Is he just... Oh yeah. It's called Creperie de Hampstead. Well, I would call it the

Hampstead Creperie, but I like that you use the French phrase. Yeah. Well, that's what Benito's written. The Creperie de Hampstead and of course, espresso martini. Amy, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. Thanks for taking me there boys. Thank you so much to Amy for coming in. What a wonderful episode, James. A wonderful episode. I mean, I was, I think you can hear it. I was smiling throughout. You were smiling throughout, which is rare. It's also one of those episodes that we have different flavors of episodes and that one was one where we're very familiar with the guests, the guest is very familiar with us. So it was immediately very relaxed and went off into some silly areas. Yes, I hope that the listener

knew what the hell we were on about. Hopefully they did. Yes, fingers crossed. It's too late now. If they didn't, they won't be hearing this bit. Yeah, but yeah, they won't be here. So anyone who is here, you get us. You get us. Thanks for staying. Amy's show, Thick Skin, is on at the Pleasance Courtyard right now. As you're listening to it, the Edinburgh Fringe is happening.

It's 25th of August. Also, Amy didn't say nettle tea, so we got to keep her in the restaurant. Yes, I would have been very surprised if Amy had said nettle tea. One thing that I had considered suggesting before I realized that net was in Amy's surname was thick skin, like on anything, like custard skin, white pudding or chicken skin. And when she started saying about that chicken sandwich with the skin on it. Slopping off.

Slopping off. Yeah. I was a bit worried, even though she didn't actually choose that sandwich, she replaced it with her, her favorite meat. Yes. But you were a bit worried because the secret ingredient might have been something else that you didn't pick. Well, just, yes.

So you were imagining a completely fabricated situation. Yes. And worried about it. Well, it kind of, I guess, yes, I do. That's what, that's my MO, but also a part of me is very disappointed when, you know, someone gets close to saying a secret ingredient that we didn't pick. I'm like, oh, we could have kicked them out. I could have been another.

And Amy, you know, we know Amy very well. Yeah. So I would have been fine with kicking her out. Easy. Yeah. Yeah. No qualms. Well, we didn't.

She lasted the course. Thank you very much for listening to the Off Menu Podcast. Goodbye. Thank you for listening, Ed. Oh, I didn't. Hello, Off Menu listener. Yes, that's right. At last a good comedian on this podcast. It's me Nish Kavar and I am temporarily interrupting your lovely chat about sandwiches to tell you that I am on tour with my new show Nish Don't Kill My Vibe. Yes, you're right. That title is a reference to Kendrick Lamar, because I'm incredibly relevant. Tickets are available right now at nishkamar.co.uk. If you like James Acaster and Ed Gamble, maybe you'll enjoy the humour of one of their friends.

Tickets at nishkamar.co.uk.