Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 258: Phil Dunster

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

Ted Lasso’s Jamie Tartt (doo-doo-da-doo-da-doo), Phil Dunster, introduces some new vocabulary to the Dream Restaurant this week. And don’t forget, tune in to Comic Relief. Phil Dunster stars in ��Oklahoma! in Concert’ at London’s Theatre Royal Drury Lane on 19th and 20th August. Get tickets at oklahomaconcert.co.uk Follow Phil on Instagram and Twitter @phildunster Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I am Charlotte Casaragui and in partnership with the House of Chanel, I present to you the Les Rencontres podcast. As part of the Rendez-vous littéraire at Rue Cambon, this podcast spotlights the birth of a female writer. You can listen to the various episodes and their authors on your preferred streaming platforms. ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. What begins as a tragic discovery of a female body in a creek

unravels a tale of an international kidnapping, toxic relationships, and a breakthrough that changes everything. There's only three ways you can enter any environment. One is purposeful, one is accidental, and the third way is by the hands of another. Was it an accident or something more sinister? I'm private investigator Julia Robson, and this is Troubled Waters,

a Casefile Presents production, out now wherever you get your podcasts. A Casefile presents production out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the sausage meat of conversation, wrapping it in the puff pastry of friendship, putting it in the humor oven. You got yourselves a sausage roll, a podcast sausage roll, sausage podcast roll. That is a gamble my name is James A. Cassidy. Together we're in a dream restaurant every single week we

invite in a guest and we ask them a favor ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is Phil Dunster. Phil Dunster a wonderful actor and of course plays Jamie Tart in Ted Lasso. Yes this is our second Ted Lasso no have, have we had more? No, Nick Mohamed as well. Nick Mohamed, Tahib Jemma, Phil. Yes. Is that all we've had on? That's all we've had. Come on guys. We've got to do better than that. We've got to do better than that. How have we only had three other Ted Lasso bunch on? Where's Waddingham? Where's Waddingham? Ellie Taylor? Oh yeah, come on. Can't think of anyone else who else in it. Is that it, is that the cast?

Ah but we're very very excited to have Phil Dunstaurant on. We're big fans of Phil's, I've never met him before. I've met him once, I played shuffleboard with him at Brett Goldstein's birthday. Were you good at shuffleboard? Uh I was all right. Yeah. I find it a bit stressful. So Dunstaurant good at shuffleboard? He was quite good at shuffleboard actually. Yeah yeah. So maybe he'd be good at picking the right food for his menu. Maybe indeed and you've told me you've done some research for this interview. I've done some research, yeah I emailed a unnamed source, I refuse to name him. Okay fair enough. And he told me some stuff about Phil Dunster. Well looking forward to you unveiling the information that you've collated. But of course if Phil Dunster says a secret ingredient on which we have pre-agreed he will be kicked out

of the restaurant. And this is your idea James? Yes this week the secret ingredient is jammy tarts. Jammy tarts because he played Jamie Tart and it sounds a bit like that. Yeah. Jammy tarts. That's good. Also rarely do we actually have a food that we think people might pick He might pick it he might pick people like jam tarts. Yeah, no one's picked jam tarts Yeah, I think jam tarts. I think I think jammy tarts you forget about them Mmm, and until you see them if you're not looking at a jammy tart, they're not in your head No, no, no, it's ever craving one. No

So hey what could you do with now? So no one's ever picked them from their dream no, no. So, tell you what I could do with now. So no one's ever picked up on their dream menus, but if this could be the first. Yeah, yeah, could be. We'll see. We'll see what happens. Phil is starring in Oklahoma in Concert. It is the songs from Oklahoma at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane on the 19th and 20th of August.

So if you are in London, you fancy going to watch that. I'm sure it's going to be a wonderful show very, very soon. It's in just a few days. So if there are any tickets left, get yourself onto oklahomaconcerts.co.uk to buy tickets. And I'm sure we'll chat to Phil about that as well. Yes, absolutely. We'll cover all the bases. You watch us cover all the bases. But for now, this is the off menu menu of Phil Dunster. Welcome Phil to the dream restaurant. Welcome Phil Dunster to the dream restaurant. But it's had to be for some time. The boys in the dream restaurant. How's it feel to be

in the dream restaurant Phil Dunster? Feels, smells and looks great. Yeah. Yeah. Good. So there's this, when you walk into a restaurant, what smell are you looking for? Good, like a good, into the dream restaurant. Just for the listener, Phil just closed his eyes to imagine the smell. When he made that mmm sound. Yeah, that's what happened. Exactly at that moment. The dream restaurant is like oaky, oh, there's a fire, not in a bad, not, everyone's fine. Everyone get out.

But there's a fireplace that's got an oaky smell to it. Maybe that's from the kitchen. Nice. But you're not sure when you walk in if it's from the kitchen or not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

There's like a bit of peril when I walk in a television. That's true, that's true. And big round tables, long tables? There's not wooden tables in this fire, are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to be stainless steel. No, there's not long tables. I find that quite terrifying when they're like, yeah, you know, just take a seat. There's maybe just over there, Wagamama's does this. Yeah. All love to Wagamama's, but holy hell when you're like, oh for God's sake. But then obviously not going to, there's no pressure to talk to anybody, but then you're like,

you're sort of, you're brushing up against someone that you don't. Yeah. It's not good. You feel uncomfortable. You have to eavesdrop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the rule. And you end up talking, you sort of talk like that because you don't want to talk like that. You have a benign conversation. I still don't want you to know about what I'm going to have. Also, it's very, because it's warm at the moment as we're recording this. That just takes me back to maybe going to Wagamama's in summer where everyone's, you know, wearing cooler clothes and you might accidentally brush up against someone's skin with your skin, which ruins anyone's ramen.

Yeah, I don't want to push it into anyone's skin. Yeah. Not in my skin. No, you start slipping and sliding off. Yeah. Or sticking. That's the worst. Everyone off the same end.

Yeah. So no, it's booths. Is it booths? There's booths around the edge. And then of course, uh, there's a few tables scattered around but enough space that you're not having to stand up and smudge your bum against their salt and pepper on their table to get past. When it's too crowded that's a nightmare. Have you ever knocked some salt and pepper over with your bum?

Yes! I mean, you've got a musty bum, so I've heard. Yeah, it's... Musty? What's musty? Or musty? I thought you said musty. No, it's not musty. I thought you said musty bum, so I've heard. Yeah. It's musty. What's musty? Or musty. I thought you said musty. No, it's not musty.

I thought you said musty bum. Musty. As in the summer, Wagamama's is definitely musty. Yeah, no, muscly. It's certainly, it's cumbersome. It's muscular. It's cumbersome. It's muscular, I've heard.

Okay. You should say who you've heard that from. No. Because otherwise... A good interviewer never reveals his sources. Twitter. You're not musty bum. It's, I think for, you know, it's largely, I'd say it's probably like 75% of my personality, my bum. Yeah. I'm very much bum forward as a person. Which is, which

is odd. Yeah. Everyone else is bum back. Yeah. And I don't, cause you know, in life I don't want to see what's coming my way. I want it all just, yeah. Lead with the bum. Yeah. Lead with the bum. Yeah. Brett Goldstein told me that. Yes.

Yeah. And he's seen a lot of it. He told me it, by the way, cause I said, you're coming on the podcast, anything I need to know. He didn't drop it in the conversation, like some gossip once and say, guess who's got a muscly bum? That's amazing. I always said, look, Phil Dunst is coming on.

What do I need to know? Like food wise. Yeah. He told me some food stuff. Yeah. And then he said, also he's got a muscly bum. What? I've just just...

I didn't expect it to come up. To be honest, Phil, it was the one thing that you told me that I thought, well, I won't bring that up. But then you were going on about knocking stuff over with your butt. It must have just felt like such a strange moment that that's then... I mean, this is what I mean about 75% of my personality that, you know, that's, that's clearly it's, you've been told about it in your extensive research. That is the most research we've ever done for this podcast,

by the way. In fact, the only research we ever do is when someone from Ted Lasso comes on, we ask Brett. Yeah. And that's only happened once. To hear come on in our message asked Brett. Yeah. And that's only happened once. To hear come on our message, Brett. Yeah. He knows, but he is also like, he doesn't really have much of a, he doesn't really mind about food. He just wants to have like cashew nuts. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why we'll never have him on. Yeah. It's a shame. It is a shame. We're never going to have him on. There's no point. This might be a fun listen for anyone. It's never going to happen.

It's sort of like the anti-episode where it's where he just sort of, you don't really get onto any food. He's just like, what's the, you know, what's the protein levels in it? Yeah. He's not as myopic as that, but when it comes to food. When he asks me about food, it's like he's, it's like an alien asking about food. When he asks you. Yeah.

When he's going like, so why do you like this? I'm like, it just tastes nice. Oh, interesting. He's a curious man. Yeah, when he's going like, so why do you like this? And like, it just tastes nice. Oh, interesting. He's a curious man. Yeah. Tastes nice. Yeah. Trying to figure it out in his head.

You eat a lot of Nando's together? I've heard from an unnamed source. Yeah. Good man, this is good journalism, man. Thank you. We do, we do. Yeah, yeah. And what he does is he orders the roulette wings plate.

Does he? What? Yeah. Platter. That's crazy, isn't it? Yeah. It's truly insane. I don't know anyone who orders that. No. It's such a mad... But it's fun. I don't like spice. We're really getting into the nando.

He told me that. Oh, that's my third finger on. Yeah. You genuinely did find that out, didn't you? Yeah. That's the three things he told me. Yeah. You genuinely did find that out. Yeah. That's the three things he told me. We eat a lot of Nando's, he doesn't like spice, he's got a muscly bum. It's astounding that the bum came up. It really is. Yeah. It's true. You're looking over stuff with your salt and pepper pot.

And also, you know, when we asked you to describe your dream restaurant, said there's some boobs in a lot of tables and chairs. That's Nando's. I want some boobs there, then loads of tables and chairs, but not too crowded. That's every Nando's I've ever been in. It's very much a startup camping. I don't want to knock over the stuff on the, the salt and pepper on the table with my bum. But that's why they have, they've got, and the great thing is they've got all the sources out of the way. Yeah.

It's all on the side. And are you ever tempted to go over to where the sauces are and just drag your bum across the top? Run it across like a stick on a radiator. Just get the sack of sauce. That's going to be dated because that's now out. Peri-tamer all over the world. So what spice level do you go for in Nando's? Peri-tamer. It's not on the... Oh, is that a step? That's maybe a secret. But no, it's not. It's just a kid's one basically.

And it's delicious and barbecue-y and rich, but not spicy. Every now and then, I might go for a little medium. But I just don't... The way I see spicy food is like scary movies. I don't like horror films. Because if you're watching a horror film,

I feel like I can't taste the film underneath. If it's good or not, I don't know. And the same thing goes for spice. I'm like, this could be a delicious meal, but you're attacking me. And my head is on fire. And I think, and I can maybe appreciate with my most empathetic skills, I could maybe understand that there's like a sensation. I've told you about sight, smells, and you know, but this sensation. But I just don't have it. I can't understand it. We were talking off air about roller coasters and how I wish I didn't feel like I was about to throw up every single time I came off one of those because I understand the sensation of it is a thrill. But you can't taste the ride under me.

I can't taste the ride under me. So yeah, the spice level is just I want to have the tang, but none of the bang. Great. I think this should be the highest compliment to say to an actor. I would say, out of all the actors we've had on the podcast, you are the furthest from the character that I associate them with. And it's very surreal talking to you. Cause I'm like, you should be bullying us and being mean. And from Manchester. But

you know, he doesn't sound like James's main fascination is actors who can do good accents that aren't their own. Oh really? What's another one that you... Well, when Martin Freeman was on I was like, do the Fargo accent all the time. That's tough. Yeah, because I was like, I couldn't get my head around how he'd done that.

Every time I see an actor they do a really good accent. I mean, I obviously, my introduction to you was Ted Lasso. And when I discovered you weren't from Manchester, I was like what the fuck Absolutely blew my head off that that wasn't your actual voice I was like he talks like it is Which you see me play football then you're really Yeah What the fuck

And then I discovered you got it off Dave Masterman No, no, Ellis pretending to be Dave Masterman and that blew my mind even more Yeah, that is true. I mean, no one's, because we don't really, oh, we do impressions of Benito on the podcast, but it's usually, it's him as like a Demi Gorgon figure in Stranger Things. So maybe one day we'll see something,

there'll be like a new hit sitcom. And they'll be coming to us like, hey, how's it going? Good to see you guys. And it'll be like, the actor will come on and go, yes, I... I based it on the Benegorgon. The Benegorgon that you guys did. It was based on the Benegorgon, of course.

But that's the highest compliment, surely. It's your art creating more art. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I don't think I would call Ellis and John's podcast art. As a retro one myself, I must say it is. We're starting beefs over here. Yeah. Yeah.

It's actually, it started off as a take on Ellis going, five yard old for a panina. And then my step towards it was Liam Gallagher and then H, the rapper. We're sort of, sort of of near H the rapper more because he's probably got more street cred. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Football is pretty cool. No disrespect to Liam Gallagher. Yeah, you definitely went up in street cred from Ellis, which is absolute rock bottom. Ellis pretending to be an even nerdier man than himself. Full respect to Masterman, but

come on. He's got a big bum. Ellis. Yeah. Yeah. Huge thighs. You two can never go to Nando's together. Absolutely. You need a booth immediately. Please. Yeah. Good luck getting out of the booth. Just slap down 500 quid. Yeah. These are for all the compliments that are going to be on the floor. We're just going to get this out of the way now. Whole place is going to be a slip and slide of stripes by the end. Now, if you would like to see the Muscle E. Bum in the flesh.

I don't know how much flesh they'll be in there. Trying to link to the fact that you're doing an Oklahoma in concert. That's very good. Because we do need to talk about it. We do. It's very exciting. Two nights do need to talk about it. We do. It's very exciting. Yeah. Two nights at Theatre Royal, Drury Lane. Yeah.

So this is like when they do musicals, but it's not the full like set production, right? Yes. It's more of a sort of concert, what is it, in concert? It's in concert. Yeah. It's a concert in concert. Yeah, so we're doing Oklahoma in concert at Theatre Royal,

Drury Lane. There's four words in it, and I always nearly get them mixed up. Yeah. They're going to have a 28 piece orchestra, which is more than a lot of musicals you would see because it would be very expensive to run every single time. So it's going to be like a huge sound and it's going to be fairly stripped back in terms of the staging of it. So I'm playing Curly and Zizi Stralen is playing Laurie Williams, who is for the uninitiated

like musical theater royalty. She is unreal. I'm not saying this is a sort of like trying to big it up in any way. She is ridiculously good in the way that when you go to see musical theater, I've never really quite understood how people make the hair stand up on the back of your neck and you want to like, you get the lump in your throat.

I mean, this is just me, I over-remandosize it, but I found it so powerful. And I went to go and see her play. She was in Pippin in concert and she was in Mary Poppins recently as well. And it's just, she's so extraordinarily talented. And so I'm so excited to be doing it with her and with everybody else involved. But yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be really fun because it's, it's nice also that it's just this sort of two, two nights, three shows where you can put everything into it. And then you're like, great. Yeah. Go big. Yeah. Go big. Go to Oklahoma. Go home. First musical I ever saw was Oklahoma. Yeah. A production. My dad, my dad was a teacher. So

production at his school. Yeah. We all went along to watch it. My dad in the audience. He wasn't in Oklahoma. I know that's what you thought of me. Well, no, I didn't think I was imagining it. Yeah. My dad was a cowboy. But I didn't know what a musical was. I hadn't been told this is a musical. It's like, do you want to go and see the play? So I remember they've opened with the song. I was like, yeah, fair enough. They've opened with a song. And then, yeah, how old were you? I'm like six. Of course. Even when you're six,'re going yeah fair enough. Yeah fair enough there's a little song to open that's nice. Then like

less than a minute later there's another song I was like are you kidding me? That seems weird like if you didn't do one very long ago and you've done another song this is meant to be a play why are you? And no one's stopping him going, why are you sorry, you were talking mate, why are you singing? Can we have a bit of dialogue? Why are you doing that? By the end, by the interval I was like, okay, so what is this? This is insane. They just keep on singing every single five seconds, they're singing the song that no one gets a word in. They start having a Yeah. And then before you know it, someone's singing it. What's going on here? Second half? Well, what happens in the second half? Just let

me know. Some of them again that we've heard in the first half. But then I remember by the end of it, having really enjoyed it and actually I then look forward to the school musical every year. We go and see it. Then I was look forward to the school musical every year. We go and see it and then I was like I know the vibe. Yeah, yeah. But yes, one thing that is very fun about this is that Oklahoma of course has an exclamation mark in the title. Yeah. Which is incredibly rare. Westwood Ho has that. I don't know why that stays in. What in Westwood Ho? Westwood Ho, Oklahoma, Ho, Ho, Ho, I guess there's got to be some. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why that stays in. What in Westwood Ho? Westwood Ho, Oklahoma, Ho, Ho, I guess there's got to be some. Yeah, I understand Westwood Ho more, that some would shout it out.

Yeah. Oklahoma is a place. Yeah. Westwood Ho is a place. Is it? Yeah, yeah. And, oh, I thought they were saying we're going Westwood. But the actual place name has the exclamation mark in it. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. That's cool. I'm going to pitch that to the people of Ketch the exclamation mark in it. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. That's cool. I'm going to pitch that to the people of Kettering. We do it there.

I guess it's important that you shout it right. Westwood, oh, because otherwise if it's no exclamation mark, it does look like the word ho which has other meanings. Right. We haven't put a comma in there. Yeah. I feel like any grammar in a place name feels out of place. Yeah, I agree. I can't think of any others.

Where are you from Phil? Reading. That's not worked. Born in Northampton. One of the finest comedic minds. I can't even. I don't care. Maybe a question mark I'd put on that. Born in Northampton. Born in Northampton. What's all this? Did Brett tell you that as well? Wikipedia. He's got

a muscly bum and he was born in Northampton. Yeah, that's all in Wikipedia. That's where I get it. I moved to Reading pretty early on. So, you know, you're not Northampton boy, but you weren't born in Northampton. That's it. Northampton close to Kettering. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah We're 20 minutes famous in the car. I got pushed over on stage in Redding What in the art center man stood up pushed me over. Yeah As he didn't like you I was singing the football chant over and over again He stood up pushed me over the football chant a football. Not a red in football

I've kept in town FC football chant is a bit I used to do and it went on for ages. That was the whole kind of point. Yeah. He stood up. He was about 50 this guy, pushed me over, sat down. He was there with his old mum because he's a fucking loser. And I stood up and went, what did you do that for? Why did you push me over? And his mum, it was that ancient, turned to him and went, it's okay, he's a comedian. And that was the... He justified it to her son, it's okay, don't worry. Yeah, so when I said, why did you do it?

Before he could answer why he did it, she said to him, you don't have to give him any reason, he's a comedian, you can push him over. And then like, it was a mixed bill. And I was on second, the headliners were still to come. wouldn't push everyone over just to make it look like this was the thing. This was the concern because in the interval the promoters come backstage and went, sorry about that. Just so you know, we've told him if he does it again, he's out. And the compare was like, sorry, are you saying everyone else in that room has two pushes of

comedian and then they're out because the headliners are an improv tree, but do audience participation. So is everyone else allowed to get up, push one of the noise next door over? Well, how many of them were there as well? Does that mean he gets to push all of them over? Yeah, push them in a domino. And then he's out. It was quite the stressful gig. And that reading's lovely. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not that surprised. I'm not wholly surprised. Not because of your material, but more because of the state of things in Redding. But no, it is a lovely place and I would like to say that sounds like an outlier there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was. That feels like a real show. You've been back to Redding since and no one's pushed you over, right? Yeah. Well, another time I went to Red Reddit, supporting Milton Jones on tour in the early days and I thought I'd have quite a good gig. It's quite rare to have a good gig as a support act. So I was really happy with the fact I finally have had a good one. And then my dad at the time used to check my Wikipedia every day and he would update

it back then. And he phoned me the next day and he went, James, I just want to check something with you. Something's been added to your Wikipedia. I just want to verify it. If it's not true, I'll take it off. Were you confronted after your reading gig by fans who said that your show was rubbish and you cried?

I was like, no. He's like, okay, I'll take that down. Someone's added that to your book. Someone said his performance support Milton Jones at the Reddit Hexagon was so dire that when confronted by his performance after the show, a castaster cried. I mean, I absolutely love that your dad was like, did that happen?

No, I'll take it down then. Rather than just taking it down. Yeah, yeah. If it'd be, that did happen, dad. I'll leave it up there then. Wikipedia is a user-based resource. We always start with still a spark than water, Phil. Do you have a preference?

I do. That's all we need. Excellent. Let's move on. It's sparkling. I love sparkling, but I feel conscious of the fact that often people, they don't hold back when in terms of their loathing of people who like sparkling water. Sure. People feel very strongly about it and I just like, I mean I like, well I'm not going to give away what the drink is going to be, if I might be so lucky for you guys to ask me that, I don't want to assume, but yeah I just like a bit of pizzazz at the start of the meal, it sets me up right, I like a bit of fizz. Absolute opposite of Jamie Tart.

Jamie Tart goes still water tap water, he'ds when he chooses fizzy water is a snob. It's up themselves. He would, you're an amazing actor. It really makes me laugh. It's the best I've ever made in my life. How blown away you are by acting and people not being like their characters. Never, never to this degree. Never have I seen it to this degree. This is incredible. How cool Jamie is in Europe. Are you having a bit of lemon? Um, I don't know. No, no, no, I'm not. No. It's a bit more Jamie Tart. I think Jamie Tart would have lemon. Do you? Yeah, I think Jamie Tart would have lemon. I think he would think that that's proper good if you put the lemon in.

I think he would think that that's proper good if you put the lemon in. I reckon Jamie Tartt's putting up two fingers to the waiter or waitress. And he's going, I'm going to have Monster. I know that there's a drink coming, but I'm having Monster now. Yeah, he would have Monster. Because he's chaotic. Yeah. Monster scares me, man. Not just because it's called Monster.

Yeah. No, admit it. You don't like horror films either, then? No, I do. I do. just because it's called monster. Yeah You don't like horror films either. No, I do I can taste the film underneath Yeah, I get used to them and now I can taste the film but monster is scary. It's in the cans are too big Yeah, it's called monster. Yeah, I feel like it's also there's a real culture around because they sponsor like monster trucks Right, okay sponsor like monster trucks. Oh, right. Okay. Well, I'm going to touch the mirror. Yeah. But it's like very- That is a drop for all of us. Pop lobs or bread? Pop lobs or bread, Phil? Pop lobs or bread?

Bread. What kind of bread are we talking? Well, this is a question that I have for you. Yeah. Sometimes you're going to see garlicky, cheesy bread in the bread section, but then other times you're going to see garlicky, cheesy bread in the bread section, but then other times you're going to see garlic and cheesy bread in this starters. If this is my dream restaurant, can I have garlic and cheesy bread with some rosemary on? Yeah. Yeah. Great. That's bread. If it's bread, baby. I've always said that. That's bread, baby. Yeah. It usually gets edited out when

it says that, but every episode, I appreciate you trying to stick to the rules, but you know, that's, that's well within the rules. Okay, great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I felt rove. We've let people have sandwiches for their bread course. Just like. We've let people have nachos. We've let people have like anything. I think they want them with like. With like.

Thorn crackers, you know. Thorn crackers, I get nachos. Okay. I guess when it's, when it's stepped away from, I'm not telling how to do podcast. Oh, you can if you want. Any inputs, any inputs needed. It's fine. You're the greatest actor I've ever met. You can tell me whatever you want. I have nothing but admiration for you. I guess when the accoutrement to base ratio is less bread slash carb, that feels like that's then becoming a starter.

Yeah, I think we had nachos, we've had definitely had, yeah, tortilla chips. Certainly, some salsa dip. Have you ever had that but with popadum? Because I feel like bread is a higher ratio pick than popadum. Yes, certainly. Absolutely. Does anyone ever, if they can just run roughshod over the bread popadum debate, is anyone doing anything particularly interesting with the poppadoms? Are they doing cheesy garlic poppadoms? I think we've had cheese on them. Melted cheese poppadom sandwich before. Yeah, we have. Someone chose that. Because then I promised that I'd eat one in the bath for some reason. Yeah. And then he still hasn't done it. And by the way, in the

episode where he promised he would do that, absolutely adamant he was going to do it. Me saying you're not going to do it. Like fully. Me saying, you're not going to do that. Him being like, I absolutely guarantee you that I will. As soon as the episode went out and people were asking for it, he went, I'm doing that. As if I do that, why would I do that? That's a comic reliefer. That's like baked beans, a bath of baked beans.

What was it? Eating a poppadom in the bath? Eating a poppadom cheese sandwich in the bath. What? Okay. Yeah. Certainly was gonna do it. I mean, if Comet Relief get hold of you and ask you to do it, you do it.

I just don't think it would make a lot of money for them really. I disagree. Oh, if they're asking you, they know their stuff. Bath of beans, I get it. It's like, oh gross, I'm sat in a bath of beans. I understand why that was a thing. Yeah.

But just someone having a normal bath eating something. To be honest, I think Comet comment relief would get more people to donate if they said it is this celebrity having a normal bath. I think a lot of people would be like, great, great. Yeah. Yeah. Gabble's dick. My dick. I don't bath with my dick out the bath. Well, you'd be naked with the bath. I mean, my bath. Where are you filming it? You think you've got see-through water? Yeah. Yeah, but I might have bubbles in it and I might be shooting it from the bath. I'm not shooting it from, I'm not getting a drone and shooting it from above. It's not up to you. Comment really for filming it.

I don't want to do it. I'm out. They know what's going to get people donating money. It's that gambling the bath, it's the drone shot. There's his dick. He's naked. There's his dick. But with a poppadom, a cheesy poppadom over it. Yeah.

Like, like, like a fig leaf of Adam slash Eve. Yeah. So you can. But hang on, I'm eating it though. So as I take a bite, am I revealing more and more of my dick? Yeah. It's, it's a, it's a, you, you pay to stay situation. The more you pay, you can see more of your dick from under the poppadom

Generous mime there All right, well if common relief get in contact I'll speak to them yeah, yeah, you should speak to them I think that's good I think you get a lot of people donating when they realize that actually the beans were doing them more harm than good Yeah, getting people to chip in or Failing that just do on any fans the beans were doing them more harm than good for getting people to chip in. Or failing that, just doing OnlyFans. Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't think Comment Relief want to make that sort of leap into OnlyFans content, particularly today. Well, they've got to decide just how much they want to help people.

Like, who cares about dignity at that point? It's raising the money. Comment Relief have got to stop worrying about their brand. Who gives a shit? Are people worth off in the world? Get out, get out, Campbell's dick on the telly. On the telly? I thought this was online content. Oh no. Hold on a minute. What? Comet Relief is purely... Comet Relief goes all night. Okay. So I'm on later. I'm not like 7 PM Lenny Henry's like, welcome to Comet Relief. Let's

have a look at this guy's dick. No, no, no. No, this is a late night one. This is where like, you know, one of the more edgy comics is hosting it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then they go to you in the bath. But bear in mind Ed, it's under the water. They're not going to get a good idea of the size because it's like refraction and also... Refraction, magnification. Yeah, but you can never tell with magnification sometimes.

It might do the opposite. Oh, you reckon? Yeah, I'm just getting my excuses in early. Yeah, I've got a haunted house stick. Also, you got to make sure that you sit, don't like sit too low in the bath. So it floats up and it's like, you don't want your boy bobbing up and down

and peeking out the surface. I think I do like, like Nessie. Like it float like Nessie. But that requires, that requires up and down. Nessie is a three. Yeah, yeah. He's really boasting if you got a Nessie. Yeah it float like Nessie. But that requires, that requires up and down. Nessie is a three. Yeah. Yeah. He's really boasting.

If you got a Nessie. Yeah, that's incredible. I was right. You should get that on Comet Relief. Yeah. That's incredible. It is a bit like Nessie and only very few people have seen it and they're all mad. Most people don't believe in it.

Yeah. It's actually just three tires in it. Yeah. It's actually just three tyres. Your dream starter. Okay this isn't just because it rhymes but Brata stuff. Yeah. It's particularly I went to a wedding in Genoa. Genoa. Never met her. Nice. Thank you. Absolutely love it. Gotta do it. That's great. It's great.

That is funny. I'm a bit ashamed I didn't think of it. Oh, that's such an old joke. Yeah, but that's why I'm ashamed of it. When Phil said Genoa, I was like, oh, he's pronounced it that way. I'm not going to be able to see the joke. So I'm glad you went for another bite of the cherry there. Absolutely.

Delighted. I went- Each bite you take of the cherry. I I'm delighted. I went to take the chair. I hope your main course is from Jamaica. She went over on a corner. Such a funny response. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because no one speaks like that. No, no, no. Which one? What? So that's Jamaica. No, she went over on a cord. But there's no one ever says I've never heard anyone outside of that joke go, Oh, they went of their own accord. Yeah. So no one speaks on that ever. So it makes me laugh doubly that joke because it's just a funny way of speaking. Sorry. Genoa. Where is Genoa? What are we talking about? It's on the coast in

Italy. It's on the west coast of Italy and Amber and Leo... Did you just do never each shredded weight in your head? Yeah. Cause I have to do that. Just checking. Yeah. It's like, I, my partner always has to do, she's driving and she's like, I'm like turn left. And she puts her, she does the two L signs on left and right hand. You're driving, you know this. Just write it on the steering wheel and Tipex or something. Like help us out. So it's up there in the northwest of Italy. It's very, very beautiful. It's very beautiful. Amber and Leah had a lovely, gorgeous wedding there. And one of the things was that they had a dude who was, I don't know what, I don't know what making burrata, you throw pottery, you knead bread. I don't know what you do with burrata, but he was bulging burrata.

Yeah, he was a bulger. He was a bulger. Yeah, that's fair enough. He was bulging burrata there before your very eyes. And my oh my, it was creamy. It was milky. It was delicious. It was fresh. God, it was good. It was so good. I love it. Absolutely love burrata. We've sang its praises many a time. Yeah, I know. It's so good. When you come in on a show like this, you think what's relatable food? What's funny food? But I can't lie. It would just be burrata.

Yeah. All we want is people's genuine answer. Yeah. Genuine answer. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That was the thing. The In The Dream restaurant. You know that Heston Blumenthal would do the whole, you listen to something, you feel some sand whilst you're eating a thing. When they order this, you've got like, it's a, was it like an LED volume that you're in? It's like you're in the middle, there's loads of LED screens around you. You can see this place where I ate it. it was right in this little cove, there was this like

beautiful old bridge with a train going over the top of it and it was like perfect. Oh lovely. And you're immediately transported there. There's like a drunk auntie dancing because it's a wedding, but they're not ruining your time. They're keeping their distance. They're keeping their distance. You can have a little giggle at them at their expense. But you have a burrata. And it's lovely. I just love it. How cr- it's very, very creamy, right? You're talking like super duper. Yeah, yeah. Creamy. I feel milky is- The fresh thing I'm quite jealous of. I haven't had it bulged in front of me before in the need to. Speaking of which, Junan's come at relief. But I, but I, is there, how are we feeling about me having cheesy garlic

bread and also then cheesy burrata? I feel great about it. That's okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's cheese town. I mean, are you having the meal alone or with other people? I'm having it with my fiance. Yeah. Are they fine with you choosing it up? Yeah, for the time being, when it's working its way through, that's an issue, but that's, we're not in the Dream restaurant by that point. That's tomorrow's problem. Yeah, we're on the way home. You're in the Dream toilet.

Yeah. Which is not, it was just another podcast we do. We'll appeal that one. Yeah, that's the after show. Yeah. That's the Patreon Extra. Yeah, that's the Patreon extra. Yeah, we've got a paper, just people going, they know how to shit. Yeah, plot menu.

Plot menu. This burrata, can I check? What's coming with it? Well, I feel like whenever you get any of the bits and bobs with it, there's going to be a sort of fig drizzle, glazey thing, or balsamickyicky thing or rocket. There tends to be rocket. That's quite a favorite. But I just love it straight up. I'm so behind that. Yeah. Yeah. When you listed those other things, I was like, yeah, they are always there. And especially rocket. Yeah. I'm like, get out of here, man. Yeah. What do you think I'm doing? I'm nothing against Rock it. I like Rock it in other contexts with the barata I'm like, this is not your show. Yeah. Yeah, nothing about you. You don't go with this very well

Yeah, I don't you're ruining the texture of it The texture is the big thing because you're like slopping the barata on and then the Rockets like I'll come as well Yeah, can you just this is all about the barata. Yeah barata show and it's hanging on there Yeah Can you just, this is all about the burrata, the burrata show. It's hanging on there. Yeah, it is. Just dangling off the fork. And then when you put the burrata in your mouth, it makes it messier because it's kind of like created this tail. And Rockets so peppery as well.

Rockets pushes itself to the forefront. You're like, it's like when you want to meet up with your friend and your friend's quite quiet but they bring another friend with them who's really, really loud. I enjoy you both separately, but you're treading on his toes. I won't bring Nish again, okay? Thank you. For the millionth time, just let it go. I thought it would be okay. James's burrata, Nish's rocket. Yeah, I mean Nish is like rocket. He's the guy that's got it. I love this.

Straight up burrata. And I'd have it like a Gobstopper. Yeah. Wow. Straight in. He's been bulged now, getting it in. straight up burrata. And I'd have it like a gobstopper. Yeah. Wow. Straight in. It's been bulged now, getting it in. Yeah. You've got a whole burrata in your mouth before you broke the skin.

Yeah. And then popped it. I think you could drown. I think so. That's coming out your nose. Yeah. It's at least coming out your nose. Look how sad that is.

I just, I love it. I loved it so much. Hit the gates of heaven. Yeah. As you go. The gates of heaven. Okay. Right. I did this podcast and then I had to do it and I went and I love barata so much and he'll be like, is it Gabriel or whoever it is there? No, he's not bouncing. Pete is bouncing.

Gabriel told me he shares Preggers. That was his only job. I've done, he's gone about it. I bet all the time in heaven, he's like, Gable, you ain't done nothing since that show. Shut up, mate. It's like, well, I'm saying this, I told her. Okay, so I'm telling Peter that I gobbled a burrata and it went really tits up. Then you drowned and drowned a burrata. Internally, from within you drown. But also, but the funny thing is I don't like funny is a strong word

Don't like runny eggs and I feel like it's a similar thing. You break into a burrata. Yeah, and it's gushing. Yeah, but a Like a poached egg poached egg. Yeah I mean I do like runny eggs, but I guess it's a bit more snotty than a burrata Yeah, burrata is just like pure milky gold. Yeah. It's just cream and just looks delicious. God damn. Another great character.

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a Casefile Presents production, out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Dream bank course. It's an old Nigella Lawson. It's called Rapid Ragoo.

Love it. Yeah. It's an old Nigella Lawson. It's called rapid ragu. Love it. Yeah. It's actually a Pam Dunst, AKA mum special. It's one of those real comfort foods. It would be after playing rugby with my big bum. You come home, you're a bit battered, whatever you've got, not drunk, but you know, you're sort of beaten up.

You've had your shower and you come downstairs and mom's made a nice rapid ragu. And it's basically, it's like, it's, I don't really eat red meat anymore because I'm such a great guy, but it's lamb, it's pancetta. So really fatty, oily, lovely meats. And then they put masala in it. You put masala in it and it's sweet and tangy, but like just rich, rich, rich. Masala as in the wine? As in the wine.

Not as in chicken tikka? No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. But it's one of those that I try to make now with veggie, mince and bacon, pancetta veggie bacon, which it's great. We've done it. We've taken a lot of steps forward. I'm not a veggie, but I think it's great that that's a thing, but it just doesn't quite have the same, isn't it?

Yeah. Same. Yeah. It's, it's going to be one of those. I'm going to delve back into some red meat and cause it's Dream restaurant, mummy's going to serve it. Yeah. There you go love.

I used to play rugby until I was 13. Now. Benito loves this. He rarely laughs. Yeah. That's true. He rarely laughs. He rarely laughs, especially at what we say.

Yeah. He's tired of us now. Absolutely losing it that I used to play rugby. You've surely mentioned this on the podcast before. I thought I had, but evidently. It's news to this guy. Because what makes Benito laugh, it's not necessarily that he's heard it the first time. There's just about three things that always tickle him.

Yeah. And I think this is one of them. One of them is that I used to play rugby. Yeah. I did until I was 13 and played 13. What position did you play? Weng and then I was moved into the scrum. You moved into the scrum? I mean, we used to win all of our games and then we all hit 13. The rest of the country,

everyone else was 13, got a growth spurt, turned into full adult men apparently. We didn't. Got absolutely just mashed every single Sunday by the opposition. Just fucking plow us into the ground. Learned the hard way that we had a lot of cries on the team and I was moved into the scrum. This is one of the taller ones. So it's like anyone who's vaguely tall getting the scrum against these rhinos that we're playing against. And there was pretty rough. It was a rough year. But I think a rugby game makes every meal taste better. After you've played rugby and had the shower, crucially, when you mentioned that, I was like, yeah, I'm there.

It's Sunday. I'm knackered from playing rugby. I've had a shower. Now it's dinner time and it's gonna taste so good. I mean, to be fair, the Mars bar on the Mountain Dew in the clubhouse was brilliant, but that was pre-shower. Mountain Dew? Yeah, that's the... That's proto-monster, right?

Yeah, that's not, that's an ion monster. Yeah, I was loving it. And it was before it kind of like got taken off the shelves here for a bit. I would do cream soda and what like the bacon, the rashes, the... Frazzles. Frazzles. Yeah. Yeah. What a combo. Pork scratchings, which frankly is absurd that that is a snack. Yeah. It's mad. That is mad. Maybe medieval times you can understand it. The fact still knocking about now. Yeah. I love it. Of course you love it. I love pork scratchings. But you eat like a medieval king. Yeah, that's true. It's such a hoggy meal. Yeah, yeah, love it. The hairy ones, the fatty ones, love it. Speaking of

which tune into Comic Relief. Yeah, so I love that it's after the, do you want it, because you've got the thing for your starter where suddenly they're at the wedding, do you want them to feel physically like they just played a rugby match and had a shower? Yeah, absolutely. And they've maybe got a little graze on their face. Yeah. Because that's just a reminder for the other person as well. They're like, you know, but we're both people I suppose. They've just gone through a rugby match. Yeah. Because what is it? It's like you depleted. Yeah. That's what it is, isn't it? You depleted and like a bit like, oh.

You survived. There's a problem with rugby. Yeah, so you think it's specifically rugby? I tried playing other sports at school and I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed it, but rugby was a different feeling afterwards. When going in, I felt like I'm actually like I could get proper fucked up here. Yeah, yeah. Like I could get really hurt. You do.

And it is physically like exhausting. And it was only one way it would carry on regardless of the weather as well. I played football games and it rains everywhere, I go forget it. Rugby they're like, yeah, we're playing anyway. It's freezing. Yeah. The most pain ever is when I try to catch a ball once in the freezing cold and it just instead of catching it, it just dinked the end of my fingers.

And I was like, right, sub me, sub me. Are you fucking kidding me? I didn't know you had so many rugby memories. Got a lot of rugby memories, man. I used to play rugby. He's not laughing at that, look at him. No, because obviously I used to play rugby. Yeah, yeah, fair enough.

I was propped forward. I was about 18 stone when I was 11. What? No, I wasn't really, but yeah, I was a big boy. Well, yeah, you were a pro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was a hooker. Oh, well, yeah. Yeah, we would have been real up close. It's a perfect scrum.

Yeah. You'd be up our butts. Yeah. You were second row. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. Were you second row? Yeah, I think I was.

Were you in there because you're tall? That tends to be. I was on the left. Yeah, yeah. On the outside. On the outside. Oh, you're a flanker. Yeah.

Okay. Okay, mate. And can you believe, James James that Phil played rugby? But then he played a football player in a TV show. Listen, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was only thinking that. I was thinking like, man, I wonder if any of your rugby skills informed the character of Jamie Tartley athlete. Well, funny you should say.

When we were playing football in Ted, they were very... Ted Lasso. Yeah, not the film Ted. Not the film Ted. But the bear he swears a lot. That bear swears so much, got such a foul mouth for a teddy bear. I've just got it. Thanks for explaining that to me, man.

I finally understand the film Ted. You shouldn't swear that much. No, no, for a teddy bear. They're usually quite cuddly. When we were playing football in Ted. When. We played football in Ted Lasso. They were very open and ready to ask us to try and do the skills, to try and, you know, actually play it. They're not going to use stunt doubles for the first couple of seasons.

They didn't really use many stunt doubles for the most parts. And there was a free kick that Jamie scores in the second series from like 40 yards out. And I was like, okay, there's a great goal that Cristiano Ronaldo scores. And I was like, I'll do that. He does this knuckle ball in the semi-final of the champions league against Arsenal. And it's like absurd. It's like, it defies the laws of physics. And I was like, I got that in my, I got that in my knuckle. And so like, you know, by the 17th take and I've just like,

losing my toenails, I'm just trying to boot it. I just, I tried to kick it because the only way I was going to reach the goal was to try and kick it like a rugby, like a penalty. And you can kind of see when I do it, there's no sort of prowess at all or elan with how I kick the ball. I just try and absolutely bollock it. I just kick it as hard as I can and it just ended up going in. But I know that that was just purely me shutting my eyes and just hoping for the best. Which is what I would do when I was playing rugby.

There you go. Great question. This poster sounds great. I love that your mum's making it and bringing it out. Yeah. She'll be there. I mean, that's a lot. I don't know how, you know, how many people are coming into this dream restaurant. I don't overwork her. If you want. No, it can just be you and Ellie. Okay, great. Yes. In that case. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. And then your mum could, would your mum sit down with you to eat the rapid right? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Please come and sit down. Enjoy your bues or enjoy your meal. Whatever it is that she's done. The products of your labor.

That's it. Which you are. You are as well. Which is true. Dream side dish. My side dish to go with this is one of them squishy taters like roast squishy taters, which is like where they've clearly just roasted a potato, put a shit load of salt on it and then like smushed it. I like my tater like when it's got that crispy crunk

like you know when they on Instagram's your look at ASMR? Yeah. Yeah. They scrape a knife over it. That's what I like. It's too, like it's too oily, but I like that. But it's fluffy on the inside. The smush is something I've seen a lot on Instagram and social media, like roast potatoes,

but at what point they sort of parboil them, get really hot fat and then they smush and then they're in the oven, right? So the smush happens then rather than at the end. I guess so, I don't know actually. Yeah, I've done it. It was before I put it in the oven. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've done it. I've done it just so you know. Yeah, so it's fully formed when it comes out as a smush.

Yeah. Parboil them. Okay. Put them on the tray. Cover them in olive oil and all the seasoning you want. Olive oil. That's what I did. Okay, great. Fine. And that's fine. That's good. What oil would you use? Well, I don't know, but if you're roasting potatoes, you want to use something with a higher...

Burn point. Burn point. Is that right? Yeah. But you didn't and it was delicious. No idea. Yeah. I don't know either. I use olive oil. That's what the internet told me. If you enjoyed them and they were great, then you're the only one who's done them here at this table. But what should I use? Well, like, so for example, like a steak, I wouldn't use olive oil to fry steak because you want something with a higher burn point. So I'd use like

a rapeseed oil or even like a veg oil. Yeah, I'd say veg oil, yeah. So maybe I should try it again. Listen, I don't want to rake you over the coals for using olive oil. Or fat, or like use a goose fat. Use a goose fat. Goose fat is the classic. Do you say dog fat? Duck fat.

Or dog fat, use a bit of dog fat. If you see that on the internet, don't just do what you see on the internet. That's how we ended up with Trump. I think that's perfect to say, if you're using olive oil on your roast potatoes, you probably voted for Trump. Yeah. I think that's fair. Trump's your fault. I'll take full responsibility. I'm happy to. That's why you've been walking around with a cap saying, make taters great again. Matter. No, m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m- You're a fucking chameleon man. On the point of Oklahoma, I was thinking what the state food is there. Yeah. And I looked it up and it's just barbecue chicken, barbecued ribs, barbecued beef, barbecued vegetable, burnt tips, spare ribs.

It's really burnt tips. Do you need to comment with me? We ran the bath a bit too hot. I can't believe James is trying to say I ran the bath too hot. Tell Phil what you did the other day before you came on a Zoom with me and Benito speaking of burnt tips. I feel like this is perfectly normal. By the way, just before he does it, I'll preface it by saying it's the saddest day I've ever

heard anyone have. I was in Bristol on tour, so I was in a hotel room. Great city with a wall. And I had a facial booked for the weekend. So I wanted to steam building up to it so that my pores were nice and open. They weren't like slaving away trying to like dig into all my pores. Great. I thought I'd make it easy for them.

I'll steam every day. So that morning I got up, I did all my exercise in the hotel and then I was like, I was gonna steam before I fully like get ready for the day. But I couldn't find a bowl that was big enough to steam in the hotel room. So that all that they had is like those coffee cups. So I filled that with boiling hot water.

And I put towel over my head and I was steaming. And I was hugging the towel in and it got really toasty and warm and it's quite early in the morning. I started to doze off and then I just started to doze off. Yeah. I slowly like felt like drifted forwards as I fell asleep, but my nose aren't perfectly into the mug. So I woke up by my nose getting scolded with boiling hot water on the tip of my nose and that startled me awake and killed. You've also, unfortunately, you've given

yourself way more work than you started off with for the facial. I cancelled the facial. Oh no! Because what happened afterwards? Well, because obviously I went and looked in the mirror, it had already blistered and started to peel. Blistered. It was, it was fucked. Had a gig that night as well and I got to go on with a clown's nose. But I Googled. Good for comic relief.

Yeah, actually perfect. Yeah. Googled, you know, what to do if you're scalded, any part of your body. Said run it under cold tap for 20 minutes. It's on my nose, Phil. So I'm running the cold tap, I'm bending down. It's a hotel sink as well, so it's lower than a normal sink. So I'm properly hunched over with my nose just under the cold tap, just vibrating, freezing

and watching like Jimmy Kimmel interviews on my phone to keep me going for 20 minutes. Then I was hunched over for 20 minutes. So I stood up, felt okay, then bent down again, pulled my back immediately. I'm incapacitated. I'm on the floor. I can't move. I've got to text my tour manager. I'm like able to still get my phone, get to tell my tour manager I need to go to an osteopath. I'm fucked. I didn't even mention my nose. What's the point? Takes me to my tour manager. I need to go to an osteopath. I'm fucked, I'm fucked. Didn't even mention my nose. What's the point? Takes me to the osteo. All the osteo's look at me.

These osteopaths talk to me about my back trying to figure out what happened, but all he's doing is looking at my nose. Because he's like, how has this happened to this guy on the same day? It's clearly, something's happened here. Because he's asked me how I've done it. I was like, well, I've been bent over for like 20 minutes. And then I think that's what messed it up is like, right.

Why have you been over 20 minutes? I don't think that's relevant. That's not your job to help me out. Having to go on stage that night hobbling on stage with a like red sword. I mean, I think we had to zoom like 10 minutes after I got back from the osteopath. Yeah. Do you know what you need? A rapid ragu. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's perfect. Get a pam in with a rapid ragu.

There you go. Fix a big scar on your face. Yeah. That would have been nice. Yeah. I sorted you right out. My dad is a very ingenious man when it comes to DIY fixes. He once had, he burns, he gets such bad sunburn and we were on holiday, we'd been on the

beach, hadn't slept, slept, slopped in the way that maybe you should have done. And he has such a bad burnt face that he, it was the end of the day, we were like, we're about to go out for dinner. He's like, I can't go out, this is insane, absolutely insane. And so he filled up again, a hotel sink absolutely insane. And so he filled up again, a hotel sink with water, but got loads of ice and put it in. And he got a snorkel and just plunged his face in and just stayed there for a good 20 minutes. I actually thought, I think it's probably one of the most ingenious things I've ever seen. And did it work? Did it bring the sunburn down? Yeah.

Wow. Well, he felt better. Cause I would have thought that that would make him even redder. Yeah. I thought you'd come out absolutely glowing. Yeah. Just like, if that works, that's amazing. But I still don't respect him for thinking of it. It's a dad thing. Yeah, that's a proper dad thing.

Dad's a mad. My dad wouldn't have pulled that off. We all do respect him. He won't be listening to this, but my mom will and she'll tell him. But like, if my dad had even thought about that, he would have drowned himself. He would have tried to do it. He wouldn't have listening to this, but my mum will and she'll tell him. But like if my dad had even thought about that, he would have drowned himself. He would have tried to do it. He wouldn't have thought of the snorkel. Yeah. I mean, you're under a running tap, but that's hurting because that's friction. Yeah. It was bad. It was so bad. Every now and again, checking it in the mirror and convincing myself that maybe it'll be okay. Maybe no one will notice this. I've got a picture of

it. I'll show you after. As soon as the zoom started. What you done to your nose? Straight off the bat. I told her by fucking laughing. I can imagine was the thing from the Simpsons that drinking bird, the drinking bird, the sets up on the phone. That's all I could think of. Yeah. That's exactly what it was. Yeah. I walked into it exactly like the drinking bird from The Simpsons that Homer puts in charge of the power plant. Your dream drink. It's going to be Coke Zero. Hold on a second.

Earlier on, you said, I don't want to give my dream drink away, but I like a bit of pizzazz. That's true. You did say that. There's a bit in Peep Show when Jeremy's on a date with Big Suze and he's like, what do you want to drink? And she's like, I'll have the Barolo. Fancy drink. He's like, I don't know what the Barolo, what is a wine? What he's looking through it. And he's like desperately trying to see what the prices are of these wines. And then he finds the Barolo and it was like the most expensive one on the menu. He's like, fuck

it, oh God. And he's got to really like make it feel like this is good. And he sips this wine. He's like, mm, yeah, that's good. That's, that's really good. I mean, you know, it's not really delicious, like, like hot chocolate or Coke, but for wine, that's great. I don't think of the brain well. And that's how you feel about it. If ever people go, do you want wine? I'm like, it's not really delicious. Like hot chocolate or Coke. Do you know what, Phil?

I think that as well, but I'd forgotten the Coke bit because I'm so focused on hot chocolate. When you were talking about wine and peep show, I thought you were going to go, I think it's a big series line as well, where she pours them wine and then gets a hip flask out and goes, should we make these wines Irish? It's a good show.

It's a funny show. So you, yeah, you're just thinking why have a wine when I can have a Coke Zero? I genuinely, there's an elderflower fizz. Sure. There's a margarita. Hmm, okay. There's homemade lemonade. It's just not as good as Coke Zero.

Every time it's like, that is so refreshing and delicious. And you're specifically Coke Zero, not Diet Coke, not? Coke Zero. Yeah. Not Coke, normal Coke. Not Diet Coke, Diet Coke. I am, but I'm pouring it.

I don't want, oh, bloody hell. When somebody pours it for you But I'm pouring it. I don't want When somebody pours it for you and they're pouring it from a height and there's no leaning of the glass You're an animal. You're an animal. What do you think you're doing? Yeah Ruined my meal. Mom's not serving anymore. Mom's But also there is a phenomenon with diet coke and like fake, fake cokes that there is far more fizz from the ice because there is, I believe this I'm saying this, this feels so not right. Follow it through. Yeah. And when the, when the diet coke for some reason hits the ice or the coke zero hits the ice, it fizzes froths a lot.

You lose that pizzazz, the pizzazz I'm looking for from a drink. So it's going to be ice that you've poured water over and then you drain the water out because that sorts it out. You pour the coke on, leave it at a good angle and gently, gently. So it retains its pizzazz. Wow. So for you frothing does not equal pizzazz. Big time no. Because to me a bit of froth, we're in pizzazz town. It doesn't work for everything but... Froth the bath up? Yeah. Well, if you need to come to relief I'll froth the bath up and you can have a look at my pizzazz. It works. Okay, the froth question first. Why is froth not pizzazz-y? Because to me it just looks like a

wasted Coke Zero. Right. Because I just know Iazzi? Because to me it just looks like a wasted Coke Zero. Right. Because I just know I'm going to taste that and it's going to be just that little bit too flat and I'm like I wish I hadn't got that now. But for me the Pizzazzi comes from like the fireworks of the carbon nation of the drink. We can see the little ones flying off everywhere. Yeah. It's funky. It's a giggling drink. And you can get that without the drink. We can see the little ones flying off everywhere. Yeah. It's funky. It's a giggling drink. And you can get them without the drink. Sure. You can get them with the drinks. But if we're talking, you know, the sensation, you can get that from others, but the taste, god damn. So Curly likes Coke Miro as well, right? Curly is so present in this podcast. You can tell that

this is the production you've currently got your head in. Yeah, yeah. Curly keeps popping up. That's how you do it. That's how you make a character. What would they drink? What would they, you know, what would be... On this occasion, the character likes exactly what you like. This is less transformative, this character. He's from 1906, of the American frontier, and he's like, I want me some Baratheon. Give me that creamy milk with Baratheon.

That's a rabid Magoo. I mean, this, also I imagine, because that was such a specific way that you want it to be poured. Bottle can, draft. What are you, you must be very specific about that as well. Well, that to go back to rugby days days there was nothing like draft Coke. Yeah. Oh man I don't know what whatever secret sauce they had going on there in the clubhouse that in the glass just that beautiful mashup of syrup and water or

whatever it is. Yeah. That's class. Here it's probably gonna be a can. Hmm. So it's not that so this maybe it's not so refined. I think it's probably gonna be a can. Well, so it's not that, so this, maybe it's not so refined. I think it's better. I don't like the little bottles. Yeah. When they bring those out. Get a grip. It doesn't look like it's as much as a can. Yeah. And I especially don't like,

I do get annoyed when they then, without asking me, immediately pour that into my glass of ice, because I just feel like. But why is it? Sometimes I don't want it as cold as that straight away. And I'd like to make that decision myself. Okay. So it's more like that. I just like to, I prefer to just drink it out the bottle. It already looks like I'm not getting much. I'd like to just have it out, just straight out the bottle and drink it that way. Do you think

it tastes better out the bottle? Yeah, it definitely does. It's like a hot day and it's straight out the bottle. You're holding the bottle and you feel like you're in an advert. Yeah. I like that. See the sweat dripping down the side. But also the pouring, like, especially with the bottle, they don't have time to pour everyone's, like, properly and pour the full bottle out into the glass and wait for the froth to subside.

So they just pour it in a bit as a gesture and then fuck off. And you're like, there's half a job done here. Yeah, what am I doing now? Just leave it to me. I shot that, do I? Yeah. It's there with the ice in it. And like, yeah, I don't like that at all.

Listen, you're preaching to converted here. Let me pour my own Coke the way I want it poured. Don't come along half-hearted and froth it up when I don't want it frothed. Just jump in there sometimes. Yeah, okay. Just fuck off. I should knock the glass out the way while they're doing it. So just pour it all over the table. Stand up, turn around, use your ass to knock everything on the table.

Leave. Everything's just demolished. Because you didn't want frothy coke. Absolute carnage. A dream dessert. It is. There's a pub near where my mum lived in Reading. It's out in the countryside.

It's a country pub, sticky toffee pud. It's got dates in. It's got that almost like tangy, metallicky taste that you get from the drizzle-y stuff. And there's there's kucky for days. Sorry? There's kucky for days. Sorry? There's kucky for days. Kucky?

Custard. Of course. I don't think kucky is an acceptable shortening of the word custard. I thought you'd been given diarrhea by these. But I thought you'd eat the sticky toffee bird and now you've got diarrhea for the rest of the week. Kucky? Kucky for days.

It's so delicious but you get k diarrhea for the rest of the week. Cookie. Cookie for days. It's so delicious, but you get cookie for days. Yeah, I'm going to get some cookie on there with the... I don't usually give life advice to the guests. You've got to stop calling it that outside of this podcast. I mean, in it is fine. I mean, I know what it means now, but... Do you regularly call custard kucky? I do. I do. And does anyone else join in?

Do you know who else calls it that? Curly from Oakland. Curly does. Curly loves kucky. Curly loves kucky, sure. But like, I mean, also just on its own, kucky should mean something else. People call each other cucks all the time now. Yeah. And stuff. Yeah. I mean, that's like a Shakespearean word. That's not even. Yeah. So if you're just like, if you say to the waiter, well, they know, they know what they're serving it. They know it's called kucky though. Hold on. Whose dream restaurant is this? Okay. So hang on. They know the lingo. So if you say to them,

if you point the sticky toffee in, no, cuck me. Yeah, they're not gonna serve me. It's diarrhea. They're gonna know exactly what it is. Yeah, it's creamy. Yeah It's sweet. Yeah, it's I guess eggy because of egg custard. Yeah, and it's just right. Hot or cold? Hot. Hot cuckie. Yeah Hot cucky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot cucky man. How was this never, never thought it was weird until now? I don't know. It's weird. I know, but it's, you know, I'm, it's, it's who I am. It's my cross and I shall bear it. You said hot cucky in Goldstein before? I don't think he said it. This is probably the highest profile outing that Kuky's had for me so far.

Also, you're not going to be anywhere with Brett where Kuky's on the menu, are you? No. To be honest, you could convince him that it's called that. He's never seen it before. This is Kuky. Okay, thank you. Thank you for telling me that, Phil. I'm going to try Kuky another time. I tell people that I've had Kuky with Phil Dunstan. This is called Kuky. No, it's not that. Let's tell people that I've had kucky with Phil Dunstan. This is called kucky. No it's not that, that's custard. You can have it hot or cold kucky. Phil likes hot kucky. I mean it does sound like a delicious dessert however much you

have tried to make it sound absolutely disgusting. I've never seen someone do so much legwork to make an objectively delicious dessert sound gross. You can have it on the side. When you're at my drink, you can have the khaki on the side. You can have your hot khaki on the side. Yeah. Don't just put your khaki all over your lovely sticky toffee pud.

I'll have your khaki. I'll say, I'll have, are you going to have it? James, do you have any khaki? No, I'm not. Listen, if you want to drizzle it all over your pud, get your khaki on your pud. No, I was going to leave it, I'm going to leave it, I don't want to have my khaki. Do you mind if I have your khaki? Yeah, if you want to have my khaki you can.

I'm going to spoon your khaki. Yeah. Ed, is that khaki you? Sorry, I was so turned on. Get your hands off my khaki Phil. But you're having it all over your pud? Yeah, yeah. I'm not shamed. And most likely like one of those sticky toffee puds that's like out of a, you know, plastic cup with the film lid or do you think it was made on premises?

I think it was made on premises. It was one of those where I think it was probably in a tray. It was made in a big silver tray, it was a proper legit one. And the kucky had like, had like those vanilla pods in there. Yeah, yeah. Again, I mean, absolute like legit nice custard should not be called kucky kucky. Such a disrespectful term. It's delicious.

It was delicious kucky. Is this a family thing? Did your whole family call it kucky? I think, yeah, so you're the Dunsters all say cookie So Pam's not gonna bat an eyelid when cookie comes up at the dream He's used to it by now Ellie I think probably still shirks it slightly. Yeah dad He's he's got a snorkel and he's like he's not facedown in some cookie with His bird face straight in the kucky.

The snorkel. I love kucky. I mean, yeah, the man loves kucky as well. Yeah, we're, I guess we're a kucky family. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what? Here's what I'm hoping.

One day you'll be out having some delicious food and Oh wait, would you like any desserts? I'll have the chocolate cake. You have chocolate cake, do you? Yeah. I'd order chocolate cakes. Yeah. Do you want any cookie with that? What? Hang on. So you're hoping that... Someone in the service industry is going to, it become and then it's gonna disseminate across all restaurants. So are you hoping that it becomes so commonplace that one day you know happened to us or you hoping that what because what's happened to both of us many times is

Someone who works in the service industry has heard this podcast Remember something like that that we've long since forgotten. Not that we will ever forget this conversation, Phil. And then we're at a restaurant and they, the waiter or waitress will do an in-joke to us like that. And we won't know what they're talking about. Is that what you mean? Cause I hope that never happens. I hope if anyone's listening, if you come up to me in the restaurant and say, would you like cookie with that? I'm leaving your restaurant. I will say that this will not be one of the things I forget. I hope every time I see customers If you come up to me in the restaurant and say would you like kucky with that? I'm leaving your restaurant. I will say that this will not be one of the things I forget. I hope it is.

Every time I see custard I'm gonna go, oh kucky. And I'll feel a bit sick. It's kucky. I can't have ruined delicious kucky for you, surely. Well, it's custard and yes. I mean, yeah, it's not getting any better each time you say it. I tell you what, what is not just chicken that Brett has had with me is one of the khaki tarts in Ando's. Oh yeah.

A pastel de nata. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they... As the Portuguese insist on calling them pastel de nata. No, they call it pucky de nakie. Everyone knows that. Brett's had one of those. You watched him eat it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that do to his brain? Everyone knows that. Let's have one of those.

You watched him eat it. Yeah. Yeah. What does that do to his brain? Well, he was like, I don't know. I was like, it's delish. You've just got to try one. It's delish.

And yeah, there was, there was a little bit of cajoling, but he, yeah, he, he went in there in the end and he liked it. Um, he probably wouldn't have another one because maybe I overuse the term cucky. Is it difficult for you ordering that sort of stuff when you play Jamie Tart and you say can I have a custard tart? I quite like it. But do they go oh? Tart for tart? Oh hello.

Or are they mainly focused on the fact you've just used the word cucky? Yeah that will distract them I guess. Are they mainly focused on the fact you've just used the word kucky? Yeah Well, you would like sparkling water Garlicky cheesy bread with rosemary for popping on some bread You start at straight up nothing on it fresh burrata from Genoa Main course mums rapid ragu after a rugby match with a cut on the face. Yeah So I just roast squishy potatoes. I'd say mushed but yeah, smushed. Smushed. Smushed.

Smushed. Drink a can of Coke Zero poured by yourself. Dessert Country Pub sticky toffee pudding with hot cugging. It's a very nice menu. Thanks. Yeah. Very nice. Yeah, really good. Love burrata. I'm not going off-piece that much, I guess. It's classics. Yeah, straight down the line. It's on-menu, it's not off-menu. Yeah, it's very on-menu.

Yeah, very on-menu. So thanks so much for facilitating that. Of course. Is that what you always say when you leave a restaurant? Thank you for facilitating that. I'm going now. I never tip, but I just give them a good big hearty thank you. Well, thank you for allowing us to facilitate you. Thank you. Thank you so much to Phil. That was a fun one, James.

That was a lot of fun. We learnt so much about Phil. We learned words we never thought we'd hear. Yeah, I'm not going to get a kucky at my head for a long time. Oh man, even as you say it there, sends a shiver down my spine. Yeah. Thank you so much to Phil for coming on. That was a great time. And he didn't say the secret ingredient, no jammy tarts. Didn't say jammy tarts. Mentioned the Portuguese tart, the pastel de l'arte at the end there. If he had chose that, we wouldn't have kicked him out. It's not a jammy tart.

Absolutely not. No, it's a khaki tart. Phil is of course in Oklahoma in concert, pop along to go and see him play Curly with some new character additions after today. If he does mention burrata, let us know. Mondayth of August and Tuesday 20th of August. But on Tuesday 20th of August, there's a matinee as well. So it'll be doing three shows at 2 30 PM and then 7 30 PM on Tuesday and 7 30 PM on the Monday. Oklahoma concert.co.uk for tickets. That's going to be a lot of fun. I love going to see a matinee. Yeah. Yeah. Better. It's better than going in the evening. It is because you're out and you know, I've got the evening now. Yeah. Yeah. Better. It's better than going in the evening. It is because you're out and you know, I've got the evening now. Yeah. It's so great. To go see another show.

Same one again, if you want. You can go and see Phil Dunstead do Oklahoma twice a day. Do the double. Yeah, do the double. That's what we say. I'm going back on tour. My tour Hot Diggity Dog is of course, starting again in September through to November. Check out the dates on edgambel.co.uk if you want to come along. Will do Ed. Thanks baby. I saw it in Hackney and it was stu-pendous. Thanks man. It was the best show

I've ever seen. I loved it so much and I had a night of my life. Just to let you know we're recording this before James has seen the show. Exquisite comedy. Thank you very much for listening. We will see you next week. See you next week. Thank you for listening to the Off Menu podcast. Bye bye.