Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 271: Olga Koch

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

Russian-British stand-up, podcaster and Writer’s Guild Award winner Olga Koch has a table booked this week. Let’s hope she doesn’t eat too many sweets.Olga’s bringing her new show ‘Olga Koch Comes From Money’ to London’s Soho Theatre, 3-21 Dec. Buy tickets at sohotheatre.comOlga’s new special ‘Prawn Cocktail’ is out now on YouTube. Watch it here. Follow Olga on Instagram @kolga300 and Twitter @rocknrolgaOff Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

James Acaster here with the off-menu podcast before we get into today's episode Please I'd like to let you know that my show hecklers welcome live at the KLV in Kettering has been released on vinyl And we're doing a repressing so get online And buy that vinyl it's a show where on the night that we recorded it I've pretty much got through 5% of the material and most of it is me dealing with the audience as God intended You can get it from my website Jamesamesacaster.com or pretty much anywhere I think. You know how to work the internet. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast taking the crepe batter of conversation, spreading it

thinly across the hot plates of the internet, adding the ham of humor and the cheese of having a great old time rolling it up and you got yourself a podcast baby. I love it when they have that little paddle, that little wooden paddle. The paddle is good man, I was going to introduce the paddle but I already had too many things to say it was the thing of something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the paddle is great man. Watching someone who knows how to do that is a beautiful thing. Watching someone who doesn't know how to do that, you want to walk away from the counter

and not pay for it. Get so angry when it's someone's first day where they're getting all holes in it and stuff and they're having to throw the crap in the bin with holes in it. Some of the batter's raw. Man. You know, that's not cooked all the way. Yeah. Why are you giving me that?

Yeah. That is it, Gamble. My name is James A. Castor. Together we're in a dream restaurant and every single week we're inviting a guest and we ask them their favorite ever star, a main course, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, dessert. And this week, our guest is Olga Koch.

Olga Koch is an absolutely amazing comedian, James. Yes. So, so funny. And we've, I mean, it's been, I can't believe it's taken us this long to get Olga on the podcast. It's embarrassing. Very excited to have Olga on. She is very well traveled. She is a foodie as far as I'm aware. Yes. She just come back from being away.

Yes. If she wants to talk about that, I'll let her do it. I don't want to hear any spoilers. No, no, no spoilers here. And Olga's new show, Olga Cock Comes From Money, is at London Soho Theatre, December 3rd to the 21st. And you can book tickets at sohotheatre.com. Her last show was called A Prawn Cocktail. I wonder if that's going to come up. But of course, if she says a secret ingredient on which we have pre-agreed, she will be removed from the restaurant. Yes. And Benito did suggest we say Prawn Cock cocktail because of the name of Olga's show. We've chosen not to.

I feel like that's setting her up. Yes. Because one of the shows about how much she loves prawn cocktails. If it is, then we're meanies to do that. We're meanie baninis. So instead, the secret ingredient is... Buckfast. Buckfast. I think it was an audience suggestion.

On the tour. On the tour, potentially from one of the Glasgow shows, because obviously Buckfast. Buckfast. I think it was an audience suggestion. On the tour. On the tour. Potentially from one of the Glasgow shows, because obviously Buckfast has a strong cultural link with Scotland. Even I think it's made by Benedictine monks, but it's just very popular in Scotland. I've never had it. No, I've never had it. I had Buckfast ice cream once, which was very nice.

It felt so nice. I was scared. I'm scared of Buckfast because it has a reputation of sending people do lally So I don't want to have it just in case I go bananas. Yeah You're quite a do lally guy sometimes. I'm not do lally man I and I don't I don't want to be do do lally. So I don't want to drink something that sends me haywire What's the most do lally you've ever been? Yeah, I've gone doolally,

but certain drinks don't agree with certain people, you know? Yeah, yeah. Buckfast might not agree with you. Well. It's made by monks. Yeah, so what were they thinking? What were they thinking? Doolally.

So if Olga says Buckfast, she's out. This is the off-menu menu of Olga Koch. Welcome Olga to the Dream Restaurant. Hi! Welcome Olga Koch to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here. Look, we're very excited to have you. We have been expecting you for some time because we had to move this, of course.

Yeah. Sadly, because Dr. Who said he could come and zoom in. Look, we're very excited to have you. We have been expecting you for some time because we had to move this, of course, sadly, because Dr. Who said he could come and zoom in. That's fair. That always happens to me. Did you not realize that? Olga was supposed to do it, but then Dr. Who did it. Really? Yeah.

I'm sorry, Olga. It always comes down to the two of us. That's a real shame. He does that, doesn't he? He waits to see when you're booked for stuff, and then he swoops in in the bloody TARDIS. House of games, pointless. Yeah, did you have a pleasure last?

Have you done House of Games? I have, yes. Right, let's do it out to smash. No, no, no. We were on House of Smash on House of Games with Off Menu. Yes, we were, we were an answer. Oh, you were an answer. Oh, that's exciting, that is exciting.

I think so. We were an answer on Jeopardy as well, UK Jeopardy. UK Jeopardy. What's next? New York Times Crossword? Oh my God. Well, I think we could just quit if we're in the New York Times Crossword. I don't think we're the level of high brow that's needed for the New York Times Crossword. Sometimes they go a little fun pop culture moment. Yeah. What would you like to be an answer on and what would you like the question to be? Yes. I don't want to answer. I don't want to say the first thing that came into my mind. I think we want you to say that.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. I want to be, I want to be everyone's hall pass, obviously. Oh, yes. Oh, right. The only answer I want to be. Yeah. So you're, when you, we were thinking more quiz shows, you've got an answer to a hypothetical question and everyone's answer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the question to bring you in my life to have sex with. question and everyone's answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The question to bring you in my life to have sex with. I want a married couple to be having a row over one of them bringing me up and not just turning away from each other. But if you're the answer to everyone's hall pass question, then the married couple are both bringing you up.

So there's going to be no argument, right? But then they get jealous of each other because then they'll be like, which one of us is going to get with her? Yeah. As long as I'm being discussed before bed How do people so like I mean I'm less of an answer smash more of a smash answer Assuming that most people don't meet their whole pass Answers right so most of the time people say you allowed these three people and then they're never going to meet those people.

Well, that's why it works as a hypothetical question, right? If you, if you had a chance of meeting them, then that causes all manner of issues. It can be like your best friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But if they do meet, say you were someone's hall pass and they got to meet you, how are they going to go about that? Are they going to straight away get too excited and go, you're one of my hall passes. So it's allowed us let's go have sex now. Or they've got to play the long game, but knowing that they might fail, they might fail to seduce.

And then they got to go home and go, oh man. Is it lying to me without being transparent, saying I'm actually married, but I am allowed, this is allowed on the hall pass program. That sounds like a lie, doesn't it? Yeah. Absolutely sounds like a lie, doesn't it? Absolutely sounds like a lie. Also then, if you do meet your hall pass and they do not want to sleep with you,

do you then get a chance to change your hall pass or does it have to remain the same? I wonder if it has to remain the same. That's why you want to be strategic. That's why you want that mid-level celebrity. Yeah, yeah. You got to go for the mid-level celeb. Mid-level celeb and I guess you want to be transparent and say I'm in a relationship

but this is allowed but then you don't want to freak them out by going specifically you are allowed and that's it. But also you can't lie and say you're in an open relationship which you're not. No, no, no, no, no, no. The openness is very specific. The door is open for one person. I don't think I could do it if someone said that to me. If someone said you're my hall pass. I was like, sorry, man. Sorry. That's creepy.

Unless the person who's hall pass you are, they're also your hall pass. What a coincidence. That's the dream. Yeah. And that's how Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith got together. They're walking down the same hall. Yeah. From that, let's segue into are you a foodie?

Absolutely. Yes. Yeah. From that, let's segue into are you a foodie? Absolutely. Yes. I can I just give some context as to how I got on here? Yes. So I mean, you're a very good comedian. Yes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's guys. That's not why I'm here. I don't want any guests to have to say. I want to let people know how I'm on it. Yeah, I want to do a charity raffle.

Yeah, this is why I'm here guys, I should justify it. In the year 2019, I was beginning to date my boyfriend at the time, not a bad thing to say about him, great guy. And one of the things that we discussed was each other's ideal off menu. Just as in conversation, that was like a fun conversation we had. We had it, I forgot about it. On my birthday, I receive a gorgeous hand-drawn

illustration of the entire off menu. And then he takes me to three separate restaurants on the date that is the entire off menu. Wow. That is lovely stuff. That's so nice. He still broke up with me, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just making sure. But to be honest, if I did that for someone, I'd be like, I'm not going to be able to top that. I'm going to have to break up with him. That's the rule. As soon as you know you've done the best thing you can do in the relationship, you've got to end it. Yeah.

Every time, every gift afterwards was like, oh, I booked, I thought you'd like, nah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No way. No way. Just imagine how that guy would have responded to your whole past. Here's a hand drawn picture of a Javier Bardem taking. Is he right? Did he guess right? Was it Bardem? He was the guy I was dating.

The question is, was your off menu then still your off menu now or has it changed? No, it has changed. It has changed. I'll say that at the time, I still love all the items on it. I think now I've honed in and gotten more specific. So like there were things on it that were like, I want an Oreo milkshake. Now I know exactly where I would get the dessert that I want. It wouldn't just be the concept of it.

Also, you can't have the exact same menu, right? Because, you know, for future partners, they're going to need something. They can't be looking at the- Yeah, I change mine with, they're going to need something they can't be looking at. Yeah, I change mine with every partner. Yeah, exactly. They can't be looking at that going, well, I can't do an illustration of that. It's already there. We're just going to photocopy something she's already got. That's literally get you the food. Yeah. Which you know, that's, and then they break up with you as soon as they've done that.

Yeah. Because they can't top it. I told you a really romantic thing happened to me and what you're saying is I'll end up alone. Yeah. Sorry, Olga. You've peaked. Congratulations. We always start with still a sparkling water. Olga, do you have a preference? I'm a huge sparkling water aficionado. I love a San Pelli, a Greeno, partially because it's more or less the same price point as the other sparkling waters, but the graphic design is so luxurious and the green of the plastic of the bottle is just so VIP. I really am

passionate about affordable luxury. What is the actual design on the label? I'm failing to picture it in my head. It's just a bunch of Italian words. Yeah, it's fancy. That's good stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's affordable luxury, like you say. What I really liked about that is you called yourself out as an aficionado and I was about

to be like, that's the first time anyone's done that. And then you absolutely nailed, you reeled off why you're an aficionado. The color of the bottle, the graphic design, nothing about the water itself yet. Look, fonts are free, why aren't we using the best of ones available? That's always my question. Very true. Often, if I see like a sign for, you know, if it's a restaurant or an independent place or whatever and they just use a font that I'm familiar with on my own free version of

Word, I will not go in there. I don't respect it at all. Yeah. Scroll down the drop down menu. Just a couple. Yeah. Yeah. If I look at him, I'm like, that's, that's Papyrus and I'm not Papyrus. Not for now. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I am tempted by shit design and shit fonts though, because I think the food must be so good that they don't even need to try with the font. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a restaurant near me that says it has a private dining room, and I'm pretty sure that place is great. The dining is incredible. Yeah, the dining is incredible. They've not checked with anyone with the spelling. They've

gone like, the food's amazing. Just bung that up there. But you've never been there? No, no, no, no. Well, you know you have to go there now and report back to the podcast and say how the dinner experience was. The Finn dinning. Yeah, the Finn dinning. The Finn dinning, yeah. I should go actually, yeah.

But that's because it's like restaurants with good views. You can't trust the restaurant with a good view. No, no, no, no, no, no. Why are you compensating? Yeah. Oh, interesting. I didn't know that. Yeah.

Hell, if a restaurant has a window, I won't be... Olga only eats in prisons. So would that be your dream restaurant, Olga? A windowless room? Is that where we're going to find this meal? Isn't there... There's the one, the space restaurant at Epcot in Disney. That one doesn't have any windows. It has like fake screens that make you look, make it look like you're in space. I literally see him nodding in my peripheral vision. Yeah. You also nodded, Jen.

I, yeah, but what, the experience I- He didn't stop nodding. Ben didn't stop. The experience I got was both of them nodding in my peripheral. He didn't stop. Cause you both know what, what Olga's talking about. I've got no idea. There's, well, I mean, August just explained it perfectly. Also you're getting like a fake lift, I think.

And then you're taking an elevator into space and then you arrive and there are windows, but the windows are actually screens and you just see space. And so it's like, oh, we're dining in space. Yeah. So you bet your ass the food is terrible. I would assume that that food is terrible. That's bad food. Is it like space food or is it normal food?

Oh, I'm sure they have like astronaut ice cream stuff. Yeah. Is it like little dried or is it normal food? Oh, I'm sure they have like astronaut ice cream stuff. Yeah. Is it space food? Like dried patches of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, I can't imagine it being. I mean, my experience with the Disney food was that snack your way around the park. How are we back on this?

Don't go to any of the restaurants. For context. How are we back on this? For context, this is the first time. I'm the inside of the guest. This is one of the first episodes we recorded in a long time and I can't believe it's taken us only this long to get to Disney.

James going, stuck your way around the park. Stuck your way around the park. The restaurants are overrated. All of them. So Bob, in fact, you're better off going to the space one. At least it's a laugh. You get to look at the space. Yeah.

If I speak, we can do hours on Joe's Disney. Well, you may as well. We simply can't. We can't do this. I have a pre-prepared menu. You can't do this to me. That is true. That's a pre-prepared menu. So I don't want to get in the way of all the Disney talk.

But I agree. Also, Disneyland Paris food, deplorable, offensive, awful. Yeah, I've heard this. No wonder the French hate Disneyland. Yeah, that is mad in France that you managed to have deplorable food in Paris. Yeah. They're doing that passive aggressive. That's, that's deliberately. They are just going like, fuck you. We never wanted this park. You know that we know how to make food. Eat that. Did you find out if it's a space food?

Oh, that is funny. A space pad tie. But it's just a space pad tie. Yeah, it's in space. So everything's space, isn't it? Yeah, but space pad. Is that, is that, is that? Oh, hold on, hold on. What's space pad? I've convinced myself that that's like a, um, a pun. A phrase. I don't think space pad's a phrase. It's not a phrase, is it? Like a landing pad?

Yeah. So maybe I'm thinking landing pad, but as I said, space pad, I was like, I don't know if that's a thing. I don't think space pads are a thing. But it made me think it was, you know, when I heard that. You love Disney, man. I love Disney. They told me a space that's a thing. I don't think space pads are thing. It made me think it was, you know You know, I love Disney. They told me a space pad was a thing Sanitary napkin that works in zero gravity Space pad, yeah Puppet arms or bread? Puppet arms or bread, Ogre cock? Puppet arms or bread?

Puppet arms. Lovely stuff. Yeah, very nice. You can eat those in zero gravity easier than bread maybe What was the illustration like because going by our set we had on the live tour? It's quite difficult to do an illustration of a poppadom. It was just three courses. I'm really really okay. No, no, that's fine So that's fine. That's good It's hard to do an illustration of sparkling water in a poppadom. Yeah, it's very hard It's just bubbles all the way a massive poppadom. Yeah, it's very hard. It's just bubbles all the way. A massive poppadom on set, like Edward was saying.

Everyone thought it was the moon. That's so good. They sent Epcot, baby. That's the moon. That's a poppadom. But everyone would take them. That would be incredible. Like an edible space restaurant. You walk through. Yeah, that would be good.

Like a whole Wanka vibe. I think you're talking yourself into this now, Olga. I think it's got to be an Epcot and you've got an edible moon when you walk through, like a whole Wanka vibe. Yeah. I think you're talking yourself into this now, Olga. I think it's got to be an Epcot and you've got an edible moon when you walk in. Are you in a relationship now? You don't have to say. Yes. If your partner hears this and they're like, okay, so the last guy did the drawing. They're going to know so much about you from this episode and they're going to hear it

and be like, I could make this space restaurant for all the others, all edible. I think you underestimate both the feelings that my partner has for me and his resources. That would be too much for me. I'll bring you a moon and it will be made out of poppadoms. I think that would be too much for me. If someone made me a space restaurant and there was a poppadom moon, I'd be like, come on. Desperate, a bit desperate. Yeah, it's a bit desperate. A bit keen.

Yeah, yeah. If you said it yourself on a podcast, you would love it. No, man, too much. What would you like? What is your dream restaurant? We're not here to talk about me, Olga. Okay, but what's the Wonka walkthrough experience where everything is edible for the dream setting? I mean, the trouble for me is that it is the same as the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

film. Well, you can't improve on perfection. I guess. When Gene Wilder is in that place and he eats the cup and all that. Yeah. That cup looks horrible, man. There's so much like fake facts about that film. And one of them is that that cup is plastic and they still made him eat it. Yeah. Well, I mean, given the fact that what they did to Judy Garland back in the day,

I feel like all of it's believable. You can tell me it's like, yeah, they actually put Mark Hamill in space. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are the poppadoms from a specific place then? And is it sorry, is it San Pellegrino as your sparkling water is that specifically what you want? I do love a San Pelle. My parents live in Germany and in Germany, they like to mix things up like they have

something called a Spezi, which is it's half Coke, half Fanta. They have something called a Radler, which they have here, which is a Shandy where it's beer and lemonade. And they have something called a Schorle, which is when you do half sparkling water, half juice, and you could do like blackcurrant Schorle, apple Schorle, like an apple tizer.

And I think there's a sophistication to it. That's kind of like, it's schlor adjacent, but a Schorle would like, it would slur adjacent, but a Shirley would like, it would not be a miss in a martini glass. You know what I mean? And there is, I feel like it's both more sophisticated than a juice and a sparkling water. Nice.

And I do like it. And you buy that in bottles. Or you mix your own at home. Or you mix your own. And then you get the proportion however you like it. You like, oh, less sweet, more sweet. I really like the concept. I think it's great. You can have that just spark them more, of course. I think that the concept. I think it's great. Have that spark from water course.

I think that's what I'm going for. I'm going to go black currant. I do love a black currant surely. Your parents live in Germany. What a global family. We are. When you're on the run from the Russian government, you can go wherever you want. Bleak where they live. I've had that. Half Coca-Cola, half Fanta. It's wild, no? It's not as nice as I thought it would be.

I got very excited about it. They bottle it. That's crazy. It's not just something you make at a bar. It's a drink in and of itself. Is it called, is it start with an M or something? Metamix. Right, yeah. I really built myself up. For three days, I'm gonna get that next time

I'm gonna get it and now wouldn't get out win-power and get what was familiar to me, which was diet cokes Yeah, do you feel about European total like like an orange ENA? Yeah, I love orange ENA I mean, that's just there's a real nostalgia for orange ENA though and the bottles the shape of an orange you can't fuck with That's good. It's good. So again sophisticated bottle. Yeah, really sophisticated for luxury. We're back Yeah That to me is like holidays when I'm a kid, like being around a swimming pool or something, having an Orangina, a cold Orangina baby. I wouldn't like the bits in it. No. I think that gives the illusion of health, which I enjoy. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Of course you didn't like

bits when you're, of course you're one of those kids. Little pale kid who didn't eat bits. Of course you're one of those kids. Little pale kid who didn't eat bits. No, I had to eat bits all the time. I was going to get made to eat bits. Yeah, because it would be a healthy boy. My mum got us yogurts with bits in it. And like fruit juice with bits. I was like, I don't like bits.

She's like, oh, bad luck. Were you a crusts-off kid as well? I wish. There's no way I could have got away with that shit. I had to have the crusts. Smooth peanut butter? No, crunchy peanut butter every time. Even though I could have got away with that shit I had to have the crusts smooth peanut butter no crunchy peanut butter every time even though I would have preferred smooth Yeah, of course you would have preferred smooth. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah, this is it was just like my goddamn life, man Hated bits when I was an adult. I was like, I'm never doing bits again

And I haven't have you know, I will not do fruit juice with bits. Like a fresh orange juice? No, I will grin and bear it, but I don't want it to feel like, it feels like someone's emptied a bag of pencil shavings in my goddamn drink. I hate it. This is bizarre, man. What? But you gotta go bits, right? There'll be people saluting their iPods to this. I love texture.

Yeah. No, no, no. I don't like that. Yoga, I can hack the bits a little bit more, but I don't like it when there's like the pulpy strawberry horrible like someone's... So you're a germane just purely flavor, you're not a texture guy. I love texture in the right... Good texture.

Those aren't good textures. Those aren't good textures. Bubble tea? I actually haven't done bubble tea, but I... Which I can't believe I've not done bubble tea yet. I've not drunk bubble tea. But I would like that. The tapioca pearls. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. That's bits though, man. Yeah. Yeah. But they're like fun bits and they're not, they're not like, they're

not bits that feel like waste product. Yeah. The strawberry pulpy stuff is like, it's like what's strawberry pulpy stuff you saw in the yogurt. Okay. Yogurt. When you get, when you get yogurt, it's not got bits of strawberry in it. Just like- Do you mean a compote? No, no, that's different. I love that. But like, I mean, when it's all mixed together already and you just open it and there's like pips in there knocking around and like, and bits of pulpy strawberry that's like, it feels

like someone's like, like someone's skin. I think this is more revealing than you realize it. Yeah, that's a huge leap. No, no, no. Speak more on that. It's just like, yeah, like bits of people. Maybe that's in my head because I watched the sight of the snow last night and they eat each other in that.

Right. Yeah, I think so maybe. Oh, is that the one with the team that gets strength in the mountains? Yeah, great film. But they don't put each other in yogurt, do they? Well, kind of. They put each other in ice and eat the ice to help it go down So I guess if there's yogurt available that would actually pay point wouldn't have eaten each other Yeah, we've got enough yogurt to last us six months. All right, we're gonna have to start eating each other and putting it in the yogurt

Yeah, hang on. Hang on Terry Anyway, this isn't about whether on that bits or not this is the oldest dream menu. Yes. I love the, the black co-ent sparkly water. The poppadoms, they from anywhere particular? Well, I, okay. Am I 31 years old? Yes.

Am I a white woman? Also, yes. Will I just be bringing up my recent trip to India? Yes. Also, we should get all our guests to list their age, race and gender before the podcast starts. Yes, we've never done that. I bet some people don't even know who we are. Anything about us Ed.

I think they could take a fair shot. No, no, no. Good luck. Tweet your answers to Benito and guess mine and Ed's race, gender and age. Just guess and don't Google us. Don't Google us. No way. Don't look at the photo.

Am I correct in understanding that I could do my own bread? That doesn't have to be those two things. What do you mean? What do you mean? I have a very specific dosa in mind that I would like as my bread course. Oh yeah, of course. I thought you were in poppadoms. Well, of the two I would choose poppadoms, but if I could do my own bread course, it

would be a very specific dos of from a very specific restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. You can do that for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So you're saying having Papa Dom's. Ben is writing furiously. He's emailing my agent. So you say Papa Dom's or bread, your choice is Papa Dom's, but then you're inserting an extra bread course. But I think what you're saying is you wouldn't like either of those. If I had the option to do the third. Yeah. Yeah. Oh like dosa. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah, 100%. Absolutely, it should be dosa. Okay, but it's a very specific dosa. Yeah. So I just went to the city of Bengaluru for the first time in my life and there they have like a tradition of South Indian breakfast, which is a very set thing.

I don't assume that you know or don't know what it is and I apologize either way. Am I a white 31 year old woman who's about to explain Indian food? Oh yes. That does let them know we're not Indian, but that's fine. You can take that off the list. Well, we didn't say the word. No, no, maybe you're from a different region.

Yes, true. So essentially it's always the South Indian filter coffee, which is just like milky and sweet and delicious. And then they have the like fermented rice dough that they make different things out of. So they make dosas out of it. They make like little donuts called vada. They make idlis, which are like steamed pancakes. But at this place called CTR in Bengaluru, which is the central Tiffin room, they make a butter dosa that is so big,

but also so shiny because of the ghee that they put on it. You could see your own reflection. Oh, mirror bread. It is. big, but also so shiny because of the ghee that they put on it. You could see your own reflection. Oh, mirror bread. The only thing that can make bread better is if I could see my own reflection. I'd say for me, the first reflection would be like, this is brilliant. I can see my own face, my delighted face. If it's massive, about halfway through, I'm going, I don't want to see myself. This is awful.

You have to very tactically eat bits. Yeah. But you're like, that bit's going to look bad as we go on. So I'll get rid of that bit first. That sounds incredible. It's fucking heavenly. Also, I really like any description of food that starts with how big it is. It is big.

It's huge. What does it taste like? It's giant. It tastes big. It's huge. What does it taste like? It's giant. It tastes massive. And so one side of it is really really crispy and because they put so much ghee on it It is like reflective but the but they don't flip it because in a lot of places they flip it and the key at CTR is that they don't flip it. So the other side is quite chewy. So you got both textures. It's it's unreal See those textures are like it's out of this world. It's chewy and crispy. And then the it's it's unreal. See those textures are like, it's out of this world. Chewy and crispy.

And then it's fermented so it's bubbly. So it's a little bit sour. It's, oh God, man, even talking about it. Do you have anything on it? There's like, if you do like the masala one that they put potato inside of it, like a little mash, but obviously delicious. Not just plain and gray.

But honestly, I could just, cause the fact that you can, you could, oh God, sorry. I'm getting really emotional. You could crack pieces off of it cause it's crispy, but then some of it are chewy and you tear them apart. And the fact that it's all just a symphony of textures in one single dosa,

and you're looking at yourself the entire time. Don't forget that. It's just next level. How big are we talking? Do you want to see a picture? Yeah. On this, I mean, on the visual is it is you sharing it with someone You're getting your own yeah, yeah, you're getting your own cuz that's that's your breakfast you decide you kind of decide on which

Format of the dough you want. Do you want the pancake? Do you want the doughnut? Do you have to be on a table or where are you going with this? I would like an angle if I'm looking up at it I look pretty fit and cool. Where it's like, if it's like a rear view mirror, and I'm looking down, that's my worst angle. I'm not going to look good. I don't feel good about myself, but I'd rather like if I was like laying on like a sunbed

or something on a dentist chair and it's like over me and I can eat it from the ceiling and eat that. So you saying that you think you look fittest when you're at the dentist. Who doesn't? You kidding me? I was at the ceiling elite. So you saying that you think you look fittest when you're at the dentist. Who doesn't? You kidding me? I was at the dentist recently and the window was open and it was a proper, like, you know, they were having to really get in there. There's like, you know, a cavity that they were having to put a filling in the back.

Yeah. Really hardcore stuff. And while it was happening, a man was mugged outside. We heard the whole, we heard the entire thing. And the man was so descriptive. It was like it was in a radio play and they had to convey the mugging. She was like going, no, wait, stop. I've been mugged. He has mugged me.

Stop that man. He has my belongings. I've been mugged. And it was like really like detailed like that. He's telling he's wearing a hat. Yeah, it was probably like- I thought you were going to say you were the only one who could see it happening. No, no.

Please Mr. Edcaster, stay still. No, no, we all heard it and had to not acknowledge it. Because obviously the dentist was like, this is a really tricky, because it was like the hole in the, it's right in the back of my tooth. And he was like, this is going to be really difficult. You're going to have to stay really still. It's going to be really hard and sorry, it's going to be uncomfortable.

So while it was happening, then at the end of it all, I said, did the man get mugged during that? And he was like, yes, he did. I heard the man get mugged during that? And he was like, yes, he did. I heard the man get mugged. I never would have to admit that we all heard the man get mugged, but had to just carry on. Did nothing. Yeah. We had to just carry on and just let it happen.

But then you go out the man's in the waiting room with three missing teeth. How bad would the crime have been, would have to be for you guys to stop? Great question. To stop it. Yeah. I mean. Help, I've been murdered. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I need an ambulance, yeah. I mean. Help, I've been murdered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I need an ambulance right now. I think that was when I'd have to go,

okay guys, come on, let's get out of my mouth. Let's help this man. Get out of my mouth. And as it was, we're like, that guy sounds like he can afford it, whatever they've stolen from him. Your dream starter. Okay, my dream starter. Okay.

My dream starter. And it is not because I'm currently touring a show called prawn cocktail, but it is 100 percent a prawn cocktail. Wowzers. Benito was a lobby into make the secret ingredient, prawn cocktail for your episode. Oh yeah. Yeah. And yeah, we vetoed it because.

Because I suspected it might come up. And you were correct. Yeah. Well, I didn't know that you liked prawn cocktail, but I knew your show was called prawn cocktail, but you've also now talked about loving affordable luxury. And I feel like a prawn cocktail plays into affordable luxury. Yes. It's very, very fancy. I remember May Martin used to do a bit about how as a kid, you think that the fanciest thing ever is a prawn cocktail. And I do think it's true. There's like a refinement to it. Like an eighties sort of cigar lounge.

Yeah. There's something in it. You're cheating on your wife and the mistress orders. Okay. I'm not on cocktail. Yeah. Yeah. It's a hall pass.

She's fine. Yeah. Yeah. It's not cheating. If it's a hall pass, come on, live a little. So for this course, would you like there to be cigar smoke in the air and you're cheating on your wife? Yeah.

Yeah. I want it. I wanted like the proper eighties. I don't like the, the, the European yeah. I wanted like the proper 80s. I don't like the European, British cocktail sauce, like the one that's mayo. I like the horseradish red one that they served in America. Right. Okay. With the very big tiger prawns. I wanted in like the old fashioned almost like the ice cream. Yeah.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Because I think we've had people say prawn cocktail before, but I think it's British people and it's more of a patriotic thing where they're like, I love the UK prawn cocktail with the tiny little mayonnaise. Yeah. The tiny little ones. Yeah.

Horrible little, horrible little shrimps. I hate it when they say that. Yeah. I want it huge. I want them huge. I want the tails to still be on. I want to grab them by the tails. I want to submerge and drench them in the sort of the tomato horseradish sauce and then

I want to feeds to be massive. I want it to be that kind of sauce. I want it to be in the Sunday glass. And it never is. They're always like, just a little dish with really shit lettuce and really tiny little prawns with that mayo kind of tomato ketchup, and then you have the prawns,

and then you have the sauce, and then you have the prawns, and then you have the sauce, and then you have the sauce, and then you have the sauce, and then you have the sauce, and then never is they're always like just a little dish with like really shit lettuce. Yeah, I'm really tiny little prawns with that like Mayo kind of like tomato ketchup mix thing I don't know what it is, whatever it is, I don't care And then all of that, it just reminds me of growing up in the 70s and you're like you should not eat food The British industrial food complex is just based on nostalgia alone. Yes, 100%. There's no flavor, there's no creativity.

There I said it. It's impossible. And the thing is, I am now a British citizen. I have a British passport. I need to be, I kind of feel like this is my home, but I did not eat potato smiley faces in my school cause I grew up in Russia. What were the faces like?

Potato smiley faces. They were smiling, but they weren't really happy. They were told to smile. They were potato grin and bear it. They were reporting you to the KGB. And it was the KGB, the alphabetti spaghetti. Yeah, but it was only the three letters. Love it. Love it. That's good stuff. Good Russian food jokes. I'd also say it's very impressive whenever you see,

I've never been to an event like that, but maybe one day, fingers crossed, maybe at my wedding, you went, sorry. I want, I love the idea of like the huge, huge, I wouldn't even, I don't even know how to describe it. It would be like a, almost like a fountain filled with ice. And you know when people just grab the prawns or the shrimp off the ice?

Oh God. Yeah, that's great. It's like a buffet, but it's just ice covered in giant tiger prawns. And would you want like a moat around it of the sauce? Of the sauce, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it is, the sauce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dip that in.

And it is, the whole thing is a recreation of the Carcassonne Castle. Out of bronze. If it is your wedding, probably a bit difficult to feed that to your mistress. I'd say, in plain sight. Would you want the sauce coming out like a chocolate fountain, like flowing? Oh, can you imagine? And then you could just put it under. Just hold it under.

Oh my God. That sauce, is it like, it's like tomato. It's like cocktail sauce, right? They call it Yes, so it's very horseradish It's very horseradish heavy because I had a lot when I was in the States a couple of years ago and sometimes it's almost Too punishing for me. Oh, it gets in your nose. Yes. Yes. That's what horseradish does truly So I grew up my mom's party trick when she like was at a dinner party, I remember growing up and like things were kind of maybe dying down, she was like, let's do this. To get the party back going, she would propose to have either a mustard or a horseradish

eating competition. So she challenged the biggest guy at the dinner party and be like, I bet I could eat more horseradish than you. And the guy would be in tears and she would never shed a tear. And I would be like, oh mom, you're the coolest girl That's so funny Everytime The atmosphere is dropping a bit People are leaving

What's going to make people stay? The biggest guy at the party, this poor guy doesn't want to do it You big fella You're going to learn a horse radish from me Even though size has absolutely nothing to do with tolerance for horseradish. But it was more impressive the bigger than I was. Yeah.

That's amazing. She would just eat it with a spoon. And so I come from a horseradish, forward family. Do you think you could do that? Do you think you could like- I don't think I could, I don't think I could beat my mom, but I do think I have a higher tolerance

than a lot of people. What condiment do you think you could eat the most of just- Yeah, just with a spoon. Just with a spoon. So glad you asked. Yes. I want to say garlic mayo from like any kebab shop. Oh, that's good.

And like I want it in the big thing with a squeezy at the top. Yeah, straight in the mouth. Yeah, yeah, straight into my mouth. Someone's just stepping on it. Yeah, that's a good answer. Because it is very... What's yours? I mean, now it's hard to not just say that because...

We counting pesto as a condiment? Yeah! Yeah? That's your nightmare. That's just bits. No, I love that. Yeah, tell you what, that should be. That's 100% bits.

Maybe it's just anything I had as a child that had bits in it. I can eat pesto from the jar like a big yogurt. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Pine nut forward? We're like... Pine nuts, yeah, big load of cheese in there as well. Just like really oily as well. Oh no, I've got a new one. Uh-oh. Uh, Laogamard chili oil. Okay.

We go through that in our house. I can eat that. I genuinely eat that from the jar. Wouldn't be too spicy. No, it's not too spicy. It's like salty as well. It's sweet and it's mainly bits. It's the crispy chili bits in chili oil. Well, I've just bought a 700 gram jar of it. Lots of balance as well, because it's giving you, it's not just one flavor. It's every flavor you need. That goes on everything. James?

I guess sour cream sauce, like the dip, sour cream dip. Would you not feel ill immediately after eating a few spoons of sour cream dip? You could just, I guess, imagine it's yogurt? Yeah, yeah. It's very tasty. I could do that. I mean, and we know that in the past, I've eaten a whole jar of salted caramel sauce before. Yeah, that's true. But that was, you were angry when you did that. I was very cross. I was sticking it to an X. Oh, making sure she couldn't have any of

it. When I was cleaning, cleaning my stuff out the house. It's like bad luck. You ain't getting any of that salted caramel that I bought. Oh, and you leave the empty jar? I bought it like the day before we split up. Then she broke up with me and like, oh god leave this jar behind. She's gonna read the rewards of that. Not on my watch. Not on your watch but also not on your watch was just taking it with you. You stood in the kitchen and ate the whole thing.

I didn't survive the tube journey. That was never on the cards. I didn't want it to like lose its form. With like cookie or nothing? Just straight? On its own just with a spoon. I thought I'm allowed to do this. Now calories don't count. I'm grieving a relationship.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really showed her. Yeah, I did show her. Did you think... I don't think she noticed. I mean, I hope that she'll listen to this podcast, but I don't think she's a fan of mine. That's a good question, man.

What condiment could you eat the most of just with a spoon? I also don't know if frosting counts, but I do remember at my peak sort of 15 year old, cause you know, I don't know what your relationship with food was when you were teenagers, but it was for me, for me, it was like a competitive sport. And so it's like three sleeves of Oreos, let's go. And I would like my, I guess party trick,

maybe now that I'm saying this, it's it runs in the family. Betty Crocker chocolate icing. Like a pot of it. Just with a spoon. Biggest guy in the family. Betty Crocker chocolate icing. Just with a spoon. Biggest guy in the school. Yeah. You, me and Betty Crocker outside. We used to go to a pub that served half pint glasses full of wasabi peas.

And my party trick was downing a half pint of wasabi peas. Oh my god. But wouldn't it get dry? The throat would get so dry. Yeah, awful. Really bad. That's like a cinnamon challenge. It's so spicy.

It's right in my nose and I'm crying. That's like the man who said that. Who's challenging you? No one, you're like, come on. You bet, you bet, you can't do it. I would be like, well, nearly last orders. I feel like the atmosphere is dropping off. I wanna go on somewhere else.

Half a pint of wasabi peas, please barkeep. And I was the biggest guy in there, so I had to challenge myself to do it. In the middle. Yeah. You bitch. And I was the biggest guy in there, so I had to challenge myself to do it. In the middle. Yeah. You beat me. So your mom never lost though?

Never. No, she's amazing. She's amazing. Also, a really sad thing happened that like also one of her things is that like she has a really good sense of smell. She's a very eccentric lady. She couldn't like identify anyone's perfume. Everyone always is like, her nose is so open all the time. And so she, um, she can like, she can

smell identify absolutely anything. It's amazing. It's incredible. Also was a nightmare because it's like, she obviously could tell if you were like out drinking when it as a teenager. And so after COVID she lost her sense of smell. She still hasn't gotten it back. And now it's like, she literally had an identity crisis. She was like, I'm not using deodorant anymore. Fuck you guys. Yeah, it was really, really sad. And now she's like kind of reinventing herself

because who is she without her sense of smell? But can she take more horseradish now? I wonder. She could take that show on the road. She could be like one of those competitive eaters competitive yeah, yeah, because the prompt cocktail opener Can you imagine just eating though the coffee sauce? Fuck? That would be so cool before before the show goes This is my mom. She's gonna eat. She's gonna be a bucket of cocktail sauce Also, can I oh god, I'm already forgetting so many things.

Apologize. Hey, it's our fault. There's just a couple more things. Can I just throw into the bread course? There's also, are you guys familiar? We're going back. Are you guys familiar with the Russian drink Kvass? No.

It is a bread drink and it tastes like bread. And it's like, imagine a non-alcoholic beer that's not bitter. It is a bread drink and it tastes like bread. And it's like, imagine a non-alcoholic beer that's not bitter. It's a bread drink. So it's a, it's a soda. Yes. Yeah. But it tastes like bread. Wow. That's just amazing. I can't imagine it. Okay. So you ever, have you ever seen a sourdough starter? Yes. Imagine that as a drink. Imagine diluting it with sparkling water. I'm not selling it well. Is it sweet? Is it sweet? It's ever so slightly sweet. It's not, it's not, it just tastes like bread.

It's delicious. So you would like that with your bread course. Yes. With your dosa. That's fair enough. I think that would be quite fun. And it's fizzy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds made up from a kid's bread or something.

Bread soda. Well, you know when you taste cream soda and you're like, how are they making it taste like dairy when there's no dairy in it? It's a sort of, your brain does have to adjust to be like, this is liquid bread, I don't quite get it. But then once you're on board, you can't stop drinking. Yeah, I'd be totally on board with that.

Yeah, I can tell he was, as soon as you said it, I was like, I think he's expressed a desire for this to exist in the world in the past. Something I've heard you say. You gotta check it out. Fizzy bread drink. And I'm also really passionate about soft drinks that aren't too sweet or sweet at all.

Yeah. So that's why I do love a diluted juice. Yeah. More sophisticated for the palate. And I do think kvass is in that sweet spot where it's it's not it's not there with the cokes. If anything, it's chilling with the tonics. Chilling with the tonics. Would you ever put a mixer in kvass? You could. Yeah, I don't know what what what what liqueur would taste good with bread. Some sort of buttered liquor. Butter drink? Ooh, like a Frangelico or like a Bailey's. Oh, I bet a Bailey's would taste delicious. Bailey's does tend to curdle when bubbles are introduced. This is true. Would a cream soda? No.

What would you put in a cream soda? You'd put a whiskey in there, surely. A whiskey cream soda would be delicious. Oh God, yeah. I started making a new whiskey cocktail recently. Drink it all the time. I've had to stop. I was having it every time I watched the traitors. I'd have this whiskey cocktail. What's in it? Beetroot juice.

For a guy who aids bits. He loves beets though. No bits of beetroot in it. Beetroot juice. Beetroot juice. He loves beets though. No bits of beetroot in it. Beetroot juice. Beetroot juice. I didn't have all the ingredients so I had to sub some of them. So I got the grenadine syrup instead of beetroot syrup with the beetroot.

So beetroot juice, grenadine syrup, bitters, whiskey and rose over mouffe. Really I just, I saw that I had rose over mouffe and then I Googled what cocktails I could make with that. But you've added the grenadine, right? The grenadines new. So this is a new cocktail. You've invented a cocktail. I've invented cocktail. Also, sometimes I add in some ginger shot stuff in my fridge. Yeah. So I just started bunging that in as well. It was quite nice. So I've added that to it. So it's like healthy also. Yeah. It's really, really healthy. And uh, cause I drink it while watching the trailers. I started calling them the faithfuls. That's good. And, uh, got a few of my friends into them. But,

uh, yeah, now that the traits has finished, I've had to be like, right, that that's got to be the full stop on that man. You can't keep drinking those. But it's your five a day. Yeah. Yeah. If it feels a bit mad, it feels, it feels mad to be drinking them all the time. I was like, you know, the big Lebowski with white Russians. I felt like, no offense. I felt like that with her. I felt like that with her with this. I was like, I'm drinking these too much. I've got to stop having them.

You know, three times a week. I'll probably have two during the traitors, you know. When you think of someone having a drinking problem, you don't picture them drinking beetroot juice at any point. Yeah, but that's the thing is that lying to yourself with that going, no, it's not. It's not. It's fine.

I'm making the whole cocktail. This is okay. This isn't a problem. You're like, you've had six of these this week because of how often the traces are on. Three times a week. Yeah. Do you think that's how Shirley Temple went, felt when she was drinking all those, all that grenadine bottle after bottle.

That's exactly how she felt. I know exactly how Shirley Temple felt. So yeah, I mean, I'd recommend it to people. It's a delicious cocktail. Yeah. The faithful. Your dream main course. Main course. Okay. So I didn't eat meat for about seven years for no other reason than I just like dared myself not to. And so I didn't. And then I think last year I had this moment where I was like, why am I not eating meat?

I have no reason not to. So I jumped back in. I'd say one of the most formative experience of jumping back in was I was eating at the Ritz restaurant and they brought out something called a duck press, which was absolutely nuts. Are you familiar with duck press? I am, please describe it. So it's a very fancy metal contraption.

It puts tremendous pressure onto cooked duck bones, then extracts a liquid, and then turns that liquid into a sauce. What the? So I'm trying to say, I went from not eating meat at all to saying meat isn't enough, juice the bones. Juice the bones. Juice the bones.

Wheel out the torture equipment and juice those bones. Juice the bones. Juice the bones. Wheel out the torture equipment and juice those bones. But also what was really exciting after not eating meat for seven, eight years was I got to eat all the basic meats as if for the first time. So I'd be eating Spag bowl and be like, this is incredible. Yeah. Wow. Because my mouth forgot it.

Like eating fried chicken for the first time in eight years. It just blew my freaking mind. Did you, now when you, when you were doing this, when you're going on this, um, this meat exploration, the rediscovery of all the basic meats, did you make sure to pick the best, a good version of each one or were you just like get it in my mouth? My very first one that I broke the lent with was, um, what's it called? It was the corned beef on rye at Katz Deli. Well, there you go.

Okay, so you nailed that. We filmed it, it was like a whole thing. It was like, it was being reintroduced to meat. But I'd say the most delicious, now that I've been eating meat for like a year now, the most delicious has to be the lamb at Alkaf in Whitechapel, which is a Somali restaurant. And it's lamb that falls apart.

It's one of the most delicious things. There's not much there on the plate other than the meat, because the meat speaks for itself, because like it's lamb that's been cooked for ages. And it's, it's melt in your mouth. It's absolutely delicious. But apart from the fact that it is one of the most delicious dishes I've ever had, I realized that like,

it had that Ratatouille reminded me of childhood moment. Because my grandmother was raised in Kazakhstan and in Kazakhstan they make something called bishbarmak. Another bloody country thrown in. Such a global family. Its entire family tree is one street in Wimbledon. Island actually. So she used to cook a dish called bishbarmak,

which is like local to Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan. And it is that like fall apart lamb with some egg noodles in it and some raw onion. It's the most delicious thing you'll ever, like it's just meat at its purest form. We're not talking seasoning, we're not talking marinade. It's like, it's the fucking fattiest lamb you've ever eaten in your life.

Wow. And it's gonna blow your mind. Heaven. f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing Quite a lot to say about food actually, weirdly. So my grandmother who grew up in Kazakhstan, Nina, all of her grandmothering revolves around fear based things. So she's like, don't eat too much sweets because your butthole will still stick together. When I was growing up and I would be terrified to eat too much sugary sweets because the syrup-ness of the sweets. It would stick your butthole together. And you don't want that. Your grandma would say it would stick your butthole together. Yeah, and you don't want that. Your grandma would say,

it would stick your butthole together. Popa slipnitsa, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then you'd be like terrified, cause like, oh, I can't eat anymore, anymore chocolate. Cause the sugar will stick. Is that like a phrase, like a phrase that she was using? I've never heard anyone say it other than her.

Or was she genuinely saying to you, your butthole will literally stick together if you eat too many sweets. Yeah, and as a kid, you'd be horrified. And it was an effective tactic. Wouldn't have worked on me. No way. Win-win.

How is that win-win? I don't think I enjoyed going for dumps that much as a kid. Yeah, but you must have understood. It would be uncomfortable to have your butthole stuck together. Nah. Well, then you just get really full, right? Yeah. Where's it all going?

Yeah. Well, that's what I keep in my body for longer. That's nice. I like sweets. But you don't like having the sweets in your body, right? You'd like the taste of them. I need to call my grandma. She should be able to argue.

What were some of your other grandma's fear tactics? So one of them had to do with the lamb. Yeah. So, okay. So because it's really, really fatty and really, really hot. Makes your butt hole massive. If only. And then a girl can dream. So it's like, it's salty, it's fatty, it's really, really hot.

And because it's so salty, you really want to drink cold water because it's really hot. But then I'm assuming it's kind of true or she just did it for fun. She's like, you can't drink anything cold because all the fat will just solidify inside you and you'll die. It's very, very body horror. All of your grandma's stuff is about being constipated in some way, right? Yeah. So then you'd be, you'd be terrible. So you'd be so thirsty because it would be so salty, but you wouldn't be able to stop so thirsty because it would be so salty,

but you wouldn't be able to stop eating it because it would be so delicious. But then you wouldn't be so scared to drink anything cold cause you didn't want it to solidify inside of you. And then you die. And then you die. So it's like, she would give you just like the hottest tea with it, which didn't help the thirst at all.

He has a sort of really panicked, I have a nostalgia for this panicked figure. Yeah, yeah. There's gotta be some sort of like jeopardy involved, I guess, with whatever you're eating. Yes. You're battling the food in a way. And so when I had that, that lamb at Alkaf, the Somali restaurant, it brought me back. It brought me back. Did you have a cold drink with it? No, I was too scared. I choose to stay out too scared.

I don't know the science behind it, but I'm scared. What if it turns into Aspic inside of me? Yeah. Every time you eat sweets, do you think about the butthole sticking together thing? Yeah That stays with you. Yeah, it was gonna stay with me. You're losing my grandma looking at the sugar content of a thing. Yeah Now where's my butthole at the moment I Have an announcement. I'm gonna stop eating fried chicken for seven years. I'm going to do it. What you'll be actually do it August thing made me really jealous. So I'm gonna do it. I'm stopping the fried chicken for seven years Okay, but that's not August thing. I'll just think is she stopped eating meat for seven years

Yeah, no, no, but I'm gonna do just fried chicken. So you can taste it for the first time. Yeah. Yeah, it's incredible It sounds great. Yeah music starts playing. It's amazing. I'm gonna do it. Yeah seven years today What's the date today as we recorded 29th of Jan? Seven years today. So on the 29th of Jan 2031 I have fried chicken for the first time in seven. Do you know which one you're gonna get? Oh, no No, I just figured out I can't have the caroling fried chicken from cricket for seven years. Yeah Because you can't have fried chicken. Forget it The bets off. The bets off.

So is it the lamb from Whitechapel that you'd like? Yes. Yes, I would. What's the place called? Al Kaaf. Sounds amazing. Yeah. I also have the name of it.

It's called Zanied. Uh huh. The lamb. Lovely. It's X, A and an I.D. I think if someone told me for seven years, you can only eat one meat. Yeah. It would be slow cooked lamb.

I think slow cooked lamb is- And then like with the fibers fall apart? Oh my God. It's incredible. And it's so easy to do at home as well. It's like the easiest thing. Is it really? Yeah.

Just bung it in the oven for like five hours on low. Get a lamb shoulder, put some spices on it and stuff. And then the fat will do the work itself. Oh my God, it does all the work. And it just fills the house. You put it on at like 10 in the morning and it just smells like lamb in your house all the time. It's good stuff. He's in a very good mood when he's got the lamb in the oven. I think- That's true, man.

You should always have a lamb in the oven. Yeah. I'm thinking of getting myself like if they do a glade plug-in of slow cooked lamb. No, that won't work for you. I think you have to know it's on its way. Yeah. Oh God, I'm really hungry guys. And this is a pleasure that my mother cannot experience.

Yeah, of course not. Girls and sensitive. She can't smell any lamb ever again. Lamb in the house. Yeah, but you've got to look on the bright side. She can take them jars after jars of horseradish. Yeah. She's taking them big guys all over the shop. It's very rare that someone who's like, you know, number one in the world gets even higher.

Yeah. But your mom was like number one of eating horseradish and now it's like even better to see that, to see someone excel and they didn't need to. You know, I'm imagining your mom in like global competitions of eating horseradish. Have you ever seen, have you seen clips of the slapping competitions? No. So it's like this new like stupid sport that I've seen loads of clips of on the internet where it's normally like two big men stood opposite each other and they just take turns.

They like chalk up and slap each other really hard. And how are they measured? Well, like if the guy is knocked out, basically. Oh shit. Oh my God. like fully losing consciousness. Their legs go and they wobble about all over the place. It's really good. And sometimes they slow it down. Like in a looney tunes, there's like a bird starts flying around their head.

And then it's over. And their face goes all wonky. Oh, it's great stuff. I'm imagining your mom stood opposite like a massive dude with like a shaved head. And they're just eating. they're going spoonful for spoonful until the guy goes, whoa, falls over. It's like a sister competition to the Nathan's hot dog. You kind of be on the camera. There's a smaller lower table where people are eating

kind of elements. And you're saying there's nothing with this lamb as well, by the way. From what I remember, I think it's very, very, the, the, how impressive it is, is the fact that it's just like the lamb is speaking for itself and you don't want anything else. Did they do lamb presses or is it only a duck press? Look, theoretically we could put anything we wanted into that press. Yeah.

Let's just get our hands on one. It's like the, sorry to go to more internet videos, but the, um, I know exactly what you're talking about. The hydraulic press videos. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, you know, like a hydraulic press, like one that has like thousands of kilograms of pressure, these crushed things. Compact trash? Yeah. It's like a trash. Yeah. Like a trash compactor, but there's, there's one account that I follow on Instagram, which is just loads of different things put in that and see how they see how they crush. And they just do that. Yeah. So

somebody who has one of those machines. Yeah. What I work. Yeah, I guess so. And just films like, you know, toys in it and play dough and stuff. We show up with a lamb shoulder. Yeah. I think I guess you could press, you could press lamb bones.

I would assume so. Yeah. I guess the ducks easier would like a hand cranked one because the bones are smaller and like, yeah. Does this person own like, are they the boss of this work? Do you think that has the hydraulic press? Do you think they're the boss? I'd imagine so, because the accounts got a lot of followers.

So I think their boss would have caught on by now that they're using the hydraulic press to put like. And it doesn't feel like a domestic appliance. It does feel industrial. Oh, it's industrial. Yeah, that's not, it's not in someone's house. But I think they only use it for that now. I think the accounts got so big that they don't need it because otherwise you're not gonna if you need it for trash compacting

You're gonna spend the whole time like cleaning oranges out So that's become the the the main source of income is in different stuff in the hydraulic press Yeah, that's how I want to go. Yeah Joke press me. Oh,? Yeah. In your will. It's not cremation or burial. I want to go in a big duck press. Juice my bones. Juice my bones.

And then they just give you the juice of it. Cause like, yeah, they wouldn't take you home in an urn. It would be like in a juice box. Yeah. Yeah. A juice box. Oh, like put the straw in. So proper like factory sealed in the juice box.

Yeah. That would be chic. And then he's mixed me up with some sparkling water. Good to go. If they juiced your bones, James, would you have bits or no bits? Well, obviously no bits. I'll perish the thought of bits in my bones. I hope they just get a lovely clear juice. That would be the final insult. If at the end I got bits in my bones. James Hacks extra smoothie. Yeah, yeah. It better be smooth.

Yeah. It's not called a bitsy. Put it that way. Dream side dish. Dream side dish. I filmed a TV show in Bulgaria this summer. Another country? Deal with that.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm so worldly. You can't believe it. So the national salad there, one of, is called the Shopska salad, which is, my understanding is there's like a huge rivalry with Greece as to who owns the cucumber, bell pepper, tomato, feta, olive salad mixture.

I've got some very bad news for Bulgaria. Greece has won. As a Greek salad. I'm gonna throw something out there about why I think the Shopska Bulgarian version is superior. I'm ready to get canceled by the Greeks. What they do in Bulgaria, which I thought was genius, is that they grate the feta so it mixes in,

in a way that you never get with a Greek salad. With a Greek salad, you're either just eating a whole bit of it. It's never in conversation. Sometimes they put the whole block just on top. Yeah, they don't even chop that thing up. That's a smug. I don't like it when they do that, but what I'd say to stick up for the Greeks once and for all, I like it when it's cubes because then you get a treat every now and again. So it's like, it's like

a kebab of... Yeah. You get, you get little like just chunks on top. They can be mixed in fine, but on top's fine. So I like it. You're sharing a big Greek salad with someone. I like to be like, I'm going to take a few bits of feta here and if anyone says anything, I'm kicking off. And you're eating like the cucumber, eating the whatever else is in it. And then, and then you're like, Oh, got a bit of feta. Hello. Treat time. Like a curly fry in a, in a thing of straight fries. Like a curly thing in a, like a curly fry, straight fry. I'm so hungry. Yeah, but it just feels like, you know, that's the fun bit of the salad, right?

I see. I mean, I guess it's a different philosophy. Having your five a day. And it sounds like something you would make up as a narrative to justify the inferiority of the Greek salad. Whereas in Bulgaria, they just saw a problem and they solved it. They brought up cheese grater and they thought why not mix it in? Why not have every bite have a little feta treat? I think it sounds better. I like the idea of it.

I'll stick to my cubes from now on, but here's my question. How the fuck are you grating feta? It's quite a firm cheese. You go on the large hole setting. No, I think for me, if I'm touching a block of feta to a grater, I might be able to get one grate down,

but then it's just collapsing in my hands. Okay, so what you're thinking of is a perpendicular shave. I'm thinking of a parallel shave. So you say skinny side and you just go long. Yeah. And that's just a couple, just a couple of grates really. I'm getting some hand in that definitely. Yeah.

Delicious, I eat meat now, so. I don't think I've ever grated anything. You're not grating the little cubes, you know. No, I know you're grating the whole block. They're not grating them. But if I'm going like this with the block, I'm thinking going like this. Yeah. I don't know the difference between what you just did.

So, okay, I'm trying to describe it. That's a block of Feta on the table. I'm thinking you pick it up and you grate like that. Like a T shape. Yeah. And then it all easily crumbles. Pick it up and go. And hold it.

Oh, like just that both? Yeah. And that way it doesn't break off. Yeah. I don't know if I'd think both of them would break really. I think both of those would result in a breakage. I would lay the grater flat down on the table. Uh-oh. And then just grate over the top of it with the fetter.

So the fetter's in charge. I think then it would stand a better chance. But still the angle is, the question of the angle is still there. Are you holding it long side or short side? I guess I'd like to be laid down in a dentist chair and have the grater in front of me and I'll just do it like that, let it fall down straight into my mouth.

Cause then anything that crumbles, you just get it all. You could freeze the fetter for half an hour, so it maintains its robustness, and then grate it, and then it's defrosting as soon as it hits the salad, if it's small enough bits. Like a snow cone. Like a snow cone, exactly. Yeah, shaved ice. Yeah. Where do you stand on whipped feta? I love it.

Is it, give me a context, what context are you having a whipped feta in? I had some whipped feta almost like as a dip with loads of like butternut squash that they'd cut up and I could just like, I like that. I like the idea that you can have that flavor in a dippable form. Yes, I'm on board. I'm sorry. Yeah, it was very, very good. But I guess this grated one is not this.

That's not the same day. I mean, theoretically, you could do a dollop of a whipped feta in the salad dressing shake it up And then it's even farther than the shopska salad because it's in the dressing. It's double feta. Yeah Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I love the sound. I would eat this salad. It sounds fantastic It sounds better like I do like I like all the different ingredients in a Greek salad But I don't like the cubes and stuff. It does it does annoy me that I've got like basically just make my own little perfect bite every time. Where was your one just sounds like it feels like a clever solution.

Yeah. How many olives are in there? Are they great in the olives? Are great in everything? No, no, no. Nothing, nothing else is graded, but then you're welcome to, I guess. Yeah. I kind of would like to do that.

You want to grate the olives to make a slaw. Yeah. I like to grate all of it. Yeah. Great. All of it. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's, that's the the olives to make a slaw. Yeah. Great. All of it. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's the way you've invented. Oh no. You've got a whole bowl of bits. That's quite

a nice, um, you know, personal arc for me. Cause what you should like is a completely smooth Greek salad. Yeah. yeah. Just a milkshake. Yeah. It's like a salad. I wouldn't be against it. A delicious, savory milkshake. Yeah. Yeah.

But no, I guess I like the sound of this bit salad now. Yeah. Let's put it all in a blender and then it all just like grate up in there and then just collect it all in a big bowl and then spoon it in. If you heat it up, it would be like a delicious tomato soup, wouldn't it? Would it? I don't know. There's cucumber in there and stuff. I think even like grating a cucumber, there's so much water.

I bet you'd end up with like my least favorite thing when you're eating something and you pull back one mouthful and there's like a little wet bit at the bottom. Hold on a second. Like a little puddle. This is big news. This is Ed's least favorite thing when eating. This is taking the many episodes to find out what your least favorite thing is. If I make a bolognese or something or I don't cook it for long enough, so there's like too

much moisture in there, you put it in the bowl and then you eat a bit of it, then there's like wet stuff at the bottom. I'm not fully, do you know what he means? I think I do. Scrambled eggs, it happens all the time. Yeah, yeah, okay. I get it, I get it now. Yeah, no way.

Secret puddle. That is gross. No one likes the scrambled egg puddle. So that's your least favorite thing. Yeah, I get it. I get it now. Yeah, no way. Secret puddle. That is gross. That is gross. No. So that's your least favorite thing. Yeah, yeah. I don't like it. Also, if I've cooked it, it makes me not proud of what I've done because there's a secret puddle and that was my fault. That's a shame.

Which you have a least favorite thing when eating? Oh man, that wasn't in the fucking brief. Are you kidding me? Are you fucking serious right now? It's a pretty big question. This is really humiliating. It wasn't in the brief to tell us what your grandma said sweets do to your butt hole, but you still brought it up. Yeah, no, I hate it when my butt cheeks stick together.

I hate it. We don't usually leave that off the brief. I'm not a huge fan of mixing chocolate with fruit, with a very sour fruit. Oh, nice. Like when I see like an apple chocolate thing, that makes me confused. Yeah, those two shouldn't be together, I don't think. No, no, no, no, no, no. Cause you see like, when you see like a toffee apple,

a toffee apple, and then they'll also sell like a chocolate covered apple. Again at Disney, there I fucking said it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, I don't, those are not, the families should not. No. No, no, no. Toffee apple is one of the biggest disappointments for me.

I don't mind a toffee apple, but when chocolate comes into play, I'm out. Or when they put like Oreo crumbs on it, what are we doing, fellas? But when I first heard about a toffee apple, I was like, well, that sounds like the best thing ever. And then I had one and was like, it's mainly just like an apple.

It doesn't really- And it's a mess to eat because it's all sticky all over your face. I think they should do the individual slices. No. If they sliced up an apple. It doesn't matter. It's a mess to eat because it's all sticky all over your face. Yeah. I think they should do the individual slices. If they sliced up an apple and then toffee each individual slice, I'd eat that. That is a party. That would be great. On a stick. Oh, well, a big bag of them. I'd have a big bag of those. Walk around Disney. I just think you don't need to mess with the apple, you know? I like an apple and peanut butter. Apple and peanut butter, best snack of all time. That's actually true. Best thing at M&S, the apple and peanut butter.

Very, very nice. Very nice. Again, sliced apples. Yeah. It's Granny Smith apples. It's chunky peanut butter. And chunky peanut butter. What are you talking about, the superior apple?

No, I hate Granny Smith. It's the superior apple when it comes to peanut butter. Yeah, every other apple's too mealy. Too sweet too. I don't really want an apple with peanut butter, to be honest with you, but I definitely don't want a goddamn Granny Smith. Disgusting. I had a pink lady tart tartan the other night and it was absolutely outstanding.

And your wife is going to listen to this podcast. It was on my hall pass list. Is pink lady not too sweet for a tart tartan? No, you want sweet on tart tartan, right? Do you? Yeah, I want sweet all the way home. Okay, fair. As the old phrase goes.

If you don't, just tell him. You can disagree with that. Don't let him convince you. I understand your point. You want like maybe a little bit of acidity. Yeah, because then you're putting so much sugar in it already. You want the fruit to bring the tart.

Yeah. I'm of the school of desserts. The highest compliment is not too sweet. Right, yeah, yeah. This was very sweet, but at the time I enjoyed it. You don't have to get defensive about it. That's OK. I liked it. We all enjoyed it. What you and you do with your glued together butthole?

What's your business? My butthole looked like a toffee apple after I finished that. Your dream drink. OK, so my dream drink, just to clarify, is this a dream drink for the entire meal? Up to you. It's up to you. Cause if you wanted to throw in a couple of different drinks. I'm just going to go with one.

Just cause I think it's the superior one. I don't know if it pairs well with this meal, but I don't think it pairs well with anything. And so it pairs with everything. And that's the biggest possible cup of ice Dunkin' Donut cold brew that you could find. This might be the first time cold brew has been a dream drink on the podcast. And Dunkin', Dunkin' gets a shout out. Shout out to Dunkin'.

So if you're doing it in America, I would say that the size, it's like the Texas bed pan. That's how big. You can get like bucket size things, right? Yeah. And so you fill it to the brim, cold brew. And this is a game that, because I go on an American road trip every year

with my friends and we invented this game. Cause if it's like a six hour drive day, which there will inevitably be one of. You are your mother's daughter. You got a game, you got a food game. You find the biggest guy on the side of the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chug that.

I'm going to say this now, remember how civilized and wonderful this conversation has been up until this point, because this is going to make or break it, okay? So what happens is you take the biggest, biggest possible cup, you fill it with coffee, or you get it at one gas station, you drink it until the other gas station,

and then you try to fill it with piss, and then the empty glass, and then you compare with the other gas station and then you try to fill it with piss and then the empty glass and then you compare with the other people who got closest to one-to-one. I'd say it's the greatest road trip game ever invented. So the aim is to get to piss out as much as you just drank. Yeah. This is fantastic. And then you got to compare. So like you win if it's the same amount. You have to come out and compare side to side. You can take a picture. We used to just take pictures.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You take pictures at the same angle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How you, before you have the coffee, I'm so sorry. Is there a certain amount of time that you're not allowed to have had a drink? So it's a fair comparison.

No, no, no, no, no. Because look, we can't guarantee that it's all cold brew. No, exactly. The technology doesn't Cause look, it's, we can't guarantee that it's all cold brew. No, exactly. That's what the technology doesn't exist. But you can, you can. If none, if you all have your last drink at 11 PM the previous night. Yeah, not a drop.

And then I just think you should be doing these things properly if you're gonna do it. Yes. And then not a drop until the cold brew. And then you know that you're all sluiced out. So then you're all just, you're all just having cold brew. Monitoring each other during the morning shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Keep your mouth shut.

Caught with a camel back in the back seat. And do you win this competition? Can you win? Does anyone win? But are you good at this game? Like your mum is good at the horse ride? Yeah, I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good. To be fair, sometimes I'm the only participant. Guys, let's compare. Olga, we were joking. We never join in with this game. Is the main worry, how many times have you done this? We've done two or three road trips and we'll do it like a couple of times a road trip, I'd say.

Yeah, it has to be a perfect storm. Is it normally too little or too much? and we'll do it like a couple of times a road trip. I'd say. Yeah, it has to be a perfect storm. Is it normally too little or too much? Normally it's too little. Are you under filling or overflowing? Normally it's under. Which is the best. If you're not going to hit it bang on, it's best to be under, I'd say.

I'd say when you think you're overflowing, you could just swap to the toilet that's there. So are you positioning it right in front of the toilet then? Or you stop in between? It's like a pregnancy test situation where you're like hovering over and then you sort of swoop in. That's my technique. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It depends on what kind of machinery you're working with.

That would be the saddest pregnancy test ever. Pissing in an empty cold brew cup and then just dipping it in. Swirling around like a coffee stick. I'm pregnant with coffee. It's a donut. A little donut appears. Well, so you want the Dunkin Donuts cold brew. You haven't looked me directly in the eyes. Is it just, is it like just cold black coffee? Is it just the cold brew? You're not having any no dairy in there. Because it's also powerful diuretic, so it's really helping the game. Yeah, Is it just is it like just cold black coffee is it just the cold?

Diuretic so it's really helping. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're not waiting around to be you all need to be at the next gas station No, I could fill out with shit probably Right everyone have some sweets before before we do this challenge you got a gum up one entrance I this challenge, you got to come up one entrance. I thought you were going to say you had it and then, and then you all had to hold in doing a shit is what I thought the competition was going to be. That's the saw trap. I want to play a game. I want to play a game. For too long, you have shit without caring about others.

And your grandmother turns out to be the killer. I mean, but you want that cold brew. Yeah. As your dream. Are you going to play the game at the dream meal? Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if I'm that cold brew. Yeah. Are you going to play the game at the dream meal? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot of fun.

Yeah. Yeah. Especially if I'm eating with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise it's sad, right?

Yeah. It would be very sad otherwise. I love that we've got cold brew on the menu finally as well. Yeah. Nice. It is delicious. I do love a cold brew because our iced coffee for me doesn't give me the same caffeine buzz as a hot coffee. And it just tastes super watered down espresso.

Yeah. So I need my coffee to be hot when I'm buzzing. You all right, James? There's a fly in front of the mic. To drop some bars. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I was like, no, if you hear your dream, then you fly. Your dream desserts. Okay. Also, what was that Oreo milkshake that we were promised earlier? Well, I've changed. I've changed. I'm a new woman now. It's a shame. You like an Oreo milkshake? Yeah. I also love coffee. I mean, an Oreo milkshake is a superior milkshake, especially when they're thick, when you put a spoon in it and then it doesn't move and then there's the extra in the middle Yeah, don't don't don't I always I Unfairly overlook or a flavored things all the time just because they're everywhere So I always skip over it. I don't get it. But every time I do have something like that

I'm like one one. We're not doing this all the time It is so salty so great and and it's the saltiness that makes you want more because it's salty and sweet. When is a drink so thick it's not a drink anymore? Is my question. Definitely not when it comes to Dunkin' Donuts Goldberg. Yeah. When is a drink so thick? I mean, that's bits.

When do bits reach critical mass? Yeah. When the bits take over and then it's no longer a drink. Because a milkshake is not a drink when it's that thick, right? But there's nothing more vile to me than a watery milkshake. No. The one that is like just basically a flavored milk.

Yeah, that's bad stuff. Unbearable. A milkshake is a dessert to me that you can have with the main meal. It's in the ice cream family. It's in the ice cream family. And I've seen a lot of things recently about like best hot chocolates in London and stuff. You have found? No, because they're like they're so thick they're like proper Italian hot chocolates where it's just too rich melted chocolate

And people are eating it with a spoon if you're eating it with a spoon. I don't know hot chocolate. Yeah, it's bonkers Yeah, that's a couple of rich. It's too rich. Yeah, you're not enjoying it. I would say a third in you're no longer enjoying No way. I have a shot of that. Yeah, but I'm having that No, no way. I have a shot of that. Yeah. But I ain't having that. I had a whole mug of one of those once and by the end I felt like that's probably killed me. Like probably. And I feel really bad about that. Let me tell you that thing, it both solidifies inside of you and glues your butt cheeks together. Yeah, that's everything. Yeah, that's the ultimate. Yeah, that's the ultimate move. I did not feel good at the end of it. I felt very regretful and then had to like make all the people who were with me, like

walk to the next place. Is it the noops or which one did you go to? It was a Jamie Oliver place. It was only open for a very short amount of time and not in hill. So I walked up the hill that justified it to me. Yeah. Got the hot chocolate and then was like, Oh dear, sorry, we've got to walk into central London now because I feel that bad about this.

And everyone else like, oh, come on, I don't walk into central London. I was like, guys, I'm not getting the tube. I'm going to die. Anyway, this is the dream dessert. I don't want to get in the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, please. So speaking of the ice cream family to me, ice cream is the superior dessert. It is the best.

I'd say the best ice cream in the world is probably in Australia. Yeah, that out there. I've only only been there once. Just now in Sydney. No, I was there in May, April. Yeah, I saw you there. I saw your show there. That wasn't just now though.

Oh, I guess it's just not in that. Not just now, it was almost a year ago. The festival season just gone. Yes, festival season just gone. Yes, yeah, that was the only time I've been there. Cause I feel like every gelato place in Sydney, their claim to fame is that in a blind taste test, they won over an Italian gelato place from Italy.

Right. Okay. And that's like, that's sort of written above every ice cream place in Sydney. But the gelato is really, really good there. Yes. I would say all Australian ice cream is superior to the point that I have a tattoo of an Australian ice cream called Golden Gay Time. Yes. Which is one of their packaged ice creams. Yeah. Which I think is the perfect. Yes. The perfect ice cream called Golden Gay Time. Yes. Which is one of their packaged ice creams, which I think is the perfect, the perfect ice cream.

And me and Helen Bauer got matching Golden Gay Ice Cream tattoos. I didn't know Bauer had that tat. First tat. Wow. My first, a prawn, all full circle. But yeah, I think the magical symphony that is the flavor of a Golden Gay Time,

and again, coming back, the texture, the fact that it's covered in crumb, a crumb is just such an underrated, we don't talk about crumb enough, but it can really elevate a dish. It can take it from a six to a nine easy. Well, you got essentially feta crumb, right? You got feta crumb earlier on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I love a crumb or like a lamb dish goes well with a crumb as well.

Yeah, it does. When you like bread a rack of lamb. Whoo. Yeah That's a crumb So I'm excited now to see what this is gonna be also because we know that your ideal compliment for desserts It's not too sweet and you've gone for gelato. So is this gonna be like Well, I just said that that's the golden gate. Do you want the golden gate? The answer is the golden gate is your actual dessert. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to go for gelato.

I want a golden gate time. I mean, you've got a goddamn tattoo of it. Yeah, I guess you'd have to. I simply cannot. How many do you want? Golden gate times. You just want one? Oof. I would love to do an eating competition of golden gate times.

I reckon I could do four easy. Yeah. Just in one sitting or Golden Gate. Golden Gate Time ice cream. Yeah. Ice cream cake. Oh yeah. There's nothing better than ice cream cake.

Oh, imagine an ice cream, your birthday party surprise. It's an ice cream cake. Yeah. I'd love it. Oh man. I love that you were like, imagine, and then just told us to imagine something that is perfectly possible. Imagine eating an ice cream cake.

Imagine it's your birthday and you have a cake. That's a surprise. No, because I genuinely hate cake because it's always too dry. It's very rare that a cake is moist enough, but you know what is moist enough? Ice cream cake. Ice cream, yeah, yeah. Oh God, love an ice cream cake. Yeah, ice cream cake's great. I mean, do they do? I'm going to Google Golden Gate Time ice cream cake and see if it exists.

I bet someone does it. It's great. I mean, do they do? I'm going to Google Golden Gate Time Ice Cream Cake and see if it exists. I had some mad ice cream in Australia. Went to a place in Melbourne called Fluffy Torpedo. And all the flavors are weird. I thought that place closed down. All the flavors are deliberately weird, but it was absolutely delicious. What kind of weird? Vegemite and white chocolate.

That sounds delicious. It was incredible. That sounds delicious. It was so good. And that was not too sweet because you got the Vegemite just cutting through the white chocolate, which is normally too sweet for me. Really, really good. This is probably a fact that you guys know, so stop me if you do, but you know that I believe it's Ben from Ben and Jerry. Didn't have a sense of smell, Marina representation. And so his enjoyment of food very much comes from texture.

And the reason why Ben and Jerry's ice creams are always filled with like crackly crispy things is because Ben couldn't smell and he enjoyed the fillings. It's a beautiful story. I don't know if it's true. It feels too convenient, but I like it. I'm choosing to believe it. I'm in fact checking it. I love Ben and Jerry's and that loads of bits.

So actually I have grown up a lot. Yeah, that's true. It's like the, I was told when I was a teenager that the reason they don't play music and Wetherspoons is because JD Wetherspoon was deaf and it's a tribute to him. No. But it simply can't be true because I don't think JD Wetherspoon was a real man. He also hated good beer. So you can't buy a Golden Gate Time Ice Cream cake, but there are tons of recipes. Okay. So if you wanted to make one, there are a lot of options here

of different Golden Gate Time Ice Cream cakes. Oh, can you imagine? Because then it has the crumbs. So that could be, you're imagining right now, because that's the dough bit of the cake. Yeah. The batter. Yeah.

There are many different approaches here. There's a layered up one where it's like cake, ice cream, cake, ice cream, like that. There's one that's like a dome that seems to have like, yeah, the cake and ice cream all together. Kind of have a party with that. There's one that, I mean, they've made it look like an actual Golden Gay time, but it's a cake. And you cut open and it's ice cream. Like it's a cake.

No, it's ice cream in it. It is an ice cream cake. But they made it look like a big golden gate. They made it look like a massive golden gate. I think that's what you're imagining. That's what I would like. That's what I would like. And there was some where they just seem to have chopped up a golden gate on and put it

on top of that. That's cheating. Yeah. But it's a lot of good stuff here. There's a lot of options if you wanted to make it yourself. Yes. But we're making it for you, the dream restaurant. If you, if you, would you like that?

I would quite like that. I would quite like that. With a golden gay time on the side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe like one of those disgusting, like cheesecake factory martinis that are like,

this is our, our play on a golden gay time martini, like an Apple-tini or whatever. A golden gay time martini. Yeah. Like the, you know, cause they make like a gay time martini, like an apple tini or whatever. A golden gay time martini. Yeah. Like the, you know, cause they make like a strawberry cheesecake martini. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. But like, cause you imagine an espresso martini, but imagine you could, you can make it with any sweet really. And so I would have a golden gay time martini. That sounds amazing.

Golden gay tini. You sure, you surely would call it a golden gay tini. Yeah. I like that. I like that a lot. The drink would be incredible because it'd have crumb on the top. Yeah, it's a rim. It's a rim. It's a rim like margarita style. Yeah. Yes. It would be a rim and then a golden gate time stuck on the side of the glass. Yes, of course. Like a lemon wedge. Yeah. Yeah.

It topples over every time. Flintstones car every single time. I'm gonna read your menu back to you now. See how you feel. Okay. Water you would. See how you feel. Okay. Water you would like. Blackcurrant. Now, shortler.

Shortler. There's gonna be a few hurdles for you. Yes. I'm so sorry. Poppies of bread you would like. The dosa from Central Tiffin Room and some cuvasse. Yeah. Starter, prawn cocktail with massive prawns and US style sauce.

Main course. The lamb from Zanied, no, the Zanied from Al-Kaff. Yes. Side dish, Shopska salad. This is, I didn't realize how difficult that was. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

Drink massive Dunkin' Donuts cold brew, followed by the piss challenge. Dessert, Golden Gate Time ice cream cake with a Golden Gate Time on the side and a Golden Gateini. Yes. Love it. Oh God, that's a perfect meal. It's pretty great.

Can I throw in an honorable mention for dessert really quickly? Yeah. There's an incredibly fancy restaurant called Datera in Shoreditch. I don't know, have you been? Yeah, it's lovely. I'm assuming you've been. It's probably one of the best meals I've ever had in my life. But again, gotta mention Ratatouille.

We were eating the three of us, me and my friends, and they served the sweet corn tartlet for dessert, and we all ate it at the same time, and we all nearly burst into tears. I shed a tear because we all immediately thought of the very first time we went to the movies and the smell of popcorn in the carpet in the movie theater. Wow.

And that really brought us back. And it's like that scene in Ratatouille where he remembers his childhood. That's how I felt. Me and my friends do a challenge where we all get a tin of sweet corn. Oh, and then you count the kernels on your ship. We'll see if we can fill the tin back up.

Well, what a lovely way to end that episode. Thank you so much, Olga. Thanks, Olga. Thank you so much Olga. Well, there we are. What a great menu, James. Really delicious menu. Sounded very, very tasty. From all over the world. From all over the world. We heard a lot of stories, a lot of insights into Olga's life. Yes. Couldn't have asked for more.

Couldn't have asked for more. Thank you so much to Olga for coming in. Do check out Olga's social media for details of gigs she's doing, tools. She's up to podcasts. She's done a lot for Radio 4 in the past as well. Olga's new show, Olga Cock Comes From Money, is at London Soho Theatre, December the 3rd to the 21st. Book tickets at sohotheatre.com.

And Olga Cock's new special is on YouTube very soon. She's a busy lady. And she didn't say Buckfast and we really appreciate that. Thank you Olga, appreciate that. Thank you so much. We'll probably go now, will we? Yeah, I think we'll probably go. You know, before we do, I guess a big thank you to our families and friends. Yes, thank you very much. a big thank you to our families and friends. Yes, thank you very much. I'm on tour probably. Yes, go on to edgamble.co.uk. I'm sure I'll be doing more dates of my show.

Hot diggity dog. Hot diggity dog. Fun to say, bye. Goodbye. Hello, my name's Sarah Pascoe. Guess what? I've been on Off Menu a while back. Can't remember what I said. Vegan butter, I think.

Anyway, I'm now going on tour with a new show. It's called I Am A Strange Gloop. The tour starts in June 2025. Come and join me. I might talk about food if that's what you need. Bread or poppadoms. I'll shout stealing content of off-menu. I will probably talk about other things as well and I might not shout bread or poppadoms. Tickets are on sale now at sarapasco.co.uk