Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 273: Rose Matafeo (Christmas Special)

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

Merry festivities! We’re back with our first Christmas special, and our very special guest diner is NZ comedian and ‘Junior Taskmaster’ host, Rose Matafeo. Rose’s new special ‘On And On And On’ is on Max on 19 Dec. ‘Junior Taskmaster’ is on Channel 4, Fridays at 8pm. Watch it here. Follow Rose on Instagram @rosematafeo Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As a FIZ member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month, every month. At FIZ, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at fiz.ca. Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking one of the ingredients of eggnog, adding in the humor of the other ingredient of the eggnog and pouring it into whatever internet that you drink the eggnog in. I don't know anything about eggnog, but I feel like I should should have I'm doing a Christmassy themed intro James. Yeah it's

pretty you know some people would have gone off. Nutmeg? Nutmeg yeah definitely. Nutmeg of the internet. That is it Gamble my name is James Edgaster together we own a dream restaurant Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Every single week we invite in a guest we ask them their favourite ever star and make us dessert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is... Rose Matafayo! Rose Matafayo, a wonderful comedian, writer, director, actor. So many things going on in Rose's life, James. Incredible. And it's a Christmas episode as well. So we'll be asking Rose her dream Christmas

dinner as well. We will. The little extra course in there. Happy Christmas, by the way. Happy Christmas, Ed. Happy Christmas, Benito. Happy Christmas, Benito. Benito gave us a thumbs up didn't even look us in the eye. It's nice of him. Now even though it's Christmas there is a secret ingredient that if Rose picks it we will be forced to kick her out of the dream restaurant. On Christmas. Of all days. We won't feel good about it. No. And this week the secret ingredient is

good about it. No. And this week the secret ingredient is horn dogs. So I don't think, I mean she's not gonna pick it because I don't know what it is. Roasted a show called horn dog. I guess we're thinking that it sounds like hot dog. Yeah, hot diggity dog. And did a show called hot diggity dog of course. Maybe that will come up that you've both done dog shows. Dog shows, yeah. But I mean horn dog essentially is a horny person I think. Yes I think so. But it sounds like a food. Yeah. And look people might get annoyed at this and go well. She's playing with a pickaxe not food. It's Christmas guys It's Christmas come on. It's Christmas relax, and we're running out of secret ingredients What do you want from us anything that sounds like a food now is making it in yeah

The secret ingredient for the entire next series is horn dogs Yeah That's what the secret ingredient section will always be Rose did did a brilliant show called Horn Dog at the Edinburgh Fringe. It won the Edinburgh Comedy Award. Yes, of course. And first time nominated for it and it won. Yeah, incredible. So it can be done, Joe.

It can't be done. It can be done in one. Just get it over with. Full respect to people who do that. In and out. I mean, again you just reveal the schedule of the off-menu podcast we're interviewing two Edinburgh Comedy Award winners today yes let's see how many of my questions of

how did you do it will end up in the edits I love it yeah of course you do yeah I'm in the best position. Yeah, never in the running. Yeah, don't have to worry about it. Very chill about the whole thing. He loves it. Well, look, it's Christmas, so maybe, maybe they will tell me the secrets. Yes, they'll wrap them up. Yeah. The secrets of the awards. Yeah. I'm looking forward to hearing what food Rose picks though, because she's a foodie. She's a foodie, she loves food. Christmas dinner as well. We're going to have, yeah, I like hearing what people have for Christmas dinner each time. It's always a little bit different.

Yeah, and it will be different because what do you have for Christmas dinner in New Zealand? No, that's the South African. So, without further ado, because we don't want him doing that again. What do you want for Christmas dinner in New Zealand? This is the off... In District 9. This is the off menu menu of Rose Matafeo. Rose Matafeo.

Welcome Rose to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you for having me. Welcome Rose Matafeo to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. I'm so happy to be dream restaurants. Thank you for having me. Welcome, most much a fire to the dream restaurant. I'm so happy to be here guys. We've been to lots of restaurants together before. Yeah we have. We've been to lots of restaurants. You seem really annoyed when you said yeah we have. No, I just, there was such an explosive entry that I got overwhelmed. Yes, yeah, yeah. I got overwhelmed.

That's on me. People do get overwhelmed by the genie and that's fine. Yeah, but at least we've met before. Imagine when we have guests on who don't know me. Who don't know you, yeah. They don't like that bit. Yeah, we have been to a lot of restaurants before. Love dining out. Yeah, you're a foodie.

You know what you're talking about. Well, yeah, I guess so I'm a foodie. Do you think I know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I think so. You know what you like. Yeah. Who's not a foodie? Loads of people.

You know, once actually for the very brief, brief spell I was ever on Hinge, one of the, you know, they had to do prompts. You can choose your own prompts. Right. And one of the prompts was a favorite meal. And then the person answered, not a foodie. You got to choose that man. Yeah.

Also you can not be a foodie and still have a favorite meal. Yeah. So not even have a favorite meal. Yeah, to not even have a favourite meal. Just pick something boring that you have every day. But yeah, I mean, you're one of the first people who like, I remember when Google, where's the best place to eat? Like I haven't met anyone who did that before. Really?

But it'd be like, right, we're going for tacos, we have to go and get the best tacos. I feel like that's important to you. Well, that's interesting. Yeah, I think I'm a big, I think they can quite get quite annoying sometimes, especially on holidays where you've got two people like that. I once went on holiday with a couple of my friends and my friend Eddie was the same. And so we would be both on Google Maps, Google reviews, kind of warring as to where to go. But I think, I think the technology, not the technology, but the community of Google reviews

has gotten so much better since back in the day where I do that. And yet, and I feel guilt about this, I have never given back to the community. I have never once read the Google review. Have you guys? No. We can't though, right? Because our names would come up and that'd be quite weird. Are you reading the names?

I'm not reading the names. I'm reading the names. You're reading the names. Oh my God, I'm taking names, I'm taking numbers. I read Google reviews for comfort at night. I go, I will go to restaurants that like I've never been to, have no intention of going to and just read every single review. And just kind of aggregate some sort of scoring or review from all the ones I read.

But I do feel good because I rely on them so much. Yeah, and you're never giving back. I've never really given back. What are you, what's your threshold on Google reviews for a restaurant? Oh, that's a great question. Star-wise. I looked up a place that I had been recently and it got a 2.4. Oh my God.

I was surprised. And you liked it? I didn't mind it, but then the reviews were much more... I think there are different categories of like a bad 2.4. Is that one is like poor food hygiene. Yeah. And there's a second category of like the person who works there has got like, has named in all of these reviews.

It's the best when it's like the woman who wore this and you're like, it's all, you're like, I'm pretty sure that's the same person. Yeah. As was mentioned in the previous one. It's still connecting the dots. Yeah. Building this picture. Like it's, it's a Google review section tells a whole story for sure.

Like there was this particular roast shop where they were like, yeah, that the woman is so rude and you could tell it was the same woman. And then there's the thing where it's like, when they start responding to the bad reviews, that's awesome as well. I had, I looked up the Google reviews for a laundromat, no longer functioning, great laundromat, but the photos that were uploaded were just the laundromat with a car had smashed into the window and from multiple angles.

And I was like, who's uploading that to the Google review section of it? It's just, yeah. But when it's like a long list of bad reviews, like one stars, and they're all about a rude member of staff, that makes me want to go to that place. It's like, I hope I go there and I get that person and I get to see the celebrity, the rude lady. I also think that some of them are smear campaigns. Yeah.

You can tell sometimes because then they'll start responding saying, you're trying to like basically shut down businesses. You can just go and, you know, totally mess up someone's review kind of, you know, score. I've seen that happen before. You can see different account names, like, but giving one star, but they'll use like similar terms of phrase in the reviews. And like, this is the same guy. This is the same guy. He used to go out with the rude lady.

It's like Zodiac Killer giving himself away. Yeah. James is obsessed with Zodiac Killer today for some reason. I'm obsessed with Zodiac Killer in general, but why today? Because there's a new Netflix show. Yeah, I watched that. I watched that. Was it good?

Yeah, love it. He knows he did it. I definitely know who the Zodiac is. I can't stop thinking about it. 4.2 and above for me, I think, stars wise on Google reviews. Do you reckon? Yeah. That's pretty high.

Yeah, well, if I'm looking for someone good, I'm not going below four. Never, if I see 3.9, I'm not going for it. Okay, but then it has to do with how many reviews though, as well, like a 4.2 and a three reviews. Very true, yeah. But if it's got like a thousand reviews and it's 4.2, rock solid.

If it's got a thousand reviews and it's 3.8, I'm still giving it a shot. Yeah, I'm going to go recent. I'm going to go, then I'm going to sort of filter by most recent because it could be that they've gotten better. I'm going to go. No, I think in this country, you've got to go for and above because everyone gives five stars as a default for stuff. How do you feel about the use of the term in this country?

In this country? Yeah, I think it was interesting. Yeah, that was interesting for stuff. How do you feel about the use of the term in this country? In this country? Yeah, that was interesting. Yeah, that was interesting for me. Well, if you let me make my second point, we've all been to Japan this year. They're much harsher markers. Are they? So you can look for a 3.5 and it's going to be an amazing restaurant because you read some of the reviews, translate some of the reviews and they're going, this was excellent. The food was really nice, the service was good, three. Wow.

They're like solid. Okay, so it is different. Right, right, right. That's my use of the term, this country. But they're reviewing it like food critics properly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I've a friend who does that with Uber ratings. You know, everyone else just goes five and that's it.

And unless they're the worst driver in the world, in which case you just don't review them. Yeah. I have a friend who's popular, like, that's a freestyle. What are you talking about? Comments to it. He's like, they have reasons. Yeah. You ask him why have you given that star rating?

He'll say the things that were good, things were bad about it. But is he doing that in the app though? You can't be that specific. No, he doesn't have comments. He just will do the star rating that he thinks is appropriate for the journey. Does he know what his rating is? No, actually. I should ask him what his rating is.

I imagine not great. Yeah, but then they don't know. He could be a really amazing passenger. Yeah, they don't know what he's rating. He's quite a good passenger. Before we start your meal, you have a comedy special coming out. Rose is very excited. What can you tell the listeners about it? It have a comedy special coming out, Rose, it's very exciting. Yes. What can you tell the listeners about it?

It's a comedy special. It's a taped version of a live show I've been doing over the past year. I don't know when it's coming out in this place. This country. This country. Country. This country. This country. Our country.

Yeah. It's a show I've been doing. I did Melbourne and Edinburgh and stuff. And it's honestly just stand up. Last time I did a lot of screens and I was like, I can't be bothered. Do you know what I mean? Like it's just me talking and it turns out that might not be that interesting. This is the worst promo.

What's it called, please? It's called On and On and On. And I guess that's all I've been doing. Junior Taskmaster as well was wrapping up. It's on right now. It's on right now. As you're right now as you're listening to it. Punk kids. Punk kids.

Yeah. I'll say that. There's a lot of punks in there. There's a lot of very precocious kids. But they're all lovely. So that would be awesome. And some very sweet kids as well. It's a good mix of kids.

Very good mix of kids. Very, very much like a Willy Wonka-esque mix of kids. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? But nice versions. So they have it like... Yeah. You know on like regular Taskmaster, they have like, always have an elder statesman.

Yeah. Is there one kid that's like nine or something? It kind of is because it's all from nine to 11, you know, the conspiracy. But I always think that they're like, they all age from nine to 11. I'm like, why did you use those? Wow. Those twins. There was, there was a, that's the funny thing though, when you're a kid and someone's a year older than you, you're like, whoa man, tell me about it. Tell me about the year bomb, dude.

Yeah, so that's all the things I've done. Where can people watch the special? I don't know. Okay. Still lost the hot water. done. Where can people watch the special? I don't know. Okay. Still or sparkling water? Still or sparkling? Still, thank you. That's where I was trying to match your energy there. I would love some still. Yes. Not a sparkling fan? No. Or a big fan of still? I'm a big fan of still. Yeah. No, sparkling makes me burpee. Does remind me of Willy Wonka when he has the fizzy lifting drink.

That's how I feel when I have Sparkling. Also, I once worked- How do you feel about that scene in Willy Wonka? In Willy Wonka, is it a sad scene for you? It's a sad scene because Grandpa Joe absolutely does him the dirty. I really do find that actually quite an emotional scene because Charlie is, he didn't do anything wrong and he gets told off so bad at the end of that. And it's fucking grandpa Joe who's like, let's just do it. And then yeah, and then the roof has to be washed and sterilized and it's a sad, so that probably from a very

young age taught me not to drink sparkling water. Sparkling water reminds you of physio lifting drink, but the telling off that Charlie gets at the end of having fizzy lifting. I don't like getting told off. Yeah. It is a bad thing. It's horrible telling off. I really hate getting told off.

It's the worst. Like big time. I want to make sure everyone knows that I'm in a position where I can't be told off at all times. But when I think of the fizzy lifting drink scene, I'm thinking of them floating in the air doing burps. I'm not thinking of the telling off at the end. I think even as a kid, first time I saw it, I was thinking they're going to get told off

for that. That's bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's bad, man. Yeah, yeah. Especially by Wonka. Getting told off by Wonka, man. Well, that Wonka especially.

I wouldn't care if like Johnny Depp's Wonka was telling me off. Yeah, yeah. You'd be like, come on, mate. You've been up to all sorts of nonsense. 100%. With that Wonka especially. Like I wouldn't care if like Johnny Depp's Wonka was telling me off. Yeah. You'd be like, come on mate. You'd be all sorts of nonsense. 100%. But like, but G mild as Wonka is, you know.

Also grandpa Joe, after you've just seen Violet Beauregard become a blueberry, Augustus Gloop fall into a fucking chocolate river. All of these lessons learned. And he goes, Charlie, come stick back. Let's, let's do something. Yeah. What happens to Mike TV again? He gets shrunk real small.

Yeah. He gets shrunk real small. Yep. And then he has to get stretched, doesn't he? Yeah, that's going to stretch him. He has to go stretch him. He got shrunk real small. He gets put in his mummy's handbag.

But we get to see a big old block of chocolate. That is a good bet. Sorry, I didn't mean to derail the podcast into Willy Wonka chat so early. No, you simply took the podcast in the direction we like it to go. Yeah, I'd love to talk. We haven't actually talked about that film on this podcast. Are you kidding? We have.

So many times. I'd say maybe on 12 episodes, but I don't think we've not delved into the telling off after the fizzy lifting room. I watched it so much as a kid. I love it. I think it's one of my top 10 favourite films. I have actually looked into trying to buy on Etsy the wallpaper, lickable wallpaper. Oh yeah.

How you make it and you can melt down sweets and then paint it. And then, so it becomes, you know, that's a very Rose thing to do. Yeah. What to look into it and then absolutely do nothing about it as well. I have a thousand tabs on it. I'd say definitely the looking into it would take a long time looking into it, imagining how are you going to do it? And then I think you would go as far to do it and post pictures of it and stuff.

I have mentioned Willy Wonka so much in stand up all this. I'm obsessed with his mum and the massive wooden spoon that she makes. She does that laundry soup with, you know? Oh, Charlie's mum? Yeah, Charlie's mum when she sings her sad song. She's got a massive like salad tongue. You remember all the saddest bits from Willy Wonka, don't you? There's a lot of sad sadness in there, I guess.

There's a huge amount of sadness. That and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I think, are really actually truly dark films of the 70s, children's films of the 70s, that have a lot of amazing food moments, but also a lot of sad emotional moments as well. I'm just flying car. Right, that's what I'm remembering. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? You're remembering Child Catcher? Yeah, sure, but he's a laugh, isn't he? No. He's dancing around all over the place. What are you talking about? It's horrible I'm remembering. Chichi bang bang. You're remembering Child Catcher? Yeah, sure. But he's a laugh, isn't he? No. He's dancing around all over the place. What are you talking about?

It's horrible. Come on. Lollipops. Tricotarts. Yeah. When he's like walking around the courtyard, like trying to get the children to come out, that's pretty scary. Yeah.

Yeah. That's awful. Yeah. The king and queen of, they hate children. I kind of like them to be honest. Yeah. I'm fine with them. She's hot. She's hot. Have you seen her recently?

No. Recently? You look at her now. I've recently seen a video of her. You've got to check it out. Yeah. Yeah. All right. As a little tip for you guys listening, go and check out the Queen from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. You'll see those outfits today in summers. It. Got corset on, long plaits. That's crazy. So yes, still please, still, because sparkling

was so bad for your teeth. Yes, so we keep hearing, but I feel like now and again it's probably fine. Oh yeah, for a treat. For sure. What temp do you want this still water? Okay, I wasn't really, yeah, I didn't know there would be a follow up question. You know what, just a little bit above room, I didn't know there would be a follow-up question. You know what?

Just a little bit of buff room. I do love a cold water though, but again, is it bad for the health? Do you think cold water is bad for the health? Yeah, really cold water because you're heating it up in your body. Like it should be room temp. I really think if you're worrying about that, how are you getting through life, right? You're worrying about that, you're trying to, you know, you're taking your son's blood or whatever to...

Yeah. I don't know, like whatever that tech billionaire does. Yeah. He's not, that guy's not drinking cold water. He's not drinking cold water. No way. So you root him. Yeah, yeah. And he's harvesting his son's plasma.

Yeah. That poor son. That poor son. What a life. What's he going to do when he's older? Upload his brain to a USB or something. Yeah, that's true. Leave his body to his dad.

I can't wait for the brain USBs. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. I'm really, I'm not only can't wait, I'm relying on them. Yeah, yeah's true. Leave his body to his dad. I can't wait for the brain USBs. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. I'm really, I'm not only can't wait, I'm relying on them. Yeah, yeah. Sure. I'm relying on them to come through with that tech. How are you going to, what are you going to save bits of your brain? Well, I think it's more San Junipero kind of black mirror vibe of like, pop me in a

simulation for the rest of time. Pop my brain on the USB. What simulation would you want to be in? Oh shit. Where would you want to be? That's a good question. Is it somewhere you've never been before or is it a happy time in your life? Probably somewhere I've never been.

So it doesn't feel like Groundhog Day. So, um... Chocolate Factory? Supermarket. I'd have been to a supermarket, but that'd be great. Just be in a supermarket for the rest of time. No, I don't know. Yeah, that's a good question. Not the Chocolate Factory? No. Not the chocolate factory. You don't want to go there?

I don't want to get told off. Yeah. This is your simulation. You don't have to be told off. You could be wonker. I could be wonker. I'm scared of being told off. Not if you're wonker, although you're constantly worried about slugs. It's a factory Ed. There are rules. Not in that factory. I don't want to go to a factory. Of course there's rules in that factory. There's no rules in that factory really. He's making up stupid rules. If there's no rules, why is he telling people off Ed?

Yeah, because he's got a problem that guy. But when Rose is Willy Wonka in her brain simulation... The whole factory is going to run out of control. It's going to go nuts because there's no rules. There has to be some order for there to be some fun. Okay? There you go. That's the most Rose Matt rose matter first I've ever heard in my life. I think I come unprepared. Yeah. Poppadoms. Poppadoms. Why poppadoms over bread? I don't think of you as anti-bread. I'm not anti-bread. I mean, I mean, I, I love putting a carb against a carb. I quite often, I'm poll people on bread versus rice. I mean, I love putting a carb against a carb. I quite often

I'm poll people on bread versus rice. So if you were to choose one for the rest of your life, would you choose? It was bread, obviously. Rice man. I didn't realize there was a right answer. There is a right answer. Yeah, there is. I also do it my rank. I've done your rank your meats question to you as well. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good one. But with poppadoms and bread, poppadoms man, the crunch, the taste, the salt, the volume, the amount you can eat. It's just, yeah, no question. If you're in a restaurant and someone brings out a plate of poppadoms, you're like thrilled. You're like, can I have more? Bread is like... Depends what restaurant though. If you have an amazing bread, it's exciting.

Yeah, but the spectrum of bad bread to good bread is much wider, I think, than a bad poppadom to a good poppadom. That's true. I think it's much more consistent. Yeah. Are you dipping anything with the poppadoms? I'm not, I'm laying. I'm laying stuff on top.

I can't dip too weak. Yeah. It depends on the quality of the poppadom really, but I'm going a mango chutney. Mango chutney, then the writer. On top of the mango chutney? Yeah. So you're sort of piling, you're piling. I'm piling.

And then maybe if I'm feeling insane, a tiny sliver of the onion one. But not now. Not at this age. Not at this age. What's happened at this age? Onions, man. Onions. Not your friend.

I've recently been diagnosed with silent acid reflux. What's happened at this age? Onions, man. Onions. Not your friend. I've recently been diagnosed with silent acid reflux. Have you? This is an exclusive for the podcast. Here we go. It's never happened before. This is like when Stephen Fry went on her elastopor. This is the emotional bit that you clip up.

I have been recently diagnosed with silent acid reflux at the tender age of 32, which is a form of acid reflux where I don't get heartburn, but it goes all the way up and it has given me mild laryngitis for years now, apparently. So silent acid reflux? Yeah. But deadly. Silent but deadly. Silent but deadly, because it's not giving you heartburn, so you don't know you have it.

So it's fine then? No. Ah, you can't allow it in China? It gives you laryngeal, it gives you acid reflux in the night and stuff, so I gotta have Gaviscon, which is, I cannot stand this stuff, it's terrible. I just wanna nail down, if it's giving you acid reflux, but you're not feeling it.

I'm feeling it. Right. But not unlocking the heartburn. Okay. So it's silent in the sense that heartburn is usually the biggest symptom of acid reflux. Right. Which I have not experienced.

So what are your symptoms then for acid reflux? Are you doubting? No, I'm not. I'm saying I'm trying to nail down. I don't know what the other symptoms are. So you said you're feeling it. How do you feel it? Coughing in the night.

Coughing, okay, thank you. Post-nasal drip. Post-nasal drip. Constant, relentless, mild laryngitis. Yes, thank you. Do you want a note? I got a note recently sent from the doctor. Silent acid reflux. Well, it means that I have to stop eating late and figuring out what your triggers are. It's sad, isn't it? Yeah.

I can't do onions. And onions are a real trigger for that. I think onions and garlic, isn't it? Yeah. It sucks, man. What was the final thing that made you go to the doctors? I've got to sort this problem out. This silent, but you didn't know it's a reflex at the time.

Well, I completely lost my voice after a run of shows. And so I went to the, and in that, yeah, I went to an ENT doctor and he put the camera down my nose. Oh, no. I saw my vocal cords, saw my throat. That was pretty freaky. Do you put a camera down your nose? Yeah, really good question. Back into your nose? Because I guess you go back and down, don't you?

Back and down, back and down to the throat. But you go, do you go up and back and down? It's up and back and down. It's up and back and down. He did say that. He did say that he was doing it. He was like, up and back and down. Up and back and down. Let's get into your menu proper.

Okay. Dream starter. Okay. You're so crazy. Can I just say this? I don't believe in starters. Yeah. Good on you. I don't believe. I knew that you were... I mean, look. I'm not so familiar with this. I don't believe in starters. Yeah. Good on you. I don't believe. I knew, okay, so I knew that you were, I mean, look, I'm not so familiar with this. We've had starters. We've had starters before together.

Yeah, I know. I know. And I think starters are... You didn't hear you fucking complaining then? I think starters, oh, I'm not complaining because it's food. It's more food. Yeah. Starters, I think, are a stuffy remnant of restaurant culture where it's like, oh, I have my little starter and then I have a man. Fucking bring it all out, man. I don't want a little goddamn, it's always a terrine or some shit, you know, like I don't

care. It's always a terrine. It's always a terrine. It's always a scallop, maybe. Yeah, I just, I think starters as a thing, I, scallops are nice. Yeah. I heard that. Scallops are actually nice. Yeah.

But yeah, I think for me, genuinely, because I would prefer to eat as much as I can as fast as I can. Sure. I think pacing myself, that's where I fuck myself. So I, as my starter, I choose a Japanese wax figure of food. Okay? So I'm choosing wax. I can't answer any more questions. You've been in, now you have been into these things for a long time. Wax or resin?

When did you get into the wax foods and watching videos of them on YouTube. So, probably from a long time ago, I think that Werner Herzog actually did a straight, like did a documentary clip about this that was on early YouTube. Since then, a lot more content is on YouTube about the Japanese art of making fake food. You guys would know this, you both have been to Japan this year.

Also I'm married to my wife. This is true, I've seen it happen. And also we have a big melting wax ice cream on our mantelpiece from Japan. Well, they have, wax is sort of an old school version. I think this is a resin maybe. This is resin, yeah. So the most popular YouTube video is watching people make lettuce and wax, but it's just,

it's honestly one of the most beautiful things to watch. It brings a tear to the eye. Are these the same things that, so there's a video that my wife, Charlie, watches a lot and is like, I'll come watch this video again. Amy Sedaris is obsessed with fake food and has a whole house full of fake food. And Charlie shows that to me as if like, oh, this is what I want to be. I want to be this lady. I'm like, I don't see anyone else living with that lady.

I would live with Charlie. I've got that in common massively. But fake food is so exciting., oh, it's so exciting. I mean, for those who don't know what I'm talking about, it's in Japan, right? Instead of like menus, sometimes in the windows, you'll make fake versions of the meals and they're just so accurate. Right? It's insane.

They used to do it out of wax, now they do it out of plastic. But yeah, the process is absolutely incredible. There's whole, like there's districts in Tokyo where all of the shops just sell those things. And it is fun to look around at them. I do like it. And I really like the, I like the pint glasses with the beer pouring into it. I really like that one. Can we, can we talk about for one second, the damn bowl of ramen noodles with the chopstick

going up and down outside of restaurants? There's one in London. I think there's one in London. There is, in West London. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Outside Japan, the Japan store. Yeah. Yeah. There's one in London. I think there's one in London. There is, in West London. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Outside Japan, the Japan store. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like the, I can't remember where it is now.

You two might remember. There's a statue of a boy running away from a dog and the dog's pulling his trousers down and you can see his butt. No. There's a statue outside a restaurant. No, it's not cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't see that statue. That was great. We went back there. Did you guys go to the Cup Noodle Museum in Osaka? No. You've been there. That's cool. to the Cup Noodle Museum in Osaka? No. You've been there. That's cool. You can make your own cup noodle. Yeah.

What did you put in yours? Corn, spring onions, mushrooms, maybe. I didn't, I never ate it though. No, you prefer a fake one. I did get a candle. I did get a candle that looked like a cup noodle. Well, there you go. Another wax food.

100%. So yeah, if someone brought out a cup noodle looking candle, wax candle for my starter, I'd be like, that's really it. So hang on. So we've discussed it now. So now I need to wrap my head around this. You don't want to start it to the extent you'd rather just look at something that looks like food that you can't eat.

I want a novelty. You want a novelty? I want to, yeah, a favour, a party favour. So you're taking this home with you? Yeah. Yeah, okay. And what is the food again? The wax?

Yeah, that's a really good question. Maybe just a lettuce. A head of lettuce. So not even something that would be a good starter. I think though, have you ever seen Rose watch these videos? No, I'm not sure. I've seen Rose watch these videos and I'd say it's as much pleasure as people get from having a starter. Because...

Wow, I know. I saw it once. Yeah. You were sitting there with your hands folded across your chest. And every time they made a different food, Rosa go, lettuce? It's a cucumber? Pickle? I just would say it to herself and it was calming and really to see that she's in a very happy place watching it.

So do you want them to bring it out and it's made or do you want someone to come out and make it in front of you? That's a great question. Yeah, that's actually true. I want to see it. To be honest, maybe I just want a YouTube video. I want an iPad. No, this is a dream restaurant. We can true. I want to see it. Yeah. To be honest, maybe I just want a YouTube video. I want an iPad. Well, no, this is a dream restaurant. We can bring you out an expert on it.

I can get the guy. Yeah, you can get the guy to make it in front of you and then you can sit there and silently go, ladies. You know what I've upgraded to? I've upgraded to a YouTube account called DancingBacons. It was a man who goes around and goes to the most interesting like vending machines all around the world. And it's all point of view. And he has not one negative review of any of the foods that he eats. So like my favorite ones are when he goes on like a Japanese overnight ferry and he

only can eat from the vending machines. It's very silent. And it's just so it's the most, it's like a brain, it's like the washing of my brain to watch a man order things from a vending machine? Just eat it and enjoy it. Oh man. Yeah. So, but I think for the purposes of the restaurant, I want to see a man come out, give me a full

lettuce, chop it in half. I want to see the cross section. And then I want everyone to clap. Everyone? Who else is there? I don't know. A round table. A crowd. A crowd has gathered. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I want everyone to clap. Everyone. Yeah. Who else is there? I don't know. A round table. A crowd. A crowd has gathered. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Of course the crowd has gathered. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then we see you make the knife hot. Cut through the lettuce. There you go. And that's your starter. Hard to beat. I don't want to

say it early, but hard to beat. Your dream main course. Will this be food? It will be. Oh, it will be. Oh, it will be food. There will be food. Okay. So main course.

Now people find this difficult, right? Choose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because there's so many like different, I guess you could be like, oh, it's the last meal I ever want to eat or the thing I want to eat the most of if I could eat the most of it and not, you know, it not affect me. But I think for me thinking about this, I'm going to say all you can eat

Yamcha restaurant. So I want to talk about this. Well, this is your platform. Cause in this country, Yamcha, no longer, well in London, Yamcha restaurants don't really exist as much. Dim Sum does. Yeah. But Yamcha with the full trolley service. Right.

Is something that in New Zealand is still a massive thing. Yeah. But here. And in China. Shout out China. Shout out to China. Yeah. OGs on the Yamcha.

So it's basically New Zealand and China do this thing. We don't know who did it first. There's no way of proving it. It's pretty much like the Pavlova. We don't know who did the Yamcha restaurant first. So yeah, I find it interesting. I think I've heard tell of a restaurant called New World Restaurant in Chinatown back in the day, which was Yamcha.

But I think it's possibly, yeah, I was trying to think of like, what's my favorite dining experience and how do I like eating food? And I think I like eating food, having lots of different options. I really struggle to choose on a menu. You'll know this probably as well. I mean, you both know this. I don't. I will eat whatever the other person's eat.

You know, I want to mix and match. But yum cha is perfect because it's small bits of every single delicious thing. So the trolley comes past. Trolley comes past. And are they taking you through what's on the trolley? Oh yeah. That's part of the experience. Take you through the whole, the whole trolley.

Take me through the whole trolley. We're going to the dumplings trolley. Dumplings trolley. Yeah. I'm getting a prawn and chive. Okay. Getting it just a normal prawn. A prawn and coriander, underrated.

Probably a pork shumai. Yep. Uh, probably those logs, those rice rolls. underrated, probably a pork shumai. Yep. Probably those logs, those rice rolls that have the prawns in it. Nice. Then we go to the more adventurous trolley, which usually Yamcha restaurants, if they come across your table of confused white people, they're like, we're not going to show you this. This trolley is not for you.

This trolley is not for you. And I respect the hell out of that. This is the chicken feet trolley. This is the chicken feet trolley, which I do get. I do get chicken feet. Sometimes they're nice. Sometimes they're a bit too gelatin not for you. This trolley is not for you. And I respect the hell out of that. This is the chicken feet trolley. This is the chicken feet trolley, which I do get. I do get chicken feet. Sometimes they're nice. Sometimes they're a bit too gelatinous for me. I eat chicken feet and I don't know whether I eat chicken feet because I like chicken feet or I want to show off that I'm eating chicken feet.

I think it's always the latter. It is always the latter. But it's, it's that, yeah, there's some hardcore stuff on that trolley that I don't know if I am. What else is on the hardcore trolley? What are, tripe sometimes, eh? Yeah, I love tripe. Do you like tripe? I genuinely like tripe, yeah.

Yeah, I think it's really- I haven't had tripe in a long time. I mean, it's, I have tripe at, when we go for hot pot as well. Always have a bit of tripe, maybe some chicken feet there as well. But tripe at Mountain, the restaurant Mountain that we went together. Oh yeah, we had tripe. That tripe was really good. That was tripe, yeah, of course it was the last time I But tripe at Mountain, the restaurant Mountain that we went to together. Oh yeah, we had tripe. That tripe was really good. That was, yeah, of course it was the last time I had tripe.

And they put like, they put pork in there and stuff. They really worked really hard on it and they take out a lot of the farmyardy stuff. And people were really impressed that we ate that tripe. Tripe's another one where you're like, yeah, you're damn right I'm eating tripe. Who was impressed? What, the staff? No, no. Well actually, Charlie wasn't impressed. Wasn't Charlie impressed? No, she thought it was disgusting. Disgusting, right? Yeah, no way. Well actually, Charlie wasn't impressed. Wasn't Charlie impressed?

No, she thought it was disgusting. Yeah, yeah. I think Nish thought it was disgusting. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, what other meats are there? Like there's always like, it's always big bony things, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything grisly and a bit, yeah.

Yeah. But you probably won't go for that trolley on the Dream Menu. You're thinking stick with the Dim Sum trolley. I'd go with a lot of, no, I'd probably be adventurous. A lot of the Dim Sum, a dim sum, I'd try the meats. I would just go, I'd just go hard, I think. I'd be more adventurous with the desserts. You know, the ones that would be like a square of jelly

with chickpeas in it. And you're like, hell yeah. I know, that's not for me. Is that for your main course as well, the dessert trolley from the yum cha? Really good question. Okay, so what would you classify an egg tart at a yum cha restaurant?

Is that dessert or is that a savoury? Are you having it at the end of the meal? No, sometimes in the middle. Cause sometimes the egg tarts, right? You never know when they're coming out, cause they come out in batches. And so you have to get them quick. So I will get them mid meal sometimes. You know what I mean?

I'm normal and good. Yeah, yeah. Just you're tackling some poor woman on a cart pushing the egg tarts. You're in the door. They've not seated you yet. Give me the fucking egg tarts! Free fricking plates of egg tarts. Yeah, but you have to.

You have to put in orders early. Yeah. But I'd say it's a, it's a, it's a, like, it's not like a pastel diner because every culture has its custard version of a custard tart, right? That's true. But I think the Chinese custard tart or the Chinese big tart. On New Zealand. On New Zealand, we don't know.

We don't know where it is. We still haven't nailed this down. It can be both. It's savory enough to be both. Yeah. I think we're not going to pick you up on it because I think the idea of having this entire yum char experience, the dessert comes as part of that. It's another trolley food. So of course you can throw dessert in there for your main.

What's amazing about a Yum Cha restaurant is that it's like so easy to get food and it's impossible to get a Coke. Like, you know, you'll be like, are you ordered, you'll order, like, oh, you get all the Jasmine tea one, it's awesome. And then you'll just like want one glass of Coke and that will come at the end of the meal because like they're just like, I don't fucking, we're fucking busy. We're just making all of this food for you. So B.Y.O.

All of those dumplings sound amazing. They sound good. What are your favorite dumplings at Yum Cha? I mean, Sous Mie. Yeah. Pork and Prawn, yeah. Pork and Prawn, yeah, of course. I'm really getting into those rolls though.

Any soup dumplings. Oh, sorry. Soup dumplings. Soup dumplings? Yeah. I'm an idiot into those roles though. Any soup dumplings? Oh sorry! Oh, soup dumplings. Soup dumplings? Yeah. I'm an idiot. Obviously soup dumplings.

Don't beat yourself up man. No, because in New Zealand. Where they were invented. Where they were invented. No, we actually, soup dumplings are much less common as they are here and I think Chinatown in London has so many amazing soup dumplings. So I've gotten way more into them and, oh my God, they're good. What's your technique?

Um, very gentle, very gentle prod off the paper. Sometimes I like to go from both angles. So pull up the dumpling and then pull away with the paper with my other, you know, hand and then straight in. Straight in, you're not puncturing. And bites the top off. Quite often bite the top off or puncture a little hole in the top

to release some of the steam in the spoon. And then obviously if it bursts, that's fine. You're still containing it within the spoon or maybe put a little bit of the vinegar and soy in the spoon and then dumpling in. So you're giving it a little bath and you're cooling it down at the same time. Little hole, all in.

I think you- You're just going straight in. I'm going straight in like a little water balloon. Yeah. I kind of like it because you can, yeah, you feel like explode in your mouth. Also you different restaurants, you know, which ones come hot and which ones don't. I think certain ones like the, uh, dumpling legend, they come a little bit, not burning hot, so you can put the whole thing in. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a good shout out. Spicy ones. Then they're awesome at the moment. Shout out to Dumpling Legends. Oh, so good. So good. And they, some of these restaurants in Chinatown know how to get you in and out quickly.

And that is it. That's maybe why I've chosen Yumchar as well. Is like speed. You don't have to like talk to people that much. They're shouting at you going, do you want this? And you're like, I want it. And that's it. And then you go go put it on a fricking thing. And it's, and it's a, you know, you can go to lots of bougie restaurants now that like get you to like tick things on menus, which I kind of

hate when you actually have to like, still physically do you have to talk to the person? You know, there's kind of doesn't actually. And you've got to make a decision by ticking. If you've confronted by a trolley, you're just going like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're done. And it's too late to change it once it's done. And also not knowing the price is awesome because it always like, because you're going with enough people that it always does come out okay in the end. So it takes away that horrible stress of when you're sharing, you can't, at a yum cha you can't be like, oh, I didn't have the fucking chicken's feet or whatever. Because you know, you just got,

you're all in. Get over it. Get over it. And then you got a table that turns around as Lady Susan. Yeah, that's good. I don't know. It's, it's good stuff. But yeah, I do think I really enjoy the sort of efficiency of a Yamcha restaurant. Yeah.

I've any like Chinese restaurant in Chinatown, like especially the dumpling places where you're like, I am so hungry and you can go from the hungriest you've ever been to the fullest you've ever been and paid and out the restaurant in 10 minutes. Yeah, 100%. I went somewhere the other day, they're like, we're closing in 10 minutes and we're just like, okay, this is this and then just came out and we're like, five minutes time and you're like, this is amazing. Because this is your dream restaurant.

Yeah. Obviously you've got three different trolleys coming around. Yeah. Who do you want pushing each trolley? Oh my God. I know someone that you should want from something you've already mentioned in the podcast. The Ghost of Gene Wilder. Yeah.

Well, he's on desserts. So there you go. That's another film you've already mentioned in the podcast. How much you love watching them on terrestrial television. Oh, Harry Potter, Alan Rickman. What? That old lady on the, anything from the trolley. That old lady.

Oh my God. That is, that is too obscure to expect Rose to immediately know what you're talking about. I'll tell you one person you should have said straight away. More? I mean from the ghost of Jim Wilder to then the ghost of Ellen Rickman and then eventually to anything on the trolley. Now what's happening with her? Is she still with us? Is she still with us?

She's hot, look her up now. She's crazy. She was in the Cursed Child as well and that's the most recent installment of stuff. She goes nuts in the Cursed Child. Who played a Benito? Who played anything from the trolley? Anything from the trolley, dears. Gene Southern.

What else has she done? And is she still with us? Is she still with us? She's 97. Beautiful. Respect. And she's still doing what? Eight shows a week in the Cursed Child?

Yeah. And I'm going to call her, Han, Gene, we need you at the restaurant tonight. It's retired, but she can still push the trolley for you. No, she deserves some time selecting from the trolley. So she's on the round table. She's in the restaurant with me. If you're thinking of people who've been good at pushing trolley, so you name

me one person is better than her. Yeah, that's true. I would love maybe sort of in a punk style prank kind of show, like it's lots of people, like celebrities, but they're dressed up as like, you know, young child waiters. If someone revealed themselves to be a celebrity and you thought they were a normal young child waiter, who would you be most excited to see when they took the wig off?

They're wearing a wig? Yeah. 100% wearing a wig. And a beard maybe. We know anything from the trolleys in, right? You're letting anything from the trolley wig? Yeah. 100% wearing a wig. And a beard maybe. Yeah. We know anything from the trolleys is in, right? You're letting anything from the trolley in? Yeah, she's in.

She wants, she's in. Do you want to have some Harry Potter, Wizarding World, like chocolate and stuff in there? Some chocolate frogs and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just on the side. Sweet dumpling in the shape of a frog. That'd be great.

Not bad. I think, okay, if I got to be surprised by a celebrity, maybe just like Ben Shepard or something. I don't know. I don't know, like someone quite funny that would be like surprising. Is Ben Shepard your like holding pattern for a celebrity? If you can't think of celebrity, Ben Shepard's in there. I think so.

Or maybe any of the hosts of Escape to the Country. Okay. So all of the people who are bridging the trolleys are people who have hosted episodes of escape to the country. But they're in disguise. But they're in disguise. Yeah. And they're expecting me to recognize them, but I possibly won't.

Especially if the first one takes off the disguise and you're like, Oh, you, I think you, I think I know you. Hosts escape to the country. The next one is going to be even less surprising at this point. So disappointing for them. They're so nondescript. It cracks me up. I don't even know how many of them they have. I couldn't tell you who they are. Could not tell you their names, their like how many, like, but there's so many of them.

Who are they? Who are they? Are they radio presenters? Are they real estate agents? I don't think they're all real estate agents. No, I don't think I've ever watched it. Have you not? No. I think it's, I watched a lot of it. I watched a lot of it. I watched a lot of British television daytime TV.

Yeah. Did you start doing that when you first moved here to, did you feel like you're assimilating by watching it? To this country? To this country. Yeah. I watched a lot of pointless, a lot of, back in the day where there was, it was still, what was that, on where they'd send teenagers overseas and the parents would like be spying on them.

Snog married. It was something like- No, it wasn't. Sorry. It was, um, son sex and suspicious parents. Son sex and suspicious parents! That was it. Yeah.

Yeah. That's how I simulated myself into this culture. And to be honest, it's worked. Yeah. It's pretty good. Yeah. Served me well simulated myself into this culture. And to be honest, it's worked. Yeah, it's pretty good. Served me well. Served me well, but escaped to the country, a place in the sun, you know, all of that. I watch a lot of that.

Yeah. So they're pushing the trolleys. They're pushing the trolleys. So people in daytime British television just stick to trolleys. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Krikstank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more

at store.google.com. Now, because it's Christmas special, we're going to do your bonus course for your Christmas dinner. This is going to piss you guys off because you guys are from this country. Yeah. Okay. So I'm from New Zealand and it's on the other side of the world, a different hemisphere at Christmas time.

It's summer. Yeah. We're talking summer salads and we're talking ham, a big old glazed ham. Nice. It's a green salad, an egg salad, chop suey and taro, which is a salmon food, which my dad would make, roast potatoes. So you were still throwing roast potatoes in there? Yeah, weirdly. Yeah. Still roast potatoes.

But they would go quite well. Are they a little bit like colder? Would you have like a colder roast potato to go with the salad? No, we'd usually have lamb. Warm lamb, hot roast potatoes, but then lots of cold elements as well. So it's a bit of a mishmash to be honest. To me, this sounds better. I prefer this even on a winter's day. Do you reckon? In England, yeah, because I find the roast dinner quite a difficult thing to approach

really. Yeah. What do you guys think about, turkey is not a thing in New Zealand. It's not a thing. Turkey is just not a thing. Like not a Christmas thing. I must have blown your mind the first time you saw a turkey. What kind of thing to be honest.

It was like, this thing is huge. Yeah. I, yeah, no turkey for me. I don't really. I eat, I don't really like turkey. I don't really like turkey. I don't really like turkey. I don't really like turkey. I don't saw a turkey. Kind of did, to be honest. It was like, this thing is huge. Yeah. Yeah, no turkey for me. I don't really...

I don't mind turkey. Through tradition, I like cold turkey. Yeah. I like making sandwiches from it. I like making curries from it. On the day, it's not my favorite thing. Yeah. More about the sundries, the trimmings, the stuffing, all of that.

Roast carrots, roast parsnips. So those are the things, yeah, no roast carrots, no that roast kind of culture. We still have gravy though, for the lamb and roast potatoes. But it's, you know, so Christmas desserts would be very different, like Christmas pavlova, you have to have that. I'd make jelly for the family Christmas. Nice. Love a jelly.

And then fruit salad. And you make that each year? Yeah, it was my responsibility each year to make the jelly from a young age. What flavour? We go raspberry, we go to orange, lime and a blackcurrant. Four jellies, you're doing four jellies? Four different jellies. Wow.

Controversially though, I would do them all differently, separately. And then when I moved to this country, when I would go back, Aunty Jeanette had started doing the jelly. Oh. They gave Jeanette the jelly. They gave Jeanette the jelly. And what Aunty Jeanette started doing, she started doing a layered jelly. So it was all the flavors in a mold.

And so you get all the flavors and everyone's like, this is amazing. I'm like, I don't think that's... Jeanette needs to wind a fucking machine. Jeanette! God bless Jeanette. She's the best. But then Nan, Nan started doing this mental one where she started doing orange jelly and putting Mandarin segments in it.

That's great. I'm on board with that. That's 80s, isn't it? Yeah, that's proper 80s. It's quite refreshing to be fair. Yeah, I think that's great. Maybe I'll do that this Christmas. Well, don't also don't start trying to do things that other people do after you've complained

about it. No, everyone likes it now. So I'm going to do it.'t start trying to do things that other people do after you've complained about it. No, everyone likes it now. So I'm going to do it. I'm going to do the orange jelly. So that's that's sort of the rundown of my Christmas meal. Any fish? No, weirdly not. I come from a very fishy family.

So my grandmother fishes and my uncle and stuff, but no, sometimes marinated fish, raw fish like in coconut cream and stuff. My nan makes a really good marinated fish, like delicious, because she catches it fresh and yeah, it's really good. What kind of fish? Usually snapper or teraki, but yeah, usually snapper is what we'd use for our... That sounds so delicious. She actually uses full cream instead of coconut cream, which is quite intense, but quite delicious.

And then like little chopped up peppers and spring onion and all of that. I think this sounds like a lovely Christmas meal. Like a bit, sort of a bit of everything really. It is a real, it's a real smorgasbord of stuff, but it's, I do prefer that kind of thing for Christmas. Like it is an interesting thing to be here for Christmas where I can understand a roast meal is like very comforting. Yeah.

But, um. But the rest of the a roast meal is like very comforting. Yeah. But the rest of the days are right off. I mean, I like the option of being able to go like, I'll have some meat and then I have some salad and then you feel lighter, you feel happier for the rest of the day. Christmas day is basically, we eat at like two, three o'clock and then the next five hours is me praying I go to the toilet so I can have some dinner. What are your thoughts on breakfast on Christmas Day? Cause I'm very anti-it.

I like it. I guess it's the starter of the... Exactly. You just want one and done. I just want one and done. I want one and done, man. We have ham for breakfast. Oh yeah.

We have the glazed ham with eggs and toast for breakfast. Oh yum. Yeah. Salmon. Lots of people have salmon here. Yeah. Salmon's always an option, but I like going all meat all day. Wow. Absolute nightmare, gastrically.

A nut roast? What? I don't know, for the vegans or whatever. Sure. There ain't no vegans around my house at Christmas. Not the Gamble house. Like it all in the garden, gathered round a zebra. Your dream side dish.

If I'm going to say, I don't believe in starters, do I have to say I don't believe in sides? Yeah, I'm just saying it. Yeah, this is your... No, you don't have to. Cause you've already said like with your... It might attack you. And you just have to defend yourself. With your Christmas meal, it's like loads of sides, isn't it?

And you like sharing and you like getting involved and having a taste of everything. So sides, surely should be right up your story. I would have a whole meal full of sides. Cause I'm wanting a potato. If I see a side, I do gravitate towards a side menu. I think especially when we go to places where it's like, obviously we'll get all of the sides. There's just four things.

It's like bread, olives, potatoes, some sort of green. I want all of those. Olives aren't a side, are they? No, it's not a side, sorry. Crazy, crazy places you've been going to. Massive olives. Wait, so do they have to be sides of the yum cha meal? No, they can be whatever you want.

It's your dream meal. Okay. If you want them to be sides of the yum cha meal. If you've had a side dish that is like, that's the best side dish ever. You can have more wax stuff. We're not going to stop you from doing that. Maybe I have that. I think we are. What?

I think we are going to stop doing that. Because then where do we stop with this? That's true. Someone just come in and have a whole wax menu. Well, no one else is going to do it. Yeah, that would unravel the entire sort of point of this podcast. If you just said, I want that wax. Do you like Madame Tussauds?

I have been twice. Don't know if I like it. It's pretty freaky. If you just said, I want that wax. Do you like Madame Tussauds? I have been twice. Don't know if I like it. It's pretty freaky. Do you want to see them get made? 100% get made. Yeah, yeah. It does freak me out, but they have gone through a re,

they've done a redo of Madame Tussauds, but we actually did go to a very funny wax museum once. We did in Dublin. Yeah, the worst one. The most awful wax museum I've ever seen. So funny. Very, very bad. It's kind of popular for being the worst one. The most awful white museum I've ever seen. So funny. Very, very bad. It's kind of popular for being the worst though, isn't it?

Yeah. I feel like Jonathan Hockerick there was like- Ironically good. No, not ironically bad, no. There's just one big room at the end where they're just like gone, we don't know how to theme this room. So it was like Mr. Freeze,

Colin Farrell from Alexander, David Bowie. It's just a huge room. Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze, yeah. None of them look like any- Surely It's just huge room. Mr. Freeze. Yeah. None of them look like any. Surely you're just going Arnie. Just go Arnie and don't put all your eggs in the Mr. Freeze basket. How's full on Mr. Freeze?

I think they tried to do Arnie and it went wrong even by their standards and then they had to turn it into Mr. Freeze. It is spray, gotta care spray paint. Yeah. Why have you made Arnie Silver by accident? Oh, thank God. He's Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze now.

Okay, so sides, sides. I mean, I just want to go with potatoes really, like potatoes every way. Every way. Potatoes every way. I don't think we've had potatoes every way before. Yeah. No, not every way. Feels like it should be another trolley.

It's a potato trolley. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. That's fine. But this is the side trolley of potatoes. And I'm going to make you rank them. Rank them? Okay, out of five? Top five potatoes.

Top, dolphin? Is that one? We're starting with one and going down to five, are we? That's a good, that's the idea. Well, no, but I think that's how, like, people have to do it on the spot. That's true. So cut all of this out and go backwards.

On the spot you can't go five to one. Yeah to one You can on the spot you could go reverse order knowing where you're heading with it all Yeah, that's nuts on the spot. You would know what number five is rather than going with here's my favorite And then I'd say I like this one No, you just go quiet for five minutes and then come back my five to one matches five. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay Very thin french fries is for you're gonna freak out He's to panic when he gets to two because he'll go with my rankings all over the... Yeah, he'll fucking panic. Very thin French fries, four.

Three. Yeah, three is dauphinoise. Yeah. Two. Two is boulanger. The hell's boulanger? It's a bread. Sort of like...

Jesus. It's sort of, well, they used to make them in bakers when the ovens were cooling down, that's what they would make in patisseries in France. Well baked potato? No, they're like Dauphin was, it's thinly sliced, but you use stock rather than cream. Got it. Almost number one. Crisps. Oh my God.

You're full of shit, man. Yeah, I screwed it up. You're full of shit. It is hard going five to one. Yeah, it is hard. It actually is hard. Respect them, you have a doublet down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I probably very, very similar patisseries in France. Yeah, I screwed it up. It is hard going five to one. Yeah, it is hard. It actually is hard. Respect for WDL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I probably have very, very similar potatoes. Yours is Dovermiles number one. Dovermiles number one. Yeah, I should have done that, but I went early and did it number three. I'd say good ass chips, good ass fries. Ass chips.

Some ass chips, number two. Definitely a mash, a creamy mash, three, number four, possibly, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen, fifteen Number two. Uh, differently, um, a mash, a creamy mash. Three. Number four. Uh, possibly. Ooh, I'm running out of potatoes. Potatoes five. You're not. There's so many potatoes.

I know. It's hard to, cause I was, I could say like a potatoes bravas. That'd be nice. The sauces. And then a five. I'll do gnocchi. No, I'm just kidding. Um, that'd be crazy. That'd be too. Roast potatoes. That's too heavy. Not making an appearance in the top five. Is that potatoes? No.

Yeah. Actually, no. Yeah. Really good roast potatoes. I'm, I'm constantly shown in the algorithm that fucking, that hundred layer potato thing. You know that one? No. Really? I think we're on different algorithms. Well, I didn't think you'd be, but I've not seen the hundred layer potato thing, you know that one? Really? I think we're on different algorithms, maybe.

Well, I didn't think you'd be, but I've not seen the hundred layer potato thing. You're kidding. It's the one where they stack, they just stack potatoes and they really compress it and they cut it off in slices. Yeah, maybe I've seen something similar. It's like a confit potato thing. Yes. The confit potatoes at Quality Chop House.

Sorry. That's number one. That's it, yeah. I've never tried it. It's like the super layered and then cut it off and then fry the layers. Yes. So good, so good. That might be it.

That should be in the top five. Yeah, well that's on the trolley, certainly. That's on the trolley. Yeah, your potatoes every way. Come on. Yeah, so it would be just every form of potatoes and then every form of sauce as well. Great. Steak sauce.

I think sauces are really important and underrated. The potato trolley. I'm just imagining it now. Potato trolley really important and underrated. The potato trolley. I'm just imagining it now. Potato. I'm so into the potato trolley. All you can eat aioli, all you can eat bunez, all you can eat soy and vinegar. Imagine asking for aioli and then just get a massive spoon and put a huge dollop of it. This is what I'm talking about. Holy hell. And just to let you know, I'm imagining Mr. Freeze pushing the trolley. Oh really? I'm imagining a giant potato with arms and legs.

Imagine Tato. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. They've got this new trend of putting ham over crisps. Have you seen this? Everyone loves it in Hackney. No. They do.

They've got the fucking truffle crisps. Yeah, you know the truffle crisps. Yeah, the Torres truffle crisps, naturally. Oh my God. I can't have those now. They're very addictive. Did the doc tell you to stay off those? They told you to stay off those. You've eaten truffle crisps, Olympia. Yeah, yeah. You've got some on the NASA River.

No, they put it, it's like this trendy thing. I think a bar must have done it where you put that and then you put like layered prosciutto or like ham on top. You eat it all together. It's pretty good. Just sounds like the sort of thing I'd eat at home in a panic. Exactly. And now that you've been in restaurants.

How nice to not panic. How nice to go out and have that dish but without the panic. Someone's done it for me. Yeah. You're paying 20 quid for it. And I'm not stood at the fridge and going, I'm going out in five minutes. I was shoving my gob. Your dream drink.

Oh! Shit. Unexpected this one. Yeah, I was, but I forgot. That was a great noise as well. Yeah, good noise. That's me, I sampled in a rap song. Silvio and the Soprano. It just depends on...

Heads rewatching that. Yeah, so I'm rewatching the Sopranos. He's thinking about that a lot. I'm thinking about Zodiac Killer a lot. He's thinking about Sopranos a lot. It's very well balanced. Thinking about Portie Walnuts. Watching them in trucks.

So I guess I could go alcoholic, I could go, you know, weirdly when you ask this question, I just think back to, in New Zealand, there is a buffet restaurant called Valentine's. And on the kids menu, there was always amazing drinks. Like, I don't know if you have the versions of them here, like pink panther or the traffic light. And they'd be like really sugary sort of non-alcoholic drinks. Yeah. Something about that I'm like, I would choose something like a Shirley Temple or something very like novelty.

And I feel like choosing something alcoholic would be quite trashy. What? Do you choose alcohol as trash? Yeah. I'm like trashy trashy. Burn on a lot of guests. Yeah. Most of lettuce. Yeah.

Some yumcha. Sophisticated. Yeah. So you're worried about being perceived as trashy by picking an alcoholic drink. No, I don't want to be pissed. You know, like if I'm drinking, if I'm drinking alcohol, like I would say like straight whiskey, but I don't want to be like drunk and eating, you know, potatoes five ways.

Are you not drinking any alcohol for the pleasure of the taste? Is it all about getting drunk? No, it's not. I mean, I like whiskey, whiskey highball, that stuff, but yeah, it's too hard of a thing to... Hey, if you want a traffic light from that kid's restaurant, you can have that. If you want a pink panther to not seem trashy.

Well, like I would choose chocolate milkshake, but I know that would make me sick. Do you know what I mean? So I don't know. It's a dream restaurant. I'm a genie. I can make it so you don't, you're not sick. You could cure my silent acid reflux.

Yeah. Like that. Fuck. You already sat there fucking eating chicken feet and stuff. Yeah. And it is suddenly you're worried about your silent acid reflux. Yeah. Like that. You're already sat there fucking eating chicken feet and stuff. Suddenly you're worried about your silent acid reflux. Eating a fucking wax lettuce. You've just gone, can I have as much aioli as you can give me off the potato trolley.

I don't think suddenly there's any point worrying about your acid reflux, Rose. Okay, all right. Not a chocolate milkshake, thank you. I don't want to puke. I have some taste. I have some standards. Yeah. Okay.

Well then I'll choose. Okay. Yeah. I'll choose a spider. A spider? What's a spider? Coke with ice cream in it. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Is that a spider? Coke float. Yeah. We call that a spider in New Zealand. Because it melts like a spider. Yeah, I guess so. Like a little weird. That's good.

I'm going to start using that. I mean, I don't know what, I'm very rarely in my life to Coke floats come up. Coke floats at the city diner in Edinburgh. Yeah. City restaurant, sorry. City restaurant or city cafe? City restaurant. Good Coke floats.

Okay. Is there somewhere in New Zealand that's like best spiders? I'd say it was such a kid's sort of party thing, but, um, but no, I don't think anywhere is probably still serving spiders or root beer floats. Federal deli does a good root beer float. Yeah. Federal deli. There's been shout out before on there off me.

I don't know if it has been shouted out before. Maybe. I think we've talked about it. Yeah. I think we would have talked about it. It is great. Yeah. Great spot. Poutine at federal talked about it. Yeah. I think we would have talked about it. It is great. Yeah. Great spot.

Poutine at Federal Deli. Poutine. I mean, it's not, I mean, a poutine, it's the chicken salad sandwich toasted with cheese. It's a, which now, which used to be a thing you could sneakily ask for from the kitchen. And now it's become on the menu. You know, when that happens, we are like, is this restaurant losing its edge because it's sort of, you know. I actually, I went and got that because you talked about it so much, you talked about that so much.

I find that sandwich too wet with cheese. It's too wet of a sandwich. I would, you know what, I'm not going to challenge you on that. It's delicious, but it's very wet. But like really good, really good pastrami. Really good pastrami. Last time I went, yeah. Really good salt, lemon salt, amazing. Or like the fish, whatever fish they've got. The steak, it, really good lemon salt, amazing. Well, like the fish, whatever fish they've got, the steak, it's really good stuff. And it's next door to Depot, which is another fantastic restaurant.

Yes, all the oysters there. Fish sliders. They are so good. I had the best day a couple of years ago when I was on tour there. Went to the Wetter Workshop experience, which was in the same building my hotel was, and then went to Depot. Yeah. Then I had to do a stupid show.

Auckland, I think, is one of the most underrated food cities. Like... If you know where to go, it is actually, yeah, it's meant to, it's only gotten better actually. Up in K Road and stuff, heaps of stuff in St. Kevin's Arcade and yeah, good sandwich game as well. Yeah.

Sandwiches are getting better. It's a place called Turtle and Hare, I think Hare and Turtle. Is that where? It's really good. I might've gone with Guy. I think Guy Montgomery's got me there. Yes, Aubergine Palm. And had the Aubergine Palm sandwich.

That was so good. That was good, eh? It's such a good sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so passionate about sandwiches. Oh great. I'm going back next year.

I can't wait to eat a sandwich. It's going to be good. Yeah. It's going to be good. You get to, yeah, you have to go to New Zealand to eat a sandwich for sure. First time I went to New Zealand, everyone was like, Auckland's amazing. You've got to go to all these different places. You know, you've got to travel a bit, get outside of Auckland and all of that.

And then I arrived and me and Rose did nine escape rooms. Yeah. Well, nine. Yeah. We did lots. In how many days? We did some in Wellington though. Yeah, we did do some in Wellington.

What we'd do is we'd go to an escape room complex that might have three different themed rooms and we'd do them all. We actually did them all. We'd tick them all off. We'd be like, we don't have time to come back in tomorrow. We're going to another escape room company. So we've got to do all of these. Just the two of you working as a team?

No, we'd have Paul would be in there. Yeah, Paul would be in there. Do you know how strange it is to know you've exhausted the entire, entire cities? Like there is nothing you could, like we did, we did, like I never could, there was no, there were no new ones I could go to a couple of years. It's incredible. I think we've done that with London a bit. Efficient. Yeah.

I think we've done that with London. Yeah. We're kind of cool. James doesn't like them. No, I don't like them. I feel like we did, didn't we all do one in Edinburgh once? Yeah. And James went home early cause he felt stupid.

We were like, we were versing each other, right? It was two identical rooms, but with a grate in the middle and there was a briefcase hanging up in the grate and it's the first person to solve to get the briefcase. Yeah, James didn't enjoy it because it made him feel stupid. So he didn't come for a drink afterwards. That's not why.

You're putting the reason why, that's the reason why you don't enjoy things is that it makes you feel stupid and then you don't like it. That was not my, no, I wasn't bored. I have enjoyed escape rooms before. So those things I like are both their fun and we're all solving puzzles and having fun. On my team were a very competitive couple who really wanted to beat you guys bad. And I got Willy Wonka level told off if I wasn't, if I was having fun and not taking the puzzles really seriously.

It was genuinely stressful. Cause I'd been there trying to work out a puzzle and then one of them would come over to me like, have you done it yet? Or what? They're going to be paying us on the other side of the road. And I was like, I don't know, man. I'm just trying to figure out what all these DVD covers mean. Very different vibe in our team with Paul Williams walking around accidentally solving things. He just walks up to us with a crypt text

that he's solved and be like, Paul, how did you do that? He's like, I don't know. I don't know. Wasn't this the same place guys that the guy who introduced us, like got assigned it. And he was like, he was talking to us and he was like, all right, I'll be right back. And then came back with the fedora on. Yeah. But like, welcome to the escape room. And he's doing like a New York accent. It was so good.

He's a really nice man. I'm still friends with him. He's so lovely. Yeah. Edemar is a nicest boy. Shout out. Should we arrive at your dream dessert? He's a really nice man. I'm still friends with him. He's so lovely. Adam is a nicest boy. Shout out. Shall we invite for your dream dessert? Alright. Dream dessert. Wow.

So much to choose from. Yeah, sure. I'm wondering so weird about this. Cake! So I love cake. Cake, cake, cake, cake. Are you guys familiar with the Australian Women's Weekly cake book? No. No, I thought you were about to ask us, are we cake, cake. Are you guys familiar with the Australian Women's Weekly cake book? No. No, I thought you were about to ask us, are we familiar with cake?

Yeah. Familiar with the concept of cake? This is really a kind of iconic, famous recipe book from sort of like the 80s or 90s. And it was made by Australian Women's Weekly, which is like sort of like a sort of like a women's magazine from that time. And it was these cakes basically for children. And it was like every mother in the nineties sort of had it and you would get a cake from that cook, that recipe book.

So it'd be like stuff like, um, like a pool cake. So you'd make a fake little swimming pool with jelly, blue jelly in the middle. And you'd put little gummy beers and like, you know, make a little scene. Or there was a really iconic train cake where all of the carriages would be holding different like sweets and you'd make it out of cake. Dolly Varden cake, have you ever heard of a Dolly Varden cake? That's like a cake where you put a doll in the middle and the cake is the dress.

So my nan made me a Dolly Varden cake when I was about, I think five. So I would have one of each of the cakes. Cake trolley! Cake troll cakes. Cake trolley! Cake trolley. Cake trolley. Of all of the cakes from the Australian Women's Weekly. And how many cakes are in that?

A lot. Yeah. Like, cause they've got all the, they've got different cakes for the numbers one to nine as well. Yeah. So there's one to nine cakes. There's like, it's a whole book. It's a whole book.

So I want the train, I want the Dolly Varden, I want the numbers. I definitely want the pool. Are these, do they taste good as well? Or is it all about the- Who knows? Who knows? I mean, you know, it tastes good. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

You can make them any flavor you want. I mean, they're just, they're kind of, I guess, any vanilla kind of cake or chocolate cake you're just building on it with. And it's not ice. It's like, it's not, um, fondant icing. It's like, you know, proper icing. You can really eat it. So yeah, I think, um, the taste doesn't, I mean, you taste with your eyes, don't

you? And you see a cake that looks like a tray. Me, I go mouth as well. And, um, I think you've started this meal and ended this meal in a similar way. Purely aesthetic. Yeah. Really the whole menu, I guess, smacks of somebody just wanting some yum cha. Well, it's like, I just find it difficult to, because this whole, I mean, the whole podcast, really, I mean, is it the idea of food is much, sometimes much more enticing than the actual

reality of food, right? So I... Again, don't pull that thread. which sometimes much more enticing than the actual reality of food. Right. So I again, don't pull that thread. I can say, well, yeah, I actually do. I'm quite hungry, hungry for yum. I think that's basically it. But I think that nostalgia element of a lot of that is what would make that cake taste good.

Definitely. Probably I'd go for it. If I was going for a cake base for all of these cakes, I'd probably go for like a coconut cake. I think a coconut cake from violet bakery is one of my favorite cakes on earth. Where's Violet Bakery? It's in Dalston. I think it's where like Megan got her one of her cakes for it from her wedding. Megan who?

Megan Markle. Yeah. First name Tames. Yeah, Megan. Yeah. First name Tames. Do you want to know genuinely what I thought when you said where Megan got... The doll? Yeah.

I genuinely was like, have I missed the sequel? Have I missed the sequel where Mithregan gets married? Yeah. I thought Megan was stallion. Yeah. Wow. There you go. We all had different Megan's.

Where's our cake? Where's our sandwich at Fiddle Dally? Where's our sandwich at Fiddle Dally? I would shout out that bakery, I think, for a good coconut cake. Yeah, that sounds really good. I love coconut cake. What are they going to do when they release the third installment of Mithregan? Yeah, because they're making Mithregan, right? Because they're making Mithregan, but...

I don't even know what you're talking about. For Mithregan? Thurmothregan. The film Megan. Oh yes, yeah. Oh yes, sorry. Starring Ronnie Chang. It is stylized as M3GAN.

Yeah. Because it's robot. Yeah. But when they get to the third one, they've screwed themselves. They should have saved that for the third one. That's very true. Yeah, yeah.

Like Too Fast Too Furious. Moneyingan. Yeah, Moneyingan. Starring Ronnie Chang. Moneyingan,ious. Meningen. Yeah, Meningen. Starring Ronny Chow. Meningen. Starring Ronny Chow. So all of these cakes. All these cakes. I think cakes are just most, like cakes are just delicious. I think it's a nice answer. It's obviously very nostalgic. I'm a bit disappointed there's no Whittakers in this because it's my favourite chocolate in the world. We've got a New Zealand guest on, you know.

Well, I'm not going to say just straight up Whitakers for dessert. I'm James, let your imagination soar. You can put Whitakers on these cakes. You haven't seen these cakes, man. These cakes involve chocolate. Yeah. So, you know. Okay.

That's good. But I wouldn't want to put Whittakers on a cake. I just want to eat the straight Whittakers, right? Whittakers and baking is pretty good though. But everything you need is within the Whittakers and I don't want to melt that down and put it with other stuff. I want to experience full uncut pure Whittakers. I've heard about, well I heard about the presentation of Whittakers to you guys.

What was it? Doesn't Tom bring it to you? Tom Rosensthal brought it on stage at the Royal Albert Hall. When we gave it to an audience member from New Zealand. From New Zealand? Well, yeah, because they had put as the, yeah, we're reading out their dream menus on stage that they'd handed in before the show. They'd put very coincidentally, obviously we did the whole tour, no one put this as their dream dessert, just put every flavor of Whittaker's.

Wow. While we've got Tom in the wings with a big box of Whittaker's. You gotta do it. Got them on stage and they were from New Zealand. I do often pay for an extra suitcase when I come back from New Zealand and entirely fill it with things from New Zealand. Yeah.

Supermarkets. So a lot of it is Whittaker's because it's quite heavy. What else is going in there? Very bizarrely, like iced animal biscuits, aren't it? Iced animal biscuits, lots of Tim Tams, lots of the, I think, biscuit game in New Zealand and Australia is so much better than this country. Peanut butters, Fix and Fog's peanut butters, all this stuff.

Pineapple lumps? Pineapple lumps, yes. Nan always buys me pineapple lumps to take back. She brought me Macintosh toffees recently, which I haven't eaten. They're not that great. But it's mainly Whittaker's really. Chicken feet. What? Chicken feetittaker's really. Chicken feet. What?

Chicken feet. All these chicken feet. Not those orange, what are the orange chocolate? The Jaffas are they? What are they called? Yeah, Jaffas. I wouldn't bring Jaffas back actually. I don't know if they still even, I think they just still make them.

But I think I do go, when I'm leaving New Zealand, I go to the supermarket and do like the most childlike sort of supermarket spree, shopping thing of all the things that won't perish. I once brought back, I once brought back custard slice from New Zealand. Wow. Denim's custard slice from Christchurch. It's the most delicious custard slice ever. So I got it flown up. They deliver it from Christchurch in like refrigerated box.

And I got it frozen and I put it in my bag and it survived all the way back. Wow. Wow. So it was I traveled that across the world. The only thing I tried that once was was a slice of crack pie from Milk Bar. Yeah. Bought it in New York, got on the flight, leaving straight away, put it in the luggage hold at the top. I was like it's great I'll eat this when I get back to England. It feels so nice like I'm in New York and I've got a crack pie. Soon as the seatbelt sign went off, straight up, straight down. I hadn't even left American airspace. And those are moments where you are saying to yourself, can't wait to bring that back.

Are you also knowing in your true self that you're lying to yourself? Oh yeah, there's two thought processes going on there. It's the two brains. It's the imagine what guy I could be and this is the guy who I am. I've got real good self-constraint, I think, with, you know, self-restraint rather than with that sort of stuff. Yeah. Well, you froze it and put it in the hole. I think that's probably the best way to do it.

It's impressive. Yeah. It was pretty, yeah, it was pretty, pretty nowy stuff. Especially if you're stopped by customs and you're on one of those shows. If I was going into New Zealand, they would have, they would have fined me to do that. Yeah. You cannot get anything into New Zealand like that. What if you were bringing back some of the Whittakers that you'd taken the last time?

Into New Zealand? Yeah. They'd probably wave that through. Yeah, they'd wave that through. They'd salute that. It was full of moths. They'd welcome home to the chopper. Repatriated chopper.

Yeah. I mean, I appreciate, yes, that Whittakers is a huge element of the country, my country's dessert culture. But it's not like we don't talk about Whittakers. We talk about it all the time. It's fine. And it's not the same as the Whittakers. There's another company called Whittakers in the UK. Yeah.

It's not the same. But still thank you to the person who sent us those. Yeah. Oh, and here's how we know at the Royal Albert Hall that that guy was definitely from New Zealand. So A, he said he was from New Zealand, but also when he went on stage at the Royal Albert Hall to receive his chocolate in front of the whole audience and we said, do you want to tell a joke while you're up here?

Definitely knew he was from New Zealand because he went, no, you guys are the professionals. That's awesome, man. As representing our country. Really, really beautifully. That's so sweet. Such a dad thing to say. Yeah. Aw. Regent menu back to you now. See how you feel about it. You would like still water just above room temperature.

Yep. That was normal. You want popcorn with mango chutney, Vita. You lay them up the sauces. Sounds great. The dips. Start a man up the sources. Lovely, sounds great. The tips. Start a man making a wax figurine of a lettuce. What the fuck? Main course, all you can eat yum cha. You put the man first as if the man is the order.

Yeah. Rather than the lettuce. Yeah, well, leave them for being eaten. So they're just as much. Yeah. Yeah. To be fair. I stand by it. Yeah. I think you should stand as much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I stand by it. Yeah I think you should stand by it. Yeah, well, you can eat yum-chow for your main with various trolleys being pushed by daytime

TV hosts Your Christmas dinner you can that man Alexander Armstrong. Yeah. Oh, yeah He's making the lettuce. Wow. He's the one doing the lettuce. Yeah, you can do the litter. Yeah Christmas dinner summer salads glazed ham, lamb, marinated fish, chopped suey and taro, roast potatoes, jelly made by yourself, side dish, potato trolley with some potatoes every ways with all the sauces, drink, spider.

This is... Oh my God. So much of this. It's panic roast. And how is that not consistent with my brand? Yeah. Yeah, that's true. So much of this is panic rose. And how is that not consistent with my brand? Yeah, yeah, that's true. What? I can't choose anything on a menu.

Yeah, this is true. This is pure panic. I can't believe we've not had a trademark, matter of fact, I had in hands. I did. I'm wearing a cap. Yeah. You can just pull the cap down. That's the equivalent.

Yeah. Can spider, can I change that? It's the equivalent. Yeah. Can I change it? Jesus Christ. They can't change it. It's locked in. Spider? Yeah. Remember you didn't want to be a trash bag by ordering alcohol. You didn't want to be sick.

Yeah. So you got a scoop of ice cream and a Coke. Finish the menu. Does Australian Women's Weekly Children's cake book trolley book? Yeah. Yeah. The whole every every cake from the book. Yeah.

The pool. The ladies dress. What do you think? I mean, it's mad. I mean, look, the yum chair I'm so on board with. Yeah. You know, I don't think I've done the trolley thing in years and years and years. So I think I think that's next on the agenda for me.

I didn't know this podcast was about being some coming on and being judged. Oh, it's a massive element of it. You literally said, what do you think? What do you think? Here's what I think. Well, I didn't know. I was like, I was told to judge,

jury execution. Oh, man. I mean, I do stand by it. It is pure panic really there, but I think I disagree with the idea of choosing anything really for, you know, I pan, yeah. I would panic in the dream restaurant and that is so consistent with my personality.

Yeah, I mean, I think choosing seems to be an issue. So what you've done is you've put, edit for a thing you can think of on a trolley. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is, it's the first time anyone's exploited the trolley loophole so often, isn't it? We've had dessert trolleys. Yeah.

But no, this is a good day for trolley manufacturers. Yeah. Yeah. Big trolley is pretty happy with that. I'm lining the pockets of the fat cats at big trolleys. Yeah. Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant and bringing so many trolleys with you. Thank you, Rose.

And Rose, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Rose. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, James. Well, there we are, James. What a lovely way to kick off Christmas. What a menu. Fantastic menu.

What a roller coaster. Well, odd menu and fantastic menu. Yeah, yeah. I'm really into the Christmas food idea. Yeah, they're delicious. I might make some salad system for Christmas. Are you gonna do it? Yeah.

Are you gonna do a New Zealand Christmas? I think maybe a New Zealand Christmas is the way forward. It just sounds a bit kinder on the older stomach as well, doesn't it? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I think it makes it easier to graze throughout the day as well. Yeah. Put some of that stuff.

I like to graze throughout the day, man. Yeah. With some of that stuff. I like to graze throughout the day, man. You know that. I know that. Yeah. Rose's special On and On and On is out soon. Yes. Go and find it. She didn't know where.

And of course, Junior Taskmaster slash Taskmaster Junior is on Friday nights at 8 p.m. on channel four or catch up on channel four.com. It is excellent. Rose is the new Taskmaster and Mike Wozniak is the taskmaster's assistant and it's a lot of fun. Rose did not say horn dogs so we didn't kick her out the restaurant. No. You can watch her special horn dog though. You can go and watch that. You can. If you want to, if you want like a horn dog. Yes you can go and watch that. She did say wax lettuce

though which is definitely going to be a secret ingredient for someone else coming up. In the future. Yeah. And if we actually get someone with it. Yeah amazing. Yeah, maybe maybe it'll be the secret ingredient next week So we have another Christmas special next week speaking to another fantastic guest about their dream menu Yes, and also their dream Christmas menu But for now jingle those bells jingle those bells all the way. You can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month, every month. At FIZ, you always get more for your money.

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