Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 279: Stephen Graham

Episode Date: February 19, 2025

Finally, one of our most requested guests – multi-Bafta-nominated actor Stephen Graham – visits the Dream Restaurant. Will James put his money where his mouth is? Will he avenge Romesh? Let’s get ready to rumble… Trigger warning: this episode contains talk about losing and gaining weight for acting roles. Stephen Graham stars in ‘A Thousand Blows’ which is coming to Disney+ on 21st Feb.He also stars in ‘Adolescence’ which is coming soon to Netflix.Follow Stephen on Instagram @stephengraham1973Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast taking the tortellini of conversation pouring into the boiling water of humour bubbling away for just a few minutes until all of the great anecdotes float to the surface. It's the off-menu podcast Tortellini Bowl of Tortellini. That's a gamble. My name is James H. Haster together. We own a dream restaurant. Oh no. And every single week we invite in a guest that we ask them their favorite ever start a main course, a side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is Stephen Graham. Stephen.

Hahaha. Uh oh. Now. Uh. Uh oh. For those of you who may not be across all of Off Menu lore, you might not know that James on multiple episodes of this podcast has said he can beat Stephen Graham up. Yep.

Because of something that Stephen Graham said to Ramesh Ranganathan on an episode of Jonathan Ross. He said that it's Ramesh's fault for not being funny if the audience aren't laughing and they're shouting and they're heckling him in Liverpool. Well bad luck. He didn't bank on me seeing that episode. I have called him out many times on this podcast and I beat him up for that and now he's walked straight into the lion's den and I'm the lion.

We're assuming that Stephen doesn't know about this He's gonna know he's about to know is he yeah He is about is he really because there's a lot of bravado coming out of you I feel like when you like Stephen Graham's work as well, and I think when you actually meet Stephen Graham I don't think you're gonna be able to say anything to him. I think Ed wrong I've said it on a podcast about three times four times Yeah, but he I put a section on the podcast about three times, four times. Yeah. Benito put a section on the best of of me calling him out. That is basically saying

it to his face. Yeah. I know that when I say that, he's going to hear that. So okay, so if he has heard it and he's coming in, what does that say to you about his level of confidence that it's not going to be an issue for him? That says he's coming with his tail between his legs to apologize for what he said on Jonathan Ross about Ramesh. And guess what? It ain't gonna cut it. No apology is gonna cut it. I said I was gonna beat him up and that is what's gonna happen. Two hits.

Two hits. Me hitting him, him hitting the ground. Okay, well, I think maybe things might be different when you meet him. Well, we'll see, won't we? You'll be eating your words on this food podcast. Have that as your start and main course of dessert, Ed ed your own words. Do we the me? Yeah, you're saying you do nothing I'm having my own words. Am I that's what you're gonna. Okay. Yeah Are we gonna bother with the secret ingredient then because if it's you hitting him and him hitting the ground early doors Then he's gonna be out the dream restaurant straight away, isn't he?

He will be out the dream restaurant straight away. But in the meantime just just for that's I'll give him a sporting chance. Okay, the secret ingredient Which he which if he says he's gonna get kicked out. Yeah a knuckle sandwich a knuckle sandwich. Okay. Yeah Well, that's what you're gonna give him anyway, right? Yeah, you will get that anyway So is it still a secret ingredient if you put it on his dream menu? get that anyway. So is it still the secret ingredient if you put it on his dream menu? So I'm not gonna punch him? Yes, so he's at the dream restaurant. So it's not if he selects it because he's not going to pick a knuckle sandwich is he? Or is he doing that by... He might as well save himself the embarrassment and pick it because at least then it looks like he wants it. He's saying it looks deliberate. Okay. That'd be my advice to him. Okay. You should pick a knuckle

sandwich mate. You should order one Stephen Graham is I would say a national treasure. So I'm absolutely devastated if you ruin this for me Yeah, I can't I absolutely can't wait to meet him. He's done so much good stuff. He's got so much good stuff coming up James Oh, yeah, well, you're you love you love this is England. Yeah, you love time Yeah, you love all his work that he's done with Martin Scorsese. Yeah, all the Scorsese stuff. He was in Gangs of New York, he was in an amazing scene in The Irishman with Al Pacino. That's in a restaurant, we can talk about that if I wasn't about to. Well no, we're not going to talk about it though because you're coming in all guns blazing about it. Correct, he's not going to get a chance to talk.

You might as well turn this mic off Benito for when he sits in because he's not going to be saying anything. Joe, what else he's doing? He's got some stuff coming up Ed. A Thousand Blows launches on the 21st of February on Disney Plus. Anything you want to say about the title A Thousand Blows? Yeah. Two blows. Two blows. No. And he also stars in it as co-written Adolescence, a four part Netflix series, which is coming soon. All the episodes are one shot.

It looks fantastic. And A Thousand Blows, he's playing a bare knuckle boxer. And I was led to believe he's got an amazing shape for that, to truly play a bare knuckle boxer. And he's done all the training and stuff. So yeah, looking forward to this episode. This is the off menu menu of Stephen Graham Welcome Stephen to the dream restaurant

Thank you. It's lovely to be here a pleasure and a privilege Stephen. Thank you very much Thank you coming to the dream vest now normally at this point james james is a genie in this and he bursts out the lamp And I don't know why he hasn't done that Oh, there's a lamp there. Should I? There's a lamp there. Yeah. I just forgot. No, he normally interrupts the guest by sort of going and bursting out the lamp

and he's not done that with you and I'm intrigued. Oh, I thought it seemed rude. Just didn't seem appropriate. Is that your only reason? Yeah. Yeah. I just thought it wasn't appropriate to do that today. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. So you threw him under the bus there, didn't you? Yeah, I've absolutely thrown him under the bus because our listeners will be going, why? Because every single other episode in, I mean, nearly 300 episodes, I'd say, Steve, and he bursts out the lamp. But for some reason, he seems to have a quiet reverence around you that he's never had for a guest before. But we do have the lamp.

Yeah. It's right there. Do you want James to try and get into that lamp and then burst out of it? What? Should we just give it a shot? Yeah. Okay. Alright. Well this is why I have to believe me that I'm getting into the lamp. Okay.

But he put some sound effects in post that I'm squeezing in there. Let's talk about a thousand blows. No good. Burst out the lamp man. No, we want you to come out of the lamp. Right. So let's, should we? Okay, we're talking. go on, ask me.

Welcome to the Dream Restaurant, Stephen. Welcome, Stephen Graham to the Dream Restaurant, we've been here for some time. Wow, did you call us up? Yeah, you like that? That was good. Fucking hell, oh, Tom. You can swear. Sorry. You can swear. Wow. Let him fly, let him fly.

How does he get up? Ha! He's held the lamp, I've never seen it before. That was good word. It was actually quite good. Well done. That was good. We got there in the end, didn't we? Yes, yes. I just wanted to say it was an honor first. Yeah, that's very nice of you.

Thank you. It's an absolute pleasure to be here. Good thing. Thank you for coming on. A thousand blows that I'm very excited about. A bit intimidated. No, I'm not intimidated actually. You're a bare-knuckle boxer in it.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot more to him than just bare-knuckle boxer. But no, look, it was a wonderful project to be a part of and it kind of, it came from me and Hannah. We got sent a photograph of Hezekiah Mosco, who's played by Malachi Kirby, who was a young man who came over from Jamaica during the 1800s. And it was a photograph and an image of Hezekiah in his box and a tie and stood there in this beautiful kind of regal shape and form that he was in. So we got sent a photograph of that and two paragraphs, one about Sugar Goodson and one about Trico Goodson.

These two brothers who also existed at that time, who kind of ran the underground boxing scene to an extent in East London. And, you know, I worked on a program with Danny Mays called... Top Buzzer? No, that was the first time. Wow, Top Buzzer, you know, Top Buzzer. I love Top Buzzer, man. That was my introduction to you guys. You, Mays, Trent Crimm from The Independent.

What was that guy's actual name? James Lance. James Lance. Yeah, yeah. Ashley Walters. I'd watch that. Me and my friend Jake Ashton. Shout out Jake Ashton, we listen to this. Since you and Jake used to smoke a bit of weed.

We watched Top Buzzer, let's just say that. Because that's still, every now and again I'll get someone come over to me and go, Oh mate, we used to love watching Top Buzzer when we were stoned. And I was like, Oh, thanks mate. Well, that's kind of the audience we were aiming at. Yeah, that's what I was talking about. I saw this, the cast, I was like, it's a Top Buzzer reunion. Well, it's similar.

Yeah. So it kind of, it came from that, that, you know, that was the, that was it within its embryonic stages and then Hannah kind of went, this is really good. This could be really interesting. I was like, okay. And they were looking for a writer and she said, I know who write this. And I was like, okay, who's going to write it? And she went to Steve Knight.

I was like, shut up, love. There's no way he's going to write. How are we going to get Steve Knight to write this? And then she was like, well, I've been talking to his assistant, they want you to do Peaky Blinders and blah, blah, blah. And she went, I think he would really love this. You know, I know what kind of stuff he likes and I'm going to see what he says. And I just kind of, I'm one of them ones where you go, okay.

Although she is the brains behind everything. Do you know what I mean? She's, yeah, she's phenomenal. But I was like, okay, Although she is the brains behind everything. Do you know what I mean? She's phenomenal. But I was like, okay, love, nice one. And then literally three days later, she went, oh, look at this. And I walked over and there was an email and it was off Steve Knight saying, I would love to write this script. This sounds right up my street. And that's kind of how the process began. Do you know what I mean? So if it wasn't for Hannah making that marriage in the first place, we probably wouldn't be sat here now. You need someone who has that belief sometimes, don't you?

Like, yeah, I can definitely make this work. Yeah, completely, but also she knew who'd be ideal to write it, do you know what I mean? And thankfully he said, yeah. That's great. Did you got some of the press shots here? That's you swinging the punch. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Did you have to do a lot of training? Did you train up for this one? Yeah, yeah, it was, yeah, to do a lot of training? Did you train up for this one? Yeah, yeah it was a lot of training, a lot of eating, yeah, and a lot of training. So, you know, to get into that shape it took six months. So it was like, it was done properly. I had an amazing trainer, Rob, who was kind of, he did all my training also on my diet and everything. And then I had a good friend who did all of my boxing training with me, Graham. I was with him like three times a week and I was training five, six times a week as well. But we, I got all my bloods tested and everything and my kidney and my heart and every year.

You had to go through a full MOT first. And then we slimmed down and then we kind of built up the muscle as we went along. But it did, it took, the total process was six months. Did you feel like by the end of the training that you could enter into a bare knuckle boxing match? No, cameras make you look really good. I really appreciate the dedication and the work that goes into that kind of, to that pugilism. But MMA and boxing and all of those kinds of martial arts is unbelievable. The technique and the ability, do you know what I mean? And the stamina and the determination.

And just that, you know, it becomes a regime. You have to eat as healthily as it says. You just follow everything that they tell you to do, do you know what I mean? But it's lots of protein, lots of chicken, fish, vegetables, small amounts of carbs. And you just have to keep eating these on a regular basis and lots and lots and lots and lots of protein. And are you enjoying it? Because like it's a food podcast. So like when you are doing that, does it stop being enjoyable, like eating food or are you still looking forward to it? Are you, you know, is there certain little treats? In the beginning, the slimming down, the losing the weight was kind of hard. And then when we got to that next stage of like right now we're going to build from that structure.

Then with the eating the rice and the chicken and stuff and the broccoli and it was okay. And then you're thrown in a wholemeal bun as well, or whatever you call it. That's your treat. But then after a while, do you know what I mean? And in between them, you've got to make sure that you get your protein. But when it comes to like half night, 10 o'clock at night, you've got to eat another 120 milligrams of natural yogurt with two scoops of whey and one malteser as you read. It's a bit hard, you know what I mean?

Forcing that down your butt. It was, it was a great experience and it was just that, you know, I really, really admire and appreciate what goes into trying to achieve that look or for athletes more. How quickly would you say you managed to, once you didn't have to eat like that and you'd finished filming, how quickly did you destroy all of your six months of work? I didn't really. You didn't, you just kept going with it. That's amazing.

I've mostly managed to keep it together a little bit, do you know what I mean, to that extent. So you're still in boxing shape? No, I wouldn't say I'm fighting weight, no. I've got, my crimbo's just finished, so. There's a bit of tear here. Yeah. Yeah, some crackers and cheese and all that

wrapped around me a little bit. But it's something that I've kept on doing, do you know what I mean? I've kept going to gym and cheese and all that around me a little bit. But it's something that I've kept on doing, you know what I mean? I've kept going to gym and stuff and I've maintained that. Also, Adolescents will be coming out in 2025, which is something that you co-wrote as well. Every episode's a one shot? Yeah, there's four episodes and each episode is one take. Wow. And again, that kind of, I mean, it's a bit of a heavy subject in many ways, but that

kind of come from something that, you know, I had an idea. A couple of years ago, a young girl got stabbed to death in Liverpool just before Christmas and she was 13 years of age. She was stabbed by a young lad who was her age and there was three boys and I just, you know, just kind of made me think what's happening, what's going on, where are we that this kind of thing happens in broad daylight. And then there was a young girl as well, forgive me, I forget the names of these beautiful people. There was a young girl at a bus stop not long ago, do you remember, in South East London and her boyfriend stabbed her to death. And then there was that lovely

young trans girl who was murdered up in Leeds. She was lured into the park by those two and she was stabbed to death. And I just kind of thought what's going on with our society that these kind of things are happening quite regularly in a little way, do you know what I mean? And just thought maybe it was a good thing to look at without judgment or with anything, but just to see why these kind of things are happening, see if we can try and have some way of understanding it. And as a parent myself, do you know what I mean? Who has too late teenage, you know, our Grace is 19 and Alfie is 18. Just kind of try and shine a light on that and look at it from a different perspective.

Because there's a big part of like, you know, acting and like writing for like dramas and stuff is like removing that judgment, like you say, but then obviously you have your own feelings about it and your own take on it. How do you balance that and like, because comics, we just go on stage and run our mouths off about whatever it is we think or whatever. But like, how do you do that when you're approaching, is it just second nature now that you try and just remove how you feel or remove the judgment? I think, in many ways, that's a great question. I think you have to, there's a way of, you

know, that kind of, and we don't sound pretentious in any way, shape or form, that kind of Buddhism sense of this passion. So you have to remove your own passion, your own personal feelings from it. And maybe, you know, it's not an opportunity for me to stand on a soapbox and shout from the rooftops in any way, shape or form. It's just merely trying to put something on the screen which reflects society without the judgment and then hopefully the conversation can be had with fathers and daughters and mothers and sons in their own home. Do you know what I mean? So hopefully you can reach through. Jack calls it a beautiful phrase. Jack's always said it's an empathy box, the television. And hopefully, you know, you have an opportunity to put that mirror up to society

occasionally and let them have a look at it. And then it's not for me to cast judgments at all, do you know what I mean? I may have my own views and opinions on it, but I have to take that out of what I'm making and try and be as neutral as possible. What was the decision behind making them one shot episodes? What about the project felt like it needed to be that? Well, it was because of, we did a film, we did a little film called, which actually is very relevant, Boiling Point, which was set in a kitchen. Which we loved.

Yes. We spoke to, we had Izuka Hoyle on the podcast. Oh lovely. And spoke to her about that as well. Yeah, absolutely brilliant film. Yeah, and I thank you very much. Thank you. And it was, you know, that was a pleasure and it was an honour to do. And we, we got approached about doing something in a similar vein, but I didn't really want

to do that. I wanted to try and tell a story along the process of 18 months or 13 months and just jump in to this story on that timeline maybe for an hour every time, because that's all you have, and try and progress that story along within the context of what we have to say within that time, do you know what I mean? And keep the audience with you. And I just thought, I'm obsessed with 24 hours in police custody.

Yeah. I love it. Yeah, yeah. It's great, isn't it? As soon as you, you know, it just drags you in. And I just thought, because I love that, and look, procedural dramas, police dramas are great. They've been going for years.

Crackhead, you know what I mean? Prime Suspect, all of those great programs that I was brought up on. It's trying to find a new way of telling that same story, do you know what I mean? So we just thought it would really work well with the one shot. It's our job then and we're under the obligation to try and keep the audience involved, but also tell that story and have that story move along.

So I just thought it'd be a really good way to tell the story basically. Well, let's see if we can do this episode in the one shot. Maybe Benito won't edit anything out. We always start with still a sparkling water. Stephen, do you have a preference? Still please. Still? Yeah. How come?

It's a bit like Alka-Seltzer or something innit, you know what I mean? I don't want to start me stomach rumbling before I've even had me dinner. Yeah. You know what I mean? Personally. Sure. Would you call it mineral water? Sparkling water?

You could if you want to. So you're saying that you don't have the minerals? Oh, see what he did there. James is coming for you this episode. Yeah, he is, isn't he? Oh no, no, no. I'm not talking about the minerals, son. Yes, he did it.

He said the line. What was the answer? You want to see if I've got the minerals? You want to see if I've got the minerals? Yeah, that was it. Yeah, that was it. He said the line. What was the answer? You want to see if I've got the minerals? You want to see if I've got the minerals? Oh, that was it. Yeah, that was it.

You want to see if I've got the minerals? That's a good moment for Tommy. Comes in... Yeah, he finds himself. He gets to stand there and be what he's always wanted to be. That character, which for the listeners, the character in Snatch, knows a lot about, well, maybe not food, but drinking, a whole monologue about milk that you have in that. Yes, that's right.

What was it, pasteurized? Yeah, that was a great monologue there. I remember the day we filmed that and he takes the carton of milk off me and then he throws it out the window. And I've taken it as, I've never researched what Tommy says about milk. I've just taken it as gospel. Yes, and so you should. Yeah. When I drink milk, I think I'm not think the human stomach has not evolved to cope with this. I shouldn't

be drinking this. They've only been domesticated for however long it was. Yeah, however long cows have been domesticated for. I think, I've learned nothing. Why am I still drinking milk? You shouldn't drink it. James learns all his facts from Guy Ritchie films. That's how it should be. Yeah, that's all I know.

Including, that's why I'm a genie now because you made Aladdin. Yeah, yeah. So now I see it. I based it all on that. I just based my life on Guy Ritchie's career choices. Whenever he's cutting bread up, he says guns for show, knives for a pro. Yes, I do say guns for show, knives for a pro. Do you want anything in your water? Do you want some ice? Do you want some fruit?

No, just on its own please. Let me just enjoy. It depends where we are, I suppose. Oh, this is good. So where's the dream tap for the water? Well, now I'm going to sound like really, do you know, me and Alan have just come back from, we went to, I can't pronounce the name of the place, in Finland. Okay. Right next to Father Christmas' house. Oh, Robin Yemi? That's you. Well done. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Good lad. Yeah. I know. My wife worked there.

She went and did a TV job there and she, yeah, she loves Rovaniemi and they went and met Santa. Absolutely. What a beautiful place. Yeah. And we stayed in this really lovely hotel, this tree house hotel. It was beautiful. The lights gorgeous, it was amazing. But the woman said at the desk, you won't need to drink the bold water. And we were like, oh, okay. And she was like, no, what is it? How do you pronounce it? Robyn Yemi. She said Robyn Yemi. See I said that. She said Robyn Yemi has the most purest water in the world.

Wow. And I was like, really? She was like, yeah. And I was like, oh, okay. All right. So obviously we get into the room and I just, my face down in me and I'm going, no? She was like, yeah. And I was like, okay, all right. So obviously we get into the room and that and that. And I just, my face down in me and I'm going, no chance, no way. There's no way, it's not happening. No way. And I literally put the case in and I went, cheers mate, thank you very much. Thank you. Shut the door. Ran in the bathroom, grabbed a glass, I had a sip and I was like,

I went, aw honey, she's right. And she's off doing something. She's like, what? And I went, the woman at the desk, she's bang on, this water's gorgeous. So yeah, I would have tap water from, from, from Romagné. And for the listener, by the way, we got to see some proper, you pretended to drink some water there. I'm not, I'm not even lying here. I'm not, I'm not saying this to be a smart ass. Yeah. I genuinely thought you'd swallowed some water. I knew you hadn't. I'm not saying this to be a smart ass. I genuinely thought you'd

swallowed some water. I knew you hadn't. I knew you'd mined a cup. Thank you very much. But you did it proper. Yeah, yeah. When you have the Robin Yemi water, do you want Father Christmas to be there? Depends what time of year it is really. Yeah, it'd be weird to see him in summer, wouldn't it? Yeah, I don't want to see him in summer.

In a Hawaiian shirt and sandals. Oh, that's alright. There's a good character there though, isn't there? What does Santa do when he's off? Summer Santa. Yeah, Summer Santa. Yeah, maybe it would feel slightly different to your other work, the body of work. I feel like if suddenly it would be a real left turn if you played summer Santa in something.

We could still do it in a one-er. Yeah. One shot. Okay. Santa on a holiday. Santa on a holiday. Yeah. What do you reckon he'd do?

Do you reckon he shaves his beard? Because you're not going to be wanting to get recognised by everyone, are you? No, and if you're in a hot cut, if you're going to Hawaii or something, you don't want a big white beard. Yeah, you don't want that. Okay, so he shaves the beards off. Yeah. Where's he going in Hawaii? I So he shaves the beard off. Yeah. Where's he going?

Hawaii? I think, yeah, Hawaii, maybe I think he wants to go somewhere warm, I guess. Yeah. Or in Safari, maybe. I don't know if that'd be, his job is so grueling. Don't you reckon Mrs. Claus has picked where to go? Cause she's the one who's doing all the graft, really, and she's like, Oh, do you know what I mean?

So if it's anything like Arrows, she's decided where he's going. He just goes along. Yeah. Do you reckon he gets told? So if it's anything like Arrows, she's decided where he's going, he just goes along. Do you reckon he gets told to shave before they go? I'd imagine so. I'd imagine what happens is he gets told to shave every year, then he complains about having to shave, but when he arrives he's like, oh, thank God you told me to shave because it's so warm here. But then he forgets by next year and he's like, I'm not going to shave this year.

Do you remember what happened last year, Santa? Yeah. So it must be weird for him to choose a location because he can get anywhere, he can get the whole world in one night if he wants to. So it's weird for him to go, are you serious? Will you choose one place for a week? Yeah, but then look at it, right? He's kind of like someone that works as a cabin crew. Does that make English? Yeah. Yeah.

I think that makes English. I think that makes English. Okay. Let's keep that English then. He's kind of like a cabin crew person. Um, and then, you know, they don't always get to stop off duty day after cleaning the gaff, clean the plane, get everything done. And then they're back off again. Sure.

So they don't, when you go, Oh, you must see some lovely countries. Not really. No, no, we stopped. We have a little, get ourselves together and have a coffee. Then we're back off again. Yeah. And we're back home and we're in our own bed by half night, 10 o'clock. So it's the same for Father Christmas, isn't it? Really? It's the same. Even worse. Yeah, even worse. Yeah.

Yeah. He's just seeing chimneys and fireplaces if he's lucky. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like necking brandies. He's so pissed by the second country that he doesn't remember any of it. Smashing carrots. Yeah. Yeah. Because Rudolph's not eating all of second country that he doesn't remember any of it anyway. Yeah Because Rudolph's not eating all of them is he? Slay Rudolph go any carrots in there this time?

None this time. Rudolph I'll let you know if there's some in the next one. The world's changed Pop-doms or bread Stephen Graham, would you like? James normally shouts this the whole thing is he shouts it at the guest. Well, there's not a need to shout it every time. What's happened? What's happened is, Stephen, he's seen the pictures of you boxing. Yeah, of course.

And he's got scared because, I mean, you're almost certainly not aware of this, but James has called you out on the podcast before. Oh, oh. When? He's called you out for a, for a rock. Oh. Yeah, yeah. You don't know that. Hold on a second, oh, when? He's called you out for a rock. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, hold on a second. When did that? Is this, is this flag? I don't remember this. It happened on a Zooka's episode. Do you have backup with a recording of this? Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's been out, you know. Can we play the recording?

Can you find a recording while we're in conversation and we'll get back to this, Tim? We'll just put this on hold for a minute. Just for a minute. We'll just put this on hold for a minute. Just for a minute. We'll just put this on hold for a minute. James shut up lad, I'm talking. We'll just put this on hold for a minute. If you find what he said, whoa, hang on. You've had your minute.

We'll find what he said and then we'll come back to you. But for now, we'll carry on as normal. We're still mates. Just for now. I think carry on as normal. Yeah. We're still mates. Okay. Just for now. I think Azuka might have said it. No. Maybe you've got it.

You said it and Azuka laughed in your face. Hmm. Okay. I think he's got his wires crossed, Stephen, but we will carry on. Let's carry on as normal. We'll carry on as normal. I think you've got your wires crossed, Ed. Okay.

You might have said it actually. I apologize if I've got my wires crossed, but I think we both know that I haven't. We'll find out because we've got, you know, we've got factual... Oh. What? He's got his face. How did he fucking do something that classy? He never does anything classy.

It's probably happened on about five episodes. Let's see. Can we all hear this? Let's see what they did. Meanwhile, Stephen Graham's just stood looking at you like he's going to rip your head off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's his resting face, right? Good luck, good luck. Oh, he's like he's going to rip your head off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's his resting face, right? Yeah, good luck, good luck.

Oh, he's like a giant puppy as well though. Yeah. Oh, here we go. Go on. No, no, no. I actually said it up for you. I'm sure he is like a little puppy dog. So he shouldn't run his mouth off on TV shows.

Has he ever like made a state mission to counter your challenge? No, because he's a busy man who doesn't need to be bothering himself with stupid little things. That's what I thought. Even Jonathan Rossley, he fired shots at Ramesh. That's all of us. And I'm disappointed in you Ed for not calling him out. Oh look, I'm not calling him out, but I'm very happy for you to call him out because

I want to see what happens. You know what's going to happen. Yeah. You're going to get your head in the tub. You're going to get absolutely fucking pummeled. As if, as if, as if man. That would never happen. Have you seen him recently? Has he seen, has he seen himself? Has he seen me? Has he seen himself? How's that a comeback? Yeah, you went to him. Yeah. Even without him here, you panic there. has he seen himself yeah he's seen himself he's

made me think again I don't want to see what would happen I tell you what we wouldn't even need one take man maybe it about that we do that in half a take yeah game over and the film is it a film that you're getting beaten up in now yeah yeah I'm the hero hmm I think that might have been Ed said that. That sounded like Ed to me. So what did I do to Ramesh? I don't know. I don't know. I think Ed... No, no, no. Come on. You're saying it.

It's all out there. So what did I do to Ramesh? I think that... It's out there now. Your ass went then, didn't it? What did I do to Ramesh? Answer the question. Well, I think maybe what that was a reference to was...

I think you might have gone on Jonathan Ross with Ramesh. Yes, I think maybe what that was a reference to was I think you might have gone on Jonathan Ross with Ramesh. Yes, I did. Yeah. And Ramesh may have said, I said, just my memory. Go ahead. Because I'm with you now. I remember this thing.

Go ahead. What happens? I think I think Ramesh might have said that Liverpool audiences are good audience like playing in Liverpool. Yeah. And he said because they heckle and they they don't listen and stuff and I think you said I said my memory I just trying to remember I think you said um no I said I'll tell you exactly what I said I said maybe if you were fucking funny I rest my case

bollocks it's over yeah that's what I said Yeah, that's what I said. That's all I said. Look, and I know some of you have this attitude where it's like, I'm just doing my job. No, you're a comedian. I've paid fucking 25, 30 quid a year. I brought me missus. That's 70 quid before I've even fucking sat down. And I want to have a laugh. So me laugh that's your job innit? yeah so fucking make me laugh I agree thank you and that's not just scousers that should be all over the bastard country if I'm paying money to go and watch a comedian what I mean you like fucking Jorisel do you know what I mean you're going on and on and on about bollocks I don't want you doing that I want you to be what you should be Ron Seal do what it says on the fucking tin. Make me laugh, bastard. End

the story. Can we carry on now with the show? Yeah. You okay, James? I'm good. I agree with you. Okay. I think that's a fair, that's a good point well made. It's a fair comment.

A good point well made. I always had your back steam. Thank you You know, I think In my defense, I think Benito edited that to sound okay weird I think I think you should just admit you made a mistake and we'll move on dreams. Yeah, I was made mistake Let's get into your main meal proper now. Get into your main meal. Your dream starter.

Okay, now I come with an unfair advantage because I've played this game quite a lot. We call it something different. We call it Death Row Dinner. And on set it's a great game to play with, you know, when you're meeting new people and it's kind of between takes and all that. So my dream started is I was in New York a few years ago and I was in Chinatown and I absolutely love wonton soup. I love wonton soup. And

when I used to go to the Chinese with my mum back in the day when I was a kid and stuff, we used to test the quality of a Chinese by its Wonton soup. So we'd start with the Wonton soup. And I found this restaurant, I was up some stairs and I went into this Chinese restaurant and I asked for the Wonton soup. And it came and it was like I'd found the Holy Grail. It was this gorgeous bowl with some beautiful design on it and it was just a lovely, I can still see it now, it just had the dumplings just floating and it just fried a little bit of bok choy, a little bit of spring onion and stuff and it was just, it was beautiful and I tasted it and it was

absolutely gorgeous. So that's my starter. Can you remember the name of the place? I can't. I could probably never find it again. It's almost like that's better. Like, because it's just a complete sort of like hazy dream. It's almost like it wasn't real. Just the perfect once on the soup. Exactly. That sounds beautiful. It happened once and it'll never happen again.

Yeah. Oh look, I'm salivating. You are? Yeah, yeah. Because I can't... Yeah, because I can't... You've got a far away look in your eye. It was wonderful. I had found the holy grail of Wonton Soups. I think everyone's got that with like one food item where like they're trying to find the best one wherever they go and when you do find that one it is very special and it probably is. I've talked about it on the podcast

before Milton Jones and I on tour did it with custard slices. Oh We found one in a service station in Wales. It was the best one We've never been able to find it again since we thought that services has vanished like it was a ghost services We're about in Wales was it was like literally the first services We got to when we went into Wales over the bridge and it's the first first one we came to and it's like it's not there Anymore, we can't figure it out We didn't We didn't like log in our heads what the services was called because we were just so high on custard and now it's like we just haven't seen it again. But like yeah, it was so great. And I know what you mean, probably the best that you

don't even remember the restaurant. Yeah. And it's the surroundings as well sometimes, isn't it? If you're in New York in Chinatown, it's so like evocative. Yeah. What were you doing in New York in Chinatown, it's so like evocative. And yeah, what were you doing in New York? Were you working? We were filming Boardwalk Empire. Nice. So it was quite a while ago. Al Capone.

You weren't still in character as Al Capone when you were in the movie. No, no, no. Dodging your taxes. Did you keep that in your mind when you were playing Al Capone? Did you go, remember, I'm not paying tax? Yeah. Does that help with the character? Uh, no, no, no.

Cause he was up to other stuff as well. He had a lot of other things going on. Yeah. Syphilis. Syphilis. Yes, he had syphilis. He went mad. And he got that from a very young age actually.

Did he? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that. And his scars were very interesting. How he got his scars as well. When he got there, they were around about when he was 17, 18 or 19, I think back in New York.

And he used to work in a restaurant. And there was a fella who was there with a young lady and he was a bit flippant, I was, and like kind of, you know, flippin' with this young girl in front of this fella. And the fella actually sliced his face. Oh my goodness. Three times, yeah. In a restaurant?

Yeah, it was like a kind of restaurant cafe where he worked, yeah. Not our restaurant, not the Dream Restaurant. No, that would never happen in the Dream Restaurant. No, no. It would not happen in the Dream Restaurant. Unless you wanted it to. If that's your dream, we're not going to stand in the way of it. People have rarely asked for that.

No, I should imagine. What would you want your Dream Restaurant to look like? And who do you want to be with for the meal as well? What are the surroundings? Obviously I'm there with Hannah, my missus. Okay, so can it, well it's a dream isn't it? Yeah, totally.

Oh, my mum, it'd be nice to see my mum again. So yeah, Hannah, my mum and my dad I think, and my two kids, yeah. And we're sat there. Should we make it someone's birthday? Yeah, of course. Okay, not mine. I don't want the attention. Let's make it Hannah's birthday. Hannah's birthday. Hannah's birthday. Yeah. And how, oh no, okay. So now I'm bringing a lot back from the dead

here. Let's have Hannah's mum and dad as well. You know what I mean? So I brought three from the dead. Yeah. You don't want to have to explain to Hannah that you've had this power and you've not brought her mum and dad. You forgot. Yeah, but exactly. That's what I'm well done. That's what my brain quickly did.

Yeah. So it's like, okay, we'll have all of those. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And it'd be nice for your mum to taste the New York wonton soup as well. Of course.

Yeah. As the fellow wonton soup fanatic. And she'd go, oh, well done, lad. You found it. Yeah. fellow one time soup fanatic. And she'd go, Oh, well done, lad, you found it. Um, yeah. So that's who's there. And we're in a nice round table with one of those. What's them?

What are them lovely? Lazy Susan. I love a lazy Susan. Yeah. It's a great name. It is a great name. It's really good. It's fun to tell you that.

It wasn't Susan. Definitely wasn't Susan. I'm not fucking lazy. She's got enlightened to the meal. Arrived. But it's like, you know, it moves around in the middle and who's, hmm, I think we'll call that a lazy. But anyway, one of those great tables and let's stick with the theme. Let's make it all, although none of the rest of the food is, but let's make it a lovely kind of Chinese restaurant. Yeah, nice. Yeah. And what does make a great wonton soup? What is the criteria that you're looking for every

time you've had? Flavour. Pure flavour. But they're not being stingy with the little wontons. Make sure that they've got a nice big, you know, they're solid. You don't want to be looking for them, right? No, no, because then it's all isn Isn't it? You know what I mean? Yeah. Nice packed wontons. Nice. You don't want it to leave you one ton more. How are we feeling about that?

I'm feeling bad about it. As soon as I said it. Hmm. Yeah. How do you think that go down in Liverpool? I do. That's why I'm silent. Yeah. We're doing so well. It probably wouldn't go well in Liverpool. silent. We're doing so well. Probably wouldn't go well in Liverpool.

I don't think that would go well in any country. Your dream main course. Okay. Steven. I'm torn between two. Anna's roast dinner is phenomenal. Yeah. She makes an amazing roast dinner. I think I'm torn between two. Anna's roasting it is phenomenal. She makes an amazing roasting there. I think I'll be too full and I want to douse on the couch after that. So that's not going to happen, but it is amazing.

So what I am going to do is I'm going to pull it from the memory banks and again, it's in New York, but I can mix it about with other things, can't I? So me and my mate Buck, we went down to the Chelsea Harbour, is it? I think. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. To this wonderful fish market. And we bought lobsters. Nice.

Right, but they weren't like ridiculously expensive. And they were two big, massive lobsters, huge lobsters. And he bought these lobsters and he bought some potatoes. Because I think we'd been to a restaurant a couple of nights before and we had lobsters and it was lovely, lobster's my favorite, it's delicious. And he was like, we should buy some. And I was like, what, where from?

He's like, we'll go to Chelsea Harbour. And I was like, what, you can cook lobsters? And he was like, yeah, we've got a big pot, we'll just do them. So we bought, you can cook lobsters? And he was like, yeah, we've got a big pot. We'll just do them. So we bought these massive giant lobsters and he bought some potatoes and he filled the pot and he literally, you know, it's not the nicest thing when it comes to cooking lobsters.

It's not very- But you do have to do that bit. Otherwise it's even weirder, I think. Well, of course, yeah. Yeah, that would be very weird. I don't want to be cruel. So I'm just going to eat it like a big apple. Yeah.

Yeah, that wouldn't. In the big apple. Yeah. In the big apple. Yeah. So we get something in Liverpool. If I did eat it like a big apple in the big apple, surely that I get something. Do I look like I'm laughing?

You don't, to be fair. So when you make me laugh, I will laugh. Yeah. That's better. Ed's done it a good few times. Yeah, that's true. You've seen me laugh, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love gigging Liverpool.

Well, I am capable of laugh. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are all capable of laughter. If we are made to laugh. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so back to the story.

Yeah. He throws the lobsters in the pot with some potatoes and then we crack them open and We had them with a little bit that was it so then them lobsters and he had them with some potatoes But what I would have with my lobster that I'd have that lobster from book I'd have me anti various chips because they're just don't believe they were unbelievable. They were they were the best chips ever They were phenomenal me anti various chips. They were thick, crispy, crunchy, but dead soft in the middle. They were the perfect chip.

Did she look a fryer at home? Yeah, she did. She did it in the fryer, like the old-fashioned, not this air fryer. You know, it was proper old-fashioned, big proper chip pan, better than chippy chips. Wow, that's a big call. And I'm saying it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm saying it. That's huge. Better than chippy chips. And I'm saying it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm saying it. That's huge. Better than Chippy Chips. Wow. Well better. These were gorgeous chips. So I'll have them and then I'll have some broccoli. Some long stem broccoli. Nice. Little bit of fresh chilli and some parmesan on the top. And that's it. I'm giving you the lemon. Yeah. Just to squeeze gently over the lobster. Are you putting butter on the lobster as well? I'm not okay Just because we're in training for you know, we've got to lose a little bit of weight

So I'm not yeah, but you're welcome to show you can even do a themador sauce if you want I always think that's yet I mean, it's not like I'm eating lobster every day or anything But I like the just the meat of it is so good. With a bit of butter is delicious. Yeah. So good. It's really good quality. And the things that's got loads of flavor in it.

You kind of don't want to cover that up. No, you don't want to mess with it too much. Do you? That sounds really nice. Do you like that? Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. That sounds amazing. You're getting stuck into that.

Yeah. I'll get stuck into that. Are you putting on a bib for the lobster? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You want to get stuck right into it. Yeah. And I like the fact you've got your antivirus chips with them as well. Like you've got like two memories going on at once there simultaneously.

Yeah. And maybe you've always, you clearly always thought, what if I could just combine those chips with this? Well, yeah, that was exactly it. So, uh... Do you, is, are your antivirus chips, do you think about them every time you're having chips? I haven't had chips for a long time, but my Antivirus used to make the best chips bar none.

My mum was all right, but she couldn't, she didn't have a patch on my Antivirus chips. So that's almost good that you've had the best chips you'll ever have. So now when you're in training and you're not having chips, you don't, you don't worry about it because they're never going to be as good. No. And even to the extent when I took my, when Grace and Alfie, when we go to Liverpool occasionally, and when my Antivirus was around, we even to the extent when I talk my when Grace and Alfie when we go to the pool Occasionally and when my auntie Vera was around we go to our Vera's the first thing them two kids would say was

Vera can we have some chips and she'd go yeah, all right So your dream size dish can I have some spinach yeah. Okay, I'll have a little bit of spinach then as well. Garlic, fresh garlic. Yeah, I'll mix it in there with the spinach. I do love spinach more and more. I'm a big broccoli and spinach guy. Cause growing up, you're like, just get that down. You know, you're supposed to eat it

if you want everything else. But now I look forward to the broccoli and spinach. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah. It's a good vehicle for garlic and butter essentially. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good stuff. Great vehicle. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah. It's a good vehicle for garlic and butter. Essentially. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's good stuff. Great vehicle. See, that's funny. It's funny. What, with the vehicle? Yeah, I liked it. Are you sure?

Yeah, but I just saw like- That was like a small- No, I'm not letting you explain. Do I have to explain? I just thought it was funny. He's in a vehicle and I just saw some little broccoli sitting on some, you know, some- What was he doing? Broccoli in some vehicle.

It's me, you know. That's what I was doing. He played with the words. He was a vehicle. It's me. You know, he played with the words. He was very clever. That's you doing the work. He didn't mean a little bit of garlic sitting on the broccoli. That's not me doing the work. It's given from my head to go, Oh, that's funny. Sometimes you just have to plant the seed when you're, when you're a funny comedian. What the funny is this guy? Anyway, you just, you know, some people are naturally funny. No matter what I'm saying.. I gene wilder don't have to work Hey, you do and a gene wilder. Yeah, I've said yeah

You in that you in that I shall on now, yeah, listen, I'm your biggest fan it I I pick you up all the time That's true, but wilder. Yeah We're talking to cheat wilder. Yeah, you're saying yeah. Yeah Wow Wilder. Yeah. And you're saying yeah. Yeah. Wow. Look, you're wonka now. Holy moly. Well, congratulations. Thank you. Didn't know you're the new Gene Wilder. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you say. If you're funny, it just, yeah, it just seeps out your pores, doesn't it? It's just a natural ability. Yeah. So you meant, you meant to put in the image of a little bit of garlic riding on some broccoli like a vehicle. No, the broccoli is the vehicle. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So the garlic's riding on the broccoli. Yes, but now you're explaining it, you've made it not funny, which is just... With the chilli and stuff. Yeah. It's just, it has to just hit you subliminally. Do you know what I mean? I just saw him sitting on that vehicle.

Yeah. He brought the garlic and the chilli to life. Yeah. Put yourself in my shoes if I'm seeing Ramesh on a chat show. And he's my friend and he's getting absolutely destroyed. Like torn limb from limb. The audience applauded your comment. I think they found me funny and I think that's like you know. Did you speak to Ramesh in the green room after? Me and Ramesh text often he's a lovely fella yeah we get on really well. So Ramesh didn't mind and you've gone on this campaign. Yeah. On Ramesh text often, he's a lovely fellow, yeah we get on really well. So Ramesh didn't mind?

And you've gone on this campaign on Ramesh's behalf, you haven't even chat with him? In the defense of war. I defended all comedy, all comedians. Stephen likes comedy. I love comedy. Yeah, I guess I can't say you don't because you did find the vehicle joke funny. And at the time it was funny Yeah, I do accepts full responsibility. You're running the joke into the ground. Yeah, you're moving the humor from it

Yeah, Wilder wouldn't do that and you can tell I like comedy because I plucked out Gene Wilder from nowhere And even you were impressed. And what's going on first? It did come out nowhere. Yeah. Yeah. What's like? No, no, I'm similar.

Only a true comedian could know how funny Jim Wilder actually was. Yeah, that's true. That's why I hate you. Yeah. See, what I've done is I've beaten you without raising a finger. That is what's scary about it. It's like, it's like the fights already happened in a way. Yeah.

It's psychological. And it's over. We now don't need to fight. Completely in my own head. Yeah. It's like, you know, you know, in a, yeah, you know, because like we were talking about food and now I'm just defeated. Yeah. And it's like, you know, when this is England and you're talking about the food, they seem

to be milking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're talking about rice and peas and making food. Of course, yeah. And that's how I feel. Yeah. Can I tell you a quick little story about that? I think I know this. Oh, do you? Well, that's an awful interview technique.

Imagine that having a guest on and them saying they're going to tell a story and going, I know this. I think I know this one before you tell it. I'm just doing my own head. I can't even interview people now. I'm just letting them spoil the people's stories. Graham Norton knows everyone's stories before he, yeah. Norton is just setting people up. Yeah. He never says, yeah. I know this one. The researcher told me it. I know this one. He's never done that. No. I don't know. I don't know the story. Okay, I'll tell you. Thank you.

The night before we did that scene. Yeah, I know this. Okay. But I shall tell you. I asked Shane and I asked Jimmy, who played Milky, because we were filming in, we were filming in Nottingham, I think, at that time. And I asked if we could go to his nana's house and his nana could make us some proper rice and peas.

And we sat down and had a really lovely, lovely dinner. And I met his family and it was kind of, you know, for me, I wanted to do that so we could have that experience. And then also in the same respect, I wanted his nana and his side of the family to know that what we were going to do the next day, because we didn't really know what we were going to do. We had an idea of where it may go, but the beauty and the genius that is Shane Meadows,

that's the kind of, that's how we work. You know, you improvise it so you're never sure what's going to happen. You don't really have an end goal. It's all about where we go to and how we get there creatively as a collective, which is beautiful, which is a wonderful way to work. So it was for me to explain that whatever happened that next day, that's not how Stephen thinks at all, and that's not where Stephen comes from, just to really explain it to them. But also, you know, to

share that. There's something lovely about sharing a meal with someone else's family, isn't it? You know what I mean? They accept you into their family and you, you know, it was really beautiful. And also I felt it was vital and important for me to explain that I'm mixed race as well. Do you know what I mean?

So they completely understood where I was coming from. And then it just gave us that kind of sense of when we were talking about it within the scene, we have that emotional connection and experience with it because we did it last night. So I know what it's like to be in his joyous family and he's speaking about what his family are like and how lovely it is because I met his aunties, his uncles, his nanas. So I saw that, you know what I mean? And then we took that kind of knowledge and information and that emotional connection with sitting around together into the experience of the scene, which just gave it that real kind of sense of gravity as well, I suppose, you know what I mean?

It came from a place of truth and authenticity, which is something I think every artist is striving for. Yeah, and when you did the TV series for This Is England and the character came back, is it the same process there with the improvising? Because I remember, because I love the film so much and then the TV series was almost like another magic trick where you go, because obviously you always got hope that they don't like undo what happened in the film. And especially bringing your character back and like reconcile and trying to reconcile with that character and I felt that by the end it was the perfect end to it and this but it could have gone so many ways were you improvising that as well like that what those characters were doing in the TV series or did you have a really clear thing of this is where we

want this to go between these two characters? No again it's that same kind of process Jack as well, Jack Thorne who wrote that with Shane they have a structure and we kind of have an idea of what's going to happen in the scene. But then as again, you know, we're allowed to improvise and create in that process. But we do have a rough idea where we're going to go to and it's about us finding the same objective together to get there. Do you know what I mean? But it's all improvised. Jack writes so beautifully, you absorb his writing, and then you speak within the scenes, and you suddenly realize that,

oh, yeah, I'm saying a lot of the stuff that I've read, but you're also adding on top of it, do you know what I mean? So that was, and that was one of the key reasons. I did say when, because I was, like you've just said, that I had that same fear thinking, is it going to be as good as the film? Surely the film's on its own. We should leave it alone.

But it was when it was explained and for me it was more about then getting to follow the other characters and letting them all have a moment in the sunshine. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I thought it was a beautiful series. I thought it was so well done. The television series. That whole final series, you know, is for me when I was watching it, it's like this is all about forgiveness. Yeah. And I just think that's an important thing for all of us to just keep in mind in this room with each other. I see what

you've done. Yeah. Just like where you're going. Just life in general. Yeah, I get that. You've done really well, but you know, I think that the key, one of the key aspects of forgiveness is to make sure that the other person, as well as yourself, accepts full accountability for their behavior. Yeah. Because then they're still holding on to something and you can never truly... I'm a fucking piped out monger. I'm trying to defend myself. Your dream drink, Stephen Gray?

Where my Nana used to live on the road, in my Nana's road, the lemon van used to come round and the lemon van was, I think it was Schofield Lemonade and it was a red van and back in the day where you'd get crepes, a lemon would be delivered, do you know what I mean? And if you give the bottle back, it was 10 pence. Yeah. The bottle was 10 pence, and you got your 10 pence back. But there used to be all these lovely flavors. But I'm just thinking about that.

I remember like, during the summer, running around the block in that, playing footy, and just like running everywhere. And maybe about 13, 12, probably about 11, 12, 10, 11, 12, running into me nanas, grabbing the Lemmo out the fridge and just taking the top off and just, you know that guzzle when you're young. Just necking it, yeah, yeah.

Where you feel like you're about to have a heart attack, you just can't, your eyes are popping out and everything, you've got tears coming down your face and you're just like, and then you put it down and then that lovely bit in Elf went in and you just had this almighty beer, didn't you? From nowhere. And the particular flavour that I used to always in the fridge, I think it was pineapple. Pineapple lemonade. Pineapple lemonade. Great. Full of thousands of E numbers. Of course it was.

Was it like bright yellow? Bright yellow. Each kid was getting a hell of a head rush on a bus from its state of way. Do you know what I mean? It was our first apple with drugs really, lemonade. Yeah, yeah. With the amount of stuff that must have been in it. The amount of sugar in there. But that was it. It's got to be, and it was Schofield's lemonade. It was Schofield's lemonade and it was the pineapple flavor. Was that the best tasting burp from the lemonade?

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Proper taste of pineapple when it comes back up. Yeah, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr as well wasn't it? I was just like a little, excuse me, it was boom. I can't imagine how excited I would have been if there was a lemonade van coming around my house. I'd be at the window all day. It was great. Sounds great. I've never seen a lemonade van before. Every week. Every week. The Lemmo van used to come around. And also you'd jump on the back of it as well and get a little ride and get you out of that and have to jump off.

Yes. On the back of the Lemmo van. The poor Lemmo van driver. Yeah. Every street you guys What were the other flavors do you remember yes, they had American cream soda nice Which was green. Oh wow.

Fluorescent green. Then they had your traditional lemonade. You had not Coca Cola. You had a Cola. Oh, and then there was like a kind of defunct. Oh, Dandelion and Beard Och. Nice. Of course.

Dandelion and Beard Och. And then they had this kind of like Tizer, but not quite Tizer. Because it wasn't Tizer. Was it orange? Oh, they had an orange. Yeah, yeah. But then they had another flavor, like a red, maybe it was raspberry, but it wasn't quite raspberry.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, so they had a crate. We used to get a crate. I mean, I used to get a crate every, I don't know if it must've been Friday or something like that. Right. And where was, was Schofield's like a local, like was that that guy?

I don't know if it was that fella. It must've been the was that fella, it must have been the company that made the lemonade. But the bottles, they had Scofield on the bottle, Scoey's bottles, I remember that, because Drew Scofield lived across the road from my nana. And at first when I was a kid I used to think they were his. Drew Scofield is one of the reasons why I'm an actor today, he's from Liverpool, he's a wonderful actor. And he was in a thing called Scully when I was a kid. And because he lived across the road from my nanny,

and I'd see him, I knew that being an actor could be achievable, it was obtainable, because there's Drew and he lives across the road, so if Drew can do it, maybe I can do it. I even said that to the careers officer, when the careers officer went, so what do you wanna do? And I went, I I can do it. I even said that to the careers officer when the careers officer went, uh, so what do you want to do? And I went, I want to be an actor.

He's like, no, come on, what do you want to do? I was like, yeah, I want to want to be an actor. He's like, no, no, no, come on, proper job. You know, you'd be a brickie or an electrician or something. I went, no, I want to be an actor. No, no, you can't be an actor. When I can, Drew's an actor. He had no fucking answer to that. Yeah. Because Drew was an actor and Drew is an actor and he I can, Drew's an actor. He had no fucking answer to that, didn't he?

Because Drew was an actor and Drew is an actor and he's a phenomenal actor. His name's Drew Schofield, that's the connection. But he's not connected to the lemonade. I don't think so. I'd have to ask him. But no, I don't think the lemon had anything to do with him. If you'd known, if you'd found out he was, that might have destroyed your dreams of being an actor because you're like, of course he's just a, he's in the biz. Yeah, actually. With went to lemonade. Yeah.

Well, maybe that could have been his cover. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I had a teacher at school tell me that I couldn't do any of like, you know, I was saying like I wanted to do comedy and all, it's a bunch of different things. He said, can't do that, it's not going to happen. And then she turned, no, I'm not sure what you're going to think of this story actually.

You are so in your own head. You've never said that. You've never preempted one of your stories by saying, I'm not sure what you're going to think. Well, we'll see what your opinion is. Yeah. Oh, by the way, I've heard this one. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, you know, you know, you know what happens. Yeah. Yeah. I was on tour. I went on stage in Cambridge and someone had their, not just their feet, but their entire legs on the stage. I looked and it was her, my teacher from school, who told me I couldn't do this.

I looked down and it was her, two of her mates, they're hammered. They just ruined the whole show. The whole show just shouting out, shout heck then. And then when I tried to deal with them, they go, they turn serious and go, show some respect, that's your teacher. I was like, at the time I was like, I don't know, 30. I was like, I'm 30 years old.

I don't have a teacher anymore. They're like, ah, shut up. They ruined it. And I came on stage and I was still on Facebook at the time. And I went, I had a message from her because she had followed me on Facebook after school. And she said, she was hammered, she was like, that was great. We had a great night. We're in the pub across the street.

Come and have a drink with us. So I messaged back. Oh, where's this going? Now she's my wife. I got it. I got Stephen Crayham everyone. He's laughing. He's laughing.

Gene Wilder. now she's my wife. I got it! I got Stephen Clay back here while he's laughing! He's laughing, Gene Wilder. Gene Wilder, come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination. But basically I said to her, I'm not going to go drink. And then she said, people next to us, they've bullied us for ruining the show. They said we ruined the show. They don't know what comedy is. And I said, actually, I would never do this now. I just ignore the message. But I went, actually, you did kind of ruin it.

She was like, no, we didn't. She was like, that's what comedy is about. And I was like, well, I don't think, and it was going on for a week back and forth. Oh. Kept replying to her, arguing with my old school teacher. She was like, you know what you're on about, we were great. And then a newspaper, a local Cambridge newspaper wrote a review of it, the gig. And the headline was something like, sadly or tragically, it started out.

Oh God. The comediest gig tragically ruined by ex-teacher was the headline. Oh, okay. I did not know this story. That's amazing. The whole article slags her off. I just forwarded it to her. I just had to forward it and went, I think some people agree with me that you did. Any response from her? She did. She said, well, fair enough then. I'm sorry. And that was it. Oh, so she did apologize.

She did apologize at the end. then I'm sorry and that was it. Oh, so she did apologize. She did apologize at the end. We arrive at your dream dessert. Do you have a sweet tooth for you into desserts? Um, I can be, yeah, occasionally, but this is, there's two. One sounds quite poncy and the other one's like really kind of, yeah. I'll go with a poncy one first. Okay. I forgot the name of the restaurant. Oh, hang on. Where is it? You've got the BAFTA building Nate and it's just down that way a little bit. It's called erm. The Woolsey? That's it. Oh wow. Well done. Well done Ed. Well done Ed. Yeah well done. Not bad. See look I'm saying you can't just pull it out of my head, can you? He can. He can. He pulled it out of his head. Amazing. Well done.

I've got a bit that that was good. Come with me. Mr Wonka. Okay. So it's in there. It's in the Walsley, which is a really lovely establishment. It is. And it is a milf we. Lovely. Yeah. You looked so happy just remembering it there. Well, because it's absolutely delicious. Yeah. Yeah. The particular one that they do is gorgeous. Yeah. And what is it? What is it? Ed, could you, do you want to describe the perfect milk whey? Puff pastry layers with sweetened cream would you say in between sometimes with fruit maybe would like raspberries or something like that

mmm dusted with dusted with icing sugar on the top yeah yeah and like beautiful soft creamy center but then also the real texture of the the snap of the puff pastry yeah yeah what's the description the snap of the puff pastry. Yeah, it's perfect. What a description. Yeah, well done. Yeah. That was well described. Yeah, top marks. So that's one. The other one is Minanna's apple crumble.

Beautiful. Which is, you know, it was just so lovely. And I just remember it so much as a kid. I have such fond vivid memories of being in my Nana's kitchen. We come from a big family, a huge family and Sundays and that she used to make dinners and but it'd be all different times. You know, people would be coming into the house at different times and all that and everything and she'd make a wonderful Sunday dinner.

But her apple crumble was unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. It was just the perfect consistency. There was loads of crumble because I ate it when he just give you the tiny slither of crumble. The crumble was thick and you could really get your teeth into it. But then the apples was soft but still slightly just enough, not quite, you know, that kind of al dente type at the beginning, just for that initial, but then it was like, yeah. And the layer of pastry as well at the bottom was perfect. It just used to, it would just add that right density to it and it was just delicious.

And the custard was always, always homemade. Beautiful. Always homemade. No disrespect to you, but none of the Ambrosia are the tinstuff, do you know what I mean? Or these days are the carton, which I find strange. Yeah, custard in the carton. What are you doing? It feels weird.

What are you playing at? Custard in the carton. No, no, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. But they do. But it was proper made from scratch and it was absolutely delicious. Yeah. So I think that has to be up there. And I just remember, you know, in my Nana's kitchen as well, when she used to make, she used to make like little lemon tarts and jam tarts and loads of little fairy cakes and stuff like that and mixing the stuff in the bowl, mixing it all together in a bowl. And then like about three or four of us stood there waiting to get the spoon. It sounds terrible as they would get the spoon and she'd take it back and give it to the next one. Yeah, it was lovely. It was the best. Yeah. Getting the spoon. I remember it wasn't surprising. This isn't

really going to do me any favors in the, you know, trying to sound tough. I mean, other than that ship sailed. But like, um, I was in the scouts for like ages. And I remember there was one, there was one one night where we were just making something, I don't know what it was, but probably was like cakes or something. It was pancake day or some shit. And we all wanted to just like have the mixture. And there was this really like this scout master who was a bit, bit stern. And he said, if you eat that, you will die. bit stern and he said, if you eat that, you will die. I remember it vividly.

We've been eating this all our lives. We're all fine. It's like, do not eat that. That is basically poison. And if you do, that is very, very serious about it. So like the amount of raw dough I ate as a child. Love it. Absolutely love it. I was like, don't cook it mum. Yeah. We just want that.

Yeah. So when Ben and Jerry started doing cookie dough and ice cream, I was like, finally someone gets me. Someone understands who I am. Yeah. Yeah. I love sweet stuff. I think we've got a big sweet tooth.

It's a big part of the podcast. Yeah. I can tell you the only sweet thing that I don't like, Stephen, is, and it makes me wince just thinking about it. The... Millefeuille and Stephen's Nana's apple crumble. Imagine, imagine if I tried that right at the end. You get away with a milk sweet but.

Yeah, yeah. Stay away from the nanny. Absolutely. Taking my life in my own hands. All the bare knuckle trading comes into full. I'll be dead. Yes. No, it's the sugar in the kettle, in the water time. Oh, that makes me wince that that every time I think about that. Yeah.

It's one of the most painful scenes I think I've ever seen in a TV show in a film, anything. There's obviously the performance of the person who has it chucked on him because obviously they just do it so well. Shot brilliantly as well wasn't it? Yeah it was so fast. Because we're in there as well, we're in the room, we come in, we see the cattle, we see it all, we're like what are you doing, what's going on? And then we go with and then we see and then we see the action of and we come back with that person and we hear the scream. So quickly done, horrible. Jimmy McGovern, what a marvellous writer. But again, you know, that's based on those things. I mean, that really happens in those situations.

Which I didn't know, I obviously didn't know anything about that. There was certain things. James Nelson Joyce, who's also in A Thousand Blows. Oh, wow. He plays my brother in A Thousand Blows, James. He plays, oh, that's weird. He plays Treacle. Ah. I play Sugar. He plays treacle. Yeah,

keep you two apart. Yeah. Actually sugar and treacle. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah. We shot something there, do you remember? Oh yes, we did. In the prison. In the same prison that you shot time in. Yeah. Yeah. We did Celebrity Hunted, where you get hunted by professional man hunters. Oh, I've seen that on Channel 4. I've seen betrayers of it. Was it good fun to do? Yeah.

But they always want to start it somewhere different. And they were like, this is going to be, you're all in a prison and you break out of a prison. Okay. And as soon as we got there, that's the first thing they said, they shot time here. Well, there's one of the cells is like, has signed up saying, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That he stayed, he was in that cell. Yeah. Yeah. That he stayed, he was in that cell. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sean, Sean's character was in that cell. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, they're very proud of it. That as they should be. How did you get on with? We tried to, we tried to be funny, Steve. Okay. So we weren't very good at being- So you can imagine.

Escaping the hunters. Yeah. He's just- We lasted a week. Did you? Yeah, we lasted a week. Did you? Yeah, we lasted a week. Be honest with me then. Is it like kind of, okay, film's finished now, go back to your hotel? No, not at all.

So you've got to find places to stay along the way by a certain point when they stop filming. Legitimately. Legitimately, yeah. So we would arrive, we'd be basically in a race to get to where we wanted to go to be able to sleep somewhere. We were like going to pubs and, you know, begging for a room and all of that sort of stuff. Yeah. It was more real than I thought. If I'd known how real it was, you wouldn't have signed up for it.

It was really good watching him realize that. It was fun. Yeah, I enjoyed it. We had some good food and drink there. One of the best pint I've ever had was on the run with Ed. The Timofee Taylor. Yeah. There's nothing more refreshing than a pint after a long day on the run. Yeah. After a long day of running for your life. I'm going to read your menu back to you now.

See how you feel about it. Okay. You would like tap water from? Rovaniemi. You would like popadoms. We didn't really talk much about that. Starter, you would like one ton soup from Chinatown in New York. Main course you would like lobster from Chelsea Harbor, Auntie Vera's chips on the side.

Your side dish, we got the long stem broccoli with the chili and the parmesan with a bit of lemon to go over all the lobster and spinach and garlic as well on the side. Drink Schofield's pineapple lemonade, dessert, the milk whey from the Walsley and Nana's apple crumble with homemade custard. What do you think about that? I think that sounds really nice. That does sound really nice. The two desserts sort of sum up your menu really nicely because there's like some fancy

things in your menu and then some stuff that means loads to you from being a kid as well. It's a really nice mix of the two things Yeah, I never thought about it like that. Yeah, the lobster and Yeah, yeah, yeah, and look yeah, you know I'd like to take this opportunity even to Apologize for what I said to a Zuka Hoyle in that episode. I think that was okay He doesn't know about he doesn't know about the other episodes yet. Well I think we can we can both safely say that you know we'll put this behind us.

I just want you to know though James that I do find you funny. Yeah thank you Stephen. You're a very... I might not show it that often. Yeah. But I do find you funny. Thank you. You're a gifted actor, you're an inspiration to...

Some of us... Ed, you're pointing at Ed? Are born great. Some of us achieve greatness. Yep. And some of us have greatness through us to go on. Which one has changed? He's not in any of them.

Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Stephen. Thank you so much, Stephen. Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant Stephen. Thank you so much Stephen. Thank you very much. So how do you think that went James? Well yeah, we don't have to release all the episodes we record do we? Benito? I mean that one. We don't have to release all the episodes. We don't have to but that one I think ranks in probably my top top three This is the top one actually to be honest top one that is the most fun I've had during a recording of this podcast. What an amazing man. He is we're releasing this episode James This I think the listeners should bear in mind that

you know the way stuff sounds on audio isn't necessarily how it is in the room and like you got to say that it's exactly what it was in the room that is so that was so much fun man yes well yeah cause it was fun for you yeah cool Gene Wilder yeah he loved me you came up with that brilliant garlic vehicle bit I didn't dare say it at the time but that wasn't supposed to be a joke. Wow. Yeah. Wow. But you know, he loved it. Yeah, he loved it. Oh man, I mean, I guess people should go and watch A Thousand Blows on Disney+. I mean, I was going

to watch it anyway but I'm going to watch it with a whole new appreciation of what it's like. I don't know if I will be able to watch all of it I mean this is still image of him is like if I had a punch at the camera. Yeah, that's your POV mate It's my POV. I think he's still outside. Oh god. He is. James genuinely looks I didn't look here But he might be outside still Watch a thousand blows on Disney plus from the 21st of Feb and watch Adolescents on Netflix, that is coming soon. Both of them look absolutely amazing and what an episode. Listen to this episode again.

And I cannot wait to see what clips Benito picks for this episode. Benito, don't put any clips out. There's no need to put clips out of this episode. I think a mega mix of all the times where Stephen got angry and was dead staring at you because a lot of people won't be able to appreciate that from the audio when he was just absolutely dead staring at you. I think a mega mix of all of those things strung together and we release it and say most awkward podcast of all time. But he said do not do a mega mix and do not say most awkward podcast. Don't try and make this a bigger deal than it is. This is viral beyond viral. Some episodes should be allowed to fly under the radar.

No, not this one. This is way above radar. Does that mean it's also not on the radar? It's so high above the radar it's not on the radar. No, it's on radar. Oh God. It's like a, this is a commercial passenger jet. Okay, well.

He didn't say knuckle sandwich, did he? No. So if you tried to give him a knuckle sandwich he would have avoided eating that. Yeah, I don't think he would have eaten that necessarily if I'd offered him a knuckle sandwich. Lovely menu as well, got to be said. Yeah, to be fair the menu was pretty delicious. Really nice, some wonderful stories and memories. I think that. From across Stephen's life. You dropped me in it. I didn't drop you in it. You dropped me in it. I was it I was I was I was speaking I was just having a nice chat with you from the beginning I was being nice and civil you dropped me in it. I had to address little snitch playing in the audio Yeah, that was snitchy actually. It's a snitch. Yeah

You drop me in it first and then he played the audio and that ruined everything and I if you hadn't done that It would have been a lovely episode anyway, but from the beginning, I think we had to tell him why there was an atmosphere created by you in the room. Because you didn't burst out the lamp, you didn't shout poppadoms or bread, because you were scared. As soon as you can't prove I was scared. As soon as it... Well, you went big in the intro. As soon as he walked into the studio, you look like a little boy, quaking.

He's different in person when you see him in person hmm it's actually quite tough lovely we got on really well really nice man well hopefully we have someone that you can overpower next week who's next week Benito who thinks we've got the schedule well look you need to go have a little lie down that was absolutely amazing I loved every single second of that the The menu, meeting Stephen, his reaction to you. It was absolutely perfect. This is why years into the game, we're still the best podcast out there.

We're still the best podcast. Oh no. But unfortunately, it's the final episode because James is now so in his own head, he can't speak English. Also, before we go, please never, when a guest says, I've got a story about that, say, I know this one. I did know it. Yeah.

Listeners, I'll just step out of it quickly. Obviously that was really fun. It was amazing meeting Stephen. It was amazing he went with that and improvised these incredible monologues. Just what a talent that man is. And a lot of the stuff James was doing, being silly, what a great guy James is. Wonderful comedian, pitched it perfectly. Benito was the perfect snitch.

But when James said, I know that story, that wasn't him trying to egg on the situation. He genuinely, a guest said, I've got a story about that. And James went, I know that one. That was total instinct from James. So now I'm getting a real dressing down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had a load of comical ones. Yeah.

And we've all been having a laugh but at the end of it I still get told off for real. I'm all hot my hands up. I don't know what it was. It was insane that I said that. Yeah, we're having such a laugh. I mean, I really hope we could release some sort of clip where it shows Stephen laughing and enjoying it because to go from acting like he's going to kill James to laughing, just what an amazing thing to switch into. And it's such a nice smiley man. A lovely smiley man. I don't know if you can tell I'm buzzing after that episode.

Do you know what? I am going to say that now as well at the end of the episode. He was a lovely man. A lovely smiley man. We were all in on that. It was all fun. And I'm only saying that because I don't want never jeslin it kind of hands But don't everyone trolling Stephen Graham. They think he was made to be there. No, they'll be trolling you mate. What I'm trolling you No one's gonna trick because no one else in the UK is stupid enough to try and have a go at Stephen Graham We'll see you next week. Don't preempt guest stories. We'll see. I made no promises. Bye bye!