Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 288: Bridget Christie (Tasting Menu)

Episode Date: April 16, 2025

In our second Tasting Menu episode, ‘Taskmaster’ star and writer/star of ‘The Change’, Bridget Christie, returns for a surprise set of dream dishes. But she’s got bigger problems to deal with… All episodes of series two of Bridget’s sitcom ‘The Change’ are available now on Channel 4. Watch it here.Follow Bridget on Instagram @bridget.christie.14Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Huge news from off-menu towers, James. Big announcements! We've just added extra dates for off-menu live, the tasting menus at the Royal Albert Hall. We will be there on Sunday 15th March 2026 at 2pm. Sunday 15th March at 7.30pm. It's on Sunday 15th March, two shows, 2026. Tickets from RoyalAlbertHall.com and Ctickets.com Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Or is it, James? Or is it? It's another tasting menu.

Another tasting menu. Some of you may have heard the first tasting menu format that we did with the wonderful John Kearns. And now we're back for another bite of the cherry. Bridget Christi... Should we say it at the same time? I wasn't going to say we've got another bite of the cherry Bridget Christi. I was going to explain what the format was just in case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Explain what the format is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we've got a secret special guest surprise. Yes. It's a big surprise And we invite a former guest back into the dream restaurant, but they don't get their dream meal No, they get the dream meal of another former guest. Yes So, you know, we have a fan favorite in the meal of a fan favorite. Yes, exactly and

Guys, this is gonna blow your mind the special guest having a tasting menu today is Bridget Christie Bridget Christie one of our absolute favorites James on the podcast outside of the podcast on stage on screen She's amazing a legend very excited to have Bridget back So many people have come up to me since Bridget's episode and said how much that's they love that episode is their favorite one Yes, we listen to it So very excited the budgets coming back in and also very excited that the change is back but it's sitcom the second series It's all available now to watch on for channel 4.com

Yeah, get yourself to channel 4.com all of the episodes are now available for you to watch But I'm guessing a lot of you have probably seen it already. Hopefully. So rewatch them. So rewatch them, rewatch them and then rewatch them. Yeah. Now we do have to give Bridget a tasting menu. So we've had to pick another guest who's been on the podcast before. I just think of a menu that might appeal to Bridget or she might have some opinions on. Yeah. I think this time we've gone with a menu that Bridget might have some opinions on rather than Appeal to her because I think we've picked one of the menus that has absolutely no appeal to anyone apart from the original Guest yeah, and that original guest is Nick Mohammed. Nick Mohammed's menu famously one of the worst menus absolutely disgusting

Yeah, and I just like to hear Bridget's take on it, what Bridget thinks. Maybe we'll be surprised. Maybe some of this Bridget will actually really like, maybe she'll love all of it and be like, I think this is delicious actually. And you've all been too harsh on Nick. Yes, perhaps. I'm not sure though. And also it's just a great opportunity to catch up with Bridget, isn't it? Yeah. This is what these are good for, is getting guests in and getting to pick their brains

again and you know, with John, we sort of, we'd sort of talked about the menus given. Yeah, yeah, we definitely did. But you know, the backbone of the conversation was other things. We want to get to know, get to know the guest even more. Yeah, so I'm sure there'll be some tangent spinning, but it'll just be great to see Bridget again.

No secret ingredient. No secret ingredient. She can't be kicked out. No. This is not the off menu to see Bridget again. No secret ingredient. No secret ingredient. She can't be kicked out. No. This is not the off menu menu of Bridget Christie. Bridget Christie. Bridget Christie. Welcome back Bridget to the dream restaurant.

Good to see you again, mate. Hi Bridget. I thought you'd say more, sorry. No. Thanks very much for having me. You're drinking your short oat cortado. Decaf. Decaf cortado. Yeah.

It's smaller in here. Are people seeing this? Yeah, yeah. People will kind of... We are filming it a little bit, but they won't see the whole episode, but there'll be clips and they'll be able to see. They're used to this by now, this room, but you're not. Because this isn't the off menu, off menu, is it?

No. But is it the same room that you do that one and this one in? What do you mean by all of that? Well, this isn't the regular podcast, is it? Because I've done that. Yeah, you've done that. So you're back and there's a sort of a slightly new format that we're going to explain to you.

Oh, great. This isn't the off menu, off menu, but this is where we do all of our episodes. Yeah. Physically, this is the room we do them in. Why have you made it smaller? Well I think the first time you did the show, this wasn't built yet. So we were just on a table in this room, but that wall wasn't there. Okay.

That wasn't ideal, that room. You weren't in here. It was just temporary. Ben wasn't in here. Ben would have been in here, yeah. You were in the room when we were recording? Yeah, Ben was in the room with us. Oh my god. There was all four of us in that room. You weren't in here. It was just temporary. Ben wasn't in here. Ben would have been in here, yeah. You were in the room when we were recording? Yeah, Ben was in the room with us. Oh god. It was all four of us in that room. Were you sat behind me or something? No, no one was sat behind you. We were sat all facing each other. They were around a square table instead of a round one, like a rectangular table. Gosh, you produced that really well. Yeah, almost invisible. Yeah, but that's, yeah. And now you know what it's like to be a middle aged lady. Here we go. But I guess it's smaller because it's as better for sound as well. It's like it keeps the yeah, it's not as echoey. Yeah, but it's harsh. Like this hard, this hard surfaces everywhere. Usually you'd put like curtains up and stuff and carpet. Mark my words, I think Ben has done an awful job with this.

Yeah, it's an awful job. I don't think you've done a very good job. It's always so nice to people that when she even mops isn't, she can't take it. No, I take it back. You span round in your chair and your eyes were like, I can't believe I just said that. I did not mean a single word of it. You know, is this the new format? What do you mean? What's the new format? We're talking about the materials of the room.

No, you introduced that. Did I? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So no, no, we don't bring them on and we talk about the materials in the room. I was going to say. No, that was just, you were asking. I was, what I was going to say was, is this doing, is it going well for you? The podcast or this new format?

This new, talking about what the room's made of? Well, no, but we've never done that before. Oh, okay. This is the first time we've done that. So this is a new format, on top of the new format, but you've introduced, I can't stress enough you introduced talking about the room. Well I'll have to play it back to check. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, don't just take us on our word. I wouldn't. You should listen back to it. But I think in terms of how that format is going, this new one where we talk about the room, pretty well, on paper it doesn't sound good, but I think actually it's going quite well. I think you can talk about anything, can't you?

Yes. The guests, isn't it? Is there anything you'd like to talk about apart from the room itself that we can just talk about that for a bit? Well, something has come up, which is that I thought my guts had exploded two weeks ago. Honest to God, I was sat watching telly and I was like, oh, I think I need the toilet. Oh no, because this is a food podcast. No, I'll just tell you anyway, because it's just happened. So I thought either my appendix has burst or my guts have exploded. Either way, this isn't good. And I've had

two children and this, what was happening to me was worse than contractions. Oh God. So I went to the downstairs toilet, my son was upstairs revising for his A levels, didn't want to worry him, but I thought, you know, I've got quite a high pain threshold, but I was like, I was on the floor in the toilet for half an hour. Guess what it was? I didn't know what it was. It was a kidney stone.

Yeah. I was going to guess that. That was going to be't know what it was. It was a kidney stone. Yeah. I was going to guess that. That was going to be my first guess. Yeah. Cause my wife's had those. Oh my God. Were you with her when she had the thing? Yeah. It was awful. It was absolutely horrendous. Honestly, it was worse than having maybe not my first child, but it was worse than having my second child who was quite small when she was born. Well, she was bigger than a kidney stone, but the pain of this was absolutely off the charts.

Did you go to the hospital? Yeah. And they did a scan and they said, yeah, it's less than five millimetres. So you just got to pass it. But why leave it in there though? Anyway, that's not the thing that I was going to say. Okay. When you passed it, did you have a nice cup of tea? No, it's still in there though? Anyway, that's not the thing that I was going to say. Okay. When you passed it, did you have a nice cup of tea? No, it's still in there. Like when you gave birth?

It's in there. I haven't passed it. When you do, will you have a nice cup of tea and some toast like when you gave birth? Oh, no. I will keep it though. But I did say to the doctor, will I know when I've passed it? And he said some people do and some people don't. But wouldn't it make a dropping sound? But I did say to the doctor, will I know when I've passed it? And he said some people do and some people don't. Yeah. But wouldn't it make a dropping sound?

Depends on how big is it? I mean, it's less... Four millimetres. Four millimetres. I'm not sure if that would make a dropping sound. I'm not sure. Depends how dense it is. Yeah.

It's calcium, isn't it? Yeah. But the other thing is that I also have thought that I've had a hernia for about five years. No one can get to the bottom of it. Yeah. I have this thing that appears and disappears. Uh-huh. What, just like a bump?

No, it's like a long... Can you take things out of this? Or... The only way I can describe it is just in front of my right hip. Yeah. It's like a... It's like a big erection. I hope you weren't asking Ben to take things out of this because you want that taken out

of it. Yeah, I mean that's staying in. That's very unpleasant. Anyway, I've gone... I think that has to stay in the edit budget. Yes. Well, there's people... So it comes and goes, but that's the only way I can describe it like that long and that

sort of shape. Anyway, so I've been to see loads of different doctors and consultants. Went to a gastroenterologist who did the other weird scan where you have to get your blood injected with this weird stuff so it shows up everything. Is that an ultrasound or something? An MRI? Was it an MRI? Yeah. So I had that and then he called me and I remember I was on the, I was at Euston, I was going, I was on tour and I, you know, outside the front of Houston, there's the big concourse area, is that word.

Anyway, he called me and he said, well, I can't find a hernia, but two things, you've got a slip disc and you're retaining shit. And I said. That's how he worded it. That's how he worded it. And then I laughed out loud and I said, Doctor, are you telling me that I'm full of shit? And he said, in 30 years of practice or something, no patient has ever said that to me when I've said that to them.

And I said, well, I don't believe you. I think you're full of shit. And then he laughed and then we had a bit of a giggle about it. And I said, so is the erection of the pancreas a problem? And he said, no, it's't believe you. I think you're full of shit. And then he laughed and then we had a bit of a giggle about it. And I said, so is the erection, is that what that... Did you call it that to him?

You called it the erection. You said, is the erection full of shit? Do I have... Is this big erection full of shit? Do I have an erection on my body that is made of shit? I don't think I want this to go. That's a shame. It's a huge shame. Just for the listener, if you are hearing this it's because Bridget said it was okay for it to go up. Well, I mean, I can't describe

it in any other, but I haven't had that poo poo erection should we call it yeah yeah we shall yeah we shall call it that yeah we will have to call it that I mean there's no other word for it has he seen this before the doctor so is that so the thing that keeps appearing is that just, is it like a one big poo? I don't know what it is. But I haven't had one for ages. But I'm still going to the toilet. You're still going to the toilet?

Yeah. Yeah, but you haven't seen the poo erection for a while. Haven't felt. Geez, we haven't even, we've barely started. I don't, well people won't be here. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We barely started. People won't be eating, will they?

No, they don't eat while they're listening to this. We talked about, I mean, not specifically that, but we talked about fecal matters. People put out shows about their trauma and childhoods. I don't want to be Bridget Christie, the poo erection person. No. I don't want people to... Tad Boner. The Tad Boner.

I don't want, you know, people to come and see me with that. Because of that. I don't think you need to worry about increasing ticket sales if this gets out into the world. I can't be the only person that this has happened to though, right? No, I think there must be people listening who've had... Who will go, I've got to... I've had a poo erection. But that's the thing, is that not enough people do talk about these things publicly, it can

be embarrassing. Yeah. And you're doing a great service to people. Yeah. Coming out publicly and saying, I sometimes in my body have a poo erection. And other people who think they're the only ones will feel less alone and less weird. And we'll be like, Oh, Bridget Christie, who's this iconic comedian. And already known for lots of things. So there's not, it's not like the poo erection would supersede any of your previous creative work. It won't come to define you.

You just have a erection that is made completely of poo that comes and goes sometimes on your body. What might happen is a doctor might get in touch and say, it isn't feces. It's the muscles contracting in a tube shape. More muscular to me. It would seem unusual if it was just a whole poo that was still in your body occasionally pushing itself to the surface of your skin. And especially when it's the front. From what you describe it's the front of your body.

It's just by my hip. So it would have to like make the journey round from the back to there. And surely at some point, if it was poo, you would see it move around. I would see it. I don't think anyone was thinking it was a poo that was like recued up, ready to go. Have you seen a substance when that bit of chicken moves around? No, I've not seen the substance. Yeah, I've seen the substance. It's like, I didn't think that quite made sense that bit of chicken moves around. No, I've not seen the substance. Yeah, I've seen the substance.

It's like, I didn't think that quite made sense that bit. No. Anyway. The Change Series 2 is out now. That's very exciting. It is out now. First series, everyone loved it, so good. Thank you so much.

Congratulations. Thank you. The whole comedy community was very happy for you, which is rare isn't it? Yes. To have comedians all collectively be happy for another comedian. People were really nice. I think that's just, you know, it's been, you know, it's been 20 years. I think that might be, you know, hasn't, I've not just got it quickly.

That might be. One, you're nice and everyone thinks you're very good. Yes. So that helps. Well, I mean, it's just, I mean, let's stop. No, that's very nice. Do you want to talk about the poor action again? No, no, please. I wish I'd...

Can't I have nightmares about that? No, I think. You and me both. So, this series is very exciting. There's some new characters. There are some new characters. There's a new sister, Watkins sister, Eel sister, played by the magnificent Laura Checkley and she just knocked it out of the park. She does.

I've seen the first two episodes because at the time that we're recording this, they're not all released yet, but I did see the first two, so I went to the screening. It's fantastic. But if you're listening to this now, they are all released. They are currently, when you're listening to this, all released. But right now we're recording it and they're not. Yes. So I've only seen two.

I've seen all of them. Did you? How do you wangle that? I asked very nicely. Yeah. Yeah, no, she's brilliant. No, the cast is crazy. We had a list, you have your A list and then people say, okay, we're not going to get them. We're not going to get them. And we were so lucky and it was just so fun.

What can you reveal about this series without giving too much away for the listener? Well. Oh, the panic in your eyes. You know, obviously they didn't want me to kill Linda off, but... The main character. No, that was a joke. Lots happens, you know, there's a strike, Linda gets put on trial. Linda really kind of is finding herself a lot more. She's gaining confidence as it goes on and

you know gets up to all sorts and becomes this reluctant messiah for the women who've found out about her leisure and that sort of takes off and she's just slowly kind of finding her voice a bit after a long time in the in the wilderness you know so that a, it's good to play her as well because we talked a lot about at what point do we meet her? Like, do we meet her when she's still quite oppressed and quite quiet and not very confident and do we see a lot of stuff in flashback? But we decided to sort of meet her at the point at which she was still quite, you know, only working at sort of 30% of her potential. And I'd say the second series, she's probably up about to about 60, 70.

So there's still a way to go with her. There's room for at least one more series. Oh my God, totally. Yeah. She's just sort of finding her feet now. And I think that was the right thing to do. It's so hard with TV because you never know if you're going to get, you know, unless they commission multiple series at once, which nobody gets kind of nowadays really. You want to write it in a

way which is satisfying, but that leaves it open. So you can't sort of finish things off in a way and you just hope and pray that you get another one. But you've got to see things like really early and you might as well just do that in the writing process anyway. And then hopefully you'll get a chance to develop those characters and those backstories and all those little seeds that you've put in that you might not actually notice when you watch it once. But then if you watch the first series

and the second series, you'll go, oh, that was quite a long game. Yeah. You know. But I think that's the satisfying way to write. I like seeding things that are not necessarily like secrets, but they're little seeds of things that... Well, you've got to let people know you've thought about it right. You've got to put the effort in and invest it in those early rather than just panicking and going, okay,

well, at the end of this series, then maybe suddenly she's on top of a tall cliff and we don't know what's going to happen. Hey, not bad. Wow, not bad at all. So the format for this, this is a tasting menu for you. So we are going to present you with the menu of a former guest and that is what you'll be having in the Dream restaurant today. And you can just give us your opinion on each course as we go along.

Okay. Am I there by myself? You don't have to be by yourself. If you'd like to bring some other people, would you like to bring some other people to this? Well, I just, not if it's not the format. No, you can. No, you can. It's still the Dream Restaurant in the sense that it can be wherever you want

and you can bring whoever you want, but the food you're receiving is not your dream menu. No. It's non-negotiable what I eat. Yes. It's non-negotiable what I eat. It's non-negotiable what you eat. That feels like quite a violation. That's what we hope. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, cause you're putting something in me that I might not want. Well, I don't think we've talked about certain things that are in you that you might not want. And I think this is the least of your worries. Yeah. But also as part of this, what we're not doing is we're not holding certain things that are in you that you might not want and I think this is the least of your worries. But also as part of this, what we're not doing is we're not holding you down and force feeding you.

Like a goose. Yeah, we won't treat you like a goose. You know, it's, there's a lot of things I like about France, but that is not one. But I do feel a bit like a goose. You feel a bit like a goose today. We'll see how we go. I mean, it may be that I like everything and then that's fine. But, oh, what do you think about this?

Well, what do you think about people being... What's going on? Laughing. What do you feel about people being tricked? No, because I don't agree. I can't say what I think it is like, but I think that being tricked, not that show, is it a cake or is it a bottle of bleach, you know, when they make things that look like...

Yeah, they're not tricking people on that. Everyone's entering into that. I was tricked once and I cried and cried. How were you tricked? Well, do you want me to tell you what it was? Yes. It was a horse. What was? A horse trick?

I was 15. I was 15 or 16. And I was with some bikers. And I don't know why, well, I was in France, and all I had eaten, by the way, I was totally bunged up for two weeks because all I ate was laughing cow cheese and baguettes. But we went somewhere and I didn't...

You were just eating glue for a week. No, not for a week. I mean, I didn't eat meat. Oh, by the way, I'm not a vegan anymore. But anyway, that's how I got a kidney stone. I'll tell you about that. In France, in the mountains or something, there wasn't anything else. I never really ate meat. But someone said, oh, here's... I can't remember what they said it was. And I was like, I don't like it. And I got really upset because I didn't eat meat anyway. And then they said, because I didn't speak French either. And I think I saw Cheval somewhere also, but then, but then people

laughed because it was a horse. You'd eaten horse meat. One bit. Yeah, not a horse. You'd not eaten a whole horse. But you ate some, you had a horse meat. I don't think I'll ever get over that. No, well that well that is bad.

It's like a donkey, you know. Quite similar. Or a Shetland pony or something. But it is an interesting conversation because I think that, you know, we love dog, you know, Ben's got a beautiful little dog. That to me is no different from a, well, what's another animal that people wouldn't think is cute? A, you know, a sea anemone, you know, those ones that the mouth is also its anus. Eating that is the same

probably as eating like a poodle or a cat or something, isn't it? Yeah, it was different. There's different. No, it is the same. Sure, maybe. Yeah, it was different. There's different. No, it is the same. Sure. Maybe I was wondering the other day if if I if What are those not cockles? Let's what are those shell things on rocks? Barnacles. Yeah. Yeah, if they would grow on a person They do in the walking dead in that way some zombies have them Are you serious? Yeah, the ones who are on the seaside. That is gross.

A zombie with barnacles. Yeah. That is, that's probably one of my worst nightmares. What is it about the barnacles specifically that makes it your worst nightmare? Well, you know, I've got tryophobia, which is a fear of holes. Right, Okay. I also don't like the idea of round things stuck on you. Yes. Growing on you. Okay. And that is, imagine lots of barnacles on you. Yeah. Yeah. But on a dead, on a zombie anyway. Which is scary anyway. Yeah, scary anyway. Already scary. Because it's sort of decaying and what, sorry, what were we

talking about? So we're going to give you a tasting menu of another guest. Shall we tell you the guest now? God, I'd love to know who it is. Nick Mohamed. Okay. What do you think of him? I think he's fantastic. I think he's so funny and he's got such great energy.

Really good vibes I get from him. Yes, very good vibes. He's a lovely man. Does he know that he's giving me stuff? No, I don't think so. We've not told him, have we, Ben? We've not let it by him. No. Why didn't you do that? I think he'll be happy either way. I don't think he'll have a problem with it because

this is the menu he did on the podcast, so people know his menu. Why did you choose him, his menu? Well, that might become clear as we go through. We thought you would find it interesting. Well, we'll see. We'll see. So as you know, we always start with still a sparkling water. Nick chose still water with ice and with orange and mango Robinsons in it.

What? Sorry, what? I was going, oh, we've got so much in common because I love water and ice Yeah, what does he put in it? Orange and mango Robinson's squash squash orange and mango squash What how is he gonna eat with that? mess in his mouth How old is he as well? Yeah Well this week I'd say we talked to Nick about squash for over 20 minutes.

Yeah, he loves squash. Yeah, he loves squash. Maybe on a hot day when you're not eating anything or you're like, you're playing, you know, running or something, you know, even then I just have water. Yeah. So you're not a fan of squash? Well, I'm not having it. You might drink this.

No. When was the last time you had squash? Well, actually, that is a good question because when I was young, we had lemon barley water and I'm very emotionally attached to that. And actually, I remember the residue on the top of the bottle. If I think about lemon barley water, I'll just think about Gloucester in the summer in the early 1970s. But even having said that, I will not be having squash with my meal. I am quite cross about it. I mean, is there a rule?

Well, I guess. Well, we can't, we're not going to actually force anything. We'll bring it all to the table. It's like if you went to a restaurant where they do a tasting menu. You don't have to eat everything they put in front of you. Sorry, can I just establish some place? Yep. If I don't have the child's squash, which is going to ruin everything, am I just going to be thirsty? There's this drink course later on. There's a drink coming up later.

Yeah, but can I not have any water? No, the water course is... Yeah, that's all the water we've got. That's the water, that's what we've got, because it's Nick's dream water. On a technicality, you are not, giving me a choice of water. This is the water.

This is the water choice, but Nick's already made it for you. No, it isn't water, because it's got, it's squashing it. But that's the water choice, that's the water that we have in the restaurant today, we haven't got anything else. We just got still water with ice and orange and mango Robinsons. I think a rule has been broken. It's like saying, you know, water is just as much as

the ingredient in that as all the chemicals in the squash. Yeah. But that's how it comes out of the kitchen. Well, I'm not having the squash. We'll bring it out anyway. I'll put it on the table. It's a waste of squash. I don't want to see it.

No? We'll put it under a little blanket. Like one of those birds. Yeah, like one of those birds. Yeah, I have to drink it if you don't want to. But that's all the water we've got in the restaurant. Well, I'm really already disappointed. Do your kids have squash? They're big water fans too.

Yeah. We have, I've got some squash in the cupboard, but we don't have it. Oh, I've just remembered what I made for the first time at 53. Oh, it's three years after we laughed at you. I don't know. Quite late on in the podcast for you to say your age. Normally it's straight out of the gate.

Quite quickly, homemade lemonade, which is the easiest thing. No. Quite late on in the podcast for you to say your age. It is. I usually get it out quite quickly. Homemade lemonade, which is the easiest thing. Oh my God. Chop up a lemon, everything, leave everything on it. All the bits. However, well, I would do four. Chop up a lemon, pop it in a, you know, your bullet or whatever, a bit of sugar, bit of water.

Oh my God. It's unbelievable. You're whizzing up the whole lemon. Just put the whole lemon in it. I love it. And then put it in a jug with loads of ice, maybe a bit of mint on the top. It's just.

Well, that's exactly like this. No, it isn't like that. It's the same as what we've just given you. No, it isn't. That's the same. No, it isn't. You haven't chopped up a mango and what was the other thing in it?

And an orange. Oranges and lemons are pretty similar. No, I don't like fake things like, you know things that You know artificially that flavor. I'm not having the squash I don't know why you keep being sponsored by squash It'll be under a blanket. Yeah. So you don't ever need to look at it, okay? Okay. But you'll know it's there.

And just to make you feel better, we'll make some homemade lemonade and we'll send it to Nick Mohamed's house so Nick can have some homemade lemonade. Don't do that. Just get him to make it himself. You want to enjoy it if it's, you know, the most enjoyable thing is making something that's really easy from scratch and then giving it to your loved ones. Nothing beats that. You know, that lemonade, you know, it's got a massive carbon footprint. It's got poppadoms on bread now. What are you hoping for?

I mean a poppadom. Congratulations. Congratulations. Great. That's what it is. With all the dips and the onion salad. Lovely. So you're happy now? That's what it's out now.

Well, I'm overthinking now because I don't know what's coming, do I? But for now, we're back in the black. Okay, it's fine. This is good now. We're not. Okay, great. We were in negative equity earlier. I've got no drink, but I've got a poppadom with stuff. All the dips, everything.

Yeah, lovely. Do you have a favourite of the dips? Well, I like the mango chutney. Yeah. I like the, what's the yoghurt tea with little green bits. The writer. Yeah, love that. So this is what it's at well. So onion salad, lovely. It was a bad start with the squash. Yeah. I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting you to be so anti squash. No, I'm quite anti squash with a meal. Yeah. Very'll be honest, I wasn't expecting you to be so anti-squash. No, I'm quite anti-squash with a meal. Yeah. Very much so. The starter, we'll just move on to the starter. Okay. Tortilla lasagna. Sorry? Tortilla lasagna. Right, can I just clear something up? Yes. What is this business of putting two things together?

Right. I went on a date. Do you know about this? Is this why you've picked this menu? I didn't know you'd gone on a date. No. No. 20 years ago.

Yeah. Okay. I didn't know. Is this why you picked this menu? No. Okay. With Nick Mohammed? He made me this guy, who was a really nice guy by the way.

Not Nick Mohammed? No. No. They didn't, no, they're nothing. This isn't the date you talked about on Pi's Flat Share Slam Down is it? Jack a Potato Pizza? No, the man who... Oh, it gets much better.

Okay. No, it gets much better. No, not that one. No, it does. Listen. Look. I'd met him once, then went to his flat. Normal, really nice guy and nurse.

I like pizzas and I like jacked potatoes. This was a base with no tomato, nothing. With a jacked potato on top with no filling. And I said, oh, what's that? And he went, a jacked potato pizza. And I went, oh yeah, great. This is the thing. Did he say that aggressively as well?

Not aggressive, well, it just, as in- Defensive, he was a bit defensive. Matter of fact, yeah. What do you think it is? Yeah, like- A jacket potato pizza. Jacked potato pizza. It was the combination of things with no toppings

or anything like that. Just a dry potato and a dry pizza base. Yeah, but baked. Yeah. And then a base made. Yeah. So he potato and a dry pizza base. Yeah, but baked. Yeah. And then a base made. Yeah. Yeah. So he put just a plain pizza base, just the bread in the oven, Jackie potato also in the oven, I guess. Yeah. Bought them out, put the Jackie potato in the dead center of the pizza base and then served it to you. Yeah. But then guess what happened? Well, nothing did happen. Let me reassure you of that. But the next thing

that happened was he, well, things were heading in a certain direction, let's say. And this, like I say, this is 20 years ago. When he undid his, his trousers, he had another pair of trousers on. another pair of trousers on underneath. So the meal was strange and I said, oh, I've got, this is something that people say to me or they've said to me all my life. Not that I'm a passion killer, but I ask too many questions. So he was like, oh, it doesn't matter. You know, I've got two pairs of trousers on. I was like, no, it, cause I just need to clear it up. You know, it's like, no, I didn't, you know, no, it's like, why have you got two pairs of trousers? And he said, Oh, it was a bit nippy.

And I was like, yeah, but people don't wear like two things of something if they're cut. Like that's why we've got different items of clothing. You don't wear a jacket and a shirt and a jumper or like we don't wear two hats, you know, or two pairs of shoes. He's like, well, why would I spend money on buying like long johns or something when I've got two pairs of trousers? But there is some logic in that. But I think just with the potato combo, this is the thing, like the combination of his meal and the doubling up on the trousers, it's like, what's next? Yeah, yeah. And his twin's gonna come out or something. Tortilla lasagna, from what I remember, is a layer of nachos or a layer of tortilla chips, then a layer of like, chilli.

No, I'm out. And then a layer of, it's just like loaded nachos really. That's all it is, but Nick calls it tortilla lasagna. But it's not really a tortilla lasagna. It's just like when you get nachos from the pub and they're layered up like meat, cheese, nachos. Oh, it isn't a lasagna on top of- No, he just calls it that because like,

it does go in the oven. So it's like nachos, oven baked nachos basically. Sorry, is this his starter? Yes. Yeah, yeah, it's his starter. This is his starter. Yeah, he likes his starter? Yes. Yeah, yeah, this is his starter. This is his starter. Yeah, he likes making it at home. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure. You're considering it, but is it the fact that it's two things, the two things together, which shouldn't be together? If I had said loaded nachos is the, you know, the starter is nachos, would you feel better about it

if it was just called nachos? Cause it's basically. I mean, I'll have it. You know, it's just a bit of a mess. I mean, it's definitely messy to eat. Yeah, very messy. You know, and it's kind of crisps and... Well, not crisps, but you know.

Yeah, well, tortilla chips and I'm guessing when it's baked in the oven with the chilli on and stuff, the crisps become quite soggy as well. Yeah. I once finished with somebody, I finished with an ex because I was so angry and I watched him doing it and I was like, well, I'm never going to be seeing you again. He said, oh, can I have some of your dessert? And I eat my desserts so neatly. You know, really, it was a beautiful cake and it was very straight and clean. Just mess the whole thing up. He messed the cake up.

Yeah. And then you broke up with him. Yeah. Yeah. So you gave him what? The fork or the spoon? What was it? Spoon?

No, he just got in there. I didn't give him anything. He used his own. He just used his own spoon to destroy my dessert. Yeah. Were things heading in the wrong direction with him anyway, or was it all going fine and then the cake thing happened? I hope I don't come across as quite bad.

No, you don't. No, not at all. No, not at all. Because I also didn't go on a date when the guy turned up because he was wearing red dungarees. Totally fair. I'm on your side. I remember I opened the door

and then I had to fake being really ill. Immediately? Yeah, I sort of went, oh, ah, like that. I don't feel so good actually. So that guy, was he wearing, he was obviously wearing something different when you met him. Yeah, like all leathers, you know, like a sort of a biker guy. And then he turned up like, who's that bloke on CBBC? Mr. Tumble. Yeah. Which he turned up like, like, um, who's that bloke on, um, C C BBC. Mr. Tumble. Yeah. Yeah. You can't, you can't go to David. Mr. Tumble from Keanu Reeves to Mr. Tumble. Yeah. Reeves to tumble. I feel like it's, you know, not misrepresentation,

but I don't think that you can just completely change who you are. You've agreed on false pretenses. Worse it was, Bridget. You had another pair of red dungarees under. You double dungaree. So the main course is chosen Christmas dinner roast, a roast Christmas dinner. So this is the main and this is the sides as well. So this is also the dream side for Nick, just all in the main. So you're going to have lamb, gravy. No, I won't.

Your ship. Well, I mean, strap in Bridget, if you're already saying no. Why won't you have lamb and gravy? I've never, apart from in France, that tiny corner of a bit of horse, I've never eaten meat. But you're not vegan anymore. I mean you've already eaten the tortilla lasagna that had beef all the way through it. No, it was corn obviously. No, this is Nick's menu, no, no, that's made with beef.

Yeah, but you didn't say what the ingredients was. The tortilla lasagna, yeah we did, we said it was layered up, so it's the tortilla chips, then like chili, you know, beef stuff. Yeah, made with, can I, no one said beef. We should have been more clear, but you've had it now. Well no, I haven't had it. You've had it now. Did you know it?

No, I haven't had it. We didn't mean to trick you like the bikers, but that is what we've done by mistake. We've accidentally tricked you, so I don't think it's technically a trick. But I assumed it was corn mints, you know, with the Q-U-O-R-N. No, no, no. I mean... Oh no, well like, there's just no way I will have had any of it. Unless you want to pay for my therapy for a year, we'll have to...

I haven't had a drink yet, and I haven't had a starter. And I'm not having this main either. Well you haven't heard the whole thing. There might be some bits that you want. You haven't heard the whole thing. Okay go on then. No lamb yet. Gravy, Yorkshire puddings.

No. No? I'll have a Yorkshire pudding. Rice? Sorry. It's Christmas dinner. Roast. Sorry, rice? It's what Nick has every year. With gravy?

It's what Nick has every year. Rice and gravy. Okay, carry on. Leftover Chinese food? Pigs in blankets? I just can't. Okay, so, so far I've got... Lamb? Lamb, gravy? No. No. Gravy? No. Yorkshire puddings? Yorkshire's? Rice?

Rice? No. No, we're eating the No. Yorkshire pudding. Yorkshire's rice. Rice. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.ed vine leaves? No. Carrots? So why not stuffed vine leaves? I thought you'd have liked stuffed vine leaves. Yeah. I don't like them. They look disgusting. Why? They're perfect little parcels. Do you want me to tell you what they look like to me? Uh oh. Yeah. Horrible short penises. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's ruined them for everyone now. Carrots? Yeah. 100%. Parsnips. Peas?

Yes. Sweet corn? Yes. Green beans? Yes. Roast potatoes? Yes. Hot pepper sauce?

No. Raw onion? Yes. He has a raw onion in Christmas dinner. His mum especially, I think he said his mum has like a big bit of raw onion when they're having a roast and she just nibbles on it. Lovely. Onions are fantastic. And last but not least, sloppy stuffing. I mean. Would you like to take you through what sloppy stuffing means?

No I don't because I've got some ideas Well, he does makes the packet stuffing with water, you know Like the Pacso stuff and he puts too much water in it Deliberately deliberately and does it in the microwave and then it's almost stuffing you can pour Like a gravy like a sort of like a thick gravy or a sloppy stuffing. Yeah sloppy stuffing. Okay I'll have this really I will I never would have thought someone would have turned down the stuff, I'll have the sloppy stuffing. Really? I will. I never would have thought someone would have turned down the stuff finally and accepted the sloppy stuffing.

Well, I have. Why? What's your, what, what, do you like the sound of it? Because all that's changed is the consistency of it. So stuffing has got lovely herbs and things like that. It's vegan, I think. Yeah, I think it can be. And it's only, he's only added water to it.

So it's going to taste the same. Okay. As long as it's nice and hot. Pretty good. So you've got basically carrots and parsnips and peas and sweet corn and green beans and roast potatoes, a raw onion and the sloppy stuffing. That's what you would like to keep of that. And Yorkshire, you have a Yorkshire.

I'll have that on the side or in the middle, you know, with all the veggies around it. Well, no, but I mean, it's all coming on the plate though. Oh yeah, well bring all of it out. You'll just eat round the bits you don't like. Is it going to be touching the... Yeah, I guess so. It's a roast dinner. Yeah.

Well, that's a shame. It's Nick's dream. Nick's dream menu. Nick's dream menu. I know, and I don't want to be rude about his dream menu, but I suppose I've got to be honest. Yeah, oh yeah, you absolutely have to be honest. I don't think that people should eat things that they don't want to be rude about his dream menu, but I suppose I've got to be honest. Yeah, oh yeah, you absolutely have to be honest. I don't think that people should eat things that they don't want to.

No, you don't have to eat it, but it is all coming on the same plate. Again, that's not what we were aiming for with the format, but... Well, you know, food is huge, right? Food is huge. It's all I think about all day. So you can't make people, you know, there's all these stories about kids being made to eat fat and stuff, isn't there?

I just think it can mess you up for life really. Well, we're not trying to mess you up for life. No. And you don't have to eat. No, no, no, no, you don't have to eat this, but it will be on the plate. Yeah, we bring it out to you like they would a tasting menu and just put it down in front

of you and you can eat the bits you like. You're, cause you're with me. You're my guests by the way. Oh, lovely. Yeah. Yeah. Well then straight away, first thing you can do is all the bits that you don't want, a lamb, all of that, pop them on my plate. Will you have them? Yeah. And then you can, you can have my spare veg. That's a good idea.

We'll do swapsies. Yeah. Really good idea. Great. And then hopefully it's less like an abusive relationship. Yeah, that would be, that would be really great. Yeah. I'm not eating this. You're not having it either. I'm gonna order something else. This is not my taste. This is not for me. I don't like it. I'll order something else. Is that the rule? Is it that I, that you can just do whatever you like? I'm a guest. So am I.

Well, but I'm your guest. This is making it happen as it goes along. Sloppy stuffing is one of the worst things I've ever heard about when it came on this podcast. By the way, I don't know if you've spotted yet, this menu is very bad. So we've given you a bad menu. Yeah, it's like it's making me feel unwell. Yeah. Yeah, yeah bad menu. Yeah, it's like it's making me feel unwell. Yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah, I feel like after this, you know, i'll go home and i'll be like you gotta look after yourself bridge

Come on, you can't be eating like that But the leftover chinese food That you know That would be the roast dinner. That could be vegetarian Which is stomach growled. That means you liked it. Well they gave me nothing when I arrived. No, I got to look after myself now. I think the kidney stone is from eating a lot of tofu and spinach, which was my staple because I love tofu and spinach. They're very food high in oxalates which I've got to avoid now and I've got to avoid salt.

Right, so you're off tofu now? For a bit, yeah. I just feel like that main course maybe doesn't meet those requirements. Give me what I need. Quite a lot of salt I think. Well I'm not eating any of the, I've only got the veg and the Yorkshire pudding haven't I? Yeah that's true. Could I have a bit of mustard or something? I don't think so, let me have a look. Not on the menu. So the drink is a very cold Riesling and a Coca-Cola. Well I wouldn't have the

Coke but I'd have the glass of wine. So Nick went to a, him and his wife went to a wine tasting thing where they tasted loads of different Rieslings and they had to rate them as to what they thought of them. And they just about halfway through, they got so pissed, they started writing down that they were 111 out of 10. Are you supposed to like spit them out? I think there's a sense of that they probably should have spat them out, but I think they're enjoying a night off and they just necked them.

They just went for it. But Riesling's good stuff. Are you a fan of Riesling? My niece is a sommelier, so she's an absolute genius with wine, but I don't really know one from the other. But if you've got someone like that in your life, you can just trust them to tell you the nice stuff to drink, right? Yeah, I should be texting her a lot. But yeah, she's fantastic. She's really highly, highly

skilled. Does she work in a restaurant? She works for a, this is bad now, a Scottish brewery, a bit,, it's completely gone from my mind. That's okay. A really huge, I don't know if you know any of them. A huge Scottish brewery. I've talked about it many times, I just cannot remember anything. Tenants?

What? You're thinking of Scottish breweries? No, sorry, no, it's whisky. We weren't asking if you have people living in your house. I was like, I'm not really... I thought I thought you... I was going to say they're not a brewery, they, it's whiskey. We wasn't asking if you have people living in your house. I was like, I'm not really... Oh, so they're not a brewery, they're a distillery. Whiskey distillery, yes, sorry. See, I even got that word wrong.

I did a gig in a distillery the other day. Did you? Yeah, no, a brewery. Oh my god. Nick's meal's going down very well. Well, I will have the wine, but I won't have the Coke. Why won't you have the Coke? Just too carbonated, too sweet, too flavoursome. You know, with food, it's water or a nice

wine I think. Right, okay. Or nothing. Well, we've brought it out on the table. Yeah, well I won't drink it. Should we cover it up again? It could go under with the squash, couldn't it? Yeah, put it under there.

Will he be drinking them like at the same time? I guess so. I guess he's going back and forth. You know, he likes to have both. But I'm with you. I'd just stick to if I was having, if I'm not drinking at a meal, I might have a Diet Coke or something. Can I say something really mean?

Yeah. This meal is so like I've got no respect for it. Yeah. I probably would have the coke even if I did. Yeah. I mean, I'm not ruining anything. You're not ruining the flavor of all of the food are you? No.

So you may as well down the coke. It's an abomination. Is that too strong? No, it's not too strong. No, this is one of our worst menus ever. Yes, notoriously one of the worst menus ever. I had to completely reassess how I viewed Nick. Yeah.

Does it change what you think of him as a person? Because at the top, obviously, he said he's so lovely and he's such a wonderful spirit. Has it changed your mind on him? It's made me think that maybe it might be good to have a little chat, make sure he's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he wasn't doing this for a joke.

No. When he was telling us this, he wasn't like, this will be funny. This is genuinely his dream meal. Like he was just honest that this is what he wants. And has he had that? Yeah, he's eaten all these, it's what he has for Christmas dinner every year. Genuinely what he has for Christmas dinner with the rice.

He makes tortilla lasagna at home. Yeah, he loves Robinson squash, all of it. There's nothing wrong with any of the things, but it isn't a dream, I don't think. Yeah, he very much picked things that he would have maybe twice a week anyway, because they do a quick roast at home, him and his wife, they do like a small version of it where it would be like chicken breast, gravy in the microwave, stuffing in the microwave. But that's already better, isn't it? Do you think?

Yeah, it does sound better. I think so, yeah. I like the sound of the meatballs and the stuffed vine leaves with the pigs in blankets. Leaves. Yeah. But remember the stuffed vine leaves, they look like horrible, horrible, horrible. Yeah. So do you want us to cover those up? Because we're obviously going to put what? They're wrapped up. Oh, so sorry. You were imagining the vine leaf being the skin of the penis. Yeah, like looks like a small horrible penis.

You're saying when you see it, you're like someone's inside that vine leaf is a horrible small penis. No, but I think the vine leaf does look like the skin. That's the skin, the green skin of a penis. Yeah, like of like an evil goblin or something. You know, and that's what, you know when you see them in supermarkets, all I can see is six evil castrated goblins. Like in a Tolkien. Yeah, just, you know, or a David Lynch show or something, you know what I mean?

Horrible, nasty. Or know what I mean? Yeah. Horrible, nasty. Or gnomes, you know. Oh, somehow scarier gnomes. You could sellotape vine leaves to a load of gnomes' bodies and put them around your garden. In fact, I might just do that. It'd be a good prank in the local neighborhood, wouldn't it?

It would. Go out in the middle of the night sellotaping stuffed vine leaves to all the crotches of the garden gnomes. It would make them look so sinister, wouldn't it? It would. Go out in the middle of the night cellotaping stuffed lime leaves to all the crotches of the garden gnomes. It would make them look so sinister wouldn't it? Yeah it would. Yeah yeah yeah. What if their dicks were out? Yeah they haven't got any actually have they? Garden gnomes? Yeah. Well you never see them. They've got dicks. Have they? They must have underneath their trousers. Who told you that? Well for Taskmaster one of my prize tasks was I bought a garden gnome which, but the garden gnome's got a massive deck and he's wheeling it around in a wheelbarrow.

Sorry what? You know in Taskmaster where you bring the prizes in. Oh but you made that, you didn't buy that from Being Cues. I bought it on eBay. He's got a like huge one though and so he's got his wheelbarrows in front of him. Definitely a joke. And the knob's in the wheelbarrow so he has to wheel his own knob around. Oh my god. Because it was so big it wouldn't even fit in his clothes. Did that get on Taskmaster? Yeah. Did it get past the you know whatever is it the child because

you know we weren't allowed to swear. Did you have a child in the studio? No but I think it isn't because kids watch it you know. Yeah There's the PG one. The bleeped version. Yeah. So how did they, did they pixelate his? Yeah, I think they pixelated his knob, yeah. You bought this then? Yeah. Have you still got it?

No, I think I lost that episode, so I don't know where it is. I can't remember what, but I didn't get great points for it, I don't think. Yeah, but the object, where's the gnome? I don't know. Wherever these, I can't remember who won the episode, and even if they wanted to keep it. Sounds absolutely horrible. Yeah, it was horrible that one. Why are gnomes always male as well?

Yeah, that's a good point. All of them? In the film Gnomeo and Juliet, there were some female gnomes. Juliet for one. So Juliet is a gnome as well? Yeah, they're all gnomes. What's this? Is it a cartoon? Yeah. Gnomeo and Juliet.

What's it like? It's basically a retelling of Romeo and Juliet, but with garden gnomes who live in different gardens. The end can't be the same. Yeah, probably the end isn't the same actually. I haven't seen. How did you know that that existed? I saw the poster when it came out. It's quite a big film, Romeo and Juliet. I even know about that. Who are playing the leads? Good question. I think... Famous bit is. My memory, James Corden is in it, but that can't...

James McAvoy! James McAvoy and Emily Blunt are playing No Me And Juliette. Oh sweet! I won't watch it, silly idea. Anyway, how did we get onto Gnomes? Because you were saying you wanted to sellotape stuffed vine leaves to their corpses. The vine leaves. Oh yeah.

The vine leaves. I won't, I don't think I'll do that We arrive at the dessert an extreme dessert so you haven't really had loads to eat yet I think I'm quite hungry actually. Yes quite hungry So hopefully this will be something that you will want to eat and it God, it's going to be like a bag of Harry Bows or something, isn't it? No. Microwaved. Oh God. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Chocolate fondant with a Terry's chocolate orange in the middle.

Bridget went on a real rollercoaster there, because microwaved you were really upset. Chocolate fondant, you came back to us, and then the Terry's chocolate orange. You don't need the Terry's in a chocolate fondant you came back to us and then the Terry's chocolate orange you don't need that you don't need the Terry's in a chocolate fondant dessert it's very much the jacket potato pizza of desserts isn't it so is this he's got a Terry's orange yeah and he's taken some segments and he's no he's just put I can't remember what I remember if he's put the whole thing in the middle of it or just so it must be some segments Yeah, he's pushed some segments into the chocolate fondant. And is that it by itself? It's nothing. Yes, that's that's it Is that yeah, that's quite dry. Oh, I've got my wine now, haven't I? Yeah, you got your wine now

Yeah, it's this, you know people putting things together. Yeah, it's happened again. It's happened again I mean the whole menu is like just the stuff shouldn't be put together Yeah, yeah, that's true. I'm gonna take the Terry's out of it I know because I think the Terry's has gone in before the mic it's gone in the microwave, right? So it's all melted in Yeah, I believe so. God what would that look like? What do you think it would look like if you imagine it in your head? That's gonna look bad, innit? Well, just look very chocolatey I think, wouldn't it? Are you not a fan of chocolate orange either?

I mean, I like chocolate and I like oranges. Yes. But you know that's not what a Terry's is, right? What do you mean? Well, like, chocolate orange is not just a whole orange and chocolate together, like it's flavoured, it's more... Yeah, exactly. Is it the synthetic flavouring that... Yes.

And you don't like orange? I love orange. You wouldn't have the orange at Mango Robinson's, though, do you? No, because I love orange, so you can make an orange cake where you boil the oranges in water. Oh, yeah, I love that. Oh my god. I love that.

And the house smells. So you boil oranges for about an hour, and the whole house smells absolutely amazing. And then you put the whole orange, like every part of it into a food mixer and you zhuzh all that up and then you put it into the cake mixture. Absolutely fantastic. Phenomenal. I think I've done one of those with like a, making like a polenta cake. Yes, I've done one of those as well. And then, but you could do like a chocolate orange cake, couldn't you? Yeah.

And then that would be, that would be fantastic, I think. Yeah. And that would be great. You like getting whole citrus fruits and putting them in a food processor, don't you? I like natural things, yeah. And simple things. Like just mushroom soup or just not just a potato

on a pizza base. That's a bit too simple. But keep everything. Have good ingredients. But don know, keep everything have good ingredients But don't try and chuck everything because like more isn't hang on less is more isn't it? Yeah, more isn't more isn't more isn't more isn't a quantity quality thing that I think I was trying to yeah Yeah, this feels like just chucking a load of stuff. Yeah, I think Sort of inadvertently we've picked absolutely the worst menu for you.

Yes. Why would you do that though? Well, we always want to pick a menu that we would like to see the guests react to. And with John Kearns, we picked Mimmi and Margulies' menu. We could like imagine John finding that intriguing, interesting. For you... Yeah, I'm really looking forward to this. We couldn't really find anyone who was like, oh, Bridget will find this interesting or Bridget will really like it.

I like anything, really. I'm not fussy, am I? Is that how I come across? No, not fussy. It was just like, oh, you know, we want the guest and the menu to compliment each other. We couldn't really find that. And then we're like, do you know what? I think Bridget cast in a bit of a sensible eye over the most insane menu we've had. Yes, I understand. Well, that's something we'd like to see. Also, it's funny when you get really angry about stuff, Bridget. Yeah.

So I knew that you would get incensed by a lot of this menu. Did you? Yeah, and I was looking forward to that. Okay. Because that always makes me laugh. I didn't expect it to start with the squash. No. I thought we were going to have a little warm-up into the starter, really, or even the main.

Oh. But you were angry by the squash. I think the squash might be the thing I might be the most angry about and the takeaway The takeaway which you actually didn't even talk that much about the the rice and the Chinese takeaway in the Christmas dinner I think I've given up by then Do you broken your spirit a bit with this? Do you get Chinese takeaways? No, it's something that I have never really got ever no reason in particular Hmm tends to be pizza with I don't think that I have never really got. Ever? For no reason in particular.

It tends to be pizza with toppings. Wow, yeah. Not just the base. I'm not really getting much takeaways because of the salt. I salt often. But it might be curries, things like that. And would you eat leftovers the next day? Yes, I think leftover food is pretty good.

Reheated. sometimes tastes better. So what's your problem with leftover Chinese? With a Christmas dinner, that's my problem with it. Okay. Also, it was unspecified and I just, after the squash and everything else, I just imagined just a disgusting mess, you know. So that's the whole menu. There was obviously a secret ingredient for that episode as well

and Nick would have been kicked out of the Dream Restaurant if he had said brand flakes. How did that affect this today? Oh it didn't. Oh it didn't at all. I just thought it'd be interesting to get your take on brand flakes if you like them or not. Love them. So they're better than the whole menu you've had. I would have had a box of brand flakes rather than that menu and the cardboard.

In the whole retaining shit situation, are you supposed to eat more fibre or less fibre? Well, I spoke to another doctor about that and she said, I don't understand what he meant because we've all got shit in us. Yeah, we've all got a've all got shit in us. Yeah. We've all got a little bit of shit in us. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for returning. No, is it over?

Well, that's your whole meal. Oh God, it seemed, I feel really unsatisfied. Yeah. Yeah, you didn't like that meal, did you? I have to say, I've been so looking forward to today. meal, did you? I have to say, I've been so looking forward to today. And I feel like really let down, disappointed. By the new format?

No, I just, I was really excited, you know, and I've not really eaten anything. And not, kind of not been given an opportunity to enthuse. Yes. About. Well, would you like to enthuse now? We could let you enthuse about something. I mean, we heard about the lemonade. No, I have had a lovely time.

Thank you Bridget. Yeah, it's such you should be very pleased with it. With the time you've had. No, it's you know, I was hoping something might happen. If you rub the lamp. I'm not rubbing anything again. Oh yeah. Last time you were on here, you rubbed a school's dick.

Oh my, that, you know, I actually didn't and that all came from you. But also what I didn't tell you was how long it took to rub it off. The Vaseline off the pole. No, honestly, I didn't because it doesn't, it just moves, doesn't it? Like egg white. And also the other thing is when I was wiping it off, the squirrel was watching me. And I was like, haven't you had enough? Anyway, no more rubbing. No more rubbing, thank you. Thanks for coming back to the Dream Restaurant, Bridget.

Oh, thank you so much for having me. Wow, James. Whoa. What an app. Disliked it more than I expected, actually. I didn't think she'd like the menu, but I didn't think squash was like the menu, but I didn't think squash was going to get such short shrift and yeah, it went pretty bad. Tortilla lasagna. Yeah.

Man, so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Fantastic. I mean, I really, I don't know what's going to make it in and what isn't, but I was laughing for most of that. Yeah. Outstanding. I mean, there's some bits that just visually it is very funny, but you just stop it and make it a that. Yeah, outstanding. I mean, there's some bits that just visually it is very funny, but you just stop it and make it a face. Yeah. Which won't come across in the audio format. Yeah. Hopefully you'll be able to watch. At one point she was just staring me out. Yeah. I thought she was going to leap across the table and attack me. Yeah. Yeah. Wasn't happy with you. No. At all. And that's a Nick Mahanbid's fault. Yes. He's got no idea what, no, what a ruckus he's caused.

He's just going about his life. I mean, I should have an email from him. So he actually coincidentally emailed me during that podcast. During the podcast? Yeah. I got an email from Nick, which who I don't often communicate with. So I've replied to that. That's weird.

But I haven't told him about this yet because I was Replying very quick in between recording the podcast and the outro so I'm gonna have to say to him Oh, by the way, you're about to get trashed again. Yeah trash to high hell. Yeah, it's not going well for you No, but you know what? I'm really enjoying this new format getting people back in it's really fun Series 2 of the change is a channel4.com. Yeah, all episodes available now. Go and watch it. And hey Ed, if people want to see the tasting menus live, this format, in a live setting, getting fan favourites back and giving them the menus of other fan favourites, The Royal Albert Hall. Does that sound like an okay venue to you? Sounds good to me, man. The Royal Albert Hall, March 2026. The tasting menus off menu

live at the Royal Albert Hall. Tickets available now. Offmenupodcast.co.uk. Bye bye! Bye!