Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 299: Katherine Parkinson (Live in London)

Episode Date: July 7, 2025

It’s our final b-b-b-b-bonus live episode from the London Palladium, with special guest Katherine Parkinson – star of ‘Rivals’, ‘The IT Crowd’ and ‘Inside No 9’.Want to experience Off Menu: Live for yourself? There are a few tickets left for our live shows at the Royal Albert Hall next year. Visit royalalberthall.com for tickets.We’ll be back with series 14 of Off Menu very soon…Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster.Produced and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive.Recorded by Matt Mountford-Lister for Storm Productions Group live at the London Palladium.Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design).Follow Off Menu on Instagram and TikTok: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh boy, oh boy, the off-menu boys are back in town doing live shows in London, James. Ed, drop the act, we're a couple of losers who can't even sell out the Royal Albert Hall. Well, I think we pretty much have, James. We're doing five shows at the Royal Albert Hall, 13th to the 15th of March, 2026. This is depressing, man. We used to be a great podcast. People used to flock to see us. And now we've got like, some tickets still knocking around for Royal Albert Hall Are you kidding me? This is exciting James. We're on the scrap. We've sold so many tickets. It's gonna be tasting menus It will be previous fan favorite guests being given the menus of other previous guests The shows are gonna be brilliant and we haven't even sold them out. We're on the way out. James

It's the Royal Albert Hall. We're on the way out. And listen, if you were ever a fan of this podcast, you've got to come and see these shows because this could be it. This could be the end. OffMenuPodcast.co.uk for tickets. Happy with that? It's Off menu live! Bonus! That's right, a little bonus live episode.

The final Palladium show, James. We did a run of Palladium shows and this was the final one we recorded and of course the final one we are releasing. The 22nd of March 2025 and our guest was Katherine Parkinson. What a legend Katherine Parkinson is amazing actor. We're so excited to have Katherine on the podcast. We've I've never worked with Katherine at all. Spoke to Katherine, like someone that I've admired so much all of her work, big fan. So I'm very excited about this one. Yes, indeed. It was a great chat with Katherine

She is brilliant fun Please remember that sometimes we'll make jokes in the show the call back to the first half they might not make sense Yes, but that's why you should have been at the show baby but if you do have questions about them just tweet the off-menu Twitter and Ask the great Benito for the conscious quote the thing that you don't understand. Yeah and say dear mr. Benito Benito for the con just quote the thing that you don't understand yeah and say dear mr. Benito please can you provide some context oh and he will reply and let you know what that was a reference to yes absolutely and send you a sign chopping board he was saying yeah he'll send you a sign chopping board of course

that goes without saying we also get the audience to pick the secret ingredient and tonight's on this very night they picked sardines sardines which is of course the title of the first episode of Inside Number 9 that Catherine starred in. Yes. So let's get into it. This is the off-menu menu of Catherine Parkinson. Welcome to the off-menu podcast. It's good, they're giving me time to think of something. to the off-menu podcast taking the porridge of conversation adding the bananas of humor the biscoff spread of friendship and removing the swastika tattoo of evil.

That is a gabble. My name is James A. Cassidy. Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we're inviting a guest and asking their favourite ever star a main course dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is... Katherine Parkinson! Yes! The wonderful Katherine Parkinson. You all know the secret ingredient, keep that in your head.

Hopefully you won't have to kick out Katherine Parkinson. Let's get on with the wonderful episode, shall we? Let's do it. Yes, thank you, James. This is the off-menu menu of Katherine Parkinson. What? Here we are hello Katherine This is a much higher end set than I was expecting yes same here to be honest

No, it feels like the right set to share some vulnerable sexual stories with you. Laughter Catherine didn't watch the first half, by the way. Laughter I did turn the thingamajig down when you said the secret ingredient. But I did hear the semen suggestion. Okay. It's hard to do the vulnerable sexual stories if I'm not going to talk about the semen.

Thank you for turning the tannoy down and for when we said the secret ingredient because Julian Clary didn't Was his semen We would have kicked him out on the starter if it was His was a mint Terry's chocolate orange. That's what they chose for him. Oh, wow. That's quite niche, but... Yeah. I'm more likely to say that than Siemen.

It's good to know what we're dealing with. Do you tap and unwrap? I'm talking about the chocolate orange. I don't, actually, I peel. It's fucking Clary all over again. Does tap and unwrap work for the chocolate orange? Because you're supposed to bash it and then you unwrap it and it's supposed to all fall apart into segments. It's never worked for me, that.

No, it never works. It's a myth. Yeah. It's just in the adverts in it Yeah, and we all fell for it and I still say it to this day, you know, it's never happened to me Yeah reminds me of my days as a Christian Think for a while I was missing the metaphor there because my first thought was James ate a lot of Terry's chocolate orange when he was a Christian at the Christingle service James

The James is a genie in this so he's gone into his lamp He will be coming out of the lamp. Don't worry. He doesn't do the rest of the podcast squatting down Even though I think the audience can't see this but it's a lovely squat. He's got isn't it? I'm finding it quite off-putting Even though I think the audience can't see this, but it's a lovely squat he's got, isn't it? I'm finding it quite off-putting. Now, Catherine, we invite our guests, if you would like to get up and rub the lamp, if you would not like to rub the lamp... What is this show? Which bit do I rub? That's up to you. That's the first thing we learn about you.

I'm rubbing the lamp. we learn about you. I'm rubbing the lamp. Woo! Oh my god! Welcome, Captain Parkinson to the Dream West Run with Big Funny Give Us Some Time! Wow! My god!

There we are, the genies out. I should have warned you you were standing right in the jet of dry ice there, Catherine, but I knew that, I was there in the squat thinking, ha ha ha, straight into the jet. This is going to be great. Yeah, I feel a bit high on it. Yeah. There's a lot of stuff knocking about in there. You're going to be tripping the light fantastic during this episode. I do love dry ice. Is it dried ice or is it dry ice?

Dry ice, yeah. It's dry ice. I don't think it's dry ice. Is it dried ice or is it dry ice? Dry ice, yeah. It's dry ice. I don't think it's dried ice. Is it dried ice? I've lost confidence. I wanted to say that I loved dry ice. And then I thought I should really know, having done stage work, I should know what the phrase is. And I realized I've never known if it's dry ice or dried ice.

I think it's dry ice rather than it's not like dried apricots. It would make sense if you put ice out to dry it would turn into That fog so I can see how you would think it was dried ice If they tried them in the Sun like they do with grapes to turn them into raisins hang on So you think it would make sense if you put ice in the Sun? That it would turn into that fog. Yeah. I think that's true. I'm no scientist.

Thanks for letting us know. But you're addicted to dry ice, you say? Did I say I was addicted? No. I am high on it right now. So that's a no. But you like it. You say you're a fan.

I think, you know, I remember playing Puck in my school play. Of the history of hockey. Not in hockey. I was one of four Pucks. It wasn't as big a deal as that sounds. We shared the part to convey the mutability of the character, blah, blah, blah. Fairness, you know, it was at school.

And I remember the dried dry ice. And then sort of launching myself into it and thinking, I like this. Being an actress, I mean. Yeah, as well as a dry, dried ice. It was the atmosphere of being in the theatre. You finally realised you were home with the smell of the dry ice. The smell of the grease paint. For me, it was the smell of the dried, dry ice.

And what are the other pucks doing now? Fuck all. No, I don't know. I think they're probably very successful. And I feel like I've dressed like somebody with a proper job, like a bank manager, actually, tonight. So I think they probably wear a jacket like this and have a proper job. Imagine if all three of them right now are dressed exactly like you.

Yeah. Somewhere in the world and all of your lives are kind of like, you're just kind of tied together forever. The four pucks. Yeah. All in black blazers. Yeah. And black heels.

Yeah. And black baggy jeans. why are you rubbing your legs are you much of a foodie Catherine? Oh what? A foodie? No! If I could take a pill and just be done. Oh no. I'm joking. Yeah, I really... Well, what does foodie mean? Because I love food, but I'm not, I'm afraid, a very evolved cook. But I really appreciate well-cooked and creative food cooked by people that are good. So I always feel slightly like I can't claim to be a foodie because I can't do it. But I can eat it and appreciate it. I think that makes you a foodie.

I think being a foodie is just enjoying eating food. And I don't think there's any kind of like, you don't have to have any ability to make it. And you definitely don't have to only like, you know, snobby posh foodie. It's just like, just appreciating and loving food and thinking about it. I think that's a foodie.

Yeah. I'm a foodie. You feel good to say that's a foodie. Yeah. I'm a foodie. You feel good to say that and admit that in the room? I'm a foodie. I'm a foodie. Alcoholics anonymous. I am a foodie. Congratulations.

I'm not an alcoholic, but I do have some alcohol here. You've already told us that backstage as well. I'm getting quite the suspicious. The second time tonight you've told us you're not an alcoholic. No, I'm not an alcoholic, but I am a secret drinker because I didn't like the idea of the optics of me with a glass of alcohol so I did ask for it to be put in a teacup, but I've now obviously ruined that by telling you that. Do you know you told us that you're drinking wine from a teacup, which I'll be honest makes you look like an alcoholic, I don't know.

Yeah, it's backfired, I realise that. Earlier when you told us you weren't an alcoholic, you said, I'm not an alcoholic, and at that exact moment, our tour manager walked in with a glass of wine for you. Yeah, yes. What wine do you have in the teacup? Do you know what we've provided you with this evening? It looked like a very high-end bottle of Prosecco, I was quite impressed.

Fantastic. It's not the usual shit they try and... Yeah. Little finger out, maybe, when you drink that we always start With still or sparkling water Katherine do you have a preference I do I have a strong preference. I really like still water I dis I really like dislike the taste of sparkling water. I don't understand it I really dislike the taste of sparkling water. I don't understand it. Yep.

I like sparkling other drinks, but it's very strange, sparkling water. You can taste the gas. Yeah. And I don't get it. But what I've started to say if I'm in a restaurant is tap water, just to seem really down to earth. And I don't even need bottled still water.

I can just take that. But then I realized I was sounding a bit passive aggressive Because I was actually going to have water you Bastards trying to rip me off. Don't charge me. There's nothing passive about that sentence I shouldn't have said that I just yeah, so I'm so I'm thinking about you know, just saying still instead. I haven't done it yet. You haven't tried it yet Where do you think you might debut at? What kind of restaurant? A Wagamama maybe?

I don't know. Harvester. Harvester's a good place to go in. I'll still order. Yeah. I mean, I, as a child, did not go to restaurants. I'm from a family that didn't do restaurants at all. Went to the Harvester, downtown with Broadway,

and then I worked in TGI Fridays in Kingston. Ooh. Full-time for many months, and got sort of increasingly demoted. Did you start as the CEO? I was never the CEO, but I was front of house. And I got put back of house. And then I got put, I was in charge of the desserts, which

is a really hard job. I was called a dessert weedy, because when they got in the weeds, I had to get on to, you'd have these like little sort of bills coming through with two snap decisions. Snap decision was a caramel basket with a banana and some ice cream and then a bit of drizzle on the top. But when you've got to do like six snap decisions in a hurry

and whatever other desserts they were, I can't remember the name of the other ones because I didn't tickle my fancy as much obviously. But when you have to do them all in a hurry and I'm not naturally strong-wristed and you have to. That's what you're expecting now, isn't it? So many questions. You have to do them in a hurry and get them out before they melt. That was a real challenge on a Saturday afternoon.

We, you know, not to name drop, but we had Torvlandin in once. Torvlandin order a snap decision? Actually, no, they didn't. I'm sorry. Torvalin Dean order a snap decision? Actually no, they didn't. Because I remember thinking, because that was the one I got good at, because that's the one I did most of. Anyway, I ended up getting really demoted because they kept finding, at TGI Fridays you have to wear a quirky hat, because it's kind of, it's a restaurant, it's a theatre,

it's a bit of fun. It's a bit of fun, isn't it though? It's a bit of fun. You've got to do an audition to get to work there, which I like the idea of, you know. So yeah, you've got to be a bit of a character. And I had a Minnie Mouse hat. But they kept coming back into the kitchen and pulling out this long ginger curly hair and holding it up to me, nasty, nasty, weighted, and saying, another hair has fallen in the snap decisions

and the ice creams, you've got to sort this out. And I think back, I felt so bad about it, but you can't, if you, you can't try and stop your hair from malting. I did have a bad diet at the time. I don't know if that does. I've never Googled that. Does that cause excessive malting? Why are you talking through your diet at the time

when all the work out of it was making your hair fall into the snap decisions? What sort of things were you eating? I was eating, I would say, quite a lot of sugar. Yes. Because I was stealing stuff lot of sugar. Yes. Because I was stealing stuff from the fridge. Yeah. You were eating quite a lot of snap decisions, I'd imagine.

This might explain why your hair is in the desserts. Yeah. If you're going in the fridge and snaffling the food, then put it back in. If you're hovering over them a lot. I actually think you've solved the mystery. I think that is what was happening. And now I remember there was a dessert with a bit of cookie that you stuck in it. And it was those that I did steal a bit because they were solid and you could stick them

in your bag or down your apron or whatever. I probably should be saying this on a, it's still a business, isn't it? I don't think it's an open case at TGI Fridays. I want to dig it up. Remember, we didn't know who stole those cookies. I was listening to this off-menu podcast. And it was the branch that had Torval and Dean in. Yeah.

But, you know, anyway, long ginger curly hair. I was the only woman in the kitchen, the only person with long ginger hair. So it was kind of, it was like an Agatha Christie actually in a way, but a really sort of straightforward one. A person you most suspect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you got fired or no? I didn't get fired, James, no.

I didn't get fired, but I did get sort of not asked back. That implies you went away. A lot of that happens in my business. I didn't get fired, but I did get sort of not asked back. That implies you went away. A lot of that happens in my business. I never see it as a, there's, there's, you're often not recalled and it doesn't mean, doesn't mean anything negative. I'd say quite harsh to do it as Catherine was taking a sip of prosecco from her teacup. Oh, I didn't think of that Bread Any particular type of bread I mean I like a poppadom, but I prefer a salt and vinegar crisp bread I

I mean, I like a poppadom, but I prefer a salt and vinegar crisp bread. I feel, I mean, I could actually get quite emotional about bread. I love bread. There was a stage a few years ago when actors and actresses were giving up bread. No way. I have a bread maker. Thank you. As in a machine, not a... I have a man that... You have a man. He lives in the garden and he...

No, I've... Yeah, I've got bread maker, but it did fall off the kitchen... What do you call it? Shelf? Counter? Counter. Yeah. Haven't got an island, alas.

Kitchen, counter. Someone's doing well, aren't they? I don't to count. Yeah, I haven't got an island alas kitchen counter someone's doing well I'm just thinking about them all the time I don't have one either I'm not even moving house, but I go on right move and I look at all the houses and if it doesn't have a kitchen Island I go no chance I'd worry I'll get stranded on there You know you can get that thing where there's a tap and it's boiling water. Yeah.

That's the dream, isn't it? Yeah, that is the dream. In your kitchen. Anywhere. Well, I think it must be quite hazardous, though, if you've got, like, young children or stupid people in your family. 100%. They'll definitely scold themselves, yeah, yeah anyway, so the bread maker fell off

Fell off the counter. They're very lively. I don't know if you've lively they really get going. Yeah, they jump about little Jack in a box Box It I mean, maybe I've got a fault. I'm worrying It I mean maybe I've got a fault. I'm worrying And it fell to the floor and we thought we were being broken in too but um, I said don't worry Don't worry darling. This is the night was this in the middle of the night. Yeah, I may I I Did the whole you know you put in that whole meal and the whatever and the yeast and I did it just before bedtime So you put the bread maker on and then went to bed?

Don't do it. And then it jumped. No. Yeah. Yeah. But it's lovely because the house smells of bread. That is good. And it works. So you've been broken into, like who's burgled our house?

Yeah. You've looked in the bread maker, there's a big red hair in there. Is it my bread maker man who's in the garden just breaking it? No, but I really like my bread maker. What's the best bread you've made in the bread maker? Is it my bread maker man who's in the garden just breaking it? No, but I really like my bread maker. What's the best bread you've made in the bread maker? Is it broken now? It's, one did break, but I got another one. Yeah, I put walnuts in it.

I hope that's not the secret word. No, you're safe. You're okay. I put walnuts in my bread. This makes me feel good. Makes me feel a bit like Meghan Markle. Throw some... Throw them in.

Walnuts in the... You think that's how she's living, Markle? Yeah. Walnuts in the bread? I found myself watching her series... I found it very compelling. She makes Lady Bird crostini. Have you seen it? No, no. I wouldn't watch that shit. First time I ever did a gig here, Meghan Markle was set up there.

Right where you are, he's never fucking heard the podcast before, you. Royal Variety performance. Died on my arse. Decided to do a story about farting during a massage. Ate a roast chicken, went for a massage, farted during the massage. Thought that would be good for the audience at the Royal Variety performance. We all had to stand on this stage at the end for about an hour and a half to wait for Megan and Harry to come round. They would go around shaking people's hands and speaking to them. Meghan Markle came up to me and she went, thank you for not eating any roast chicken before you came this evening. Whitty.

Yeah, pretty good. Then they got around to the end, you've got to be really polite to them. They got around to the end and Rod Gilbert was on the other end. And I saw the discussion happening, it looked quite heated. And I went, Rod, what were you talking to them about? They went, well, Harry asked me if I'd had a nice time at the gig. And I said, what did you say? He went, I said, no.

I fucking hated it. It was an awful gig. Oh my God. Do you want the bread with the walnuts in? Is that your dream bread? Maybe bread, is it more satisfying eating bread that you've created yourself? Yes. I prefer shop-bought bread, just to be clear. I don't want to overdo it. I obviously prefer a shop-bought bread. So on your dream menu, you don't want one you've made yourself, you've made yourself you want a restaurant or I want one Megan's made you want me That's not her tonight

You're Megan tonight enjoy that love your show Are you want the walnut one am I what do you Do you want the one with the walnuts in it? Yeah but not the one I make. No I know that. Walnut bread warm? Oh yeah warm with a melty butter. I don't want to feel like I've slagged off the poppadom. I've got a lot of time for crisps of all kinds. It's kind of... Never had a poppadom that's an exciting flavour though, but I think I need to get out more.

Get out more. Try more poppadoms. But you like salt and vinegar crisps. Oh, I mean, it's pretty much all I ate between the ages of 12 and 16 Monster Munch pickled onion as well. Shout out for that. Wow Big fans in So was that before you went to the TGI Fridays then so it was purely crisps for those years TGI Fridays was on to the Chris and penny sweets actually I'm so old. I remember hate meny. No, not Hapenny. Not Hapenny.

Half Penny. That's like Oliver times. Yeah, no. Yeah. I mean, I mean, half Penny sweets. I'm not that old. Hapenny sweets? Yeah, no, I didn't mean that, did I?

Oh, I've never heard of that. I'm not Dickensian. Well, before I worked at TGR Fridays, I was a shoeshine. OK. Half Penny sweets. They were in the 80s. Give me an 80 bit for some scram. Alright, Gov'net. I'm not that old. I'm 47.

I want some whistle sticks and some sherbet candies. Go on, sorry. I can't think of fake sweets for Victorian times. Well, the penny sweets that were around when I was younger were really like have stayed quite vividly with me. I heard one of your episodes, you talked about the Wham Bar. Yes. And, you know, I had to sit down and take a moment because I loved the Wham Bar.

Yeah. And I hadn't thought of the Wham Bar for years. I don't know if you can still get a Wham Bar. I had to sit down and take a moment because I loved the WAN bar. And I hadn't thought of the WAN bar for years. I don't know if you can still get a WAN bar. Can you get a WAN bar? Yeah, big time. You can get a WAN bar. I like the beer-flavoured sweets. Did you ever have those?

Beer-flavoured sweets. The little beers. I like the fake cigarettes. Yeah. It's the coolest I've ever felt, I think, the fake cigarettes. Yeah. And I just, um, and... It's the coolest I've ever felt, I think, the fake cigarettes. Same here. Also, I think that, you know, the amount of times you told us you're not an alcoholic today.

I like beer's favourite sweets. I get to pretend I'm having a cigarette at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. But do you know what? It wasn't good for my teeth. Because... Really? Yeah, it had a lot of fillings. Yeah, sugar.

I don't think it's great for teeth. Just to give you an insight into Catherine's love of sugar, we always ask the guests before they arrive if there's anything on their rider, if they would like anything. Sometimes we want a specific drink or something. We were hanging out with Catherine before the show and the tour manager came into the room.

Catherine went, I noticed nobody bought me the Refreshers I asked for. He did offer to go out and get some. He did, yeah. Did you see me pretend that I didn't want them to, but then now he has them. Refreshers. Oh, I do love sugar.

Get them free with the beano back in the day. Yes, the beano, I was in the Dennis and Minnis fan club. I was as well. Yeah. Didn't know they let girls in. Do you mean Minnie the Minx? No, Dennis and Ganesha. Yes, Ganesha. I No. Dennis and Ganesha. Yes, Ganesha.

I had a fish called Ganesha named after the dog. I was so, so, so into the beano that it was all I read. And when I got really cross with one of my brother's ones, I went, I sort of mimed smoke coming from my ears and went, fume. And he just laughed. Your dream starter. So I would have said, I would have said oysters, A,

to sound classy, B, because I used to like oysters, but I know this is a comedy podcast, but my husband has an autoimmune disease. Don't laugh just because she said it's... Sorry, sorry about that. Sorry, Catherine. Are you even listening to what Catherine is saying? Sorry, Catherine, go on.

Called lupus and. Yeah. You like that, do you? Interesting. Interesting. I finally see who's been listening to this podcast all these years. Anyway. He. Sorry. Sorry. We went to Marseille once, an amazing place.

We ate some oysters and other seafood. And bearing in mind this was pre-fillers, people having fillers, his face, you'll see why that's relevant in a minute, his face like swelled up so unbelievably. It was really scary. But because fillers hadn't happened, I often think that's why, because I don't speak French, immediately I went, look at him. They took us to A&E. He was put on antihistamine drip. This is related to the lupus.

This is how we found out he had it. But if, I always think if fillers had been a thing, I'd have gone, you know, look at my husband and they'd have been like, yeah, wow, beautiful. Because he did just look like he'd had loads of fillers. Oh, what a lovely husband you have. He's so beautiful. So I feel grateful for the time that he had the extreme allergic reaction to the seafood. Yeah, I was very lucky.

Do you think that happens now? Do you think someone has an allergic reaction? They go, oh, très jolie. So rouge, you're so rouge. So that's why I would avoid the seafood of all kinds. Although- Have you not eaten oysters since that day? I haven't, out of respect for him.

And just in case I pass on- Just to- because the way you said that, I'm just going to double-check, just for the audience, he is still alive. He's still alive. It's just, you can't bandy around the phrase, out of respect for him. Yes.

It's one step away from Minion's memory. No, his ashes are actually here at the Palladium. His ashes are actually here at the plating. Now, my starter would be mackerel pate, but I've just realised, is that seafood? Yeah. Yeah, famously a fish. Fish. Out of respect for my husband, no seafood. I will just have the mackerel pate.

I really, really like mackerel pate. I really, really like mackerel pate. And particularly made by his mum. Can he not have any seafood then? Does he avoid all seafood? No. Boring! It's got an autoimmune disease. Please, Catherine. Sorry about Catherine. I'm really sorry about Katherine. I'm sorry Many sorry about that. I Fucking love mackerel pate though. Yeah, I love mackerel pate. Do you know it can give you gout? Okay. I

Learned that as the receptionist on Doc Martens. So basically I'm medically qualified. And this man kept buying mackerel and he had gout. Is this in the story? In the story. Yeah. He had symptoms of gout and it's the purines in the mackerel that he kept getting. So I think of that every time I stuff my face with absolute massive chunks of mackerel and paste, I think I'm careful.

Could get gout. But I don't... What are the symptoms of gout? Just sore, sore feet? You should know. You worked in the industry. No. Sorry, yes. We weren't receptionists for Doc Martin. As a medical professional, obviously, I know it's... Yes, it's your feet explode. LAUGHTER It feels quite an old-school disease, Gout, doesn't it? I know people do get it now because of all the Mackle, but it feels like it's from the

hapiny days. Somehow a kind of faded glamour to it as well. I almost wouldn't mind. You know what I mean? Sort of life well lived. Yeah. Henry VIII got it, didn't he? Yeah, and he was the picture of health most of the time. You know what I mean? Sort of life well lived.

Yeah. Henry VIII got it, didn't he? Yeah, and he was the picture of health most of the time. That's what I think of when I think of glamour is Henry VIII. So glamorous. He had to be winched up the stairs every night. You know that about Henry VIII? They had a winch system to get him up the stairs.

Wow. What would a winch, like a Stanner, early Stanner, choose a stairlift? The original Stanner, yeah. The old king winch. He had a lot of things, Henry VIII, divorce, the Stanner stairlift. Are you spreading the mackerel pâté on a toast situation? Are we talking about a toast? Yeah, a toasted bread. I don't think I'd spread it. I think I'd dip it. I don't know about... I don't know, I don't feel comfortable spreading mackerel pate.

So you want it in a bowl and you're just... dipping the bread, like, just hoofing it in? You do what you want, but... I will do what I want. With great respect, Ed, you do what you want. Yeah, I will. I just think you might get gout that way. If I'm spreading, I'm having way less mackerel pate than you are.

It's just dipping it in. It depends on the force of the dip. As I said, I don't have strong wrists. It's a very... It's a kind of... It's not even a dip, it's a sort of drop. So is it quite a thin mackerel pate you're thinking of? It is quite... The thing is, you can say you like something but it can come in such different forms can't it? Because I have to say I haven't really

liked anyone but my mother-in-law's macropate. So I don't really know if I can truly say I like macropate. But you would like your mother-in-law's macropate for your daughter. So when you and your husband visit your mother-in-law's mackerel pate for your daughter. Yeah. So when you and your husband visit your mother-in-law, she makes you mackerel pate and your husband just has to sit in his family home hungry. Yes. Your dream main course, Catherine? Well, so yeah, so I didn't go to restaurants growing up, and you know, had wonderful parents, but they worked, they were both teachers, and my dad was out doing evening classes.

My one brother was at football, my other brother was at beavers or whatever, and I was at Christian camps. This is what you expected? LAUGHTER Was that to Megan? Yeah. The, I went to various Christian, pointless Christian groups, well, it turned out to be pointless in my case,

not pointless, pointless. And so it was sort of like a student house. So what we didn't have was the families. My parents were quite young when they had us. We didn't have that thing of sitting down as a family. And I say that not to discredit them at all, because they were the best parents I could possibly have hoped for.

But we didn't grow up with that environment. So I would have microwave meals pretty much. And then as I got into adulthood, I started to go to restaurants a bit with work things. And I always think sort of pretending is part of becoming a bit. So I would quite grandly choose, you know, the most expensive, particularly if they were paying meal on the menu, to try and be something I very much wasn't.

But then pretending is becoming. I've actually started to love that meal. And that meal would be Dover sole, off the bone, cream spinach, off the bone because I once tried to do it myself and it just looked like a toddler had been eating the meal. I would say that it's fine to have the macropaté. But at this point, the respect for your husband

has absolutely gone down the toilet. I just didn't think about that. We were going just all in on seafood. Do you think he might be allergic to me? Am I the problem? Yeah, let's not rule it out. If you've got, yeah, your hair is full of bits of fish. Yeah.

You know? We know that you eat hair first. Yeah. Does my hair look like it's full of fish? Yeah. Does it? Can you smell it? Just full disclosure, yeah. Since you got fish. Yeah, does it can you spell it? Yes full disclosure. Yeah

Since you got here, yeah, I'll give the refreshers the fishy hair. Yeah weird stuff Yeah, no, no, I feel very bad now because I've just told you that he's allergic to seafood I just ordered loads of seafood is my dream. Yeah, it's funny because really there was no you need to tell that story Yeah, you could have kept that to yourself for just chosen seafood, but you said... Can you edit it out then? Yeah, they know. That's your current problem. Yeah. You did tell the story to make yourself sound quite noble though, I think.

Yeah, I did. You were saying, I'm not going to have oysters. I'm not going to have oysters. I haven't had oysters since we found out my husband had lupus. Must be nice for you, because you probably can't laugh about it much at home. Just come here and laugh about it. Because you're, you're,

you're responding like you're hearing it for the first time, every time. When I said autoimmune disease earlier, you cracked up. Well, I know it sounds incredible, but I just didn't think of Dover Solar Seafood. LAUGHTER Yeah. Easily done. It's a wonderful fish, though. Wonderful fish.

Yeah. And fancy as well. It's one of the fanciest fish. Mm. Fishes. Yeah. And fancy as well. It's one of the fanciest fish. Mm. Fishes. Fishes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've, um, I really want to have a more successful time snorkeling because... I...

I know that. Well, when you say it's a lovely fish, I nodded as if I'd seen it. I just meant to eat. Oh! I wasn't going, you've seen that? You fit fish. Bloody gorgeous fish, that one. Yeah, yeah.

Also, again, adding that to your list of things you'd like to do. Poor fucking guys We go snorkeling today Remember I have lupus for the million time cafe I Am riddled with lupus Did not go snorkeling with you Poor fucking guy. I'm a really good wife.

He can be near fish, can he? Can he go snorkel? No, he's never had a reaction like he had. No, that's not true actually. It's, I know, it's shellfish. It's shellfish. We're fine, we're fine. I should have made that clearer. Yes, so Mackerel you're fine, Doversole you're fine.

And would he have those things? Does Doversole have a shell? I haven't seen it in the wild. As far as I'm aware it's not a shellfish, no. I say as far as I'm aware, it's not. It's definitely not. No, it's not. I can confidently say it's not a shellfish, yeah. Cool. Kind of annoyed that we didn't just say yes to you, actually. We told you the right answer, but we could have gone,

yes, it has a big shell, and seen just how long we could get you to believe it. But yeah, big rainbow shell. Yeah. Yeah. No. Um, yeah, I should have said that's, yeah, that's exactly what it is. It's it's violent.

It seems to be shellfish. So we're cool. We're all good. Do you remember what, um, what restaurant you're in or what the event was where you first had the Dover soul? Yeah, I do. It was the Ivy West Street and it was a work thing. I don't want to sound really mercenary, but I did glance at the menu and check what the most expensive thing was on the menu, because that's what you do, right, when you're young and hungry.

And so I went for that. And then, you know, I just, I feel like it's such a lovely meal because you don't feel too full. You feel sated. It feels, again, glamorous, like the gout, like I mentioned before. And what I do tend to do is order us, getting to the side dish, fries on the side, and then I just pig out on those so it kind of backfires in terms of, yeah, but I really do like skinny chip with mayonnaise. So that's your dream side is the thing.

That is my absolute dream side. I'd like to say green beans, but I'd just be lying. Would you like us to dye the fries green so people think you're having beans? Yeah, yeah, well that'd be great. Well actually, earlier I was introduced to chips with pesto on them, which blew my mind. My wife was in the dressing room eating chips with pesto on. Yeah, it was crazy. She bought that from somewhere by the way, she didn't just bring a jar of pesto with her.

Pesto chips. But they were essentially green chips weren't they? Yeah they were. They're from Shake Shack. Yes. Shake Shack have started doing them these pests and we're all very excited weren't we to see Charlie eat the first one. Yeah.

Like what's it like? She went, yeah quite nice. Oh yeah. I like a dip with the chips. You'd like a dip? What dip? You can have as many dips. Mayonnaise. You like mayonnaise? Yeah. I like chips with mayonnaise. I like a dip with the chips. You'd like a dip? What dip? You can have as many dips as you like. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Yeah, I like chips with mayonnaise.

I like ketchup too, of course. When I was growing up, my dad's from Belfast and HP brown sauce was on everything when we, the microwave meals, but everything and vinegar. And now I'm out in the world at large. Brown sauce doesn't seem to be a thing. They tend to send more bottles of HP to Northern Ireland because it's got the picture of Parliament on it. Oh my goodness.

They're trying to get their point across. It's a bit awkward, actually. Oh my gosh. Do you want this to be, if you're eating in our dream restaurant, what would you like it to look like? Do you want a sort of swanky, ivy sort of feel to it? I really like low lighting in a restaurant. I sometimes when you watch shows set in America,

like a bit of enthusiasm or whatever, I'm always quite struck by how lit the restaurants seem to be. I don't know if that's just a choice in a TV show, but I want crepuscular, Dickensian, ideally candlelight, if I'm honest. To remind you of when you were a little kid. I'm sorry. I don't often say this to Ed.

What? Dickensian. It's Dickensian. Is that your Dickensian voice? It's a callback. Yes, but I don't remember you doing that voice last time. What's? Dickensian Dickensian voice Yes, but I don't remember you doing that voice last time I did, it was Shushine He was doing that voice

He didn't do that voice I was just joining in, sorry Yours sounded like from another country I thought Oh no, that's the end of the podcast That was me from England, mate. Name an accent. I'll do it for you. Oh, oh,

I'll let Catherine suggest. Okay, okay, Jordy. No, now I have to do it because it was I thought you were going to give me something cancelable. What would you like to say in a Geordie accent? I love shellfish. Wow. Just when we got away from it.

I fucking love shellfish, man. Oh, wow. Really good. Really good. Really good. What accents have you done for later? What's the hardest accent you've had to do for a role? What I tend to do is I do it for the first scene and then I go, is that alright? And then I drop it for the rest of the show. But I did Northern Irish once in a Antigone, Tom Pauling's Antigone,

and my dad, who's from Belfast, came and saw it and gave me name out of tan for the accent. And I was happy with that. You should be happy with it. That's very good, actually. I can't do accents, so I wish I could. I'm so jealous every time people do it. Give James an accent today, Catherine. Okay. Give James an accent today, Catherine. Okay. I think Northern Irish is really quite hard, so I won't give you that one.

I'm going to say Liverpool. Now, a friend of mine is here who's from Liverpool. And I'd like you to say, I love Little Chef. I'm not happy about this situation. Well, the other option that's been shouted out is Shrek, so why don't you... I'm very good at Shrek. I can do a really good Shrek. Would you like me to do a Shrek? I'd like you to do Shrek, yeah.

I love Little Chef. Would you like... I love Little Chef. Would you like I love Little Chef? Yeah. They've been ready for that every single night of this run. This is the only time it's happened. Donkey! I love the Little Chef donkey here. LAUGHTER CHEERING Outstanding. Your dream drink. LAUGHTER Wow. Thank you. My drink, well,

when I was going to restaurants the first time, as part of this effort to be this new sophisticated version of myself, I used to order a glass've been drinking quite a lot of, I've been, I filmed this thing called Rivals recently. What a show. And I've, I've, I've pretended my research is to only drink champagne, but it's quite an expensive habit. But I really like, you know, like the cheap reseco you've given me tonight. He's a really good, you know, second best.

So what you're saying is you'd like a champagne? A champagne, please, yeah. And the more expensive the better. Yes. Would you like it out of a teacup? Actually, I'm happy. And the more expensive the better? Yes. Would you like it out of a teacup? I'm happy to order the cheapest champagne in a restaurant. I can't really tell the difference between, I'm afraid my palate's not very that sophisticated yet. As long as it's fizzy and not prosecco.

Do you subscribe to the phrase, champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends? Oh, that's what the Romans did, wasn't it? It was the posh wine for the richer guests and the sort of dregs for the insignificant ones. I think that's what it means, that phrase. Because I think it's real pain for my sham friends. You get what I mean? Real pain for my sham friends. What does that mean? I mean, it's like, I hope people who just pretend to be my friends...

Oh, sham, I see. ...real pain. I hope something bad befall them. Oh, that's awful. This is what people... That's a bit much, isn't it? It's a phrase. I didn't even come up with it. I think that's really unnecessarily unkind. They say, champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.

What were you, and why did you mention the Romans? Why did I mention the Romans? I think you thought the phrase was that you give the good champagne to your good friends and the bad champagne to people you're not bothered about. Yeah, I mean, I'm quite into the Romans. They used to use pheasant feathers to make themselves sick after a meal so they could go again. But also, they always used to lie down to eat the rich Romans. And I find that baffling because, I mean, I don't suffer generally from indigestion.

But I feel like if I was prone, you know, supine, eating pheasants and, you know, God knows, all these sort of rich foods that they ate, I'd definitely throw it up a bit. Well, it's difficult, isn't it? I do imagine if you have a mouthful and you're lying down, like chewing it and swallowing it down would be quite an effort, wouldn't it? Quite difficult. Yeah.

Mmm. Mmm. How long have you been into the Romans for? would be quite an effort, wouldn't it? Quite difficult. Yeah. Mm. Mm. How long have you been into the Romans for? My degree was in classics, and I really, I get like actually sexually aroused talking about Pompeii. Pompeii? Not sexually aroused. What is? I get totally, I'm sorry. Catch me up, hang on. Catch me up again. And what happened in Pompeii? Not sexually aroused. Catch me up, hang on. Catch me up again.

What happened in Pompeii? I get excited by, you know, they found somebody who, their brain had turned to glass in the... I mean, it's time for this fascinating... Slow down, Catherine. I've got an erection. I know you've changed your mind since then, but initially you did say you were sexually aroused by the tragedy of Pompeii. No, yeah, no, that makes me sound really like a psychopath. I get excited, like, you know, I'm into a bit of mudlarking.

I do get excited about those things, which I suppose you could dismiss as geekery, but actually it's really profound. And if you're not into it, you're a bit of a cunt. Did you want to ask what mudlarking was, James? Yes, mudlarking. I don't know what that is. It's larking in the mud. I mean, basically it's, I mean, I think you do technically need a licence, but you just sort of go to the riverbanks or whatever and find things like, you will always find something,

maybe a bone dice or a bone pipe or a bit of a glass bottle or some dentures. And there you are, it's like you're time traveling. But it is very interesting. Is this something you do? No. Yeah, no I have done it and if you go on a guided tour you do have to put everything back which is a shame because... But, fuck that. But, you know, I've found a groat. I found a groat once. A groat? Well, my husband found a groat, but, you know, I say I found it and it was...

Poor man can't have anything. Yeah. But then you have to put it back. So you have to... If you do a guided tour... But then you have to put it back. So you have to rummage around in the muddy banks of a river, find something that is adjacent to just trash. And then you can't even keep it. You're told you have to put it back in the mud.

And you can't wear an apron like I did at TGO Fridays to get the cookie stuff in there. You know, you'd look too suspicious if you were down on the riverbanks with an apron with a massive flap you know sort of if you'd be you'd be rumbled so but no it's just an interesting thing to do that's got nothing to do with the Romans particularly but I just yeah no I just like I just like history yeah yeah do you like history I do I yeah I understand that it excites you especially seeing things things being like, this was ages ago. That's basically what it is, isn't it?

God, this was bloody ages ago. Oh, you really understand history yet. Yeah. But it is that. It still surprises me with his intellectual knowledge on this podcast. Because a lot of history, some history was more ages ago than other history, wasn't it? But that exact phrase is what I think sometimes, looking at it like an artefact or a painting, I go some history was more ages ago than other history, wasn't it? But that exact phrase is what I think sometimes looking at like an artefact or a painting, this was bloody ages ago. That is kind of what you're saying to yourself again.

And they were the same. This was bloody ages ago. It's mad, I think I'm a bloke walking around in this museum and one day those people were just blokes walking around, but ages ago. And one day you might be at bloody ages ago to someone else. Yeah. God. Isn't that scary? Yeah, God isn't that scary? Yeah, I don't like that. No people might be going that was bloody ages ago IT crowd What would you hope you know in years to come when historians look back and they what of your work

Would you hope they were discovering the mud? Yeah. I think I'd have to say my, you know, I told you earlier I had a lot of fillings as a child. I was telling you about my fillings in the dressing room. Yes. From the high sugar diet that was normalized in the 80s culture. Yeah. Uh, and, you know, I had some of those fillings taken out to be replaced with white ones. And the dentist said, God, some of these fillings are older than you.

And I giggled girlishly, flattered, you know, ha ha ha, because obviously they weren't older than me. Um, I, I like the idea of some of my mercury fillings maybe surviving. OK, I was asking about your professional work that you've done. Not what part of your body do you hope people find in the mud in years to come. That would be the most sinister question I've ever asked a guest. When you have died, what parts of you do you hope survive and are unearthed by future civilizations? Which bits of your work do you hope people find later on and, you know, that as ages go historically?

Just my feelings. My feelings is enough for me. Yeah. Do you hope that maybe in the future someone finds one of your fillings in a snap decision at TGI Fridays? Oh yeah. Yeah, I hope so. Chokes. Well speaking of the snap decision, we arrive at the dream dessert. Is the snap decision even in the mix or do you? It's not actually. I mean, I love sugar. Currently, I seem to find myself on a No Sugar WhatsApp, because I bumped into a friend recently, and I said, oh, we must meet and go for our usual cake. And he said, no, I haven't had sugar for, you know, 362 days.

And I actually felt quite upset. I feel quite upset when people tell me things like that. I suppose I'm threatened by it. I once tried to cut out sugar, and it was like a heroin addict. I had to go to the spare room I was having body aches. I was having sweats Because I think I have got quite a high sugar content. Yeah high sugar content. Yeah, I think I'm I Do think I've got quite a high sugar content. Yeah, so I'm on this whatsapp group and every day it's like everyone puts in the number of days they've been without it and then like a carrot emoji or a broccoli emoji and that's

one of the most depressing things that's ever happened to me. But I love chocolate fondant. Yeah. Yeah, I had a really special chocolate fondant once at a restaurant in Bath and I was with my husband. We'd had a non-shellfish meal and he, it was like time sort of literally, talking about time, time went slower and it was quite a fancy restaurant and one person came and like took the lid off, the head off the took the head off the chocolate sponge, and another person poured molten chocolate into it.

And my husband said he's never seen me go cross-eyed before or since. And I can't do it on cue. I'm not one of those gifted people. But it was just so wonderful. It was so wonderful. It's so wonderful. It was so wonderful. It was really special. Did you go cross-eyed when you ate it?

Or when they were pouring it? It was the pouring. I think you must have seen my eyes cross with the pouring molten chocolate through, you know, just where my nose is. But yeah, it was an incredible experience. And on my deathbed it will be one of the things that flickers. So they're pouring, so the chocolate fondant has got the sauce inside it, and then they're pouring extra sauce on top. I mean, it's ridiculous.

What other things will flash through your mind when you're on your deathbed? I think that's a really personal question. Yeah. Ed, is there anything that will flash through your mind when you're on your deathbed? This moment I think, definitely talking to you two about what will flash through my head on my deathbed will definitely be the first thing I think of when I'm on my deathbed. That'll be annoying, won't it? Yeah.

Also, when things flash before your eyes when you're about to die, does it have to be stuff from your life? LAUGHTER As opposed to someone else's life? Can you imagine stuff that happens to someone else? Like Henry VIII getting winched up the stairs? LAUGHTER That would be the last thing I think of,

as if I'm from Henry VIII's point of view, like sort of Tudor Peep Show. I'm just being... I'm being winched up the stairs and I've got gout. What would his inner monologue be if it was like Peep Show? Getting winched up the stairs again. Here we go. Jeremy's going to come and have a go at me in a minute,

something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My bloody wife. I wonder what Johnson's thinking. It doesn't necessarily, it won't necessarily be interesting things that flash through your mind on your deathbed. I think we sort of, I think you can't choose your thoughts, can you? It might be sort of some of the more mundane things that have happened to you in your life. Yeah.

It should be, again, a letdown. The death is a letdown, but also a letdown. The thought processes that you're burdened with just before you go. You'd be really frustrated, wouldn't you, all around? Yeah. What kind of stuff do you mean? What kind of boring stuff has happened to you? Well, I worry sometimes because my subconscious is very dull

and I have really boring dreams. And just last night, I dreamt in quite a lot of detail that I was offered a desk by a neighbour. And you know what would make that story really interesting would be if I was then offered a desk by a neighbour but I wasn't. Didn't the dream, did you take the offer, did you take the desk? I actually said we haven't got room which is what I would say in real life. But the thing, you know, I I'm my job. I don't know if you know, but I'm an actress Yes, and my job involves imagination. Mm-hmm. I don't think I've got one Okay, but that means imagine if now you get a part of the woman who has it gets offered a desk by their neighbor

You're gonna be like one, well, not only... You'd be really moving. I've already done this in my dreams. Do you want to act out the scene with me now? I can offer you the desk and show people how good it is. Do you want me to direct? Yeah, if you want to direct. I'll be the neighbour.

Okay. Ring in be the neighbour. Okay, action. Okay, that's ringing the doorbell. Oh, hello. Catherine, hello. Didn't know if you'd be in. Well, it's the middle of the night. Yeah. Now, well, we heard some clatter anyway, looked at through the window.

Apparently your bread maker's gone rogue. He honestly, he doesn't do what he's told. Anyway, it reminded me. We've got a spare desk knocking around, and we were wondering if you and your husband, who I believe has lupus, have any... I love to have his eyes. Catherine's absolutely loving it.

I've actually moved to tears. Would it have any use for it? Oh, my goodness. That's so kind But we have no room Okay, I'll try the next house Very good Try it once more time and James your your character's from Liverpool this time. Okay.

I don't know if I'll be able to cry again, but... No, no, no. Shrek! Oh, my God. Who are you? Now, Catherine, just want to clarify. Were you reacting like that because James was Shrek or he was from Liverpool? Sorry.

No, because James was Shrek or he was from Liverpool sorry, no because he was he was in because suddenly my imagination has kicked in and you were green and You were very much Shrek in the middle of the night knocking on my door. I thought it was cuz that's actually all pesto. Yeah Ding-dong, ding dong? In the Liverpool Hello We're on a fucking desk Thought it might have used for you yours Oh Shrek You got me the region menu net back to your nails here you feel about

You want still water? You would like warm walnut bread made by Meghan Markle with melty butter, starter, your mother-in-law's mackerel pate, main Dover sole off the bone with creamed spinach, side dish of skinny chips with mayonnaise, drink champagne the very best, and dessert the chocolate fondant with extra sauce poured on top that you had in bath Oh my god Goodbye, goodnight! Bye bye bye bye bye! There we are, I loved that one James, what a great chat with Catherine. Fantastic, what a lovely way to end our London Palladium run.

That's all of the bonus shows now from the London Palladium. Thank you everyone for coming to see it. Thank you all our guests again. All of them were fantastic. Thank you to the great Benito. Oh yeah. Thank you to the great Benito. He put a lot of work into those much more than we did and really appreciate that. Thank you to all the crew as well. Who put up all those sets every night and then had to take them all down.

I don't think they took them down. And as I said, I realized they didn't take them down every night and put them up every day. That would be mad. But they had to put them up once, which probably wasn't fun. And then take them down once. I doubt any of that was a laugh. And then, you know, and poor old Charlie dropped his mic on the floor at one point trying to swat a fly. I still don't know if that's fixed yet. So, you know, thanks to all of them for being so fantastic as always. And thanks to all of them for being so fantastic as always. And thanks to Paul for being a great stage manager as well.

Yes. Thank you, Paul. Thank you to the snitch for taking all the photos. The snitch took the photos very good professional photos. You can see them online on the internet, I guess on our socials and stuff. Socials, yes. And that guy can take photos for other people as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want someone to take photos for you.

He will do it. And thanks to Megan and Pippa for filming it as well. I'm not thanking them, I've not seen any clips yet. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing it. I'm grateful. Yeah, yeah. The crew will all be back with us. Yeah. Because we're doing more live shows at the Royal Albert Hall in London in March 2026. It's Tasting Menus Live. Previous fan favorite guests receive menus of other fan favorite guests Go to off menu podcast dot code at UK for dates and tickets What a time to be alive and we'll be back for the new series of off menu very soon yes, and no need to text me every week mother they will it'll be out soon and

Texting me isn it was speeded up. Bye bye! You might remember us from our off-menu episodes. For example, when I was on there, I talked about seaweed in mash, and James and Ed rang my mum. And I talked about how I had a phobia of bananas and somebody has added it to my Wikipedia page. Thank you. Well, we've not come on here to tell you about bananas and seaweed. We've come to tell you about our podcast,

Single Ladies in Your Area. Me and Amy found ourselves single in our 30s and had to go back into the dating landscape. And it's hard for Harriet because if anyone Googles her and finds her Wikipedia, they know she's full of bananas. They think, what a freak. Even worse if they listen to the whole episode, people have described it as batshit. But in Single Ladies in Your Area, we get on experts to tell us what we should be doing.

We're learning from experts, we're learning from friends, we're learning from comedians and people from all over the bloody shop. That's Single Ladies in Your Area out every Friday wherever you get your podcasts.