Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 35: Daisy May Cooper

Episode Date: October 16, 2019

Bafta-winning star of ‘This Country’ Daisy May Cooper is this week’s dinner guest. Buffet techniques are compared, the dark side of Rugrats is discussed, and the genie gets tricked. Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Daisy's book ‘This Is This Country’ is out now, published by Trapeze. Buy the book here.Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Ed Gamble is on tour, including a date at the Shepherd's Bush Empire. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? And if you cook the podcast just for two minutes on each side, you can make sure that the centre is really funny. Hello, James. Ed, good pleasure to see you. Lovely to see you, mates. This is the Off Menu podcast, of course. Oh, I can't wait. I love the Off Menu podcast. It's where we ask the guests what their favourite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink is.

Yes, it is indeed. And we have a very special guest this week. Yes. Who do we have this week, James? Daisy Cooper. Daisy Cooper, of course, from this country. This country, a fantastic TV show. It's an amazing TV show. You haven't watched it. You've got to catch up. You've got to watch all the episodes, baby. It's an extremely funny show. And she is chatting to us, of course, about her dream meal and also about her book that she's released. This is this country.

Her and Charlie Cooper, of course, also from this country, have written a book together. So that's very exciting. And we will be chatting to Daisy today about her dream meal. But, James. Yes. If she says a secret ingredient that we have established, she will be removed from the restaurant. Absolutely. No. It's no buts, no coconuts. Actually, coconuts are allowed. What's not allowed? It's no ifs, no buts, no celeriac. What even is it?

What is it? I mean, you often see it in a remelad and I don't even know what that is. Yeah. The whole thing is confusing. I used to work in a pub where we did a celeriac and it was, I had a little bit of a nibble every now and again. And mainly, mainly as I go back to it, trying to figure out what it was, what it's meant to taste of. No. It's weird. I'm just annoying. Celeriac mash. That just seems like you're tricking people into thinking they're having potato.

Yeah. Just give them potato, please. And you're the mash king. I'll tell you what, I would not let celeriac anywhere near my mash pot. No. Thank you very much. It's weird. It's bitter. It's not allowed in the restaurant today. Talking of the mash king though. Yes, sir. Big thank you. And sorry that I haven't got it to hand and can't remember the young man's

name. But big thank you to the two young men who made me my mash crown. I saw this. It was quite the piece of work. Yes. It's a metal crown with genuine like the ends of like different potato mashers, different styles of potato mashers as the little spiky bits on the crown, just going round all round. Totally fits me. They made it properly themselves in a workshop. It looked fantastic. There's a photo of me with it there. Ash Porter. Thank you, Ash Porter. I really do love the mash crown. It's currently on display in my flat.

Of course it is. It's so up your street. It's not true. Yeah. What I liked before he gave it to me, he went, I've never known again. You'll know they said I've been out again. You know, might have someone come to me and go, oh, I've got you something. And it's always, oh, yeah, okay. And then like, look at it and often it's quite creepy. Yeah. But you always know it's going to be a good one that you will genuinely like because the person, they kind of go, oh, hello, I've got you something. Oh, I'm worried. I'm worried

it's weird now. And then you go, right, this is a normal person who recognizes the fact that it's a bit weird to give me something. And then it's always brilliant. And this guy was like, oh, it's so weird, actually. Oh, you don't have to keep it if you don't want to. Here it is. I was like, oh, what the best thing I've ever seen. Thank you very much. Oh, and actually, we'd like to say thank you to on Instagram at Handmade by Jessica Jane, who did a little cross stitch of the off menu logo. Oh, a privilege, a pleasure and a privilege. Thank you. It's amazing. She put loads of time into it. It looks brilliant. A little card saying thanks

for the podcast. Thank you so much. Handmade by Jessica Jane. I know that's not your real name. I'm just giving people your Instagram handle. Cross stitch is coming back in a big way, man. Like, I tell you what, so someone, someone in, I did a gig in, in Birmingham and an audience member gave me some cross stitch beforehand of like, I did a Netflix series called repertoire, watch it. And they did a cross stitch of that expertly done. If you're listening, thank you very much. Cross stitch is back. If you next week will be launching our cross stitch podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Off. We don't know anything about cross stitch. So for now, here is the off menu menu of Daisy Cooper.

Welcome, Daisy, to the dream restaurants. Oh, thank you so much for having me. Welcome, Daisy. We've been expecting you. Now, you've, you've reliably informed us that you've listened to the podcast before. So you'll be aware that James is a genie waiter. Yes. Yes. What you weren't expecting is my sombrero. He's a Mexican genie waiter today, apparently. Yes. I don't know what Spanish for genie is. El genie, I think. Yeah, that sounds good. That sounds good. Do you speak any Spanish, Daisy? No. Okay. So we're going with El genie. El genie. Do you speak any other languages? No, sorry. I can say Loazo, which I think is bird in French. It's amazing that you learned Loazo, but then didn't think you didn't think,

I'll learn one other word. You're like, I'll stick with bird. That's all I need. Why is that the one you've learned? I don't know. It just always stuck in my head. I love the word wazo. Because of Mr. Wazo. Is that the, is that the guy, Flat Eric? Oh my God. No, that was, what was his name? I don't know what either of you are talking about right now. O-I-Z-O. Do you know who Flat Eric is? I remember Flat Eric. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So the guy doesn't mean to. O-I-Z-O. How do you feel about people who order in a second language? Annoying. I hate that. No. I just think it's a bit of a showy offy, isn't it? No. It is quite showy offy. I did go to France and I asked for an un Pepsi and un croque monsieur, which is a bit,

I suppose it's half trying. I mean, you're in France. I'm in France, so try. I think that's all right. I think in, if you're in England in a French restaurant and then started ordering everything in French and then sort of smugly looking around the table at the rest of the dine. That's different. That's different. I think that's different. And unless a bird flies past and then you could, you could say what it is. Loazo. Yeah. Loazo. Yeah. Although I do know also actually, two other words, le bouf, a le piscine, which means the beef and the swimming pool. What happened to you in France? What a day. What a day. So you went for a swim and a bird dropped a bit of beef on you. Bit of joint of beef. Yeah. You had to quickly articulate yourself.

How do I tell the lifeguard what's going on right now? I'm currently drowning because I'm holding this big bit of beef and I can't swim. Is beef buoyant? Could you, could you use it as a float if you were in the swimming pool? Well, can cows float? I don't know if that's how it works, but depends how much, I guess with the cow, they might, they have like methane, don't they? They have probably have quite a lot of stuff in their stomach. So they probably do float. Cows can't swim though, right? Yeah. I've never seen a cow swimming. This is, this is going to be, sound like quite a dark story, which feel free to edit this out, but sometimes they kill pigs by throwing them in because when pigs try and swim,

they cut their own throats with their trotters. What the? Oh my. Living hell. Bit bleak, innit? What? Hold on. It's really obsessive. Yeah. We don't have to cut that out because we don't want to lose all our vegan lessons. They're trying to swim and so. And their little hands are too short and their trotters are sharp. So they cut themselves up. It's like something out of sore. Oh my good gracious. Well, I think all the vegans would be glad that we keep it in because like that will turn other people vegan. That's true. Why do they do this? I don't know if they do it anymore. It's just something I heard once. It all had a nightmare about it. That is like in sore, isn't it? I hope the pigs have at least

done something bad. What's French for the pig in this swimming pool? Le Tragique? I would think so. Oh, I'm sorry. I was in two minds as to whether to tell that and I don't think I made the right decision. No, I don't. No one liked hearing it, but we'll all tell it to other people. Yeah, that's true. It's one of those things, isn't it? Like you kind of end up, you're like that kid. There's always a kid in school who knew that kind of stuff. Yeah. Horrible stuff. Horrible kid. Yeah. I would show you pictures on the internet. Oh, that you will never forget. Yeah. How do they even find them?

What sort of things were you showing? Some kid who's got access to snuff somehow, isn't it? He's just like, look at this. You're like, what the hell? Give me a warning next time, Jacob, you sicko. Where'd you find that? You're 13. We're only just discovering what the internet is. How did you so quickly have found stuff like that? Oh, Jacob. So welcome to the restaurant, Daisy. Thank you. Quite the welcome already. It's not often you go into a restaurant and the people who work there mention snuff and pigs killing themselves so early. But here we are. I hope you didn't have any pig products in mind for your menu because you've probably changed your mind. We never had anyone change their mind at this point in the show. I do have a pig product.

Don't worry about it. Well, we can get to that. We can discuss the ethics of it when we get to the course. Fair enough. Fair enough. Are you a foodie? Would you consider yourself a foodie? I just love, I prefer, I think, quantity over quality, just dreadful. So your favorite food is lots? He's lots, like buffets, you know, and things like that. And have a French word? Toby Calvary's. Buffet, is that French? Sounds like it, doesn't it? What's Buffet French for? Food lined up. Yeah, these guards. Do you have a buffet system? So let's say to take a hotel breakfast buffet. Yeah. Do you have a system? Are you going to attack certain things first and then go back

for something else or are you going all in first go? Well, I used to completely panic and act like it was like an apocalyptic situation. And I can feel the anxiety in my throat. And if I go to Toby Calvary, there's always a guy in front of me deciding which roast potato that he wants. And that really stresses me out. And I used to do a thing where I piled up my plate of foods, some I didn't know whether I'd like or not and didn't finish it. And now I have a system where I will go slowly and steadily and just get small things and then just keep getting plates upon plates upon plates of that. I think that's got to be the system. You got to take little bits as you go along, find out what you like and then go back for more of that if you like. Yes. Yeah.

But how many trips then do you become? Because I would say that if I pile up my plate really high, I get a bit self-conscious. People will be looking over going, look at my foodies. But then I also think if I go back a certain amount of times, like four times, I would start to feel the same level of self-consciousness as if I packed my plate really high in the first place. Really, I want to do three journeys, max, but I want to be able to get a decent amount on each one so that I don't have to go back a fourth time. Yes. I know what you mean. But do you know what? There's absolutely no respect when it comes to buffets because there's so much food. It's like pre-mark where you'll just pick up something and take one bite of it and throw it on the floor.

This is horrible. Like pizza hut buffets, lunchtime buffets. It's just disgusting really. It's just such a waste of food. Have you been to like a global buffet before? Yes, I have. Food from around the world, all on one plate. You can have hash browns with like peaking duck. It's amazing. I mean, the concept of it, I think, is better than the execution, I'd say. Because rarely is the kitchen staff fluent in all quizzes. Yes. So, you are kind of going and... It's almost like they nail none of the cuisines.

Yes. All cuisines from all around the world done badly. I've never been into a global buffet and seen all this mediocre food later and then one amazing peaking duck and thought, oh, they've got a Chinese chef in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought, yeah, there's specialities, Chinese food, but they've just given everything else a bit of a bash. A global buffet should have a chef, one chef from everywhere in the world. Yes. That would be the ultimate global buffet. That would be amazing. Yeah. But then the prices would skyrocket.

Oh, yeah. Then you're looking at Las Vegas buffets. That's got to be the pinnacle. I've never been to Las Vegas. I've never been to... Look, I watch them on YouTube. I do that. I watch videos of buffets. Do you? I do that. Oh, my God. There's a guy called Mikey Chen who's a YouTuber who goes around all these buffets and talks about all these Las Vegas buffets. I want to go so bad. Oh, and they've got the massive crab claws in there. Oh, yeah. Wow. You two watch buffet videos? Love it. Buffet videos.

There's a global buffet in Ketman for about a month and it got burned down. No way. That's how xenophobic Ketman is. Do you think that's why it got burned down because of the global nature of it? Yeah. They just didn't like all those countries. It's bad, isn't it? Yeah. It's bad. You know, if you've burned down one restaurant, it's bad enough, ain't it? You're just going, I don't like that country. Yeah. They were like, we are like all the countries. Is it to save on having to burn down lots of individual countries?

Yeah. Or just burn down this one and then we don't have to go and get burned down the Chinese and Indian. It saves the xenophobic some time. They'll have that little meeting and going, guys, we could do it in one. Oh, before we start the audit, you've brought us a gift. Guests so rarely bring us a gift to the restaurant. I bought that gift. You brought that gift, did you? I bought it at my lab for you, Ed. Well, thank you. I didn't know that Jason was going to be here. It's actually very embarrassing. Thank you so much for rolling with that improv. Okay, James, well, maybe you'd like to talk about what you brought out the lamp then.

Yes, I got the book. This is this country. Daisy, this is the spin-off book for the TV show that you do in this country, the wonderful TV show this country, which I love very much. Do you want to tell us about the book? What's going on in the book? Well, there was just so much stuff that Charlie and I wrote that we didn't get an opportunity to use in the show because our producer was like, that's just mental. But there's a lot of it. It's like our favorite, favorite bit. So it was like an opportunity to put that into the book and just have like complete freedom to write about whatever we want

in the village. It's just nice to be able to really flesh out the world, I guess. Oh, definitely. Go into the backstories of like Kerry's mum and the vicar and write some. We've got some letters in there, which was big Mandy writing passive-aggressive letters to the dog's trust, which is like one of my favorite things. But we just could never find like a proper story line to put it in. So yeah, it was so much fun. Oh, that's great. If Kerry was here ordering food, what would Kerry go for? What's her favorite meal? Oh, it'd definitely be a toby carvery. But then Kerry and I are very similar. I don't even have to act really. You said that a minute ago for yourself.

Well, Ed, may I say, excellent question. Thank you very much. It's a very good question. What food would your character order? No, I know you've done a lot of interviews, Daisy. At any point, have you been interviewed by two people where one person congratulated the other interviewer on what a great question they've just asked? Never. But that was a first. I've really enjoyed it. It's not what I would call professional, but I loved it. Sometimes I've sat on the other side of this table and I go, well, very good. Very good for Ed there. Really excellent question. He didn't know he was going to get

the same answer he got a minute ago. We always start with still sparkling water. Sparkling, please. Why? Because I like fizzy drinks and I'm not mad on water. Ah, so you like, does it make you feel like you're drinking a fizzy drink? What's your favorite fizzy drink? Full fat Coke. No, you're one of the people who phrases it full fat as well. What? Is that bad? No. I just noticed it's a thing now. Oh, because of the sugar tax.

So people have to go out of their way to say, it's a, in recent years, we started to own it more. Yeah. Because it's like, we feel like we've been shamed whenever people have diet Coke. So we have to say, full fat Coke, please. Do you think it's bad? I haven't had full fat Coke in a while. And there's Coke Zero now, which doesn't, that's not a Coke. Not bad. Do you not, James has got a very boring story about giving up Coke.

Fan favorite? It's not a fan favorite. You keep saying it. The fans don't have a choice. I haven't had full fat Coke in ages and now diet Coke just tastes like normal full fat Coke. Oh, no, really? Born? Is it born in it? Is it born? That's incredible. I didn't have any Coke or Coke, just any Coke or Coke, even diet Coke for years.

So then when I started having diet Coke, I thought it was a normal Coke or Coke. Oh my goodness. That's a good tip. That is, that's one of the greatest tips I've ever been given. There you go. I'm going to try that. How long did you have to give it up before? About five years.

Oh, right. Yeah. That's a less good tip now, isn't it? Yeah. That's five years from now. Nice and different. What did you replace, what did you replace the Cola products with? Herbal tea. No, no.

Bad tip. No? No, sorry. Bad tip? No, bad tip. Bad tip. Do you not think that Coke Zero accurately represents the flavour of full fat Coke? Absolutely not.

I would love to do those kind of, you know, those ones where they put the blindfolds over you and you taste all the different. I think that would be a specific skill of mine. Yeah. No, exactly which is which. So sparkling water, because if you have to have a water, that's a good way of getting water into your system. While still feeling like you're having a treat fizzy drink.

Absolutely. That's a good answer. Pop those on bread. Oh, bread. Pop those on bread, Daisy. Bread. Christ. Proper jumped.

Really jumped, didn't you? Yeah, I did. That's good. Haven't had a jumper in a while. Sound like Buffalo Bill or something. That's awful. They all get so used to it. They all prepare themselves for it.

But look, listen, Daisy, don't take this badly. But the moment you walked into this room, I knew we had a jumper on our house. I knew we had a jumper. I couldn't wait. Is there a type of bread that you particularly like? Just it has got to be fresh bread, but cut already and with lots of butter. Cut already? Yeah.

Why? Because I don't I don't know what the the way is and to butter the bread that's not cut. You know, when you get those kind of little baguette things, do you cut it in half then butter it? Yeah. Or do you take bits off and then butter the bits? Like there's no, there's never been any. Butter each of the bits. Yeah, that's I remember slicing a baguette in half.

My dad said that was really rude to do that. What you do is you break bits off and you butter the bits. Your dad said this? My dad said this. What's your dad's background? He was born in Devon. Yes. What's his job?

He works with hoarders. He works with hoarders? Yes. Hoarders? What? What do you mean? Well, like helping them clear stuff. You mean?

Clear stuff out. Yeah. Or derbs. No. James is a hoarder. He keeps loads of newspapers. If you keep newspapers, you can tell if you've had a traumatic when you started collecting them. You've had a traumatic event in your life by the first newspaper that's on the very bottom.

So that's what it was? That's what it was. It was like that year or that month. And you can trace it back. That's very interesting. But newspapers on the floor. That's useful. Wow.

So what's your first newspaper? I bought a newspaper. First one I bought was there was this awful story about a pig who had fallen in a lake. That pig was my friend. So your dad said it was rude to cut a baguette in half and spread the whole thing. You're supposed to butter the bits. You're supposed to butter the bits. That's what I was told.

Now, if I'm in a restaurant and I get brought like a little baguette or like a little self-enclosed life, I will tear and butter the bits. You will. I will tear and butter the bits. Is it because of politeness or is that how you've been taught? No. I do it because I like butter and that's the way of getting more butter. Because if you cut it in half and you've only got two bits and you spread butter on,

then you've got, you don't have much butter. I like the bits and then I can put basically a chunk of butter on each bit. Yeah. And then I'm essentially eating butter and that's just like a little plate. You're breading the butter. You're not buttering the butter. I'm breading the butter. I had a buffet once in Switzerland actually and they had these little things that were just,

the pieces of bread were so thin and then a full chunk of butter in the middle. And I've never seen anything like it since but it was delicious. Like an ice cream sandwich but for butter. Like an ice cream sandwich but butter. I was in heaven. Wow. Because when I get butter shamed quite a lot. So if I put butter on something, someone will go using quite a lot of butter there.

Full fat butter. The classic. The classic is my dad will say, do you want any bread with the butter? Oh yes. So it's nice in that situation to be like, well this has been pre-prepared. I'm going to eat this chunk of butter. I didn't know that being a great comedian, men in the family. So you've got some pre-sliced bread.

Yes. Just any type of bread as long as it's fresh out the oven. White bread. White fresh berries. Fresh out the oven. Warm, warm from the oven. Warm has to be warm. So the butter melts.

Not too warm. Right. But warm. What temperature? I'd say about 30 degrees. Body temperature. Yeah. Yeah.

You want it to feel like a human. I should eat it. Yeah. When you're buying your bread, what brand are you going for? Oh definitely the Hovis Toasty White Sliced. Because it's thick. Thick, you need a thick slice. You don't want a thin slice.

First we'll learn how to play it on the piano. It's the Hovis song. Really? From the adverts. I didn't know it was a classical piece of music at the time. It's a very easy thing to play. I got to showing how to play it. And my dad just said that's the Hovis advert.

So I just always thought of it as the Hovis song. And I would always say to people who came around as a little kid, do you like to hear the Hovis song? I had a similar thing when I used to play the bassoon, Daisy. And I learned how to play Hall of the Mountain King, but I knew it as the Alton Towers advert song. Oh yes. Which is actually how I still know it now.

When Ed said Hall of the Mountain King, I didn't know it. Did any of you ever play Rugrats on the piano? Yeah, that's a classic. That is a classic. Rugrats and Chopsticks I think is the absolute, the classic piano stuff. Rugrats is the way you show when you grew up. The first slot, we all played Rugrats on the piano. Was it live and, did you watch Live and Kicking?

Yes. When it used to have the countdown to Rugrats. Did it? Yeah, it was really exciting. It was so exciting. I'd completely forgotten about that. And when you said it, I suddenly felt really excited. Like Rugrats was about to come on.

But why was it so brilliant? I don't understand why it was sort of easy watching, wasn't it? Yeah. It's like, what was Arthur? I used to love. You know the Ardrax? Yes, yeah, great. I loved that.

It was very... Hey Arnold, I love it. Hey Arnold, I love it. Also, I guess like everyone likes nostalgia. And as a kid, the only thing you're going to nostalgia for is being a baby. So watching Rugrats is the only way to go, ah, the good old days. And it's nice to feel intellectually superior as well, I guess.

As a kid, you can be like those stupid babies. Would you like James to play the Hovis song on the piano while you're eating your bread? I would be loved. And the Rugrats thing. And the Rugrats thing, yeah. And the Rugrats thing, yeah. Lovely. And that's your bread song.

That's a really dark... ...fan theory about Rugrats. Oh, what? One is a normal theory that just like... The theory is, Angelica is imagining it all, and none of the other babies are real, and all the other babies died. And there's all this theories as to how they all died,

and that Angelica is just imagining all her friends that she misses. That's weird. How do you come up with that? What clues are there in Rugrats that that's... There's little things about their parents' relationships with them that apparently flags up what happened. Right. Like, what?

Like, how did Chucky die? Yeah, it's something about his mum. Yeah, because there's a thing about his mum. Yeah, I can't remember all the... Right, because the mum was always dead, wasn't she? Yeah, the mum was always dead with Chucky. That was a very emotional Rugrats episode, where like, they deal with Chucky's mum being dead,

and it's Chucky's dad kind of... Chucky's old enough to understand now, so he kind of explains it to him. It's a very brave episode. Very well done, actually. I got really upset. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. Can we come to your starter?

Yes. The big leagues now? This was... I got wind and dined, actually, by the book people. Yes. And they took me to this place. I've never had it before. It was razor clams.

Oh, yeah. With like a sort of lemon and herb kind of oil with breadcrumbs on it, and it was the best thing I've ever tasted in my life. Really? And I will never get... I've looked up the recipe, I can't find it. I'll never eat it again. Wow.

I feel like something like razor clams is something that I would never attempt at home. That's what feels like a restaurant thing. I don't think I'd pop out and buy some razor clams. Too confusing to me. I can't believe that was ever an animal. It's... But they're quite easy to forage, apparently,

because you put... You go to the beach and you find these little slits, and then you put salt on them and they just pop up. Oh, really? Yeah. They come out like a bunch of suckers. They love the salt. They love the salt.

I'd like salt as well, though. I'd pop out the sand for a bit of salt. Still, no? Who in the sand looks for the sea? You know, that's great. I've got to be salty. Yeah. I tell much they love salt.

Very greedy. Whereabouts did you have these? Can you remember the name of the restaurant? It was a restaurant in some... Like, you know, with some of the houses, it was sort of around there. London. I don't know.

Talking London. Talking London. Sorry, out of London listeners who are getting increased in the anger of us. What texture is a razor clam? Because... I don't know if I've ever had a razor clam. It's kind of like a scallop.

Like a long scallop. A long scallop. But it's great. I mean, I've just... It's... It was the most unbelievable thing I've ever had in my whole life. So much so I actually licked the inside of the shell. Wow.

How many people wrote this mail? This business dinner that you had with colleagues? You looking at the inside of the shell? I did, I did. I think that's fine licking the shell and stuff. Yeah. It is a compliment. I was sort of getting the juice out of it,

so it wasn't too mental. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. You were drinking the juice, so you were licking the juice. Drinking the juice. And then I...

And then you... And then you... They gave a little victory lick. Yeah. I think stuff like that's fine. Like, I think we should be allowed to do that. I think we should be allowed to lick our plates in public. I think it's a compliment to the chef.

Yeah. I remember when I was like seven or eight, I read something somewhere. I distinctly remember reading this, that in some cultures, it's polite to burp because you're showing that you've enjoyed the meal. Yes. And that was a nightmare for my mum when I found that out.

Yeah, I got... I was burping all day long. Off the leash. Thank you, mum. Was that off the HSBC advert? No, I think it was free. It was free that, but it's exactly the sort of thing they would do on an HSBC advert.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Polite to do a burp. It is. It should be... It is polite to do a burp. What I'm worried about now is, you described this razor clam as the most delicious thing you've ever tasted in your life.

Yeah. This is the starter. Yeah. Is it all downhill from here? Do you want us to, and I will do this for you, flip the meal around and you can start with dessert

and then with the razor clam. That's difficult. I tell you what, though, because my dessert is actually a starter because I don't like desserts. Yes. Right. So...

What? Just not for me. This... Oh, thank you so much, Daisy. James is going to get so annoyed. He can't bear it when people don't like desserts. James is a dessert boy. I'm a starter boy.

I love... Absolutely. I love the idea. Yeah, because there's no flavours in sweet stuff. It's just sugar option. Okay, okay, Daisy. All right. Sorry.

Sorry, it's not as tasty as a fucking shell. James. Sorry, if I say it doesn't taste as good as a fucking shell, Daisy. Daisy is our guest, and as she says correctly, there's no flavours in sweet stuff. Absolutely wrong.

Right. Absurd, I think they say. But we're... Look, we're... She like, shells it. Then... And I've been polite so far. We're not...

But now she's slagging off sweet stuff. We've got a shell like her and then I'll... We're not slagging around. I'll just sit here and just deal with all this and accept what she says. We're not flipping around because I want the build-up to the dessert

to be long and arduous for you, okay? Oh, good to read. We're starting with these delicious... Don't like desserts. ...sounding razor-claves. Lured me in with full-fat coke. Made me think she appreciated the sugary things in life. I don't like desserts.

So, you've lit your shells. I have. The razor-clams, they're all gone. Like a peasant! She's just experiencing all the flavours. She needs to get as many flavours in before the flavourless dessert arrives. Oh, my God.

What desserts have you had that don't have any flavour in them? Okay, James, we're going to get to dessert, okay? Save this anger. Maybe filter it. Normally not angry. This angry early on. No, you're not, which I'm enjoying. So, let's have a main...

We all enjoy main course, don't we? Yes. We all enjoy main course? Yeah, yeah. So, what are you going to have for your lovely main course, Daisy? Well, I'm going to have dim sum from a restaurant in Chinatown that's called London Chinatown,

which is like the best food, but the staff treat you like absolute shit. They want you to be gone from your table as soon as you're sat down. Well, I'm glad you enjoy that kind of behaviour. Because plenty more weather came from Daisy. So, yeah, it will be King Prawn Chang Fung,

Chaswe Pork, Crispy Seaweed, Salt Meat Croquettes, and the sweet and sour squid. Amazing. Well, I can have this chap. This is nice. Yes.

It's all nice food. I enjoy all this stuff. King Prawn Chang Fung, as you say. What is the Chang Fung? Chang Fung is kind of like this glutinous rice kind of paper thing that they put around. So, it looks like an A-autotube. Mother prawns.

That's the only way I could... I know what you mean. I know what you mean. I've never been... I think just the visual puts me off of those, even though I've eaten them before, but I prefer the dumplings where it's like... Oh, yeah.

...you can't see in. Yeah. You don't like to see what's going on inside. No, no. I don't know. I don't like it. I think I know the one. It's sort of like a cannelloni, almost.

Yes, that's exactly it. It wraps around, but you can see it like peeking through. I think that sounds delicious. It is really, really good. What's this place called? It's actually called London Chinatown in London Chinatown. That's like un-googleable. I think you just have to go...

I think you just have to go and find it. It's Chinatown small, isn't it? Yeah, still, though. That's confusing. That sounds absolutely delicious, and what you've done is you've announced your main as one dish, but then put multiple dishes within it, which is a clever way around the system.

You said quantity over quality earlier. Yes. So is this part of it, part of your plan? Little bit, yeah. But is it quality stuff as well? It is quality stuff, but I mean, I don't know when it was cooked possibly the day before, but it's delicious nonetheless.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like quality stuff anyway. It should be in the bin. If you're not sure what day it was cooked. It's our first guest who's ordered bin food. My friend fell out with us once because I was in a band at the time, because we're not a teenager, and we were recorded in a studio, and one day we went and we got fried chicken,

and he's quite miserly for a teenager, and he didn't finish his chicken, but he wanted it the next day, but he was worried that we would eat it if it was in the fridge, if he'd left it in the fridge that we would help ourselves with. So he hid it in the studio, but he hid it behind the bin, because it was the last place we would look for food.

And then the next day we went into the studio, and he went behind the bin and got his chicken out, and we went, what are you doing? So I ate my chicken, he was like, was that behind the bin? And then we called him chicken lips for the whole day, and he got really angry about being called chicken lips, and we all had a massive fallout about it. Backfires.

Yeah. Tom Collier made chicken lips. And then we went back to his house at the end of the day, and he went upstairs and wouldn't come back, come down, and we were at the bottom of the stairs going, just come down, and he was like, no, not come down, you called me chicken lips all day long. And we were like, come on, mate.

Did that nickname always stick then? Yeah, well, but he's only just okay with it now. But so you really stuck with it? Yeah, well, all in our 30s, it'd always be something that every time we met up, we'd go, do you remember that day when that happened? He'd be a little bit annoyed, and then slightly less annoyed the next time,

and now he's like, yeah, yeah, I'm chicken lips. So it's okay. No, I did eat some fried chicken from behind the bin. I probably did deserve that. So take us through it again. You've got the king prawn cheng feng. King prawn cheng feng, crispy seaweed, salt meat croquettes. Have you ever tried those?

No. I've had, I've had like similar things. Yeah, I guess so. Very nice. Very. I've had pastrami croquettes. So that's like similar. Yeah, I guess so.

Yes. Yeah, very tasty. And then there's the pork, the chow sui. Chow sui. Chow sui pork. What's that like? It's like kind of red.

But white. What? In the middle. White in the middle, red on the outside. Yeah. Okay. It sounds like that joke where the government finds a newspaper.

Yes. What's? Black and white and red all over. Chow sui pork. And what has the date of your first trauma on it? Yeah, yeah. Chow sui pork. Chow sui pork.

I mean, imagine how that pork died. Oh no. Oh no. That all sounds absolutely delicious. The staff just getting you off the table as quickly as possible, I think is the ultimate London Chinatown experience. It is.

There's so many places like that where the food comes so quickly, it's really delicious, and then they're like, you got to go. Yes. It's time to go. Because it's pretty, it's affordable.

It comes quickly. Yeah. So it's all about the turnover of table, and you have to be sort of prepared for, you're not hanging around. No. And they don't offer forks at this place. And I can't use chopsticks.

So you know the bowls that they serve the soup in? Yeah. You sort of have to cut everything with the soup, that sort of china soup spoon. So you eat everything with the spoon? Yes. Yes. So you get the china soup spoon

and you eat all your, you cut up all your food of it? Yeah. On the side of the bowl is the technique that I've learned over the years. If you've learned that technique over the years, did you think maybe you should have learned the chopstick technique?

Yes. Well, yeah, I should have. I think, I would say, the cocks are going right. Yeah, I see what you're saying. You've invested a lot of time in this china soup spoon. Yeah.

A technique that no one uses. I would say even a caveman would attempt the chopsticks first. I would hack away at it with a china spoon. Those spoons are chunky. They're not even as like effective as like normal spoons for cutting stuff. As metal spoons for cutting stuff like.

They're not even good for soup a lot of the time. Yeah. They're too deep. Yeah, they just look nice. But you're, I've never seen, if I was in a chinese restaurant and I saw someone eating their entire meal with the china, with the china soup spoon,

I would absolutely film them. Bear in mind Daisy's in the back eating from the bin though. Yeah, yeah. Just the day old stuff please. I suppose it's good for- And a china soup spoon? That spoon is good for bin digging. Yeah, yeah.

Really good for folding around it. No, that genuinely sounds delicious. I've not been to London, Chinatown. What's the place that we go to a lot? Taotaoju. Taotaoju. Which I have recommended one of the dishes on there

that was Sabik King prawns on the podcast. Some people have been there and had it and said it was very nice. However, this is what, so this is tough for me to say. Last time I went back there, I ordered the Sabik King prawns and they had changed it.

And I'm now very worried that it's permanently changed. Oh no. Because the batter used to be quite light and crispy. When I went last time, it was a bit of a ficking cakey. And the wasabi sauce on top of this wasabi mayo used to be, I would say, almost like 75, 80% wasabi and then a bit of mayo. It was so amazing.

Really cleared out the sinuses. They'd flipped the ratios around last time I went. It was mainly mayo. So I'm really worried now that one of my favorite dishes is now fried prawns and mayo. Doesn't exist anymore. Because I've recommended it on the pod,

people might go and then go, what is he on about? This guy doesn't know he's talking about it. I want you to know it used to be different. But maybe that was just the one day I went. I don't know. That's a nice restaurant as well. If you don't want to be flipped off your table really quickly.

It's great. And also I'd recommend Dumplings Legend. It was very good though. Their soup dumplings are so good. The soup dumplings, are you a fan of soup dumplings? Oh yes. Their soup dumplings are incredible. Oh my God.

Good gracious. That sounds fantastic. Delicious soup dumplings. I'd also recommend, I'd also recommend Dinh Tai Fung, which is quite a big restaurant. I think it's maybe started somewhere else. It's like a mini chain. But there's always a queue outside.

But the dumplings are excellent. I never heard of this place, Ed. It's really nice. See, I think I know he had gamble. But he's always got secrets. He's always got things I've learned more about in my busy good days. No, it's delicious.

It's really good. But I love crispy seaweed as well. Crispy squid, something like that. It's so good. Did you grow up in London? No, in the Cotswolds. I still lived there. Was there a Chinese restaurant around there that you were there?

No, but whenever we used to come up to London, we would always go to Chinatown. That was our treat. Used to be a place called Look Cook Fuck. But it was amazing. Yep. Was London Chinatown a place that you used to go to with your family?

Or is that a new addition for you? That, well, when Look Cook Fuck Shantown, we were trying to find, do you know when you're trying to find the similar dishes and we tried everyone on that strip? Yeah. And it wasn't until we found London Chinatown that we were like, this is the same dishes.

It's like your wasabi prawns. Yeah, well, absolutely. That'll be somewhere else that does them. You're chasing it for the rest of your life? You are. That kind of stuff. Very nice wasabi thing there. But that egg sandwich, that egg sando.

The katsu egg sando from that place that you recommended me. It's called 2. T-O-U. The wasabi mayo in that was delicious. This place is incredible. I shouldn't mention this. So it's in like a sort of very posh food hall next to Tottenham Court Station,

which has got really, really nice little food stalls in it. But it's a place called 2 that does a katsu sando and an egg sando. It's like Japanese sandwiches. And the katsu sando is like deep fried pork cutlet, Iberico pork, really thick shredded cabbage. And it's like raspberry jam. I'm thinking this amazing bread.

It's so good. Oh, my goodness. Delicious. The only thing I would say about the food hall is that they unnecessarily have someone working on the door who stops you as soon as you walk in and explains how the food hall works. Which I didn't think was necessary.

So there's all these different places, and you can order from any one of them, and then you sit down and you eat the food, and you pay at the till. It's like, yeah. Absolutely. I'm very hungry. Also, I would say for a sandwich, it's very expensive.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely very expensive, but worth it if you want to just like... If you want a treat. If you want a treat. How much per bite? It was like... Well, so the pork one.

It was, I would say, a sandwich is worth per bite of money. Yeah. Each mouthful cost the same as a normal sandwich would cost. So like three pounds. It was stupid. A bite. Yeah, I would say that. Oh my God.

Yeah, it's... I mean, it's if you want to... It was ridiculous. If you want... If you're feeling... How many bites for a sandwich? Well, it's quite a small sandwich. So the pork one, I'd say, is like that.

But which is what? For the listener. Small, small, small. Like two... Oh my God. Two Mars bars. Two Mars bars. No.

And it's 14 quid. Oh! Yeah, it's really expensive. That's extraordinary. So I say to our listeners, it's very delicious, but only if you're feeling... Only if you're feeling fresh and extravagant. ...that would be too late to be fair to me.

Yeah. I thought, this would cost... This would cost a sandwich money, right? Yeah. And then I was like, oh, no. No. So we come on to the side dish. Edging closer and closer to whatever this abomination of a dessert is.

Now, what you've done cleverly is you've put a lot of what people would pick as sides within the main body of the main course. So what are you going to have as a side dish to all of those things? It's terrible, but I'm going to have, like, McDonald's fries. That's not terrible. I think that's a great choice. Sure. Not Burger King fries.

Not definitely, certainly not KFC fries. No, absolutely. I believe we've spoken about this on the podcast before, but I do disagree with you. I think Burger King fries are the best fast food fries. Really? I do. I think they put something special and magical on them,

and I don't know what it is, and I don't want to know what it is, but I think they're absolutely delicious. I might agree with Ed on this. I think that McDonald's fries were better when I was a kid, and that now they don't taste, I think they taste nice, but they don't make. I think my eyes used to spin around the room. When I had a McDonald's fry, I went all dizzy.

But now I only get that from Burger King fries, or the best fries I've ever had from the chain TGI Fridays. Oh, really? Yeah. I love a TGI. TGI Fridays fries. I had on my brother-in-law's stag do, and they absolutely blew my mind.

Oh, no, because they've got the skin on, haven't they? I've got so many questions about this stag do now. Yeah. What's made you laugh so much? We went to TGI Fridays. Yeah, absolutely. What else? I need to know what else happened around the TGI Friday.

It was a Friday Ed. And thank God, but what else happened around it? We went to see Leeds play a football game in the daytime. So it was probably a Saturday. Why were you invited like this? I got invited. I had to be, contractually. So I was there, me and my brother, and my dad, to be fair to him.

And we watched Leeds play a football game, which they won. And then we went to TGI Fridays. And then we went around Leeds City Centre, around the pubs. Sounds right, actually. That is brilliant. But in TGI Fridays, I kept on exclaiming about how nice the fries were. Bearing in mind, I only knew my brother and my dad, really.

Yeah. Have you tried these fries? Did you have the JD sauce with them? Not with the fries. I think I had the JD sauce on whatever meat I was eating at the time. So I had a lot of it on like my burger or ribs or whatever it was. And then I ordered a second portion of fries, because I love the fries so much.

But have you bought the JD sauce in a bottle from the supermarket? Yeah, it's not the same. Oh, OK. It's a con. Go on, go on. Because I'm addicted to that sauce. And I saw it, and it was like one of the most incredible moments I walked into Tesco's, and I saw it.

And that's the reggae sauce and the ketchup. And I took it home, and I smothered everything in it. And it's not the same. It's not sweet. Yeah, right. What is wrong? OK, yeah. That's already one of its main selling points.

But you know, you don't really like sweet stuff, so I don't know why you complain. Yeah, I like sweet savoury stuff. Surely that's an improvement for you. What did you smother with it? Oh, God, every sandwich is a massive mistake. Nothing like smothering it in the wrongs. So am I right in thinking that the image I've got in my head

isn't that you got home, and the first thing you ate, you put some sauce in it, you smothered it, and then you're like, I don't like it, then you carry on making the same mistake. But the sound of things, you got home, got all the food out your cupboard, smothered it all in the sauce, and gradually as the days went on,

you ate them all going, ah, I shouldn't have done this. I knew on first bite, these cheerios are ruined forever. Yeah. Oh, God, yeah, it's pretty much what happened. Where do you stand on the new big boys of fast food? Fries wise. We're talking five guys, we're talking Shake Shack. Yeah.

I'm a country bumpkin, so I've not been to any of these places. Oh, well, I'd say five guys' fries are probably the best. Yeah, they're crispy. Are they skin on? Yes. No. Here we go, now we get into it.

No way. No, why do you not like skin on? Because it's just lazy, I think. That's what it is. That is, it's a noise. It's lazy. It is, yeah. I mean, this is coming from the person who could probably

learn how to use chopsticks. So you don't like it because it's lazy. Yeah, and it's also, I don't know, there's a toughness to it. Uh-huh. Yeah, there's a rippage that happens. I can't explain it when you put it in between your teeth, and yeah, it's like a shard.

Yeah? You just like the texture of it? I don't like the texture. You don't like the texture? And I hate when people put rosemary with them. Right, okay, that's fine. It's literally everything I love about fries. Oh, no.

I've found a good place. Skin on rosemary fries with salt, with a lot of salt, maybe like truffle salt or something. Truffle, where do you stand on truffle oil? No, no, I haven't got a truffle. No, no. Don't like it. I do feel that like with truffle stuff,

the first bite of anything that's got like truffle in it is like, oh, I'm in heaven. This is the best meal I've ever had. And the second bite, I feel sick. Yes, that's exactly it. So that is a risk. There is that sometimes. I love feeling sick.

Yep, you do like feeling sick to be fair to you. I don't mind it. You do enjoy it, and you really... I must be really enjoying this meal if I feel sick. Yeah, I feel sick. This is great. Like Henry the Eighths. Will you sometimes go into McDonald's and just get the fries?

Never, no. What's your McDonald's order? Big Mac, a quarter pound of cheese, two double cheeseburgers, the cheesy bites. Hold on, what the fuck? Yeah. All right, that is how much. And then I have to go home.

Yeah. Put on Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares. Watch only like the five minutes where they're eating the bad... Where he's eating the bad food and then eat my food watching that. And it's a habit that me and my husband have massive rows of bags. I actually don't like going out to eat. I have to watch a cooking program about bad food. Like MasterChef the Beginning Rounds when they're cooking really bad food.

To eat my food. But how are you talking about? How has this just come up? I don't know why. I've only taken this long of the conversation for you to bring this up. So is that with all food or just McDonald's? All food. That's why I don't...

Yeah, all food. I really enjoy watching programs about bad food to enjoy my food. So you have to be eating... That's absolutely 100% true. So does that make your food taste better? Because you're like, look how bad food can be. I've done all right with this McDonald's. Yeah, I think so.

I don't know what it is. It's just the drama of it and the... Yeah. Do you pretend that you're in the show as well? Are you interacting with them? No, I don't interact with them. I just watch and eat. That's it.

But only to the point... And when it starts getting to the good food bits, I'm not interested. You can't again, yeah. Why... Is this every meal? Pretty much. But yeah, my husband gets annoyed because he wants me to eat at the table. But I do not watch five minutes of God of Ramsey's Kitchen nightmares.

So your husband is at the table though? He's at the table with my daughter. And there's a place laid for you? Wow, and I'm on the safe side. The daughter detail made it all way bleaker. It was already pretty bleak that I thought your husband was sitting on his own at a perfectly set table, eating a meal like a civilised person with a tie on. Yeah, he's definitely all dressed up there.

Yeah, the candle in the middle of it. Please, Daisy, come over here and just eat with me. Your daughter's birthday cake with a candle slowly burning up. Yeah, she's there. Mummy, please. I just want to celebrate with you. You're watching God of Ramsey call someone an idiot sandwich or whatever. How old's your daughter?

She's nearly two. Eight at the dinner table with her, Daisy, fucking hell. You can't do that. It's my thing. It's my thing. Have you thought about a compromise of maybe a laptop at the dinner table? Yes. No.

Position in front of your daughter's face, so you can just watch. You don't have to look at her. If that's what it is that puts you off your meal, is it her? I don't know. Well, you're in your... You look like you were from McDonald's food. Terrible. Do you cook at home or does your husband cook?

I cook. You cook. But I tell you what, I hate sitting round the table because I get extremely impatient as well with other people eating. I find that if we go to my husband's parents' house, they'll probably take about three hours to eat food. And that for me is very annoying. Right, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to eat, but then I don't know if you guys have this thing where I'm so impatient and I'll be hungry, so I'll stuff myself on crap, like dried breadsticks. Before I've even eaten the food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll dry and season the breadsticks, the amount of those that I've eaten. Oh, I'm not even enjoying this, this filling time.

If I cook, I'll be full by the time I put the meal on the table because I'll just, I'll be like, I want to taste that to make sure it's all right and then I've just eaten half of it. Yeah, and then you're not interested. Or if it's like some Parmesan cheese, I'll be like, I'm chopping blocks off that. And I'm really bad as well. I eat quite quickly and my fiancee eats slower than me and I'll finish and put my plate away and clean up the whole kitchen and she'll still be eating. Yes.

So unsociable. But then I think, I know Ed's fiancee and I'd say she's deliberately eating slower than one. Daisy, what would you like to drink? I'd like a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, please, with one glass. Now, why have you specified one glass? Because I will be the only person drinking. You don't want anyone else getting in on it? No, absolutely not.

I think that's absolutely fair enough. I have asked for one glass with a bottle of wine in the past. Normally, if I'm doing a gig and then I'm going back to the hotel and I want some wine in my room and I'll go to the bar and I'll say, I'll have a bottle of Malbec, please. And I'll say, how many glasses would you like? And I'll say, one, please, if I'm feeling confident. And they go, okay, sometimes I'll ask for two. And then drink both at the same time?

And then, yeah, pour a glass for my imaginary compadre. Yeah, there we are. Cheers, then. Why haven't you finished your wine, if you insist? You're right. I was very funny tonight. Well, I was always the class cloud if you ask. Very good.

So you were like, yeah, one. Why is that your favorite drink? Because it's just, it gets, it's like 13% alcohol and and it's just, yeah, it's one of those things that I didn't like to start with, but I've grown accustomed to it because of the alcohol content. Sure. Yeah. Yes.

When I'd asked to start the episode, yeah, what would Kerry's menu be? I feel like this is what Kerry's menu would be, right? Yeah. She didn't have all these things. I think she'd probably, yeah. Yeah, she'd have the McDonald's fries and the South Blanc because of that reason. Yes, yeah. It's a great reason as well.

And all in front of Gordon Ramsay's kitchen. All of this, yeah. Oh my God. This is your dream restaurant. You don't need to use the glass if you don't want. No, I'd like a glass, please. Have you ever drunk it out of the bottle? No, I haven't.

Oh, I have it in the back of taxis and stuff like that on the way back from London. I get slightly more pissed and then end up talking to the tax driver about his life story and feigning interest in his kids and, you know, those ones. That's going to interest, interest in your own kids. Oh, I'm going to be heart breaking for your daughter that you know more about this taxi driver's child than your own. Simon Yon Blanc, one glass. Okay, here we go.

We've come to the final course. Yeah. Ah, I've never been so... You're worried, aren't you? Yeah. Normally, I can't wait to get to dessert. This is the one time in my life where I'm dreading dessert. Okay, James asks a question.

I just feel bad. What do you want for dessert? What's your dessert? It's going to be so cross. A Pizza Hut salad with only croutons, bacon bits. That's not in the water! Let's her finish. Let this is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Please let Daisy finish. This is the best thing that's ever happened on this podcast. Please let it play out. A Pizza Hut salad with just the croutons, the bacon bits, the cubes of beetroot, and the honey and mustard dressing. Lovely, a bit of sweetness from the honey. Fuck you. Duff.

But 70% croutons. 70% croutons. When did you decide on this? Do you know all the time on the way here in the car, you're going to say this shit? Lying that up was your dessert. It's 70% croutons, right? What part of you justifies that as a dessert? Well, how are you even justifying this?

I just love a Pizza Hut salad. Oh, well, I'll get on you. Have it at your start. I don't want it at my start. It's my dessert. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you can't have it at your dessert. I think it's nice.

You can because you get the go up as many times as you like salad bowl. Yeah. For my dessert, I'll always go up at the end of my pizza. You should be banned from pizza. In order to get the thing. When everybody's having their dessert. A salad is refreshing, isn't it? So it just, you know, you've had.

Wow, the croutons. He doesn't even believe what you're saying. Bacon bits, sir. Yeah, I suppose a refreshing under the honey mustard dressing. Yeah, lovely and bit of sweetness from the honey. There's not, you said that before. You said bit of sweetness from the honey. That is not good enough.

That makes it a dessert. It does not make it a dessert. You know it. You don't even believe what you're saying now. I do. It sounds like a lovely dessert. You do not believe what you're saying. Cleanses the palate.

You're like, Piers Morgan. You're no better than Piers Morgan right now, Ed. You were just deliberately being controversial and trolling me. And Daisy, oh my God. Well, technically. Technically, Daisy's whole meal has been a dessert because she's eating with a spoon. Yeah, a big old china spoon.

Oh, I cannot believe this. Oh, that's my favorite dessert ever. It is not your favorite dessert ever. A bacon salad. A bacon salad that she got for a drink. Oh, actually the bacon bits are not even actual bacon. They're vegan, aren't they? I don't know.

Yeah, they are. They're these weird crunchy bits. Yeah, lovely. Texture. There's texture there. There's sweetness from the honey. Is there not one pudding that you like that you could have choked? There's not like a pudding that you've had before

that you thought you're flavorless. You're having a goddamn salad, mate. You know, we're talking about flavor. Oh, that's what jumps to mine. As soon as I think of flavor, it's a fucking salad. We're mainly croutons in it. Oh, flavor town. I just love the idea.

They're still my jumping taste buds at this bread salad I'm eating. I love the idea that guests are now just coming on to troll you, James. Absolutely insane. Absolutely bananas. This is good. Oh, what a life. This is going to break the internet. I can't wait.

Has this upset you more than the pigs killing themselves? Yeah, I would rather watch a swarm of pigs swimming around in a pool, slitting their own front than you eating your bread salad and calling it a dessert. I would rather watch Chucky have the news of his mum's death broken to him again than watch you go up to the Pizza Hut buffet in plain sight and claim that you're going to get your pudding. That's what I would rather happen. Okay, James, let's read the order back.

Right. Sparkling water. Lovely. You would like bread, fresh, cut with butter at body temperature, human body temperature. Razor clams, breadcrumbs, lemon and herb oil is your starter. Delicious. Main course. Dim sum.

You will have king prawns, pork seaweed, salt beef croquettes, sweet and sour squid from London Chinatown, ate with a China soup spoon. Side McDonald's fries in front of Gordon Ramsay's kitchen nightmares. With your daughter sat at the dinner table away from you. Drink one bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, one glass, unless you're drinking it in the back of a taxi, in which case straight out the bottle will show more interest in the taxi driver's life than your own family's life. Dessert.

A Pizza Hut salad with 70% croquettes, bacon bits, beetroot, Asian men dressing. You are, I want to ban you from the restaurant. I can't believe what I've read it. Oh, and by the way, you licked the clamshells. Well, I think that menu sounds absolutely delicious. It, innovative and, innovative, innovative ways to tackle the dessert. Not innovative, Ed. In, innovative way to tackle the dessert.

Thank you so much. Thanks so much for coming to the restaurant, Daisy. Don't let the door hit you on the way out, Daisy. Well, there we go, a lovely menu from Daisy Cooper there. Not lovely. A lovely menu from Daisy Cooper. A very interesting way of tackling the dessert. Evil.

If you don't like desserts, what can you have? A vaulted. A Pizza Hut salad. You all right, James? Horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible. But it was very nice of Daisy to come in, wasn't it? What? Oh yeah, thanks so much for coming in, Daisy.

You are acting like a grumpy teenager. Disgusting. Disgusting. She comes into this restaurant, tells a genie to get her a salad for dessert. But you're a genie, you've just got to do what people ask. That's about the thing as a genie. You're relying on the kindness of others.

So this is folly on her, what she's made me do. These hands have never done such evil deeds. Well, I enjoyed it very much. Daisy did not say celeriac. Might as well have. Yeah. So she got to stay in the restaurant right up until her salad dessert, which was exciting. Hey, she's got the book out.

This is this country? Yes. Going by that? Yes, it's fair enough by the book. Yeah, all right, good. So even James, who is livid, thinks you should go and buy the book. We're up to stuff as well. I'm on tour doing my show Blizzard all around the country.

Go on edgamble.co.uk. If you live in London, come and see me on December 20th at the Shepherds Bush Empire. What a big gig. Yes, please. My book, Perfect Sound, whatever is currently in all good book shops. It's about 2016 being the greatest year of musical all time and 2017 being the worst year for life of my life.

I loved the book. Thank you so much, Ed. I have read the book with my ears and I enjoyed it very much. Yes. Odd, very odd. Very odd way of saying it. Fair enough though. But go get it.

James, we've been sent loads of stuff. We should probably say thank you to some people. So much stuff. Cheer charge. Cheer charge bars, which are very nice. I've had them before. Energy and endurance bars. They've got like chia seed flapjacks and peanut butter in them.

They're very tasty. I'm going to tuck into these before I go on stage tonight. I used to eat them when I was training for the marathon. Oh, really? Yeah, boy. They're very good and they really do charge you up. And I know chia seeds have been a secret ingredient that we hated, but I quite like them.

We've been, from the Tate, James, the actual Tate. What's in the Arch Gallery? Yeah, they've done a beer to coincide with their latest exhibition. It's called Elemental Beer. And what's cool about this, I've just been reading about it, is it's brewed from 200 kilos of leftover bread that cafes and bakeries have thrown out. Would Tracy Emman make that for you?

It's surplus bread. So it's supposed to be like tackling food waste and stuff like this. Pretty cool. Probably. So you can have a lovely beer and also it's like a statement. It's like an artistic statement. Yeah, that's good. That's what I always want to make an artistic statement when I have a beer.

You do. You love it. Teas and coffees, Yorkshire tea. Taylor coffee. Thank you very much. We are swimming in freebies. I'm absolutely loving it. I've not done any shopping for about three years.

Also, some rum, some Jurican rum, which is an beautiful bottle. We've been sending this bottle of rum. Rum Diddlyumcious. And they're from the Hurricane Rum Company, which I just thought was a cool name. I did a show called Blizzard. I thought that's a cool name. No, it's called the Hurricane Rum Company,

because they're partnered with Shelterbox. And every time someone buys a bottle, they make a donation to the Hurricane Relief Fund in the Caribbean. Fantastic. Pretty good, right? That is amazing. Oh, we've got some pretty ethical products on our hands this week. You can get pissed up and feel good about yourself.

Oh, that's all I want. That's all I want in life. Oh, also, Wensley Dale Creamery, thank you so much for sending me a wheel of cheese. Insane, how much cheese you've got. It was my dream to have a wheel of cheese, and there it is, sat in my fridge, a wheel of Wensley Dale, and also some little baby Wensley Dale's, a cranberry one,

one that's a Black Forest Gato flavor that I'm not sure about yet. It's got chocolate in it. I've not touched in yet. That's like, they've taken both of our worlds and put them together. We're still getting messages asking us to recommend people restaurants and to mention a restaurant that we've mentioned previously on the podcast.

We are keeping an archive of them. If you go on to offmenupodcast.co.uk forward slash restaurants, there is a list of all the restaurants mentioned on the podcast there, including who mentioned them, where they are, et cetera, et cetera. So you do not need to directly tweet us asking for restaurant recommendations. And I'm happy for you. If you're coming to London to see some family or you're on a day out in New York, that sounds brilliant.

But I can't get in contact and let you know where to eat. Sure. And also, part of the joy of finding places you like is discovering them for yourself. Yeah, but it's nice to have that list there. Benito's put that together very lovingly for you. He has. And also, if you run out of options on that list, I'd recommend going on to the Eta website, which is very good for big cities,

for like, you know, your big metropolitan areas. I don't even know about this. We're not even being sponsored by them. No, we're not. But I use it a lot. They've got a hit list of like, I think it's normally like 37 best restaurants in the city and it'll tell you what they are and what they are and stuff. Yes, please.

Do that. But for now, we will see you next week with another off menu. Bye, James. Goodbye, Ed. Go to hell, Daisy. Hello, it's me, Amy Glendale. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato and our relationship's never been the same

since. And I am joined by me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case. Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News.

It's about all the new stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners. Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to.

Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glendale's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy. Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog.

You've left it so late.