Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 38: Kemah Bob

Episode Date: November 6, 2019

Texas-born stand-up Kemah Bob – who runs the FOC It Up Comedy Club – joins us in the dream restaurant this week. She likes honesty in the kitchen, James is hungover, and we ask: do genies jizz?Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Follow Kemah Bob on Twitter and Instagram @kemahbob.And find out more about the FOC It Up Comedy Club on Facebook.Follow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Ed Gamble is on tour, including a date at the Shepherd's Bush Empire. See his website for full details.James Acaster is on tour. See his website for full details.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy, now. Please? What's that sizzle? Is it a pan of bacon? No, it's the sizzling chat of the Off Menu podcast. Hello, James A. Caster. Hello, Ed Gamble. How are you? I'm pretty good, mate. How are you doing? I'm all right. This is one of the episodes where I'm hungover for it. Yes. Just to let you know, if you've heard any previous episodes where James is hungover,

it was probably recorded on the same day as this. I don't want you to think James has got a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all the same day as this, but I feel pretty bad. You're just unraveling. I'm watching you unravel in front of my eyes. So bad. What time did you go to bed? I have no concept of that. I just had a lot of that drink, and it did taste exactly like chocolate. She was right. Very delicious. Very, very easy to drink. That's your nightmare, because you love puddings and sweets so much. So anything that tastes

like a pudding and a sweet that's also secretly boozy. Oh, down the hatch. So much of it down the hatch. I feel really bad for you, in a way. We're also drinking it and thinking, Keres Matthews recommended this to me today, and Ian Brown recommended it to her. In a way, you're hanging out with Ian Brown and Keres Matthews while you drink it. In a way, I was. And by the end of the night, I was arguing with both of them. This podcast is off menu, where we invite a guest into our dream restaurant, James,

and what do we ask them? Hey, what is your favorite ever start-up, main course, dessert, drink, and side dish? We do. Please? Please. Yes, we always say please. And today, our special guest is Kima Bob. Kima Bob. Yes, got in there before me. Kima Bob is a fantastic comedian. So funny.

I've been on a podcast with her before. Have you? The What Women Want podcast. Congrats. Thank you very much. Brilliant comedian. She runs the Femmes of Colour Comedy Club. Fuck it up, as it's otherwise known.

Awesome. So check out at Fuck It Up Comedy on Twitter to find out more about that. You can check out at Kima Bob to see what she's up to. But she is a wonderful, wonderful guest. Can't wait to hear what her menu is. But if she says a certain ingredient, she will be out on her ear, James. And what is the secret ingredient this week that could force us to eject Kima Bob from the dream restaurant?

Well, Ed, I am horrendously hungover. So I can't even think about this ingredient. If she brings it up, I will puke everywhere. I'll be very angry. Yes. Hops. Hops? No, I've never really had hops as part of anything other than beer.

Sometimes people put it on actual food. What? At your main dishes. And I can't even stand the... Northampton is near Kettering. Yes. Well, I grew up and there's a part of Northampton that smells like hops because the Carlsberg factory is there.

Yes. And that smell always makes me feel sick. Yeah. And especially now, when I'm as hungover as I am, I cannot even imagine hearing Kima Bob describe hops in a meal and not throwing up everywhere. Well, hopefully the meal will be fresh, it'll be delicious, and it won't make you think of sick. Yes, I think it's crossed.

Fingers crossed. I hate the smell of hops as well, actually. Edinburgh stinks of hops. Yeah, absolutely reeks. Although, old reeky. So for now, let's enjoy the off-menu menu of Kima Bob. Welcome, Kima Bob, to the Dream Restaurants. Well, it's really nice to be here.

Oh, my God, the meto D. Is that what you call them? The meto D, there's a meto D in the corner there. Yeah, amazing. But there should be a... Oh, here's the wait. Welcome, Kima Bob, to the Dream Restaurants. Oh, God. Good to see you.

We've been expecting you for some time. Explain your presence. My name is James A. Castellano. And... My name is James A. Castellano. I will be your waiter and genie for the evening. Phenomenal. You can get you any food you like from any period of time, anywhere in the world.

Wow. Just to let you know, it's quite early in the morning when we're recording this one, and I think we've given Kima far too much information in one sentence there. Yeah, I don't know what's happening ever. It's pre-noon. Yeah, pre-noon right now. I'm not doing great. Oh, James, so James is hungover.

Is the genie hungover as well? Yep. What was the genie up to? The genie did another podcast. This morning. For someone else, not yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And on that podcast, you have to get drunk for it.

So I did it straight up. We had another guest on. Yesterday, we recorded an episode with Keras Matthews, and she, for her drink, she chose something called a Death by Chocolate, which was Guinness with Tia Maria and Volker in it. And I thought it sounded so delicious that I suggested it for this podcast that I was going on in the evening, where you have to get drunk,

and I drank a lot of Death by Chocolate. And now I feel like I'm dead by chocolate. Because it's not good. I feel awful. How many did you have? Maybe of that, I had about four big glasses of it, and then it's quite a creamy drink, and then I had some other drinks after that as well.

It's amazing, because I asked you what the genie had been doing, and I thought you'd go on one of your whimsical flights of fancy and tell me what you did. But so you can't now divide yourself. Do you have any lactose issues? Now I do, probably. I did it before, but I feel like it's... I feel like now I probably do.

Do you have lactose issues? Oh, I would have got caught up on the cream. Yeah? Yeah. And you'd be like, whoa, oh my god. And then things would smell different for everyone for a while. It wouldn't be the same. For everyone in the whole world.

Yeah. I just learned about Tia Maria as a thing. I haven't tasted it, but I saw a meme, and it was like a mom who named her kid Tia Maria, and the other kid was one name, and the other kid's whole first name was Jack Daniel. And I was just like, whoa. Little friends.

Choices. That mother is having those kids take care of herself. Yeah, yeah, she's not going to hold onto them, no. Well, welcome. Would you consider yourself a foodie? Do you enjoy food? I do, but I mostly find myself being a person that needs to eat to live. Okay.

Yeah, I put the stuff. So there are things... There are meals that I really enjoy. I'm like, oh, this is going to be great. This is awesome. But I would say 75% of the time, I'm like, how do I not die? Okay. Yeah.

And what's your go-to not die? So if you're on the run and you just need to eat. I'm a smoothie girl. Wow. So you're really compacting all of those nutrients down and just getting it down. Yeah. Okay. What's in the smoothie?

This is a different podcast, really. What's in the smoothie? Yeah, what's in the smoothie? I quite like it. What's in the smoothie? So we can just do a quick pilot episode of what's in the smoothie. Yeah, what's in the smoothie? Yeah.

We've got a blender here. Wow. Look at the Splinter. Oh my God. It's a standard. It's a ninja. Wow. Which guys get a ninja?

Standard control. So a lot of people put ice in a smoothie. I'm like, why are you wasting that precious nutrient space? Yeah, that's not going to help you survive. You know what I mean? Freeze that fruit. Yeah. You feel me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do the same. Frozen berries in the mix. Got to put a little banana in the mix. But not too much. It becomes overpowering. You're going to follow that up with a bit of fake milk. Fake milk?

Yeah. Just every milk that doesn't come from animals. Yeah. I've never heard it called fake milk before. Well, I mean, I don't want to disrespect it. Yeah. Filth. Yeah.

Filth, yeah. Filth, okay. It's filth. It's a filthy, fracking lie. Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah. Cool.

Yeah. Do you have a preferred fake milk? I'm a classic just really basic soy boy. Soy boy. Yeah. But also, I can be quite the oat goat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oat goat?

Yeah, yeah. Almonds are a bit thick. It's good for coffee. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I'm an almond diamond. Oh, no, no, no. There's no one for almonds. An almond moment.

An almond moment. Yes. We just had an almond moment. Oh, you did. The turkey. I saw it from over here. I would like to be part of one, one more. No.

So you're, you have lactose issues, so that's why you go for the fake milk. Or are you vegan as well? And I found myself in a very fishy place recently. Sure, the same. Yeah, I live in, yeah. I've moved to the ocean.

I am the new little mermaid. Oh, congratulations. Thank you so much. Congratulations. Well, I have some issues with that. Yeah, I am. As a person, do you consider yourself a, what is that hair color?

I don't want to offend. Oh, is it, I always thought I was blonde, and then when I started doing comedy, everyone told me I was ginger, so I don't really know. And you got to own it. I guess. Because blondes have more fun, but gingers get more gigs.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. But when I'm trying to get gigs, I say I'm a ginger comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then after the gig, I'm like, blonde on the brow. Whoa, exactly. I'm a Marilyn Monroe.

Yeah, yeah, that's the way I am. Marilyn Monroe. Yeah, classic. First, we'll start off. Would you like still sparkling water, Keema Bob? I always find this is great. I'll have still, because I'm not a dick bag, just sparkling water, does it make you burp?

It would make you burp. Yeah. Why do people want it? Well, we've had guests on before who say it feels special, feels fancy. Fancy, yeah. Some people just like the bubbles. It's a little, you know, some people don't,

some people say they don't drink soft drinks, so they have a little spark in water for a little drink. And they're like, ooh, I'm spicy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of that. Some people say it hydrates you more. Did someone say that one? Yeah, that's an outright lie.

Yeah, don't lie to yourself. Some of that volume, the water volume, is taken up by bubbles now. This is obviously a big thing for you, because you don't want ice in the smoothie, because you don't want it taking up too much space. I'm just like, don't lie to me about what's in this cup right now. Yeah, yeah.

So, you feel it being lied to when they say sparkling water, because there's not much water in there? I'm just like, give me more water. I didn't expect an extra glass. Yeah, so you see that should be the rule. Yeah, if you have it, you give it twice as much. A bit more, yeah, because those bubbles. Have you heard the Kanye West song?

I love it. The only thing I have. Missing out. Yeah, I know. Just missing out. I don't think it's just an individual thing, but there's a part in the song when he goes, when's the first time they ask if you want sparkling or still?

Why are you acting like you had sparkling water before we met? Yeah, like it's just a huge revelation out of control. It's like you had never had sparkling water before. What? Before they met Kanye? Yeah, before he started going out with Kanye, it was just still water. And then they went out with Kanye,

suddenly they were going out with Spark. So Kanye introduced everyone to sparkling water. Yeah, I feel that. That's one of his lowest grades, mad lyrics though. I'd say. That's a few. That's a few. Yeah.

There's one about a bleached asshole that's a bit of a bad lyric. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it's funny. I mean, was it? Yeah, yeah. If I fuck this model. Model, and she just bleached her asshole? Asshole.

Something about his t-shirt. And I'll get bleached on my t-shirt. On the t-shirt. I'll look like an asshole. I feel like an asshole, yeah. Yeah. That's deep though. It's not really, is it?

No, it's so deep, because like shirts are expensive. I only get bleached out of it. I see, I was looking at it on one level. And I didn't really, I didn't really. Yeah, fucking shift your perspective. Shirts are expensive. And bleach is not, and that's the problem. So I think that's my favorite reason

we've had so far for still water is because, and I quote, I'm not a dick bag. But if you were with Kanye, would you get the sparkling water? Of course. I'd feel pressured. And want to rise to the occasion. Yeah, because he'd probably be like, the way it would come on,

say still sparkling and then Kanye would just look at you. Yeah. He'd probably just swap the still water from there. Yeah, yeah. Out of here. Not an option anymore. He'd probably take the still water to try and clean the bleach of his t-shirt.

Yeah, that would be the bleach of that expensive t-shirt. Oh god. Oh, oh, I love him. Pop it up as well, Brett! Pop it up as well, Brett. Kima? Brett, Brett! Well, yeah, that's what I want.

With a butter, please. Do you have a special butter? Have you had cinnamon honey butter? Oh, I think I've had a honey butter before, but please tell us more. Tell us about cinnamon honey butter, please. There's a place in Texas, appropriately named the Texas Roadhouse,

where you can get giant steaks and whatnot. But what's most important is you can get these delicious biscuits and they're just so soft and ripping apart. And they always come with this cinnamon honey butter, and it's just so real. And sometimes I'm tempted to just eat it with a spoon, but I don't, because every string.

Yeah. It's a Texas Roadhouse. Is that a chain? Because I think I might have been there. Oh, it's Chaney. It's Chaney like Dick, baby. A pilot took me there. A pilot?

Yes. Wow. Yes, a pilot took me there. What a fun life. In a plane or just as themself on the street? He just fancied some of the honey butter and he just called up a plane. Take me.

It's like a plane Uber. But a plane, I didn't realize it, but I accidentally booked a plane that was just me and the pilot in a tiny little plane. That's so awkward. Yeah, and he flew me over to Bloomington, Indiana. Yeah.

And we got out and he went, do you want to get a steak? Yeah. And I was like, yeah, obviously. Of course. A pilot just asked me for a steak. Why would I not get a steak with you? After you just worked so hard to get us here.

Yeah. And then we went and got a steak and I didn't know about the cinnamon honey butter at the Texas Roadhouse then. You didn't have it. I thought I would have done it. I didn't know. I had no idea about it.

Foolish. I just thought. That's all right. I've got a photo on my phone of the frickles. Oh, I love a frickle. What's a frickle? Fried pickles. Fried pickles.

Wow, of course. It was a different like ranch or some kind of ship. Like blue cheese or something. Yeah, yeah. I'm not a blue cheese person, but we've already discussed my tummy. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

And that would be a nightmare. If you've got lactose issues, I feel like blue cheese is just the ultimate nightmare. Why does my body hate it? Why does anyone's body not hate it? It's deep. I feel bad for people with lactose issues because isn't Jesus the most delicious thing in the world?

Yeah. I mean, ice cream. I'm not not eating it. I'm just feeling. So would you just take the hit for ice cream? Just cope. I'm just like, this is a Dutch oven type of evening. It's going to be great.

I'm going to stick my ass out of the duvet and then face my head the opposite direction. It's a Dutch oven, but you leave the door open. Yeah, type of fact. Because you decide. It's like, am I going to commit to this or am I going to let it go? Yeah.

All I know about the, when you said that, the why does your body hate it, what it, like it's just, I know all my knowledge, if you can call it that, is based on films. I've seen them stuff or songs. So much. So that scene in Snatch when they're talking about we shouldn't drink milk.

Do you remember that scene? And then driving along. Yeah. Snatch or, sorry, I just got Snatch mixed up. I was like, Snatch is the one where the guy falls into a toilet, but that's definitely a chain spouting. Snatch is the one where Jason Stalem is like, I'm a gangster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one. I don't think you expect you to do that voice. Thank you. That doesn't necessarily narrow down the film by saying it's the one where Jason says, I'm a gangster. Yeah.

Is this here short then as well? Yeah. I'm in my other top, I'm in around the side. It's always had short hair. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ever since he was a little baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it bold little Statham? Yeah, boldly Statham. But do you want the Texas Roadhouse cinnamon honey butter? Yes, please. And is the bread a specific bread? Or if you want the biscuit. You can have the biscuit. You could have the biscuit.

Whoa, like a legit biscuit. Yeah. Do you understand what I'm talking about? I understand, but the listener might not understand. I don't want any of this cookie bullshit. Walking around here calling stuff biscuits and not biscuits. I'm talking about a savory scone. I'm not playing these games.

I've seen a scone. I was like, what is this imposter? Yeah. Why are you putting clotted cream on it? Which to be fair, you could do with a biscuit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I think that's a good way of describing it. A savory scone.

You know what I mean? Yeah, savory scone, savory scone, a biscuit. A biscuit. Yeah. It's a biscuit by any other name. Honey butter. Yeah. That sounds like a good...

I think I've had, I can't remember where I had it. I had some like honey butter, not cinnamon honey butter, just honey butter on cornbread before. Wow, that's a whole vibe. Which is so good. That's a whole different thing. Cornbread. It is the shit.

Oh, no one's picked cornbread, have they? It's so real. That's their bread. It's so good. It's so real. I went home over Christmas. You're from Texas, right? Whereabouts in Texas are you from?

From Houston. Nice. Oh, it's been one day there? Wow, with a pilot or something else. I don't go everywhere with a pilot. Look, I don't know what it's like. Yeah, sure, be fair. I'm just, I'm just entering, you know, the scene,

but I assume there's a level of stand-up comedy where you just get private plays. You get a pilot with a pilot. Don't hold them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A whole time. It's happened once and it was by accident. And like a bag person as well.

Yes, I've got a bag person. Yes, it's my bag man. Absolutely got a bag man, yeah. That's what's up. The great Benito is my bag man normally. Yeah, I didn't want to assume. Yeah, yeah. Your shoulders look not like something's missing.

Is it a bag? It looks uncomfortable. Like my shoulder's too light. My shoulder's too light. Yeah, he's carrying himself to, he's just jerking him around. Should be a little bag on there. To be fair, carrying yourself,

I find to be enough weight. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So deep. Sometimes carrying yourself isn't enough weight. Yeah, damn. That's better than any Kanye lyric ever, that. Yeah.

Yeah, sparkling or still. Why are you acting like you had sparkling water before I came around? Guess what I did on the one day I was in Houston? What did you do? I went to... Wait, was it meant to guess actually? If you won't...

You went to the aquarium. No, is that an aquarium? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. That would be an awful guess. Someone from Houston, if they guessed that you went to an aquarium. That wasn't one, yeah.

NASA. Yeah, I don't know. Well, you did space stuff. Yeah. Lovely. The whole day at NASA, I loved it. Did you go for a steak with an astronaut afterwards? Yes, afterwards the astronaut took me to the moon

and we had steak. Oh, my God. Moon steak. That sounds really romantic. Yeah, it was very romantic. Did you guys make out on the moon? Yep. Oh.

Yes, we did. That's a new genre of soft, soft, soft color. Interplanetary soft, soft, soft color. People make it out on the moon. Yeah, just like delicate kisses in space. There's certain elements of zero gravity that would really lend themselves to some... Pornography, I think.

Soft, soft, soft color. To soft, soft, soft color. Yeah. There's a bit in James Bond where they have zero gravity sex at the end. Wow, that's very hip. Is it like in one of those tunnels, though? Or is it like a movie?

I think they're on a ship and there's like a live, they're watching it back at base and they cut to it too quickly. They're like, oh, James. Oh, no. Classic. Like all wrapped in a blanket. Yeah, yeah.

Typical. I think, I don't really like Bond films, mainly for lines like this. So like they're like banging in zero G and then you hear James Bond go, attempt to re-entry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always stuff like that. Keeper not a fan of that.

Oh my God. Yeah, really bad stuff. Oh my God. Yeah, not bad. That's amazing. Yeah. That's fucking great. Yeah.

Oh, you made your little mermaid announcement earlier. You have an announcement about Bond as well, don't you? Yeah, yeah, I too. I'm going to be the new 007. It's a pretty huge deal. I'm pretty psyched about it. I'm not taking the Bond name because I don't want it. It's solid.

Sure, sure. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But… Because of all the attempting re-entry stuff. Yeah. It's a lot of stuff going out there. And I want to start on like a fresh sexual page.

That's 007. Because if the position… That's the name of the new film, right? Fresh sexual page. Fresh sexual page. It's called The Ledger. Fresh sexual page. Yeah, it's very serious.

I can't wait to hear Adele sing that. Yeah, you're a fresh sexual page. So we come to your starter. Whoa! Okay. Okay. How would I like to start the meal? I would like…

I would like to have… I would like to have a chips, a salsa, and guacamole. That's what I want. I want to be real fresh. I want to be made by somebody's abuela. Or tia. Abuela.

Abuela. Grandma. Okay, yeah. Yeah, Spanish for grandma. Okay. I'm really upset by the nature of Mexican food in the UK. Yeah. Well, there's no Mexican people here.

It's very sad. There are a few. Yeah, but there's no like tradition. Yeah, people like a large community. I just want to say that I haven't met three Mexican people. And upon each encounter, I've been very happy. Great. Do you want to talk us through the encounters and how they went?

As an American, did you feel the need to say that every time you went from meeting a Mexican person, you're like, and I felt joy and I liked them a lot? And I opened my arms and I opened my borders, my personal borders to my heart. I think it's just really weird because I feel like like the Mexican people have not been done justice by American media. Like I feel like people within America have no idea

how much cool shit goes down in Mexico, how beautiful it is, how much culture is going on. Like I think we've been sold this weird narrative for so long. And it's like this huge place where all sorts of great things are happening. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so yeah, that's weird. And I think the narrative seems to be either certainly from our perspective is either

the immigration thing with the border and all of that. Or it's where Americans go to get fucked up before they're 21, right? Dead. Yeah. Dead. I, you can get prescription drugs very over the counter there. So that's a fun fact. Yeah, I went down, I got some,

I went down when I was in college on a cruise with my mom, got some like Ritalin, you know this? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was trying to study in college. Yeah, Ritalin's for like concentration. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You wanted to concentrate. Shut up. So this is such a great reflection of like where it was in my life at this time. I got some Ritalin and some metronidazole. Do you know what that is? No. Medicine for thrush. I got, I wanted so much of it.

Body time. I didn't want to have to go to the doctor at all. I was like, I just want to have this on deck in my house for all of my friends. Some liquid thrush medicine. I just, yeah, I was wearing that in the pharmacy with like all these options. Well, we're not at your drink yet. We don't want to give that away. Yeah, yeah, that is the drink.

It's metronidazole. I mean, you can have, you can have these as part of your starter if you like. Do you want these on your, if you want the Ritalin and the fresh cream on the side. Please, grind them up into a fine powder and sprinkle it over everything. Over all the chips. Thank you so much. Yeah. Is there anywhere in particular, do you want these to come from Mexico,

the chips? That would be a problem. They definitely can't come from the UK. So they could come from, I'd say, Mexico, preferably first or Texas or California. Yeah. Yeah. I think I've recommended it on the podcast before, but it's a place in Brickston Village called Casa Merita, which is good Mexican place.

Okay. I'm going to make a note because I'm very serious about this and I miss it. And every time I go to like Cholongo, I feel like I'm lying to myself. But yeah, I would recommend Casa Merita. And Redo's Tacos as well. The, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the supertorter, um, Casa Merita is. Yeah. If you got a torta on deck, you might know what's going on.

Yeah. I sound like I'm really so serious about Mexican food. Oh, right. Like, what about those cortinas? I mean, because obviously, you know, if there's no good stuff out here, you're going to be serious about it. You're missing it. Yeah.

It's, it's upsetting because I didn't realize how much I ate it until I didn't have access to good it. Yeah. Like what is American food? You know what I mean? Well, it's the same with what, what is British food? Brown and covered in gravy. But I would miss that if I went, if I was to live in Texas, I'd miss my brown.

I'd miss my brown. First food like a mound of potatoes, a mound of meat with like maybe other bread around it. Yes. Covered in gravy. Yes. Now you're talking my hand. Ed getting all happy. Yeah.

You're going to have your mound of food. Mound of slop to get through the winter. Is that the noise that people have to make when eating it? You can do it. Talking yourself through it is like, oh, one bite. Oh, no, no, no, you can do it. Gives the motivation. Propelling yourself forward.

And how is the Mexican food in Texas? It's all right. But we've, we've done stuff to it. There's Tex-Mex, which is a whole thing. And a lot of the Mexican food that we find outside of Mexico is actually, some of it is actually Tex-Mex. When you say Tex-Mex, what are like classic Tex-Mex dishes? Great question.

I feel like many of the things that you might find, and this is so gross, because Taco Bell is not a good example of decent anything, but many of the items you'll find on that menu like don't happen in Mexico. There's some like stuff like sour cream and like cheese that you see way less in Mexico. And you see a lot more corn tortillas. I love a corn tortilla. I would just like to say that that chips, those chips and dip,

those are corn tortillas. Okay, okay. Very serious. Absolutely corn tortillas. But yeah, they're just extra elements that I think people add to make it more like tasty for them. Like here, I saw a taco being prepared with a barbecue sauce at a pub, and I was like, that's stupid, and it's not even a taco. Did you serve five to the tables?

I did, and I'm an artist now as a result of standing up for Mexican food. I think in this country, I feel like soft shell tacos are like the last five years maximum. I don't remember seeing a soft shell taco until five years ago. It's always been the hard shell dinner kit tacos. And I don't like a hard shell taco, and I like it. What do you do if it matches the filling? Have you gotten a soft shell that like actually you could pick it up and put it up to your mouth like several times?

I've had a lot where it's like one tortilla, and I'm just like, well, it's not real enough to hold everything inside. Like I'm gonna need two. You gotta put two, and I want to hold it. I want it to be a success, just breaking in halves, falling apart in my hands. Here's a question. You probably know more about Mexican food than we do. You know when you have like proper tacos?

They put the little soft shell tacos. Why do they put two down? For that protection. Is it? Yeah, it's because the stuff, the moisture and the weight of it will break through one like nice, thin. You've gone somewhere else now. Just soft, flaky. And you can catch it with the other one.

You're supposed to have them both. You hold them both and so it never breaks. You take one up and then use the other one like a little glove. You put two trash bags, not condoms. You can't do that. That's not something you should actually do a double bagging. But trash bags, double bagging does apply. Yeah, okay.

With tacos, it doesn't affect the environment. That's good. Good to know. Yeah, but don't do condoms. No, because, yeah, friction or something. Oh, no. There was a song a long time ago. I love college by this guy, Asher Roth.

Right. Have you ever heard that? No. He's like, I love college. I love drinking. I love women. I love college. I fucking loved it.

This is one part where he's like, great advice. And don't pass out with your shoes on when it comes to condoms, put two on. And I was just like wrapping that everywhere. And then I remember like hearing from someone. I think I was like, and when it comes to condoms, put two on. And I think it was like my mom or something. I was like, don't do that, friction will bust them. And I was like, thank you.

But I suppose what, is it Asher Roth? I suppose what Asher was saying was, is he's just overcompensating. So like, if no one, if they're not putting a condom on, the people who are listening to it, if he tells them to put two on, they'll put one on. They'll put one on, yeah. And don't pull the safety shoes on. Whoa. That's like parenting techniques or something.

That's some deep shit. Why would you not pull the safety shoes on? He's like, don't pass out with your shoes on at the party. But I think if you're going to pass out at a party, definitely keep your shoes on. You might wake up with no shoes. Yeah. And they might steal your shoes. Yeah, your shoes will be gone.

Keep your shoes. That's the thing, it's a prank. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a bit of failure. I wake up, I leave my shoes, and I lift some of Pete and my shoes. It's always funny. I was passed out. Yeah, they put like shaving foam in there or something.

Yeah. And then you put your feet in and all the... Or poop. Or poop. That's the worst. I don't know these people that would do it, but I just imagine. You've got to be careful at parties, man. People leave their shoes lying around you.

Don't go to parties. If I did that song, if I did that song, I'd say don't go to parties. Don't go to any parties. Don't go to parties. I'd be like, I love Netflix. Well, your main course. Yeah. Your main...

So we've started off in Mexico. We're going to remain pretty in Mexico. Yeah, yeah. I'm the main course. I'm doubling down because I want some enchiladas. Yeah. That's what I want. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. And they're the chicken enchiladas with tomatillo sauce. Okay. Tomatillo. Little green tomatoes. No. Yeah. Yeah, no.

Is it actually... I've not heard tomatillo sauce before. So I don't know if you're... Tomatillo. I don't know if before and after you're pronouncing tomorrow differently. Because it's the first time I've met Keeba. Yeah. And so far you've done some funny voices.

Yeah. It's a lot of emphasis going on. And you've done a few things. So I don't know if that is a thing or not. I'm here to back Keeba up that tomatillos are actually a thing. They're actually a thing, but she's pronouncing... I mean, the whole tomatillo thing. Tomatillo.

She's added that. Yeah, so that'll get a little idyllic. Tomatillo. Um, it's a little green tomato. Okay. Yeah, and they have like a different taste. Yeah. It's like less sweet or something.

I don't know if I can know. I'm not a food scientist. No, no. But it's a less sweet tomato sauce. Yeah. It's like, it's cool, but it's not spicy. Right, okay. Yeah.

Are you not into the spice? I'm not a super spicy person. Okay. I have... I was about to say I have what I would call a pussy tongue. I was afraid. It doesn't like stuff. My family is from Louisiana, and my dad is always like,

you got a California tongue. Because that's when my mom grew up. He's like, California, like California tongues. Okay. That's what he tells you. You got California tongue. Yep. He's like, what do you want?

Some avocados. Yes, yes. That would take down the heat. I would. Who doesn't want some avocados? I don't know. So delicious. How often does your dad say this to you?

So he makes really good, like, Cajun food and stuff. Which would probably be like so offended that I'm not, like, choosing to eat like gumbo or something. Yeah. Like, oh, yeah. I want my grandma's gumbo. Just like she used to make with the crab legs. He's always making stuff.

And do you know ranch dressing? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So this is not a typical move. In the Cajun kitchen. But it is when you got a California pussy tongue. And whenever he'd make, like, red beans and rice, I would just, like, really awesome, spicy, really spicy.

I would just, like, douse it in ranch. And they would just look at me like, what the fuck is this woman? Like, what is this girl doing? Your dad sets fire to the tables. Yeah. And then he sets fire. And then we've lost several homes that way. Yeah, yeah.

But we know where you get it from now. What are enchiladas again? I always get mixed up between all the different formats. It's so interesting. Look, you look at Mexican food or Italian food, and it's like tomatoes, pasta, a meat, and they just go, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah, it's just as many different ways of putting those things together.

Yeah. This, an enchilada which sometimes, you know, sometimes it will happen in a flour tortilla capacity, but it's really good with the corn. I'm just an advocate for the corn tortilla. I'm very hard about it. Enchiladas, take the corn tortilla. You put the chicken in there and some of the tomatillo sauce,

maybe a bit of cheese in there. A lot of people do steak and like beef and cheese enchiladas, and like bean and jeans ones, beans and jeans, enchilada. I'm a chicken and green sauce type of girl. Roll that up, put it next to a bunch of its brothers, right? So you've got like eight enchiladas in a row, or like more, if you're not trying to feed only yourself. Am I right, ladies?

And then you cover those in the sauce, a bit more cheese, bake it, it comes out, you jizz. Good recipe? Yeah. You know it's done. I wouldn't use to write a cookbook where every recipe ends with that. You know it's done. The fuck comes out clean, you jizz, bon appetit.

Oh, that sounds incredible. Yeah, they're fucking good, man. So, I mean, I'm a bit worried about cooking it for you now, though. Yeah. I have to prepare all this food. Will the genie jizz? I don't want to. You have to, it's not done if you don't jizz.

Do genie jizz? Oh, no. Do genie jizz? Well, I can do whatever I like if it's a genie, you know. So, you know, I can't if people, if that's their wish, but it's never been anyone's wish before. If you had three wishes, who would go straight in with first things first? Yeah, you jizz.

Exactly. If I had three wishes, one of them would be for me to jizz. Love her genie to jizz. I don't know, you don't even care about your sexual gratification. Yeah, it'd be very odd if it's like that. Yeah, very, very odd. You jizz. No, no, that's someone who doesn't love themselves.

You'd have to be like jizz money or something. Yeah. Then that would be, yeah. It's got lots of jizz money to blow. Yeah, that is a point, actually. I should have pointed out as a genie. I don't, yeah, I jizz candy floss. That's a set.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, that's kind of fine. Well, it's gross. That's fucking gross. Yeah. Disgusting. That's where it gets gross, is it? Yeah.

Okay, fair enough. That's why I'm going to push you over the edge of that, Kima. Feel like we're probably going to stay in Mexico for the side dish as well. Ah! It feels like, do you reckon we are? What if we left? What if we left for fun? No!

We're not! And I'm sick and this is how I feel. Actually, let's switch it up. Let's go very scandalous because I would like to, I think it would be, this, it just never happens in your dream meal. Like, in life, no one's like, here's dope Mexican food, but also here's dope Cajun food. Yeah.

Yes. You know what I mean? Like, that doesn't happen. But you can do that here. But it fucking could. It's the dream restaurant. And that's mind blowing. Yeah.

Wow. This has changed my life. Changed my outlook on culinary possibilities. I want, this is, this is, this is stardust has been reframed because this is my menu I do and want. I want some crawfish. Yeah. I want boiled crawfish.

Okay. With potatoes and corn and the boil. And we'll call those my vegetables. And this is a side now. Yep. Yeah. You can flip it like that. That's fine.

Have you had that? I've never had that. I'm obsessed with having it. I really want to have it. It's where you see like videos of them. Like, I'm seeing it on a table just on some like, on some newspaper and everyone just going to town. Yeah, it's fucking madness.

It's delicious. It's so great. The crawfish and shells. They're in shells. They're in the whole little red bodies. I think you boil them like alive or something. I don't know. My dad, when he preps them, he puts like a lot of salt on them.

And then they like eat the salt and then they like vomit and shit everything inside of them. And now they're like clean enough to eat. Yeah. What? Wow. Yeah. Wow.

That's deep. That's deep. Seema sounds like the most unappetizing meal ever. You don't eat them. You make an animal vomit and shit everything out of it. You don't eat those liquids? No, but still. You're getting rid of the liquids.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. You're like purging them. We call it purging. And now they're like clean or whatever. So if you boil them, then you don't end up with shit in that water. Because you've already de-shitted them. Yeah, you've already de-shitted them beforehand.

Yeah. So like when you get a prawn and there's the poop line. Yeah. If they gave them some salt, then there wouldn't be a poop line. They would have shot already. If they've done a poop, yeah. Yeah. I hate the poop line.

I hate it when you're eating something and then you get really into it or like comfortable eating it and then you remember like, oh man, I wonder if they took the poop out and they didn't. You've already eaten so much shrimp shit. So much poop. Yeah. This is so sad. How much shrimp shit do you think you've eaten if you were to like estimate?

Like one or two ounces? Yeah, about in your whole life. Yeah, I'd say. Like a little, like a shot glass full. Yeah. Yeah. Because I've been pretty good about cleaning it myself. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. If you were given the option like at the start of your life to like, either you're just going to eat it every now and again. Yeah. Or you can get it all out the way you want to go. Yeah. At the start in the shot glass if you want to.

What are you going to choose? I think I'm just going to take it as it comes, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, a bit like that. Yeah. You want to say again? Someone's offering me some kind of monetary reward for drinking a shot glass full of shrimp shit. I'm just going to let it happen as it happens.

I think that's the only answer to that question really. This guy's out of control. Yeah, yeah. The way you said that to me then was probably like you were telling me off. Shot glass full of shrimp shit. Shrimp shit. Yeah. It's shrimp shit.

When your dad does it, does he like spice the water? Is there like a seasoning that you'd put in there? Yeah, so are you familiar with like Old Bay? I've heard of Old Bay seasoning. Yeah, Old Bay is like a seasoning company and they sell like crab boil. And like within that it's like all this like spice and it's like garlic and stuff and like cayenne pepper and like other kind of chilies and shit and like other flavors. I don't know the name of them like herbs and stuff.

It's like oh my god, this is very salty as well. And you put that in there and it's boiled all like so the flavor gets like boiled into them. But it's tough because you gotta put a lot of that stuff because they're only boiling for so long. So there's only so much flavor that can like get in there, right? And then there's potatoes in there you said? Uh-huh and corn. Sometimes sausage but I'm not having it. Why not?

Because that's not how I roll. Fair enough. Sausage freaks me out. What does it freak you out? I don't know, it's in there. Ah okay, so yeah, it's all the mushed up. Gee yeah, I'm just so confused. Yeah, yeah.

And what? What the fuck are bi-products? You know what I mean? Yeah. What? Filler, what? Yeah, yeah, you don't eat bi-products. I'm so confused.

The bi-products are what we just got rid of from the crawfish, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's such a horrible image. Do you think all the crawfish are getting rid of their business? There must be at least one who's like constipated or one who's like go hold it. What? And then he waits until he gets into the pot with...

Keeping it. I'm going to do it in here. I'm so sorry. I think that's great. I think it would definitely let you have that as a side. Thank you. Also, in my hungover state, hearing about, you know... A shot glass full of shrimp shit?

Yeah, well hearing about that wasn't great. But like, you know, hearing about something just vomited and shit at the same time is... Yeah. You jealous of those guys? Oh, those lucky, lucky crawfish. I wish your dad had feed me some salt. I think I've done that. Nothing.

Vomited and shit at the same time? Yeah. That's confusing. Okay. When you say you think you've done it, I mean, I just... You said vomit and shit at the same time. And then I imagined it, but it wasn't hard because I think it happened. I feel like it was in my tub and in my toilet situation, so kind of like on the toilet and

like hunched over it. That's the way to do it. If you're going to do it, that's the way to do it. Well, you can't. You just keep turning around because then you're going to smell your own shit and that's going to make you throw up more than anything. And that's how I feel like it happened because I remember that, that I wouldn't do that. So that brings us to your drink.

Yeah. I'd like some vomit and shit. Thank you. I'd like to have horchata. That's right. Back to makeup. Take us through what horchata is. Have you had it?

Nope. Oh my god. If you haven't had horchata, it's a very fun time. So, I'm going to have to pull in the fake milk again though, it's made with like rice milk and you have some rice milk and you have like cinnamon and sugar and probably other stuff and you're like, it's so good, you put it with some, you put some ice, it's so good. But if you put rum in it, have you heard of horchata? No.

It's some bullshit where people thought that they could sell like low-grade horchata with rum in it. Like, you know what I mean? So lame. But yeah, horchata is great. So you do not want rum chata? No. That is very clear.

But I will take some horchata with rum in it. So you don't want the pre-mixed rum chata? Yeah. You want a nice horchata and then you can add your own rum? Yeah. I don't want lies from the streets. Yeah. Like, okay, no lies from the streets.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Is there any particular rum that you like? I try to get Appleton just because it hurts so good. Yeah. You know? What's it like? Would you guys have a rum recommendation?

I don't know anything about rum. The Appleton estate in Jamaica is supposed to make like dope rum or something. Okay. I don't know. How did you hear about this? Probably watching a movie called Rum Rum Rum. I don't know if it was about Jamaica. I don't think it was about, like, alcohol.

I don't think it was about spirits. I think it might have been what? Huh? What if it was just like a friend went there and went to there and then brought me some rum back? What, what, what, what, what, what, what you say? Like, I don't, I'm trying to figure out where I got this information from. Oh, yes. Okay.

Yeah. So when you said about the movie called Rum Rum Rum, did you- Oh, that was a bullshit. You made that up, right? Okay. That was not true at all. Because I was waiting to hear about the movie Rum Rum Rum. Because you started to describe the movie.

I thought, oh, there is a movie called Rum Rum Rum, but there wasn't. No, not yet. You can make it. Yes. Do you ever, not know, like, do you ever get that where you don't know where you got information and you know something, but you're like, did I read this? Did I learn it in class? Did I see it in a film?

Did someone say it to me? I'm pretty sure someone brought my mom some Ableton Rum and they like went to Jamaica and they were like, I did a tour of this rummary and there was a fine rummary and there's a rich history of rumming and they're good at it. So for something that your guessing happened, is that quite detailed and specific? You know what I mean? Now, did this happen or are you saying that might have happened? I want to give it 80% because someone brought Ableton Rum to my mom.

But I'm wondering if this person bringing this rum and saying that it's good is what I've based my belief that it is good. I think that's enough. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's scary though. Like people will just tell you stuff and then you believe it and then you tell other people. And then next thing you know, you're making up a movie called Rum Rum Rum.

Rum Rum Rumming. Rum Rum Rumming. That's the sequel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool Rummings. Cool Rummings. Cool Rummings. The Rumming Man.

Oh man. No, don't look at me. Don't look at you. You're out. You're done. I'm gonna participate in this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Participate in Cool Rummings on the puns.

Do you like puns? Yeah. This is what I always get most excited about, Keema. So this is the dessert. Whoa! Um, you tricky to choose it. Yep. It very much follows the same format you're doing all alone.

I thought that this would be different. I don't know. You were looking at me there. That's why I was saying he's gonna announce it. Yeah, they'll find out what dessert is. Tell me what I'm thinking. Yeah. It's candy flowers.

Don't ask me where I got it from. I'm a genie. So it's weird because like I feel like it's just like it can be hard. And where I'm leaning right now is a kind of angel food cake with fresh berries situation. And I don't know just as hard sometimes because like shit gets too heavy, you know, like chocolatey things. Sometimes it's like whoa. And there's cream everywhere.

There's dairy everywhere. It's a fucking dangerous minefield. Um, an angel food cake, right? Is that translatable? Do you guys call it that? I think I vaguely know. It's a very light sort of sponge cake, right? Yeah, super fucking light.

Yeah, just airy. I think you can tell from just angels. You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't know, man. Angels, what would angels eat? Well, they're light. They need to fly in the sky. Exactly.

So they're not gonna have anything too heavy. Yeah, and they hate copes. Somehow they're willing to eat this cake. Is it like vanilla flavor? Is it a vanilla flavor? It's very chill. It's almost just like vaguely sweet. Yeah, okay.

Just, it's more texture. It's more the texture of it. It's like vanilla-y. Vanilla-ish. It's not vanilla, it's vanilla-y. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. Vanilla-jacent.

And you're having some berries with that? Yeah. What sort of berries? Straw. I'm gonna kick it off with straw. Follow it with rasp. Yeah, anymore. I don't like bloob.

Bloob. Bloobs are an acquired taste, I think. Yeah. I enjoy a bloob. I like a bloob. Yeah. You guys are mature, though. Oh, yeah?

What are you, 45? We're both 45. We just eat blueberries all day long. Yeah. Popping bloobs. Do you feel like bloobs is something that you grow into? I think it's an acquired taste, like red wine. Yeah, I like red wine as well.

Wow. Sometimes I'll taste red wine, and I think there's a hint of bloob in there. Yeah, yeah. A little bit more bloob in this. Yeah. Yeah, I'm still on, you know, Rose. Yeah, you'll get there.

Yeah, I'm working on it. You're on straw and rose. Yeah. Hear about Rose. Rose was the first thing I had to drink yesterday. Jesus Christ. Leaving up for the... We drank it in...

We recorded an episode yesterday, and that was the last one we did, and there was some Rose in a can. So I was like, I'll have one of them. Madness. So I had that on the way to the pot. So now I'm thinking about that makes me feel sick. I'm like a little crawfish.

What? Yeah, a little crawfish about to be sick. That's so interesting. That's how, like, if someone were to ask me, like, how would you describe James? And I'd be like, look, a little crawfish. A little crawfish. Yeah, yeah.

It's just like a little crawfish. Yeah, yeah. You are like a little crawfish. Yeah, do you see it? Yeah, yeah. In what way? All of them. All the ways.

Every single way. Med and gangly. Yeah, a little curly tail. Yeah. Yeah, a little curly tail. Can I imagine you swimming around, like, sat in the boil like it's a jacuzzi? Yeah, yeah.

Sat in the boil. Yeah. With, like, whiskers or some shit. I feel like they have that. I feel like they have little face bits. Someone will do that for us. I know someone listening now will do a mock-up of James as a little crawfish, sat in the boil like a jacuzzi.

Yeah, make sure you tag team him in, innit, as you can see. Thank you so much. I just want to know, well, yeah, because I'm picturing it pretty clearly. So I'm just wondering how other people envision it. The berries, there's like a little sugar sprinkled on them. What sort of sugar?

Powdered sugar? I'd say a bit of, we're doing a brown sugar situation. So before it gets involved, we're going to make a strawberry sauce, but that's not gross. Have you had the ones where it's like, what the fuck? And why are these berries so fake and red? Like the strawberry sauce where it looks like blood, basically. Yeah, and I'm like, this is a lie.

Uh-huh. You hate being lied to. You hate being lied to is what we've learned. I love honesty in the kitchen and everywhere else. Full disclosure. Tell me what's in the meal. Is there chorizo? That's fine, just tell me.

You always tell the truth with your California tongue? No. Yeah, I think you believe that you're telling the truth, but you might be making it up as you go along. That's life, isn't it? With the apple to. Well, that bit, I feel like. Yeah, that memory that you've been going through.

You're lying about rum rum rum. You're lying about rum rum rum, that's true. Yeah, that's 100% a lie. But at the same time, it wasn't a lie because it was more so a joke that only I thought was funny. So it's different. It's not the same. But that's, I guess that's what a lie is.

Yeah. That's a definition of a lie. It's a joke that only you think is funny. Wow. I did a whole Edinburgh show of those once. Yeah. Funalised. My little liar.

Just lying it up. My career is built on lies. So, I'm going to read your menu back to you. Thank you so much. Tell me how you feel about this. Yeah. Still water. You would like some biscuits with cinnamon honey butter

from Texas Roadhouse. Yeah. You would like corn tortilla chips with salsa. Your main, you would like chicken enchiladas with tomatillo sauce. Yeah. Tomatillo. Do you say it properly, James?

No. Side dish. You would like boiled crawfish with potatoes and corn. I'm going to throw up. Drink. You want a hot chocolate with rum? With Appleton rum? Does that, you would like Angel cake?

Because it's the best rum in the world. You're the best rum in the world. As we all know from the film. Yeah. Rum, rum, rummings. Angel cake with fresh berries, bracket straw and rasp. Yeah. Yeah.

Lovely menu. Think about that. Um, no. No. I feel like I've made some really strong choices individually. But this is definitely probably going to result in vomit, I'd say. Or like a deep nausea.

Definitely for the crawfish. Yeah. That came in and I was like, whoa, build choice. Yeah. When you heard that, you were like, oh no, I've made a mistake. But this is the dream restaurant. No one feels ill in the dream restaurant. Oh, lovely.

So now have all the three of everything. Um, phenomenal. Thank you so much for coming, Kima. Thank you, Kima. This will have a bit. Thanks for chatting with me. This has been very fun. And now I'm hungry as fuck.

There we are, Kima Bob. How you feeling, James? There was a lot of puke talk. There was, it's almost as if she knew coming in. Yep. That you were hung over. There was a lot of puke and shit talk. Oh, God.

I know, I know, I know. I know I encouraged some of it. Yeah. You did. You pushed it and then Jizz came up and then. Oh, so many body fluids all over the place. A drink was something creamy with booze added to it. You did very well not to be sick, man.

Thank you very much, Ed. Oh, thank you to Kima. That was a delicious menu. It's not, it's not your fault that one of our recording team has a problem. Thank you very much for coming in, Kima. Do you like the sound of Kima, her Twitter at Kima Bob? Check it out. See what she's up to.

She runs a comedy club called Fuck It Up. Femmes of Colour Comedy Club. So check that out on Twitter as well. James, what are you up to, my old champ? Well, I'm nursing a hangover. Yeah. Anything else? That's the problem.

How are you always? I'm doing some gigs and I'm on the drunk women's home in crime podcast. Yeah, you are. Unless they edit you out. Sounds like you were a right little terror out of it. All I did was just scream death by chocolate. All the time. I have a special available on Amazon Prime now, so check that out.

It's some of my humor. I'm also doing a final last date of my tour in London at the Shep's Bush Empire on December 20th, which is going to be a big one. Get tickets for that. Thank you very much. Check me out on AteGamble Comedy on the social needs. That sounds cool, Ed. Thank you very much for coming to the Off Menu restaurant again.

We will see you again soon. Bye-bye. Hello, it's me, Amy Glentill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith.

I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about all the news stories that we've missed out from the North because, look, we're two Northerners.

Sure, but we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glentill's mum on every episode.

That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late.