Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Ep 48: Arabella Weir

Episode Date: March 4, 2020

'The Fast Show' star Arabella Weir drops in to the dream restaurant this week. Will she be ordering Posh Nosh?Recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive Productions.Artwork by Paul Gilbey (photography and design) and Amy Browne (illustrations).Arabella Weir is on tour with her show 'Does My Mum Loom Big In This?' – go to arabellaweir.co.uk for tour datesFollow Arabella Weir on Twitter: @arabellaweirFollow Off Menu on Twitter and Instagram: @offmenuofficial.And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk for a list of restaurants recommended on the show.Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, listeners of the Off Menu podcast. It is Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast. I have a very exciting announcement. I have written my first ever book. I am absolutely over the moon to announce this. I'm very, very proud of it. Of course, what else could I write a book about? But food. My book is all about food. My life in food. How greedy I am. What a greedy little boy I was. What a greedy adult I am. I think it's very funny. I'm very proud of it. The book is called Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy. And it's coming out this October, but it is available to pre-order now, wherever you pre-order books from. And if you like my signature, I've done some signed copies,

which are exclusively available from Waterstones. But go and pre-order your copy of Glutton, the multi-course life of a very greedy boy now. Please? Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, the spiciest podcast on the market. Hi on the Scoville scale. Leave the seeds in there, the best bit. Hello, James A. Caster. Ed Gamble for a second there. I was like, oh man, he's really nice and trying. And then the Scoville level came in in the seeds and I was like, I should never doubt this guy. Look, it's harder and harder to come up with intros, man. Absolutely. You know what? Shout out to the person who compiled a YouTube video of every intro I've done. Really? Couldn't

bring myself to listen back to it because I know some of them were below par. I'll have a little listen. I've never heard this podcast before. You'll love it. What a treat. Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, James A. Caster. Tell everyone what it's about. We're going to invite a guest into the dream restaurant and we're going to ask them what their favourite ever starter main course dessert, side dish and drink are. Yes, indeedy. And this week's guest is Arabella Weir. Arabella Weir, brilliant comedian, actor, writer. You may recognise her from The Fast Show. She's one of my heroes. She did a food show called Posh Nosh as well. And she's currently touring a show which is like a stand up autobiographical show called

Does My Mum Loom Big in This? Fantastic name. We're big fans. We're big fans. So we're very much looking forward to meeting Arabella. Unfortunately, if Arabella says a secret ingredient that we have predetermined, she will be kicked out of the restaurant, which is a shame, but rules is rules. And James, what's the secret ingredient this week? Seeded grapes. Seeded grapes, specifically seeded grapes. I hate a seeded grape. What is the point? Grapes are too small to have seeds in them. It means that a too higher percentage of that bite is a seed. Yeah. And when it's a surprise seeded grape, that's the worst when you've bought a bag of grapes and you haven't seen that they're seeded because seeded

is a very similar word to seedless. So your brain might fill in the gaps and you might think you bought seedless. You crunch down on a big old grape. Hello, there's a little tooth in there. Straight away. Why are they even in there? We can do seedless grapes. We all like seedless grapes. No, who's going out their way to buy seeded grapes? It's crazy. And I don't know how they get the seeds out of grapes. I'd imagine there's some little lad at the factory sucking them out or something. Yeah, sure. Little boy sucking down all the seeds and he grows a big old grape plant in his belly and then it grows out of him. And then it all goes out of his eye sockets in his ears and he dies. And then there's going

to be a new boy come in and suck all the seeds out of the new grapes. So hopefully Arabella doesn't say seeded grapes. Well, hopefully. Oh, fingers crossed, she doesn't. Please, please, please. Very excited to meet her. So this without further ado is the off menu menu of Arabella Weir. Welcome Arabella Weir to the dream restaurant. I like the dream restaurant. Yeah. Okay. Hello. Welcome Arabella Weir to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. I'm a genie. I'm a genie and a waiter. I'm a genie and a waiter. It's rare for a genie to appear from a lamp and then immediately have to say, I'm a genie. Yeah, right. Because if you did

appear from a lamp, I kind of know. Yeah. But you know, you were co-distracted by Ed when I came out the lamp. So I thought you might not see me come out of the lamp. Well, Ed's the matriotty. Yeah. And James is the waiter. Yeah. Who's the sommelier? That's my main focus. The grape and eaters. We all muck in as well. We're all the general manager. Oh, okay. I'm a DJ. I'm a DJ. James is a DJ. DJ. Very good. What music would you like on in the dream restaurant? I don't really like eating to music, too distracting. Okay. I love music, but I don't really want to hear it when I'm eating. It makes me think I'm either in a lift or in a porn movie. Those are the only places you ever hear music. No, not the only

place, but that's in background music. It's always supplied for those things, isn't it? A lift and a porn film. Yeah. My Spotify is just soundtracks to porn films. Yeah. Is it? There is it. No, it's lift music. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, there is lift music as well. No, lift music is porn music. Oh, right. Okay. That's where it retires to. That's where it was. It was the first time the porn was in a lift. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I don't know that. Is that true? Is that why so much sex happens in lifts? Does it? I'm not sure that's true either. All the lifts I've been in. You're not having the sex you just absorbed. No, not again. Oh, no, please. Do you mind? Ask them what floor they want to go to.

Disgusting. Straight off the bat. Apologies. Or you bought a porn. I was me. I'm afraid of it. I'm sorry. I brought up porn, but I won't be bringing it up again. I can assure you. Big fan of food? Big fan of food. Yeah. Big fan of food. Yeah. Not entirely easy relationship with food, but a big fan of food. Not a needs of relationship with it. No, I was brought up by Scots and for all the Scots that are listening, I don't want to suggest that all Scots are like this, but there was, in my house, it was very much Scottish Presbyterian punishing puritanical relationship with food and that enjoyment of food could only be a slippery slope to gluttony. Right. So hunger is greed. Enjoyment of food is quite obviously gluttony. So, you know,

please welcome to the stage porridge. Yeah. You know, food is fuel. You only need fuel to eat. You only need food to fuel the body and that's the amount. You're not supposed to be enjoying it or, you know, so my parents made porridge with salt and water. Oh, wow. Wow. And I mean, if ever there was, you know, gruel, that's it. They were terrified, particularly as I was never skinny. They were terrified that if I liked something, then I'd obviously eat two tons of it. So the whole kind of, I was literally brought up with you can't eat because you're fat and you will get fatter if you enjoy it. So you will eat the absolute basic to stay alive. And that's it. That was it. And it was actually, I was just talking about this this morning with a friend.

It was actually the, when I was 12 and I went to some, I was at school with a girl who was Jewish and she had other Jewish friends and it was their house where not only I was invited to eat at the table with the adults, which was brand new to me, but I was expected to enjoy the food. And if I liked it, I could have more. That was the first time I thought, Hey, what's going on here? Hey, I'm not supposed to be at the table. No one wants to hear what I think. No one wants to hear what kids think. I mean, it sounds like I was brought up by Victorians and in many ways it was a sort of Victorian upbringing. But yeah, so it was a Jewish family that the first time I sort of became aware that you could enjoy food and that be plentiful amounts of it and that you were

entitled to it. Right. Yeah. So the entitlement to food and that's something I've tried to do with my kids, but I'm not a very good cook. So I'm not sure I've done very well with that. But when you had that meal with your friends and then went back home, is that something that you tried to bring back to your life at home? That's what you're doing when you're 12, isn't it? It was fight or flight with my mum. My parents were divorced by this time and my mum was, you know, round the bend. That's the show I'm doing at the moment. It's not called my mum is round the bend, although that would have been another one. It's called is my mum loom big in this, which is an excellent title. Thank you. Do you see what I've done there? Yeah, you did it really well and I've made it really

obvious what you did. But I think it's an excellent, I think I've discussed it with about five different comedians how much we like that title. Good. Thank you. Very, very good. I'm one of those comedians who discuss it with me. Oh, so that doesn't really count because you're here. So I've got five independent comedians. Yeah. By the time I ate these people's houses and then went home, no, all I thought was I've got to be at their house all the time, because there was no food at my house. There was no chance that you were going to say to your mum, well, maybe we could try this. That implies that my mother was receptive. Right. Okay. My mother was never in the wrong. She, my mother was a bloke really. She was never in the wrong. She was unbelievably entitled,

incredibly grand and didn't think that anything to do with domesticity had anything to do with her. Right. But we didn't have servants. So it's not like she went ask the cook, you know, which would have been fine. There was just, there was just nothing in the fridge because my brothers were at boarding school and I was at home alone with my mum and my much, much younger sister who was very, very thin. And she also found a family that kind of fed her. So yeah, I think my mum... She is like cats. Like cats, yes. My mum just, she didn't, she was incredibly intelligent and well educated and privileged and stuff, but she just didn't think that anything to do with domesticity had anything to do with her. So I remember when I was about eight saying I'm hungry and she went good,

it's good for you. And me thinking I can't work out because it was before I knew about if you eat less, you'll get thinner. Right. So I just remember thinking, how can this feeling be any good for me? Yeah. But yeah, there was, there was, there was a lot of terror that, well, and also that's very Presbyterian, isn't it? And I don't think it's uniquely Presbyterian. The, any sort of abstinence is, means you're a better person. Brings you closer to God as well. Exactly. I mean, neither of my parents were religious, but they'd been brought up in the church of Scotland. So the whole association with all sorts of abstinence is, is godly, is pure, you know, not enjoying yourself, not wearing a

cashmere sweater, wearing a horrible sweater, shirt of hair. That's what porridge is. It's the food equivalent of a shirt of hair. And just the idea that if you're enjoying anything, then it's bad. Yeah. Like you should... I mean, look, if you enjoy that doughnut, the next thing will be giving someone a blowjob and liking it, which that obviously never happens. Music starts up immediately. Getting that lift. But you know, it's all going to be a slippery slope to indulgence. It's not going to be hard work. It's not going to be a shoulder to the wheel. It's going to be just sitting around going, I think I'm great. And I might just have another bun. You know, you're not doing any work, not sort of that. And that's very British as well. The idea that you

must constantly be striving to do better than gamble or a caster, you know, that you mustn't, they mustn't get ahead of you. I mean, what about you doing okay and me doing okay? No, that's not good enough. Everyone's got to be sort of, you know, competing with each other all the time. I also really liked your mum's comeback when you say I'm hungry. She was good. It's good for you. That's amazing. Come back to anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm terrified. Good stuff. Excellent. So you're like, what? Well, that'll make you a, that'll sort of make you a man. Yeah, yeah. That's the idea that you wouldn't be wet. Yeah. You wouldn't be wet and needy and hungry and in any way vulnerable.

Talking of wetness, still sparkling water. Oh, I'm sparkling every time. Yeah. Every time. Every time. Every time I don't like a stone. And what about day to day? Well, interesting that because you may know a show that I co-wrote with John Cantor called Posh Nosh. And we came up with a water called Starkling. So if you didn't want still, and you didn't want sparkling, you got Starkling. Lovely. But in daytime, I would go walking about the street, I'll go still. Restaurants sparkling every time. Because it's like a party in a glass. It is a party in a glass. Also, it's a little bit of a part of you, like a rebellion against your childhood against your mother against stuff that you might have in the house. I can't imagine

sparkling water being looked upon favorably in your household. Well, I don't think there would have been any bottled water. This is the 60s and 70s. There's gonna be no namby, pamby nonsense like bottled water. You'll just have it out the tap. No, but I can't. I mean, the idea of water, that was available because that was in a tap, but there wasn't anything else available. But yeah, we didn't obsess about drinking water quite as much. Can you make porridge with sparkling water? I expect you could, but it wouldn't be as nice as with cold water and salt, would it? No, that's true. Sporage? Sporage. Sporage. You don't want to be enjoying yourself, though, do you? No, no, no. You've got to calm down with the sporage. And sparkling water with

porridge makes it sound like you might be having too much of a good time. Yeah, it's a bit of a laugh. You don't want to be doing that. Do you ever have porridge now as an adult? Or do you first go forget it never again? When people, you know, it's all made a sort of comeback and it's trendy and it's important. You have it with this and thinking, are you mad? That is revolting. To me, it will always be like gruel. People go, oh, I always have my porridge with my Echai berries or whatever. I'm thinking, no. Porridge is revolting. Porridge is cement to me. Yeah, that's what they're putting on top of it, though. That's the trendy thing. It's going to like, I want almond butter and blueberries and all of that. And it's like, well, I'll just get those

things and... Yeah, why don't you just get those things and cut out the porridge? I think the porridge is what makes... I mean, I gather porridge is incredibly good for you. Yeah, well, no, not for me, thanks. Slow energy release and stuff like that. Yeah, all that. I ain't having that. I ain't having that. It will always be salt and water to me and revolting. I mean, you probably had enough as a child that if it is slow energy release, you're still benefiting it. Like, now you're still reaping the rewards, right? Yeah, I'm still... I haven't eaten since I was a child, actually. And I'm just... Yeah, it's just the porridge and the salt, yeah. I haven't eaten since I was nine. Are you a porridge fan, Ed? You seem like you maybe are a bit of a porridge boy,

and then maybe you've... No, I've never really had it growing up. Oh, okay. I thought Ed was being a little bit quiet during that conversation. Like, maybe he's a big porridge fan and doesn't want to be bullied by you. I think it's very bland, and it's warming sometimes. It can be warming on a winter's morning, but it's the stuff you put on top of it. That's what I like. But as with most things. Yeah. What are you having for breakfast these days? I am having almost without fail. Natural yoghurt with frozen, obviously defrosted, blueberries and a little bit of muesli mixed in. Almost without fail, but on a real sort of fun day, I'll have a pan au raisin. Oh, yeah? I like a pan au raisin. Is that a Saturday?

No, that's a day when someone else buys it, because if I buy it, it's fattening. But if I don't buy it, it's got no calories in it. Sure. So if somebody says, I'm coming around, do you want a pastry? I go, yes, bring me a pan au raisin. And then it's calorie free if you didn't pay for it. That is a well-known trope. What if they bring it over and you're halfway to eating it, and they ask for the money for it? I'll just say, don't be ridiculous, I've just made you coffee. Right. And you're in my house. Who are you? Who are you? No, I'll say my friends don't do that, for goodness sake. We're past that. Can you list the last five people who bought you a pan au raisin, please? Catherine Failor. Yeah. Becky Jacobs. Paul Whitehouse. Why? I can't remember

the two before then. I love that Whitehouse is buying you a pan au raisin. Why? Because I've grown up watching the Far Show. Absolutely love it. I like to think that you're all still friends buying each other pastries. Well, none of us apart from Paul need pastries. We're all past the needing a pastry phase, but we all still eat them. But yeah, we're all still friends. That's good. How many of the Far Show cast have bought you a pan au raisin over the years? Over the years, probably just Paul. Charlie Hickson is a very good cook. Right. And he's made me many meals, but that has not included pastry. I bet Simon Day's never bought you a pan au raisin. Do you're absolute, neither's John Thompson's. Neither of them have ever bought me a pastry.

No, neither of them. I was on the fence, but I didn't know if he would have or not. Simon Day. Yeah, he's absolutely no, no way. Simon Day actually, he's quite a foodie. Yeah. He really is a foodie, but he has not bought me a pastry and maybe he'll rectify this. I imagine Williams would have bought you a pastry, a pan au raisin. No, he's also a real foodie, really, really good at cooking, but no, never bought me nothing. He's never bought you a pan au raisin. He bought me a very nice bottle of wine. Okay. Where we argued about the pronunciation. Now I'm going to spell it because I'd like to know what you do. Okay, right. M-O-N-T-R-A-C-H-E-T. And it's usually also, after that hyphen, P-U-L-I-G-N-Y. Montreche. I'd say Montreche as well. Absolutely on the money.

We had an absolutely fight to the death because Williams was absolutely convinced it was Montreche. No, it's not. What? Because of Montparnasse. Montparnasse. Yeah. I mean, sometimes when you're trilingual, it helps, but Montreche is Montreche, but Montparnasse, which also has a T, M-O-N-T, is Montparnasse. So that was the, this was the sort of thing we used to rob out on the far shirt. Yeah. We sound so posse. But he said, this week I've been mostly drinking Montreche. He never said that. He never said that. Montreche. Montreche. Yeah. But it's not Montreche. Wow. Ah, I love far-shell goss. I know we sound so rock and roll, don't we? I'm here for. There we are. Pop it up as all bread. Say that again. Pop it up as all bread.

Oh, bread. Bread. Popped-ons are crisps. I mean, you know, come on, if you want a crisp, that's what you have with your aperitif. No problem. I will not argue with that. If you want a Popped-on crisp, be my guest. Don't try and bring a Popped-on to the table, unless you're having an Indian meal. But no, it's bread every time. Then you get to eat butter. Yeah, you do get to eat butter. And that's how. It's all about the butter. Bread's basically a vessel for butter. And that's what it is. Now, I mean, who wants bread? You want the butter, don't you? Or the olive oil. Yeah. But no, it would be bread and butter every time. Any particular type of bread? If I was in an Italian restaurant, I'd want a nice

squidgy focaccia with a nice, oily, crusty top with lots of salt and the rosemary. If I'm in a, you know, English, British, whatever you want to call it, restaurant, then it would be a nice sort of brown, seedy bread with really nice salted butter. How thick is bread and the butter? Oh, thick. Yeah. I mean, I might even, just to show my mother, make the butter thicker than the bread. Yeah. Yeah. How you liking that, Mum? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. Really stick it to her. Because yeah, and because eating for me is still revenge. Yeah. Yeah, why not? What fun is anything in life if it's not revenge? Yeah, if you're not giving it two fingers to someone, then why on earth are you doing it? Because everything's going to be about

anger. Yeah, yeah. Is there a particular type of butter that you always go to that you buy? Président. You don't mind the Président, the French, your French posh butter, but any posh butter that's super salty. Yeah. The chunks of salt are the best when there's like proper chunks. Heart attack in a plate. Yeah. Yeah. It's a chunker. Oh, I love a chunker. You're like a nice big salty, we get a salty hit. Yeah, yeah. Where you think, oh, it's not too salty. Bam. Bam. Yeah. It was hiding. It was hiding. There it is. Boom. I've got the salt. Yes, that could be something else. But

could be what? It also happens like that when you're doing something else, but we're not talking about that. It might happen after a doughnut if you're not careful. Oh, yeah. I will be careful in the future. I like doughnuts. You're starter. My starter would probably be a salad of on-dives or endives. Was that an argument you had at the far show? Yeah. No, we didn't do. Williams lost that one as well. Oh, I love that. Chickery over endives. It would be chickery, rock for walnuts with a nice sort of dressing. Oh, yeah? Like a salad like that. This doesn't seem like you're getting revenge on anyone now about that.

Rock for has got huge amounts of calories. Oh, yeah? Yeah, rock for. Rock you, Mum. Yeah, yeah. How are you feeling now, Mum? Oh, yeah. You like that? I'm going to have the cheese, and I'll have a cheese after the pudding. Watch me. After the pudding, yeah. After the pudding, after the pudding, because I know what I'm doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be fine with it after the pudding. I'm going to handle that. But I would always go something, anything with lobster in it as well. So I could go lobster mousse or a lobster bisque. Right, yeah, a big lobster fan. I like a fish. I like a crustacean. When did you get into, because I think lobster, that's not a, you're not eating that.

Endangered species, no. No, that's not endangered species. A good rock for. Oh, please. Love it. I mean, you cannot beat any form of stinky cheese. A cheese that makes you slightly cry and that makes your tongue that is like, have you ever had a hot baby mince pie with a bit of really old Stilton inside it? No. Oh my God, that is literally, it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. You've got to get a Stilton that's nearly on the turn. You know, when a Stilton starts to weep. Well, Stilton's all on the turn all the time, right? Yes, I know, but that's the whole point of cheese, isn't it? But Stilton starts to weep. Yes. Right. While my Stilton gently weeps. Yes. It's quite good. You could open

with that. So you get a tiny baby really high quality mince pie, take the top off, get it either in the microwave or your aga, depending on who you are, and then put a little bit of Stilton in it so that it slightly melts. I mean, literally, that is literally better than sex. Yeah. I mean, it's so unbelievably good. Do you put on music when you eat that? No, I don't. I told you, I can't eat and do music at the same time. No, no, no. It seems a shame that this isn't your starter. Well, it's a little, I don't want a pastry starter. Better than sex. It's not on your menu. Yeah, but I'm old, so sex isn't that interesting to me. I don't like it. It's not like, you know, all fantastic sex or a mince pie. No, let's just go with mince pie. A lot of things are

above sex now, right? Yeah. And the older you get, the food gets higher up. You basically go porridge, sex and everything else. Yeah. The older you get, they sort of swap places. You know, sex is everything when you're your age, isn't it? And then you sort of think about it all the time. Oh yeah, I do another podcast all about people's favorite sex menu. Yeah. Do you? No, that would be a good one though, but everything you see, you can get anybody on it. Yeah. Boff menu. What is it called? What do you like on your sex menu? Boff? Boff. Oh, Boff. Yeah. You've got a podcast right there. There we go. Just be interesting to see who you get on it. Boff menu. Yeah, actually it's called Boff Men. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Thank you very much.

Boff Men. Quite a boutique, that podcast. You might get a lot of listeners. Yeah, that's right. So the food is overtaking sex for you? Yeah. I mean, that sounds like I used to have as much sex as I did eat, and that probably is true. Yeah. I probably said more sex than I ate. That's cool. And then you sort of swap a bit, because you're not that interested as much, and also your opportunities diminish the older you get. Sure. Like it or not. And whereas you can eat where you like. I mean, you can go to a restaurant and eat what you like, can't you? Yeah. Do you afford it? Whereas you can't go to a boy restaurant, in my case, and eat what you like necessarily. No. Especially if they have

free will. If they have free will. She stopped calling places boy restaurants though. Well, I mean, you know, the idea of being... Walking into a nightclub going, I've arrived in the boy restaurant. Well, that's the sort of, you know, if there's a sort of smorgas broad of boys, which is, you know, I'll have one of that, a little bit of that. Not too much of that, please. Just a suggestion of that, a taste of that. I've only thought of this now, but that is basically what happens. Whereas you have more opportunities, the older and richer you get in many ways, but fewer choices in the love. Well, let's not talk about love in the sex department. Yeah. You're not in love with all these boys at the boy restaurant. No. In fact,

you mustn't be in love with them. No, you can't. You mustn't be in love with them. It's just, it's a pick and mix. Yeah. And you don't want to invest too much. Sure. It's, you know, it's a grab bag. Yeah. Before we started this, you said you were still very torn about your main. This has been the toughest course for you. Is that fair to say? Yeah, definitely the toughest course because I like a lot of food, but I don't think, I like a wide variety of, you know, countries cuisines, but I would say not much comes close to a pork belly with celeriac mash. And, you know, a really, really well done pork belly. Yeah. But yeah, otherwise it would be lamb to gene. So those are the ones you've been torn between? That's the lamb to gene. But I'm

going to, you know, if you've got a gun to my head, it's all over. Yes. Never going to have sex again. It's the pork belly. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I'm going. I'm going pork belly. If someone does have a gun to your head. That's not part of the podcast, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. We don't ever do put guns to people's heads. Oh, it's a shame. But do you want them to specify if you're going to have sex again? Is that part of it? I obviously have free will slash choice. Do I want someone to specify it? No, I don't care. No, you don't care. But in your head, it's like never having sex again. So now I've got to have the pork belly. Yeah, I'm just going to have the pork belly. Yeah. I'm going to have the pork. And yeah. It's pork belly something that,

because I remember when it came in. Yeah, I know, because it used to be like a, you know. Yeah. Don't know what it was, but it was not quite a new thing, isn't it? Pigs didn't have bellies until that point. No, I think it became like a lot of food. It became, and I can remember the restaurant that brought it back, slightly sort of school dinner-y things, things that were regarded as fine dining. And then they came back and suddenly you were getting shepherd's pie in really posh, expensive place. And you go, wait, that's just my school dinner. It's 27 quid. And often no better than your school dinner. But yeah, pork bellies, all those, because I think everyone was terrified that pork was fattening and would kill you and everything. And then they

suddenly realized it wasn't too bad. But I dare say a pork belly is not something you should have if you've got heart condition every day of your life. No, but that's the kind of classic thing of kind of people going, oh, I'm worried this is quite bad for us. Oh, it's actually not bad for us. Great, let's eat the belly then. Let's get the fattiest bit and do that. That means we can have more of it. Yeah, yeah, you know, heroin's bad for you. Yeah, well, why don't I just have heroin from the street then instead of injecting with a dirty needle if I'm allowed everything? Yeah, yeah, have it all. Yes, the pork belly is probably not great for you. It's such a treat though, is it? Oh man, with some applesauce that's really well made, oh my god. But it lends itself to

so many different types of cuisine as well. So you can have like amazing like British style pork belly with crackling and then like Chinese pork belly is completely different as well. No, don't like Chinese pork belly. No, don't like that. No. That's a Portuguese woman answering that. Just to be very clear here, I am not doing a racial accent. No, well you are. But it's not what I thought. Yeah, but it's not it's not the Chinese. Yeah, yeah, just to be clear. I was trying to sing Vossibot the other day and my kids went, you cannot do his accent. And I went, I absolutely can do Stormsy's accent and they went, nobody it's racially offensive. I was going to go, it's just amusing. And then you carried on. Yeah, I carried on, but that's one of the ways I embarrass my children.

Yeah. Well, don't worry, we've got a broadcast it now. Yeah, but I didn't actually sing it. No, you didn't. My brothers don't dab, they're just Vossibot. There we go. Absolutely. You got it. Straight after the sentence, I didn't sing it. We've not added to that anyway. You're doing a little dance now? Doing the dance. Because in my show, there's a whole sequence about how kind of incredibly dysfunctionally I was brought up and then about, I sort of make a joke about what a perfect mother I am. And then I say, but if I want to embarrass my kids, this is what I do. And then I do a whole dance. I do the dance and I sing Kiki in My Feelings by Drake. Yeah, great.

Kiki, do you love me? And I do the whole dance. I do the actual dance from the video. Great. And my daughter said, everybody in the audience will hate you. And I went, no, you hate me for doing that, but they won't. And my son went, thing is, you're quite good at it. Boom. Wow. Sounds like your size. I am quite good at dancing. My big dream is to now finally meet Drake and get me to be in the video. That's not, I mean, that's not impossible. Yeah. Someone was telling me they saw Drake at the O2 and he had a big, like inflatable globe on stage that would get bigger and bigger. And it ended up being so big, it pushed him off the stage.

It never, I don't believe Drake was pushed off the stage. That's what it said. It gets bigger and bigger and Drake couldn't fit on the stage anymore. I don't think that's true. We've heard about it, Drake falling off the stage. They told me it was true. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Anyway, that's what happened. There's no room for him. So pork belly with celeriac mash and apple sauce. Yeah. Delicious. Super crispy crackling on top. Super crispy. Like break your teeth, crispy. That's what I like. Yeah.

You want to, you want to like, if you're, you know, it's like anything, if you're going over the edge, you want everything to be the most it could possibly be. So I sound like a Roman emperor, don't I? So like, you want it to be so oily and salty and so fried. You take one bite into it and it just. Practically wanting to break your teeth. All the fat just spurts into your mouth. It's beautiful. Yeah. That's, that's, no, I'm not sticking on the fat spurting into my mouth. Well, there's it. It is. That's what happens. No, you want the kind of, you know, like to sort of suck it.

Yeah. I don't have a hot fat. Who likes hot fat? Just suddenly scorching the inside of my mouth. Yeah. Yeah. That's not too lovely, is it? But yeah, but you do want to be able to taste. I mean, what is lovely about cooking is, I mean, not cooking as eating is oil and salt, isn't it? Yeah. That's the main thing. And then sugar. Yeah. That's pretty much it. It's the best. Do you like, how do you feel when you get the crackling sometimes and there's a little bit of hair, the hair coming out of it? I'm not that bothered by it. I mean, because it is

from a pig. Yeah. But I mean, I don't, I'm not going, oh, can you bring it with extra hair? But I mean, I don't like hair anyway. I'm not a hair person. I don't really like hairy things. Go on. So I just don't, I don't like hair. I mean, I don't mean the whole kind of porn thing, you know, if everyone's got to be waxed into oblivion, but I just, I don't, I mean, I'm not loving the, the single hair or even 10 hairs on a pork belly. It doesn't bother you. I don't think I'd eat that. How many hairs before you stop? Don't eat. There's one hair on there. Imagine that. There's one hair. I would pluck that hair. I take that hair off before I ate it. If there's more than that, I'm going really sorry to be an ass, but could you bring me a bit of

pork belly without a hair? So literally there's two hairs. There's two hairs. There's two hairs at a bus stop. One says, yeah. I just, I mean, obviously if they're like tiny, but you know, if they're kind of hair. Yeah, yeah. I pulled a hair out of my mouth this morning from my, that was definitely in my muesli and definitely not mine. So I did have to think about it. So I thought, so that's definitely formed the factory. Yeah. From somebody who was not wearing their hair net particularly well. And I thought, right, what do I do now? I thought, okay, you know, I mean, it was a long hair. A long hair. How long did it take to pull out your mouth? You know, three and a half hours. No, it was well around my stomach. Now I just sort of thought,

I mean, you know, but I'm not particularly squeamish. Yeah. What are you going to? I mean, I have eaten my son's poo by accident. So, what? He was very, very little and he couldn't speak, but he was a toddler and he was wearing a nappy and I had a whole bunch of mates around and they all had kids at the same age and I gave the kids. Can't say at this point in the story, I can't see how this ends up when you're eating shit. I'm about to tell you. Yes, but I can't even imagine the setup. I give them a plate of ginger biscuits and my little boys, I say, you can't speak, but he can walk. He comes running towards me with, you probably, I don't know if either of you've had children, but they've got those adorable little squishy hands

that are like uncooked dough and the biscuit is mashed into his hand and he's going, and I'm, you know, trying to be a perfect mother because every minute of every day, I'm trying not to be my mother. So, I don't say anything. I go, oh, darling, it's all right, mommy'll get rid of the biscuit for you. And I look around, no wipes. And so, I put it in my mouth and it's not his biscuit, it's his shit because he's been sitting in his pooey nappy for so long. He can't tell me it needs changing. So, he's dug the poo out of the back and he's brought it to show me, show and tell. And now that is seared into his memory now, the time he pulled his own shit out of his. It's not his memory. He's got no problem. It went into my mouth, not his. Yeah,

but now he's just, he's gone, I need to show my mum the, the, my nappy needs changing and she ate the shit. I didn't go, I will eat it instead of change your nappy. I thought it was his biscuit. That's why I told you it was ginger biscuits. But yes, no, I do. Because now, yeah, straight in the mouth. Guess what it tastes like? Shit. Were you, how did you, how did I react? I went and, you know, tried to sort of claw it out of my mouth. Yeah. But you know, but also you two are too young. I don't know about your lives, but as you get older, you know, as you get older, you know, I've had very close friends dying. I didn't eat their shit, but you end up, you know, dealing with a lot of shit and vomit and stuff. And you just sort of have to get on with it. It's just

life. And it was my little boy. I mean, what was going to be in it? It wasn't going to be sort of, you know, street. You knew everything you'd put into him. So I knew everything that going through his mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You knew the provenance of the shit. I mean, I wasn't going, oh, I'm, I mean, I wasn't a hippie. I never ate his placenta or anything. I just sort of thought, I mean, it was absolutely disgusting. But I did sort of think, I'll get over this. In the moment, I think in the moment, I would think I, I'm never going to get over this. It wasn't a super experience, but it has provided quite a bit of comedies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You must have been quite grateful about what your job was.

When I'm making it clear to my son that I have literally done everything for him. I, you know, I've been a single parent for 11 years and I've literally done everything from I do sometimes say, I ate your shit. I ate your shit. I wouldn't be ordering that again. That's for sure. So you don't want that on the menu. This is not your side dish. This is not my side dish. I absolutely love creamed spinach. Yeah. Again, I sometimes feel a bit guilty eating it because you think who needs the cream on top of everything. The spinach needs the cream. So I know it does. So I'd probably have the spinach, cream spinach and broccoli with toasted almonds. Yeah. Long stem broccoli. Yeah. Long stem broccoli. Yeah. Cause I'm posh. So let's have the long stem. Yeah.

Let's have the expensive stuff. We've always asked this question. If someone asks for long stem broccoli, how long do you want your stems? Yes. Goodness. Long enough to sit, to sit in an oval plate. Yeah. Great. Okay. To be at home in a small oval side dish. But not hanging. Not hanging. No hanging. No hanging. They bring it hanging and that's it. It's getting sent back. No hanging. I do not want anything to all the plate. Okay. Nothing exterior to the plate. Nothing that thing when they do with lobster. Okay. I don't want it off the plate. Why would I want it off the plate? On the plate please. All on the plate. Everything on the plate. Make the plate as big as you like, but it's all going to be on the plate. You don't want it to look like the lobster was

trying to escape as they brought it. Which you all know it is. Yeah. Poor little guy. A second time you mentioned sending food back now. Are you a food send backer? One of the things that I am most pleased about in terms of myself and what I've achieved, mainly I have to say through therapy was an appropriate sense of entitlement. So I am never rude to waiters. I am never rude. I'm never rude to anybody. But if I'm in a restaurant, doesn't matter if it's three quid or 27 quid, you just go, sorry, this isn't hot or this isn't what I asked for. I'm never rude. I don't throw my weight around or go listen here. None of that. Just go, sorry, we're having a transaction here.

I'm paying for this and this isn't why I ordered or it's not warm enough. So I'm very pleased about that because I don't do a kind of look. I'm so sorry or listen, I don't mean to bother you, it's just all that rubbish. Just go and any decent waiter or waitress just goes fair enough. They don't go, I'm just very pleased with myself. I was in a queue. I can speak Italian and I was in a queue in a very posh bread shop in Italy. Well, it was an ordinary, it was like Italy is, you know, fantastically nice pastry and posh bread, but also just everybody's daily bread. And I was talking to my daughter in English and this, I was probably one of my finest moments. And this very grand, I could tell from her accent, Roman woman was behind me

in the queue. And when she realized that I was speaking English, she, when the guy said who's next in Italian, she started to order and I turned on her and said, you know very well that I was next. But you think, because I'm English, that you can get ahead of me. Now, you know I was, and I said, and if you came to London, I hope no one would behave like that to you. Oh, yeah, obviously all in Italian. And the guy went, what would you like, madam? Oh, yes, come on. Years of therapy have paid off and a little bit Italian speaking. Did you say that celebration in Italian as well? Years of therapy has paid off. No, I didn't. No, I didn't say that. I just, but these are pathetic little victories, but it's

all about, I think that's a pretty big victory. But yes, it was the cheapest assuming I couldn't speak Italian. But yeah, I mean, you know, any person I know who works with food goes, you don't want people to pretend, you don't want people to be angry, but you don't want, if it's wrong, let us know, don't do a kind of I went there and you know, trip advisor and just, I mean, that's so kind of English, isn't it? Complaining about something afterwards. Sure. But not saying at the time. And looking forward to complaining. Oh, yeah. Loving the complaining. Loving the complaining.

Logging into TripAdvisor while you're there. Can't wait to write this review. I know. Well, that's, you know, everyone's got a voice now, haven't they? Yeah, most of my heckles are over emails these days afterwards. I stayed and watched the whole thing and I'm livid. Yeah, I had a very good time. And yes, I did laugh a few times, but I really object to you using your whatever and you just go, well, just I don't care. What's happened with my show now, because I talk about my dysfunctional childhood in the first bit is I've had a number of women come up to me and say, I really, I really think you need a hug. And it's awful because I'm thinking, yes, but not from you. I don't need hugs from strangers.

Thank you very much. I mean, the person I need a hug from is long dead and really what would have been my mother, but I really want to hug from you. Thank you though. If you said that to them, that would work perfectly. Yeah, but not from you, bitch. I never used that word. I don't know why I used it, just seemed amusing in the moment. Please forgive me. I never ever used that word. I'd rather use cunt than bitch. Yeah. Non-gender specific. You see, that's my thing. No, it's kind of, yeah. No, you can say he's a cunt. She's a cunt. Absolutely. No one says he's a bitch unless they're referring to someone who's camp.

You have to agree. True. No one ever goes, Oh God, that David Cameron, he's a right bitch. Some people probably said that actually. But it's not, but they, you have to admit it has a connotation. Don't stand up for bitch. I've said it even less than you. Today. Today. On the clock. I don't stop saying it. Dear Trip Advisor, I went to see that James A. Casters gig and there was no use of the word bitch. I would like to complain. People wanted to give me a hug after my last, my last tour show because it was quite personal. And I did just say, every time I go, kind of want to give you a hug, I went, well, that'd be weird, wouldn't it? And then they go, oh, okay. And then that'd be the end of that.

I think, I mean, I, this is political and with a small P, but I do think there's still so much. Me going AI speak with a posh voice and I'm called Arabella and me going to a nice, ordinary woman who said, I'd like to give you a hug. Well, that'd be weird, wouldn't it? I think I sound like a sort of posh cow who's going, what are you doing? Whereas you going, oh, that'd be weird. That's funny. Yes. And I think that's got to do, I mean, I think that's a gender thing as well. I think, you know, that it's funny you saying that. And I bet the person who offered you the hug, so when I was really funny, I thought I'd give him a hug and he went, oh, that'd be weird. That's part of my AI. Anyway, that's my sort of theory about how difficult it is to-

Whereas people would come away from you go, she's so stuck up. Oh, she's such a stuck up cow. All I said, I wanted to give her a hug and she went, oh, that'd be weird. I just wanted to touch her. Yeah. I just wanted to be near her. Yeah. And I've got breasts. You don't have breasts because it's weird being hugged by people when you've got breasts as well. Yeah. Well, because they're there. They're in the hug. They're in the hug when you're like us off. What about when you said I'll come and give you a hug, but from behind? That'd be a different show. And yeah, I want to give you a hug from behind. From the side, like a koala. Side hug. I don't know, maybe not so good. Wouldn't be so satisfying,

would it? No, maybe not. Well, it is so really squeezed. It's all about the pressure, right? It is squeezed. Yeah, but you don't know. Is that how you hug? If you're here from the side, that's me from the side. That's a sort of flat tug, isn't it? I'll demonstrate on Benito. No, he doesn't want to be hugged by you. Look, that is harassment in the workplace. Can you see the enjoyment on his face? No, he doesn't want to be touched. He doesn't want to be touched. Anyway, he hates being touched in general. So, your dream drink. Well, I'm having two drinks. I'm going to have a really good champagne.

And I'm then going to have a really decent, I'm going to tell you, Pinot Noir, red Pinot Noir. Sorry, I know people know that Pinot Noir is red. I do beg my pardon. I beg everyone's pardon. I found a friend of mine, a very, very old friend of mine is a real wine connoisseur, and he gave me this tip, which I will share with your listeners. He said, look, I'm not being horrible to you, but you don't really know about wine. So don't ever spend more. He said, never spend less than 10, but never spend more than about 16. Because he said, once you get into the 25 quid, 100 quid of bottle stuff, he said, that's for connoisseurs. So anybody who's like telling you, you've got to spend, he said, don't, because you will get

a wine that you can appreciate within that price bracket. But he said, because you're not doing the kind of notes of berry and, you know, all that sort of thing. And he said, and I thought, that was so liberating. Standing in the shop thinking, oh, God, if I was really nice to myself, I'd spend 40 quid on the bottle. No, not anymore. 10 is my bottom, as it were. And my bottom's no longer a 10. And about sort of 18, 16, I'm not sure my bottom was ever a 10. But it was a 10 comedically. It was never a 10 in delicto flagranti. So a Pinot Noir. I would spend money on a decent champagne. There is nothing worse. I mean, that includes the war in Syria than a cheap champagne. When people say there is nothing worse than you think one is quite a lot worse than a cheap

champagne. But yes, I'd like, I've recently rediscovered Moet, which by the way, you do say Moet because he was Dutch. So your connoisseurs, Moet. Is that another far show argument? We didn't have too many rounds about champagne. We sound like such a bunch of knobs, but there was quite a lot of wine discussions. Series two that really kicked in. We're sitting around the table, you get the Montrechapeau Noir. But yes, so a Pinot Noir. And I know people are going to say you're not supposed to drink red with pork, but you're actually supposed to drink whatever you want with whatever you want. Absolutely. Actually, maybe I'd have a cocktail at the bar. Because I do like a drink. Then a champagne, then a red wine. What would your cocktail at the bar be?

I do like a Cosmopolitan. I'm basically a sort of pathetic girl. It's like, I mean, because it's fruit juice, isn't it, with alcohol in it. So yeah, so I like something quite sweet. I don't like all sort of drive, a muth and all that. But yeah, but a Blini, I don't mind a Blini. I'll have a Blini, but or a Keer. But yeah, something with sugar in it. Yeah, a sugary cocktail. A sugary cocktail. Then the... A nice, very dry champagne. And then a Pinot Noir. Do you want to ask the man to come out and show you the Pinot Noir? I'd like him to show me his Pinot Noir. So normally, Arabella, we only let the guests choose one drink, but yeah. But it's the way you

went, I'm going to have these drinks. And then James immediately went, okay. So I think that's happening now. If you made me, we're on a desert island. You've got a gun held to my head. We're in all sorts of other extreme situations. Then I'd probably, for the sort of party factor, have the champagne. Okay. But we're going to let you have all three. Great. I'm having them. I'm having them. It's happening. Your dessert. Right. Now, this is not the right dessert for this meal. But this meal's not really, sort of, I'm not doing these all together, am I? So my father used to work a lot in the Middle East. And I used to spend a lot of time within there. And there was, that's why I was torn between

the pork belly and the tagine, because that's where I had tagine first. There's a bread and butter pudding made with Arabic bread called Om Ali. Basically, it's bread and butter pudding, but made with the flatbread, the sort of crispy flatbread. Still got everything, you know, raisins and liqueur and everything, but I love Om Ali. That does sound good. It is very good. I mean, it is literally bread and butter pudding, but made with the Egyptian, in this case, flatbread, that is slightly crispy and slightly chewy. Yeah. That sounds delicious. That is better, isn't it? If, by the way, you're making a bread and butter pudding, you know, you need to make it with stale bread. Right, yes. And if you really want to treat,

you make it with stale panfort, not panfort, the colomba. I can rather potentially only think of it in Italian. You know, the kind of slightly dry domed cake that you get at Easter? Yeah. Is it like bread and butter pudding? Yeah, it's called a colomba. Okay. And you wait, leave that out till it's quite sort of dry, and then slice that up, toast it, and then make a bread and butter pudding with a toasted pine nuts and raisins soaked in marsala or sherry or whatever. I mean, man, that is good. Do you make that? I have made it. I do as little cooking as I possibly can. That sounds like some good cooking though. No, that is some good cooking right there. I used to hate bread and butter pudding. You're gonna love this. And I've really,

I'm into it now. I'm into it now, but I think it's quite a grown-up pudding. That, bread and butter pudding? Yeah. Well, it's grown up because it's got alcohol in it, but the alcohol cooks off. No, I just never used to like it. And then I started making it. Were you at boarding school? No. No. You may as well have been out. Good guess though. Well, you've got a sort of, you know, you've got a slightly kind of Prince Farqua. Big posh face. You've got a big posh face. A bit of a print. You'd be Prince Farqua in the stage version of Shrek, wouldn't he? Yes, he would actually. It's all an insult. No, no, no, thank you. I'll take it as a cop. Immediately flipping on your head and ganging up with you with Arabella. You would be Prince

Farqua. And Shrek. You'd be the gingerbread man. Yeah, I'm sure. Oh yeah, no, that is true. I was a gingerbread man yesterday. So, yeah, you, so I, I had imagined, I'm afraid I had probably imagined you'd be at boarding school with all those puddings. I'd went to a day school, but a public school, yeah. So I've got it. Isn't it the way you can tell? You can tell, can't you? But it's so peculiar the way you can tell. You walk down the street and you think, it's like they've been sort of made out of white velvet and they've been, they've washed themselves with sort of chamois. But it maybe it's just literally years of breeding. We think the same about all these stateys. Yeah, I did. I went to grammar school. Oh yeah, I knew you were a grandma

little face. I knew you were a grandma the moment you walked in. No, you never. I bet most people think I went to private school, but I never, I never. I can tell. I can tell. I went to a selective school. I can tell. You can smell it honestly. My dad's a teacher and my biggest fear was ended up in a school where he was a teacher. How funny because my mum was a teacher at my school and that was my greatest glory at the school because obviously I had a very, very competitive relationship with my mother and so I'd been at lots and lots of different schools because of my dad's job and then they split up. So I knew that this school, the day school in Camlin Town, that I was going to be the first place I could stay for the whole time. So I knew

I was going to make friends that would last and you know, mum and dad had split up and I was unhappy and I had a terrible relationship with my mother and so I made these friends that are still my friends to this day on the first day and I knew that was the first time I discovered that I was really funny because I thought I've got two options here. I'd be really funny, which means being incredibly rude or I swat. So I thought, well, there's nowhere I'm going to do that. So I was right from the off, really, really rude to the teachers. I mean, I was fearless. I can remember sort of sending blood and thinking I'm going to ruin this woman's life. I mean, obviously it's not great now, but you know, I wasn't bullied to kids, but I was like, right, I'd pick victims and then I'd

sort of, you know, do long campaigns to make them cry and all that sort of thing. I mean, it's just bonkers. And so my proudest moment around that age was when my mother, who was teaching at the school, said she thought she was going to, that this was going to be the end of me, that I was going to go, oh my God, I can't believe it. She said, your name came up in the classroom and I couldn't, in the staff room and I couldn't hold my head up. I was so ashamed and I went, yes, I have made it. I am the naughtiest girl in the school. Yeah. How are you feeling now, Mum? Eat it. I am the naughtiest girl in the school. I was absolutely thrilled. Yep. That's how I made my mark. You would like sparkling water. You would like bread as your starter with loads of butter.

No, not starter. That's my pre-starter. Yeah. Your actual starter, you would like salad of endives and divs, chicory, rock fort, walnuts, some great dressing, main course, pork belly with celeriac mash, side dish of creamed spirits and long stem broccoli all on the plate with toasted almonds. Yeah. Drink, Cosmopolitan, really good champagne and a pino noire. Why not? One's at the bar, one's in between the bar, your table. Exactly. I've got to have a drink walking from the bar to the table. It's a long walk. And does the omali, is it? Omali. The bread and butter are put in from Egypt. Also, I'm going to let you have the as a, like after the whole meal, the little mince pie with the stilt in it. Yeah. It's Christmas after all and I'm not going home

to have sex so it doesn't matter. Absolutely. It doesn't matter that I'm going, oh God. No sex. No sex, it says here. So it's a no sex menu. It's a no sex menu. It is strictly no sex. We've never had to like enforce that rule before. For you, we've had to put it on there. You know, but I bet people who are considering sex after their meal will be wondering what they're eating. Yeah. Do you want to tell your mum to eat it again? Just a, eat it. Yeah. That's a nice note to end on. Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. My pleasure. Arabella Weir there. Fantastic menu. Whoa. Delicious menu. Very funny. Great guest. Yeah, really good. Afterwards, she bullied Ed. Oh yeah, she bullied me. And you didn't get to hear that,

but she's just called Ed a jock and said that he looked like a jock. She sort of looked like a jock. It's the happiest I've ever been. She said, Ed looks like he's auditioning to play Channing Tatum. Yeah. Which I think would be a shock to Channing Tatum that he didn't get, get that part straight away. Bad luck Channing. Bad luck Channing. Ed's on your heels. Yeah. You're the new, you're the new Tatum. Now you were laughing like, this is the difference between us. You were laughing like she just insulted me. Yes. And I very much took it as a compliment. Yeah, but I was just delighted. I was just delighted. He's saying Channing Tatum. Yeah, sure. Oh, the whole thing. I knew you would like it. That guy's crazy hot. I knew it was safe to laugh. Magic, magic mic much. Magic mic much.

Magic mic much, James. Yeah, absolutely. You're laughing going, Arabella, we're saying Ed could audition to play Channing. I mean, she didn't say how far I would get in the auditioning process. So you look like you're auditioning to play. Yeah. I wouldn't get a job back. Hair cut. Yeah. I got a jock haircut. But you know what? I'm happy with that. I've got to lean into the way I look. Yeah. You look, you look very nice. I mean, none of it was actual diss. You look very nice as well. Thank you, Ed. But I liked you giggling away. I was giggling the little bully hanging at the back of the crowd. Yeah. If I was brave enough at school, I would have been the little bully hanging at the back of the crowd. You weren't brave enough to

be the bully hanging at the back of the crowd. I wasn't even brave enough to be that kid. I looked at that kid like he's so brave. Where were you? I was just watching from across the room thinking good bullying. If you like the sound of what Arabella was talking about, you should go and see her show. She is very, very funny. The show is called Does My Mum Loom Big in This, and you can find out more about that show, dates, tickets, and all of that sort of thing on arabellaweir.co.uk. Also, thank you, Arabella, for not choosing Seated Grapes, by the way. Yes. Thank you, Arabella. Also, we have an online presence at Off Menu Official on Instagram and Twitter, and offmenupodcast.co.uk on the internet. Go and check it out.

Big list of all the restaurants I've ever been mentioned on the podcast on that website. Indeedy Doody. Indeedy Doody, I'm a foodie. Thank you very much for listening. We'll see you again sometime soon. Goodbye. Drive safe. Hello, it's me, Amy Glentill. You might remember me from the best ever episode of Off Menu, where I spoke to my mum and asked her about seaweed on mashed potato, and our relationship's never been the same since. And I am joined by... Me, Ian Smith. I would probably go bread. I'm not going to spoil it in case... Get him on, James and Ed. But we're here, sneaking in to your podcast experience to tell you about a new podcast that we're doing. It's called Northern News. It's about

all the news stories that we've missed out from the North, because, look, we're two Northerners. But we've been living in London for a long time. The new stories are funny. Quite a lot of them crimes. It's all kicking off. And that's a new podcast called Northern News. We'd love you to listen to. Maybe we'll get my mum on. Get Glentill's mum on every episode. That's Northern News. When's it out, Ian? It's already out now, Amy! Is it? Yeah, get listening. There's probably a backlog. You've left it so late!